Soul Calibrown Town

Here's a Voldo soundboard because if I tried to properly describe Voldo's noises you assholes would all laugh at me. Seriously, use it.

Soul Calibrown TownBy: Ethesto

There are two things on this gay earth that Voldo knew. One, how to kill. Voldo kills all kinds of people, and he kills them with extreme prejudice. He's a killing machine. Not literally, of course. He's not a robot at all. Fact: 'Voldo' means 'Death Bringer' in Japanese. The more you know.

The second thing that Voldo knew is that he really wanted butt sex. No, that's inacurate. To say he wants would imply that he has his own desires and feelings, but that's not the case. What I should say is that Voldo needed butt sex. Whoever was commanding him gave him the desire, and now he had to fulfill it.

With the need for butt sex fresh in his mind, he pushed himself up off the grassy ground, not even wondering for a second where he was or why he was there. He's never cared about such paltry things as details. All he cared about, at least for the moment, is butt sex. He looked around, somehow managing to see his surroundings despite the linen cloth wrapped tightly around his face. He is a zombie-mummy-man, after all.

Conveniently, he found himself perched atop a rather tall hill, so it wasn't difficult to spot and apple orchard and farmhouse just a short walk away. He didn't question his luck as he started on his journey, using his long, skinny legs to their maximum potential. Before long at all, he entered the orchard and was flanked on either side by rows of apple trees, all of which were devoid of their namesake fruit. The reason for this soon became apparent to our zombie-mummie-man protagonist as a tiny orange creature came into view from between the trees. It was kicking trees with its powerful back legs, knocking the fruit into baskets positions strategically on the ground below.

Voldo instantly knew what had to be done. He was going to butt rape that orange thing, whether it liked it or not. "(Attack 4)," he said to himself, using the soundboard because it makes me giggle, as he moved in towards the orange creature. It didn't seem to be aware of him as it went about it's work without a care in the world. That is, until he got close and grunted out a greeting. "(Damage 1)."

The orange pony, henceforth known as Applejack, jumped into the air like a startled cat before spinning around and staring at Voldo with wide eyes. Her mouth fell open and she gaped like a trout as she examined the nightmarish creature for the first time, the fur on her back sticking straight up to make herself look larger and more threatening.

Voldo felt a little awkward, what with this little orange pony staring at him like he had something stuck in his teeth, so he decided to explain his intentions. "(Breath 7)(Damage 8)(Attack 14)(Damage 8)(Attack 12)," he said in as calm a voice as he could manage. Instead of arguing with him, she just continued to stare in absolute terror, so he took the initiative. Opening the secret compartment in his chest, he pulled out his special weapons, a pair of large fist-dildos, and equipped one in each hand.

All set to go, he moved in, ready to get dangerous. By now Applejack was starting to come out of her horrified state of shock, and as she saw the terrifying creature approaching her, she reacted on instinct. With a quick and practiced movement, she spun around on her forelegs, bringing her powerful bucking legs to bear. Voldo hardly had time to react before the pair of tentacle-like appendages made contact with his tummy with enough force to knock apples out of a tree.

"(Damage 3)," grunted Voldo as he hunched over slightly in pain. Just kidding, he's a fucking zombie or something. He doesn't give a shit about pain. With her tail-end now facing towards him, this was a perfect opportunity, and he took it. With lightning-fast reflexes that would make even a praying mantis jealous, he lashed out with his right arm, his dildo-clad fist hitting her right in the brown eye with perfect accuracy.

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Applejack yelped in surprise at the sudden intrusion, her back arching and her legs freezing up as the unfamiliar object delved deeper into her virgin colin, stretching the walls to their limits with its massive girth. Voldo continued sliding his arm forward, plunging the full length of the dildo into her like a reverse shit-snake. He kept going until his fist was pressed firmly against her buttocks, the tip of the humongous plastic penis fitting into her large intestine like a hand in a glove.

Unfortunately, this was just the start of her troubles, as, with one quick motion, Voldo pulled his arm back, removing the dildo from its fleshy prison. Applejack's legs finally gave out and she collapsed to the ground, her rear up the air and her anus sore and gaping. Big mistake. She left herself exposed, and Voldo was more than ready to follow up with another attack.

"(Damage 2)," he moaned as he punched again, this time with his left hand. This dildo was even bigger than the last, and it was colored black to be more anatomically accurate. Applejack squealed, once again ceasing up in shock as the larger dildo made short work of her butthole, spreading it like the red sea. An apt description since the dildo was so large it stretched her anus to the breaking point. The skin tore and cracked under the assault, dripping blood onto the dildo and acting as natural lubricant as it forced its way onwards.

She herself let out a pained moan, her forelegs pawing at the ground in a half-assed escape attempt. Unfortunately for her, the dildo was anchored firmly between her thighs, and Voldo didn't intend to let her go anywhere. Despite Applejack's obvious discomfort, Voldo pressed on, feeling neither remorse nor pity. The colossal dildo continued its anal assault with all the force of a raging tsunami, peeling her inner walls like an onion. Shrek would be proud.

Eventually, the black fist-dildo had been fully plunged within her ass, and it was time for it to come out. It slid free of her wounded, hemorrhaging, devastated butt hole with a sickening squelching sound. As soon as it was pulled free, her anus erupted with blood as though he had just pulled the cork from a wine bottle. The thick liquid squirted and dripped to the ground and got all over Voldo, staining his linen bandages red.

"Please no. Stop!" Applejack cried and begged, but it wasn't over quite yet. Voldo once again opened his chest compartment, pulling forth his biggest and most powerful dildo: Soul Dildo. It looked like a fleshy limb, covered in veins and muscles and it had a seemingly living eye on the end that looked around and blinked. No amount of begging would save Applejack now. Her ass was as good as grass.

"(Damage 8) (Damage 8) (Damage 8) (Damage 8)," chanted Voldo as he inched forward with his newest dildo, aiming for the yawning entrance that lay before him. "(Damage 8) (Damage 8) (Damage 8) (Damage 8)." It was a sure shot. No way he could miss. "(Damage 8) (Damage 8) (Damage 8) (Damage 8)." Tears flowed freely down Applejacks face as she awaited the oncoming anal onslaught.

Without Further adieu, Voldo rammed his fist forward with enough strength to rend flesh. Applejack screamed in utter torment as her rectum was once again beset by an intruding penis-shaped object. Voldo leaned forward, getting as much traction on the dirt ground as possible as he forced his arm inward. The fleshy rod tore through her intestines as though they were tissue paper as its lengthy shaft was plunged ever deeper, unleashing more and more blood and goo from the orange mare's body. Eventually, the massive rod came to an abrupt stop as Voldo met an obstacle. He tried to push with all his might, but there was still about a quarter of the dildo's length left outside of its new home.

This was unacceptable. Voldo tried to push again, but he wasn't making any ground. After a few moments, he decided to take a new approach. He lifted his arms, hefting the small pony off the ground, and with an impressive show of strength he managed to hold her straight up above his head. The dildo was shoved up her butt like a stick, and she dripped blood and goo like a melting popsicle on a warm day.

"(Damage 3)," he moaned as the dildo at the end of his arm suddenly began spinning around like a drill. Applejack's screams of pain filled the air as the gargantuan, twisting dildo bore deep into her, digging itself a new burrow. With a mindset similar to the characters in Inception, It continued to spin with a mindless need to go ever deeper. Eventually, Voldo's arm started to slide into her chasmous tail-hole, the dildo continuing on its merry way. Then, without warning, the spinning dildo forced its way up out of Applejack's throat, splitting her head in two and spraying blood and brain chunks in all directions. With her insides so torn apart, and slowly being turned to mush, the remains of Applejack's body finally gave way, and the flesh severed into several large sheets, guts spilling out onto the ground like a desecrated bean burrito. Organs and skin chunks and blood were tossed around as the dildo continued to gyrate.

Finally, with his job complete, Voldo brought his arm down and let his spinning fist-weapon come to a rest. He did good today. So good, he let out a victory screech, "(Damage 13)." Not even bothering to wipe off his gore-caked body, he turned to go on his merry way, when he saw a very confused red pony standing halfway across the field from him, staring in horror. The pony was much larger than Applejack, but it'd make little difference in the end.

His ass was as good as grass.

And they all lived happily ever after. The end.