The Witch Hunters

by GraveHaunter92

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 1701

A youthful Legionnaire and a hardened Inquisitor of House Moon and Star work together to hunt down a mysterious figure in the notorious Cult of Laughter in this dark adventure set in PoorYorick's Equestria Divided fansetting.

Sun Slash, a young mare who just recently became commanding officer of a platoon of House Moon and Star legionnaires, and North Star, a seasoned veteran of House Moon and Star’s infamous Inquisition, are forced to work together to hunt down an elusive member of the Cult of Laughter known only as the Last Laugh. The journey that the two undertake to hunt down and destroy this threat to their house is fraught with danger and unimaginable horrors. Can the brash lieutenant and the harsh Inquisitor put aside their differences and stop the Last Laugh, or will the madness of the Cult of Laughter be too much for these two soldiers to handle?
((Note to readers: Setting takes place in an alternate universe called Equestria Divided, created by PoorYorick. If you have not heard of it then I recommend taking a look, particularly if you're interested in war stories or grimdark.
Also, I welcome and appreciate any honest critique you can give me concerning my stories!))

Published 2013-06-07 20:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-07 20:30:02 UTC

Scorched Equestria

A dark plume of smoke and ash carved its way through the otherwise bright and cheerful sky as a platoon of Unicorn legionnaires marched through the fields. Two figures led the grim group of soldiers through the once fertile plains; a plate armored yellow mare carrying a great long sword and a steel shield, and an older gray stallion wearing a black cloak and a wide-brimmed pilgrim’s hat. As the group marched forward, the yellow mare stopped for a moment to look back on her handiwork. Sun Slash had always dreamed of becoming a Centurion, and heroically leading a force of legionnaires in battle. Although she was now an officer, instead of fighting glorious battles she found herself attacking refugee camps.
The mare had paused longer to look at the burnt down camp than she realized, as the rest of the platoon stopped with her, save for the gray stallion who continued to trot onward. When North Star suddenly realized he was walking alone, he spun around and gave his subordinate an annoyed scowl.
“Is there something you wish to report Lieutenant Slash?”
Sun Slash immediately broke out of her trance to address her superior.
“No sir!”
The two ponies locked eyes with one another, and for a moment Sun Slash believed she saw North Star give her an inquisitive look, one that he had normally reserved for the prisoners she watched him interrogate. The moment in which the two stared at one another was brief but intense, as the soldiers behind Sun Slash awkwardly shuffled about.
“Hmph, then let us continue. Our business here has concluded.”
North Star the Inquisitor turned his back on the host of soldiers and continued to march away from the fallen refugee camp, with the young lieutenant and her men reluctantly following close behind.

+ +
North Star often found himself lost in a sea of scrolls and ink whenever night fell upon the camp of legionnaires. Sitting alone in his tent, North Star simply stared at the mess of records and letters that were strewn across his table. On his right was a freshly written report of the day’s events, mostly describing the eradication of the refugee camp, and on his left was a week-old letter from Canterlot, demanding results from North Star’s current campaign.
The sound of hoof steps and creaking armor broke North Star out of his stupor as the familiar visage of Lieutenant Sun Slash appeared in front of him. The young lieutenant wordlessly saluted Inquisitor Star who motioned for her to take a seat next to her at his table as he telekinetically cleared away the bureaucratic debris. Sun Slash then lifted a large scroll of her own which she unrolled across the table, revealing a large map of Equestria.
“Our current location is here, just outside of Whitetail Woods… and the location of the refugee camp we destroyed is roughly here, 10 miles to the northwest.”
“Hmmm… with that camp out of the way that only leaves a few more possible areas where our target could be hiding…” North Star mused as he picked up a feather quill and scratched out an X on the area where the refugee camp had existed before today.
Sun Slash sighed as her eyes rested upon that X before her eyes began to drift across the surrounding area.
“I honestly don’t feel like we are getting any closer to finding the Cult of Laughter out here sir. We’ve been scouring the heartlands for almost a month now and we still don’t have any major leads on where to find this bandit.”
“Then we will just have to keep searching until we find a lead. Hunting down and destroying this ‘The Last Laugh’ is paramount in securing our borders from any future raids by the cult.”
As North Star spoke, Sun Slash’s eyes fell upon a small scroll that the Inquisitor had forgotten to clear from the table. Upon examining it, Sun Slash found herself reading one of the many notes that North Star had scrawled concerning their enemy.
The Last Laugh is the title belonging to the member of the Cult of Laughter responsible for orchestrating several attacks on Legionnaire outposts, as well as a recent terrorist attack on the city of Hoofington’s Inquisition Headquarters. The appearance and race of this pony is yet to be verified, although captured banners and equipment all appear to bear a common symbol that is believed to be this pony’s cutie mark; a round explosive that has a laughing face etched into it.
It is generally agreed that the Last Laugh belongs to one of the Cult of Laughter’s “Special Forces” divisions, yet there is insufficient evidence at this time to determine which internal faction this stallion/mare belongs to…
Lieutenant Slash began to subconsciously block out Inquisitor Star’s voice as she turned her eyes from the scroll on the Last Laugh and looked again at the map of Equestria. A single river crossing was all that separated Sun Slash from the great cities of House Earthborn to the west and the rich gem mines of House Whitegold to the south. Ever since Sun Slash first enlisted into the Legion, she dreamed of bringing the fight directly to House Moon and Star’s enemies, but instead she found herself chasing ghosts and attacking refugees out in the middle of No-Pony’s-Land. Having an Inquisitor by her side to constantly lecture her did little to alleviate the situation in Sun Slash’s opinion.
Sun Slash immediately snapped out of her daydream when a scroll suddenly dropped in front of her when a green flash of mystical fire erupted from a previously unlit torch. The scroll was sealed with a crescent moon pressed against a large star with a capital “I” overlaying it all, the coat of arms for House Moon and Star’s Inquisition.
North Star lifted up and unfurled this scroll which he proceeded to read in silence before dropping it down onto the map in front of Sun Slash. He wore a small smirk on his face as she looked over the scroll.
“It appears my colleagues in Canterlot have been able to successfully interrogate a member of the cult. Roughly twenty miles southwest of our current position lies a small village in Whitetail Woods called ‘Harpo’s Ferry’. Members of the Cult of Laughter have been using it to launch smalltime raids on House Whitegold for almost a year now. I believe we have our “lead” lieutenant.”
Sun Slash looked excitedly back and forth between their current position on the map and the location of Harpo’s Ferry, trotting around the table to take a better look at the village. She began to trace the distance to Harpo’s Ferry with a quill and ruler before eagerly looking up at North Star.
“If we set out tomorrow at dawn then we can make it to the village just after nightfall! We can actually catch the Last Laugh!” the lieutenant exclaimed.
North Star wore a much more reserved smile, the first that Sun Slash could recall ever seeing from him.
“IF he is still there then we can catch him. If not, then I am fairly certain that at the very least we will find somepony who knows where he’s been. I suggest we strike out at dawn as you suggested.”
“I’ll go inform the troops to make preparations for tomorrow”. With that, Sun Slash bounced toward the exit of North Star’s tent.
“Lieutenant, before you go there is something that we must discuss.” Sun Slash lost the enthusiasm in her gait when she looked back at Inquisitor Star and saw the usual seriousness in his gaze.
“I found your conduct today back at the refugee camp to be wanting.”
Sun Slash could not help but cock an eyebrow at North Star while attempting to keep up a stoic soldier’s demeanor.
“Sir, I followed all of your orders to the letter and led my men successfully. What did I do wrong?”
“That is exactly the problem lieutenant. They were MY orders alone. We had clear proof that residents of that camp had assisted the Cult of Laughter in the past. Therefore, we had ample reason to destroy the settlement so that the Cult could not make use of it again.” North Star then stood up from his seat and leaned over his table to stare at Lieutenant Slash.
“It is painfully obvious that you would have spared that camp had I not stepped in and forced you to give the order. Those refugees would have continued to harbor and support members of the Cult of Laughter unless we stopped them.”
“Sir…” Sun Slash grit her teeth as she stepped forward to confront the Inquisitor “With all due respect, I did not enlist in the legion so I could slaughter starving peasants!”
“Very well then, why did you join the legion?”
Raising her head high, Sun Slash proudly declared “I joined the legion to fight in the name of the Royal Sisters, and House Moon and Star!”
North Star simply scowled as his Lieutenant as she defiantly stood before him.
“If that is true, then you are naïve to think that what we did today did not serve the interests of the Holy Princesses and our house.”
North Star sat back down in his seat, as he cleared his table of debris and folded the map of Equestria back together.
“Tomorrow we will strike another blow against the Cult of Laughter, and I expect you to do what is necessary without my interference. If you fail to do so, then I will have no choice but to have you formally reprimanded and tried for heresy.”
“Wha- what!…” Sun Slash stammered, lowering her head slightly and taking a step back from the Inquisitor. She stood there in silence until North Star handed her back her map and formally dismissed her.
Sun Slash blankly looked back at North Star before slowly walking out of his tent. Upon walking outside she glared back at the stallion while anxiously gripping her sword with her magic.
“Heresy…” the mare spat. A moment passed before she continued to walk away, muttering to herself.
“Celestia DAMN the Inquisition!”