Chapters Everypony Knows About the Wet Dream
Rarity smiled and mumbled softly in that pleasant state of half-sleep that comes seconds before waking. She snuggled ever so slightly deeper under her blanket and sighed contentedly. She’d had a very busy few weeks; there were so many dresses she had made for an upcoming event in Canterlot that she hadn’t had time for much else. Her social life had become nonexistent. Other than her weekly spa trips with Fluttershy—she’d only skipped two—her only social engagement, as it were, was a surprise visit from Princess Luna three days earlier. The reason for and details of said visit were something she’d prefer to put out of her mind, and of course she would never mention it to anyone. Ever. Fortunately, the Princess of the Night had also promised never to speak of it again, though she did still visit Rarity’s dreams frequently. Of course, the trouble with dreaming of Luna was one could never be entirely sure if it was really her or just one’s own mind. With how some of the dreams turned out, Rarity hoped it was just her own imagination. The alternative was too embarrassing to consider.
Those busy few weeks were over. She’d finished the last of the dresses the day before and she was now taking an extra few minutes in bed as a well-deserved reward. Well-deserved though those minutes may have been, a business can’t run if the owner doesn’t get out of bed to open it in the morning, so, with no small measure of reluctance, Rarity left behind the comforting embrace of her bed. Had she known what the day would bring she would have stayed in bed and that would have made for a very dull story indeed, but she didn’t, so she didn’t, and here we are hearing about it. She removed her sleep mask carefully to avoid damaging her coiffure and opened the drawer of her bedside table to place the mask inside, next to the book she’d borrowed from Fluttershy.
The book. It wasn’t quite what she’d expected. She’d asked Fluttershy for a book to read shortly before she started on all those orders she had. She knew full well that there wouldn’t be time to socialize, but a mare simply must get away from it all sometimes, especially when under such a stressful workload. A book to read for a few minutes before bed each night would be just the thing she needed to help her sleep. Fluttershy seemed nervous when she said that she had some books that always helped her to relax, and Rarity thought at the time to pass it off as just Fluttershy being Fluttershy. There was a bit of excitement there too, so nervous wasn’t quite the word for it. Anxious would be a more accurate description of Fluttershy’s offer to lend her one of the books. Rarity was delighted to discover based on the cover that the book she would be reading was a romance novel.
What’s that saying Twilight’s so fond of? Something about judging a book by first impressions? Ah, yes, ‘don’t judge a book by its cover.’ Rarity rather learned that lesson the first night when she came upon—er, that is to say—discovered a scene which was quite unlike the normal scenes she read in her own collection of romance novels. She put the book away in her bedside table that night, flushed with what she told herself was only embarrassment, and tried not to think of what Fluttershy had said about the books always helping her to relax. She was aware such books existed, of course, but had always avoided them herself, convinced that a lady didn’t indulge in such crude behavior. After nearly a week of having no escape from her work other than the books she already owned which she had read several times already, she returned to the borrowed book. Ever since the rather unfortunate events that occurred that night, Opalescence always checks to see if Rarity is reading something before entering her room.
The trip to the spa two days later was awkward, but fortunately Fluttershy didn’t mention the book. She commented that Rarity looked well rested considering how much work she had to do, and from that point on Rarity ensured the conversation stayed with Fluttershy and her animal friends, which was just about the only topic Fluttershy could talk about for hours on end so long as she didn’t feel that someone else wanted to speak.
Rarity had read from the borrowed book every night thereafter until Princess Luna’s visit and it had helped her to relax at the end of each day just as Fluttershy had said it would. Despite how helpful it had been to her, she narrowed her eyes angrily at it and closed the drawer with slightly more force than was necessary. She turned away with a huff, but when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror her expression changed from anger to horror. Spike would have said she looked perfect in every way, but he was hardly a reliable source on that subject. Many others wouldn’t have noticed either, but Rarity paid more attention to such matters and to her the problem stood out more than the Apple family barn in the middle of winter. Or Pinkie Pie just about anywhere, anytime.
Her mane had a hair out of place.
It was a minor problem, to be sure, but one which she could not leave her room until it had been corrected. To that end, she levitated the nearest hairbrush and set to work. One brushstroke would normally correct a single hair’s stubbornness, but this time it did not. Neither did a second or a third. By the 147th brushstroke she became concerned that there was something seriously wrong. Not only was that hair refusing to lay into its proper place, but three others had joined it in rebellion. This called for more drastic action. It wasn’t yet bad enough that she needed an emergency spa visit, but she would have to move up her hair-washing by several hours. It simply couldn’t wait.
A half hour later, Rarity’s mane was drying in curlers as she walked downstairs into the kitchen in search of breakfast. She didn’t plan to have much; despite the hard work of the past few weeks she had put on a couple pounds and needed to trim those away quickly or they’d never leave and she’d end up looking like—she shuddered.
A throat cleared behind her. She shrieked and spun around to face the intruder, dropping the bowl she had just removed from a cupboard.
“F-Father! Mother!” She stammered as she tried to slow her breathing and remove her heart from her throat. Rarity’s parents were seated at the kitchen table, looking at each other and each gesturing for the other to speak to Rarity.
“Is something wrong?” Rarity asked, adequately faking calmness. Her eyes widened. “You’re not going on vacation and leaving Sweetie Belle with me again, are you?”
“No!” Rarity flinched at her father’s outburst.
“No,” her mother said quietly, almost nervously, with a glare across the table at Magnum. “We’re keeping Sweetie Belle at home with us.” It was not at all unusual for Rarity to be uncomfortable during a visit from her parents, but it was quite odd that they seemed so ill at ease.
“Did I keep you waiting down here long?” Rarity asked. “Had I realized you were here I would have come earlier.”
Pearl winced and Magnum seemed to freeze in place.
“No, no, it’s fine,” Magnum said quickly. “If we’d known you were... busy... we wouldn’t have stopped by.”
“Until later!” Pearl said after just enough of a pause to make the addition to the sentence feel very unnatural.
“Yes, well,” Rarity said hesitantly. “I do apologize anyway. I had to wash up; you know how it is.” Fashionistas had to care for their own appearance more than most other ponies, after all, being a walking advertisement of their own work they always had to look their best. “Can I get you anything? Something to eat? Drink?”
“No, we aren’t going to be here much longer,” Magnum said.
“We just wanted to stop by and tell you that we love you,” Pearl said. “And that we understand that you never wanted to be like us.” She seemed like she wanted to say more, but was stumbling over finding the right phrasing.
“I, um, thank you,” Rarity said. “I love you two very much, you know that. But your lifestyle...” She looked at her father’s straw hat, then her mother’s bright blue visor, and then barely glanced at her mother’s mane before continuing. “...it just isn’t for me.”
“And that’s fine,” Pearl said. “We’re happy as long as you find what makes you happy.”
“Thank you,” Rarity said. She forced a smile through her confusion. “I have.”
“Good,” Pearl said with a smile. “Isn’t that good, honey?” she asked her husband.
Magnum flinched. “Yes! Yes, it’s... good.” He stood up and stepped away from the table, never looking quite at or away from Rarity.
“Are you two quite sure you’re alright?” Rarity asked.
“Oh, yes, of course, we’re fine,” Pearl said. “We’d better be going now, though. We’ve got some shopping to do and then some things to do around the house.”
“Yes, of course,” Rarity said, resisting the urge to roll her eyes while her parents left. She didn’t doubt that the things to do consisted of her father sitting on the pier fishing for hours while her mother sat around inside and ate. It seemed that was how they usually spent their time. She felt a little guilty at her negative opinion of them, especially when she remembered what her father said about ‘not being here much longer’ and wondered if he meant something other than her home. Well, they looked fine, and they insisted they were alright. If something was going on they would tell her about it, right?
That didn’t stop her from worrying. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, she soon had something else to worry about.
After getting something to eat, she opened the Boutique for business. After only a few minutes of working on some new designs, she heard the bell over the door announce that someone had arrived.
“Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique,” she said, walking to meet the customer. “I’m Rarity, and you are?”
“I’m Bon Bon,” the earth pony visitor said, looking around the Boutique. She started walking around closely examining everything in the room. There was something familiar about Bon Bon. Rarity was sure she’d seen her around town on occasion, but it seemed to her that they had actually met sometime before. Bon Bon didn’t appear to share that feeling; she almost seemed to have forgotten Rarity’s presence altogether.
Rarity cleared her throat politely. “And how may I help you, Bon Bon? Are you here for a dress? I have a number of styles to choose from.”
“Sure, yeah, a dress.” Bon Bon didn’t pause her search of the room. “You know, you don’t seem as well-off as I would expect from somepony in your... position.”
“My what?” Rarity asked sharply, annoyed by Bon Bon’s behavior. What right did this pony have to come into her place of business, more than that, her home, and start talking down to her?
Bon Bon stopped her search of the room and turned to face Rarity. “I expected more gems,” she said flatly.
“Oh, well,” Rarity said, the irritation she had felt quickly disappearing, “if you’re looking for gems, you have come to the right place!” Her horn glowed and a closet door opened, allowing a rack of dresses to roll into the room. She quickly looked through the dresses hanging there and selected one, removing it so Bon Bon could see it clearly. “This style would suit you perfectly! I can make one for you that matches your mane colors, and these here,” she gestured to rows of gemstones, “will be light blue sapphires, just the right color to bring out your eyes! Sure to catch the attention of any stallion—or mare—you might want to impress.”
Bon Bon looked at the dress doubtfully. She looked directly at Rarity for the first time since she entered the Boutique.
“What do you think?” Rarity asked. Bon Bon shook her head in reply.
“That’s fine, of course. I have plenty of other styles to choose from. Perhaps a—”
“No,” Bon Bon said, interrupting Rarity’s efforts to find another dress. “I think this was a waste of my time.” Without another word she left the Boutique.
“But you didn’t even tell me what you wanted!” Rarity called out after her, but she was gone. “A waste of her time indeed,” Rarity muttered angrily, putting the dresses back on the rack. “What about my time?” She pushed the rack back into the closet. “Who does she think she is, coming in here, disrupting my business, snooping around my shop and then she doesn’t even want to buy anything? What in Equestria did she want if it wasn’t to buy a dress?” Rarity remembered seeing Bon Bon in the shop once before. It was during Fluttershy’s brief stint as a model, when Bon Bon and another pony had burst into the Boutique because they had heard Fluttershy was there. When they found out she wasn’t, Bon Bon had been just as rude as she had been today. But what was she looking for this time? It wasn’t as though she had any famous ponies visiting recently. Not that she knew of, anyway.
That is, except for Princess Luna. But that was days ago! That couldn’t be the reason for Bon Bon’s visit. Considering the nature of Princess Luna’s visit, Rarity fervently hoped that it wasn’t the reason for Bon Bon’s.
There was only one more visitor that morning, and she behaved even more strangely than Bon Bon had.
There was no warning. Rarity was sketching a new design, she turned around to get a new sheet of paper, and when she turned back Pinkie Pie's face was inches away from her own. Something was wrong, but it took a couple seconds of silence before Rarity realized what it was. There was silence. Pinkie Pie wasn’t saying anything. Her mane was its normal curly mess, so it couldn’t have been that bad, but Pinkie was just staring directly into Rarity’s eyes. Waiting. She wasn’t smiling, but neither was she frowning. There were no tears starting to well up in her eyes, but she certainly didn’t look happy. She was just... there.
It was one of the most frightening things Rarity had ever seen. To this day, if one were to ask her what frightens her, she would give a small shudder at the thought of Pinkie Pie in that moment, then proceed to say something totally unrelated.
After an agonizingly long two minutes, Pinkie Pie blinked once. She narrowed her eyes and kept staring at Rarity, whose cold sweat had already dried. Rarity tried to say something, but her tongue seemed to have dried and stuck to the roof of her mouth, so she was left opening and closing her mouth like a fish out of water. That was also a good description of how very uncomfortable she was at that moment. Pinkie Pie still made no move to speak—or to do anything else, for that matter—so once Rarity got her mouth under control, she started a conversation she wasn’t so sure she wanted to start, but it had to be better than the current situation.
“Good morning, Pinkie Pie,” she said with only a small tremble in her voice. “It’s... good to see you.” Rarity took a moment to silently thank Celestia that she didn’t have the same trouble with lyin—bluffing—that Applejack had.
Pinkie didn’t answer. She just stared. If there was any change at all, her eyes may have narrowed a tiny bit further.
“Is... is something wrong?”
Pinkie nodded slowly, her eyes staring unblinkingly into Rarity’s very soul.
“Um...” Rarity swallowed. “W-What is it?”
“You,” Pinkie said, pronouncing it more carefully than she had ever pronounced anything before, even ‘pickle barrel kumquat chimicherrychanga,’ which was another experience of Rarity’s she wouldn’t discuss if asked. “You had super-amazing fun and I wasn’t invited!” Pinkie pouted.
“I did?” Rarity asked. She searched through her memories of recent events, but couldn’t think of anything that would qualify as ‘super-amazing fun.’
Pinkie didn’t answer, instead continuing to pout quietly.
“Well, how about this,” Rarity said, searching for any way out of the uncomfortable position she’d found herself in, “the next time I find myself about to have ‘super-amazing fun’ I will invite you. Does that make you feel better?” Rarity had just enough time to see a smile on Pinkie’s face before her view was blotted out by a curly pink mane and her back threatened to break under the pressure from two hooves wrapped around her.
“You’re the best, Rarity!”
After a few seconds Pinkie released her death grip and Rarity hacked up a pink hairball in as ladylike a manner as it is possible to hack up a hairball.
“You’re welcome, darl—” Rarity blinked and looked around. Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be found. She found herself experiencing mixed emotions about that. On the one hoof, she was confused about what had just happened and was unsure what she had just agreed to. On the other, she was incredibly relieved no one was there to see her hack up a hairball who could attest to just how unladylike it was.
After that visit from Pinkie Pie, Rarity decided she needed to get out of the Boutique for a while. She had promised Spike that she would come to the library after she got things finished. He had of course been helpful to her, but his enthusiastic presence became more of a distraction than a help by the end, so she had to ask him to let her finish on her own. The only way to console him was to promise to visit after the dresses were done. This seemed like a perfect time for that trip to the library.
She stepped outside, hoping to make it to the library unnoticed. Her hopes were soon crushed when she heard someone land next to her.
“Hey Rares. Nice to see you’re back from exile,” Rainbow Dash said.
“I was not in exile,” Rarity said patiently. “I was simply quite busy.”
“Yeah, I heard. I gotta say, I’m impressed. I mean, I thought you could maybe do one, but three ? That’s ambitious.”
“I assure you, Rainbow Dash, I did considerably more than three.”
Rainbow Dash was speechless for a moment. She silently mouthed ‘wow’ before she could say anything. “You’re gonna be famous for sure.”
“Oh, why thank you, darling. It was quite a challenge, I admit, getting them all finished, but I pushed on and in the end everypony was quite satisfied with my work.”
Rainbow’s jaw had gone slack and one eye was twitching slightly. A drop of saliva had escaped her mouth and struggled to reach the ground while still hanging onto the corner of her lip. As though remembering where she was, she shook her head and wiped her mouth with her foreleg.
“Uh, so, this is gonna sound really weird, and it’s totally cool if you say no, I just have to ask if maybe next time... I could... uh... help?”
Rarity shifted her weight uncomfortably, thinking back to the last project which had much of Rainbow Dash’s influence, and how it almost ruined her career. On the other hoof, Rainbow did look quite eager, and it must have taken a lot of courage to admit she had an interest in sewing.
“Very well, darling, on one condition. You will do what I tell you and only what I tell you. Do you accept these terms?”
“Yes ma’am,” Rainbow said with a grin, nodding her head excitedly. “Thank you! You just let me know when and where, and I’ll be there to do whatever you say.”
Rarity smiled. “Good. I’m sure I’ll find plenty of use for you.”
Rainbow’s smile grew and she hovered a few inches above the ground. “Do you want me to bring anything? Is there something you want me to practice first?”
Rarity’s brow furrowed and she wondered what kind of sewing supplies Rainbow had accumulated so far. “No, I will have all the supplies we’ll need. I’ll just let you know when, and all you will need to bring is yourself.”
“This is gonna be so awesome ! Thank you!” Rainbow cheered, then flew away.
Rarity arrived at the library without further interruption, but she found herself the center of attention the entire time. It wasn't nearly as pleasant an experience as she had expected. Ponies would glance at her and whisper whenever she walked by or, if they were alone, just gawk at her openly. The entire trip was quite disconcerting, and it was a relief when she found herself on the front step of the library until she realized that was attracting even more attention. She raised a hoof and knocked on the door.
She listened for one of them to call out asking the guest to enter, or asking the other one to get the door, but she heard only silence from inside the library. She tried to open the door and found it locked.
"Twilight? Spike?" she called out. She knocked again. Still inside was silent, unlike outside where a small crowd was forming, talking and whispering to each other. Rarity tried to ignore them at first, but finally she couldn't take it anymore. She spun around to face them, took a deep breath, and swallowed the angry, unladylike phrases which had come to mind. “Pardon me, do any of you know where Twilight is?”
Her question met with mixed results. There were a number of catcalls and more than a few laughs. Several ponies gasped and others shook their heads disapprovingly and walked away. One pony stepped forward to answer her.
"She's at the big press conference in Canterlot," the young pegasus said, almost shouting to be heard over the crowd.
Rarity blinked in surprise. There was a press conference in Canterlot? "Thank you, dear," she said, giving the colt an affectionate smile. She tried to ignore the glares from the crowd. "Do you happen to know when she will be back?"
"No, sorry," Rumble said just before his brother reached him to take him home.
"Thank you anyway, darling," Rarity called after him.
“You’re welcome!” Rumble yelled back. Rarity could hear his brother scold him for talking to her as they walked away.
Rarity looked out over the ponies still gathered in front of her. Most she recognized from around town, but there were a few she didn’t know at all. One thing they all had in common at the moment was she was the focus of their attention. Taking advantage of that attention, she decided to address them.
“It’s not that I’m not flattered; really, I am, but would one of you please tell me why everypony is focusing on me today, not to mention acting so oddly?”
There were a few awkward glances shared among the crowd, but no one spoke up.
“I’m still the same Rarity you all know and love—” There was a single, loud laugh from someone in the crowd, but Rarity didn’t see who. “—so I simply don’t understand why everypony is treating me so differently all of a sudden. Is it just because I’ve been so busy—” The laugh again. “—these past few weeks?”
There was still no answer, but a few ponies looked around nervously and walked away.
“Somepony tell me !” Rarity shouted, stomping a hoof.
The crowd dispersed, murmuring quietly. No one would look Rarity in the eye. With a single, inarticulate cry of frustration, Rarity stomped back to the Carousel Boutique. In light of the morning she’d had, she felt completely justified in closing up for the rest of the afternoon. After some lunch, she retired to her inspiration room where there was a book waiting to help her relieve some of the tension which had built up.
Rarity got out the book and laid down on the bed, but didn’t open the book at first. She thought back over the past few hours; the day she’d rather just forget. Maybe by tomorrow everyone would be acting normally again. After the last few weeks she wanted things to go back to normal; time enough to work on her own designs, a few special orders, and above all, nopony acting like she’d done something out of the ordinary. Well, out of the ordinary for her, anyway. It would be insulting to call her work ‘ordinary.’
She opened the book and as she started reading, she hoped Luna would watch someone else’s dreams that night. Like maybe everyone else in Ponyville. Surely she could find out what was going on and fix it. That night, Rarity fell asleep convinced that whatever the problem, Luna could fix it.
Everypony Knows About the Wet Dream
After some much needed relaxation, Rarity slept peacefully and awoke feeling well rested. A half remembered dream involving Princess Luna was bothering her at first, but she quickly put it out of mind. She prepared for the day with newfound optimism. Yesterday had just been a one-off, she reasoned, and today would surely be better. While she carefully applied her makeup, she tried to convince herself that there was some kind of 24-hour bug sweeping through Ponyville and it was making everyone behave strangely except for her, because she had been closed up in the Boutique at the time everyone was infected. By now they’d all be back to normal.
Her hopes were destroyed when, after breakfast, she stepped outside. The stares and whispers continued. No one would speak to her. Every pony she passed by went quiet when she got close, but as soon as they were behind her the whispers started again. She tried not to grind her teeth in frustration and went in search of one pony she was sure would be honest with her and explain what was going on. At that time of day Applejack would either be in town selling apples, or on the farm picking them.
On her way to the market, Rarity saw another pair of ponies up ahead. Two pegasi; Snowflake and...um...one of those sisters who worked with Rainbow Dash. Rarity could never remember which one was which. Not that she could quite remember either of their names at that moment. She only remembered Snowflake's name because she made it a point to remember the name of every stallion she'd turned down when they asked her out. She felt it was the least she could do. It wasn't because he was unattractive; just looking at those muscles made Rarity a little weak in the knees. The problem was that his...wings...were too small. Some would argue that it's not about the size so much as the skill, but honestly, with wings that tiny it's a miracle he could fly at all.
When Rarity got close to them, they looked at her and fell silent, just like all the others. She swallowed a half-formed 'good morning' and trudged on to find Applejack. They started whispering behind her. She'd had enough. She spun to face them and made it clear in no uncertain terms that she was most displeased with the way everypony was acting around her, and that it was quite rude to be whispering. If they had something to say, they should just say it.
Rarity heard a high pitched noise she couldn't place at first. It was only when it decreased in volume coupled with the sight of Snowflake running as fast as his incredibly muscled legs could carry him that she realized he was screaming like a little bitch. Rarity had always thought that to be a rather odd expression; she'd never heard Winona scream like that. She took a second to be glad she hadn't agreed to date him before she noticed Flit—uh, Cloud—the other pony backing away slowly, trembling.
"I'm sorry, please don't have us banished!" she shouted before she turned and flew away.
Rarity stood frozen in place, her mouth hanging open.
"What in Equestria...?" she whispered as the frightened pegasus disappeared in the distance.
They showed no sign of coming back and Rarity was left even more confused than she had been before. She resumed her search for Applejack.
Upon seeing that Applejack was at the Apple family stand in the marketplace, Rarity felt relief wash through her body like she hadn't felt since the previous night shortly before she put the book away. Or when Pinkie Pie stopped saying 'chimicherry, cherrychanga' because they'd finally gotten home. Applejack saw her and a smile hinted at forming, but was quickly replaced by a tight-lipped glare which would strike fear into the hearts of...if not the toughest, at least some manticores. Of course, those manticores hadn't been friends with Applejack for years, so Rarity, though shaken, didn't turn and run away.
The same could not be said for the few ponies who had lined up to buy apples when Applejack turned her terrifying gaze away from Rarity, since it ended up pointing at them. To their credit, none of them screamed or fainted, but within five seconds none of them were anywhere to be seen.
Applejack groaned and turned back to Rarity. "Now look what ya done! Ya scared my customers away!"
"Me? You're the one who looked like you wanted to murder them! And why were you giving me that look, anyway?"
"I think ya already answered your own question," Applejack growled.
"What?" Rarity staggered backwards as though Applejack's words had been a physical blow. She tried not to allow tears to well up in her eyes. "W-Why do you want to murder me?"
"I—" Applejack sighed heavily and turned back to look at her nonexistent customers. "I don't. Not really. But right now I'm none too happy with ya."
"Why? What did I do?"
Applejack let loose a single, harsh laugh, but said nothing.
"Just tell me what I did wrong!"
"Look, ya ain't done nothin' wrong. It's your time, ya spend it doin' whatever ya want."
Rarity furrowed her brow, trying to think of what she had been spending her time doing that Applejack could be upset about. She couldn't think of anything. "All I've been doing is making dresses! I'm sorry I haven't spent any time with you girls lately, but I have been ever so busy with these important orders! I told you all what I would be doing before I started, so I really don't see what there is to get so worked up about."
Applejack scoffed. "Sure. Fine. Your dressmakin' ain't none of my concern, so I don't need to hear nothin' about it. Particularly not out here where I'm trying to work, so would ya kindly move along? Go back to your dressmakin' if ya like."
"Maybe I will! At least the dresses aren't angry at me for no reason!"
Rarity stormed off, fuming. Usually it was no problem getting a straight answer out of Applejack, but now her best hope for an honest answer was gone. No matter, she would simply have to turn to her second best hope: Fluttershy. They had a spa appointment that afternoon; surely Rarity could find out what was going on from her.
When Rarity arrived at the spa, she expected to find Fluttershy waiting for her. Fluttershy was usually early to their appointments out of fear of being late. Lotus was waiting, but Fluttershy was nowhere to be seen. Rarity failed to notice a newspaper in the waiting room with her own picture on the front, and also didn’t see another newspaper with a picture of Twilight and Celestia on it.
“Is Fluttershy here yet?”
“No, Miss Rarity,” Lotus said. “We weren’t sure if either of you were coming today. You haven’t been consistent with your appointments lately.” The way she spoke was half condemning, half conspiratorial.
“Oh, well, I’ve been busy,” Rarity said, trying to sound flippant.
“So we’ve heard,” Lotus said with a wink.
Rarity stiffened. “And what, exactly, have you heard?” she asked through clenched teeth.
Lotus raised her forehooves in a placating gesture. “Nothing, nothing. Just... nothing.” The bell over the door jingled to announce a new arrival. “Oh, here’s Fluttershy now!” Lotus said, visibly relieved. Rarity turned around to discover Fluttershy frozen halfway inside, her eyes wide. She started to slowly back out of the building.
“Fluttershy, darling!” Fluttershy flinched and stopped trying to escape. “You made it!”
“Um, yes,” she said softly.
“Shall we?” Rarity asked, gesturing into the spa.
“Um, yes,” Fluttershy said, even more quietly than before.
“The usual,” Rarity sang out to Lotus, who smiled and dashed into the spa to prepare their session.
A few minutes later, Rarity and Fluttershy sat in the sauna while Lotus ladled water onto hot rocks and eagerly listened for any gossip.
“So sorry I had to cancel our last two weekly get-togethers.” Rarity took a deep breath of steamy air. “I was so very busy trying to satisfy my clients.”
Fluttershy blushed. “Um, yes,” she whispered.
“Fluttershy, are you alright?”
Fluttershy tried to say ‘Um, yes,’ again, but the only sound she made was a soft squeak.
“Well,” Rarity said awkwardly, “I have a question for you.”
Fluttershy nodded, but was unable to say anything.
“What is the matter with everypony? ” Rarity screamed, then cleared her throat and laughed awkwardly. “Sorry. It’s just that they have all been acting so very oddly the last couple of days, and I simply don’t understand why. Can’t you tell me?” She gave Fluttershy her best puppy-dog eyes.
Fluttershy shook her head, not making a sound.
“Please?”
Fluttershy shook her head again. Rarity was about to ask again when Fluttershy spoke. “So how did you like the book I gave you did it help you relax like I said it would?” She was clearly panicked, but Rarity couldn’t imagine why. Of course, since it clearly had to do with why everypony was treating her so strangely, if she could imagine why, she wouldn’t have to ask Fluttershy about it. She decided to play along for the moment.
“Oh so very much, darling,” Rarity said, playing it up. “I enjoyed it ever so much. Did you say you had more?”
Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “I have the whole set. Well, all of them that are out so far. Even one that isn’t out yet.” She smiled mischievously.
“The whole set, you say?” Rarity asked, faking astonishment. “Just how many of these books are there?”
Fluttershy giggled. “Twenty-seven.”
Rarity gasped loudly. “Twenty-seven? My goodness, that’s a lot of books!”
Fluttershy smiled and hid behind her mane.
“And...just how is it you came by a copy that isn’t out yet?”
Fluttershy’s smile disappeared in an instant. “Oh. Um...my agent said I shouldn’t say,” she whispered.
“Your...agent?”
Fluttershy eeped and turned away.
“Fluttershy,” Rarity said, laying a hoof on her withers. “Did you write these books?”
Fluttershy nodded, her eyes shut. “Promise you won’t tell anyone,” she whispered.
“I promise.” When Fluttershy opened her eyes Rarity made the appropriate motions for a Pinkie Promise. Fluttershy was satisfied, forgetting that Lotus was in the room as well and had made no such oath of silence. Within thirty-two point seven hours every adult in Ponyville would know that Fluttershy wrote erotic novels. And yet, most of them wouldn’t care; there was a much juicier rumor going around than one shy pegasus making dirty things up and writing them down. Rarity was about to try again to discover just what that rumor was.
Aloe spread a mud mask across Rarity’s face.
“So, darling,” Rarity said, after waiting for the mask to be applied, “Have you heard any interesting gossip lately? Anything that would interest me? I have been so busy recently I haven’t heard a thing, after all.”
“Um, no,” Fluttershy said quietly, looking away. It didn’t take the Element of Honesty, who Rarity didn’t want to think about at that moment, to realize she wasn’t being entirely truthful.
“Fluttershy,” Rarity said, calling Fluttershy’s attention back. “Nopony is as good a friend to me as you are.”
Fluttershy looked at the floor. Rarity, of course, had cucumber slices on her eyes and couldn’t see her.
“Nopony.”
“W-Well...I...” Fluttershy stammered, then lapsed into silence.
“I just want to know what’s happened! Why is everypony treating me so differently? I haven’t done anything recently that I haven’t been doing for a long time now!”
Fluttershy blushed again. “I-I...um...”
“Tell me!”
“Um...”
“Tell meee! Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me!”
Fluttershy eeped again and slipped away, silently apologizing. Rarity didn’t see it, because she still had cucumber slices on her eyes.
“Fluttershy?” Rarity uncovered one of her eyes and looked around. Fluttershy was nowhere to be seen. Lotus walked back into the room to begin Rarity’s massage.
“Lotus, dear, have you seen Fluttershy?”
“I believe she had to leave,” Lotus said. “Now, why don’t you tell me all about what you’ve been up to lately, Miss Rarity. You know I am always available to listen.”
“Why, I’ve been making dresses, of course!”
“Oh.” Lotus’ ears drooped. She started massaging Rarity’s back. “Of course.”
After a rather pleasant conversation about dressmaking—despite the fact that Lotus seemed to be quite distracted—Rarity returned to the Boutique, trying once again to ignore the stares and whispers of the townsfolk. She tried to focus on her work and convince herself that whatever was going on would pass. Much like when she had become a laughingstock after the fashion show displaying the worst dresses she had ever made. She didn’t think about how it took another fashion show to redeem herself from that.
There was a knock at the door. It didn’t sound like a hoof. The bell over the door announced that whoever it was didn’t wait for an invitation—not that they needed one with the door unlocked during business hours. The footsteps didn’t sound like hooves either. They did sound like they were in a hurry.
“Rarity!”
“Spike? Is that you?”
Spike ran up to Rarity and paused to catch his breath.
“Darling, is everything okay?”
Spike shook his head.
”Is something wrong?” She asked with concern.
Spike nodded.
Rarity’s brow furrowed in annoyance. “Could you give me a hint?”
“It’s Twilight,” he said, still somewhat breathlessly. For a dragon who ran around as much as he did, he didn’t seem to have much stamina. Which had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Rarity did nothing about his interest in her. Regardless, the fact that there was something wrong with Twilight brought Rarity’s full focus to the situation at hoof.
“What’s wrong with Twilight? Does this have anything to do with the press conference she went to?”
Spike blinked in surprise. “You know about the press conference? How’d you hear about that?”
“Never mind that now.” Rarity waved her hoof dismissively. “What was the press conference about?”
“I...” Spike looked at the floor. “I don’t know.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know? Didn’t you go with her to Canterlot?”
“Well, yeah.” Spike shuffled his feet nervously. “But she wouldn’t tell me what it was about and when we got there she made me stay in a guest room until it was over.”
“I see. Well—”
“But I think it had something to do with you,” Spike said.
Rarity couldn’t speak. A press conference in Canterlot and it had something to do with her? It must have something to do with the reason everypony was treating her so strangely. But if the press conference was in Canterlot, just how many ponies knew about...whatever it was? Was there anywhere in Equestria she could go to get away from it? She had to find out what the press conference was really about. Conveniently, she could try to help Twilight at the same time. Of course, it may not have anything to do with her at all. Spike did already admit that he didn’t know what it was about; he wasn’t there for the event itself, and Twilight wouldn’t tell him about it.
“What makes you say that, Spike?” Rarity forced a smile. “You do seem to think an awful lot of things have something to do with me, not that I mind, of course. It’s quite flattering.”
“No, this must have had something to do with you. When Twilight read the letter from Celestia telling her to come to Canterlot, the only thing Twilight said was ‘Rarity?’ just like that, but when I asked her about it she said not to worry about it but we had to go to Canterlot for a press conference right away so we left as soon as we could. Everything seemed to go okay but then ever since the press conference Twilight won’t say anything and she just kinda stares and now she locked herself in her room and won’t talk to me or anything! I thought maybe if you had something to do with all this maybe you could fix whatever’s wrong!”
“Oh, my.”
Rarity and Spike stood just outside Twilight’s room. Despite the rushed nature of the trip to the library, they had just had the most pleasant conversation she’d had in quite some time. Everypony had been treating her so differently for the last couple days, and for two or three weeks before that the only conversation she’d had was with Princess Luna. Spike acted the same way he always did around her, an endearing sort of infatuation that if he wasn’t so young or a dragon she might pursue. Okay, maybe if he wasn’t so young. Rarity realized he was getting older, maybe in a couple years...
Rarity was pulled out of her wandering thoughts by the sound of someone knocking on a door. Spike had just knocked on Twilight’s bedroom door and was gesturing at it as though proving a point. Sure enough, there was no sound from inside. He tried to open the door and, as he had said, it was locked.
Rarity magically unlocked the door—after all, she's a unicorn and can do that sort of thing. For Spike to get in he would have to burn a hole through the door. Twilight was very unhappy with him the last time he did that—and entered, closing the door right behind her to keep Spike from coming in. If Twilight wanted to keep him out, Rarity would make sure he stayed out. Twilight probably wanted Rarity to stay out as well, but if this had anything to do with the strangeness of the past couple days Rarity wasn’t about to let something like a door keep her from learning the truth.
Twilight was lying on her bed, staring at the wall. Rarity took the stairs to stand next to Twilight's bed. Twilight didn’t react at all to her presence. Rarity could feel she was moments away from understanding what was going on, but was a little worried about what she might discover. She took a deep breath before the plunge, as it were.
"Twilight?" she asked. "What's wrong?"
Twilight didn’t look at Rarity, and for a moment Rarity thought she hadn’t heard her at all. Then Twilight spoke.
“Princess Celestia... she...”
Everypony Knows About the Wet Dream
The Third Day...in Canterlot
Princess Twilight Sparkle was going about her normal morning routine. It was remarkably similar to the normal morning routine of just Twilight Sparkle, with the exception that Princess Twilight Sparkle had wings to take care of, as well as royal regalia, all of which took some getting used to. The extra time involved in caring for the regalia and putting on her wings—wait, caring for her wings and putting on the regalia—had completely thrown off her morning schedule, and she had been forced to redo the whole thing. In the end, of course, it was almost identical to her previous schedule, according to Spike. Twilight had explained to him the differences until he had understood, or at least until he gave up trying to argue about it.
She was on her bed in the middle of preening her wings, an activity she preferred to perform alone, for obvious reasons. Having to be taught how it was done was embarrassing enough. However, Celestia had insisted that learning from a book wouldn’t be sufficient for such an important part of life as an alicorn, so she had taken it upon herself to teach her former student personally.
Twilight finished with one wing and moved on to the next one when Spike burst into her room. Sure, it was his room too, but that didn’t mean he should just barge in whenever he felt like it, certainly not while Twilight was preening.
“Spike! Do you mind?” she yelled indignantly. She turned around on the bed to try to hide the awkwardly extended wing from his viewpoint on the lower level of the room.
“No, go ahead,” he said, completely missing the point of her question, either deliberately or due to obliviousness. Knowing Spike, it was likely deliberate. On the other hoof, he was male, so it could have been obliviousness. Twilight made a mental note to do a study of that phenomenon at some point in the near future. In the meantime, she was faced with the problem of half-finished personal grooming and a young dragon in the room holding a sealed letter. Wait, a letter?
“Princess Celestia sent a letter for you,” Spike said as though he had heard the question in Twilight’s mind.
Twilight sighed. “Go ahead and read it.” After making sure Spike wouldn’t be able to see, she turned her head to resume work on her feathers.
“I can’t.”
Twilight looked back at him. “You can’t? Why not?”
“It’s sealed.”
Twilight groaned. “Then break the seal.”
Spike shook his head. “It says for your eyes only.”
“I’m sure you’re an exception to that,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. “This isn’t the first time we’ve gotten a letter like that.”
“This one specifically says, ‘Spike, give this letter to Twilight. Don’t open it.’”
With a mixture of annoyance and genuine interest, Twilight levitated the letter out of Spike’s grip and up to her bed so she could see it for herself. Sure enough, the warning was clearly written on the outside of the letter.
Spike, give this letter to Twilight. Don’t open it. —Princess Celestia
She folded her wing against her side. The letter must be important if Spike wasn’t even allowed to read it. Preening could wait. She broke the seal and unrolled the letter. A newspaper article of some kind had been rolled up inside it. She’d never heard of the paper it came from: Weekly Equestrian News . The article had a poorly edited photo of Celestia, Twilight, Luna, and Rarity all standing next to each other.
“Rarity?”
Spike was still in the room. “What about Rarity?”
“Don’t worry about it, Spike.” Twilight absently waved a hoof in his direction, a gesture somewhere between ‘calm down’ and ‘go away.’ He did neither, standing where he was anxiously awaiting any more information he could get.
Personal Affairs of Princesses: The Truth About Our Rulers
It’s been a hot week in the lives of the Princesses...at least, the unmarried ones. According to a source close to the royal family, Princess Luna has taken a lover: a dressmaker from Ponyville! You may not recognize the name Rarity, who has had only a couple brief moments in the spotlight with her fashion designs, but you’re sure to recognize her other title: Bearer of the Element of Generocity!
“They didn’t even spell generosity right!” Twilight said incredulously. “What kind of newspaper is this?”
“What did it say about Rarity?”
Twilight looked away from the article to see that Spike was still in the room and had once again donned a shirt which bore a heart and Rarity’s face on it. Despite her efforts, Twilight never could get him to get rid of those, or even to give up where he hid them. She suspected he had Pinkie Pie’s help in hiding them all around town.
“Spike, please step outside for a minute so I can read this.” She magically enforced her request by picking him up and setting him outside the door, which she then closed and locked.
It seems this pony really does exemplify her element: she’s even generous in the bedroom, recently sharing Princess Luna and herself with another royal couple, and we aren’t talking about Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armoire.
“Armoire? Seriously?”
The couple in question is Princess Celestia...and Princess Twilight Sparkle.
“What? ”
According to an anonymous source, the two have been together secretly for some time. Another source even suggested that Twilight Sparkle never deserved the position of Celestia’s personal student; that she lacked the ‘greatness and powerfulness’ of other, better candidates. There is only one conclusion which can be drawn from these facts.
“What facts? There are no facts here!”
Princess Celestia selected Twilight Sparkle based on physical attraction alone, despite the age difference involved.
Twilight couldn’t say anything else, her mouth hung open as she read the rest of the article in slowly mounting horror.
Twilight Sparkle was chosen at a very young age. Allegedly, the day she was chosen was the day she got her cutie mark. Immediately, she was taken away from her parents—who had no choice in the matter—to live with Princess Celestia. Once in the castle, we have no way of knowing what kind of life she had, but with her room adjoining Princess Celestia’s, we can be certain the Princess could have taught her absolutely anything she wanted.
A former student from Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns who asked to remain anonymous told us that Twilight Sparkle was always more interested in “studying” with her mentor than having any friends her own age. I think we can all guess what happened in these “study sessions” if they prevented Twilight Sparkle from having any interest in social interaction with her peers.
Eventually, Princess Celestia sent Twilight Sparkle to live in Ponyville. Allegedly to “learn about the magic of friendship,” the real reason was to take attention away from their illicit relationship. They couldn’t stay apart from each other for long, and after Princess Celestia made Twilight Sparkle into a princess as well—a decision highly criticized by many—it seems that they no longer feel the need to keep their relationship a secret. But now that the truth is out, will anypony be able to accept what Princess Celestia has done?
The article ended with a grainy but undeniably real photo of Celestia preening Twilight’s feathers. It had the subtitle, Preening. Is it really appropriate for the Princess to assist so personally with such a private activity?
Twilight carefully set the article aside and turned to the letter from Celestia, speechless.
My Dear Twilight,
If you haven’t already done so, please read the article I sent to you, as that is what this letter concerns.
I’m sorry you had to learn the truth this way, but these sort of rumors are inevitable. The fact is that ponies have been spreading these rumors since shortly after I took you on as my student, just as they did for every other student I’ve ever taught. While you were still my student, I was able to shield you from the public eye, but a Princess cannot hide from her people. For this reason I must ask you to come to Canterlot immediately for a press conference to be held this afternoon addressing these unfounded accusations.
Signed,
Princess “Sunnybutt” Celestia
P.S. I agree the nickname is quite amusing from time to time. I do wish, however, that my sister had not learned of it.
Twilight blinked. She looked at the article. She looked back at the letter. She blinked again. She jumped out of bed and glided to the lower level of her room, unlocking and opening the door as she went. She screamed Spike’s name—unnecessary, since he was waiting just outside the door—and when she saw him she picked him up and set him on her back.
“You’re coming with me.” She ignored his requests for further explanation as she ran down the stairs. One pony was already in the library searching the shelves for something to read. Without pausing her run out of the library, Twilight picked him up and set him outside with a random book.
“We have to get to Canterlot for a press conference this afternoon,” Twilight said as she closed and locked the library door. She spread her wings and took to the air while Spike hung on for dear life.
Rumble sat on the ground outside the library, bewildered by what he had just witnessed. He looked down at the book Princess Twilight had given him. “Cool,” he said, picking up the library’s copy of the Pony Sutra .
It was a rough flight. Princess Celestia had warned her that having asymmetrical wings could lead to an unstable flight pattern, but Twilight had never experienced it for herself. It was never so bad that it made her drop Spike...accidentally. She dropped him once on purpose when he wouldn’t stop complaining that she was going to make him fall. Once she caught him again he didn’t say another word about falling. She had meant for the experience to be a comfort; she wanted to show him that even if he fell she’d catch him, but he seemed to take it as more of a threat that if he didn’t shut up, next time she wouldn’t catch him. Either way, it stopped the complaining.
Once they arrived, a pair of guards escorted them to see Princess Celestia, while a half dozen others held back a crowd of reporters, all clamoring for attention and asking for statements. Twilight, as Celestia had taught her, refused to even give them so much as a “no comment.” Princess Celestia met them in the throne room, with guards at every entrance. She sent Spike with one of them to get him settled into a room during his stay. Her tone told Spike that it would be in his best interest not to argue.
Once they were alone with a couple dozen royal guards, Celestia sighed. “Are you alright?” she asked Twilight.
Twilight nodded mutely, still trying to phrase the any of the multitude of questions she had.
“Your wing is a mess,” Celestia observed quietly. “Did something happen on the way here?”
“What?” Twilight blinked in surprise. “N-No. I got your letter before I finished...getting ready for the day. I hurried to get here.”
“Are you having any trouble preening?” Celestia asked. “I could help you with it if you want.”
Twilight blushed brightly. “No, no, I can do it myself. Besides, aren’t you worried about all these reporters around?”
“Not particularly,” Celestia said. “Like I told you in the letter, this isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. Although if all goes well, this will be the last time there are any such rumors about you.” There was an odd glint in Celestia’s eye as she spoke which made Twilight more nervous than the reporters waiting outside. “You should get yourself cleaned up before we go out there.” Celestia gave a meaningful look at Twilight’s wing.
“I, um...” Twilight looked around at all the exits, each of which had at least one royal guard posted at it. “Is there somewhere more private I can go for that?”
Celestia watched her for a second before answering. “There is no room in the castle more secure against an invasion of privacy than this one right now. Besides, if you go somewhere else I can’t help you prepare for the press conference.”
“I said I could do it myself,” Twilight mumbled, her face burning.
“Of course, Twilight,” Celestia laughed. “I meant with any questions you have before we get started.”
“Oh, right. Who wrote the article? Where did they get all these ‘sources’? Why would—”
Celestia laughed again. “One at a time, Twilight! Now, as for who wrote the article, who knows? The writers for Weekly Equestrian News are always anonymous. They all write with a pen name so no one knows who they are. Just from reading one of their articles I’m sure you can understand why. And their sources? They don’t exist.”
Twilight gasped. “They lied about their sources?”
“Twilight,” Celestia said gently, “I’m afraid not everypony holds research papers in as high a regard as you and I do. Some ponies feel the need to stretch the truth, and others do, in fact, lie. While it’s not a practice I entirely approve of for a newspaper that tries to present itself as fact, and I’m sure your friend Applejack wouldn’t either, when it comes to works of fiction, the entire thing is a lie. The Weekly Equestrian News is fiction. Why, just last month there was an article insisting on the existence of seaponies. Unfortunately, a lot of ponies believe the things they read, whether or not they’re true. Especially when the source claims to be telling the truth.”
Twilight sat on the floor, shocked, her worldview breaking and rebuilding around the harsh reality she’d just learned. Her lips trembled and tears pooled in her eyes.
A pained look crossed Celestia’s face and she hurried to comfort Twilight. “Twilight, I am so sorry, I never should have—”
A guard interrupted her. “Your highnesses, the press conference is scheduled to begin in five minutes.”
Twilight gasped and looked at her wing. Celestia wiped Twilight’s tears away.
“Quickly, Twilight, get that wing taken care of and get ready for the cameras. I’ll do most of the talking, but when they ask you questions, and they will, just tell the truth. You’ll be fine.”
Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight Sparkle stood in front of the throne, above hundreds of ponies, most of whom had notepads or cameras or microphones, and all of whom were waiting for them to speak. Twilight tried not to tremble standing next to Celestia with so many eyes watching her, waiting for her to do something, anything wrong that they could pick apart the next day.
“My little ponies,” Princess Celestia said with a smile to greet the gathered reporters. “I have led Equestria for countless years. When one lives as long as I have, it becomes difficult to be surprised, because everything’s happened before.” Princess Celestia’s smile faded. “And yet, sometimes it is surprising to me that any of you would be so convinced of something when you heard it from a source like the Weekly Equestrian News . I know many of you have written for them in the past.” She paused to look at several ponies in particular, all of whom avoided her gaze. “Did any of you tell the truth when you did?” She waited in silence. Other than a cough from someone, there was no answer. Princess Celestia’s smile returned. “I’ll take that as a no. Now, you have all known and trusted me for your entire lives. Is that trust so fragile that it would be shaken by a rumor like this? A rumor that keeps coming back time and time again, even though I have shown it to be false every time?”
“You told us what you wanted us to hear, but we never heard the truth from Twilight herself!” a reporter called out from the crowd. A guard started to make his way in that direction to seize the insolent pony, but Princess Celestia stopped him.
“That is true,” Princess Celestia said. “In the past, she was too young to be involved in anything like this. Now that she is older, I requested she join me in telling you the truth. In a moment you may ask her your questions, but be warned.” Her eyes flashed in an extremely rare show of anger. “I tolerate much when it is directed at me, however, if you are insulting to those I care about, such as my sister or Twilight Sparkle, there will be consequences.” As if to test a theory, someone dropped a pin, proving that yes, it was quiet enough in the room to hear a pin drop.
After a few seconds, every reporter in the room started yelling at once for Princess Twilight’s attention. Princess Celestia smiled reassuringly to her and gestured out at the reporters.
Princess Twilight Sparkle took a step forward and pointed to one of the reporters.
“Princess Twilight! Is it true you stayed in a room adjoining Princess Celestia’s?”
“N-No,” Princess Twilight stammered quietly. The reporter waited for her to continue. When it became clear she wasn't going to, Princess Celestia gave her some encouragement.
“Go on, Princess, I think they want to hear more than a one word answer.”
Princess Twilight cleared her throat and continued a little more loudly. “When I was little, I lived down the hall from her, but that was just in case I got scared during a thunderstorm or something. When I got older I moved into another room in a different wing of the castle. I never stayed in a room right next to hers.” She gestured to another reporter who was waiting to ask a question.
“Princess Twilight, did you ever spend the night in Princess Celestia’s room?”
Princess Celestia’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly.
“Yes,” Twilight said, and the crowd immediately started murmuring. She raised her voice to be heard. “Like I said before, when I was little I was afraid of thunderstorms. When I was staying at the castle I couldn’t just run to my mother’s room, so I went to the Princess when I was scared.” The murmurs continued, but Twilight pointed to another reporter.
“Did your parents have any choice about whether you went to stay at the castle or not?”
Twilight blinked in surprise at the thought of Celestia forcing something like that on somepony. Celestia wondered if Twilight always got something in her eye when she was surprised. Maybe that was what kept surprising her, and it had nothing to do with what was said. “Of course! They’ve always wanted what’s best for me, and with a special talent for magic, what could be better than being the personal student of the pony who founded the school of magic?”
“Even if that meant they wouldn’t see you anymore?”
“Who said anything about them never seeing me? I may have lived in the castle, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t visit them and they couldn’t visit me. I saw them at least once a week!”
“Princess! Is it true you never spent any time with ponies your age when you stayed at the castle?”
“Well, not exactly,” Twilight said slowly. “I did spend some time with my classmates, but usually if I had the choice I’d spend my time studying instead.”
“With Princess Celestia?”
“Whenever I could, yes,” Twilight smiled, happy they finally got it. They didn’t.
“Is it true that ‘studying’ is your euphemism for...um...” The reporter’s voice trailed away as he stared into the eyes of a pony who was angrier than he had ever seen. Twilight didn’t notice.
“Euphemism for...?” she asked, trying to get him to finish the question.
He trembled and didn’t speak. Twilight looked to Celestia for help. Celestia didn’t look away from the reporter, but saw that Twilight was silently asking her for input.
“Sex, Twilight,” she said bluntly. “This pony is asking if when you say you liked to study with me, what you really mean is that you liked to have sex with me.”
“Oh,” Twilight whispered. “Um, no. No, I-I meant study,” she said hoarsely. She could feel her face burning with embarrassment again. “Like...homework. Math, history, magic, that kind of thing.”
Princess Celestia released the reporter from her gaze. He slumped to the floor and refused to look up for the rest of the press conference for fear of meeting the Princess’ angry eyes again. For her part, Princess Celestia looked out over the heads of everyone in the crowd, no longer making eye contact with any of them as she attempted to piece her smile back together. Princess Twilight gestured to another reporter, who was either incredibly brave or incredibly foolish to ask the questions he did in light of what had just happened.
“How would you describe your relationship with Princess Celestia?”
Twilight could hear a grinding noise from next to her. She glanced to see what it was just in time for it to stop, but she could see that Celestia’s mouth was tightly clenched shut and she suspected that the Princess’ teeth were suddenly a tiny bit shorter.
“I used to say that Princess Celestia was my teacher. Almost a maternal figure, when I was little. Now...” Celestia looked at Twilight with genuine curiosity in her eyes. Twilight looked back and smiled. “...now she’s a good friend.” Celestia relaxed and returned the smile.
“Just a friend?” the reporter pressed.
Twilight gasped at the question and turned to answer, but Princess Celestia beat her to it.
“I think there is only one way to finally put these rumors to rest, once and for all. Twilight?”
Twilight turned back to her friend questioningly. Celestia leaned down as though to whisper something to her.
Everypony Knows About the Wet Dream
“I apologize, darling, but you’ll have to speak up. What did the Princess do?” Rarity asked, tilting her head to better hear Twilight.
“She...” Twilight trailed off into a mumble.
“One more time?”
“She...” Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “She kissed me.”
“She what? ” Rarity’s jaw only missed the floor due to the structural limitations of the joint itself.
“With tongue.”
“With...”
“There was lots of tongue.”
“I...”
“I didn’t know anypony had that much tongue.”
Rarity’s mouth worked soundlessly.
“It makes sense, I guess. I mean, she is bigger than anypony else so it's logical to expect that her tongue would be bigger too, right? I just never expected to experience that fact for myself, certainly not firsthoof like that where our tongues were actually touching and oh my gosh there were hundreds of ponies watching and taking pictures and I just sort of blacked out after that and I’m not really sure how I got back to Ponyville and was it just a dream—” Twilight opened her eyes again, really seeing Rarity for the first time. “—and Rarity when did you get here?” Her eyes widened in horror as she realized everything she’d just said, and that there was someone there to hear it.
“Well, darling, I came by to see if you were okay, but I can see that’s rather complicated at the moment.”
“What did I say?” Twilight whispered.
“You told me that Princess Celestia kissed you,” Rarity said.
Twilight gasped. “Don’t tell anyone!”
Rarity smiled consolingly. “Darling, it’s too late for that.”
“What do you mean?”
“You said it yourself, Twilight. There were hundreds of ponies taking pictures. By tomorrow at the latest all of Equestria will know. It wouldn’t matter if I were to tell anyone. However, I promise that nothing you say will leave this room. So tell me, Twilight,” Rarity said, her own worries forgotten momentarily in favor of what she believed to be much juicier gossip. “Did you enjoy it?”
“What? Did I—”
“Yes, darling, it’s a simple enough question. You had a kiss, did you enjoy it?”
“Well I— it was— I— I don’t know!” Twilight moaned and smacked her face onto her bed. “Mph mm mph mph mm mphmm?”
“I beg your pardon?”
Twilight lifted her face away from her blankets and tried again. “Why did this have to happen?”
“You’d have to tell me, darling. What was the press conference about that could lead to two princesses making out in front of hundreds of ponies?”
Twilight flinched at Rarity’s bold expression of what happened. She sighed and climbed out of bed to face her friend. “It was to address the rumors that Princess Celestia and I were... together... and that you and Princess Luna were... together. And then that we were all four... together... at the same time.”
Rarity gasped. “That’s my dream!”
Twilight’s eyes widened and she turned away from Rarity with a gasp of her own. After a second she realized what that meant was left facing Rarity and she tucked her tail between her legs.
“Darling, what’s wrong? Why did you just tuck your tail down?” Rarity asked.
“Why are you looking at my tail? ” Twilight screeched, whipping around to face Rarity again.
“What? I—” Rarity reached out a calming hoof, but Twilight scrambled backwards up onto her bed and out of reach.
“We’re friends isn’t that enough? ”
“Of course it is! Who said it wasn’t?”
“You did! Just now!”
“What? I did no such thing!”
“Yes you did! You just said ‘that’s my dream’ so you must have been wanting something like that for a long time!” Twilight’s face contorted in disgust. “At the slumber parties,” she whispered. “You didn’t...do anything...did you?”
"Good heavens, no! Of course not! Even if I did have such desires, I would never act on them! Losing a friend’s trust is the fastest way to lose a friend."
Twilight flinched and looked around frantically. After a couple seconds she relaxed and sat down. Rarity opened her mouth to ask what was wrong when her question was answered. A sudden explosion of movement threw Twilight and her blankets from her bed.
"Foreeveer! " Pinkie Pie yelled from the spot on the bed where Twilight had been a second earlier. Twilight, meanwhile, was groaning in surprise and pain—and maybe a little annoyance—from the floor of the lower level of her bedroom.
"Sorry for the wait," Pinkie said. "I had to find a good spot." She looked down at Twilight who was struggling to stand while rubbing a sore wing. Pinkie put her forehooves on her hips and looked at Rarity disapprovingly. "Did you forget something?"
Rarity hesitated before answering. "Not that I can think of," she said, cringing.
"You said you'd invite me next time," she said with a hint of a whine in her voice.
"Invite you? I'm afraid you've lost me, darling."
Pinkie gestured to Rarity, then to Twilight, who was still rubbing her wing, then to the bed she was sitting on.
Rarity stared blankly, not understanding what Pinkie was referring to. Then she remembered what Twilight had told her. Pinkie Pie thought that Rarity’s dream really happened. And she thought that Rarity had promised to invite her next time.
"You think I’m here to...with Twilight? And you want to...with us?"
"Well, duh!" Pinkie said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I mean, here you are in Twilight's bedroom, and she's obviously getting ready for you; just look at the way she's rubbing herself!" Twilight dropped her hoof away from her wing, screamed, and ran out of the room.. "You told me you'd invite me the next time you were about to have super-amazing fun, and what's more super-amazingly fun than this?" Pinkie looked around. "Hey, where'd Twilight go? We were just about ready to start."
Rarity tried to convince Pinkie Pie that it had all been a dream, but in the end she had to just remind her that she would invite Pinkie the next time she was going to have ‘super-amazing fun’ and that wasn’t going to happen yet. After Pinkie left, Rarity left the room in search of Twilight.
“Twilight?” she called from the stairs. There was no answer, not that she really expected one with the way Twilight had left.
Rarity got to the ground floor to discover the main room of the library was empty except for Spike. She took a moment to be grateful for his—she didn’t want to say incompetence, because that wasn’t a very nice way to phrase it even though it was true—lack of skill in some areas. With the way Spike stood in front of the basement door, he was obviously guarding it. Rarity walked over to him and batted her eyelashes in the way that usually worked to get him to do whatever she wanted. Not that she really needed to bat her eyelashes, but it couldn’t hurt to be thorough.
“Spikey-wikey, have you seen Twilight anywhere?” She pouted for good measure. “I was trying to help her feel better but she ran off.”
“Um...” Spike shifted his weight nervously and glanced at the door behind him. “No. I mean yes! I mean, she went outside! Yeah, that’s it, she left! I don’t know when she’ll be back.”
“Oh, well, that’s too bad. I guess I’ll have to go outside to look for her.” Rarity took a few carefully exaggerated steps toward the door and looked back at Spike, who was staring at her with his mouth hanging ever-so-slightly open. “Would you be a dear and get me some water before I go? I am so very thirsty.”
Spike gasped and snapped to attention. “Of course, milady! Right away!” He ran into the kitchen. Rarity could hear something crash while she slipped into the basement and shut the door behind her. It was very dark in the basement, but she could hear breathing, and not just her own.
“Twilight?”
The other breathing stopped.
“Twilight, I know you’re down here. I just want to talk to you. Don’t worry, Pinkie Pie’s gone. I think she actually still believes we’re going to...but she’s gone now.”
“She is?” Twilight whispered from somewhere in the darkness below Rarity.
“Of course, darling. I wouldn’t lie to you.”
A hesitation. “I know.”
“Then believe me when I say that it was just a dream. Not my dream, like Rainbow’s dream of joining the Wonderbolts, but a dream, like that time Spike dreamed he was a dog and was chasing Winona around Sweet Apple Acres.”
Twilight turned on some lights in the basement and Rarity could see she was sitting on the floor at the base of the stairs. Rarity quickly went down the stairs to sit next to her. Twilight turned her head to face away from Rarity, but she didn’t move.
“Are you alright? It sounds like you had a big day yesterday.”
“I...I don’t know.” A teardrop hit the floor.
Rarity laid a hoof on Twilight’s withers. “Oh, darling, what’s wrong?”
Twilight choked back a sob. “I don’t know!”
“Shh, it’s okay.” Rarity tried to pull Twilight into a hug, but Twilight pushed her away.
“No! Don’t touch me!”
Rarity pulled back with a gasp. “Twilight?”
“All you ponies want is my body! You, Pinkie Pie, even...”
“Celestia?”
Twilight nodded.
“It’s not true, Twilight. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I have no physical interest in you at all!”
Twilight sniffled and turned to face Rarity. Had Rarity looked as Twilight did at that moment, she wouldn’t have shown her face to anyone, but Twilight was far less concerned about her own appearance, so Rarity didn’t mention the bloodshot, puffy eyes or the snot leaking out of her nose. Or the snot bubble which occasionally appeared while Twilight breathed. “Really?” she asked hopefully.
“Really.”
It took every ounce of self-restraint Rarity had not to scream when Twilight hugged her, burying her face into her chest. Rarity could feel Twilight’s nasal mucus smearing onto her coat. She delicately pushed Twilight’s head back.
“And you know Pinkie Pie doesn’t feel that way about you, she just wants everyone to have fun. To paraphrase what she said, ‘what’s more fun than that?’ She wasn’t upset when I explained that you weren’t interested, but she would be upset if she knew that you’re so unhappy.”
“But, Celestia...”
“It seems to me Princess Celestia was only trying to stop all the questions. If you reacted anything like you are now, those reporters wouldn’t think you’d been in a relationship with Celestia for years.”
Twilight turned away again with a strangled cry.
“Darling, what’s wrong now?”
“I don’t know!” Twilight yelled.
“Do you want to be in a relationship with Celestia?”
Twilight sniffled again. “I don’t know. Maybe?”
“Oh, dear. Then that kiss...”
Twilight started crying again and hugged Rarity, who whimpered slightly at the realization that Twilight’s snot bubbles were touching her mane. She reminded herself to be strong, that her friend needed her. She gritted her teeth and tried to soothe her friend. “Shh...” She stroked Twilight’s back, careful to avoid her wings and all the awkwardness that would cause. “If it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way.” Twilight stiffened. “Not about Celestia, of course.”
“Then who?” Twilight’s voice was muffled, and Rarity forced herself to focus on the conversation rather than the unspeakably ghastly things which were happening to her hair.
“Princess Luna. Lately I just can’t seem to stop thinking about her.”
Twilight loosened her grip on Rarity and leaned away so they could see each others’ faces. Rarity was horrified to discover that Twilight’s face was completely clean.
“What do you think we should do?”
Rarity smiled. “I think you should tell Celestia the truth.”
“What about you? Will you tell Luna?”
“Of course, darling,” Rarity lied smoothly. “Of course I will.”
With Twilight reassured, not to mention realizing that the whole mess was about a dream, Rarity went upstairs. Everyone else would have to learn the truth, but—
Rarity froze just short of the basement door. Everyone else. Her parents, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy...they all thought she had...that she was... Rarity took a steadying breath. There would be time enough to deal with that later; there was a much more pressing matter to handle first. Rarity walked calmly to the library door, ignoring Spike’s confused stare. She opened the door, stepped outside, and closed the door behind her. She took a deep breath, and screamed all the way back home to her shower.
Princess Luna sat in her room, having just raised the moon for the night. Somepony had delivered a couple articles to her room for her to read when she got a chance. The first one she had already read. It was not surprising to her that another rumor of Twilight and Celestia was going around. What surprised her was the rumor that Luna herself was with Rarity. Of course the fashionista was nice enough, and she always seemed to appreciate the night, and the gems which made up her cutie mark almost seemed to resemble stars in the night sky, not that Luna had ever noticed, but who would ever think they were involved with each other? The only possible evidence of that would be if they had seen her visiting the Boutique a few days earlier. That was hardly evidence. They might just as easily say that she was involved with Twilight Sparkle, since she had visited the library first. Thinking back on the article, that was exactly what they had said she had done. As well as her sister. She grimaced and moved to the next article, concerned about what else she might find.
No Royal Romance? Maybe Not Yet...
Hundreds of reporters, including this one, were shocked yesterday when a press conference at Canterlot Castle turned into a Celestia-Sparkle saliva swap. The address started out normally enough with Princess Celestia speaking to the crowd to dismiss allegations of any illicit relationship between herself and Princess Twilight Sparkle, who was present to take questions regarding her time as Princess Celestia’s student. As questions became more blunt, Princess Celestia became increasingly agitated, obviously as protective of Princess Twilight Sparkle as she has been in years past.
When Princess Sparkle was asked if she and Princess Celestia were only friends now, Princess Celestia had finally had enough, saying, “I think there is only one way to finally put these rumors to rest, once and for all. Twilight?” before leaning in for a kiss more intense than can be described here. Suffice to say more than a few ponies were looking away in embarrassment.
Princess Sparkle’s reaction can only be described as ‘stunned,’ and she didn’t say another word during the press conference. Princess Celestia ended the day with the following: “Can you all see her face right now? That is the face of a pony who has just kissed me for the first time. There was no romantic relationship of any kind between us in the past. Anything I may or may not have felt about Twilight is my business and mine alone—you can clearly see I never acted on such feelings at any time if indeed they existed.”
In this reporter’s opinion, judging by that interview and especially that kiss, “...indeed they existed.”
Princess Luna groaned and smacked both forehooves to her face.
“Ow.”
Everypony Knows About the Wet Dream
Rarity slept. As she slept, she dreamed. As she dreamed, colors and patterns swirled, creating a chaotic world that would put Discord to shame. Sewing supplies appeared before her. She felt certain, in that kind of certainty that usually only comes in dreams, that if she could just work on her sewing, everything would go back to normal. But every time she reached out to a sewing machine, it disappeared and was replaced by Princess Celestia licking her lips, or Twilight raising her tail, or Luna winking with a mischievous smile. Rarity would recoil and turn away, then she would see a pony or two running in fear. Fear of her. She didn’t understand why. She had done nothing wrong, so why did they run away?
Everywhere she looked, ponies had gathered to watch her, but whenever she saw them, they turned and ran. She tried to yell for them to come back, but no sound emerged. The only pony who didn’t run was Applejack. Instead of fear, Rarity saw fire in her eyes. Applejack walked closer to Rarity and opened her mouth, revealing a set of razor sharp fangs. Rarity screamed, and Applejack disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Rarity was in front of Carousel Boutique. She went inside. Everything was normal. She went to her room to continue her work. Her work would fix everything. She just had to start sewing. As soon as she entered her room, the floor softened beneath her feet and the ponnequins and other supplies all disappeared.
The entire floor had become one giant mattress. She couldn’t keep her balance and fell. In front of her was Princess Luna, lying down and looking at her with a sultry smile. She looked to her left and found Princess Celestia, to her right she found Twilight, each with a pose and smile matching Luna’s. Rarity covered her head with her hooves and screamed.
She opened her eyes and Twilight had disappeared. She looked to her left and Princess Celestia had also disappeared. She looked straight ahead to find that Princess Luna...had not disappeared. She was in a more natural position, and the smile was gone, but she was still there. She watched Rarity with an expression of mild curiosity.
Rarity gave a hollow laugh. “Of course you’re still here.” Her voice cracked.
The dream Luna raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Why do you say I’m still here?”
“You’re always here,” Rarity whispered. “Even in my good dreams. Especially in my good dreams.” She would have blushed at the thought had she not been dreaming. Luna didn’t notice.
“Am I?” Luna asked. “What would you call this dream?”
The mattress started changing colors and patterns. The walls disappeared and were replaced by swirling colors and patterns which would have made Rarity sick if she was awake.
“A nightmare.”
Luna stood up. Despite the shifting changes in the dreamscape, she stood steady; an anchor of stability in an unstable world. The mattress around them broke apart into thousands of dresses and flew away, begging in thousands of copies of Fluttershy’s voice not to be looked at.
“Why would you have a nightmare?” Luna asked, as though there were nothing at all unusual about the setting.
“Because I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid of you.”
Princess Luna took a step back. The invisible ground remained stable under her hooves. “Me? What reason have I given you to fear me?”
“I’m afraid of what you’d think of me if you found out the truth.”
“What is the truth, Rarity?”
“The truth is that I lo—” Rarity stopped and sighed. “The truth is I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop dreaming about you. I simply—I wish I could have a chance to get to know you better.”
Luna stood silently for a moment. Colors continued to swirl around her, but for so long as Rarity kept her gaze on Luna everything seemed alright. “I believe,” Luna said slowly, “I should like to get to know you better as well.”
Rarity smiled sadly. “Thank you, but you’re only a dream.”
“Am I?”
The world shattered, Rarity awoke, and her memory of the dream slipped away. She didn’t sleep the rest of the night. Instead she sat silently in her room, staring out her window at the night sky.
When dawn arrived, Rarity was more than willing to get out of the Boutique for a while. Everyone in town, possibly in all of Equestria, was suffering from a misunderstanding of, well, lunar proportions. There were a few ponies in particular she had to get things straight with. At such an early hour only one of them would even be awake, so she set out for Sweet Apple Acres.
The sound of hooves impacting wood echoed through the orchard. Rarity told herself that she could, in fact, do this, and followed the sound to its source. It wasn’t being caused by the Apple she was looking for. Instead, it was Big McIntosh working the fields. He didn’t have to work quite as hard as Applejack to knock the apples loose from the trees, and something about the almost casual way he kicked the trunks fascinated Rarity, so she watched him work for a few minutes until he noticed her. He stopped his work and looked at her, waiting.
“Lovely day for a stroll, isn’t it?” Rarity laughed nervously.
Big Mac blinked. “Eeyup.”
“I, ah, I don’t suppose your sister is nearby?”
He blinked again. He tilted his head slightly in thought. “Eeyup,” he finally answered.
Rarity forced another awkward laugh. “I would very much like to speak with her, would you be so kind as to point me in the right direction?”
His eyes narrowed. “I reckon she’s that way,” he said with a flick of his nose somewhere to his right.
“Oh.” Rarity had been hoping for something slightly more specific. “Well, thank you.” She turned to explore in the direction he had indicated. After a few steps she stopped and looked back at him. He was still watching her. “Whatever rumors you’ve heard about me these past few days, I assure you they are not true. I’m going to find your sister to tell her the same thing.”
“Ain’t none of my concern.” He returned to his work, but his eyes seemed to say that it was very much his concern. Rarity uncomfortably walked away.
As long as she kept the sound of Big Mac’s work behind her, she hoped she was going the right direction. It really was a lovely day for a stroll, as she had said. The sun was shining brightly and there was was a gentle breeze rustling through the leaves of the apple trees. If it weren’t for the reason she was out there, not to mention all that nature, she might actually be enjoying herself.
Soon enough she could start to hear voices. She couldn’t quite make out who they were, but one of them had a distinctive Apple family drawl. She entered a small clearing and found—
Her sister and her two little friends. Applejack must have told Big Mac that she didn’t want to see Rarity, so he had pointed her in the direction of his other sister. She should have been more specific. Rarity huffed and turned to continue her search for Applejack when a shout stopped her.
“Rarity!”
Rarity cringed and looked toward the voice. The three fillies had frozen in place and were staring at her. Just like everyone else did. She was too late. They knew. Her parents, her sister, her friends, everyone in town. There was no one who hadn’t heard about her dream. They all thought she was a— She started coming up with plans for leaving Equestria. Maybe she would go north beyond the Crystal Empire. No, too cold. Perhaps south then. Beyond the Forest of Leota and Froud Valley to the Prancing Plains. Yes, that might do.
“Rarity?” her sister’s voice asked.
“What’s wrong with her?” another voice asked.
“Hey! Are you alright?” asked the voice she had mistaken for Applejack’s.
Rarity continued to stare at the three little ponies in front of her, not responding to anything they said. Sweetie Belle knew how to take care of that. She marched up to to her big sister, reached out a hoof, and smacked her horn, effectively shocking Rarity out of her stupor. Unfortunately, it didn’t get better from there. Rarity's eyes filled with tears and she sat on the ground, heedless of getting grass stains on her otherwise immaculate coat.
"I'm so sorry, Sweetie!" Rarity bawled, grabbing her little sister into a bone-crushing hug.
"Rarity! I can't breathe!" Sweetie Belle yelled, squirming and struggling to escape.
When Rarity wouldn’t answer or loosen her grip, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom helped Sweetie Belle work her way free.
“Why are you being so weird?” Sweetie Belle angrily asked her sister. “Is this why Mom and Dad didn’t want me to come see you?”
Rarity’s cries got louder, and she collapsed to the ground.
“I think you broke her,” Scootaloo told Sweetie Belle. “You should probably go get Applejack,” she added to Apple Bloom.
“Yeah.” Apple Bloom slowly backed away from Rarity. “I think you’re right.” She ran in search of her sister, relieved to get away from the crying mare by her clubhouse.
When Applejack entered the clearing, she didn’t know what to expect. All Apple Bloom had told her was that there was an emergency and they needed her help right away. She was afraid she would find Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo injured in their clubhouse, or maybe that they’d even managed to destroy their clubhouse. She did not expect to find Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo dressed as nurses, wrapping gauze around Rarity’s horn while she sobbed on the ground.
“What in tarnation?”
Scootaloo set her roll of gauze down. “Applejack! You can do something to help her, right?”
“What’s wrong with her?”
Scootaloo nudged Sweetie Belle, who dropped her roll of gauze in surprise. “I think I broke her.”
Applejack’s jaw dropped. “Ya broke her horn?”
“I don’t know! Maybe! She just showed up here earlier and didn’t say anything and she was about to leave and I called to her because I haven’t seen her in so long and Mom and Dad didn’t want me to go see her and when she looked at me she just kinda stopped moving! I tried to get her attention but she wouldn’t answer me so I hit her horn because that usually works but this time it just made her start crying and can’t you do something to help her?” Sweetie Belle had almost as many tears flowing down her face as Rarity had on hers.
“I dunno, sugar. I’ll do what I can. We may have to take her to the hospital.” She walked over to examine what looked remarkably like a volleyball attached to Rarity’s forehead. She swallowed and asked a question she was afraid to know the answer to. “Didja have to wrap her horn up to keep it in one piece?”
“Huh?” Scootaloo asked. “No, but if it hurt, this should make it feel better, right?”
Applejack held back a laugh. “Of course it will, but now I need to take a look at it to see if there’s been any damage done.”
“Okay!” Scootaloo carefully picked up the ball of gauze, sliding it easily off of Rarity’s horn. Applejack couldn’t see anything wrong with it, but she was no doctor, so she couldn’t be sure.
“Rarity? Can ya hear me?”
Rarity made a strangled noise in the midst of her sobs which Applejack took to mean ‘yes.’
“What’s wrong, sugarcube? Are ya in pain?”
Rarity nodded, trying unsuccessfully to get her tears under control.
“Can ya tell me where it hurts?"
Rarity nodded and shifted awkwardly on the ground. After a second Applejack realized she was pointing at her chest.
"What happened? Did ya pull a muscle?"
Rarity shook her head, still trying to stop her tears.
Applejack resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Then why does your chest hurt?"
"Ev-everyone hates me," Rarity choked out.
"No one hates ya, Rarity," Applejack said soothingly, gently laying a hoof on Rarity's back.
Rarity smacked it away. "You do."
Applejack stepped back in surprise. "W-Well, I—"
"What?" Sweetie Belle screeched. "You're the reason my big sister is crying?" She moved to stand defensively between Rarity and Applejack.
"N-No, I—"
"What'd ya do, sis?" Apple Bloom asked, stepping next to Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo moved to stand at Sweetie Belle's other side.
"I didn't do nothin'!" Applejack yelled. "She's the one who—" She snapped her mouth shut, and Rarity started crying again.
"But I didn't do anything!" Rarity sobbed. "Whatever you heard, it didn't happen! It was just a dream!"
Sweetie Belle turned to face her sister. "A dream? You mean the one where Princess Celestia and Twilight were sitting on a bed together and then you and Princess Luna went to sit with them? Why would anyone be upset about that? It sounds like a nice dream."
"Yeah," Apple Bloom added. "But I don't get why it would be so embarrassin' if Princess Luna knew about that part of the dream that she was in too."
Scootaloo looked at her friends and rolled her eyes. "I told you already! Because it's all mushy! I know I don't want anypony to know I dream about—uh, I mean, if I had dreams like that I wouldn't want anypony to know about them."
Rarity and Applejack stared at the fillies with their mouths hanging open.
"...what?" Scootaloo asked angrily. "I don't have dreams like that!"
"It was a dream?" Applejack quietly asked Rarity.
Rarity nodded.
"So ya didn't really...?"
Rarity shook her head.
"Oh." Applejack sat down and took her hat off, nervously fiddling with it. "Well, I..." She set her hat on the ground. "Aw, shucks, I'm right sorry, sugarcube. I shouldn't have assumed—I mean, ya can't believe everythin' ya hear. When I heard that—well, I... I'm sorry."
"Oh, Applejack!" Rarity flung herself at Applejack, hugging her tightly as tears started flowing again.
"Not again!" Sweetie Belle yelled.
After Applejack graciously allowed Rarity to use their shower, Rarity was presentable enough to hurry home and properly clean herself up. Sweetie Belle waited downstairs after Rarity assured her that she wouldn’t get in trouble for seeing her sister after their parents told her not to. Even so, she almost left before Rarity finished cleaning up.
“Sweetie Belle!”
Sweetie Belle flinched and pulled her hoof away from the door. She turned to face her sister, putting on the best innocent expression she could manage. “Yes, Rarity?”
Rarity was not dissuaded by her sister's show of innocence. "How exactly did you hear about my dream?"
"I didn't mean to! I came over here to get some stuff for the clubhouse and I knew you were busy so I didn't want to bother you and then Princess Luna came over and I didn't want to interrupt so I waited but I couldn't help hearing what you were talking about! I didn't mean to eavesdrop!"
Rarity sighed and rubbed her forehead with a hoof. "And how exactly did your friends hear about it?"
Sweetie Belle looked away. "I told them." Rarity took a breath and prepared to commence scolding, but Sweetie Belle looked back at Rarity and continued with a pleading tone. "I had to! I was so confused about why you were so embarrassed about a dream! You always tell me not to worry about them but you sounded like this one was a big deal! But I only told them about it, honest! We didn't tell anyone else!"
"Did you talk about it at your clubhouse?"
"Yep, all the way to the clubhouse."
"All the way to the clubhouse...from here?"
"Yep." Sweetie Belle smiled as though it were a major accomplishment.
Rarity quickly went over the possible routes to their clubhouse from the Boutique. No matter which path they chose, they would have passed dozens of ponies, and with the volume at which her sister and friends conversed, doubtless most of those ponies heard their conversation. It was no wonder everypony had heard a slightly altered version of her dream. But...now what? It was too late to stop the rumors; everyone already knew. Rarity supposed that the only thing left was to convince her friends of the truth. Who knows? Perhaps the rumor would lead to an increase in business.
It was important to be optimistic. It was either that or leave Equestria entirely. As long as her friends and family knew the truth, Rarity could deal with the rest of Equestria believing a rumor. However, this meant she had to have some conversations she really didn’t want to have. Best to get the worst one over with first. Her parents.
Everypony Knows About the Wet Dream
Princess Celestia reclined on her favorite cushion in her room. She had a letter. Looking at it brought a mixture of emotions. Concern that there might be something wrong. Happiness that Twilight had sent her a letter again. Sadness that it had become such an unusual thing. Regret for the way she’d handled some things. After what had happened at the press conference, she didn’t know how Twilight would react. That was a large part of why she hesitated to open the letter: fear. Was Twilight angry? Did she never want to speak to Celestia again? Was the opposite true? Was the choice Celestia made the right one or not? There was only one way to find out.
Princess Celestia opened the letter.
Princess Celestia,
I have done some research in light of recent events.
It wasn’t the most encouraging opening to a letter Celestia had ever seen, but at least Twilight hadn’t started with ‘I now hold an intense dislike for you, please never speak to me again.’
According to my sources, a galoche should only be performed after romantic intentions have already been established.
Celestia tried to remember where she had heard the word ‘galoche’ before, but couldn’t think of anything. Fortunately, knowing Twilight, she would be sure to define it.
There are also a minimum number of dates which must have taken place prior to a kiss involving tongue such as the one which occurred at the end of the press conference. My sources agree on this much, although they do not agree on precisely how many dates are necessary. According to Dating 101, such a kiss should take place after five dates, while An Egghead’s Guide to Romance (This book was a gift from Rainbow Dash. It is generally an unreliable source, but I include it here because it is in agreement with other sources.) suggests three dates. An obscure griffon study on equine reproduction indicates that the minimum number of social outings is between four and six, while a Zebrican study of pony mating rituals found the number to be between two and four.
Fluttershy suggested a series of books to check for additional information, but I was forced to reject them as source material for two reasons. The first reason being that they are fictional and written for fantasizing and stimulating solitary sexual satisfaction. While this would not be sufficient reason on its own, I quickly determined Fluttershy was the author of the books, and her credibility as an expert in the field has not been established.
From the information obtained from credible sources, I must conclude that there would be a minimum of two or a more ideal four dates between two ponies before a galoche is permitted. In addition, my research clearly shows that romantic intentions must be established prior to such a kiss. While a kiss with lips closed is often used as part of establishing romantic intentions, a verbal or written agreement is necessary for confirmation due to chaste kisses occurring between family and friends on occasion.
While none of my research materials provide information on how to deal with the current situation, they all agree that a minimum number of dates must take place to accompany a galoche. Nothing in them indicates that a kiss of that type occurring before the prerequisite number of social outings would remove the necessity of the dates altogether.
I can only conclude that we must commence dating immediately to prevent the out of order kiss from causing unpredictable but undoubtedly serious damage to our relationship. Consider this a written notice of romantic intentions.
Twilight Sparkle
Celestia read the letter twice, the second time with a smile. The way Twilight turned to research to deal with the situation was very—what was the word?—adorkable. She carefully considered how best to word her reply. She decided complete agreement with Twilight’s methods and conclusions would be ideal. She wrote a letter accepting notice of romantic intentions and praising Twilight’s research into finding a solution to the difficult situation Celestia had gotten them into. She ended the letter suggesting a time and place to have the first of the necessary dates, then closed and sealed the letter, noting on the outside that Spike was not to read it. She sent the letter with a satisfied chuckle.
Celestia turned to the papers still covering her desk. She picked up an article discussing the secret relationship between Celestia and Twilight, which suggested there was no need to hide so they should be honest to the public about it, and she threw it into her fireplace. As it turned out, she wouldn’t need to send it in for publication after all.
Rarity did not want to open the door. She did not want to have the conversation she was about to have. In fact, self-imposed exile was sounding more and more appealing the longer she stood outside her parents’ house. She ignored the odd looks she was getting from her sister, who still didn’t understand why a dream was such a big deal. Before she left the Boutique, explaining the truth to her parents had seemed like such a good idea. If she could explain it to them, she could explain it to anyone. The only problem was she wasn’t so sure she could explain it to them. Or face them at all. Not after the last time she’d talked to them. They were so accepting of her ‘lifestyle’ which she had thought at the time meant a life as a fashionista, not—what would one call someone who is in a physical relationship with three princesses simultaneously? According to bits of conversation she had overheard, she was quite flexible and it had indeed been simultaneous.
It was about that time that Rarity realized she was no longer staring at a door, but instead at the inside of her parents’ house, because Sweetie Belle had gotten tired of standing around and had gone inside. That meant she probably only had a matter of seconds to flee before one or both of her parents saw her. She still had a chance to—
“Well, hello Rarity.”
Too late. She had been spotted.
“Are you going to come inside?” Something in her father’s voice told her that he didn’t want her to. That suited her just fine, because she didn’t want to either. She was about to explain that she had just been walking Sweetie Belle home when her sister felt the need to interject.
“Yep! She’s got something to tell you.”
The grimace on Rarity’s face was a mirror image of the one her father wore. Hesitantly, Magnum stepped aside, and just as hesitantly, Rarity walked into the house. The family gathered in the living room so Rarity could tell them what she had to say. Magnum and Pearl sat protectively on either side of Sweetie Belle, while Rarity stood facing them and feeling like a criminal on trial.
"Mother, Father, you need to know what really happened. The—"
Pearl quickly covered Sweetie Belle's ears, shouting, "No, I don't think we do!"
"We don't need details, Rarity, honest," Magnum added.
Rarity let out an exasperated sigh. "Nothing happened! It was a dream!" She saw her parents prepare to protest again and she pointed to her sister. "Sweetie, tell them what you told me."
Sweetie Belle sat confused, her mother's hooves holding her ears shut. She had no idea what Rarity had just said. Their parents, on the other hoof, had heard exactly what she said.
"Sweetie Belle's got nothin' to do with this," Magnum said, anxiously hoping that was the truth.
Rarity tried not to glare at her sister. Instead she just looked at the oblivious filly. "She has more to do with it than you think."
Pearl took a deep breath, bracing herself to find out just how her little girl was involved in her other little girl's...activities. She removed her hooves from Sweetie Belle's ears.
"Sweetie," Rarity said again, "tell Mother and Father what you told me."
"I went to Rarity's place to get some stuff for the clubhouse," Sweetie Belle said with the tone of a child who had been asked to tell the same story over and over again, which meant she was slightly more impatient than most children as this was only the second time she was telling the story. "While I was there, I heard Rarity and Princess Luna—" She rolled her eyes at the hissing intake of breath from both of her parents. "—talking about a dream Rarity had. Her dream was about Twilight and Celestia sitting on a bed together, which sounds like a nice dream to me. Friends should spend time together. Then Luna left, and Rarity said it would have been bad if Luna found out that Rarity and Luna got on the bed too, and I didn't understand why, so I asked Apple Bloom and Scootaloo about it and we talked about it while we went to the clubhouse."
"So when you say it was a dream," Pearl said slowly. "You mean..."
"That I was asleep and it was a dream, " Rarity said through gritted teeth.
"Oh," Magnum said with a confused look oh his face. "So you didn't—"
"No! Nothing happened, it was just a dream, there was nothing!"
Sweetie Belle piped up. "Why is everyone being so serious about a dream? Everyone always tells me not to worry about dreams, but this one was so important that Princess Luna had to come ask about it? Do dreams matter or not?"
There was a knock at the door. Magnum got up to open the door for the unexpected guest.
"Forgive me, but I could not help overhearing," a voice said from outside. "As this is my domain, allow me to answer your questions."
"Uh, please come in, your majesty."
Princess Luna walked into the living room, followed by Magnum, who was stunned by the new arrival. Luna looked at Sweetie Belle. "The dream itself is not important. What is important is why you have the dream. For example, if you have a nightmare, it is because you are afraid. It is then up to you to find out why—" She looked at Rarity. "—and to face your fear." She looked back at Sweetie Belle. "Do you understand?"
"I guess so, but then why is everyone making such a big deal out of Rarity's dream if it isn't really important?"
"They are confused," Luna said with a smile. "They do not realize what is important and what is not. As Princess of the Night, it is my duty to enter dreams to assist those who have nightmares, but no one else need concern themselves with someone else's dreams. Does that make sense to you?"
"They're just being nosy?"
Luna laughed. "Very well put! Yes, they are being nosy."
Sweetie Belle beamed.
“I am glad to have answered your questions, but that is not why I am here.” Princess Luna turned to face Magnum. “Sir, I am here to ask your permission to court your daughter.”
At that moment, with all her family’s eyes on her, Rarity wanted little more than to melt into the floor out of embarrassment.
Unfortunately for Rarity, melting into the floor wasn’t an option, and they continued to stare at her. Princess Luna started to become annoyed at their behavior.
“Pardon me for interrupting your reverie but I am still waiting for an answer to my question.”
Pearl was the first to come to, and she jabbed her hoof into Magnum’s side. He recoiled and shouted in pain and surprise.
“Oh, w-w-well, um, I don’t suppose we have any reason why not,” he said. “Do we?” he quietly asked his wife. She glared at him in reply.
“Right, I was afraid of that,” he muttered, lowering his eyes. “Yes, you—” He took a deep breath. “You have my permission.”
Luna smiled.
“Wait!” Magnum cried.
Luna’s smile disappeared.
“Y-You do mean Rarity, right?”
Luna stared at him incredulously. She considered replying with sarcasm, but realized that could complicate matters significantly if he didn’t catch on, and he probably wouldn’t. “Yes, I mean Rarity.”
“Oh. Good.” The look on Magnum’s face said he thought the current situation was anything but good, but he wasn’t brave enough to say so.
Luna, having obtained the permission she sought, however unwillingly given, turned to Rarity next. “Shall I come visit you at your home tomorrow morning? Perhaps you would like to show me around town? It is rather different here when it is not Nightmare Night.”
Rarity nodded and tried to maintain her composure. “Y-Yes. That sounds lovely.”
Luna bowed her head slightly in farewell. “Until tomorrow.” Repeating the gesture to Rarity’s family, she departed, leaving Rarity alone with her parents and sister once again.
Pearl opened her mouth to speak and Rarity cringed. “That must have been some dream you had.”
Rarity’s family knew the truth, Twilight knew the truth, and Applejack knew the truth, but Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash still believed the rumors. Fluttershy would be easy enough to convince; just tell her the truth, problem solved. Although she was likely to use the rumors as inspiration for her next novel. Sort of funny, since the dream never would have happened and the rumors wouldn’t have started without Fluttershy’s book. Rarity realized that the date she was preparing for wouldn’t have happened if not for Fluttershy. She would have to thank her. Perhaps their tour of Ponyville would take them by Fluttershy’s cottage and she could thank her then. She would have to return the book as well...but not yet.
There was a knock at the door downstairs. Anyone who was familiar with the Boutique knew the door wasn’t locked, certainly not at that time of the day, and it took a second before Rarity realized who it must be. She glanced at the nearest clock to find out how much time before her date, then she remembered they had never set a precise time for it. Panicking slightly, she hurried down to answer the door. As expected, Luna was outside.
Rarity was stunned. Not by Luna’s appearance, which was more or less normal...for her, anyway. Nor was she stunned by the fact that the Princess had indeed come to her home, after all, she had said that she would, and only a tiny part of Rarity thought that she wasn’t telling the truth. No, Rarity was stunned by the sheer number of flowers Luna had brought her. She doubted that there were enough vases in Ponyville to hold them all.
Rarity meant to invite Luna inside. She meant to ask if she wanted anything to drink before they went out. Instead, she said, “That’s a lot of flowers.”
“A long time ago, my sister told me to always bring more flowers for my date than I brought for my last one.”
Rarity looked at the flowers and felt very small and very young. “That’s a lot of dates, then,” she said quietly.
“Oh.” Luna nervously rubbed the back of her neck with a hoof. “I probably shouldn’t have told you why I brought so many flowers.”
“No, no,” Rarity said, forcing a smile. “It’s good. Honesty is...the best policy. Won’t you come in?”
“Thank you.” Luna entered the Boutique, followed by an entire field worth of flowers. She looked around awkwardly. The last time her date had known about and been prepared for a vast quantity of flowers, but that was a thousand years ago. “Where should I...?”
“I...have absolutely no idea. I haven’t a vase big enough. Or enough vases. Or a swimming pool.”
“There’s always the floor, or the ground outside.”
“Absolutely not! I shan’t put them somewhere so—” Rarity gasped. “Ideeaaa! ” she sang, then grabbed the flowers with her own magic and quickly disappeared up the stairs. A moment later, she came back down with a satisfied smile on her face. “There. That will do.”
“Where did you put them?”
Rarity looked at Luna reproachfully. “Now, now, it’s not polite to pry about a lady’s bedroom.”
Luna cocked her head slightly, attempting to determine just where the flowers would be in Rarity’s bedroom.
“Well, shall we?”
Luna was still thinking about Rarity’s bedroom. Her face heated slightly. “Shall we what?”
“I believe you are here for a date?”
Luna felt her face warm a little more. “Yes, forgive me, I was...distracted. Of course we shall.”
Rarity escorted Luna outside. “Now, where to begin our tour? Obviously behind us is Carousel Boutique, my home and business, not that you didn’t know that already.” Rarity laughed nervously.
“Rarity.”
“Over there—” Rarity gestured with a hoof. “—is the library, where Twilight lives, but of course you knew that already, too.” She bit her lip and looked around for something new.
“Rarity.”
“The town square is this way...” She remembered Luna knew about that as well. ”The same place it was when you were here for Nightmare Night...”
“Rarity!”
Rarity stopped her frantic search for town landmarks Luna wouldn’t be familiar with and turned, wide-eyed, to face her date. “Yes, Luna?”
“I don’t need a tour of Ponyville.”
“You don’t?” Rarity asked in a small voice. “But, yesterday...you said...”
Luna chuckled with a grimace. “Yesterday I realized I had just invited myself to your home for our first date, in front of your parents, so I needed to come up with something else quickly.”
Rarity let out a relieved sigh. “Oh, good.”
“Good?”
“I was afraid when you said you didn’t want a tour that what you really meant was you changed your mind and didn’t want our date.”
“Absolutely not. What do you want to do on our date? I don’t need a tour, but if you really want to give me one, I would be happy to walk along every street in town with you.”
“Why don’t we forget the tour and go get something to eat?”
Luna smiled. “That sounds wonderful.”
Rarity and Luna walked side by side through town. For the first time since the dream, Rarity enjoyed the looks and whispers of the townspeople. Her life was going back to—well, not normal, but certainly better than before. She glanced at Luna walking beside her and decided she didn’t want her life to go back to normal. There was somepony else’s life which hadn’t gone back to normal either.
“Pr—uh, Luna?”
Luna looked at Rarity inquisitively.
“What happened after the press conference? From what I heard it seemed like ponies wanted to overthrow Celestia.”
Luna shook her head. “Not anymore. It seems that Sister knows the minds of ponies better than I. I confess, I feared disastrous political consequences when I saw your dream. I thought it was Twilight’s or even my sister’s dream at first. When I discovered that it was yours, I was sure there was nothing to worry about. I don’t know how everyone heard about it.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “That would be my sister we have to thank for that.”
“Then we should go and thank her!” Luna shouted, causing several startled exclamations from nearby ponies.
Rarity drew a sharp breath. “Let’s not! She was eavesdropping and then talking about what she heard all across town. That’s not really behavior we want to encourage, is it?”
“I see your point. Why then did you say that we have her to thank for it?”
“It’s just an expression. It’s nicer than saying we have her to blame for it.”
“I see. These ‘expressions’ take some getting used to. I am more accustomed to saying what I mean.”
Rarity couldn’t think of a reply, so they walked in silence for another minute until they arrived at a nearby restaurant. It wasn’t Rarity’s favorite, but it was nearby, and she doubted she would be able to concentrate on the food anyway. All eyes in the outdoor dining area were immediately on them, and conversation was replaced by quiet murmuring. Rarity found she didn’t mind so much anymore. She led Luna to an empty table and, after spreading pieces of fabric across the piles of straw which served as a seats, they sat down to wait for a waiter to arrive. They didn’t have to wait long.
The waiter, as usual, was snooty enough to not even open his eyes when he came to the table. That was Rarity’s favorite part about the restaurant. She enjoyed pretending that the server was too lowly to look upon her, not that she’d tell anyone about that. “Have you made your decision?” he asked.
“I am afraid not,” Princess Luna said. “I have never been to this restaurant before so I don’t know what you serve here. Perhaps you have a menu I could peruse?”
Even without opening his eyes, it was clear the waiter rolled them. “Of course, madam. Here you are.” He held out a menu, which Luna accepted. “I will return momentarily to take your orders.”
Luna watched him walk away, and once he was out of earshot, asked Rarity, “Are the servers here always so rude?”
“Rude? Why... I suppose some would see it that way, yes. He’s acting the same way he always does.”
“Why would you frequent an establishment where the staff are so impolite?”
Not wanting to truthfully answer that particular question, Rarity decided that it would be a good time to change the subject. “Oh, the food’s good,” she said dismissively, “but enough about that. You were telling me about what happened after the press conference. You said you were afraid of political consequences, but how did Celestia avert the crisis?”
Luna set the menu on the table, forgotten. “Simply put, she called their bluff. She kissed Twilight Sparkle in front of them and dared them to do something about it. What can they do? Who else can raise the sun?”
Rarity looked off to the side at nothing in particular. “Twilight seemed rather distraught after she got back...”
“From what Sister told me, she is feeling much better now.”
Rarity faced Luna again and leaned forward conspiratorially. “Oh?”
“Yes, I believe those two are going to be spending a lot more time together.”
“Good,” Rarity said with a smug smile.
“Did you—”
“Pardon me for interrupting, but are you ready to place your order?”
“Excuse me,” Luna said with some irritation. “I will—”
“Yes!” Rarity said, cutting her off. “We’ll each have a daffodil and daisy sandwich and we’ll split an order of hay fries.”
The waiter left without saying a word, or opening his eyes.
Luna looked down at the table, the menu still laying on it. “I...Thank you. I had forgotten to look at the menu.”
Rarity smiled. “I noticed. You were too busy looking at me.” She winked when Luna looked back up.
Luna straightened up quickly, nervously fluttering her wings. “What? I-I-I—no, I was—that is to say—”
Rarity held a hoof against her mouth.
“—we were just talking, and I couldn’t read and talk at the same time, and—”
Rarity snorted in a somehow ladylike fashion.
“—I didn’t want to neglect you, so—”
Rarity snorted in a considerably less ladylike fashion.
“—of course I was looking at you, but that didn’t mean I was looking at you—”
Unable to hold it in anymore, Rarity burst out laughing.
“Rarity, are you alright?”
Rarity lost her balance and fell off her pile of straw, howling with laughter. “I can’t believe—” She gasped for breath. “—you’re so embarrassed—” She gasped again. “—to be caught looking at your date!” Rarity stuck her hoof up in the air and it flailed around for a second before she got ahold of the edge of the table to pull herself upright. She took her seat again, wiping mirthful tears from her eyes. “Oh, Celestia, I needed that.” She looked across the table to see that the princess seated there was less than amused. Rarity cleared her throat. “Sorry. Oh, Luna, I needed that?”
Luna gave a half smile. “That’s better.”
“Your food.” The waiter set three plates down on their table. How he was able to carry all that at once, being an earth pony, Rarity wasn’t sure; she suspected waiters had their own kind of magic just to carry too many plates.
Princess Luna examined the three plates and looked at the waiter, whose eyes were still closed. “How much will this cost?”
The waiter huffed impatiently. “If you’ll check the menu, you’ll see that it’s—” He opened his eyes to glare at the customer, but as soon as he saw her, he blanched and swallowed hard. “—completely free, your highness,” he said in a voice two octaves higher than it had been a second earlier. He hurriedly grabbed the menu and bolted inside the building.
Rarity and Luna watched him run, then exchanged a look and a surprised laugh.
“A complimentary meal is enough to improve any day, even one that doesn’t need improvement,” Rarity said.
Luna agreed, and then they ate in relative peace and quiet. There were only thirteen photographers and twenty-seven other ponies who did anything to interrupt their meal as news of their presence at the restaurant spread across town.
When they were finishing their food, Rarity spoke up again. “We should thank Fluttershy.”
“We should? Why?”
“She gave me the book that led to the dream in the first place.”
“I see. Without her, none of this would have happened. You are truly glad for all that has occurred since that dream?”
Rarity tilted her head and looked into Luna’s eyes. “Where am I right now?”
Luna squinted and looked at the buildings around them. “You are at a restaurant in Ponyville." Concerned, she examined Rarity's face. "Are you feeling unwell?”
“That’s not what I meant. What am I doing right now?”
“You are worrying me.” Luna lowered her voice. “Do you become confused often?”
“No! I mean to say that I’m on a date with you, so the unpleasantness of the last few days has all been worth it.”
“Oh.” Luna smiled. “I’m happy to hear it.” She leaned close and whispered, “You are sure you have not suffered any head trauma?”
Rarity and Luna managed to lose the slowly building crowd through alleyways between the restaurant and the edge of town. Of course, it helped that Luna made an alley disappear as soon as they entered it so the crowd ran past without seeing them. Regardless, they made it safely and secretly to Fluttershy’s cottage. Rarity couldn’t quite look at the place the same knowing it wasn’t just the home of an animal caretaker, but also an erotic novelist. She wondered if Luna was aware of it, which led her to wonder what kind of dreams Fluttershy had, and how many of those Luna had seen. She found herself walking closer to Luna as they approached the front door.
Rarity knocked on the door and they waited.
And waited.
Finally, the door opened, just a crack. Just enough to see that Fluttershy was peeking out to see who was there. No sooner did they make eye contact than Fluttershy squeaked and made to shut the door again, but Rarity stopped it with an outstretched hoof.
“I’m sorry for leaving you alone at the spa please don’t hate me I’m sorry!”
“Fluttershy, darling, I don’t hate you. I’m disappointed you wouldn’t tell me what was going on, but I don’t hate you for it. I’m not even angry about it.”
Fluttershy stopped trying to force the door shut. “You—You’re not?”
“Of course not! Consider it forgotten.”
Fluttershy sighed and smiled. “Oh, thank you! I’ve just been so worried ever since then I haven’t even left the house except to take care of my little friends.” She opened the door a little wider. “Oh, Princess Luna. How nice to see y—eep!” Fluttershy’s face turned bright red and she looked back and forth between Rarity and Luna so quickly and so many times Rarity wasn’t sure when she started repeating the word ‘no’ every time.
“Darling, what’s wrong?”
Fluttershy didn’t answer, she simply continued denying or refusing or whatever it was she was saying ‘no’ about. Rarity stepped forward to lay a hoof on Fluttershy’s back in what she hoped would be a calming sort of way. The sudden contact made Fluttershy flinch and extend her wings, one of which tried to tangle itself around Rarity’s leg. Fluttershy screamed.
“Bad touch! Bad touch! Get away from me! ”
Two seconds later, Rarity was flat on her back with blood pouring out of her nose and Fluttershy’s front door was closed and locked. Luna stood off to the side with her mouth hanging open. Luna helped to stop the bleeding and Rarity tried to ignore how much of a mess she looked. There was something very wrong with Fluttershy, and they had to find out what. Luna and Rarity checked all the windows on the ground floor to discover them locked, so Luna carried Rarity through the air to check the upstairs windows, where they found one open.
Entering the one open window, they found themselves in Fluttershy’s bedroom. They also found Fluttershy, curled up in her bed, hyperventilating and staring at them with wide eyes. Rarity took a step forward.
“I’m not you!”
“Of course you aren’t, darling. You’re you, and I wouldn’t want you any other way.”
Fluttershy whimpered.
“Fluttershy, what are you so afraid of?”
Fluttershy squeaked, but didn’t say anything loud enough to be understood.
“I told you I’m not angry at you for anything. In fact, we’re here to thank you.”
“Th-Thank me?” Fluttershy’s voice was barely a whisper.
“Why, yes! If you hadn’t lent me that book none of this would have happened!”
Tears gathered in Fluttershy’s eyes. “It’s all my fault! I never should have even written those books! I’ve created a monster!” Fluttershy buried her face into her pillows, muffling her cries. Luna and Rarity exchanged a bewildered glance. Luna shrugged and shook her head in a ‘don’t ask me, she’s your friend’ kind of way.
“I’m afraid you’ve lost me, darling.”
Fluttershy didn’t look up, and Rarity had to strain to hear her muffled reply. “You-You read my book, and then you...and now you and Luna are here to-to-to thank me! I don’t want to be thanked! ”
“Honestly, Fluttershy, the way you’re acting one would think you’ve never been thanked before.”
Fluttershy looked up at that. “I haven’t! ”
“Now, darling, I know that’s not true. I’ve thanked you before.”
Fluttershy shook her head frantically, much like when she saw Luna earlier. “No! No you haven’t!”
“Of course I have! What about when you watched my sister and her friends so I could work? I thanked you for that!”
“What? No! All you did was say...thanks...” Fluttershy said, comprehension dawning on her. “So you two are here to say thanks?”
“Yes! Without that book we wouldn’t have just had our first date!”
“First date? I thought you two had been together for a while now. Everypony in town was talking about it. They said you two and Twilight and Princess Celestia...”
Rarity laughed. “Oh, Fluttershy, that was just a dream I had. Sweetie Belle heard me talking to Princess Luna about it and then she talked to her friends about it while they walked through town!”
Fluttershy looked at Rarity with newfound hope in her eyes and asked softly, “Then...then you’re not a sex fiend?”
Rarity choked on her own breath and had a coughing fit. “Oh, heavens no,” she rasped when she got the coughing mostly under control.
Luna and Rarity walked along the path leading away from Fluttershy’s cottage. Fluttershy had mostly calmed down after they explained what was really going on, although she had still been rather uncomfortable with them staying in her bedroom after what she thought they were there for, so they left her alone.
“Did all your friends believe the rumors?” Luna asked. “It seems to me that a good friend would have faith that their friend wouldn’t do something so unlike their normal behavior.”
“Honestly?" She kicked at the ground nervously, thinking back at some of her past overly obsessive romantic notions. "I may have given them reason in the past to think this would be something I might possibly do. However, since I didn't, I suppose now there are two other ponies I need to convince of the truth.” A wicked smile spread across Rarity’s face. “And I know just how to do it.”
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were on their way to Carousel Boutique. Rarity had invited them to help with “something special for Princess Celestia” and they both knew what that meant. Pinkie was bouncing higher and faster than usual, and Rainbow was so excited she could hardly fly. Rainbow landed just outside the back door, per Rarity’s instructions, and Pinkie bounced up right beside her. Rainbow noticed Pinkie was carrying something. Rarity didn’t say to bring anything, did she? Swallowing nervousness, Rainbow asked, “What’cha got there, Pinkie?”
“Lube! I keep some stashed all over Ponyville, in case of lube emergency.”
“Oh. Good thinking.”
Rainbow knocked on the door and waited, chewing her lip. Pinkie bounced next to her singing a song about always using lube, but Rainbow was too distracted to pay attention to the words. After way too many verses of Pinkie’s lube song, Rarity answered the door.
“Come in, girls,” she whispered.
Pinkie and Rainbow stepped inside, taking the hint that they should be quiet. Rainbow wondered if Celestia even knew they were coming. She laughed quietly at her little joke. It was a...um...Twilight had told her, but she couldn’t remember. It was one of the ones where one word meant more than one thing. Speaking of Twilight, though, Rainbow could hear her voice from farther in the Boutique. And Celestia said something back. Rainbow strained to hear the other voice she was expecting while Rarity led them in that direction. Pinkie started singing again and Rainbow jabbed her with a hoof and hissed for her to be quiet. Rainbow finally heard Luna’s voice as well, just as they rounded the corner to see three alicorns ready and waiting for them.
But...ready for what? Celestia was standing on one of those pedestal things with mirrors that Rarity used for making dresses, Luna was using a measuring tape on her and reporting measurements to Twilight who was writing them down.
“Okay ladies, the help’s here!” Rarity sang out to the princesses.
Twilight looked up from her notes. “Excellent, girls! Pinkie, grab that bolt of fabric over in the corner, would you? And Rainbow, would you open that window to let some more light in here? We’ve got a dress to make!”
Two jaws metaphorically hit the floor and one bottle of lube literally hit the floor.
The prank had gone spectacularly well; Rarity was able to explain to Rainbow and Pinkie that the whole thing had been a dream—although she didn’t think Pinkie entirely believed her, even with all three princesses backing up her story—and they also made a lovely dress for Princess Celestia to replace the one Luna had ‘accidentally’ thrown off the balcony. Two birds with one stone, to use a cruel expression one should never use around Fluttershy. Everyone had since gone home, and Rarity decided that she could very much enjoy this new life. She could deal with what everyone else thought of her as long as those she cared about knew the truth and the others still ordered her designs. It seemed that was going to be the case; that very day she received a request for a special order.
She carried the letter to her workbench, opened it, and started reading. The client wanted a special outfit for an upcoming event, and had also invited Rarity to attend.
“No tickets, but a password to get in? That’s a bit unusual; it must be very exclusive.” She read on in excitement until she saw the design the client was requesting. Her cheeks reddened. “Oh my.”
