The Defeat of Deadbush

Hello young reader. My name is author, and welcome to my fan-fiction! If you're not sure what an author is, basically think of me as God. Anyway, I'm sure you just want to jump right ahead into the story, but sorry no. I'm using my super-powers to stop you from doing that. Why, you ask? Because first I need to tell you how Equestria was made.

Long ago, in the magical place called heaven, God decided to watch some goddamn hawt Godly porn. You see, it was so hot that only God could handle it. Anyone else would explode into a mess of insides and semen.

But anyway, God watched the porn, and he ejaculated onto a fucking unicorn. That's right, a goddamn unicorn. Then the unicorn exploded into millions of sprinkles which created the Equestrian Universe. Then two angels transformed into alicorns and ruled equestria in peace and harmony.

Now, you must be thinking, "Author, can I please read the story now?" Fuck no. Now I gotta tell you how Minecraftia was made, bitch.

Long ago, in the magical place called heaven, God decided he would make a second backup Earth just in case the humans fucked up so much he would need to send a meteorite down just to kill off all those faggots. So he started making the world with blocks, but then he got busy and never worked on the project again. Years later Satan found the project and added some crazy shit like zombies and exploding dicks. Shit got insane. Then God came and was all like, "Fuck off," and made another god named Notch to work on Minecraftia. And that's how Minecraftia was born.

Now onto the story.

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Troll was all like watching ExplodingTNT mining cause Troll is a Troll and he was gonna troll. He placed down a command block. Shit just got real.

Inside the command block he typed in "/tp faggot equestria plz." Then he placed a redstone torch next to it, activating the command block. It exploded into a rainbow portal, sucking him in. Then he got shat into equestria. He saw ponyville, and was like, "Fuck yes."

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ExplodingTNT was mining in a cave below his epic TNT mansion. He was surprised it wasn't already blown up by Troll. Troll's a fucking faggot.

Anyway, TNT was all like mining and doing other crazy shit when he couldn't find diamonds. So he threw his pickaxe into the ground and puked methane rainbows and started heading his way to the surface.

"I'm gonna start using google as a porn site #tntlife" But then before TNT go any further, Herobrine stood blocking his path. They stared at each other for five fucking minutes. Then Herobrine spammed lightning. You know what TNT did? He ran for his fucking life like a pussy and made a colon capitalized o face.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE LIGHTNING FUCKS WITH MY MANSION." TNT didn't even notice himself entering the portal. He just kept screaming like he was being chased by a supernatural minecraft player with the ability to disappear and conjure lightning at will.

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Herobrine noticed that one of his lightning strikes had hit the rainbow methane puke, and exploding rainbow methane was his only weakness.