Vinyl had suggested it, and I’d written it off as financially impossible, but when Day Planner advised me to look into the purchase of Starlight, I decided to take it seriously. Even if I got the most attractive loans I could imagine, Starlight was well and truly out of reach, but Day Planner had a knack for planning the long game that I had to respect. And, as she’d pointed out when I balked, Main Event was still in the Manehattan Institute for the Mentally Unstable—or the asylum, as ponies in town called it. I don’t generally kick a pony when he’s down, but in Main Event’s case, an exception was warranted—the asylum was for the dangerous head cases, not the “lay down on the couch and talk about your feelings” type. If he’d been moved there, even just for initial diagnosis, he’d really flipped out.

As it turns out, I nearly missed him. Past a security gate and a frighteningly well guarded door, Main Event leaned on the high counter of the admittance desk, chatting up a pegasus orderly on the far side. He was his usual, sleazy self, and the orderly was visibly annoyed. To my dismay, there was also a unicorn flanked by rather large orderlies, watching from a hall leading farther in. Sort of peach, with a ruddy mane and tail, something bolted around his horn, and a lit match on his flank. A patient?

“Babe, it was a little breakdown from a stressful show. You saw the stories. For the chaos, I’d say I handled things pretty well.” Main Event ran a hoof through that long indigo mane of his, as he always did when he thought he was making a good impression. I hadn’t been noticed yet, and frowned. Did he really think that made a good impression on anypony? For all the world, it was like stroking his mane was the cherry on top of his presentation.

Scowling, the orderly stuffed a pencil into her bun for safe keeping, lifted a clipboard, and turned to leave as she replied. “Sir, you were sent to the most secure mental facility in Equestria for lashing out at guards. Even if I were interested, there’s a strict policy of not fraternizing with patients. It simply isn’t a possibility.” Her laid back ears said that this wasn’t a simple procedural affair to her.

Main smiled that obnoxious smile again. “Enough money’ll sort that out. I make a few donations, indiscretions are forgotten, y’know?”

The orderly flicked her tail in irritation, and visibly grit her teeth. How was Main Event not seeing this? As the orderly turned, ready to bark something Main might make her regret, I piped up, eager to put an end to it. “Main, hey, great show! Thank you so much for the invite! Hey, I hear you were considering selling the venue.”

The orderly looked between us, clearly relieved by my interruption, not sure she could sneak away just yet. Up close, I could see why Main Event was interested—she was certainly cute enough, between her short cropped red mane and bright green eyes. Not that it excused the sleazy come ons. Main Event, my indigo “friend,” however, seemed less pleased. The warmth died immediately, and he scowled as darkly as if I’ve ever seen any pony do.

Slipping down from where he’d been leaning on the counter, he replied. “Maybe, Deal, but we both know it’s well outside your range. So why not buck off, hm?” Main’s icy tone practically dropped the temperature in the room. Though Main Event couldn’t see her, facing me as he was, the orderly had begun inching toward the alarm bell, an act that got the attention of the unicorn watching from the hall. I guessed Main had already established himself as a handful. The smile that grew on my lips should’ve looked sinister I suppose, but I did my best to twist it around to friendly.

“Hey, hey, let’s keep it civil, Main. Vinyl offered to open for me if I got a venue, you know, so loans aren’t really out of the question. If you’re looking to sell, it can’t hurt to give me a price.”

I enjoyed Main’s expression thoroughly as I mentioned Vinyl Scratch. Somewhere between anger, jealousy, and horror. I’m not interested in ruining anypony’s day ordinarily, but Main Event just begs for it. After rolling it around in his head for a moment, Main Event sighed, and lit his horn to scribble a number on a nearby piece of paper before tossing it in my face. As I’d figured, there were two zeros more than I could hope to dredge up. I sighed.

Main Event snorted derisively. “What were you expecting? Starlight is a full blown concert hall, the newest and most modern in Equestria! No small timer like you has a shot.” Though the patient had grown bored at discussion business, his ears perked at the insult, and he looked to me expectantly.

I didn’t know what the resident nut wanted from me, and I’d been going to keep it above the belt, but if Main wanted to go cheap, I was willing to accommodate him. “One last question, Main, and I’ll get out of your way. What did that donkey taste like, anyway?”

Finally, the patient chimed in. “Mm… hoof lickin’ good, huh? Wait, it wasn’t hooves you were licking, was it?”

Main Event gasped, then sat and clasped his hooves over his mouth, looking deeply nauseated. I struggled not to laugh as orderlies tried to push the patient down the hall, his tongue lapping wildly at the air. I’m not sure what Main Event began screaming after that, really—it wasn’t intelligible, and the sobs weren’t making things any easier. Grateful a moment before, the orderly ringing the bell to get help to the front now offered me an annoyed glare, and the hysterical cackling of the patient echoed back up the hall down which he’d been pulled.

* * * * *

I stepped out of the asylum’s security office twenty minutes later, annoyed. How could I have known that one little jab would get Main Event committed for further evaluation? I stalked down the hallway toward the exit, grumbling about wastes of time, and pointless endeavors, and blaming others for their problems, more than a bit anxious to reach the door and be back with the sane ponies in Manehattan. I was nearly there when a particularly fresh-faced stallion called me to a stop. Coloration nearly saw me mistake him for Main Event as I turned, but aside from having a darker coat, this pony’s mane was lighter than his body, and he lacked a horn. Oh, and he didn’t look at all like a smug, intolerable jackass.

Adjusting my hat as I turned, hoping he’d take the hint that I was on the way out, I turned. “Yes, Doctor…” I squinted at the name on his badge, “Torchbearer? Do you need something?”

Torchbearer’s smile was friendly as he shook his head. “Not a thing, but you seemed extremely angry just now. It’s not my place, but if you don’t mind my saying, I can direct you to anger management groups and other preventative offerings, if you think they’d be of any use to you.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. This pony was so unbelievably sincere and eager to help it made me wonder if he was fresh in from one of Equestria’s sleepy little burgs. I shook my head and threw out the first excuse to mind. I still wanted to get out of that place. “Ah, forget about it; I’m okay. Some troubles with the wife, that’s all.”

I turned to leave, but Torchbearer’s hoof came down on my shoulder. I looked back, and his expression was far more serious than just a moment before. “Please don’t let that simmer. Marital trouble can be emotionally devastating.”

I blinked in disbelief. “Look, I appreciate your concern, doctor, but I’ll manage. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I was on my way out.” Good natured is one thing, but it’s important to know when to quit. This pony seemed not to have the knack for it. More quickly than before, I turned and headed for the exit, but I didn’t make it more than three steps before I heard the doctor behind me again.

“No charge—marriage counseling isn’t my expertise, but I’ve got some grounding in relationships, and general experience in counseling. I’ll do it myself for you, mister…”

I stopped dead, not turning. On one hoof, the guy seriously needed a clue. On the other, I wasn’t sure I’d ever met a pony so determined to help. I didn’t want a city full of nagging pests, but ponies looking out for each other was something Manehattan needed. I couldn’t do everything, after all. I couldn’t decide between punishing the doctor or rewarding his kindness. An idea struck, and I settled on both.

“Done Deal.” I turned to face Dr. Torchbearer one last time, to settle the when and where before leaving at last, looking forward to my next visit.

* * * * *

The walk back across town gave me time to consider just how to play things out. My first inclination was Bright Jade, but I rejected that in an instant. She was mine, and I wasn’t about to just pass her off. That meant I’d have to find somepony new. As I passed Deep Tissue’s massage parlor, I decided to drop in. Her business dealt with customers far more personally than The Tall Tail did. New or not, she might have ideas.

I’d hardly stepped through the door when Deep dashed up to me, nuzzling a cheek and winning us surprised stares from clients and staff alike. She’d gotten me to blush last time; I was determined not to let her win twice. I gave her a quick kiss, assuming she wouldn’t be prepared for escalation, but the damn mare just cooed happily.

“Why Done,” Deep purred as she trotted back to where she’d been working on some geezer’s back, “I didn’t think you liked me at all! Not one visit since… then.” She was really laying it on thick. Anypony in the room who didn’t realize what “then” meant was either too innocent to be there, or too stupid to live. Any leverage I might’ve had when she rode me weeks before was obviously gone now.

“You know, most of my employees call me ‘Mr. Deal,’ Deep Tissue.” I wasn’t angry, but Deep needed to know her place. Pirouette alone had earned that kind of familiarity. Deep was one of mine as far as I was concerned, but she had a long way to go to be special.

Deep Tissue pouted, but didn’t push her luck. “Aww. Well, a hello kiss is a start. Not to be rude to my employer, Mr. Deal, but if it’s not urgent could you wait in the office? This fella’s got a good twenty minutes left, plus a bit as an apology for trotting off like I did.” Deep pushed down hard, and I heard something in the old stallion’s back click, making him wince. “Assuming I don’t break the poor thing!” The stallion laughed with a wheeze, obviously unperturbed.

“Of course, Deep. Business first. Wouldn’t have it any other way.” I trotted off to the office and sat. Precisely thirty minutes later, Deep Tissue slipped through the door and began nibbling my ear, her hot breath making me shudder before I could get a word in. Sweet Celestia, she enjoyed pushing buttons.

“As much as I’d love to continue this, Deep—and I swear I’m going to regret this later—I’m after something much less interesting.” Despite myself, I lifted a hoof to stroke at Deep Tissue’s long, cyan mane.

“I’m enjoying myself, Done… you just keep talking; I’ll keep making you feel good. We can have it both ways.” Deep Tissue began stroking my chest while she talked, and I sighed happily, somehow not caring about the familiar address this time.

“I’m looking for a mare for a specific stallion. Young doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist… something like that. Works at the asylum across town. I want a stallioneater, Deep, one in it for the sex. Good looking, if possible.” Deep ran the tip of her tongue around the edge of my ear, and slid her hoof lower on my torso. By this point, she had me at full attention. “Besides you.”

Deep Tissue laughed, keeping her voice soft and lovely in my ear, rather than loud. “I’d only eat you, Done. Honest. I know just the mare, and she’s coming in today… but I’m not handling her, and she won’t be in and done for a good two hours.” She slid her hoof to my erect shaft, gently. “What do you say I help you kill some time?”

* * * * *

Two hours later, at my request, Deep Tissue’s candidate was sent into the office for a “free prize,” where I waited for her. As soon as the door shut behind her, smoke streamed from me, thick and dark as I could make it—I had some whoppers to tell, and I wanted this mare to bite. When I saw her ears lean back a bit, and her lavender withers droop, I stepped around in front of her. A tall, slender, stylish pegasus, practically oozing sex appeal, the vacant mare Deep had sent was exactly what I was looking for, at least physically.

Now to get to work. “What’s your name?”

A lock the mare’s dark purple mane fell between her eyes and went unnoticed. She spoke as if asleep, the smoke floating into her ears and nostrils doing its job perfectly. “Downdraft.”

I nodded, not that Downdraft seemed to know it. The name was a perfect fit for her. “What kind of stallions do you go for?”

I struggled to make out her words, Downdraft mumbled so badly. “…young… easy to… push around… inex… perienced…”

“Why?”

“…fun. Get my way… move on when… they get dull…”

I nodded again. Deep Tissue’s pick was perfect. “Listen to me, Downdraft. I’m your husband. We’ve been married three months, and you’re bored to death. You were sure a ring would get me under your hoof, but it didn’t, and you want a new toy. We’re going to go to marriage counseling tomorrow, and the councilor is going to be perfect for you…”

* * * * *

It took me nearly an hour to get Downdraft convinced. The lies I needed her to accept were too far from the truth for her to bite, even going full force. By the time I finished, I was so exhausted Deep Tissue had insisted I stay with her overnight, and I hadn’t had it in me to argue. Somehow, she had been just as happy to massage me into the deepest sleep I’ve ever had as to have sex. I was extremely grateful for it the next morning, when Downdraft exhausted me, whining the entire way to the Manehattan Institute for the Mentally Unstable about the pointlessness of it, and how a divorce would be far faster. When she saw the security in front of the asylum, I actually had to physically push her to keep her moving, but in the end, I got her there on time and didn’t strangle her at all.

Doctor Torchbearer met us in the lobby, all smiles and reassurance, and the necessary introductions were made. I needed just a moment with him alone, or the plan would fail. With a sudden rush of panic, I realized I’d never tried to control a stallion. Nervously, I bit my lip as Torchbearer led us down the hall, past orderlies, trying to ignore the occasional scream or shout.

“Thank you for coming, both of you. Marriages are much, much too important to let unravel without doing everything possible to save it.” Torchbearer was just as insistent as he’d been the day before, and Downdraft was torn between rolling her eyes and locking them on Torchbearer’s dark purple flank.

At last, we were led into a large office, complete with the usual, or what I imagined was usual: books on psychology, framed degrees, a large desk, and seating for several ponies, arranged in a circle. A door to the side of the room looked far better secured than anything else I’d seen at the asylum, and I nodded toward it.

“Doc, do you mind if I have a word with you? Just a sec? It’d help my nerves, I think.” I did my best impression of a nervous colt, and while Downdraft gave an exasperated sigh, Torchbearer swallowed the bait, hook, line, and sinker.

“Sure, Mr. Deal. Let’s be brief, though, it’s not fair to leave Downdraft alone.” Torchbearer dealt with the lock, and held open the door, twisting to face my ersatz bride. “We’ll just be a second.” He followed me into the sparsely appointed interview room, and turned to shut the door.

Before he could turn back, I raised as much smoke as I could, and poured it into him, realizing only too late that if it didn’t work, he’d see everything. When I saw Torchbearer’s withers slump and he didn’t turn around, I nearly collapsed in relief, then blinked in dismay at Torchbearer’s growing stallionhood. That effect was certainly more subtle on mares, but it was just one more thing to deal with. The smoke was as dense as I’d used on Downdraft the night before, but I had minutes at most, and struggled to produce still more. There was no time to waste, though. I had to start and hope it was enough.

Five minutes later, we stepped out of the interview chamber, with Torchbearer’s shaft waving between his hind legs, to his great embarrassment. As far as he knew, it’d happened while hearing about Downdraft’s “interests.” Though Downdraft opened her mouth to complain, it died on her tongue the instant she saw the doctor’s endowment crying out for attention. Her wings snapped wide open, she licked her lips, and I sighed, playing the put upon husband as I took a seat.

“Well, doctor… maybe I came for a reason after all.” I’d no sooner taken my seat than Downdraft was up and advancing on the startled psychiatrist like a timberwolf. He started backing up just a moment too late, and found a manicured hoof stroking his cheek.

“M-miss Downdraft, I don’t want to be discouraging, but I need you to take a seat, so we can begin…” As soon as Downdraft’s hoof touched his face, Torchbearer stopped dead in spite of himself, and his dick jumped a bit—much to Downdraft’s delight.

“No, I think that’s not what you need at all, doctor. What you need is…” Downdraft leaned forward and whispered to Torchbearer, her muzzle brushing his ear unnecessarily. Already flushed from coming out with his shaft on display, Torchbearer blushed much more darkly, and his eyes shot wide open.

“That’s not true!” Torchbearer shook his head frantically. “We’re here to work through your ma—mph!”

Downdraft had locked her lips over Torchbearer’s, cutting him off. As shocked as he looked, he made no move to stop my “wife.” I let the horrible exhaustion of bending Torchbearer so heavily and so fast do the acting, my fatigue making me look every bit the resigned, cuckolded husband. Tired as I was though, I was relieved to see Torchbearer acting as planned. He wouldn’t let me just leave in peace, and now he couldn’t—Downdraft’s advances were beyond his ability to refuse.

As Torchbearer looked around for somepony to rescue him, Downdraft stretched her spread wings, gently caressing her prey’s face as she continued the long kiss. Were I not so exhausted, I’m sure I’d have begun to feel aroused just watching.

Torchbearer’s muffled protests fell on deaf ears. When Downdraft at last broke her kiss, it was only to kiss down his neck, planting warm, wet spots from Torchbearer’s jaw down. When she reached a leg, Downdraft stopped, cupping Torchbearer’s face in her wings. Though what she said wasn’t meant for my ears, I was able to make out, “Sit, boy.” Torchbearer hesitated only a second before his haunches dropped, leaving his stiff cock to wave proudly between his front legs.

If either pony remembered I was still in the room, neither showed any sign of it. Downdraft leaned, just brushing her lips against Torchbearer’s, and lowered her spread wings to brush his rod. I made a mental note to find a pegasus for myself and see what that felt like. Judging from Torchbearer’s ragged gasp, and wide-eyed stare at the mare working him over, the answer was “amazing.” A few seconds of this and Torchbearer tried again to get the situation under control, but only had his haunches an inch or two from the ground before Downdraft pulled away her wings, and grabbed his dick tightly in one hoof. From my vantage point, I couldn’t tell if it was a gentle warning or a firm rebuke, but Torchbearer’s startled squeak made clear that it had been effective.

Her lips still brushing his, Downdraft only said, “No,” and Torchbearer’s haunches slowly lowered back to the floor. With Torchbearer having done as he was told, Downdraft returned her wings to their task of teasing the distressed doctor and giggled merrily. I’d told her Torchbearer was the one she’d want to keep, and it looked like she was coming to that conclusion herself.

“B-but… your marriage! The counseling!” Torchbearer raised his forelegs to get something between Downdraft and her prey, but she just pushed each back down, eliciting a helpless whine from Torchbearer. Downdraft penalized his resistance by moving behind him, where she could nibble an earlobe and still keep her spread wings just barely stroking Torchbearer’s cock.

She wrapped her forelegs around his neck possessively, never laying off his ear as she spoke. “Who cares? I found something much, much more fun. Now, be a good boy and stand up just a tiny bit for me…”

Torchbearer did as he was told, and Downdraft moved one hoof directly under his balls. “And back down now.” Torchbearer tried to crane his neck to look at Downdraft, but a nudge of her muzzle pointed his face away again, and he sat. Downdraft wasted no time gently caressing the sack just placed right in her hoof.

At last, Torchbearer’s protests gave way to moaning under the assaults on his stallionhood, ear, and balls, and Downdraft smiled ear to ear. “See, doctor? Much nicer to just let me have my way, isn’t it?” She spoke slowly and seductively. Really, I doubt Torchbearer even realized it when he nodded in agreement. Downdraft, however, certainly did. Her wings finally slid down Torchbearer’s cock in earnest, not just the tips of her primaries, and his wordless cry of pleasure earned him a slightly rougher bite at his ear.

“Downdraft, I’m going to—ah!” Torchbearer was cut off by a firm grip near the head of his shaft, and the lavender wings halted.

“Not yet… I’m still having fun. We’ve got lots of time, don’t we, doctor?” Downdraft’s voice didn’t have even a slight trace of malice or cruelty; this really was all in good fun to her—even with her “husband” right there watching. Despite himself, Torchbearer seemed to be finding enjoyment in it as well. I, on the other hoof, was now the one embarrassed to be erect for no useful purpose. Between last minute realizations that I wasn’t sure my power would work on stallions, and now this, I was getting annoyed at how poorly I’d thought this cunning plan through.

Downdraft pulled Torchbearer backwards, and moved to lower herself over him, stroking his shaft with just her wing tips once again. “If you want more, doctor, you’re going to have to work for it!” The sing-song gaiety in her tone was maddening, and I wasn’t even the one getting a teasing wing job. Torchbearer turned his head away, trying to look anywhere but at the wet lips inches from his face, but Downdraft was having none of it, and brushed her tail back and forth on Torchbearer’s head, taunting him, all the while keeping up that maddening caressing. My mind drifted to the pegasus Main Event had been hitting on at admission, and I sighed: I was far too exhausted to pull up any more smoke. Like Torchbearer, I could only wait this out.

Extending just the tip of her tongue, Downdraft ran it along Torchbearer’s flare, slowly—unbelievably slowly. I couldn’t see Torchbearer’s face anymore underneath Downdraft’s long tail, but the whimper was unmistakable. “Come on, doctor… you’re not telling me I’m unattractive, are you?” The pegasus’ voice sounded heartbroken, but I could still see the ear-to-ear grin that was hidden from Torchbearer.

“No! No, it’s just… I… oh Celestia!” At last, Torchbearer sat up a little, burying his muzzle in Downdraft with a resolve I hadn’t been sure he had in him, and Downdraft positively squealed with delight. There was no way she could’ve climaxed yet, but that wasn’t what she’d been waiting for anyway: Downdraft’s delight came the second she knew Torchbearer was broken.

Her wings flapped then stayed wide as she sank her head down on Torchbearer’s cock and he moaned, muffled, into her wet folds. For all he’d had to go through to get his reward, as I sat there stiff and exhausted beyond belief, I envied him horribly. Torchbearer brought up his legs, pulling Downdraft’s flanks toward him, and the giddy, delighted pegasus fairly danced in place as she bobbed her head up and down. A moment later, though, and Downdraft regained her poise, lifting her head to lick gently along the shaft instead. I could’ve sworn I heard a muffled, frustrated profanity come from between her legs.

Panting now, Downdraft used a hoof to toy with Torchbearer’s dick as she spoke. “Ahh, good, doctor! Keep that up, and you’ll get your reward, I promise.” Downdraft kissed Torchbearer’s tip and gently rubbed her nether region against her half-willing victim. “Don’t get lazy though…” Without warning, she let go of Torchbearer’s cock entirely, leaving it waving alone in the air.

She’d no sooner spoken than Torchbearer gave a desperate cry from below and began working so franticly it jostled Downdraft’s hindquarters. Her eyes went wide with surprise, and she laughed. “No, no, don’t get rough back there! What a good boy I’ve found.” For the first time, her eyes locked on me. “So much more fun than you ever were. Bringing me to him was the only thing you ever got right.”

Finished with her insult, she began stroking Torchbearer’s inner thighs with her hooves while her wingtips resumed teasing his shaft. “That’s a good boy, doctor… just a little more now…” At last, Downdraft’s voice had turned sweet; she wasn’t far from finishing. She lowered her head to Torchbearer’s flare again, and sank as low on the shaft as she could manage, moaning as she did, and bobbed up and down once more as she ground her hips on Torchbearer. His moans joined hers, and he gripped her flanks tighter. Downdraft squirmed, gasped, and at last, her wings and head both shot up as she screamed her delight, bearing down hard on the stallion below her.

Panting and unstable, Downdraft stood and stepped away from Torchbearer, who looked around frantically, horrified that everything had ended so suddenly. The look on his face sent Downdraft into nearly maniacal laughter. “Oh, dear, dear Torchbearer, your face! You sweet thing. Here.” Before Torchbearer could stand, or even roll off his back, Downdraft had a hoof on his balls, kneading them, and shoving his shaft flat against Torchbearer’s stomach. She rubbed it back and forth and side to side, using Torchbearer’s own belly for stimulation as he whimpered and writhed beneath her. Gasping for breath, Torchbearer finally came all over his own stomach, and Downdraft let his shaft up, only to place a hoof on the flare and toy with it further, smiling gleefully as Torchbearer gasped at the handling of his oversensitive member.

Downdraft smiled down at the exhausted, messy psychiatrist, but her tone held no sunshine or love. “Done, we’re through. I’ve got a much better toy. I think I’m keeping this one. Don’t worry your little head; I won’t make trouble for you. You’re not worth the time. Little Torchy here, however…” Downdraft played with Torchbearer’s dick again, pushing it around with her hoof on top, like working a lever of some kind.

I shrugged. “Fine. As long as you keep out of my life, we’ll have a nice, clean break. I’ll take care of the paperwork; you were always trash at that kind of thing anyway. Goodbye, you two. I hope you both get what you deserve.” Without another word, I levered myself up off the seat and out into the hall, grateful for the cool air deflating me as I staggered away, still completely exhausted and still desperately aroused. There was no chance Bright Jade would feel useless when I got back. I headed back home, musing on my last words. They’d already gotten what they deserved. I smiled and realized that what I actually hoped was that they’d both enjoy it.

Author's Note

Thanks to Doomunicron for the use of his OCs, Dr. Torchbearer and Matchstick ("the patient"). I hope he enjoys their cameos! Also, that this chapter doesn't suck, given how much time it took with my mood this month.

See Ask Torchbearer at http://ask-torchbearer.tumblr.com, but be aware that it's grimdark, even though my work is not.