A documentary on how many BOOBS ponies have and how they breed.

by Aperture lemon

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, Applejack, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Romance, Comedy, Fluttershy, Adventure
Length: 2693

The mating cycle of earth ponies, pegasus, unicorns, and

When a narrator dude and his film crew's documentary goes horribly wrong, they're killed by queen Elizabeth's corgis and are punished by God for being atheists. You might say they'll burn in hell for ever, but you're wrong! God was bored of that cliche, so he decided to send the film crew to Equestria so they can make a documentary to entertain God's son, Jesus! Art work by Ethesto
Part of the Chess Game of the Gots series canon.
Please give the reasons on why you don't like the story

Published 2013-08-15 23:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-15 23:10:02 UTC

Corgis may bite when horny

"It is a vary hot day in England today, and It's infecting the behavers of all the wild life, a good example of this is the corgi"

Mr. Camera Man #1 who was filming the beautiful palace gardens zoomed his camera in to a majestic meadow to revel a corgi digging a hole in the ground. Mr. Narrator Guy continued his speech with his sexy English accent.

"The hot climate starts mating season for corgis. As you can see that male corgi is digging a hole to start a family. Once it is done it will call for a mate"

25.42 seconds later, the corgi finished it's work then started to make a sound that is vary simaler to a cat giving birth to a baby hippopotamuses.

After a few moments a female corgi ran out of a rose bushes. It eyed the male ....the male microphone guy in a vary aggressive way. Mr, Microphone Guy froze like he was playing a game of statue museum looking into the eyes of the beast, those dark soulless eyes made the poor man peed himself, but unfortunately corgis are like raptors (not you Paul) they aren't fooled by standing still!

The corgi sent in the alarm, not by a barking sound but a loud ringing sound. Mr. Camera Man #2 reacted quickly by throwing a rock at the corgi trying to knock it out, but failed in fact that made things worse! now the male corgi is ringing too.
All the camera crew had to do was run, as dozens of corgis jumped out of bushes, little did they know they were good as dead.

Mr. Microphone Guy was the first to go as he never was a winner. He tried swinging his long microphone at a corgi that was dangerously close to him, but the savage dog just bite it in two with its sharp diamond tipped teeth, the young man was so shocked by this he lost his footing on an old Barbie doll that was laying on the ground, making him face plant to his death.

All his comrades heard from him was his screams of agony as the monstrositys eat him alive. Mr. Camera Man #1 gagged as some of his friend's crimson blood splashed against his sensitive skin. The terrified film makers ran into a grassy clearing. The giant palace doors were only an few yards away it looks like they are gonna make it! but sadly that will make a boring story.

Corgis jumped out from the trees and their underground homes, surrounding the crew. The only way to survive was to fight. Mr. Narrator Guy pulled out a menacing survival knife from it's sheath, both camera men got ready to swing their heavy cameras. Both teams just stood there waiting for someone to make the first movie.

Clouds covered the sun making the world a depressing gray, the silents felt like an eternity, then men where breathing heavily, then a corgi ran to attack! Setting off a chain reaction of flying fur balls, and humans swinging there weapons, then dubstep music started to play.

The royal family went outside to see where all the sound was coming from, they just stood there in shock, watching the spectacle before them. Mr. Camera man #1 swung his $3500 dollar video camera like a baseball bat at a corgi jumping at his throat, the beast's neck snapped like a pine needle, then the limp body hit another corgi killing it too.

Four corgis attempted to jump on Mr. Camera Man #2, but he reacted quickly by roundhouse kicking three of the four corgis out of the air. Mr. Narrator Guy pulled a deus ex machina by pulling a titanium boomerang out of his pocket, he hurled the weapon at the corgi trying to bite Mr. Camera Man #2's jugular, the titanium boomerang sliced through the corgi, then past it's owner, saving him from a corgi who dared thought it can sneak up on him.

Back to back the team continued to fight off the hoard, sounds of cracking bone, and ripping flesh echoed the gardens. Princess Kate's unborn child(Story takes place before it was born) yelled "Call 911 now!" kinda like that little girl in that Skrillex music video.

Mr. Camera Man #1 was the second to go. The corgis were far too many for the man, slowing his swings down by biting his arms and not letting go, more corgis worked with this process, surrounding him then pulling him to the ground.

His dear brother Mr. Camera Man #2 couldn't do any thing about it as he watched in terror, distracted from the fight he was the 3rd to die. Mr. narrator Guy slashed at the hell hounds trying to avenge his friends death, but all heroes die, the corgis out numbed him, one bit his good arm off making him barely able to fight, then they pulled him to the ground. The Queen cried that day, she lost many of her little corgis :(

White was all Mr. Narrator Guy could see at first, his vision cleared and what he could see shocked him to the core. A massive gold gate 42 meters tall towered over him, he was standing on a gigantic field of clouds, tinted gold from the beautiful sun.

"Yeah I know it's amazing but lets just go to be judged already okay?" Mr. Narrator Guy jumped 2 feet in the air then sighed in relief, when he saw it was only Mr. Microphone Guy, with the two Camera Men.

"Oh...um okay" hesitantly replied Mr. Narrator Guy ]who was still in a daze. The four men walk up to the gate meeting a large angle wearing a black tuxedo.

When it saw them it said. "Hello and welcome to the kingdom of God here you'll be judged on whether or not you'll say here or go to hell" The angle turned around, then put a key in a key hole, making the area around the crew shake, as the gate opened."Just follow the yellow brick road to God's throne room, and have a great eternity!" The angle gave the men a vary creepy wide smile. The wild life film crew walked of onto the yellow brick road, fearing whats going to happen to them...because the're atheists.

"We have to get out of here!" Screamed Mr. Camera man #1 as he attempted to run into a random direction, but Mr. Microphone Guy stopped him and said "No! we can't risk making this worse for ourselves"

"We're gonna burn!" Screamed Mr. Camera Man #2 with tears flowing out of his handsome blue eyes.
"Calm down" said Mr. Microphone Guy in a calm tone of voice "Maybe we can talk our self's out of this." Mr. Camera man #1 facepalmed then said "Yeah like that's going to happen." Mr. Microphone Guy sighed Mr. Camera man #1 had a good point.

The four homo-sapiens continued to walk on the yellow brick road, with the majestic setting sun shining upon their faces. Then God siting on a massive gold throne came into view, His majestic white beard reflected the suns light into Mr. Microphone Guy's eyes blinding him. "This must be the place" said Mr. Narrator Guy, with Mr. Microphone Guy screaming in the background.

"Yes my creation this is the place" Replied God in his Morgan Freeman sounding voice. "I thin- I mean I KNOW what you are thinking primitive slims, you are thinking" God then put on a mockery of what pleading humans sound like when they don't want to be tortured forever sounds like to him, witch is annoying wining sound. "Oh please God I obey you now, I'll do any thing you ask!"

God spit to the ground in disgust. "It's time to face your judgement evil atheists!" God made his left hand into a fist, then got ready to punch the terror-fed humans to Hell. "Hey dad the'res nothing on t.v!"

The man himself Jesus Christ teleported out of nowhere beside his father. Scaring him like a 16-year old Girl watching a Paranormal Activity film. "Ha ha scared you didn't I?" said Jesus. God composed himself then started to make excuses
"I was trying to scare them" God pointed to the Camera crew, witch in turn they stood there.
"They did not look scared from that" replied Jesus

God then replied "They did get scared and that's final!" God was vary mad by this point makeing every one backed away from him accept Mr. Microphone Guy who was still screaming from pain in his eyes."What do you want from me son?" asked God

"Oh yeah about that I just wanted to tell you I'm board, and there's nothing o T.V" God just sighed in annoyance at this, when he was about to tell his son to go away, he got a great idea.

"Know what? I changed my mind I'm not going to send you to hell after all! I'm going to send you guys to Equestria so you can make a documentary about how ponies breed, and stuff" When God finished his sentence Jesus jumped 42 meters into the the air, and yelled "Yes I love watching films about how animals breed!...not in the gross and sinful way of course"

Mr. Narrator Guy thought to him self why didn't God know what Jesus wanted, and why he changed his mind, since he was supposed to know everything, but he pushed that thought aside. "Okay evil sinful atheists it's time for you to go to Equestria" God snapped his fingers summoning a purple portal with a obsidian border, proving God has no imagination, and steals other peoples ideas.

Then God pushed the atheists into the portal with his mind powers making then leave heaven behind. He stretched his arms, and thought to him self that he should do stuff like this more often.

Meanwhile at Canterlot. Princess Twilight Sparkle looked out into the beautiful valleys, and Mountains. The sun was setting behind Equestria's high Mountains, making the sky a sexy pink, wind blew through her mane.

"There's a disturbance in the force" Twilight said to herself, she then looked to her round belly, and smiled "Don't worry little guys mommy will protect you"

Author's Note

Special thanks to Irongalley and Ethesto of giving me inspiration for this fic.

Mr. Microphone Guy is still blind

Mr. Microphone Guy is still blind

The camera crew flew out of the other side of the portal, they crashed into a Trash can, spewing rotting fruit, and milk all over the place. Some of the rotting milk got into Mr. Microphone Guy's mouth making him puke all off his lunch. "Well that was fun" said Mr. Camera Man #1 sarcastically, as the portal disappeared behind them. Mr. Narrator Guy looked at Mr. Camera Man #1, with an annoyed look on his face, and said "Don't be such a centipede you little North American toenail clipper!" The sexy narrator raised his fist and punched Mr. Camera Man #1's face.

The camera man just wiped his blood of his face, then replied the insult with "Oh yeah? well how about you stop being such a millipede you big South American fingernail clipper!"
"Oooohhhhhhh" Said the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles who were watching the whole thing, Mr. Camera Man #1 just smiled at that, he got Mr. Narrator Guy good!

"Guys lets just go ready" sighed Mr. Microphone Guy,who was looking up into the sky wishing he can see Mr. Narrator Guy's beautiful face again.

"Yeah lets start the Adventure" replied Mr. Camera Man #2 in witch everyone else agreed. The sinful atheists walked out of the ally, into a street filled with ponies. Hundreds of ponies of all 3 types, colours, and sizes. Some of them saw the group and filed, while others just stared at them vary rudely.

One of the bigwig ponies walked up to the men, and spat one their feed, and had these words come out of his arrogant mouth "Well it looks like some filthy apes escaped from the zoo" The pathetic pony just laughed, unknowing to the fact he just lives on a small part of a dust mote suspended in a sun beam, in Cthulhus bedroom...JK its Timmy Turner`s bedroom.

"Where are we?" asked Mr. Microphone Guy who was being guided by Mr. Camera Man #2.

"By the looks of it" Mr. Narrator Guy looked around taking note of the old fashioned looking buildings, the city looked like Manhattan in it's younger years. "We are in Manehattan"

"That's cute" replied Mr. Microphone Guy. A sharp pain interrupted his smiling at the funny pun "Och! who threw that rock at me?"

The crew tuned around to see (except Mr. Microphone Guy) a mob of ponies running toward them, with eyes filled with hatred, and they carried all kinds of deadly make shift weapons.
"Oh no here we go again..." sighed Mr. Narrator Guy, all he wanted is to get some rest.

A pink prostitute pony jumped at the group wielding giant used tampons made into nun-chucks, Mr. Narrator Guy dodged the attack, then stabbed the pony in the neck. A unicorn shot a lazier beam, Mr. Camera Man #1 reacted by hitting the record button, then catching the powerful beam into his Camera lens, causing the mage to have all it's life force sucked out of it.

Mr. Camera Man #1 then hit the play button, causing the beam to shoot out of the camera, killing three lawyers. Two earth ponies with oranges for cutie marks, tried to snap Mr. Camera Man #2`s legs with their primitive bucking powers.
He evaded the attack, then he used his camera to knock them away into the mob, slowing them down, and giving the men a chance to run away.

They ran through the streets of Manehattan, dodging and killing ponies that where in their way. A fast moving orange maned pegasus wearing a blue and yellow suit, attempted to do a foalkin buck (lol I`m so creative) at Mr. Narrator Guy, but he just ducked, and held his knife up horizontally, the pegasus flew a full speed unable to stop, causing her to accidentally cut her belly open.

Blood and stomach acid poured out of the knife's victim, then the knife cut the intestines, causing fecal matter to spray out like a shower head filled with chocolate milk. Mr. Narrator Guy licked his face clean of blood, and poop.

Mr. Microphone Guy was swinging his microphone around as a weapon, killing, and injuring the enemy ponies around him, kinda like that blind superhero Deadpool.

The city gates where about 100 yards away. Time seemed to slow down for our brave heroes, as they blocked the attacks of the pony bigwigs, they where gonna make it! The sounds of snapping wood and crashing echoed across the landscape, the men rolled down a hill. Mr. Microphone Guy's smashed his head on a rock, knocking himself out.

The men stopped rolling at the of the hill, all the dust from their crashing made the air almost impossible to breath, the air was getting cold, as overrated Princess Luna made it night time by using precursor technology. (Ponies are created form aliens that had reached the level of Transsentience millions of years ago, when a pony uses magic, the energy is not from the pony, but from hyper advanced technology hidden deep underground. If the ponies ever find out they are not doing the magic they'll comet suicide)

Mr. Narrator Guy grunted in pain when he pushed himself up, he looked up and he smiled at the moon. "Well men, our adventure has just started" When he finished his words of the English language he collapsed from exhaustion, then the other men followed that action.

Meanwhile at Fluttershy's cottage...Fluttershy was looking out her window, thinking whether or not she'll survive the trip to lay her eggs. "Don't worry honey, you will be fine, and I'm sure over 90% of our babies will make it to adulthood" the lord of chaos gently brushed his eagle claw through Fluttershy's fragile pink mane.