Fallout Equestria: Screaming And Hollering

Still screaming?

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Why? It's over. Mostly.

I mean, I think.

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What do you mean that explosion wasn't from a bomb?

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Oh, curse you, you made me check.

That's not even funny. That was mean.

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Why are you laughing.

Wait, what? What did I say?

Stop crying!

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What did you say?

What do you mean nothing is making sense?

Of course nothing makes sense! Why do you think this world should make sense!

Have you even looked outside?

Oh, wait, of course you can't, your a few miles underground and if you dared to look outside your face would melt.

Like taffy.

Tasty, tasty taffy.

Of course, it's not like you will ever taste that again, will you, you little twerp?

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Your crying again.

Stop that.

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That's better, laugh it out.

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See, that's better.

Now, that's a laugh I can appreciate. Nice and hearty. You are going to need to laugh like that if you are going to live here.

Wait.

How old are you again? I really can't tell.

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You are kidding me.

What do you mean your-

I have been talking for a hour with a twelve year old.

Oh, goodness. Fifteen minutes of godhood and I have hit rock bottom.

Well, I suppose that's a hour of wasted time influencing the mind of ponyfolk to do my bidding.

You don't know what infl-oh, for the love of me.

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You want to know why I am here, kid?

Yes, I am going to give in and call you kid because you are one, you little...earth pony.

Your name's Filk?

Well, I am going to call you kid, kid.

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Don't call me stupid. I liked Strife, thank you very much.

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You don't know what that means, do you?

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Well, I suppose you don't know what a lot of things mean, do you?

You want to know what it means, go ask your parents.

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They're not in there with you?

They didn't get tickets?

Well, that's a bummer, considering you are going to be here for the rest of your life.

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Stop crying. Oh, what did I say?

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You want me to get out?

Get out of your head?

I was already here before you had your first-oh, forget it!

No need telling you things you will probably never understand.

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Stop giving me that look.

Yes, that one.

Wait, no!

Ugg.

Hngg.

Hnnngggg.

Close your eyes!

Make a stupid face!

Niegh!

Stop it.

Stop it Filk.

Why.

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Fine, if you stop that, I will tell you a story.

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Why are you crying again.

Stop that.

No, it will be a nicer story.

You like hero's?

Heh, thought you did.

Ponies are always a sucker for hero's. Hero's and candy.

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Wait, you didn't like my other one's.

You don't have good taste, then.

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Yes, I know you are twelve.

Also, stop snickering. I couldn't even fit a van down here if I wanted too, and this is coming from me.

Okay, okay, enough.

So, our story begins with a king.

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Why did you wince at that? What's the matter with kings?

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You want it to be about a princess?

Why?

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Okay, you really think your pretty pink pony princesses are going to save you?

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Yes, I know they are not really pink.

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But you have to know that they are dead. Gone.

Actually, if you want to go there, they should be pink now.

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Stop screaming, you might attract attention.

Goodness knows you might get a adult's attention.

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Actually, do that. Tell them you need a home.

Going to go for a bit.

Waaaaiiiit.

Did you just tell me to come back soon?

Aww, that's adorable, telling me that.

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Don't pout. Your face might stick that way.

Anyway, find the place you are staying at and...eat, I guess? Whatever you ponies have for hobbies. Eating and drugs, apparently.

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You write songs?

Really?

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Huh, that's cool, I guess.

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A song for a story?

Okay, I can do that. Actually, that's pretty cool.

So, I am baaaaaacccccck~

And you are-

Oh.

Well.

That's new.

I mean, I like the room, but it looks like someone decided to paint it with a pony.

Or a few.

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Okay, I guess you can cry.

I mean, if I found out I had no parents, I was going to be stuck in a bunker for the rest of my life, and all the rooms were already filled with slaughtered ponies, I guess I would cry too.

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So, let me get this straight.

You walk in here, this room that you were assigned to stay in alone, and you find these three trying to...hurt each other outside it?

Huh.

Well, in any case, they are all dead.

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All the other hallways are like this too? Ponies who went down them first suddenly started to have fits later?

That's not good.

That's not good at all.

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Don't touch that blood.

...Well,then, scrub your hoof off with-

Wait, no! You have a bottle of water, right?

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You do? Good, Wash your hoof off with it, but not too much.

Okay, did that? Wonderful.

Now, then, stay in that room and do not talk to any adults.

You hear me?

Don't tell me that.

Don't you dare tell me that.

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Fine. Those ponies are probably infected with something, and anypony else might be infected with it too.

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Well, if you have it, your dead.

Wait a foul moment...

Close your mouth and stop moving! Get behind that dresser!

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See, there's a stallion in front of your door.

Don't look at him. You wouldn't want too, anyway.

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You want to hear that story now?

It's not a scary one, no.

Okay.

Once, in the magical land of Equestria, there was three siblings. One was a unicorn, another a pegusi, and the last a earth pony.

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Don't question me about your kind's funky genetics.

Anyway, the father claimed that he wanted to leave a heir, as he was old and rich. His pride and joy, however, was a great golden staff carved from emberwood and ruby.

And so, he laid on his deathbed, and told each of them to find a-

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Wait, what do you mean you have heard this one?

Yes, the earth pony son gets it in the end.

Well, smartass, how about another one?

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There was once a stallion from Germaney and a mare from Prance sitting in a bar. The-

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Don't tell me.

Okay, yes, they get married. Gah.

Fine, fine.

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There was once two sisters who-

Oh, damn it.

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Oh, go ahead and laugh at that. Laugh at the silly voice in your head.

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Your getting tired, arn't you?

Go to sleep then. It's not like I have other ponies to talk to.

No, really, go ahead.

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That was sarcasm.

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Wake up Filk.

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Or not.

I could just stare at the stallion outside.

Waiting.

Watching.

Ah, your eye twitched! Knew it!

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No, really, the stallion out there looks like he might, like eat you are something.

It's kind of creepy.

Don't look at it, you need to conserve fluids and you keep leaking everywhere.

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Really, you are going to go to sleep now?

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There's a blanket over there.

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No, the other side.

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See, nice and cozy.

Fluffy, even.

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No, I will not tell you a story.

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Your not going to sing me a song, either, are you?

No?

Well, then. Perhape's tomorrow, where there are less zombie ponies wandering around outside, hmm?

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Don't cry yourself to sleep, kid.

Don't.

Here, want a hug?

I can do hugs.

Here.

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What do you mean my arm is fuzzy? Of course it's fuzzy. It's my arm, and it's fuzzy if I want it to be.

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See, now you are smiling. Go to sleep like that.

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Night, Filk.