Chapters Why do I feel this way? Is it normal for ponies to feel this way? I mean it feels normal, but it also feels wrong at the same time. I know ponies have crushes, I mean Rarity had a crush on Prince Blueblood, that seemed normal. Oh, I bet Rarity would know how to handle this. I could ask her? But what if it's not normal, what if she's disgusted by me? What if she tells everypony? What if they all hate me too?
Twilight had gone through this same monologue in her head for the past week, and she had still gotten no further in realizing what was wrong, or if she was wrong. It had kept her up at night, the worry, the confusion. The last week had been a blur, a mix of painful tiredness and reading and re-reading different books, trying desperately to find a passage that would explain her problem. Alas, she found nothing. There were books that alluded to ponies feeling like she did, but none of them answered the specific questions she had.
Is it normal for mares to like mares? None of these books say anything about mares liking mares, but it can't just be me, can it? All of these "Romance" novels that Rarity suggested all involve one mare and one stallion, and not one reference about mares loving other mares. Love? Do I "love" Rainbow Dash? Whats the difference between a crush and love? Is there a difference? I do "admire" her, but is that love? Is it even truly a crush. Gah! Confound these feelings!
Twilight didn't like not understanding something, in fact she hated it, it drove her to frustration. She especially hated it when she couldn't understand herself. In order to get anywhere she would have to make a decision: does she try and act on what feelings she understood or does she forget about it, in the hope that this was just a "phase". Next week would be Hearts and Hooves Day, a days for ponies to be with there "very special someponies", but Twilight never understood Hearts and Hooves day, mainly because she never had a very special somepony. She'd seen happy couples spending there day together, mainly from the Canterlot Royal Library, but never, herself, had a coltfriend to spend the day with.
Come on, Twilight, you need to do something. But what can I do? Do I just admit my feelings to Rainbow? Maybe I could just tell Rarity? Or Fluttershy? Or even Pinkie Pie? At least I can guarantee that she would never tell a secret. But what if they think I'm a freak? I might just write a letter to the Princess. No! I can't do that, what if its against the law? She'd banish me! Or put me in a dungeon! Or banish me and then put me in a dungeon in the place that she banishes me to! No, Celestia wouldn't do that to her Faithful Student, would she? I could tell Luna? She would never banish me. But she could tell Celestia, and she might banish me. The monologue continued like this for around an hour, maybe an hour and a half, and Twilight was still no closer to figuring out anything. Once again she would have to forget her feelings for another night, as she drifted away into the sweet release of sleep.
Twilight's continued to think, long after she fell asleep. This was her curse; even in her sleep she could not escape from her overactive imagination. All she could hear was laughter, not the light, happy laughter that she was accustomed to hearing, but a deeper, more sinister, mocking laughter. The laughing, the constant, never ending laughing tore Twilight up. Why is there laughing? Who's laughing? Are they laughing at me? Why are they laughing? It angered her, she wanted context, she wanted to know why the laughing persisted, but instead all there was was darkness. Darkness and laughing.
Eventually the laughing subsided, as did the darkness. The darkness was replaced by Rainbow Dash, she was standing close enough to Twilight that she considered reaching out and touching her. Such a gesture would be futile, however, Twilight was fully aware that this was a dream. After a few seconds of staring at the fake Rainbow in front of her it suddenly started to turn tail and run away. Even though Twilight knew this was a dream she still wanted to chase after Dash, perhaps then she would understand what it was that she wanted to tell herself. She wanted to run, she wanted it more then she's ever wanted anything, but she found herself unable to move in any way. Instead she was rooted to the spot she was standing, watching the rainbow-maned mare run away into the eternal darkness.
Again, eventually this subsided. Once again all there was was darkness. The darkness continued, but the silence didn't. Instead all she heard was whispers. The whispers were quiet, and Twilight couldn't make out what they were saying, but she did recognise the voices, one by one she made them out. She could hear Pinkie first, then she heard Applejack's thick, southern drawl, contrasted by Rarity's sophisticated tone, and finally she heard Fluttershy's shy voice, amid the cacophony of voices that surrounded. Try as she might, however, she could not hear Rainbow Dash. She focused on finding Rainbow's voice, but gave up, as she realised that, if she was there at all, finding one specific voice among the now deafening roar of the voices would be nigh on impossible.
The voices suddenly started to merge together, into one, loud, roaring voice. The voices spoke together, uttering one single thing, over and over again. The voices merely said "Twilight".
"Twilight,"
"Twilight,"
"Twilight,"
The voices continued to say "Twilight", over and over again, rising in volume, louder than it was already. Eventually it became too much for her to handle, she needed to do something, to end it all,
"STOP!"
But still they continued, again, she screamed,
"STOP!"
But the voices persisted, louder than ever. Once more she shouted
"STOP!"
The voices wouldn't stop, they continued, apparently oblivious to Twilight's distress. Or maybe it was because of the distress that they continued. Twilight was broken, she couldn't stop them, but she couldn't run away from them. It was too much, she started sobbing, pleading.
"Please, please, just stop, please."
Eventually the voices did stop, once again leaving Twilight in a somewhat blissful state of nothingness. Why would my friends whisper my name? Where they talking about me? Why were they talking about me? This is just a dream, Twilight, remember that. But what does it mean? Does it mean anything
Right, so that was the first chapter in my first ever fanfic. Its also the first every story I've wrote for the benefit of other people. I am writing a short story at the moment, but that's for A-Level English Language. I know this chapter is painfully short, but this is just my first ever fic, and I wanted to gauge interest, I don't want to write an entire novel only to find out that everyone hates it. I just want to get an idea of how many people want more, how much they like this and if they like this style of writing, or even if I'm a poor writer. Any suggestions on how to improve it would be appreciated, thanks. :D
EDIT: New chapter title, to fit the later theme. She thinks she's in love (but it makes her kinda nervous to say so).
EDIT: Compounded the first two chapters together. Not so short any more, bitches.
"Twilight, Twilight, wake up, Twilight; I've brought you breakfast, just the way you like it." Twilight was gently awoken by Spike, who had took care so as to not wake her up too harshly; even though he didn't understand why he could see that Twilight had been the victim of a few restless nights, but he dared not to confront her, for fear of offending his very first and best friend. He could see that Twilight hadn't had the best of nights as she looked tired and lifeless, with heavy bags around her eyes.
"Why thank you, Spike," she said, as she used her magic to gently levitate Spike's tray from out of his hands and slowly set it on the bedside table. Taking a sip from the fresh, Manehattan-style coffee Spike had brewed for her she casually inquired, "Has there been any mail today, Spike?".
"Err, nope, not yet... Did you have a good sleep last night?", Spike, although not wanting to flat out ask what was wrong with Twilight, couldn't just not try and find out what he could.
"Sure, it was alright, I s'pose. Thanks for the breakfast, again, by the way, I'll bring it down when I'm finished." Spike knew what Twilight meant by that, that was Twilight's way of telling Spike to leave her alone. She would never put it that crudely, but it is what was implied. Spike took his leave, as he was ostensibly requested to do, and Twilight was left alone to quietly reflect about what she had experienced last night.
What did it all mean? It couldn't have meant nothing, it must have meant something, but what? Why was Rainbow Dash running away from me? Why couldn't I run after her? And the voices, the never ending voices, they had to have meant something! Perhaps it would be better if I try to tell someone what I'm experiencing? But who? Rarity is the most obvious candidate for me to defer my feelings to; she seems to be well versed in matters such as this, in matters of... "love". But I mustn't tell her too much, she mustn't know who the possible object of my affection is, no names, no genders. It's safer that way, lest I am "different" or "weird".
As soon as she had finished her breakfast, Twilight took the remains down to Spike, as she had promised, and informed him that she would be "going to Rarity's for a while", and that Spike was welcome to do whatever he wanted for the next few hours. Twilight didn't want Spike tagging along; even though she wasn't planning on releasing too much information to Rarity she still wanted what little she did disclose to be secret. Remember, Twilight, Rarity is your friend, your dear friend, anything you tell her will be a total secret. But I still shouldn't say too much, what if she thinks I'm disgusting, what if she doesn't want to be friend with "somepony like me". Don't be silly, Twilight, Rarity wouldn't hate you, regardless of what gender of pony you are "attracted to". But still, I shouldn't say more than is absolutely necessary, only say what needs to be said.
Twilight was so lost in her own self-discussion that she hardly realised that she was approaching nearer and nearer to Carousel Boutique, and she still hadn't, exactly, worked out what she was going to say. She started to panic and tried to turn around, to walk away and think over her plan of action in more detail. But by that point she had already passed the point of no return; Rarity had spotted her from her bedroom window, and had already invited Twilight inside.
"Oh, Twilight, dear, this is a pleasant surprise. Why have you came- actually never mind, come on in, the door's unlocked, I shan't be five minutes, make yourself comfortable." Oh well, thought Twilight, At least I have a few minutes to clear my head. We need to think straight, say what we need to say, nothing more, nothing less, But as Twilight had started to make herself comfortable, and began to plan out her dialogue, she heard a stirring from the other room, a kettle boiling.
"Would you like some tea, dear?" Called out Rarity.
"Oh, um, yes please, Rarity." Twilight tried to remain calm, but she realised that she had less time then she originally thought. Much less time. And soon she would have to talk to Rarity. Before she could think another thought, she saw a teacup present itself before her. A quick, cursory glance around the room confirmed that Rarity was, indeed, in the room with her, and very close to taking her seat besides Twilight.
"So, darling, what is it that has brought you here, hmm?"
"Umm, aah," Just say something, for Celestia's sake! "Well... I, kinda, can't get this certain pony out of my head, and was kinda thinking that you-" Oh, blast, why did I come to Rarity again? I'm sure I had a good reason ten minutes ago. "You could, kinda, you know? Explain what it is that I feel and, um, why I feel like this?"
"Oooh, something tells me that my little Twilight has a little crush. Would I be wrong in saying that this is the first time you've felt this way about somepony?" Rarity seemed intrigued, but she also seemed to understand perfectly what Twilight was feeling.
"Well, I guess it is kinda my first... 'crush?', is it? Is it normal to feel this way? It feels weird, that's normal, right?"
"But of course, Twilight, you just have your first crush, everyone feels that way about their first."
Oh, good, at least that has cleared the air, mostly. Now, don't want to seem too rude, I'll try and move the conversation on, finish my tea and return to the Library to try and think about telling Rainbow Da-
"Now, Twilight, if you don't mind me asking, who is this lucky colt?"
Okay, Twilight, stay calm, that was a perfectly normal question Rarity asked. I mean mares crushing on colts is the norm, so it is a perfectly reasonable assumption Rarity made. Just stay calm and answer the question.
"Errrm..."
Now, Twilight!
"Um..."
Something?
"..."
Anything? Seriously, this is gonna get awkward soon.
"Well... it kinda... is, well, Rainbow Dash..." Twilight paused, waiting for a response, any response.
"Oh, Twilight, don't be silly darling, Rainbow is a mare, you're not 'one of them', Twilight... are you?"
"One- one of what, exactly?" 'One of them'? Does Rarity not like mares who like other mares? If she doesn't like... 'us' will anypony like 'us'. Have I just made a momentous mistake? I have, haven't I? Oh, Celestia, no! I'll lose all my friends. And Celestia! What is she doesn't accept me like... 'this'?
"You know, dear," Rarity leaned in close, she whispered the last part of her sentence,
"A fillyfooler." Rarity seemed to say the words somewhat reluctantly, as if it was an obscenity that a 'lady' like herself shouldn never utter. A 'fillyfooler'? Is that what I am, is that the label that society will place upon me? Is it a bad thing? It seems to be a bad thing, Rarity sure isn't giving me the impression that it is a good thing. Anyway how to I respond to that? How can I respond to someone telling me what it is that I may be? Just make a sound of acknowledgement, she might start talking again.
"Oh, I see." Was the best Twilight could come up with under pressure, but it seemed to be enough.
"Are you sure you have a crush on Rainbow, darling? It is, by your own admission, your first crush, you might just be confused."
"But... but it's you who suggested that I had a crush on somepony! I just explained my situation and you told me what you thought it meant! If thinking about somepony a lot and if dreaming about them means that I have a 'crush' on them then yes, I think I may have a crush on Rainbow Dash... is anything wrong with that?" There was a hint of indignation in Twilight's tone, she was, a little bit, irate, at this point. Rarity obviously realised this.
"Yes, you're right, dear, I suppose it was kind of rude of me to suggest that you are confused, I am Sorry, Twilight. And nothing is wrong with 'fillyfooling', per se, but there are someponies who don't exactly approve of it. For now it is probably best that neither of us tell anypony about your... situation, at least for now, and that includes Rainbow Dash." And, with that, Twilight had confirmation that, not only was she different, she was also not accepted by 'someponies', and she couldn't be certain who it was that didn't approve of how she felt.
"Do you... 'approve' of it, Rarity?"
"But of course, darling, I don't see why other ponies should be bothered about what it is that two fillies, or colts, 'do' with each other. I mean it is a bit weir-different , but that doesn't make it wrong." Rarity shot a warm smile over to Twilight, in an attempt to make her friend feel better, and it worked, for the most part. Twilight tried to give Rarity a smile in return, but it turned out more awkward then she had intended. She may that I'm weird, but at least she cares enough to put aside what prejudice she may, or may not, have, and she seemed to be looking out for my best interest. Unless, of course, she is telling me not to tell anyone so she can tell everypony! And then they would all gloat in my face, make me ponya non grata! But she wouldn't do that, I'm sure.
"So... what do I do now?" Twilight asked, somewhat timidly, not really wanting to know the answer.
"Don't worry about that, darling, Rarity has that all taken care of. Just continue on as you normally would, unless an opportunity presents itself where you think it would be beneficial to profess these clandestine feelings. I'll do what I can, of course, try and find out who does and doesn't 'approve' of... well... you know? Don't think of it as some huge secret, just think of it as this personal feeling nopony else knows about... if it helps, of course." Rarity was trying her best to help and comfort Twilight, she recognized that, and appreciated it. Well, that seems to be that done with, for now, of course. I mean I probably should tell Rainbow soon. I should probably just have a normal chat with Rarity, away from this subject, just so she knows that I don't feel awkward talking to her, even though she does know my most private 'personal feelings'. Slowly Twilight levitated her tea before her and sipped it, lightly.
"Oh my, Rarity, this tea is really good, where did you get it?"
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Boom, I promised longer chapter, I delivered longer chapter. I promised next day delivery, I delivered next day delivery. The next chapter will be up either late on Saturday or sometime next week, probably not Sunday. Also thank you all for the positive feedback, made making me find time to write this chapter much easier :D
EDIT: Just another chapter rename. Should probably do some actual editing. You know? Take time out, re-read everything, make subtle changes. Maybe... anyway, enjoy this song
Twilight felt happy; she felt contented. Of course she was still scared, mainly scared for her relationship with her friends. As much as the talk with Rarity had helped her understand "herself", it also confirmed her worst fears. That some of her friends may not "approve" of the way she felt, not "approve" of her. Nothing short of each one of her friends reassuring her that they don't mind her "filly fooling ways" would put Twilight's mind at rest about that subject. "Filly fooling"? That can't be the only word for "my situation", can it? It sounds too much like a slur, the type one might hurl at another during a heated argument as a meaningless offence. But maybe that is the way everypony else views it. As an insult, meant to fling at someone who's different, weird, wrong. How might my friends react? I can't imagine Pinkie Pie holding any grudge or bad feelings, and Fluttershy is too timid and kind to voice any displeasure. But Applejack... If she doesn't approve, or if she dislikes "my kind", she is way too honest to not say what she truly feels. And Rainbow, what about Rainbow? She can be so brash, abrasive. I don't even know how she would react to me liking other mares, let alone liking her in "that way". Now, now, Twilight. Let's not over think this, remember how scared we were when telling Rarity, and that wasn't so bad. Just go to sleep, forget about this... it'll all just haunt us in our dreams anyway.
After a few minutes, long, dark minutes of total non-thought. The Japoniese had a name situations like this, they called it "Shikantaza", "just sitting". Twilight remembered, reading about it, in a large book on Far Eastern Culture she got when she was a little filly, for her birthday. It took a while, but, eventually, Twilight was in a state of perceived unconsciousness. Twilight now had no control over her thoughts, she was free to let her thoughts reveal themselves to her.
Once again, the dreams started as total darkness, but something was different this time. Twilight, despite being drowned in darkness utterly, recognized where she was. She was in bed, her bed, at the library. But something was weird, unusual. Her bed didn't feel the same as it normally feels upon awakening. Deciding to see why this was, Twilight sat up and looked around. After her first quick, cursory glance nothing seemed awry. It wasn't until her second, detailed scouting of her room did she realize what it was that was different; the sheets besides her were softly rising and falling... there was somepony else in her fictional bed, and, at that point, Twilight knew who it was, Rainbow Dash. This wasn't a certainty, but it was basically a guarantee. At first Twilight felt excited, yet scared and confused; until she realize that, despite waking up in her own bed, this was still a dream. So... Rainbow Dash (presumably), sleeping in my bed. The inference of course being that we did "something" last night that involved a bed. And of course she'll wake up soon, I'll be tested, and then this will all disappear... Perhaps to be replaced by another dream, or just realit-
It was at this point that Twilight realized that Rainbow had started rolling, mid-sleep, and was now facing her, about a nose away from each other. She noted how cute Rainbow looked, her short, tomboyish hair messed up, her mouth slightly ajar, snoring quiet snores. None of this is real, thought Twilight, but that doesn't mean I can't relish what little time I have here. Twilight spent a few, blissful moments staring at Rainbow like this, in quiet contentment and happiness. Eventually, as all things do, this ended; Rainbow was waking up. A rush of panic surged through Twilight, what would she do? Does she pretend to be asleep? Does she look away or does she embrace the moment? Her questions were all answered, she could see Rainbow's small, tired smile. Twilight seemed to know what it was that that meant. She decided to move in closer, and closer still. As she leaned in the silence was finally broken.
"Good morning, Twilight."
That voice certainly wasn't Rainbow's, once again Twilight was confused. She opened her eyes to check what had changed, and slowly the quiet contentment she had felt mere seconds ago had vanished, only to be replaced by bitter disappointment; she was finally awake. The voice she had heard was the voice of her "number one assistant", and the view that greeted her was that same assistant, presenting Twilight with her breakfast, and a note.
Twilight took her time with her breakfast, eating it slowly and methodically; she didn't want to face what may be inside the note. The note itself was a small, square envelope of seemingly high quality. It was both the detail in the presentation and the neat, cursive writing that gave Twilight no doubt that it would be a note from Rarity. A note from Rarity? But why? What could she possibly need to tell me that requires a note to be delivered to me? Is it about the... "situation", probably yes. Just forget the note and finish your breakfast. With that thought she slowly levitated her morning coffee over to her and sipped it, as slowly and methodically as she had been eating her breakfast. But even with her procrastination she realised that she would have to face the reality of the note soon. Her coffee had vanished, and her plate was fully cleared. The only thing left for Twilight to do was read the note, she didn't want to, but she had to.
She opened the envelope with all the methodicalness that she ate her breakfast. Everything was slow, precise, stalling for time. She lifted the envelope, brought it to herself, opened it and then set the envelope aside. Now it was just her and a folded piece of paper. A folded piece of paper that scared her, and she didn't know why. Okay, Twilight, keep it together. Deep breaths. Its probably just some benign, trivial matter. Perhaps an invitation to an event. It could be any number of things. Its not though, is it, don't kid yourself, Twilight, its clearly about the conversation you had yesterday. She wants to talk again, that is what it'll be.
Twilight opened the note, unfolded it, reluctantly. When she finally finished opening the letter all she seen were the words, the instructions, "Carousel Boutique, 1.00 PM". Eeyup, she wants to talk again. Her eyes searched around the room, until they found her clock, hanging on the wall. The time was near enough 9:45. She had three hours, three hours to prepare for what awaited her. Step one, Twilight thought, Step one is getting up first.
Twilight went about her morning routine as usual; showering; brushing her teeth; having another coffee, all the while knowing in the back of her mind that soon she may have to face something she wasn't ready for. All the while, keeping one eye constantly on her clock. At times the minutes passed too slowly, almost mockingly slow, yet at other times the minutes flew by way too quickly, not giving her time to prepare. Her mind was torn, on the one hand she must keep up a façade of normality, if for nothing but to keep Spike's inquisitive mind at bay, so she would have to delegate his tasks to him, many trivial tasks, given only to distract him. But on the other hand there were times when her mind couldn't help but wonder; to think about the meeting that drew ever closer.
Half-past twelve. There is no more time for idle distractions. No more time to run away. I must get ready, ready to leave for Rarity's, ready to face what meets me. "Spike, I'm going out for a few hours, probably. Make sure Owlowiscious is fed, other than that have some rest, okay?"
As Twilight set off she tried to not let her mind wander, or focus intensively on the task at hand. Take this situation as it is. Don't worry too much, you made this mistake last time, Rarity means well. Just remember that, whatever Rarity has planned she means well. Soon enough she found herself walking down the pathway to the doors of Carousel Boutique, to face her judgement. Without even knocking the door swung open, and Rarity ushered her in with the welcoming call of "Darling, please, come in, make yourself comfortable."
They both took their seats on Rarity's large, luxurious sofa, and Rarity offered Twilight the same tea that she offered her yesterday, which Twilight happily accepted. At first it didn't seem as if Rarity had actually invited her round for any specific purpose. Of course Rarity was just wanting to make Twilight at ease before bringing whatever it is she wanted to bring up. Twilight realised this Rarity began to talk.
"Now, Twilight, dear, this may sound a bit sudden but... I think you should tell our friends," Twilight was shocked, she reacted quickly, and loudly "About Rainbow?", she said, seemingly in disbelief that Rarity would actually suggest such a thing.
"Twilight, darling, don't be silly. We can't let people know about that yet." She paused, giving Twilight a brief respite, but continued before Twilight could ask the obvious question that she wanted to ask."No, we should tell them about your... penchant for other mares. We might as well let them know as soon as possible, so it can sink in, and we can move forward from their." Twilight paused for a while, reflecting on this, before finally addressing what Rarity had said
"But... do we even know how they will take it."
"Well, my sources tell me-" Twilight seemed confused at this, her inquisitive mind needed to know who these new "sources were.
"Sources?"
"Sweetie Belle and Applebloom. Anyway my sources tell me that Applejack may not take the information too well... but then again she may be fine with it. All I know is that she comes from an old fashioned family and, if any one of our friends are going to disapprove of you like 'this', then it will probably be Applejack", Rarity stopped, and, seeing the trepidation on Twilight's face, decided to move the conversation along.
"But I'm absolutely certain that it won't be too bad, darling. We're your friends, I'm sure we'll all accept you, that is what friends are for. So... what do you think, are you okay with this? We may as well do this quickly and painlessly." There was some hesitation in Twilight's voice.
"Well... I guess, maybe-"
"Good, they'll be around at four."
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Anyone who correctly guesses where I got the chapter title name from wins my ever lasting love... seriously.
Took a LOOOONG time to think of where to take the story, so I decided to write another dream sequence, those motherbuckers are just all good for setting scene and creating cliff hangers for me to build the juicy stuff off. The next chapter will be a good'un... hopefully. Or it could be a disaster, depending on how I do really.
Once again fairly short chapter... think of it as the prologue to part two, so we can begin part two proper next time.
The time ticked away, tortuously. Every tick was a knife into Twilight's side, a dagger to the mind. Meticulously she planned what it was that she was going to do. Every single detail, every single possibility, every scenario, all of them playing, simultaneously, as Twilight thought everything through. Stay calm, Twilight, stay calm. The words will come, we know they will, they must, they always have done. But what if they aren't okay with "this"? What if-
"Twilight, darling, you mustn't fret. Worrying about anything won't help, it will hinder. It will make you nervous, put you on edge; that won't help anything."
"But what if-" Twilight went to vocalize her doubts but, as if Rarity could read her mind, instantly cut her off.
"Now, dear, I know that Rainbow Dash can sometimes be a little 'lary', so to speak, but she is a good pony at heart, they all are, you have almost nothing to worry about. Now relax, they'll be arriving soon." They'll be arriving soon? Those were the words Twilight feared the most. Where did all the time go? I had plenty of time, I know I did. It's too soon, too soon!
"Um... Rarity? Do I really need to do it today? Can't I do it some other time, maybe?" She uttered those words, but both mares knew that this wasn't to be put off any more, she knew she was in too deep. She knew that this was it.
"Oh, Twilight, don't be silly. I told them all that there was big news you had to tell them, you can't back out know. They should be arriving in around fifteen minutes. Tea?" Twilight nodded politely, but this was just standard etiquette; Twilight hardly even heard Rarity's offer, she was already deep in thought once more.
Fifteen minutes? That is not enough time. No! Come on, Twilight, this is happening. Happening as in now, soon, fifteen minutes. Be casual, stay calm. If I think I'm calm maybe I can act calm? Can I trick myself? No. No, of course I can't. I never was the best at mastering doublethink. Twilight paused for a second, she noticed a teapot, levitating in front of her, which is not the most natural or prudent place for a teapot to be located. With a conciliatory nod and a short "Thanks" she took the burden of the teapot off of Rarity and set it, softly, on the nearest table.
As she was performing this menial task she caught a glance at the time, 3:55.
"Don'y worry, dear, don't panic. It'll all be over, soon enough." Once again it was as if Rarity possessed total knowledge of the workings and thoughts of Twilight's mind. Twilight didn't mind Rarity knowing her thoughts, in fact it calmed her a good deal; knowing that her thoughts were not for her, alone, to tackle. She's right, I can get through this, I will get though this. The thoughts seemed to tempt fate; no sooner did she think these thoughts did she hear a rapping on the door. Rarity approached Twilight and placed a calming hoof on her shoulder. Softly she said,
"I'll get it, you just get yourself ready, dear, won't you?" She shot a calming smile at Twilight, seconds of silence passed, filled with nothing but the air of understanding between the two. Again Twilight felt as if Rarity could see her thoughts, and sought to calm them. This was broken by a repeated, louder rapping upon that door.
Through, in the main room, Twilight could hear the amiable greetings at the door, exchanged between the five friends. After the friends had sufficiently greeted one another Twilight heard a smaller voice, ushering them into the room Twilight stood, ready, waiting.
Once everyone had settled down, Rarity took control once more, in order to finally reveal why they had all gathered.
"Now, everypony, I know you must all be wondering why it is you are all hear. Well Twilight has something she wants to tell you all. Twilight?" The time had came, finally. No more delaying, no more time to over think every specific aspect. Twilight stood up to address the room, address her friends, finally.
"Um... well, you see, everyone, um," she paused, and looked out towards her friends. At first she saw Pinkie Pie, smiling as wide as she always did. Secondly she saw Fluttershy, who had crawled out from under her fringe to cast Twilight a reassuring smile. Then there was Applejack, who had an inquisitive look on her face, yet it, too, was a look of reassurance. This was much the same as Rainbow's look, who was also inquisitive, but reassuring; everyone understood that Twilight was nervous, and they took steps to counter this. Spurred on by the kind looks, Twilight continued.
"Well... I happen to... 'like'... other mares." What followed was a somewhat anti-climatic reaction. The room was still silent, and Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy still smiled exactly as they had before. However Applejack and Rainbow Dash reacted differently. It's not as if they reacted overtly 'badly', but the news had changed their facial expression somewhat. Applejack seemed to squint, as if she was trying to comprehend something far too advanced for her, maybe it was just shock. Painfully Twilight was able to glance upon Rainbow, who, out of all the ponies reacted the 'worse'. Once again her facial expression almost exactly mirrored Applejack's, however, instead of looking confused she looked on edge, as if clandestine anger was building up inside of her. But she kept quiet. Even after a while the look of slight distaste disappeared from her face.
It took time for the dust to settle; other than the initial declaration Twilight had no idea of what to say. She looked over to Rarity, her face pleading, begging for a way out. Seconds passed, but the silence still reigned, it seemed that Rarity, too, had no idea of how to tackle this situation. In a desperate plea for help she looked towards her other friends, hoping that one of them may at least break the silence. Fluttershy wasn't an option, the shy pegasus would never break this silence, and Twilight was too afraid to focus once more on Applejack or Rainbow Dash, afraid of how they felt and what they may say. Still Pinkie remained cheerful, seemingly unaware of the situation around her, she was Twilight's hanging thread, her light in the darkness. Twilight focused deeply on Pinkie, in the hope that she would understand that Twilight was feeling for a response, a break from the silence. Please, please, please, Pinkie, say something. You will know what to say, just say anything to make this right. Eventually Pinkie seemed to notice the mounting awkwardness that was filling the room around her, she noticed Twilight's pleading eyes and the crushing silence. Finally she piped up, physically bouncing to Twilight, embracing her in a close hug.
"Oh, Twilight, that's great! I've never had a fillyfooling filly for a friend. Isn't it great guys? We should totally throw a party to celebrate!" Pinkie spurred life back into the room, once more there was visible movement, a visible stirring of her friends.
"Isn't it just superfantasticallyawesome, Applejack?" Broken away from her seemingly deep thought, Applejack was forced to voice an opinion, an opinion that she may had not thought through entirely yet. Her squinted look of confusion replaced by an awkward smile.
"Um, sure, Pinkie, if that's what Twilight wants to do." Applejack murmured these words out as quick as she could, trying to pass off the attention to some other pony; she was visibly uncomfortable with the situation Pinkie had thrust upon her. Luckily even Pinkie could see that she was making Applejack uncomfortable, and she sought to rectify that as soon as she could. Unfortunately the only way she could think to defer attention was to place it on someone else.
"What about you, Dashie, huh?" Pinkie was calmer, gentler in addressing Rainbow. She was calmer now, as she realised that the room around her was not as hyper as she, herself, was. The whole affair was torture to Twilight, waiting for the truth to finally pour out of Rainbow. She could only think of one thing, one phrase, as she waited for the unavoidable response. Please don't hate me, please don't hate me, please don't hate me.
"I-I'd rather not talk about it, Pinkie." Rainbow's face was unchanged from the ambiguous look of possible contemptuousness, but her voice sounded normal. No anger in her words, no hate, no scorn, nothing. Pinkie replied with her usual, cheery "Okie dokie lokie.", but she was still the only happy pony in the room.
Once again Twilight took a cursory view of the room, of what she had done. She had made her friends uncomfortable, she had made her friends feel awkward. She hated herself for this, she hated that she had made her friends feel this way. Once more she looked at Rarity, begging her to make it stop, make everything stop. Fortunately Rarity did act upon this cry for help.
"I do think Twilight is quite finished what she had to say. This was... insightful... So if nopony has anything left to say then I think we are all done here." Taking the hint, the four other ponies excused themselves in silence, grateful to be given the opportunity to escape. Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack all left the room in relative silence, all of them exchanging glances from one another. Rarity dismissed them in the courteous manner that she was accustomed, and finally returned to comfort Twilight.
The now crying mare was happy for the consolation, but insisted on being left alone. All Twilight wanted to do was return to her Library and lose herself in her thoughts once more.
Not even gonna try and hide the source for the chapter name. Listened to a lot of Beck while writing this, just do yourself a favor and listen to this, preferably on repeat while reading the story.
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A forlorn figure lay, splayed out across her bed. Lost both to herself and the world, she festered in her anger, annoyed at everyone and everything. The anger, annoyance and rage would build up inside Twilight, before dissipating; giving way to depression, sadness and hopelessness. The anger, nor the depression, was aimed at anything specific, or particular. Whenever Twilight assessed herself she, too, was unable to find the root cause of the negative feelings. Yes, the reaction of my friends wasn't all positive, but they also weren't definitely displeased; they may have just been shocked or confused. I mean even I was confused about the... 'situation', in a way I still am. Though it is perfectly reasonable to infer that at least one of my friends hates me, that is what the clear inference of that situation is. I may not be an expert in these sort of social situations, but even I am not foolish enough to believe that everything is perfectly fine. But what am I angry at? Am I angry at them? At me? I could be angry at the ambiguity of the situation in general?
The light around was waning, fading; the sun was giving way to the moon, day becoming night. The hour of twilight was upon Equestria, and Twilight was no more closer to answering the cacophony of questions that clashed in her mind. After trying to find what it was she was angry at, she then turned to focusing her attention on the next, obvious, standout question. What do I do now? Yesterday the very notion of admitting her feelings to her friends seemed absurd; that would require meticulous planning and sufficient buildup of inertia, at least she had thought. Rarity sped that up though, like a catalyst in a social reaction. Twilight had yet to decide whether that was necessarily a good thing. Truthfully Twilight could pay no notice to any of this, and just let Rarity setting up chances for Twilight to do what it is she needed to do, keep letting Rarity push her to face her fate. That is not, however, what Twilight necessarily wanted. She wanted to at least know what, if anything, it is she wanted to do next.
Two major choices seem more obvious. Choice one, confront my friends, one on one, about how they feel about me, the way I am. Or choice two, pretend as if none of this has happened, continue as normal and live in constant paranoia about what my friends truly thing about me, unless someone brings it up. The second choice certainly is 'easier', in a way. I don't have to confront anyone and we can all just pretend that we have all forgot about it... until it inevitably blows up in my face, resulting in a split of my group of friends. Although choice one admittedly has the potential to split us up, albeit much faster. At least if that happens I wouldn't have to live in constant fear and paranoia. No. Then I'd just be left to wallow in depression and sadness, and then I'd have to return to the Princess and face judgement off of her.
Twilight was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice herself slipping off to sleep. Luckily this night sleep provided respite from the agonizing thoughts that plagued Twilight's mind. This night her dream was simple, no nuance, no hidden meaning. All there was was Twilight falling into an abyss. A calm, dark blue eternity stretched before Twilight, nothing around her changed, she just kept falling. No sound, no feeling, none of her senses disturbed as she fell deeper and deeper into the dark blue vacuum. It was peaceful here, it was simple. Twilight had no doubt that there was some deeper meaning, but she didn't care. She felt safe in this eternity of serenity, devoid of any nuance whatsoever. For Twilight this sensation was pure bliss.
Eventually the peace had to end, broken by the harsh reality of a waking world. She woke as dawn broke; it was still mainly dark, and Twilight was tired. Nevertheless she used the extra few hours she had been granted to her by an erratic pattern to continue her soliloquy, so rudely interrupted last night by sleep. Strangely she had a more determined attitude in the morning than she did the previous night. I will find out what my friends think! I will. I will. I will! I need to approach this with conviction... I should probably start with Fluttershy though, just like a warm up. She may even know what Rainbow Dash thinks, which is always a bonus. Applejack is too honest, as is Rainbow Dash. No, no point in going straight to them, build it up slowly. I want to act with conviction, but there's no need to rush into potentially dangerous waters. Fluttershy is relatively safe, much to kind, and shy, to say anything too bad. And with these thoughts, finally Twilight knew what to do, at least for the next few hours.
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These truly are the best chapters to write, just Twilight and her overactive mind. I am quite tired, so I'm just pleased I was able to finish the chapter tonight; it has been a long week. Incidentally if you got some GCSE exam results this week (like I did) then I wish you the very best, because I am basically as kind and well meaning Seebhom Rowntree.
The song thing was put at the front of the chapter because, listen to it, that's why.
Waking up at half six in the morning is a mixed blessing. On the one hand one is allowed ample time to meticulously plan the forthcoming day in excessive detail. Of course on the other hand nearly any action you do want to perform immediately must be delayed to a 'reasonable' hour. Sleep was out of the question, and she couldn't make too much noise for fear of waking up Spike. Even after dragging out her normal morning routine, carrying out each phase as slow as she could; it was still only quarter to eight. Right, so I can probably go at around ten, at the earliest. Ten is reasonable, right? I'm fairly certain Fluttershy will be awake by then. Then we can sort out this sordid situation. What does one do for two hours? Go for a walk? Ponies do that, right? Would it be normal to wander the streets of Ponyville at eight in the morning, or is that very weird?
In the end, somewhat inevitably, Twilight resigned herself to reading. Half nine rolled around and Spike was still sleeping, uttering something about banana sundaes in his slumber. Twilight didn't want to leave Spike without telling him what she was doing, but she also couldn't bring herself to awaken him, so she handed Owlowiscious a note to pass on. The sun had now fully risen, and the streets were showing a semblance of life. Twilight trotted out of her library and set off to Fluttershy's cottage, at a fairly rapid pace. After roughly half an hour Twilight found herself walking up to Fluttershy's front door, her mind still set on what confrontation she could achieve. Gently, she knocked on the door, so as not to startle the animals that Fluttershy housed, or indeed Fluttershy herself. She could hear a stirring from behind the door, which was soon followed by the door opening.
"Oh, hi Twilight, is there something you need?" The shy Pegasus inquired, politely.
"No, I just wanted to talk, that's okay, right? I haven't interrupted anything, have I?"
"Oh, no. Please, come right in, I'll get you something to drink." Fluttershy stepped aside to let her friend in, before rushing off to fetch them both some concoction that she knocked up quickly. Twilight accepted this offering graciously, before the two of them took their seat.
"So... um... about yesterday," As Twilight said this Fluttershy looked around somewhat awkwardly, before ostensibly whispering the words,
"Wh-what about yesterday, Twilight?" Fluttershy shot a fake, awkward smile to Twilight, clearly uneasy with the situation.
"Well, um, I just wanted to know what you think about, well... you know?" Fluttershy retreated into herself, as if she was trying to hide in her mane.
"I'm fine with... that." The words seemed tortured, and the last word was a barely audible squeak. There was no hint of deceit about Fluttershy's words, but she was certainly uncomfortable.
"Um... Fluttershy, are you okay, 'cause you seem kinda-"
"Oh, no, no, no! I am fine with it, honestly, its just that..." Fluttershy's voice trailed off, it was lost to her. It was with a sense of trepidation that Twilight continued.
"'Just that' what? Is something wrong, Fluttershy?" Fluttershy was nervous, visibly more so than usual.
"Um, no... well, yes- I mean... kind of." There was a prevailing sense of silence, awkwardness, fear. Twilight desperately wanted to know more, but at the same time feared whatever it was that Fluttershy had to tell her.
"Well, um, its not so much about me, but about Rainbow Dash; she's a bit... weird... about 'fillyfooling'," Fluttershy took a short pause, but whether this was to allow the proverbial dust to clear, or she was just too mentally exhausted to continue was unclear.
"'Weird'?"
"Well, yes. When we were younger she was, um, bullied a lot. The other ponies thought she was weird, 'tomboyish', and she got into fights... a lot. It wasn't long before her parents got... concerned about her. Her father didn't like that she was different to the other ponies; he thought she was a... fillyfooler. He didn't like that; he was old fashioned, and he... he kinda taught her that they were bad, immoral. I think she really started to believe him." The cottage fell silent after Fluttershy finished, even the animals didn't break the quiet. Twilight desperately wanted a way out, she would have to take in what she just learned within the privacy of her own home.
"Uh-um... thanks, Fluttershy... Is that all? I think I should go now, alright?" Twilight tried to act normally, but she knew that she was losing the battle for damage control. She could feel tears welling up in the corner of her eye and, try as she might, she couldn't suppress them. Fluttershy realized how upset she seemed to make her friend, which in turn upset Fluttershy herself. She allowed to Twilight to depart, refusing to address the growing elephant in the room.
Twilight hurried home. She didn't run; so as not to draw attention to herself, but she hurried none the less. When she finally did reach her library she swiftly dodged her assistants and locked herself in her room. Back in the safe embrace of her bed she felt free to allow the tears to flow, free, strong and unopposed.
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I know this wasn't as long as I promised, and it is very late, but the truth was either finish it here or write it Friday and hope I had another chapter left in me, as I couldn't do it tomorrow as it is training time with the Mighty Rangers. This chapter hasn't gone exactly the way I wanted; for example I feel the whole "Talk" is rushed, forced and unnatural. However it does indeed say what I need it to say, which is ultimately the end goal, to tell a story.
Once more 50 loves to the person who identifies the source for the chapter name. It was going to be Outsiders by Franz Ferdinand, but I went for this instead, because I am indeed the unpredictable rogue of the fanfiction community.
The thick curtains of the bedroom were forced shut by Twilight's magic; she wanted to be alone. The early morning sun was still shining bright, and life continued on the streets of Ponyville as it always had done, but for now Twilight wanted to be entirely detached from the world outside. With the noise silenced and the light cast out, Twilight could bathe in her darkness, hidden from the world, in a state of silent solipsism. The day had barely begun and already she forced herself into social exile. She lay upon her bed, tears falling free from her face. The crying was soft at first, but as she gave into emotion the tears fell, freer and faster. After a while the crying physically hurt her, but she couldn't force herself to stop; all rationality had been temporarily cast aside.
Snap out of it Twilight! Crying will not solve anything. Anyway, it's still not 100 percent clear whether Rainbow Dash... well, completely and utterly hates you. It's only really likely. No... that certainly doesn't seem to make me want to 'snap out of it'. But what will? Maybe it's best that I live in the presumption that one of my closet friends actually utterly despises me? Live like a pariah? At least that way I wouldn't need to do anything. If I'm lucky my friends will show great restraint and never mention yesterday ever again. I mean- sure- I would technically have to live with the presumption that everyone around me is silently judging me, but I'm sure that will stop bothering me. Eventually. And I would also never get a chance to reveal my true feelings and possibly never experience 'love', but there are certainly worse things? It never seemed to do 'Miss. Hinny-sham' any bother in 'Great Expectneighsons'... until she died in that fire, alone and loveless.
No, I can't live like that, don't be ridiculous. I need to do something proactive. But what? Go straight to Rainbow Dash and explain the situation? Sounds viable, but then of course there is always the issue of her possibly hating me and turning me away. I could always wait? But wait for what? For Rainbow to fly down and proclaim her everlasting love for me? For solid proof and information about who hates me? I don't even know anything about what Applejack thinks, and I barely know anything, if nothing, about what Rainbow thinks, I only have what Fluttershy told me. At least I know that Pinkie Pie is fine with it... that's certainly something. She'll probably be around later, with cakes and other such nonsense. It would be nice to have a friendly face around though.
By this point the crying had ceased. Her mood hadn't alleviated much, but Twilight was so preoccupied with her thoughts that the sting of the earlier conversation had disappeared. She raised her head, opened the curtains and was at least semi-ready to end her brief exile. Before she was able to unlock her door suddenly there was a gentle knock upon Twilight's chamber door. A quiet knock, made to seem louder by the silence around the room, was soon followed by a familiar voice.
"Twilight Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash are here to see you."
It took only that small statement to change Twilight from a state of solemn forlonity to a state of sheer panic and irrationality. No,no, no, no, no! No, this can't be real; I must've fell asleep, crying. I'm not ready for this; I was barely ready for telling Rarity, and I proved that I wasn't ready to tell everypony. Maybe she's just here to invite me to some party that Pinkie's throwing. But if that were the case why are they both here? If they are not here for that what are they here for? Has Rarity told Pinkie about how I feel about Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie has took it upon herself to set us up? Or maybe they are just here to congratulate me? Or maybe Rainbow Dash has come here under the pretense of congratulations and is actually here to ridicule me! Unlikely... but still as possibility. Even if they are here to congratulate me I'm in no state to speak to anypony. Can't turn them away, though, that would be rude, mustn't be rude, especially not to ponies who may or may not hate me. No, just swallow your fear, march out there and run the risk of becoming persona non grata.
"I'll be out in a minute, Spike. Invite them in."
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Once again this was subject to late chapter name change. It was gonna be A'rebours , but this, equally good song, seemed just as, if not more fitting. Though it does mean I don't get to use French... yet. Bit of a shame as I've really wanted to use "A'rebours" for a while, for no real reason other than to show off. Pro tip to find the source, look it up in the Becktionary. And while you're there listen to all of the Sea Change album, just a great album to have in the background of any activity.
Put in some "deus ex machina", because 'hey why not'? Also another cliff hanger, because deus ex machinas and cliff hangers were made for each other; drop a bombshell, make audience wait for the explosion.
Think, Twilight, think... or don't. Maybe the less I think the more I'll be able to force myself to do? Okay... I could try that. Hmm, it seems to be that I'm walking towards the door, this is certainly an interesting turn of events. And now I'm opening the door, still not thinking about anything; just coasting along. Big breath, Twilight; gather all of your strength, walk out the door. Slowly the scared lavender pony opened her door, marched downstairs and prepared to face her friends.
"Hi Twilight!" Chirped the pink party pony. Rainbow Dash greeted her not long after.
"Hey, Twi... erm, Twilight, are you okay?" Rainbow spoke awkwardly, but she also seemed genuinely concerned.
"No- I mean- yes, why'd you ask?"
"Its just because it looks like you've been crying." Rainbow Dash was quite perceptive, annoyingly so, Twilight noted. Though it could also be that Twilight was in more of a state than she had thought.
"No," retorted Twilight, lightly scoffing, "Why would I have been crying, that's just silly, Rainbow." Twilight tried to act natural and nonchalant, but it was apparent to all that she was failing. I don't think I used to be bad of a lying, something I need to work on, Twilight noted. Luckily enough none of her friends wanted to address the obvious lie that Twilight had spouted, creating an uneasy silence that not even Pinkie broke.
"So... why are you here, girls?" Twilight felt she had to say something, so she thought that she'd just cut straight to the issue.
"Well... it's about what you said yesterday," Rainbow answered, somewhat hesitantly.
"Wh-what about... yesterday?" Twilight redundantly asked, if only to shift the control of conversation away from herself. Unfortunately Rainbow Dash seemed reluctant to pick up the conversation, and so an awkward silence took over in her place. Fortunately Pinkie did break this silence.
"Go on, Dashie." Pinkie's tone was less hyper than usual, instead it was calmer and supportive. Rainbow shifted her wait slightly, nervously, looking down at herself. Clearly she was doing all she could to put off talking any longer.
"Look... about what you told us yesterday; about you... 'liking'... other mares. Well, I'm sorry about how I reacted, okay? I should have been reassuring, I should have been there for you, but I wasn't. I can't imagine how that must've made you feel; you opened up to us, you deserved a better a friend, not somepony like me. My father was... well he was very 'anti-fillyfooling', and he thought I was one, when I was younger. Instead of talking to me he taught me to hate fillyfoolers, think of them as freaks, as bad ponies. So when you told us that you were one it kinda brought up a lot of memories, about him. I know Fluttershy has already told you about my father, but it goes deeper than just simple lessons drilled into a young filly. He used to get angry... a lot. He used to beat me, call me names, tell me that I'm 'worthless'... I guess that's why I strive to be better than everypony; just to prove him wrong. I-I don't hate you Twilight, remember that, okay?" Rainbow's voice was breaking; a single tear fell slowly down her face.
Twilight's heart broke seeing her, usually strong, friend like this. She could see Rainbow in pain, but was unsure as to how to react. In truth it was all Twilight could do to not cry herself. Why she felt like crying was unclear to Twilight, but the urge certainly was present. She opted to stay passive and hope Pinkie Pie dealt with the situation. This was a quaint option for Twilight, she seemed to take pleasure in knowing that, no matter what the situation was, one of her friends would be able to assist her.
Twilight's feeling of being reassured slowly disappeared as she realised that Pinkie was, in fact, as unsure as to how to handle the situation that she was in. Instead several long, painful minutes passed. Long, painful minutes of Rainbow quietly sobbing, long, painful minutes of uncertainty.
Just say something, Twilight, anything... Still nothing, huh? Want to move this along, have to say something. But what should I say? What can I say? Could reassure her? But maybe she doesn't want to be reassured. Can't run away from something happening in my house, don't want to just move her along; that would be insensitive. But we also just can't sit here in silence forever...
"So... Rainbow Dash... do- do you want a drink?" Well done, Twilight. The Princesses personal student in the subject of friendship and social research and the best you can come up with 'Do you want a drink'? I have nothing more to say to you.
"N-n-no, Twilight, it's fine. I was about to leave anyway. C'mon, Pinkie, you coming?" Still silently sobbing, Rainbow hastily excused herself.
"See ya later, alligator!" Almost instantaneously Pinkie reverted to her usual happy self and followed Rainbow out of the door.
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Well... enjoy. I tried to get this to at least an acceptable standard; it gets to a point when you realize that ~200 people are going to read what you are writing where you think "Yeah, should probably write something good for them." So for you ~200 people, I thank you. Normal writing schedule, should be one up Friday (if nothing comes up).
I have previously linked the source for the chapter name so just hit that up ... you know, if it isn't too much of a bother. Also everlasting love will be dispensed freely this update, so enjoy that.
It was with a happy, contented sigh that Twilight saw her friends out of the door, before closing the door after them. I mean yes, I'm sad for Rainbow and what she had to go through. And yes, I understand how bad Rainbow probably feels around about now, but hay, at least I know that at least four of my friends definitely don't hate me. Or at least not enough to voice any distaste they may have, which is really the best anyone can ask for. Applejack could always hate my guts... but four out of five is still pretty good. I should probably talk to Dash later, about her foalhood 'problems'; it does definitely seem like the thing a good friend would do... could even get a letter to the Princess out of it. Hmmm... come to think of it I should probably send a letter to the Princess describing my 'situation' anyway. And maybe, after all of that, I could admit my feelings for Rainbow Dash. Yeah, and goats may fly.
Actually that isn't a bad idea. The letter to the Princess, that is, not the admittance of feelings. Of course there is always the fear that she may hate us 'fillyfoolers'; she has lived for millenia, she may be 'old fashioned', like Rainbow's father. But Princess Celestia doesn't strike me as the malicious type. True she did banish her sister to the moon for a millennium... but she did have a valid reason to... I mean I wouldn't banish my sister to the moon, but things were probably much different back then. Regardless of what may or may not happen I'm writing the letter anyway; as my personal teacher and mentor she deserves to know. Plus she is basically a divinity, so she will probably find out sooner or later. No, it's better she finds out straight from the pony's mouth. I'll write this by myself, no need for Spike to know anything he doesn't need to. His is just a baby dragon after all.
Twilight levitated some quills, ink and parchment towards her. As if it was second nature to her she was able to set up her writing station, juggling all her utensils simultaneously. Okay, let's start this thing:
Dear Princess Celestia I am writing to you to say that recently I discovered that I harbour romantic feelings for ponies of the same gender. I understand that this may come as a shock to you. I would also understand it if you hated me for this. However, I write this as I believe it to be relevant to my studies, as I have discovered that, even in your uncertainty, true friends will continue to help, support and guide you. And while the results may not exactly be what you had planned, friends will still be there for you when they can, even in the most uncomfortable of circumstances. Your Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle
Twilight looked over the letter, spell checked it and then rolled it up, ready for delivery. It's not my best work, but it gets the job done, I guess. It says everything it needs to, and the Princess can make of it what she wants.
"Spike!" Twilight called to her draconian assistant, "I need you to send a letter to the Princess."
Almost immediately Spike burst into the room, holding quill and parchment.
"Okay, Twilight, what do you need me to write?" Spike asked, with an unusual amount of enthusiasm.
"That won't be necessary, Spike; I've already drafted the letter."
"Oh, you could've just asked me to write the letter up, Twi, it's really no bother." The depressed dragon reluctantly took the piece of parchment he was handed and with a flash of green flame it was gone.
Nary a minute had passed before a response was received. It wasn't a cold, heartless letter, like Twilight had been expecting, instead before teleported the great, white figure of Princess Celestia, beaming with joy.
"Oh, Twilight Sparkle, I am so proud of you!" These words were certainly not the words Twilight had expected to hear from the Princess, and was took slightly aback by them.
"P-pr-proud? B-but why?"
"You've finally been able to accept yourself, I have been waiting for this letter for sometime. I'm just pleased you were finally able to admit it, and not only to yourself, but to your friends as well! You have done well, my little pony."
"You mean you kne-"
"Of course I knew, Twilight, you've been my personal student for years, there are certain thing an all powerful celestial being picks up on, you know?" Celestia was smiling widely, and this only served to make Twilight even more confused.
"So... you don't hate me?"
"Of course not!" Celestia sounded somewhat offended, "I am not a closed mind, bigoted pony, I thought you would know better by now. You are my student, and I love you no matter who you love."
"Oh... sorry Princess, its just that I heard some ponies... hate ponies that are... like me." Apologetically and nervously, Twilight attempted to excuse herself.
"As much as it pains me to admit it, yes, there are some mean ponies out there. Stupid ponies, who hate ponies who are different to them. This is probably something you will encounter as you progress. But I promise, as your personal teacher and mentor, that I will do my utmost to try and protect you from this."
"Thank you, Princess, that means a lot to me." Now smiling herself, Twilight felt much calmer, more relaxed. She was happier in general.
"Now, unless you want me for anything I shall head back to Canterlot. Just remember Twilight, you can tell me anything; I'll always be there for you." With a magnificent flash Celestia vanished as quickly as she came. Now it seemed that the only pony Twilight would have to talk to was Applejack.
"What was that all about, Twi?" Asked a confused and somewhat startled Spike. Maybe I should just tell him about this whole situation; I would hate to keep him knowingly out of the loop.
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WHOO! Feel a bit cheap going for this route with this whole chapter, but I also think this was probably the best way to go with this; get a lesson out of the way, and a confrontation with the deity herself. Not sure if the next (presumably Applejack chapter; I've been foreshadowing it a bit much.) will be up tomorrow, but if it isn't then you it'll be up midweek.
Once again, listened to a lot of Beck writing this. It seems to fit late at night, for some reason.
By the time Twilight had sufficiently explained the situation to Spike, a long, drawn out talk covering the basics of the nuances in Pony sexuality, she was tired enough to find the release of sleep appealing. Fortunately for Twilight it was late enough to reasonably go to bed; so that is what she did. For the first time in a while Twilight went to sleep relatively happy; she had found out that Rainbow Dash didn't completely hate her, or even hate her remotely. She also learnt that the Princess didn't hate her and, subsequently, that the odds of her being banished from Equestria, or being imprisoned, had been astronomically reduced. Of course it wasn't all happiness; she had learned about Rainbow Dash's troubling foalhood, and felt genuinely upset that one of her closest friends had to go through what Rainbow did. That, however bad it made Twilight feel to admit it, was not her problem, at least not yet. Focus on your problems, Twilight, we have still got many issues we need to deal with. Like Applejack; she is still the only friend who has not explicitly expressed her lack of hatred, and she is the least likely pony to keep her feelings clandestine. Of course we do need to help Rainbow Dash with her... 'issues', but she's been living with them for years, what's a couple of days going to do. Okay, that was maybe a bit too harsh. The important thing is that you are going to help, or at least try to help, Rainbow through this. I mean it is your fault that she had to dig up these forgotten, buried memories.
Despite her brain doing all it could to it could to hinder her, Twilight succumb to her tiredness fairly quickly; it had been a long day. Her dream was simple, and less dark than many dreams of her previous nights. It was just a standard picnic; Rarity with her couch, Pinkie providing the sweets. In one corner Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were chatting about something, in the other Pinkie was talking to an irate Rarity, who clearly wanted no part in the conversation. Even off in the field their respective animal companions were socializing in their own way. The scene was calm, placid and relaxing, but all the while a nagging feeling ate at Twilight. Eventually she realized what it was, Applejack was not present. It was a little detail, and obviously reflective of Twilight's fear and presupposition that all of her friends hated her. Of course she had found out that at least four of her friends didn't explicitly hate her, which left the southern pony as the last possible bastion of bitterness. The dream didn't perturb Twilight, as it reflected doubts that Twilight was already consciously aware of.
Twilight woke from her sleep at around ten, and decided that she would promptly visit Applejack. There was no need to rush so Twilight took her time in her daily routine, she even neglected to analyse what it was that was about to happen. Instead she relaxed; she had already convinced herself that even if Applejack did hate her then it wouldn't be too bad. The majority of her friends already revealed that they did not hate Twilight, so even if Applejack did then her other friends would already be behind her. Of course that would still be bad, not having Applejack as a friend, but it would not be catastrophic.
Twilight finally left her house around noon, Celestia's sun was at it's peak and burning the ground Twilight walked. Taking a fairly easy pace Twilight shut her mind off; setting herself to autopilot. There wasn't any true reason for this, its just that Twilight wanted to get to AJ's as soon as possible, without wanting to overly exert herself. After a short, uneventful walk Twilight finally saw the gate to Sweet Apple Acres, along with Applebloom, who was accompanied by the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Hi girls, hi Applebloom, is your sister at the farm house?"
"Hi, Twi! Yeah, she should be. So are you feelin' better now?" This question took Twilight slightly aback, she didn't remember being poorly, or even telling anypony that she was.
"I am fine, if that's what you mean. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, its jus' tha' AJ said somethin' about you bein' sick or something."
"Re-really? What did she say?" Applebloom's revelation piqued Twilight's interest, but she was unsure if she wanted her curiosity to be sated.
"I dunno, I didn't pay no attention. I jus' heard the that you were sick and 'ab-hor-rent', wha'ever that means."
"Abhorrent? Okay... well, thanks for letting me know Applebloom, see you girls later." Okay, its official, Applejack hates me. Anyway, I still need to talk to her, just to clarify.
With an ever increasing sense of trepidation Twilight marched onwards to Applejack's house. Applejack hates me and I am practically marching to my own public flogging. The apple trees do look nice though, its not a bad place for it to happen. Obviously the main question is do I bring up what Applebloom said or don't I? And if I do when: do I march straight out paddocks with it or do I wait and see if she lies? There is always the possibility that Applebloom misheard, or what Applejack said was taken out of context. But there is always the much large possibility that Applejack does hate me; might as well prepare for that. Lovely day, though. Have to stop thinking about the weather, Twilight, this is action station. Nothing I really need to think about, though. There isn't really a way to deal with this situation. Do I argue with her, if the opportunity is there? That would almost definitely ruin the friendship, but it would feel wrong to just sit back and let her insult me. Applejack wouldn't mindlessly insult me, don't be stupid Twilight. Well, we'll find out soon enough.
The farm house edged ever nearer, and it wasn't long before Twilight was face to face with the door, and found herself gingerly knocking on it, unsure if she'd be a welcome guest. Only a few seconds passed before the door was opened and Twilight came face to face with her executioner.
"Oh-Twilight? What're... you doing here?" Applejack, clearly taken aback, seemed confused and surprised in equal measure.
"I- I just want to talk. Is that okay Applejack?" Cautiously and carefully Twilight methodically picked her words, so as not to say anything she didn't want to.
"Sure! The weather sure is nice today, ain't it? Don' you jus' love the sme-"Twilight interrupted Applejack's stream of fake enthusiasm and ignorance; both ponies knew exactly what was going to happen.
"N- not about the weather, Applejack. You know what I mean; about the other day, about what I said, we need to talk about that." Twilight was both stern yet cautious as she decided what the best way to approach the situation was.
"Wha' do we need to talk about? You said all-" AJ stopped mid-sentence as she caught Twilight's pleading gaze, "Oh, alright then, you wanna come in?" Twilight accepted this offer without a word; she was too busy thinking of what to say next. Applejack led her friend through and to the living room.
"So... what d'ya need to say?" Twilight took a deep breath, trying to clear her head.
"What I told you, I need to know that you're fine with it. I don't want to lose my friends over this, Applejack, I need to know to know that you can accept me." The words scared Twilight; it felt too much like she was giving an ultimatum. The deliverance, however, did not detract for the intended meaning. The question was still out there.
"I-I... of course I'm fine with it, Twilight. Why wouldn't I be?" Applejack was a really bad liar; Twilight read her like a book. The words were plastic, fake. It was then, upon that realization, that Twilight knew that her suspicions were validated.
"Really, AJ? I don't think you are. If you aren't just be honest with me; I need to know." Twilight took extra care to not sound accusing or bitter. She was cautious, and tried to sound calm and caring, so as not to offend Applejack, that was the last thing she wanted to do. Despite this extra care Applejack still took this as an insult.
"What're you sayin' Twi? You sayin' I'm a liar? I think it's you with the problem, coming in here accusing the element of honesty about be a no-good dirty liar. Wha' gives you the righ-"
"I spoke to Applebloom. She told me what you said, that I was 'sick' and 'abhorrent'. I need to know why , Applejack; I'm not prepared to lose a friend over this." Once again Twilight took care to not appear malicious. Her words were carefully chosen, she was handling this to the best of her ability.
"Oh... that . Look, Twilight, I'm not gonna lie, I am a might uncomfortable with... this. But it's your choice and I resp-"
"It's not a choice, Applejack. Do you really think if I had any say in this whatsoever I'd go for the choice that purposefully makes my friends uncomfortable?" Twilight was getting a little angry, but she was at least trying to contain herself somewhat.
"Well- ah... thought tha'"
"No, you didn't think. Look, coming here was a bad idea. I'm sorry to push this on you, you clearly don't understand. I don't know why, I can only assume that this was the way you were brought up. Before I go can you at least try to understand where I'm coming from? This isn't easy, and it certainly isn't a choice I would willingly make. I'm going now, hate me if you want. Goodbye, Applejack." Dramatically Twilight rose and strode to the door, before storming out with a flourish. It felt a bit overly theatrical, but at least it drove the message home.
Well... I certainly handled that... well? That was a minor disaster, maybe I was a bit too harsh. She clearly doesn't understand. No, buck her! Saying those things behind my back. But if that's the way she was brought up then she can't help that. I should've been more patient. You can't fight intolerance with intolerance. Oh well, that's one perfectly good friendship ruined. Four out of five isn't that bad, anyway.
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Well, I think this chapter worked out well. I did write half of it with a mild head injury, but that's all good. I probably need some pre-reader or something to go through it, but all in all it seems to be fine. The whole "confrontation" thing happened, so mission accomplished. Ignorant southern stereotype sufficiently met! Huzzah for casual racism. I'm not even American, our southerners are all posh twats who live in mansions and oppress the working class by electing Thatcher, who promply comes up to Newcastle and steals milk off of young children... at least that's what I was told.
Next chapter should be up tomorrow as per usual, Chapter Title is a Libertines song, also as per usual. And if you want to suggest any story ideas for when this story ends (whenever that may be, I don't really know) that is all good with me.
The more I think about it the more I feel that I acted a bit to hastily; she at least deserved a chance to retort. Well... I say that, but I also distinctly remember getting very angry. She was acting awfully ignorant, bout once again I can't hate her for the way she was brought up. But if I didn't point out the fallacy she would never learn. Anyway, she lied to my face! Friends don't lie to other friends... unless its to protect the other friends feelings. I bet I hurt Applejack's feelings, storming off like that, some friend I am. Twilight fought this cognitive dissonance all the way on her lonesome walk home. Twilight couldn't tell if she had a valid reason for storming out like she did. Her anger had turned into regret, but there was no going back. She said what she wanted to say, and now she must wait for the inevitable fallout. Her friends would find out about what had happened, perhaps they already knew. The day was still far from over and her friends would doubtless find out by dawn. Word spreads fast, especially when delivered by pegasi.
I might as well just cut my losses and go see Rarity; tell her about this little incident. Spike probably doesn't expect me back till later, so he won't miss me. Rarity is gonna find out about this sooner or later, might as well be now before the words get twisted. Twilight altered her direction slightly and set off for Carousel Boutique, for the first time since she came out to her friends. This time, however, she was not nervous; she had nothing to be nervous about. She ostensibly had nothing to fear out of this trip; no matter what happened she was fairly certain that Rarity wouldn't reject her. Indeed she wasn't fearful for anything, but she was regretful and concerned about her run in with Applejack earlier that day.
This time Rarity didn't sense or see Twilight coming, and so she had to knock on the sapphire coloured door of the boutique. Nevertheless the response was seemingly instantaneous, Twilight could only assume that Rarity had nothing better to do between designing contracts than wait for some form of social interaction.
"Twilight! Darling, do come in." The two ponies found their way to Rarity's living room.
"I just made myself a pot of tea, so do feel free to- are you alright, Twilight?" Rarity's sudden shift in topic caught Twilight off kilter. She was planning to bide her time before bringing her problem up, but apparently that wasn't an option.
"Yes- well, no. Something... 'bad' happened."
"Oh my, dear, what was it? Was it Rainbow Dash? She didn't seem happy the other day. Did she get lary? I knew she wo-"
"No, it's not about Rainbow; I talked to her yesterday, she seemed fine. No, I just had... well, I kinda had an argument with Applejack."
"What do you mean... 'kind of'?"
"Well we talked, I called her a liar, she said something about... the way I am. Then I got angry and essentially called her ignorant and small minded. Then I left." Thinking back Twilight was unsure as to where she truly got angry, and was even unsure to what extent Applejack insulted her, if she even did at all. But she was ready to stick by the account she told Rarity as if it was the perfect truth.
"Really? Applejack said something insensitive? I know she can be a bit crass at time, but I didn't think she'd say something outright insulting. What did she say exactly?" Rarity was being very interrogative, this fresh gossip seemed to interest her immensely.
"I-I-I... I don't know." Twilight's voice was cracking, and she was getting quieter. Both ponies knew that she was on the precipice of tears. Before Rarity could speak she was cut off by Twilight.
"I-I don't even know wh- why I got so angry. A-a-and now Applejack almost definitely hates me. She didn't deserve that... sh-she deserved better! Everypony deserves better than me! I don't deserve friends as good as you, Rarity," for a brief moment Twilight broke out into a fit of hysterics, before finally quieting down to finish herself off, in a soft, quiet, saddened tone.
"I... I... I'm a bad pony... a bad friend. I'm sorry for bothering you, Rarity, I'll leave now." A sunken and defeated Twilight lowered her head, as if to try and hide from what she just said.
"Don't be silly, Twilight, I could hardly let you leave when you're like this. Stay a while, stay the night if you must, but you are not leaving until we get this sorted." Sorted? What does she mean 'sorted'? Ohnonono, she's gonna get Applejack... but is that really all that bad? Then you have an opportunity to mare up, apologize and be absolved of all blame or responsibility. And Applejack can't even get mad because Rarity will be there to stop it... probably. But I don't think I'm ready to face Applejack again today. No, I'll try another day, maybe her anger would've diminished by then... unless it just festers and grows, large and more substantial.
"No, I'm okay, Rarity, really," replied Twilight, wiping a tear off of her face. "It'll be fine."
"Twilight." Retorted Rarity in a stern, albeit caring and motherly, tone. "You know that I can't just let you go home in this state. No, I insist that you stay the night. I can run a note to Spike, if you so wish?" Her offer hung in the air for a while, neither pony saying anything extra. Finally Twilight responded, although somewhat reluctantly.
"Okay, Rarity. I guess it is for the best."
Rarity was only gone for a few, brief minutes. Twilight used this time to try and clear her head, and to understand fully what was going on, and what was about to happen. Okay, Rarity has invited me to stay to 'sort out' my problem... and she seemed most insistent that I stay. What does she want? Is there something more going on than I realize? She couldn't possibly have anything nefarious planned, could she? Of course not, don't be stupid, Twilight Rarity is your friend, shes helped you all the way through these past few days. You owe it to her to show your gratitude in anyway you can. With that in mind there was nothing much she could do until Rarity returned.
When Rarity finally did return Twilight had took it upon herself to get nice and comfortable, seeing as she was staying for an extended period of time.
"Okay, its official, you are mine for the night, darling. I would tell you to make yourself at home but I see that you've already done that." Rarity shot a friendly smile to Twilight. "Do you require anything, Twilight? Tea? Biscuits? If you need anything just feel free to get it; whats mine is yours." Now that she thought about it Twilight hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and the long day had taken a bit out of her.
"Actually, I am quite hungry, could I have a sandwich, please."
"Consider it done." Within a matter of moments a freshly made cucumber sandwich was floated towards her, which she accepted graciously.
"Now, Twilight, we do have to talk about what you experienced today. From what you've told me I know that you regret saying what you did to Applejack. And I know Applejack well enough to know she also probably regrets saying anything to insult you. We can't move forward if you don't fix this; if you fall out with Applejack, majorly, then that's gonna create a rift among friends. Ponies will be taking sides, and we mustn't let that happen. First thing tomorrow we are going to go down to Sweet Apple Acres; you are going to apologize to Applejack and you will have a full conversation about all of this."
"But Rarit-" Twilight was about to raise doubt about Rarity's plan, but caught herself; remembering her soliloquy from earlier.
"Okay Rarity, I trust you. If that is what you think is best then I'll comply." Satisfied that she got the result she wanted, Rarity lightened up somewhat. With the big issue out of the way, and Twilight being compliant, the two ponies were free to spend the rest of the night as if it was a normal sleepover. And so Twilight and Rarity adhered to all of the usual sleepover conventions, both ponies happy, both ponies content. Twilight was thankful for this, too. It was a chance for her to forget all about the problems and issues she had faced over the past week, and the problems and issues that awaited her ahead.
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I tried to make this chapter longer, as per request, so let me know if this is all "HAY" or "NEIGH" (obligatory horse puns). I thought this one turned out "alright". In an ideal world I'd have recounted the sleepover in its entirety, but I couldn't think of a way I could do that in a way that was in any way presentable. I also got stuck on how to convey how Twilight was crying through text.
The song that lends its name to this chapter (if you get the right one, not sure how many songs are called "Volcano") is a really good song, especially the acoustic version. I like the acoustic version of thinks because I am so Indie and anti-mainstream. You wouldn't catch me naming my chapter after a song by a non-Indie band, don't be absurd.
Many thanks goes to Jokerpony for offering to pre-read and cut out those silly typographical errors. Also when faced with an April Fools prank that threatens to confuse and mess up your story don't back down, "CHAERG!" So yeah, sorry for the temp name change, unless you are reading this on the 2nd or later, in which case "Hello you smug future bastards"
That morning Twilight woke to a hearty, generous offering from the element of generosity. There was fruit, pancakes, toast, orange juice, coffee and almost every other breakfast food a pony could name. Rarity's reasoning for this bountiful breakfast was that Twilight "would need all her energy" for the day ahead, which didn't exactly serve to comfort Twilight; now she was worried that Rarity had something special lined up. Twilight didn't really feel ready for any surprises; she wasn't even fully sure if she was ready for going back to Applejack. However Twilight was sure that she trusted Rarity, or at least fairly certain that she trusted Rarity.
Agenda for the day: follow Rarity's lead. I don't know how to deal with this and you don't know how to deal with this. I think we proved that sufficiently yesterday. Maybe we shouldn't be too dependent on Rarity? But what harm is it doing? As long as she is willing and happy to help we should be grateful of it. And it isn't if we could reject her help; she is so insistent. I mean if it wasn't for her insistence we'd still be in the same state of confusion, uncertainty and fear that we were a few days ago. We owe her for her help, and if she wants us to pay her back by letting her help then why the hay shouldn't we? So what if she happens to have some ulterior motive? That's for the future Twilight to worry about, now is now.
"Twilight, dear, are you quite finished preparing yourself? I would rather we go to Applejack's sooner rather than later. Deal with this whole sordid affair as early as possible, you know? Then maybe w-you can focus on getting on with your life, without fear of judgement... at least from your immediate friends; society may have other ideas, but they needn't know anythin- I'm sorry, I'm making it worse, aren't I?" Rarity did have a tendency to 'stick one's hoof in it'; oftentimes saying one or two sentences more than is necessary. Twilight didn't mind, she sometimes found herself in much the same situation, though recently it was a lack of words that haunted her.
"No, it's fine, Rarity; I kinda accepted that anyway. Also I'm ready when you are, it probably is best to deal with this as quickly as possible."
The two ponies trotted out of Carousel Boutique, Twilight first; so that Rarity could lock up shop behind her. At first there was nothing spoken between the two, Twilight could only assume this is so Twilight could think, and so she took her cue. You need to think of a way to deal with this... Algorithms? Algorithms could help. Step one: Go to Applejack. Step two: Apologize. Step three: Take whatever abuse is hurled at me. Step four: repeat step two for however long is necessary. I really need to stop planning to be passive and submissive, that can't be healthy to purely rely on other ponies to deal with conflict. Then again we did try conflict management yesterday, that certainly didn't work... at all.
"Sooo... Twilight... do you know what you're going to say, perchance?"
"Umm... no. I kinda thought I'd just apologize and see where to go from there. Why? Do you have an idea?"
"Well... no. I haven't really planned this out extensively. I certainly haven't planned this out as much as you may believe. This situation is as queer to me as- oh! Wait! I didn't mean 'queer' in that way, I meant unusual, weird, foreign. I am so sorry, darling." For the second time that day Rarity had to backtrack her words. Rarity's acting awfully strange today. She knows I won't get offended unless I believe she means it... Can't blame her though, especially not after how I reacted to Applejack. But this is different, she seems on edge; acting awkward somehow.
"It's okay, Rarity; I know you didn't mean anything malicious by it. I'm not going to snap at you or get mad, I did my fair share of that yesterday, that's why we are here, after all. If there's one thing I'm good at it's learning from my mistakes." The two friends shared a warm smile as they trotted ever closer to Sweet Apple Acres.
A few minutes passed and they found themselves at the foot of the door of the Apple family's residence. Almost telepathically Rarity and Twilight took their positions. Nopony had brought this up, but they seemed instinctively to know what to do. Rarity took her place directly in front of the door, while Twilight hid slightly around the corner, not entirely hiding, but not overtly present. Rarity raised her hoof and knocked on the door and tried to go through her non-existent plan in her head. Almost timidly, the door swung open, but the pony on the other side was not Applejack, but the much larger, commanding red figure of Big Macintosh. He said nothing; he just saw Rarity and slowly disappeared from the doorway. About half a minute passed and Rarity was finally able to greet Applejack.
"Good morning, Applejack, I trust you are well?" Rarity wanted to be as amiable as possible, so that she wasn't cast out when she revealed why she was here.
"G'morning, sugarcube, wha' can I do ya for?"
"Well, I just wanted to talk, would that be alright with you?"
"I guess so, whad'ya wanna talk about? And d'you wanna come in?" Applejack sounded very tentative, Twilight noted, perhaps her incident yesterday had hung in Applejack's mind.
"Actually I don't really want to talk, but I have brought a pony who has something she needs to say to you." Rarity gestured to Twilight to reveal herself, and the purple pony took her cue. It wasn't a grandiose reveal; Twilight was unsure as to how to show herself, and so she ended up timidly walking round the corner, nearly falling over her own hooves. The amiability of the situation decreased immediately; Applejack now wore a frown, and spoke with a hint of resentment.
"Twilight." the farm pony reluctantly acknowledged her friend, with spite in her voice.
"Um- Applejack... look, I just wanted to say something-"
"I think you said all you needed to say yesterday. Goodbye." Applejack went to slam her door, but found that the door was being held open by her seamstress friend.
"Applejack," said Rarity, using a tone that made her sound like a disappointed mother, "Don't be silly. Twilight is here to make amends for what she said yesterday. I think you at least owe her a chance to say sorry."
"Ah- bu- n-" Applejack stumbled over her own anger, before finally submitting to Rarity's request; not wanting to lose two friends. "Okay, Rarity, I guess I a'least owe her a chance to explain herself. We could go for a walk, it's best Big Mac or Granny Smith don' see you, I mentioned what you did yesterday; saying I was brought up wrong and all. You're are... well-"
"'Pullanus non grata'? Twilight offered.
"Sure, lets just go wi' that."
The three ponies soon found themselves wandering around the Apple orchard, with Twilight trying to ascertain at which point it would be appropriate to start speaking. She decided just to blurt out what it was that she felt she needed to say, it wasn't as if there was a conversation that she would be interrupting.
"Um, Applejack, about yesterday... look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry like I did-"
"I understand, Twi. I would've gotten angry too. I was just being a stupid, stubborn mule before. I'm the one who should be sorry. You were righ' I had been saying things, stupid things behind your back. An' I honestly didn't know that it wasn't a choice; I've never really been exposed to... 'this' before. I didn't know what to think. Bu' here, in this orchard, seeing yous together like this, well it makes ma heart melt. I don't hate you, Twi, I was just stupid. You understand, right?"
Applejack's words left the other two in a state of shocked silence, and it was left to Rarity to help stem the awkwardness.
"I'm sorry, Applejack? I could have sworn you just said that me and Twilight were an item." Rarity chuckled lightly, to try and help her say what she wanted to say and shrug it off.
"Wha', you're not?" Applejack herself seemed genuinely stunned by this new revelation.
"Why, no. I'm not even a lesbian, for a start. What would ever give you that impression?" Rarity seemed slightly offended by Applejack's accusations, but she did try and keep her offence hidden for Twilight's sake.
"Well its just 'cause from what I've seen you two have been inseparable. First you were together when Twilight made her announcement and now you're here with her. I jus' thought that you were protecting her because yous were together. And, if you don't mind me sayin', when we were walking through the orchard you were awfully... 'close'."
"Its okay, Rarity, Applejack made a mistake, she didn't imply anything by it; its just a normal inference a pony could make based on her observations." Twilight could see Rarity was getting slightly wound up, and that Applejack must have touched a nerve, but she was unwilling to let Rarity speak out, lest she repeat Twilight's mistakes from yesterday.
"Thanks for this chance to clear the air, AJ, it means a lot to me. So... we'll see you later then?" Twilight felt as if she had to excuse herself, and Rarity, it certainly seemed to be the best thing to do. Why was Rarity so offended by such a trivial mistake. It can't be because she hates 'us', can it? If she had hated the way I am she wouldn't have put up with me so much. It has to be something more, something different. I'm sure Rarity will explain it to me when we get back to her house.
"So, Rarity, back to yours?"
"Oh... well, if you want to, dear, but I thought you'd be going back home now; after all we have done what you wanted to do. I can't really think of a reason why you'd want to come back, if I'm honest, darling."
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The working title for this monster was "UnTwiloTitled ", but that was changed as I was certain that only I would get the reference, and it would look wrong compared the other titles, which are all straight song titles, not bastardized versions of songs... Even if the bastardification was very witty, clever and hilarious to the point where the person who came up with it must've been all those things... and sexy. Also social experiment, how many people read these footnotes, honestly? I don't care if no one actually reads these, I just like typing random stuff that is tangentially related to the "Main Event", it makes me feel important... and witty... and sexy... and just a great person in general. (Also these digressions may move to the first comment from now on)
Also WHOO so many words. Its nearly like a normal fic chapter length now! And I am getting dangerously close to getting the 50 likes or 1,000 views mark. I am grateful for all the positivity and what not, and for this I shed a tear. Incidentally this = not pre-read, I thought "Buck it, do it live", if "live" means "not triple-checked".
Well, at least that puts my mind to rest on that issue. Rainbow Dash does not love me. Noted. So now that I know that I can just forget all about it? Yes, that is what I will do; I shall forget all about any romantic feelings I may feel for Rainbow Dash. That's what normal ponies would do, right? Or is that precisely the opposite of what a normal pony would do? I bet she's told everyone. I bet the first thing she did when she left was find someone to tell about 'What a fool that fillyfooler made of herself'. I bet that they're all laughing at me, all my 'friends'. Probably all enjoying a nice chat at Rarity's house, with out having to deal with 'that freak'. They won't say it, but that is what they think of me, it's all obvious now; why Fluttershy was acting so uncomfortable, why Rarity wanted me gone as quickly as possible, all of it. Sure, they hide behind their smiles and false courtesy and their sweet, false tales of acceptance. Nothing but sweet sugar to cover their bitter, clandestine vitriol.
In her anger, Twilight slammed a hoof down on one of the books she had picked out, and slid it away. After this pointless action that failed to relieve anger in anyway, Twilight let herself collapse slowly to the floor. so that she may bathe in a bath of self loathing and hate. She hated her friends for their fake sincerities and their prejudices. She hated herself for being different, wrong . The anger festered away, making her more angry as she thought. Unlike what had usually happened, there was no interruptions to halt her thoughts, no Spikes, or Raritys, or Pinkie Pies, or Rainbow Dashes. There was only Twilight, her mind, and her hate. It ate away at her; pained her. She was in a dark place; there was no reassuring thought in her mind, all rationality escaped Twilight.
And so she remained there, curled up in despair on the floor, a pathetic husk of pony. There she did remain, she wasn't sure on how long she had spent there, but it was certainly too much time. After an indiscriminate amount of time a modicum of her senses had returned to her. No. Twilight thought, as she struggled to her hoofs. No. You are better than this, Twilight. Her legs were weak and tired; she must have fell asleep sometime earlier. As she looked around she noticed that it was darker than it was before, not quite night; twilight, as it were. She staggered forward with what power she could summon, and used what little she had left to set a torch alight. You are better than this, Twilight. This shouldn't beat you; this shouldn't even harm you. You knew all along that Rainbow Dash wouldn't share your love; you knew this was a love unrequited. And this about your friends, that is nothing more than pure conjecture. But then again, even if they do all abandon you it matters not; you lived before them, you can live after them. After all 'the fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends', right?
Strength finally returning, Twilight exited this small section of her library and walked through to the living room. In the living room she saw Spike lying on the sofa, asleep, grasping a - now melted - bowl of ice cream. Sighing,
Turning round she saw it was now night; the moon having risen fully. The night looked as beautiful as ever, I could do with a walk; stretch my legs, clear my head, Twilight thought, looking outside. Quietly grabbing a scarf, she slid out the door, locking it behind her. Spike'll be fine; he won't even know I left. Ponyville was quiet at this time, there was not a person on the streets and nary a cloud in the sky. The stars were allowed to shine through, bright, a million diamonds, hanging static in the night. Even the moon seemed bigger than she remembered it. It truly was beautiful, and calming besides.
The night air was cool and refreshing, and the town was dark, so very dark. The street-lamps gave off ample light, but the town was still very much dark. Dark, except for one notable exception; she could see Carousel Boutique. The curtains were drawn but light still emanated from it. The light breaking from the curtains gave the boutique a strange glow. For the briefest time Twilight's gaze was fixed entirely on the house, before coming to a realisation. What is Rarity doing up at this time?
Curiosity got the better of Twilight, and before she knew it she was trotting, slowly, up to Rarity's house. It wasn't that Rarity was evidently up that intrigued Twilight; Rarity would often stay up late, completing orders at the last minute and such, but it was that the lights were so bright; when she worked she usually confined herself to a small corner that didn't require this much illumination. What could she be doing this late? I mean, it's not impossible that she is just working on some orders, and yet... As Twilight got closer, she crept slower and slower, she would not stop until her curiosity was sated.
This does technically mean I will be spying on one of my closet friends. But it is only a natural reaction, anypony would do the same in my hoofs, I'm sure. I mean what in the hay could she be doing? Some form of sleepover? Positioning herself just below and to the left of one of the big, front windows, she made sure that there was no-one awake that could be watching her. Content that she was covert, she tuned her ears to hear what was happening on the inside. She could hear two, faint voices, which she had no trouble placing, but she did have trouble understanding. From their tone, she could tell that one of them was Rarity, obviously, and the other was Rainbow Dash. Why is Rainbow Dash at Rarity's, Twilight asked herself, but she could still not make out the entire conversation. Slowly she became more attuned to the conversation, and could make out what each pony was saying.
"-so you just scolded her and left her? That does seem a bit harsh, Rainbow." Said the seamstress, in a somewhat judgemental and critical tone.
"Well what would you have had me do, Rarity?" Came the indignant reply from Rainbow Dash.
"Well you could've let the poor girl off gently, Rainbow! I know etiquette and subtlety are concepts that escape you, but would it have killed you to restrain your foremost thoughts for a second in order to save her feelings?" The poor girl, Twilight thought to herself, that's what I am to them now.
"'Her feelings', 'her feelings', 'her feelings'! Well what about my feelings, Rarity, eh? You know how I feel about... that sort of thing." Rainbow Dash was becoming increasingly annoyed, and slightly angry.
"Those aren't your feelings, Rainbow Dash! Those are the feelings your father imparted onto a young, innocent filly!" Rarity now seemed to be pleading to Rainbow Dash, on Twilight's behalf. There was a brief interlude of silence. Not being able to see anything Twilight was unable to discern what was happening. Then when the conversation did restart, she could barely hear it. She shut her eyes and focused solely on trying to hear them.
"Do you not think that I know that Rarity?" Rainbow said, in a soft and quiet, yet harsh, voice. "I think of Twilight, then I think of what she is. Then I think of my father, and what he used to do, used to say, and I feel angry." By the sound of her voice, Twilight guessed she was close to tears at this point. "I can't help that, Rarity, believe me, I can't." There was yet another brief silence. What Twilight would've given to be able to see what was happening inside.
"You shouldn't eavesdrop, Twilight, it isn't very becoming of you." Twilight's eyes shot open at Rarity's remark. Bu-wha-how? "Come inside, dear. The door's open."
Twilight begrudgingly accepted Rarity's invitation, and wandered into the boutique, with some trepidation. Upon entering Rarity's home she was greeted by a, now angry, Rainbow Dash and a Rarity who looked somewhat disappointed.
"How did you know I was there?" Was all Twilight could think to ask.
"Opalescence was sitting on the windowsill, dear, something seemed to discomfort her. I infered that this meant that there was somepony next to the window." Rarity is the model of calmness , thought Twilight; most ponies, herself included, would've felt at least a little aggrieved to discover that somepony had been spying on them, but Rarity didn't seem to mind, and, if she did mind, she hid it well.
"B-but how did you know it was me?"
"Lucky guess, dear. Now, sit down." Rarity's voice was growing sterner, it still wasn't harsh, but it was stern enough that Twilight obliged without a second thought. "Now, Twilight, tell me exactly how much you overheard."
"Well, I heard you two talking about Rainbow Dash's father, I guess. Nothing more though, I swear." Twilight decided it would do her no good to lie; especially when Rainbow Dash seemed to be quite angry at her, at the moment.
"Okay, then I suppose the next question I need to ask is: Why were you eavesdropping, Twilight?"
"Um, well, I-" Twilight searched her mind but, try as she might, she couldn't conjure up any explanation, fraudulent or otherwise. "I- I don't know. It was stupid of me." These were the only words Twilight could find to answer Rarity's question.
"Yes, yes it was." Was Rarity's blunt response. "Okay, I think we should start attempting to sort this whole mess out, while you are both he-"
"Actually, Rarity, can I head off now? It is getting quite late." Rainbow Dash inquired; searching for a way out of the situation that she and Twilight were now in.
"I'm sorry, darling, you're going to have to stay just a little longer. If we don't do this now then we- you - may never fix this." Rarity let the two ponies come to terms that what was happening was going to take place. There was now no escape. "Now, to business. Rainbow, do you have anything you would like to ask?" Rarity suddenly seemed much more upbeat; she even seemed somewhat excited.
"Well... I guess so. The most obvious thing to ask is 'why'?" Rainbow appeared much less angry, now. She now looked as meek, reserved and awkward as Twilight imagined she looked like.
"I already told-"
"No, no, no. I mean why me ?" The room fell deathly silent. Twilight racked her mind, but, again, was unable to produce an answer. Why, why, why, they ask! I don't know why! Why can't they understand that?
"I-I-I wish I could give you an answer, Rainbow, I truly do. But the truth is, I don't know. There's not a day goes by where I don't ask myself that same question." Twilight delivered her answer as strained and painful as possible, in the hope of avoiding any follow-up questions.
"You must have some reason, Twilight? You can't figure that you 'love' somepony without feeling something for them, for Celestia's sake." In a flash Rainbow returned to her previous, indignant, argumentative self.
"Look, Rainbow, I don't know. Maybe its because you're beautiful and talented and athletic and funny and- and I've said too much." Twilight let what she said sink in momentarily. "I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash. I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry I remind you of your father, I'm sorry I make you angry and I'm sorry that I've obviously put you in an awkward position. I'm gonna go home now; I'm too tired to apologise further."
As she left, Twilight faintly heard Rarity berate Rainbow Dash. Rainbow presumably produced a rebuttal, Twilight didn't know; she was too far away from hear any more. Well that was... insightful. Rainbow Dash is just so- just- gah! Twilight bucked a tree as she passed, in anger. It hurt her back hoofs slightly, but it seemed to relieve some of the anger; it was surprisingly satisfying. She's just so callous and stubborn, not to mention obnoxious. She doesn't care about anypony but herself. But she did raise a good question; why? Why do I feel this way. She's obviously so unpleasant, how could anypony love her at all? Does that mean that I feel physical attraction towards Rainbow? I don't think it's physical; I don't feel as if I feel attracted to Rainbow. Maybe it operates on some deeper level that I can't understand. No, Twilight, that is the lazy pony's explanation. Everything can be explained, you just need to look deeper.
Twilight walked quicker now; she wanted to get home as soon as possible, so as to not forget her current train of thought. As she walked through the door of her library she saw Spike, still as sound asleep as he was when Twilight left; blissfully unaware of her absence. A list. I need to map this out. Twilight summoned up a quill and a parchment; placing them down on her desk. She unfurled the parchment, laying it out flat in front of her, and preparing her quill. No. It is late, too late; even you need sleep, Twilight. Twilight had no problems in staying up all night to finish a dissertation, study or letter; by the time night came she was too involved in the academic process to register the time; or her need for sleep. But somehow, for some reason, she didn't feel as if she could start writing at this time, her brain was just too tired. Start it in the morning, Twilight.
The night was long and uneventful; Twilight couldn't sleep. Over and over in her head she ran through the same scenario, back at Rarity's, over and over again. Each time a different version of events played out; subtle changes that snowballed into a different outcome. She ran through all the different things she could have done and could have said. The changes in action, no matter how insignificant, or indeed how major, they were all seemed to return to the same ending. The same rejection. The same bitter vitriol. Her words were different, but Rainbow's meaning was the same, that much was clear. All the time Rarity sat idly by, watching; judging . Not saying anything but always observing. Like it was some pony interest story being played out in front of her eyes; her own little show. Eventually the events were so convoluted that Twilight was unsure were the truth lay in her created fictions. Twilight was angry but she knew not where her anger lay. Was she angry at Rainbow, for acting the way she had? Was she angry at Rarity for tossing her into the manticore pit so she may watch for her own amusement? Or was she angry at herself for every aspect of her life up to this point?
Twilight woke to the usual smell of breakfast, but there was no sign of Spike. The breakfast tray had been placed on the bedside table, presumably Spike didn't want to wake Twilight, or he had failed to wake her up. He had placed a slip of paper on the tray, it read "Thank's for the quilt." Scrawled in the untidy, nearly illegible handwriting of the baby dragon. That was nice of him, thought Twilight, before remembering her thoughts from last night. Grasping onto this recollection, she scarfed down her hearty breakfast and hurried to the desk where she had set up her quill and parchment. She stared at the desk for a time before fully remembering her intentions from yesterday. She would write up a list of Rainbow's qualities, one half of the page listing the positives, the other listing the negatives. This isn't an awfully 'nice' thing to do, and it is insensitive, but Rainbow will never see this, nor will any other pony. Plus Rainbow herself hasn't exactly been the most sensitive of ponies recently. But does that excuse you doing this?
Twilight decided to start as quickly as possible; before she forced herself to change her mind. Right, Twilight, think. Okay, Rainbow is brash, abrasive and annoying at times. But she is a good pony, fundamentally, and at least you know she'll never tell a lie. She's very work shy and seems very lazy, but she always does what is needed when it matters. She's arrogant, but she sort of has a right to be; she's fast, athletic and brave. I'd never lord my magic over somepony, but Rainbow's different; she's unique, she's competitive. I suppose, in a way, she is very fascinating; intriguing. Could my infatuation stem from me wanting to understand Rainbow Dash? I mean somepony as arrogant and boastful as Rainbow without some reason. She admitted that she probably strives do be better than everypony to prove her father wrong, but there must be something else for her to be as boastful as she is.
Twilight stopped her thoughts; she had finally found an answer to Rainbow Dash's question. A potentially extremely insulting answer, but an answer nonetheless. She would presumably never tell Rainbow this, but at least she sorted it out to herself. Where this left her, Twilight didn't know, but she did know that she wanted to learn more about Rainbow's past. To do that there was only truly one pony who she could go to, Fluttershy. Looking at the clock Twilight noticed that she must've slept in too long. It was either that or she had spent longer on her little brainstorming session than she had previously anticipated; it was just before noon. Luckily the library didn't usually have many visitors, especially not this early in the morning. She presumed Spike had taken on the responsibility of opening the library, but if he hadn't not too many ponies would've noticed.
Fluttershy, Twilight thought to herself again, Fluttershy. There was, however, no rush to go anywhere, but Twilight wasn't sure if that was because she wanted to relax and talk to Spike for a while, or if she was just too lazy to face the massive hassle that talking to Fluttershy about everything would be. Nevertheless she decided to at least try and have a conversation with Spike for a while; if for nothing but to easy her sense of guilt for leaving him alone a lot over the past few days.
"Good morning, Spike," Twilight said as she descended the stairs, "Thank you for letting me miss so much of the day." She said in a fake tone of bitterness. However the dragon didn't seem to understand Twilight's sarcasm.
"I'm so sorry Twilight! I am, honest. I was trying to wake you up but you just weren't stirring. And then Owlowi-"
"I was joking, Spike," Twilight interjected, before her assistant talked himself out; he could talk quite fast when he was anxious, "It was nice to have a lie-in, anyway," Twilight paused and looked at Spike, "For once." Spike did understand Twilight this time, at least he seemed to; either way he chuckled with Twilight for a short time. The two sat down on the sofa together.
"So what have you been doing when I haven't been around to order you about?" Twilight asked Spike, with an air levity in her voice, "That is, of course, besides eating all the ice-cream."
"Heh, heh, so you saw? Well I've just been doing all the usual stuff you'd tell me to do. I'd have gone out with Owlowiscious more but he's always sleeping. Oh! I've also been sleeping, a lot."
"Nice to see you've been making the most of your free time." Twilight said, sarcastically.
"What about you, Twi? What have you been doing?" The question sent an alarm through Twilight's system. What do I say? What have I been doing? Besides alienating at least two fifths of my friends?
"Oh, you know, just... stuff- friendship stuff. Just a lot of practical studies; keeping busy." Well that was terrible.
"You work too hard sometimes, Twilight." chuckled the dragon.
"Yeah, I guess." Responded Twilight, "Oh, speaking of; I have to go see Fluttershy soon, will you be okay seeing to the library?"
"I've been fine these last few days, so probably." Came Spike's answer, Twilight couldn't tell if he was being intentionally sarcastic or not, but decided to ignore it anyway.
"I shouldn't be gone for more than a couple of hours, but if there happens to be a major influx of ponies to the library you'd know how to assist them, right?"
"Of course, Twi, I am the number one assistant, remember?" Spike shot Twilight an innocent smile, and Twilight smiled back.
"Okay then," Twilight said, leaving the library, "See you later, Spike."
"See your later Twilight." Called Spike out of the door, before closing it behind Twilight.
The walk to Fluttershy's cottage was mostly uneventful; there was the usual hustle and bustle of the town centre, with various ponies selling their fruit and vegetables, but other than that Twilight rarely had to traffic to contend with. The weather was well enough, but there was only the slightest of breezes which, although slight, chilled Twilight a little. The pegasii were presumably preparing a minor shower; as the reasonable number clouds in the sky were allowed to stay, unchallenged.
As she approached, the cottage emanated the familiar air of life it always seemed to present. There was a plethora of various woodland creatures frolicking and flying around, which Twilight took care not to disturb on her way there. When she finally found her way to the door she gave it a few quick, hard knocks. After half a minute she gave it another, harder knock. She waited a while but there was still no response. Fluttershy must be busy, either that or too afraid to answer the door. She lead close to the door and called out,
"Fluttershy, it's me, are you there?" But still there was no response. Growing impatient, Twilight went around the back of the cottage; where Fluttershy would sometimes tend to Angel, and other small animals. She was met with a predictable sight; there were various animals, Angel among them, however Fluttershy was nowhere to be seen. Right, no Fluttershy. Where could she be? Angel Bunny seems to understand Fluttershy most of the time, perhaps he would assist me? It's worth a try. Twilight approached the bunny as gently as she could, but he retreated into the house through a small hole that Fluttershy had fitted for him. Well done, Twilight; another rousing success that was.
Twilight took the not-so-subtle hint and headed off home alone, slightly dejected and rather abashed by her sudden rejection. Returning home she called to Spike, to check on how he was; going without Twilight to supervising.
"Spike! I'm back now." She informed her reptilian assistant. Coming down the stairs to greet his librarian friend, Spike tried to put himself to immediate use.
"Hi, Twi. How was your day? D'you need anything?"
"It was alright, I guess. Just the usual boring sleepover, nothing too exciting. And I don't need anything now, Spike, thanks. Any way how were you?" Twilight lied, for a reason she was not able to ascertain; it just seemed like the appropriate think to do.
"Oh, alright then, Twi. We were fine; me and Owlowiscious just had a boys night in. I ate- I mean 'we'- ate most of the ice cream, by the way. We got a bit carried away, you know how it is, right?" Twilight just shook her head and sighed.
"Whatever, Spike. I'll just be up in my room if you need anything; I need to think somethings through." Without another word, Twilight solemnly strode upstairs, leaving Spike mildly concerned about his friend and master's well-being, this feeling exacerbated by the slam of Twilight's door.
I'm taking this the wrong way, of course I am. But what am I taking the wrong way, what do I falsely infer from this? Does Rarity hate me? No... I think we can set that idea aside, she's been too supportive to hate me. Unless of course she's been bluffing this entire time, but I need to at least hold the pre-supposition that my friends are at least truthful in their accents. If I don't hold that I can't trust in anything. If she doesn't hate me then what? Maybe she just thought that me going back to her house would be arbitrary? And she was probably a bit embarrassed by what Applejack said about 'us'. She did seem a bit overly embarrassed, like Applejack touched a nerve. But why? Rarity could be a little homophobic, or thing that Applejack was in someway purposely offending her? There's obviously the possibility that- no... if that were the case Rarity would've said something.
Twilight paced her room endlessly, throwing all the possibilities around her head, reviewing and re-reviewing the situation. She had several distinct possibilities, but she couldn't decide on which was more likely, or indeed which was more appealing. Okay, so if she is a lesbian so what? That shouldn't change anything. Of course it will, though, obviously, thinking otherwise is just kidding yourself. But if she is then why did she get so offended? Is she scared of who she is? I can understand that, but surely seeing how the others reacted she should feel more secure. Then again Rarity is quite a vain pony, perhaps she's scared at ow this will affect her social standing, somehow. Maybe I should go and see her? She probably doesn't want to see me though. Her thoughts were, once more, interrupted by Spike knocking at the door.
"Twilight, are you alright? It's just that you seem to be speaking to yourself a lot." said the concerned dragon.
"I'm alright, Spike; I was just thinking. Must've been thinking aloud. I think I should be done for now. Sorry for being so weird at the moment, did I disturb you?"
"No, I'm fine, Twi. I was just concerned. Do you need anything?" Spike spoke with genuine sincerity and concern, clearly the way Twilight had been acting had recently.
"I could probably do with a cup of water, please?" Don't really need a cup of water, but it's nice to make Spike feels useful. Plus this might all make sense if I quench my first.
"I'll get right on it, Twilight!" Enthused at being given a task, for the first time in what seemed like a millenia, Spike promptly got to it; and promptly returned. Twilight thanked him and sent him on his way, before setting herself down in a corner of her library. If I can't talk to my friends about my problems then I can always refer to the vast collection of books living in a library gives me access to. Nice, predictable, safe, impersonal books. Twilight, somewhat out of desperation, plumped for the scarcely visited 'romance' section.
The Romance section of the library was a small quaint little area within the library. It wasn't a place that Twilight frequented, but it was unusually popular. In fact it was so popular that it was immediately distinguishable to the surrounding sections at a mere glance; the book spines were all slightly more wrinkled compared to the books in the other sections, and the colours slightly more worn. The popularity of the is particular section of the library always bemused Twilight. She had never seen the appeal in the books herself; they all seemed to talk of an overly idealized version of a feeling she never truly understood, as well as being, in her opinion, generally of lower literary quality or merit than other works of fiction.
Twilight let out a deep sigh; unsure as to her motivations for visiting this section and unclear as to why she thought it would help. Right, need to pick something that looks helpful in anyway. 'Last Night in Neighgas', 'Mare in Manehattan', 'Pegasus Wings', none of these sound helpful. Why can't there just be a book entitled 'A Rough Guide to Love in Equestria'? Why must we skirt around the issue coyly. There should be studies about this. We already study friendship, why not go one step further? Twilight perused through the Romance titles, taking mental notes about some, as she needed. It wasn't long before she bored of the task, as her previous conceptions of romance novels were become increasingly validated by the minute.
Right, it's decided; reading books will get me nowhere. I really do need to do something spontaneous, that needs to happen. It was at this point that her personal reflection was broken, by a voice that was all too familiar to her.
"Hi, Twi. What'cha reading?" Twilight didn't need to look up; she knew that the voice belonged to Rainbow Dash.
"Uh, noth-"
"'A Picture of a Princess'? I didn't know you were into that soppy stuff, Twilight."
"I'm not, really, it- it was just research... what are you doing here, Rainbow?" Twilight was flustered; she felt off-guard by the sudden emergence of Rainbow Dash.
"Well, it is a public library. I just thought that I'd come and visit my favourite librarian, is that a crime? And anyway what are you researching that requires you to read this lovey-dovey stuff? Do you 'love somepony'?" Rainbow spoke in a faux mocking tone, making mocking kissing gestures towards the end. Well, Twilight, its now or never.
"Well, kinda; Iloveyouverymuch- but I just thought I'd broaden my hori-"
"Wait, what did you just say? Did you just say that you loved me very much?" Rainbow wasn't so much asking Twilight to repeat herself in order to make sure she had heard correctly, but to clarify why Twilight had just said that.
"No. Anyway, I thought that I-" Twilight, realizing that she had probably made a terrible mistake, tried to move past the topic as quick as possible.
"Yes you did. Do- do you 'love' me, Twi?" A puzzled look was now covering Rainbow's face; she was unsure how to react, or even how she felt about it.
"Well... maybe a little bit." Twilight was still hoping that if she acted as nonchalant and aloof about the issue then it would suddenly vanish.
"Well. That's certainly... different. So what? I suppose you want me to kiss you and tell you that I love you and whisk you away to a faraway hill top overlooking a placid lake and all that junk?" Twilight was unsure if this was a trap or not, Rainbow Dash didn't seem disgusted by the notion, but she certainly didn't look as if she was being sincere.
"The thought had occurred, I guess."
"Well it ain't gonna happen, Twi. I'm not like you, you knew that already. And now you bring this up. You saw how I reacted initially to even the concept of you fillyfooling, what did you honestly think the best outcome to telling me this was? Honestly for an egg-head you can be really stupid at times." Rainbow's tone was highly critical, not angry, per se, just disappointed, tired; as if she was too exhausted to be angry.
"I dunno. I just definitely thought that you knowing about this would somehow make everything better." I'm sure I should be upset right about now. Instead I'm paralyzed by what feels like apathy.
"Well, has it? Actually don't answer that; I'll leave now before you get the chance to say something else you will regret." Rainbow Dash didn't leave the library in a quick flash, like one would have expected her to do. Instead she landed with a thud and trotted casually out of the library's front door. The whole event was reminiscent of when Twilight's parents used to chastise her for some minute misdemeanor. The feelings the event invoked were also very much reminiscent of her foalhood punishments; shame, with a slight amount of confusion and indignation.
