Nopony Expects the Spanish Inquisition

Chapters

Fear and Surprise
Ruthless Efficiency
The Comfy Chair
An Almost Fanatical Devotion to Celestia

Fear and Surprise

In the Early years of the Sixteenth Century, to combat the rising tide of religious unorthodoxy caused by Luna’s banishment, Celestia gave the pony Cardinal Ximinez of Spain leave to move without let or hindrance throughout the land, in a reign of violence, terror, and torture which makes for a fascinating read.

This was the Spanish Inquisition…

Twilight Sparkle lifted her head from the history book she was currently reading in confusion. She read the passage again to make sure there wasn’t some mistake, but no, the words violence, terror, and torture, were still there. She looked up from the book once more.

“How…how could Celestia ever authorize something like this?” She said aloud in shock and confusion.

She shook her head in disbelief “No there must be some mistake, Celestia would never allow ponies to be tortured.”

“Well you never know Twilight, it was the middle ages after all.”

Twilight looked back and saw that Spike had been reading over her shoulder. Her face became scolding not just because of what he just said, but also because she had told him a million times not to read over other ponies’ shoulders.

“Spike! How could you even suggest that! This is Princess Celestia we’re talking about. The benevolent ruler of Equestria who raises the sun every day and who supports peace, happiness and above all Harmony…you know, the force me and the other girls represent?”

Spike held up his hands and backed up from Twilight’s tirade. “Alright fine, sorry. I was just saying that bad stuff like that used to happen back then, I’ve read all about it.”

Twilight rolled her eyes “Spike~ I’ve already told you, the Game of Stones books are fictional. And you’re too young to be reading those anyway.”

“But the story is so good Twilight, I can’t stop now, besides, when the White Trotters come back, I’ll be ready for them and you’ll be thanking me,” He added with a smirk.

“Uh-huh,” She said with disbelief, before returning to the history book. “Back to the subject at hoof, I still don’t think that Celestia could’ve done something like this, it’s just not her.”

“Well what else does the book say about this Inquisition?” Spike asked.

“Nothing, there’s nothing else and that’s what confuses me the most. There’s this ominous summary setting up for a ‘fascinating read’ and then a sketch of the three ponies reported to have been in charge, and that’s it.”

She turned the book towards Spike so that he could get a better look at the colored sketch. It depicted three sneering stallions all dressed in red robes with Celestial Sun Medallions around their necks. They all had different facial hair styles, and each wore a different kind of head gear. The one in the middle had a pronounced chin beard and slight moustache and he wore a big, red full brim hat. Spike thought that if Applejack’s hat were flattened both on top and on the brim and painted red, then it would look similar. The one on the right had on a red hood, that covered his whole head and he only had a slight chin beard and a pencil thin moustache. Lastly the one on the left had on an aviator helmet with goggles similar to the ones the Wonderbolts wore, and he had a big curled moustache.

When Spike was done looking over the picture, he began chuckling, then giggling, and then full on laughing. He hadn’t expected the Spanish Inquisition to look so silly. As he laughed Twilight frowned.

“Spike, this is serious!” She brought her hoof down hard on the ground to emphasize her point.

Spike held back his laughter a bit, but not by much, “Lighten up Twilight, look what they’re wearing, can you imagine guys dressed like that torturing anypony?” he began laughing again at that image.

Twilight rolled her eyes and groaned in exasperation. This was no joke, this information was in her rare first edition of The History of Equestria, written by Clover the Clever herself. No, this little tidbit was real in some way and she had to know more about it, and she knew just who to ask. Twilight was already going into Canterlot that afternoon to visit her parents, but she figured that a trip to see the Princess of the Sun was in order as well.

She thought to herself “I’ll just go up to her and have her explain this moment in history, she’ll oblige, she’s my teacher after all, and teachers teach right? Once I know the truth, then I can move past this.” She smiled to herself at the thought and went upstairs to her room, leaving Spike to his giggling fit. When she got to her room she put the book into her saddlebags she had ready for the trip. She placed the bags on her back and was about to descend the stairs when a scary thought crossed her mind.

“What if Spike is right? What if Celestia did order ponies to be tortured for their beliefs?” She tried to shake this thought by remembering how kind and caring and loving her teacher was, which made her smile, and then Twilight thought about the not so pleasant sides of Celestia. Like how she sent her own sister to the moon, or how angry and murderous she looked at the wedding when Queen Chrysalis revealed herself, or how she had Discord imprisoned in stone for over a thousand years. When they’d reformed him he said he was still conscious in stone, so that meant he was aware of his surroundings and unable to move or speak for a Millennium. Twilight’s eyes shrunk at this realization. If that wasn’t torture, then she didn’t know what was, and if Celestia had done it once….

Twilight’s panicked mind then ran through so many scenarios about what Celestia would do to her if she brought up the Spanish Inquisition in her company. The lesser punishments she came up with were being sent back to Magic Kindergarten, or Celestia no longer wanting her as her student. The more extreme ones were being thrown in a dungeon for the rest of her life, being banished to the moon, being turned to stone, or worst yet, being turned to stone and banished to a dungeon on the moon.

She shook her head hard at these thoughts. She couldn’t afford to think in What-ifs, they weren’t healthy for her. She took a deep breath to calm down.

“I’ll ask the Princess about one confusing page in a history book, and whatever happens, happens,” she said to herself.

She put on a brave face and walked down the stairs, with the doomsday scenarios swimming in the back of her mind. She thought to herself “Perhaps I should send a letter to let her know I’m coming, don’t want to be rude after all.” ‘Or make it look like I’m interrogating her’ she thought but didn’t say.

“Spike,” she called out, “take a letter.” Silence met her ears. “Spike? Where are you?”

Spike was not in the library. She then remembered that he was going to be helping Rarity today with something. She smiled and shook her head. “Poor lovesick fool. Oh well, I guess I don’t need to send a letter, Celestia loves surprises…I hope.”

Twilight then locked up the library and headed for the train station, she had to see her Mother and Father before speaking to the Princess, and in the back of her mind she hoped that this wasn’t the last time she would see her family.

On the other side of town, Spike knocked on the door of the Carousel Boutique where the love of his young life waited for his help. The door opened and there stood Rarity, going over the usual greeting.

“Welcome to the Carousel Bout… Spikey-Wikey, oh I’m so glad you could take the time to come and help me,” she said as she wrapped the young dragon in a hug. Spikes face flushed red as he smiled and stammered “Oh you know, anything for you.”

She then led him into the dressing room where Spike was to be the dummy for a young colt’s line of suits Rarity had the idea for.

“Your spines may slightly be in the way, but it’s nothing I can’t adapt to and overcome. Besides, your patience is most rewarding, my experience with little colts and fillies is that they can’t stand still to save their lives.”

“Yeah….” Spike said clearly not listening to what she said as he stared at her eyes.

Rarity, either not noticing or ignoring his stare continued on, “But before we get to that, I would like to show you my period piece clothing I have just finished. They are for a performance of ShakesPony in the Park for the play Manebeth.”

She opened the curtain on her right to reveal three mannequins with three red robes on them. “These are for the actresses playing the coven of witches. True I could’ve made a costume that would make them look like the more traditional scary witch, but this is Shakespony, and everyone deserves to look fantastic, don’t you agree Spike?”

Looking at the red robes made Spike remember the three silly looking stallions in Twilight’s book, and before he could stop himself, he began laughing. Rarity obviously misinterpreted why he was laughing and the hurt showed on her face.

“Spike! Are they so bad that you would mock me so? You don’t have to laugh!” Rarity whimpered with tears forming in her eyes. Spike realizing his mistake, quickly saved himself.

“No, No, No Rarity they’re beautiful, I wasn’t mocking them.”

“Then why were you laughing so hard?” She asked.

“It’s just that they reminded me of this funny picture of these robed stallions in one of Twilight’s books, I swear that’s it, I wasn’t mocking you,” Spike said it with so much sincerity that Rarity knew he was telling the truth.

“Well that’s a relief, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions Spikey-Wikey,” She said with a smile.

Glad that she believed him he let out a sigh. “Sorry again, but it was funny when you pulled back the curtains.

“Oh? How So?” She asked.

“I was expecting to see black witch robes, I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.”

As soon as these words left Spike’s mouth the front door of Carousel Boutique flew open with what sounded like some sort of ominous music tone playing, as the three stallions from Twilight’s book ran inside and stopped before Rarity and Spike.

“NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!”

The robed pony in the red hat was right, Spike and Rarity sure weren’t expecting this at all.

Ruthless Efficiency

“NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!” Yelled the stallion in the big red hat, flanked by his two cronies, much to the confusion of Spike and Rarity.

“Umm, excuse me, can I help you three?” Rarity asked, her tone clearly displaying her thoughts on how rude it was for a trio of strangely clad stallions to come bursting through her door without knocking. Spike just stood beside her with his mouth gaping, he wasn’t sure if this was a prank or not, but if it was, it was a pretty good one, but his shock kept him from laughing.

Either the stallion in the hat didn’t hear Rarity, or he chose to ignore her, for he continued on with his speech, while the other two sneered at her and Spike.

“Our chief weapon is surprise, surprise and fear, fear and surprise.” He appeared to be stumbling over his words.

“Our two weapons,” he emphasized, ‘are fear and surprise, and ruthless efficiency, oh, three, three weapons,” he stumbled, “are fear and surprise and ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to Celestia, oh Four, now…” He held up his legs and looked down as he tried to compose himself.

“Amongst our weaponry…” he began, only to pause again.

During this pause Spike and Rarity looked at each other to see if the other knew what the hay was going on. Confusion was prevalent on their faces, so that answered both of their unspoken questions.

“Amongst our weaponry,” the robed stallion began again, causing Spike and Rarity to look back, “Are such diverse elements as fear, surpr… I’ll come in again.” The one with the hat then shepherded the one with the hood and the one with the aviator helmet back outside and slammed the door.

Alone again in the boutique, the young dragon and the fashion pony stood looking at the door in silence. It was broken when Rarity asked the million dollar question.

“What in the name of Celestia was that all about?”

“I have no idea!” exclaimed Spike, because how else would he answer an unanswerable question.

“But Spike, you said something about those Spanish Inquiry stallions or whatever they’re called right before they showed up.” Rarity thought for a moment after saying this.

“Spike, are you playing some sort of strange practical joke on me?”

“No Rarity, I swear, I had no idea that they would show up!” He defended himself.

“But how in the world did you know who they were then?”

“Because they look exactly like the drawing of these stallions in Twilight’s history book…But that can’t be them, that was over a thousand years ago,” Spike added.

“Well it would certainly explain their uncouth fashion choices. I mean seriously, red robes on a stallion? Oh, how tasteless!” She scrunched her eyes in disgust at the thought of that fashion trend making a comeback. “Not to mention their strange choice in headwear, why would they wear such…” Rarity continued complaining (not whining mind you) but Spike didn’t hear the rest, instead he was looking out the window beside the door. The Spanish Inquisition ponies were all standing there looking at the door intently, as if they were waiting for something.

“Ummm….Rarity,” Spike tried to get the fashionista’s attention, while not taking his eyes off the trio.

“…I will certainly have to ask if Celestia can ban such crimes against fashion…” she rambled on

“Rarity!” Spike shouted with more force.

“…also get rid of fruit hats and, huh? What is it Spike?” Spike pointed to the window at the robed zealots.

“Well, the one in the hat did say they would come in again, but I don’t think I’ll give them the chance.” She locked the door with her magic. “There, now Spike, I don’t want to sound rude, but you’re sure this isn’t a joke of yours.”

Spike looked her in the eyes, “No Rarity, I Pinkie Swear I didn’t set this up.” He then went through the motions of Pinkie Pie’s verbal contract.

She smiled and rubbed his head spines, “OK Spikey, I believe you.” She smiled down at him and he returned it with his own. “I’m sorry, it just seemed too much of a coincidence that those weirdos barged in right after you said you didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.”

The door then was slammed open with such force that it broke the lock and startled both Spike and Rarity.

“My door!,” Rarity screamed as the red trio then ran in once more with the same ominous music indicating their arrival. Spike briefly wondered where that music was even coming from before the leader spoke.

“NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!”

“You are going to pay for that door you ruffians!,” Rarity yelled, but just like before, the stallion continued without acknowledgement.

“Amongst our,” He paused briefly, “Weaponry!..Are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to Celestia…” He emphasized each element as if he were counting them down in his head. He then quickly added “And nice red uniforms, OH DAMNIT!!!

Rarity gasped and then scolded the stallion. “Please, watch your language sir, there is a young dragon and a lady present!” Again she was ignored as the frustrated pony turned to the one in the aviator helmet.

“I can’t say it, you’ll have to say it,” he said in a loud whisper.

“What?,” the goggled pony said in surprise.

“You’ll have to say the bit about what our chief weapons are,” he explained.

Taken aback the helmeted one humbly said, “Oh I couldn’t do that.”

The leader of the trio then proceeded to push the other two outside the broken door which angered Rarity.

“Come back here this instant and pay for the damage you caused to my property!,” She shouted, but to no avail. The Inquisition slammed the broken door shut and waited once more on the other side.

“Oh for the love of…grrr,” Rarity facehoofed, then used her magic and proceeded to stack all the heavy items in the room against the door, including her fainting couch, mannequins, and Opalescence.

“We are not going through that again.” Turning to the cat she said “Opal, I need you to be a good kitty and guard this door from home invaders. They say they are from Spain, but their accents sound more Trottingham if you ask me.” The cat replied by just hissing and curling up on the couch. Turning to the still confused as Tartarus dragon she commanded “Spike, take a letter to the Princess and ask for a few guards to come take these cretins away.”

Spike snapped out of his confused daze and replied “Got it.” He then proceeded to use Rarity’s writing desk and got as far as

Dear Princess Celestia,

Please send guards to Rarity’s house, the Spanish Inquisition…

before Rarity added, “And whatever you do Spike, don’t summon them by saying ‘I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.’”

The front door once more exploded inwards sending all the barrier materials flying, along with a screeching Opal. The sudden noise startled Spike who unleashed his teleport flames, sending the letter before it was finished. The music played once more as the crazy stallions ran in again.

Spike looked at Rarity in frustration. She had a sheepish grin on as she said “Oops.”

The pony with the aviator helmet on now stood in the middle as he stumbled out nervously

“Umm, uh… uh…Nopony, um…

“Expects.” The leader whispered to him

“Expects, yes, Nopony Expects the, ummm, Spanish, ummm….”

“Inquisition,” the one in the hat said frustrated.

The aviator turned towards him, “I know I know…”

Again Spike and Rarity were left speechless by the confusion and apparent stupidity of these weird ponies, and they couldn’t help but watch and listen.

The aviator continued, “Nopony Expects the Spanish Inquisition!” His confidence seemed to rise, “In fact those who do..” he was interrupted by the frustrated leader again.

“Our chief weapons are~”

“Our chief weapons are, ummm….uhhhh….”

“Surprise!”

“Surprise, ummm….”

“That’s it, Stop there, stop there, stop there!!! The one in the big red hat couldn’t take it anymore, he cut the aviator off and once more stood in front.

“Our chief weapon is surprise, blah blah blah blah blah,” he said with a roll of his hoof as he tried to wrap everything up.

“Alright, this has gone on long enough, you explain yourselves immediately! What do you want? Why are you here?!” A fed up Rarity bellowed before they could continue.

The leader with the hat finally looked at Rarity with a sneer.

“Right, Cardinal,” he looked to the hooded pony who until that point had been silent, “read the charges.”

The hooded one then walked forth and unrolled a scroll, and then proceeded to speak with a bad Prench accent that was so silly, it made Spike start chuckling to himself. Even Rarity was taken aback by this stallions speech, but never the less, the things he spoke were unbelievable.

“You are hereby charged that you did on this day commit heresy against her holiness of the sun, Princess Celestia.” He then rolled up the scroll and began dancing strangely while mumbling.

“That’s enough!” The leader scolded and the hooded one promptly stopped his dance.

It was at this point that Spike just lost it and began full on laughing, his confusion only fueling the flames of the humor. Rarity however looked shocked. The one in the hat then looked straight at Rarity and spoke to her directly for the first time.

“Now, how do you plead?”

“I did no such thing, I am an element of harmony, why would I go against Celestia herself? I am innocent of those ridiculous charges!” She said with conviction.

The Spanish Inquisition members then proceeded to laugh in what Rarity thought to herself as bad Diabolical Laughter.

“HA! HA.. HA HA HA!” Their horrible laughing only increased Spike’s laughter, which they ignored.

“We’ll soon…change your MIND…about that!” “With fear surprise and ruthless efficiency oooooooo!” The leader said with wild hand gestures.

Rarity then curled her lip in disgust, “What Diabolical Acting! It’s as if he’s channeling Christopher Trotten, but without the charm,” she thought to herself.

The Leader then addressed the robed aviator “Cardinal, fetch…THE RACK!!!!”

Rarity gasped in shock, she knew what a rack was, did these strange stallions plan on torturing her? Spike even stopped laughing and stood up in front of Rarity with his claws balled into fists.

“Don’t worry Rarity! I won’t let them hurt you, they’ll have to go…through…me…first? Huh?”

The confusion in Spike’s voice came from what the helmeted one produced from under his robes. It was a dishwashing rack with a string tied to it.

“Right,” the head zealot continued, “tie her down.”

Spike couldn’t help it, he fell to the floor and began laughing like never before. The situation was so silly, so ridiculous, so funny that he couldn’t help himself. He wouldn’t be able to save Rarity from their “torture” even if he tried. Rarity on the other hand didn’t react as Spike had since the hooded one and the aviator invaded her personal space.

“I say, unhoof me sir, My word is this rude, DON’T TOUCH ME THERE! Spike, help!...” She continued to complain as they tied the dishwashing rack around her neck and chest while Spike continued rolling on the floor laughing. Once the rack was successfully tied to Rarity, the leader spoke to her once more.

“Right, How do you plead?”

“Innocent you madstallion! And I demand you get this disgusting piece of plastic off of me. I seriously doubt it is clean. Spike, please stop laughing!” Spike didn’t.

“HA! Right! Cardinals…Give the Rack a turn!” The other two then began twisting their hooves around in circles on either side and cackling evily.

“Confess Dress Lady, Confess!” their leader shouted.

“Ok now this really makes me worried on a number of levels,” She said with both exasperation and worry.

Suddenly all three stopped moving and tensed up at the same time which startled Rarity. It was as if each of them could sense something that she could not. The underlings looked at their leader with knowing eyes as he said

“Oh bugger, someone’s about to say it. Right lads, let’s go!

They then proceeded to run towards the door before the hooded one asked “What about the rack?”

“No time!,” shouted the leader as he ran out the door, “grab those soft cushions! Hurry!”

The hooded one and the aviator both took a cushion from Rarity’s couch, which she vocalized her protest for, before running out the door and slamming it shut. This was the last straw for the battered door as it fell off its hinges and fell to the floor.

“Oh for Celestia’s Sake!” Rarity screamed in frustration. She then glared at the still laughing dragon as she tried to undo the knots holding the rack against her body. When Spike’s laughter subsided, his sides hurt. He couldn’t wait to tell Twilight that she had been worrying about nothing, even if he couldn’t explain why they were in this current time period. When he saw Rarity’s face though he felt a little guilty.

“Heh, heh, sorry about that,” he sheepishly replied.

“Spike~ why didn’t you stop them, what if they had tried to do something unspeakable to me?” She whined (It was whining this time).

“If they had tried anything like that, then I would’ve saved you Rarity, you can trust me on that,” he replied while puffing out his chest. “But I seriously doubt those bozos are even capable of harming anything.” He then proceeded to laugh again.

“Tell that to my door,” Rarity replied with a sigh. Then she became aware that the Spanish Inquisition weren’t waiting outside anymore. Where had they gone she wondered, and where had they taken her cushions?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Outside of Ponyville three red robed ponies ran down the road as if Timberwolves were chasing them. They were heading for a two story house near a big red barn in the middle of a sea of Apple Trees.

The Comfy Chair

“Granny~ how many pictures did ya take at the reunion?” an exasperated Applejack asked her grandmother. The elderly green mare just looked at her granddaughter with a thoughtful look.

“Ohhh…ah’d say about….2,563,” said Granny Smith to the shock on Applejack. “Why? Was it not enough?”

Applejack looked at the living room table where if Granny Smith’s calculations were correct then over two and a half thousand photos sat, with some stacks going as high as the ceiling.

“No Granny”, replied Applejack, “if anything, ah’d say it was overkill.”

Today was going to be the day that both of them put together the latest Apple Family Reunion photo album. At the reunion, where they had raised the barn (1, 2, 3, 4,), each of the Apple siblings along with Granny Smith had been given a camera to capture all the moments they could. But it appeared that the old mare had outshined them all.

“How’d you even manage to take all these here photos?” she asked in shock and amazement.

“Well~ I put that camera do-hickey in front of mah face, then ah hit the button what captures the scene,” Granny replied matter-of-factly. Applejack rolled her eyes, she had walked right into that one. Regardless, the amount of photos was ginormous, and it didn’t even include the ones she, Big McIntosh and Applebloom had taken.

“Shoot, we’re probably gonna need a bigger album…and the whole family to sort through this mess,” she said aloud to her grandma.

“Aaahh Horse-Apples! You and me can get this done ourselves sugar cube with just one book,” she said with confidence, “let Bloom and Mac go play with their friends, this is our job.”

“Wait, who’s Big Mac hanging around with? All his buddies are still at work,” she asked curiously.

“Oh some mare or another, picnic ah think, but that’s his business, and this album is ours. Let’s get to it girl!,” she said with enthusiasm and ran, or rather hobbled over to the couch and sat down. As Applejack joined her on the couch with the stacks of pictures she let herself wonder who Big Mac’s special lady was. She decided to ask him later.

“Good on him finding somepony,” she thought, “just as long as it ain’t one mah friends, else I’ll kill'em both.” She put these thoughts aside as the daunting task of sorting the army of pictures in front of her became her sole focus. Applejack grabbed about a hundred and sat them in her lap as Granny Smith did the same. The empty photo album sat between them waiting to be filled.

“Alright let’s see here…” AJ mumbled as she picked up the first photo. “Here’s one of Uncle Apple Strudel,” she told her Granny.

“Oh that’s nice, always good to see him,” the old mare smiled, “which one is it?”

“Huh?” asked Applejack.

“Which picture of Uncle Strudel is it?” Granny repeated.

“Oh, well he’s standing in front of the barn,” replied AJ.

“Oh that’s nice, put it in the album,” she commanded. Applejack placed said picture in a slot then moved onto her next photo which was…another picture of Uncle Apple Strudel standing in front of the barn.

“Heh, must be a double print,” she thought to herself before looking at the next print which again showed Uncle Strudel in front of the barn, “What the?” The confused Applejack began flipping through her 100 stack and every single photo was of Apple Strudel in front of different portions of the barn. It was as if the photos were a film strip of Strudel slowly making progress.

She turned to her elder, “Granny, all of these photos are just of Uncle Strudel in front of the barn!”

“Well of course dearie,” Granny replied, “you picked up from the ‘Uncle Strudel in front of the barn’ stack.”

Applejack turned from her Granny and started flipping through the stack where she had gotten the one hundred pictures from, and sure enough each one was of Strudel. The next stack over showed him in front of the roadside fence, and another around their biggest tree, and still another showed him in front of Applebloom’s clubhouse. She then looked at the pictures in Granny’s lap and saw that they too were of Uncle Strudel only the house was behind him.

“Granny, did you only take photos of Uncle Strudel?” she asked frustratingly.

“No don’t be silly Applejack, that stack there is of the barn raising,” she pointed to a stack of ten pictures on the corner of the table. Applejack facehoofed. All that film wasted just to chronicle Strudel’s very slow journey around Sweet Apple Acres.

She sighed, “Granny, we only need one photo from each of these stacks, but the rest have got to go.”

“Oh that’s a shame, Uncle Strudel sure did love posing for the camera,” Granny Smith said a bit sadly, “But if it’s only one picture from each stack, then we’ve got to find the best one, let’s start with the house first.”

Applejack sighed once more in frustration. Before she sat down, she grabbed the kitchen wastebasket which was thankfully empty. There was gonna be a lot of paper filling it pretty soon. Applejack thought that perhaps they could use the discards as kindling for the fireplace so that they wouldn’t be a total waste of money. She sat down next to her grandmother once more. She noticed that Granny had already placed one photo of Strudel in front of the house in the album, so they were set. So that left all the other hundreds of photos, which her grandma decided to go through one at a time.

“This is gonna be a long~ day,” Applejack thought to herself. Granny Smith then held up the first photo.

“This is Uncle Strudel in front of the house,” she said as she handed the photo to Applejack her gaze still on the photos in her lap. Applejack tore the picture up and threw it in the basket.

“This is Uncle Strudel at the back of the house,” again she handed the photo to Applejack who promptly tore it up before discarding it.

“This is Uncle Strudel at the side of the house,” the picture was handed off, and was torn.

“This is Uncle Strudel, back again in front of the house, but you can see the side of the house,” the oblivious mare continued on while Applejack repeated her process.

“And this is Uncle Strudel even nearer to the side of the house, but you can still see the front,” hand off, tear, discard.

“This is the back of the house, with Uncle Strudel coming around the side to the front,” second verse same as the first.

“And this is the Spanish Inquisition hiding behind the Tool Shed,” Applejack was about to tear then realized what Granny Smith had said. She looked at the photo and Uncle Strudel was nowhere in sight, instead there were three stallions in red robes and strange hats peaking around the corner of their tool shed as the barn was being raised.

“Oh, ah didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition,” Applejack replied honestly.

With this summoning call, the front door was thrown open, an ominous music tone was played, and the three red robed stallions ran into their living room stopping before them.

“NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!”

Applejack both startled and confused just shouted

“What in Tarnation?!”

“Ehhh, Whazat?” the elderly mare asked confusedly, though not startled at all.

The leader in the big red hat spoke up to the two mares on the couch.

“Old woman, you are accused of heresy and you must come with us for confession.”

“What was that sonny? You’ll have to speak up, hearings gone south on me,” the old mare rubbed her ear trying to get sound into it, where had that deafening tone come from, “Dang kids and their music.” Applejack was just confused by the whole situation and just stared at them slack jawed.

“Right, we will explain it to you later, now,” he turned to the one in the aviator helmet, “Cardinal Biggles,” he then turned to the one in the red hood, “Cardinal Fang, take the old woman.”

The two then picked up Granny Smith and placed her on both of their backs.

“Whoa, watch it there young man, my hip ain’t what she used to be,” the old pony scolded.

Applejack broke out of her confused daze when they grabbed her grandma and she stood up to them.

“Hey now, you put my Granny down this instant before I buck y’all where the sun don’t shine!” She shouted in anger.

The Spanish Inquisition responded by pushing the many photos of Uncle Strudel onto Applejack who became buried immediately.

“Right, that’s enough, quickly, let’s go!” Shouted the leader, and the three zealots with the old mare in tow fled the house.

“Oh and clean up that mess Applejack,” Granny Smith called back.

Applejack stuck her head out of the mountain of pictures with fury in her eyes.

“Get back here with my Grandma!,” she shouted as she burst through the photos, scattering them everywhere and ran out the door. They were nowhere in sight. She saw hoof prints leading off into the orchard, so she followed them with speed that would make Rainbow Dash jealous.

As she ran off into the sea of apple trees, the Spanish Inquisition stuck their heads out of the tool shed and sneered, they had doubled back, but they needed to do their business without that mare interfering. The leader in the hat turned toward Granny Smith who was now just being held up by her arms.

“Right, Old Woman, we need a more secluded and quiet spot, preferable underground, where we may torture a confession out of you. Do you happen to have a dungeon nearby?”

“Hmmmm…..,” she thought aloud, oblivious to the fact that the stallion had said torture, “Well we do have an apple cellar around by the barn, will that do?”

“Yes perfect thank you.” the leader said sincerely before shouting, “To the cellar!” With this, the other two carried Granny Smith as they followed him to the apple cellar, cackling evilly the whole way. As they descended the stairs into the cellar, they took in their surroundings. There were barrels and barrels of apples and apple accessories. Against one of the walls were hooks which held chains neatly, and in the corner was a writing desk, most likely used for inventory, with a nice comfy looking chair in front of it. The three ponies smiled, this was a perfect room to get a confession in. They then “shackled” Granny Smith to the wall with the chains. If she wanted to she could easily get out of her “bonds” as all they did was wrap her two forelegs with a different chain three times. She wasn’t even hanging from the wall.

“Now what’s going on here young man?” she asked the head zealot, the strangeness of the situation finally dawning on her. He in turn replied

“Ha! Now old woman, you are accused of heresy on three counts. Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action…,” he realized his mistake and added “Four counts. Do you confess?” Granny Smith was clearly confused by the stallion’s question, and the whole situation for that matter.

“I don’t understand what ah’m accused of,” she replied. This caused the three fanatics to begin laughing in their Diabolical Laughter, before the leader spoke again.

“Then we will make you understand!” He looked to the pony in the aviator helmet. “Biggles…Fetch…THE CUSHIONS!!!” An ominous tone followed this declaration and Granny Smith looked around for the source. Biggles then produced the two cushions from Rarity’s couch. This confused Granny Smith even more.

“What they gonna do with them fancy pillows?” She thought to herself.

“Here they are lord,” Biggles proclaimed. The leader then looked back at Granny Smith.

“Now!..Old Lady, you have one last chance. Confess to the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the uncelestially,*two* last chances. And you shall be free, *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.”

Granny Smith didn’t understand a single word the stallion in the red hat said. It didn’t help that he spoke fast and kept correcting himself.

“Ah don’t know what yer talking about dagnabit, slow down and say it again,” she replied frustrated.

“Right! If that’s the way you want it…Cardinals! Poke her with the soft cushions!”

Biggles handed a cushion to Fang and both took them in their mouths, all the while still sneering, and they began to poke Granny Smith with them. She just looked at them, she was now more confused than ever.

“CONFESS!!! CONFESS!!! CONFESS!!!!” shouted the chief cardinal as they poked her.

“Ummm…What the hay you colts doing?” she asked.

“It doesn’t seem to be hurting her lord,” Biggles suddenly said and stopped his prodding.

“Have you got all the stuffing up on one end?” asked the leader.

“Yes Lord,” Biggles responded. The Cardinal leader then took Fang’s cushion and examined it in his hooves. He then looked at a confused Granny Smith again.

“Hm!” He threw the cushion away and Biggles did the same. “She’s made of harder stuff. Cardinal Fang!” he said turning to the hooded pony, “Fetch…THE COMFY CHAIR!”

The jarring music played again as a look of pure horror came over Fang’s face.

“The…Comfy Chair?” he said in a terrified voice. Granny Smith couldn’t understand it, why would a pony be scared of something that sounded great for her aching legs? Despite his fear, the stallion grabbed the comfy chair by the desk and wheeled it over while Biggles “unchained” her.

“Careful now, that’s my Grandson’s seat you got there,” the elderly mare scolded.

“So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions?” he asked with malice. “Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!”

The helmeted stallion then pushed Granny Smith into the chair in a sitting position, much to the relief of her aching hooves. She sighed in relaxation a bit before the cardinal continued.

“Now…You will stay in the comfy chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven!”

“Well that sounds lovely, glad to see you boys finally gettin some manners aboutcha,” Granny Smith began to relax more. “This won’t be half bad, even with you brain damaged idjits here.”

Sensing that this torture was a bit off, the leader turned to Biggles. “Is that really all it is?” he asked.

“Yes Lord,” Biggles responded.

“I see, I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, don’t we?” he said contemplatively. He then returned his attention back to Granny Smith. “Confess Woman,” he said calmly.

She looked back up at him in exasperation. “What now?” she asked.

He raised his voice. “Confess!” Granny Smith shrank into the couch a little scrunching her face at how loud he was yelling. “CONFESS!!! CONFESS!!! CONFESS!!!”

“I Confess!” Biggles exclaimed in sorrow kneeling before both Granny Smith and his boss.

“NOT YOU!!!” the leader said in anger and frustration.

“Ah Confess!” A voiced shouted behind them, startling the Chief Cardinal.

“Who Said That?” He shouted as he turned around.

“Ah Confess…That I’m gonna kick all y’all’s skinny flanks down to Tartarus and back,” said Applejack as she stepped out of the darkness of the cellar with an evil grin on her face.

“Oh Dear,” said the chief cardinal in fear.

ONE INCREDIBLY BRUTAL FLANK KICKING LATER

The bruised and battered stallions were all thrown in the dirt past the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres.

“And ah don’t want to see either of y’all ever again near mah property or mah family! If ah do, then I won’t go so easy on ya next time,” Applejack snorted at them.

“And stop playing your music so loud ya dang kids!” Granny Smith added for extra emphasis.

Both Grandmother and Granddaughter walked back to the house. The events that transpired didn’t need analyzing by the two because A. They were still really weird and confusing, and they hurt just thinking about them, and B. Some Tail Whooping solved the whole problem in their opinion.

“Let’s get back to the photo album Granny,” Applejack said with a smile.

“Sounds good sugar cube,” Granny Smith replied cheerfully, “we still have to go through the stack of photos showing Uncle Strudel in front of the cow stables,” she added.

Applejack rolled her eyes and just sighed.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Out on the road the Spanish Inquisition began walking back into town, where they passed a confused Big McIntosh and Cheerilee who just stared at their strange clothes and bruised faces.

“Let us go for some Spam, it’s always best for injuries,” said the leader in the hat.

“But my lord, what if someone else says the line while we’re eating?” asked Biggles.

“Come now, the episode is almost over, and we did our two bits, we can relax now,” their leader responded.

“But supposing they do? We’d have to run real fast to get to them before the episode time slot ran out,” Fang added.

“Nonsense, the only being that would do such a cruel thing would be a massive troll. And who could possibly be that trollific?”

IN CANTERLOT

“Hello my most faithful student, it’s a surprise seeing you here,” Celestia smiled at the entrance of the nervous looking Twilight Sparkle...

An Almost Fanatical Devotion to Celestia

Twilight Sparkle nervously approached the Throne Room doors. She had had a lovely lunch with her parents where they had caught up on a number of things, sometimes it was good just to speak with them. Also, it was a good distraction at the time for what she was about to do now and that realization came back in force. On the other side of the door was her loving teacher, mentor, princess, and friend….and possible jailer if she didn’t play her cards right. She gulped in fear at that possibility, after all she was going to confront…ASK her about a small blurb in a history book that talked about torture and violence that she supposedly authorized. To make matters worse, she was dropping by unannounced without forewarning, and she didn’t know how Celestia would interpret that. Twilight hoped she didn’t consider it an interrogation. She placed her hoof on the door and paused as all the thoughts of her possible banishment and imprisonment sprang forth. She pushed these down as best she could, her want of knowledge overriding her fears. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Princess Celestia sat on her throne in all her glory looking over a scroll as Twilight walked in. She looked up at her student and smiled.

“Hello my most faithful student, it’s a surprise seeing you here,” she said happily.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I’ll leave and let you get back to what you’re doing,” Twilight hurriedly stammered as her resolve fell and she turned to leave. She was stopped by a giggling Celestia.

“Twilight, Twilight, don’t go, I didn’t mean that your surprise was a bad thing, it’s just good to see you is all, please come here and take a seat” she said.

Twilight turned around and laughed nervously.

“Heh heh, oh no it’s ok, you’re clearly busy with….that scroll, and I should have told you I was coming, and now I gotta go and…”

“Twilight Sparkle, even if I was busy at the moment, which I’m not, I always have time for your company,” Celestia said with a reassuring smile.

Twilight sighed, that smile could always ease her worries, if only a little. She walked past the elite guards towards her teacher, some of which she recognized and said hello. Usually stoic, the greeted guards smiled and nodded towards her, it was Twilight after all, not some stuck up noble. Once she reached the throne Celestia gave her a hug which she returned. She then sat down before her ruler and tried to think of how she was going to phrase the question on her mind. Before she could, Celestia spoke up.

“So my faithful student, what has made you so stressed this day?”

“What? I’m not stressed, I’m fine, why would you think I was stressed heh heh?” Twilight stammered betraying her words. Celestia just smiled.

“Twilight, I’ve known you since you were a little filly, I can tell,” she replied simply. “Not to mention your right eye is twitching sporadically,” she added with a giggle.

Twilight laughed nervously with her teacher and willed her eye to stop its jumping.

“Now Twilight, are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or do I have to play the guessing game?” she asked in amusement.

“Well nothing is actually wrong Princess, it’s just that I had a question for you concerning the past,” Twilight responded still a bit shakily.

Celestia raised her eyebrows a bit taken aback, what event in the past would make her student this nervous she thought to herself.

“Well I can honestly say Twilight that I will answer to the best of my abilities,” she smiled again, “so which event are you referring to?”

Twilight sighed, there was no going back now. She lifted her history book from her saddlebags and flipped to the page that had caused her so much turmoil this day. Celestia looked at the cover of the book which read The History of Equestria By: Clover the Clever, and a look of realization came over her face. Twilight was too busy looking at the page to notice the change on her teacher’s face.

“It says here that in the early 16th century…” Twilight began but was interrupted by the monarch.

“Let me guess, this is about the Spanish Inquisition?” Celestia stated.

Twilight gasped in shock and dropped the book, she wasn’t expecting that. Fear overtook her as she stared at her leader.

“How did she know?” her mind screamed. “Oh this is bad, so very very bad!”

“Princess Celestia, I’m sorry I offended you, please have mercy!” she shouted as she threw herself at the ruler’s feet and began crying, much to the surprise of Celestia and the guards.

“Twilight, Twilight please calm down,” the sun goddess tried to console the hysterical Unicorn.

“Please don’t turn me to stone then banish me to a dungeon on the moon,” she cried.

“Twilight Sparkle!” Celestia said a bit loudly to snap her out of it. The crying stopped and the princess took the moment to grab Twilight’s face gently and have her look into her eyes.

“Why would you ever think I would do something like that to you?” she asked with caring and a bit of hurt.

“I…I…” Twilight stammered as she realized that she overreacted big time. “I’m so sorry Princess,” she said as she hugged her friend.

“It’s alright Twilight, I forgive you,” she said breaking the hug, “now will you explain why you thought I would banish you?”

Twilight looked down at the book. “It’s just that the book says you created the Spanish Inquisition after Nightmare Moon was banished and that they had a reign of violence, terror, and…torture. I thought that if I brought it to your attention you’d be mad since I’ve never seen this Inquisition mentioned in any other book,” the unicorn admitted. Celestia then did something that Twilight didn’t expect at all, she began laughing, not giggling, but full on laughter. Twilight was taken aback and shocked.

“Oh Twilight, Twilight, Twilight…” she said after her fit, “That’s why you’re so upset! Over a silly little joke?” she said and began laughing some more.

Twilight was confused, how could this be considered a joke? This was written by Clover the Clever, a founder of Equestria and distant ancestor of Twilight herself.

“ A joke? How?..Wait…What?”

Princess Celestia stifled her laughter. “Walk with me Twilight.” She then walked towards the door behind her throne where the confused unicorn obeyed and followed, still not sure what to make of the situation. As they walked down the corridor with Celestia still giggling off and on, Twilight wondered where they were going. Her question was answered as they reached the door containing the Elements of Harmony.

“What are we doing here?” she asked her teacher. Celestia didn’t reply, instead she stuck her horn into the locking mechanism and opened the door. Using her magic, she then opened the chest containing the most powerful weapons in all of Equestria. Twilight saw her own Tiara representing magic, but instead of pulling it out, Celestia instead pulled out the necklace with a balloon on it.

“Twilight Sparkle, you know what this element represents correct?” asked the princess.

“Of course, that’s the element of laughter, Pinkie Pie’s necklace,” she answered, still not sure what this had to do with anything. Celestia smiled.

“Yes, and before it was hers, it belonged to me,” she looked at the necklace in nostalgia.

Twilight was still confused at what this had to do with anything, but still that piece of information intrigued her.

“You held the element of laughter?”

“Mmhmm, along with Magic and Kindness. I always enjoyed a good joke, whether it was on me or someone else. As long as it didn’t hurt anypony I was all for it,” she explained with her eyes focusing on nothing as she relived the past.

“When Luna became corrupted and was banished, I fell into a deep depression Twilight,” she continued with sadness in her eyes. “I had sent my sister far away and was alone to raise both the sun and the moon, and the Elements no longer worked for me. For years I neglected both Kindness and Laughter for myself, and for all my little ponies. I didn’t see the point in being anything but a figurehead and I let Equestria fall into depression.” Celestia looked down in sorrow, and Twilight’s own eyes began to water. Celestia then looked up with a smile.

“And then the Spanish Inquisition showed up.” Twilight looked at the happiness in her mentor’s eyes.

“I thought that you created them,” Twilight stated.

“Oh no, I could never come up with something as random or silly as those three stallions, I don’t even think Discord on his best day could either” she giggled to herself then continued. “During one of my dark days, I was holding audience with the nobles at the time, still as boring as ever, and the topic as usual was the performance of my rule. The criticized everything I did, and claimed I was uncaring, and during that time they were correct…for once. I had just about had enough of their squabbling when these three red robed stallions burst through the door and interrupted everything, something nopony expected. They ran between my throne and the nobles and the one in the big red hat began accusing all of them of heresy against me. I held back my guards before they intervened because I wanted to see where this was going. The leader of the trio kept stumbling over his words during his accusations as the hooded one and the one with the aviator helmet and goggles stayed silent and sneered. The nobles were confused and outraged by their interruption, but the strangely dressed stallions would not be deterred, they proceeded to torture them."

Twilight gasped. “That’s horrible, how could you allow such a cruel thing to happen?” she asked her teacher in horror. Celestia smiled and raised her hoof out.

“Let me finish Twilight,” she said reassuringly, “They then began ‘torturing’ the nobles by… poking them with pillows and yelling at them to confess as if they were actually hurting them. When that didn’t work, they sat a few down in some comfy chairs, and still others they tied a dishwashing rack to. I watched the whole confusing scene unfold as it got more and more ridiculous,...and then I did something I hadn’t done since Luna was banished…I laughed” Celestia at this point began laughing like crazy at the memory while Twilight just sat their taken aback by the strangeness of those stallions’s behavior.

Celestia then calmed herself down and continued. “I tell you Twilight, I have never laughed that hard before or since I saw those three ‘torturing’ the prissy nobles,” she smirked then continued. “I laughed so hard it infected the guards who added their own guffaws. Even the nobles saw the humor in all the silliness and joined in. The only ones who didn’t join in were the Spanish Inquisition themselves. When all the laughter had subsided after what felt like hours, I had the guards escort the nobles away so that I could talk to these strange ponies.” Celestia then placed the Elements of Harmony back into the vault and closed it. She then motioned for Twilight to follow her as she walked towards her bedroom. She continued the tale as they walked.

“I thanked them for what they had done and asked them who they were. The leader introduced himself as Cardinal Ximinez of Spain along with his brothers Cardinal Biggles, the one in the aviator helmet, and Cardinal Fang, the one in the hood. I didn’t think they sounded Spanish in the slightest as their accents sounded more like they came from Trottingham, but I didn’t question them on this, they had given me a gift I never thought I would have again.” She smiled in happiness at that last part which in turn caused Twilight to smile as they entered her bedroom.

“Ximinez explained that they were the Spanish Inquisition and that they were highly devoted to me. They felt that ever since Luna’s banishment that the populace had grown with unrest and that the general public had turned against me.” She sighed, “I didn’t correct them for I knew they were right. I had neglected my ponies for so long, and after that day I decided to correct my mistakes. I swore to become a leader that inspired ponies to live in harmony with one another. I decided to live again.” Celestia wiped away a happy tear from her eye, as Twilight did the same.

“The trio swore their undying allegiance and that they would root out all heresy against me in the land with what they thought of as ruthless efficiency. I thought they were joking, but I soon realized that these silly stallions were one hundred percent serious. They believed that they were handing out my judgment with their cushions. They were harmless clowns that thought themselves warriors, and that gave me an idea. During my neglect there were many ponies out there that could use a good laugh. These strange stallions unintentionally brought joy to me and those around me by doing what they thought were serious business. Their silly behavior would help relieve tension in Equestria as I tried to gain my ponies’ trust once again. So I humored them. I gave them each a royal sun medallion and told them to do my bidding. Ximinez and his brothers were ecstatic, he claimed that nopony would expect them at all and they ran out immediately to do their job.” She looked at Twilight. “And they did a fantastic job Twilight Sparkle.”

“They made ponies laugh again,” Twilight stated finally understanding.

“Exactly, it wasn’t what they thought their mission was, but they accomplished it none the less. Many ponies laughed outright at their ‘terror’ and ‘violence,’ others were confused outright, but found the humor after the fact. They helped ease the stress of Equestria and ponies were more accepting of me.” Her smile became even bigger.

“But Princess,” Twilight interrupted, “why did Clover the Clever not specify this in the history book?” That piece of information still escaped her.

Celestia giggled, “Let’s just say that your ancestor found herself accused of heresy by those three one day, and they ‘forced’ her to write about their greatness.”

“Oh,” Twilight said, “I guess that makes sense.

“I’m glad you finally understand my faithful student. I still find it hard to believe that you thought that I could actually order the torture of my own subjects though,” she said with a smirk.

Twilight looked at her mentor and remembered what brought those thoughts in the first place.

“I’m sorry Princess, it’s just that I read the passage then I thought about how Luna was banished and how Discord was turned to stone. He told us that he was still conscious and could hear everything, and I couldn’t imagine anyone being conscious in stone for over a thousand years, or on the moon for that matter,” she admitted.

Celestia sighed, “I can understand your reasoning Twilight, and I don’t blame you. Just so you know though, Discord was not conscious for his first imprisonment, I would never do that to anypony, not even him. I made him conscious only for that day when I had you and your friends reform him. As for Luna, as Nightmare Moon she was imprisoned on the moon yes, but she was not alone. The nightmare forces that created her reside there and they have their own culture in which she ruled over. It’s not much better, but she wasn’t alone,” Celestia explained. Twilight looked at her guiltily, only for Celestia to place her hoof on her shoulder.

“I don’t blame you for your conclusions Twilight Sparkle, anypony could make that mistake,” she said as she smiled at her. Twilight Smiled back, how she ever thought that Celestia could do the monstrous things she imagined, she would never know.

“I’m glad I know the truth now, the Spanish Inquisition was Equestria’s greatest joke,” She said with understanding.

“They still are Twilight,” Celestia responded.

“Huh?” She asked confused.

“They still continue to be Equestria’s greatest joke,” she smiled.

“I don’t understand,” said the confused Twilight.

“They’re still around, they’ve been popping up now and again over the last thousand years, heck they even appeared this day in Ponyville” Celestia said simply.

“What? How do you know that?” Twilight asked shocked. Celestia didn’t answer, instead she levitated the scroll she had been reading earlier. Twilight recognized the writing as belonging to Spike. The message was incomplete and only said

Dear Princess Celestia,

Please send guards to Rarity’s house, the Spanish Inquisition
followed by an ink stain.

“Oh no! What if Spike and Rarity need help, what if it’s not the Spanish Inquisition you think?” She asked worriedly.

“I guarantee you, Spike and Rarity are perfectly fine, and these are the same Cardinal brothers I remember.”

“How? Are they alicorns as well?”

“No Twilight, they are just…well I don’t want to say Normal, but they are regular earth ponies as far as I know,” she said contemplatively.

“Then how are they still alive?” an exasperated Twilight asked. At this question, Celestia’s face became serious.

“I actually have no idea Twilight Sparkle, I’ve asked myself that question a lot this millennium, and I still don’t know. They show up randomly in different parts of Equestria, and will disappear for a few years before being spotted again,” she explained.

“That sounds impossible, you have no idea how they do it?”

“Nope. In fact I’ve stopped questioning how they work and just accept them. There are only two other things in my lifetime that I have categorized as such.”

“And what are those?” asked Twilight.

“Well one of them is your friend Pinkie Pie…” Twilight could understand that one first hand, “and the other is magnets,” Celestia finished.

“Magnets? Seriously?,” Twilight asked taken aback.

“Of course, do you know how they function?” Celestia said pointedly. Twilight tried to come up with an answer before she realized she had no idea.

“Bucking magnets, how do they work?” she thought to herself.

“Regardless, it doesn’t matter how or why they do it, they still continue to spread laughter even to this day.” Celestia held her hoof up and pointed to a wall mirror.

“ Look into this mirror Twilight.” Its image shimmered before showing Carousal Boutique where a laughing dragon was happily fixing a broken door. Behind him stood a disheveled Rarity who kept trying to get a dishwashing rack from around her neck. She seemed frustrated, yet at the same time there was a slight smile at the corners of her mouth. The image then flickered to show Applejack and Granny Smith sitting on a couch surrounded by photos telling some sort of story to Big McIntosh who was laughing his head off. His laughter seemed to infect both the mares who chuckled as well. The mirror then returned to show Twilight’s reflection.

“It seems your friends got a visit from these silly ponies, as many do when they least expect it” Celestia smiled.

“Wait, does this mirror specifically follow these guys or what?” Twilight asked.

“Well no, not exactly, this mirror allows me to check on all my subjects, and how they feel. I just told the mirror to pick up and display areas of both confusion and laughter that occurred in Ponyville today. I then had it filter out the 87 ½ non-Pinkie related incidents and this is what popped up, the clear signs of my old friends running around.” Twilight ignored the fact that Celestia had a mirror that let her spy on anypony she wanted, and just sighed in relief and understanding.

“Well Princess, I’m glad I now know more about this moment of…continuing history I guess.” Twilight stated, even though she was still confused by the existence of the stallions.

“As am I Twilight, as am I,” she smiled and then her smile turned devious as she said, “Say, you wanna see something funny?” After the day she had, Twilight only had one answer to that,

“Sure, why the hay not.” Both teacher and student smiled. Celestia then focused on the mirror which showed the three members of the Spanish Inquisition sitting in a café surrounded by…Vikings? They appeared to be eating some sort of pink substance out of a can.

“Prepare to observe some absolutely hilarious madness my faithful student.” Celestia’s and

Twilight’s pranking faces lit up as she said

“I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.”

AT THE CAFÉ

The three stallions all stopped eating their Spam and looked up in shock in confusion. Someone had said the line, but they only had two minutes before the episode was over. Biggles and Fang looked at Ximinez with an “I told you so face” before they all sprinted out the door. This was going to be a close one.

They ran to the train station where Ximinez ordered tickets at the booth.

“Two…um uh *three* for Canterlot,” he said to the pony behind the counter. All of a sudden faint singing could be heard.

“My Little Pony~.” The voices sang as words began to appear before them.

“Oh look, they’ve started the credits!” Biggles shouted as he noticed the words.

“Hurry, Hurry Hurry Hurry!” All three ordered the ticket salespony. They got their tickets and boarded the train which made its way to Canterlot while the credits and music continued. Ximinez then looked at the credits and became panicked.

“Look, there’s the credit for Dialogue Recording! There’s only a few left!” the pony in the hat shouted. A little while later he looked again.

“Tartarus! It’s the Producer! Quick!” he said getting up and running off the train, as the others did too. Somehow, thanks to plot convenience, they had arrived in Canterlot. The music was fading as they ran through Canterlot, into the palace and finally into Celestia’s room itself where she and Twilight Sparkle were laughing hysterically.

The three stallions stopped before the two as the leader in the red hat shouted

“NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPA…” He was cut off as the Hasbro Studios logo appeared, “Oh Bugger!”

THE END

Author's Note

Thanks to Everyone who Liked and Favorited this Silly Little Story. It was my first and I'm glad I was able to make you all laugh and enjoy it. Monty Python is friggin hilarious and I'm glad so many others love it as well.
Thanks Again :pinkiehappy: