Surprises are an immensely broad subject. They can range from being completely infuriating, to bringing deep despair, to being the greatest news of your life. However, when someone gives you a surprise you have no idea where it can take you. It can be something as simple as a surprise party Pinkie decides to throw, or it can be something that changes your whole life. When your whole life changes in the matter of a second, it can be very hard for your brain to process just how much it really has changed. You can end up acting on impulse without even realizing what you're doing.
Now whether what your impulse has made you do is the right thing or not, can be very difficult to figure out. What if the decision you made has made everyone's life just a little bit worse? What if someone you cared about incredibly, hated you more than you could imagine, even if only for half a day? What if you placed the blame for all of this pain on yourself? What if another placed blame on you as well? Everyday you see her and she looks at you, you can see a flicker of hurt in her eyes. A flicker of the pain that she still feels today, partly because of you. You see this flicker in her eyes, and you can feel the pain in your heart when you see her this way.
After this flash passes through her eyes it's gone. The same as every other day. And it's a daily reminder of what you've done, and how your life has changed because of one day. After that flash passes, it's back to the same old pony she once used to be. But you know it's a lie. Her smile is forced, her voice strained when she talks, and it kills you to know that.
I have so many what if's surrounding me daily. What if none of this would have happened? What if...what if...what if. But I have one more what if that needs to be asked.
What if, had I made a different choice, I would have watched my best friend die in front of my eyes?
Let me tell the story from the beginning.
Rainbow Dash had been extremely excited to get her chance to prove herself to the Wonderbolts at the Wonderbolt Academy. It was her time to shine and show them exactly what she was made of. We all believed in her, and we knew that she could prove herself to be one of the greatest fliers Equestria had ever seen. She believed in herself even more than we did, so we were excited to see her go.
Halfway through the week that Rainbow Dash was gone, we ended up deciding on sending her a care package after Pinkie Pie was practically having a nervous breakdown without having seen Rainbow Dash in two days. Two more days later we got our package together and got ready to give it to her ourselves. We all boarded my hot-air balloon, and we took off for the Wonderbolt Academy to see her.
We all watched in surprise as the scene unfolded between Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust, we had no idea what was really going on, so we stayed out of it. Then Rainbow Dash left saying that she needed to talk to Spitfire, and came back saying that she had quit. We were all completely confused what had just happened, but she wasn't looking too happy so we decided to respect her decision for now.
Then Spitfire came back and talked Rainbow Dash into staying, making her a lead pony, and completely kicking Lightning Dust out of the Academy. We watched all of this unfold, and we did nothing because it was not our place to interfere with any of it. However, as I watched it all, something felt wrong to me. I couldn't place my hoof on what it was then, but eventually I figured it all out.
After the week was over, Rainbow Dash got back looking more excited than she usually does. When I saw her back and looking happy, I pushed the nagging feeling out of my mind, telling myself that I was just worrying over nothing. Then the next day I didn't see her once, I again got a nagging feeling in my mind, but I put it away and thought that she was probably just sleeping all day like she does sometimes.
For two more days I didn't see her at all, I knew something had to be up so I went to see her. That was the day that everything changed.
I cast the cloud walking spell and teleported to her front door, I knocked and didn't hear anything answer. I knocked again and put my ear to the door; I heard a faint sound that I couldn't figure out coming from inside, so I decided to open her door to see if she was in. The scene that I saw when I opened the door has stuck with me since then. I can still see it as plain as if it was right in front of me to this day. I watched a chair get knocked over near Rainbow Dash's back legs, which weren't actually touching the ground. I saw her wings bound to her side so she couldn't have been flying, but what I saw holding her up was what made my heart stop for a couple beats.
There was a rope tied around her neck that was attached to the ceiling. She was hanging herself. I still can't believe that that's what I walked in on, my best friend hanging herself. But it was true, there was no other explanation for what I walked in on.
In an instant, my reaction was to cut the rope with my magic, and I did so. I watched in horror as she dropped to the ground in front of me and started coughing and spluttering. I quickly realized that she must have just begun her...attempt...because she was still quite conscious, and I had just watched the chair drop when I walked in.
I stood there frozen in disbelief and fear for what seemed like minutes before she spoke.
“Why did you do that Twilight!? Why!?” She screamed at me.
My mind was still blank, and I was still staring with my mouth agape before I started to process what just happened. I blinked a few times and had to run what she just said through my head again before I could formulate a response.
“What do you mean why did I do that?! I just saved your life! Why did I have to even save your life Rainbow? You just tried to kill yourself!” I shouted back at her.
For some reason I felt incredibly exhausted and I allowed myself to slump to the floor as I started to tear up.
“Oh Rainbow, why would you do that? I can't believe you were about to kill yourself. Why Rainbow, why?” I was barely talking above a whisper now as I tried to make out Rainbow Dash's figure in the blurriness that I could see through the tears in my eyes.
“What does it matter to you Twilight? This was my choice, and you've gone ahead and ruined it. Thanks a lot.”
I watched the blur move closer towards me, and I let out a little squeal of pain as I felt her hoof connect with the side of my face. I then heard her walk away into a room as I lay there on the ground crying in a mixture of pain, sorrow, confusion, and fear.
I forced myself to stop crying as I listened to her crying in the other room. I still lay there confused, trying to figure everything out for another ten minutes before I decided to get up. When I did, I noticed two letters on the ground that were both addressed to Rainbow Dash.
Dear Rainbow Dash,
You are definitely one of the greatest fliers I have ever seen in my life, and it was a great privilege to have you attend the Wonderbolt Academy. I could go on and on about how impressive you are in the sky. However that is not why I'm writing to you now. I am writing this to you to hope that you can realize that that is not what it takes to becoming a Wonderbolt.
As you said yourself, a Wonderbolt is not about simply being the best. Caring about your friends, and putting others in front of you is a key concept at being an excellent addition to an excellent team. When you originally quit the Academy because you cared more about making sure your friends were safe than to impress me.
This whole Academy is a test, every single part of it. A test to prove yourself in more ways than just being a great flier. Lightning Dust had already proved that she did not understand what it takes to be an addition to the team, and only cared about herself. It's disappointing that such a great flier just didn't have what it takes to make the team. I started to believe that your little quitting tirade would prove that you were different. I was wrong.
You had a partner that you let be kicked out. Not once did you try to help her out. Not once did I watch any regret come across in your mind. All that I saw was you got rid of competition, and you knew it. You let her go and did nothing to regain the friendship that you had picked up immediately after meeting. You betrayed her. Day after day I waited for you to ask what happened to her, or for you to show that you regretted losing your partner, but it never came. I tested you Rainbow Dash, and you failed.
You might have preached about caring about friends more than making your dream a reality, but that is not what I saw. If that's the type of pony that Rainbow Dash is, then I do not want that pony in the Wonderbolts.
I'm sorry Rainbow Dash.
-Spitfire
I read the letter over once more after finishing it the first time, and couldn't believe what I had read. I couldn't imagine how broken Rainbow Dash's heart must have been upon reading that letter. Spitfire had been incredibly harsh and hurtful. She had never seen the Rainbow Dash that I have seen. The Rainbow Dash that stuck by her side through anything that was thrown their way. The Rainbow Dash that had time and time again proven that she was deserving of the Element of Loyalty. I don't think Spitfire gave her enough of a chance to prove herself. It just wasn't fair.
I felt tears in my eyes again as I shakily put down the letter and picked up the other one. What I read on that one broke my heart for the third time in an hour.
Dear Rainbow Dash,
I hate you more than I can even imagine Rainbow Dash. I can't believe how you just threw me away like you did. I blame you for everything that happened at the Wonderbolt Academy. I lost my dream because of you. My whole life, becoming a part of the Wonderbolts was the greatest achievement I could ever think of. Then I had it right in front of my grasp and you take it away from me.
Excuse me if I became a little selfish while trying to achieve my dream. I have worked day after day since I first started flying to become a Wonderbolt, and in one self-righteous attempt to make yourself look better than me, you dashed it into pieces.
You know, I've heard about you before. I know how reckless you are. I heard about how you crashed the whole party at the Gala, just to try to get the Wonderbolts to talk to you. I've heard about you and your friends' encounter with Discord. How you just abandoned your friends, and it took Twilight to save the day.
Again, when the changeling's invaded, you refused to believe Twilight when she knew what was going on why Queen Chrysalis. Aren't you supposed to be the Element of Loyalty? Yet again, it took Twilight to save your ass because you were to absorbed in your own enjoyment to realize that something was off.
And then you DARE to call me out on “recklessness” that got nopony hurt, caused no damage, and got the goal achieved in record time? You are lying to yourself if you think you were in the right in that situation, and I hope you're happy with what you've done.
I hope your dreams come crashing around your feet like they did mine Rainbow Dash. I hope one day that your whole life is ruined by one careless mistake, and then you will know how I felt.
-Lightning Dust
My hooves were shaking, and I could barely make out the ending of the letter because of the tears that were falling on to the page. I sniffed and wiped my nose with a hoof as I got up and turned to the room that Rainbow Dash had headed and froze when I saw her in the door watching me with a neutral expression on her face. I could still see the remnants of crying clearly on her face, and I felt my heart break again as the whole gravity of the situation crashed down on me.
I walked slowly up to her and put my hooves around her neck in a tight hug, and I felt her whole body stiffen.
“Rainbow Dash they're wrong. I promise you that they're wrong, we're your friends and I promise you that you are so much more than they are making you out to be. They've only known you for a week, and they're making assumptions before they even get to know you. I've known you for a lot longer than them and you are much more than that in my eyes. You're an amazing pony, you're brave, and loyal, and you're one of the best friends I've ever had the pleasure of having Rainbow. Please don't believe them, I'm begging you.”
I felt a tear land on my shoulder as I let some of my own fall onto hers. She didn't move an inch however as she responded, “Twilight, I've lost my dream. My whole life I lived to become a Wonderbolt and it's...gone. I lost it...no...I threw it away. I didn't just lost my chance, I took my chance and I just threw it away. What's worse is I caused another to lose her dream as well. Those letters...” She shivered as she paused, “those letters made me realize how much of a lousy friend, and a lousy pony I actually am. I have no dream to live for, no life to live for, and no friends to live for. Why should I continue in pain if I have no reason to live?”
I took a step back and looked straight into her tear-stricken eyes as I shouted at her, “That's not true Rainbow Dash! All of your friends love you! We all care about you, and I told you that you're one of the best friends I've ever had. I would not trade you for anyone else in the world and you've never let me down like you think you have. You can make new dreams Rainbow, we're all going to be here for you when you do. I promise you Rainbow, you're wrong. They're wrong. You have a life ahead of you to live, you have friends to live for, and you can still make new dreams to live for Rainbow.”
I looked into her eyes and I could see hesitance there. It was the greatest thing that I'd seen since I opened her door. I watched her mull things over in her mind before she spoke again.
“Twilight, I don't know how I can possibly just get over having lost the dream I've had since I was a little filly, and just simply make a new one. It just doesn't work like that.” The sadness in her eyes as she spoke killed me, and I knew I had to do something about it.
It was then that my impulses made me act for the second time that day. Before I knew what had happened, I found myself pushing my muzzle forward to connect with hers, and found myself kissing her. I don't know what made me do it, and I pulled myself back and blushed when I saw her surprised face.
My brain decided to make me speak before I knew what was going on, and my mouth opened to say: “Dreams can present themselves when you least expect them Rainbow Dash. All you have to do is figure out if you want to accept them or not.”
I looked up at her and couldn't read her expression. She opened her mouth to speak a couple times but nothing came out. She looked away and sighed, closed her eyes and then spoke. “Twilight...I...I need some time to think.”
I looked up at her with a sad look on my face before saying, “But I don't want you to hurt yourself again Rainbow...please promise me you won't. I'll leave and come back tomorrow if you promise me.”
She sighed again and looked back to me. “I promise Twilight.”
“I need you to Pinkie Pie Promise me.” I responded.
She frowned and tilted her head a little bit, “Twilight, do you really think that's appropriate given the situation?”
I found myself screaming once more when I answered, “I just walked in on you trying to hang yourself Rainbow Dash! I want a promise that I know will keep my best friend alive! At least for one more day! Please Rainbow?”
She had taken a step back and she blinked in surprise before beginning the promise. When she finished, I nodded in satisfaction. I then turned around and headed toward the exit before stopping and without turning around spoke once more to her, “Thank you Rainbow, I'll be back tomorrow to talk.”
With that simple statement, I opened the door and walked out. As I stood outside, I took a moment to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I then teleported back to my home where I waited out until the next day for our fateful talk.
[hr}
As I sat up in my bed four months after that fateful night. I realized just how many different ways things might have gone. Twice I had acted on impulse, and whether things were going to turn out for the better was impossible to see at the time. It was impossible to tell how things were going to be even after that night.
As I looked down and to my right, I noted the cyan pegasus sleeping soundly next to me with a smile on her face. I smiled and lay down next to her as I felt a wing wrap around me, and at that moment I knew that every decision that I made—subconscious or not—was the right one.
