Derpy impossible: Muffin Protocol

by linkman447

Rating: teen
Tags: Dinky Hooves, Tragedy, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Human, Doctor Whooves, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy
Length: 1735

this involves Derpy and a strange human with similar muffin powers this is really my first so please dont be to nice

one day Derpy and her daughter dinky where in there house making muffins when derpy's muffin sences start to tingle then out of nowhere the doctor shows up with princess celestia and tell her your mission if you choose to accept it is to find out what is happening to the worlds muffin supply and stop who ever is doing this. with muffins on the line nothing will stop this mare from completing her mission but on her way she finds a young boy who asks our determined derpy if she is on her way to save the muffins

news: putting this on hiatus but am continuing my previous work

Published 2013-06-11 01:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-17 15:40:36 UTC

this muffin will self destruct (i made some corrections)

one day a young Mrs. Derpy and her little filly dinky where in there house making well... muffins. "who are you" said a pink pony "well im the narrator" i reply "your annoying me": the pink one who jumped at the narrator with a knife "damn it pinkie that is the 17th narrator this month well i guess we dont exactly need one"

Derpy's POV

"mommy why is pinkie's hair all strait and why is she holding a bloody knife" dinky asked me "dont look directly are her dear she will change back and..." i suddenly found myself on the floor with a splitting headache. "whats wrong mommy" "Dinky there is a disturbance in the morce (muffin force)" soon after they heard a noise.

"what the... doctor what are you doing here" i yell as the tardis doors fly open "derpy,derpy it’s me and the princess we need your help" a flustered doctor yelled at the disheveled Mrs hooves "what do you mean doc..." derpy trailed off at the sight of princess celestia in her house "i...i..i eh ah oh um EEK" that is all that come out then SLAM derpy passed out and hit the floor "that looked like it hurt” ouch! winced the doctor as dinky magically hit him with a spoon doing 9999 damage

about an 2 hours later

"mommy wake up please your embarrassing me in front of daddy and the princess" dinky yelled "WHAT" the doctor said "whats wrong daddy" inquired dinky looking utterly bemused "I'm your what" he replied in turn "your my daddy dont be silly Giggle!." derpy woke up to see dinky practically bouncing up and down on a awestruck doctor, who could only say "what" then would say "Umph" as dinky landed on him as she bounced

"Stop that dear get off your father he's a very delicate stallion i should know" derpy winked at the doctor who blushed at this "why do you all keep saying that I'm not her dad, I would remember something like that" he said shakily celestia cut in "this is really getting off topic of why we are here young Mrs hooves we need your help" she directed at Derpy "any thing" she replied

"as you may know there is a power in muffins and those few ponies whi can utilize its power are almost extinct all but you Mrs hooves you can still since when a muffin is around can't you" Celestia asked raising an eyebrow at Derpy who returned with a "y-y-y-y-yes I-I-I c-c-can p-p-p-princess" the princess looked pleased at this "good then Mrs hooves your mission if you choose to excepted it is to find out what is happening to the worlds muffins as im well aware you can feel something is wrong" derpy nodded "good, find out what is the cause of this and put a stop to it" Celestia places a muffin on a table near by and runs in to the tardis not before grabbing the doctor and telling him Derpy will explain later come along dinky

after that tardis vanished (use sound above) there was a beeping derpy found out it was coming from the muffin the princess left then a screen flashed on the muffin and showed her where to start and said "this muffin will self-destruct in 10 seconds 9-8-7" derpy yelled "hit the deck" Derpy screamed and jumped under a near by desk "3-2-1" they both got up derpy took her fore hoof an touched it to the muffin nothing happened second third forth nothing then boom the muffin exploded sending chunks of muffin everywhere derpy was covered in muffin bits but all she could say is time to save the world with her normal dumb smile she left the house after trying to eat all the muffin bits and saying to herself this exploded muffin is really good just before leaving she stared to cry "i dont remember where to go...sob...sob" as soon as she started she stopped "i know i will ask twilight she knows everything" with a big grin on her face she set out and getting lost and having to ask 30 different ponies before finding the unicorns house

"so tell me derpy what kind of mission did the princess send you on" twilight asked as she had spike write a letter to the princess explaining the situation and asking if she could tell derpy where to go once more "well im going the save the worlds muffins" she said quite proudly twilight just looked shocked why would the princess wast time on a simple task as muffins at this thought derpy sinsed that twilight just smack talked muffins as proceed to slap her across the face saying with her hoof "if you ever think bad about muffins again i will bucking hurt you unless that muffin is an English muffin then that OK" this confused twilight more than anything because how she changed suddenly during this threat then there was a loud brup from the dragon who had a letter from the princess

Dear: Derpy

The place you must start your mission is the one place i would only send you if it was really important "the EVERFREE FOREST" good luck and i hope you succeed on your mission

love

your princess Celestia

P.S. please dont get lost and try to remember where your going and the doctor is still going crazy with this daddy thing please hurry he is starting to annoy me.

the at sight of the words "everfree forest" derpy passed out yet again

a derpy's got to do what a derpy's got to do

while Derpy was out the strange pink mare was arguing with the author trying to narrate his own story with out using any type of transitioning with it to that i said "buck you" bad mistake

BACK TO THE REAL STORY

in the mind of this little Pegasus was a complete mess as she tried to brave the forest that everypony in ponyville knew better than to enter, which is complete shit as most of the show takes place in the forest, the light howls and other noises radiated from the spooky forest and began to frighten derpy. "this is really creepy i wanna go home and snuggle with my honey, but no a derpy's gotta do what a derpy's gotta do" and as that was said the young mare slowly made her way in to the forest and was never seen again "just kidding ha you guys must be so pissed but back to AHHHHHHH MY ARM PINKIE WHY" the author said though incredible pain "you still need to pay for what you said" the now strait maned pinkie said

once again back to the f-ing story

the only thing that kept the mare going was 2 thoughts one the fact that all muffins may be at risk and 2 the song giggle at the ghosties by pinkie pie, the young mare was doing great at first but then a roar that almost stopped her heart she bolted ahead trying to put as much distance between her and what ever made that horrid noise then with the loud sound of giant paws hitting the ground and another roar a large manticore bounded out from behind her and blocked her path, the manticore stood a good 6' tall and had the face of a man the body of a lion the wings of a dragon and the tail of a scorpion, with a nasty temper and a love for blood this looked pretty bad for derpy but then suddenly a consecutive barrage of bangs came from the left of derpy and then a bunch of blood stared to trickle down the beast then out of the brush came a weird creature on 2 legs with thick black padded clothes all over his body well derpy assumed it was a boy because it well seemed masculine. the creature had black hair and stood a good 5' 7'' and had a big black thing in its arms "damn that this was big" he said "thank you for saving my" shuttered derpy "WHO SAID THAT" he yelled looking around when his eyes met derpy's eyes well eye because the other one was looking at the manticore " i did mister" she giggled back "HOLE FUCK IT'S A TALKING MIDGET HORSE WITH WINGS" the man yelled again "sir im a pony and more specifically a Pegasus and all ponies can talk silly by the way my names ditzy doo but you can call me derpy if you like" she told the creature "the names Ethan hunt I'm a human and where the hell am I. "Let me explain" suddenly a younger looking human appeared "I'm Alex I may not look it but I'm a well bender of reality with the greatest source imagination" they looked at the young man with utter confusion "OK let me explain"

After a good hour of explaining both derpy and Ethan knew what was up "so you brought him here to help me" alex nodded then added "I'm here to help to but-." he was cut off by a screaming celestia "Alex my love i found you" alex muttered "shit she found me every universes celestia well ill help when i can" the crazed alicorn grabbed the young man. "now we will go back to our love nest." as she flew off with him she started to kiss him and well lets just say some 18+ stuff

"well that was odd" Ethan muttered "well this will be the most F'ed up mission ever"

Author's Note

this took longer than the other one because pinkie pie broke my hands and face, legs 3 ribs, and raped me stapled a smiley face to my own and made me eat pie with her hair in it so sorry, ya but really i just got into some really good stories on this site and then my work and such but this will probably happen again and im not going to lie so i apologize but nobody really reads this anyway so tee hee

side note the manticore i used is more from legend than from the show

we;; i must apologize for the practically year wait just been distracted

and sorry for short chapter