How Ponies Reproduce

Most of the confusion here comes from one vital misunderstanding:  We cannot see the genitals, when we look at a pony.  This is actually by design!  Nudity, Adam and Eve will tell you, is a state of innocence.  (Does her obsession with clothing mean that Rarity is secretly a dirty, dirty girl?)  And yet, o two edged sword, giant pendulous stallion balls do not inspire PG ratings.  Therefore, pony fun-time-zones are actually magically obscured by a SEP Field  (Somebody Else's Problem) that makes them beneath the threshold of noticing most of the time.   After all, who wants to think about dangly, saggy stallion balls all the time?

Unfortunately, this is why the pony population is declining at an alarming rate.  Pony society on whole isn't saturated with sexual media and innuendo and Axe Body Spray commercials.  Fully half of the male population has killed themselves out of despair and body odor.  Distressingly often, the mares overlook sex in favor of chocolate ice cream, scented candles, spa therapy, and emotional fulfillment through romance novels that make the entire idea far less iccky by replacing 'the average and veiny erect cock with a left-lean that smells like horse arse' with 'a throbbing, turgid stallionhood with a velvety texture and a pleasant but masculine musky scent.'

For the less sexy, the non Soarin', the non Big Mac, stallions are capable of going their entire lives without anyone else being able to see their penis, which for all you know might be pretty big or awesome looking, and wouldn't it be awesome if they could at least brag a bit every now and then?  Poor Caramel, for example, once stood on the apex of the Carousel Boutique's roof and shouted to the entire market, "LOOK AT MY PORTRUDING PONY PENIS!"  But, being as he's rather lame looking and has a mullet, this put him firmly in the SEP-field  (AKA, "Friendzone") and all anyone heard was something about prancing purple porcupines.

Another victim, surprisingly, is Prince Blueblood, who was once a gentlecolt and all-round friendly fellow until he realized that the storybook, dream fairytale prince that most mares expected him to be didn't include a regular view of his genitalia.  (Who really likes to imagine the Prince walking around with swingy balls?)  Despairing about ever getting laid, Blueblood increasingly became more and more of a dick in hopes that 'chicks like to bang bad stallions'.  So far, it hasn't worked.

On the other side of the coin is Fancypants, who is a paragon of being stylish, trendy, rich, and hot... Until the enamored mare or stallion lusting after him realizes that his name actually comes from a highly indescribable deformation of the penis.  I won't try to describe it, it'll just make your brain hurt.

Some unfortunates, like Hoity Toity, can see all stallion dongs all the time, and are forced to wear big, tinted sunglasses to avoid PR disasters like salivating and inappropriate innuendo, which is a crime punishable by censorship, being removed from the show, and having your voice changed.  (Bon-Bon has a surprisingly dirty mouth.)

Help stop the tragic emasculation of your local ponies today.  Imagine horse penis.  Horse penis everywhere.

Paid for by the Ad Council and Equestrian Tourism Board.