Experiencing the Dusk

by Buckshot2825

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 55056

The Airforce always called to me for some reason. It felt natural to be up in the air and I loved to feel the wind on my face. I just can't believe that my whole life has been a lie, a cover up to hide a past that i'm not ready to accept.

It was May 1st, late at night. Me and my friend Fredrick, aka. 'Fred' were blowing our brains out with video games before I enlisted in the army. We had a great friendship together and we were going to spend our 25th birthday in style, kicking back, getting drunk, and losing a couple brain cells to a little electronic entertainment. Everything was going great. We were having fun, enjoying life while it still made sense, dreaming about the futures ahead of us.

Then life decided to be the ultimate troll and give me a damn 'Cutie-mark'.

A/N Enjoy, comment, and don't forget to read TwistedSpectrum's Fic Five Score Divided by Four in order for the storyline to make more sense ;)
Stories connected to mine, Dusk Writer's Lunar Phases and Sarikano's Total Eclipse of the Sun

P.S. This story is most likely dead but since i may or may not continue it based on the performance of the two previously mentioned people i will postpone the pronouncement.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-11 02:53:05 UTC

To the Internet!

I woke up on the floor. My beer can and the remains of my drink all over the floor. I sat up, shaking my head in bewilderment. “What the Fuck just happened?” I said to nobody in particular.

I sat up to find out where Fred was, stopping when I saw him passed out in similar fashion. Except he was drooling off the side a little. Shivering at the thought of what just happened I picked up both our beer bottles and went to go get rug cleaner. The clock on the stove said 00:03. Either I was asleep for 24 hours, which seems highly unlikely, or I just took the shortest nap of my life. Excluding the one where Fred pranked me shortly after I fell asleep. I made my way back to the area of the disaster. Thankfully we had enough sense in our partially drunken states not to take the controllers in our cheer for our birth times. They were sitting safely on sofa. The IPod cord however was shorted and I'm pretty sure the power strip it led to was fried as well. Well damn. There goes 30$ right there.

I nudge Fred to see if I could get him to wake up. No go, he is OUT. So, lacking anything else to do, I sat on the sofa, pondering what I had just witnessed.

I had in fact watched a few episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fred had insisted on it specifically. I didn't hate it, it just never appealed to me in general. It wasn't the Technicolor ponies, or the girliness the show implied, it was the fact that it was just uninteresting to me.

To Fred it was enough that I wasn't an 'antibrony'. He continued watching, reading, and other fandom related things even though all the 'rage' about it died a couple years back I believe.

I quickly grabbed his computer. Thankfully he is such a lazy bum that he doesn’t lock the darn thing so it was a simple grab and open to access the internet. I quickly grabbed the first name that came to mind and typed it. “Fireball” Getting a bunch of pictures of flaming rock and magic attacks I quickly added “Pony” onto it. Wow, the shit that turned up on Google images was grade A shit. Nothing on that name I guess. Onto the next one... I think it was 'Discord'?

I typed in the name and immediately got pictures of the weirdest damn creature ever. It looked like someone took a bunch of animals, grabbed random appendages off them, eyes, ears, and all, stuck them in a blender, and pushed the 'purify' button. It was THAT weird. I clicked one of the 'evil' looking pictures of him, presumably from the fated 'Season 5 Finale'. Immediately I felt such hatred for that picture that I wanted to punch it with all my might.

I quickly calmed myself; breaking poor Fred's computer was not going to solve anything. I searched up the other names that had occurred in my dreams. Getting various pictures of ponies I stopped. It was obvious, somehow or another I had had a lucid dream of this 'Equestria'. Fred stirred and I nudged him again. Setting his computer aside I got right up in front of his face, ready to greet his trolling ass as soon as he opened his eyes.

He opened them, looked at me in astonishment for a second before smiling impishly. “You do realize I'm not gay right?” I looked down and realized I had to kind of straddle him in order to get into this position. Needless to say a face palm of epic proportions happened.

“Sooo.... anything weird happen to you while you were out like a light bulb?” He asked while I resumed my position on the couch. “‘Cause some pretty serious shit happened to me. It started when you passed out with the drink in your hand. You literally collapsed like all your bones had become jelly or something. I tried everything, poor beer in your mouth, ice in your shirt, and I even kicked you a few times.” So that's why my side started hurting a bit. Note to self: Get Fred for kicking me. “But you were GONE. Anyways, after a few minutes I just decided to celebrate my birthday and be done with it. I had raised up my bottle in a cheer and then blacked out. Only to find myself in a bed that wasn't mine. My head like the dickens and 'I' came downstairs to find Discord talking to another pony. He was a pegasus with a black mane and a deep grey coat. My mind immediately associated said pony with 'Shadow' 'Slash' a fellow guards pony. Anyways, I spoke a little and tripped down the stairs in a somewhat awkward fashion, landing in front of Discord. Awkwardly I spoke to him again; I think I asked him what he wanted or something. Anyways, that Shadow pony said something like 'Run go warn the town' before being cut off by some delicious licorice or some other red candy.

If that wasn't enough, Discord FUCKING GRABBED ME BY MY DAMN THROAT AND STARTED CHOKING ME! Seriously! Sometimes he can be such a dick. Before I blacked out though my mind focused on something that was alien, yet somehow I knew every molecule of it, Fire. I concentrated on the candy surrounding Shadow's legs and burned them off. After that I almost blacked out, however the newly freed Shadow showed me why he has the name 'Slash'. He flew so fast at Discord that when it impacted the god it he actually stumbled and dropped me. My mind took but a second to clear and I bolted. I had to warn the town and get them to go get the princesses.” I tried to keep a straight face through all of this, but the slight opening of my mouth told me I wanted to do something totally different. “I had just made it into town; I managed to get a hold of a pony by rapidly knocking on their door. He quickly ran to warn others while I sped off to another house. Before I could get there who should show up but the mother fucking chaotic asshole himself.

He popped up and started spouting nonsense about how he had beaten the princesses, the elements of harmony, and now my best friend Shadow was 'cursed'. I was about to head butt him, my horn glowing with heat. When I got within a few feet of the guy though I was restrained. Not by playful licorice mind you, but chains and shackles. Then he spoke to me, and I actually listened.

“'Listen here Fireball. I'm very pissed right now, not only was I hoping to gain new allies, but also I was hoping to catch this town unawares. Now that you have spoiled both I can only offer you the 'Slave' choice, not that you'll take it.' He stared at me with a kinda hopeful smile, not the nice kind but the evil kind that says 'I want you to betray your friends'. As an answer, I spit on his bucking feet. I was never so satisfied in my life. 'Fine have it your way stupid pony.' Then he began this odd chant.

'For Five Score! Divided by Four!'

'For your choices you must pay,'

'Removed to a land out of my way!'

'Your mind shall be weak, your outlooks bleak!'

'Your Memories Removed! Your Body Confused!'

'Forgetting everything and living in ignorance,'

'You have lost, you're now no longer a hindrance!'”

My mouth finally finished its journey to wideness. That was the exact chant I had heard in my 'dream' that I'm starting to wonder if it really was a dream.

“After that I blacked out and woke up to you molesting me.” He finished.

“So, what happened to you?”

“Almost. The. Exact. Same. Thing.” I watch his eyes bug out, his jaw dropping a few inches. Finally he composed himself long enough to reboot his thought process.

“Whelp something freaky is going on.”

NO SHIT! “You know what, why don't you and me hit the couches and catch some zzzs, hell, we may even get more dreams you know?” He goes to get some bed items for his 'bed'. I still remember the incident at the doorway however and quickly respond. “Actually, I’m going to my room, your welcome to sleep down here though.”

He looked at me like I was crazy before slowly showing his trademark grin. “Oh, you're still scared that I’m going to get you aren't you? Don't worry I won’t be doing anything tonight, but this is the only time I will give you a freebie.”

Once in our respective beds the house quiets down. I hear soft snoring coming from downstairs. I get up and quickly lock my door with the deadbolt I keep on it. (Different story for different time) I also check to make sure that my windows are locked and sealed. Everything seems to be fine and there is no way he can possibly get into my room to get me back for my trolling. I stared at my ceiling, wonder what the hell my life was coming to.

I woke up feeling rejuvenated at my normal time of 7:30 am. Despite my precautions from before I checked all my safety features. Door, locked, windows, closed and locked. I checked everything, my pants weren’t wet so no pee trick. I put my hands to my face and felt for whipped cream or other things. Nothing. Either he was serious about letting me off tonight or I had successfully locked him out. I almost jumped for joy, before realizing Fred was probably still sleeping away the morning.

Following my usual regime I got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I got undressed, turned on the tap and hopped in. I washed my body and managed to finish within the 5 minute mark I had designated. Unfortunately, there still was a black mark on my thigh that apparently wouldn't go away. I stepped into the shower once more and scrubbed that sucker till it hurt. Sighing I got out and toweled off. Looks like I hadn't managed to not get pranked after all. How the guy managed to tattoo me while I was asleep was beyond me. I was a very light sleeper so the pain from the process should have woken me up at least. Oh well, I’ll just go kick his ass about it and see if I can get it removed.

I walked downstairs to the living room; everything was just how I left it, cords and electronics everywhere. The cleaner was still out on the floor where the 'spill' happened. I turned towards the sounds of snoring to find Fred. The lazy ass better get out of bed or ice down a shirt will be child's play.

I kick him, once, twice, three times. Figuring I need the payback for the tattoo anyways I start to make my way to the kitchen. A groan that comes from the bundle on the couch stops me. “Duuuuuuudddeeee it's like morning, not good time for a hangover! What the hell you want?”

“I walk over, squat and look him straight in the eye. “I want you to explain why there is a tattoo ON MY BUTT!” The last shout wakes him up real good. “I didn't do nothin'!”

“Double negative, therefore you mean you DID do something didn't you?” I glared at him. “I know WHY you did it, just tell me where I can get the damn thing removed!”

“Dude I have no fucking clue what the hell you’re talking about!” He gets up and returns my deep stare. “Dude I have, honest to god, no idea what the hell you’re talking about.” He broke the confrontation and went to the bathroom. A few seconds later I heard a wonderful array of curses that would have even made the saltiest sailor proud.

He finished his business and then burst out of the door. “I don't know how the hell you did this, why the hell you did it, or anything else.” He drops the sides of his pants to show a ball of fire, or maybe it's a meteor. I don’t know, but back to the situation at hand.

“Wait, if you didn't do it.” He nods in affirmation. “And I sure as hell didn't do it.” No nod, does he not trust me or something? “Then who the fuck has the key to my house, a tendency for pranks, and wants to get back at us both.” I think for about a moment, the list of possible people is small and easy to go through. I came up with an alibi for each of them. It takes a lot longer for Fred to lose his thoughtful look though. “I got nothin'” Well we're boned.

I see him getting ready to speak but cut him off before he does. “To the Internet?” He grinned, “Took the words right out of my mouth.”

He jumped on his computer and started up a browser. In the search bar he typed “Human Cutie Marks”. I reach my hand out and grab his before he can click 'Search' I know the dangers of the Internet and how much shit you can get by typing in the wrong thing. I erase the key words and retype “Human getting Cutie Mark in real life' and hit search. Of course we end up finding nothing but shit. Bronies joking about having one, or stories that involved that sort of thing.

Same deal with Facebook, twitter, and every other stupid social network Fred has joined. I don’t know how long we perused the Internet, but in the end it was a half hour that was wasted.

“The Internet has failed us, I declare us officially fucked.” Fred stated simply.

Realization

After Fred's blatantly obvious statement we both sat back, deep in thought. The Internet had everything, well I believed it did. If what happened to us wasn’t on the Internet then it was some random anomaly that had never happened before. I didn't know how far any of this would progress. Hopefully our luck would hold out and it would just be a tattoo we would have to live with for the rest of our lives.

I take a look at mine again. It isn't embarrassing actually, it looks pretty cool, and if I remember correctly Fred has this badass fireball on his thigh so it's not like we couldn't fake it if we were ever asked. I shuddered at the thought that this might lead to something bigger.

I got up to go to the bathroom to relieve myself. I got about 2 steps before I heard Fred's voice. “Hey Shad, when did you get your hair dyed?” I'm puzzled for a moment; dye my hair? What the hell is he talking about? “Fred, I haven't dyed my hair at all. What the hell are you talking about?”

“Just go into the bathroom and look in the mirror if you don't believe me dude.” He looks back at the computer screen then turns quickly around as if he forgot something. “Also, I have NOTHING to do with this whatsoever, I wish I did because it's pretty funny, but I don’t.” Well that's a bit out of character; if this were a prank on me by him he would have taken credit as soon as I noticed. But to outright tell me he didn't do it; that was unlike him.

I turn to face the mirror; my brown hair was very much the same, though I bit longer since I last checked it. Guess I'll have to get a haircut later on today to fix that. I run a hand through my hair one last time just in case I might have missed something. There it was a single gray streak that ran through my hair. My god, what the hell is happening to me?

You know what; I’m going to take the more logical route. I exit the bathroom and walk up right behind my friend. He turns around and looks me dead in the eyes, noticing immediately that the unwanted gray streak is a bit more prominent than usual. “Soooo....” My frown stops him in his tracks.

“Give me one good reason not to make a fist imprint on your face.” I know he thinks it's funny but sometimes things just go too far. I liked my brown hair and it was going to stay that way.

He didn't answer, which puzzled me. He simply reached around his head and pulled a clump of dark red strands of hair from the middle of his dirty blonde head.

The anger drained from me. If he did this then he went through a lot of trouble putting himself through the same 'tortures' as he did me. This was completely off tangent for his personality though; he didn't plan elaborate pranks and jokes on people. They were usually straightforward simple and sometimes entertaining. This couldn't be his doing then.

My rational brain started shutting down at that moment. We were every biologist's dream come true. First random tattoos, 'cutiemarks' Fred had called them, which were irremovable. Then our hair starts changing into bizarre colours that shouldn't even be naturally possible. “I just realized something...”

“What?” Fred asked.

“If this continues like you said it might, there is no fucking way we can ever leave this house, this neighborhood or go anywhere. That's gonna suck.” He shrugged. Apparently he wasn’t getting it. “I don’t think you understand. No friends, no activities, fun stuff. Actually we should be making a trip to the store right now for food, supplies and other items.” I mentally punched myself. That should be the first thing to do. If this happens to be a joke and nothing is permanent, then great! Then we have some extra food and a few good laughs and memories, if not… I shook my head; we’ll get to that when it comes.

“So you’re saying that we go to the store. Right now?” It was a simple question but I heard a hint of sarcasm.

“Well we don’t have to go RIGHT now, but preferably before this gets too far. The last thing I want to do is go out in public looking like some damn cos player.” This received a glare from my friend, but he knew I meant him no insult. “If the changes are happening as slowly as they are now then we have plenty of time before it accelerates to anything TOO bad. So I think we could maybe take another day before panicking. Though I would prefer to do it today.”

He took a moment to ponder my series of statements, even to a point of actually looking like he was in deep thought. After what seemed like a full minute (trust me, that’s an accomplishment for him) He finally gave the answer I knew he would. “No need to freak out now, as you said, we don’t know if this will go farther than it has. If it does and we like grow pony ears or something, THEN you can freak out.” He smiled. “Besides, I still need to get you back for that troll at the door don’t I?” He got up to go God knows where to plan his ‘payback’. I went upstairs to go to sleep again. In all my years of ROTC and lessons with my grandpa, I had never felt so stressful in my life.

Some people get stressed out by the hard times, the increasing burden. I LIKE being in stressful situations, but being thrown into something that could possibly end my current life as I know it and throw me into a whole new perspective? That almost made me wish I had taken up smoking as a way to relieve myself. Almost.

I collapse on my bed and look at my clock again. Wow, 10:00, so much has happened in two and a half hours, it seemed like it had only been maybe an hour or so. Damn why does all this shit happen to me?

I can hear Fred thumping up the bottom of the stairs, probably with some sort of plan to make me ‘rue the day I pranked him’. My head hit the pillow and my mind hit dreamland.

I was reliving a ton of memories that were not mine, yet somehow they were familiar.

Standing over a little foal in some sort of school area. There were 3 others, mean looking bunch that had been making jeers and fun at the poor foal. I had moved over and now stood between the two, ready to defend the little one.

_%_%_

Attending a sort of camp. Standing in line with a bunch of other stallions and mares. A rough tan and yellow unicorn was walking in front of us like some sort of drill sergeant. I stared straight ahead, knowing what would happen should I deviate from my current pose. This was what I had dreamed about in my younger years, and unlike most fillies and colts, I actually meant what I said. I was not going to blow it that day.

_%_%_

Finally, meeting Fireball. She was a good friend. She reminded me of my younger sister, always a good pony to have around when you were down. She had accidentally hit me with her trademark spell, a fireball. I had fallen to ground, thankfully with nothing damaged. My dark coat looked unblemished since you couldn’t see the burn marks against the black. But my mane had some scorch marks and the tips had been burnt off.

She had been the first one at my side, having noticed what had happened. Seeing that I wasn’t in any real danger she smiled at me. “Guess I need to work on my aiming don’t I?” Her ability to see the light in the situation brought a small smile to my mouth despite to pain.

I coughed, trying to make up a witty comeback, even though I knew I had no talent for the matter. She saw that I was unable to form words and put a hoof to my mouth. “No need to try to impress me.” From that moment, she was my best friend. Despite the multiple times I had wanted to strangle her.

Suddenly I was thrust out of the dream and into a black expanse filled with screens. The largest screen was in front of me and had the last image pasted on it, Fireball’s smiling face. I looked down at myself and saw that I was ‘myself’ once more, a human. I looked back at the screen. Oh how she reminded me of Fred. Wait a second…

The image in front of me was suddenly ripped as if by a claw, disintegrating it, but the large screen like surface remained. A picture of the chimera creature from my first dream appeared on the blank surface. A disapproving face adorned its features and it spoke in a dramatic voice, almost a cliché. “So, I see you’ve finally awoken and started to remember things hm? Well then we can get right down to business. Shadow, I have asked you once before, I usually don’t give second chances or even thirds, but you are a special case. Will you join me in my quest for chaos? You will be given power, wealth. Your friends and family would be safe, you will be happy.

As he spoke my body slowly morphed. First my hair grew darker then it grew longer. I sprouted a tail, my legs started to grow fur and ended in hooves, not feet. I felt the anger well up inside me. This Discord was a liar, a cheat, and a burden to all of ponykind. I could feel the changes slowly come to a halt.

I stood there, half pony, half human. Discord grew a bit curious and the screen shrunk and moved closer till he looked about the same size as he did on the show. “Well then?” he asked.

My face hardened with pure hatred. “MY NAME IS SHAD YOU SON OF A BITCH! AND YOU RUINED MY BUCKING LIFE.” My hand balled into a fist and I stared him down. “Go to Tartarus mother bucker” I threw my fist into the screen, shattering it immediately. All around me the screens shattered, one by one. I just stood there for a moment, fist outstretched.

I slowly retracted it, feeling the changes reverse. My hooves turned back into feet, my legs lost their fur feeling, and my tail disappeared. A smirk adorned my face, if that was all he had to throw at me then I'm surprised the ponies didn’t defeat him the first time.

My joy was cut off as a large ornamental mirror popped up in front of me. Discord’s form shimmered into view, giving a victory smirk. “Silly pony, did you really think it would be that easy?” His form shimmered again and the mirror showed a more familiar shape, me. Except that now my hair was grayer with a lighter streak going through it. It was longer, though not as long as a regular girl’s. My eyes had lost their deep blueness, instead being a darker, evil looking red. I stuttered and stared, my mind uncomprehending what was happening. Then I woke up.

I sat up in bed suddenly, panting and sweating. My eyes were wide, searching around the room in fear. Slowly the feeling passed and I looked over at the clock, it was nearly 3:30m I had been asleep for over 4 hours. It felt like had not gotten any sleep at all.

My sudden rise from my uncomfortable position caused me to be racked with a headache at the blood rush from my head. After the pain subsided I tried again and was met with better results. That dream I had. It was so realistic it was frightening. Those memories, as I relived them it was like they were real and not some random thing that my mind concocted up from a TV show. And that chimera thing, Discord I think. He had changed me more. My eyes widened and I pulled some of my hair in front of my face, letting out a startled yelp. It was indeed longer and grayer. I rushed to the bathroom and turned on the light, staring intently into the mirror.

The face that stared back was mine. The hair and the eyes however were alien to me. The hair had lost almost its entire brownish colour and was definitely longer than the army regulation I adhered to in preparation to my enlistment. My vision shifted to my eyes. Those also were foreign to me. I was used to see two blue orbs reflecting my view. Now all I saw was two dark red eyes.

I sat there, breathing in and out heavily. This was real; I was turning into a colourful pony from a little girl’s TV show. I broke contact with the figure in the mirror and composed myself. Running a hand through my hair I reflected over the past few days, trying to get clues on why this was happening. Maybe there were others in the same predicament? Maybe we weren’t alone?

In the scan that followed my brain picked up on words that Discord had said. ‘Hey guess what! Recently today, oh listen you'll love this; I cursed Celestia and Luna! Sent them right on their way, now Equestria is all mine!’ If he had ‘cursed’ others like he had my friend and me, then maybe there was a chance that they would be here as well.

I racked my brain to see if I could remember what the names ‘Celestia’ and ‘Luna’ meant to me. There! A fleeting image passed by my mind’s eye. I reached out mentally and grabbed it, bringing it forth from my memory.

I saw two regal looking ponies, there was a large white one with a blue, pink, and green coloured mane that waved with the invisible wind. The pony that sat beside her was a dark blue with a blue mane that held small stars it seemed. Her mane also waved with invisible wind. Both of their smiles invaded my thoughts and it calmed me to an extent that I had never felt before.

I sighed and released the image. I started to walk downstairs, fearing the outbursts that were soon to come from my friend. Turning the corner I found him on the couch. His eyes faced forward so I couldn’t tell if they were different. But his hair had grown significantly longer and was a light orange with a lighter red streak running through the middle.

The stairs creaked with my weight and he turned to face me. His eyes were now amber coloured and were emotionless. “It’s about time you got up, been waiting for you. As you have probably noticed, while you were asleep our hair has grown significantly longer. Also our eye colour has changed.” He arose. “I guess now would be a good time for you to say ‘I told you so’ right?” He attempted to laugh but the current mood dampened it. He rubbed his hand behind his head. “Now would be a good time to go to the store right?” I simply nodded.

“Now that we know that this is going to proceed further than what we originally thought we might as well be prepared for it.” I walked off; if we were going out we needed hoodies or jackets to cover our obnoxiously coloured hair and some glasses to avoid suspicion.

I returned from the upstairs with a jacket that looked the right size for Fred. I had a blue sweater on and a pair of shades. As I rounded the corner into the kitchen I found him staring intently at my feet. “So it happened to you as well? Well there goes looking normal in public.” I look at him in confusion. He simply points downward at my feet. I lower my head, expecting to be trolled with a ‘Madeya look!’. Instead I was greeted by the odd sight of me standing on the tips of my feet.

A look of confusion spread across my face as I tried to force my feet to the floor. I was met with almost instant success; however, moments later I felt a pain in my heels. I looked back up at Fred who had moved around the counter top to show that he too was standing similarly. “Don’t bother trying to force them down; it just hurts to much to keep them that way. And whatever you do, don’t try to stand on your heels, it hurts like a bitch.” He winced as if recalling a bad memory.

“Fireball you idiot! You didn’t actually try it did you?” He nods and I facepalm. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Well right now you’re talking to me as if I'm a different person.” Huh? What is he talking about?

“What’re you talking about? What did I say Fred?” I was genuinely confused as to his hostility on the matter.

“There! That time you called me by my real name, Fireball. The other time you…” His eyes grew wide and shock registered as recognition of what he just said set in. “I just called myself by a pony name didn’t I?”

“Yup. Does that mean I get to call you by that now?” I mean it as a joke and fully expected him to deny that request feverishly. What I got instead was a bit more surprising. “Sure, I don’t care Shadow.” Now it was my turn to scrunch my face in confusion.

“Dude, you added two extra letters to my name on that one.” He blank stared me. “You said Shad‘ow’ not ‘Shad’.” He shrugged in reply. I was kind of mad that he would shrug off the fact that now our minds were being messed with. “Fireball I know you don’t mind your new pony name and it certainly helps that you’re okay with me saying it. But I'm not okay with you addressing me by MY pony name.”

“Shado… Shad, why not? You’re going to become the pony, and hay, your name is only two letters difference. Why the buck do you care? As you said it is a hellavu lot easier just to say pony terms than to try and fight it.” Wow, I’ve never seen him argue a situation like this before. But then again I am being a bit insensitive here.

“Why yes my dark friend. I am very satisfied that you have accepted your true nature.” His voice got deep like Darth Vader’s. “Welcome to the dark side young pony-human. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Muahahahahaahah” Not for the last time that day, I made an epic facepalm. I'm sure there will be plenty more.

Nightmares

He stood there, laughing like an insane idiot. Of course I expected nothing less but it was still some-what weird. I looked back down at my feet. They had forced their way up onto the balls of my feet again. I mentally forced them down, grimacing as I felt pain shoot up my legs as muscles that were bent in ways they weren’t meant to.

“So Mr. Doubter, can you deny it now? I hate to admit it myself but I can find no evidence to prove otherwise. We, me and you if it wasn't specified, are turning into ponies from a little girl's TV show.” He stopped for a second, looking confused. “And you know what? I'm actually okay with it. I don't know why but it seems as if it is 'right'.” He walks, or tippy toes, I will not consider that walking, yet, out of the living room.

“Where the hay you going?” Great, I can no longer curse correctly, fun. I start after him.

“To the living room…? Where else?”

“Well for one, here, helping me figure out what the hay is going on and how to fix it.” I glared at him.

“Well maybe I'm cool with turning into a pony. Ever thought of that?”

I gaped at him. “How can you be cool with looking like a HORSE?”

“Pony, actually. And to be frank I don’t think we have a choice so just roll with it.” He picks up the controller. “Now I'm going to play some video games, and you aren’t going to fuss about it. Right?”

I opened my mouth to argue but he just glared at me. “Fine.”

He smiled and went back to preparing the game. I decided to do a little research on the ‘ponies’.

Several hours later Fireball finally got bored of video games and looked over to see what I was doing. I shifted in the opposite direction to avoid letting him see what I was up to. “Oh come on! Let me see. It can’t be that bad. Unless… you’re searching ponies aren’t you. My hesitation in answering said it all. “I knew it, I knew it! Welcome to the herd bro.” He put up his fist and looked at me expectantly. “Dude come on, brohoof.” I looked at the fist in confusion.

Succumbing to the fact that he wasn’t about to let me out of this I met his fist with mine. “YEAH!” I don’t know why he was so excited, or what ‘Welcome to the herd’ means but if it made him happy and made me forget about all this shit then I'm cool with it.

“Wanna go for a walk?” He asked. I looked out the window, it was getting darker but still fairly light outdoors.

“Isn’t it a bit light outside for that?”

“Naw, if we wear hooded shirts and if we just redirect any conversations about our style of walking we should be fine.”

I sigh and acknowledge his logic. “Alright if you wanna go for a walk then sure we can.”

We get outside and smell the warm Texas air. I lived in the small town of Pampa, which was situated near the right side of that rectangle on the top of the oddly shaped state. It was out of the way and not much traffic came through here, which was nice. It wasn’t one of those towns where everyone knew everyone. That was a plus in our situation. In this day and age everyone minded his or her own business and that was how I liked it.

We start off down the road and just enjoy the afternoon air. Not many people are out at this hour. Most were either getting home from work or preparing for dinner. We continued our walk for about 10 minutes or so before Fireball started up a conversation. “This is nice. Walking together like we used too.” Whoa he just slipped up there. Except he either doesn’t care or doesn’t realize it. “The memories are coming back you know. We used to take walks like this through the square when we off duty.” He giggled somewhat girlishly. “You would always be looking around as if someone was going to come out and snatch me. I would always gaze up at the clouds and imagine shapes in them.” He tilted his head up. “See that one looks like a bunny and that one looks like a pony. Ha! It’s Fluttershy and angel!” He looked expectantly at me, but I just shot a quick glance up at the forms in the clouds. They kind of resembled the element of kindness and her demon of a rabbit. I shook my head. What was I thinking; I had never met the element of kindness. I didn’t even know what the elements were.

My mind drifted back to Discord, what the hay was that demonic creature up to. If he sent all the ponies to earth wouldn’t we, I mean they start a whole new colony of sorts. Especially if Celestia or Luna were sent here. Why the hay did he need me anyways, he was an all-powerful God of chaos. Can’t he just snap his fingers and get rid of me or something? My thought process was interrupted by a crack in the sidewalk that caused me to stumble a little.

I saw Fireball walking beside me, his face a mask of confusion. “What’s up with you, usually your so refined and everything. Why are you suddenly out of sorts?”

“It’s nothing.” I replied, trying to kill the conversation before it started.

He glared at me. “I may be crazy at times but I sure as hay am not stupid. Somethin’s eating you. What is it? And don’t deny it.” He switched to walking backwards so he could make eye contact with me.

Should I tell him? Since Discord’s attention is mostly centered on me, anything I do or say could affect others. If I told him about Discord and his ‘offers’ he might be targeted as well. I scanned my mind quickly for a plausible excuse; coming up with one so obvious it should have been the first thing out of my mouth. “I'm just nervous about this whole transforming into a pony thing. There, now you have it.” I prayed that he couldn’t somehow detect lies.

He squinted at me as if trying to pressure me into confessing more but I held my tongue, my face remained straight. “Alright then, you’re over reacting.” WOAH, WOAH. Timeout. I'M overreacting? What about the fact that he ISN'T reacting?

“Overreacting?! We are losing our humanity; don’t you think that calls for a little panic?”

“Hmm, maybe you’re right, maybe you’re wrong. Either way, I'm not going to panic seeing as I can’t change what is happening.”

Logic, what used to be my friend, now betrayed me. CURSE YOU CRUEL FATE!

An hour into our walk I felt a pain in my spine. “Oh Luna this hurts. Holy Shit this hurts.” I sank to my hands and knees while the pain in my spine slowly dissipated. I looked over and saw my friend on the ground in a similar predicament.

Slowly rising to my feet I felt something furry roll up and around my legs. Oh buck me… Fireball had no problem discovering what had happened though. He immediately pulled down his pants and let lose a tail that matched his now dark orange and reddish orange hair; the latter now extended down past his shoulder to make it look almost as long as a girl’s hair.

Thankfully nobody was around to watch our little ‘performance’. “Fireball pull your pants up before someone comes out and sees you!” He was too busy holding his tail and trying to use the new appendage that he had suddenly gained.

I rolled my eyes and turned around to head home, hoping that my friend would get his head out of his tail and follow me. I got about 3 steps before the dreaded question came. “Dude what’s yours look like?” I shook my head.

“Probably the same as my hair, except as a tail.” I could not dissuade him. He caught up to me, his tail swishing behind him lazily. “Hey, put that thing back in your pants so no one can see it!”

“Are you kidding me, this feels great! How can you stand to keep it cooped up? Come on, let it out, I wanna see it. You’ve kept your hood on the entire time so I haven’t been able to see your hair much.” Ugh, I guess I’ll have to satisfy some of that childish curiosity.

I pulled off my hood to reveal hair that was about an inch or two shorter than his. “There, that is my hair. If you wanna see the tail I might feel up to showing you when we get home.” He sighed at this and resigned to the fact that I was not going to give an inch on the matter. I replaced the hood on my jacket and continued home.

Thankfully we didn’t meet many people on the way home. The people we did meet stared strangely at my friend’s tail sticking out of his rump. I simply smiled and mouthed the word ‘Brony’ to them. Either they knew or didn’t care it didn’t matter. They simply shook their heads and passed by without another look back.

Somehow we manage to make it back to the house without having an incident. I shove him inside and close the door, locking it with the deadbolt. I take off my hoodie and toss it on the couch. “What the hay do you think you’re doing? Walking around with your tail sticking out. At this rate we’ll be in the scientist’s lab before the end of the week. If we even are a little bit human by then.” I feel my ears flatten against my head in a threatening pose. “I'm here to protect you, but I'm not about to let you go get yourself killed. So stop your…” I trailed off as realization of what my body just did kicks in.

My hand reaches upwards and feels the soft fur triangles sticking out of my head. I felt them up and down, moving them with small sensory signals. I now had pony ears. “I give up, I'm turning into a pony and I can’t stop it.”

“Took you long enough.” He scratched his new ears and threw his jacket on the couch as well. “Well, aren’t you going to show me your tail?” Oh sweet Luna not this again. “Come on, you said you would. And if you don’t,” He grinned maliciously. “I’ll tickle you to death!”

“You wouldn’t dare…” He raised his fingers and wiggled them dangerously. “Try me…”

I had a few ticklish places. Only Fireball knew about them of course, but they can put me out of commission really quick.

He immediately dove for me. I nimbly scampered away. This was a game we used to play. Of course it was much harder for him when I had my wings but I would have to make do for now.

Wait, ‘when I had my wings’ the buck? All it took was that rouge thought to send me off track. I slipped up and managed to get pinned. He smiled dangerously. “Is there any way I can ask for a truce?” I pleaded.

“Eenope!” And with that the torture proceeded. It lasted for several minutes. Seriously if you want to break a prisoner you should tickle them. It is not only the most uncomfortable thing ever but after a while your lungs will start to hurt.

Finally I surrendered to the almighty Fireball. I made the necessary adjustments to my undergarments and my pants. My tail now hung out for the world to see. Surprisingly it felt much better to get the thing released from my pants. I felt the muscle and how sporadic it was.

“Dude your tail is so cool!” I can’t help but agree on that point. My tail was pitch black with a dark gray streak running through it, just like my hair. It kind of gave me the chills as I wondered what kind of pony I was actually turning into.

He gave a big yawn and I noticed it was nearing 10:00 at night. I didn’t feel tired but I know what happens if I get sleep deprivation. Trust me, it’s not pretty.

So we say our good nights and head to bed.

Not two hours later though Fireball came into my room groggily and woke me up. He complained that his head was giving him excruciating pains and wondered if I had any aspirin or something.

Giving a large sigh I got up and got him some pain killers, making sure to only give him two so he wouldn’t accidentally overdose.

I watched him paddle off and waited till I was sure he was asleep before returning to my bed, hoping for a dreamless night for a change.

Much to my chagrin however, my mind once again drifted into dreamland, the stresses of the day fading away to nothingness. Instead of a memory I found myself in a dark circular room, surrounded by mirrors reflecting back my transformed figure.

My instincts kicked in and I remained stoic. This was Discord trying to screw with me again. Well he can go buck himself for all I care. The images reflected in the mirrors changed sporadically. One showed a more feminine figure while another showed a more disfigured and more ponified version of myself. One grotesque image showed a kind of pony cyborg version of me. Half was pony and the other half was human, not symmetrical but misshapen. I stared at it long and hard. The glassed cracked under the mental stress and then shattered. The effort left me a bit weak but I bared my teeth and waited for the miscreant to show himself. I didn’t have to wait long.

I heard a slow clapping coming from where the mirror had been standing. The freak that called himself ‘Discord’ stepped out from the other side of the frame and bored his twin eyes at me. “Congratulations my little pony.” He sneered. “You’ve managed to conquer a rogue thought I’ve put into your mind.”

“You can leave now you messed freak. I don’t have time for bucked up pieces of flank shit like you.” I retorted.

The God’s eyes burned once more with a small amount of fury, only to be brushed again by calmness. “Somepony has a potty mouth don’t they?”

“If you here about the deal you can forget it. My answer is the same and it always will be. So get your sorry carcass out of my dreams before I make you.” I didn’t know if I could mentally remove a God from my mind, but I sure as hay was going to try.

“No no no,” he waved his hands in mock distress. “I’m not here to offer you that choice anymore.” His eyes turned hard and unforgiving. He snapped and my body resumed its transformation process. Not long after that I was full blown pony. I glared at him with defiance but he just laughed at my antics. “I know you won’t accept my offer so I'm going to try a different approach. I'm here to Demand the correct choice from you.”

I trembled inside but didn’t let my emotions come to bear. “And how do you plan to do that?”

He grinned evilly; it made me tremble visibly. “It’s quite simple, either you join me. Or for the nights you don’t you will be subjected to your worst nightmares.”

His form faded away with the rest of the room and I found myself sitting outside. I looked around and saw the familiar landscape of Equestria. Wait, familiar? “Shadow, lighten up a little. Your acting like a Manticore or a hydra is going to come out at any moment and attack.” I turned and saw Fireball, my housemate sitting on the picnic tarp beside me. Maybe it was all a dream, maybe Discord was just bluffing, making me think he could do shit but he couldn’t.

I heard some rustling coming from the forest we were settled beside. The dark trees rustled and a long shadow emerged from the foliage. I moved in front of Fireball and prepared to defend her. The rustling stopped for a moment. Then it pounced out of the bushes. An agile… dangerous… bloodthirsty… bunny; where did that come from? I picked it up with my foreleg and turned to show it to Fireball. “Hey Fireball look what I fou…”

Suddenly Fireball leaned forward and kissed me full on the lips. My eyes widened in confusion. Neither of us expressed interest in the other and had no intentions of ever getting together. We were housemates, I helped her with damage control sometimes and she helped me become less of a tight flank. Wait I did, no no no these memories weren’t mine. Before I could get into a mental argument with myself I heard Fireball speak again. “That was… delicious.” Uh oh. It was the only thing I could get through my mind before I was tackled. “You know I love you, I always have. They say opposites attract and that was true with us. Don’t deny it, you love me.”

I found it hard to keep my gaze away from her backside. “I. Don’t. Love. You. I like you as a friend and nothing more.” My eyes drifted back to her flank involuntarily.

She followed my gaze and smiled lustfully. She turned so her backside was more prominent. “Look, now tell me if you don’t want me.” I couldn’t fight it, the desire was too much, I resisted as much as I could before my eyes fixed them on her flank. Wait, my brain shifted into high gear. Discord! I snapped out of my trance and looked away. Fireball’s gaze grew angry at my action. But quick thinking saved the day.

Much to her pleasure I returned my gaze and spoke. “Yes, I want you Fireball. Give me all you have. I wanna buck you.” Thankfully she took the bait and relaxed her posture. My? guard training kicked in and I braced my legs for a powerful kick. She noticed movement and started to grow tense again. I gave a might kick for all I was worth and she went flying off me, sailing for 10 feet. I sat up quickly, seeing my opponent get up as well. Acting fast I took off at breakneck speed. It wasn’t quite as fast as the element of loyalty, but it was still a speed that rivaled most pegasi. I heard Fireball’s anguished cries as I flew higher. Those cries soon turned to anger though and I saw a small ball of electricity arc up in front of me. Instead of grinding to a halt like I desired too I kept going. Another ball flew by where I had been a moment earlier. Damn her and her training.

I couldn’t out fly her forever. My wings were unusually tired and I knew I wasn’t even making any headway. I couldn’t escape a nightmare. Suddenly Discord popped in front of me. “Now this is no fun. Your dreamtime is almost up and you have yet to buck her. We can’t have you skirting the inevitable now can we?” He snapped his fingers and the air around me disappeared. I was standing in front of a very angry much in heat Fireball. I tried flapping my wings but looked back and cried out in dismay at the fact that they were gone. I turned back to Fireball and watched in slow motion as she pounced. Her horn glowed and my hooves were locked into place. I tried to pull them away but the spell held fast. Right before she hit I tried dodging to the right, leaning my body over as far as I could.

I couldn’t make her miss completely but when she crashed into my shoulder it disrupted her enough to break the spell. Without the unnatural support I fell on my side and fireball jumped back on top of me. Her eyes glowed a dull yellow. “Oh, I'm going to enjoy this so much.” She proceeded to lick my cheek, moving ever so slowly towards my mouth.

Oh Celestia did it have to come to this? This wasn’t even my life! Was it?

More memories came flooding in, but not those of pleasant times. There was the pain of that first strike from the fireball. Then came the time I broke my foreleg in combat. The pain was excruciating, but it was doing its job. I was too distracted to notice that her tongue had entered my mouth and her body lowered to my nether regions. An image of Fireball lying charred on the ground flashed through my mind. We were no longer in Equestria, but on Earth. She lay there blackened by ash and soot. Her broken body barely moved and her breathing was ragged. “Why? Why didn’t you just give up and save me? You could have avoided all this if only you had given into Discord.” She sniffled and was about to continue. As soon as she said ‘Discord’ my mind dug its way out of the horror and back to reality. Just as I felt our bodies come together.

I gave a swift head butt to the construct that Discord had made. They say that when you’re in a dream any pain would wake you up. This might be true in some cases, but in this case it wasn’t. She drew back, disoriented, but a royal guard doesn’t become a royal guard by being weak. I gave another hard knock and saw stars dance before my eyes. She swayed a bit, but remained conscious. One… more… ought to do… it. I closed my eyes and braced myself. I threw every ounce of strength into the thrusting of my head into hers.

The impact shattered my vision. No literally shattered it. The nightmare froze and the pieces fell down before my eyes. I found myself standing in the all-familiar black emptiness I experienced when I first started dreaming. I heard some clapping coming from the blackness before me and braced myself. Only to find that I was still in my pony form and braced in a battle position that I somehow knew about. I didn’t relax, as the God of chaos walked out of the shadows, still clapping. “Well done my little pony!” He jeered. I gritted my teeth, “Don’t call me that, I'm not your little pony.” Discord could tell he was breaking me mentally and grinned menacingly. “Of course my little pony.” I gritted my teeth and refused to let him get to me. My mental strength was running dry. “I'm impressed that you managed to break your dreamscape. However, before you leave the realm of sleep I would like to know your answer, the correct one hopefully?”

I glared daggers at him, but he just stared back blankly. I hung my head in defeat and turned my gaze up to him. His smile had grown wider. “No.” I whispered.

“I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you.” He pulled some torture devices out of his ear. I gulped at the sight at all the nasty tools, knowing full well how far he could get before killing me in dreamscape.

I pulled my courage together and focused on the one word in my mind. “No!” I shouted in defiance.

Discord just shook his head and tsked. “You know that wasn’t the correct answer. Well I guess it will take another night to break you. Luckily that silly night princess has yet to discover her powers and I have free reign in dreams.” He wrapped himself up in the blackness until all but his head were gone. “Oh and you might want to cut Fireball some slack, this morning is going to be a bit tough for her.” He winked and was gone out of existence. My eyes closed and I left the world between dreams.

I sat up quickly, panting and sweating a bit. That nightmare, and there were more to come… I don’t know how I was going to manage mentally. If I even survived the next one I would probably be scarred for life. It had felt so real. I shivered at the thought of having sex with Fireball.

FIREBALL! Oh my Luna! What did Discord do to her! If he so much as hurt a hair on her head I would kill him. I don’t care if it was a dream; the mare meant more to me than the world itself.

Wait. Mare?

Roadtrip!

I hear a string of unintelligible words followed by the slamming of a door and the unmistakable pop of alcohol. In retrospect I probably shouldn’t have bought so many, but I had gotten her favourite. I get up and sigh. I guess I better address the situation that is my roommate.

I get out of bed and am met with a not-so-pleasant surprise. I have no feet. They’re just gone. All I see is the tough nail like substance that is a pony’s hoof. Giving a sigh of defeat I rise out of bed to meet another hectic day. By now I figured that I was a pony, or at least turning into one, and frankly, I no longer cared. In fact I was feeling a bit more comfortable with it. I stand up and look down to see what new things had gone on during the night. So far it looks the same; except for my feet/hooves I still have my tail, my longish hair and the cutie mark thing.

“Shadow! Um, we have to talk!” I hear Fireball yell from downstairs. I open my mouth to reply when I feel my tongue explore my mouth. All my teeth are flat. I groan in frustration as I realize that ponies are herbivores.

I wonder what’s up with Fireball. Does it have to do with that stream of obscenities I heard earlier? Is she hurt or in trouble? I reach the bottom the stairs to find her standing there. Wait… her? Oh shit! “Hey um…” My voice cracks.

“First, I'm a damn girl now. Second, do I need to pull down my pants and show you or do you take my word for it?” I take a good look at her and see she has more feminine facial features. “Well?”

“Um…” I cough nervously. “I believe you.”

Her face remains serious. “Good, because now I'm going to drink myself under the table and hope that when I wake up this’ll just be a nightmare.” She walked off in the direction of the kitchen.

A picture passes through my mind of Fireball, drunk, running around outside showing off to the whole world that we were freaks. The thought produced a prevailing emotion at the idea of being carted off to a lab or somewhere to be dissected. I jumped off the last few stairs and sprinted as best I could towards to the kitchen. I realized too late my folly as I came crashing to meet the hardwood floor in a less civilized manner.

Well it seems that hooves are of no use when walking on hardwood floor; well running at least, I hadn’t tried walking yet. I lay on the floor, partially stunned by my fall and tried to talk through the pain. Fireball hurried over, beer in hand, to survey the damage. "You alright?"

My spine still hurt from its collision but I weakly reached out for the beer in her hand. Hopefully she might catch on.

She looked at the beverage she was holding and laughed heartily. "Silly, beer isn't a good pain suppressant; you need something a bit stronger." I felt like face palming again.

The pain was starting to wear off now maybe I can talk. I opened my mouth and forced words out. "No… beer…"

Her smiling face turned into a frown. "What do you mean 'no beer'?" I saw a bit of flames dance in her eyes. "You think I'm going to go crazy don'tcha? Well I'll tell you something. I'm going through a crisis right now. I'm now a bucking woman AND turning into a pony. I need my medication!" She fumed.

I silently chastised myself for my mistrust. This was a loyal friend that had saved my life on some occasions; certainly she could handle the alcohol. "Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking; I'm a bit stressed out by the current events as well."

She offered her hand to help me and I accepted it. She pulled me to my feet and smiled. "No worries I understand. With A person with a track record such as mine I would be a little cautious as well." She slapped me on the back. "We're royal guards we were trained to combat odd situations!"

Her smile was infectious. "Yeah, it's not like things could get any worse."

A loud banging erupted from the front door. "Open up! I know you freaks are in there! You might as well open for me; I've already called the police!"

Fireball just glared at me. "You just HAD to say it, didn't you?" She hissed quietly.

“It’s your fault for wearing your tail out in public!” I whispered back. I walked over to my door and looked through the peephole to see if I could identify the intruder. “Oh Luna, why did it have to be him?”

“Open the damn door you horse freaks!” the figure shouted through the door.

“What? Who is it?” She asked, a bit worried.

“It’s my crazy neighbor who pretty much believes in every urban legend ever created. He is never going to leave us alone until he is proved wrong.” My voice dropped to a mutter. “And sometimes not even then.”

“Well it’s not like we can prove him wrong, we’re pretty much ponies now. We could ditch the house and try to get out of town.” He walked away from the door and beckoned me to do as well. Well buck, I hope our entire conversation wasn’t overheard.

“Well that is a possibility. I know my truck has a full tank of gas and we could probably siphon some more into containers from your car. Good thing you parked it in my garage last night. It could definitely get us at least halfway to Canada if we wanted.” I paused, trying to think of a good place that we could camp out till this was over and done. “Hey where is your computer, Google maps has yet to fail me in traveling matters.”

“S’over in the living room where it has been for quite a while.” He replied kind of slurred.

“Well while I'm doing this why don’t you pack up some other stuff before my crazy flank of a neighbor gets it into his head to do something else?” I opened up the computer, once again unlocked. Should really get him to create a password or some other locking device on this.

Pulling up Google maps I found Pampa TX and looked around for any other towns. I knew there was a small town to the north called ‘Perryton’ so checked with that first. Wait what was that? I thought I heard faint sirens in the distance. “OH SHIT FIREBALL THAT BUCKER WASN'T KIDDING!” The sirens were steadily growing louder. Perryton will have to do I guess. I grabbed the computer and stuffed it into his bag. The computer would be of use until were ponies, hopefully somebody would buy it or something.

I took one last look around my house before heading into the kitchen to see Fireball was heading for the garage door.

There was loud banging on our door and a commanding voice rang from it. “Residents, we have a report of a mutant horse people being housed in here. If that is you, please open the door and surrender yourselves.”

“Like buck we will, most likely send us off to a damn lab.” I whispered. The last thing we wanted was for them to be pushed to get in and me mouthing off to them would not help at all. “Come on; get into the truck.” He grabbed what he had and made off with it.

I was about to leave as well before I remembered something important. I ran quickly up the stairs, making sure not to make any sound at all. Under my bed was the strong fireproof box that kept most of my valuables. I quickly grabbed it and the key I kept under the mattress and hurried back downstairs.

Fireball was waiting by the back door, holding it open so as not to make any noise. “Shadow, what the buck are you doing man, we have to go. As much as I’ve wanted to run from the cops in real life, I aint looking forward to being shipped off to a lab.”

“Sorry, I had to get this, couldn’t leave without it.” He looked at the box, confused, but shrugged his shoulders and motioned to the garage. As if to finalize our departure I turned off the lights and sighed. I would probably never see this house again.

My truck was packed full, front and back, of everything we needed. Hopefully we wouldn’t have to worry about making pit stops or whatever.

Looking at the current situation I was glad I decided to park the truck in backwards when I put it into the garage. Opening the door would take too much time and besides, I wasn’t going to see the house again, why should I care what happens? I watched Fireball drop a beer can in the recycle bin and go to the driver’s side door. “Please man, can I drive? You never let me drive and this is like my one chance to get some ‘On the run’ action!” I hesitated.

“Well for one your drunk.” I started.

“Bah, I’ve got a partial immunity from years of drinking, I think I can handle a few beers.” She stated a matter-of-factly.

“You really want to don’t you?” She shook her head animatedly. “Fine you can drive.” I climbed into the passenger side.

She started to reach for the garage door opener but I shooed her hand away. She grinned maliciously, “I was hoping you would do that.” She inserted the keys and revved the engine. Oh Luna, how in the world are we going to get out of this? I think hear some yelling coming from outside. Must be my ears because I'm pretty sure I shouldn’t be able to hear anything over the engine.

Much to my chagrin she slammed on the gas and crashed through my garage door and into the street. There was a screech of tires as she swerved around police cars. Then to add insult to injury she took one hand flicked off the officers standing on the front porch. If this keeps up I'm going to have a handprint on my head from all her antics.

I can’t believe Fireball’s driving. We left more than just a few skid marks on our exit from the neighborhood. And of course the police officers were trained to respond to this sort of thing and were on our tail a few moments after he got onto the road so that didn’t help at all.

Thankfully my truck was the heavy-duty kind and was the king of traction. We managed to gain some ground after each turn but lost some during the straight ways.

Fireball of course was enjoying herself fully. She whooped and occasionally made obscene gestures out the window at the car following us.

“Fireball.” She didn’t respond. “Fireball.” Same results. “Fireball!” I shouted. That got her attention. “Your phone has internet right?” She nodded. “Well can I have it?” She nodded again.

The tires screeched as we went into another sharp turn. Thankfully not many people were driving at this time and we didn’t accidentally cause a wreck. “Aren’t you going to give it to me?”

Apparently this actually warranted a response unlike the last few questions. “I'm a little busy right now, it’s in my back right pocket just grab it.” I hesitated again. “What? Oh, you’re uncomfortable with that? You baby. You’re decent, but a baby. Just reach back there and grab it.”

I reached and dug into her pocket for her phone. She raised her butt up a little and my hand went inside the pocket a little easier. As I grasped the device I sought her tail brushed against my arm. My mind immediately went back to the dream I had. I heard a voice faintly saying, “Come on Shadow, you know you want to do more. Take me in all I am. Shadowwww, come on shadowwww…” “Shadow! Equestria to Shadow! WAKE UP DAMMIT!” My body shifted to the right as the truck lurched to the left. I shook my head in confusion, trying to draw myself away from the seductive form of Fireball in my head.

“Yo, Shadow, what the hay happened? You grabbed the phone and were just about to pull it out then just froze up.” She sounded concerned.

“It’s nothing.” She can’t know; she doesn’t need to know. I looked up and saw her looking at me with a look of concern. I smiled softly, and then out of the corner of my eye saw a tree. “WOAH! Keep your eyes on the road!”

She swerved to avoid the tree and resumed driving. “Oops. Well on another note; you were out for a good minute or so. You missed some great action. I took this really tight turn, and of course I nailed it, might have left a centimeter or two of rubber on the pavement, but I nailed it. Anyways, Smokey back there couldn’t take it and ended up skidding out of control. HA HA. Oh man, well, long story short we no longer have a tail.” She looked back at her butt. “Oh wait, yes we do. BWAHAHA. That was funny!” The truck started to drift into the left hand lane.

“Fireball, are you sober?” She looked a bit loopy and I wanted to make totally sure.

“Sober? Hay, I had another 3 beers while you were looking at the compooter. Ha pooter.” I suddenly did not feel safe in this truck anymore.

“Do you want me to drive? Or do you feel confident enough to do it?” I asked cautiously.

“Of course I feel up to it! I'm the only one who can outrun Smokey anyways.” Eh, I trust her enough; maybe it would be better if I handled directions anyways.

“Wait, who is Smokey?” I'm pretty sure it’s slang for something but I didn’t know what.

She snickered. “Heh, Smokey is da… erm… the police, yeah. Ya never heard the po-po being called ‘bears’?” I shook my head. “Well plug my phone into yer stereo thingy and find ‘Convoy’ on my music playlist thing.” I did as she asked and sat back to listen to the song.

We managed to make it to interstate 70 and continued north. I noticed that Fireball was starting to act a bit more civilized than before. I made sure that she stayed below the speed limit, no sense in giving the police a reason to pull us over considering the mess we made. Thirty minutes in however we had a problem. Fireball decided to take a nap.

Getting her out of the car, carrying her to the other side of it, then dumping her back into it was not a fun process. You’d think that because she is a girl she would be lighter, nope. It was a good workout transferring her from the driver’s side to the passenger’s side; one that I will never willingly do again. Luna, she was heavy! Of course I’ll never say this out loud; I like my face in its proper shape thank you.

Unfortunately around the same time I found out that we had been reported. Thankfully though the cop car driving past us did not take any notice to the black truck sitting on the side of the road. From that point onward I was exceptionally careful to watch for roadside police cars.

In the movies the bad guy is usually doing his best to get away from the scene of the crime, speeding in excess and making sharp turns. I was riding on the hope that the cops were stereotypes and assumed the same thing. There was also the fact that we had only avoided the law not any other crime, but I figured that after the show we put on they went back and listened to my damn neighbor a little more sincerely.

I started the engine and eased back onto the highway, pulling out a bag of chips and slowly munching on them. For some reason they made my brain a little foggy however so I stopped.

The highway was empty mostly, except for the occasional speedster that roared past us. That made the encounters with the law a little more uncomfortable. My heart beat faster and my hands clenched every time I pulled off to the side to let a cop roar by, the siren piercing the cab to shriek in my ears.

Eventually we reached the border of Perryton, Fireball had managed to claw her way out of her alcohol induced sleep but wasn’t quite sober yet so I'm not going to allow her behind the wheel.

Besides the occasional car or cop the trip had been very uneventful. Knowing my luck, however, that wouldn’t last long. Before we entered the town, which was a stupid thing to do, I looked for a side road to pull off onto so we could settle down and discuss our options. A few seconds later I saw a hospital sign and started to panic, hospitals mean people; people mean more chances of being discovered. Thankfully a side road opened up about half a mile from the hospital.

I slowed down in preparation to pull onto the side road. It was a tiny little thing, but it would have to do. I drove for about another 10-15 minutes, making sure that I was well away from the highway so we would avoid suspicion.

A few minutes after I was satisfied with the distance I had put between us and the danger, I parked in a small inlet to hide the truck in. Which reminds me, we had forgotten to siphon the gas out of Fireball’s car. At the thought I lost my temper. “Luna dammit! Why did this have to happen! My life was going great! Now all this pony shit comes and ruins it!” I kicked the truck in frustration. “Oh, Luna… what has my life come too?” I suddenly felt very drained. It was the middle of the afternoon and I felt as if I hadn’t had sleep in at least a day. I yawned loudly, loud enough for my passenger to hear from his side of the truck.

“You tired? I think in my stupor I, for some reason, grabbed a sleeping bag in your garage, you could use that if you wanted to. She grabbed said item and walked over to me, stumbling a little from the late effects of the alcohol. “Here, you lay down,” She looked around at the surrounding countryside. “somewhere, and I’ll keep watch, can’t let myself become rusty at my job now can I?”

I spread the bag out on the trunk of the truck, which had a covering over it. She put her arms up on the side of it and looked at me. “You get some sleep now ya hear? Don’t wantcha acting like your drunk when ya aint. Be an insult to the word ‘drunk’.” She brushed her hair out of her face, giving me a look at something I had not noticed before.

My eyes fluttered and I yawned deeply again. “You… you… you have a hooorrrnnnn…” The last of my sentence slurred as sleep overtook me.

Failure to protect

Instead of the regular world between dreams I found myself on the castle grounds. It was a beautiful day outside and Celestia’s sun shone brightly. I had decided to visit Fireball during her break to give her lunch and visit for a little before going back to sleep. Being a lunar guard is great, but it requires that you have to sleep for most of the day in order to be awake for the night shift. Occasionally I was called in for a day shift to guard Princess Luna’s room, but mostly I worked night shifts.

I walked through the castle gates, making sure to show proper identification to the guards stationed there so I might pass through unhindered. Ironically enough, Celestia had placed my roommate outside the throne room where she held solar court. What was she thinking? Every noble or pony had to atleast acknowledge Fireball or the other guard, who was almost just as bad as Fireball herself.

I gave a slight chuckle. Oh Celestia...

Knowing Fireball, she was probably bored out of her mind and probably talked her head off. Thankfully she was paired most of the time with another stallion who loved to chitchat so she didn’t make anypony mad.

I rounded the last corner and saw my roommate. Her eyes opened wide and I suddenly had a vision of her pouncing on me, demanding that I buck her. I shook away the memory. It would never work between me and her. For one I liked her as a friend, no more. Coupled with the fact that I was a night pony and she was a day pony (who occasionally partied at night) it was an imperfect match.

I walked towards her slowly, the bag containing her lunch held in my mouth. I could tell she felt like bouncing from excitement but wouldn’t so she wouldn’t get in trouble. About halfway there the relief guards trotted in from the side to give Fireball and her friend a break. She beamed and galloped towards me.

I braced myself for impact but fortunately it never happened. I opened my eyes and found her sitting comfortably in front of me. “Hey Shadow! Why are you here? Don’t you usually sleep during the day?”

I dropped the bag at her hooves. “You forgot your lunch today. Also, I just wanted to talk for a while, do you mind?”

“Oops. Hmm, thought I would have noticed that I left it. How did you know?”

“When you party late at night I usually take the time to make it for you considering you’re usually half dead when you come home.” I laughed heartily. She was the only one besides the princesses that could truly make me laugh. Well I guess the Element of Laughter, Pinkie Pie, can as well but it is her job so it doesn’t count.

We exited the castle, giving a nod to the guards at the door. It was a beautiful day, I prefer Luna’s night myself, but the day still had it’s own natural beauty.

What was that in the distance? A dark blot on the horizon steadily grew closer. Unfortunately it was near the sun so my eyesight was decreased. Fireball on the other hand had had plenty of experience with fire and bright light, so she could easily distinguish what the blot was. “CHANGE…” A white hoof pressed against her mouth and another thwacked her on the head, putting her unconscious.

I turned to face one of the royal guards who had been supposed to be guarding the door. More specifically I met his upraised hoof head on. It was still daytime so I wasn’t as tough as I could be but I was still strong enough to shake off a single hit. I spread my wings and took my battle stance. The other ‘guard’ who had incapacitated Fireball started towards me but the guard in front of me held up a hoof. “This one is mine.” Then his white fur fell away revealing black chitin. Green fire spread across the pony’s back and head to create holed appendages. Before no longer was a royal guard, but a changeling in the service of the evil queen Chrysalis.

“You might have masqueraded as a guard, but you certainly don’t have what it takes to take me down, changeling.” I spit back at him.

His eyes burned with anger and he charged. I quickly sidestepped my opponent, but not quick enough to avoid a cut on my shoulder. It wasn’t deep and wouldn’t hinder me at all. “My turn.” I muttered.

I powered up my wings and prepared my darkness thrust. It was a special move that only certain pegasus could do, and rarely any outside the lunar guard could do it as well. I flew at him across the Shadow the castle’s outer wall created. He turned around and was met with my forehead across his chest. The force created from the sudden acceleration launched him a few feet before he flipped back onto his hooves, skidding to a stop. “Oh, your good, better step up my game another notch.”

I snorted. “I’ve heard better lines from scripted evil villains!” I smiled as I saw his frown increase. Good, the more enraged he is the more he will screw up.

He flinched slight as he took a step forward; a faint spot on his armour where I had hit was still somewhat darker than the rest of his chitin. He shrugged it off and I saw his right forehoof shift slightly, signaling that he was about to jump me. His body took off but I was prepared and dropped under him, rolling over so my hooves were facing him. It all seemed to happen in slow motion. My hooves coiled up like a spring before shooting off into his stomach.

He went flying into the wall, falling to the ground in a heap. I retained my emotionless face and turned to stare down the other changeling guarding Fireball. “You want to have a go next?” The changeling grinned menacingly. I grinned inwardly; I wasn’t even winded. As soon as I took care of this changeling I could return to the princesses and warn them of the coming invasion.

He seemed a bit too confident though. My eyes shot open and spun around to meet the other changeling head on, taking the brunt of his attack in my chest. I flew a couple feet before coming to a stop. The changeling still had me pinned on the ground and bared it’s fangs menacingly.

“STAND DOWN!” A commanding voice shouted. I ceased my stare down and turned to look at the new arrival. My ears flattened and I glared at the queen of the changelings herself, Chrysalis.

“These two are not to be harmed, restrain them and follow me to the throne room, hopefully those two overgrown toddlers have been subdued and restrained properly for the demonstration.

I gritted my teeth, how dare she talk about Princess Luna and Princess Celestia that way!

I gave a mighty buck and the changeling on top of me was flung off. I sprung to my feet before any of the changeling army that had followed their queen could react. I flared my wings and took off at the fastest speed I could muster in the direction of the queen. A green glow surrounded me and I stopped within an inch of the queen’s face. “Brave, ruthless, and unwilling to give up. You should have been born a changeling prince so your talents could be put to better use than as a petty guard for politicians.”

I spit in her face to show her how much I thought of her statement.

She glared at me. “Though your attitude definitely leaves something to be sought for. Soldiers, gather the orange one. This one will be escorted personally by me.” I snorted at her arrogance. It had made her slip up before and it will make her slip up again.

I hovered in her sickly green glow beside her as we traversed the castle passages. Every time we passed a set of guards they saluted and transformed back into changelings. Chrysalis turned to face me. “We have been planning this invasion for weeks now. You silly ponies didn’t even notice how we stole guards and replaced them.” I stayed silent, refusing to give her the satisfaction of a retort.

We arrived at the throne room and found the two guards from before standing guard. They stood in front of the door at attention as we approached. As before with the other guards they too saluted and resumed their former shapes. They stepped to the side and chrysalis fired up another spell to open the doors.

What I saw when we entered made my heart sink. Discord was sitting on Celestia’s throne, using the sun goddess as a footstool. He was facing a large screen type thing that showed a picture of space and the moon. Oddly enough it looked like the moon was made out of warm cheese as it was sloshing everywhere. But what really took its toll on me was the figure that was up to her knees in the stuff. Princess Luna tried her best to stay above the sea of dairy, but was failing.

He noticed our arrival and turned towards us. “Ah Chrysi, about time you got here with him. I was starting to think Celestia here wasn’t enjoying her new position.” Celestia just glared at him before standing to her full height, having been free of his feet the moment he turned. Discord snapped his fingers and the Luna on the screen disappeared and then reappeared, cheese and all, in the middle of the room.

“I was wondering how to properly break your resolve when I stumbled on the best idea!” Maybe if I glared at him long enough he would melt. “Public executions to show how badly you failed!” My iron resolve faded and my eyes widened in shock. Discord smiled devilishly. “And lovely Tia will be the first to die!”

A gasp of shock emanated from the solar princess before she disappeared. The screen that Discord had been looking at grew larger in size until it dominated the room. No longer was a picture of a cheesy moon upon it, but a frozen wasteland. A figure, white as the snow around it stood amidst the wasteland, shivering furiously. A black sun remained in the sky, providing no warmth to its keeper.

The figure started walking and seemed to call out, though we heard no noise coming from the screen. Chrysalis cackled loudly. “What’s wrong little Tia? Can’t stand a bit of chill?” I was about to mock her for talking to a screen but I saw Celestia perk up and look around for the voice. She wandered around the white dunes of snow and ice. Her shivering increased and the landscape remained unchanging. Finally she stopped and hung her head in defeat. She looked up at us, and mouthed ‘I'm sorry’. NO NO! I wanted to scream. It wasn’t your fault Princess! It was mine! I should have been more careful; I let you down. I'm the one at fault!

With all hope lost I watched as she lay down in the snow as it quickly built up around her. She was no longer shivering, having succumbed to hypothermia. The wind picked up and blew snow all over the screen. I watched in horror as little by little her body disappeared until there was nothing left of the princess of the sun.

Discord laughed animatedly with Chrysalis while Luna mourned her sister’s demise. I remained shocked. I had sworn to protect her, to make sure she was safe and Discord took her away, just like that.

I couldn’t let my emotions obstruct my thought though. Luna was still alive and I had to make sure that that stayed true.

I turned towards chrysalis and summoned up every ounce of spit I possessed in my mouth. “Hey horse!” I gurgled out. She turned, enraged by such a comment. She opened her mouth to snap back at me; that was when I struck. I spit the glob of liquid straight down her muzzle. Her eyes widened in shock and her mouth contorted to an expression of pure disgust.

I got the reaction I was hoping for. With her mind set on removing the foreign substance from her mouth her magic that held me faded, dropping me to the floor. As soon as my hooves touched ground I launched myself towards the lunar princess, grabbing her by the midsection before hitting one of the glass panes that decorated the castle.

We sailed through the air over the garden. I twisted so that Luna would land on top of me when we landed. We crashed into the ground. I groaned as Luna removed her body from mine. It felt like I had broken a wing, but no other parts seemed to be of great injury. I got up and escorted the distraught princess away from the castle. If we could just get to the elements… I turned a corner and there in the middle of a large field sat a large cage. In it were the elements of harmony, their wings and horns removed, grey as graphite and looking sullen.

They didn’t even acknowledge our presence. Luna still had her head hung only walking because I led her. I moved towards the cage, maybe I could open it. What stopped me was a single paw outstretched from the side of the cage. Discord stepped out from the side, seemingly from nowhere. “Ah, thought you could escape did you? That was a neat trick with chrysalis, but I have an even better one.” He snapped his talons and the world around me morphed to that of an old Roam coliseum.

I was tied down with chains to the floor, unable to move more than a few inches in any direction. My wing remained broken and I cursed when I felt the pain of moving it. Discord appeared in front of me. “Well, let us continue the executions in style shall we?” He clapped his hands and the floor of the arena slid away to revealing a rising form. Fireball… Discord slithered away from me towards her with a large red object in his hand. It had some kind of tube coming out of the top.

Humans have a tool that they use to fight out of control fires.” He hefted the large object to show me it better. “It outputs a gas that suffocates fires, making them die out. I wonder how effective it will be against this out of control Fireball?”

“NO!” I screamed as he inched the hose forward connecting it with Fireball’s muzzle. She tried to scream as his claw reached for what I took for the release switch. I turned away, unable to watch my lifelong friend die in such a horrid way.

I heard the hiss of escaping gas and Discord laughing maniacally. I heard Fireball thrash about for a bit before stopping. I turned back to see what had happened.

Discord threw away the horrid tool used to murder my friend and made a gesture of revealing at her body.

(Gore incoming CTRL + F Gore over and done to skip)

I looked in horror at the bloated remains. Foam came from her mouth as if she had rabies or another infectious disease. My heart cracked at the scene of her demise. “You could have prevented Shadow. You could have saved them but you choose to save yourself. And for that they must pay the price.

And so I was forced to watch the demise of those I was supposed to protect. Twilight came next. Her horn restored. Discord laughed again and snapped his fingers, creating a ball of light at the base of twilight’s horn. It slowly traveled up until it encased her horn entirely. Her eyes turned solid white with power as the spell purposefully backfired causing a magnificent explosion that created a crater 16 feet in diameter.

Next came Applejack and Rainbow Dash, former friend turned rivals. They started off on opposite sides of the arena but their positions quickly changed as they grappled with one another. As they punched and bruised one another snippets of their conversations could be heard. “Weakling? Ah’ll show you whose weak you pile o’horsefeathers!” “… couldn’t hit a barn door if you bucked it!” I watched in horror as they decimated one another. Would that happen to me and fireball as well one day?

I nearly cried as tenderhearted Fluttershy shyly walked towards a Manticore centered in the arena. At first it looked like it would befriend her, but then it struck with full force. An immediate gash upon her side that ran down to her flank. A smack followed it and she was sent flying into a wall. I closed my eyes and turned away unable to watch the horror befall the kind former pegasus.

Probably worst of all was the joyous Element of Laughter’s torture. The one they called Pinkie and rarity slowly trotted out into the open. Pinkie started to laugh insanely, the loss of her friends too much for her carefree innocent mind. Her resolve broke and she attacked poor rarity. I heard munching and glanced to the right barely able to stomach the horrors to which I’d been subjected to. I saw Discord sitting in a cushioned recliner eating popcorn as if this was all just a movie to him.

(Gore over and done)

I dared not look back as I heard the distinctive sound of flesh being severed and a shrill scream. Poor pinkie had become the horror only told about as jokes in the guard. Pinkamena had been released, and she was ready to kill. I heard a triumphic yell and turned to see a grey blur jump towards me. Right before she hit however the scene blurred away to reveal a large circular room with a single light hanging from the ceiling. (This was as close as i could get to what i imagined.)

Discord appeared in front of me, bending over so that he could look me straight in the eyes. “Had enough Shadow? Your friends are DEAD because of you, it was your job and you failed them!”

My heart was naught but tiny pieces now barely held together by a single thread of hope. I hadn’t seen princess Luna in the arena, maybe she escaped to plan a counter attack; she was good at those. “Well? What do you have to say for yourself you worthless pony?” Discord chided.

I collapsed amongst my chains; I had nothing to say. It was all my fault, I should have been there for them! Now Fireball will never get to find her special somepony, Luna will never get to be truly loved by her subjects and Celestia died knowing that her kingdom was doomed.

Discord drew away from my shivering form, grinning slightly. “Well I do believe I'm missing someone aren’t I queen Chrysalis?” My eyes grew wide.

“No… not Luna, she…” I watched as Luna’s dark blue body was dragged to the center of the room where a long table was positioned.

Chrysalis took a long a look at me before laughing again. “I will take great pleasure in seeing your will broken puny pony. You should not have insulted me so, for now you will pay for your insolence!” She used her magic to lift the princess’ body onto the table, taking thick leather straps and securing her legs and tail. She groaned softly every time one of them was pulled tightly and each groan cut another tear in my heart and mind.

“No… not Luna…” I muttered weakly. I was exhausted mentally by the horrors I had witnessed from the other deaths of loved ones and those I was sworn to protect.

Luna groaned again from the pain the uncomfortable position she was in. Her head was still maneuverable and she turned to look at me pleadingly. “You said you would protect me, that you would always be there fore me. You failed me.” She looked away and the last of the strength I had in my heart fell away. I collapsed in the restraints I had been given and cried.

“Oh come now, the best part hasn’t even started yet!” Discord cried happily. “Oh Pinkamena, why don’t you come out here and meet our guest?” I stopped shedding tears. The element of laughter? But she had already… no… no no no!

I watched a disfigured pinkish shape enter the room. Her creepy grin pierced my eyes and made me want to cower in fear, except I already was. She swayed a little and stopped at the edge light provided by the single light from the ceiling. “It’s okay my child, you do not need to fear the light.” Chrysalis purred.

The pink monstrosity shuddered before answering. “Will it be a party Chrysi? I looove parties” At the last part her grin grew wider. I saw the changeling queen cringe slightly at the nickname, but she took it in stride.

“Yes my subject, it will be a grand marvelous party!” With this added assurance the disfigured form that had been the element of laughter, now turned into a mindless soulless machine, strode into the light.

“Shadow, you said you would help me in my time of need. Why do you stand there watching as if this is some kind of show?” Luna questioned with a bit of disappointment clear in her voice.

I looked down at the pitch-black chains that had locked around my hooves. They were two centimeters thick a link and were only a foot long. “Princess, I am chained to the floor, as much as I want to help you I am unable to.” I hung my head in defeat.

Pinkamena walked over to the operating table. “Oh goody! Hey princess! We are going to have SO much fun together!” She reached upwards and her smile wavered. “Queen chrysi, can you get me the party items?” Chrysalis grinned maliciously and her horn glowed a sickly green. “There my child. Have fun.”

Pinkamena looked upwards at a large saw that slowly lowered towards her from the ceiling. She giggled as she grasped the controls. “Oh princess, I just LOVE doing magic tricks! For my first trick, I'm going to saw my assistants limbs off!” Her grin widened so much that it seemed that she no longer possessed a mouth.

As the saw started up Luna screamed. It was that scream that was a lance unto my heart, my mind, and unto my soul. I collapsed, closed my eyes and flattened the ears against my head but the picture of the saw coming slowly towards her screaming with bloodlust remained.

Suddenly Luna stopped screaming, “Well, this all seems horrible.”

A/N

A/N = *****

Dreaming of You

Pinkamena stopped moving the saw towards Luna’s body, looking a bit puzzled. Discord took on a look of confusion as well for a moment. Though after a moment he apparently came to a realization. “YOU!”

“Yes, me! But actually, if you're a bit confused, I am actually Celestia in disguise!” Luna replied. Wait what, but Celestia died from extreme cold in the frozen tundra…

Discord obviously believed it as much as my fractured mind did. He crossed his arms and frowned. “Nice try princess, but we both know that fat plot can’t dreamwalk like yourself.”

“Don’t talk about Celestia that way!” I tried to say, but it came out as an unintelligible mumble.

“As you can see I am very busy at the moment,” He shooed at Luna like a pony would to a noisy bird. “so if you would be so kind as to take your jokes and leave that would be great!”

I couldn’t just lay here and let him degrade the princess like that. I gathered what strength I had left and stood up. I tried to take a step forward but was met with resistance from the shackle around my left foreleg.

Luna spoke up again from her position on the operating table. “How is a raven like a writing desk?!” What? Was she delusional or something? Was this some new kind of torture planned for me?

Discord looked a bit disappointed. “Luna, Luna, Luna. You were always too jokingly in serious matters. Pinkamena, if you would please continue.”

The pink hybrid turned to face Discord, her creepy smile returning with full force. “Okie dokie!” She turned to face Luna again “You ready to have some fun princess? This is going to be a party you'll never forget!”

The blades whirred and sliced the air to a point where noise was created. Chrysalis grinned. “Do you like my toy? I sharpened these blades myself. They were used when our pathetic pony slaves couldn't break through rock. I wonder how they will fare against your pathetic flesh?” She cackled with joy.

The saw began to cut into Luna’s foreleg. I cringed at the sight. I wanted to do something yet I couldn’t break the chains that restricted me. Before it got farther than a few centimeters however a surge of magic started to bend into itself like somepony would crumple up tinfoil. I watched as her eyes turned pure white and the restraints are ripped apart. My former fatigue faded as I witness her power manifest. The monster that had been pinkie started to disintegrate from merely being near here.

She turned towards me and I cowered a little. A bolt shot from her horn and instead of impaling me it shattered the pitch-black chains surrounding my hooves. I felt something unlock in my mind. This was merely a dream. A smile creased my muzzle at the thought of me being scared of a silly dream. I stretched my wings and turned towards my oppressor.

“No, this is my nightmare that I created!” He threw a hate-laden glance towards the door. “Chrysalis get back here and destroy the Princess!”

The queen of the changelings had quietly made her way to the exit in order to make her escape, typical coward! However, at Discord’s command she complied, almost robotically, before advancing towards Luna. Chrysalis jumped at the princess who took a quick step back, avoiding the attack. Instead of retaliating however she merely waves a hoof in front of the changeling. “I am not the one you want to attack.” Wait what… but chrysalis…

The changeling queen mumbles something back to her. Luna waved her hoof again, what is up with that? “Discord is your enemy. You hate how he treats you and wish to be free of him!” There is a slight buzz in the back of my mind, as if I should be remembering something but couldn’t.

Chrysalis’ eyes turn glassy and she turns towards Discord who is giving a bit of a pouty face. “Now that’s just not fair Luna.” He snapped his fingers and the image of chrysalis faded away. “Well, now that you’ve released him and have disposed of my conjurations, what are you going to do? Blast me?”

The lunar princess winks at me. “I have something more… creative in mind.” Wait, why is she winking at me, is she going to torture me as well?

I slowly backed away from her. The door was across the room, and with my broken wing it would be hard to navigate around her without getting caught. My legs started shaking again as I remember what happened last time I had been captured. I saw discord shift his eyes to me at my slight movement. He gave a slight smile. “Oh and what would that be princess. I have deeply ingrained myself in his mind, I have almost as much power as you do.”

“Ah, but you forget Discord, dreams are part of my domain. And every extra entity has a weakness within a dream, even me.” Luna retorted. I gave a slight smile. Luna was always better at the comebacks than Celestia.

Discord raised an eyebrow. “Well princess, I assume that you think you know my weakness?”

“Yes, your weakness is assuming all those around you cannot defend themselves or those around them.” She sounded confident and so sure of herself, so like the Luna I knew, it was hard to accept that this was all just another nightmare conjured by discord to break my mind.

“Oh? I don’t assume that, I KNOW that. You ponys have always been the weaklings of the planet. Even you and your sister couldn’t even defeat me the first time without the elements of harmony. What makes you think you can do so now?"

Luna’s demeanor changed from angry to confused. “I have defeated you before!” Well didn’t he just say that though? “But didn’t he say…” I mumbled but was cut off as Luna continued. “Wait, no I didn’t.” Wait what? “I'm not Luna, I'm john!” That sounds like a human name; a human that’s a pony. Why does that sound so familiar? “I just turned 25 a couple days ago.” That number, it was significant somehow!

Luna/john positioned herself in front of me like a bodyguard, or maybe a predator guarding her prey. I considered my options. Thanks to the interference by the unknown person/pony who now inhabited Luna’s body my mind had time to piece itself back together, barely. I looked cautiously between ‘Luna’ and Discord. The former seemed kinder, less likely to be one that wished me harm. The latter had already proven to be a villain many times over. Without much of a choice I choose the lesser of the two evils and moved slightly closer to the towering form of ‘John’.

“It does not matter who you are or who you were, you shall not stop me. Since you're not even Luna that increases your probability of failure.” He snapped his fingers and a black snake rose from the floor and wrapped itself around my foreleg before starting to solidify. Oh no you don’t! I jumped back, snapping the snakelike shadow. Discord frowned. “Seems like you need to be taught a lesson again.” He turned back to John, d*mn it’s weird associating that name with the princess’ body. “You on the other hand have outstayed your welcome. Be gone!” I watch in horror as his hand glows white with energy and her moves it towards John’s horn. She tries to escape but it’s like her hooves are glued or something. I move to help but see that another snake has coiled itself around my foreleg, forcing me to sit and watch my savior was destroyed.

His hand makes contact and a flash emanates. When the light dissipates… John is still standing there. His hands flash white and he makes contact only to receive the same results. “Huh, that usually works.”

I can’t see John’s face but I can hear the sarcasm in her voice. “Well, performance issues aren’t uncommon. Usually a one out of five cha-“ She is cut off by a punch from discord that sends her 10 feet. My mouth drops as she stumbles back to her hooves.

I don’t care whom this pony is or if she’ll end up harming me in the end. Anypony willing to take a hit for me will not be left on own. I pull at my forelegs. The black snakes stretch and discord starts making his way to John. If only I could bucking fly! I instinctively flap my bad wing, eliciting pain. No, I will not be stopped by simple pain; just pretend it’s not there. I flap again; the pain was diminishing. I continue flapping until I'm a foot off the ground. I grunted from the strain on my wings. Discord noticed this and turned towards me.

He grinned. “Ah ah ah, there’ll be none of that!” At his word another long snake shoots up from the floor. I decide to do something stupid and fly forward. The previous snake misses its target while the sudden release of strain on the others causes me to shoot forward. I overshoot their roots and do a flip allowing me to use all my energy to pull them up like the weeds they are.

I succeed and the snakes go flying, dissipating into smoke once they were disconnected from the floor. I smiled dangerously at discord. “You made a fatal mistake in setting Discord.” His cheeky smile had disappeared, replaced by a look of confusion. “I'm in my element here. Time to show you how I got my nickname.”

“Don’t you mean our element?” I don’t even need to turn around to know that John walked up behind me.

“How nice of you to join me, I don’t know who you are but you have style. As cool as your entrance was however, you better have moves to back it up.” I state.

Discord breaks out in laughter. “You really think you can defeat me? How sad.”

I spread my wings. “There’s a difference you know. Losers are the ones who go into a fight ‘thinking’ the can win. The victorious are those who jump in ‘knowing’ they will. I don’t know what will happen to me and john here, but as sure as Celestia’s sun rises, I'm going to kick your ass.”

"Oh, the cliché! It hurts so much! Anyways, I'm just trying to say that I don't care what either of you say, I just want to get this show on the road!" Wow that sounds a lot like the princess Luna I know…

“Ha ha ha ha.” Discord burst out laughing. “Way to kill it ‘John’.” I cringed a bit at his… her? crudeness, but did not otherwise show emotion. I had to keep focused.

I was done with this idle chitchat. I powered my wings and flew towards him as fast as I could go, aiming for the head. I hit him square in the jaw and rebounded away. “Well as horrid as it was I still prefer it over your voice any night of the week.” I taunted.

Discord frowned deeply and wiped a talon across his mouth. “You think those nightmares were bad? You’ll be broken by the time this dream is over.” Luna… John, maybe I should call him/her something else. Jona? Yeah. I cracked a small smile; I’d have to tell Fireball that one.

While discord was facing me, Jona quickly positioned herself behind discord. “He’s not going to be the one broken by the end of tonight.” Her hind legs hit him in the back so hard he slid to my hooves.

I wanted to make some kind of witty pun, I know Fireball would have instantly thought one up but I just went with a hoof to the his face. This was met with a growl. Discord grabbed my hoof and flipped me over onto my back. “Your weak, you know that?” The darkness grows more frightening. “You could never beat me.” His voice becomes prevalent. “I don’t see how you could ever become something.” I started shivering again, how could I become anything?

As the darkness closes in I hear Jona growl deeply. I manage to climb my way out of the suffocating darkness to realize that it was a dangerous growl. Discord’s throat suddenly constricts and he is thrown off of me with magnificent force. The darkness recedes as I pick myself up. Ha! What was I thinking? I could be anything I wanted to be! With Fireball living with me my life was practically never guaranteed a dull moment!

I look over to see Jona eye to eye with the God of chaos. "You make me sick Discord. Always belittling the ponies near you, always acting like one with power. In truth, you're nothing. My sister and I could've turned you to dust long ago, but we were held back by our morals." She growled out. Wait was she passing herself off as Luna? But didn’t she say that she was a 25 year old human?

She pulls her face away from Discord’s and beckoned to me. I hesitated. I still didn’t trust this pony very much and now she was pretending. Pretending to be who, I don’t know. However, she did just save me, twice. I move slowly towards her and stop a foot away.

“Punish him however you deem fit. This trash is not worth my time.” She said.

I walked closer and stared discord in the face. “You don’t have the guts to end me.” He spit up a bit of blood. “You guards are all the same, you have your morals, your standards.”

I laugh in his face. “Funny… That’s what my captain always said.” I scoop up a bit of the shadows with my forehoof. “I don’t really know how I'm doing this, but I can guarantee you that it’s going to hurt you soooo much.” His eyes go wide as I slam the ball into his face.

The darkness covers first his head, then his body. The form then dissipates.

Jona, or whoever she is smiles at me. I pounce on top of her, pinning her to the floor. “Okay I want answers, who the hay are you?”

She looked back at me and smirked. If she tries anything she is so getting a hoof to the face, I don’t care if it’s Luna’s body. “I knew you would be excited to see somepony else, but tackling them to the ground isn’t the best way to start off. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you everything…” She trails off and gets a thoughtful look in her eyes.

“Well it looks like you can speak just fine from the floor.” I responded.

“Well, for the story I'm gonna tell you, we may want to be a bit more comfortable before I start.” Hmph, as much as I didn’t trust her she did have a point. I slowly backed off of her so she could rise to a more comfortable position.

She stands up, stretches, and then sits on the ground; presumably to be more comfortable. “There, I’ve let you up.” I looked around. “Though I have to say, this isn’t the most comfortable place to be having a discussion.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “I don’t know what kind of pony you are, but if you try anything I will put your flank on the ground so fast it’ll break the sound barrier.”

She feigns a yawn. Ha, if this is how she expects to gain my trust this conversation won’t be getting far very fast. “And I could leave this dream faster than that. I mean, seriously, I just got sent flying across the night sky to this dream. Why? Because it was obviously a nightmare that needed to be taken care of.” I keep my face in the state of seriousness. Bah, to think anypony could do what Luna could was blasphemy. However, she did mention that this was a dream. Does that mean that this wasn’t real, maybe I should listen, it would at least explain things a bit more to say the least. “Anyways, I wont bore you with the details. But I will start my story. You see, it all started three days ago when I turned twenty-five.” Oh Luna, I better sit down for this, it sounds like a long boring story…

“And so, you should know the rest, seeing as how you were here." I’ve dealt with liars enough to know when someone is telling one. This ‘person’ who claimed ‘he’ was turning into Princess Luna was either very astute in the art of lying or ‘he’ was telling the truth.

“Alright, so let’s say I believe you, what’s this got to do with me?” I cocked my head questioningly.

"Think long and hard, Shadow. What's been happening for the past few days that connects us?" Well that’s an odd question. Well I guess I could try to humor ‘John’. I close my eyes and try to remember what happened before I started ‘dreaming’. I'm told that this is a very hard thing to do, but since I know that this is a dream and have become completely lucid it should be easier.

A memory passes by and my eyes fly open. I had seen myself, in two-legged form and suddenly it all came rushing back. “Oh sh*t, oh sh*t!” I back away from John and fall back on my rump. I take a long look at my hooves, unwilling to comprehend that what had happened was in fact part of my past life before I turned human. “I'm a… and you’re a… ahh buck…”

She extends a hoof to comfort me. "Hey, just ignore those memories, as far as I can tell, they're probably fake."

"Well, if they're fake, then how do you explain my memories of that discord character and some kind of curse he put on me? If I 'remember' correctly, it said something about me being sent away to a different world, in a new form, with my memories erased. How do you explain that?" I retorted.

All of a sudden she collapses to the ground, my secondary sense kicks in and I immediately rush over to her. She looked to be in extreme pain. I look directly into her eyes, trying to make contact. “Luna! What’s wrong? Princess! Speak to me!” She doesn’t appear to take notice of my speech. I need to do something, I don’t know why but I feel that I need to take care of her, despite the fact that I know her. I mean don’t know.

The dreamscape shifts and I find myself in Princess Luna's room. Disregarding the fact that this seems uncomfortably familiar I manage to get the Princess to her bed. Heh, seems like those work outs during boot camp really did do something. Wait, no! That's not me, I mean I never went to boot camp, I meant to I was going to but then all this sh*t happened and I aghh...

I'm jolted out of my self-confusion by Luna’s voice. “Ugh, what happened?” She sat up and placed a forehoof on what was probably the pony equivalent to her temple. She looks around quickly, apparently surprised with at her surroundings. She seems to not realize my presence in the room and lays her head back on the pillow. I'm content to let her sleep, but realize that this is a dream.

“Um, Luna, or John, whoever you are, um…” I start. Yeah that’s a great way to start talking to a princess, stutter. I clear my throat. “So, are you okay?”

“Well, let’s see. I just had a battle with the God of chaos in another world alongside a lunar guard, had to go through a three day story of how I'm pretty much turning into a pony and met my sister, almost had a brain overload from thousands of years worth of memories, met my equivalent, and then learned I actually am Princess Luna.” She brings her hoof to her chin in thought. So she’s princess Luna now? Okay. “So yeah, I think I'm actually doing okay with all that’s happened.”

“So you're actually Princess Luna? But you were… ah crap, this is going to happen to me isn’t it. Ah well life is life, not like I can change this anyways.” I pause and look around the room. “So, now that you're done banishing the nightmare and all, which I'm very appreciative for thank you, um can I wake up now? I have a friend whose also going through the same things as me and to be honest she isn’t the most responsible pony”

“Of course, dawn is just about to arrive,” not going to question how she knows this. “so I think it’s time for you to wake up anyways.” So that’s how dreams worked, been kind of curious about that. “Also, we need a way to contact each other. Do you have a computer with you?” Ah yes, a computer what did we do with Fireball’s computer again?

“Yeah um, I think we stuffed one into my truck, going to have get it out of the backseat somehow but unless something happened it should still be there.” Got to hoof it to Fireball sometimes, she can think when she wants to, that computer is apparently going to be very useful despite the fact that I don’t think I will be able to use it without hands…

She nods, seemingly pleased by my answer. "Good. Now, you'll want to go to fimfiction.net and send a message to the user 'We are the Meta.'" But I don't have an account on that, hay I have no clue what that is… I mentally smack myself. Fireball would probably know what the hay that is. "Really, it doesn't have to have anything to do with this, but just so we know who to send a message to until we can get together." She stops and squints at me. "You are going to be able to join up with us, right?"

I don't know how, maybe with my wings, but I shrug. "We'll as of right now we're on the road just outside of Perryton Texas. Got nowhere to go and it's my job to stay by you correct?"

She nods in affirmation to my question. "That would be correct." She rushes to finish her sentence. "Remember, send it to We are the Meta! We'll talk more then!" Then, the dream ends, and I wake up to Fireball, completely pony, standing over me.

“HEYA CAN YOU GUESS WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!”

Intermission: Discord and Fireball

My eyes closed slowly. When I opened them again I found myself fully pony, in the house that both me and Shadow lived. Shadow wasn’t home for some reason; usually he was getting sleep so he would be ready for his night shift. I had the day off today, something about being unfit for duty after last nights escapade.

Bah, they don’t know anything. I could consume twice as much alcohol and still be able to STAND AROUND! Ah, oh well. There was nothing planned tonight and since I had the day off and Shadow was gone I had literally nothing to do. Well I guess I should invent something to do.

I went to the fridge to prepare myself some breakfast. When I opened it I was awed by the sight of a wall of my favourite kind of beer. Cases of Bucklite lined the fridge. I quickly grabbed one with telekinesis and placed it on the table.

Opening it slowly I saw that it in deed had a full load of the liquid I so much enjoyed. I quickly guzzled a bottle, which was soon followed by a second, and a third. I belched loudly. I wish every day could be like this.

-------2 cases later-------

I hiccupped. Woah… what is happening… heh I’ve never been this drunk before. This feels greaaaaat… I watched the sun sink for moment, my intoxicated mind not realizing that it was too early for the sun to set. The door burst open, revealing Discord, the God of chaos. I snorted as he turned towards me.

“You! Look, I'm in a bad mood right now, my plan just fell through the floor and you’re my backup. So I’ll give you a choice, experience nightmares or swear allegiance to me!” I sat for a moment, why was Mr. Discord acting like this? He patted the ground with his foot, crossing his arms in frustration.

A game! That’s what it was; it was all just a game! “Okay I’ll play… along. I’ll *hic* join forces with you.” He grinned. “This’ll be a fun game!” His grin vanished. Why was he suddenly so un-happy, I agreed to join him? Wasn’t that what he wanted?

“YOU STUPID PONY!” He made to smack me but apparently his conscience prevented him or something. “This isn’t a game! For your insolence you must be punished, afterwards I will ask again.” He snapped his fingers and the room transformed into the barracks back in Canterlot. I was standing in line with all the rest of the recruits, well as best as I could stand while severely intoxicated. Discord stood in front of me. “Let’s see how much you like failure.” The drill sergeant reached me and started yelling stuff but I wasn’t paying attention.

I yawned. “This is quite interesting, but it isn’t very much *hic* fun now is it. You know what’s fun? Roller coasters! And um… Beer! Yeah! Maybe a roller coaster through beer! YEAH!” The scene before me shifted to that of my imagination. I was sitting on a very tall roller coaster; Discord was strapped in next to me.

“How did you…” He was cut off as the cart suddenly dropped from the obscene height, making speech impossible. My lips started pulling back from the sheer amount of G-Forces we were speeding at. As we neared the bottom I saw the most glorious sight know to pony kind. Miles and miles in all direction was a lake of beer, and by the smell I could tell it just wasn’t any beer, but my favourite!

Normally we would be flattened against the lake of alcohol below but that would be no fun. As we sped towards the sloshing liquid I opened my mouth wide preparing for the influx of hazardous material to wash into

What I got instead was a mouth full of oil. I opened my eyes to find myself floating in a sea of oil instead of the drink I so much preferred. “Yo Dissy… what gives? I thought we were having fun! Where is the coaster, the beer, the mares?” I complained. I was starting to think that Discord didn’t want to have fun at all.

He put up his finger and opened his mouth to respond but was caught in thought it seemed. “Did you just say mares?”

I giggled. “Yes, I did but I was just seeing if you would catch it. He he he. HA HA HA oh you should have seen the look on your face!” I snorted involuntarily. The feeling of complete bliss brought upon by the alcohol indulgence clouded my mind to such a way that I didn’t understand why he seemed to be becoming annoyed.

He threw up his arms in the air in defeat. “What is with you? You act like your intoxicated. Unable to even comprehend what I'm trying to say!” He stopped his rant and looked at me.

I snort again, trying to control my alcohol induced laughter. “That’s because I am… I think… I’ve never had this much before.” I hiccupped loudly. “Wow! That’s the loudest one yet!” Suddenly the room contorted again and I was strapped to a table with a large blade above me. “Woah man, what’s this for? We gonna play another game? O! O! Is this a magic trick where you cut me in half yet I'm still alive?” The saw came down and started to slice into my body.

Surprisingly enough I felt no pain. In fact it kind of tickled. I laughed out loud. “Oh Dissy… he he… st… stop... I can… can’t take it anymore! It’s too ticklish!” I looked over at Discord through my tears of laughter. His jaw was hanging open wide. “Heh heh, you’ll catch flies if your mouth stays like that.”

The operating room disappears and I find myself sitting in the middle of a field of corn. Why corn? Corn wasn’t fun. Or was it? Discord was standing next to me. “You’re a lost soul in a sea of unforgiving nothingness. Don’t you feel exhausted? Desperate?” Now that I thought about it I was feeling a bit exhausted.

“Now that you say it I do feel a bit peckish.” Deciding to solve the problem my stomach presented me with I started up a heat spell. Instantly the corn around me started popping into another one of my favourite treats. “Nothing settles the stomach like POPCORN!” I full on dive into the sea of white salty buttery goodness.

Wait how did this get buttered and salted? Ah, the hay why, the taste alone was enough to distract me. I looked at Discord, he was floating above the massive sea of carbohydrates. “Dissy, jump in, it’s fun!” I throw another hooful in my mouth. His face twitches and he goes full on rage mode, stomping and kicking at the popcorn.

“YOU STUPID IDIOTIC CHAOTIC PONY! CAN’T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO BREAK YOU?!” He teleported in front of me, his eyes literally on fire.

“O! O! I can do that too! I searched my mind for the spell I had learned to intimidate your opponent. I found what I hoped was the spell and cast it. I saw a ball of flame build up at the tip of my horn gathering to a large ball of molten fire. Uh oh…

The ball shot straight into Discord’s face continuing on as if it had encountered no resistance. “Note to self. Keep fireball spell in check.” I said to myself, making a mental note that I would hopefully remember. “Hey Dissy you okay?” I noticed that the upper half of his body was frozen in its threatening position, black as Shadow’s mane.

He coughed slightly before standing up again, the blackness falling away like ash. “Well, I give up.” Wait what?

I found myself back in mine and Shadow’s house. “But, I thought we were having fun though!”

Discord just facepalms. “You are by far the weirdest pony I have ever met. I just can’t find weakness in you.” He looks over at the fridge and walks towards it. I don’t mind, if he wants some of my bucklite he is welcome to it.

He opened the door and sighed when he saw the contents. “What? Do you not like bucklite? It’s my favourite! I drank like… um… you know what I can’t remember how much I drank.”

He facepalms again. “This explains quite a lot actually. Oh well it seems I am unable to gain a foothold in your mind, and I’ve stayed to long as it is.” He smiled kind of deviously. “Then again, maybe your more helpful to my cause just the way you are. Until next time you crazy pony.”

I just cocked my head, slightly confused. My confusion was magnified when he just up and disappeared. “But I thought… that um… what was I doing again?” Oh yeah! The scene shifts again and I find myself on the roller coaster again. “WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO” I scream as I plummet to the lake of beer below. This was by far the best dream I ever had!

Awkward Conversation is Awkward

Thoroughly shocked by my companion, I failed to reply to her for a couple seconds. Finally I caught my breath and my pupils returned to their normal size. “Let me guess… You’re now a full pony?”

A hoof came to her chin, “Well that is true but not exactly what I wanted you to guess.” She backed off, giving me a better view of her. “You’re also trapped in a sleeping bag… unable to escape.” She grinned evilly.

“Oh no. No. No. No!” Her hooves inched closer to my body. “No, bad Fireball, bad! Baaaaaaaaaaaaa….” The rest of what I was going to say was cut off by the insane feeling of being tickled. She had aimed and scored a lone spot on my neck that was particularly vulnerable to her experienced hooves.

I wriggled, unable to free myself from the constricting sleeping bag that I was trapped in. Curse these hooves for being unable to grasp things like hands. I started rolling away from her. Anything was better than being tortured by that mare. Unfortunately the back of the truck does not offer very much rolling space and I quickly found myself on the ground face up. Having watched my fall Fireball came to the side to check up on me. “You okay Shadow? That looks like it hurt.” In reality the bag that had trapped me before had actually saved me from pain this time around.

Now that I was on the ground I was able to gain more friction with the infernal contraption and was able to free myself.

I yawned deeply and stretched my wings. Wait, wings?!

I turned my head to look at my new appendages. Awesome! Looks I do get to be in the air force after all! Albeit I’m a pony now but that makes it even cooler! “Ooo. Cool you got wings! Hey watch this!” Her horn lit up and my eyes grew wide.

Before anything could happen I rolled under the truck, tucking my wings in to protect myself. A ball of fire splattered a foot from where I had been before. It wouldn’t have hit me but it still would have caused some burns. I popped my head out from under the truck and received a ball of water in the face, not unlike a water balloon. “That was not funny.”

She just fell back laughing. “Maybe not for you but to me it was hilarious!” I completely crawled out from under my car, her laughter still emanating from the bed.

I used my wings to flap up to the handle on the door and pulled it open with my teeth. Oh she’s going to love this.

I reached into my pocket to find my keys, only to realize I was no longer wearing pants. Buck! Where did I put my keys? I patted myself down for some reason, as if I would find my keys in my fur somewhere. By this time the laughter had died down to a giggle every now and then. There! In the center console!

I quickly grabbed them and slid them into the ignition, turning and then reaching down to stomp on the gas petal.

The engine revved loudly and I was rewarded by an orange shape flying upwards in the rear view mirror.

I leaned out the window and turned back to look at my now prone friend. I smiled as she glared daggers at me. "That wasn't funny."

I snickered again. "It was to me and that's all that matters."

"Well, you think your funny? How's this for funny? You just started a car with no fingers." She hopped down from the back and opened the passenger side door.

My smile faded and was replaced by a look of shock. I had just put the keys in the ignition and turned them without using fingers!

I felt myself levitate to the side to make room for my companion. I snapped out of my broken logic induced state and looked at her curiously. "Why can't I drive?"

She giggled, odd considering 'she' was a teenage boy only a few days ago. She wiggled her back legs playfully, drawing my attention to them. "I doubt you can reach the pedals. Probably had to get out of the seat to do it the first time."

I smiled sheepishly, truthfully I just wanted a turn driving my truck. It was almost brand new, well to me anyways. So I was pretty put off by the fact that I could no longer operate it. "Maybe…"

Her horn lights up and the stick switches into reverse. "That settles it then! You're probably a better navigator anyways." She turned to me and smiled, but my head was turned around backwards.

"WATCH IT!" I yelled.

She immediately put the brakes on. "You almost backed into a bucking tree!"

"Oops…" Oops!? She almost backed into a tree! I knew I should have pushed harder to drive. It's not that I think she's irresponsible, just a tad… eccentric.

Ah who am I kidding? I can't drive anyways.

After managing to get out of the clearing we parked in we were once again on the back road that I had turned off onto from the highway. Fireball looked left and right before turning to me. "So Shadow, which way, highway, or back roads?"

Before I could answer a police car roared past. My face took on a bemused look. "Back roads I guess."

She nodded and I grabbed the map to a plan a route. The fact that I’m able to grab the map with hooves and hold it still astounds me, but for the moment it isn't top priority. “So, do you know where you plan to go?”

My head peeks out over the map to look at Fireball. “No, I don't know quite yet. Nor am I sure where we are going to go is particularly high on my list of places to go.” She gives me an inquisitive look. “I guess now would be a good time to tell you what happened last night.” I sigh deeply before starting on my description.

“For the past few nights I’ve been having... nightmares. These nightmares were created by discord to break my will and turn. However I’m happy to say that he did not succeed in his plan to 'recruit' me. But it did not come without cost. Last night I was subjected to horrid murders of you, the princesses and the Elements of Harmony. Each was brutally murdered, and I was forced to watch. The scenes tore at my sanity until it was time for him to kill Princess Luna."

"She screamed and pleaded for me to help her, but I was chained to the floor, unable to move.” My head finds it's way onto the seat when I remember that sad moment. “Right when she was about to literally be cut in half though she snapped out of her scared mentality and looked surprised by her surroundings."

"After I was freed and managed to fake a slight recovery enough to put off any suspicion that I might be compromised we fought discord. Although we won I feel as though it was too easy for us. I mean I managed to slam my consciousness into the mental growth that he had managed to get into my head, forcing it out. But I feel like he gave up too fast.”

“Hmm...” She brought a hoof to her chin. “Well that seems a bit worse than mine I guess but mine wins with the crazy factor!” She beamed and I felt the truck slow down and drift.

“FIREBALL!” I lept for the wheel in order to keep us from drifting too far. I managed to grab it and awkwardly nudge the vehicle back into position.

Her magic enveloped the wheel again and our speed increased. “Sorry.” She smiled sheepishly. “I guess I got caught away with my excitement and lost focus. Heh”

Face, meet hoof. You two are going to get to know each other real well in the next couple days. “Well moving on. Somepony else was like inhabiting Luna’s body and he or she gave me an account or address to message him/her at. Should we?” I watched her ponder this a bit before seeing the aura fade from the wheel. “On second thought, focus on the road until we can stop.”

“Oh well we can pull off right here!” She exclaimed. “No, No Wait!” She ignored me and slammed on the breaks, swerving off the road into a patch of grass. Turning to me she gave another authentic smile. “So... what did you wanna talk about?”

“The dream encounter with ‘Jona’ I think he/she said her name was john. She wanted to get in contact with us to arrange a meet up." I watch with a smile as Fireball starts to crack up at the name 'Jona'.

She snickered. ”So you think we should contact him?" Another snicker; I think she is borderline breaking down laughing right now. "Sorry, I mean her."

"Yes I do believe it would be in our best interest to contact her. Problem is she told me to send her a message on this site called FimFiction." Fireball's smile grew much larger. "Yes?"

"Well shadow, that happens to be a site humans go to to read/write fan fiction about MLP" What the hay, did she just say 'humans'?

I cleared my throat. "Um, fireball, we're humans."

"Nuh uh, we are ponies." She retorts.

I look down at my furry body. "Touché… but we were humans and still are inside."

She gives a long sigh and looks away. "I'm not much of a sciency pony but I do understand some things. We were ponies before we were human. Discord used some off his magic to curse us and hide us away for 25 years, well maybe more than that. But it wore off when we turned 25 as humans."

I tried desperately to retain my more human side of myself, but it was slowly slipping away. Sure some things didn't change but it felt like I was slowly being assimilated by something. However I must put on a pretense of being fine lest I become a nuisance.

'Dear Princess Luna,

We are currently in Spearville, Kansas but are making good time northwards (if nothing goes wrong). So where are you? You mentioned that you wanted to meetup to discuss some things and, well I'm still shaken up by the turn of events of the past few days. Also, I think Fireball has a Skype account, it would be much easier if we communicated through that.'

"O, and can you ask Luna," I glare at her. "Sorry, Princess Luna if she can say hi to Princess Celestia for me. Oh and, um, my apologies for the exploding cake the other day, it was too good of an offer to pass up!"

P.S Fireball says to tell Celestia 'Hi' if you meet her. Also that she is sorry for the exploding cake the other day. Apparently it was too tempting an opportunity.

Awaiting your reply,

Shadow

“Think she’ll reply soon?” Fireball asked.

“I don’t know.” I replied.

It took a few minutes but a Notification on Skype popped up saying I had a new contact request. I clicked it; it was from someone named ‘Sarikano’ with the message ‘Cakes are serious business.’

My first instinct is to ignore the request and wait for Luna but my curiosity won out.

‘Who is this? it sounds like you got my message but…’

A reply popped up.

‘The princess you are looking for is in another castle.’

‘Actually, I saw your message on my sister’s computer and I thought I could get in touch with you while she is busy.’

“You sure you got the username right?” Fireball says from over my shoulder.

“I’m sure, Luna wouldn’t joke about something as serious as this and I typed in the username correctly on that pony site.”

“Hmm...” The hoof goes to her muzzle again. She gasps, “Maybe it’s Princess Celestia!”

My eyes bug out. ‘Oops...’

I typed out another message to send her.

‘Princess Celestia?’

‘There is no need to be so formal my little pony. It feels a little too weird at the moment to be called Princess...’ That’s a bit odd, but considering that I’m not quite in the best of states I can’t blame her.

'Um, alright…' I clicked the ‘Add to contacts’ Button and continued.

'So Princess Luna is busy?’ “Oh! Oh! Tell her I say hi!”

I turn to look at my companion, then shake my head.

‘And Fireball says 'hi'.'

‘Yes, she is taking a shower at the moment. It could take a while.’ Wow do I have the best of timing...

‘And hi Fireball’ That was it, after reading that Fireball Squeed. Not some normal semi quiet squee, but a full blown ‘Hey guess what? You can’t hear anymore!’ squee.

‘By the way, I had forgotten about the exploding cake until she reminded me (devil)’ At this, however, her eyes grew wide and her laughter ceased. “Think she holds a grudge against me for that?” She asked sheepishly.

“Knowing the Princess I’m sure she probably enjoyed the joke.” I laughed as I remembered the time I heard about that. No, wait, this is the first time though. ERG! Stupid memories.

‘Ah, okay… well I guess you might be able to help. Princess Luna talked about meeting up with you two. Could you help us with location?’ I thought a bit then added.

‘Also, that emoticon is very strange coming from you’

‘We are currently in Luna’s apartment in Muscatine, Iowa but I don't know the exact address. I need to talk to a friend who lives on the fringe of the town later on though.’

‘As for the smiley, how would you qualify setting up a certain orange unicorn to guard the throne room when the Solar Court is open?’

That stumped me. “What does she mean by that last part. I thought everypony loved talking to me when I stood outside solar court...” Fireball pouted.

'Oh alright, I guess I will have to find that on the map.'

"You do know there is this cool thing called Google maps right? I didn't know paper maps still existed…"

I sighed then added, 'or I could look it up on Google.'

'I think I'll just let Fireball handle that second question while I plot a route.'

And with that I hoofed the computer to her and left her to her own devices while I checked out a drive plan.

After looking at the phone in my hooves I poked it. Of course I can't use a touch screen with freakin hooves! I can type on a damn keyboard but I can't use a touch screen… fantastic.

I look at Fireball pleadingly which is received with a dramatic sigh. “If you didn’t lose it, there is a stylus on the side.”

I found the tool that she mentioned and set to work on how I would hold it. Figuring it would work the same as the keys I simply reached with my hoof to grab it. As soon as my hoof touched it however, it fell out of it’s cradle and I was forced once again to look pleadingly at my friend for help.

Once again she gave me a 'are you kidding me?' look. Her horn lit up and the stylus floated back up to my hoof.

I was baffled by the simple device I held. How had it eluded me when the keyboard and keys didn't? Then I realized that I hadn't really thought about using both of those things, I had just… done it.

I looked on at the stylus with a more determined expression. Picturing a hand with its fingers clenched around the offending black cylinder, I moved my hoof slowly towards the device.y appendage slowly tilted to test my grip, moving only in tiny increments. Finding nothing amiss I smiled and moved it over the phone, excited that I had mastered hoof-field manipulation.

A few taps later I managed to open Google maps. Using the little electronic on screen keyboard was a pain in the flank, but somehow I managed to type in Muscatine Iowa and our current position. I groaned audibly at the sight of a nearly 11 hour drive. The phone then took up residence on the dash, spitting out electronic instructions.

Satisfied, I turned to fireball and watched as her face turned into a somewhat frightening smile. "Hey, fireball? Can I talk to Celestia now?"

She looked up and shot me a innocent smile. "Oh sure shadow!" I a few key clicks later she ha-hoofed it over to me.

The Skype chat was still up and I read her latest message.

'heh, challenge accepted… oh here is shadow again (don't mention any logical impossibilities around him, he doesn't react well)'

I turned towards her and just sighed. She smiled again, earning a confused shake of the head from me.

'…'

'anyways ive plotted a route, thankfully around any cities and such. If we don't run into any more trouble google maps says we should be there in 11 hours.'

'I'm sorry you're stuck with the perfect guard for the Element of Laughter.'

':) No worries, I love the mare and she helps keep me on my toes'

'Toes? What are those toes you are talking about? (cool)'

A faint roaring comes from the direction of the highway, followed shortly by sirens. Perfect timing bucking police!

'speak of trouble, the police are here, sorry to cut our conversation so short but we have to go. Bye.'

The truck was already started and in gear. A faint glow surrounded the wheel. I shut the computer down and turned to my lifelong friend. "Think you can outrun them?" I asked with a smirk.

She scoffed. "I am insulted! You're looking at the champion of the Need For Speed gaming franchise. It would be foals play to outrun them." Granted she used pony terms, but I smiled at her antics. This is the fireball I know and love.

Nightmare Night fun

“Fireball, how many times am I going to have to tell you you’re too old for this!” I mean seriously, she was a 25 year old human , now I’m sure she’s near that age as a pony. Surely that is too old to be out in a costume getting candy from adult humans.

“How old do you think I’ll live?” Gosh, hard to say, at this rate? I would say she would live about another month or two.

What seems like the millionth sigh escapes from my mouth. “I’m guessing another 70-80 years if I base it off of the 25 year mark.”

She starts to skip ahead of me, the little bells on her jester’s hat jingling. “There’s your answer!” In reply, I groan.

I pick up the pace until I’m cantering beside her as she skips towards her target, the house across the street from ours. I have no clue why she even chose that costume to go with this year. Though I have to admit, it does personify her personality. A loose rock stubs my hoof and I wince. Watch it Shadow, you may be a night guard but that doesn’t mean you rule the darkness. Keep your eyes forward, legs in sync, ears focused on your surroundings and…

Great, I’ve managed to trance myself into the light with a grinning Fireball standing next to me. Of course I can’t leave, they’ve most likely already seen us and therefore it would be rude to just up and disappear. Of course then again my coat is a dark shade, they might not have been able to-

The door opened and a woman, probably in her late 50s stepped out to deliver her goodies. “Trick or treat!” Fireball chanted, very eager to receive her yearly dose of sugar.

The old woman seemed taken aback. “Oh you dears seem to be getting more and more creative each year! The detail on those costumes is amazing!” Oh great, a disconnected human.

“Um, ma’am, we are a part of the new pony community actually. My name is-” I tried to explain before being cut off by a squeal of delight.

“Grandma! There’s ponies at the door!” I fight the urge to facehoof, this is just what I need, two uncontrollable little candy hyped monsters.

“Yes dear, I see that.” There’s a brief haze as she tries to figure if I’m joking about the pony community or not before she smiles again and digs a bit of candy for Fireball. After serving my friend she motions to me, obviously thinking I wanted some.

Better try and put this nicely I guess. “Actually I’m just here to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.” I glance over and see that Fireball is in fact, already trying to open a candy wrapper. Quickly batting it away I continue. “I’m not actually dressed up and to be honest I don’t prefer the taste of candy.”

The grandmother continued to smile. “Nonsense! Take some.”

With a sigh of defeat I turned sideways and opened up a saddle bag I’d taken to wearing at all times. Never know when you’re going to need a weapon you know?

the woman dumps the handful into the bag and stands back up. “You two have fun now okay?” She turns back to the playful pair behind her. “Joy, time to get ready!” A chorus of ‘awwws’ follow. I follow her gaze to find that my friend has somehow sneaked past both me and the old woman to go meet the little girl. Before I can gawk any longer at my obvious lack of practice, Fireball has said her goodbyes and I’m being dragged along to the next house.

“See, it ain't so bad!” She exclaims happily.

“Well, as long as you are the only one who goes to the door I should be fine.” Last thing I need is for one of the saddle bags to fill up.

“Silly, that’s not what nightmare night is about! You’re supposed to get candy and then eat it! How can you get any if you’re not at the door when I ring it?” That’s kind of the whole point of me hanging back…

“Look, I’ll walk around with you, just like in Equestria, but just like there as well, I wont be going up to ponies’ houses and asking for candy.”

“Awwww!” Oh no, Fireball pouts never end well. thankfully, instead of lighting something on fire or turning on the puppy dog eyes, she simply sighs. “Well you’re not even in costume anyways so it wouldn’t work.” Thank Luna, it looks like I’ve escaped the fiery furnace. “Of course we could always get you one!” And back in I go…

“Look let’s just get to the next house and maybe I’ll come with you to the door.” I concede that she is perhaps the most manipulative pony I have ever met. excluding the stories I’ve heard about the element of laughter.

She squeals at my answer and hugs me tightly. “Ooo thank you! I’ve been trying to get you to go for years now!”

“I’ve ‘gone’ every year Fireball, just not in costume for the past ones. Besides, you know how some monsters can be on that particular night, I’m usually on call.” I digress those nights were not very fun since I had to inspect every alleyway and, depending on the creature, a certain gesture or action to ponies I thought were not actually ponies. that earned me some pretty odd stares for the first year or two.

“Shaaaadooooooww! You never do anything fun with me!” Manipulative to a T.

“Yes I do, just not this night.” Quick, distraction… yes. “Look here’s another house, maybe they have two kids.”

Her head immediately spins towards the door which has a light on, indicating treats inside, and verifies my claim. Her head then faced me again. “you haven’t evaded this conversation Shadow, your boringness will have to be solved someday.” Then, her mood seemingly doing a u-turn, she canters up to the door and presses the doorbell, a smile plastered on her face that seemed to stretch across her whole muzzle.

I should probably take advantage of the fact that she has not dragged me to this encounter. I spin my head around to get a look at things. Given my position and the need for such a talent, my eyesight in the dark is above par and I can even pick out kids in the darker costumes in the rapidly disappearing light.

Instinctively my mind examines each one for similarities that coincide with monsters from tartarus or legends. This is earth though, remember, no tartarus, only this weird thing called hell that is inescapable, supposedly. Even with this fact in my head I still mentally pick out kids. A couple shades here and there, something that looks like a perverted soul come back from the dead. A demon here and there walked with what looked like fairies. Ugh… fairies were the worst, always buzzing around and taunting ponies and turning things into flowers or trees. Those buggers were the hardest to catch, I can’t believe I didn’t squish them whenever I did catch them.

Suddenly Fireball was breathing in my ear kind of creepily, apparently waiting for me to refocus on her task, the emptying of the neighborhood’s candy bowls. “Yes, what is it? Also, please don’t do that again, it irritates my ear.” I don’t know how many times I’ve told her this.

“I’ve been waiting for you to stop zoning out for almost a minute. Seriously, you need to stop doing that on nightmare night, it freaks ponies out.”

“It’s my job to do that on nightmare night, I have a hard time breaking the habit now that we’re not in Equestria.” So my explanations suck, not that I care.

She groans audibly. “But you’re not ON duty Shadow! Have some fun will you? You can’t always be a paranoid sourpuss!” Ugh, I would argue… if not for the fact that it wouldn’t do me a lick of good. “Look there’s another house, you go up and ring the doorbell this time!”

“Actually I’m quite content to- agh!” I felt her muzzle against my back, pushing me slowly towards the door.

Not a few seconds later I feel the concrete pass slower over my bottom. She doesn’t have the strength to push me! Ha! Wait, why am I weightless? I look behind me and see a smug looking Fireball cantering up to the door with me in her telekinetic grip. Curse unicorns and their horns! Of course, then again, they were useful in taking out banshees. Yeesh, I never thought something could scream louder than a newborn foal.

I receive a sharp jab in the side to remind me of what I’m being pressured into doing. Oh Luna this is going to be so humiliating. Thankfully none of my fellow guards are around to watch and laugh.

Swallowing what little pride I have left I lift my hoof up and tap the doorbell. A generic *ding dong* emanates from within and I try to put on my best fake smile. This time it’s obviously a male in his late 40s or early 50s.

His first reaction was obviously of one who had not heard of the pony population as of yet. He simply stood in the doorway for a bit staring down the near black pony in front of him. “TRICK OR TREAT!” Way to make things awkward Fireball.

Fortunately it merely snaps the poor guy out of his surprise, instead adopting a happy smile. Apparently we are now simply another pair of children out for a yearly overdose of candy. I have to hand it to the mare, she does now how to defuse a situation. Oh wait he’s trying to give me candy.

“Actually I…” Oh no, not the glare. Fireball really doesn’t get pissed off much, but when she does. Take a hint, move to a different town. “Thank you sir.” Might as well satisfy her.

I turn my body and accept the hooful of sweets he dumps in before wishing us a good night and safety. Not like there’s anything that can happen around here though. I just hope that Fireball doesn’t plan on staying out all night… again.

It’s been an hour and she shows no sign of stopping. There also seems to be less littler kids on the streets, it’s probably late for them anyways.

I look out over the street. This has got to be the longest nightmare night I’ve ever had. There seems to be more humans per town than ponies do. Conflicting memories arise and it drowns me for a second. I’ve since learned that the best response is to leave the rogue memories be instead of fighting them off.

“Hey cool! Look at that animatronic decoration!” A teenage male voice sounds off to my right. “What do you think it is?” It’s closer now.

Turning my head, I get a glimpse of three guys with, I’m guessing, their respective girlfriends. It’s a good thing Fireball isn’t back or this might get ugly.

hey eventually reach where I had chosen to sit and keep watch while my companion explored the short cul-de-sac. I could tell they weren’t old enough to drink alcohol, but I still smelt liquor on their breaths. Great their intoxicated, I wonder if they are anything like teenage ponies when drunk. “Hey it moves! Cool!” They weren’t close enough to identify me, that was for sure. I managed to find a spot where almost no light shown and, with a bit of practice, blended in with the night around me. I definitely had their attention now though.

One of the females is apparently braver than the rest, or more infatuated with equines than the others, because she walked right up to me and started to rub my mane. God, it’s been a while since that has happened.

I struggle to keep a straight face as the rubbing turns to petting. “It feels so soft, almost real,” she states, for the others benefit maybe? “Wait a second.” Oh crap, my chest, I forgot to control my breathing. Calm… calm… hold it in, maybe she didn’t notice.

she doesn’t move away from me, instead starts to check my eyes. Panicking in my mind I turn my head in the other direction, subtly blinking so I could wet my eyes. Hopefully that’s enough to dissuade her.

“Hey, Jen, it’s just a toy, lets go get some more free sugar.” Seems, like somepony’s boyfriend is antsy. Well, go on, leave.

“Hold on, I think it’s breathing.” Of course you won’t.

“It could be part of the animatronics.” Yes, please stick to it.

“I don’t think so…” Ugh, let’s see, where is an escape route? From this angle I see a backyard, maybe a few trees I can ditch them around… woah whoa wait a sec!

I cringe as the girl actually pokes me in the eye, forcing me to rub it. “HA! See, it’s real!” Dammit.

“Holy shit! That’s a real pony? Why are it’s eyes so huge?” I stopped listening after that. I didn’t feel like answering all their questions.

If this keeps up I’ll be in an old pony’s home before I know it. “Look, yes I’m a pony and no I have no idea why my eyes are so big, but all I want right now is some peace and quiet and if I have to fly to get-”

“YOU CAN FLY?” Yeesh! Six people screaming at once does hurt your ears.

Might as well show them the full package I guess. I flare my wings out for them to see. Thank Luna it’s night time or else I might have a whole swarm of kids coming to enjoy the show.

This received a chorus of ‘cool’ ‘awesome’ and ‘sweets’ from the teens. Unfortunately it only peaked the curiosity even more. I wonder if I’m going to have to fly away at this rate.

A spot of orange enters my peripheral vision. Oh no…

As she got closer she started picking up speed, seeing that my original position was surrounded by people. Thankfully she wasn’t going full tilt, that would have upset her precious candy, which I would have been happy to let leave. But still, this is not going to end well.

“HEYA!” Okay, the surprise on the human’s faces was compensation, maybe a little bit. “I see you’ve met my friend Shadow! I’m Fireball and we’re-” I let loose a awkward cough “and I’m out enjoying the festivities!” Oh that was good, excluding me from enjoying the festivities.

“Woah another one! This one’s bright orange! Hi, you said your name was Fireball? My name’s Jen. Your friend was trying to pretend he was a lawn ornament.” If they don’t have the decency to insult a pony behind his back then why are they still alive?

“Yes, he does that a lot, no fun at all. Hey wanna see a cool trick?” Well maybe I can find a- oh no!

“Sure why not.” Before I can intervene the others of the group agree or shrug in acceptance. I can tell there is no stopping Fireball now.

She grabs a few pieces of candy, red packaged stuff called ‘Kit Kats’. Using her magic, which by itself caused some jaws to drop, she tossed them up in the air. Looking upwards, mouth open, she stumbled left and right and caught all but one of the 8 bars of chocolate. After chewing and swallowing she pouted a bit about not catching the other one.

Then we have the bystanders who look somewhere between ‘did I have too much to drink tonight?’ and ‘This is the coolest thing ever!’. ‘Coolest thing ever’ my money is on you.

“That. Was. AWESOME!” Jen, please have your vocal chords checked, they are too loud for Luna’s sake!

“Yeah that was cool Fireball! You got anymore tricks.” No, bad idea man.

“I think I saw some of my friends just go down the other street, let me go get them!” Even WORSE, the last thing she needs is an audience to goad her on.

“Hey Fireball.” I decided to take the subtle route. “Shouldn’t we, you know, get moving? There are plenty more houses.”

I had no intention of dissuading her from performing, merely putting it off. “Of course not silly! This is perfect! Stop being a stubborn flank and enjoy the show!”

“Do I need to remind you that nearly every time you did a ‘show’ you lit something on fire or had some pony come out thinking there was one?” Please say yes, see the bad logic and give up!

“Of course not!” Yes, I know you have something else to say. “But I’ve gotten better! I promise nothing will go wrong!” And I promise to find a weight loss program that will make Princess Celestia 5 pounds lighter. Ugh, I might as well let her have this once. It’s been about a year or two since her last little magic show.

After finally explaining things to the firefighters and the nearly catatonic neighbors I dragged Fireball back to our house. Of course, like all things she does, it started out small and got bigger and bigger as she went. Soon she was juggling live Fireballs. To the passerby that couldn’t see the crazy pony playing with the VERY deadly things it looked as if the whole forest was on fire. the firefighters were called and since I seemed to be the ‘caretaker’ of Fireball I was required to answer questions and explain things.

Thankfully nothing too hard came up. I simply stated that we were ponies from Equestria, transported her by an evil villain and now trying to make a living. What he said next both brightened up my day and also made me a bit angry. ‘Bullshit’. yep, straight up and forward calling me a liar.

After further explanation I managed to convince him that I had the situation under control and the crowds dispersed, save the few that hoped the show wasn’t over.

So now I’m dragging Fireball by her tail towards our house. “What were you thinking? I told you not to do that and you went and did anyways! Can’t you just trust me for once?” Maybe this encounter will teach her a lesson.

I heard faint shuffling and felt her tail come out of my mouth. “Don’t get your panties in a twist, I’m just walking with you now.” New talent to observe, mind reading. “I can’t help it, the wildness I mean. Being around you a lot makes everything boring.” Uh oh, here it comes, for like the millionth time. “Maybe if you were a little bit more carefree I wouldn’t be so rowdy all the time!” I swear, how does she say it with a full smile on?

“We’ve been over this Fireball. My attitude has absolutely nothing to do with your actions. Luna forbid, we even went to a psychologist and he gave the same answer. What’s it going to take to get you to stop attracting attention to yourself?” Please say something simple.

“I told you already, if you stop acting there's a stick up your flank I’ll start acting a little more mature.” Why?

“Erg, agh, fine! If I start letting loose a little more will you cut back on the antics?” If she doesn’t say yes I’m going to dunk her in the bathtub.

“Yes, I will! Is that an agreement?” Wait what is she doing? Her spit laden hoof sits in front of me, waiting to be grasped.

“Oh Luna, whatever am I going to do with you Fireball?”

“Brohoof me?”

*Insert cool title here*

*Insert cool title here*

I stared at the map in wonder. How we had gotten so far and off course? It seemed like only an hour at most that we were heading at top speed through traffic. I’m not too happy to say that we had to break the law in order to achieve our ends, but I don’t think the officers would be too happy when they came up beside our truck and looked in to see two talking ponies, one with a computer on his lap while the other not even touching the wheel.

We parked on the side of the back road. After evading pursuit Fireball had just driven randomly to avoid any stragglers. The computer thankfully hadn’t been damaged, but the phone had slid out of its cradle and wouldn’t turn on anymore; that was going to be a minor problem. Thankfully the computer turned on, taking a minute to start up since Fireball had all this crap that she downloaded on it. I opened up Google maps again to check our progress. Damn. I could see a sizable distance between the little blue blip and the nice straight yellow line that ran up through the states.

I groaned out loud, fairly certain of what that meant. My grumbles are answered by another growl, this one came from seemingly below me. I looking down, I find a shrunken stomach desperately calling for its master to feed it. Sighing aloud I closed the computer and look towards my compatriot. She is trying… actually I have no idea what she is doing. Her hooves are on her horn, as if she were trying to unscrew it, and her tongue lulls out of her mouth.

I decide to voice my confusion. “What the hay are you doing Fireball?”

She didn't reply at first, leading me to believe she hadn't heard. She must be entranced by… well whatever she's doing. A moment passes and she resumes a normal sitting position. "I'm trying to figure out how my horn works actually.”

Another sigh escapes me; she really thinks that we are actually pony re-incarnates from another dimension, sent to earth by a mismatched big headed dragon goat thing as a plan to take over their world. Yes, um doctor, you wanted to wear what again? She isn't a cuddly unicorn that can do magic, and I'm not a grey pegasus that can fly. Of course I couldn’t voice my opinion, I'd already tried that. “Figure out anything useful yet,” I wondered aloud instead.

“Well no, actually,” she admits. “But I'm trying to figure out a sort of controllable fire spell, like being able to literally hold a ball of fire that doesn’t burn. There’s a nagging in the back of my brain telling me I can do it but my magic just doesn’t seem to want to comply.” That's scary. Controllable fire… what next? She turns into some super villain that can throw fire around like dodge balls?

A growl emits from her, not unlike my own stomach. Apparently hers is rebelling as well. Oh wait, is she beaming? This can’t be good. “No, we are not stopping anywhere. It’s too risky!”

She doesn’t seem deterred at all if that smile says anything. "Come on… I know you're hungry too. Plus I'm driving so," real mature, sticking your tongue out.

"I can see it now. 'Sir, may I take your order? Oh you're a magical talking pony? Better tell my manager to call animal control.' Then we get shipped off and bye bye any chance at getting back to normal."

I could tell she was disappointed. "Look Mr. 'everybody is evil' we are going to go eat some food. Or. Else."

I do not feel like figuring out what the 'else' is. "Fine, but only if it’s on the route." I turn the computer to show her the map.

She seems satisfied, good, one more disaster averted. "What kind of food can ponies eat I wonder?"

Oh Luna, help me.

I stared at the pizzeria we had stopped at. Truth be told I thought she would just find some fast food restaurant that we could go through drive-thru and pass as cosplayers, going to some really screwed up festival. It is partially true right?

No go on that one, I was forced to divulge what a horse could eat and unfortunately a plain cheese pizza, or one that had no meat on it, was included in that category. I look out at the rest of the town. It’s really small to be honest, I would barely call it a city compared to what I've seen. There can’t be more than five hundred total people that live here. Hopefully this means there is a low chance of being spotted.

“Hurry up! It’s almost two-o'clock! That’s like two hours late for lunch!” Fireball was standing, literally on her hind hooves, outside my door while I tried putting off going inside as long as I could. Don’t get me wrong, I'm brave: you can't be a pilot if you're not brave enough to risk death on a daily basis. There’s a difference between bravery and stupidity though. “Either you're coming of your own free will or so help me, I'm going to open this door and carry you in! You can’t pretend everypony is out to get you all the time or you're never going to meet any new friends!” Considering Fred’s track record and the fake memories I wouldn’t put it past her to actually follow through with her plan to carry me inside.

“Fine, I'm coming, hold up a second and let me grab the computer so I can charge it and see if Princess Luna replied back yet.” This seemed to satisfy her and I began the arduous task of trying to grab the stupid laptop and rest it on my back while in the cab. After several fruitless minutes the door is yanked open and I'm yanked out, along with the device. “Put me down.” I tried to lace a bit of malice into my tone but it was a strain.

“You're obviously incapable of balancing it on your back. I, however, possess the grace and balance necessary.” Balance, maybe, but grace is a bit of a stretch to try and associate with her.

I’ll be damned though, she set that accursed thing on her back and it stayed there as she took a few steps, intentionally swaying her hips to show off her balance. “Show off! I just haven't gotten used to four legs yet.” It’s true.

“It isn’t about getting used to them Shadow, but re-acquainting yourself with them.” Not this again!

I started after her at a slight trot. “Fine, fine, whatever. You were still showing off, you can’t deny that.”

She waves a hoof dismissively without taking her eyes off the front door. “Whatever, come on slow poke.”

This is awkward.  I mean I wasn’t a pony a few days ago why should I be scared of this? I am though, scared for my life, scared for Fireball’s and scared of what might happen if the clerk behind the counter freaks out. Thankfully Fireball has managed a couple spells, including the one she almost incinerated me with, so if worse comes to worst then we can make a quick getaway.

Thump. Ow, I just ran into the door, much to the amusement of my friend. Grumbling to myself I open the door and step inside, holding it like a proper gentlec-man for Fireball. She stepped inside daintily, as if she were entering some high class building or castle. Much to my bemusement she took her time crossing the threshold towards the counter where a bored cashier was reading a book. Thankfully the door didn’t have a bell and our hooves didn’t make too much noise, so he didn’t hear us walk up to the counter. I stood up on my hind hooves and put my fore hooves on the top of the counter. “Excuse me sir?” The clerk turned a page, obviously thinking that we weren't there for the food.

“Yeah? May I help you?”

“Sure,” I motion to Fireball to place her order, and she immediately takes a step forward and mimics my position, the computer miraculously staying in place even with the odd angle.

“I would like a whole cheese pizza, large please.” I’m surprised that she didn’t order anything else on it. Though how is she supposed to- oh she brought her wallet.

He turned towards us. “That’ll be-” I watched his eyes widen and his face pale as he took in the sight of us. “You-you’re colorful horses.” He sits there, staring at us, as if waiting for us to bite him or something.

“Actually we are ponies, not horses. Being called a horse is actually a huge insult in our culture. Though if you can’t help yourself I guess it doesn’t matter.”

The poor clerk just stared at us open mouthed. The book slid out of his hands and hit the floor with a thud. “Pa!” Oh god, if he’s a hillbilly we are leaving. Not to offend any hillbillies, but the cliché hillbilly never leaves home without a gun. That gun is usually a shotgun. Again, I’m not going off of stereotypes, no wait yes I am. Dammit brain stop analyzing things!

“I’m cookin what is it?” It sounded like ‘pa’ need a throat cleaning and to lay off the cigarettes.

"We have visitors…" knowing how this would eventually play out I merely stood still. Fireball on the other hoof tapped her hoof impatiently.

"So? Take their orders and get them a table." Now 'pa' was getting impatient.

"They aren't human…"

I started to get antsy. This is usually when people go for the guns and call out the cops.

Heavy thumps accompanied 'Pa' out of the kitchen. When I got my first look at him I wanted to turn away. He was fat, greasy, and sported a long beard that shone with bits of grease and other food items. He wore a classic white apron that hung low to his knees. His eyes were brown at one point but age and cooking must have dimmed them and caused him to have eye problems.

He looks at us with a hard glare and turns to what I believe to be his son. His eyes shift to the laptop situated on Fireball's back and I tense. If this 'pa' was a shady character he could easily overpower us and take the laptop if he wanted. A few more tense seconds tick by with the speed of a snail. The old chef licks his lips before opening them. "Ya got money?" His voice is raspy and low. I'd been around people too long not to recognize one who had been smoking for most of his life.

I open my mouth to say something. "Yes we do! Who wouldn't have money when they walk into a restaurant? Sounds plain rude to me." Dang it fireball! I tense, ready to bolt at any provocation.

But the old chef lets out a hearty laugh and smiles. "Yer right on that part lass, would be rude to show up without payment." He looks at the boy behind the cash register who had visibly relaxed. "Clyde, treat'm like customers, just because they look different dunt mean they are."

I visibly relax, nearly collapsing to the floor in relief. A sharp friendly punch nearly finishes my journey. "See, no problems Shadow! And you thought we were probably going to get run out by a crazy guy with a shotgun." My eyes widen with the knowledge of the boy still sitting across the counter from us, hearing our every word.

Instead of getting angry or grabbing his own firearm he nearly falls out of his chair laughing like a madman. "Ha ha! You thought we were- HA HA! That's funny! To tell you the truth nobody in this town but the sheriff owns a gun. We're so small that everyone trusts one another to do the right thing." He looked over to get a better look at us. "So what are you anyways? You said you weren't horses," he turns to look at Fireball. "I can see you have a horn," he turned his head to look at me. "You have wings."

Fireball shot him a cheeky grin. "My name is Fireball and I'm a unicorn, we can do magic! Telekinesis, teleportation, you name it!" I got another shove from my compatriot. "Mr. Sourpants over here is Shadow and he's a pegasus. Normally they can manipulate weather and fly really fast, but we haven't tried with the clouds here."

The clerk returned the grin and offered his hand. "I'm Clyde, Clyde McGraff. My family's been here about fifty somethin' years before my pa decided to up and cook pizza." Fireball took the offered hand, and when it came to me I reluctantly shook it. "I'm not complaining though, Pa's found his talent. You won't find better pizza for 50 miles." He laughed out loud and fell back into his chair. "Or another town for that matter anyways!"

Once he had gained control of himself he wiped his eyes and moved back over to the register. "You said you wanted a large cheese pizza?" Fireball nodded in acknowledgement. "Alright! Well actually I think my Pa wanted to try to make a vegetarian pizza. You guys want to try that? Unless yer not vegetarians?"

I shove my hoof in Fireball's mouth. "We'll just go with the cheese pizza for now." After fishing out the money to pay for the pizza, I- having already swiped the wallet from Fireball just in case she found a vending machine or something- handed it to Clyde. He smiled and went back to help Pa.

Finding nothing else to do we found a table to sit at. Fireball immediately sat pony style while I once again tried, and failed, to sit regularly. With a reluctant sigh I sat like a pony and waited patiently for our food to come. Of course nothing is calm while Fireball is around. So, instead of waiting in silence I got to watch her try to touch her nose with her tongue. After about five minutes of failures she looked at me with an inquisitive glance. I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Can you?" She simply asked.

"Can I what?"

"Can you touch your nose with your tongue? I think mine is just shy by about a centimeter." Once again she tries to show me that it was indeed just shy of actually touching the top of her nose.

I frowned. "That isn't very polite to do in public Fireball." Sighing again I accept the fact that I could never win an argument against her. "Then again you're probably going to argue that there aren't any people around anyways correct?" She nods, a giddy smile on her face as she realizes she's won. "One time, okay?" She nods in understanding.

I stick my tongue out as far as it can go and curve it upward. I try to keep parts of it from sucking back into my mouth as I curve it upwards to touch my nose. I make contact and fireball gasps in awe. "YOU CAN DO IT! So, cool!" Face, you remember hoof right?

Thankfully before she can start me with trying to kiss my elbow (ponies have elbows right?), Pa comes over to our table and sets down the pizza. "I hope you two ponies don't mind but a family decided to having a children's party here taday. They'll be here in ten so if you wanna miss'it yer gunna wanna skedaddle before then."

My brain went into overdrive. Kids… party… No. Bucking. Way.

Pa returns to the kitchen. “Be sure to tell me if ya like it! A few thanks here and there are nice!” He called back. Even though I knew he couldn’t see me I nodded my head in acknowledgement.

Turning back to the pizza I find that one of the pieces is already gone; looking up shows that it has been shoved, crust and all, into the mouth of the pony sitting across from me. She chews a bit, takes on an inquisitive look, and then swallows contently. Sighing, she then grinned at me. I have so many arguments planned it’s impossible for me to lose. We are getting on our way as soon as this pizza is finished.

“We are going to stay for this right?” Oh no, no this will not happen. “I know that face. I’m the only one who can drive so we ARE going to stay.” I sigh as every argument I planned went out the window. She has more control than I’d like to admit. Unicorns seem to have it easy. They don’t have anything on flight though, to fly among the clouds. My desire is almost uncontrollable and my wings ease out expectantly to the side as I zone out.

The air is clear, and the moon is glistening. I take a deep breath and enjoy the cool air as it blows through my mane and tail. As graceful as a stallion could I slowly opened my wings to full spread. I’m quite proud of them; I make sure to preen and clean them regularly to prevent infection and loose feathers. Why I had chosen to keep my natural pegasus wings over the traditional bat wings that the nightguard usually sported was explained to no pony.

The fact of the matter is that I love feeling the wind through my feathers; with leather wings there is no contact other than the flat of the wing. I don’t look as menacing but that usually changes within the first five minutes or so.

I may have modified our home against the renters’ policy to add a sort of balcony on top of our roof to serve as a sitting place when I couldn’t think or sleep. Though it mostly got used as a take-off platform for my midnight flights I so often enjoy.

I flapped my wings experimentally and felt the wind rush under them, trying to pull me from the ground that anchored me down. Wait a second though. I feel something deep inside me, trying to resist the pull, the desire. Its cry is weak and far off but still there all the same.

Shrugging it off, I raised my wings high, and with a mighty flap, launched myself into the air with the wind. Fireball thinks that I’m a tight flank that doesn’t even know the word ‘fun’ exists, but oh man she would freak if she ever caught me up here at night. It helps me relax ya know?

I fly up to a cloud. Here’s a nice place to sit for a while. Oh Luna, you make such beautiful nights, the stars are my favorite part. They always seem like they are in different places every night. Ha, I remember when I finally managed to get the guts to finally ask Luna if she did move them. She had replied that she hadn’t for it would have driven the astronomers crazy. I am content with her answer.

All of a sudden the cloud turns brown, not unlike the wood of a common household object. This can’t be happening! Has discord escaped? Why are none of the other clouds turning brown? That voice though, it’s getting louder.

I open my eyes to see almost the entire pizza gone and a very content unicorn sitting across from me. Oh Luna what did I just do?

“Fireball what just happened?” I might as well try to glean any information I can from her.

“You zoned out after your wings outstretched.” She burped noisily. “Why?”

“How long was I out?”

She checked her wrist which had a crudely drawn watch on it. “Well it was about two thirty and now it’s...” She tapped the drawing. “Half past eat more pizza.”

She reached a hoof for one of the last slices, but I smacked it away. “No, that’s mine since you seem to have inhaled the other three quarters of the pizza.” I frowned. “If you had to make a guess how long do you think I was out for?”

Putting a hoof to her chin she hummed in concentration. And now she’s pretending to do math equations? Sometimes I wonder if she really is insane like most of the guards say.

"Well… I'd say about five minutes or so, give or take a few." Great that means we, I'm sorry, I, have only a few minutes to make a quick exit.

Grabbing a piece I wolfed it down. My tongue instinctively inspected my food, and to my great surprise a wave of flavor literally cascaded over my taste buds. I'm pretty sure my pupils were dilated as I visited something like those cartoons on TV where the actor dances with the food or some weird crap. Obviously the McGraffs really meant what they said about their pizza being the best. I've never tasted anything richer in my life!

I continued chewing slowly, trying to savor every cycle of mouth open, and mouth close. Out of the corner of my eye I see Fireball reaching ever so casually for one of the only two remaining slices of heaven. I stopped and slapped her hoof away again, pulling the tray closer to myself.

She simply smirked and sat back, her hooves crossed. "It's good isn't it? Pony taste buds combined with natural ingredients equals food gasm. I'm surprised you're not standing at attention." Props for creativity. It was dirty all the same though.

I frowned to show her how much interest I had in the subject. "That wasn't funny."

"Maybe not, but you know what is funny?"

Great I hate her guessing games. "No, what is funny?"

She points her hoof behind me. I turn and look to see my horror come true. A minivan was parked in the lot and about eight or nine girls about age… seven… average height is- agh snap out of it. This isn't who I am! Or maybe… it is.

They filed into the shop and Clyde welcomed them, took their orders, then went back to help Pa. I might somehow manage to evade detection for the first two minutes, but after that?

I watched in slow motion as the closest girl moved her head to face us. I had a slim hope she might overlook us, but that was shot down by fireball standing up on her chair and waving hi to her.

I watched, panic stricken, as her eyes opened wide and she started to pull on, what I assumed to be, the chaperone’s dress. The woman, obviously displeased at the disruption, turned to look at us reluctantly. I swear she must be part snake because her jaw unhinged at the site of us. The other little girls all turned to see what everyone else was looking at. I swear my heart stopped beating. My wings extended themselves automatically, as if trying to make myself look bigger.

This was a horrible idea as it only seemed to excite the little girls more. I disembarked from my chair, stuffing another piece of pizza in my mouth, and backed slowly away from the advancing children. Fireball, on the other hoof, trotted towards the children for some reason.

I know one thing. I'm not letting her guilt me into anything.

She's been giving rides for how long now? It seems to have been hours at least, but I checked up with one of the adults who, at first are scared of me, told me it had only been three quarters of an hour. Given what Pa had said before, this means that we've been stopped here for over an hour. Who knows what could have happened in that time?

We should go, but Fireball does look happy to give the children free pony rides, and the mothers seem thankful for it. Oh fine, I guess we can stay a bit longer. Pa brought us some more pizza for helping so I guess I should eat them at before my companion discovers them. She did chomp down on pretty much the entirety of the last pizza.

Unfortunately nature is calling so I believe a trip to the bathroom is in order. Oh what a fun experience that will be. I wonder if I can still use a conventional toilet or will I have to stand, lift, and hope for the best?  To say this will be awkward is an understatement.

Having made it past the rest of the mob, I made a beeline for the bathroom.

I’m going to be honest with myself, that was the weirdest experience I’ve ever had with a toilet, and considering my past life with Fireball, that’s saying quite a lot. I walked out of the hallway where the bathrooms were situated and trotted back towards my chair. The parents had cleared an area out from the tables and chairs as a sort of ring for Fireball to trot around in.

I don’t understand how she does it. Apparently she’s a natural with kids or has at least two or three little sisters I don’t know about. This happens every, single, time we go anywhere while on leave. That’s not to say I hate it, but the way she lets the foals crawl all over her, and now these children. It all seems odd.

Letting out a sigh I come to the conclusion I’ve been trying to avoid. I harbor a dislike for those kids. Not because I’m jealous or anything, no, of course not. I just wish they would get a move on. We have places to be. You know what I’m going to go tell her right now that we need to - “Oof!”

I turn around and see one of the youngest girls had mounted a chair and then used it to sit atop me. My first instinct is to sit down and to watch her slide off. I look back and see her face, so full of joy and happiness. My heart is fluttering. Am I really contemplating ruining this girls fun time? How unthoughtful of me, that’s horrible. I can’t deny I want to leave, but not at the cost of this girl’s happiness.

“Go on horsey,” she says, smiling.

One of the parents noticed the little girl atop me. I watched out of the corner of my eye as she took on a look of surprise and shock. Apparently Fireball had informed them on my position regarding rides and they were concerned that I would harm the child. Why would I hurt such an adorable little girl though? I turned to face her fully, smiling in reassurance that I was okay with it. The parent’s expression eased visibly and, for a moment, I saw a glimpse of trust before she turned and went back to the bulk of the kids.

I felt the weight on my back disappear before reappearing with slightly more force as she bounced on me. “Let's go horsey!”

“As you wish.” I smiled as she giggled with glee at my answer. There’s a warm happy feeling I’m getting in response to me making this child happy. I don’t know why, but it seems that I’m having more fun now.

Oh Fireball is gesturing me to join them in the circle of kids. I do a bit of a fancy trot to show her up. Yeah, that’s payback for that slow ‘elegant’ trot you made into the store.

Why is she bowing to me though? Oh Luna, she wants to actually dance with me in the circle. Crap, I don’t know how to dance! It wasn’t high on my priority list while I was training. While all the other guards were staring at the mare’s flanks I was studying procedures and protocols. Why hadn’t I at least studied how to dance even a little!

“I see you’re anxiety and raise you some inexperience. I haven’t danced before either so come on soldier boy, let’s just make it up!” I swear if I was interested in getting ‘hooked up’, Fireball would be the mare for me. Opposites attract you kn- whoa shit! She uses one hoof to grab my neck, gesturing for me to do the same. I did so and we spin around in a little circle, switching directions and arms every now and then.

Then, for the next half hour, we danced to the giggling and laughter of the children, the quiet laughter of the adults, and to each other’s howls as well.

I’m not even that embarrassed. Am I drunk?

Look, Drama! Run!

The party lasted well into the afternoon. Fireball and I were exhausted from all the dancing we did and rides we gave. I can't believe I wanted to miss that! Children, life's last glimmer of hope for a bright future of happiness. Too bad it had to come to an end. After the fourth pizza Fireball finally gave up on standing and decided to plop down in a booth. Thankfully, Clyde was generous enough to carry her to the car for me and set her in the back seat while I found an outlet to charge the laptop.

Once again keyboard usage seems to elude me, but somehow I manage to navigate towards Skype once again. Letting out a sigh I stare at the screen which displays no new notifications; we were still on our own. This wasn't so bad as we had my truck, each other, and a belly full of pizzas.

It's crosses my mind that we could settle down and live here. There's a chance the police will give up, plus, we guards are a dime a dozen, there's probably still at least a hundred that didn't surrender to discord... right?

My mind rebels against me. I didn't join the guard to be a scared little filly when I found a nice place to rest. I became a guard because it was a way that I could use my time to protect others. If I was going to sit around and do nothing all day, then I might as well be dead because hell should freeze over before I abandon my duty.

A new notification pops up and my eyes were suddenly glued to the screen. Unfortunately, it was not from our resident rulers, but some jack ass online, probably a friend of Fireball, wondering where he went. Apparently Fireball's wild nights on the X box were not unheard of by others.

A loud honk drew me out of my thoughts and I turn to see a very much in the mood to leave Fireball, hoof poised above the horn to let loose the ear demon again, staring at me. Waving a little to know that I had not gone deaf in the past five minutes, I close the laptop, which had gained a measly ten percent charge since I plugged it in, and set the stuff on my back. Movement was getting easier when I stopped paying attention to the improbabilities of the situation. Intentionally swinging my hips a bit and miss-stepping I found that, not only was the bundle glued to my back by some magical force, but I felt absolutely ridiculous swinging my hips like a mare.

Shivering absentmindedly I shook the image of a feminine me out of my mind unto the far reaches of my brain, hopefully never to see it again.

The short trot to the door is interrupted by Clyde. “Ya leavin?”

Turning towards him I let out a small smile. This was probably my first true smile in a long time, and my last towards a stranger for awhile I think. “Yes, we have to meet someone and unfortunately we can't delay. We very much enjoyed your food and company though, if I meet anyone I’ll be sure to spread the word.” I finish with a small wink which he returns.

“Would appreciate that, thanks.” He leans over the counter a little, his voice dropping. “Ya have nothin to fear in this little town. We're very acceptin ta strangers, it's the ones that are from outa town that ya gotta watch ou for. Word will spread fast that yer here. Ah hate to say it, but yer probably better off leavin.”

Sighing in resignation I then return my gaze to his face. “Thank you for your advice, I’ll make sure that Fireball glues her hoof to the gas pedal.”

Another warm smile graces his face. “Just don crash, unfortunately the video games aren't realistic.” His tone was joking and I could tell he meant no harm by the comment. So, with a little wave and one last goodbye I left the building and made my way back to the truck.

As I open the door and hop inside my eyes grew wide at the still form of my companion. I could tell she was barely breathing, but something was definitely wrong. I push the equipment I’d been carrying to the floor and jump over to her side. I put my head to her heart and listen for the beat. It was strong and lively, that meant no poison. So what was wrong? The pizza, did it somehow clog her throat? No that would have had immediate effects; it had to be something else.

I’m suddenly lifted from her body and tossed back into my seat. Regaining my balance I wildly check for any attackers before noticing my friend fumbling with the cars and sighing sadly. “Shadow, Shadow, Shadow... Can't you tell the old CPR trick when you see it?” Well excuse me if I don't need low slimy tactics to pick up a mare, do I?

“Excuse me?”

“I was trying to get you to kiss me you dolt!” She states in a 'duh' tone. Before I can go unconscious from the shock of things I see her open her mouth to continue and decide to hold off until she can finish. “It's a gag that's played between, hopefully two friends and not random strangers, that can get really awkward, to get one, usually the loner type, to kiss the other. It's not for affection or anything, but it's awfully funny when they jump off rubbing their lips to get the 'taste' off.” So I was subject to a prank, that's both comforting and annoying at the same time. Oh well at least she's okay, that's all that matters.

My eyes drifted to the driver's side window as Fireball managed to start the car once more and shift it into reverse. At the edge of the window I see a blue Honda skid around the corner like one of those cars from the fast and the furious and come barreling down the street. It could be just someone in a big hurry. It's just someone in a big hurry. No, I need to stop kidding myself, they've heard about us and are after us, great, just great.

Motioning to Fireball I started to warn her, but she had already seen the car and an evil smile adorned her face. I wonder if I should tell her that body work, especially on a truck, costs hundreds of dollars. What does it matter? She wouldn't care and personally, I think I'll prefer flying to driving any day of the week, if I ever get around to doing it for once. The problem with her plan right now is that it will involve pain, lots of pain. To whom this pain will be administered... I have no idea, but I’m going to take a wild shot and say it's the other driver.

Suddenly I see the gears shift into reverse, which isn't good for the transmission at all. Before I can berate her however, the truck lurches and I see the e-brake has been lifted. She's going to kill us both! Practically jumping out of my seat I lunge for the steering wheel, only to be forced to sit back down. The car is now slowing, partially, probably to compensate for the fact that the pizzeria is literally right next to the road and he or she would have to make a immediate stop.

I try to struggle a little but I see that Fireball has that look in her eye and I relax. It's a look of pure enjoyment, ready to be entertained. It means she's not about to do something extremely foolhardy and maybe dangerous.

The emergency brake flies back down and the truck lurches backwards while the rest of my internal organs try to escape my body. I watch in slow motion as Fireball does a J-turn and flips to a straight line while the Honda immediately turns and stops. Continuing to watch I realize that either we just scared the living shit out of some random person, killed someone, or scared the living shit out of somebody who deserved it. Either way, it WAS pretty hilarious to watch. Slowing a little Fireball turns to me and shoots a shit eating grin. “You can check the back fender if you wish, if you can fly against ninety mile an hour winds, but I’m one hundred and fifty percent sure that guy didn't touch your beautiful piece of machinery.”

Sighing I facehoof. Believe it or not I can't begin to imagine what my life be like without her. Of course I’m speaking in the platonic terms only, marriage would only get in the way of my work. There's been many a time though that I’ve wanted to go home and kick something or go get drunk because somepony is being a total piece of shit. Fortunately Fireball was able to- What the fuck is wrong with me? Oh yeah, I’m being brain fucked by some invisible parasite that invaded my brain a few days ago that's turning me into someone I don't know who had their own life before they stole mine. Lightly smacking my head I use pain therapy to refocus my thoughts.

A light tap interrupts my smacking and I look over at my friend. She had a concerned look on her face. “Did I go too far that time?”

Sighing I turn back to my hooves and hold my gaze. These aren't mine. Yet, why did they feel so familiar? Feeling I really have no other answer I simply bury my face in my hooves, my brain doing mental calculations for me about how fast we were traveling only judging by the sound of the wind. It is so cool to be able to do that, to be able to see farther, better and have a heightened sense of smell. I hate it, I hate it so much. It's like someone took a car that my dad gave, a car that had a past, that I held dear to my heart, and replaced it with a Ferrari. In any other situation I would love to have a Ferrari, but not if I have to sell out my life to get it.

“Shadow, please tell me what's wrong, you know you're such a downer and radiate this... aura when you get in this state.” I felt another touch on my shoulder and my brain alerts me that we are slowing down and moving in a rightward direction.

“I'm fine Fireball, what we have to do now is reach Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna as quickly as possible.” The car grew warm by a degree, which means she doesn't like my answer. “Look, I’m not mad at what you did to that jerk in the Honda, I’m... feeling uneasy from all the food.” It fells wrong to lie, especially to my best friend, but I don't want the 'your past matters most' speech again.

“That's a lie and you know it.”

I look over at her, my brain once again alerts me that we have in fact stopped. “No it wasn't.” Another blatant lie that cuts through me.

Cursing quietly to myself I watch her horn glow a tiny bit before sighing. “I still feel that this entire thing is wrong.” Looking back at that accursed magic thing I see that it is in fact dull this time. “I don't want your speeches about how I should accept that I’m both the pony and the human I was, and I don't care.”

As I finish the last word I see a look of hurt cross her face. “I'm sorry Fireball, I-”

“No you aren't, if you were sorry you would at least take into consideration not the last five years we've spent together, but the five before that, as ponies. Since you obviously don't care that we've been friends for a grand total of ten years, why should you care about my feelings then? I’m not the human friend that you once had.”

I open my mouth to speak, but I realize that she is correct, I’m being a complete and total ass to her, and frankly, I have been about this whole ordeal. In my defe- no, I have no defense.

I open the door and climb out. “Wha-where are you going?” Her voice sounded like borderline panic.

“I'm just going to get some fresh air, you can continue driving.” I hear her start to talk again, but the door is already in motion before I can acknowledge. What kind of friend am I? I wonder as I trot around to the rear tire. I- no, I need to forget my feelings for now, I need to resolve this pony human business today, or I fear that it will interfere with my ability to serve in the royal guard. Giving my wings an experimental flutter I grit my teeth. I've apparently done this hundreds upon thousands of times, this should be nothing. Spreading my wings I give a strong flap and leap from the ground, judging the height and distance so I landed lightly on the side of the truck bed.

Sighing I turn back to look in the rear window, waving slightly to let Fireball know that I was indeed still with her. My eyes started to water though. I should be in there with her, comforting her, letting her know that I have her best interests in mind, but I’m not. The truck starts to pull back onto the highway and the wind picks up. Soon we are cruising around eighty down the highway and I lay down, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of wind through my mane tail and wings, too bad it isn't night, it's so much better at night.

The thought of my normal sleep schedule triggers a yawn from me, I probably should get back into the habit of taking the night shift and switching with fireball. If all goes well we'll be in Iowa in less than 6 hours, but then again, nothing ever goes well for us.

Finally, some back story...

Sirens… everywhere! Behind us, in the front, to the sides, up above, the sirens are everywhere. Yet, despite this, Fireball drives on, seemingly indifferent.

My eyes scan the seemingly impenetrable line of police cars. This is it it seems. We never made it, we failed. I failed.

I watched in horror as a monstrous car rises out of the wall and and creates a long dark expanse that engulfs our vehicle. I can't see the lights and the siren is deafening. It's on two wheels and is barely rising now. I wanna get up and fly away, but my wings won't respond to my commands. My legs fail to even twitch and even my tail is frozen. It's like fate has destined me to end this way. Oblivious to my silent plea, the truck continues to accelerate.

I can't see anything except the enormous piece of machinery right in front of me. It is a giant shark among minnows. Besides that it doesn't seem to be hindered by anything else. I can hear the sirens gaining in intensity and cringe slightly. I really thought we'd have a better end than this, oh well, fate is a cruel bitch, we had a long run. Everything slows as I close my eyes. I watch in slow motion as the front of the truck compresses as it hits the wall of cars. All our belongings are thrown forward, and yet, I watch. My eyes turn back to the massive cop car. It has turned into a blot in the sky that is quickly falling towards me. I don't care though, I’ve already lost the battle. My eyes finally close as the Shadow descends onto me.

Giving out a yell I sit up and look around frantically. For one, I’m back in the cab of the vehicle, two, the light from outside has dimmed and we are still racing at top speed through the country. It was just a dream, only a dream, a nightmare. I haven't had a nightmare in over 25 years and now I’m having them night after night...

I look over and see Fireball staring ahead, trying to look like she's ignoring me, but we've known each other long enough to tell what the other is thinking. She's... I can't think about it...

“Thanks... for bringing me back in here... the wind helped calm me down.”

She doesn't even acknowledge my presence or the fact that I spoke. Playing with my hooves nervously I try again. “So... um... anything new?” Again, no answer. Luna dammit all! “Fireball, please just speak to me. I feel like I’m missing something here.”

I hear her suppress a sniff and try to choke out a few words but I can't quite understand them. Sighing to myself I scoot over and sit next to her. “Hey... I’m sorry for what I said... I just can't let go of the past and pretend like it wasn't real...” I cringe as I let loose words I knew would incite a response. Thankfully there was no response forthcoming, so I counted my blessings and pushed forward. “Look, I know you are touchy about this subject, so lets just forget it ever happened okay?” Seeing no answer was going to come I guess I’ll have to guilt her into it. “You're putting off this... aura... and it's really dimming the mood in the car... come on and smile for me, please?” I see something tugging at her lips. I've got her now. “Don't make me tickle you, you know I know where you are ticklish.” Reaching over I'm poised over her ears and ready to strike.

Before I can however she spins towards me, beaming like a lighthouse. “Oh come on, no fair! I can't fight back because I'm driving!” Yes! Score, usually she has to get me out of the bad mood, well guess what, my turn, woo!

“That's the point though, I can get you back for all those surprises you gave me!”

“Oh, you mean the surprises back in 'Equestria' or the surprises 'Here'?”

Smiling I knew this is a trick question, I can see her frowning a little bit, but I'm determined not to let it come back. “From both you silly filly, you've done so much to me that I'm going to NEED twenty five years to make it up!” There we go, now she's really beaming. There's absolutely nothing that can spoil this moment. Wait I don't have any wood in the car do I? Dammit...

Sirens blare and I can see little blue and red lights approaching from behind. “Well shit, and here I thought we could go a day without getting rammed up the ass with cop cars...” Sighing I climb back over in my seat and look at Fireball expectantly.

“Well then, I guess we better show them how fast we can go correct?” Well, last I checked this truck could go around 110... or at least, that's what I’ve been up to and OH MY SWEET CELESTIA WE ARE ACCELERATING!

My truck seemed to scream with joy as it roared down the road. The police cars, having noticed the acceleration, also put on the speed to try and catch us. Rounding a corner I nearly flew into Fireball as my hooves lost traction and we started doing a bicycle with the truck, which I don't know is really possible or there's some magic afoot. Either way I can feel the right wheel leave the ground and my flank leave the seat, which is not at all fun.

Finally the wheels regain traction and the sirens start to lose the intensity that they began with. Sighing in relief I let a smile creep to my face. There was absolutely nothing that could stop us... except that ridiculously long LINE OF COP CARS! “FIREBALL SLOW DOWN MY TRUCK CAN'T RAMP THAT!”

“I DON'T CARE, I'M NOT ABOUT TO GET CAUGHT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I HAVE A NEED FOR SPEED MOTHER BUCKERS!” I have no idea what she's talking about, but I don't want to die. I'm going to hate myself for this.

Diving under the drivers side I floor the brake pedal and stick my hoof under the gas pedal to keep it from going down. It hurts SOO much... “God dammit... this hurts...”

“Then stop doing it! I can make it!” No... you can't ow this hurts.

“Look, we're done, you can't make this jump and there's no turning around. Just stop, worst comes to worst you have to incinerate something and I might be able to carry you away.” Actually I'm pretty sure she's too heavy, but anything to get rid of this pressure!

After a grueling five seconds I feel the pressure decrease and the truck start to slow. My inner sense starts spitting out numbers that I really can't care any less about, so I just ignore them. Well... looks like we are boned, at least we'll be going out together. Another few seconds pass as the truck screeches to a halt. My brain informs me that we have indeed stopped, even though I can't seem to pry myself from the floor boards.

“Get out of the car!” a voice blares.

I hear the window roll down and I groan as I try to pry myself off the floor. “Well, since you asked so nicely, FUCK OFF!” Great... Fireball is making some more friends.

There's a pause, apparently they didn't expect that. “Ma'am, please exit the vehicle or else we will have to come in oursel- hey what are you doing?”

After finally managing to extract myself from the floor I peeked at the line of cars and the one lone figure making it's way through them. He sorta kinda maybe looked like my ass hole of a neighbor... but his eyes are yellow and his actions are purposeful. His grin looks evil and every other step his hair parted to show off two things protruding out from his head. “Well if it isn't my favorite little ponies.” Okay, this went from awkward to crazy as fuck awkward. “Congratulations on making it this far despite my best efforts. I'm almost glad you did, gave you a chance to prove yourself..” Slowly making his way over to the drivers side door he then got the window rolled up in his face and the door locked.

“Sorry crazy dude, this is private property.” I almost burst out laughing, but I felt that I needed to stay silent.

“Well I’m sorry miss, but I would like to come inside.” As he said that he snapped his fingers and the door unlocked. Before he could open it however, Fireball delicately pushed the lock mechanism again, keeping him out. Frowning the stranger again, snapped his fingers and unlocked the door, eliciting the same response as before. Sighing he looked Fireball right in the eyes. “You were always my favorite, always the more chaotic of bunch.” Wait, did he raise us? He's a human, what the hell am I thinking?

Again, he tries unlocking the door, and again Fireball prevents him from opening it. “You're kidding me right?” He tries to open the door and unlock it at the same time but Fireball's glow surrounds the door and keeps it shut, locking it once again. “You know, it really is no fun after the fifth time you know?”

I can see the corners of her mouth twitch up into a smile. “It is for me! I haven't even had a drop of alcohol yet either!” Note to self, never leave beer unattended with Fireball while leaving the house without a way separate way back in. Sighing again, the man gives up and starts to leave the driver's side door alone.

Making his way over, he rounded the truck to my side and stared at me, his smile gone, an evil grin in it's place. “Are you going to open the door, or am I?” He sounds so arrogant! I just want to punch him in the face! Who does this ass hole think he is, God? “I'm assuming that's a no.” Snapping his fingers the door unlocks, this time reaching for the handle in the same motion. I did not want this man inside my vehicle, and since he had no badge I could call this self defense, right? Oh fuck it, I just punch him in the face, through the window.

My hoof is strewn with glass shards and starting to bleed, but the scowl on my face never wavers. I hear a noise in the background and turn to see a happily grinning Fireball clapping her hooves. “That was AWESOME! Though the truck now doesn't have a passenger window, but still, THAT WAS SO COOL!”

“Yes, quite.” My head and ears spin around lightning quick only to meet a fist in the face. My body flies back and hits Fireball, I can tell she's effectively pinned. Through the daze I can see the door being ripped off it's hinges and thrown onto the side of the highway. “You know, I have things to do, ponies to punish, and people to terrorize, so I just want a quick visit to you two and all I get is a hoof to the face. Do you know who I am?”

Through my daze my body refuses to respond to any signals my brain throws at it, but I can barely hear Fireball squeak out, “Dissy?”

I can see my evil neighbor grin and nod. He points to Fireball, “I am your sponsor,” his finger moves over to me, “and I am your creator.” My brain refuses to compute these lines and is about to shut down... I can't go unconscious, this... thing, needs to be dealt with. Struggling back into reality I see him still smiling, the protrusions in his hair seem to have grown a bit, now showing that one was a blue twisted horn and the other was a bit straighter. I couldn't tell what species they were from, but I knew I would if they got any longer.

“Let me tell you a little long forgotten story. Don't worry Fireball you'll get your turn.” I hear her gulp behind me, but my focus is sorely on the man in front of me. “When I first came to rule it was absolutely glorious, ponies were digging holes, clouds were pink, and it hailed rock candy every other day. None of the three tribes could challenge me, and the Alicorns were too much of cowards to do so. However, there were a few books I just couldn't quite find, books that, well, don't exist anymore for special reasons that you need not hear. Anyways, back to the subject at hand, or is it hoof I guess.” He stops and lets out a guffaw of laughter that lasts for a full minute. I don't know why he's laughing, maybe he'll tell us now that he's not. “I would apologize, but I’m not sorry, you two just look so pathetic with those scared little faces on you.” He lets out another bout of chuckles. “Ahem, well, you two are mood killers. Now, lets see, where way I?” I feel a hoof move behind me. “Ah yes, Fireball?”

“You were about to let us go?” I can hear the fear in her voice.

“Oh yes, the book burning, thank you.” Apparently he didn't even notice, that or he's very hard at hearing. “As I said, I couldn't get a hold of these books because SOME unicorn decided to up and make an anti chaos field. This created a problem, so, I fixed it. Using a bit of chaotic energy I created life! Shocker isn't it? If you think about it though, chaos isn't just for destruction, the sun is chaotic and yet it provides warmth, oh my you have to hear about this one time that I-” He coughs a little before grinning again. “Maybe you two will hear that later. So as I was saying, I created another pony race. Being the creature I am I decided not to name it because I thought, and still think, it was hilarious when ponies ran around screaming that they were being attacked by 'things'. Can you believe it? They said 'THINGS'.” He starts laughing again. By this time my brain has managed to reboot. I can't believe that this is Discord, HE'S BEEN MY BUCKING NEIGHBOR FOR TWENTY FIVE BUCKING YEARS? What is wrong with this thing! He coughs again. “Well, I think you can see where we are going with this story. The new race of ponies went out and managed to destroy all but three copies of the book. The first copy was lost on an expedition this silly unicorn thought was important. The second was in a private library so I felt no need to go after it. The third however, landed in the hooves of two impertinent selfish little brats that,” he blew out calmingly. “That of course is of no consequence, after stoning me they hunted down my beloved new subjects and well, the rest is history. Not quite actually. Well, after those two little brats grabbed the throne they took it upon themselves to make the ponies I created part of society. Can you believe that? They were taking MY creations and turning them AGAINST me! How much more rude can a pony get!” He licked his new fang that jutted from the left side of his mouth. “They named them bat ponies and they became 'PRINCESS' Luna's guard, can you believe the audacity those two wanna be's had? It took a long time, but eventually the bat ponies started to die out. By the time that I broke free for a THIRD time, there were only four of you left, or at least, descendants with the true blood. Most of them had intermarried and disrupted their bloodline.”

He got real close, his eyes boring into my soul. “This all comes down to a single question my dear subject.” His smile seems to be all over his face. I try to scoot backward, but I hear Fireball whimper slightly so I cease my backwards motion. “Two of the ponies killed themselves, they were old enough to already know of their past, the third had enough sense to try and save her race, she is is the only female left, and you are the only male. I would create more of you, but since I find myself unable to, sending all you ponies to this waste dump was very difficult, I need other means, more crude means, of repopulating the subjects I long to have.” He slithered backwards, leaving me breathing rapidly and unsteadily. “I’ll let you think on that.”

My brain starts to shut down. Too much information, it can't all be true. There's no way, mom and dad, they... NO it can't be true I’m not just the creation of chaos! I'm not... I’m not... I’m... not, am I?

I saw Shadow's eyes close, the grimace and scared expression frozen upon his face for the duration of his time unconscious. I was very much afraid of this new variable in our journey. It was all fun and games until Shadow decided to... never-mind. Now Discord is pulling me out from under the still form of my life long companion. “Now it's your turn little pony. I want to say that it's been a pleasure being an influence in your life and also tell you that you have 'I told you so' rights.” With a snap of his fingers and a turn of my head I watch as all the police cars simply vanish, as if they were never there. “You COULD have missed me, COULD have gone through it, which is what I like so much about you, you have spunk, you are crazy, you are so... deliciously chaotic.” He licked his lips. “Did you ever wonder why your parents were hesitant around you when you first learned your talent? Were you even the least bit surprised when you were assigned somepony to make sure you didn't get into trouble? Did you even notice that you got door duty by the princess' court chambers almost every day? Fire is my territory my little pony. Fire destroys, it burns, it incinerates, it consumes. Everypony was so afraid of you because you were following my path, the path of chaos, and it was starting to show. Oh isn't wonderful? My start pupil has developed so much!” He put a hand up to his chin and started tapping it thoughtfully. It was kinda funny before, the way everypony looked at me. I really didn't mind sitting by the door because I got to see all the different kinds of ponies. My mom and dad did act a bit awkward when I showed them my cutie mark. After awhile though, they started being less tense and happier.

Could what Discord is saying be the truth? I highly doubt it. Seriously, did he expect me to believe that I'm pretty much worshiping him by practicing fire magic? That's absolutely hilarious!

Without cause I began to laugh. I can't believe this guy. To think he was our neighbor for about five years! Wow is he stupid! Seriously, how stupid can Discord get? Well this IS Discord we are talking about, not some of the mill idiot. Hmm I wonder how an idiot runs a mill, that seems like an important job.

I look back at my host to see him watching intentionally. “Are you quite done my faithful student?” Wow, what's with the pet names? Well, it's only me if I answer so let's grab some popcorn and watch the shit storm.

His face slowly starts to frown. I can feel the disappointment and happy mood disappear from him. “Well then, be that way little unicorn. I wish I could harness the chaotic magic you hold in your brain and distribute it. That would make my job a whole lot easier.”

“Before I leave you with the new information that you've learned I would like to give you a choice. I can teach you more, you know. I AM the prevailing knowledgebase for all things chaotic you know.” He winks at me and spreads his arms. “You don't even have to change your life any, you just have to do me a favor every now and then and i'll teach you anything you wish to know.” He got that hungry look. “All you have to do is say yes.”

I have to stay truthful with myself, I feel conflicted. I want to yell back at him, to tell him he was wrong, but I can't help but think that maybe he is telling the truth. Maybe I am just a chaotic pony and it was only a matter of time before I truly went insane.

But wait, if I'm going to go insane, why not have some fun with it first? Why skip to the end of the story when the middle is so much more interesting! Think of the pranks and hilarity that can ensue. Rubbing my hooves together I chuckled evilly. Celestia forbid I lose the chance to fully enjoy life. IF I ever get back to canterlot the first thing I'm doing is putting a springboard on princess Celestia's table and launching a cake in her face. Luna will laugh and Celestia will laugh, and then I get to die happy.

“I trust you've seen the good this decision will do for you?” His voice was ice cold and reeked of victory. Oh boy I can't wait for this explosion!

I dropped my voice down lower. “Why yes I have my dear Discord, I will cause mayhem and wreak havoc. I shall put salt in the punch and poison joke in all the nobles hair! It will be fan fucking tastic!”

Smiling stupidly I watched as his face turned from glee, to disbelief, to anger. “NO NO! YOU STUPID PONY! THOSE ARE PARLOR TRICKS!” I swear his eyes are so red right now. I wonder what'd happen if I poked him. Oh well let's find out. “I can teach you so much mor- why did you just touch me?”

Shrugging I decided that that was a question worthy of an answer. “I have no bucking clue, but I'm going to do it again,” and so I did. I did it again, and again and again.

I would have continued doing it too if it weren't for the fact that he caught my hoof the fifth time and held it there. I could swear that if you took a needle to him he'd pop like a balloon. It was so funny watching the king of chaos get so riled up about something so small, so I poked him with my other hoof. “It feels so jiggly, have you been letting yourself go? You know there are some programs that can help you with that sort of thing. I heard they are called self help programs. I don't know why they are called self help programs when you are obviously letting someone else help you help yourself. That doesn't make any sense I mean-” Oh buck... I think I went to far, I can actually watch him breathe.

I shake Shadow in hopes that his unconscious state is just as aware of his sleeping state. Apparently it is not. Wellp plan B. He yelps, shoots up, sees Discord opens the door and jumps out, all in one motion I might add, pretty impressive if you ask me. Taking one look at the total peeved chaos god I gave chase.

After jumping out I found that I could not see my partner in crime. Well I wonder where he has gone, oh cool now I'm flying. “Weee! I didn't know you could hold a pony while flying.”

“I can't.” Wow he already sounds out of breath. “But I can carry one.” Oh boy i've only had this happen to me once before in battle training! It's so much- WOOP!

Shadow flipped upside down and flew upwards at the same time. Letting go of me he then positioned his back under me. My job was to simply flip myself over, like a cat. Oh I like cats. It's not that hard and I barely feel it when I land on his back. I can tell his speed has increased too. I remember them saying something about how a pony situated like I am now creates a more aerodynamic streamline thingy that makes the pegasus fly faster or something. I can certainly see the difference. We are definitely speeding along now. “Hey what's the rush, Discord can teleport, it's not like we can get far enough away from him.”

He panted a little before swallowing. “Don't ask me how I know, but he is about to explode, well in the anger sense, not literally, sorry to ruin your expectations.” He dodged around a car that swerved when it saw us pass. I saw a little girl so I waved at her. I smiled even brighter when she waved back, before pointing at me and saying something to her mother. I saw Shadow turn his head and sigh sadly. “I feel sorry for them. Unless they can get out of the blast zone quick eno-”

I suddenly felt pushed sideways by an unseen force. The car with the little girl and mom behind us actually flipped. I watched in slow motion as they rotated above us in a full arc before they landed on all four wheels and skidded to a stop.

I didn't have long to marvel at the miracle because soon Shadow was out of control as well. I suddenly felt his weight drop out from under me. I clenched my legs tighter so I wouldn't lose my grip and tried to flip him so he wouldn't get hurt. Usually pegasi aren't hurt that often from falling, but not often are they falling while unconscious.

I take the brunt of the crash, which was significant as we were probably going in excess of sixty miles an hour. It feels like the fur on my back has been shaved off and my spine my be bruised. I hope not, being a cripple does not sound like fun. Thankfully we came to a stop and I was still able to move all my appendages. That's a good thing, despite the fact that I can't get up, I'm in too much pain. As I start to drift into a painful sleep I hear a buzz. “You should have taken my offer, it will not be so generous, your friend now knows the consequences of abusing a power that I GAVE to him. Now he will have to choose between standing with you, or fighting with me.” As my eyes finally closed I heard him laugh maniacally, the only thing keeping me company as my brain shut down.

I hate trees.

I slowly regained consciousness and felt myself being lifted up off the hot pavement. I could tell I have a few fractured bones, but it doesn't seem like my wings or legs are hurt as I can move them fine.

“Hey, Marge, I think it's alive, don't touch it. It might have rabies.” A gruff voice sounded off to my right. I still couldn't seem to open my eyes and find out who was talking to me.

“Oh hush now, it doesn't look dangerous at all. It looks a bit like a cute pony actually.” I feel myself being shifted from one arm to the other. “Just look at the poor dears, they look absolutely devastated.”

“Marge, I know you have a thing for helping every single animal you can find, but those things are something I’ve never even heard of before!” I've decided that I do not like this man all that much, but his wife seems to be a compassionate person.

“Bob, show a bit of consideration, you did almost run them over you know!” Well, that certainly would have a been a bummer.

I manage to open my eyes and I find that i'm being cradled in one arm by a short woman with a wonderful smile. I manage to shift my head and look at my friend. I immediately turn away from the damage that has been wrought. It looks like she had been run over. Blood had pooled on her back and had subsequently dried in a congealed mess. Her hooves looked okay for the most part. The rest of her was scraped, bruised and bloody in some places. It looked like she had crash landed going- oh no! Fireball you didn't!

A burst of adrenaline managed to reboot my brain partially, enough for me to struggle a little. Thankfully the lady, Marge, saw my plight and let me down. I immediately tried to crawl over to Fireball. I managed a few inches before stopping. My throat felt so parched, my limbs screamed in pain. I couldn't let something like a little pain stop me though.

Slowly I tried to make my way to my companion's side. From where I currently sat I couldn't see if she was breathing. I knew she was though, she just had to be! “Dammit Fireball!” A cough interrupts what I am about to say next. “You are NOT allowed to die on me.” I manage the last few painful inches over to her and put my head to her chest.

I listened intently as I waited for the heart beat to drum beneath that silky orange fur. I needed her to smile again, I needed her to tell me a corny joke and make me facehoof. I can't live without her! Luna dammit she balanced out my stupid serious side with her hilarity, she kept me sane during times of crisis.

The tears came loose as I failed to detect any thump of the heart. This couldn't be happening! Discord I’m going to fucking kill you! Then I’m going to take your head and incinerate that devilish smile so nopony ever has to see it ever a-fucking-gain!

Softly I cried. At one point I heard some footsteps behind me, but they stopped before they came within a foot. I suddenly remembered something. It brought a sad smile to my face as I was reminded of this same situation happening yesterday. Her and her stupid jokes. You should never tempt fate.

Sniffling I wipe my nose. “You always were gunning for a kiss weren't you, one would think you really liked me if it wasn't for the fact that you denied it at every opportunity.” With a heavy heart I moved over to her mouth.

Rolling her over onto her back I straddled her body and put my mouth on hers. No breath came from nostrils and her beautiful eyes were closed for good. I leaned in slowly and pressed my mouth against hers.

I reveled in the kiss. Even though it wasn't reciprocated it was the most wonderful thing I could ever experience with anypony, ever. I closed my eyes and relaxed in her sun baked embrace. It seemed to last forever, but I knew it couldn't last but for a few minutes.

I'm jolted back to reality by a breeze on my nose. My eyes flew open and I ruffled my nose. There it was again. That same breeze came again, where is it coming from? “Bob, look, the orange one, I think I see her breathing!”

No, it can't be true, she was dead! I raised my head quickly and checked her stomach. I couldn't detect any movement. I put a ear to her stomach. I don't hear anything. My sad frown reinstated itself and I readied myself for the inevitable.

I'm about to pull away when I hear it, a very faint thump. Gasping I press my ear further into her fur. There it is again, it's slightly louder than before! Thump thump, that's a heartbeat! “God dammit fireball you wonderful pony!”

I picked her up and set her on my back, trying hard not to crumble under the weight of a pony in my exhausted state. Slowly I turned towards Marge and Bob. “Please... can you take us into town?” I had to suppress the joy in my voice.

I collapsed under the weight of my barely alive companion. I closed my eyes when I received no answer. Suddenly I found fireball lifted from me and myself also lifted from the ground. “Don't worry little horse. We'll take you and your friend into town.”

Coughing I look up at Marge, who was the one that had spoken. “Marge... by any chance... what's the name of the nearest town?”

Marge smiled down on me. “The nearest town is about three hours away, Muscatine Iowa.” With that I smiled and finally allowed myself to rest once more.

My dreams were peaceful for once, a surprise that I took into account. One of the perks of being a night guard is being able to sense whether or not the reality was a dream. I am in our house, laying in... my, bed?

I got up and looked around. I was in my room, well, actually it was somewhat different form my room, but still the same. While it was dark on most of the room, the left side seemed to consist of more brightly painted colors. Well, most of it was brightly painted.

I hear some breathing beside me and jump out of bed, turning around in mid air to face whatever happened to be next to me. To my surprise, my eyes fell upon the form of another sleeping pony.

Who could I possibly be sharing a bed with? I didn't really have any relationship with anypony, not like it would last across the dimensional traveling anyways. Slowly creeping up, I arrived at the side of the bed. There, staring back at me, was an orange muzzle with closed eyes. Why in all the five kingdoms was I sleeping next to fireball in a joint bed!

She seemed to be sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware that in the conscious life she was naught but barely alive to me. Maybe this was a figment of my dream world, but like they say, once a pony becomes lucid, the dream shatters and they can do whatever they want. I try conjuring a potato in one hoof. Why did I choose a potato? Oh shut up brain i'm in a dream, nothing has to make sense. Apparently this wasn't my lucid dream because no potato was forthcoming. That means that...

I stare at my sleeping companion. This must be her dream then, it has yet to begin as well. Shit, if I am not back in the bed her dream will shatter and the peaceful sleep she has now will be disrupted and then she'll reawaken back in the real world, filled with pain and grief. No, better to live a lie and wake up to the harshness of life than to never experience the love and get the same result.

Slowly I fly over her and land softly on the bed. I manage to dig myself back under the covers before she wraps her hooves around me and starts nibbling on my ear. Is this something couples do? No, she's mumbling something. Something about... spiked brownies or something of the other. I've never heard of them but I guess brownies with spikes coming out of them wouldn't be very tasty.

Finally her eyes open slowly and I try hard to push forward a believable smile. Apparently in her dream we are a little more than just roomies. She doesn't look any older and I didn't wake up with... no, don't think about that. I don't think we've done it in this reality, which leaves to wonder why I’m even in this dream.

“Mmmhmm... shadow I had one of the best dreams...” She pulled herself closer. “We had this amazing party and there was spiked brownies, and spiked punch. Then somepony lit something on fire and instead of water, beer came out. It was awesome.”

I put on my best smile and tried to think of a response to that. How does one respond to that? “Was I there?”

I see her eyes flutter and she pulls her muzzle closer to mine, but I keep mine out of reach lest she dream that we are actually at that level. “Why yes you were, you were keeping all the bad stallions away so you could have me all to yourself.”

Okay, reality check, did she really just double dream me? Wait am I having a dream placed by Discord to fuck with me? Is this really happening?

“Hey, what's up? You don't seem as talkative this morning.” Yeah, no kidding, am I usually talkative with her in the mornings?

“Sorry...” I turn my head away. “I have a lot on my mind.”

I hear her sigh and she snuggles her head under my neck. “Did you have another bad dream again? You know that because you're a guard you can just stop right?” Facts, facts, facts, I think I actually did tell her that one time, maybe this is just her dream still.

“Hey... fireball...”

I see her pout. “What, no pet names for your mare this morning?” Okay that was a bit creepy, but I still have to go along with it. The things I do for her.

“Sorry honey.” I give her a bit of a nuzzle. Why do I feel so happy when I do that? Am I losing myself to the dream? “So, anything planned for today?” If this is the fireball I know, her mind is so chaotic that it'll adapt to whatever information it's given.

“Well, for today,” she said in a serious tone. “Today maybe we could finally... you know...” I watched a blush grow on her face and felt my cheeks also redden. This was way beyond my comfort zone, but it felt so right for some reason. “If I remember correctly, we both have the day off, so nopony would come looking for us.”

She really was serious about this! This was her subconscious speaking to me? This was ridiculous! I don't want to get married, and I'm sure Fireball doesn't either! “Finally what dear?” I can't even stop the pet names! Oh sweet Luna, it might be a dream but don't let my first time be like this!

I saw another blush come to her features. “Well...” I can't help it, my eyes screw up in disgust and my mouth turns into a frown.

I saw a bit of recognition in her features before she opened her mouth in shock. “Sh-shadow?” It was all she could get out as things suddenly melted away like rain on a window.

I woke up in the spacious backseat. I feel much better than before, but I’m still shaken up by what I just witnessed. Does fireball harbor 'more than just friends' feelings for me? I don't even know If I do for her. “Hello deary, how did you sleep?”

I looked up at the smiling face of Marge. I tried to smile back, but I couldn't quite cut it. “Oh, did you have a bad dream?” I wanted to nod, but it would have been a lie. I simply look over at my sleeping companion before inching slowly away. “Oh, are you two not- she was just simply distraught without you sleeping beside her, you even stopped twitching those beautiful wings of yours when we put the two of you together.”

So apparently I do harbor some hidden feelings. It would never work though, she's a day guard and I’m a night guard. Plus we have completely opposite likes, dislikes, and personalities. “No, we aren't married, yes that's what it's called, we are just close friends, I guess you can say I’m all she's got. She's all I got as well.”

“Awww, aint that sweet.” I heard a scoff come from the front driver's seat, probably from Bob. Marge then proceeded to slap his shoulder. “Bob! Be nice to our guests!”

“They're horses marge. Plus they're getting fur on my backseat.” This bob character doesn't seem all that mean, maybe he's just grouchy all the time. Oh Luna did I just say grouchy? Maybe me and fireball have more in common than I think.

“They are not! Focus on driving.” I heard some grumbling. “We were on our way there anyways, it's only a small detour.” She returned to the front-seat and started talking with her husband animatedly. I don't know why, but fireball is fidgeting. That isn't very good for her back, I guess I should get next to her again.

As soon as I curl up next to her she ceases moving and starts breathing easier and stronger. I wrap a wing around her barrel and dig my muzzle under hers so she's leaning on me. Social norms be damned, if this helps her get better so be it. If it just so happens that it looks like I’m comforting my wife, then by damn I better be proud to be the envy of most stallions.

It turns out that I had woken up only about thirty minutes away from Muscatine. I didn't know where exactly Princess Celestia and Princess Luna lived, but I'm guessing that if I just follow the explosions and random sightings of 'crazy horse things' I’ll find them. No offense to the princesses, but in this world it would be impossible to go one day without getting pointed at or called a freak.

I still can't believe that I had been living next to discord for twenty five years! All those times he claimed he had seen some anomaly was so he could get me off his trail.

Now that I think about it... random occurrences seemed to have saved my life from time to time throughout my life. A close call with a car wreck here, a small miracle there. Was he really telling the truth about resurrecting his army of guard pony things? I don't really much enjoy the prospect of being forced to marry only a certain pony just so I can continue the species that was made specifically to serve discord and make sure that ponies everywhere were submissive to him.

I shivered at the thought, drawing my companion closer to me. I don't really much enjoy the thought of ever getting married. It seemed like too much effort to do the same thing that me and fireball already did, plus... that.

Let's not think about that. “Hey there deary, we've arrived, time to get up.”

I raised my head slightly, barely able to see the sign that said 'Muscatine City Limits'. “Not to be a bother, but you wouldn't happen to know where the residential area is would you?” I know that Marge wouldn't exactly mind taking us somewhere we could get help, I’m just worried about Bob.

“Hmmph, I suppose you want to get dropped off at your friends house.” Bob received a small slap for his comment.

“Bob!” Marge turned her head back to us. “We do, but shouldn't we get you two to a hospital?”

“In any other case, yes, but we are meeting someone who would probably be better for helping us.” I really hope that Celestia and Luna knew a bit of healing magic, it hurts me deeply to see that long scar on Fireball's back. I'm pretty sure it's infected too. If she were a pegasus she'd never fly again. I'm very thankful that she had kept her head up so as to protect her horn.

I caught a small smile from marge as I nuzzled Fireball. “Oh okay, Bob.” She turned to her husband who simply grumbled.

“It will be another few minutes.”

“Thank you Bob.” Then the truck seemed to delve back into silence. I looked outside my window; it seems to be about five or six at night. How in the all of Equestria did we manage to sleep so long? Oh yeah, we were near death when Marge and Bob found us. I doubt Discord would have let me die, but Fireball was no exception to his cruelty.

I lay back and rested my head on Fireball's neck like she did me, whatever happens, we have each other, and personally, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Much to my distaste, I had to awaken Fireball. At first she was a bit surprised by our proximity, but when I explained that she was rubbing her wound, she seemed more comfortable with it, or was it the fact that I wasn't mad?

I was able to exit fine, but Fireball couldn't jump down. I managed a small hover and I airlifted her to the ground. Once down on the ground she was able to walk at a slow pace. I turned back to the truck and our two saviors. I see the window roll down and Bob stick his head out. “Now listen, I didn't drive all this way to hear that you two died okay? So get going and find your friends.” I smile a bit. Looks like Bob wasn't as hardhearted as I first thought.

When he stuck his head back in I caught a small wave from Marge as the window rolled back up. With a small rumble they pulled away and we were once again on our own to face the next challenge.

I picked up one of Fireball's hooves and wrapped it around my neck. She looks like she needs the support.

Much to my surprise it's pulled off. “Silly Shadow, I can walk, it's just my back that-” I heard a painful hiss. “hurts.”

I move over again to try and help her but she waved me off. “I told you, I'm fine.” She hissed with pain once again, but after a few steps she seemed to not be in as much pain as before. “Come on slow poke! I'm sure Celestia and Luna are going to be surprised when we show up half dead, I want to see the looks on their faces!” Oh boy, he we go again.

I let out a small smile though, I’m glad to have the old Fireball back.

We have been wandering for hours, and still no princesses. We even got up the courage to ask a few people. Those that didn't shut the door screaming “I'M CALLING ANIMAL CONTROL!” along with some other 'choice' words, couldn't help us. So we wandered for hours, unable to find anything. It's already getting late into the night, and we've had to blow out the tires of one animal control van to keep from being captured.

I heard the screech of tires and sighed again. “Looks like we have another one... try not to hurt this one this time.”

I heard a slight chuckle. “Yes, dear.” She had been torturing me with those pet name ever since Bob and Marge left us. I'm wondering though, if she doesn't secretly wish I’d reciprocate.

Her horn glowed a soft comforting orange. This was followed by the loud POP POP, of tires and the screeching of wheels. I cocked my ears, listening for any other noises, but other than some more cursing, I didn't hear the unmistakeable crash of the car flipping. “Thank you, the last thing we want is for the police to be involved in a death.”

I saw her turn back to me, her eyes flashed yellow for all of a second. “We've already dealt with the police for the past few days. It's not like we couldn't handle them.” This is true.

Sighing I realize that she is wrong though. “Alas, it would keep us occupied and attract unwanted attention.”

Her devilish smile faded replaced by concern. “Yeah, I guess you're right.”

I saw her look back over the expansive neighborhood. “Well... I think we just about checked every house here. What now?”

That, my friend, is the million bit question. “I guess we just have to check around everywhere else.”

I heard a groan come from her. I don't blame her, if my inner clock is correct then it's around ten at night. Of course this is around the time that I would be in the beginning hours of my shift, but this was way out of her comfort zone. “Come on, you can get on my back for now, we'll start with the outskirts and work inwards. I'm guessing that they'd probably have a house set apart so nobody is curious.”

This of course is received with much gusto as she launches herself upon me. “Thanks Shadow!” Of course her weight doesn't go unnoticed and I let out a grunt as I regain my stance.

I figure she doesn't require me to reply, so I don't. Before I lift off I realize that she is in fact snuggling my neck and holding my barrel rather affectionately. I think she really has a thing for me now. I guess I should try to confront her about that rather vivid dream that she had the other night. If she really does have a fling for me, then I need to let her down easily, if she's trying to cope with the pain and everything else, well, no harm no foul.

“Hey, Fireball.” I get a soft happy noise from my new passenger. “Can... you explain that dream you had earlier today?”

The air around me heated up and I had to control my altitude as the sudden heat lifted me up. “What? You know you can tell me.”

“What's there to tell Shadow, you were there, I can see that now. You know it's not polite to intrude on other ponies dreams.” Again the temperature rose, and again I had to try and control my flight.

“Well, it wasn't really my fault that I ended up in it, you really couldn't get any decent rest without me sleeping next to you so I want to know what's up.” The temperature finally receded back to normal and I corrected as such, descending a bit more so nopony would think we were a big bird.

“If you must know... I’ve thought about settling down, maybe having a foal. I guess you're really the only stallion in my life now, so I guess my mind put you in the place that I wanted.” Whew, dodged the bullet on that one! That still leaves questions though.

“So, you're looking to settle down? Got any ideas what you're looking for in a stallion? I have a few buddies in the guard, and if they don't work out then I’m sure they know some stallions as well.”

I hear a sad sigh, followed by her head switching sides of my neck. Her hooves fidgeted and her tail twitched nervously in the wind. “I guess that might work.”

I smiled, if this works out, nothing would make me happier than watching her make the happiest decision in her life. “Well, describe him for me.”

“Well...” she paused for a long time. Did she fall asleep? “He'd have to be a pegasus.” She had not apparently. “Then he could do the stuff I was unable to reach, plus he could give me flight rides. Some things magic just can't replace.” Okay so he's going to have to be a strong pegasus who likes flying and is trained with a passenger. That doesn't narrow it down much.

“Anything else? That really didn't narrow it down much, most of my mates I talk with are pegasus.”

“Well I would like it if he was on the same time schedule as me, no offense.” Oh, no taken, trust me, I’d want a companion who goes to sleep at the same time as me too. “Though if I found the right stallion I guess I could change a little for him.” I felt a hoof leave my side and her neck rise from mine. I think she's rubbing her head. “He can't have too good a sense of humor, I want the upper hoof you know.” Well that narrows it down a ton.

“Great! I think that narrows it down to about the four or five day guards I know or a buddy of mine knows.” I feel proud of myself for being able to help her. Maybe she'll let me play the father at the wedding sense hers were...

I shake my head, why bring up sad thoughts when we're about to come upon a very happy d- “SHADOW LOOK OUT!”

I turn my head and refocus my eyes just in time to dodge a tree. I compensate speed and control for stability as I try to keep Fireball upon my back. “AGAIN!” I heard her shout as soon as I pulled out of my turn. I could not dodge this tree however and hit the branches, losing control immediately.

We fell through numerous branches, hitting our hooves, our muzzles, and pretty much everything else. I tried desperately to grab Fireball, and managed to spin her around so her back was to my stomach, protected against the branches. The tree can't be that tall, she took the fall for me last time, now it's my turn.

I manage to flip myself over so I’m on the bottom as we spill out of the tree and onto the front lawn. Thankfully there are no roots.

I groan in pain as my back hits the ground. It isn't as bad as it could be since I made it at such an angle that it didn't hit squarely. It still hurt though.

I let my hooves go limp and fireball managed to crawl out. “Shadow, are you okay?” Her tone was unmistakeably concerned.

I let out a dry laugh. “Yeah, I’m-” I wince. “I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon though. You unicorns must be made of strong stuff.” I can feel myself blacking out from both the pain and from exhaustion. My other wounds are starting to take their toll again. Groaning I manage to flip myself over so I’m at least not lying on my damaged side. “Heh, looks like somebody is going to get a surprise when they wake up.”

I felt myself being dragged by my neck, the cool dew covered grass sliding beneath me. I hadn't the strength to fight her grasp, and neither did I want to. I looked over the lawn we had managed to land in. It seemed just like the others, there were those two Luna damn trees in the yard, providing shade to most of the property. I couldn't see the house, but it looks like Fireball is dragging me up to the front stoop, probably to keep us out of sight, mostly, from the other houses and the road.

“You know, you didn't have to land on your back. You could have shared the fall with me.” I heard Fireball's guilt ridden voice. She obviously puts some blame for my injuries on herself.

“Nonsense, I’d take a fall for a beautiful mare like you.” It was true, there was no reason for her, already injured, to be injured any further. Though I could see it brought a blush to her cheeks when I mentioned the beautiful mare part.

“He has to be selfless too...” Oh we still talking about her dream stallion? Well... I don't know many stallions that wouldn't take a fall for a mare. It's in our blood to protect our mates.

My eyes started to close and my breathing eased as I drifted off into a peaceful sleep. Maybe I’ll have another nice dream tonight instead of a nightmare.

A Normal Day at Work

I can't believe shadow has come to work with me today! I'm so excited! My job isn't all that exciting, but with all the different kinds of ponies you meet, it's never dull. My job is mostly just guarding the doors, but I’m told that Princess Celestia herself appreciates my effort. I've even gotten a small bonus or two, usually right after a really long day with lots of ponies coming in and out.

Oh no, shadow is glaring at me again, I wonder what I'm doing 'wrong' this time. “Fireball, you have got that far away look on you, are you even focused on your job right now?”

Of course I am! I think I am at least. I'm only putting half my brain power into staring ahead doing nothing. The other half is doing what I think it's doing, thinking, I think. Is that an oxymoron? Wait, what is an oxymoron again? Is it someone who's a moron, but likes oxygen? I love oxygen but I’m not a moron. “Did you even hear me?”

“Of course I did!” I might not have been paying attention though, oops.

“Then why didn't you answer me the first time? You have to be professional about this, you have an important job that I now share for the day.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but Princess Celestia herself has passed it down that I’m doing a good job already, so I'm not going to change what I do.”

He sighs in defeat. Success, Fireball: 262, Shadow: 154, I’m still winning!

Oh look, it's one of those snobby ponies from the upper class part of town, I wonder what he's going to tell the princess! “Hey there!” I waved to get his attention.

He keeps on coming and pays me no mind, how rude. “Hellooo? I said 'hi'.” I receive a hiss from my right. What's wrong? I'm just saying hello to the pony.

“Hmmph, guards are to be seen, not heard.” Wow, RUDE!

“Well, maybe you would care more if that stick wasn't shoved so far up your plot!”

I get a gasp and a look of indigence. “How dare you! I am Iron Works! My company produces much of the iron for Equestria!”

I am not impress. “So? What could you possibly want from the Princess? Your life sounds so fabulous.” I hear the smack of a hoof as shadow smacks his head. I don't know what this pony's problem is! He's just another business owner!

“If you must know, I require land to create a new factory.” Well that sounds somewhat reasonable, better than that mare who was trying to get somepony imprisoned for 'copying' her mane style. Last I saw of her she was storming inside saying she'd demand that I be removed. Of course, I’m still here and I didn't see her leave so I don't know what happened.

“That sounds cool!” I put on a smile. “Is production going down or something? Oh, I know! Some ponies in a distant town need some iron and you're nice enough to give it to them. That's nice of you!”

His smile at my enthusiasm quickly flipped into a frown. “No, it's going up outside of Stalliongrad, I’m replacing an older one so I can increase productivity.” Well, that doesn't sound very nice.

“That sounds expensive, why are you doing it there and not somewhere else?”

“Look, you seem like a nice mare, but this is for ponies much smarter than you.” I heard a growl from shadow. I guess he didn't like me being called stupid, I don't either, but it happens a lot. “So I’ll be on my way.” With that, he went through the doors, which shut with a resounding THUMP.

“How do you deal with these ponies ALL day!” I looked over to shadow, his face flushed red with anger. “It makes me want to punch them in their smug muzzles! Nopony during night court is relatively close to being that callous!”

I shrug. “It helps to laugh at them when they get tossed out, or don't come out at all. I'm pretty sure the princess has some kind of pond she just throws them in. I don't know.”

He stared at me with amazement. I know right? A slide would be so much better! “How do they not-” the door opened again, regurgitating the snooty pony from before.

He sighed sadly, looking thoroughly berated. I smiled and looked at him. “I take it Princess Celestia didn't like your idea?”

He looked at me and glared. “No, she said it was a waste of bits and that nothing major would come of it.” That's okay, I like glares, this will be my first of the day!

“Well, what about putting one near one of the new mining towns? I hear that derlonega has an iron rush.” It's true, I do read, stop looking at me like that shadow.

I saw the unicorn's face lift up for a second. “You're not joking?”

“Of course not! If you're willing to put the bits forward, I’m sure the ponies there would appreciate it!”

I saw a small smile as the thought crossed his mind. Suddenly his face brightened and he turned around. “Princess, Princess!” Wow, he went through that door quite quickly. What?

“You... what?” Uh oh, I’ve apparently broken shadow. Usually a tongue up his nose would unfreeze him. I think a spitting is more appropriate, so I hack up some spittle and prepare to fire. “Hey! No, never again, don't ever do that again, please.” I swallowed, satisfied. Fireball: 263, Shadow 154, still winning. “You just changed his mind and-”

Again Shadow is cut off by the door opening and a more than happy unicorn stallion is almost bouncing out into the hallway. He smiles brightly and offers his hoof, which I gladly accept. “Thank you miss! I shall bolster my empire!” He took off the odd hat that adorned his head. “You have my gratitude, I shall not forget a debt owed.” Aww... how sweet.

A blush rose to my face as he kissed my hoof and bowed again before leaving. I smiled, another happy customer. I hope his new factory makes tons of ponies happy.

I turn back to my door buddy. “How many times did you say you got a bonus?” Hmm... well, actually I think it was like once a week or so.

“About once a week, I really only do this job like three times a week though.” I watch his jaw drop. “Most ponies don't leave that happy though, some don't even get in the doors.”

I watch him facehoof again. “This is going to be a long day isn't it?” I simply nod. Hopefully it'll be fun filled too!

Wellp, it's almost time for lunch and so far we've had our share of the crazies. I earned six more glares and two ponies didn't come out again. I could tell that shadow didn't really like the prospect of Princess Celestia tossing ponies out a window into a pond of something. He shivered when I pointed out that fact when the ponies didn't return.

There were a few odd cases here and there. One pony wanted retribution because somepony demolished his house on accident. He came out sorta happy I think, he wouldn't talk to me when he came out. Another mare came in, demanding that she be allowed to sue the 'Equestria Inquirer' for taking photographs and dialogue out of context. She was seen skipping down the hallway. I don't think Princess Celestia likes the inquirer all that much.

There was one guy who didn't even get into the room. He was REALLY insane, he thought he was at a building company, I don't know how he got through, maybe the other guards left for lunch early. Now it's time for the court to ajorn for the time being, allowing me and Shadow to get some grub. I'm so excited for the rest of the day, already I’m halfway to my record of sixteen glares. Though I guess getting three from one mare didn't really count. Oh well, only I’m keeping score anyways.

I smiled as I skipped through the corridor. Life was great, I had a cool job that paid well, I had a roommate who wasn't a dead beat, AND he had the same job I did! It is just bonus that he doesn't mind dragging me home while I’m stone cold drunk. “So, this happen often?”

I shake my head out of my thoughts. “What happens often?” There's a lot of things that happen 'often' around here. I heard through a couple maids that Princess Celestia raided the cake vault again, some security ponies were going to come by in a week and update the vault, make it magic proof or something.

“Getting all these awkward cases of ponies either being too stupid to fix their own problems or dumb enough to think that the Princess will even listen to them for more than three minutes.” Yep, that happens everyday, did he not listen when I told him the stories about the crazy ponies?

“Well,” okay maybes sometimes not many ponies come. “Sometimes there are actual cases that require her attention. Mostly it's the Canterlot elite, and they are never reasonable. That's not true, that one pony, Iron Works, seemed reasonable enough.”

Turning down the hallway I exit the building and head towards the mess hall. It's not extremely close to the castle, it was pretty loud at times, but it isn't exactly a mile away either. “Why?”

I heard shadow flap his wings to catch up to me, I guess I should slow down. Nah, he's got wings, he can catch up if need be. “Well, nothing like this ever happens during the night shift, when I get it of course. I don't hear anypony telling stories either.” I look over at his confused face. We've made it halfway there, but I think this needs addressing.

“Look, it's fun if you just try to tell them common sense, you should try it, you might get a bonus too.”

He sighs before trotting ahead to open the door like a gentlecolt. Thanking him I stop skipping and begin trotting normally. I tried skipping in here once and somehow the entire mess hall devolved into a food fight. When the officers came in they didn't do anything. In fact, I think I saw them directing their regular units into attack formations.

I managed to get behind a table and grab a tray. From that point on I just lifted the tray up and ate whatever I caught. It was the best lunch I ever had.

When the commander finally heard the ruckus he came in and watched the proceedings. At first I saw he was read-faced, then he watched in awe as officers and ponies lined up in military fashion, practicing drills and such. I don't know who brought the spiked cupcakes and brownies, but it was a real war in there. After that though the commander instated that a 'food fight' be held regularly to practice 'real battle'. Personally I think he just wants to hit a few choice ponies with a pile of mashed potatoes himself, but that's just my opinion. Anyways, I don't skip into the lunchroom anymore.

That reminds me. “Hey Shadow, what day is it?”

He looks at me, his hoof on the door, I can barely make out some shouting coming from inside. “It's Tuesday.7”

“Well I kinda meant the date, like what day of the month, but I guess I already know what day it is.”

He scrunched up his face and thought for a bit, a dull thump hitting the door seems to pass by him. “I believe it's the 17th, why?” I sigh and step off the path as he opens the door.

As soon as the thing is open enough for his head to show, a glob of white with orange and green sticking out of it hit him in the face. I've never seen him shut a door that quickly before. After shutting the door a hoof came up to his face and wiped a lot of the gooey substance off it. He spat some of it out of his mouth and blew his nose to get most of it off his muzzle. “What is this stuff?”

I honestly don't know, but I know a way to find out. Leaning in close I sniffed his muzzle and then gave it a long lick, catching most of the stuff on my tongue and drawing it into my mouth. I moved it around in my mouth, making sure to get all the tastes in before I told Shadow my findings. “I taste, mashed potatoes, green beans, I don't know if that's peas or hay, and some carrots.”

Looking over to him I expect to find some disgust, instead I see that his cheeks are red for some reason and his eyes have a look of shock. Shrugging I lick another big piece off the top of his muzzle. I've had hay and pumpkin before, so this is nowhere near as bad as it comes. It's actually quite good. Leaning in again I poise my tongue to wipe more of it off when I look over at Shadow's eyes. He's completely frozen over and his face is about the reddest I’ve ever seen it. I think he's got a fever or something.

I grab him and put him on my back before trotting quickly over to the south side. I know where my officer usually takes station during these battles and I can get to him quicker without getting hit so much. Pushing open the door, I opened my mouth wide for the incoming blob and was rewarded by a mound of hay fries and ketchup, my favorite. I quickly chewed my prize and made my way over to my commanding officer. “Sir, I think my partner is sick, can he take off the rest of the day?”

My superior, Sharp Sight was known to be strict about the rules but an all around fun pony if you obeyed him. Sharp looked over, ducking under another glob of food. “Fireball is it?” I nodded. “Hmm, you've got door duty again dontcha. Who's the sick one?”

I shrug off Shadow, I think he's putting on some weight because he was starting to get heavy. Shadow's face is still red as a beet and his eyes are staring straight ahead, I think he's broken. “He's my roommate and also a night guard, but he wanted to see what I did during the day today.”

Sharp looked him over from muzzle to tail and shook his head. “I don't see what's wrong with him.” He turned to his 'troops'. “Remember, be a good sport and give back what they give us.” Laughing he picked up a pile of mush and jumped up before tossing it in the general direction of the commander's personal squad. I heard the tell tale scream of a wounded pony and laughed with him. “Direct hit, I never miss.” The next second passed and he too was hit in the side of the head, a little flag sticking out of the mess told the tale of who the blob belonged to.

Sharp wiped the goo off and stared at Shadow again. “So, what happened before he was like this?”

Thinking back, he was acting normal until he got hit in the face with a food ball. “Well, we were coming to the mess hall and I forgot about food war day, so I didn't tell him. Then he got hit with a ball of,” I licked my lips again. “Mashed potatoes, carrots, hay, and green beans. I don't know if he's allergic or anything. Anyways, I licked some off his muzzle to taste it because he wanted to know what the ball was. It wasn't all that bad so I got some more and when I went to get a third one he was all frozen up like this.” Why is Sharp Sight laughing? This is a serious matter!

“Don't worry lass. Your friend will be fine, you can take him home, you have plenty of time and I wont punish you if you're late.” Well that's nice of him, but what happened?

“Is he sick?”

Sharp winked at me before looking down at shadow again. “You could say that.” Oh my... I wonder if he needs any medication. I guess sleep is the best remedy for now, we can figure things out later.

“Thank you sir!” I salute and pick shadow back up and set him on my back, ducking to avoid getting him hit.

“You're welcome Fireball, now, to get the Commander back for that hit I took.” He picked up another glob of mush and threw it again, yielding another yelp and angry cry.

Laughing I manage my way back to the door and out before I get me or my friend hit. I wonder what kind of sickness that Shadow has though, I’ve never seen this before. Oh well, I guess I’d better hurry so I can get back to the court room.

I managed to get shadow home alright, but he was still groaning when I set him in bed. I'm pretty sure he'll be okay. In the meantime I’ve got to get back to my post.

Rounding a corner I see that I’m here before Shadow's replacement, good, that means I’m not late. Sharp did give me pardon for being late, but I don't like taking advantage of ponies when I can avoid it. I manage to stand at partial attention, I think regular attention is too stiff, and calmly wait for my new partner.

I wonder if that's him. He's a stallion, that much is obvious. He's also got the standard guard armor on so I can't tell what his mane and coat colors are, however he does have a little smudge on the tip of his muzzle, it looks brown with a hint of white and green. I watch him take his place and then calmly wait for new arrivals.

Right on cue a mare with gaudy clothes on enters our sight. Oh crap she's going to see him with that stuff on him. “Hey, dude, you got something right,” I point to my own muzzle tip and he goes cross eyed. Seeing the substance he extends his tongue and licks it off, humming with delight as he swallowed. I'm curious though. “What was it?”

He smiled. “Peanut butter and jelly with some potatoes and peas. It was delicious.” That sounds awesome! I wonder if I can get some next time I have lunch. Probably not since peanut butter and jelly is served on a different day than mashed potatoes and peas.

I hear a gagging noise and watch the mare that had been approaching hold a hoof to her mouth and gallop away, probably to find a toilet. Turning to the guard beside me, I shrug. I wonder what her problem is. He shrugs back. I think I like my new guard mate.

The mare comes back, glaring at the both of us. “You two should be ashamed of yourselves, that was the most disgusting thing I’d ever heard a pony actually LIKE.” She smacked her tail in my direction and slammed the door on the way in. Almost immediately after I hear shouting from inside and smile.

Just a normal day at work for me.

COOKIES!

The darkness starts to lighten as I notice myself starting to wake. Instead of a dream tonight I was merely shown my inner consciousness. Of course this was also a place that Luna had power if she so wished. As is such, all her guards were required to know how to manipulate it as well. For the duration of my lucid dream I look around and create some of the constellations from both my lives.

For some reason my mind creates some of the more violent constellations from each life and seems to pit them against each other as if in battle. Guess it goes to show that I really haven't picked sides in this whole personality debate thing. My mind begins to wander away from that inner world of protection. Gathering any fractured thoughts, I piece together that, as soon as I awoke up, the pain might be too much to bear.

After feeling poked, my wings stretch out. Usually a simple touch like that would have me out of bed in seconds, but my actions are sluggish. Letting out an audible groan, some joints try to stiffen up as I move them.

“See? They are still working!” A small female voice exclaims. Oh great, we managed to crash outside a little girl's house. I should probably lie still and try to make her go away.

“Breezy... don't go poking him randomly please...” Another voice spoke up with more concern than excitement, but just as young and female as the first, probably two sisters.

I wonder what we... Fireball! Curling my legs inward, I expect to meet a familiar warm furry back or belly. After meeting nothing, panic sets in. Half my mind panics while the other half tries to calm it. My eyes pop open, I could tell their was fear etched into them. Sitting up I try find out where my friend went. At this point in time we could be caught and locked away, and I fear for her safety. My concern disappears as the adrenaline flees my system. The pain in my side returns and I flop backwards onto the pillow trying to regulate my breathing through the pain.

I verbalize a loud hiss through clenched teeth. “I hate flying accidents...” In for a penny, in for a pound, might as well talk for them..

“I know. Aren't they the worst?” The first voice is back and doesn't contain any concern at all.

“Sis... Please...” The second sister persists, with more concern.

I hear a sigh and a thump, presumably one of the two dismounting the bed. “Fine. I'll go play with Glowy. Feel free to join us once you are done with Mr Crash” Glowy, that doesn't really sound like a human name.

I let a grimace show on my face, I’m not too happy at being called Mr. Crash. This is actually only one of five crashes in my entire career and the only one that I caused myself. “Damn kids...”

I let my ears spin on their own in order to determine the direction of the source of the voices. That is, if they even speak again. “I know what you mean...” There, she's on my left.

Okay, let's see what she knows. Taking a deep breath I prepare for a little pain. “Where am I? Where's the orange unicorn that was next to me, who are you? Can you show me, I’m afraid my entire body hurts too much to move much.” I might have overwhelmed her with questions.

A good minute goes by as she takes in my questions. “You are in my house, the orange unicorn is on the sofa in the living room.” I breathe a sigh of relief, at least Fireball is safe. “I'm still uncertain about the whole name thing.”

I want to tilt my head and look at her, but fearing the pain did not do so. I'm at a loss as to what she means by uncertain about her name. Who could be uncertain about their own name? “I think I know how you feel... but that would mean...” That would mean that...

Ignoring the pain I tilt my head towards the voice. A smile adorns my face as I sigh in relief. “Oh thank Luna... ponies...”

Letting my entire body relax I let myself drink in the feeling of safety. “I hope you're not going to start calling me Mr. Crash, since I already hate that name. It's Shad, well, that's the one I prefer...” My voice lowers to a slight whisper, unable to hold the spitefulness in. “At the moment.” On to more important matters though. “You wouldn't happen to know where two big alicorns are do you? Hard to miss, like six feet tall one is white and the other is midnight blue.” I try to make it clear and distinct what I want. I'm not sure how old this filly is, but I wish to make sure she knows I’m looking for Princess Luna and Princess Celestia.

Her face took on a look of recognition. “You mean Tia and Luna? Sure, I saw them recently.” Well she must be on really good terms with them if she can use their first names. Though Celestia did mention something about not wanting to be called princess. “And I guess you can call me Peachy...” That's a nice name. “That's what my sisters call me now anyway...” Oh... there's resentment tied with that name.

I should try to cheer her up, but I’ve never been that good with kids. “Well... if you don’t want to be called that why don’t you tell them not to?” I mean, that's the simplest solution. “It took me and Fireball a while but eventually she gave in to me.”

“They are children. Reasoning with them is pointless...” Her face turns to a new topic and a new interest. “Anyway, why did you want to know about the Princesses?” Good, finally we can get to the point.

For some reason my mouth and throat refuse to spit out words. Struggling I manage to force some out. “Came all the way from Texas to see them.” Looking down I try to hide my loss of pride. “Didn't know what else to do.”

I turn my face upwards to check out her reaction, but she has a look of confusion and a little surprise. She blinks and holds a straight face. “Wait, you are the ones that were supposed to here?” Um, I hope so, or else we are imposing.

I let my confusion and uncertainty show. “I don't know, are we?” Seeing no response coming forth I continue. “Cause if so... I guess we only half made it...” My joke doesn't seem to register. Sighing long and deep I decide to just tell the little filly instead of dancing around the subject. “I left parts of me on the road back there and in that damn tree.”

She doesn't seem fazed at all by my words. “Tia mentioned something about two guards that were supposed to meet us in town.” She smirks. “She never mentioned anything about crashing on the lawn.”

Ha ha ha, I know how I’m supposed to respond! “Well, we were in the neighborhood and decided to 'drop in' for a visit.” My face contorts into a small desperate smile to show that I really need to have a laugh. My body felt sore and my spirits dim. Sighing, my hope disappears. “Was that a good joke? Thought I might try one for once.” It's true, I was never really good at telling jokes, so I never tried to get better.

To my small joy she did smile a little. “It fell a bit low, but it's a good start.” She starts examining my body. In response I almost try to cover my wounds to spare her the vision and memory, but it seems as if she is hiding something. “Do you happen to have pony first aid training?”

“Nope... I was more on the giving side than the receiving most of the time.”

“And I suppose your friend don't happen to be a medic?”

That last one caught me by surprise. I suppress a laugh, which turns into a snort, before finally transforming into an awkward cough. “Sorry... that caught me a bit off guard there. No,” I let out a small laugh, my mood brightens. “I highly doubt it.”

She lets out a sigh. “I figured as much.”

“Why do you ask?” Wait, I just realized something weird about this whole situation. “I feel awkward asking this... but are you home alone?”

“Oh, my parents are on vacation for at least another week, thankfully.” Oh okay good, I’d hate to be in an awkward situation. “As for the medical questions... Let just say that you should live, probably. I'm afraid my medical knowledge kind of sucks too...”

Thinking back on the past few days a smile creeps up onto my features. “Bah, don't worry I’ll live, this stuff is minor compared to most.” A rogue thought made itself known to me. I wonder... is she all alone in the house? She can't be more than 10 years old, she can't be home alone. “Though I hate to pry, where are your... pony parents.” I mean her real parents of course.

Did I just say real? What's going on with me? Her human parents are her real parents! Keeping my cool I try not to make her uncomfortable. “Did you um... get new ones because?”

The little filly took it in stride. “I got no idea, actually. This whole being a pony 25 years ago still sound kind of crazy. Anyway, I should go tell Tia that you are awake.” Both her response and her last statement caught me by surprise. One, she wasn't at all weirded out by what I said, two, PRINCESS CELESTIA IS HERE?

“Tell? You mean she's here? Oh thank god...” I felt my body sigh in relief at the thought of reaching its destination. “I don’t think I want to get up for another few days...” Letting out a content sigh my body relaxes all over. “This is a nice bed though.” It felt like a cloud on a warm spring d- how do I know what a cloud is like?

“I know, it's my bed.” She said, playfully winking at me.

Well shit, if this is her bed I don’t want to impose. Is she still standing there because I’m in her bed? Dammit! “Um, well, feel free to join me at your own desire.” SHIT! That sounds really weird!

Her face turns crimson and I could almost feel the heat. Her brain went into overdrive, the gears turning. I could tell she was struggling to think for some reason. “I- I'll get her right now!” She stutters a little before quickly jumping off the bed and leaving.

Sighing to myself I lay my head back onto the large fluffy pillow. I know why I know it feels like a cloud, but I don’t like the fact that I do. These past few days have inspired deep thought in me the boils down to one single question. Who do I want to believe I am?

Do I want to be Shad, the 25 year old teen who had his whole life ahead of him, full of mystery and chance. Do I want to be the boy who dreamed of flying an airplane and fulfilling his grandpa's dying wish? Did he want to be a human who was scared of his future secretly, scared of not turning out like the person everyone else thought he would be?

Or did he want to be Shadow, a male pegasus night guard from the mystical world of Equestria? The last male of a dying species created by an evil chaotic entity. Could he secretly want to fulfill that course of his life? The be the father of an entire race? It sounded like an enticing opportunity.

Chasing down that thought I remember that I would be nothing more than a pawn in a grand scheme of evil.

What of Fireball? No matter what I choose, if there is even a way of going back, she's going to want to stay a pony for the rest of her life. Could I choose to abandon her like this? I know she can't pay for rent and her alcohol addiction by herself. What would she do without me? She'd probably find that perfect colt-friend she's looking for... though wasn't I supposed to help her do that?

The effects of the day suddenly crash down on me and my mind starts to shut down. Maybe some nice restful sleep that didn't involve a fear of what would happen when I wake up would be nice.

Yawning I prepare myself for sleep. Curling up my legs and wings It seems that my life is finally looking up for once. I push the identity crisis from my mind. That is a problem for future Shadow.

“Good morning my little pony!” The shout tore through the air, rousing me from my almost rest.

My body launches itself several feet into the air, my fight or flight reflex taking over. Thankfully my flight reflex took over and I didn't try to get up and kill whatever just scared the shit out of me. Landing on my back I hiss in pain. “Owowowowow.”

Hearing some soft giggling I look up to see an amused Princess Celestia. “I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.”

Sure you couldn't, sure you couldn't. Another hiss of pain escapes my mouth. “Well you did scare me… but that… hurt a bit.”

I see a quick look of concern, but her mind focuses on more important matters. Her eyes and expression turn serious. “How are your wounds? I tried to ask Peachy, but she was blushing intensively for some reason and she quickly fled to watch her sisters.”

“I just asked if she wanted to share her own bed. It's very comfortable.”

Princess Celestia lets out a small chuckle, obviously entertained by my innocent comment. “That would explain her blushing.”

“I don't get it.” Wait a second, a filly and a stallion sharing a bed. Shit did I really just make her feel that awkward? “She's a child though! She shouldn't know about how awkward it is.”

The princess put on a knowing smile. “I'm afraid it's not my place to tell, though you could be surprised.” Oh that doesn't sound good at all. Crap, did I just drive a stake into our relationship? Oh, my day is getting shitty.

“I don't know if I can anymore.” I mean, I've seen magic, pizza consumption on massive levels, dream walking, and invading, mystical, chaotic chimeras and have just traveled three days with the most insane person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.

She sighs. “Never say that. Life have a way to get... weirder.”

I sigh as well, knowing full well her words contain wisdom. “True enough.” My thoughts paused for a moment. “Where's princess Luna?”

I watch as she smirks playfully. “Why, am I not royal enough for you?”

Oh crap did she take that as an insult? “No, forgive me for associating myself more with her than you.” It was true, though, that I wish to see Princess Luna at that moment, not Princess Celestia.

Thankfully the Princess smiles warmly. “That was just a joke. I'm afraid my sister is resting at the moment. She had a... long night.” Oh...

“Well me and Fireball had a long week.” SHIIIIT did I really just say that! How could I be so stupid as to try and one up the Princesses?

Her voice drops to a mumble, though not low enough for me to catch. “Didn't we all.” Sighing, I realize that I’m not in any danger of getting smitten today. “So you must be the Shadow she was talking about.” Her cheery voice is back, some interest weaved in to help the conversation lighten.

Returning her efforts with a smile I decide to not let my state and the past affect me. “Yep that's me.”

Her face did not take on a smile like mine. Instead she looks down. “I'm afraid that your friend is not doing as well as you.”

Fireball... why did you have to take the fall for me? “I hate to impose... but any chance we might receive any medical treatment? I hate being bed ridden like this.”

She lifts her head. “I'm afraid calling the hospital would be a bad idea.” Looking down she seems embarrassed. “And I barely remember how to use my magic.”

Wow, I guess not even a princess can escape what has happened. If she's lost all her magic we are truly in dire strains. My mouth spurts forth an unhappy sigh “That's unfortunate.”

“I'm afraid that the best we can do at the moment is to let both of you rest.”

Well rest I will, just on my feet moving around and being more than just a wounded pony. “Wonderful… I think I would like to get up at least.” I try to lift myself up but as soon as my body becomes upright my mind had me seeing stars and my breathing became difficult. Falling back onto the bed, I decide not to try that again. “Ow ow ow.” Flipping onto my side, I resign myself to the fact that I will be bed ridden for the next day at least. “Not fun.”

Her face screams 'I told you so.' “Like I said, it would be best for you to rest.” Her voice was more motherly, but not in the caring sense. I guess I should know better than to think I know better. “Then again, you are the one hurting, not me.”

“I guess you're right though, I should probably lay down for now. Though I fear you might need to pin Fireball in case she is hurt… she was walking fine last night, but I worry that she was putting on a brave face.” I wish she wouldn't push herself sometimes.

I see a smirk cross the princesses' face. “I didn't know she was in that kind of stuff.”

My face relays confusion and my mind tries to decipher what she means. “I'm sorry? I'm afraid I don't get it.”

“Bondage,” she mouths, finishing with a small wink.

Wow... awkward. “Oh,” I respond, looking away a bit embarrassed. “I didn't realize this is what you were like when you were… when you weren't doing your princess thing.” Whatever princesses do when they are on duty is probably what I should have said.

She sighs, her mood has apparently been killed. “Me either.” I guess we are all having identity issues then.

“Well,” I start, trying to think of a way to pick up where I left off. “She might come and check on me so if… just make sure she doesn't hurt herself please.” It's all I have right to ask of a princess.

She smiles warmly and encouragingly “Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on her.” Her voice drops again. “And the cake, away.” Well... guess the rumors about the Princesses cake addiction are true enough.

But let's not go there and potentially ruin a peaceful moment. “Okay, good. I might get up… later… hopefully.”

The Princess simply nods and leaves the room quietly, making sure to close the door softly.

For some reason I finally feel at peace, like I can finally rest, sure of the fact that I am safe. I wonder if that's because I’m finally not on the run for my life anymore, or is it because deep down, I know that I will not die, and the fact that I’m still leaning on that scares me. I know I shouldn't worry about it, I’m on the side of good, and good always wins.

Jolting myself from my thoughts, I turn to happier things, like playing video games and flying at night. My memories began to mingle providing me with a happy atmosphere. My eyes began to close when I heard some shouting downstairs. Twisting my ears I strain to listen. “DANISH WEDDING COOKIES? I LOVE THOSE! PLEASE CAN I HAVE SOME! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE-” Well, at least I know Fireball is okay. Of course, now there will be no cookies left in the house.

I start counting the number of pleases as I slowly drift off to sleep.

Memories

Sunshine in my eyes! Dammit, I have to get up now, and I haven’t even heard my alarm. First glance is at my calendar I keep on my wall, nice Xs mark out the days that had gone by. I notice what day it happens to be. Yes, Finally! I get out of bed and stretch. Today was in fact my birthday. Better yet it was a quarter of a century worth of birthdays! (For those of you who can't count or don't know what a century is I said 25)

I look over to my alarm clock and see the neon numbers display 12:00. Damn, I slept away to whole morning. Well as I always say, better late than never I guess.

My friend Fredrick, Fred as he preferred, was coming over for some 'chill time' as he called it. Since he was born literally 5 minutes after me, though from a different mother, it was his birthday as well, so me and him were practically brothers to each other. I had already stocked my house with all the 'necessities' as Fred called it, of a 'Party'.

Facing the hard truth once more that I could not cook, even if my life depended on it, I ordered pizza. This of course was not a bad alternative though. Making my way to my living room I proceeded to hook up my many electronic devices to the huge antique television.

There were many different televisions that I could have picked but for some reason I like the old antique one that had been given to me by my mom who had gotten it from my grandpa. Don't get me wrong the graphics are much better on the newer televisions but there are 2 things to consider before judging my tastes.

1 This TV was free and therefore is superior to all other televisions in price.

2 It was actually much bigger than most T.Vs out on the market already, making it perfect for split screen game play.

It was also nice to have something to remember my old man by. He was a nice guy who served in WWII and was one of the luckier ones to come back sane. As a younger boy I spent most of my time with him. Learning what it was like to be on the battlefield and how it wasn't like the video games that I played during most of my free time. During high school the guy even got me to join ROTC to see what it was like. This was a life changing event because it was in that same class that I met my good friend Fredrick. He had gotten into it because it looked 'cool'. He wasn't disappointed, just bored most of the time.

With my grandpa's help, I passed the class with flying colours, and with MY help Fredrick also passed the class, though not as well as I did. There was no way in hell that guy could have done it without me. He was, to put it simply, too silly. Though when he needed he could be serious, he obviously didn't consider it necessary to be serious in that class and on more than one occasion got in trouble for it. In time it grew on me and I learned to deal with his antics, some of his 'silliness' even rubbed off on me I think.

A few years ago though, my grandpa passed away. In his will it was stated the formalities of his possessions. The house went to this relative; the land went to that relative and so forth. However, at the very bottom of the page, literally the last few lines it said

“And to my loving grandson, I leave you my army knife, my medals and my old American flag I keep in my room. I know you will treat them with the respect and honor that they deserve. You are shaping up to be a fine young man and I know that you will go on to have a successful career in the military one day. Stay strong kid.”

When the lawyer read those lines I cried. To know that my grandpa thought so much of me was a joy unto my heart that could never be replaced or destroyed. On that day I promised I wouldn't let him down. In fact it was this very fall that I was going to enlist in the military, hopefully the airforce, to receive training.

I started to tear up at the memories that I had enjoyed with that old codger. I shook my head, there were times to reminisce, but I didn't want Fredrick to see me like this so I concentrated on the task at hand.

I turned back to the array of cords coming from seemingly everywhere. Unfortunately last time this happened we plugged in every device into one outlet, breaking the circuit. So I had an extension cord that somehow ran through the floor and came out beside the TV. This worked well until one day I moved the TV. There, mocking my hard work and intelligence was another outlet in the wall. After all the work I had done, that the monstrosity had in fact been hiding a convenient outlet right behind it.

I was stubborn though, not wanting let my hard work go to waste I still used that cord, though it looked weird coming out of my floor. And now I was using it now to plug in vital equipment. Yes, I’m talking about my phone charger.

After dealing with the minor components of the system and electronics, I plugged in the Xbox1. I had actually gotten it online for a cheap price. One thing I learned was a good character in a soldier was patience. So when the stupid thing came out the first time I bided my time, waiting for the price to go down. It had taken 2 years, but it had finally dropped form 500$ for the whole set to about 139$ for the system and 2 controllers. Now of course there were better systems out there, but playing some of the older games helped bring back memories when we were young and foolish.

*DING dong* Man I loved that door bell.

Speaking of young and foolish, my friend had arrived. I opened the door for him and he promptly strode in like he owned the place.

"Hey Shad! How you feel about your birthday! Wow, a quarter of a century gone by." He grabs me around the shoulder. "We should take a moment to reminisce about the good times we had."

“You're a Dork you know...” I'm playfully interrupted by my companion.

"Shhhh this is a time of silent reminder." He scolded.

I facepalm. This was just like him, looking up at the ceiling as actually reminiscing, when in reality he was thinking about how drunk and full of junk he was going to get tonight. I laughed at his antics. “Don’t you think it's about time for us to get down to it? Time doesn’t flow backwards you know.”

“I beg to differ!” he scoffed. “I happen to know this one time I got so drunk that I saw the clock ticking backwards!”

“Hate to burst your bubble, but that was Joe playing a prank on you. I made a bet with him that you would think that time was going backwards with all the beer you had consumed.” I smirked at the memory. “You won me 30$ that night you know that?”

“Oh good!” He had one of his dangerous smiles on. When he started smiling like that it usually meant I was going to get it, one way or another. He was notorious for his pranks, jests, and tom foolery. Nothing big or dangerous. Most of his pranks included the normal joy buzzer, fart recording and other antics done whilst the target is asleep. Some of them though got pretty elaborate. One time he shut down power to my whole house just because. I woke up late that morning, thankfully a Saturday, and found a picture of a trollface taped to my breaker box. From then on out I never underestimated him again.

“That means you owe at least 15 in fees for earning it for you.” he continued, holding out his hand expectantly.

I look down at his hand like it's some kind of alien life form. Hesitantly I pull 15 dollars out of my wallet and put it in his hand. I wasn’t done with the transaction yet though. Pulling his hand back he smiled at the prize he had 'conned' me out of. His smile soon changed though as I reached over and grabbed the 10 from his hands. “That should pay for your half of the pizza I think. So I will be keeping this.”

I did a mock bow. “Pleasure doing business with you.”

He frowned for a second before grinning like an idiot. “Well I will accede to your superior troll powers, but be warned, you're in for it later tonight!” Well my door is going to be locked. I do NOT want him in my room doing things to me in my sleep. Last time... no not going to think about that again.

“You gonna stop shivering like it's cold and come play?” He motioned towards the array of cords in my living room.

We plop onto the couch. I pick up a controller and start up the console. The console is on auto play so the game immediately kicks on. But before we can start however, Fred jumps up and rushes to the kitchen where I assume he is getting 2 beers.

I hear the unmistakable thump of the fridge being closed and the popping of two caps. He returns with, who would've guessed, two beers. I don’t drink much, if at all, but I do it around him to make it less weird. The caps are already popped off and his is half empty. Not to be outdone I swig a good portion of mine before going into the multiplayer screen. “Ready to kick some ass for a couple hours?”

Four hours and 2 pizzas later we were still blowing our brains out on the Xbox, playing Black ops 3. Thankfully Treyarch had gotten it through their thick heads and had made the co-op campaign like in halo. Unfortunately however the campaign storyline wasn't that great, it was a cheap knockoff of the previous two campaigns put together. The other choice though, the halo series, had died out. The new part to the series 'The Transubstantiation War’ just didn't cut it for me. It didn't even stay in my house for a week before being sold online. Being the military guy I am I was always attracted to the more violent games that contained military references. But that game was an insult to my military pride.

We were having fun though, that is what mattered, and hey! My eyes weren’t burning … yet. So that was a good sign.

Not long after that we became bored which is a very dangerous thing when considering two almost 25 year olds. So, eating the rest of the pizza drinking a couple more beers each, we decided to do something separate. It wasn’t unusual and sometimes it was preferred. Though I know that Fred was looking forward to it a bit more than I did.

I left him at his computer though and popped in Forza Motorsport 5. Older game, well 7 years old, so I guess it is kind of old, but still good. I always liked the racing games as well. I found the gameplay and the need for quick reflexes exhilarating. Every turn required you to be able to think at a moment’s notice; it was as close as I could get to a flight simulator. Well until fall.

This goes on for a couple hours before my mind suddenly snaps out of the awesome graphics of the racing game. It's amazing how lost I can become when I'm focused on something important. I glance at the clock and see the digits 23:56. My brain does automated quick calculations in my head from using military time for so long. Well sh**! It's like 2 minutes till my actual birthday!

I bump Fredrick who is still on that fan fiction site for that pony show that came out like 15 years ago. “Dude get off your ponies!” he glares at me before becoming glued to his screen again.

“AGH! You made me lose my place! What is so important?” I hold up the clock for him to see. “Well why didn't you say so? I'll go get two more beers and we'll celebrate this properly!” He gets up to go get the beers, popping the tops and comes running back.

He hands one to me and raises his up, gesturing for me to do the same, which I oblige. “To twenty five good years of life and hopefully many more!” He waits for me to drink, which I do, right as the clock's digits change to 23:58.

I found myself sitting on the couch in the living room of a house that I shared with my friend Fireball. She was a unicorn that served along with me in the royal guard. However she was a solar guard and I was a lunar guard, meaning that our body's sleep schedules were not exactly on the same time frame all the time. She was upstairs, hopefully sleeping away blissfully while I sat watching Luna's beautiful night sky.

It was soothing being able to just relax for a while, chilling back watching the moon and stars traverse their heavenly routes, guided by the two princesses. I saw Canterlot castle on its mountain high above us. Even though we were in the guard we had moved to the outskirts of it to avoid all the upstart ponies of the 'high society'. Fireball was kind of downcast at the decision at the time but quickly found that there were more 'fun' parties to be had in this neck of the neighborhood than in the actual city itself.

A slight flashing caught my eyes and I looked towards the window again. The sun and moon were flipping around their cycles very quickly. What had happened to make Celestia and Luna lose control of them?

I rushed to the door, prepping my wings for takeoff. I was going to find out about this, vacation or not. I opened the door to our home and found myself face to face with the scourge of the land and the most hated of all criminals of Equestria. Discord himself.

“Hello there 'My Little Pony'. Glad to see me? No? Oh well.” He grinned and I backed up slowly, trying to find a tactical advantage to this awkward situation. “Hey guess what! Recently today, oh listen you'll love this, I cursed Celestia and Luna! Sent them right on their way, now Equestria is all mine!

He had to be joking; no way he could do that. I assumed my battle stance the rage building to a peak. He just laughed and pointed an accusing finger at me. “You really think that YOU can defeat me? I just told you I beat your precious princesses Celestia and Luna. What can you do that they couldn't?”

I growled. “I can certainly delay you while the elements are roused to encase your ugly body in stone!”

“I'm hurt that you would ever say such a thing to me.” His face turned sad for what? Half a second before grinning evilly again. “But I have to burst your bubble again. Those silly fillies that wield the elements were the first to go, being that they MIGHT be able to destroy me. Now I'm just going around to all the ponies that might cause 'problems' later on.”

He turned around and started pacing the room, flaunting the fact that he was in control of the situation. “I hate to monologue you as the villain but since I'm hoping you will be my ally in a couple minutes I feel as though I must.” My mouth tried hard to gasp at the absurd statement. “I will NEVER...” A zipper appeared on my mouth and Discord popped in front of me and zipped it closed. “Please, no interruptions.” He paused as if expecting an answer. “Thank you. Now as I was saying. I'm going to build an empire out of Equestria. It will be magnificent, chaos EVERYWHERE!” I rolled my eyes. “But even though I am a god I cannot be everywhere at once. Therefore I'm giving most ponies a choice. Be cursed and have your lives ruined, be my slave in this new empire...” He turned to face me again, paw held out in a helpful gesture. “ or join me in the making of a glorious new regime. Of course only certain ponies get the third choice, most only get the first two. I assume you will chose correctly?”

My mouth magically unzipped itself and my face scrunched in pure repulsion of the idea. I was loyal to my princesses; I had proven it multiple times in fact. Why did this pathetic excuse of a creature think I would turn? "I'll never join you! I would rather suffer this 'curse' you have." My body tensed, expecting to be engaged in combat shortly.

"Dude you need to keep it down, I had way to many drinks last night! Oooo my head." My friend Fireball came trotting down the stairs, holding her head with one hoof.

"Fireball! Get back! Go warn the town!" I jumped at Discord. My collision course was interrupted by licorice coming from the ground, pinning me to the floor. How humiliating.

“Ah ah, nobody is leaving quite yet. So, Fireball is it? Why don't you come here for a second.” Discord motioned for my friend to come sit by my pinned form.

“Run! You have to MMMmhm!” Another bundle of licorice encircled my mouth to act like a muzzle.

“Hmmmm.... I dunno creepy.. HIC!... dude. You don't seem to be HIC! … very nice.” She looked at him about as confused as a drunken unicorn could. Well that is until she tripped, bouncing down the stairs to land at Discord's feet. “Oh never mind, I'm HIC! … here. So uhh what did you want again?”

“I'm just going to cut to the chase.” He picked up Fireball with his clawed hand. “You swear allegiance to me or else I kill your friend.” His evil grin growing wider as I watched his hand become tighter and tighter. I opened my mouth to speak, but I saw Fireball slowly, laboriously trying to shake her head.

Her horn glowed a faint bit, the red candy vines entrapping me disintegrating. Time slowed as I pounced on my target, caught unawares while looking at his victim incredulously. I hit Discord square in the chest with all I could muster, leaving a small dark mark. Discord dropped Fireball on reflex. Barely conscious but very much sober due to recent events she sped out the door and into town to rouse the other ponies. Discord turned to me; I saw a small fire blaze in his eyes for just a moment before it was snuffed out. “As much as I would like to kill you for what you just did,” He snapped and the restraints returned and the dark mark faded a bit. “I'm afraid I have more important affairs to be dealing with. Like chasing your friend for instance so let's get this curse down shall we?”

His voice became deep and sinister.

“For Five Score! Divided by Four!”

“For your choices you must pay,”

“Removed to a land out of my way!”

“Your mind shall be weak, your outlooks bleak!”

“Your Memories Removed! Your Body Confused!”

He paused and a notebook appeared. He scanned it with his finger before apparently finding the correct portion. The notebook disappeared with a flash and he resumed his chant.

“Forgetting everything and living in ignorance,”

“You have lost, you're now no longer a hindrance!”

“Quaint is it not?” His voice sounded like it was farther away. Then my world faded to black.