A Toaster in Equestria

by Pigserpent

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 994

A Toaster comes to Equestria. It's just a toaster, it doesn't do much.

When a Toaster comes to Equestria, the ponies don't know what it is, because toasters haven't been invented yet. It's up to Twilight to find out what a toaster is and write a letter about friendship.
Image from Google.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-05 04:30:02 UTC

Rainbow Dash makes a Crash Landing

    One day Rainbow Dash was flying around performing her morning routine of stunts... like every other day.  Rainbow Dash was preparing to do a new stunt she worked out, one that was to surely get her into the Wonderbolts.  First she had to perform an immelmann loop into a double barrel role.  Following the rolls she would fly up and perform a pretzel loop then dive straight at the ground as fast as she could.  At the last second she would pull up and fly parallel to the ground before spinning and skidding on the ground to stop.  During the whole stunt she would also be singing Helter Skelter by the Beatles, therefore she decided to call it Ringo Blast.

    The amount of concentration needed to pull up last second while singing was amazingly large and there was a large chance of injury, but Rainbow Dash was prepared to accept that risk.  She found an open field and performed the trick  right up to the final part flying several inches above the ground.  Nothing quite felt like grass tickling your belly while flying at several hundred miles an hour.

    Suddenly she saw something approaching in her path.  Rainbow Dash didn’t recognize the shape, and it didn’t matter, she couldn’t stop, try as she did.  She managed to turn around, but her momentum still shot her towards the object.  They collided and Rainbow Dash found herself tumbling for a few yards.  She opened the eyes she couldn’t remember closing and was amazing to find that all her limbs were still attached and moveable.  She walked over to the object she crashed into.

    Surprisingly enough, it was just a shiny metal box with a lever on one side and two slits on top.  Rainbow Dash didn’t know what this object could possibly be.  She decided Twilight Sparkle probably had some idea and went to gather her friends.

…

    Six ponies carefully walked to the shiny box lying in the middle of the field, undisturbed in the past half hour the ponies took to gather themselves.  The six cautiously approached the box.  Suddenly a popping sound was as the level went up the side of the machine.  Two pieces of what  appeared to be dark brown bread were sticking out of the holes on top.

    Pinkie Pie, not being one to be freaked out by a silly little machine went straight up to the machine and scrutinized it.  “There’s a note here!” she exclaimed.  Twilight Sparkle used her magical powers to pick up the note and read the four words scrawled on it.

“All Toasters Toast Toast”

    “That doesn’t make sense,” complained Rainbow Dash.  “What’s a toaster?  And what is toast?”

    “And what does the verb, ‘to toast’ mean, darling?” piped in Rarity, catching the use of the verb in the note.

    Twilight Sparkle thought for a moment, then figured out the meaning of the message.  “Girls, it’s simple.  This note came with this machine, right?”  She paused to wait for the other ponies to nod up and down.  They all did except Applejack.  Twilight Sparkle glared at her.  She caught the look then proceed to nod.  “That means that it’s safe to assume this machine is the toaster this note spoke of.”

    The other ponies realized that what Twilight said made perfect sense and nodded some more.  Rarity figured the next part out.  “So that means that the brown, bread-like substance is toast, right.”

    “Indeed,” agreed Twilight.

    “Well then, let’s examine the toast!” shouted Pinkie Pie before giggling up to the toaster and grabbing a piece of the assumed toast.  It was warm and hard.  “Hmm,” she said.  She took a bite.  “It appears that one finds a piece of this hard bread thing then put it in the toaster to heat it up.”

    Rainbow Dash had one pressing question left.  “Where does one acquire said piece of toast?”

    Nopony knew, so they figured the machine was useless and left the machine there, because their work was done.

    Except Rainbow Dash.  Several hours later she came back for the machine and took it home with her... and used it to heat herself up after cold days in the winter.  What did you think she would do with it, pervert?

Twilight Sparkle Writes a Letter about Friendship

Around that time, Twilight Sparkle went home for her favorite snack of liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. While eating she wrote a letter to Princess Celestia about the toaster.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today we learned a valuable lesson about friendship.  Sometimes weird machines from alternate universes that haven’t been invented yet will show up in random fields on the outskirts of town.  Alone, strange small boxes that show no visible sign of being able to create harm can be incredibly scary.  Luckily, I had my friends around to help me face the evils of strange bead-like products.  You never know when Discord will escape and possess a small inanimate object to take over Equestria and stop two of the most powerful princesses in the world due to the evils of hard bread.

Actually, this toast thing may just be stale bread.  Why did we just leave the toaster in the field?  We missed out on making delicious baked bread products for all the little fillies to enjoy!  Oh, and someone may come along and think the toaster is evil.  Or you know, Discord could possess it and use it’s power to take over Equestria.  Or rub lotion on its skin.  I  know you think I’m paranoid, but I know this will happen.  Just you watch.  The take over Equestria, not the rub lotion on a machine’s skin.  That would be weird.

I just remembered, the lambs have stopped screaming!  They got out of my head!

By the way, do these longer letters annoy you?  If so, I could stop.  I’m totally not trying to be a suck up or anything like that by writing you long inconsequential letters about the first five minutes of my day and stuff.  Um, I have to go, my oven just caught on fire, and I’m having an old friend for dinner.

Your faithful student (who will most certainly not be using a toaster to take over Equestria)

Twilight Sparkle