When The Mare Comes Aroundby nanashi_jonesChaptersLately I Been Leanin’ Toward the BluesLast Night I Had the Strangest DreamPickin’ TimeA Boy Named SueReason To BelieveWhat Do I CareHe'll Be A FriendThe L And N Don’t Stop Here AnymoreBorn And Raised In Black And WhiteCome In StrangerSouthern AccentsWhat Child is ThisSouthern ComfortIn Our MindI Won't Back DownThe Cowboy Who Started The FightI Ain't A SongThe Devil's Right HandThe Man Comes AroundThat's The TruthWhat I've LearnedAin't No GraveLately I Been Leanin’ Toward the BluesI sat on Max’s bed, looking at his computer. He was in the bathroom, cleaning up all the dirt I’d left behind. Max was basically my best friend. We’d known each other since forever and he was technically my first kiss, though it’d been a dare. We’d gone to high school together and while he probably could have gone to any brainy ass college he stayed local and did a scholarship at a technical because, “Why spend money when I’m just going to read the books on my own?” The night of our high school graduation he got wasted and told me and a few of his other friends he stayed because of us. He was too hung over the next day to remember it, but I do and it’s one of the nicer things anyone’s ever told me. He lived in an apartment only an exit or two away from Syracuse. It was a one bedroom, one bathroom, tiny thing and he kept it tidy. Max was a tidy kind of guy. “Well, that’s a mess I never thought I’d have to clean up,” he said, coming into the bedroom in jeans without a shirt. I could see some of the dirt that had been in my fur was on his hands and his usually styled brown hair was mussed. Little smudges of dirt were on his jeans, his cheeks just beneath his glasses, his arms. If I couldn’t remember dunking his head in the kiddie pool to proclaim my dominance, among other childhood activities, I’d probably feel something about how good he looked. Because Max wasn’t bad looking. At all. He definitely dated more than me. A friend of mine had once asked me why I hadn’t tapped that. I’d just looked at Max and sure, there was a slim, adorkable dude there, but he was my bro. Weird would not begin to cover it. “Sorry,” I said, laying my head on the bed. “Hey, it’s okay. You kinda woke up as Applejack in a grave after a car accident. This definitely falls under the ‘Dire Stuff’ clause of our friendship.” He plopped into the chair in front of his computer and leaned back. “How you holding up Rae?” I sighed, shrugged, looked away. Max had come and got me by dint of some trick he had me do with my phone, where Google Maps zeroed in on my location. I directed him there with it. I cried pretty much the whole time till he arrived, stumbling down the embankment to find me hunched over my stuff. He stared at me. I’d probably stare at me too. Then he got down and wrapped me in this big comforting hug telling me it was alright, he was there. He picked up my purse, got my phone and carried me back to his car. He put me in the back seat and talked soft, reassuring nonsense all the way back to his place. There, he tried to carry me up the stairs to his apartment, but he started wheezing after the third stair and I figured he’d used up his Superman for the day getting me up the embankment. I jumped out of his arms to navigate my way up. It was slow going. I was still figuring out walking in this body. Inside, he guided me to the bathroom and washed me down. Max is pretty metrosexual, so he had all these nice shampoos and loofahs that he used to get all the dirt out of my coat, my mane and my tail. All the crying had me numb again, so I just let him work. It was like that time I’d gotten plastered on New Years and taken a header into some bushes. Only, now I wasn’t sitting down, singing “Tom Sawyer” as he laughed while scrubbing me clean. I was a pony fresh from a grave. I missed that New Years. He started snorting halfway into cleaning me and when I turned to glare at him he showed me the bottle he was using. Mane n’ Tail. We cracked up. I kinda needed to laugh at that point. After he toweled me off, I just wandered across the hall to his bedroom, scrambled up to his bed and plopped down to stare at his computer and feel burned out. Fear creeped around the edges of the burned out feeling though. Fear and worry and... Something else. Something... Comforting? Hell if I know where that came from. “I figured as much,” Max said, nodding and looking away. “You need me to call anyone? Work? Your parents?” “If you could...” I said. God, I sounded pathetic. Max smiled though and rose up, tapping out numbers on his phone while looking at my phone. I heard him talking in the next room. My hearing was a lot better than it used to be, my ears moving to find the sound and zero in on it. “Hey, who am I talking to? Hey Tim, this is Max Adams. I’m a friend of Rachel Shelton... Yeah. Yeah I know she isn’t. Can you transfer me to a manager or someone? Thanks.” His foot tapped. “Hey, who’s this? Hi Travis, my name’s Max Adams. I’m a friend of Rachel...” I turned my ears away. Since my ears didn’t normally do that, on top of feeling awkward about Max calling in for me, I got to deal with feeling weird about my own ears. Freaking great. I looked over at the cage where Max kept his ferret, Omega, who was sniffing the edge of his covering furiously. I sniffed back and realized his ferret smell wasn’t as bad any more. Musky still and definitely ferret, but... I felt like I got more than just him being stinky. I could almost make out a bit of the who Omega was. Just by smell. More weird. “How’s your day, Omega?” I said with a small smile. “Everything good in ferret land?” Omega backed away from the plastic wall and bent his body up in the middle with a wiggle of his shoulders. He seemed to be giving me a so-so expression. How did I know that? “Called your job,” Max said, coming in. “Travis was alright with a day or two of sick leave and I left your Mom a message you were with me.” I nodded, taking my gaze away from Omega and his weirdness. “Thanks,” I said. “No problem, pardner.” I scowled at him. Max chuckled, but raised his hands in peace. “Sorry. Couldn’t resist. Did you know when you scowl it is absurdly cute. Like, I figured AJ would have a decent grouchy face, but I’m full-on resisting the urge to cuddle the crap out of you right now.” “Keep on resistin’,” I drawled. I was getting used to the voice, strange as it was. “Fair enough,” he said, plopping back into his computer chair. He leaned back, squeaking it, looking at me. “So. Walk me through last night again.” I did. I got off work at 10:30, thanks to some truly dick moves by my bosses, and drove home taking Highway 5 like I usually did. Nothing special happened until a pair of headlights flashed their brights at me from behind. I ignored them since I was already speeding a bit and not looking to get a ticket, but then they started swerving. A lot. I slowed down and changed lanes to let this problem pass when I got tagged by the car. It felt like a hard bump and I’d called him a few names and then I got hit hard and it all got confusing. “I woke up in the dirt,” I said hollowly. “I managed to dig out before I suffocated.” Max nodded. “I went to my car. Got my phone...” I shrugged. “You know the rest.” Max blew air out through his mouth and ran a hand through his hair. He glanced away, then back to me. “Okay,” he said. “Okay. We gotta call the cops.” “And tell them what?” I asked. “Oh, hey officer, I got run off the road last night, but I don’t have identification and even if I did it doesn’t look like me at all.” “I can vouch for you,” Max said. “With all the people becoming ponies, I’m sure there’s some precedence for it.” I stared at him like he’d just started speaking Klingon. “What?” I asked, blinking too much. “People doing what now?” “Ponies, Rae. Like from the My Little Pony show?” I’d made that connection, but since I didn’t expect Max to be this ready with an explanation, I just stared even more. He sighed, smiling a little. “Okay. Like, you’re Applejack? There’s a kid who passed through Toronto as Rainbow Dash, just to have breakfast. And then there’s this girl from Reno- she’s Fluttershy and they’re all headed here. Now.” “Here?” I said, pointing down with my hoof to indicate his apartment. “No, not my place. New York! Here...” Max spun around and pulled up a browser. I flicked my tail, frowning at it. I felt like I needed it tied off, but I had no idea how to go about that with my hooves. Same for my mane. Didn’t Applejack always have both tied off in the show? I’ll have to rewatch some episodes, I guess. “Here, watch.” Max enlarged a Youtube video and wheeled out of the way, so I could see the screen. It showed a press conference with a kind of dumpy looking guy leaving a podium. Then the press conference was joined by a pair of horses, one white and the other blue, with manes and tails that looked more like flowing light than hair. They also had wings and horns and were wearing some really expensive looking jewelry. They looked familiar. Like I should know their names or something... “I-I…" The white pony looked uncertain, then swallowed and went on. "I know you must all be, uh, shocked about this. Believe me, I am too. But please don't doubt me when I say that I am really Lauren Faust, and she...” The pony calling herself Lauren gestured to the blue one who was a little smaller than her. “Is really Tara Strong." I leaned forward, transfixed by the talking pony. I felt a kind of... Awe of her. Of both of them, really. "The reason I called this conference today is not to tell the world about what happened to us. As you can see, it's obvious," she said, gesturing to herself. "I called for this because this is the only way to assure that I am heard by my target audience. You see…" Clearing her throat, I saw something settle in her, like she was taking charge of a situation. It reminded me of my mom when she’d take charge of some really unruly kids or decide how to talk to me about “important stuff.” "There is one other out there who is like us. I don't know who, or where, but somewhere there is a person just like us. Changed. Into a pony." I glanced down at my hooves. “Well, duh,” I said. “Shh,” Max responded. “This is the important bit.” "But this will not be the case for very long," Lauren went on. "Everyday, someone else is affected, and this will continue until–" She stopped and the authority in her bearing faded a bit, her head ducking down. "Yet, the most important thing I have to say yet is this, to those that find themselves changed." Then her eyes rose and she found the camera that was recording and I got a chill as it felt like she was looking right at me. "If any of you find yourself to be an Element of Harmony, I need your help. You need to come to New York.” She held the look for a beat longer, then broke contact. "No further comment," she said almost muttering as she stepped down. The video ended in a freeze as she and the blue pony started walking off and an eruption of questions came along. Other links popped up to suggest similar videos. What could be similar to that, I had no clue. “You see?” Max said. “Not... Really. Who was that? She looked awful familiar.” I blinked. “I mean, really. She looked really familiar.” Great, now I was talking like my cousin, Abbie. “That was Lauren Faust and Tara Strong. Lauren started the show and she got turned into Celestia, who’s the princess that raises the sun and Tara’s one of the lead voice actresses and she’s now Princess Luna, who raises the moon.” “Uh-huh,” I said, nodding incredulously. Max sighed, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “Mind holding off the sarcasm Miss Applejack?” I winced. “Sorry.” “So now they, and all the other ponies that want to help, and the Elements are going to New York to figure this out.” “What’s that got to do with me?” I asked, still clearly missing something. I remembered Luna and Celestia now. I’d seen some art on Max’s desktop and one of the episodes I’d watched had the white pony princess in it. I couldn’t see what he meant about the Elements though. Max facepalmed at me and I could tell he was struggling to keep calm. I appreciated it. Even after the soap, I could still taste bits of dirt in my teeth and probably wasn’t going to react well to anyone yelling any time soon. “You’re Applejack,” Max said. “The Element of Honesty. You’ve been called by your princess to go to New York, help the other Mane 6 and save the world from whatever’s caused so many people to start becoming ponies.” He leaned back and just like in D&D or when he was drunk at a party, I could see the last words slipped right out. “It’s your destiny.” Last Night I Had the Strangest DreamMax rubbed at his face. I could tell he just realized how melodramatic and stupid he sounded. “Okay, okay. Not- Not ‘destiny,’ but it’s what you have to do.” I got down from the bed and started out the door. “Bye, Max. I’m going.” “Whoa! Whoa, whoa.” He rose up to partially hold the door. I didn’t look up. I came to a little over his waistline and since I was avoiding his gaze, could clearly see the knees on his jeans were really thin. “You just got here and I just cleaned you and-” “Max, don’t you dare tell me what to do!” I barked. My breathing was faster. I didn’t feel so good. “Okay,” he said, his voice softer. “Okay.” The door was released and I walked into the living room, aiming for the outside door. I didn’t need this crap. I didn’t need Max being a fanboy right now. “Sorry,” he said. My new, traitorous ear, that moved of its own volition turned back to him. “I got excited Rae. Sorry.” I stopped maybe a few hoofsteps from the door. I’d apparently gotten the hang of walking. It didn’t feel nearly as weird as before. I had to breathe deeply at that thought. Turning, I looked at Max. He looked genuinely downcast. I sighed. “Just... Just tone it down,” I said. “I’m kinda losing my shit here.” He breathed a laugh. “Yeah... Yeah, I can see that.” I moved back into the apartment and went to the couch, hopping up slightly and curling my hooves under me. Max followed over, sitting on the edge of his coffee table. “I’m scared, Max,” I said quietly. “I know.” “Someone tried to bury me alive.” He nodded. My freaky larger-than-it-used-to-be peripheral vision caught the motion. “I’m not me anymore.” He nodded again. I sighed. “And I’m really tired. I’m going to sleep. Okay?” “Sure. Want me to answer your phone if your mom calls?” I nodded. He put a pillow under my head and I smiled my thanks. “What do I tell her?” he asked. “That... I’m out. Or asleep. Or whatever,” I said. “What do you want to do after?” I shrugged. “Just... Just let me sleep a bit, okay? I really feel like I’m about to scream or freak out or something so I’m just going to be still for a bit, okay?” Max nodded. He patted my neck reassuringly and it was, oddly enough, reassuring. Even though it was just my ginormous neck. I closed my eyes and quicker than I thought, I was asleep. ~ I was in my room, laying on my bed, my laptop sitting on a lapdesk as I typed a response to Lydia’s insinuation of my Hunter’s freewheeling sex life. I was human again, but this was kind of a background detail as far as I was concerned. A knock came from my door. “In a second!” I said. The knock came again. “Coming!” The knock got more insistent, which was well timed. I hit send and moved my laptop aside. “Okay, okay. Keep your shirt on,” I muttered. Swinging the door open, I glared into the space my mom’s head was usually. “What?” Only, Mom’s head wasn’t there. It was just an empty hallway. “Down here sugarcube.” I blinked, looked down, and saw the pony whose reflection I’d just seen a few hours ago. “Howdy!” she said, cocking her head with a smile. “Mind if I come in?” “Uh...” I said. “Sure. Uh. Come on in.” As she entered, it occurred to me something was off. I wasn’t... “I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” “Yep! Nice place you got here.” She looked around and I realized she wasn’t just the reflection I’d seen. Her mane and tail were tied off with red hair bands and a cowboy hat rested on top of her head. “Thanks...?” I said, closing the door behind me. I looked at my hands, actually appreciating them. I touched my hair, brown and thin as it hung around my face in the short cut I got a week ago. My glasses sat comfortably. My arms, my legs, my body. Ugh. I couldn’t dream myself like my diet had paid off yet? Bringing my gaze up, I saw Applejack poking about my room, smiling as if she was getting the tour of someplace genuinely impressive. It was just my room, so I didn’t think it was that nice. It was mostly where I hid from my parents while we grated on one another’s nerves. A Doctor Who poster, a calendar from Supernatural, a pewter, mechanical dragon I got when I was sixteen and into dragons. Boring, leave-me-alone room, really. Dropping her rear near my bed, Applejack smiled at me. “Hope you don’t mind, but we need to have a talk.” “Sure,” I said, taking the chair from the nearby little desk I used since I was twelve. “Now, I know you’re a bit shook up, but I want you to know that I’m here for ya. Especially now. I was told the first dream’d make this all go smoother so I guess I got lucky, what with you needin’ some down time after that fresh mess you crawled out of.” Her expression folded into concern. “How’re you holdin’ up, by the way?” I blinked at her and moved some of my old, regular human hair out of the way, tucking it behind my ear. “How am I supposed to be? Someone tried to cover up that they killed me.” Applejack nodded. “Right, we’re gonna have to deal with that too.” “Too?” I said. “What else are we going to ‘have to deal with?’” “What that friend of yers said. We gotta get to New York so we can meet up with my friends. I’m bettin’ we got a no-good, side-windin’ varmit to take care of.” “Right, you have fun with that,” I said, flipping my hand up. “I’m going to try and not think about this for the rest of my life.” “What?” she said. I pulled my legs up to my chest and looked down at her. “When I wake up, I’m calling my mom, see if I can convince her I’m her daughter and try and get my life back on track.” I picked at my toenail. “Maybe get my car towed. If I can still drive it as a little pony.” The pony’s face scrunched and her green eyes scowled up at me. I didn’t see what was so cute about it. It looked like a pretty good scowl to me. “Now, look here, missy. This ain’t just your body any more so if you’re-” “Right! Right there!” I said, pointing at her. “Not my body! What’s up with that? Why don’t I have my body?” The steam flowed out of her and Applejack glanced away, a bit ashamed. “I don’t- I can’t rightly say.” “Great,” I exhaled, tossing my hands in the air. This made me spin a little in the chair, away from Applejack and her lack of answers. “Turning into a pony and I don’t know why. Thanks, hallucination.” “What’d you call me?” “Hallucination. That’s got to be the only reason. I’m totally hallucinating right now. I didn’t die in the car wreck, I just watched a lot of mindscrew anime back to back and I’ve been having this-” “Now, look here!” Applejack barked slamming her hoof down. The resulting impact shook my room so bad, I had to catch the dragon before he fell from my desk. “I ain’t got time for you and yer hang-ups, girl. We’re on a clock here.” She snorted aggressively. “You’re dreamin’ now and you’re talkin’ to me. The real me. Now, you need to know some stuff.” She adjusted her hat and drained some of the anger from her bearing. “After a spell you ‘n me are... Well, if I understand it right, we’re gonna get a whole lot closer.” “What?” I asked, squinting at her. “Part of what’s happenin’ is that the longer you’re me, the closer we’re gonna get. Up here.” She tapped her head for emphasis. “I’ll be able to help with little things so you ain’t droppin’ everything you pick up, but eventually you an’ me will be one pony, body and soul.” I looked at her. Stared. Horror bubbling up in my gut. “Screw that,” I said, recoiling. Applejack sighed, rubbing at her muzzle with clenched eyes. “I’m not doin’ this right. Argh. Look,” she said, relaxing her expression and looking at me earnestly. “I’m not givin’ ya an order or anything, it’s just a heads up. Wakin’ up with my face is just the start, y’hear?” “What the hell kind of pony are you?” I asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be singing songs and talking about friendship all the time?” She gave me a cool look. “You need to get your brain in order, sugarcube. You know better than that.” And, suddenly, I did. “What the-” Applejack chuckled. “Y’know how they say two heads’re better than one? Well, it works out real good when you’re in the same head. If I remember somethin’, you do too. Works the other way if you want it.” “Jesus! Get out of my head you... You freaky... Pony!” I wrapped my hands over my skull for emphasis. “Sorry, sug, no can do. Look at it this way, you don’t want me goin’ anywhere, I won’t. Yer brain’s a fancy place though. Lots of neat little nooks an’ such. Almost like a castle.” “Mind palace,” I said automatically and I blushed, bringing my hands down and looking away. Applejack chuckled and I realized she knew the reference because I was thinking about it. I could feel it when she knew. What?! “Really like that Sherlock feller, huh?” she said. I turned my nose up and away from her, trying to calm down. “You should know,” I said, my voice flat. “Well, yes and no. Just stop thinkin’ about things you don’t want me to know.” The expression I gave her could not have conveyed a tenth of the confusion and WTF I felt at that exact moment. Fortunately, she figured it out on her own. “Yeah, I know. Just... Don’t think about purple squirrels, I guess.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll do my best,” sarcasm dripping from every word. “Just... Leave it alone unless I say something.” “I’ll do my best. Yer business is yer own and I can respect that.” I swivelled in the chair a bit, feeling awkward. Like I’d been caught naked or with freaky Johnlock porn or something by my mom. I needed to change the direction this whole thing was going. “So... You’re from Ponyville?” I blinked at how well I remembered that. Great. The pony was already mucking around in my brain. She nodded, a proud smile popping up on her face. “Born an’ raised. Though I spent a little time in Manehattan.” “Manehattan,” I said. “Yup.” “The puns alone are going to kill me...” I grumbled. “Well sorry we ain’t as clever as New York, New York,” Applejack replied, an eyebrow raised. “Yeah. Okay,” I responded. “Point for Gryffindor.” That seemed to puff the pony up a bit in response. Before she started preening like a cockatiel, she jerked her head, blinking. Looking around, her expression was distant. “You’re wakin’ up,” she said. “That wasn’t very long,” I said. “Dreams and all,” she said as if that explained anything. “Oh, I almost forgot, when you wake up there’s gonna be a-” I blinked, missing the last of what she said because I was awake. And there was a pillow half in my mouth. Gagging, I spit it out and ran a hoof over my tongue, spying Max at the other end of the couch, his phone up and a not-nice grin on his face. “This is for last fall, isn’t it?” I grumbled. “Consider us even,” he said, hitting a button and ending whatever recording he’d made. “How’d you get that pillow in my mouth?” I asked, spitting a feather. Where had that come from? Max didn’t own any down pillows. “I didn’t, I just came out from getting updates on the whole pony thing and seeing if your car showed up on any news stations and boom. There you are. Deep-throating my couch’s throw pillow.” I smacked my lips. Well, at least the taste of dirt was gone. By way of apology for the recording, he offered to run out and get some stuff for me. Mostly, I needed hair ties. Thick ones if I was going to tie up my mane and tail. He initially claimed ignorance on such a topic, but I cited his year of long hair and he smiled, caught. I liked talking about nothing with Max. It felt good. It felt normal. Like I wasn’t going insane. He said he’d be back quick, which worked fine for me. My mane and tail were driving me nuts! Alone in his apartment, I stared at my phone, which he’d left on the coffee table. Save for a harrowing trip to the bathroom, I stayed put. I didn’t want to call the cops. I didn’t want to call anyone. I just wanted to calm down and maybe this would all calm down with me. Maybe. Unfortunately, I wasn’t calming down and I kinda, sorta, really wanted to talk to my parents. Particularly Mom. Dad, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get to- he worked for a big engineering sub-thing of Lockheed Martin and his phone never worked while he was at his job. Mom though, she didn’t have that problem. So, she’d always been a bit more accessible since she was a teacher. I’d forgotten she had a field trip today, though, and she’d turn her phone off. I didn’t want to leave a message. It felt too weird. What do you say in a voicemail like that? So that meant I could call the school secretary and they’d get her on the horn toot-sweet. But I was only supposed to do that if it was an emergency. Did this count as an emergency? I was alive, mostly. I was okay. My car was hell, but... What if it got found? There’d be questions and she’d find out that way. “Gotta call her,” I said to no one, though I had the oddest feeling of someone listening. I reached a hoof out and opened up my Android again, scrolling to Mom’s office line and dialing. “Thank you for calling Oneida High School, this is Whitney.” I stared at the phone. Speaker left on, the voice echoed in the quiet apartment. “Hellooo...?” I clicked it off. I sighed. Coward, I thought. Just don’t want to disappoint her further, do you? I lay down on the couch and proceeded to feel miserable about myself until Max got home. Pickin’ TimeLunch was delivered Olive Garden since I still wasn’t up to going out. Max ordered for me, citing some stuff he read where ponies were vegan or something. I didn’t care, so long as it was food. The food arrived and my stomach growled at the first whiff of edible somethings. I realized, belatedly, I hadn’t eaten anything since I woke up this morning. Max set everything on the coffee table and with a grin, popped open the big salad and the breadsticks right in front of me. My mouth literally watered. I briefly stared at the fork before muttering “Screw it” and dove into the salad face first. “Good?” Max chuckled, opening his steak and ravioli whatsis. “Can’t talk. Must eat,” I said into my rapidly disappearing salad. The breadsticks were even better. Laying back on the couch, I stared at the ceiling, belly full and with a smile that spread ear to ear. “Okay,” I said. “Maybe... Just maybe, there are some advantages to this.” Max laughed out loud at that. “Good, huh?” he said. “Good? Try great! Salad never tasted like that before! It was all... Mmmm. And the breadsticks!” I raised up to look at him imploringly. “Max, promise me if you wind up like this, you eat those breadsticks!” “I promise,” Max said, chuckling. He put down his plate. “You up for desert?” “I’m stuffed,” I said. I’d eaten both bags of the breadsticks. Max had to sneak one away lest I take a finger off. “You suuuure?” he said, his hand reaching down, out of sight. I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Max, I’m- Is that an apple?” He nodded, holding up the red fruit. He held it like he was examining it. “You want one?” he asked, far too innocently. “I got a whole bunch yesterday. I was gonna take ‘em to a club thing, but that got cancelled. Don’t want ‘em... Going to waste, you know?” Once again, my mouth filled with wanting saliva. Taking a breath, I relaxed my expression away from the excited, large-eyed stare that had washed over me. “Okay, smart-ass. Give it here.” He palmed the apple to me and I caught it in my teeth. Wow. I couldn’t even play catch. Somewhere, I felt like someone said, “You’re welcome.” I gave Max a look, but he was quiet. Actually, he was more anticipatory, the smile on his face telling so much. Rolling my eyes at him again, I bit down and- Oh. My. Sweet. Apple. Jesus. “Mmmmmm,” I moaned, my eyes rolling in an entirely different way. Max was laughing a lot now as I went into applegasm, the fruit disappearing in short order. “Shut up,” I said lazily, now well and truly full and nary a scrap of room left in my bulging stomach. “You’re just jealous that I can have applegasms now.” “Oh yeah,” Max guffawed. “I’m totally jealous here!” I gave him a dirty look and rolled over. A part of me felt like going out, walking off a bit of the lunch as I was starting to feel a bit cooped up. Then I looked outside. My heart jumped into my throat, and I thought sweat was beading up under my fur and I decided I really didn’t want to go outside that badly. Not yet anyway. Instead, I tried Max for conversation. “Is there anything else I should know? Like, about being a pony?” I asked. Wiping a literal tear from his eye, he chuckled some more and sighed. He shrugged, leaning back. “You’re the big name here,” he said. “Aren’t you the authority by now?” I shrugged. “Is Applejack helping out?” “Mmm?” I said. “I read that some of the recently new ponies have the pony in their head.” “We’ve met,” I said, simply. “And?” I tried to think of the best way to put it. “She kinda reminds me of my mom.” Ha! I twitched, turning around. “Did you hear that?” “Hear what?” “Someone...” I blinked. “Applejack?” I was tryin’ to leave you to yerself, but... Well, you ain’t the first pony to say I had a mom-streak in me. Gets me every time. “Applejack what?” Max said, but I waved my hoof at him to be quiet. “How long have you been here?” Since you woke up. The, uh, the first time. It got clearer on the second. You didn’t seem too happy about me, so I figured I’d leave you to yerself while I looked around at what you were comfortable showin’. “You helped with the catch, didn’t you?” Sure as shootin’. “Uh... Thanks,” I murmured. Max picked up on what was going on and pointed incredulously. “Are you talking to Applejack, Rae? Like the Applejack?” Taking a breath, I nodded. “Yes, Max. I’m talking to Applejack. She’s in my head.” “Dude,” Max said. “I know,” I said. “Dude,” Max said. “I know,” I said. “How are you not more excited about this?!” Max said, hopping into his chair in excitement. He kinda reminds me of Pinkie, Applejack commented. Ignoring the pony in my head, I said to Max, “I dunno. Not my thing? Remember, Max, I just thought the show was alright. You’re the fan. Maybe if I’d been turned into Samus or something, then there might be some excited squealing. Maybe.” Max shook his head, falling back to his butt. “Man, Rae, I figured if something genuinely fantastic happened you’d finally crack that shell, but you’re still Freeze Rae.” I scowled at the nickname I got in high school. Tossing my hair away, I looked outside and my legs twitched as my head got woozy. I closed my eyes and thought about my room, my laptop, my bear that I hid from everyone because I was twenty dammit and I still didn’t need Mr. Holding, even though I really, really wanted him right now. The woozy cleared. I glared back at Max. “Thanks MaxiPad.” He scrunched his nose up and raised a hand in peace. “Okay. Fair enough. Too far.” I’d always been... Quiet, reserved. I just don’t see the point in freaking out over every little thing. Big things- totally freak out worthy. Just not every little thing. So, somewhere in high school, everyone started calling me Freeze Rae. I don’t know when it started for everyone else, but I found out when my friend Christy had been talking with me about her boyfriend and said to quit being Freeze Rae. We stopped talking about her boyfriend real quick. Apparently, word had gotten around the school’s marching band that I was “frigid.” This was for the offense of not really being interested in dating and not bothering to say no up front. It had then spread to the whole school and, like these things went, I was the last to know. When Christy told me all this, I’m kind of amazed I didn’t earn a new nickname: Pissed Off Forever Rae. I’m not so amazed Christy and I stopped talking. As bad as mine was, Max’s high school nickname had much, much worse roots. I only threw it out when I wanted him at full brakes. “Change of subject?” he asked. “Change of subject,” I confirmed. Oh that’s horrible, Applejack said. Why would anyone name a feller that? “Stop that,” I said. Sorry, it was kinda up top here... Max raised an eyebrow. “Applejack,” I said, rolling my eyes. I hadn’t done this much eye-rolling since my boss handed me the massively crap Worther account. “Would you mind if I talked to her?” Max said. I gave him a look. “Aren’t you already doing that?” He laughed, nervously. “I can tell it’s you, Rae,” he said. “AJ isn’t anything like you, so it’s honestly this kind of... Aneurysm to watch you talk.” “Greeeeeeat,” I grumbled. “I freak you out. Thanks for that, Max.” Easy now, Rachel. He’s just bein’ honest. “Fine! Y’all wanna talk! Talk!” I harrumphed and folded my forelegs. Max stared at me expectantly. “Uh...” “Well, c’mon Applejack. You two seem to be such buds an’ all!” Rachel, now that ain’t fair to anypony here. Max was just sharing an’ bein’ curious like. You’re still hurtin’ from this morning an’- “I don’t want to talk about it!” I shrieked. My heart was in my throat and, I learned I hadn’t imagined it earlier. I could, in fact, sweat under my fur. I panted. I could feel Applejack back away, like she was a physical presence nearby, raising her hooves in peace. Max, on the other hand, craned his neck at me. “The burying thing?” I darted my gaze away from him. “Y’think?” He sighed, ran a hand through his hair and looked at his kitchen space. “You didn’t want to talk about it, so I figured Applejack was safe territory.” He turned back to me, his expression concerned. “It looks like it’s under your skin though, Rae. We really should-” “Stay where we are,” I asserted. “Whoever did this still has my ID. I can’t- I don’t-” I shook my head. “Not now.” “Fair enough,” Max said. He glanced over at his TV. “How about we watch something?” “Like what?” He grinned. “Max, I swear to Christ, if you recommend Friendship is Magic, I’ll buck you with one of these,” I said, raising my hind leg slightly. “Nah,” he said, going to his DVD shelf. “I was thinking something more... Sci-fi.” I cocked my head at him. He turned around and I grinned a bit. Max knew me pretty well. What’s that? Applejack asked. “Firefly,” I said, feeling a relaxing peace settle in my stomach. “I think you’ll probably like it.” Max made the afternoon official by popping some popcorn. He also set some apples out in case I got snackish. We lay back on the couch and let sci-fi cult goodness take us away from where everything sucked to where everything sucked more, but for people not us. Halfway into the fourth episode, my phone rang. Max and I looked down at my phone. “It’s your mom,” he said, pausing the scene. “I know,” I said, looking at it, listening to its ring. Pink’s “So What” played in that brief way of mp3 ringtones. “Y’gonna... Pick it up?” he asked. She’s yer ma, Applejack said. She’s probably just wonderin’ where you’re at. “Probably,” I muttered. The phone abruptly stopped, mid-lyric. About a half-minute later the voicemail chime went off. A minute after that, my text alert went off. Didn’t you wanna talk with her? Applejack’s confusion wasn’t just in her question. I could... Feel it. Like it was some other, nearby emotion. Though definitely separate from me. Freaky weird. Max looked at me, but didn’t say anything. He hit play and I turned my phone off. I could call her tomorrow. A Boy Named SueWhen I went to sleep later that night, I found myself standing in a field that lead into a treeline. Applejack walked by me, lumber stacked on her back. “‘Scuse,” she said. “Oh. Sure,” I said, moving aside. Seeing as nothing else was going on in my dream, I followed her. It was nice to be human again. Feel my hands flex. I was in jeans and a comfortable shirt, though I was barefoot. That wasn’t that new for me. I liked going barefoot when I could manage it. What was new was walking across grass without worry of stones or sharp rocks poking even my toughened feet. “What’re you doing?” I asked. “Just settin’ up a little place for me,” she said, coming upon another pile of lumber. ”I’m gonna be here awhile, and used an old memory for foundation.” “You can do that?” I said. “Looks like. This whole traversin’ the mind business seems to play itself by ear, y’know?” She popped her back up and the lumber flipped over to join the rest in a small pile. “Why not just... Imagine it all as a place?” I said. I looked at the space next to the lumber and then at Applejack. I thought about a small, comfy house for her. It wouldn’t be like her place back in Ponyville- that was made for a big family, so I thought of a cottage. A starter house almost. It was there. Wooden walls bare of paint, shingled roof needing a finish, but the windows looked pretty freakin’ quaint, if you asked me. Applejack snorted next to me, amused. “Well, I’ll be,” she said. “It’s just a house,” I said. “Not that hard to imagine one. Even for a pony I don’t know too well.” “Y’see, you say that and I take it you’re like Rarity who sees darn near six impossible things before breakfast!” “Lewis Carroll?” I said, an eyebrow raised in amusement. “You’re pretty private,” Applejack said, knocking on the house’s side and smiling at the solid thunk she got in response. “Most only things to look at are stuff you’ve read or watched or the like. Definitely likin’ that Firefly thing. That Mal character- Heh. Knew a colt like him back when I was a filly.” Her gaze got distant for a minute and she smiled slightly. I felt briefly nostalgic. “Had a thing for the bad stallions, eh?” I said, smiling myself. “Oh he wasn’t that bad...” Applejack hedged with a guilty grin. I gave her a knowing look and she laughed. “Okay, okay, he was, but he was as good for me as the trip to Manehattan. Reminded me what I wanted and what was important.” “What’s that?” “Family and business,” she said, sure as stone. I eased to the ground, sitting, and thought more about the inside of the small house. Applejack probably didn’t need to eat in here, but I bet she’d appreciate a kitchen, so I concentrated on a fully stocked one as I smiled. Wistful-like, as my mental guest would put it. “I’m jealous,” I said. “Do you like a couch or a plush chair, by the way?” “Couch is fine,” she replied. “About what?” “You know what you’re good at.” I painted the house red. “I still can’t decide if I want to finish college or not.” “You seem pretty good at this whole creatin’ thing,” she said, nodding her head at her rapidly materializing house. “Yeah, I’m really good at building imaginary houses,” I said, leaning back on my hands. “People are beating down the door for someone like that.” She regarded me, but shrugged. “I think you’re bein’ hard on yourself, but if you say so, then I’m gonna trust ya.” I stared at her as I realized she meant it. Usually, when I heard “if you say so,” it was from, well... Everyone and not spoken nearly as kindly. I think this was the first time anyone had just accepted it when I told them I couldn’t do something. Who was this mare? “Really. You believe me. Just like that?” I said. “I’m a guest, for all this is my body too. Ain’t my place to call you out on somethin’ I don’t know about.” “You can if you want,” I responded. “I mean, we’re in my head. You don’t have to lie or anything.” Applejack gave me a lopsided grin. “Well, that’s tricky ‘cause I ain’t lyin’. You say whatcha got here ain’t gettin’ any nibbles, I believe ya. Ya can’t sell apples to ponies that came to market for pears.” “Is that some folksy, pony wisdom?” I asked, cocking my head at her. “Naw,” she said. “That’s experience. Worked out alright though. Brought the spares home an’ Granny made a mess o’ pies. That was good dessert that night.” “House’s done,” I said. “Wanna go in?” “Sure!” she chirped excitedly and went to the door, opening it. “Lan...” she muttered, looking around. I bent down to see if it looked as good as I thought it would. It did. Go me. “This is sure nice of y’all,” Applejack said, trotting in to look around. “Feel free to decorate. Not like there isn’t enough dream stuff or whatever for you to use.” She chuckled. “Thanks. Wish I had yer gift. Not that I don’t mind bein’ the best bucker in Ponyville, but this must be real nice.” “You can’t dream up a house?” “Not without thinkin’ about th’ cost o’ nails,” she said with a smirk. “Sounds dull,” I said, pulling my head out of the door. I’d be like Gandalf in there and I didn’t want to scrape my head. Could I do that here? “Not dull,” Applejack proclaimed, joining me back outside. “Just practical. You want flights o’ fancy, you see my sister, Apple Bloom. She dreams in 3-D, far as I know.” Her expression clouded at the mention of her sister. “Hope she’s okay...” I looked away, seeing the horizon. It was like it was constantly three o’clock even though we’d been here for some time. I looked back and Applejack was still obviously distraught. Feeling a faraway ache in my heart, I half-frowned. “I’m... I’m sure she is,” I said. This is why I mostly hung out with boys. I suck at feelings and feelings talks, but there wasn’t anyone else around and I couldn’t just... Not say anything. Right? “What if she’s ended up on this side of it?” Applejack raised her head up and seemed to have more imagination than she thought. She was clearly conjuring all sorts of imagery. “What if she’s with some bad apple? What if she’s in some place where there ain’t any pony folk?” I shrugged. “Then that sucks, but at least she won’t be alone.” Applejack turned to me and I could see the storm I’d kicked in her. “Pardon?” “If she’s like us then she’ll have a human with her, like you do with me,” I said quickly, pointing between us. “Most likely doing what we’re doing. Spending some time together, talking. And, yeah, we’re not off to a good start, but am I a ‘bad apple?’” She turned that over. “No... You’re alright,” she said, slowly. “So, I doubt she got stuck with some whoever. Probably she’s with someone more mature. Or like, a really chill kid or something.” She nodded, the worries fading in the presence of this new idea. “And besides,” I added. “You think anything could be worse than how I woke up today?” “Guess not,” she snorted, a wry grin on her face. “Hope she ain’t had to deal with that.” “She’ll be-” “Fine,” I said awake. Day 8 Ugh. Argh. It’s like some kind of super mental whiplash when that happens. One second, me, next this. It’s like I’m never really sleeping. I smacked my mouth. Dawn creeped just outside the window and I was glad for my pony size. I wasn’t much bigger than a medium dog, so crashing on Max’s couch hadn’t been the kind of hassle it was when I... When I was human. Rolling over, I stared up at the ceiling. I didn’t want to think things like that. I’m still human. I’m still me. I’m just... Going through some stuff. Sure. Let’s go with that. Ya ain’t goin’ alone, Applejack said. I snorted softly. “Fair enough.” I continued to lay there. “I’m not going back to sleep, am I?” I asked the pony in my head. I’m a farmer, she replied. I’m surprised you stayed up as late as you did. “I’m the opposite of a farmer, so this... Early thing isn’t going to work for me.” Well, good luck with that. I been doin’ it since I was a filly. My body’s got a better clock than most clocks. “Great,” I grumbled and just threw back the covers Max had provided. I hadn’t really needed them, but the gesture was there and it gave me a sense of normalcy that I was sorely lacking. So, feels like you made yer mind up about some stuff, Applejack offered as I rolled off the couch. “Yeah. The sleep cleared my head. I’ll call my parents, go to the cops, sort this out. Probably just some drunk asshole ran me off the road and thought I was dead so he buried me because he was an idiot.” Sounds like you’re stretchin’ there, but I can see it. “After that...” I shrugged, looking outside through the blinds on Max’s window. “I don’t know.” Look, I know you’re not up for the whole “destiny” thing or whatever yer friend was talkin’ about, but maybe we can find a way to cut you loose in New York. “That’d be nice,” I said. “No offense, but this really stinks.” None taken. As I thought about getting my body back, horror struck me. Applejack felt the thought too. Well... she said. I don’t know since I kinda came in... “But it could happen,” I said, quickly, softly. “We separate me and you and it turns out my body is, like, two minutes from death and I die because my face is caved in or whatever.” Now, just calm down. No need to get riled. I’m sure Twilight or Celestia can sort this out. I didn’t calm, but I tried to clamp down on the rampaging bull of anxiety that had bloomed under that line of thinking. So it was more of a controlled panicking, really. “I’m more concerned about having EMTs there to keep me alive,” I said and my voice shook. I was charting entirely new levels of freaked out now. Hey now, easy there. You ain’t dead yet. “But I could be,” I whispered and looked myself over again. Was this the new me? An orange pony with a blond mane where I could only be myself in dreams? I shuddered. C’mon. You’re gettin’ stir crazy. Then, I felt a jerk, like someone tugged me and my right side listed slightly. “How did you-” It’s my body too. But I ain’t gonna do much more than this. That’d be rude. “Oh. Okay. Thanks,” I said. Initially, I’d felt like she reminded me of my mom. Now that I thought about it, she was more like a friend’s mom. Like, Max’s mom would watch out for me, but she gave me more slack. Way more than my own mother and that was more of what I needed. Someone concerned, but not smothering me. Outside was a good idea though. I wasn’t feeling as panicked about being beyond the relative safety of the apartment, so I went over and stared at the door. Need a hoof? “Go for it,” I said. Ever get a muscle spasm or like a twitch and you’d wonder how your finger twitched or your foot popped up? Having Applejack raise me up and take the doorknob in her mouth and opening it was like that times a million. Super weird and super disorienting. “Thanks,” I said, making faces as I spat the taste of metal out. Not a problem. Y’get used to the taste. I think copper’s almost okay. “Something to look forward to,” I said, trotting out the apartment and down the two flights of stairs. As soon as I touched the little grass outside, I immediately felt better. Like I’d just dipped my toes in a spa bath or eased into a hot tub. It was subtle and powerful all at once. “Is... Is this what it’s like for all... Um. Earth ponies?” Depends really. I’m pretty good since I do a lot of work in the dirt and part of my special talent’s in growin’ things. Big Mac, my brother, he’s the same way, but Granny’s better in the kitchen, once everythin’s out of the ground. Or, my friend, Pinkie. She can’t grow beans for beans, but she’s so keen on everything else you’d hardly know. Earth ponies’re subtle like that. I grinned, clopping along the ground, actively enjoying the feel of grass and open air. “Subtle’s cool,” I said. “I like subtle.” Well, then you’re in good company! I’m as subtle as a possum in its hole on rattlesnake day! I chortled. Great. I was sharing a brain with Sheriff Woody. Eh, it could be worse. A little after seven a.m, it got worse. I went back inside and set about making sure all the belongings I had weren’t under an inch of dirt anymore. Max woke at 6:30 ish and went through the bathroom before stumbling out in just pants. I was starting to suspect he had a personal aversion to shirts. I was eating cereal and Max was staring at his coffee maker like it was complex math. My phone was on, glaring at me from the coffee table as I debated whether to listen to Mom’s message, read her text, or just up and call her. Then, a knock came from the door. Looking at Max, I said, “Are you expecting someone?” “Not at this godforsaken hour,” he said, running into his room and coming out a few seconds later, tugging a shirt over his head. The knocking went up a notch as he dressed and Max called out, “Coming! Coming!” Max opened the door and revealed... A guy. He was taller than Max with broader shoulders, but with a pretty big gut. His hair was short, black and not quite tidy and he looked like he forgot to shave this morning. He was dressed in gray slacks and a tan jacket with a blue, button up shirt and his demeanor practically screamed, “OFFICIAL.” Except... I could smell him. He didn’t smell like someone official because official people didn’t smell like that much... What was that? “Hi. Is this the residence of Mr. Adams?” “It is,” Max said, leaning around the door, so it was a little between him and the guy. “Who’s calling?” “My name’s Detective Waters.” He held up a badge and identification, but not so fast that Max didn’t snort at something on them. The detective looked resigned and went on. “Mr. Adams, we’re trying to locate Rachel Shelton. Is she around?” “In a way,” Max hedged. He glanced back at me. I sighed. Might as well get this over with. Have I smelled that before? Applejack said. Stepping into view, I looked up at the man, who seemed to tower over me. I got a good whiff now and I realized what it was- weed. He was sweating out marijuana. Not a lot, but with my nose, I didn’t need much to confirm it. Wait. What’s- Oh. Ooooh. I let Applejack go through the quick and dirty version of my understanding of pot. So why’d this guy smell like it? “Morning, sir,” I said, letting my drawl go a little heavier. “What’s the problem?” Detective Waters blinked at me as if a pony had randomly started talking, which I had, so I gave him a minute to recover and rally. “Uh. We, uh, we found your car crashed and...” He stared. “Sorry. I wasn’t really prepared for that.” I chuckled. “Me neither. Can I see your identification too? Yesterday was a long day.” Still kind of boggling at me, he pulled out his identification again and I looked at the name and badge number and I snorted. “Susan?” I said. He rolled his eyes and snapped the wallet shut. “It’s a name,” he responded neutrally. “How can I help you?” Apparently, his sore spot name got him back on track because he went back to his official bearing. “Yeah, we found your car and ID on the side of Highway Five, but no sign of you. After running some of your information, we found your phone active with some use. We checked in with your parents, but they hadn’t heard from you, just your friend.” He indicated Max. “Mind if I come in and you tell me what happened?” I was about to say sure when something struck me. Biting at my memory. Something important. Something about Waters’s badge. If you’re okay with me doin’ it, I can find out why a whole hay of a lot faster, hon, Applejack said. I nodded slightly, not wanting to clue the detective in. He and Max stared at me as I stood still, my gaze downcast like I was considering something. I’ve- Oh. Oh my stars. Rachel, we might have to do something here. And I remembered. Detective Susan Waters sometimes came to the company. I knew this because accounting was next to legal. Legal sometimes dealt with local law enforcement because some jerk would try to mess with the company I worked for. Detective Susan Waters came by about once every couple of weeks or so. And she was a really nice black woman in her mid fifties. I raised my gaze up at the man claiming to be Sue. “You know what? Wait here. Let me get my purse,” I said carefully. I went back into the apartment, glad I’d eaten a heavy breakfast. My purse was in the living room, next to the couch, still drying from its scrub-down yesterday. Till I could use it again, Max had loaned me a backpack his niece had left the last time she visited. It was red with a mouse holding a flower on it. I scooted my phone into the backpack as well as the two other apples I’d planned on eating that morning. Zipping the bag up with my teeth, I slid it on, Applejack helping with some of the finer movements. Back at the door, the two men waited silently. I don’t know about this, Applejack said. Neither do I, but it’s all I can think of. Applejack nodded. So did I. Stepping up next to Max, I glanced up at him. “Thanks,” I said. “For what?” he said. And I bolted. It wasn’t hard. Detective Not-Sue had his legs spread wide to support his weight and all I had to do was duck down. I heard him swear as I leapt the stairs in three bounds and hit the dirt at a full gallop. I heard him start pounding after me, but he wasn’t in the shape necessary to keep up. I didn’t go for the road either. I dove deep into the forest that banked Max’s apartment complex. Detective Not-Sue couldn’t follow me there. He was either coming off a high, or might still be a little baked. He might have been able to tackle me, but he was not catching up to me. Definitely not in the shape he was in. And definitely not the way I was running. Applejack was helping. I could feel it. She was working out the rhythm of my hooves and eventually, I got it and I was thundering. Really, truly thundering. Holy. Crap. I’d never run this fast in my life. “You’re in pretty good shape,” I commented as trees flew by. Y’should see some of my other friends move when they want to. My phone started ringing and I ignored it. You gonna get that? “No,” I said. Why not? “Because they traced us by it once and they could do it again,” I said, grim. I felt all those Sherlock books I read coming to me. So did all those little detective bits from the shows I watched. Fantasy was suddenly reality and reality felt like fantasy and I was a running pony who was insanely fast. I didn’t stop until I came to a small, but fast-moving creek. These were quickly becoming a staple of my life. I wasn’t even winded. I was sweating a bit, sure, but... “You are in ridiculously good shape,” I said. I do alright, Applejack replied. I swear I felt her smirk. Rummaging in my slightly floppy backpack, I pulled my Android out. I had to admit, it was a nice one. Two year plan. I got a few games for when I’d have to wait anywhere. I tapped it open. Two voicemails. Four texts. I hit speaker. “Hi, Rachel, it’s your mom. Listen, the office told me that Max called? Said you were staying with him because you’re sick? If you could call me soon, I’d really appreciate it. Bye.” I deleted it. Not that it mattered, it was habit. “Next message...” the digital voice said. “Rae! What the fuck?!” Max yelled. “What’s going on?! You took off like you were on fire! Jesus! Call me. Call me soon, okay?” First text from Mom: Did you get my voicemail? First text from Max: What’s going on? Second text from Max: Srsly, that guy was swearing like nuts. Call me back. Text me. Third Text from Max: He came back and gave me his card. It didn’t say Sue. Says he’s James Matthews. A P.I. DUDE!!!! Call me back!!!!!!!! I went to my contact list. What’re ya- “Please.” She was quiet. I dialed my mom’s cell. It went to her voicemail. I sighed, then took a breath. I only shuddered a little. “Hi Mom. It’s me. It’s... It’s Rachel. I know I sound like cousin Abbie, but it’s me. If you google the news for ponies or people turning into ponies, you’ll know why.” I swallowed. “Things... Things have gotten really... Really messed up. I’m sorry. It wasn’t my fault to start but now...” I looked up. Birds chirped in the distance and I could still smell dew on the grass. “I have to run Mom. I think... I think someone’s trying to hurt me. I’m sorry I can’t say any more. I don’t know anymore. Just- If a guy says he’s a detective, make sure he is. Like, check his badge, call his superior and ask for a warrant because this guy just showed up and he...” I realized tears were coming to me and I was running down the voicemail. “Just- Just be careful Mom. You and Dad. I’ll... I’ll get in touch when I can. Not by this number. It’s Secret Fortess time Mom. Only for real. I’m sorry. I love you.” I hit End. I stared at the screen. Then, before I could change my mind, I slammed it with my left forehoof and slapped it into the creek with my right. What my first blow started the impact on a rock finished and broke the phone into bits that the creek carried away. Better? Applejack asked. “No,” I said, solemnly. I moved my backpack around. I’d need something sturdier soon. This kids’ pack wasn’t going to cut it if I was... Going the way I was. I looked around, wishing I’d checked my map. “So. New York?” I said. Sure thing. I lead us deeper into the woods. Reason To BelieveMy stomach growled, I had finally worked up a sweat, and I had no idea which way I was going. Forward was all I knew. South, Applejack said. “Thanks,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. We’d been going for a few hours now and while Applejack’s body was definitely fit, I hadn’t exactly filled her stomach to capacity this morning. The two apples I’d pushed into my pack were a distant memory. I needed food. Plus, while I wasn’t an expert on pony moods, I could tell that Applejack wasn’t one hundred percent happy with me. But, she wasn’t going into details and it wasn’t my job to keep her happy. The effect was like being trapped in a car on a road trip with someone you know you’ve pissed off, but they wouldn’t freaking own up to why they were angry at you. “If I’d known I was going to be on the freaking lam, I’d have packed a canteen,” I grumbled. “Or a restaurant. How much do you usually eat?” A bit, Applejack replied, her tone cool. Normally, I’m workin’ the orchard with somethin’ to snack on nearby. Can we get some water? We’re parched. “Least that isn’t a problem,” I muttered, steering to the side. The creek I’d been following for the past some odd miles came back into view and I stopped to rest as I drank from it. I’d briefly considered I might be giving myself worms for not boiling the water, but thirst won out and the stream was pretty clear so far. I licked my lips. “I swear if I’m drinking some guy’s piss, I will beat everyone up.” You’re a real charmer, ya know that? Applejack said. “Whatever,” I countered. “We need real food.” The cool demeanor she’d been generating warmed a bit as I felt her thinking. Which is even weirder than all the already weird stuff. Nobody should be able to feel it when someone else is thinking. Nobody! I’m with ya there, she said after a minute. But how do ya propose we go about that? You were pretty stern after we left your friend back there. Y’know? Not bein’ seen, not goin’ anywhere crowded, not leavin’ any traces, not- “Okay! Okay! I’m an idiot! Thank you!” Much as it galled me, she was right. When we’d first set out, all I could think of was all the ways I could be tracked. Primary of which being my face. I wasn’t just any talking pony. I was Applejack. I had a bit of fame on me. I couldn’t just go cover-of-Us celebrity and wear shades and a hat. An orange pony with a Southern accent would stick out here like a decent superhero comic. So, I’d patted myself on the back at first, opting to stick to the woods and ditching my cell. Applejack’s wilderness knowledge kept us more or less on track, so I thought I had covered all my bases. Then, I got hungry. Then, I ate the only food we’d packed. The creek was helping, but we needed for-real supplies. And soon. I dropped the red backpack on the ground. It was holding up surprisingly well. I figured the straps would have given a half hour ago and I’d have to MacGuyver something. I didn’t exactly have rubber bands and paper clips lying around, so I was glad it was working out. Unzipping the pack with my teeth, I stuck my head in and bit down on my wallet. It had come with my purse and was one of those long, billfold things that could hold checks if need be. I wasn’t so lofty. Inside was thirty-two dollars, a credit card and my bank card. I was certain the last two would light up like Christmas for whoever sent that smelled-of-weed Private Investigator, but I wasn’t so certain that I didn’t stare at my available cash. I only had thirty-two dollars and that was only going to get me so far. I sighed. “I have a dumb idea,” I said. Yeah? Applejack asked. ~ I went past four parks with jungle gyms before I found one that was nearby a gas station with an ATM. It was one of those units that charged five bucks just for the “service” and then my bank would charge me again and I hated using them, but this definitely fit “emergency.” This place was actually pretty active. Lots of people running around and some kids were already messing around near the trees. Their moms, or nannies, were paying more attention to their iPads or chatting with each other. I was hidden pretty well by the trees and low-lying plants and could see the monkey bars and swings easy. This ain’t that dumb of a plan, but I don’t like it, Applejack said. Don’t seem honest. “Shh. I have to be cute or whatever.” I targeted a girl with pigtails in a pink skirt and blue t-shirt. Exactly what I needed right now. “Pssst!” I said, popping my head out of the cover. She stopped in mid-kid-activity. “Psssssst!” She looked around. “Psssssssssssst!” Great, I sound like a tire losing air with a Southern accent. She locked on just before I could start hollering her over and when she saw me, her eyes got really, really, really big. She came over at a dead run and stopped just beyond the brush of forest. “Oh wow. Did you just call me, pony?” “Yeah, yeah I did,” I said. Her eyes managed to get even bigger. “You can talk?! Are you- Are you a magical pony?” I resisted the urge to say I was a hyper-advanced alien from the planet Ponoidus and nodded slowly with a big, friendly smile. At least, I hope it was big and friendly. I think my eye was twitching. “Yes, I am and I need your help.” “Me?” “Yep.” “Really?” “Uh-huh.” “Are you gonna grant me a wish?” Maybe I’d picked too young. “Ellie, what’re you doing- Whoa.” I cringed back. While I’d been talking to the amazing child of one-hundred questions, two more kids had broken away to come over and see what had her attention. While “Ellie” was needfully young and shorter than me, the two who’d joined us were just about my height, and looked older than I was hoping for. One was a boy in jeans and a Transformers t-shirt, while the other was a girl in shorts, plain green shirt and a... Cowboy hat. Sure. The older girl was staring at me in a way that looked a bit like she knew who I might be. The boy was just sizing me up like he wasn’t sure I’d bite or not. “Ellie, what’d you find?” he asked. “A magical pony!” Ellie said. “An’ she’s gonna grant me a wish!” “Hey, I didn’t say that!” I snapped. “Holy shit!” the boy said. That snapped the other girl out of it. “Connor!” she said in a tone that was older than she was. “You shouldn’t swear!” “The horse just talked,” he protested, waving his hand at me. “What am I supposed to do?” “Be polite. And she’s not a horse,” the other girl said. “She’s a pony.” She stepped forward to me and smiled. It was weird. Nobody smiled at me like that. Not even my cousin’s kid, who smiled at everything. “Hi,” she said. “My name’s Carrie. Are you- Are you really Applejack?” I blinked at her. Okay. Sure. In terms of best case scenario, you couldn’t beat this. “Yes,” I started with a smile. “I...” And I stopped. Remember when your parents told you about Santa Claus? Then you found out how it really worked? If they’d just said what Santa was from up front, you would’ve been fine. You wouldn’t have been disappointed or lost the magic of childhood or whatever fresh bullshit adults whine about in therapy. You would have thought, “Oh, okay. People are nice around this time and they like to hang it on an old dude in a red fuzzy outfit. Cool.” My parents were disappointing in a lot of ways, but going along with that? Really disappointing. They figured, oh, she’s a kid, she needs magic or whatever because she doesn’t understand. I didn’t know how I would feel about kids of my own, but I didn’t want to bullshit someone when they were young. Life was prepared to fling enough disappointments at them. They didn’t need me adding to it. “Yeah, I know her,” I said finally. Carrie blinked at me. “You know her? But... You look just like her,” Carrie said. “Sound like her too,” Connor said. “Yeah, well, I woke up like her and she’s... Kinda in my head, but I’m not her,” I said. “She’s in your head?” Ellie said, squinting at me and twisting her own head around as if she could spy Applejack sticking out behind my mane. “Like your conscience,” I said. “Only, a real voice.” Darn tootin’ I’m real, Applejack said. “For instance,” I sighed. “She just said, ‘Darn tootin’ I’m real.’” “This is messed up,” Connor said, folding his arms. “Prove it.” “Prove what?” I asked. “Prove you’re Applejack.” I stared at this kid, my expression falling into disbelief. “Dude! I’m a talkin’, buckin’ pony with apples on my butt! What more proof do you need?” “What’s going on over there?” a voice called. Carrie turned quickly. “We found a lizard! We’re playing!” “Okay...” the voice wavered. “Don’t wander too far.” “Thanks,” I said. Carrie shrugged, but looked at Connor. “Why do you always gotta be like this, Connor?” “What? I listen to adults too. She could be a changeling.” Carrie glanced at me. I could tell she didn’t like that idea at all. “Can I pet you?” Ellie said. I looked back to her. “Uh. Sure. Just... Stay above the apples.” She grinned like I just gave her the keys to Disney World and pressed her tiny hand into my fur. At first, she was rough, doing that little kid thing where she tried to get a feel for me. Then her hand stopped grabbing and smoothed out to gentle caresses. “You’re so soft...” she whispered. I blinked at her, my mouth a little open. “Thanks...?” “She’s totally telling the truth,” Carrie said. “And how do you know?” Connor asked, rolling his eyes. “‘Cause if she was a changeling, she would’ve said she was Applejack and try to snare us with a love spell.” Connor folded his arms and his mouth bent into a frown of consideration. After a minute, he nodded. “Yeah, okay. She’s Applejack,” he said. “Only she doesn’t have a hat. Where’s your hat, not-Applejack?” I couldn’t tell if I liked Connor or I wanted to strangle him. “Didn’t get the hat, just the pony,” I said. “And my name is Rachel.” “Are you an adult?” Connor asked. “What has that got to do with anything?” Carrie said. “Hey!” I said, trying to curb them. I got a squeak of worry out of Ellie, so I looked at her and said, “Sorry. You’re fine.” She resumed stroking my neck, which felt way better than it had any right to. “Look, I’m sure you two can debate this all day, but I need some help.” “Why’s that?” Connor said. Yep, definitely wanted to strangle Connor. Through only slightly gritted teeth, I said, “None of your business.” “Then why should we help you?” he said, leaning back, head tilted at a snotty angle. “Because polite. You’re such a jerk sometimes,” Carrie said and she took a step closer to me. “I’ll help, Rachel.” Ellie giggled as she poked at my ear. I flicked it away with my new, creepy, ear-controlling ability and gave her a look. She grinned sheepishly, returning to basic petting. “Thanks,” I said and slid my backpack off. Fishing out out my billfold, I laid it on the ground. “Look, I need you to go over to that ATM and get as much money as it’ll give to you and let it keep the card.” I bit down and slid my card out of its slot. I dropped it in Carrie’s waiting hand. Carrie wiped my spit off on her shorts and looked at the card. She seemed to be thinking something as the excitement dimmed in her eyes. “You’re scared, aren’t you?” she said, softly. I guess Applejack doesn’t have much of a poker face. My eyes dropped down briefly before looking back to her, I nodded at Carrie. “I can’t be seen right now. And I kind of stick out, you know?” She nodded and grinned a full smile at me. I could tell she’d just lost a tooth. I felt my heart d’aw a bit. “You’ll get noticed,” Connor said, pointing at Carrie. “Tara isn’t going to let you get over there.” He thought something over. “I’ll be a distraction.” Carrie raised an eyebrow that I shared. “It’ll be fun,” he said. And the smile he flashed told me he’d be breakin’ hearts when he was older. Carrie blushed and fiddled with the card. “Maybe you’re not such a jerk after all.” Connor shrugged and looked off. “Can I ride you?” Ellie asked. I looked at her flatly. “No.” ~ Ellie kept me company while Connor went over to the monkey bars and started being a very impressive distraction. “Attention playground! I am King Connor and I have a procli- Proc- I got something to say!” His voice was big and it carried across the area easily. He was either some theater prodigy or just plain loud by nature- I bet it was the latter. Either way, he had everyone’s attention. Carrie booked it across the edge of the playground to the gas station without so much as a sideways glance. Unfortunately, by the look on his face, I could tell he had thought through his distraction plan as thoroughly as I had thought through my “run away from not-Detective Sue Waters” plan. “Um...” he said loudly. Then his eyes found something and he said, “I stole her underwear!” He pointed to a girl who was nearby a wall of spinning blocks with tic-tac-toe symbols. She responded appropriately: “You did not!” “Shows what you know!” “Connor, quit making a scene and get down from there!” said some brunette who had to be a nanny- I looked more like Connor than she did. “Gotta catch me first! Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!” Connor then proceeded to drop down between the bars and run around the playground as the woman chased after him. It wasn’t long, but it was long enough for Carrie to get back in the area, panting. Connor was caught and given a talk that I could tell he was already tuning out. His attempt to hide his victorious smile didn’t help his case. “Back,” Carrie said, leaning on her knees. “Jeez.” “Yeah,” I said. “He said ‘underwear,’” Ellie giggled. Carrie looked at me. “It was a good distraction,” I said. She shrugged and pulled out a wad of twenties and my card. She gave an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I couldn’t get it to keep it.” “That’s fine,” I said. “I don’t think I was thinking it through anyway. How much could you pull?” “Two-fifty,” she said. I nodded. About what I figured. I took the card first, then the wad. Once I’d thrown both back in my pack, I peeled a twenty off. “For you and your dude over there,” I said through clamped teeth. She took the money with a laugh. “He’s not my dude,” she said. “He’s just a friend.” I shrugged, adjusting my pack on my back. “Whatever. Thanks for your help.” I looked over at Ellie. “And the petting. That was nice too.” Ellie beamed. I hadn’t let her ride me, but I did let her play with my mane during the distraction and that had been enough to keep her happy. “Where are you going?” Carrie asked. “Hopefully, New York City. I got official pony business and all.” “‘Cause you’re an Element of Harmony,” Carrie said. “‘Cause Applejack is. I’m no Element, I’m just trying not to die.” Worry took over Carrie’s entire expression. “You’re gonna die?!” “No! No,” I said, raising a hoof, trying to calm her down. “I don’t plan on it, but that’s why I’m scared and I have to keep running.” “A bad guy’s after you?” she said. I nodded. She frowned. “That stinks.” “Tell me about it.” “Well, I know you’re not Applejack, but you’re alright to me,” she said. Then, she lifted her hat up and plopped it right on my head. I twitched slightly and it slid on my mane. I reached up a hoof and I felt as Applejack adjusted it about. Now we’re talkin’, Applejack said. I stared at Carrie. “You didn’t look right without it,” she said. “Besides, it needs to go on adventures like it used to.” I took the hat off and saw why it had fit Carrie so well. It was an adult’s stetson with a little packing in the top. It also looked like it had seen some travel with nicks in the rich, brown felt and a name on the inside. “Liana?” I said. “That’s my mom,” Carrie said, her voice getting softer. “She used to go on adventures. That was her hat for them.” “Used to?” I said. “She died a year ago. Cancer. They tried to tell me she was sleeping or something, but...” Carrie shrugged looking away. I looked at her, then looked at the hat she’d given me. I stepped from the relative safety of the brush and wrapped a foreleg around her. “Thank you,” I said. She wrapped her arms around my powerful neck. “She’d want you to take it on adventures.” Her voice sounded wet and heavy. We were like that for a minute before Ellie leaned in and hugged me too. We all released at about the same time. I stepped back into the protection afforded by the trees and bushes. I pulled the wadding out and flipped the hat on my head. Rather than sliding, it fit. Perfectly. I struck a pose for the girls and Ellie clapped as Carrie beamed. “Think that’ll do?” I asked. “Yeah,” she said. She wiped at her face. “Welp, then I best, uh, mosey along...” Carrie laughed. “Okay, so I’m not a cowgirl,” I said, rolling my eyes. Smiling kindly, I added, “Seriously. Thanks Carrie. Thanks a lot.” She nodded and just as we were about to turn from one another, an idea struck me. “Hey,” I said. “One second.” I got the backpack off again and rummaged around, pulling out a pen and scrap of paper. I left my protective forest one more time. “Write down your contact information,” I said. “When the adventure’s over, I need to get your hat back to you.” Remember how I said Ellie looked like she had the keys to Disney World? That was nothing compared to the expression that exploded on Carrie’s face. She scribbled down a phone number and e-mail and handed the paper back. I committed her last name to memory as best I could and returned the paper and pen to my backpack. “Time for me to go,” I said. She nodded. “Applejack, care to add anything?” I said, looking up. If you don’t mind me usin’ your mouth for a sec. “Uh... Go ahead.” Then, I felt my mouth move without me doing it. Before I could start freaking the royal hell out, Applejack spoke, and I completely forgot about my mouth. “Carrie, I’m much obliged for the use of this here treasure. I’ll take care of it like it were my own. And if you don’t mind me sayin’, your ma’d be mighty proud o’ you right now.” She straightened up and winked. “Y’all take care, y’hear?” And my mouth was my own again. I felt stunned. And a bit dizzy. Even though it wasn’t my voice, I’d gotten used to the sound of it and me using it. Hearing Applejack speak... She sounded so sure of herself. And composed. And... Sincere. She was sincere. “You take care too Applejack!” Carrie said, snapping me out of my thoughts. She was practically glowing, she smiled so wide. “Thanks for letting me pet you, Miss Jack,” Ellie said. I waved my hoof and walked off, back into the brush and dense forest. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the girls waving some more and I returned the favor one last time before they were out of sight. “That was pretty... Cool,” I said. “Weird, but cool.” If’n you ever want to foalsit... “Oh, no,” I said. “Once with kids is all I needed today.” We set a steady pace in search of food. You know... Applejack noticed. You probably could have asked them t’get some grub from that gas station. Swearing impressively, which was only facilitated by my twangy, Southern drawl, I turned on my hooves to trod back to Carrie, Ellie and Connor to beg them one last favor. What Do I CareI knocked on the little red door and waited. Applejack came out shortly, minus her hat, and plus a pair of impressive, and familiar-looking, black headphones around her neck. “Hey there, neighbor,” I said. “Hey there,” she replied. “Did you do this?” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder, and Applejack stepped outside to look. Just beyond the treeline that ringed her cottage was my house. Two stories, white with black shutters and brown-black shingled roof and a garage. It was where I’d lived most of my life. Except it wasn’t really my house, because a) my house didn’t exist in my head and b) the front door didn’t immediately go to my room. I mean, that made sense. I spent more time in my room than anywhere else. What was extra strength weird was that opening my bedroom door didn’t take me back out the front, it went to the kitchen and living room (second places I most likely was), then outside. For all that this was the most lucid I had ever dreamed, it was still super weird. Applejack saw the house and blinked, her expression somewhere between surprised and a little stunned. “Nope. That weren’t me,” she said, looking up at me. “Great,” I said, rubbing at my eyes under my glasses. “That’s probably the magic bringing us together. Or, we’re actually gettin’ along now,” she said, smiling. I glanced at her and sighed, returning the smile. I had to admit, there may have been something to that. The kids at the playground couldn’t swing another distraction, but they were all too happy to part with the fruits and veggies their nannies had packed for them. I had explain to Applejack why human kids were so eager to part with the fruit their mom had packed. The exception to this was Carrie, who gave her Hostess Cupcake up with a big grin. I had decided not to explain what Hostess cakes were to the pony and just assure her they were food. We’d returned to our... Well, I guess “journey” fits, and we talked. Not about anything huge, just chatting. I couldn’t read a book or sleep while Applejack “drove,” so talking was about all I could do. We mostly talked music. Thanks to Applejack being in my head, she could “listen” to anything I remembered and, hey, I could do the same. Looks like I didn’t need my Android after all. Unsurprisingly, she enjoyed Johnny Cash as much as I did. Surprisingly, I liked the pony music she shared. Though Applejack’s tastes skewed country, she had other things she enjoyed. I really dug the Sapphire Shores stuff. It was like Lady Gaga and Beyonce had a pony love child out of music- real cool and complicated stuff with a powerful voice. Interestingly, Applejack really, really liked Janelle Monáe- commenting, She sings prettier’n a Canterlot chorus. Proof everyone loves Janelle Monáe, even country music-preferring ponies. We made good time the rest of the way. About an hour or two after sundown, when I was yawning more than talking, Applejack took over to build a lean-to tent from a fallen tree. Weird as it was feeling my body move without my input, I didn’t care. It was like the ultimate lazy-ass’s dream: when you’re tired or don’t know how to do something, someone else entirely can do it for you. With your own body! I admit, I was starting to see more positives to this whole, maybe-I’m-dead, maybe-I’m-a-pony-permanently thing. I still wasn’t sold on it though. As I drifted off to sleep, I stared at my hooves, wondering what had become of my body. Fortunately, dream-me wasn’t so shackled by reality and I could have my body and clothes and do stuff like put my hands on my hips. Which I did as I looked at dream-Applejack. “Well, as much as we get along, I wish I could get just a little private time,” I said. Applejack shrugged. “I’m pretty set with some of this here music you recommended. I don’t mind a good fence for a good neighbor.” I cocked my head at her. “Now you’re quoting Robert Frost? Bit of a change up, isn’t it?” The cowpony shrugged again. “It’s yer head too, Rae. Mixin’s gonna happen I reckon. Kinda like you’re looking fitter’n I last saw ya.” I followed the gesture of her hoof and she was right. Dream me was... Kinda buff. My legs looked more defined and I hadn’t even realized I’d been wearing the shorts I was in. I hated shorts. Mostly because I hated how my legs looked. I hid them at every opportunity. Now though? They looked good. They looked real good. “Huh,” I said, flexing my arm and seeing definition pop up. “Wish it was this easy to get in shape outside my head.” Applejack did this little maneuver where she crossed both her front and back legs like someone leaning and made a cocksure grin. “Hang out with me long enough and we’ll have you fit as a fiddle in no time.” I shrugged. “I won’t argue.” We stood in awkward silence across from one another. I coughed. “Anythin’ else?” Applejack asked, eyebrow raised. “Thought you wanted private time.” “I do, I just...” I sighed. Applejack had relaxed a bit after Carrie and Ellie and Connor, but I could still tell something was in the back of her mind. It kept biting at my mind as a result, and I don’t like it when things bug me. Especially things that are completely in my head. “You’ve been... Kinda pissed? Since we ran,” I said. “What’s that about?” Applejack sighed, took off the headphones, and hung them on the door. She trotted over to a log that was next to a firepit and she plopped down. She motioned to the log across from hers and I sat. “First off, I want you to know I got nothin’ against runnin’ right now. Too many questions and that fella had me good and spooked too. Us puttin’ some distance may not have been the best idea, but it’s a call I can get behind.” “Okay...” “But. I really, really don’t like how you left Max in the lurch.” She nodded, as if that was that. “That’s it?” I said. Her expression pinched and her jaw moved a little forward. “I reckon that’s enough, don’t you?” “Max is a responsible guy, he can handle some dopey not-cop.” “That’s not the point,” Applejack said, eyes narrowing. “Then what is?” I growled back. “He’s yer friend. He came and got you when you were at rock bottom and you just up and left without an explanation or anythin’! He’s probably losin’ his mind worryin’ about you.” “Yeah, well, you don’t know Max as well as you think you do,” I said, folding my arms. “Actually, I do. I’m in yer head, remember? All that stuff you were thinkin’ around Max? I know it and he’s a slap of a better friend than you are.” “What?!” I snapped. “You heard me. That boy stayed when he could’ve run off because of you. Because of all his friends. He’s a nice guy and then you go an’ eat his food, take his hospitality and don’t even try to explain what you did!” “When the fuck did I have time for that?” I yelled. “You coulda called him before you smashed yer phone!” “I was kinda stressed!” “No you weren’t! I was there in your head and I heard it- I heard it behind everything you were thinkin’!” “Oh? So you know me so well now? Enlighten me oh wise pony friendship master,” I snarled, sarcasm dripping from every word. “‘I don’t wanna deal with this.’” “Well, tough, you gotta-” “Not me ya brick slappin’ yahoo! That’s what ya been thinkin’ this whole time- ‘I don’t wanna deal with this.’” I had to blink at that. “So?” I said, hands spread in confusion. “Who would want to deal with any of this? Not me, that’s for damn sure.” Applejack rubbed at her face and I could hear her teeth grinding. “Don’t matter if you don’t wanna deal with somethin’, because right now, that somethin’ is dealin’ with you!” she snapped. I rose off the log, waving my hands. “I don’t have to deal with this. This is my head, I don’t have to take this.” “There you go again. Just buryin’ yer head in the dirt like that’ll make it all go away,” Applejack called at me. “It’s worked so far!” I yelled over my shoulder, stalking away from the annoying pony. “But that’s not good enough for you, so what the hell do you know?” “I know this ain’t gonna fly forever, Rae. Some point or another, you gotta step up!” “Watch me sit this one out,” I grumbled, stepping into the treeline and heading for my house. There, at least a little while, I didn’t have to listen to any crap ponies. ~ Day 9 I woke a little before sunrise. Thanks, Applejack’s body, I thought. I don’t like sleeping in at all. No response from the inner pony, so I figured she’d shut herself in her cottage to sulk, which was fine by me. If she couldn’t see what a favor I was doing for her by just going to New York- then she could stick her own head in the dirt for all I cared. As I rose up under the lean-to, I realized that I felt a little wobbly on my legs. “What the...” I muttered and felt that old feeling. That old, I-should-be-on-two-legs, feeling and I promptly tumbled in a heap after taking two steps. “Aw, c’mon!” I yelled. “Now who’s sticking their head in the dirt?” Still quiet. “Fine. Be that way. I’ll figure this out on my own. Like I always do!” Grumbling and spitting grass, I got up, which was easy. I had four legs after all. “Alright,” I muttered. “How’d this go?” First leg rise, ignore brain saying WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!, next leg rise, first leg fall, stumble, dammit, dammit. Get up. Repeat. Thirty, agonizing minutes later, I could walk on my own. It was a lot like not thinking about your own feet too much. If I just let my body’s natural balance do its thing, then I was good. It only got tricky when I kept feeling like I needed to rise up. “So, I got walking down now. Didn’t need you. What do you say to that?” Silence. “Whatever,” I muttered. My stomach growled and I rolled my eyes. Yeesh. If there were ever a creature that was more ruled by its stomach than my dad, it was this pony. I mean, I barely touched breakfast on any given day and I was fine. I had some carrot sticks left over from the kids, but I knew that wouldn’t cover the bottomless pit here. I was going to have to get real food. I looked at the grass. “Ooooh no-ho-ho. There are lines and there are lines,” I said. Putting my keen nose to the air, I inhaled but got nothing in the way of food. I got other things, but no food. Sighing, I went off the “civilization” ping I got and hoped for the best. I doubted I’d find some more kids, so I needed to actually put in an appearance. This just made me wary as all hell, but I was hungry, which trumped my paranoia. Hopefully, I’d be able to find some place out-of-the-way and keep the trip short and to the point. Luck was on my side. After a few miles, I found a gas station with a connected general store. It was a no-name franchise place with wooden, cabin-like walls on the outside to give it that “rustic” look some people liked. Right then, I didn’t give a crap that I thought it looked like crap. I gave a crap that it looked deserted and remote. Only one car there and one guy inside, working the register. Coast was clear. Okay, pony at a gas station would stick out, but since I’m paying in cash, I could be any old orange pony with a cowboy hat. Right. God, I hated how desperate I was getting. Trotting across the road, which was only a mostly embarrassing experience, I took a breath and went into the General Store. The door dinged as I entered and I took in the guy at the counter. Tall, lanky with two studs in his eyebrow and wearing a black t-shirt with a fading metal band logo on it. This was totally a remote gas station. Anyone dressed like that was either the boss’s kid or management didn’t care about a collared shirt with a nametag. He glanced over at me and raised an eyebrow, curiosity and a bit of confusion on his face. “Howdy,” I said. I mentally cringed. “Howdy” when you’re from Syracuse was funny. “Howdy” when you sounded like you were from Tennessee- different story. “Hey,” he said, his confusion deepening. “You watch the news lately?” I asked. “Yeah...” “You know about people waking up like this?” “Yeah...” “I’m your first?” “Yeah....” “Congrats. I’m grocery shopping.” With that, I left him to stare, or do whatever, and went down the aisles. I got a basket, which I carried in my mouth. The basket quickly picked up fiber and granola bars, a pack of Twizzlers and a decent sized canteen. Just as I was about to reach for the beef jerky, I felt my hoof freeze. I wouldn’t recommend it. I put down the basket. “Oh, now you speak. Not a jerky fan, pony girl?” Just sayin’. You’re a pony now. Meat ain’t gonna be the same and I don’t want ya wastin’ yer cash. “Bite me,” I said and dragged down the package. In the end, I got a bunch of “trail food” and a few other basic, camping supplies. Applejack had spoken up once more for a thick blanket with camo print, but otherwise, she was quiet. As I approached the counter, the register guy had his phone up and was tracking my progress with it. I set my basket on the floor and raised an eyebrow dangerously. “What you’re doing?” I said. “Nobody’s gonna believe this,” he said with a laugh. He raised the phone. “I mean, if it’s cool.” “It ain’t,” I said, my drawl getting thicker as my temper boiled. First, bossy ponies, now paparazzi. Freaking fabulous, my life. “Aw c’mon...” he whined. “Look, I’m havin’ a crap day,” I said in a clipped voice. “You keep runnin’ that thing and it’s gonna get worse for everyone. Capiche?” He sighed, rolled his eyes and put it away. “And delete it,” I said. “Aw-” “DUDE, YOU DON’T WANNA BE ON MY LAST FUCKING NERVE HERE!” He leaned away from me, his eyes wide. “Okay, okay,” he said. He pulled his phone out, punched some buttons and held it up for me. “It’s deleted. Cool?” “Good enough,” I huffed. I went to grab the basket and realized I was going to have a hell of a time lifting that. Here. My workman’s coordination faded as Applejack did whatever she did that made me more dexterous. Raising up on my hind legs, I dropped the basket in front of the guy and he got to scanning. “Need a- Need a bag?” he said. I could see I had made him nervous. Great. All I needed. “Got my own,” I said, shaking my back. As he scanned items, I took them down from the counter and popped them in my mouse with the flower bag. As much as I tried to ignore it, tension thrummed out. I sighed. “Sorry I yelled,” I said. He glanced at me and relaxed a few notches. He shrugged. “It’s cool. I wasn’t considering your privacy. Or whatever.” He finished ringing me up. “Sixty dollars, fifteen cents.” I pulled out cash and waited for change. “Goin’ on a trip?” he asked, counting it out. “Something like that,” I responded neutrally. My ear flicked to the sound of a car rolling up. Turning to face it, my whole body froze up. “Shit,” I said. Shuffling about in the car, getting out to get gas, was the Private Investigator, not-Detective-Sue-Waters. He'll Be A Friend“Ma’am? Your change?” The guy at the register snapped me out of my frozen shock. I looked up to see him holding cash at me, his expression curious. Without a word, I wheeled on my rear hooves and banked around the side of the counter, my heart hammering. Out of immediate sight, I slammed my back against the door that let the cashier out from behind the register. I could feel Applejack was helping again- the move I’d just done was not easy. “Everything okay?” The guy had come around to look over the counter at me. “Don’t look at me!” I hissed. He straightened, annoyance crowding out his curiosity. “Lady... Do you have some-” “Him!” I whispered. “That dude out there!” He turned out the window. “Pump five?” he said. I nodded. “Yeah. He’s after me.” “He... Is,” the guy responded. “Yes! Do you have a back way?” The guy shook his head. “Nope. Just front door.” “Shit! Shit shit shit!” He looked over at private investigator Not-Cop pumping gas. “Seriously, he’s chasing you? Why?” “I woke up in the dirt off the side of the road,” I whispered, quickly. “Ever since then, my life’s been all pony this and pony that, and then this guy shows up pretending to be a cop, but he’s really a private dick and smells like drugs, and I’m panicking because not even the real cops have found me yet, and I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m just running!” I blinked when I finished. I hadn’t meant to dump everything like that, but... When I did, I realized I was a) possibly nuts or b) way deeper than I thought. The guy with the two piercings in his eyebrow nodded at me, impressed. “For real?” he said. “No, for-fucking-pretend!” I nearly shouted. “Yes! Real!” The door opened with its dinging bell and my blood froze. I heard private investigator Not-Cop’s shoes clip across to stand at the register. He wasn’t more than three feet from me on the other side of this snack tray. I was caught. He wouldn’t even have to look around. I’d just- I’d be there and there was nowhere to go. He’d already tried to lie to get me to go with him. He wouldn’t be nice this time. Cold sweat broke out under my fur and my heartrate thundered in my tall ears. I had to get out. I had to escape! Maybe I could duck between his legs again... “One second,” Pierced-eyebrow said over his shoulder. He looked down at me, his mouth sliding to the side in thought. Then, he hit the lock on the gate I’d been pressed against. The wall I was using fell inward, and I fell behind the register. Suddenly, I was safely hidden from private investigator Not-Cop’s view. Sprawled on the floor, I stared up at the guy. He didn’t give me a second glance. “Hey man,” Pierced-eyebrow said, ambling over to his register. “Hey. Pump five and this.” I heard something hit the countertop. My ears flinched at the noise, which sounded louder than it had any right to. Pierced-eyebrow hit some buttons on his register. “Forty-eight, sixty,” he said, sounding as bored as a gas station guy in the boonies usually did. Laying as I was, I could see his jeans now- they were kinda ratty. His sneakers looked broken in a long time ago. Above me at the counter, I watched a beefy hand I recognized waaaay too well appear, holding a credit card. Just be his hand, just be his hand, don’t lean over the counter... I chanted. Just relax, sugarcube, Applejack said. Keep quiet an’ we’ll get clear of this. I swallowed. Very quietly. “Hey, this is gonna sound weird,” private investigator Not-Cop said. “But... Have you seen a pony pass by? It’d look funny, kinda cartoonish. Bright orange, apples on its butt?” Pierced-eyebrow looked at private investigator Not-Cop. I felt like he held the look too long. He was giving me away. Stop playing with the guy and just get him out! I screeched. Hush now, Applejack said. Let ‘im work. Then, pierced-eyebrow guy laughed softly and swiped the card. “Think I’d remember seeing something like that,” Pierced-eyebrow said. “You do...” A different kind of card appeared in the same beefy hand. “You call. There’s a reward for information leading to her.” “Reward, huh?” The guy looked at the card and very pointedly not me. Ohshitohshitohshit... I thought. Give ‘em a chance, Applejack said. “Cool,” he said, smiling and waving the card about. “I’ll keep that in mind. Need a receipt?” “Yep,” private investigator Not-Cop replied. “I’m on the clock. Need every receipt I can get.” “I hear ya,” Pierced-eyebrow said. Private investigator Not-Cop finished his transaction and exited the store. I heard his car start up and away he went. So too, did my heartbeat. The guy watched him go, then turned to squat down on his feet and smile at me. I looked up at him, too stunned to turn over. Though I really should have. I felt like I’d sweated a gallon of sweat and was just milling in the puddle of past fear. “Reward for you, huh?” he said, upside-down from my point of view. “He smelled like pot,” I said, my tone flat, shocked. “I doubt it was gonna be more than a dime bag for you.” Pierced-eyebrow shrugged, looked at the card. “James Matthews,” he read. It rang a bell. Where had I- Oh. Right. That was the name Max texted me before... I... I sighed and that took the rest of the tension out of me. “Sounds right,” I said. I glanced, well, it would have been down if I’d been standing. I looked back at pierced-eyebrow guy and could feel an embarrassed blush on my cheeks. “Thanks for that.” He shrugged again. “No problem,” he said. “Rachel,” I said, offering a hoof. “Jared,” he replied, shaking it. “Well, Jared, this has been... Surreal, but I have a favor to ask.” “Oh?” he said, with a smirk. ~ “This is Max,” came a familiar voice. He sounded tired, but still managed to put some light cheer in his greeting. I sighed, biting the bullet. “Hey Max,” I said. “Rachel?!” he exclaimed, the fatigue disappearing from his voice in a blink. “Shit! Is that really you?” “You know anyone else who sounds like Miley Cyrus’s sister right now?” He laughed. “Jesus, when you bolted- I don’t. I just don’t even.” “I know,” I laughed. “I know. Look, Max, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m way the fuck down the road and I just saw the private eye again.” “That Matthews guy?” “Yeah, him. I just stopped to get some supplies for my trip and there he was. Freaked me out. My new best friend Jared saved my flank.” Jared laughed as he flipped through a copy of Inked magazine. “Tell your new best friend he is now an honorary brony.” “Hey Jared, you’re an honorary brony. If you want.” “Cool,” he said, still flipping through the magazine. “Do I gotta have sex with horses or anything like that?” “Does he have to screw ponies?” I asked Max. Max swore, laughing. “That’s a no, Jared.” “Bitchin’.” It was my turn to laugh, but after it died down, I sighed. “Look Max. I... I’m sorry I-” “No, it’s cool,” he replied. “What?” “Dude. P.I. shows up pretending to be a cop? I’d bolt too.” “Yeah, but I could’ve called you,” I said, half-relieved, half-annoyed at how this apology was going. He snorted. “Yeah, look. No offense Rae, but that isn’t you. You’re Miss I Got This, Everyone Back The Fuck Off. Sometimes, yeah, that’s aggravating, but here? I’m not mad.” “Really?” I asked. “Yeah. It’s scary shit. I figured you’d get back in touch. Didn’t think you’d vag out on me though.” “Oh, fuck you,” I said, half-laughing, half-crying. “No, really. It’s cool. You wanna talk about our feelings- I am so on with that. I watch Friendship is Magic for Christ’s sake. I’m just used to getting sensitive with my fellow bronies online, not my IRL bestie.” I laughed, because that’s what Max did best. He made me laugh. I talked for another few minutes, telling him about what I’d done so far. It wasn’t much, but it felt like longer. I was glad I was talking with him, like it wasn’t a big deal. He’d accepted me back without hesitation. As he brought me up to speed on what I’d missed in the last day, I realized I’d always kind of taken that for granted. Max was always there for me. I was for him, but it was different. Suddenly, I was really glad that Applejack had gotten on my case about him. He wasn’t just my best friend, he deserved me to be his best in return. Because that’s how I felt. Wow, I really was vaging out on him. “Your mom called me,” he said. “Matthews showed up at your house.” “Dammit,” I replied, my voice hot. “Don’t worry. She turned him on his ass,” he laughed. “From what I heard, she used her Teacher Look and scared him off.” His laughter died down and his voice grew somber. “She’s worried about you, Rae.” I nodded, realized Max couldn’t see the gesture and said, “Yeah. I’m- I’m worried about her too. Look, call her back for me? Let her know I’m safe, just... I’m doing a thing.” “Yeah, going to your destiny.” I rolled my eyes. “No, Miss Melodrama,” I said. “Going to help...” And my voice softened. “A friend.” “Whoa. A friend? What’ve you and AJ been getting up to?” I snorted. “Just talking.” Before I left the gas station, Jared hooked me up with a prepaid cell and activated it for me, giving me all the information in case I wanted to add minutes. I got his number and he got mine and I told him I’d hit him up if I was ever in the area again. I added Max’s number too. I wasn’t sure how good an idea it was to keep calling Max, but it was becoming pretty apparent I couldn’t do this whole trip alone. Even if the closest I got to “alone” included having Applejack in my head. Another thing that was becoming apparent was the private eye, Matthews, was the only person following me. Seeing him at Max’s place had been unlikely, but seeing him here? Now? I couldn’t possibly be that unlucky. Which meant he was tracking me somehow, and the lack of anyone else asking about me suggested he was doing it solo. Granted, I could be messing that up and just keep bumping into Private Investigator Pain-In-My-Flank, but it didn’t feel right. I shook my head at that. Nope. No. I didn’t do “feel right.” I did thinkin’. And I needed to think this through. I couldn’t afford to just freak out and hide every time I saw him and run on instincts the rest of the time C’mon Rae. You’re a Sherlock buff, work this out, I thought. Okay, so start with the tracking thing. Couldn’t be my phone- that was busted to hell. So, most likely, he was following my bank card. Yeah. That fit. Fab. So, definitely can’t use that any more. But... Matthews didn’t strike me as technical. I mean, sure, he had the gut for it, but not the bearing. All the guys in my company’s IT department were kinda spazzy- even the ones that were more customer service than tech smart. And their friends, who were even more technical were even more spazzy. Of course, he didn’t have to be technical. He could just be hooked up. But, I’d only seen him going solo and he hadn’t exactly been checking back with “home base” any time I saw him. What little I did see of him. Plus, no bluetooth married to his ear. So, maybe not so hooked up with accomplices. That left technical. But, again, Matthews didn’t act like a super spazzy technical guy. He reminded me more of my Uncle Mark, who viewed cell phones as necessary evils. I also got an “old school” impression off of him. He did a “Here’s my card” rather than “Here’s my info” back in the gas station. Plus, he talked with Max and Jared face-to-face and didn’t come across awkward. Most technical guys I know don’t do much in the way of face time. They mostly do boob-check time. Not like I was going to have to worry about that any time soon. Maybe I’d never have to worry about it again... No! No. Back on track. So, Matthews isn’t technical. Doesn’t fit with how he presented himself. He could be, I mean, maybe he’s that rare social and tech-savvy P.I, but I wasn’t getting that... Okay, let’s say I wasn’t getting that vibe. He’s all old school, private shamus, talkin’ to the people. Either Matthews was really, really lucky and we’d just crossed paths at the worst moment of my freaking life or he had a tech guy who could track stuff. Yeah. Yeah, tech guy tracking stuff fits better. Maybe not a whole accomplice list- just a guy who was really smart and Matthews called him when he needed a direction hint. Like how there used to be a video game tip line you’d call for hints when you were stuck. Don’t ask about the tip line. My dad swears it was true. We watched The Wizard and I couldn’t believe people would waste money on that. I can’t believe people waste money on DLC, but that’s another bitch for another day. Anyway. It made sense, given everything I’d seen about the guy. He didn’t mind impersonating a cop, he wouldn’t mind being lazy and like “I can’t find this pony on my own, tell me where to go.” Yeah. Yeah, that really clicked. Matthews going solo to track me with occasional tech support. Now it didn’t just feel right, it thought out right. And that was more to my liking. Going off that theory, I needed some rules. First one: don’t use my bank card if I can help it. Second rule: don’t be in the last place I used the phone. On the plus side, if I had to ditch the phone, I’d only be out twenty bucks. Not gonna bash this one up are ya? Applejack asked. “No,” I said, rolling my eyes. “We all saw how well that worked out.” Applejack chuckled in my head. Argh, that was never not creepy. I like what you did back there, Rae. “Because your opinion matters so much to me,” I said, tartly. Nice try. I know I got under yer skin and I’m glad you took my words to heart. Don’t it feel good to know Max has your back? “Yeah, yeah, Applejack, the ever-wise.” She chuckled again. Not ever-wise, just know what I know. An’ call me AJ. All my friends do. I sighed, admitting a smile. “Okay... AJ.” I felt like I’d just seen someone smile at me. Seeing as no one was about, I figured that was AJ smiling in my head. When would this not be weird?! So, you gonna call your folks too? “Later,” I said. “Let’s put a little distance between us and the road.” Fair enough. I picked up my pace. In a rush? “Just... Feeling jittery,” I admitted. “That was... The opposite of fun back there.” I smiled. “Till Jared helped out.” Yep. Nice of him to get ya some free food, ain’t it? “Well, it’s only fair. I gave him my jerky.” Told ya you wouldn’t like that. “And now I know,” I said, shuddering. Seriously, if that’s what jerky was going to taste like, I did not want to think what a burger or steak would do to my mouth. An’ knowin’s half the battle! Applejack joked. “G.I. Joooooooe!” we said together, laughing. As I snorted the last laugh out, I went back to AJ’s advice and how it had panned out. Max had taken me back without a cross word. Maybe she was right about the other stuff too. Maybe I do stick my head in the dirt a little too often. I mean, I normally keep to myself, but how could I keep to myself now? Some guy had come to my best friend’s house and brought trouble. I’d run and Max was cool with me running, but maybe I needed to do more than run. Like figure out why he’d shown up in the first place. Okay, so, I’d woken up in a ditch as a pony. Why send a P.I. who looked ten pounds overweight and smelled like he was working off a high after someone like that? Disguised as a cop, no less. It stunk, yeah, but why did it stink? I sighed, realizing I wasn’t just figuring out how to evade Matthews anymore. I was stepping up in case I saw him again. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want it. What I wanted was to go home, have my mom scold and hug me, then hide in my room while I RPed on message boards and was a general disappointment to my parents. Yet, here I was, on some jacked up adventure in a cowgirl pony’s body. What had AJ said? I may not want to deal with something, but something wanted to deal with me? Well, if it wanted to deal with me, then it would deal with me on my terms. Next time I saw private investigator James Matthews, I was going to find out why he was tracking me. I was going to find out what had gotten him on my trail and then I was going to go to New York and deal with all this pony stuff. And after? Go home, hide in my room, and forget this ever happened. “Hey AJ,” I said. “Can you put on some traveling music? I wanna make some headway today.” Sure thing, sugarcube. The opening chords for The Proclaimers’ 500 Miles started up in my mind and I groaned. “You are not funny,” I said with a wry smile. Maybe, maybe not. But I know you’re laughin’. She had me there. I trotted in time to the music as I went through the forest. The L And N Don’t Stop Here AnymoreDay 9 I looked over the fallen log. I swore. I looked back at the map. I swore again. In addition to the burner phone, Jared had given AJ and me a pretty detailed map of the Upstate New York area. We could anticipate forests, preserves, back roads and all kinds of useful markers. Handy when you’re a cowpony on the run without GPS. No two ways about it, we gotta go’ through the town. “Why not around it?” I asked, looking at the surrounding fields on the map. We’ll lose a whole day. “So? I thought we were just getting you to New York. You didn’t say anything about a deadline.” Got a bad feelin’. We need to get there as quick as we can. I sighed, rolling my eyes. AJ had just proven that even with all her experience and wisdom, she was willing to fall back on “bad feelings.” I don’t care how spot on they are, “bad feelings” are for movies and morons. “Look, if all you have is a ‘bad feelin’’ then congrats. I don’t see the weight of the One Ring about my neck egging me on, so we’re going around,” I said. I closed the map and was about to put it away when my legs locked. Scrunching my eyes, I said, “Really?” I ain’t Pinkie Pie, but I got good instincts and I listen to ‘em. We need to get to this city o’ yers and be quick about it. I sighed again. I could argue with the dumb, “bad feelin’” pony about how utterly wrong she was, or we could just go through the town. One meant me being kind of frozen in a forest while I explained her wrongness, the other meant we made some kind of forward motion. While we were hidden in the forest, I didn’t want to dawdle too long in one space forever. In the end, my urge to keep moving won out over my urge to be right. And had nothing to do with “bad feelings” either. “Fine,” I said. My legs unlocked and I could move again. “Thought you said you were gonna be all respectful about the body,” I said, picking up the map and tucking it in the mouse-with-a-flower backpack. I didn’t do more than put my hoof on your withers and you know it, she countered. “You locked my freaking legs,” I grumbled. “And I wanna point out I didn’t even know what withers were till I met you.” Nothin’ wrong with learnin’ somethin’ new, she chided in her “mom” voice. Hay, my friend Twi’s always excited about that kinda thing. I then got the impression of AJ doing something. Like she was looking me up and down. How I could tell this when she was the one without a body, I have no idea. My life. You two kinda have a bit in common, y’know? she said. “Yeah?” I said. Yeah. Then I remembered Twilight Sparkle. From my own viewings of Friendship is Magic, I knew Twilight was the leader, or whatever, of the ponies and a fellow book nerd (props to that), but otherwise, she was just a character in a show. Then AJ did whatever she did in my head, and suddenly, my knowledge went a lot deeper. And what was weirdest was how it felt like it all happened to me. I remembered sitting with Twilight on a ridge watching the stars. I remembered when we read the same book about farming techniques. I remembered her trying to coach me in some new-fangled budgetin’ ideas. I remembered an entire friend I never met from a life I never had. Something in me twitched, wailing at this potential loss of identity. Yet, the rest of me swelled in pride. I got AJ’s perspective on Twilight, and it was filled with respect. And she said we had a bit in common. I had never been so flattered to be compared to a purple unicorn with nerdier book habits than me. “Jesus!” I hissed, a bit overwhelmed by the sudden influx of information. I held a hoof to my chest. “How did you-?” Same way I learned about Max and all, only in reverse. Just thought about it and includin’ you. I worked on getting my breathing in order. The memories were surfacing and splashing around, crowding my short term recollection and making it momentarily hard to think straight. One particular memory welled up and I knew AJ was experiencing it in just as much detail as I was. Emotion swelled up in me and I had to sit for a second. My chest tightened slightly and my eyes got watery. “She...” I started, too stunned to form words. Yeah, she did. It was a kindness. Normally, Dash’d spend that day with me, but she was busy and Twilight asked. She was mighty kind about it. The memory came again, less intense and more just recall, and I could feel Twilight’s forearm wrapped around my back. I looked at my parents’ grave. It was a small, practical thing without heavy adornment. Not even an epitaph. That was apparently a human thing. Their cutie marks were over their names. The dates they lived, below. I took a moment to remind myself that Doug and Maggie Shelton were alive last I checked. Dad making rocket engines for rocket scientists and Mom terrorizing high school students. It was bizarre. I felt the loss and permanence of my parents all at the same time. Is that where I was? Alive and dead all at once? “I didn’t know,” I said, finally finding my mouth. Ya didn’t ask. “I’m sorry.” I wiped at my eyes with a fetlock. No need t’be. Hay, I don’t really think about it myself most of the time. Just miss ‘em is all. AJ wasn’t lying, really, but she was downplaying the ache. The empty space where her mom and dad were supposed to be. Her grandma had helped her growing up, and she had a brother and a younger sister and a mess of friends that gave her all the love she could ever want, but... She missed her mom. She missed her dad. It was just a familiar missing at this point and she could live with it. Appreciate the kind words, though, she added. What do you say to that? My parents were alive and hardy. We weren’t some perfect family, but we were all still there. And it occurred to me then, that AJ wasn’t dangling her pain over me. She simply acknowledged her parents were gone and she missed them. It was part of her life and she lived it. She didn’t wear it like a badge and she didn’t use it to guilt me about my own parents, who she most likely knew all about since she was living in my head. Something resolved in me. When all this mess was over, I planned on talking to Mom and Dad. Maybe not enough to magically make it all better, but get started. Dad and I had our bonding time, so just ask about doing that more. And I could start doing something with Mom. Like, share books or something. She’s the one who got me into reading. Of course, this all hinged on getting back home. Or getting my body back. If my body was even still alive. Adjusting my hat, I settled the backpack and took a steadying breath. I couldn’t speak to AJ’s pain. What I could do was get us through this town. Maybe with a minimum of bitching too. Stepping out of the treeline, I came out on a sidewalk beside a road the map indicated would take me through the town square. The town didn’t really have a name that I could see. And that was if you wanted to be generous and call it a town. Places like it remind me of tourists and people who go- New York, it’s just one big city, right? Yeah. Till you go upstate and learn the big city is actually in a state that has its boonies too. This town was certainly pushing for the stereotype. Houses a stone’s throw from each other, all wood-built and painted white or brown, and looked like they were made fifty years earlier. The sidewalk was more of an idea than a reality. For my part, I kept as inconspicuous as I could, but I was a freakin’ pony with freakin’ apples on my freakin’ butt. I could only get so invisible. Granted, this also applied to the townspeople. The space between the houses gave me enough time to see someone and them to see me and so far, it had been empty. Quiet. Till I saw a guy on his porch. Whittlin’. I didn’t even know people still did that. “Maybe I should take the hat off,” I muttered. “Look like a wandering horse with a backpack.” Take off Liana? What would Carrie think? Freakin’ guilt-tripping, mom ponies, rassum frassum. I caught the attention of the guy whittlin’ on the porch. He watched me pass, so I did the only thing I could think of. I tipped my hat at him as I passed. He nodded back, returned to whittlin’. “I can’t believe that worked,” I said. He’s farm folk. He gets it. While the town itself wasn’t really that big, I could see how going around, in the forest, would have taken longer. Farmland stretched back from random houses, forming a generous, and kind of pretty, perimeter. Trotting past them, it occurred to me that I’d never really looked at crops before. Outside of when I was a kid, staring blankly out the window on car trips, farmland was just background. Now, it was different somehow. It looked... Peaceful, reassuring. “Is that you?” I asked. I’m a farmer. Whaddya think? I almost rolled my eyes, but then I looked back to the crops. That reassuring calm settled within me. “Okay. I can see the appeal now.” Much obliged, she chuckled. The farmland gave way to houses built closer together with the same old-timey look, but also a rundown quality too. Like more than time had worn on them. I considered this as we approached the town square, till I felt nausea rising up in me. I blinked. I’d been catching a smell off and on since we crossed the divide. It wasn’t official. Just a point where you could tell here be town, and there be farmers. I knew the smell was roadkill, but I’d never smelled any that bad before. Was it my nose or... “AJ? You okay?” I said. Jus’ not used to “roadkill.” That’s all. Her voice sounded strained. Like she was equal parts upset and sick, and trying to hide both. I looked over and easily found splattered guts. It wasn’t a squirrel either. I realized I’d been passing squished dogs and other “domestic” critters. Don’t y’all... Take care of yer pets? Like Max? “Most of us do,” I said, noting a pooch with a proper collar leaning out of a fence at me. “But there’s always exceptions...” An’ out here to boot! she went on, either not hearing me or not believing it. These folk are closer to the land! They’re to know better! “I don’t think these people are all farmers like you are AJ,” I said, my voice tired, my heart heavy. You know that busted places exist. Places where not enough people give a damn so it all falls to crap. One thing to know about them, another to wander through dog-kill alley and try to tell your friend, who’s still learning about humanity, that it’s just an isolated thing. That this isn’t really that prevalent. That people are okay, you know? Rather than try to swallow that, I focused on Max. And Carrie. And Jared. Reasons to keep walking, rather than stop walking and wonder how much humanity I wanted to claim. In an effort to cut down on my visibility, and maybe to cut down on what was visible to me, I went behind the shopping centers. Roadkill aside, one whittlin’ dude was fine, but I was pushing my luck in case Matthews rolled through here. The less people who spied an orange pony with apples on its butt, the better. I’d gotten an okay look from a distance and the town center reminded me of 1980s Hill Valley from Back to the Future: all half alive and limping along. Getting up close just confirmed this. Even from behind the shops, I could see many were abandoned, squatters’ spots. Most likely homeless on the way through. Debris and bits of paper and torn open back doors were the rule. “I think we’re in part of the Rust Belt,” I said. The who now? “My Dad told me about it. It’s this term that got popular in the eighties. The whole area used to be a big factory along with the farming. From, like, up in Maine all the way to Wisconsin there’d be factories making all kinds of steel-based stuff. Before it went bust, it was called the Steel Belt.” You sure know a lot about this. “Dad got me curious, so I looked it up on Wikipedia one night. Anyway. Progress happened, we shipped a bunch of jobs overseas and machines replaced a bunch more locally, so the whole area went bust. Jobs lost left and right, whole towns disappeared. Big, bad news.” I stepped over more garbage. “And this wasn’t recent either. Most of the area was dried up by the sixties. Upstate New York was totally part of the hard-hit group. But I never thought anything would still be around. I figured everything’d be gone by now...” Clearly, not the case. I stepped over forlorn signs advertising from the fifties and seventies. I walked past quaint, brick buildings built in a prime long since passed. Living in or near a thriving city, you get used to most things that go out of business getting built over. This far out... It looked like they’d just have to wait till the weeds won. As we passed a garbage can, a dog poked its head out at us. I moved a little slower when our eyes met. “Easy there,” I said. “Just passing by.” It pricked its ears at me and came out. I had never seen a dog so skinny in my life. It was small too. Not in the weiner dog or beagle way, but small like it wasn’t fully grown with big paws and big ears. It had gray-brown fur that was grayer in some spots and browner in others and ears that perked up and didn’t look like any breed I knew. I can’t do this, AJ said, quietly. Rust Belt, roadkill, I’m sorry, Rae, I... Before the pony could do anything drastic, I flipped the mouse-with-a-flower pack off me. “Hey there... Fella?” I said. The dog cocked its head at me and shook it. “Oh. Lady?” She wagged her tail. I smiled. “Want something to eat?” That really got her attention and she came over to me. She reeked. I angled my head a bit away and went through my bag. After a little searching, I figured water and pretzels with cheese in them would work best. Looking around, I found a trash can lid and dragged it over. The dog watched me curiously. I ignored the fact she was waiting patiently, and being attentive like no dog I’ve ever met in the history of ever. The experience was kinda like Max’ ferret, Omega. Maybe I should ask AJ about this? I poured the water from the bottle and spread the cheese pretzels next to it, then stepped back, smiling. “Dig in,” I said. So she did. Heartily. Watching the dog eat actually made me hungry, so I took out a granola bar for myself. I wasn’t too, too worried about the loss of the bottled water and pretzels. I still had a decent amount of food and a canteen, which I could fill in a stream and boil out anything nasty if need be. This dog needed more than food though. “Got a name, girl?” I asked. She looked up from her unexpected boon and gave me a blank look. I got the impression most folk called her girl, or lady or dog. With a very doggy shrug, she went back to eating. I continued watching her. Thinking about her smell. Thinking about the puppy-sized roadkill that littered the road in. Something hardened in me. What’re you thinkin’? AJ asked. “Something dumb,” I said. Ten minutes later, I was the unofficial caretaker for one full-stomached dog. She trotted happily beside me without leash nor even the hard promise of food. I kept glancing at her and was boggled it was working out like this. Mighty proud of you right now, AJ said. “Yeah,” I snorted. “We’ll feel super proud when we’re both starving because we have to feed wonder-mutt here.” Sam cocked her head at me. “Just a nickname, Sam.” She wagged her tail. “We’ll have to get her fixed...” I muttered, thinking aloud. “A check-up. Definitely a bath of some kind.” I sniffed myself. “Woo. Make that two baths.” Cocking my head as if AJ were just above the hat’s brim, I said, “Will your precious schedule allow for a pit stop at a veterinarian’s clinic?” We’ll see what we can do, she said, laughter in her voice. I laughed with her, rolling my eyes. I proposed making it easy on us and she focused on her gut feeling. I proposed making it easier on the dog and she’s all about that. “You’re not really big on you, are ya?” I said. I’m doin’ fine, she replied. Critters in need, or anypony needin’ a hoof up? Then I don’t see why I can’t reach my hoof out to help. “What about you?” What about me? “I mean, what happens when you’re over your head and there’s no one there to help you because you’ve helped everypony else.” She was quiet. As if the thought had never occurred to her. Before I could say “gotcha” though, she said, Well, I reckon I’d have my friends near and they feel the same way. “I give up,” I said, shaking my head. An’ technically, I always have a friend in you, Rae, so I’m never really alone. Kinda nice when you think about it. As the implications of that sunk in, I heard the squeal of tires behind me. Turning, I saw a dented, white pickup truck that looked like it had seen better days. Screeching to a halt, it slid off the road into the grass at an angle. I looked down at my hooves. I was still on the sidewalk. I wasn’t that in the way. The truck corrected its angle and pulled correctly to the side. Figuring they just got spooked by the pony with the cowboy hat, backpack and dog, I checked the street number. I grinned, seeing that we were almost clear of the town. I didn’t like feeling so exposed. “Hold it right there!” I looked back over my shoulder and found a shotgun pointed at me. I closed my eyes. “This just ain’t my day,” I drawled. Born And Raised In Black And WhiteThe shotgun moved slowly around the pickup. The guy aiming it followed. “Well, well, well. Lookee what we. Have. Here,” the shotgun-guy said. Aside from his weapon, he wasn’t impressive. And the only thing impressive about his gun was that it was pointed at me. Right. At. Me. He was short, if that even still applied for my height, and pudgy in the middle with skinny limbs. His skin looked bad, his eyes looked worse, and sparse black hair poked out from under a filthy Red Socks cap. Oh great, a Socks fan this far removed. He could not be stable. His navy blue shirt with PAPA emblazoned on the front did not help his cause. “Yeah. A pony with a dog. Real fascinatin’,” I said. I noticed my new Southern accent tended to get more pronounced when I was angry. And having a rifle pointed at you will definitely get your dander up. “A talkin’ pony,” the man said. He stood in front of his truck, attempting to level his weapon. I ignored it. As much as I allowed myself. I don’t know if Dad wanted a son or not, but part of bonding time with him involved guns. See, he was a gun nut, so everyone in the family knew how to shoot and handle a weapon. With us, it was how we got along. I even had an instructor’s certification with the NRA. Not that I owned a gun of my own. One thing to learn about firearms during Daddy-Daughter time, another to get a license, buy a weapon, and care for it. I prefer blowing that money on DVDs and comics, thanks. Still, I’d learned my stuff, and Dad and I sometimes did our bonding at the range, so I was up to date, too. I knew to respect a gun, what it could do, and especially the danger when a poorly maintained one was in the hands of an amateur. “Yep,” I replied to the armed idiot. “Talkin’ pony. If you watched the news you’d know this isn’t that big a deal.” My eyes went up the side of the weapon. His muzzle control was lousy. The barrell weaved back and forth like he was drunk, which was a distinct possibility given how red his cheeks were. “Says you,” he growled. “You’re part of an invasion to ruin us!” I raised an eyebrow at that. If everything before didn’t confirm it, then that little tidbit nailed the idea: this guy was not dealing with a full deck. Still, he had that gun. And as crap as his control was, and shoddily maintained as his weapon was, the fact he had his rifle at all was bad. Worse, he was crap with it. Someone who knows their way around guns is one kind of bad. Someone who only has a passing understanding of guns is way, way, way worse. He didn’t have to be a good shot. Especially at this distance. All it would take is for him to get a twitchy finger and well... I’d be dead all over. Again. Or close to it. I swallowed, fear starting to edge out my anger. I pushed it back. He was an idiot who wasn’t all there. I was... A pony in a cowboy hat, with a dog. I don’t know which was worse, honestly. “Called my boys,” he said, with a cocky grin. “They’ll be here soon and we’ll make sure you get yours.” This ain’t lookin’ too good, AJ said. I know, I thought. But he’s got a freaking gun. If you have any bright ideas, mine include staying alive. I got Bucky McGigillicuddy and Kicks Mcgee, she replied. Then I knew which leg was which. Oh great. At least she hadn’t named one of them “Vera.” Then I’d get shot because I couldn’t stop laughing. Get me an openin’ and I can take care of the rest, AJ assured me. I took inventory of her strong, quick body and believed her. If she said she could handle this joker, then I just had to distract him long enough. Easy. No problem. Even if I was starting to think I was going to throw up. Deal, I replied. I took a deep breath. Time for all those action movies I watched to pay off. “Get mine with your boys?” I said to the PAPA man, facing him fully. “You mean you aren’t daddy? Can’t handle this on your own?” He stared at me, his rifle lowering. I thought I saw something where the safety catch was. “What?” he said. “Your shirt, dude.” I indicated his chest and took a step forward in the process. He sneered and reset the rifle to his shoulder, his chest puffing up. “It means People Against Ponies Association. I’m a proud member!” I didn’t have to work hard to feign confusion and a little disbelief. “You’re against ponies?” I asked. “Damn straight! You’re a disease!” “Dude, I’m a pony.” I cocked my head at him. “And are you against all ponies or just earth ponies?” “We are against all of your kind!” “Even Shetlands?” “Even Shetlands!” “But they’re so cute!” He stared at me and again his gun drooped. I felt AJ smile when we both saw what we were looking for. “Quit fuckin’ with me,” he growled. “Hey, you started it with your loser organization,” I replied smugly, taking a few more steps. “I mean, PAPA? Didn’t exactly committee that, didja?” His face filled with rage and he pulled his rifle up, sighting me. He cocked his rifle. And failed to shoot. My body left my control and AJ leapt, spun and shot out Kicks McGee knocking the rifle high into the air. Bucky McGigillicuddy fired next and whumped the PAPA guy in the stomach. Hard. He dropped, gasping. The rifle came down and AJ snatched it in her teeth. With a whip of her head, she slammed the gun on the pavement, shattering its stock. She spat out the remaining metal- the barrel clattering on the street. I half-expected to see teeth marks in it. AJ looked down on him. I’d gotten used to thinking of AJ as warm. Warm to friends, motherly warmth when dealing with me, then hot as she saw the roadkill, the pets and this guy. So it was really scary to feel her suddenly so cold. It reminded me of my own anger, when Chrissy called me Freeze Rae. Though that was ice cubes compared to the glacier of anger she aimed at this guy. Was AJ picking up more than my taste in music? The PAPA man looked up from where he was gasping on the ground, hands around his middle, face red and in pain. We... Need to leave. Like five minutes ago, I thought, becoming keenly aware of just how not my body my body was at the moment. Applejack regarded the prone PAPA man with her cold gaze. She did so until the man started to shake at the implications in her eyes. Then, she turned on her hind hooves and walked off. “C’mon Sam,” she said. Sam had been sitting during the whole exchange, her expression curious and worried. As AJ approached, she rose, her tail wagging hesitantly. “We’ll...” the PAPA man wheezed. “Save it for a pony who cares,” AJ said without turning around. ~ Once we were a safe distance away, I felt AJ give the reins of her body over and I stumbled at the sudden control I had. Sorry, she said. He got my dander up. “Feeling was mutual,” I replied, working my jaw up and down. Mine. My jaw. Even if it was pony, it was my jaw. I wasn’t dead. I wasn’t just a voice in AJ’s head. I had a body. I just hadn’t been able to work it for a minute. Mouth, hooves, even the freaking tail!I can’t work anything! I clamped down on the errant thought. I had a body now. Hey, AJ said, softly. Y’all alright? “Yeah, sure, great,” I replied, taking up our trek. The sun would be going in a few hours. Even though cutting through town had saved us time, it had taken a while. Progress was progress and we needed to make a lot. Pit stops like PAPA guy and Sam were costing us time and AJ was- HEY! I stopped, standing still on the sidewalk. Was it the gun? “No,” I said, softly. “He was an idiot. Couldn’t even tell his safety was locked and his pump had serious rust on it.” What then? And I realized how soft AJ’s voice was. “I don’t have a body,” I said. “I’m dead.” What? Naw. You’re as alive as Sam and me, girl. You- “I’m dead! I died in that ditch and I’m only alive because I woke up as you!” Birds chirped overhead. Sam whined, cringing away from me. I smiled sadly at her. “It’s okay, girl. I’m just...” I shuddered and tears filled my eyes. “I’m dead.” She leaned towards me and licked my foreleg. I stroked her and scratched behind her ear using the tip of my hoof. “I don’t remember anything after the second impact, AJ.” My words, modulated by AJ’s voice, sounded distant, heavy. “I looked bad enough to be in a shallow grave. What makes you think I was anything other than on the way to being fully dead?” I sighed, letting my rump hit the ground. “I don’t even have a body of my own. This is yours. I just... I’m a rental. One day, I’ll just be a girl in a house in your head, then a girl, then a voice, then...” My eyes looked out through the trees and I could make out farmland. The sun was easing onto the horizon with streaks of pink and washes of orange. I hadn’t really seen a sunset that good before. Now, I never would. Not with my own eyes. Rae? I got the nickname Freeze Rae because I was so detached. So cool. I didn’t freak out. I kept my calm and I got things done. It’s what made me good at my job as an accountant and it’s why I was a badass with first person shooters. I was Rachel Freaking Shelton and I was the hardest bitch this side of the military. Till I woke up in a ditch. Till I woke up as another person, nee pony. Till I was pursued by a freaky private eye. Till I saw all that freaking roadkill. Till I had a rifle pointed at me. Rae? You still there? I ran. Blindly and without abandon, I ran. I ran because I’d just had a gun pointed at me. I ran because not hours before, I’d run into a man who was pursuing me for mysterious reasons. I ran because I was dead and I wanted to feel alive. I ran because I could. Sam kept good pace with me. She probably thought it was a game. Rae! Rae! What’s goin’ on?! I ignored her. She was just a voice in my head, right? Anyone can ignore a voice if they want to. And I really, really wanted to. I wanted to so bad I didn’t notice the fence till I was crashing through it. The impact snapped me out of my panic and I stumbled in the debris, slamming against the house. My breathing was heavy. Sweat streaked my barrel. By some miracle, Liana had stayed on my head. Rae?! Speak t’me Rae! “Go away...” I whined, my voice barely audible. “Don’t see that I can since you crashed into my garden.” I turned, a floppy movement, and saw a familiar face. Familiar only in that I never, ever expected to see her again, much less on Earth. More shocked than I was, AJ took the mouth and said, “Miss... Jubilee?” She smiled down at me. She was an older mare, with a dark cherry mane and tail, quaffed high and wavy. She kept most of her bouffant-like mane out of her face with a blue bandana. Her green eyes shone with friendly cheer and the beauty mark on her left cheek was totally endearing. She offered her hoof. “Hiya, Applejack,” Cherry said. “Fancy seein’ you here.” Come In StrangerI guess I never expected a house in the upstate boondocks to be so nice, but it was. Comfy chairs, a plush couch, new-ish TV: the whole place was cozy and welcoming. It was only a little bigger than Max’s apartment, but it was nice. Much like its host. “Here ya go, hon. Sorry I don’t have apple juice.” “It’s fine,” I said to Cherry. She set the tray down on the coffee table and hopped onto the other end of the couch in an easy bound. She lazed back, looking me over in a slightly different way than before. After she’d had a good laugh at AJ’s expression, I’d regained control and prepared to run off again. She caught the twitch and slowed me enough to offer offer lemonade and cookies. My stomach grumbled in response, and I thought how it’d be nice to hold off on draining my supplies further. Raising my hoof for assistance, I let her heft me up and take me inside. Somehow, I only had a few wood splinters in my fur- no scrapes, cuts or breaks. I didn’t know if I was lucky or it was more of AJ’s earth pony-ness, but I didn’t object when Cherry said I looked fine. She even let Sam come in, though the dog had to keep away from the furniture. She mentioned something about a hose when she went to get food. “Thanks for your hospitality,” I said. “Don’t you worry ‘bout it,” Cherry said with an easy smile. I should have felt comforted by the easy smile, but I wasn’t. It worried me. Since landing upside down in her garden, I’d only seen one personality on this pony and AJ’s memories said that personality was all Cherry Jubilee. I knew I was pretty in charge here with AJ, even if the tussle with the PAPA man proved I could be kicked out, removed, forgot- No. I was present. I spoke. Consistently. If Cherry was here, chatting amicably, where was her human? “So,” Cherry said. “What had ya so worked up ya had to take it out on Jean’s new garden?” “Existential crisis,” I said, and picked up the glass to sip at the lemonade. Cherry laughed and it was a full, warm sound that actually broke through my unease and made me feel welcome. AJ, who had gone quiet after I’d taken over, revealed some nostalgia at the sound. I also caught a little guilt beneath the nostalgia. Unfortunately, I had enough on my plate, so the emotions only just registered with me. I could hold a conversation, freak out, go through a pony’s memories, and share in her feelings. I couldn’t do all at once. “You must be Applejack’s girl. Don’t think a five-bit word like that ever came out of her mouth when I knew her.” I cocked an eyebrow. “Who says I couldn’t have heard it around Twilight?” When Cherry spoke again, her drawl wasn’t as hard. “Because AJ calls Twilight, ‘Twi.’” Finally! A human! My freak out faded and a smile broke through on my muzzle. “Rachel,” I said, offering a hoof. “Jean,” Jean said, shaking my hoof in a way AJ knew was right and I knew felt weird. We leaned back, regarding each other. Now that Cherry was away, I could see that Jean slouched a bit, and her eyes were cooler, but her bearing was pretty much the same. Was it that subtle when AJ took over from me? “So, I get to meet one of the Mane 6. My life just keeps getting more interesting,” Jean said, picking up her lemonade. I could see a red mist hovering within the glass that told me she’d added in a little cherry juice. “That’s one way of putting it,” I said with a snort. “You a fan before?” “I’d seen the show thanks to a friend. I mostly knew it through memes.” Jean nodded, sipping. “Aaah. Damn, that’s good. Y’know, I never put cherry in my lemonade before? One of the perks of all this.” I looked at my hooves. “If you wanna call it perks.” Jean was quiet too long for it to be just a conversational lapse, so I looked up. Her cool gaze had shifted to an unimpressed version. “What?” I asked. “So, you wanted to be a unicorn or pegasus?” I scrunched my face. Oh great, she was a fan and a fan who took this whole thing seriously. “How about neither?” I said, squinting at her with one eye. “I was fine as a human, thanks.” My heart sped up and I set the glass down as it shook in my grip. “You okay, hon?” “Fi-” “She ain’t,” AJ said, taking over the mouth. “She keeps tryin’ to say she is, but it’s like when I came to ya, Miss Jubilee. She’s runnin’ scared.” My mouth returned to me. “You busybody fucking-” I yelled. “Whoa there, Tex!” A hoof rested on my shoulder and I looked into the comforting gaze of Cherry Jubilee. “Sounds like Applejack got something out you would have kept close,” she said softly. “Mind sharin’?” I shook her hoof off, looking down. “Yes.” She leaned back, assessing me. Stupid pony peripheral vision letting me see that. Stupid pony everything. “Fair enough,” she replied. We sat in awkward silence. I sipped some of the lemonade, which was actually pretty good. My eyes wandered and I noticed an oxygen tank in the doorway of a nearby room. “What’s that?” I asked, pointing. Cherry turned around and when she turned back, she was Jean. “Ah. That’s my old oh-two tank.” “You needed oxygen? Why? Were you a grandma or something?” She laughed. “I’m old, Tex, but I’m not that old.” She settled against the pillow, smiling. “Got in a pretty bad car accident about a week ago. Doctors were ready to leave me for dead. Then, I woke up like this.” She gestured to her white-furred body. “Asked if I could keep the tank that breathed for me for two days. It was about empty, so they said sure.” I stared at her. “You were in an accident?” I said, my voice feeling too quiet. “Yep,” she responded, as though my eyes weren’t the size of dinner plates. “Drivin’ home from work. Semi had a driver who was on his twenty-seventh hour and didn’t even see me. Pow!” She slapped one hoof into the other. “I was more meat than person. Had a bunch of tubes in me, they couldn’t get the swelling in my head to go down, so they gave me another day, two tops.” She leaned forward with a grin. “Didn’t happen like that, as you can see.” I stared further, my mouth slack. “Somethin’ on your mind, Tex?” “Just how freaking crazy the world is, really,” I said. I tried to close my mouth. It kept dangling. She snorted. “Yeah, doctors don’t exactly have ‘turned into a pony’ under listed recovery options, but there you go.” “You were going to die?” She nodded. “Livin’ dead girl. That was me. Last thing I remember was a pair of headlights comin’ at me, then wakin’ up puking my guts out as a pony. Thankfully, whatever did this got all the tubes outta me. Hate to think what coulda happened with human-sized medical stuff in Cherry’s body.” “So you... Knew who you were?” “Mostly. Knew I was a pony. Had to stare in the mirror for a sec before I recognized Cherry, I thought, ‘Now don’t that beat all.’ My niece was really blown away. She’s the other pony fan in the family. Don’t let her know I told ya. She’s a mite embarrassed about it.” I blinked at her, shaking my head slightly, still having trouble absorbing all this. “Yeah. No problem,” I responded, dull. My brain was starting to wrap fully around the chances of two women in the same kind of accident with the same kind of recovery meeting up to swap stories. The probability was staggering and the reality more so. To forestall the impending freakout, I said, “So... You’re Cherry Jubilee now?” “Mmm-hmm,” Jean responded, looking content. “And you hung on to the oxygen tank?” She nodded, looking back at the cannister. “I like to treat every day as a blessing. My dad died of a heart attack when I was young, you see. I wake up, day’s off to a good start. So, I feel like I dodged a pretty nasty bullet there. Keepin’ the tank? Just a little reminder about how right I was.” “You mean the pony in the mirror doesn’t help?” She laughed. “You’re definitely straightforward enough to be an Element of Honesty, I’ll give you that.” I glanced down and blushed. I don’t know where the stupid blush came from, but it was there. I suspected AJ was involved somehow. “Sorry,” I muttered. “Nah. Well, bein’ Cherry’s nice, but I like havin’ tokens. Got a bit of wire from the Empire State, still got a flower from the first boy I loved, which is- woo, way longer than I’d like to admit. Keep ‘em all in a nice box, but the tank, as you can see, wasn’t gonna fit.” “Yeah...” I said, smiling slightly. “So... You said you left your job? Before the accident? What do you do?” “Manage the grocery in Earlville. Ain’t too bad a drive. Well... It wasn’t. Huh. Guess I’ll have to figure that out.” I finally broke my staring fest to breathe deeply and accept reality. She’d been through practically the same thing I had. The only difference was that she had a job, a house, a life and didn’t have to run from some spooky P.I. How many people were doing what we did? Waking up as ponies when their life was just about to go? “You look like someone hit you in the face with a fish,” Jean said, picking up her glass and swirling the straw about. “I feel like someone just hit me in the face with a fish,” I said, raising my head to smile awkwardly at her. “Take it you didn’t like wakin’ up as Applejack?” “I woke up in a shallow grave,” I replied, my smile turning grim. She shot up, her drink nearly spilling over. She corrected the glass and looked me in the eye. “No,” she said. “Uh-huh,” I replied. She snorted, shaking her head. “Well don’t that... Two dead girls walkin’. How ‘bout that?” I nodded. “Well, how you usin’ your new lease on life, missy?” “Just... Getting AJ to New York.” She nodded. “And?” “Figure it out from there, I guess.” She nodded further approval. “Sounds like a good plan to me.” I cocked my head at her. “Really?” “Sure. I’ve been readin’ up and it sounds like the other girls could use you.” I felt AJ stir inside me, becoming active after just resting quietly through most of the conversation. Curiosity sprung up. If she hadn’t forced me into talking with Jean... I could follow up on her friends. “They could?” I asked. She looked at me hard. “Rachel. If you don’t mind me asking- how in the know are you?” I sighed, rolling my eyes. Holding up a forehoof, I said, “See this?” She nodded. “That’s the pulse of all things pony going on in the show or the world.” She nodded again. I then held up my other hoof as far from the first as possible. “And this is me. Way the hell out in yonkers.” She nodded and put down her lemonade. Hopping off the couch, she disappeared into the room with the oxygen tank and came back with a laptop balanced perfectly on her back. She slid it to the coffee table and hopped up, motioning me over. Scooching across the couch, I joined her. “First off, you should know the days’re all messed up. So if you hear someone goin’ on about Marsday or what not, they’re not nuts. Then there’s this...” She pulled up an already open browser, clicking over to a tab and my heart froze. Element of Harmony Survives Shooter! the headline read. My first thought was someone saw me, then that immediately disappeared at the picture of a yellow pegasus with a pink mane clutching a stuffed toy. She looked tired and wary as she stood next to a white stallion with a blue mane who came across pretty intense. They were Fluttershy and Shining Armor. AJ’s feelings of protectiveness and familiarity flooded right into me and suddenly, I was sharing memories and emotions I never had before. For the first time in this whole mess, I didn’t fight those outside emotions. Pony or person, nobody threatens anyone I know. Even if I only know them thanks to the pony in my head. “Yeah, she’s okay,” Jean said, scrolling through the text where I saw mostly quotes from police. “But. It was bad. Granted, she ain’t this...” Jean opened a new tab and whereas Fluttershy’s situation scared me into a near heart attack, what transpired in the Youtube video left me scrabbling for sense. “Is that a gazelle?” I said, flatly. “Yep.” “Why is it eating hash browns?” “I think because it’s hungry.” “But... IHOP?” Cherry shrugged, closing the tab. “I’d talk to Applejack. They’re her friends. Good ones too if they could lure her away from the job I gave her.” She winked at me and, again, I blushed. Why did I keep doing that? I look up to her. That’s all, AJ said. “Oh, hey. Finally decided to speak?” I said sarcastically. “You talkin’ to Applejack?” Cherry asked. I nodded. “Hey there hon,” Cherry said, waving as if she were across the room. “Long time no see!” I laughed. “This brain thing is weird,” I said. “It’ll get weirder. Wait till you start mergin’.” I sighed, removed Liana, and ran a hoof through my mane. “I’ve... Kinda been trying to ignore that. Among other things.” “How’s that workin’ for you?” I snorted. Cherry gave a knowing smile and nodded. “What I thought.” “It’s just... Too much, y’know? I woke up dead, and I also have some private investigator looking for me.” “Why’s somebody doin’ that?” Cherry asked. “I dunno!” I said with a shrug. “He impersonated a cop when he first sought me out and then when I bumped into him again, he talked about a reward for finding me. It doesn’t sound good- at all!” I slumped into the couch. “And that’s on top of this whole... Whatever AJ and I are doing. I mean, if you’d told me I’d be going on foot to New York, in record fucking time I might add, I’d say you’re nuts! But now? After being dead in a ditch, followed by a P.I. and getting threatened by a dude with a gun?!” I flopped back and let Liana slide over my face. “I want a break I can’t get,” I said. “Didn’t ask for this. Not even a little bit.” We were quiet. I’m sure some of what I said caught Jean/Cherry’s interest, so I expected some kind of clarifying question. Maybe a follow-up to what I’d rambled about. God knows I was expecting her to call me on my bullshit. I wasn’t expecting what she said next. “Nobody does.” I raised Liana up to look at her. “I didn’t ask to be hit by the semi. Didn’t ask to wake up as Miss Jubilee here,” Jean said, thoughtfully running a hoof over a knee. “It’s like that song says, ‘our choices are half-chance.’ Which means anything we get we didn’t ask for, half the time. So we gotta decide what to do with it.” She sighed, turning to smile at me wanly. “Here we are, Rachel, part of some really out there half-chances. Now, I know what I’m doin’ with my half-chance and I can live with that. How about you? Are you fine with the half-chances you got?” “No,” I said, my mouth twisted in distaste. “Alright. Then you can’t change anything that’s happened to you, so is there anything you’d do different?” I was about to say “no” on automatic, but I held back, mulling it over. I moved Liana from my head to roll her brim across my stomach. “I’d... Have hogtied P.I. Matthews back at Max’s,” I said slowly, tracking the hypothetical idea. “And then we’d have called the cops. Find out what he was up to.” “Kay? What else?” I shrugged. “That’s about it. Running wasn’t a great idea, but I’d talked with AJ about going to New York, so maybe that was just on my mind at the time. Everything since then, I’m okay with. I guess. I met some nice people on the way.” I looked at Liana the hat. “Some really nice people.” She smiled. “Then I think you’re doin’ okay, Tex.” I looked back to her, suspicious. “Oh?” “Life can throw every curveball it wants at ya, but as long as you have folk, it’s gonna have to work pretty hard to catch you off guard.” I was about to call bullshit when Applejack quietly reminded me of Max. And Carrie. And Jared. I thought I had to do this on my own. But along the way, I’d been getting all this kindness and help. Even now, when I was about to thrust it all away and claim my cool, collected exterior, AJ was there, making sure I knew just what I had. “Thanks,” I said quietly. It’s what friends do. “You reckon?” I said with a crooked grin. Yeah, I do. “Applejack do a brain thing?” Jean asked. “Yeah. She... Yeah. You helped too though.” Jean snorted. “Glad to know I contributed.” “No, really. You really have. And...” I sorted the memories that had welled up in Cherry’s presence and grinned. “AJ really appreciates the opportunity that Miss Jubilee gave her and feels mighty bad she had to leave her in the lurch.” Hey! It goes both ways, I thought with a chuckle. “So, if you, either of you, need anything. Just say it. We’ll help.” I grinned with a bit more embarrassed blush. “Especially since I kind of wrecked your fence and I can’t really stick around all that long to fix it.” Jean looked at me with her cool gaze and that Cherry Jubilee smirk popped up on her face. “Actually, Rachel... There is... One thing you might be able to help with.” “What’s that?” I asked, eager to pay back the kindness. “Well, you know how I mentioned my niece...?” The door opened with a squeak and I briefly turned to see who came in. Sam stood up, tail wagging and I did a double take. She was small. Way small. She was a filly. With white fur and a duo-toned, curled mane of pastel pink and violet. Her eyes were a darker green than mine and she wore a tiny, pastel blue hoodie that looked like it was designed for a child. On her back was a small paper sack. “Hey Aunt Jean, I-” She turned. Noticing me. Through her curly hair, I could see her horn and a new set of memories flooded up. Particularly ones that involved scrubbing tree sap off young little fillies. The filly in front of me... Sweetie Belle, worked her jaw up and down for a second at the sight of me. The feeling was mutual. Memories were flooding into me. Sweet, adorable Sweetie Belle, who’d asked AJ to be her sister. Who ran all over hill and dale with Scootaloo and Apple Bloom trying to find their cutie marks. This was Rarity’s less frou-frou sister, if her penchant for mud and tree sap were any indication. Cherry Jubilee showing up had been out of left field. This was out of the park. “May, this here’s Rachel. Though I think you might know her.” “No fuckin’ shit!” squealed the little pony, pointing a hoof at me. “That’s goddamn Applejack!” Well. That was a paradigm shift. Southern AccentsDay 10 Sun shining, trees all around me, dog at my side.... What more could a girl ask for? Maybe a way out of carrying this weight on my back. “So you’re really on the run from the law?” came Sweetie Belle’s cute, high pitched voice. “No,” I said. “I’m on the run from a guy who pretended to be the law.” “So that’s why you’re homeless in the woods?” “Exactly,” I responded. She paused and as I glanced back, she was putting her headphones back on. “Shiiiiit. That’s fucked up.” No more fucked up than listening to you curse, I thought. I second that, AJ said. I know, I know. Given the situation I was in, bringing a filly along, even a filly with a “mature” teenage girl in her head, was a bad idea. I told Jean as much when she said that her niece, May, who was now Sweetie Belle, was trying to get to New York City. “You heard what I told you, right?” I said to Jean. I was on my hooves, standing on the sofa. “I have a P.I. chasing me! I was-” I glanced at May, who was focused on the arguing adults. “Y’know!” Jean nodded and smiled warmly at me. “I do know, Rachel. And I still think you’d be best to get my niece to New York. Can you get your hooves off my couch, please?” I slid back to my rump, hooves going to my head as I racked my brain for a proper protest. “Look at her!” I said, holding both forelegs out. I looked at May, whose face had cooled a little. “No offense.” “Hey, no, I get it. I’m like, fuckin’ fun size here. But, I’m also going to New York.” I stared at her. “What?” I said, flatly. “That’s where everything is, bitch. Maybe La- The white pony lady can make me not a fucking filly. I kinda had plans that involved fingers, you know? So, I’m going goddamit. I was just waiting for a good time.” I looked at Jean, who shrugged. “I talked her into waiting a day or two with me, but teenagers, right? What’re you gonna do?” I sighed, rubbing at my head again. “But she’s a kid,” I protested. “She isn’t... Are you even old- I mean, mature enough to handle this?” “I’m totally fucking mature!” May retorted and stomped her little, filly hoof. I looked at Jean with a “See?” expression. She smirked in return. “Now, Rachel, let’s not get to name calling. I trust May’s decision,” Jean said. “She may be in Sweetie Belle’s body, but she’s old enough to drive, old enough to see an R-movie, old enough to vote. So, she’s old enough to decide this on her own. ”She’s had a day to think it over and is even using her own money. However, I, personally, would feel a lot better knowing someone as responsible as say, Applejack were along...” Oops, AJ said. “And, as you said, you did break my fence,” Jean added. “This’d go a long way to paying that back. Like you said, you’re not sticking around to fix it.” My face scrunched in guilt and annoyance. What kind of caretaking adult says this is okay? “Just... Let me sleep on this?” I asked. “For tonight? AJ and I... We need a face-to-face to talk it out.” Jean nodded with a matronly smile. “You can crash on the couch.” Her expression shifted and her drawl became all Cherry. “Ooo, I can make up a new dish I read in Jean’s cookbooks. Hope y’all are hungry!” “Always am!” May said with a hop. An adorable hop, I’d like to point out. Dinner was good- Cherry was a solid chef. I’d never thought of adding cherry sauce to so many veggie-friendly dishes, but I didn’t argue with the results. Even Sam, the only meat-eater in the house, slurped up some scraps. Conversation was fairly lively, though I could see what Jean had meant about May being embarrassed about being a pony fan. She kept stopping halfway into things, then laying back as if it was no big deal. God, I hoped I hadn’t been that obvious as a teenager. I remember it being tough being the only girl who read comics in my school, but at least I owned up to them. Thankfully, everypony present respected my privacy and need to stay below the radar. Jean and May didn’t take pictures, or post to Twitter, or whatever that I was in their house, which I was very glad about. Didn’t want to risk Matthews’ potential tech guy giving him info on an Applejack sighting. The sleeping arrangements were just as pleasant as the meal. Just like Max’s place, being a pony turns all couches into very roomy guest beds. Plus, it beat sleeping under the stars again. As I fell into my dreams, I was already running. I didn’t have to run far. A simple, low, friendly white fence was all that was between AJ’s little, red home and my big, white house. I vaulted it easy as I sprinted to her place. She met me on the other side of the fence. “She can’t go with us,” we said in unison. We blinked, stepping back from one another in surprise. Not just from talking at the same time, but because of what we saw. AJ’s mane and tail had streaks of brown in it and her eyes were shot through with hazel undertones. And the way she looked at me promised something as drastic on my end. I touched my nose and was relieved to find my face was normal. When I reached around my neck though... “What happened to my hair?” I asked, bringing around a sandy-blond lock that easily went past my shoulders. “It uh... Looks... Like my mane.” I blinked at her. Actually, I blinked at her voice. Her signature drawl had faded. Not much, but enough that she sounded a little less like herself and more like... Me. A shiver went up my back as I considered the ramifications of that. “No, never mind,” I said, throwing up my hands. “We gotta talk about Sweetie Belle. May. The filly!” “Yeah. Ain’t no way she’s comin’ with us,” Applejack said, stomping a hoof authoritatively. “Agreed,” I proclaimed, folding my arms with a nod. “Too dangerous,” she said with her own nod. “That’s like sayin’ the ocean’s moist,” I replied. We smiled. Happy that we both agreed that taking May along with us was the worst of all possible ideas. “We’re gonna do it anyway, aren’t we?” I said. “Yeah,” AJ said with a sigh. “Don’t know how much Sweetie’s in there, but... I know that look. It usually comes before crusadin’ and tree sap.” I plopped onto the ground. Before my butt even hit the ground, AJ’s memories of Sweetie started mixing with mine. Sweetie Belle coming to see Apple Bloom. Sweetie Belle at a Cutie Mark Crusader Sweet Apple Acres sleepover. Sweetie Belle asking to be my little sister when she and Rarity were in a snit. “It got worse didn’t it?” I whispered, putting my head in my hands. “Pretty much,” she agreed. After a thoughtful pause, she added, “It’s not all bad though. Keepin’ an eye on Rarity’s sister an’ all. It’ll be nice to get those two back together.” “And possibly get her killed because of what’s happening to us. Yep, we’re the pinnacles of responsibility...” I grumbled. “Hey!” she snapped. My head shot up. “Yeah, I don’t like it,” AJ said, her brow furrowed a little too much like mine. “But she’s goin’ anyway and I wanna make sure nothin’ happens to her.” I rolled my eyes. “Can’t her aunt do that for her?” “You saw her, she’s ready to cut the kid loose like a dog on jerky day.” “Then she’s a bad adult and shouldn’t be in charge of kids!” I yelled. “Not just drop the responsibility on us!” AJ shook her head. “She ain’t. She’s asking for a favor. Remember how you wrecked her fence and her garden! Least we can do is keep an eye on her niece!” Placing my hands on my hips, I squinted at the pony, my jaw clenching. “Have you forgotten the part where I crawled out of my grave? Are you really so dense that you think taking a kid-” “Teenager!” “Whatever! Taking May with us is anything but a bad idea?” “Don’t matter if it’s a bad idea!” AJ bellowed at me. “Family’s got to stick together!” “She’s not your family!” “She’s the only face I got since this started!” “What the hell does that mean?!” Her eyes went hot, but before she could say anything else she clamped her mouth and took a deep breath. Feeling my dream heart pounding in my chest, and my dream jaw clenching to the point I thought my teeth creaked, I did the same. We looked away from one another, trying to tamp down on our tempers. It was hard. I didn’t have a temper before. I mean, I got angry, but it was always kind of a distant heat. I mostly did chilling looks. When did I need to count to ten? As I cooled off, I realized I could feel the ache in AJ. She missed her family. She missed them bad. As I poked at the feeling, Apple Bloom flickered across my memory. Then Big McIntosh. Then Granny. She didn’t get to say good-bye. She didn’t know if they were back in Ponyville or were over here or what. She needed a lifeline. She needed something to hold onto. If that something was one of her best friend’s sister, so be it. I took a breath. Feeling like an idiot. If I hadn’t been so busy trying to stick my head in the dirt, again, I’d have realized that as strong as AJ was, she needed support too. “Sorry,” I offered. “I shouldn’t have- I mean... May can come.” AJ nodded, taking a breath. “Thanks for sayin’. Guess we’re both hot under the collar and Sweetie-” “May,” I interjected. “Yup, her. She ain’t gonna make it easier.” “Nope,” I confirmed. AJ came over and sat next to me. We both leaned against the fence. I looked up at it. “You?” I asked, clearly indicating the fence. She shook her head. “Weren’t me. Guess more of that magic gettin’ us closer.” “Yeah,” I said, holding up a lock of sandy-blond hair. It felt different too. Thicker. “I’m thinkin’ different too,” AJ admitted. “Numbers ain’t a problem any more. Worked out the distance we needed to travel and boom, just was. I could usually ballpark stuff like that back home. Big Mac was the math whiz. He handled the books for Sweet Apple Acres.” She sighed, looking off. “I think I could actually keep up with him now.” Holding up her hooves, she inspected them, as if traces of my hands might start magically showing up. “No offense,” she said. “but I’d like to stay myself.” “None taken,” I replied. “I feel the same way.” I looked up to watch the perpetual nice day clouds float by. “Think the magic’ll let us?” She shrugged. “Can’t say. Just when I think I can remember somethin’ about this setup, it fades. Water past my hooves.” She frowned. “Don’t think I was ever that poetic either.” I laughed. “Numbers, poetry- doesn’t sound so bad to me.” “Yeah?” “It’s how I work,” I said with a smile and a nod. “I know my temper’s shorter though...” “Sorry. Thought I had that under control, but sometimes. Well, things happen and I need to take a breath, y’know?” I nodded. “It’s okay. Feels like... It feels like I’m less a Freeze Rae, y’know? It’s scary, yeah, but... I feel engaged. I care more.” AJ smiled at me. “There ya go. Nothin’ wrong with that, yeah?” “No,” I said. “Till we get Sweetie hurt.” Her expression went grim and she looked over at her cottage. She nodded. “Price you pay,” AJ said. She turned to smile at me. “Worth it though. You know how I feel about Apple Bloom? Big Mac? Granny?” I nodded. “Gets me up in the mornin’ and through my day. When I added Dash, Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, even ‘Shy- hay, that just made it all the easier. Friends and family, Rae- Ain’t no force greater on this or any world.” “Eeyup,” I agreed. That earned a snort. “See you’re pickin’ up quick,” she chortled. “Eeyup,” I echoed, smiling. I woke soon after, my head filled with knowledge about the little unicorn. Laying on the couch, with the sun coming in the window, I started to worry whether my brain could keep holding two lives indefinitely. ~ “You know, you reeeeeally don’t fucking sound like Applejack,” May commented. I looked over my shoulder at her. She still had her headphones on. Coupled with her baby-blue hoodie, she looked more like the DJ from Cadance’s wedding than the Sweetie AJ remembered. “Because Sweetie Belle drops f-bombs every third word,” I replied, turning to watch where I was going. I whistled to Sam when she snuffled a spot I could tell had a dead critter. She gave a mournful look, but went to my side obediently. “Hey, just me bein’ me in this filly fucking body,” May said. “You swear a lot?” “Every goddamn day,” May said, like it was a point of pride. “And your parents haven’t boxed your ears over it?” “Pssh. My folks could give a damn. Dad’s in Korea and Mom’s a couch lump on disability. They can tell me to fucking quit all they want. I’m still gonna. Least Aunt Jean’s cool about it. Says I can get it out of my system young or whatever the fuck.” “Uh-huh,” I responded. I knew I could get away with swearing, but only after I’d graduated high school. And mostly that was because I was in the workforce. I certainly didn’t use it like a comma. “You got a problem with it?” she challenged. Adorably, I might add. It was mind-bending listening to her. Everything cute and high pitched, then she does George Carlin’s Seven Words bit. I shrugged, making May bob a little. “Do what you want,” I replied, frank. “Just be quiet when I need you to and we’ll be fine.” Hope Sweetie ain’t pickin’ up too much of this sassmouth. I don’t know what I’m gonna tell Rarity, AJ thought. “Yeah, yeah,” May said. “Because we’re hiding from a lazy-ass P.I.” “Hey!” I said, bumping my back and jostling the kid. I turned to glare at her. “Cuss all you want, but if you wanna throw down with my problems, this shit isn’t for play!” She held my gaze for a second in defiance, then she withered, then ducked her head. She shrugged, looking away sullenly. I gave her the eye and resumed my pace. Fifteen minutes passed before she spoke again. “Why haven’t you just... Bucked him, or whatever?” “Hasn’t come up yet,” I said, keeping my gaze straight ahead. “I would have by now!” she proclaimed and felt her raise up on my back. “I’d’ve been all hiya fucker! And take that! And-whoa- Whoaaaaa!” A soft little plop came up and I stopped. Turning my head, I found May faceplanted in the ground, her butt in the air. Her hooves spasmed slightly. “How’d that work out, sport?” I asked, smirking. She flopped down, freeing her face from the dirt to glare up at me “Fuck. You,” she said. “Not with a ten meter cattle prod,” I said with a snort. She spat out some grass and Sam came over to lick the dirt off her face. She giggled and almost fell over again. Sam was smaller than me, but it didn’t take much to tower over a filly Sweetie’s size. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Sam thought May was a puppy she had to take care of. As May giggled over the doggy affection, I realized I was catching her unguarded. I’d been getting the “tough girl” impression from May from the start, but when she laughed Sweetie’s laugh it all fell away. Dad was in Korea and Mom was on disability, but what kind of homelife did that leave little May? “Stop iiiit...” May giggled, as Sam kept licking. “Okay, that’s enough, Sam,” I said. She looked at me, tongue out, and I tilted my head back. Breaking from May, she came over to stand next to me, tail wagging. I stroked her fur affectionately, cooing how good a dog she was. “You comin’?” I asked, looking back to May. “Sure. Heh heh. Sure,” she answered, getting to her hooves and trotting over to me. “Guess I’m walking now?” I shrugged, clearly in no rush to get her back on my back. “Till you get tired,” I said, starting an easy walk. She shrugged and did her best to match my longer legged pace. The tough girl slid back into place again with a muttered, “Whatever.” We lapsed into silence again. Only this felt less strained. “Thanks,” she said, finally. “For taking me and all.” “No problem,” I said. Well, that was one way to get the weight off my back. What Child is ThisLunch was sandwiches with a side of carrot sticks and swearing. “Fuck, I miss bacon,” May said as she bit into her lettuce, tomato, daisy sandwich. “I mean, this shit’s good and all, but bacon. Bacon, AJ.” I snorted at her. “I’m still Rachel,” I replied. May blinked, ducked her head and looked away. “Right. I knew that. Totally did. Damn straight you’re Rae, Rae.” Now that I wasn’t just casually listening to her, but really paying attention, I noticed May made these almost imperceptible pauses before she cursed. Like she was looking over her shoulder for a phantom adult or trying to pick the best word. They didn’t show up unless you were giving her the Sherlock eye, so she may not have been aware she was doing it. We ate quietly. Bored with that, I decided to try and make friends. “What do you like to do?” I asked May, giving Sam a look as she begged shamelessly for bits of my sandwich. “Huh?” I tossed a bit of bread and Sam went for it. “How do you spend your free time? What’re your interests?” “Why are- What do you care?” May asked, peering at me. “Making conversation. It’s you or AJ, and I’ve kinda talked to AJ a lot at this point.” May scrutinized me with an adorable squint. Whatever she was looking for, she didn’t find. She dropped her gaze and she fiddled with her food. “I, uh... I play guitar,” she said quietly before shoving the sandwich in her face. “Cool,” I replied. “Acoustic or-” “Electric,” she said sharply. She seemed to realize how fast she said that and turned back to her lunch. “O-kay,” I said. Silence again. I finished my sandwich and watched the filly. She finished her sandwich and turned to the carrot sticks, avoiding looking at me. I shrugged and leaned back. The tree we’d stopped at was cozy and I looked up through its leaves so I could see sky. I decided I’d been lucky so far. No really serious weather aside from it being a bit cold, and AJ’s body seemed resilient enough to that. It’s your body too, ya know, AJ said. My body’s... Somewhere, I said. This is just a loaner. The wind moved through the leaves, casting shadow patterns against the shining, blue sky. I smiled. I didn’t really get out a lot before this. I’d camped maybe twice in my whole life and preferred the luxury of AC whenever I could manage it. Yet, here I was, Miss Nature. You can have it if you want, AJ said. I blinked. “What?” May turned to me. I waved my hoof. “S- Sorry, AJ surprised me,” I said, but this just made her look harder. What are you talking about? I said quietly to AJ. I got some years out of it, she replied, sounding way too nonchalant. I’m good. Besides, y’got some good ideas in here. Like I said last night, accountin’ finally makes some sense. Y’could probably talk to my brother better’n I could now. You don’t have to be... Y’know. Dead. I shook my head. I’m not going to take your body, AJ, I said. I stand by the loaner call. This is yours. She became quiet. Finally, she said, Well... Don’t well, me, missy, I replied. This isn’t up for negotiation. She sighed. No it ain’t. But you deserve better than a ditch on the side of the highway. When all this is over, we’ll find somethin’. We’ll get you worked out. I promise. I was quiet for a while, not even my thoughts stirring. When they did, all I could say was, “Thanks, AJ. For the offer.” I’d do it again in a heartbeat, Sugarcube. “What’d she do?” May asked. “Hm? Oh, she offered me to stay. In here.” I patted my barrel. “I have other plans though,” I said with a smile. As soon as the words left my mouth, something clicked. I’d heard that phrase before. Pretty much verbatim from May when I first met her. “Your guitar...” I said, the idea taking shape. “What?” May replied, a bit defensive. “Play in a band?” “Well, uh. Yeah,” May replied, baffled. “Bet you got dreams along those lines, don’t ya?” “Yeah. Kinda,” May said, blushing and looking away. I grinned broadly. “Hey, it’s cool. I just put it all together. Makes sense that you’d be so gung-ho about New York. You’d have to learn how to play all over again. With hooves and even a horn. Well, a filly’s horn.” “Tch, yeah. Tell me about it,” May said, rolling her eyes. “I get a unicorn too young to use her magic. No way I can lift my Ibanez, much less get at the strings. All I can do is make sparks.” My eyebrow rose in knowing. “Sweetie tell you that?” “No that’s from-” Her eyes got wide. She shut her mouth and looked away. “It’s like... It makes sense. She’s, uh, young. Young unicorn- no magic. Just logical.” She nodded authoritatively, convincing herself. Unfortunately for her, she didn’t convince me. I sighed, leaned forward. “You can drop the act, you know. I don’t care.” “What act?” May said. Staring into her wide eyes all I could think was, Oh God. No wonder it never worked. I must have looked like a huge idiot any time I’d try to boldface lie to my mom. It was written all over her face and her open expression just underlined it. Rolling my eyes, I said, “Look, you know about this whole pony thing. That’s cool. You don’t have to keep acting like its some embarrassing secret. I mean, look at us. Kind of late to pretend you don’t know what’s up.” “Yeah, uh, well what do you know?!” May said, ducking her head, eyes darting back and forth. “I know that I was the only girl in my high school who liked comics,” I said. “And that sucked donkey balls, but it beat lying.” May took her turn to roll her eyes. “Oh great, I’m getting fucking lectured on honesty from the leading background pony.” “Insults only work if they’re gonna piss somepony off,” I said, leaning back against the tree. “Besides, I’m not lecturing. I’m just telling you. For me- I felt better owning my fandom rather than let other people tell me how I should feel about it. And trust me, Tumblr may be making noise about girls reading comics, but where I went- that didn’t matter for shit.” May ran a nervous hoof around her hoodie’s drawstring, rolling it and unrolling it as she tried to look everywhere but me. “So what?” she said. “You finally get some ‘true friends’ out of your deal?” I laughed. “Nope. I made friends with band kids and art students. Max and Brian were geeks, but they were more into big, fantasy novels and playing D and D. There were other guys in band who read comics, but they were assholes. Kept quizzing me.” I rolled my eyes. “Ugh, assholes. That I know about,” May said, her hoof slowing in its attention to the hoodie string. “They are universal.” “Yeah,” she said, looking up and almost making eye contact with me. “Mine was a bandmate, Greg. He was such a dick. I put one sticker on my guitar, just one and he kept giving me shit about wearing lolita dresses and crap like that. I had to punch out his teeth before Clyde and Tim stood up for me.” “Sucks,” I replied, sagely. “Yeah. And it was a Rainbow Dash sticker! Like, one of the cool stickers that even non-bronies are okay about. I only picked it because it’d be, y’know, less a problem. I mean, I really wanted to...” She looked up at me, as if realizing I was just now paying attention to her. “Never mind.” her eyes darted away, hiding under Sweetie’s mane. “Aw, c’mon,” I said. “We were talking like normal people there. How about this? Tit for tat. I give an embarrassing thing and you finish that stranded thought?” May looked at me uncertainly. “Uh, what?” I blew air, losing a little patience with the number of times a pony could say “what?” in a given conversation. I had to hold it though. Unless I wanted to spend the rest of this trip with the cussing, tough girl act, I couldn’t lose my patience here. “My bestie Max and I would sometimes trade if we felt weird about a thing. Usually it was me. Max’d give me some embarrassing bit I didn’t know so I could tell him what had me in a funk.” I smiled wistfully. “Max is cool like that.” “Oooo...” May said. “Okay. Um. You go first though.” Not gonna lie, I expected that. Nodding, I put my hoof to my chin in thought. The sticker sounded more like a personal thing- She didn’t want to give up something that ruined that tough girl image (not that looking like Sweetie didn’t do that already, but I digress). So, when did I do a thing that- Ah. “Back in high school, on top of comics, I was obsessed with Inu-Yasha.” “So?” May said. “I saw that on an old adult swim. It was alright.” “Well, yeah, but it was not me. I’m comics girl, remember? And this wasn’t Archie and romance manga bullshit, I like superhero comics and dudes kicking ass and stuff.” “So?” “So, Inu-Yasha was butt-kicking, but it was also romance stuff. It was all good- there’s a reason every girl goes through an Inu-Yasha phase- but for most comic guys? It’s just another ‘girl thing.’ I got crap for being into Hellblazer and Storm Watch from most of the school. If I mentioned I was reading girly manga to the other comics-reading guys? Pssht. I’d just be another one of ‘those chicks’ and it’d get way worse.” May certainly got that. She nodded, a miserable look in her eyes. “Your turn,” I said. “What was so big about the super-heinous pony sticker?” She rolled her eyes, then closed them. Through clenched teeth, she said, “Fluttershy.” Memory welled up. I remembered her from the show as the scaredy cat, but AJ remembered her as nervous with an inner strength. Yellow fur, pink mane, butterflies on her flank. She helped out with any animals too stubborn for me. You’re better than Wikipedia, I said to AJ. I’m better than a lot of things, AJ replied, self-satisfied. “I can see how butterflies on an electric guitar would get shit,” I said to May. “Yeah...” May said. “But it- I had a fuckin reason.” “Yeah?” “Yeah. See, I like playing, but getting in front of crowds is... I get sweaty. I’m fine if I’m just jamming, but I get on the stage and it’s like- Fucking gone. I could barely play my first gig. I got okay after it, but it still made me stiff and the guys were thinking I was a lost cause. Till I started thinking about Fluttershy and the dragon. You know about that?” “In a way,” I said. More AJ memory. Celestia asking us to get a dragon off a mountain, Fluttershy being scared every step of the way, me hauling her the long way- Yep. I remembered all right. And for the record, grown dragons are fucking HUGE. “Oh, right. Duh. AJ!” she proclaimed, gesturing to me with her hooves. Smiling slightly, she went on. “Anyway. I’m sweating and sweating and I get on stage and I think- boom. That audience- That’s my fuckin’ dragon. I can’t back down from that. I may not like my band guys too much, but I sure as shit like my music. And no way am I gonna let a dragon menace my music.” She shrugged, smiling, lay on her side. “So, I wanted Fluttershy stickers. But I knew I’d get shit, so I figured Dash would be fine too. I mean, she didn’t face down that dragon, but a little Dash- Fuck you, I’m awesome attitude could be a good zen too.” “That certainly sounds like Rainbow Dash,” I said, chuckling. “So you busted Greg’s teeth in over a Dash sticker...?” “What? Oh. Yeah. After I popped Greg, the other guys were like, yeah Greg you were over the line, but they did it in that, Crazy Girl Is Around way.” May sighed. “We finished rehearsal, but they’ve been dodging me ever since. Saying they’re too busy or don’t have time to jam. Which is dumb. They’re the only decent group out here without me having to go all the way into the city.” She flopped back, sprawling out on the ground. “That was... Two weeks ago? Yeah. Pricks.” She batted at her hoodie’s string. “And I was just gonna say forget it and put the Fluttershy stickers on anyway and try something else when this happened,” she said, gesturing to herself. “I haven’t been able to pick up my guitar since.” She held her hooves up in front of her face, just staring at them. “I mean... I can Sweetie sing, but it isn’t mine. It’s hers.” She rested her hooves on her belly. I whistled low in appreciation. “That... Royally sucks.” “Pssh. No kidding,” she responded. May closed her eyes, sighed and rolled over. “Doesn’t matter though. I got an Applejack escort, I’m going to New York and I’m gonna get my hands back from Lauren!” I chortled. May gave me a look. “Weren’t you the one who gave me crap for laughing at your situation?” “Sorry. You’re right.” I giggled one last time, getting it out of my system. Smiling at May, I said, “You know... You don’t swear as much when you’re just chatting.” She furrowed her brow at me. “So?” “Just making conversation,” I said, oh wise pony master that I was. May stared at me for a minute, before shaking her head. “Yeah, you’re definitely not AJ. You’re too weird. How’d she end up with you anyway?” I shrugged. “Hay if I know.” May blinked, cocked her head at me. “Do you do that on purpose?” “Do what?” We stared at one another and May shook her head. “Nothing. Nevermind.” “Suit yourself,” I said. Stretching, I decided we’d chatted enough. “Break’s over.” I picked myself up and slid on my trusty backpack. Moving it to just at the base of my neck, I lay on the ground, calling, “All aboard!” May bounded over and hauled herself onto the remaining space on my back. She moved my pack a little bit so she could lay her head on top if she wanted. Sam yipped at the activity and I grabbed a stick, throwing it down the path. Sam watched it go and looked back at me, confused. “I don’t think she knows that yet,” May commented. “Right,” I said. I looked at my hoof. Then why had I...? AJ? Weren’t me. That was all you, Sugarcube. I shook the feeling off and set a steady trot. “So... May,” I said after a few minutes. “Yeah?” “You say you got the Sweetie voice. Is it any good?” “You don’t know?” “Applejack’s only heard Sweetie sing a few times and they were... A different kind of memorable, but I remember Max was all about Sweetie having a good voice.” May chuckled. “He’s right. I may be tiny, but I have pipes in here. Why?” “It ain’t guitar, but you wanna sing a bit? AJ usually plays music in my head, but that’s only good for one.” May was quiet for a while. As I started to turn my head, she said, “I’ll, um. I’ll pass. I’m pretty fuckin’ tired. I didn’t really sleep last night.” “Then you grab a nap,” I said. “I can keep my back steady.” “Thanks,” she said, soft. She was appropriately quiet for a few minutes, and when I glanced over my shoulder, I saw she was out cold. Her body was draped across my back with her hood pulled up to keep out as much of the sunlight as possible. I smiled at her and returned to walking. Maybe this weight wasn’t as bad as I thought. Southern ComfortMay woke from her nap an hour or so before sundown. We were making really good time. I’d never covered ground like this before in my life. Was it possible to get a little earth pony magic in a human body when all this was over? “What’s Applejack like?” May asked, her voice still a little thick with sleep. I gave that a bit of thought, which amused AJ as she could “hear” me when I was actively thinking. Just talk from the heart, Rae. No need to make it- Well, that’s flatterin’- But you don’t have to get so fancy. “She’s a straight shooter,” I said with a nod. “Brave. Thoughtful. Salt-of-the earth.” Just ‘cause I don’t have cheeks right now doesn’t mean I can’t blush, AJ muttered. “That is so cool,” May said, her voice carrying a smile. “I mean, that, and you getting to be one of the Mane 6. I’m just... Ugh. Sweetie’s nice, but dude! Look at me!” I chuckled, glancing back at her. “Yeah, that doesn’t look convenient.” “I’m shorter than Sam, Rae! Look at that dog! That’s a fucking Arms of the Angel, won’t you adopt this poor puppy, dog! And she is bigger than me!” She squeaked on the last word and slapped a hoof over her mouth, blushing. “And that keeps happening,” she murmured. “Least you don’t sound like Dolly Parton,” I replied. She was quiet a moment before responding, “Point.” “How about Sweetie?” I said. “Huh?” “What’s she like?” “Oh, um. She’s alright. She really likes some of my music.” “Heh. AJ’s the same about my stuff.” “Yeah? Anyone I’d know?” “Janelle Monae?” I said. “Johnny Cash?” “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of her. She’s cool. Johnny’s classic.” “Eeeyup,” I replied. May went quiet again. Turning to look at her, I found her brow furrowed, her gaze away in thought. I’d only said yes, why did that merit so much consideration? When she saw I was watching, she blinked and said, “Uh, sorry. I’m more rock myself. Foo Fighters, Semisonic, that stuff. You get better riffs there.” “Foo Fighters are good,” I replied, looking back to the path. “I have two of their albums.” “I have all of them,” May proclaimed. “And Dave Grohl kicks ass! He’s, like, my fucking spirit animal. Well, him and Bibi McGill.” I laughed. “Y’know, interesting as this is, and I mean that, how about we let the other girls chat?” “Huh?” What? I’m trusting you, I told AJ. Roll with it. “We should let AJ and Sweetie talk,” I said, smile in place. “They’re in here too and they could probably use the one-on-one time.” May was quiet. “You’re... Sure about that? I mean... What if we... What if we don’t come back?” I shook my head. “No worries there. AJ’s driven the bus before and let me back in. I’m sure Sweetie can do the same.” “I dunno...” May said, clearly stalling. “I mean, this extra-mind-in-a-head stuff doesn’t make a lot of sense and now you wanna add swapping to the list.” “No kidding about that,” I agreed. “But, look. AJ fought to get you and Sweetie along, so wouldn’t it be fair to at least let the ponies hang out for a bit?” “I guess,” May conceded. “Just... Do you... Mind letting AJ out first?” “No prob,” I said, stopping near a tree. Sam slowed her walk and turned back to see why we’d stopped. So how do I...? I asked. Here, let me. And it happened again. I sort of... Fell back. And while I could see, hear, feel everything, I couldn’t do anything. Before I started freaking out, I reminded myself that I’d been here before and it all worked out. Just let somepony else drive the bus for a bit. “Howdy May,” AJ said. “Pleasure to meet ya.” “Whoa...” May said, her face coming into AJ’s periphery. “Just like that?” “Just like that,” AJ replied with a grin, starting up again, kicking up a little dirt in the process. Now that I wasn’t freaking the hell out about not controlling my body, I was able to appreciate this sort-of... waiting area in our head. I could think clearer here. And when I did, it was like the memory was that much sharper and real. So were AJ’s memories. No wonder she was able to play music in here. It was like being in some command center and both our brains and everything in them was within easy reach. No hazy memory, no song stuck in the head unless we wanted. I may not have been able to move my own mouth for now, but I’d be an idiot not to see this waiting area was cool in its own way. I mean, I could perfectly recall my locker combination from middle school. How cool is that? “This is so fucking cool,” May was whispering, outside. I thought for a second she’d achieved some freaky pony telepathy until I realized May was staring at AJ with fangirl awe. “I bet it is,” AJ said with a nod. “So you’re... You’re really Applejack?” May asked. “I really am,” AJ said, amused. “Oh dude. Before I- Before Sweetie comes in. I am- I am so fucking sorry about the background pony crack. I was being a bitch. You’re cool. You’re like, totally, fucking cool.” “Well, that’s much appreciated, May. Apology accepted.” “I’m talking to Applejack!” May crowed, laughing. “So! Awesome!” AJ chortled. “Okay. Okay. It’s out of my system. I’ll uh... Hang on. I’ll swap out with Sweetie here.” Silence. Then... “APPLEJACK!” I haven’t been tackled from behind before. Even more, I haven’t been tackled from behind when the person, or pony, doing the tackling launched from my back to my neck. Sweetie Belle was certainly an education. Thankfully, AJ was driving the bus, so we avoided falling tail over teakettle. She only stumbled a bit as the pint-sized pony leapt at her neck, embracing her tightly. “Oh my gosh Applejack, it’s so good to see you!” Sweetie yelled, swinging around so she dangled from AJ’s neck. Sam barked excitedly, dancing around AJ and Sweetie as they moved. “Howdy, Sweetie Belle, good to see you too. Easy, Sam. Easy girl.” Sam barked one last time and returned to her position a little in front of us. Sweetie went into motormouth mode. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t say that it’s good to see you. I could see you before but May was in charge so really I could always see you but now I get to talk to you and isn’t that great?” AJ chuckled. “Certainly is. You gonna hang on me the rest of the trip?” “Nah. I can walk.” Sweetie dropped, stumbled a bit in the dirt, then matched AJ’s pace with determination. “Ah, this is great! I was worried May was going to be the only person I really knew here and that was all magic brain stuff, but then you found us! Maybe we’ll get lucky again and run into Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, too!” Sweetie beamed at the notion of such good fortune. Turning to AJ, she said, “Or did you run into her already and send her to New York?” “Nope,” AJ said, her neck tensing slightly. Memories of Apple Bloom flickered around me in the waiting area and I could feel AJ’s longing flare intensely before fading. “Rae thinks I may run into her when we get to New York.” “I hope so. May’s a good friend and really helpful, but I miss them. And Rarity. Wow, I miss Rarity. I hope she’s okay too.” “I’m sure Rarity’s doin’ just fine,” AJ assured, stepping over a log. “She’ll have a human friend in her head helpin’ her out and you know she can take care of herself.” Sweetie nodded. “Yeah. As long as taking care of herself doesn’t mean getting dirty. She couldn’t handle this,” she said. AJ waited as Sweetie climbed over the same log. AJ snickered. “No doubt about that.” “So you and Rachel have been walking this whole time?” Sweetie said once they were moving again. “Yep,” AJ said. “Couple of things went down and Rae and me decided it’d be better to stick to the woods.” “May explained it to me. It sounds scary.” “It has been, but Rae’s been good company. She’s been mighty helpful when I was confused about this world. Patient and understanding the whole way.” Is there another Rachel in here? I asked. I don’t remember being a saint. You do what you can and I appreciate it, AJ replied. “May’s been nice too,” Sweetie agreed. “She sent a Facebook message to a bunch of ponies in case they ran into any other Cutie Mark Crusaders. It took her a real long time to type, so I was really impressed.” “Did she now?” AJ said. It was good AJ was driving the bus. Because as soon as Sweetie mentioned Facebook messaging, I started freaking out. Had May blabbed? Were we carrying a traceable signal in the shape of a white filly in a blue hoodie and headphones?! Rather than voice my freak-out, AJ said, “When was that?” Sweetie shrugged. “Before you and Rae showed up.” Did you know you can hyperventilate in a purely mental waiting area? Because I think I just did, I told AJ. She snorted. “Ooo! Ooo!” Sweetie broke in. “That reminds me- did you know we’re a show?” AJ nodded, chuckling. “I picked up somethin’ of the like.” “It’s soooo neat! I mean, it’s weird too, but still neat. May says that a lot of fans even cheer on me, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom when we try to get our cutie marks! How great is that?” “Sounds pretty impressive. I didn’t get an audience when I was tryin’ for my cutie mark, so y’all are extra lucky,” AJ said, with a wink. Sweetie smiled at her then glanced down, her brow furrowing in worry. “I really hope they’re okay. This is fun and all, but I don’t know where anypony else is. That gets kinda scary.” AJ put a supportive hoof on her back, briefly stopping us. Once again, Sam stopped a ways away and cast a look back. I swear it was this annoyed, “Again?” expression. “And you’re right to be scared, Sweetie,” AJ said, sunlight coming through the trees to illuminate our spot. “Only a danged fool wouldn’t be, in a situation like this. But I’ll tell you somethin’- wherever our friends and family are, they aren’t alone. There’s other ponies out there, and the Princesses, and we’re all lookin’ out for one another, like Miss Jubilee just showed. And those’re just the ponies! Why, on my trip alone, I’ve met four mighty-fine human folk who helped me out in a big way, and I can’t imagine them doing any less for Bloom, Scootaloo, or any of our friends. It’s like I’ve told Apple Bloom before- a pony’s always okay as long as she’s got friends.” Despite my lack of hands, I somehow managed to applaud. AJ blushed, cleared her throat. “And at the very least, right now you got me, and I got you. And we both got Sam.” Sweetie smiled wide. “Yep!” she said with a little bounce. Sam yipped her approval. “And our humans! May’s been super helpful this whole time. Like explaining how we’re a cartoon, how the internet works, she’s really nice. Even if she talks funny.” AJ cocked her head and resumed walking. “Y’mean all the cussin’?” “Is that what it’s called when she and other ponies go ‘bleep’ every other word?” AJ’s mouth parted as she puzzled that, and I was right behind her. That is until I realized just what May would “bleep” every other word. Oh wow, I said. What? AJ said. Here. I’ll just... And I thought about censorship. Specifically, I thought about, and shared with AJ, a tactic in TV censorship. And as soon as she knew what I knew, AJ snorted, giggled and guffawed. I laughed right along with her. “What?” Sweetie asked. “What did I say?” AJ looked at her. Sweetie’s expression was confused, but her cheeks burned with embarrassment. “Now don’t feel bad, Sweetie,” AJ said, ducking a branch. “May’s just bein’ more of an adult than Rae an’ me gave her credit for.” “Ooooh. Okay. Why would I feel bad about that?” “Your cheeks are redder’n a batch from the northwest crop.” “They are?” Sweetie reached a hoof up and blinked at the heat on her cheeks. “Oh. That must be May. Sometimes, she’ll pop up like that.” She glanced around conspiratorially, then leaned toward AJ. “I think she’s embarrassed,” she said in a not-terribly-whispering whisper. “Nothing to be embarrassed about,” AJ said with a nod. “I know she can hear me, so she should know I think that’s mighty big of her, what she’s doin’.” Sweetie’s cheeks got even redder. “I think that just made her more embarrassed,” she said, her calm expression at odds with the blush on her cheeks. AJ chuckled. I somehow smiled. We had some good kids along. In Our MindAJ and Sweetie sounded like they were having a good time, so I thought I would give the pair some privacy. I hoped May would be inspired to do the same. It was strange. I didn’t have a body or eyes or ears or anything that I could really feel, yet I could tell that I was moving away from the waiting area and AJ. Like I was walking off to give her space. Even if I wasn’t walking per se. Whatever I did lead me to a forest, where I was actually walking. The forest quickly opened up on our houses, which were joined by a covered walkway. I sighed, creasing my brow slightly. AJ’s small red cottage was now joined to my big ol’ house, which wasn’t as big as it used to be. It looked scaled down, more simplified. By the same token, AJ’s cottage had grown, having grown a larger second story than before. Did she know this was happening? I’d only been here when we were sleeping, since I did most of the work outside. Was AJ being honest when she said she was as surprised as I was? Could she have- I knocked that line of thinking down. I knew AJ too well. She wouldn’t hide something like this from me. Plus, AJ wasn’t cerebral like I was. She was physical, an action pony. She preferred being active, helping, so she stayed mostly in the waiting area where we she could step in if need be. She’d only come here when we were sleeping. I was sure of it. I approached her cottage and caught sight of myself in the window. Or, the myself that I was now. My glasses were gone and I could clearly see my eyes sparkled emerald green a little when I turned my head. My hair was totally styled like Applejack’s mane now. It practically reached my butt in length and was a sandy-blond shade with little streaks of gold and chocolate mixed in. I was also ripped as hell. No, really. I thought I was fit before, but now I looked like I could punch a tree and make it give up its leaves. I felt like it too. Accepting the change in my new default, I turned to the door. I looked at the handle too long and sighed. I went inside her cottage. The interior of AJ’s cottage wasn’t Ikea levels of spartan, but it wasn’t heavy on adornment either. The couch looked sturdy and comfortable, the dinner table was polished- but they weren’t fancy. They were practical furnishings. From the hat rack by the door to the set-up of the kitchen, this was a place meant to be lived comfortably, not shown off. Except for one item. Well, really lots of items, but all of the same kind. The pictures were everywhere. Snapshots of her family and friends decorated the walls and sat on little end tables and on shelves. They showed ponies laughing and smiling. They showed ponies looking somber and thoughtful. And some even showed ponies looking startlingly honest, as if looking straight into the camera with their soul. I realized that these were AJ’s memories. She’d just put them in a form she could appreciate while in this dreamspace. I went about the cottage, looking at Twilight, at Rainbow, at Big Mac. Each picture became real to me as I passed it. It wasn’t just a photo of Twilight and a book, Twilight was actually hoofing me a book, Rainbow was actually challenging me to arm wrestling, Big Mac was actually going over the books with me, with a warm cup of cider at hoof. I had to stop, I felt so overwhelmed. It wasn’t like when AJ and I dreamed and shared a memory, or when I drove the bus and she brought something forward- it was like the memories were really happening and I was really there. I smelled the food from Granny cooking in the kitchen. I heard the whistle as Rainbow Dash called for us to get started on our race. I felt the straps of the dress Rarity had fitted me into. It was Applejack’s whole life! It was too much! I threw myself out of the cottage, gasping a little. Too much memory from another pony’s life. I had to remind myself I was Rachel Shelton. As I sorted myself out, I looked over to my house, joined by the walkway. Walking inside, I found my house had settled. No more Escher staircases, no more random rooms. It was just my house with white walls and comfy chairs and all that good stuff. It was spartan like AJ’s place. Unlike AJ’s place, there were no pictures. I went to the living room and found a wall of DVDs looming on one side. A dark green, plush couch faced an impressive TV. I plopped down. The remote was on the coffee table. I stared at the TV for a few seconds, shrugged, and picked up the remote. I hit “On.” I immediately saw Sweetie and she was saying, “...Winona’s coat was so shiny after!” “Well that may be,” AJ’s voice said, and I realized I had surround sound speakers in here. “But I don’t think Sam needs that particular cleaning method.” I hit mute, sitting back. Okay. I didn’t just need the waiting area to see what was going on outside. I looked at the remote. It reminded me of the complex one we had at home. Since we had flatscreen and cable, we’d gotten a remote to match all the needed buttoning. I still didn’t know what Rec Menu was. I was worried I’d blow up something in the International Space Station if I hit the wrong keys. Since I doubted this remote did anything more than let me control how I could see the brain stuff, I was a little more adventurous. I hit “SAP” and the volume kicked back on with AJ and Sweetie talking in stilted, high school Spanish. Laughing, I hit it again, bringing them back to English. I fiddle from there. I messed with the contrast, brightness. I changed the aspect ratio (behold! My life in WIDESCREEN HD!). I flipped the colors. Finally, I defaulted everything and looked the remote over again. “Input” looked like it could be entertaining. I hit it and a semitransparent screen overlay the activity of AJ and Sweetie. It had three boxes: Active, Applejack, Rachel. I clicked on Rachel. I ended up on what looked like the hold screen for a DVD menu. Except rather than a movie or a few episodes from a TV show, it was a hold screen for a DVD about my life. The background was a still of the me I used to be. Hunched over a laptop in jeans and t-shirt, little memories played around me in little screens. In a column next to me was “Play,” “Choose a Scene,” “Special Features.” More than a little amused, I went to “Choose a Scene.” Years of my life were lined up chronologically, going as far back as three years old. “Huh,” I said. I selected one at random. And suddenly I was sitting at the edge of the pond near my old high school. Max was in the pond, his hair glistening in the moonlight. My other friend, Darcy Wallace, was sitting next to me. We were passing a cigarette between us, watching Max swim like a crazy person. “You two are missing out!” he called. “Sure Max,” I said, taking a drag from the clove. I’d been smoking for about three months. It was part of my goth phase. By this time, I was already getting tired of how long it took me to do my make-up. Darcy was more committed. She went on to be a women’s studies major at NYU and the last time I saw a photo of her on Facebook, her roots were still black and she still wore thick mascara and eyeshadow with amazing, black dresses. Our clothes were part of the reason we were sitting on the bank while Max went for a midnight dip. “He’s cute,” Darcy said, low and secretive. “Eh,” I said with a shrug. I blew smoke up, failing to make a smoke ring. How the hell could everyone else blow a smoke ring but me? “Do you have dibs or anything?” Darcy asked, her eyes on Max’s back. He wasn’t on the track team, but he ran, and the moonlight and water conspired to make his back look better than it was. “All yours,” I said, trying for another smoke ring. “But if you break his heart, I promise I will break your face.” The smoke ring was just smoke and my throat was starting to hurt. I could only really smoke a clove and a half and I was nearing that half. “Noted,” Darcy said, flashing a toothy grin. I passed the cigarette back to her. I could feel I was on the end of this whole goth thing. Smoking sucked, the clothes were expensive, and the make-up took forever. I’d just go back to wearing black t-shirts and swapping Lovecraft novels with Darcy. She’d understand. She always said, “Goth isn’t a dress, it’s a lifestyle.” It was certainly a lifestyle I couldn’t hack. Looked like all I was good for was reading and marching band. And math. I’d aced my last pre-algebra class without batting an eye. I did a lot of stuff without batting an eye. I envied Max in the water. The evening was cool, but it looked like he was having fun. But my makeup would run and my hair would get wrecked and then I’d have to slog home in wet socks... Not worth the hassle. Nothing ever was. No one was surprised when I tried the goth thing. I wasn’t either. But everyone seemed to think I was going to stick with it. I was the only not surprised when I quit. That’s all I could really remember about high school: quitting things. I looked back to Max, sighing. Eventually he would get out of the water, shake a little on us because he thought it was funny and hide behind a bush as he took off his boxers and got back into his clothes. I’d give Darcy the full clove pack and tell her to keep it. And in two weeks, the only mark of my gothitude would have been a few nice tops I rotated through my daily wardrobe. And that would be my life: Not really getting in the water. Not really going to college. Not really giving a damn at my job. My whole life was going to be defined by not really’s and quitting. That is, until I woke up in a ditch as a pony. Then, I found out I could give a damn. I could think on my feet. I could face down a guy with a gun. I could make a trek to New York on foot, by cracky. I could make friends just like Max. I could do so much and I didn’t even realize it. Not until I’d met AJ. I hit stop and I was out of the memory. A blank gray screen stared back at me. I switched the input back to Applejack and found she was saying my name. “Sorry, what?” I said. Without warning, I was back in the waiting area. No body again, but I had plenty of awareness. Max is callin’. AJ said. Where were ya? You were mighty quiet there. “Sorry. I was lost in thought,” I replied. “Let me back in the saddle?” Hang on. And I had a real body again. It had hooves and a tail, but it was certainly more substantial than the body in my head. A little disoriented, I didn’t even realize I was already holding the phone to my ear. “Hello?” Max said. “You still there Applejack?” “Uh, no. AJ put me back in charge,” I said. “Whoa,” Max replied. “That is super freaky.” “What?” “You two sound totally different. In a freaky, not-quite-sisters way. I am never doubting the Batman voice change again.” “Thank you Captain Nerd. What’s up?” “Well, first you gotta tell me how brilliantly awesome I am.” Glancing down, I saw Sweetie looking up at me while she petted Sam. AJ confirmed the filly was still in charge, rather than her responsible teenager, May. I ensured my insults were on a PG level. “Max, I can’t charge this thing, so if you wanna waste time and battery power while we wait, be my guest.” “Sorry, sorry. I’m just- I have totally Sherlocked this. I’m a badass,” Max said. “What’re you talking about Max?” “I found the dirty P.I,” Max said. “I can get you to him.” I Won't Back DownDay: 11 I stared at the tavern. It was hard to miss. The place was obviously once a family’s lived-in farmhouse. White wood and green accents for the shutters and roof, it even had a porch that stretched the length of the building. It fit in with the small town’s aesthetic, save for the parking lot, which was practically choking on motorcycles. Seebers Tavern was in Smithville Flats, which meant we lost a day and some change doubling back. We also lost our direct route to New York. AJ wasn’t happy about the detour, but she was less happy about having Matthews out there and unaccounted for. May was quiet. She had been since I got the call from Max, who had done some damn impressive detective work. “I’m sorry Max, I must have caught ear mites because I swear it sounded like you said you just found Matthews,” I said. “That’s a big no on the ear mites because I did just say that.” “How did you-” “Lots of computer magic and a few favors.” I’d called Max while staying at Cherry’s and shared the idea that Matthews had digital back-up. Max took it to heart and went around asking his local computer guys if anyone was working with investigators or independent contractors. I didn’t think it was possible, but “hacker who does P.I. work” showed up on the right radar once Max asked the right questions. Max tracked the P.I. helping hacker down and as luck would have it, he found a fellow brony. “This is my life,” I grumbled, pulling Liana down over my eyes. “Lemme guess. He didn’t like that he’d been set on AJ.” “He’s a classic, heavy, sweaty, computer guy,” Max said, his smile apparent through the phone line. “He looked like he was gonna punch a baby when I told him.” “Great, we’ll get his infant throttling services,” I said. “Nah. You’d much prefer his online skills. I mean, the guy’s name- I shit you not- is Wayne Wade Waters.” “Wow,” I said. “Yeah.” “Were his parents prophetic?” “Maybe, because Mr. Wayne Wade Waters turned right around in his chair and tracked down Matthews’s banking information, cell phone, and location to within two miles. Then Mr. Wayne Wade Waters gives me his cell so he can update me if Matthews moves.” I whistled in appreciation. “Yup. Oh and Mr. Wayne Wade Waters said, and seriously, this was kind of cool of him, he said, ‘No one fucks with my favorite background pony.’” I sighed. “Is this background pony thing a joke I should be aware of? I keep hearing it.” “Ignore it,” Max replied. “Seriously, for a guy who looked like a black Silent Bob, he made that line totally bad-ass.” I was more impressed with the line he gave us on Matthews. Since that line lead to me right to the biker tavern, where he was enjoying a late afternoon beer. “So,” May asked, breaking her silence, “What’s gonna happen?” “I’m gonna go in there,” I said, stroking Sam calmly. “Find him. Talk to him. Play it by ear after that.” “What about me?” “I’ll leave you and Sam with the nice man outside.” May made a face. “What?” I asked. “I don’t wanna stay outside. It smells like ass out here. Besides, you totally need back-up.” “You’re, like, two feet tall,” I retorted. She rolled her eyes. “Okay, how about this? It’s a bad plan and that ‘nice man’ doesn’t look very nice.” I peeked around the building. No, the man outside didn’t look nice. He mostly looked huge. Like, epic huge. Like viking huge. Like, average doorways were something he glared at until they bent to allow him to pass huge. He was also thick in the middle, but under no circumstances would I regard that heft as anything less than threatening. His scowl was pretty impressive to boot. “He’s a bouncer,” I said, eyes still on him. “He’s not supposed to look very nice. C’mon.” “No,” May said, sitting and pulling Sam close. “Why’re we doing this Rachel? Huh? I mean, so what. This P.I. guy’s chasing you. You’re fucking Applejack, now. We make it to New York, bunker down with the princesses, there’s no way he’s going to mess with you.” I sighed, smiling wearily. “Yeah. I could do that,” I said, nodding. “It’s smart. Run to New York and rally with AJ’s friends. Well... My friends too, I guess. Find this guy with them at my back and then- no worries, right?” May nodded. “Yeah. Duh.” I shook my head. “That’s too much like running off and sticking my head in the dirt.” I stared at Seebers again. “Also, Matthews is the only lead I have.” “Lead on what? When did this become fucking CSI?” she asked. I looked at May evenly. “Sweetie censor up?” “Yeah,” she mumbled, glancing away. “She’s in my Disney World memories right now, anyway.” I nodded. “I didn’t just wake up as AJ, May. I woke up as AJ in a shallow grave off the highway.” May’s jaw dropped and her eyes got very, very big. “Holy shit,” she whispered. I nodded again. “I think the only reason I’m not dead is because my human body was bigger than my pony one. So, when I changed, it left a gap big enough for me to tunnel out of. Plus, the whole earth pony thing.” I tilted my head at the bar. “That guy in there? He’s my only lead to how I got there.” “But... But, your friends,” May said. “Shouldn’t have to deal with my mess. If I’d stayed put in the first place, or tackled Matthews and dealt with him then, I wouldn’t be trailing him, now. Max could have just driven me to New York and that’d be it. So, it’s time to stop running, get my head out of the dirt and deal with my mess,” I said. May looked at me. Then, she looked at Seebers. “Okay,” she said, rising. “Let’s do this.” For the first time since she’d joined us, Sam didn’t wag her tail as we walked. We came out from behind the building and waited as a car rolled by. The bouncer turned his attention our way as we stood at the curb. Nearby, a compact, firm looking redhead watched us, too. We crossed the street, waded through the sea of parked motorcycles, and walked up the steps to stop in front of the guy. Up close, he was a mountain with a goatee and short black hair at the top. Even if I’d still been my average girl height, I’d come up to his armpit tops. This guy wasn’t just huge, he made huge need lifts. “Howdy,” I said from down at the mountain’s base. “Hey,” he replied, his arms crossed, his head cocked in interest. “I need to show ID?” “Is it going to have a horse on it?” the bouncer said. “Pony,” the redheaded woman said, an amused smile on her lips. The bouncer looked over at the woman, then back at me. “Look, we’ll skip the bit where my license doesn’t remotely look like me and just cut to the chase,” I said. “I’m just looking to get inside, talk to someone, and leave.” He cocked his head at me the other way. “And her?” he said, indicating May. “Oh she’s underage twice over. She’s staying out here with the dog.” “Hey!” May squeaked. The redhead laughed. “I’m not a babysitting, or dogsitting, service,” the bouncer rumbled. “I’m no fuckin’ baby!” May snapped. That got the redhead really laughing. “Oh shit, that’s funny,” she said, slapping her leg. The bouncer frowned at me, then May. “Nope.” I rolled my eyes. “C’mon. I’m having a hell of a day, help me out here.” “I don’t doubt,” he said. “No ID, no in. And no way I’m watching the infant and the mutt.” “Dude, if you don’t knock it off with the baby stuff, I will bite your dick off,” May growled. The redhead was roaring now, leaning against the railing as she guffawed. The bouncer just gave May a hard look. May tried to return it, but she didn’t exactly have a lot she could work with. Sam wagged her tail and tried to look pleasant. “Jay, just let her in. I’ll keep Swearing Sweetie company if it’s that much of a problem.” Jay the bouncer looked at the redhead, who was grinning and giggling, and he sighed. “Fine,” he said rolling his eyes. Looking at me he growled, “Don’t cause any shit.” “Not my plan,” I said. I turned at May. “You gonna be okay with...” I glanced at the redhead. “Ann,” she said, with a saluting beer. “Ann,” I said, back to May. “I’ll be quick. I’m not cutting you out of the loop. Just want to make sure nothing bad happens to you.” May rolled her eyes and huffed. Trudging on little hooves over to Ann, she plopped her rump down. Sam looked between us and I gestured toward May with my hoof, nodding approvingly. Sam’s tongue lolled out in happy understanding and she went over, sitting down next to her. Ann stroked the dog’s head and Sam wagged her tail appreciatively. “Do I get a biscuit?” May said, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. “No, but I’ll see about getting us a hotel for tonight.” She looked away, but I could tell I’d appealed to something. “Thanks,” she mumbled. “Camping’s alright, but I need a tent.” “Heard that,” I replied. I went over to her, offered a hoof. The act mollified her further and she bumped it, making a little squee noise. I smiled, tilting my hat at her. Turning, I went back to the door and Jay let me in. The inside of Seebers was okay and nothing like the family farmhouse exterior. Inside was an old time saloon. There was a bar that stretched across one wall with liquor and a mirror behind it, people milled at tables with their drinks and food, the place even had pool in the corner with darts. I almost wished I’d gotten a Clint Eastwood stinger when I walked in. I certainly earned enough sidelong glances to be a mysterious stranger. I ignored them. I could see not-cop, dirty Private Investigator James Matthews staring at his drink at the end of the bar. He looked as shabbily official as ever, in a brown blazer and gray slacks. I got yer back, AJ said. And she did. I could feel it. I’m not wall-eyed, am I? I’m trying to look serious here. You’re fine. I don’t need to be actually lookin’ to pay attention to where I’m at, she replied. I nodded slightly and walked the length of the bar. There was an empty stool next to Matthews. I bunched my hindquarters and leapt up, landing nimbly on the seat. Surprised at my sudden dexterity, I turned inward. Did you give me a hoof with that? I asked AJ. Nope, AJ responded, her voice proud. That was all you, Rae. Nice one. The bartender looked at me. I could see he was trying very hard not to stare. “Coke,” I said. He nodded and gave it to me. From my impressive peripheral vision, I saw Matthews turn his head to me, blink, snort, and go back to his drink. It was amber and in a short glass without any ice. Now that I was paying attention, I could see how old he was. He was younger than my dad, but the lines at his eyes and the creases in his brow made him look older than he was. He looked like someone who got punched by life, and often. No wonder I first thought he was a government official. Nobody can look that worn down, naturally. “Well,” he said. “This is just my luck. I drive all up and down the state looking for your ass and you find me first.” “That’s life,” I said, nodding my thanks to the bartender as he put my Coke down. “Full of surprises.” “You’re certainly a surprise,” he said. I picked up the straw next to my drink and plopped it in. I took a casual swig. I hadn’t had anything other than water and juice since this thing started. The pop bubbled on my tongue in a different way. It was still sweet, just foreign now. “Ahh,” I said. “That’s good.” Turning to Matthews I said, “Rachel. Since we didn’t get off on the right hoof.” “Jim,” he said, shaking my hoof. “So. Jim,” I said, rolling the glass between my hooves. “Are you going to tell me why you’ve been chasing me all over the state?” “I was hired to.” I rolled my eyes. “Gee, couldn’t figure that one out. What else were you hired to do?” “Client confidentiality,” he said, coolly. I snorted. “Bull.” “Fair enough,” he replied. “I was hired to find you, convince you to come with me.” “And if I refuse?” I said. “I can be persuasive,” he said. He spoke in a friendly tone. No malice, no threat. Just a fact. I would have preferred a threat. “Well, I hate to be a bother, Jim, but I can’t go with you. I got business in the city.” “Yeah?” “Yeah,” I replied. “I’m apparently an Element of Harmony and they need me there. World saving stuff. You know how it goes.” “Well...” he said, rubbing a thumb on his glass. “My client needs you back upstate.” “Then we are, as they say, at an impasse.” He looked at me, then sipped his drink. He sighed. He cracked his neck, and turned on his stool. To the bar, he said, “Hey guys! Hey! Listen up!” What’s he doin’? AJ asked, squinting at the P.I. The chatter died down and I heard a few chairs squeak around. I turned to the bar and, sure enough, patrons were looking Matthews’s way. Soon, the only noise was the jukebox. “This here’s Applejack! She’s a pony from that show! You know, the one everyone’s turning into characters from? Say hi!” He was met with silence, but a couple of patrons glanced at me. “Now... I’m tryin’ to get her to come with me, but it’s a no sell. I will give... One thousand bucks to the first guy to wrestle the pony down and help me out. She’s kind of running from a debt!” “I am not!” I yelled. “Dude are you nuts? That’s illegal!” one guy said. “Yeah, but that’s a pony, and he said one grand,” another said. More than a few people were looking at me sideways. More than a few were looking at Matthews sideways. Great. “You’re kidding me, right?” I said. “This guy just offered everyone one grand to kidnap me.” The ones looking at me sideways lost some of their interest. Matthews grinned and leaned back against the bar. “I have it in cash,” he said. The Cowboy Who Started The FightAs soon as Matthews said, “Cash” the bar erupted in movement. Half the patrons made a break for me while the other half tried to tackle the ones coming at me. I hopped on the bar and ran the length, trying to get outside. I skidded at the end of the countertop, slamming into the jukebox. Music kicked up (link to Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation) and I thought, Great. Fight music. A chair slammed down in front of my muzzle. I growled, slammed my front hooves down and snapped Bucky McGigillicuddy out. The owner of the chair dropped with a howl. “Oh lighten up,” I said. “That was a love tap.” Which was true. My body packed serious muscle. AJ could buck apples out of trees with a kick. If I went full buck with either of my legs, I’d break bones and do real damage. So the kid shoes were on for this dance. “Holy shit!” a familiar voice squeaked through the noise of grunting, fighting patrons. I looked up and saw Jay, the bouncer, filling up the doorway with May on his shoulder. Ann stood next to him, staring at the mass of people tearing into one another. Jay glared at me. “You were just going to talk, huh?” “In my defense, who I talked to turned out to be a huge asshole,” I said. “Fine,” he spat. “You’re helping me clean up.” “Sold,” I said. Jay waded into the brawl, forcing people apart or just shoving them down until he met someone almost his size who was spoiling for a fight. May jumped down as soon as the other mountain of a man grabbed the bouncer. She skittered over to me. “This isn’t safe!” I yelled at her over the din. I dodged a flying bottle. “No shit!” May said. “We running?” “Not without Matthews!” I said. Speaking of... Where was that asshole? Six o’clock! AJ yelled. Kicks McGee fired on auto. I heard a grunted “dammit” followed by a groan. “How are you doing that?” May yelled. “I got a good partner,” I said. “You get outside! Stay with Sam!” “I got her!” Ann said, picking up May and tucking her close to her body. The redhead then shot out a powerful leg toppling a guy twice her size by taking out his knee. She looked like she’d done it before. “Thanks!” I yelled. Someone crashed into the jukebox and the music changed again. The atmosphere in the room changed instantly. My back hoof was tapping. I felt a little light headed and everyone briefly looked like they were moving in slow motion. What’s going on? I asked. Just go with the flow, AJ said. Before I could say anything else, something in me... clicked and I knew what to do. I launched to the bar in rhythm with the music, kicking one, two, three four glasses, and pinging them off one, two, three, four heads. Each one hit on a downbeat, adding echo to the drums. I dodged as a fist came, twirled and fired my legs, being sure to not put too much force in them. It was like dancing. Everything happened on the beat, everything moved in rhythm. When the guitar riffed hard I kicked, when the drum beat went solid I double kicked. When the song made it to its midway point where it was getting ready for an insanely fast part, I swear the room went still to stare me down. I spat and beckoned with my hoof. They all launched at me as one big, freaking mass of people. I responded on beat, in rhythm. I was like Jackie Chan and Fred Astaire’s pony lovechild. As far as my body was concerned, I was Black Betty and I went wild. I have no idea how I did it. Though they launched as a mass, they didn’t land as one, as I whipped around and popped a guy each with both hindlegs. They went down and I felt someone get a hand on my foreleg. Rearing up, I slid free and gave another love tap, knocking him out. People were piled on the floor, all scrabbling around each other for me, for each other. I bounded over them and fired all four legs at once as four patrons came at me. Headshots across the board. I dropped, rolled, missed getting tackled by a man in more leather than a kink club and kicked a barstool. It flipped, the seat knocking leather daddy in the head and someone grabbed my hindlegs, dragging me across the floor. I bucked my body and whoever had me let go, not risking my hooves of doom. Back on my hooves, I wheeled, glared at the man, who raised his hands and got socked across the jaw by Ann. She smiled, finishing the move with a knee to his groin then she kept moving. I smiled back and leapt to the bar’s countertop, knocking guys off left and right. Then I got two solid forehooves around one guy and threw him down the bar, slamming him into the jukebox, silencing the music on the last note. Panting, I looked out over the tavern. The fight was over. The only sound came from a single, naked light bulb, which swung back and forth on its cord. Shifting shadows spilled over groaning and downed people. “What the hell was that?” I shrieked. That, AJ said. Was a bit of pony music magic. “Pony whoosee whatnow?” I said, less shrieky. Musics important to us ponyfolk and sometimes it moves through us, guiding us, gives us inspiration and tells us things. Also makes for some dang good hoofwork sometimes. Y’got good rhythm there, anyone ever tell you that? “I was in marching band,” I replied absently. “That. Was. Awesome!” May squealed. I turned and saw Ann dropping a bottle on top of a guy as May hopped from her shoulder. Ann had a cut on her cheek, but it didn’t seem to bother her. “Seconded,” Ann called, grinning fiercely. “This is going to be a pain in the ass,” Jay rumbled. “This ain’t fuckin’ Roadhouse!” I turned the other way and saw Jay step over the huge guy he’d been wrestling. The other guy looked decidedly unhappy. He also looked purple on one whole side of his face. I realized that I didn’t see a particular rumpled suit amongst the groaning and injured. “Hey, where’s-” I was cut short by a hand grabbing my neck and pulling me off balance. “Ack!” I spat. I reared my legs, prepared to start a whole new drumbeat. The sudden feeling of metal against my skull silenced that urge. “Now, now,” Matthews said too close to my ear. “Let’s not do anything rash.” I was a hostage. Sweet fucking damsels, I was a fucking. Hostage. What the fuck happened to my life?! Jay didn’t move, his gaze locked on us. Ann may not have had his height or build, but she matched him pound for pound in dirty looks. May had frozen in shock, but her mouth broke free. “You fuckin’ put her down!” she bellowed, her suddenly loud voice filling the space easily. If I wasn’t so busy having a gun pointed to my temple, I’d have been impressed. Any chance of a repeat of the highway moron? I asked AJ. Any chance you can tell how crap his gun is pressed against yer temple like this? Point. “I don’t think so,” Matthews said. “Now. I’m going to leave and the pony is coming with me.” He shifted his grip so that he had me by the barrel. He grunted as he pulled on me. Earth ponies were pretty sturdy. He managed to get me moving, but I made him work for it by trying to make my dead weight as dead as possible. “I so fucking hate you,” I growled. “You made me drive through the boonies of upstate New York,” Matthews said hotly next to my head. “The feeling’s mutual.” He stepped through the opening at the side of the bar and made his way to the front door. Jay, Ann, and May tracked us every step of the way. He paused at the door and gave it a kick. It opened without resistance. “Love these hole-in-the-wall, biker joints,” he said. “So classy.” “What do you think you’re going to achieve here?” Jay asked, his voice level, his eyes sharp. “Seriously. I know what your car is. I know your face.” “You wouldn’t be the first,” Matthews said and he backed out the door. Right into Sam’s jaws. I heard a growl, a bark. Then Matthews was cursing, and Jay was moving, and I was dropping. I hit my rump and turned to fire my legs again when there was a phoont! noise. Twice. I gasped just as my legs shot out and felt a hot lance of pain in my flank. I heard Sam yelp. My hooves whiffed air, so I turned to reorient. This turned out to be a little too much to ask as the world suddenly set itself to tilt. Matthews, Sam, and the front porch wobbled about in my vision. “The fuuu...” I groaned. Wait. Matthews’s gun. I squinted up and saw it wasn’t a firearm- it was a tranquilizer gun. Well, that explained why I was having trouble standing and why Sam- SAM! She was on the deck, her chest heaving. “No...” I whispered and my back legs dropped. I was an earth pony. This meant I was hardy as hell and could run all day if I paced myself right. Sam was a sickly dog who just got pumped full of enough tranquilizers to slow me down. That couldn’t happen. She’d die. I couldn’t let that- More pain. This time a lance into my barrel. My front hooves dropped. My jaw hit the porch, but it was a far away feeling. It was like someone had hit me with a firm pillow. Liana flopped off my head on impact. Shaking the stars from my eyes, I tried crawling to Sam. I needed to get that needle out. I needed to save Winona! I needed to save my dog! It wasn’t enough. I heard May scream. I felt Matthews’s hand on me. Darkness wrapped me up. I Ain't A SongFor a second, I thought I was back in the dirt. I felt heavy and covered and like I couldn’t breathe. Then, I felt the rain and my eyes snapped opened. The sky was a boiling mass of ink-black clouds with thunder and lightning crashing above. Water pelted down on my face sloughing the painful memory off me. I took a greedy breath. My skull throbbed in response. “Agh, my head…” I grumbled, rising to sit. “I’m with you on that,” said a voice. I turned at the unfamiliar sound and my jaw dropped. AJ was next to me, but it wasn’t the AJ I’d gotten used to seeing. She was still a pony, still muscular and powerful, but her fur was lighter, looking less orange and more tan. Her mane was also cut short, just below her ears and the same color as my sandy-blond hair. Her freckles were completely gone. As she blinked at me, I realized her bright green eyes were now hazel. “What’s happenin’?” I asked, realizing my voice was more Southern. “I think this is it,” AJ said, her voice more Yankee. Blinking, I realized I had a muzzle. And a tail. And pony ears. “Great,” I muttered. Looking down, I saw I still had human hands and feet. They looked durable: powerful with thick nails. I wiggled my toes for comfort. Thunder crashed around us and my head snapped up from the self-inspection. The trees around us were whipping back and forth violently. Rain crashed down in buckets through the clearing. We were just beyond the treeline and through the downpour I could see we were directly across from our houses. Separated only by a door, they swayed in the same powerful wind that shook the trees. “This is weird,” AJ said. “No kiddin’,” I replied. Lightning struck nearby, blinding me briefly. “We’re screwed,” I yelled over the howl of the wind. “Matthews got us.” “He got us for a bit,” AJ responded at the same volume. “Soon as we wake, we take him out. Break out Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee again.” “Because that worked out well for us,” I said, throwing my hands up. “Well, if you have a better plan, I’d love to hear it!” AJ snapped. “Why not talk to him?” I retorted. “That’s what we did last time!” AJ yelled. “No! We tried to bully him and he got us in a bar fight!” “So? I came out fine!” “Till he tranq’d me!” “That’s why we gotta get him when we wake up!” “Oh for-!” I turned away from her, scrunching my eyes shut and digging my hands into the sodden earth. I could feel the muck squelch up in my fingers. Thunder cracked above us. “We can’t keep doing this,” I said. “Doing what?” AJ said. “This,” I said, opening my eyes and looking at AJ. “We can’t… I want to kick him. I want to kick Matthews so bad, AJ. But I know that’s not going to work. He’s smart. He got us good. We gotta use our head.” AJ turned away, her face red. “That’s… not exactly my strong suit.” “Bull,” I said. “You may not be good at the same kind of thinking as me and Twilight, but you’re whip smart in your own right, AJ.” She looked back at me, the question clear on her face. “You’re great at other folk. You knew how to watch your back without ever using your eyes. I know you know how to take care of your crops- I have your memories. So, don’t go feeding me the line that when it’s time to use your noggin, you can’t step up.” AJ was a different kind of red now with wide eyes. She ducked her head, a small smile on her muzzle. “You know how to flatter a girl, don’t you?” she said. “I know how to deal with a friend honestly,” I replied. The rain roared around us. I watched as a skinny tree was ripped up by its roots and shot into the air, skimming over the roof of our houses. Our houses. They were barely separated by that door. They might as well be one house now. I kept looking at those houses. They had been here as long as AJ and I had. They were always inching closer and closer. So what happened when the walls fell and they actually became one? Lightning flashed. Thunder rumbled. I smiled. “And Thor lifted his mighty hammer...” I murmured, grin in place. “What?” AJ said. “If we’re going to deal with Matthews, I’m thinkin’ first, we gotta deal with ourselves,” I said. “Whatcha got in mind?” AJ asked. I looked around. I didn’t look too hard because, for all that this was where AJ and I talked, this was still a dream. And in dream logic, if you expected there to be a sledgehammer by a tree, you’d find a sledgehammer by a tree. So, I found one. I got up, went over to the tree, ducking a whipping branch and picked up the hammer. It was heavy, I could tell, but I also knew I could handle it. I took a few experimental swings. “Get something you can wreck with,” I said, over my shoulder. When I turned around, AJ was slipping on what looked like iron slippers. I raised an eyebrow at her and she stood, tossing her short mane with a cocky smile. “Can’t beat a set of iron shoes if you want to wreck some shit.” I nodded and tilted my head at the houses. AJ followed my lead and we started walking. The rain came down, steady, heavy, but not stinging. The sky continued to slam into itself above. “You know… AJ? For what it’s worth,” I said. “I think you’re pretty cool.” AJ smiled at me. “For what it’s worth,” she said. “I think you’re pretty cool too.” We stopped just in front of our joint houses. The rain picked up, blanketing us. The strange part was I felt like I was being cleaned. Like I was being prepared. “I just want you to know, I’m not really sure about this,” I said. “That’s okay,” AJ said. “I’m not either, but it’s the best idea we got, right?” “Yeah...” I said. Even stranger than the rain was how I felt like I was on autopilot. Not as intense as the fight in the bar, but it was similar. I felt like I was in charge of what was going on, but only because I’d decided on what I was going to do and say a long time ago. It was weird, but not the weirdest thing I’d come across since I came out of the grave. I snorted. Had it really been just two days since that happened? Not to sound like the experience was blasé, but it felt like longer. I guess a lot really had happened since then. “So, you know what we’re doing here?” I asked, hefting the hammer in both hands, getting a sense of its weight again. I could feel just how powerful my arms were, too. “We’re gonna tear down these walls,” AJ said, pointing her hoof at the red house, then the white. “Then, we’re gonna tear down these roofs. Then, we’re gonna build a big ol’ house just for us.” I nodded, agreeing. “I’m scared,” I said, blinking fast. “Me too,” she said. “But I’m more scared of what would happen if we didn’t go through with this,” I said, looking pointedly at the sky. Thunder boomed back at me in response. The rain started stinging as it picked up speed. AJ nodded. “Better to take charge than have the charge taken from you.” “Which crappy Equestrian fortune cookie did you get that from?” I snarked. “Probably from one of your stupid Earth memories,” she chuckled. She smiled and shook her mane out of her eye. She offered me her heavy shod hoof. “Pleasure getting to know you, Rachel Shelton.” I took the hoof. “See you on the other side, Applejack Apple.” We shook on it. We turned to the houses. I stepped over so I aimed at mine. AJ walked over in front of hers. We glanced at each other and nodded. Rearing back and up, we raised hoof and hammer high, then came down on the houses as one. Together, we broke down our walls. The Devil's Right HandI woke up hogtied, so the day was already off to a great start. My mouth felt like it was full of cotton and my head was packed with pillows. I felt stiff and sluggish for all that I could only wiggle. “Blagh,” I said, smacking my lips. There’s a new thing I learned: forced sedation sucks. “Well. Look who’s up.” I turned to Matthews. He sat in a chair in front of me, a half-full bottle of Jack Daniels and an empty glass on the table next to him. His blazer was off and he’d undone the top two buttons of his shirt, revealing a pasty chest dotted with hair. A tranquilizer gun sat next to the bottle, easily within reach. I couldn’t tell if it was the same gun from before or a new one. “Are we going to have problems?” he asked. I looked at the gun, then him. Even though I felt like I couldn’t stand up, I gave him a steady look. “Nope,” I said. “Good,” he said. Turning away from him, I breathed deeply and focused my attention on where I was. The first thing I noticed was that Liana and my backpack were gone. After cursing my bad luck, I raised my head slightly to see the room better. I lay just a foot from Matthews’s chair on a less-than-squishy beige carpet. From there, I could see a bed made with white linen, off-white walls, and a middling dresser that had a TV bolted to it. The smell of cheap disinfectant was in the air. Well that, and whiskey and weed. “Nice place y’got here,” I said, sitting up. “It ain’t the Ritz Carlton, but I’ve stayed in worse.” I nodded my head at his bottle of Jack Daniels. “Celebratin’?” “In moderation,” he said, pouring a finger of liquor. “We’re waiting on my client.” I tensed, wanting to shred the ropes with raw strength alone and tackle Matthews. No, no, no, I thought. That’s not the plan. Get him talking. “You know, I don’t think I’ve once seen you without somethin’ in your blood,” I commented. “Y’got a problem?” He smirked at me. “It’s only a problem if you can’t do the job.” “So you can still ‘do the job’ full of a dime bag and whiskey?” He shrugged, shooting more liquor. “Ah,” he sighed, clearly enjoying the fire. “Yeah. They help keep my nerves steady. I used to be a jumpy son of a bitch.” I snorted. “You coulda fooled me.” He snorted in return. Rising, he took the bottle and put it on the far side of the TV dresser. He returned to his chair and plopped down. When he sighed I thought I was going to get a contact high from his breath. “What was that for?” I asked. “No whiskey unless I’m out cold?” “I know my limits,” he said. “Out of sight, out of mind thing.” I wiggled in my bindings again. “How long’ve I been out?” I said. “All night. These’re horse tranqs.” My gaze fell to the floor and I narrowed my eyes. “You shot my dog with that shit,” I growled. He tilted his head. “Yeah, so?” “You coulda killed me. If you killed her, you’re going to regret it.” He laughed. “I took precautions,” he said. I looked away, trying to rein in the anger that was rushing to my head. I was letting him get under my skin while he stayed completely unfazed. In fact, the only time I’d seen him annoyed was when I first met him and made a break for it. Running was definitely out since I was trussed up like Hearth’s Warming dinner, so I needed to crack his cool somehow. Flopping my head on the carpet, I closed my eyes. I needed to think this out. AJ? I thought. And a horrible feeling hit me: that wasn’t right. Rae? That wasn’t right either. But it had to be one or the other unless... Oh, horse-apples. It happened. It actually happened! We merged. Buck, I thought. I didn’t know who I was. This… Could be a bit of a problem. Okay… I thought, quickly. So, who am I? Who am I, who am I, who am I? Am I Applejack? Am I Rachel? I waited for the instinctual confirmation, that personal, powerful understanding of who I was. Nothing came. I just felt like AJ. And Rae. All at once. Well ain’t that just peachy? No particular leanings either way... Did we merge that much? That’s what this was going for? This? Now?! I ain’t got time for an existential crisis! Opening my eyes, I took a breath. Well, whoever I was, I had to deal with this. “You sick or something?” Matthews asked. “Huh?” I looked at him. “Your breathing got fast.” “Just… a mild panic attack.” He cocked his eyebrow at me. “Well, don’t die. I don’t get paid for your corpse.” “Gee thanks, I’ll keep that in mind and try not to die just so you don’t miss a paycheck.” He snorted at me and leaned back. “That’s right neighborly of you,” he said. I glared at him. Screw the talking plan, this guy was getting a piece of my mind. “Y’know what? Fuck. You. I am having the shittiest few days of my life!” The smug amusement on his face only riled me further. “Really? Do tell,” he said. “Okay, asshole. First off... first off, I was buried. Fucking. Buried. I woke up digging out of dirt. How’s that for a start? Then I’m a pony. I mean, then I have a human running my body. I mean-” The smug had left Matthews’s face to be replaced by the same wary look I gave crazy people who argued with themselves on the subway. “Never mind!” I snapped. “Point is- I’m no longer myself. Then you show up and it’s worse! I think I have to run, so I do, and I end up in the woods for, like, three days, which would be fine, except I’m not bucking camping! Then, I have to take care of this dog who I’m now all worried is dead and then I get saddled with this filly, who I’m now all worried about and the cherry on this freakin’ apple pie is I’m here!” Kicking my tied hooves in the air, I yelled, “Hogtied in a seedy motel with a crooked P.I. and I don’t know who I am!” Matthews stared at me, no longer looking like he questioned my sanity, but checking me over to see if I was made of explosives. “What?” he said. “You heard me,” I grumbled, rolling back to lay on the floor. I felt a bit better. Still cranky, but at least all my cards were on the table. He chuffed a laugh. “Yeah, I did. And you don’t know who you are? You don’t act like you have amnesia to me.” “It’s not- Argh.” I sat up. “Look, what do you know about this pony thing?” He shifted his weight to the side, propping his head on his hand. “Some people’re turning into cartoon ponies.” “Do you know what that means?” “You smell like horse.” I rolled my eyes. “It means that in addition to learning how to walk all over again, I got two minds in my head. One human, one pony.” He raised an eyebrow. “That’s fucked up.” He at least sounded sincere about it. “Yeah, yeah it is,” I said. “But that’s not all. You don’t just get the two minds, the two minds are getting closer together all the time.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.” He considered that and whistled. “Super fucked up.” “Darn tootin’. Rachel and AJ were together long enough that they… became me. And I don’t know who that is right now, which gets me worked up. So, fold that in with the rest of my week and I’m a mite grumpy. Kay?” I canted my head sharply to the left to emphasize my point. Matthews looked at me, his expression neutral, but his eyes were thoughtful. I ignored him, flopping back on the floor. Before the merge, Rachel had said I should focus on getting him talking, use my head. But how could I do that now? I was all muddled up and all I wanted to do was act. A tinny ring pierced the air. Matthews shifted and pulled an old, flip-top phone from his pocket and opened it. “Matthews,” he said, rising. He paused and saw me watching him. I strained to hear, but Matthews got out of his seat and went to the hotel door. Unlocking it, he went outside. Once the door closed, I huffed, then looked down at my ropes. How had he tied me? A quick examination showed he was no scout: decent knot, inside twist. I could get out of this in a minute. Which was about the length of a quick phone call! I bent my head to my bindings and started chewing. I made it mostly through one turn when the door clicked. I tucked my legs back under me. Matthews entered, his brows furrowed. He looked at me. I didn’t try to play innocent, so I went with what was natural: smart-ass. “Pizza’s on the way?” I asked. He wasn’t amused. “Nope. My client.” “Suuuuper,” I said, flopping back on the carpet. “My day keeps getting better.” He watched me again, tapping the phone on his side. He moved to sit and when he did, his eyes widened slightly. “Hey,” he said. “Is it me or are those apples on your butt different?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Y’mean my cutie mark?” I said. “Whatever. Them,” he said, pointing. I followed his finger and felt my eyebrows go through my maneline. My cutie mark had changed. I still had my three apples arranged around each other, but they were not the apples I’d gotten as a filly. They looked less like the simple depiction of the three most important fruit in my life and more like somepony had painted the apples in some personal style. The red was deeper, richer than it used to be and the stems looked less like stems and more like little black brush strokes swept up and away. Yep, my mark really had changed, if subtly. Yeesh. Merged minds, changed cutie mark- what else about me was different? “Yeah…” I said. “They’re… They’re a little different.” My heart was racing with panic and worry crowding into me. I tried to steady my breathing. “This is really freaking you out,” he said. I shot him a look. “You don’t know what a cutie mark means to a pony.” “Neither does your human part,” he pointed out. “Which is all mixed in with the pony me, so it’s all terrifyin’!” I said. He glanced down. He looked back at me. “Uh-huh,” he said. “It’s just a tattoo.” “Just a-!” This guy really knew how to push my buttons. I mean, he’d been chasing me all up and down the state and didn’t even know what a cutie mark was?! I finally got the steadying breath I needed and glared at him. “Okay, these apples,” I said, raising my side up. “They’re me. They’re every part of me and who I am. They say what my special talent is and what I can do. They’re like a… A life business card on your flank.” He blinked at me. He shrugged. “Okay.” “So, round about when ponies are young going on older, kinda like puberty for humans, we start to look around and find out what our calling is. What we’re best at. What we can do for ourselves and our community.” “Touching,” he said. “Shut up, I’m talking,” I said. “So we’re looking and while we’re looking, we’re doing stuff. Maybe we’re doing what we always do, maybe we’re trying things out. Either way, it comes. And, then, we know.” “You ‘know?’” “Hey, you wanna talk, or you wanna learn?” He rolled a hand in a “go ahead” gesture. “Right. You know and the magic kicks in and you wanna do that for the rest of your life. For me, it was apples.” I smiled warmly at my cutie mark. “I didn’t want to do anything but help my family and work on the farm. My home, Sweet Apple Acres.” I sighed, memory of the comfort of home stirring in me. I blocked the feeling before it made me cry. I wasn’t gonna let this yahoo see me cry. Instead, I glared up at him and said, “So, havin’ this change is a bit of a heart attack for me!” Matthews ignored my glare as he regarded me quietly for a minute. I sighed and flopped back on the floor. I wiggled my hooves like I was getting comfortable, but I hoped I might be able to strain that last turn enough to bust loose. “You get this how young?” Matthews said, breaking into my concentrated wiggling. “When you’re a foal,” I said, flatly. “You know, like eight to twelve’re whatever.” “And that’s it?” he said. I shrugged. Well with my hooves bound, I more bobbed. “What else is there?” I said. “What about market forces, no openings in that field, getting fired?” I sat back up and peered at him. Hadn’t he been listening? This was a cutie mark. As soon as that magic kicked in, that’s all she wrote. “So what?” I said. “What about them?” “Look, you just described how at twelve everyone in your world just… magically knows what they’re supposed to do and it never changes and it gets stamped on your butt till you die and that isn’t a problem?” “Why would it be?” I said. “Everypony knows what they’re supposed to be doing.” I glanced back at the apples. As I looked at them, I realized I had thought of Sweet Apple Acres as home. Not just a place AJ lived, but my real, true home. I still felt like I wanted to run the farm. I wanted to be with my family. Working with Mac, keeping Bloom out of trouble, helping Granny when she needed it… I wanted to be there. Not here. I also realized I had some new ideas about how to run the place. Maybe I wasn’t as changed as I thought. “Even if some of life changes...” I said, smiling slightly. “It’s a comfort, that mark. It tells ya who you are and where you’re going.” “Sounds like a crap way to run a society,” he said. “Says the guy who pretended to be a cop, hunted me, started a bar fight with my head as the prize, drugged me, and has me waitin’ on who-the-fuck-ever to do what-the-fuck-ever.” “It’s a living,” he said. “Crap way to make a living,” I said. He wrinkled his nose at me. “Not all of us can be magical little ponies knowing what they want to do for the rest of their lives.” “Not all of us are humans who do all kinds of illegal stuff for a paycheck.” He sighed, checked out the window. “It’s my ‘special talent.’” “Crap special talent,” I said. He glared at me. “I mean, if your special talent’s being an asshole who does illegal stuff- good on ya. You’re great there. Real crackerjack asshole, you know?” He gave me a nasty smile. “It’s what my ‘community’ needs.” At that very moment, I had never wished I was a unicorn so bad, just so I could fry with my horn. I closed my eyes. “Well, I hope you’re happy,” I said. “I hope your special talent brings you everything you wanted, you ripe bastard.” Matthews was quiet for a bit, but then I heard him rise. Opening my eyes, I watched him go over to his bottle of liquor. He stared at it. He picked it up, but didn’t open it. He looked like he was weighing the thing. “Hypothetically… If I could have a cutie mark. What do you think I’d have?” he asked. I stared at him. “What?” “I’m just curious. You’re the pony. You know cutie marks. Whatcha think?” I gave him a withering look. “An asshole shittin’ all over another pony.” “Ha ha,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “C’mon. Hit me.” “Are you higher than I thought? Are you tryin’ to bond with your kidnap-ee?” “I’m asking a question. What do you think my mark would be?” “You’re asking the wrong pony, bub. Besides, weren’t you listenin’? It’s somethin’ from you. What you want to do. What you think you’re best at. If I went to another pony for my cutie mark, who knows what mark I’d have got.” He considered that. He looked at the bottle in his hand again. He set it down. Running a hand over his face and through his hair, he sat on the bed. “What I’m best at…” he murmured. I left him to his thoughts. If he was going to be preoccupied, then I was going to get free. Just needed to wiggle one hoof free and… “I figure things out,” he said. “People, puzzles, I’m a thinker.” “Sure you are,” I said, straining my forehooves from my back. I already damaged it. This thing should snap like loose string! “C’mon. I figured out where you were at first.” “You called a computer guy,” I said. “Using my resources. Worked in my favor anyway. Waters sent you to me, didn’t he?” “Because you messed with his fandom, you idgit. You ain’t the mastermind, you’re just a thug, a henchman. Sounds like your special talent is just bein’ lucky and drunk. But by all means, keep talking. Maybe you can make yourself feel better for being a kidnapping thug at some guy’s beck and call.” He looked at me, his expression unreadable. “I’m no thug,” he said. “I busted ‘em for years. And I’m. Not. One of them.” “You just keep tellin’ yourself that, darlin’,” I said, unimpressed. “‘Cause I’m tied up waitin’ on your boss and that’s how you earned today’s paycheck. Sounds like a thug to me.” His nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed. It was the most emotion I’d seen out of him the entire time we talked. He tore his gaze from me to glare at the TV. He was quiet. One turn broke. I coughed to cover it. One more and I’d be home free. “Dammit,” he said. I looked back at him and saw he was rising, pulling a switchblade from his pocket. He flicked it up, catching a little light in the process “Whoa,” I said, edging on the carpet. “Shut up before I change my mind,” he said, advancing on me. He bent over me, and just as I thought he was about to cut me, he stuck the knife under the ropes. “What’re you-?” I said. “Not being a thug,” he replied, working the knife. He stopped, noticing the damage I’d already done. He raised an eyebrow at me. “Oh, please,” I said, sarcastically. “Like I wasn’t going to try and make a break for it.” He looked at the rope. “Yeah. Good point.” He pulled the knife through it and I was free as a bird. Well, free as a bird in a crummy hotel room. “Much obliged,” I said, wiggling my hooves. “What changed your mind?” He looked at me with that same unreadable expression. I thought he was going to answer me, but instead, he sighed. Rising, he reached into his pocket and pulled out phone. Before he could do anything, three knocks came from the door. “Shit,” he said. He was too late. Time was up. The client was here. The Man Comes AroundWe both froze. The knock came again. “Matthews, open up! I don’t have all day.” Jim looked at me, then the door, then back to me. His expression was neutral, which just made me nervous. I don’t think he had thought through what he was doing and with his boss showing up right after cutting me loose, he was waffling. My first urge was to try running again. Let Jim open the door, and I could bolt. But… I was too aware of the last few days and how the last time I tried running, it didn’t wash. I wanted to finish this and find out who his boss was. I needed to finish this before I could meet back up with my friends- they didn’t need this grief. Mind made up, I took charge before Jim could slide back over to the dark side. I grabbed the rope’s remains in my teeth and wrapped the shreds around my legs. If things got hairy, I could kick free in a jiffy. Looking back to Jim, I took a breath to settle my nerves. “Open the door,” I said quietly. “I’ll have to play possum for a bit.” Jim nodded, back with me again. He rose stiffly and folded his knife away as he went to the door. There, he glanced back at me one more time. I smiled encouragingly, trying to quietly let him know we were in this together. I reassured myself that he was on my side since I didn’t know what kind of grade-A sidewinder was about to be let in. Jim undid the chain on the door, and opened it to reveal… a Young Republican representative standing on the other side. Well, I don’t know who I was expecting, but I wasn’t expecting that. He was the same height as Jim, but he was young, about the age Rachel had been before she’d turned into Applejack. Sharp cheekbones coupled with a strong jaw gave him a classic, handsome look while his brown hair looked styled by a focus group. He wore a gray blazer with pale khakis over brown loafers. Everything looked brand new and expensive. He was the last kind of person I’d expect to be Jim’s client. As he stood waiting at the threshold, he shifted his gaze and dark brown eyes fell on me. The look he gave me was somewhere between disgust and dismissal, but there was something else there too. Like a flash of rage he had to wrestle back beneath his professional-looking façade. He turned back to Jim. “Why is there a tiny horse tied up in your room?” he asked. “Where’s the girl?” Jim sighed. “Like I told you before- there were complications. She’s part of this whole pony thing that’s going on.” “Pony…” He muttered, his brow knitting in confusion. “You mean that shit on TV?” Jim nodded. “Great. That’s just- Fucking great!” he said, storming into the room. Jim closed the door behind him, but stayed near it. Maybe he’d open it for me if things got twitchy? The young man turned, surveyed the room, and shot Jim an incredulous look. “After all I’ve paid you, you couldn’t meet me somewhere decent?” His rage was showing again, and it was strongest as he spoke. He reminded me of a frustrated teenager- lips getting all pinched and tight. Jim shrugged, leaning against the door. “I try to be frugal. It keeps costs low.” “Fine. Whatever.” The man’s eyes came back to me. He radiated that disgust and rage combo again, but there was something violent in his gaze too. He wasn’t just frustrated and angry- he wanted to break something. Not wanting to let him know I was rattled, I returned his gaze calmly. He turned back to Jim. “She’s not important or whatever, right? This isn’t going to bite me in the ass any more than it already has?” Jim was quiet for a minute. I felt my heart rate pick up. Nope, I wasn’t important. I was just one of the Elements of Harmony and Celestia had only asked me to get to New York quicker than you can spit! “Ask her yourself. She’s the character,” Jim finally replied. I let go of the breath I’d been holding. The man sneered at Jim and turned to me. “You got a name, horse?” he asked. “First off, I’m a pony,” I said. “Second, go buck yourself, you prick.” His eyes got big real fast. This guy really wasn’t reserved. His emotiveness was weird after Jim and his poker face. “Fuck!” he hissed, backing up. “It talks?!” “Amusingly enough…” Jim said, grinning. The man looked at me like Rarity looked at mud. “What… are you?” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Like I said, I’m a pony. Name’s Applejack Apple. But if you’re lookin’ for a human, I’m also Rachel Shelton.” He stared at me and his right eyelid twitched. Alright. That... couldn’t be good. He looked back at Jim. “The fuck is this? What the fuck does that mean?” “Well, I’m not one-hundred-percent sure,” Jim said, inspecting a fingernail. “But from what I heard, when people get like this, they end up with the pony in their head too.” The man stared at me. I bounced my eyebrows at him. His disgusted expression returned. “That can happen?” the guy said, looking back to Jim, as if he could make it go away. Jim nodded. The man stared at me for another few moments before shaking his head. “Fine. Whatever,” he muttered. My keen ears picked up when he muttered under his breath: “She knows the name. It’s her. I can fix this.” As I got good and nervous about that particular muttering, he reached into his jacket and pulled out a check. He thrust it at Jim like it was a weapon. “Get the fuck out,” he ordered. Or, he tried, but it came across like a child telling his dad off. Jim looked at the check, then at the man. He held the look for a long time. “The room’s in my name,” Jim said, holding his place. “Yeah, and it’s paid for with my money,” the man said, sneering. His grip tightened on the check as his lips pressed into a pale line. Seriously, just how high strung was this guy? Jim glanced at the check again, then focused back on the man. “Not leaving you alone with her,” he said. The man glared at him. His right eyelid twitched again. “What?” he said, biting the word out. “What I said,” Jim replied. “I’m not leaving you alone with her, Mr. Trenton.” Mr. Trenton’s right eye ticced again. Twice. “And why aren’t you doing that?” “I’m not your thug,” Jim said, quiet and firm. “What?” “I’m not taking your money,” Jim said loudly and directly at Trenton. “WHAT?” Trenton roared. “See, you told me she hit you while you were a little drunk behind the wheel…” Jim said. Trenton shot a look from me to Jim. “Yes, that is what happened,” he said, every word clipped. I smelled it when he started sweating. “And that you both got turned around and that’s how she went down the embankment.” “Yes. We both know this. What’s your point?” Trenton said. “My point, William, is that ain’t what happened,” Jim said. I blinked when I realized he’d given me the guy’s full name. Even if William Trenton wasn’t aware of it. “You know it, I know it. I mean, you told me I didn’t need to see the site and I’m not saying I did, but if someone was to look at the site, they could tell that car didn’t slide down the embankment without help. Or that when someone climbs out of a shallow grave, there’s a distinct look to the soil.” He gave Trenton a heavy look. “But I couldn’t know that. I’m paid not to know it. Except, now…” Jim glanced at me and shook his head. “Well, things’re different. I’m not taking your money.” Trenton put the check away, digging his hands into his pants pockets. He clenched his jaw tight. “And where the hell did this come from?” he spat. “She got something on you too?” Jim raised an eyebrow. “I’d watch that tone, kid. Especially since I know you got my number from your old man. We didn’t just happen to meet up during my… less upstanding time as a cop.” Trenton didn’t have anything to say to that. “So, William. I quit. Here and now. You can go wherever you need to and talk to whichever high-priced lawyer daddy owns so they can deal with this. Whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it without me.” Trenton sneered, opening his mouth. Jim beat him to the punch. “And before you say shit- As much dirt as you and your old man may have on me, I think after the last few days ‘work’ I’ve done for you, I have enough on my side to happily tell you: back. The fuck. Off.” Trenton’s hate-filled expression made him very, very ugly. “You’re fired,” he said. “No, William, I quit,” Jim said. “If you’re gonna be a grown-up, you should know the difference.” Jim unfolded his arms and cocked his head at Trenton. Pointing at the other man, he said, “Now, you just stand there like a good boy. Me and the girl are leaving.” Jim turned to me, a slight smile on his face. I glanced at Trenton one last time, then faced Jim, preparing to be cut loose from my “tied” ropes. “No. You’re not.” Two explosions roared behind me. Two bright spots burst on Jim’s chest. Two seconds passed and Jim hit the floor with a heavy thud. That's The TruthI stared at Jim. He was face down in his own blood, which was soaking into the carpet as I watched. I heard Trenton move. My brain got back in gear. Kicking free of the ropes, I rolled under the bed. “Oh for-” More gunfire. Two more shots. Too close. I kept moving. I belly-crawled across the carpet and popped out the other side. “You fucking-” I turned. Everything went slow. We faced each other with only a stretch of carpet between us. He had a revolver, snub-nose and well-cared for. This one wouldn’t misfire. His face was contorted in hate directed right at me. His arm shook slightly. Time kicked back in. His finger tightened on the trigger. I ran at him. I felt like I was lurching, moving too slow, not fast enough. He had me at nearly point blank range. He couldn’t miss. There was another roar. I barrelled into him, plowing all my weight into his legs and I heard what sounded like a chorus of celery snapping all at once as we went down. Trenton howled. We fell into a tangle, and he tried to get the gun up. I slammed his hand with my head and he cried out, dropping it. Still wrapped up in each other, he tried pounding on my back with his remaining hand. I got my forehooves between us and pushed off him. Backing away, breath heaving, I eyed him warily. He lay on the ground, his legs not really in leg shape anymore. He glared at me, his own breathing heavy and ragged. As the pain caught up with him, tears filled his eyes and he started keening. He tried to pull his knees up. I was alive. I waited for my own pain to catch up, but nothing came. My heart thudded in my ears. I took a breath. Then another. When I was no longer shaking from adrenaline, I checked myself over. I found my tail had lost some hairs, but otherwise, I was fine. I blinked at the spot where the bullet had gone through my tail. I’d moved just in time. Any slower and the bullet would’ve struck my rump, or maybe my spine and that… I tried not to think about that. I chuckled. “Dash can’t say I ain’t fast any more,” I said. Nervous laughter bubbled out of my lips. I clamped my jaw shut. I was giddy. I couldn’t be giddy right now. I needed to focus. Going carefully over to Trenton, I found the gun nearby. I used my teeth to picked it up by the handle, release the cylinder and shake out the last bullet plus the casings. It took me a second, since I had a brief urge to use hands for what I needed. As the bullets hit the floor, I saw they were twenty-twos. Memory flashed on Rachel’s dad telling her twenty-two’s were good bullets for headshots. Rachel told him thanks for the macabre info; she’d use it when she was in the mafia. Her dad had laughed. My stomach tightened and I had to take another few breaths to steady myself. Trenton had meant to fill my noggin with lead. Tempted to leave him here to be found whenever, I remembered all the noise his legs had made when I hit him. I sighed. I couldn’t just leave him there. Much as I wanted. Turning, I found him glaring at me. I gave him a sarcastic look in return. I got closer to him, but not so close that he could take a swipe if he wanted. I didn’t need to get that close to see blood blooming on the pale slacks around his knees. I’d broken his legs at the knee. He needed professional help. Maybe a unicorn or pegasus would have just bowled him over, but throw a full power earth pony at a human and it isn’t pretty. I briefly felt ashamed for hurting him, till I reminded myself he’d tried to freaking kill me. “I got ya bad,” I said. “I gotta call nine-one-one.” I turned around. “Don’t you fucking dare!” he screeched, his voice equal parts rage and pain. I gave him a withering look. “Buddy, for someone who just tried to kill me twice, if the last few days are anything to go by, you got a funny way of being grateful. So shut up and calm down. I don’t need you hurtin’ yourself further.” He didn’t reply. I could tell his outburst had cost him. His breathing was unsteady as he glared at me. More tears welled up and out of his eyes, spilling down his face. I turned to Jim and sighed. I went over to where he blocked the hotel room door. “Jim?” He didn’t respond. I put my fetlock on his neck. I couldn’t find a pulse. His back wasn’t rising or falling. He was perfectly still. “Dammit,” I said. He didn’t deserve to get shot. He didn’t deserve to die. Shaking from something entirely different from the earlier adrenaline, I went over to the nightstand and bumped it hard with my shoulder. The phone came tumbling down. I craned my head and heard a dial tone. I punched 9-1-1 with my nose. Picking up the handset in the crook of my fetlock, I tucked it against my head and waited. “Sidney nine-one-one, what is your emergency?” came a professional, clipped woman’s voice. “Is this a person?” I asked. “Yes, Miss.” “Kay. Uh, my name’s Applejack. I mean, Rachel. Something like that. I’m at a… hotel off a highway somewhere and I’ve just got out of being kidnapped and there’s a- there’s a man been shot and another man whose legs are all busted up,” I breathed. “Are you alright, can you keep talking to me?” “Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just here with… these guys.” “Are they a threat to you, are you in any danger?” I looked over at Trenton, who glared back. “Just from dirty looks, ma’am,” I said. “Okay. Okay, good. Can you give me any information on your location?” “Sorry, no,” I said. “Can you look out a window? It will help us narrow down where you are.” “Can’t you, trace the line or something?” I asked. “This is a hotel phone.” “We can, but if you knew then I could mobilize police and emergency units quicker.” “Sure. Sure. Hang on,” I said. I went over to the window and hopped up on the chair Jim had been using not that long ago. I shook my head and pulled the curtain open with my teeth. I went back to the phone. “Days Inn,” I said. “Bunch of trees. Highway. Make sure we get an ambulance,” I said, looking at Trenton. He’d rolled a little to his back, but he still glared at me. I’d never seen anyone look so pissed off in my life. “Yes, that as well. Can you stay with me please?” “Lady, I’m trying,” I said, realizing that tears were in my eyes. “Are you injured? Are you okay?” “Yeah,” I said. “I’m- I’m fine. Just traumatized as hell, y’know?” I barked a laugh that sounded dry in my throat. “I know it’s bad. Just stay with me, okay?” the woman said, her voice edging from its clipped professionalism and close to something kinder. “Just stay with me and you’ll be okay.” I thought of Fluttershy. “You remind me of a friend of mine,” I said. “Sweet. Wouldn’t hurt a fly.” “Yes?” she said. “Who is she?” “Fluttershy,” I said and hiccuped. I looked up at the ceiling. “She sounds nice,” the woman said. She started saying something. It sounded like an address and she was talking to other people rather than me. My ear twitched as I heard Trenton move around. It twitched again as I heard his hand fall on something. I turned to him. He was trying to reload the gun. “Scuse me ma’am,” I said. “I’ll leave the line open, but I gotta take care of something.” “Miss Shelton? Please-” I didn’t catch the rest as I put the phone on its side. Going over to Trenton, who was trying to get a bullet in, I watched as he dropped it, swore and snapped his revolver shut. He pointed it at me. I gave him a thoroughly unamused look. “You didn’t get it loaded,” I said. “I did. It’s the next one,” he said, his teeth gritted. “No, it’s not,” I said. “You’re just saying that,” he said. “Son, you are banged up to hell and I’ve heard steadier breathing from my granny after a marathon,” I said. “Which one of us do you think is worse off?” He frowned, but glanced at his revolver. “Put it down. It’s over. Whatever you’re trying to do it is well and truly over.” “You should’ve stayed dead,” he whispered, his voice hot, his eyes brimming with pain and tears. “Well, you shouldn’t have buried. Me. Alive!” I yelled. He winced and I saw his breath catch. “You don’t know,” he said. “No, I don’t. But I’m not dumb and you’re acting like a freaking Bond villain here. So why don’t you just quit working yourself up?” “I can still fix this,” he hissed, raising the gun again. I glanced at it. Nice thing about revolvers- when you are not freaking out, you can tell if they’re loaded or not. Unfortunately, his revolver was. Fortunately, the bullet was far from next. Still... he could twitch that trigger finger fast enough to make this a whole lot more complicated, so I needed to keep him talking. I rolled my eyes at him. “You really can’t. What’s your game plan here? Shoot me and say it was self-defense?” The look in his eye told me that was exactly what he thought. “I have money,” he said. “Congrats,” I said. “It doesn’t make up for a lack of sense. Think you can buy your way out of this? You already killed one guy. Killing me ain’t gonna make your problems go away, Bill.” “Don’t call me Bill,” he hissed. “My name is William.” “Fine. William. You shoot me, it’s just gonna make your life worse. Then you cover it up? It’s gonna be a hassle and all it will take is one bit of truth. One person who doesn’t care about your money. Like him over there.” I pointed at Jim, who was still bleeding on the floor. The sight made my chest tighten, so I looked back at Trenton. It didn’t go away. If anything, it got bigger. “He gave up your money. He weren’t no saint either. What makes you think you’ll be able to pay off honest folk?” “I can. I can fix this,” Trenton said. He looked like he was talking to himself. “I told Dad I would. I… I promised him. I can fix this… It was just one party. I can take care of this.” The look in his eyes said it all. He was completely deluding himself. No more disgust, no more tightly wound rage. He was hiding away in his head, building mental walls to keep from owning up to his actions. I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I looked directly into the eyes of the man who’d tried to kill me. “William Trenton,” I said in a sharp, authoritarian voice. His gaze snapped to me. “Stop lying to yourself,” I said. “And accept what you’ve done.” “No…” he squeaked. The tightness in my chest spiked, like something was trying to push its way out. I leaned in close to him. If I had to, I could knock his gun down before he got it back up. Boring my eyes deep into his, I said, “I know what you did, William. You can’t hide from me.” He blinked. His gun hand hit the floor. He looked like I’d slugged him. “It was just a party…” he whispered. “I’d- I’d done Leo’s stuff before. I’d driven before. It was just a party…” He blinked at me, like he was seeing me for the first time. He started to cry again. “It wasn’t a party, William!” I roared. “You killed me!” He shrank back, terror washing over him. “I didn’t! I didn’t! I...” I held my stare. I put every ounce of judgment into that stare that I could because the little puke sack wasn’t getting away from me that easy. “It was just an accident,” he whispered. “Buryin’ me weren’t no accident!” “I was scared!” he protested. “You looked dead! I just wanted to fix my mess. He- he always says I have to fix my messes… You weren’t supposed to be alive! You weren’t supposed to- to-” He broke. From broken legs and failures- he broke. Like a wounded animal, he hunched inward and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. “Cry, cry, cry,” I muttered. I got the gun away from him and unloaded it one last time. I threw everything over by the nightstand. “You screwed up and you’re gonna pay the piper for it,” I told him. I don’t know if he heard me, but by that point, I’d said my peace. I went back to the phone. “Hello?” I said, once I had the receiver back up. “Miss… Rachel?” “Yep. Sorry. You catch any of that?” “I… Some of it. You have units on the way. Two minutes.” “Great, great,” I said. “Hey is- Is this admissible in a court of law or whatever?” “I’m not a lawyer.” “Me neither,” I said with a dry chuckle. “Police and other officials are en route to your location. Can you stay with me, please?” “Sure,” I said. I laid back, cradling the phone against me and looked over at the sobbing William Trenton. Maybe I should have been angrier at him, but really I just pitied the man. He took every opportunity to do the honest thing, the right thing, and he shot it all to hell. Applejack had fought her fair share of monsters, but even they deserved more mercy than the broken mess bawling his eyes out not three feet from me. I ignored Trenton and rolled my head to the side a little, looking at Jim’s body. I closed my eyes, trying to avoid the guilt that sprang up next to the tightness in my chest. Trenton dragged Jim in. And the P.I. made his own decisions when crunch time came. It wasn’t my fault he was bleeding all over a cheap hotel carpet. Of course, that didn’t change the fact I felt like it was. Feelings like that are funny. They crop up when you’re out of folk to blame and just aim some at yourself. Applejack had been there before, when she blamed herself for her parents’ deaths. She’d thought that because she wasn’t a good enough daughter, they’d been taken from her. She’d thought she was being punished. Fortunately, she’d told Granny Smith, who gently put some wisdom in little AJ’s head: just because a bad thing happened to a goody pony, it didn’t make that pony any less good. Given enough time, bad things happen to good ponies and good things happen to bad ponies in equal measure. The trick, Granny Smith had pointed out, was in knowing the difference between the two and knowing who you were so the good things could be let in and the bad stuff kept out. It had been one of my first lessons in honesty: be honest with myself. And if I was being honest, I was honestly done here. I just wanted to see my friends, see my family. I missed them terribly. I felt like I’d been doing too much alone lately. Which lead to the question, why did I have to go this alone? That was the dumbest call I ever made. I must’ve backslid and let my pride get in the way of my good sense. May had been right. I should have gone to New York. I should have found my family and friends. I should have come back later to handle this with the right support. I shouldn’t have done it like this. One man was dead. Another had his legs busted in. And that’s not counting all the people back at the tavern who got their teeth kicked out over me. Guilt swam over me and no amount of knowin’ truthfully where I was in the middle of all this would banish that feeling. I may have just been doing the best I could, but I knew I could have made some better calls too. “You have any regrets?” I asked the operator, opening my eyes. “Miss?” the operator said. “I’m just- I feel like I made a whole mess of calls here and I’m looking at a body and this guy and…” I sighed, running a hoof through my mane. “I don’t know what to make of it.” The operator went quiet for a moment. “You’re alive,” she said. I blinked. “Ma’am?” “You’re alive, Rachel. That’s a lot right now.” I could hear the sirens in the distance. The wail was getting closer. I looked up and out the window. “I can hear the sirens,” I said. “Good, good. Stay with me until they’re inside.” “Okay,” I said. I was alive. As I let that sink in, the tightness in my chest, which had been growing this whole time, finally burst. I cried. I cried a lot. I hadn’t really cried since I dug myself out of the ground. That had been panicked, pain-filled crying. This was the opposite. I wasn’t crying because I was scared and hurting in my soul. I was crying because I was happy to be alive. Yeah, I’d have to live with my decisions, but I wouldn’t have to do it alone. I still had May. Maybe if I was lucky, I’d have Sam too. Then there was my family, back in Equestria, and here on Earth. And my friends. Twilight and Dash and Fluttershy and Pinkie and Rarity. And Max. I had friends all over. When all that guilt was swimming through me, I thought I was alone and I’d have to suffer my faults that way too. But really, I had friends all over. Truth was, I didn’t have to do this alone. Halfway into sobbing like a filly, I realized my tears weren’t hitting my fur any more because I could hear the soft plink of water on metal. I blinked, clearing my eyes. I stared down. The Element of Honesty was around my neck. I snorted, sniffed. “How about that…” I said, as the sound of sirens got right on top of me. “Miss? Rachel?” the operator said. “Sorry, ma’am,” I said. “Name’s Applejack. I have the Element of Honesty around my neck to prove it.” “Pardon?” “Well, you can call me Rae Jay if you like,” I said with a chuckle. Footsteps came. Fast, hard, and heavy, they stormed up the hallway. Support was coming. I wasn’t in this alone. What I've Learned“Bad-ass right? Total bad-ass?” I chuckled and ruffled May’s mane. “Yep. Total bad-ass,” I said. I sat on the bumper of an ambulance wrapped up in an orange panic blanket, watching the activity of police, emergency medics, and the CIA. I’d been hustled down there after SWAT broke into the hotel room to find me on the phone with the 911 operator, Jim’s body blocking the door, and William Trenton in a heap of bloody legs and tears. May, being the rambunctious and sneaky thing she was, had run up with the team. While they were all still staring at the scene, she burst through the lot of them to wrap me in the biggest hug this side of Pinkie Pie. “How’s Sweetie in all this?” I asked. May grinned up at me. “I had to explain a bunch of stuff, but she’s really, really glad you’re not dead.” I laughed. “Me too.” “And what did you leeeeearn?” May jostled, poking me with a hoof. “Try not to do danged-fool things alone,” I said, laughing. “And to always count on my friends.” “Sweet,” May said. “If you write a letter to Celestia, I totally wanna read it first.” “Sure thing, squirt,” I said, ruffling her mane again. Rarity was gonna kill me for how much I was mussing her sister’s hair, but I couldn’t help it. I was a ruffler and I was damn glad to see the filly. “Miss Apple?” Looking up, I saw an official woman in a black suit and white blouse before us, hands on hips, smile in place. CIA agent Stephanie Chase was in her mid-thirties, tall and fit, with blond hair and blue eyes that complimented her friendly smile. She looked like the last person to be in the black suit and tie of a bunch of professional sneaks. Maybe that’s why they’d hired her. “You can call me Rae Jay if you want, Steph,” I said. “I mean, now that you’re our handler and all.” Stephanie nodded. “Rae Jay it is,” she said, smiling. “How can I help, Steph?” I said. “Well, we’re almost wrapped up here. Trenton’s going to the hospital, where he’ll have a police guard, and he’s up on a whole mess of charges. Like, a ridiculous number of charges. He’d be up on at least half of them even if he hadn’t shot that P.I.” “Jim Matthews,” I said. She nodded. “Yeah.” Giving me a curious look, she said, “He really was going to cut you loose?” “Yep,” I said, nodding. She sighed, shaking her head. “Yeah,” I said. We lapsed briefly into silence. “Anyway…” Stephanie said. “Once I’m done liaisoning with the locals, we’ll get you in a detail and transported to New York. And just so you know, a little birdy told me Gilda, Shining Armor, Cadance, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Apple Bloom are already en route.” I sat up, almost losing the blanket. “Really?” I said, my voice bursting with hope. “Bloom’s gonna be there?” Stephanie nodded. “Sweeeeeeeeeet doggy!” I hooted jubilantly, leaping up and punching the air. I dropped onto the ground and wrapped Stephanie’s legs in as powerful a hug as I could without hurting her. “Ma’am, you just made my day,” I said, looking up at her. Smiling through a blush, Stephanie said, “Heh. You, ah, you just made mine. I’m a big Applejack fan.” “Really? Well, shoot. I suppose I need to get you an autograph before we part ways.” “Awesome,” Stephanie said, squealing a little. She pulled her professional face back on, but not fully. “Okay. I’m going to wrap things up and we can get going. Good?” I released her. “Works for me.” I practically pranced back to the bumper. May was shaking her head at me. “Seriously, Rachel, you’re a nut.” “Oh, I ain’t Rachel,” I said with a grin. I hopped back up and pulled the blanket back around me. Sherlock was right, it’s pretty comforting. “Oh, right, sorry. You said AJ.” “Nope.” May blinked. “Wait. You didn’t- You mean you two…?” I nodded. “And…?” “I’m fine. Call me Rae Jay if you want.” May stared at me. “Dude,” she said, sitting back. “Yep.” “Dude!” “Yep.” “Dude!” “Lovin’ your vocabulary there,” I said. May laughed. “This is so messed up.” “What’s messed up is that I got kidnapped in the first place,” I said. “There were three of you and one of him. What happened back at the Tavern?” “Oh,” May said, her expression falling. “That… That was pretty bad.” “Talk to me,” I said. So, May filled me in. After I got knocked out, Jay and Ann started making a beeline for Jim. He’d just shown his weapon was only a tranq gun, so Jay was ready to turn him inside out a couple of times. May said even if the tranqs were full of rhino sedative, Jay was probably big enough to beat Jim stupid before they affected the giant bouncer. Unfortunately, Jim also had a spare firearm, which he pulled out as the humans advanced. May had gone over to Sam to pull the dart out of her side and to check her breathing. “She didn’t look too good, but everyone else was looking somewhere else,” May said. “So no one really noticed when this crusty, old, biker dude came up behind the private eye.” Ethan was a regular who had gotten tossed outside during the brawl. When he came to, he found Jim standing over my body while pointing a gun at Jay and Ann. He decided to be a hero and when he grabbed Jim, he got shot for his troubles. “Ann was the first to get to him. The P.I. kept his gun on Jay, and I’m pretty sure Jay was going to just fucking take getting shot and beat the guy stupid. But then Ann was like, ‘I need help,’ and the private eye was all, ‘You got two choices dude,’ and it was a mess.” Jay called an ambulance and helped Ann try to slow Ethan’s bleeding. While they were busy, Jim hauled me to his car and tossed me in the back seat. May ran out to try and slow him, but he pointed his gun at her. “I backed the fuck off. I’m not-” May shook her head. “I don’t ever want a gun pointed at me again.” I nodded. “It’s not the best experience. I’ll agree to that.” May looked at me. I looked at her. We snorted, laughing a bit. Once the chuckles passed, she explained that Jim got in his car, drove off, and she ran behind him for as long as she could. “I must’ve called him thirteen shades of fuck,” May said. She glanced at me, then down. Her voice dropping, she added, “I thought- I thought I lost you.” She went back to the tavern and didn’t have to wait long for the emergency services to arrive. Once they got Ethan loaded up and focused on Sam, May said, “Applejack was kidnapped” and the whole team froze. In a breath, they went from just handling a weird bar brawl to making all kinds of phone calls. Sam got rushed to a nearby vet to have her system pumped, May had to stay put and play twenty questions with local officials, and half an hour later, she met Stephanie. “Fellow brony, and a girl, and a badass spy person?” May said. “She’s like, the perfection of cool. No offense.” I snorted. “I ain’t Dash. None taken.” May grinned. “But yeah, soon as she showed up, she did this Sherlock thing and bam! Found the guy’s car! She tried to be all- you should stay in the car, and I was like, ‘Do I look like I’m gonna stay in the car?’ And she was like, ‘Good point” and let me follow. So. Cool.” Unfortunately, Jim’s car was a bust. They found it abandoned a few miles away from the tavern. Stephanie called up her computer gurus to start triangulating on Jim’s cell and track any credit card activity when my 911 call came in. Apparently, saying you’re Applejack on an emergency line, when every governmental acronym and their meemaw is looking for six certain ponies, really ups the ante for response. “I got to ride with goddamn SWAT and CIA to a fucking Big Damn Heroes rescue. I will be talking about this for years,” May said, puffing her chest in pride. “Then we got here and Stephanie tried that ‘no really, wait here’ noise again, and, well, you know the rest.” She shrugged, swinging her tiny hooves back and forth over the edge of the ambulance’s bumper. “I’m really, really glad you’re not dead,” she said, watching her hooves. “Me too,” I said, pulling the blanket closer around me. “Me too.” A cozy silence settled around us. “Oh, hey. Almost forgot,” May said. She dropped down and worked her way through the crowd to a black sedan. She poked a guy in a very slick suit and shades. When he looked down, she pointed at the car. He nodded and opened the door. Hopping up, she scrambled into the back seat and disappeared. A minute later, she emerged. Liana drooping over her head. “Ta-da,” she called. I laughed. She hopped down from the back seat and came over. I lifted the hat from her head and looked it over. It looked fine to me, so I slid it back on. Between my hat and my Element, I felt like a whole pony again. “Your bag’s in the back too,” May said. “Figured you’d want that first.” “Much obliged,” I said, tilting the hat at her. Stephanie appeared next and smiled when she saw me in a Stetson. “Well, this just got all kinds of fan perfect,” she said with a chuckle. “Okay, we’re done here so if you two-” “Where the hell is she!” We turned. Coming through the throng of officials was a man in his middle fifties in an expensive-looking, navy blue suit. His handsome features were pretty familiar too. His gaze swept the area till he locked on our group. Pointing at me, he came storming my way. “You,” he growled. Before he could get too close, Stephanie stepped between us and the easy-going gal I’d been talking to was replaced by a woman who was all business. “I’m sorry, sir, and you are?” “Bruce Trenton, you bitch. Now, get out of my way or I’ll have your badge!” She cocked her head at him, sizing him up. She then settled her stance and folded her arms. “I doubt that Mr. Trenton,” she said. Land sakes. I thought I did a cold tone when I was Rachel, but I didn’t have anything on Stephanie’s ice. Daddy Trenton glared at her. “That… that thing is alleging all kinds of hell at my family. If she thinks for a second that-” “She has alleged nothing, Mr. Trenton,” Stephanie said, in that same cold, imposing tone. “Your son was arrested on the abundance of evidence surrounding him.” “Abundance of- Oh that’s rich. That’s real rich. You think you can smear campaign me? Do you know who I am?” “I am aware of your status, sir,” Stephanie replied. “Damn straight you are. Who’s your boss? Think you can pull this bullshit on me? C’mon.” Daddy Trenton pulled out a phone. Like his suit, it looked mighty expensive. “I’ll have you busted down to patrol in an afternoon.” Stephanie glanced over her shoulder at me and she smirked. I laughed in response. For all that this was serious, she didn’t seem the least bit worried. “My boss is Director of Intelligence Morrell. Michael J. Morrell.” Daddy Trenton froze, mid key. He looked back at her, his face a bit paler now. “You’re CIA,” he said. “Yes, Mr. Trenton. I am. And your son is in a world of trouble. Specifically, based on the evidence we gathered coupled with a confession obtained through judicious means, he is being charged with the following…” She raised her hand up and started ticking off fingers. “Possession of illegal narcotics, operating a vehicle under the influence, attempted manslaughter, failure to report an accident, obstruction of justice by means of destroying evidence at the scene of a crime, criminal conspiracy in actus reus, coercion, blackmail... and murder.” The last she said with a glare I was sure would strip the tan off Daddy Trenton. Not that he had much tan now. He was pale as paper. “And that’s just what I’ve heard from the local officials,” Stephanie said. “Now Miss Apple, and her friend Miss Belle, are considered to be under federal protection. And that protection goes back to when they first transformed, so I know our lawyers are going to want a crack at your son too.” Daddy Trenton blinked. His eyes drifted to May and I. We waved, smiling. “I recommend that you go to your son, Mr. Trenton. He’s going to need his family. And a damn good lawyer.” Daddy Trenton hovered there, phone still in hand. He then took two breaths, straightened, tucked the pricey-looking thing into his jacket’s pocket, and scowled at Stephanie. “I’ll remember this,” he said, puffing up like an angry tomcat. “I’ll bet you will. Now leave before I have you removed.” He scowled, turned his eyes to me, but Stephanie snapped her fingers in front of his face. “No, sir. Leave, sir.” He turned and stormed off. “Nice guy,” I said, drolly. “Not really,” Stephanie said. “Whatta jack-off,” May said. Stephanie and I chuckled. “Well, before I was so rudely interrupted…” She gestured to the black sedan May had gotten Liana out of. I slid off the bumper and hoofed the blanket to an EMT, who smiled at me. Walking just beside me, May said, “So that was that Asshole’s dad? Who’d he think he was?” “Bruce Trenton,” Stephanie said. “Lawyer, politician, entrepreneur. He ran for mayor five years ago. Would’ve won if it wasn’t for his temper. Scared a few people as I heard.” “Can’t imagine why,” I said, rolling my eyes. Stephanie stopped at the sedan, hand on the car door’s handle. “Don’t worry about him,” she said, looking back at me. “He’s just an egotistical blowhard. He didn’t even show up until it hit the eleven o’clock that his son was implicated in everything that happened.” She shook her head, saddened. “Well, he can show himself away from me, as far as I’m concerned,” I said. “I just wanna see my sister and friends again.” “That’s what I’m here for,” Stephanie said. “Well that and…” She opened the door. And I was tackled by a too-skinny dog with a bandage. “SAM!” I crowed, laughing and crying as my dog licked me all over. “Whoa, Sam!” May said, hopping in on the reunion. She rubbed Sam all over. “She wasn’t in here when I got Rae’s hat- what happened?” May asked, looking to Stephanie. “The local vet got to her quick enough and were able to treat her,” Stephanie said. “Once she was all cleared to go, animal control brought her to me. I loaded her in the car while you two were talking, since I figured a happy dog reunion was in order.” “I’m a fan!” I laughed, still getting covered in slobbery kisses. Stephanie smiled. We eventually were able to get Sam off of me and loaded everyone into the sedan. Inside, we met our official, CIA designated driver: Alphonse. He was a heavyset black guy, who was just as cheerful and kind as Stephanie. Once we made introductions, he put a light up on the car and made some noise through an attached speaker, easing us out of the clutch of activity and police tape. In the back seat, Sam pressed up against one side of me while May held up the other. Our bags lay on the floorboard right behind Stephanie’s seat. Among them was my trusty old red pack with the mouse on it. When I talked to Max next, I’d have to tell him he made a good pick for his niece. As we hit the highway, I lifted my head up one last time to look back at the Days Inn. How long ago was it this all started? Only four days? Land sakes. Five days ago, I’d been a girl crunching numbers at her nine-to-five and a regular farmer, just bucking trees and earning her keep. Four days ago, I turned into two minds in one body and a whole mess of trouble. I was lucky I’d made it out as intact as I did. I looked at May, then Sam, grateful for their presence. I’d started this off trying to do everything myself. Even if that self had two minds. Because really both of them got it into their heads they had to do this alone. AJ may have reminded Rachel of the friends she’d made along the way, but when it got to go time, both of them opted to do it themselves. That wouldn’t happen again. I’d learned my lesson: family and friends would be by my side in times of good as well as bad. I’d especially need them if I was going to get through the next leg of this whole adventure. Smiling slightly, I bent down and pulled up the backpack Max got me. Unzipping it with my teeth, I pulled out the little cell phone Jared had handed to me. I dialed memorized numbers and leaned back, adjusting the hat that Carrie gave me. May gave me a curious look that I just answered with a broad smile. After two rings I got an answer. “Hello, Shelton residence.” “Hi, Mom,” I said. Author's Note Thus concludes Rae Jay's journey before she reconnects with her friends in the wider Pony Earthverse. Per the norm, my thanks to Jess for keeping me in line. You guys have no idea how many times she took this story from good to great with her editing. I'm glad I have her as a partner in life as well as writing. Other thanks to Hope and the other higher ups in the PEV group for taking a chance on me. Third time was the charm! I'll see y'all in the winner's circle. As always, thank you. Thank you, you beautiful readers for reading, commenting, sharing and cheering this story on with likes and favorites and all sorts of nice things. It was a cannonball run to write and having you guys there made it all worth it. Thank you. In the interim, stay tuned! Rae Jay is off to join the Mane 6 and only more excitement can follow! Ain't No GraveDay 7 At first I thought I couldn’t breathe because I had the covers over my face and the cat had passed out on top of me. Then, I realized I couldn’t breathe because the covers were actually dirt and the dirt was burying me alive. Panicked, I started slapping at the soil around me and to my complete surprise, it moved. Effortlessly. As if I were shoving pudding. I didn’t care. I pushed dirt aside as fast as I could and cried out when I gasped fresh air. Hauling myself up and out, I sucked in deeply, glad beyond belief that every gulp came with air rather than dirt. Dirty, heavy dirt. My breathing was ragged, torn. I could feel tears in my eyes and down my cheeks and I knew I was crying. My mind reeling, I tried to remember what happened. I halted mid-thought when a strange, orange appendage appeared in my field of vision to wipe my eye. “What th-” I said and my first coherent thought bloomed: That’s not my voice. That first coherent thought had the power of galvanizing the rest of my brain into order. Memory started asserting itself. I’d been in a wreck. I’d been driving home from this ridiculous last-minute thing that was dropped into my lap by my boss’s boss. I’d been listening to some music, trying to make the most of the night. Just something on my Android. Then... Headlights, behind me. Veering around. I’d slowed down. Their brights were on and distracting. I’d tried to let them pass and go be nuts further ahead, but they’d- “Oh God,” I whispered. They’d sideswiped me. Then rammed me. I remembered glass shattering and pain and... Just... A jumble. I swallowed, trying to gather my bearings. I was still a little in the dirt. At this realization, I shook violently and freed the rest of me, which was as orange as the upper part. When the rest came free, I realized what was going on and that I had hooves. I had hooves. I didn’t have hooves, I was a person! Wasn’t I? Oh God, I died and now I was a.... Horse? An orange horse? I blinked at my body and realized something else. A tiny, orange horse? What the hell? Wait. No. Something’s familiar, something... Blond tail, orange fur. I blinked dirt from my eyes, my semi-freaking-out brain and then I saw the three apples on my side and it clicks. Holy freaking cow, I wasn’t a horse. I was one of those ponies from that show. That thing Max showed me. Holy freaking butts. How does that even work?! I spat, getting the dirt from my mouth and looked over at the soil I’d pushed out of. It was a shallow grave. I blinked at it and immediately started scrambling away. My body responded awkwardly, if efficiently. I mean, I wanted to get away however possible, so I wasn’t making a go of getting up on my hind legs and running. Scrabbling about was perfectly fine with me at this point. In mid-scrabble, I realized I could smell something. Something familiar. What... My purse. Shit, I could smell the chapstick in my purse. Was it- There. Next to the grave. Ugh, the grave. Ew, ew, ew. I grabbed my black, tough, take-no-shit and apparently take-no-grave purse and hauled. It had a fair bit of dirt in it, but not as much as was on me. For all I was orange and blond, I had a healthy amount of brown right then. Keep moving Rae, I told myself. Just keep moving away from the freaky grave you were just. Freaking. Buried. In. FUCK!! I made it to a creek and plopped down, sticking my face into the water. It was refreshing, clearing. My freaking-out brain throttled down and when I pulled my face up I could make out my reflection. Big, big green eyes. Blond mane had some messy bangs or whatever. Freckles across... My muzzle. I have a muzzle. Okay. And freckles. Somehow. I also had orange fur and I looked kinda... Thick. Sturdy. Was I muscular? Oh. Hey. I recognized me. I was the... Cowgirl pony. Apple... Something. Oh God, I think I threw up an apple... Calm down brain and work for me dammit! Wait. Applejack. Right. Didn’t Max say she was the boring one? “Can’t be that boring if you’re comin’ out of a grave like a zombie,” I said and winced. That still wasn’t my voice. It had this twangy drawl to it, which really clashed with the fact that I’d lived in Upstate New York my whole life. I sounded like my cousin from Kentucky. Shaking it off, I got as much of myself washed off in the creek as I could. I then pulled my purse over. It occurred to me I was being really calm about this. Must be all that Zombie Survival stuff I talked about with Max and Brian. Checking through my purse, I found my ID was gone, but that was it. My phone had been back in the car, wherever that was, but I still had my chapstick, cash, and credit card in the credit card pouch. This was my Do Most Things purse. I kept my ID really easy to get at and it was gone. And they left everything else and I was in a shallow grave... “Holy shit...” I said in my twangy new voice. Someone wrecked my car. Someone pulled me out of my wrecked car. Someone buried me away from my wrecked car. Someone left me for dead. And now I looked like Applejack. Holy shit. ~ I found my car not too far away from where I’d stopped to wash the grime off. It was plowed into a tree. This confused me because while I was freaking out like there was no tomorrow, I didn’t remember a tree. I remember spinning and taking the hard end of a car, but no tree. In fact, on closer inspection, it didn’t look like the car hit the tree too hard. Wait. Remember, Rachel, some jerk killed you and buried you. They probably pushed your car down the embankment. I could see the highway from where I was and while I wanted to poke around in the car for... Something, I didn’t want to get on that highway. Whoever had buried me might still be up there. “Great,” I grumbled, starting to shake. I went around my efficient little maroon Ford Focus, which was now less focused and more crunched, and saw the damage. First off, both passenger side doors were facing the wrong way: inward. The tail lights on that side were shattered too. As I came around, I found that even though the front wasn’t that wrecked from the tree, the driver side of the front was just... Mangled. Tire folding into the mess, hood bent and crumpled like paper, bits of engine and little parts visible. I got a brief flash of a bumper just... Eating the front of my car and it was gone. I shook a bit more and noticed the driver side door was open. I tried to rear up on two legs and was partially successful. I kind of wavered as I leaned against the door. It’s like my brain couldn’t decide what to freak out about more: my body, the situation, my body and the situation. So, just... Pushing past the weird feeling that I shouldn’t be standing on my back two legs like I used to, I scanned the car. The windshield was one big spider’s web of cracks. The dashboard was bent and cracked. The pedals looked like someone had rammed them from the other side, which, I guess, was accurate. The display lights were faded and the radio was hissing very slight static. The eerie noise and damage made the whole thing very Silent Hill. It made me a whole lot less interested in looking through my wrecked car, but I needed to look. The crap that had amassed on the floorboard- paper, old CDs, grocery bags, an old water bottle- were all over the back seat and a bit on the passenger seat too. I could see where my soda had exploded around in the crash and as I was having the bizarrely normal thought of This is gonna cost me a fortune to fix... I saw my phone. Somehow, in all the excitement, it had fallen into the passenger side door, which was way more in the car than it should be. I fell onto the driver’s seat and climbed across. Even though the windshield had only spiderwebbed and not really shattered, there were little bits of glass I was mindful of as I moved from the driver to the passenger side. Reaching my arm down, I tried to pick it up and didn’t. Oh yeah. No fingers. I stared at my phone, shrugged and leaned down, picking it up with my teeth. Carefully. Picking my way back across the car, I hopped down and felt... Steady on four legs. At this point, my brain stopped freaking out and was just like- Okay, I’m a pony. Whatever. Guess I hit my stress limit. I dropped my phone on the ground next to my purse and looked back in my car. I couldn’t think of anything else I needed. It was all just garbage anyway. Just a car full of crap. I looked back at my phone. It was fine. The car was trashed, my purse was carrying dirt and I had been freaking buried alive! But my Android? Fine. Not even a crack. I think the headphone jack was scratched, but that was it. “Well, you just got a customer for life outta me,” I said. Because talking to myself was a good idea after all this. I stared at the phone. Talking. I should... Call someone. Who? Mom? Dad? No, that was... Ugh, that was a bad idea. I didn’t sound like myself at all. How was I going to make them... No. They’re out. I can’t. Not now. Who then? Who, who, who- Max. Max was into this stuff. Saying he’s a proud brony or something. Call Max. He might believe you. I poked my Android awake, and it did so. For the first time in my life, I was glad I splurged and got one of those big models because I was such a fumble fingers and needed the screen space. So even with my big, awkward orange hoof, it wasn’t hard to get in. Mostly this was because I wasn’t a phone password type. I mean, it’s just my phone. If someone hacked it or stole it, they’d just see I text everyone, look up stuff on IMDB and listen to lots of pop music. The scandal! I found Max’s number and hit the big friendly “Call” button. It rang a few times. “Hey Rae, you hiding from work?” “Uh, no, not exactly.” I heard him shift around. “Uh... Rae. Why do you sound like Abbie?” “Max...” And I felt the tears come to my eyes and whatever numb... Thing that let me get out of the grave, wash myself in the river, search my car, look at everything, and deal broke. I cried. I heaved sobs and gulped snot and cried like I was four and life was ending. “Whoa! Whoa! Rae! Rachel, are you alright?” “Max...” I choked out. “I think- I think I died!”
Lately I Been Leanin’ Toward the BluesI sat on Max’s bed, looking at his computer. He was in the bathroom, cleaning up all the dirt I’d left behind. Max was basically my best friend. We’d known each other since forever and he was technically my first kiss, though it’d been a dare. We’d gone to high school together and while he probably could have gone to any brainy ass college he stayed local and did a scholarship at a technical because, “Why spend money when I’m just going to read the books on my own?” The night of our high school graduation he got wasted and told me and a few of his other friends he stayed because of us. He was too hung over the next day to remember it, but I do and it’s one of the nicer things anyone’s ever told me. He lived in an apartment only an exit or two away from Syracuse. It was a one bedroom, one bathroom, tiny thing and he kept it tidy. Max was a tidy kind of guy. “Well, that’s a mess I never thought I’d have to clean up,” he said, coming into the bedroom in jeans without a shirt. I could see some of the dirt that had been in my fur was on his hands and his usually styled brown hair was mussed. Little smudges of dirt were on his jeans, his cheeks just beneath his glasses, his arms. If I couldn’t remember dunking his head in the kiddie pool to proclaim my dominance, among other childhood activities, I’d probably feel something about how good he looked. Because Max wasn’t bad looking. At all. He definitely dated more than me. A friend of mine had once asked me why I hadn’t tapped that. I’d just looked at Max and sure, there was a slim, adorkable dude there, but he was my bro. Weird would not begin to cover it. “Sorry,” I said, laying my head on the bed. “Hey, it’s okay. You kinda woke up as Applejack in a grave after a car accident. This definitely falls under the ‘Dire Stuff’ clause of our friendship.” He plopped into the chair in front of his computer and leaned back. “How you holding up Rae?” I sighed, shrugged, looked away. Max had come and got me by dint of some trick he had me do with my phone, where Google Maps zeroed in on my location. I directed him there with it. I cried pretty much the whole time till he arrived, stumbling down the embankment to find me hunched over my stuff. He stared at me. I’d probably stare at me too. Then he got down and wrapped me in this big comforting hug telling me it was alright, he was there. He picked up my purse, got my phone and carried me back to his car. He put me in the back seat and talked soft, reassuring nonsense all the way back to his place. There, he tried to carry me up the stairs to his apartment, but he started wheezing after the third stair and I figured he’d used up his Superman for the day getting me up the embankment. I jumped out of his arms to navigate my way up. It was slow going. I was still figuring out walking in this body. Inside, he guided me to the bathroom and washed me down. Max is pretty metrosexual, so he had all these nice shampoos and loofahs that he used to get all the dirt out of my coat, my mane and my tail. All the crying had me numb again, so I just let him work. It was like that time I’d gotten plastered on New Years and taken a header into some bushes. Only, now I wasn’t sitting down, singing “Tom Sawyer” as he laughed while scrubbing me clean. I was a pony fresh from a grave. I missed that New Years. He started snorting halfway into cleaning me and when I turned to glare at him he showed me the bottle he was using. Mane n’ Tail. We cracked up. I kinda needed to laugh at that point. After he toweled me off, I just wandered across the hall to his bedroom, scrambled up to his bed and plopped down to stare at his computer and feel burned out. Fear creeped around the edges of the burned out feeling though. Fear and worry and... Something else. Something... Comforting? Hell if I know where that came from. “I figured as much,” Max said, nodding and looking away. “You need me to call anyone? Work? Your parents?” “If you could...” I said. God, I sounded pathetic. Max smiled though and rose up, tapping out numbers on his phone while looking at my phone. I heard him talking in the next room. My hearing was a lot better than it used to be, my ears moving to find the sound and zero in on it. “Hey, who am I talking to? Hey Tim, this is Max Adams. I’m a friend of Rachel Shelton... Yeah. Yeah I know she isn’t. Can you transfer me to a manager or someone? Thanks.” His foot tapped. “Hey, who’s this? Hi Travis, my name’s Max Adams. I’m a friend of Rachel...” I turned my ears away. Since my ears didn’t normally do that, on top of feeling awkward about Max calling in for me, I got to deal with feeling weird about my own ears. Freaking great. I looked over at the cage where Max kept his ferret, Omega, who was sniffing the edge of his covering furiously. I sniffed back and realized his ferret smell wasn’t as bad any more. Musky still and definitely ferret, but... I felt like I got more than just him being stinky. I could almost make out a bit of the who Omega was. Just by smell. More weird. “How’s your day, Omega?” I said with a small smile. “Everything good in ferret land?” Omega backed away from the plastic wall and bent his body up in the middle with a wiggle of his shoulders. He seemed to be giving me a so-so expression. How did I know that? “Called your job,” Max said, coming in. “Travis was alright with a day or two of sick leave and I left your Mom a message you were with me.” I nodded, taking my gaze away from Omega and his weirdness. “Thanks,” I said. “No problem, pardner.” I scowled at him. Max chuckled, but raised his hands in peace. “Sorry. Couldn’t resist. Did you know when you scowl it is absurdly cute. Like, I figured AJ would have a decent grouchy face, but I’m full-on resisting the urge to cuddle the crap out of you right now.” “Keep on resistin’,” I drawled. I was getting used to the voice, strange as it was. “Fair enough,” he said, plopping back into his computer chair. He leaned back, squeaking it, looking at me. “So. Walk me through last night again.” I did. I got off work at 10:30, thanks to some truly dick moves by my bosses, and drove home taking Highway 5 like I usually did. Nothing special happened until a pair of headlights flashed their brights at me from behind. I ignored them since I was already speeding a bit and not looking to get a ticket, but then they started swerving. A lot. I slowed down and changed lanes to let this problem pass when I got tagged by the car. It felt like a hard bump and I’d called him a few names and then I got hit hard and it all got confusing. “I woke up in the dirt,” I said hollowly. “I managed to dig out before I suffocated.” Max nodded. “I went to my car. Got my phone...” I shrugged. “You know the rest.” Max blew air out through his mouth and ran a hand through his hair. He glanced away, then back to me. “Okay,” he said. “Okay. We gotta call the cops.” “And tell them what?” I asked. “Oh, hey officer, I got run off the road last night, but I don’t have identification and even if I did it doesn’t look like me at all.” “I can vouch for you,” Max said. “With all the people becoming ponies, I’m sure there’s some precedence for it.” I stared at him like he’d just started speaking Klingon. “What?” I asked, blinking too much. “People doing what now?” “Ponies, Rae. Like from the My Little Pony show?” I’d made that connection, but since I didn’t expect Max to be this ready with an explanation, I just stared even more. He sighed, smiling a little. “Okay. Like, you’re Applejack? There’s a kid who passed through Toronto as Rainbow Dash, just to have breakfast. And then there’s this girl from Reno- she’s Fluttershy and they’re all headed here. Now.” “Here?” I said, pointing down with my hoof to indicate his apartment. “No, not my place. New York! Here...” Max spun around and pulled up a browser. I flicked my tail, frowning at it. I felt like I needed it tied off, but I had no idea how to go about that with my hooves. Same for my mane. Didn’t Applejack always have both tied off in the show? I’ll have to rewatch some episodes, I guess. “Here, watch.” Max enlarged a Youtube video and wheeled out of the way, so I could see the screen. It showed a press conference with a kind of dumpy looking guy leaving a podium. Then the press conference was joined by a pair of horses, one white and the other blue, with manes and tails that looked more like flowing light than hair. They also had wings and horns and were wearing some really expensive looking jewelry. They looked familiar. Like I should know their names or something... “I-I…" The white pony looked uncertain, then swallowed and went on. "I know you must all be, uh, shocked about this. Believe me, I am too. But please don't doubt me when I say that I am really Lauren Faust, and she...” The pony calling herself Lauren gestured to the blue one who was a little smaller than her. “Is really Tara Strong." I leaned forward, transfixed by the talking pony. I felt a kind of... Awe of her. Of both of them, really. "The reason I called this conference today is not to tell the world about what happened to us. As you can see, it's obvious," she said, gesturing to herself. "I called for this because this is the only way to assure that I am heard by my target audience. You see…" Clearing her throat, I saw something settle in her, like she was taking charge of a situation. It reminded me of my mom when she’d take charge of some really unruly kids or decide how to talk to me about “important stuff.” "There is one other out there who is like us. I don't know who, or where, but somewhere there is a person just like us. Changed. Into a pony." I glanced down at my hooves. “Well, duh,” I said. “Shh,” Max responded. “This is the important bit.” "But this will not be the case for very long," Lauren went on. "Everyday, someone else is affected, and this will continue until–" She stopped and the authority in her bearing faded a bit, her head ducking down. "Yet, the most important thing I have to say yet is this, to those that find themselves changed." Then her eyes rose and she found the camera that was recording and I got a chill as it felt like she was looking right at me. "If any of you find yourself to be an Element of Harmony, I need your help. You need to come to New York.” She held the look for a beat longer, then broke contact. "No further comment," she said almost muttering as she stepped down. The video ended in a freeze as she and the blue pony started walking off and an eruption of questions came along. Other links popped up to suggest similar videos. What could be similar to that, I had no clue. “You see?” Max said. “Not... Really. Who was that? She looked awful familiar.” I blinked. “I mean, really. She looked really familiar.” Great, now I was talking like my cousin, Abbie. “That was Lauren Faust and Tara Strong. Lauren started the show and she got turned into Celestia, who’s the princess that raises the sun and Tara’s one of the lead voice actresses and she’s now Princess Luna, who raises the moon.” “Uh-huh,” I said, nodding incredulously. Max sighed, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “Mind holding off the sarcasm Miss Applejack?” I winced. “Sorry.” “So now they, and all the other ponies that want to help, and the Elements are going to New York to figure this out.” “What’s that got to do with me?” I asked, still clearly missing something. I remembered Luna and Celestia now. I’d seen some art on Max’s desktop and one of the episodes I’d watched had the white pony princess in it. I couldn’t see what he meant about the Elements though. Max facepalmed at me and I could tell he was struggling to keep calm. I appreciated it. Even after the soap, I could still taste bits of dirt in my teeth and probably wasn’t going to react well to anyone yelling any time soon. “You’re Applejack,” Max said. “The Element of Honesty. You’ve been called by your princess to go to New York, help the other Mane 6 and save the world from whatever’s caused so many people to start becoming ponies.” He leaned back and just like in D&D or when he was drunk at a party, I could see the last words slipped right out. “It’s your destiny.”
Last Night I Had the Strangest DreamMax rubbed at his face. I could tell he just realized how melodramatic and stupid he sounded. “Okay, okay. Not- Not ‘destiny,’ but it’s what you have to do.” I got down from the bed and started out the door. “Bye, Max. I’m going.” “Whoa! Whoa, whoa.” He rose up to partially hold the door. I didn’t look up. I came to a little over his waistline and since I was avoiding his gaze, could clearly see the knees on his jeans were really thin. “You just got here and I just cleaned you and-” “Max, don’t you dare tell me what to do!” I barked. My breathing was faster. I didn’t feel so good. “Okay,” he said, his voice softer. “Okay.” The door was released and I walked into the living room, aiming for the outside door. I didn’t need this crap. I didn’t need Max being a fanboy right now. “Sorry,” he said. My new, traitorous ear, that moved of its own volition turned back to him. “I got excited Rae. Sorry.” I stopped maybe a few hoofsteps from the door. I’d apparently gotten the hang of walking. It didn’t feel nearly as weird as before. I had to breathe deeply at that thought. Turning, I looked at Max. He looked genuinely downcast. I sighed. “Just... Just tone it down,” I said. “I’m kinda losing my shit here.” He breathed a laugh. “Yeah... Yeah, I can see that.” I moved back into the apartment and went to the couch, hopping up slightly and curling my hooves under me. Max followed over, sitting on the edge of his coffee table. “I’m scared, Max,” I said quietly. “I know.” “Someone tried to bury me alive.” He nodded. My freaky larger-than-it-used-to-be peripheral vision caught the motion. “I’m not me anymore.” He nodded again. I sighed. “And I’m really tired. I’m going to sleep. Okay?” “Sure. Want me to answer your phone if your mom calls?” I nodded. He put a pillow under my head and I smiled my thanks. “What do I tell her?” he asked. “That... I’m out. Or asleep. Or whatever,” I said. “What do you want to do after?” I shrugged. “Just... Just let me sleep a bit, okay? I really feel like I’m about to scream or freak out or something so I’m just going to be still for a bit, okay?” Max nodded. He patted my neck reassuringly and it was, oddly enough, reassuring. Even though it was just my ginormous neck. I closed my eyes and quicker than I thought, I was asleep. ~ I was in my room, laying on my bed, my laptop sitting on a lapdesk as I typed a response to Lydia’s insinuation of my Hunter’s freewheeling sex life. I was human again, but this was kind of a background detail as far as I was concerned. A knock came from my door. “In a second!” I said. The knock came again. “Coming!” The knock got more insistent, which was well timed. I hit send and moved my laptop aside. “Okay, okay. Keep your shirt on,” I muttered. Swinging the door open, I glared into the space my mom’s head was usually. “What?” Only, Mom’s head wasn’t there. It was just an empty hallway. “Down here sugarcube.” I blinked, looked down, and saw the pony whose reflection I’d just seen a few hours ago. “Howdy!” she said, cocking her head with a smile. “Mind if I come in?” “Uh...” I said. “Sure. Uh. Come on in.” As she entered, it occurred to me something was off. I wasn’t... “I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” “Yep! Nice place you got here.” She looked around and I realized she wasn’t just the reflection I’d seen. Her mane and tail were tied off with red hair bands and a cowboy hat rested on top of her head. “Thanks...?” I said, closing the door behind me. I looked at my hands, actually appreciating them. I touched my hair, brown and thin as it hung around my face in the short cut I got a week ago. My glasses sat comfortably. My arms, my legs, my body. Ugh. I couldn’t dream myself like my diet had paid off yet? Bringing my gaze up, I saw Applejack poking about my room, smiling as if she was getting the tour of someplace genuinely impressive. It was just my room, so I didn’t think it was that nice. It was mostly where I hid from my parents while we grated on one another’s nerves. A Doctor Who poster, a calendar from Supernatural, a pewter, mechanical dragon I got when I was sixteen and into dragons. Boring, leave-me-alone room, really. Dropping her rear near my bed, Applejack smiled at me. “Hope you don’t mind, but we need to have a talk.” “Sure,” I said, taking the chair from the nearby little desk I used since I was twelve. “Now, I know you’re a bit shook up, but I want you to know that I’m here for ya. Especially now. I was told the first dream’d make this all go smoother so I guess I got lucky, what with you needin’ some down time after that fresh mess you crawled out of.” Her expression folded into concern. “How’re you holdin’ up, by the way?” I blinked at her and moved some of my old, regular human hair out of the way, tucking it behind my ear. “How am I supposed to be? Someone tried to cover up that they killed me.” Applejack nodded. “Right, we’re gonna have to deal with that too.” “Too?” I said. “What else are we going to ‘have to deal with?’” “What that friend of yers said. We gotta get to New York so we can meet up with my friends. I’m bettin’ we got a no-good, side-windin’ varmit to take care of.” “Right, you have fun with that,” I said, flipping my hand up. “I’m going to try and not think about this for the rest of my life.” “What?” she said. I pulled my legs up to my chest and looked down at her. “When I wake up, I’m calling my mom, see if I can convince her I’m her daughter and try and get my life back on track.” I picked at my toenail. “Maybe get my car towed. If I can still drive it as a little pony.” The pony’s face scrunched and her green eyes scowled up at me. I didn’t see what was so cute about it. It looked like a pretty good scowl to me. “Now, look here, missy. This ain’t just your body any more so if you’re-” “Right! Right there!” I said, pointing at her. “Not my body! What’s up with that? Why don’t I have my body?” The steam flowed out of her and Applejack glanced away, a bit ashamed. “I don’t- I can’t rightly say.” “Great,” I exhaled, tossing my hands in the air. This made me spin a little in the chair, away from Applejack and her lack of answers. “Turning into a pony and I don’t know why. Thanks, hallucination.” “What’d you call me?” “Hallucination. That’s got to be the only reason. I’m totally hallucinating right now. I didn’t die in the car wreck, I just watched a lot of mindscrew anime back to back and I’ve been having this-” “Now, look here!” Applejack barked slamming her hoof down. The resulting impact shook my room so bad, I had to catch the dragon before he fell from my desk. “I ain’t got time for you and yer hang-ups, girl. We’re on a clock here.” She snorted aggressively. “You’re dreamin’ now and you’re talkin’ to me. The real me. Now, you need to know some stuff.” She adjusted her hat and drained some of the anger from her bearing. “After a spell you ‘n me are... Well, if I understand it right, we’re gonna get a whole lot closer.” “What?” I asked, squinting at her. “Part of what’s happenin’ is that the longer you’re me, the closer we’re gonna get. Up here.” She tapped her head for emphasis. “I’ll be able to help with little things so you ain’t droppin’ everything you pick up, but eventually you an’ me will be one pony, body and soul.” I looked at her. Stared. Horror bubbling up in my gut. “Screw that,” I said, recoiling. Applejack sighed, rubbing at her muzzle with clenched eyes. “I’m not doin’ this right. Argh. Look,” she said, relaxing her expression and looking at me earnestly. “I’m not givin’ ya an order or anything, it’s just a heads up. Wakin’ up with my face is just the start, y’hear?” “What the hell kind of pony are you?” I asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be singing songs and talking about friendship all the time?” She gave me a cool look. “You need to get your brain in order, sugarcube. You know better than that.” And, suddenly, I did. “What the-” Applejack chuckled. “Y’know how they say two heads’re better than one? Well, it works out real good when you’re in the same head. If I remember somethin’, you do too. Works the other way if you want it.” “Jesus! Get out of my head you... You freaky... Pony!” I wrapped my hands over my skull for emphasis. “Sorry, sug, no can do. Look at it this way, you don’t want me goin’ anywhere, I won’t. Yer brain’s a fancy place though. Lots of neat little nooks an’ such. Almost like a castle.” “Mind palace,” I said automatically and I blushed, bringing my hands down and looking away. Applejack chuckled and I realized she knew the reference because I was thinking about it. I could feel it when she knew. What?! “Really like that Sherlock feller, huh?” she said. I turned my nose up and away from her, trying to calm down. “You should know,” I said, my voice flat. “Well, yes and no. Just stop thinkin’ about things you don’t want me to know.” The expression I gave her could not have conveyed a tenth of the confusion and WTF I felt at that exact moment. Fortunately, she figured it out on her own. “Yeah, I know. Just... Don’t think about purple squirrels, I guess.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll do my best,” sarcasm dripping from every word. “Just... Leave it alone unless I say something.” “I’ll do my best. Yer business is yer own and I can respect that.” I swivelled in the chair a bit, feeling awkward. Like I’d been caught naked or with freaky Johnlock porn or something by my mom. I needed to change the direction this whole thing was going. “So... You’re from Ponyville?” I blinked at how well I remembered that. Great. The pony was already mucking around in my brain. She nodded, a proud smile popping up on her face. “Born an’ raised. Though I spent a little time in Manehattan.” “Manehattan,” I said. “Yup.” “The puns alone are going to kill me...” I grumbled. “Well sorry we ain’t as clever as New York, New York,” Applejack replied, an eyebrow raised. “Yeah. Okay,” I responded. “Point for Gryffindor.” That seemed to puff the pony up a bit in response. Before she started preening like a cockatiel, she jerked her head, blinking. Looking around, her expression was distant. “You’re wakin’ up,” she said. “That wasn’t very long,” I said. “Dreams and all,” she said as if that explained anything. “Oh, I almost forgot, when you wake up there’s gonna be a-” I blinked, missing the last of what she said because I was awake. And there was a pillow half in my mouth. Gagging, I spit it out and ran a hoof over my tongue, spying Max at the other end of the couch, his phone up and a not-nice grin on his face. “This is for last fall, isn’t it?” I grumbled. “Consider us even,” he said, hitting a button and ending whatever recording he’d made. “How’d you get that pillow in my mouth?” I asked, spitting a feather. Where had that come from? Max didn’t own any down pillows. “I didn’t, I just came out from getting updates on the whole pony thing and seeing if your car showed up on any news stations and boom. There you are. Deep-throating my couch’s throw pillow.” I smacked my lips. Well, at least the taste of dirt was gone. By way of apology for the recording, he offered to run out and get some stuff for me. Mostly, I needed hair ties. Thick ones if I was going to tie up my mane and tail. He initially claimed ignorance on such a topic, but I cited his year of long hair and he smiled, caught. I liked talking about nothing with Max. It felt good. It felt normal. Like I wasn’t going insane. He said he’d be back quick, which worked fine for me. My mane and tail were driving me nuts! Alone in his apartment, I stared at my phone, which he’d left on the coffee table. Save for a harrowing trip to the bathroom, I stayed put. I didn’t want to call the cops. I didn’t want to call anyone. I just wanted to calm down and maybe this would all calm down with me. Maybe. Unfortunately, I wasn’t calming down and I kinda, sorta, really wanted to talk to my parents. Particularly Mom. Dad, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get to- he worked for a big engineering sub-thing of Lockheed Martin and his phone never worked while he was at his job. Mom though, she didn’t have that problem. So, she’d always been a bit more accessible since she was a teacher. I’d forgotten she had a field trip today, though, and she’d turn her phone off. I didn’t want to leave a message. It felt too weird. What do you say in a voicemail like that? So that meant I could call the school secretary and they’d get her on the horn toot-sweet. But I was only supposed to do that if it was an emergency. Did this count as an emergency? I was alive, mostly. I was okay. My car was hell, but... What if it got found? There’d be questions and she’d find out that way. “Gotta call her,” I said to no one, though I had the oddest feeling of someone listening. I reached a hoof out and opened up my Android again, scrolling to Mom’s office line and dialing. “Thank you for calling Oneida High School, this is Whitney.” I stared at the phone. Speaker left on, the voice echoed in the quiet apartment. “Hellooo...?” I clicked it off. I sighed. Coward, I thought. Just don’t want to disappoint her further, do you? I lay down on the couch and proceeded to feel miserable about myself until Max got home.
Pickin’ TimeLunch was delivered Olive Garden since I still wasn’t up to going out. Max ordered for me, citing some stuff he read where ponies were vegan or something. I didn’t care, so long as it was food. The food arrived and my stomach growled at the first whiff of edible somethings. I realized, belatedly, I hadn’t eaten anything since I woke up this morning. Max set everything on the coffee table and with a grin, popped open the big salad and the breadsticks right in front of me. My mouth literally watered. I briefly stared at the fork before muttering “Screw it” and dove into the salad face first. “Good?” Max chuckled, opening his steak and ravioli whatsis. “Can’t talk. Must eat,” I said into my rapidly disappearing salad. The breadsticks were even better. Laying back on the couch, I stared at the ceiling, belly full and with a smile that spread ear to ear. “Okay,” I said. “Maybe... Just maybe, there are some advantages to this.” Max laughed out loud at that. “Good, huh?” he said. “Good? Try great! Salad never tasted like that before! It was all... Mmmm. And the breadsticks!” I raised up to look at him imploringly. “Max, promise me if you wind up like this, you eat those breadsticks!” “I promise,” Max said, chuckling. He put down his plate. “You up for desert?” “I’m stuffed,” I said. I’d eaten both bags of the breadsticks. Max had to sneak one away lest I take a finger off. “You suuuure?” he said, his hand reaching down, out of sight. I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Max, I’m- Is that an apple?” He nodded, holding up the red fruit. He held it like he was examining it. “You want one?” he asked, far too innocently. “I got a whole bunch yesterday. I was gonna take ‘em to a club thing, but that got cancelled. Don’t want ‘em... Going to waste, you know?” Once again, my mouth filled with wanting saliva. Taking a breath, I relaxed my expression away from the excited, large-eyed stare that had washed over me. “Okay, smart-ass. Give it here.” He palmed the apple to me and I caught it in my teeth. Wow. I couldn’t even play catch. Somewhere, I felt like someone said, “You’re welcome.” I gave Max a look, but he was quiet. Actually, he was more anticipatory, the smile on his face telling so much. Rolling my eyes at him again, I bit down and- Oh. My. Sweet. Apple. Jesus. “Mmmmmm,” I moaned, my eyes rolling in an entirely different way. Max was laughing a lot now as I went into applegasm, the fruit disappearing in short order. “Shut up,” I said lazily, now well and truly full and nary a scrap of room left in my bulging stomach. “You’re just jealous that I can have applegasms now.” “Oh yeah,” Max guffawed. “I’m totally jealous here!” I gave him a dirty look and rolled over. A part of me felt like going out, walking off a bit of the lunch as I was starting to feel a bit cooped up. Then I looked outside. My heart jumped into my throat, and I thought sweat was beading up under my fur and I decided I really didn’t want to go outside that badly. Not yet anyway. Instead, I tried Max for conversation. “Is there anything else I should know? Like, about being a pony?” I asked. Wiping a literal tear from his eye, he chuckled some more and sighed. He shrugged, leaning back. “You’re the big name here,” he said. “Aren’t you the authority by now?” I shrugged. “Is Applejack helping out?” “Mmm?” I said. “I read that some of the recently new ponies have the pony in their head.” “We’ve met,” I said, simply. “And?” I tried to think of the best way to put it. “She kinda reminds me of my mom.” Ha! I twitched, turning around. “Did you hear that?” “Hear what?” “Someone...” I blinked. “Applejack?” I was tryin’ to leave you to yerself, but... Well, you ain’t the first pony to say I had a mom-streak in me. Gets me every time. “Applejack what?” Max said, but I waved my hoof at him to be quiet. “How long have you been here?” Since you woke up. The, uh, the first time. It got clearer on the second. You didn’t seem too happy about me, so I figured I’d leave you to yerself while I looked around at what you were comfortable showin’. “You helped with the catch, didn’t you?” Sure as shootin’. “Uh... Thanks,” I murmured. Max picked up on what was going on and pointed incredulously. “Are you talking to Applejack, Rae? Like the Applejack?” Taking a breath, I nodded. “Yes, Max. I’m talking to Applejack. She’s in my head.” “Dude,” Max said. “I know,” I said. “Dude,” Max said. “I know,” I said. “How are you not more excited about this?!” Max said, hopping into his chair in excitement. He kinda reminds me of Pinkie, Applejack commented. Ignoring the pony in my head, I said to Max, “I dunno. Not my thing? Remember, Max, I just thought the show was alright. You’re the fan. Maybe if I’d been turned into Samus or something, then there might be some excited squealing. Maybe.” Max shook his head, falling back to his butt. “Man, Rae, I figured if something genuinely fantastic happened you’d finally crack that shell, but you’re still Freeze Rae.” I scowled at the nickname I got in high school. Tossing my hair away, I looked outside and my legs twitched as my head got woozy. I closed my eyes and thought about my room, my laptop, my bear that I hid from everyone because I was twenty dammit and I still didn’t need Mr. Holding, even though I really, really wanted him right now. The woozy cleared. I glared back at Max. “Thanks MaxiPad.” He scrunched his nose up and raised a hand in peace. “Okay. Fair enough. Too far.” I’d always been... Quiet, reserved. I just don’t see the point in freaking out over every little thing. Big things- totally freak out worthy. Just not every little thing. So, somewhere in high school, everyone started calling me Freeze Rae. I don’t know when it started for everyone else, but I found out when my friend Christy had been talking with me about her boyfriend and said to quit being Freeze Rae. We stopped talking about her boyfriend real quick. Apparently, word had gotten around the school’s marching band that I was “frigid.” This was for the offense of not really being interested in dating and not bothering to say no up front. It had then spread to the whole school and, like these things went, I was the last to know. When Christy told me all this, I’m kind of amazed I didn’t earn a new nickname: Pissed Off Forever Rae. I’m not so amazed Christy and I stopped talking. As bad as mine was, Max’s high school nickname had much, much worse roots. I only threw it out when I wanted him at full brakes. “Change of subject?” he asked. “Change of subject,” I confirmed. Oh that’s horrible, Applejack said. Why would anyone name a feller that? “Stop that,” I said. Sorry, it was kinda up top here... Max raised an eyebrow. “Applejack,” I said, rolling my eyes. I hadn’t done this much eye-rolling since my boss handed me the massively crap Worther account. “Would you mind if I talked to her?” Max said. I gave him a look. “Aren’t you already doing that?” He laughed, nervously. “I can tell it’s you, Rae,” he said. “AJ isn’t anything like you, so it’s honestly this kind of... Aneurysm to watch you talk.” “Greeeeeeat,” I grumbled. “I freak you out. Thanks for that, Max.” Easy now, Rachel. He’s just bein’ honest. “Fine! Y’all wanna talk! Talk!” I harrumphed and folded my forelegs. Max stared at me expectantly. “Uh...” “Well, c’mon Applejack. You two seem to be such buds an’ all!” Rachel, now that ain’t fair to anypony here. Max was just sharing an’ bein’ curious like. You’re still hurtin’ from this morning an’- “I don’t want to talk about it!” I shrieked. My heart was in my throat and, I learned I hadn’t imagined it earlier. I could, in fact, sweat under my fur. I panted. I could feel Applejack back away, like she was a physical presence nearby, raising her hooves in peace. Max, on the other hand, craned his neck at me. “The burying thing?” I darted my gaze away from him. “Y’think?” He sighed, ran a hand through his hair and looked at his kitchen space. “You didn’t want to talk about it, so I figured Applejack was safe territory.” He turned back to me, his expression concerned. “It looks like it’s under your skin though, Rae. We really should-” “Stay where we are,” I asserted. “Whoever did this still has my ID. I can’t- I don’t-” I shook my head. “Not now.” “Fair enough,” Max said. He glanced over at his TV. “How about we watch something?” “Like what?” He grinned. “Max, I swear to Christ, if you recommend Friendship is Magic, I’ll buck you with one of these,” I said, raising my hind leg slightly. “Nah,” he said, going to his DVD shelf. “I was thinking something more... Sci-fi.” I cocked my head at him. He turned around and I grinned a bit. Max knew me pretty well. What’s that? Applejack asked. “Firefly,” I said, feeling a relaxing peace settle in my stomach. “I think you’ll probably like it.” Max made the afternoon official by popping some popcorn. He also set some apples out in case I got snackish. We lay back on the couch and let sci-fi cult goodness take us away from where everything sucked to where everything sucked more, but for people not us. Halfway into the fourth episode, my phone rang. Max and I looked down at my phone. “It’s your mom,” he said, pausing the scene. “I know,” I said, looking at it, listening to its ring. Pink’s “So What” played in that brief way of mp3 ringtones. “Y’gonna... Pick it up?” he asked. She’s yer ma, Applejack said. She’s probably just wonderin’ where you’re at. “Probably,” I muttered. The phone abruptly stopped, mid-lyric. About a half-minute later the voicemail chime went off. A minute after that, my text alert went off. Didn’t you wanna talk with her? Applejack’s confusion wasn’t just in her question. I could... Feel it. Like it was some other, nearby emotion. Though definitely separate from me. Freaky weird. Max looked at me, but didn’t say anything. He hit play and I turned my phone off. I could call her tomorrow.
A Boy Named SueWhen I went to sleep later that night, I found myself standing in a field that lead into a treeline. Applejack walked by me, lumber stacked on her back. “‘Scuse,” she said. “Oh. Sure,” I said, moving aside. Seeing as nothing else was going on in my dream, I followed her. It was nice to be human again. Feel my hands flex. I was in jeans and a comfortable shirt, though I was barefoot. That wasn’t that new for me. I liked going barefoot when I could manage it. What was new was walking across grass without worry of stones or sharp rocks poking even my toughened feet. “What’re you doing?” I asked. “Just settin’ up a little place for me,” she said, coming upon another pile of lumber. ”I’m gonna be here awhile, and used an old memory for foundation.” “You can do that?” I said. “Looks like. This whole traversin’ the mind business seems to play itself by ear, y’know?” She popped her back up and the lumber flipped over to join the rest in a small pile. “Why not just... Imagine it all as a place?” I said. I looked at the space next to the lumber and then at Applejack. I thought about a small, comfy house for her. It wouldn’t be like her place back in Ponyville- that was made for a big family, so I thought of a cottage. A starter house almost. It was there. Wooden walls bare of paint, shingled roof needing a finish, but the windows looked pretty freakin’ quaint, if you asked me. Applejack snorted next to me, amused. “Well, I’ll be,” she said. “It’s just a house,” I said. “Not that hard to imagine one. Even for a pony I don’t know too well.” “Y’see, you say that and I take it you’re like Rarity who sees darn near six impossible things before breakfast!” “Lewis Carroll?” I said, an eyebrow raised in amusement. “You’re pretty private,” Applejack said, knocking on the house’s side and smiling at the solid thunk she got in response. “Most only things to look at are stuff you’ve read or watched or the like. Definitely likin’ that Firefly thing. That Mal character- Heh. Knew a colt like him back when I was a filly.” Her gaze got distant for a minute and she smiled slightly. I felt briefly nostalgic. “Had a thing for the bad stallions, eh?” I said, smiling myself. “Oh he wasn’t that bad...” Applejack hedged with a guilty grin. I gave her a knowing look and she laughed. “Okay, okay, he was, but he was as good for me as the trip to Manehattan. Reminded me what I wanted and what was important.” “What’s that?” “Family and business,” she said, sure as stone. I eased to the ground, sitting, and thought more about the inside of the small house. Applejack probably didn’t need to eat in here, but I bet she’d appreciate a kitchen, so I concentrated on a fully stocked one as I smiled. Wistful-like, as my mental guest would put it. “I’m jealous,” I said. “Do you like a couch or a plush chair, by the way?” “Couch is fine,” she replied. “About what?” “You know what you’re good at.” I painted the house red. “I still can’t decide if I want to finish college or not.” “You seem pretty good at this whole creatin’ thing,” she said, nodding her head at her rapidly materializing house. “Yeah, I’m really good at building imaginary houses,” I said, leaning back on my hands. “People are beating down the door for someone like that.” She regarded me, but shrugged. “I think you’re bein’ hard on yourself, but if you say so, then I’m gonna trust ya.” I stared at her as I realized she meant it. Usually, when I heard “if you say so,” it was from, well... Everyone and not spoken nearly as kindly. I think this was the first time anyone had just accepted it when I told them I couldn’t do something. Who was this mare? “Really. You believe me. Just like that?” I said. “I’m a guest, for all this is my body too. Ain’t my place to call you out on somethin’ I don’t know about.” “You can if you want,” I responded. “I mean, we’re in my head. You don’t have to lie or anything.” Applejack gave me a lopsided grin. “Well, that’s tricky ‘cause I ain’t lyin’. You say whatcha got here ain’t gettin’ any nibbles, I believe ya. Ya can’t sell apples to ponies that came to market for pears.” “Is that some folksy, pony wisdom?” I asked, cocking my head at her. “Naw,” she said. “That’s experience. Worked out alright though. Brought the spares home an’ Granny made a mess o’ pies. That was good dessert that night.” “House’s done,” I said. “Wanna go in?” “Sure!” she chirped excitedly and went to the door, opening it. “Lan...” she muttered, looking around. I bent down to see if it looked as good as I thought it would. It did. Go me. “This is sure nice of y’all,” Applejack said, trotting in to look around. “Feel free to decorate. Not like there isn’t enough dream stuff or whatever for you to use.” She chuckled. “Thanks. Wish I had yer gift. Not that I don’t mind bein’ the best bucker in Ponyville, but this must be real nice.” “You can’t dream up a house?” “Not without thinkin’ about th’ cost o’ nails,” she said with a smirk. “Sounds dull,” I said, pulling my head out of the door. I’d be like Gandalf in there and I didn’t want to scrape my head. Could I do that here? “Not dull,” Applejack proclaimed, joining me back outside. “Just practical. You want flights o’ fancy, you see my sister, Apple Bloom. She dreams in 3-D, far as I know.” Her expression clouded at the mention of her sister. “Hope she’s okay...” I looked away, seeing the horizon. It was like it was constantly three o’clock even though we’d been here for some time. I looked back and Applejack was still obviously distraught. Feeling a faraway ache in my heart, I half-frowned. “I’m... I’m sure she is,” I said. This is why I mostly hung out with boys. I suck at feelings and feelings talks, but there wasn’t anyone else around and I couldn’t just... Not say anything. Right? “What if she’s ended up on this side of it?” Applejack raised her head up and seemed to have more imagination than she thought. She was clearly conjuring all sorts of imagery. “What if she’s with some bad apple? What if she’s in some place where there ain’t any pony folk?” I shrugged. “Then that sucks, but at least she won’t be alone.” Applejack turned to me and I could see the storm I’d kicked in her. “Pardon?” “If she’s like us then she’ll have a human with her, like you do with me,” I said quickly, pointing between us. “Most likely doing what we’re doing. Spending some time together, talking. And, yeah, we’re not off to a good start, but am I a ‘bad apple?’” She turned that over. “No... You’re alright,” she said, slowly. “So, I doubt she got stuck with some whoever. Probably she’s with someone more mature. Or like, a really chill kid or something.” She nodded, the worries fading in the presence of this new idea. “And besides,” I added. “You think anything could be worse than how I woke up today?” “Guess not,” she snorted, a wry grin on her face. “Hope she ain’t had to deal with that.” “She’ll be-” “Fine,” I said awake. Day 8 Ugh. Argh. It’s like some kind of super mental whiplash when that happens. One second, me, next this. It’s like I’m never really sleeping. I smacked my mouth. Dawn creeped just outside the window and I was glad for my pony size. I wasn’t much bigger than a medium dog, so crashing on Max’s couch hadn’t been the kind of hassle it was when I... When I was human. Rolling over, I stared up at the ceiling. I didn’t want to think things like that. I’m still human. I’m still me. I’m just... Going through some stuff. Sure. Let’s go with that. Ya ain’t goin’ alone, Applejack said. I snorted softly. “Fair enough.” I continued to lay there. “I’m not going back to sleep, am I?” I asked the pony in my head. I’m a farmer, she replied. I’m surprised you stayed up as late as you did. “I’m the opposite of a farmer, so this... Early thing isn’t going to work for me.” Well, good luck with that. I been doin’ it since I was a filly. My body’s got a better clock than most clocks. “Great,” I grumbled and just threw back the covers Max had provided. I hadn’t really needed them, but the gesture was there and it gave me a sense of normalcy that I was sorely lacking. So, feels like you made yer mind up about some stuff, Applejack offered as I rolled off the couch. “Yeah. The sleep cleared my head. I’ll call my parents, go to the cops, sort this out. Probably just some drunk asshole ran me off the road and thought I was dead so he buried me because he was an idiot.” Sounds like you’re stretchin’ there, but I can see it. “After that...” I shrugged, looking outside through the blinds on Max’s window. “I don’t know.” Look, I know you’re not up for the whole “destiny” thing or whatever yer friend was talkin’ about, but maybe we can find a way to cut you loose in New York. “That’d be nice,” I said. “No offense, but this really stinks.” None taken. As I thought about getting my body back, horror struck me. Applejack felt the thought too. Well... she said. I don’t know since I kinda came in... “But it could happen,” I said, quickly, softly. “We separate me and you and it turns out my body is, like, two minutes from death and I die because my face is caved in or whatever.” Now, just calm down. No need to get riled. I’m sure Twilight or Celestia can sort this out. I didn’t calm, but I tried to clamp down on the rampaging bull of anxiety that had bloomed under that line of thinking. So it was more of a controlled panicking, really. “I’m more concerned about having EMTs there to keep me alive,” I said and my voice shook. I was charting entirely new levels of freaked out now. Hey now, easy there. You ain’t dead yet. “But I could be,” I whispered and looked myself over again. Was this the new me? An orange pony with a blond mane where I could only be myself in dreams? I shuddered. C’mon. You’re gettin’ stir crazy. Then, I felt a jerk, like someone tugged me and my right side listed slightly. “How did you-” It’s my body too. But I ain’t gonna do much more than this. That’d be rude. “Oh. Okay. Thanks,” I said. Initially, I’d felt like she reminded me of my mom. Now that I thought about it, she was more like a friend’s mom. Like, Max’s mom would watch out for me, but she gave me more slack. Way more than my own mother and that was more of what I needed. Someone concerned, but not smothering me. Outside was a good idea though. I wasn’t feeling as panicked about being beyond the relative safety of the apartment, so I went over and stared at the door. Need a hoof? “Go for it,” I said. Ever get a muscle spasm or like a twitch and you’d wonder how your finger twitched or your foot popped up? Having Applejack raise me up and take the doorknob in her mouth and opening it was like that times a million. Super weird and super disorienting. “Thanks,” I said, making faces as I spat the taste of metal out. Not a problem. Y’get used to the taste. I think copper’s almost okay. “Something to look forward to,” I said, trotting out the apartment and down the two flights of stairs. As soon as I touched the little grass outside, I immediately felt better. Like I’d just dipped my toes in a spa bath or eased into a hot tub. It was subtle and powerful all at once. “Is... Is this what it’s like for all... Um. Earth ponies?” Depends really. I’m pretty good since I do a lot of work in the dirt and part of my special talent’s in growin’ things. Big Mac, my brother, he’s the same way, but Granny’s better in the kitchen, once everythin’s out of the ground. Or, my friend, Pinkie. She can’t grow beans for beans, but she’s so keen on everything else you’d hardly know. Earth ponies’re subtle like that. I grinned, clopping along the ground, actively enjoying the feel of grass and open air. “Subtle’s cool,” I said. “I like subtle.” Well, then you’re in good company! I’m as subtle as a possum in its hole on rattlesnake day! I chortled. Great. I was sharing a brain with Sheriff Woody. Eh, it could be worse. A little after seven a.m, it got worse. I went back inside and set about making sure all the belongings I had weren’t under an inch of dirt anymore. Max woke at 6:30 ish and went through the bathroom before stumbling out in just pants. I was starting to suspect he had a personal aversion to shirts. I was eating cereal and Max was staring at his coffee maker like it was complex math. My phone was on, glaring at me from the coffee table as I debated whether to listen to Mom’s message, read her text, or just up and call her. Then, a knock came from the door. Looking at Max, I said, “Are you expecting someone?” “Not at this godforsaken hour,” he said, running into his room and coming out a few seconds later, tugging a shirt over his head. The knocking went up a notch as he dressed and Max called out, “Coming! Coming!” Max opened the door and revealed... A guy. He was taller than Max with broader shoulders, but with a pretty big gut. His hair was short, black and not quite tidy and he looked like he forgot to shave this morning. He was dressed in gray slacks and a tan jacket with a blue, button up shirt and his demeanor practically screamed, “OFFICIAL.” Except... I could smell him. He didn’t smell like someone official because official people didn’t smell like that much... What was that? “Hi. Is this the residence of Mr. Adams?” “It is,” Max said, leaning around the door, so it was a little between him and the guy. “Who’s calling?” “My name’s Detective Waters.” He held up a badge and identification, but not so fast that Max didn’t snort at something on them. The detective looked resigned and went on. “Mr. Adams, we’re trying to locate Rachel Shelton. Is she around?” “In a way,” Max hedged. He glanced back at me. I sighed. Might as well get this over with. Have I smelled that before? Applejack said. Stepping into view, I looked up at the man, who seemed to tower over me. I got a good whiff now and I realized what it was- weed. He was sweating out marijuana. Not a lot, but with my nose, I didn’t need much to confirm it. Wait. What’s- Oh. Ooooh. I let Applejack go through the quick and dirty version of my understanding of pot. So why’d this guy smell like it? “Morning, sir,” I said, letting my drawl go a little heavier. “What’s the problem?” Detective Waters blinked at me as if a pony had randomly started talking, which I had, so I gave him a minute to recover and rally. “Uh. We, uh, we found your car crashed and...” He stared. “Sorry. I wasn’t really prepared for that.” I chuckled. “Me neither. Can I see your identification too? Yesterday was a long day.” Still kind of boggling at me, he pulled out his identification again and I looked at the name and badge number and I snorted. “Susan?” I said. He rolled his eyes and snapped the wallet shut. “It’s a name,” he responded neutrally. “How can I help you?” Apparently, his sore spot name got him back on track because he went back to his official bearing. “Yeah, we found your car and ID on the side of Highway Five, but no sign of you. After running some of your information, we found your phone active with some use. We checked in with your parents, but they hadn’t heard from you, just your friend.” He indicated Max. “Mind if I come in and you tell me what happened?” I was about to say sure when something struck me. Biting at my memory. Something important. Something about Waters’s badge. If you’re okay with me doin’ it, I can find out why a whole hay of a lot faster, hon, Applejack said. I nodded slightly, not wanting to clue the detective in. He and Max stared at me as I stood still, my gaze downcast like I was considering something. I’ve- Oh. Oh my stars. Rachel, we might have to do something here. And I remembered. Detective Susan Waters sometimes came to the company. I knew this because accounting was next to legal. Legal sometimes dealt with local law enforcement because some jerk would try to mess with the company I worked for. Detective Susan Waters came by about once every couple of weeks or so. And she was a really nice black woman in her mid fifties. I raised my gaze up at the man claiming to be Sue. “You know what? Wait here. Let me get my purse,” I said carefully. I went back into the apartment, glad I’d eaten a heavy breakfast. My purse was in the living room, next to the couch, still drying from its scrub-down yesterday. Till I could use it again, Max had loaned me a backpack his niece had left the last time she visited. It was red with a mouse holding a flower on it. I scooted my phone into the backpack as well as the two other apples I’d planned on eating that morning. Zipping the bag up with my teeth, I slid it on, Applejack helping with some of the finer movements. Back at the door, the two men waited silently. I don’t know about this, Applejack said. Neither do I, but it’s all I can think of. Applejack nodded. So did I. Stepping up next to Max, I glanced up at him. “Thanks,” I said. “For what?” he said. And I bolted. It wasn’t hard. Detective Not-Sue had his legs spread wide to support his weight and all I had to do was duck down. I heard him swear as I leapt the stairs in three bounds and hit the dirt at a full gallop. I heard him start pounding after me, but he wasn’t in the shape necessary to keep up. I didn’t go for the road either. I dove deep into the forest that banked Max’s apartment complex. Detective Not-Sue couldn’t follow me there. He was either coming off a high, or might still be a little baked. He might have been able to tackle me, but he was not catching up to me. Definitely not in the shape he was in. And definitely not the way I was running. Applejack was helping. I could feel it. She was working out the rhythm of my hooves and eventually, I got it and I was thundering. Really, truly thundering. Holy. Crap. I’d never run this fast in my life. “You’re in pretty good shape,” I commented as trees flew by. Y’should see some of my other friends move when they want to. My phone started ringing and I ignored it. You gonna get that? “No,” I said. Why not? “Because they traced us by it once and they could do it again,” I said, grim. I felt all those Sherlock books I read coming to me. So did all those little detective bits from the shows I watched. Fantasy was suddenly reality and reality felt like fantasy and I was a running pony who was insanely fast. I didn’t stop until I came to a small, but fast-moving creek. These were quickly becoming a staple of my life. I wasn’t even winded. I was sweating a bit, sure, but... “You are in ridiculously good shape,” I said. I do alright, Applejack replied. I swear I felt her smirk. Rummaging in my slightly floppy backpack, I pulled my Android out. I had to admit, it was a nice one. Two year plan. I got a few games for when I’d have to wait anywhere. I tapped it open. Two voicemails. Four texts. I hit speaker. “Hi, Rachel, it’s your mom. Listen, the office told me that Max called? Said you were staying with him because you’re sick? If you could call me soon, I’d really appreciate it. Bye.” I deleted it. Not that it mattered, it was habit. “Next message...” the digital voice said. “Rae! What the fuck?!” Max yelled. “What’s going on?! You took off like you were on fire! Jesus! Call me. Call me soon, okay?” First text from Mom: Did you get my voicemail? First text from Max: What’s going on? Second text from Max: Srsly, that guy was swearing like nuts. Call me back. Text me. Third Text from Max: He came back and gave me his card. It didn’t say Sue. Says he’s James Matthews. A P.I. DUDE!!!! Call me back!!!!!!!! I went to my contact list. What’re ya- “Please.” She was quiet. I dialed my mom’s cell. It went to her voicemail. I sighed, then took a breath. I only shuddered a little. “Hi Mom. It’s me. It’s... It’s Rachel. I know I sound like cousin Abbie, but it’s me. If you google the news for ponies or people turning into ponies, you’ll know why.” I swallowed. “Things... Things have gotten really... Really messed up. I’m sorry. It wasn’t my fault to start but now...” I looked up. Birds chirped in the distance and I could still smell dew on the grass. “I have to run Mom. I think... I think someone’s trying to hurt me. I’m sorry I can’t say any more. I don’t know anymore. Just- If a guy says he’s a detective, make sure he is. Like, check his badge, call his superior and ask for a warrant because this guy just showed up and he...” I realized tears were coming to me and I was running down the voicemail. “Just- Just be careful Mom. You and Dad. I’ll... I’ll get in touch when I can. Not by this number. It’s Secret Fortess time Mom. Only for real. I’m sorry. I love you.” I hit End. I stared at the screen. Then, before I could change my mind, I slammed it with my left forehoof and slapped it into the creek with my right. What my first blow started the impact on a rock finished and broke the phone into bits that the creek carried away. Better? Applejack asked. “No,” I said, solemnly. I moved my backpack around. I’d need something sturdier soon. This kids’ pack wasn’t going to cut it if I was... Going the way I was. I looked around, wishing I’d checked my map. “So. New York?” I said. Sure thing. I lead us deeper into the woods.
Reason To BelieveMy stomach growled, I had finally worked up a sweat, and I had no idea which way I was going. Forward was all I knew. South, Applejack said. “Thanks,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. We’d been going for a few hours now and while Applejack’s body was definitely fit, I hadn’t exactly filled her stomach to capacity this morning. The two apples I’d pushed into my pack were a distant memory. I needed food. Plus, while I wasn’t an expert on pony moods, I could tell that Applejack wasn’t one hundred percent happy with me. But, she wasn’t going into details and it wasn’t my job to keep her happy. The effect was like being trapped in a car on a road trip with someone you know you’ve pissed off, but they wouldn’t freaking own up to why they were angry at you. “If I’d known I was going to be on the freaking lam, I’d have packed a canteen,” I grumbled. “Or a restaurant. How much do you usually eat?” A bit, Applejack replied, her tone cool. Normally, I’m workin’ the orchard with somethin’ to snack on nearby. Can we get some water? We’re parched. “Least that isn’t a problem,” I muttered, steering to the side. The creek I’d been following for the past some odd miles came back into view and I stopped to rest as I drank from it. I’d briefly considered I might be giving myself worms for not boiling the water, but thirst won out and the stream was pretty clear so far. I licked my lips. “I swear if I’m drinking some guy’s piss, I will beat everyone up.” You’re a real charmer, ya know that? Applejack said. “Whatever,” I countered. “We need real food.” The cool demeanor she’d been generating warmed a bit as I felt her thinking. Which is even weirder than all the already weird stuff. Nobody should be able to feel it when someone else is thinking. Nobody! I’m with ya there, she said after a minute. But how do ya propose we go about that? You were pretty stern after we left your friend back there. Y’know? Not bein’ seen, not goin’ anywhere crowded, not leavin’ any traces, not- “Okay! Okay! I’m an idiot! Thank you!” Much as it galled me, she was right. When we’d first set out, all I could think of was all the ways I could be tracked. Primary of which being my face. I wasn’t just any talking pony. I was Applejack. I had a bit of fame on me. I couldn’t just go cover-of-Us celebrity and wear shades and a hat. An orange pony with a Southern accent would stick out here like a decent superhero comic. So, I’d patted myself on the back at first, opting to stick to the woods and ditching my cell. Applejack’s wilderness knowledge kept us more or less on track, so I thought I had covered all my bases. Then, I got hungry. Then, I ate the only food we’d packed. The creek was helping, but we needed for-real supplies. And soon. I dropped the red backpack on the ground. It was holding up surprisingly well. I figured the straps would have given a half hour ago and I’d have to MacGuyver something. I didn’t exactly have rubber bands and paper clips lying around, so I was glad it was working out. Unzipping the pack with my teeth, I stuck my head in and bit down on my wallet. It had come with my purse and was one of those long, billfold things that could hold checks if need be. I wasn’t so lofty. Inside was thirty-two dollars, a credit card and my bank card. I was certain the last two would light up like Christmas for whoever sent that smelled-of-weed Private Investigator, but I wasn’t so certain that I didn’t stare at my available cash. I only had thirty-two dollars and that was only going to get me so far. I sighed. “I have a dumb idea,” I said. Yeah? Applejack asked. ~ I went past four parks with jungle gyms before I found one that was nearby a gas station with an ATM. It was one of those units that charged five bucks just for the “service” and then my bank would charge me again and I hated using them, but this definitely fit “emergency.” This place was actually pretty active. Lots of people running around and some kids were already messing around near the trees. Their moms, or nannies, were paying more attention to their iPads or chatting with each other. I was hidden pretty well by the trees and low-lying plants and could see the monkey bars and swings easy. This ain’t that dumb of a plan, but I don’t like it, Applejack said. Don’t seem honest. “Shh. I have to be cute or whatever.” I targeted a girl with pigtails in a pink skirt and blue t-shirt. Exactly what I needed right now. “Pssst!” I said, popping my head out of the cover. She stopped in mid-kid-activity. “Psssssst!” She looked around. “Psssssssssssst!” Great, I sound like a tire losing air with a Southern accent. She locked on just before I could start hollering her over and when she saw me, her eyes got really, really, really big. She came over at a dead run and stopped just beyond the brush of forest. “Oh wow. Did you just call me, pony?” “Yeah, yeah I did,” I said. Her eyes managed to get even bigger. “You can talk?! Are you- Are you a magical pony?” I resisted the urge to say I was a hyper-advanced alien from the planet Ponoidus and nodded slowly with a big, friendly smile. At least, I hope it was big and friendly. I think my eye was twitching. “Yes, I am and I need your help.” “Me?” “Yep.” “Really?” “Uh-huh.” “Are you gonna grant me a wish?” Maybe I’d picked too young. “Ellie, what’re you doing- Whoa.” I cringed back. While I’d been talking to the amazing child of one-hundred questions, two more kids had broken away to come over and see what had her attention. While “Ellie” was needfully young and shorter than me, the two who’d joined us were just about my height, and looked older than I was hoping for. One was a boy in jeans and a Transformers t-shirt, while the other was a girl in shorts, plain green shirt and a... Cowboy hat. Sure. The older girl was staring at me in a way that looked a bit like she knew who I might be. The boy was just sizing me up like he wasn’t sure I’d bite or not. “Ellie, what’d you find?” he asked. “A magical pony!” Ellie said. “An’ she’s gonna grant me a wish!” “Hey, I didn’t say that!” I snapped. “Holy shit!” the boy said. That snapped the other girl out of it. “Connor!” she said in a tone that was older than she was. “You shouldn’t swear!” “The horse just talked,” he protested, waving his hand at me. “What am I supposed to do?” “Be polite. And she’s not a horse,” the other girl said. “She’s a pony.” She stepped forward to me and smiled. It was weird. Nobody smiled at me like that. Not even my cousin’s kid, who smiled at everything. “Hi,” she said. “My name’s Carrie. Are you- Are you really Applejack?” I blinked at her. Okay. Sure. In terms of best case scenario, you couldn’t beat this. “Yes,” I started with a smile. “I...” And I stopped. Remember when your parents told you about Santa Claus? Then you found out how it really worked? If they’d just said what Santa was from up front, you would’ve been fine. You wouldn’t have been disappointed or lost the magic of childhood or whatever fresh bullshit adults whine about in therapy. You would have thought, “Oh, okay. People are nice around this time and they like to hang it on an old dude in a red fuzzy outfit. Cool.” My parents were disappointing in a lot of ways, but going along with that? Really disappointing. They figured, oh, she’s a kid, she needs magic or whatever because she doesn’t understand. I didn’t know how I would feel about kids of my own, but I didn’t want to bullshit someone when they were young. Life was prepared to fling enough disappointments at them. They didn’t need me adding to it. “Yeah, I know her,” I said finally. Carrie blinked at me. “You know her? But... You look just like her,” Carrie said. “Sound like her too,” Connor said. “Yeah, well, I woke up like her and she’s... Kinda in my head, but I’m not her,” I said. “She’s in your head?” Ellie said, squinting at me and twisting her own head around as if she could spy Applejack sticking out behind my mane. “Like your conscience,” I said. “Only, a real voice.” Darn tootin’ I’m real, Applejack said. “For instance,” I sighed. “She just said, ‘Darn tootin’ I’m real.’” “This is messed up,” Connor said, folding his arms. “Prove it.” “Prove what?” I asked. “Prove you’re Applejack.” I stared at this kid, my expression falling into disbelief. “Dude! I’m a talkin’, buckin’ pony with apples on my butt! What more proof do you need?” “What’s going on over there?” a voice called. Carrie turned quickly. “We found a lizard! We’re playing!” “Okay...” the voice wavered. “Don’t wander too far.” “Thanks,” I said. Carrie shrugged, but looked at Connor. “Why do you always gotta be like this, Connor?” “What? I listen to adults too. She could be a changeling.” Carrie glanced at me. I could tell she didn’t like that idea at all. “Can I pet you?” Ellie said. I looked back to her. “Uh. Sure. Just... Stay above the apples.” She grinned like I just gave her the keys to Disney World and pressed her tiny hand into my fur. At first, she was rough, doing that little kid thing where she tried to get a feel for me. Then her hand stopped grabbing and smoothed out to gentle caresses. “You’re so soft...” she whispered. I blinked at her, my mouth a little open. “Thanks...?” “She’s totally telling the truth,” Carrie said. “And how do you know?” Connor asked, rolling his eyes. “‘Cause if she was a changeling, she would’ve said she was Applejack and try to snare us with a love spell.” Connor folded his arms and his mouth bent into a frown of consideration. After a minute, he nodded. “Yeah, okay. She’s Applejack,” he said. “Only she doesn’t have a hat. Where’s your hat, not-Applejack?” I couldn’t tell if I liked Connor or I wanted to strangle him. “Didn’t get the hat, just the pony,” I said. “And my name is Rachel.” “Are you an adult?” Connor asked. “What has that got to do with anything?” Carrie said. “Hey!” I said, trying to curb them. I got a squeak of worry out of Ellie, so I looked at her and said, “Sorry. You’re fine.” She resumed stroking my neck, which felt way better than it had any right to. “Look, I’m sure you two can debate this all day, but I need some help.” “Why’s that?” Connor said. Yep, definitely wanted to strangle Connor. Through only slightly gritted teeth, I said, “None of your business.” “Then why should we help you?” he said, leaning back, head tilted at a snotty angle. “Because polite. You’re such a jerk sometimes,” Carrie said and she took a step closer to me. “I’ll help, Rachel.” Ellie giggled as she poked at my ear. I flicked it away with my new, creepy, ear-controlling ability and gave her a look. She grinned sheepishly, returning to basic petting. “Thanks,” I said and slid my backpack off. Fishing out out my billfold, I laid it on the ground. “Look, I need you to go over to that ATM and get as much money as it’ll give to you and let it keep the card.” I bit down and slid my card out of its slot. I dropped it in Carrie’s waiting hand. Carrie wiped my spit off on her shorts and looked at the card. She seemed to be thinking something as the excitement dimmed in her eyes. “You’re scared, aren’t you?” she said, softly. I guess Applejack doesn’t have much of a poker face. My eyes dropped down briefly before looking back to her, I nodded at Carrie. “I can’t be seen right now. And I kind of stick out, you know?” She nodded and grinned a full smile at me. I could tell she’d just lost a tooth. I felt my heart d’aw a bit. “You’ll get noticed,” Connor said, pointing at Carrie. “Tara isn’t going to let you get over there.” He thought something over. “I’ll be a distraction.” Carrie raised an eyebrow that I shared. “It’ll be fun,” he said. And the smile he flashed told me he’d be breakin’ hearts when he was older. Carrie blushed and fiddled with the card. “Maybe you’re not such a jerk after all.” Connor shrugged and looked off. “Can I ride you?” Ellie asked. I looked at her flatly. “No.” ~ Ellie kept me company while Connor went over to the monkey bars and started being a very impressive distraction. “Attention playground! I am King Connor and I have a procli- Proc- I got something to say!” His voice was big and it carried across the area easily. He was either some theater prodigy or just plain loud by nature- I bet it was the latter. Either way, he had everyone’s attention. Carrie booked it across the edge of the playground to the gas station without so much as a sideways glance. Unfortunately, by the look on his face, I could tell he had thought through his distraction plan as thoroughly as I had thought through my “run away from not-Detective Sue Waters” plan. “Um...” he said loudly. Then his eyes found something and he said, “I stole her underwear!” He pointed to a girl who was nearby a wall of spinning blocks with tic-tac-toe symbols. She responded appropriately: “You did not!” “Shows what you know!” “Connor, quit making a scene and get down from there!” said some brunette who had to be a nanny- I looked more like Connor than she did. “Gotta catch me first! Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!” Connor then proceeded to drop down between the bars and run around the playground as the woman chased after him. It wasn’t long, but it was long enough for Carrie to get back in the area, panting. Connor was caught and given a talk that I could tell he was already tuning out. His attempt to hide his victorious smile didn’t help his case. “Back,” Carrie said, leaning on her knees. “Jeez.” “Yeah,” I said. “He said ‘underwear,’” Ellie giggled. Carrie looked at me. “It was a good distraction,” I said. She shrugged and pulled out a wad of twenties and my card. She gave an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I couldn’t get it to keep it.” “That’s fine,” I said. “I don’t think I was thinking it through anyway. How much could you pull?” “Two-fifty,” she said. I nodded. About what I figured. I took the card first, then the wad. Once I’d thrown both back in my pack, I peeled a twenty off. “For you and your dude over there,” I said through clamped teeth. She took the money with a laugh. “He’s not my dude,” she said. “He’s just a friend.” I shrugged, adjusting my pack on my back. “Whatever. Thanks for your help.” I looked over at Ellie. “And the petting. That was nice too.” Ellie beamed. I hadn’t let her ride me, but I did let her play with my mane during the distraction and that had been enough to keep her happy. “Where are you going?” Carrie asked. “Hopefully, New York City. I got official pony business and all.” “‘Cause you’re an Element of Harmony,” Carrie said. “‘Cause Applejack is. I’m no Element, I’m just trying not to die.” Worry took over Carrie’s entire expression. “You’re gonna die?!” “No! No,” I said, raising a hoof, trying to calm her down. “I don’t plan on it, but that’s why I’m scared and I have to keep running.” “A bad guy’s after you?” she said. I nodded. She frowned. “That stinks.” “Tell me about it.” “Well, I know you’re not Applejack, but you’re alright to me,” she said. Then, she lifted her hat up and plopped it right on my head. I twitched slightly and it slid on my mane. I reached up a hoof and I felt as Applejack adjusted it about. Now we’re talkin’, Applejack said. I stared at Carrie. “You didn’t look right without it,” she said. “Besides, it needs to go on adventures like it used to.” I took the hat off and saw why it had fit Carrie so well. It was an adult’s stetson with a little packing in the top. It also looked like it had seen some travel with nicks in the rich, brown felt and a name on the inside. “Liana?” I said. “That’s my mom,” Carrie said, her voice getting softer. “She used to go on adventures. That was her hat for them.” “Used to?” I said. “She died a year ago. Cancer. They tried to tell me she was sleeping or something, but...” Carrie shrugged looking away. I looked at her, then looked at the hat she’d given me. I stepped from the relative safety of the brush and wrapped a foreleg around her. “Thank you,” I said. She wrapped her arms around my powerful neck. “She’d want you to take it on adventures.” Her voice sounded wet and heavy. We were like that for a minute before Ellie leaned in and hugged me too. We all released at about the same time. I stepped back into the protection afforded by the trees and bushes. I pulled the wadding out and flipped the hat on my head. Rather than sliding, it fit. Perfectly. I struck a pose for the girls and Ellie clapped as Carrie beamed. “Think that’ll do?” I asked. “Yeah,” she said. She wiped at her face. “Welp, then I best, uh, mosey along...” Carrie laughed. “Okay, so I’m not a cowgirl,” I said, rolling my eyes. Smiling kindly, I added, “Seriously. Thanks Carrie. Thanks a lot.” She nodded and just as we were about to turn from one another, an idea struck me. “Hey,” I said. “One second.” I got the backpack off again and rummaged around, pulling out a pen and scrap of paper. I left my protective forest one more time. “Write down your contact information,” I said. “When the adventure’s over, I need to get your hat back to you.” Remember how I said Ellie looked like she had the keys to Disney World? That was nothing compared to the expression that exploded on Carrie’s face. She scribbled down a phone number and e-mail and handed the paper back. I committed her last name to memory as best I could and returned the paper and pen to my backpack. “Time for me to go,” I said. She nodded. “Applejack, care to add anything?” I said, looking up. If you don’t mind me usin’ your mouth for a sec. “Uh... Go ahead.” Then, I felt my mouth move without me doing it. Before I could start freaking the royal hell out, Applejack spoke, and I completely forgot about my mouth. “Carrie, I’m much obliged for the use of this here treasure. I’ll take care of it like it were my own. And if you don’t mind me sayin’, your ma’d be mighty proud o’ you right now.” She straightened up and winked. “Y’all take care, y’hear?” And my mouth was my own again. I felt stunned. And a bit dizzy. Even though it wasn’t my voice, I’d gotten used to the sound of it and me using it. Hearing Applejack speak... She sounded so sure of herself. And composed. And... Sincere. She was sincere. “You take care too Applejack!” Carrie said, snapping me out of my thoughts. She was practically glowing, she smiled so wide. “Thanks for letting me pet you, Miss Jack,” Ellie said. I waved my hoof and walked off, back into the brush and dense forest. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the girls waving some more and I returned the favor one last time before they were out of sight. “That was pretty... Cool,” I said. “Weird, but cool.” If’n you ever want to foalsit... “Oh, no,” I said. “Once with kids is all I needed today.” We set a steady pace in search of food. You know... Applejack noticed. You probably could have asked them t’get some grub from that gas station. Swearing impressively, which was only facilitated by my twangy, Southern drawl, I turned on my hooves to trod back to Carrie, Ellie and Connor to beg them one last favor.
What Do I CareI knocked on the little red door and waited. Applejack came out shortly, minus her hat, and plus a pair of impressive, and familiar-looking, black headphones around her neck. “Hey there, neighbor,” I said. “Hey there,” she replied. “Did you do this?” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder, and Applejack stepped outside to look. Just beyond the treeline that ringed her cottage was my house. Two stories, white with black shutters and brown-black shingled roof and a garage. It was where I’d lived most of my life. Except it wasn’t really my house, because a) my house didn’t exist in my head and b) the front door didn’t immediately go to my room. I mean, that made sense. I spent more time in my room than anywhere else. What was extra strength weird was that opening my bedroom door didn’t take me back out the front, it went to the kitchen and living room (second places I most likely was), then outside. For all that this was the most lucid I had ever dreamed, it was still super weird. Applejack saw the house and blinked, her expression somewhere between surprised and a little stunned. “Nope. That weren’t me,” she said, looking up at me. “Great,” I said, rubbing at my eyes under my glasses. “That’s probably the magic bringing us together. Or, we’re actually gettin’ along now,” she said, smiling. I glanced at her and sighed, returning the smile. I had to admit, there may have been something to that. The kids at the playground couldn’t swing another distraction, but they were all too happy to part with the fruits and veggies their nannies had packed for them. I had explain to Applejack why human kids were so eager to part with the fruit their mom had packed. The exception to this was Carrie, who gave her Hostess Cupcake up with a big grin. I had decided not to explain what Hostess cakes were to the pony and just assure her they were food. We’d returned to our... Well, I guess “journey” fits, and we talked. Not about anything huge, just chatting. I couldn’t read a book or sleep while Applejack “drove,” so talking was about all I could do. We mostly talked music. Thanks to Applejack being in my head, she could “listen” to anything I remembered and, hey, I could do the same. Looks like I didn’t need my Android after all. Unsurprisingly, she enjoyed Johnny Cash as much as I did. Surprisingly, I liked the pony music she shared. Though Applejack’s tastes skewed country, she had other things she enjoyed. I really dug the Sapphire Shores stuff. It was like Lady Gaga and Beyonce had a pony love child out of music- real cool and complicated stuff with a powerful voice. Interestingly, Applejack really, really liked Janelle Monáe- commenting, She sings prettier’n a Canterlot chorus. Proof everyone loves Janelle Monáe, even country music-preferring ponies. We made good time the rest of the way. About an hour or two after sundown, when I was yawning more than talking, Applejack took over to build a lean-to tent from a fallen tree. Weird as it was feeling my body move without my input, I didn’t care. It was like the ultimate lazy-ass’s dream: when you’re tired or don’t know how to do something, someone else entirely can do it for you. With your own body! I admit, I was starting to see more positives to this whole, maybe-I’m-dead, maybe-I’m-a-pony-permanently thing. I still wasn’t sold on it though. As I drifted off to sleep, I stared at my hooves, wondering what had become of my body. Fortunately, dream-me wasn’t so shackled by reality and I could have my body and clothes and do stuff like put my hands on my hips. Which I did as I looked at dream-Applejack. “Well, as much as we get along, I wish I could get just a little private time,” I said. Applejack shrugged. “I’m pretty set with some of this here music you recommended. I don’t mind a good fence for a good neighbor.” I cocked my head at her. “Now you’re quoting Robert Frost? Bit of a change up, isn’t it?” The cowpony shrugged again. “It’s yer head too, Rae. Mixin’s gonna happen I reckon. Kinda like you’re looking fitter’n I last saw ya.” I followed the gesture of her hoof and she was right. Dream me was... Kinda buff. My legs looked more defined and I hadn’t even realized I’d been wearing the shorts I was in. I hated shorts. Mostly because I hated how my legs looked. I hid them at every opportunity. Now though? They looked good. They looked real good. “Huh,” I said, flexing my arm and seeing definition pop up. “Wish it was this easy to get in shape outside my head.” Applejack did this little maneuver where she crossed both her front and back legs like someone leaning and made a cocksure grin. “Hang out with me long enough and we’ll have you fit as a fiddle in no time.” I shrugged. “I won’t argue.” We stood in awkward silence across from one another. I coughed. “Anythin’ else?” Applejack asked, eyebrow raised. “Thought you wanted private time.” “I do, I just...” I sighed. Applejack had relaxed a bit after Carrie and Ellie and Connor, but I could still tell something was in the back of her mind. It kept biting at my mind as a result, and I don’t like it when things bug me. Especially things that are completely in my head. “You’ve been... Kinda pissed? Since we ran,” I said. “What’s that about?” Applejack sighed, took off the headphones, and hung them on the door. She trotted over to a log that was next to a firepit and she plopped down. She motioned to the log across from hers and I sat. “First off, I want you to know I got nothin’ against runnin’ right now. Too many questions and that fella had me good and spooked too. Us puttin’ some distance may not have been the best idea, but it’s a call I can get behind.” “Okay...” “But. I really, really don’t like how you left Max in the lurch.” She nodded, as if that was that. “That’s it?” I said. Her expression pinched and her jaw moved a little forward. “I reckon that’s enough, don’t you?” “Max is a responsible guy, he can handle some dopey not-cop.” “That’s not the point,” Applejack said, eyes narrowing. “Then what is?” I growled back. “He’s yer friend. He came and got you when you were at rock bottom and you just up and left without an explanation or anythin’! He’s probably losin’ his mind worryin’ about you.” “Yeah, well, you don’t know Max as well as you think you do,” I said, folding my arms. “Actually, I do. I’m in yer head, remember? All that stuff you were thinkin’ around Max? I know it and he’s a slap of a better friend than you are.” “What?!” I snapped. “You heard me. That boy stayed when he could’ve run off because of you. Because of all his friends. He’s a nice guy and then you go an’ eat his food, take his hospitality and don’t even try to explain what you did!” “When the fuck did I have time for that?” I yelled. “You coulda called him before you smashed yer phone!” “I was kinda stressed!” “No you weren’t! I was there in your head and I heard it- I heard it behind everything you were thinkin’!” “Oh? So you know me so well now? Enlighten me oh wise pony friendship master,” I snarled, sarcasm dripping from every word. “‘I don’t wanna deal with this.’” “Well, tough, you gotta-” “Not me ya brick slappin’ yahoo! That’s what ya been thinkin’ this whole time- ‘I don’t wanna deal with this.’” I had to blink at that. “So?” I said, hands spread in confusion. “Who would want to deal with any of this? Not me, that’s for damn sure.” Applejack rubbed at her face and I could hear her teeth grinding. “Don’t matter if you don’t wanna deal with somethin’, because right now, that somethin’ is dealin’ with you!” she snapped. I rose off the log, waving my hands. “I don’t have to deal with this. This is my head, I don’t have to take this.” “There you go again. Just buryin’ yer head in the dirt like that’ll make it all go away,” Applejack called at me. “It’s worked so far!” I yelled over my shoulder, stalking away from the annoying pony. “But that’s not good enough for you, so what the hell do you know?” “I know this ain’t gonna fly forever, Rae. Some point or another, you gotta step up!” “Watch me sit this one out,” I grumbled, stepping into the treeline and heading for my house. There, at least a little while, I didn’t have to listen to any crap ponies. ~ Day 9 I woke a little before sunrise. Thanks, Applejack’s body, I thought. I don’t like sleeping in at all. No response from the inner pony, so I figured she’d shut herself in her cottage to sulk, which was fine by me. If she couldn’t see what a favor I was doing for her by just going to New York- then she could stick her own head in the dirt for all I cared. As I rose up under the lean-to, I realized that I felt a little wobbly on my legs. “What the...” I muttered and felt that old feeling. That old, I-should-be-on-two-legs, feeling and I promptly tumbled in a heap after taking two steps. “Aw, c’mon!” I yelled. “Now who’s sticking their head in the dirt?” Still quiet. “Fine. Be that way. I’ll figure this out on my own. Like I always do!” Grumbling and spitting grass, I got up, which was easy. I had four legs after all. “Alright,” I muttered. “How’d this go?” First leg rise, ignore brain saying WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!, next leg rise, first leg fall, stumble, dammit, dammit. Get up. Repeat. Thirty, agonizing minutes later, I could walk on my own. It was a lot like not thinking about your own feet too much. If I just let my body’s natural balance do its thing, then I was good. It only got tricky when I kept feeling like I needed to rise up. “So, I got walking down now. Didn’t need you. What do you say to that?” Silence. “Whatever,” I muttered. My stomach growled and I rolled my eyes. Yeesh. If there were ever a creature that was more ruled by its stomach than my dad, it was this pony. I mean, I barely touched breakfast on any given day and I was fine. I had some carrot sticks left over from the kids, but I knew that wouldn’t cover the bottomless pit here. I was going to have to get real food. I looked at the grass. “Ooooh no-ho-ho. There are lines and there are lines,” I said. Putting my keen nose to the air, I inhaled but got nothing in the way of food. I got other things, but no food. Sighing, I went off the “civilization” ping I got and hoped for the best. I doubted I’d find some more kids, so I needed to actually put in an appearance. This just made me wary as all hell, but I was hungry, which trumped my paranoia. Hopefully, I’d be able to find some place out-of-the-way and keep the trip short and to the point. Luck was on my side. After a few miles, I found a gas station with a connected general store. It was a no-name franchise place with wooden, cabin-like walls on the outside to give it that “rustic” look some people liked. Right then, I didn’t give a crap that I thought it looked like crap. I gave a crap that it looked deserted and remote. Only one car there and one guy inside, working the register. Coast was clear. Okay, pony at a gas station would stick out, but since I’m paying in cash, I could be any old orange pony with a cowboy hat. Right. God, I hated how desperate I was getting. Trotting across the road, which was only a mostly embarrassing experience, I took a breath and went into the General Store. The door dinged as I entered and I took in the guy at the counter. Tall, lanky with two studs in his eyebrow and wearing a black t-shirt with a fading metal band logo on it. This was totally a remote gas station. Anyone dressed like that was either the boss’s kid or management didn’t care about a collared shirt with a nametag. He glanced over at me and raised an eyebrow, curiosity and a bit of confusion on his face. “Howdy,” I said. I mentally cringed. “Howdy” when you’re from Syracuse was funny. “Howdy” when you sounded like you were from Tennessee- different story. “Hey,” he said, his confusion deepening. “You watch the news lately?” I asked. “Yeah...” “You know about people waking up like this?” “Yeah...” “I’m your first?” “Yeah....” “Congrats. I’m grocery shopping.” With that, I left him to stare, or do whatever, and went down the aisles. I got a basket, which I carried in my mouth. The basket quickly picked up fiber and granola bars, a pack of Twizzlers and a decent sized canteen. Just as I was about to reach for the beef jerky, I felt my hoof freeze. I wouldn’t recommend it. I put down the basket. “Oh, now you speak. Not a jerky fan, pony girl?” Just sayin’. You’re a pony now. Meat ain’t gonna be the same and I don’t want ya wastin’ yer cash. “Bite me,” I said and dragged down the package. In the end, I got a bunch of “trail food” and a few other basic, camping supplies. Applejack had spoken up once more for a thick blanket with camo print, but otherwise, she was quiet. As I approached the counter, the register guy had his phone up and was tracking my progress with it. I set my basket on the floor and raised an eyebrow dangerously. “What you’re doing?” I said. “Nobody’s gonna believe this,” he said with a laugh. He raised the phone. “I mean, if it’s cool.” “It ain’t,” I said, my drawl getting thicker as my temper boiled. First, bossy ponies, now paparazzi. Freaking fabulous, my life. “Aw c’mon...” he whined. “Look, I’m havin’ a crap day,” I said in a clipped voice. “You keep runnin’ that thing and it’s gonna get worse for everyone. Capiche?” He sighed, rolled his eyes and put it away. “And delete it,” I said. “Aw-” “DUDE, YOU DON’T WANNA BE ON MY LAST FUCKING NERVE HERE!” He leaned away from me, his eyes wide. “Okay, okay,” he said. He pulled his phone out, punched some buttons and held it up for me. “It’s deleted. Cool?” “Good enough,” I huffed. I went to grab the basket and realized I was going to have a hell of a time lifting that. Here. My workman’s coordination faded as Applejack did whatever she did that made me more dexterous. Raising up on my hind legs, I dropped the basket in front of the guy and he got to scanning. “Need a- Need a bag?” he said. I could see I had made him nervous. Great. All I needed. “Got my own,” I said, shaking my back. As he scanned items, I took them down from the counter and popped them in my mouse with the flower bag. As much as I tried to ignore it, tension thrummed out. I sighed. “Sorry I yelled,” I said. He glanced at me and relaxed a few notches. He shrugged. “It’s cool. I wasn’t considering your privacy. Or whatever.” He finished ringing me up. “Sixty dollars, fifteen cents.” I pulled out cash and waited for change. “Goin’ on a trip?” he asked, counting it out. “Something like that,” I responded neutrally. My ear flicked to the sound of a car rolling up. Turning to face it, my whole body froze up. “Shit,” I said. Shuffling about in the car, getting out to get gas, was the Private Investigator, not-Detective-Sue-Waters.
He'll Be A Friend“Ma’am? Your change?” The guy at the register snapped me out of my frozen shock. I looked up to see him holding cash at me, his expression curious. Without a word, I wheeled on my rear hooves and banked around the side of the counter, my heart hammering. Out of immediate sight, I slammed my back against the door that let the cashier out from behind the register. I could feel Applejack was helping again- the move I’d just done was not easy. “Everything okay?” The guy had come around to look over the counter at me. “Don’t look at me!” I hissed. He straightened, annoyance crowding out his curiosity. “Lady... Do you have some-” “Him!” I whispered. “That dude out there!” He turned out the window. “Pump five?” he said. I nodded. “Yeah. He’s after me.” “He... Is,” the guy responded. “Yes! Do you have a back way?” The guy shook his head. “Nope. Just front door.” “Shit! Shit shit shit!” He looked over at private investigator Not-Cop pumping gas. “Seriously, he’s chasing you? Why?” “I woke up in the dirt off the side of the road,” I whispered, quickly. “Ever since then, my life’s been all pony this and pony that, and then this guy shows up pretending to be a cop, but he’s really a private dick and smells like drugs, and I’m panicking because not even the real cops have found me yet, and I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m just running!” I blinked when I finished. I hadn’t meant to dump everything like that, but... When I did, I realized I was a) possibly nuts or b) way deeper than I thought. The guy with the two piercings in his eyebrow nodded at me, impressed. “For real?” he said. “No, for-fucking-pretend!” I nearly shouted. “Yes! Real!” The door opened with its dinging bell and my blood froze. I heard private investigator Not-Cop’s shoes clip across to stand at the register. He wasn’t more than three feet from me on the other side of this snack tray. I was caught. He wouldn’t even have to look around. I’d just- I’d be there and there was nowhere to go. He’d already tried to lie to get me to go with him. He wouldn’t be nice this time. Cold sweat broke out under my fur and my heartrate thundered in my tall ears. I had to get out. I had to escape! Maybe I could duck between his legs again... “One second,” Pierced-eyebrow said over his shoulder. He looked down at me, his mouth sliding to the side in thought. Then, he hit the lock on the gate I’d been pressed against. The wall I was using fell inward, and I fell behind the register. Suddenly, I was safely hidden from private investigator Not-Cop’s view. Sprawled on the floor, I stared up at the guy. He didn’t give me a second glance. “Hey man,” Pierced-eyebrow said, ambling over to his register. “Hey. Pump five and this.” I heard something hit the countertop. My ears flinched at the noise, which sounded louder than it had any right to. Pierced-eyebrow hit some buttons on his register. “Forty-eight, sixty,” he said, sounding as bored as a gas station guy in the boonies usually did. Laying as I was, I could see his jeans now- they were kinda ratty. His sneakers looked broken in a long time ago. Above me at the counter, I watched a beefy hand I recognized waaaay too well appear, holding a credit card. Just be his hand, just be his hand, don’t lean over the counter... I chanted. Just relax, sugarcube, Applejack said. Keep quiet an’ we’ll get clear of this. I swallowed. Very quietly. “Hey, this is gonna sound weird,” private investigator Not-Cop said. “But... Have you seen a pony pass by? It’d look funny, kinda cartoonish. Bright orange, apples on its butt?” Pierced-eyebrow looked at private investigator Not-Cop. I felt like he held the look too long. He was giving me away. Stop playing with the guy and just get him out! I screeched. Hush now, Applejack said. Let ‘im work. Then, pierced-eyebrow guy laughed softly and swiped the card. “Think I’d remember seeing something like that,” Pierced-eyebrow said. “You do...” A different kind of card appeared in the same beefy hand. “You call. There’s a reward for information leading to her.” “Reward, huh?” The guy looked at the card and very pointedly not me. Ohshitohshitohshit... I thought. Give ‘em a chance, Applejack said. “Cool,” he said, smiling and waving the card about. “I’ll keep that in mind. Need a receipt?” “Yep,” private investigator Not-Cop replied. “I’m on the clock. Need every receipt I can get.” “I hear ya,” Pierced-eyebrow said. Private investigator Not-Cop finished his transaction and exited the store. I heard his car start up and away he went. So too, did my heartbeat. The guy watched him go, then turned to squat down on his feet and smile at me. I looked up at him, too stunned to turn over. Though I really should have. I felt like I’d sweated a gallon of sweat and was just milling in the puddle of past fear. “Reward for you, huh?” he said, upside-down from my point of view. “He smelled like pot,” I said, my tone flat, shocked. “I doubt it was gonna be more than a dime bag for you.” Pierced-eyebrow shrugged, looked at the card. “James Matthews,” he read. It rang a bell. Where had I- Oh. Right. That was the name Max texted me before... I... I sighed and that took the rest of the tension out of me. “Sounds right,” I said. I glanced, well, it would have been down if I’d been standing. I looked back at pierced-eyebrow guy and could feel an embarrassed blush on my cheeks. “Thanks for that.” He shrugged again. “No problem,” he said. “Rachel,” I said, offering a hoof. “Jared,” he replied, shaking it. “Well, Jared, this has been... Surreal, but I have a favor to ask.” “Oh?” he said, with a smirk. ~ “This is Max,” came a familiar voice. He sounded tired, but still managed to put some light cheer in his greeting. I sighed, biting the bullet. “Hey Max,” I said. “Rachel?!” he exclaimed, the fatigue disappearing from his voice in a blink. “Shit! Is that really you?” “You know anyone else who sounds like Miley Cyrus’s sister right now?” He laughed. “Jesus, when you bolted- I don’t. I just don’t even.” “I know,” I laughed. “I know. Look, Max, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m way the fuck down the road and I just saw the private eye again.” “That Matthews guy?” “Yeah, him. I just stopped to get some supplies for my trip and there he was. Freaked me out. My new best friend Jared saved my flank.” Jared laughed as he flipped through a copy of Inked magazine. “Tell your new best friend he is now an honorary brony.” “Hey Jared, you’re an honorary brony. If you want.” “Cool,” he said, still flipping through the magazine. “Do I gotta have sex with horses or anything like that?” “Does he have to screw ponies?” I asked Max. Max swore, laughing. “That’s a no, Jared.” “Bitchin’.” It was my turn to laugh, but after it died down, I sighed. “Look Max. I... I’m sorry I-” “No, it’s cool,” he replied. “What?” “Dude. P.I. shows up pretending to be a cop? I’d bolt too.” “Yeah, but I could’ve called you,” I said, half-relieved, half-annoyed at how this apology was going. He snorted. “Yeah, look. No offense Rae, but that isn’t you. You’re Miss I Got This, Everyone Back The Fuck Off. Sometimes, yeah, that’s aggravating, but here? I’m not mad.” “Really?” I asked. “Yeah. It’s scary shit. I figured you’d get back in touch. Didn’t think you’d vag out on me though.” “Oh, fuck you,” I said, half-laughing, half-crying. “No, really. It’s cool. You wanna talk about our feelings- I am so on with that. I watch Friendship is Magic for Christ’s sake. I’m just used to getting sensitive with my fellow bronies online, not my IRL bestie.” I laughed, because that’s what Max did best. He made me laugh. I talked for another few minutes, telling him about what I’d done so far. It wasn’t much, but it felt like longer. I was glad I was talking with him, like it wasn’t a big deal. He’d accepted me back without hesitation. As he brought me up to speed on what I’d missed in the last day, I realized I’d always kind of taken that for granted. Max was always there for me. I was for him, but it was different. Suddenly, I was really glad that Applejack had gotten on my case about him. He wasn’t just my best friend, he deserved me to be his best in return. Because that’s how I felt. Wow, I really was vaging out on him. “Your mom called me,” he said. “Matthews showed up at your house.” “Dammit,” I replied, my voice hot. “Don’t worry. She turned him on his ass,” he laughed. “From what I heard, she used her Teacher Look and scared him off.” His laughter died down and his voice grew somber. “She’s worried about you, Rae.” I nodded, realized Max couldn’t see the gesture and said, “Yeah. I’m- I’m worried about her too. Look, call her back for me? Let her know I’m safe, just... I’m doing a thing.” “Yeah, going to your destiny.” I rolled my eyes. “No, Miss Melodrama,” I said. “Going to help...” And my voice softened. “A friend.” “Whoa. A friend? What’ve you and AJ been getting up to?” I snorted. “Just talking.” Before I left the gas station, Jared hooked me up with a prepaid cell and activated it for me, giving me all the information in case I wanted to add minutes. I got his number and he got mine and I told him I’d hit him up if I was ever in the area again. I added Max’s number too. I wasn’t sure how good an idea it was to keep calling Max, but it was becoming pretty apparent I couldn’t do this whole trip alone. Even if the closest I got to “alone” included having Applejack in my head. Another thing that was becoming apparent was the private eye, Matthews, was the only person following me. Seeing him at Max’s place had been unlikely, but seeing him here? Now? I couldn’t possibly be that unlucky. Which meant he was tracking me somehow, and the lack of anyone else asking about me suggested he was doing it solo. Granted, I could be messing that up and just keep bumping into Private Investigator Pain-In-My-Flank, but it didn’t feel right. I shook my head at that. Nope. No. I didn’t do “feel right.” I did thinkin’. And I needed to think this through. I couldn’t afford to just freak out and hide every time I saw him and run on instincts the rest of the time C’mon Rae. You’re a Sherlock buff, work this out, I thought. Okay, so start with the tracking thing. Couldn’t be my phone- that was busted to hell. So, most likely, he was following my bank card. Yeah. That fit. Fab. So, definitely can’t use that any more. But... Matthews didn’t strike me as technical. I mean, sure, he had the gut for it, but not the bearing. All the guys in my company’s IT department were kinda spazzy- even the ones that were more customer service than tech smart. And their friends, who were even more technical were even more spazzy. Of course, he didn’t have to be technical. He could just be hooked up. But, I’d only seen him going solo and he hadn’t exactly been checking back with “home base” any time I saw him. What little I did see of him. Plus, no bluetooth married to his ear. So, maybe not so hooked up with accomplices. That left technical. But, again, Matthews didn’t act like a super spazzy technical guy. He reminded me more of my Uncle Mark, who viewed cell phones as necessary evils. I also got an “old school” impression off of him. He did a “Here’s my card” rather than “Here’s my info” back in the gas station. Plus, he talked with Max and Jared face-to-face and didn’t come across awkward. Most technical guys I know don’t do much in the way of face time. They mostly do boob-check time. Not like I was going to have to worry about that any time soon. Maybe I’d never have to worry about it again... No! No. Back on track. So, Matthews isn’t technical. Doesn’t fit with how he presented himself. He could be, I mean, maybe he’s that rare social and tech-savvy P.I, but I wasn’t getting that... Okay, let’s say I wasn’t getting that vibe. He’s all old school, private shamus, talkin’ to the people. Either Matthews was really, really lucky and we’d just crossed paths at the worst moment of my freaking life or he had a tech guy who could track stuff. Yeah. Yeah, tech guy tracking stuff fits better. Maybe not a whole accomplice list- just a guy who was really smart and Matthews called him when he needed a direction hint. Like how there used to be a video game tip line you’d call for hints when you were stuck. Don’t ask about the tip line. My dad swears it was true. We watched The Wizard and I couldn’t believe people would waste money on that. I can’t believe people waste money on DLC, but that’s another bitch for another day. Anyway. It made sense, given everything I’d seen about the guy. He didn’t mind impersonating a cop, he wouldn’t mind being lazy and like “I can’t find this pony on my own, tell me where to go.” Yeah. Yeah, that really clicked. Matthews going solo to track me with occasional tech support. Now it didn’t just feel right, it thought out right. And that was more to my liking. Going off that theory, I needed some rules. First one: don’t use my bank card if I can help it. Second rule: don’t be in the last place I used the phone. On the plus side, if I had to ditch the phone, I’d only be out twenty bucks. Not gonna bash this one up are ya? Applejack asked. “No,” I said, rolling my eyes. “We all saw how well that worked out.” Applejack chuckled in my head. Argh, that was never not creepy. I like what you did back there, Rae. “Because your opinion matters so much to me,” I said, tartly. Nice try. I know I got under yer skin and I’m glad you took my words to heart. Don’t it feel good to know Max has your back? “Yeah, yeah, Applejack, the ever-wise.” She chuckled again. Not ever-wise, just know what I know. An’ call me AJ. All my friends do. I sighed, admitting a smile. “Okay... AJ.” I felt like I’d just seen someone smile at me. Seeing as no one was about, I figured that was AJ smiling in my head. When would this not be weird?! So, you gonna call your folks too? “Later,” I said. “Let’s put a little distance between us and the road.” Fair enough. I picked up my pace. In a rush? “Just... Feeling jittery,” I admitted. “That was... The opposite of fun back there.” I smiled. “Till Jared helped out.” Yep. Nice of him to get ya some free food, ain’t it? “Well, it’s only fair. I gave him my jerky.” Told ya you wouldn’t like that. “And now I know,” I said, shuddering. Seriously, if that’s what jerky was going to taste like, I did not want to think what a burger or steak would do to my mouth. An’ knowin’s half the battle! Applejack joked. “G.I. Joooooooe!” we said together, laughing. As I snorted the last laugh out, I went back to AJ’s advice and how it had panned out. Max had taken me back without a cross word. Maybe she was right about the other stuff too. Maybe I do stick my head in the dirt a little too often. I mean, I normally keep to myself, but how could I keep to myself now? Some guy had come to my best friend’s house and brought trouble. I’d run and Max was cool with me running, but maybe I needed to do more than run. Like figure out why he’d shown up in the first place. Okay, so, I’d woken up in a ditch as a pony. Why send a P.I. who looked ten pounds overweight and smelled like he was working off a high after someone like that? Disguised as a cop, no less. It stunk, yeah, but why did it stink? I sighed, realizing I wasn’t just figuring out how to evade Matthews anymore. I was stepping up in case I saw him again. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want it. What I wanted was to go home, have my mom scold and hug me, then hide in my room while I RPed on message boards and was a general disappointment to my parents. Yet, here I was, on some jacked up adventure in a cowgirl pony’s body. What had AJ said? I may not want to deal with something, but something wanted to deal with me? Well, if it wanted to deal with me, then it would deal with me on my terms. Next time I saw private investigator James Matthews, I was going to find out why he was tracking me. I was going to find out what had gotten him on my trail and then I was going to go to New York and deal with all this pony stuff. And after? Go home, hide in my room, and forget this ever happened. “Hey AJ,” I said. “Can you put on some traveling music? I wanna make some headway today.” Sure thing, sugarcube. The opening chords for The Proclaimers’ 500 Miles started up in my mind and I groaned. “You are not funny,” I said with a wry smile. Maybe, maybe not. But I know you’re laughin’. She had me there. I trotted in time to the music as I went through the forest.
The L And N Don’t Stop Here AnymoreDay 9 I looked over the fallen log. I swore. I looked back at the map. I swore again. In addition to the burner phone, Jared had given AJ and me a pretty detailed map of the Upstate New York area. We could anticipate forests, preserves, back roads and all kinds of useful markers. Handy when you’re a cowpony on the run without GPS. No two ways about it, we gotta go’ through the town. “Why not around it?” I asked, looking at the surrounding fields on the map. We’ll lose a whole day. “So? I thought we were just getting you to New York. You didn’t say anything about a deadline.” Got a bad feelin’. We need to get there as quick as we can. I sighed, rolling my eyes. AJ had just proven that even with all her experience and wisdom, she was willing to fall back on “bad feelings.” I don’t care how spot on they are, “bad feelings” are for movies and morons. “Look, if all you have is a ‘bad feelin’’ then congrats. I don’t see the weight of the One Ring about my neck egging me on, so we’re going around,” I said. I closed the map and was about to put it away when my legs locked. Scrunching my eyes, I said, “Really?” I ain’t Pinkie Pie, but I got good instincts and I listen to ‘em. We need to get to this city o’ yers and be quick about it. I sighed again. I could argue with the dumb, “bad feelin’” pony about how utterly wrong she was, or we could just go through the town. One meant me being kind of frozen in a forest while I explained her wrongness, the other meant we made some kind of forward motion. While we were hidden in the forest, I didn’t want to dawdle too long in one space forever. In the end, my urge to keep moving won out over my urge to be right. And had nothing to do with “bad feelings” either. “Fine,” I said. My legs unlocked and I could move again. “Thought you said you were gonna be all respectful about the body,” I said, picking up the map and tucking it in the mouse-with-a-flower backpack. I didn’t do more than put my hoof on your withers and you know it, she countered. “You locked my freaking legs,” I grumbled. “And I wanna point out I didn’t even know what withers were till I met you.” Nothin’ wrong with learnin’ somethin’ new, she chided in her “mom” voice. Hay, my friend Twi’s always excited about that kinda thing. I then got the impression of AJ doing something. Like she was looking me up and down. How I could tell this when she was the one without a body, I have no idea. My life. You two kinda have a bit in common, y’know? she said. “Yeah?” I said. Yeah. Then I remembered Twilight Sparkle. From my own viewings of Friendship is Magic, I knew Twilight was the leader, or whatever, of the ponies and a fellow book nerd (props to that), but otherwise, she was just a character in a show. Then AJ did whatever she did in my head, and suddenly, my knowledge went a lot deeper. And what was weirdest was how it felt like it all happened to me. I remembered sitting with Twilight on a ridge watching the stars. I remembered when we read the same book about farming techniques. I remembered her trying to coach me in some new-fangled budgetin’ ideas. I remembered an entire friend I never met from a life I never had. Something in me twitched, wailing at this potential loss of identity. Yet, the rest of me swelled in pride. I got AJ’s perspective on Twilight, and it was filled with respect. And she said we had a bit in common. I had never been so flattered to be compared to a purple unicorn with nerdier book habits than me. “Jesus!” I hissed, a bit overwhelmed by the sudden influx of information. I held a hoof to my chest. “How did you-?” Same way I learned about Max and all, only in reverse. Just thought about it and includin’ you. I worked on getting my breathing in order. The memories were surfacing and splashing around, crowding my short term recollection and making it momentarily hard to think straight. One particular memory welled up and I knew AJ was experiencing it in just as much detail as I was. Emotion swelled up in me and I had to sit for a second. My chest tightened slightly and my eyes got watery. “She...” I started, too stunned to form words. Yeah, she did. It was a kindness. Normally, Dash’d spend that day with me, but she was busy and Twilight asked. She was mighty kind about it. The memory came again, less intense and more just recall, and I could feel Twilight’s forearm wrapped around my back. I looked at my parents’ grave. It was a small, practical thing without heavy adornment. Not even an epitaph. That was apparently a human thing. Their cutie marks were over their names. The dates they lived, below. I took a moment to remind myself that Doug and Maggie Shelton were alive last I checked. Dad making rocket engines for rocket scientists and Mom terrorizing high school students. It was bizarre. I felt the loss and permanence of my parents all at the same time. Is that where I was? Alive and dead all at once? “I didn’t know,” I said, finally finding my mouth. Ya didn’t ask. “I’m sorry.” I wiped at my eyes with a fetlock. No need t’be. Hay, I don’t really think about it myself most of the time. Just miss ‘em is all. AJ wasn’t lying, really, but she was downplaying the ache. The empty space where her mom and dad were supposed to be. Her grandma had helped her growing up, and she had a brother and a younger sister and a mess of friends that gave her all the love she could ever want, but... She missed her mom. She missed her dad. It was just a familiar missing at this point and she could live with it. Appreciate the kind words, though, she added. What do you say to that? My parents were alive and hardy. We weren’t some perfect family, but we were all still there. And it occurred to me then, that AJ wasn’t dangling her pain over me. She simply acknowledged her parents were gone and she missed them. It was part of her life and she lived it. She didn’t wear it like a badge and she didn’t use it to guilt me about my own parents, who she most likely knew all about since she was living in my head. Something resolved in me. When all this mess was over, I planned on talking to Mom and Dad. Maybe not enough to magically make it all better, but get started. Dad and I had our bonding time, so just ask about doing that more. And I could start doing something with Mom. Like, share books or something. She’s the one who got me into reading. Of course, this all hinged on getting back home. Or getting my body back. If my body was even still alive. Adjusting my hat, I settled the backpack and took a steadying breath. I couldn’t speak to AJ’s pain. What I could do was get us through this town. Maybe with a minimum of bitching too. Stepping out of the treeline, I came out on a sidewalk beside a road the map indicated would take me through the town square. The town didn’t really have a name that I could see. And that was if you wanted to be generous and call it a town. Places like it remind me of tourists and people who go- New York, it’s just one big city, right? Yeah. Till you go upstate and learn the big city is actually in a state that has its boonies too. This town was certainly pushing for the stereotype. Houses a stone’s throw from each other, all wood-built and painted white or brown, and looked like they were made fifty years earlier. The sidewalk was more of an idea than a reality. For my part, I kept as inconspicuous as I could, but I was a freakin’ pony with freakin’ apples on my freakin’ butt. I could only get so invisible. Granted, this also applied to the townspeople. The space between the houses gave me enough time to see someone and them to see me and so far, it had been empty. Quiet. Till I saw a guy on his porch. Whittlin’. I didn’t even know people still did that. “Maybe I should take the hat off,” I muttered. “Look like a wandering horse with a backpack.” Take off Liana? What would Carrie think? Freakin’ guilt-tripping, mom ponies, rassum frassum. I caught the attention of the guy whittlin’ on the porch. He watched me pass, so I did the only thing I could think of. I tipped my hat at him as I passed. He nodded back, returned to whittlin’. “I can’t believe that worked,” I said. He’s farm folk. He gets it. While the town itself wasn’t really that big, I could see how going around, in the forest, would have taken longer. Farmland stretched back from random houses, forming a generous, and kind of pretty, perimeter. Trotting past them, it occurred to me that I’d never really looked at crops before. Outside of when I was a kid, staring blankly out the window on car trips, farmland was just background. Now, it was different somehow. It looked... Peaceful, reassuring. “Is that you?” I asked. I’m a farmer. Whaddya think? I almost rolled my eyes, but then I looked back to the crops. That reassuring calm settled within me. “Okay. I can see the appeal now.” Much obliged, she chuckled. The farmland gave way to houses built closer together with the same old-timey look, but also a rundown quality too. Like more than time had worn on them. I considered this as we approached the town square, till I felt nausea rising up in me. I blinked. I’d been catching a smell off and on since we crossed the divide. It wasn’t official. Just a point where you could tell here be town, and there be farmers. I knew the smell was roadkill, but I’d never smelled any that bad before. Was it my nose or... “AJ? You okay?” I said. Jus’ not used to “roadkill.” That’s all. Her voice sounded strained. Like she was equal parts upset and sick, and trying to hide both. I looked over and easily found splattered guts. It wasn’t a squirrel either. I realized I’d been passing squished dogs and other “domestic” critters. Don’t y’all... Take care of yer pets? Like Max? “Most of us do,” I said, noting a pooch with a proper collar leaning out of a fence at me. “But there’s always exceptions...” An’ out here to boot! she went on, either not hearing me or not believing it. These folk are closer to the land! They’re to know better! “I don’t think these people are all farmers like you are AJ,” I said, my voice tired, my heart heavy. You know that busted places exist. Places where not enough people give a damn so it all falls to crap. One thing to know about them, another to wander through dog-kill alley and try to tell your friend, who’s still learning about humanity, that it’s just an isolated thing. That this isn’t really that prevalent. That people are okay, you know? Rather than try to swallow that, I focused on Max. And Carrie. And Jared. Reasons to keep walking, rather than stop walking and wonder how much humanity I wanted to claim. In an effort to cut down on my visibility, and maybe to cut down on what was visible to me, I went behind the shopping centers. Roadkill aside, one whittlin’ dude was fine, but I was pushing my luck in case Matthews rolled through here. The less people who spied an orange pony with apples on its butt, the better. I’d gotten an okay look from a distance and the town center reminded me of 1980s Hill Valley from Back to the Future: all half alive and limping along. Getting up close just confirmed this. Even from behind the shops, I could see many were abandoned, squatters’ spots. Most likely homeless on the way through. Debris and bits of paper and torn open back doors were the rule. “I think we’re in part of the Rust Belt,” I said. The who now? “My Dad told me about it. It’s this term that got popular in the eighties. The whole area used to be a big factory along with the farming. From, like, up in Maine all the way to Wisconsin there’d be factories making all kinds of steel-based stuff. Before it went bust, it was called the Steel Belt.” You sure know a lot about this. “Dad got me curious, so I looked it up on Wikipedia one night. Anyway. Progress happened, we shipped a bunch of jobs overseas and machines replaced a bunch more locally, so the whole area went bust. Jobs lost left and right, whole towns disappeared. Big, bad news.” I stepped over more garbage. “And this wasn’t recent either. Most of the area was dried up by the sixties. Upstate New York was totally part of the hard-hit group. But I never thought anything would still be around. I figured everything’d be gone by now...” Clearly, not the case. I stepped over forlorn signs advertising from the fifties and seventies. I walked past quaint, brick buildings built in a prime long since passed. Living in or near a thriving city, you get used to most things that go out of business getting built over. This far out... It looked like they’d just have to wait till the weeds won. As we passed a garbage can, a dog poked its head out at us. I moved a little slower when our eyes met. “Easy there,” I said. “Just passing by.” It pricked its ears at me and came out. I had never seen a dog so skinny in my life. It was small too. Not in the weiner dog or beagle way, but small like it wasn’t fully grown with big paws and big ears. It had gray-brown fur that was grayer in some spots and browner in others and ears that perked up and didn’t look like any breed I knew. I can’t do this, AJ said, quietly. Rust Belt, roadkill, I’m sorry, Rae, I... Before the pony could do anything drastic, I flipped the mouse-with-a-flower pack off me. “Hey there... Fella?” I said. The dog cocked its head at me and shook it. “Oh. Lady?” She wagged her tail. I smiled. “Want something to eat?” That really got her attention and she came over to me. She reeked. I angled my head a bit away and went through my bag. After a little searching, I figured water and pretzels with cheese in them would work best. Looking around, I found a trash can lid and dragged it over. The dog watched me curiously. I ignored the fact she was waiting patiently, and being attentive like no dog I’ve ever met in the history of ever. The experience was kinda like Max’ ferret, Omega. Maybe I should ask AJ about this? I poured the water from the bottle and spread the cheese pretzels next to it, then stepped back, smiling. “Dig in,” I said. So she did. Heartily. Watching the dog eat actually made me hungry, so I took out a granola bar for myself. I wasn’t too, too worried about the loss of the bottled water and pretzels. I still had a decent amount of food and a canteen, which I could fill in a stream and boil out anything nasty if need be. This dog needed more than food though. “Got a name, girl?” I asked. She looked up from her unexpected boon and gave me a blank look. I got the impression most folk called her girl, or lady or dog. With a very doggy shrug, she went back to eating. I continued watching her. Thinking about her smell. Thinking about the puppy-sized roadkill that littered the road in. Something hardened in me. What’re you thinkin’? AJ asked. “Something dumb,” I said. Ten minutes later, I was the unofficial caretaker for one full-stomached dog. She trotted happily beside me without leash nor even the hard promise of food. I kept glancing at her and was boggled it was working out like this. Mighty proud of you right now, AJ said. “Yeah,” I snorted. “We’ll feel super proud when we’re both starving because we have to feed wonder-mutt here.” Sam cocked her head at me. “Just a nickname, Sam.” She wagged her tail. “We’ll have to get her fixed...” I muttered, thinking aloud. “A check-up. Definitely a bath of some kind.” I sniffed myself. “Woo. Make that two baths.” Cocking my head as if AJ were just above the hat’s brim, I said, “Will your precious schedule allow for a pit stop at a veterinarian’s clinic?” We’ll see what we can do, she said, laughter in her voice. I laughed with her, rolling my eyes. I proposed making it easy on us and she focused on her gut feeling. I proposed making it easier on the dog and she’s all about that. “You’re not really big on you, are ya?” I said. I’m doin’ fine, she replied. Critters in need, or anypony needin’ a hoof up? Then I don’t see why I can’t reach my hoof out to help. “What about you?” What about me? “I mean, what happens when you’re over your head and there’s no one there to help you because you’ve helped everypony else.” She was quiet. As if the thought had never occurred to her. Before I could say “gotcha” though, she said, Well, I reckon I’d have my friends near and they feel the same way. “I give up,” I said, shaking my head. An’ technically, I always have a friend in you, Rae, so I’m never really alone. Kinda nice when you think about it. As the implications of that sunk in, I heard the squeal of tires behind me. Turning, I saw a dented, white pickup truck that looked like it had seen better days. Screeching to a halt, it slid off the road into the grass at an angle. I looked down at my hooves. I was still on the sidewalk. I wasn’t that in the way. The truck corrected its angle and pulled correctly to the side. Figuring they just got spooked by the pony with the cowboy hat, backpack and dog, I checked the street number. I grinned, seeing that we were almost clear of the town. I didn’t like feeling so exposed. “Hold it right there!” I looked back over my shoulder and found a shotgun pointed at me. I closed my eyes. “This just ain’t my day,” I drawled.
Born And Raised In Black And WhiteThe shotgun moved slowly around the pickup. The guy aiming it followed. “Well, well, well. Lookee what we. Have. Here,” the shotgun-guy said. Aside from his weapon, he wasn’t impressive. And the only thing impressive about his gun was that it was pointed at me. Right. At. Me. He was short, if that even still applied for my height, and pudgy in the middle with skinny limbs. His skin looked bad, his eyes looked worse, and sparse black hair poked out from under a filthy Red Socks cap. Oh great, a Socks fan this far removed. He could not be stable. His navy blue shirt with PAPA emblazoned on the front did not help his cause. “Yeah. A pony with a dog. Real fascinatin’,” I said. I noticed my new Southern accent tended to get more pronounced when I was angry. And having a rifle pointed at you will definitely get your dander up. “A talkin’ pony,” the man said. He stood in front of his truck, attempting to level his weapon. I ignored it. As much as I allowed myself. I don’t know if Dad wanted a son or not, but part of bonding time with him involved guns. See, he was a gun nut, so everyone in the family knew how to shoot and handle a weapon. With us, it was how we got along. I even had an instructor’s certification with the NRA. Not that I owned a gun of my own. One thing to learn about firearms during Daddy-Daughter time, another to get a license, buy a weapon, and care for it. I prefer blowing that money on DVDs and comics, thanks. Still, I’d learned my stuff, and Dad and I sometimes did our bonding at the range, so I was up to date, too. I knew to respect a gun, what it could do, and especially the danger when a poorly maintained one was in the hands of an amateur. “Yep,” I replied to the armed idiot. “Talkin’ pony. If you watched the news you’d know this isn’t that big a deal.” My eyes went up the side of the weapon. His muzzle control was lousy. The barrell weaved back and forth like he was drunk, which was a distinct possibility given how red his cheeks were. “Says you,” he growled. “You’re part of an invasion to ruin us!” I raised an eyebrow at that. If everything before didn’t confirm it, then that little tidbit nailed the idea: this guy was not dealing with a full deck. Still, he had that gun. And as crap as his control was, and shoddily maintained as his weapon was, the fact he had his rifle at all was bad. Worse, he was crap with it. Someone who knows their way around guns is one kind of bad. Someone who only has a passing understanding of guns is way, way, way worse. He didn’t have to be a good shot. Especially at this distance. All it would take is for him to get a twitchy finger and well... I’d be dead all over. Again. Or close to it. I swallowed, fear starting to edge out my anger. I pushed it back. He was an idiot who wasn’t all there. I was... A pony in a cowboy hat, with a dog. I don’t know which was worse, honestly. “Called my boys,” he said, with a cocky grin. “They’ll be here soon and we’ll make sure you get yours.” This ain’t lookin’ too good, AJ said. I know, I thought. But he’s got a freaking gun. If you have any bright ideas, mine include staying alive. I got Bucky McGigillicuddy and Kicks Mcgee, she replied. Then I knew which leg was which. Oh great. At least she hadn’t named one of them “Vera.” Then I’d get shot because I couldn’t stop laughing. Get me an openin’ and I can take care of the rest, AJ assured me. I took inventory of her strong, quick body and believed her. If she said she could handle this joker, then I just had to distract him long enough. Easy. No problem. Even if I was starting to think I was going to throw up. Deal, I replied. I took a deep breath. Time for all those action movies I watched to pay off. “Get mine with your boys?” I said to the PAPA man, facing him fully. “You mean you aren’t daddy? Can’t handle this on your own?” He stared at me, his rifle lowering. I thought I saw something where the safety catch was. “What?” he said. “Your shirt, dude.” I indicated his chest and took a step forward in the process. He sneered and reset the rifle to his shoulder, his chest puffing up. “It means People Against Ponies Association. I’m a proud member!” I didn’t have to work hard to feign confusion and a little disbelief. “You’re against ponies?” I asked. “Damn straight! You’re a disease!” “Dude, I’m a pony.” I cocked my head at him. “And are you against all ponies or just earth ponies?” “We are against all of your kind!” “Even Shetlands?” “Even Shetlands!” “But they’re so cute!” He stared at me and again his gun drooped. I felt AJ smile when we both saw what we were looking for. “Quit fuckin’ with me,” he growled. “Hey, you started it with your loser organization,” I replied smugly, taking a few more steps. “I mean, PAPA? Didn’t exactly committee that, didja?” His face filled with rage and he pulled his rifle up, sighting me. He cocked his rifle. And failed to shoot. My body left my control and AJ leapt, spun and shot out Kicks McGee knocking the rifle high into the air. Bucky McGigillicuddy fired next and whumped the PAPA guy in the stomach. Hard. He dropped, gasping. The rifle came down and AJ snatched it in her teeth. With a whip of her head, she slammed the gun on the pavement, shattering its stock. She spat out the remaining metal- the barrel clattering on the street. I half-expected to see teeth marks in it. AJ looked down on him. I’d gotten used to thinking of AJ as warm. Warm to friends, motherly warmth when dealing with me, then hot as she saw the roadkill, the pets and this guy. So it was really scary to feel her suddenly so cold. It reminded me of my own anger, when Chrissy called me Freeze Rae. Though that was ice cubes compared to the glacier of anger she aimed at this guy. Was AJ picking up more than my taste in music? The PAPA man looked up from where he was gasping on the ground, hands around his middle, face red and in pain. We... Need to leave. Like five minutes ago, I thought, becoming keenly aware of just how not my body my body was at the moment. Applejack regarded the prone PAPA man with her cold gaze. She did so until the man started to shake at the implications in her eyes. Then, she turned on her hind hooves and walked off. “C’mon Sam,” she said. Sam had been sitting during the whole exchange, her expression curious and worried. As AJ approached, she rose, her tail wagging hesitantly. “We’ll...” the PAPA man wheezed. “Save it for a pony who cares,” AJ said without turning around. ~ Once we were a safe distance away, I felt AJ give the reins of her body over and I stumbled at the sudden control I had. Sorry, she said. He got my dander up. “Feeling was mutual,” I replied, working my jaw up and down. Mine. My jaw. Even if it was pony, it was my jaw. I wasn’t dead. I wasn’t just a voice in AJ’s head. I had a body. I just hadn’t been able to work it for a minute. Mouth, hooves, even the freaking tail!I can’t work anything! I clamped down on the errant thought. I had a body now. Hey, AJ said, softly. Y’all alright? “Yeah, sure, great,” I replied, taking up our trek. The sun would be going in a few hours. Even though cutting through town had saved us time, it had taken a while. Progress was progress and we needed to make a lot. Pit stops like PAPA guy and Sam were costing us time and AJ was- HEY! I stopped, standing still on the sidewalk. Was it the gun? “No,” I said, softly. “He was an idiot. Couldn’t even tell his safety was locked and his pump had serious rust on it.” What then? And I realized how soft AJ’s voice was. “I don’t have a body,” I said. “I’m dead.” What? Naw. You’re as alive as Sam and me, girl. You- “I’m dead! I died in that ditch and I’m only alive because I woke up as you!” Birds chirped overhead. Sam whined, cringing away from me. I smiled sadly at her. “It’s okay, girl. I’m just...” I shuddered and tears filled my eyes. “I’m dead.” She leaned towards me and licked my foreleg. I stroked her and scratched behind her ear using the tip of my hoof. “I don’t remember anything after the second impact, AJ.” My words, modulated by AJ’s voice, sounded distant, heavy. “I looked bad enough to be in a shallow grave. What makes you think I was anything other than on the way to being fully dead?” I sighed, letting my rump hit the ground. “I don’t even have a body of my own. This is yours. I just... I’m a rental. One day, I’ll just be a girl in a house in your head, then a girl, then a voice, then...” My eyes looked out through the trees and I could make out farmland. The sun was easing onto the horizon with streaks of pink and washes of orange. I hadn’t really seen a sunset that good before. Now, I never would. Not with my own eyes. Rae? I got the nickname Freeze Rae because I was so detached. So cool. I didn’t freak out. I kept my calm and I got things done. It’s what made me good at my job as an accountant and it’s why I was a badass with first person shooters. I was Rachel Freaking Shelton and I was the hardest bitch this side of the military. Till I woke up in a ditch. Till I woke up as another person, nee pony. Till I was pursued by a freaky private eye. Till I saw all that freaking roadkill. Till I had a rifle pointed at me. Rae? You still there? I ran. Blindly and without abandon, I ran. I ran because I’d just had a gun pointed at me. I ran because not hours before, I’d run into a man who was pursuing me for mysterious reasons. I ran because I was dead and I wanted to feel alive. I ran because I could. Sam kept good pace with me. She probably thought it was a game. Rae! Rae! What’s goin’ on?! I ignored her. She was just a voice in my head, right? Anyone can ignore a voice if they want to. And I really, really wanted to. I wanted to so bad I didn’t notice the fence till I was crashing through it. The impact snapped me out of my panic and I stumbled in the debris, slamming against the house. My breathing was heavy. Sweat streaked my barrel. By some miracle, Liana had stayed on my head. Rae?! Speak t’me Rae! “Go away...” I whined, my voice barely audible. “Don’t see that I can since you crashed into my garden.” I turned, a floppy movement, and saw a familiar face. Familiar only in that I never, ever expected to see her again, much less on Earth. More shocked than I was, AJ took the mouth and said, “Miss... Jubilee?” She smiled down at me. She was an older mare, with a dark cherry mane and tail, quaffed high and wavy. She kept most of her bouffant-like mane out of her face with a blue bandana. Her green eyes shone with friendly cheer and the beauty mark on her left cheek was totally endearing. She offered her hoof. “Hiya, Applejack,” Cherry said. “Fancy seein’ you here.”
Come In StrangerI guess I never expected a house in the upstate boondocks to be so nice, but it was. Comfy chairs, a plush couch, new-ish TV: the whole place was cozy and welcoming. It was only a little bigger than Max’s apartment, but it was nice. Much like its host. “Here ya go, hon. Sorry I don’t have apple juice.” “It’s fine,” I said to Cherry. She set the tray down on the coffee table and hopped onto the other end of the couch in an easy bound. She lazed back, looking me over in a slightly different way than before. After she’d had a good laugh at AJ’s expression, I’d regained control and prepared to run off again. She caught the twitch and slowed me enough to offer offer lemonade and cookies. My stomach grumbled in response, and I thought how it’d be nice to hold off on draining my supplies further. Raising my hoof for assistance, I let her heft me up and take me inside. Somehow, I only had a few wood splinters in my fur- no scrapes, cuts or breaks. I didn’t know if I was lucky or it was more of AJ’s earth pony-ness, but I didn’t object when Cherry said I looked fine. She even let Sam come in, though the dog had to keep away from the furniture. She mentioned something about a hose when she went to get food. “Thanks for your hospitality,” I said. “Don’t you worry ‘bout it,” Cherry said with an easy smile. I should have felt comforted by the easy smile, but I wasn’t. It worried me. Since landing upside down in her garden, I’d only seen one personality on this pony and AJ’s memories said that personality was all Cherry Jubilee. I knew I was pretty in charge here with AJ, even if the tussle with the PAPA man proved I could be kicked out, removed, forgot- No. I was present. I spoke. Consistently. If Cherry was here, chatting amicably, where was her human? “So,” Cherry said. “What had ya so worked up ya had to take it out on Jean’s new garden?” “Existential crisis,” I said, and picked up the glass to sip at the lemonade. Cherry laughed and it was a full, warm sound that actually broke through my unease and made me feel welcome. AJ, who had gone quiet after I’d taken over, revealed some nostalgia at the sound. I also caught a little guilt beneath the nostalgia. Unfortunately, I had enough on my plate, so the emotions only just registered with me. I could hold a conversation, freak out, go through a pony’s memories, and share in her feelings. I couldn’t do all at once. “You must be Applejack’s girl. Don’t think a five-bit word like that ever came out of her mouth when I knew her.” I cocked an eyebrow. “Who says I couldn’t have heard it around Twilight?” When Cherry spoke again, her drawl wasn’t as hard. “Because AJ calls Twilight, ‘Twi.’” Finally! A human! My freak out faded and a smile broke through on my muzzle. “Rachel,” I said, offering a hoof. “Jean,” Jean said, shaking my hoof in a way AJ knew was right and I knew felt weird. We leaned back, regarding each other. Now that Cherry was away, I could see that Jean slouched a bit, and her eyes were cooler, but her bearing was pretty much the same. Was it that subtle when AJ took over from me? “So, I get to meet one of the Mane 6. My life just keeps getting more interesting,” Jean said, picking up her lemonade. I could see a red mist hovering within the glass that told me she’d added in a little cherry juice. “That’s one way of putting it,” I said with a snort. “You a fan before?” “I’d seen the show thanks to a friend. I mostly knew it through memes.” Jean nodded, sipping. “Aaah. Damn, that’s good. Y’know, I never put cherry in my lemonade before? One of the perks of all this.” I looked at my hooves. “If you wanna call it perks.” Jean was quiet too long for it to be just a conversational lapse, so I looked up. Her cool gaze had shifted to an unimpressed version. “What?” I asked. “So, you wanted to be a unicorn or pegasus?” I scrunched my face. Oh great, she was a fan and a fan who took this whole thing seriously. “How about neither?” I said, squinting at her with one eye. “I was fine as a human, thanks.” My heart sped up and I set the glass down as it shook in my grip. “You okay, hon?” “Fi-” “She ain’t,” AJ said, taking over the mouth. “She keeps tryin’ to say she is, but it’s like when I came to ya, Miss Jubilee. She’s runnin’ scared.” My mouth returned to me. “You busybody fucking-” I yelled. “Whoa there, Tex!” A hoof rested on my shoulder and I looked into the comforting gaze of Cherry Jubilee. “Sounds like Applejack got something out you would have kept close,” she said softly. “Mind sharin’?” I shook her hoof off, looking down. “Yes.” She leaned back, assessing me. Stupid pony peripheral vision letting me see that. Stupid pony everything. “Fair enough,” she replied. We sat in awkward silence. I sipped some of the lemonade, which was actually pretty good. My eyes wandered and I noticed an oxygen tank in the doorway of a nearby room. “What’s that?” I asked, pointing. Cherry turned around and when she turned back, she was Jean. “Ah. That’s my old oh-two tank.” “You needed oxygen? Why? Were you a grandma or something?” She laughed. “I’m old, Tex, but I’m not that old.” She settled against the pillow, smiling. “Got in a pretty bad car accident about a week ago. Doctors were ready to leave me for dead. Then, I woke up like this.” She gestured to her white-furred body. “Asked if I could keep the tank that breathed for me for two days. It was about empty, so they said sure.” I stared at her. “You were in an accident?” I said, my voice feeling too quiet. “Yep,” she responded, as though my eyes weren’t the size of dinner plates. “Drivin’ home from work. Semi had a driver who was on his twenty-seventh hour and didn’t even see me. Pow!” She slapped one hoof into the other. “I was more meat than person. Had a bunch of tubes in me, they couldn’t get the swelling in my head to go down, so they gave me another day, two tops.” She leaned forward with a grin. “Didn’t happen like that, as you can see.” I stared further, my mouth slack. “Somethin’ on your mind, Tex?” “Just how freaking crazy the world is, really,” I said. I tried to close my mouth. It kept dangling. She snorted. “Yeah, doctors don’t exactly have ‘turned into a pony’ under listed recovery options, but there you go.” “You were going to die?” She nodded. “Livin’ dead girl. That was me. Last thing I remember was a pair of headlights comin’ at me, then wakin’ up puking my guts out as a pony. Thankfully, whatever did this got all the tubes outta me. Hate to think what coulda happened with human-sized medical stuff in Cherry’s body.” “So you... Knew who you were?” “Mostly. Knew I was a pony. Had to stare in the mirror for a sec before I recognized Cherry, I thought, ‘Now don’t that beat all.’ My niece was really blown away. She’s the other pony fan in the family. Don’t let her know I told ya. She’s a mite embarrassed about it.” I blinked at her, shaking my head slightly, still having trouble absorbing all this. “Yeah. No problem,” I responded, dull. My brain was starting to wrap fully around the chances of two women in the same kind of accident with the same kind of recovery meeting up to swap stories. The probability was staggering and the reality more so. To forestall the impending freakout, I said, “So... You’re Cherry Jubilee now?” “Mmm-hmm,” Jean responded, looking content. “And you hung on to the oxygen tank?” She nodded, looking back at the cannister. “I like to treat every day as a blessing. My dad died of a heart attack when I was young, you see. I wake up, day’s off to a good start. So, I feel like I dodged a pretty nasty bullet there. Keepin’ the tank? Just a little reminder about how right I was.” “You mean the pony in the mirror doesn’t help?” She laughed. “You’re definitely straightforward enough to be an Element of Honesty, I’ll give you that.” I glanced down and blushed. I don’t know where the stupid blush came from, but it was there. I suspected AJ was involved somehow. “Sorry,” I muttered. “Nah. Well, bein’ Cherry’s nice, but I like havin’ tokens. Got a bit of wire from the Empire State, still got a flower from the first boy I loved, which is- woo, way longer than I’d like to admit. Keep ‘em all in a nice box, but the tank, as you can see, wasn’t gonna fit.” “Yeah...” I said, smiling slightly. “So... You said you left your job? Before the accident? What do you do?” “Manage the grocery in Earlville. Ain’t too bad a drive. Well... It wasn’t. Huh. Guess I’ll have to figure that out.” I finally broke my staring fest to breathe deeply and accept reality. She’d been through practically the same thing I had. The only difference was that she had a job, a house, a life and didn’t have to run from some spooky P.I. How many people were doing what we did? Waking up as ponies when their life was just about to go? “You look like someone hit you in the face with a fish,” Jean said, picking up her glass and swirling the straw about. “I feel like someone just hit me in the face with a fish,” I said, raising my head to smile awkwardly at her. “Take it you didn’t like wakin’ up as Applejack?” “I woke up in a shallow grave,” I replied, my smile turning grim. She shot up, her drink nearly spilling over. She corrected the glass and looked me in the eye. “No,” she said. “Uh-huh,” I replied. She snorted, shaking her head. “Well don’t that... Two dead girls walkin’. How ‘bout that?” I nodded. “Well, how you usin’ your new lease on life, missy?” “Just... Getting AJ to New York.” She nodded. “And?” “Figure it out from there, I guess.” She nodded further approval. “Sounds like a good plan to me.” I cocked my head at her. “Really?” “Sure. I’ve been readin’ up and it sounds like the other girls could use you.” I felt AJ stir inside me, becoming active after just resting quietly through most of the conversation. Curiosity sprung up. If she hadn’t forced me into talking with Jean... I could follow up on her friends. “They could?” I asked. She looked at me hard. “Rachel. If you don’t mind me asking- how in the know are you?” I sighed, rolling my eyes. Holding up a forehoof, I said, “See this?” She nodded. “That’s the pulse of all things pony going on in the show or the world.” She nodded again. I then held up my other hoof as far from the first as possible. “And this is me. Way the hell out in yonkers.” She nodded and put down her lemonade. Hopping off the couch, she disappeared into the room with the oxygen tank and came back with a laptop balanced perfectly on her back. She slid it to the coffee table and hopped up, motioning me over. Scooching across the couch, I joined her. “First off, you should know the days’re all messed up. So if you hear someone goin’ on about Marsday or what not, they’re not nuts. Then there’s this...” She pulled up an already open browser, clicking over to a tab and my heart froze. Element of Harmony Survives Shooter! the headline read. My first thought was someone saw me, then that immediately disappeared at the picture of a yellow pegasus with a pink mane clutching a stuffed toy. She looked tired and wary as she stood next to a white stallion with a blue mane who came across pretty intense. They were Fluttershy and Shining Armor. AJ’s feelings of protectiveness and familiarity flooded right into me and suddenly, I was sharing memories and emotions I never had before. For the first time in this whole mess, I didn’t fight those outside emotions. Pony or person, nobody threatens anyone I know. Even if I only know them thanks to the pony in my head. “Yeah, she’s okay,” Jean said, scrolling through the text where I saw mostly quotes from police. “But. It was bad. Granted, she ain’t this...” Jean opened a new tab and whereas Fluttershy’s situation scared me into a near heart attack, what transpired in the Youtube video left me scrabbling for sense. “Is that a gazelle?” I said, flatly. “Yep.” “Why is it eating hash browns?” “I think because it’s hungry.” “But... IHOP?” Cherry shrugged, closing the tab. “I’d talk to Applejack. They’re her friends. Good ones too if they could lure her away from the job I gave her.” She winked at me and, again, I blushed. Why did I keep doing that? I look up to her. That’s all, AJ said. “Oh, hey. Finally decided to speak?” I said sarcastically. “You talkin’ to Applejack?” Cherry asked. I nodded. “Hey there hon,” Cherry said, waving as if she were across the room. “Long time no see!” I laughed. “This brain thing is weird,” I said. “It’ll get weirder. Wait till you start mergin’.” I sighed, removed Liana, and ran a hoof through my mane. “I’ve... Kinda been trying to ignore that. Among other things.” “How’s that workin’ for you?” I snorted. Cherry gave a knowing smile and nodded. “What I thought.” “It’s just... Too much, y’know? I woke up dead, and I also have some private investigator looking for me.” “Why’s somebody doin’ that?” Cherry asked. “I dunno!” I said with a shrug. “He impersonated a cop when he first sought me out and then when I bumped into him again, he talked about a reward for finding me. It doesn’t sound good- at all!” I slumped into the couch. “And that’s on top of this whole... Whatever AJ and I are doing. I mean, if you’d told me I’d be going on foot to New York, in record fucking time I might add, I’d say you’re nuts! But now? After being dead in a ditch, followed by a P.I. and getting threatened by a dude with a gun?!” I flopped back and let Liana slide over my face. “I want a break I can’t get,” I said. “Didn’t ask for this. Not even a little bit.” We were quiet. I’m sure some of what I said caught Jean/Cherry’s interest, so I expected some kind of clarifying question. Maybe a follow-up to what I’d rambled about. God knows I was expecting her to call me on my bullshit. I wasn’t expecting what she said next. “Nobody does.” I raised Liana up to look at her. “I didn’t ask to be hit by the semi. Didn’t ask to wake up as Miss Jubilee here,” Jean said, thoughtfully running a hoof over a knee. “It’s like that song says, ‘our choices are half-chance.’ Which means anything we get we didn’t ask for, half the time. So we gotta decide what to do with it.” She sighed, turning to smile at me wanly. “Here we are, Rachel, part of some really out there half-chances. Now, I know what I’m doin’ with my half-chance and I can live with that. How about you? Are you fine with the half-chances you got?” “No,” I said, my mouth twisted in distaste. “Alright. Then you can’t change anything that’s happened to you, so is there anything you’d do different?” I was about to say “no” on automatic, but I held back, mulling it over. I moved Liana from my head to roll her brim across my stomach. “I’d... Have hogtied P.I. Matthews back at Max’s,” I said slowly, tracking the hypothetical idea. “And then we’d have called the cops. Find out what he was up to.” “Kay? What else?” I shrugged. “That’s about it. Running wasn’t a great idea, but I’d talked with AJ about going to New York, so maybe that was just on my mind at the time. Everything since then, I’m okay with. I guess. I met some nice people on the way.” I looked at Liana the hat. “Some really nice people.” She smiled. “Then I think you’re doin’ okay, Tex.” I looked back to her, suspicious. “Oh?” “Life can throw every curveball it wants at ya, but as long as you have folk, it’s gonna have to work pretty hard to catch you off guard.” I was about to call bullshit when Applejack quietly reminded me of Max. And Carrie. And Jared. I thought I had to do this on my own. But along the way, I’d been getting all this kindness and help. Even now, when I was about to thrust it all away and claim my cool, collected exterior, AJ was there, making sure I knew just what I had. “Thanks,” I said quietly. It’s what friends do. “You reckon?” I said with a crooked grin. Yeah, I do. “Applejack do a brain thing?” Jean asked. “Yeah. She... Yeah. You helped too though.” Jean snorted. “Glad to know I contributed.” “No, really. You really have. And...” I sorted the memories that had welled up in Cherry’s presence and grinned. “AJ really appreciates the opportunity that Miss Jubilee gave her and feels mighty bad she had to leave her in the lurch.” Hey! It goes both ways, I thought with a chuckle. “So, if you, either of you, need anything. Just say it. We’ll help.” I grinned with a bit more embarrassed blush. “Especially since I kind of wrecked your fence and I can’t really stick around all that long to fix it.” Jean looked at me with her cool gaze and that Cherry Jubilee smirk popped up on her face. “Actually, Rachel... There is... One thing you might be able to help with.” “What’s that?” I asked, eager to pay back the kindness. “Well, you know how I mentioned my niece...?” The door opened with a squeak and I briefly turned to see who came in. Sam stood up, tail wagging and I did a double take. She was small. Way small. She was a filly. With white fur and a duo-toned, curled mane of pastel pink and violet. Her eyes were a darker green than mine and she wore a tiny, pastel blue hoodie that looked like it was designed for a child. On her back was a small paper sack. “Hey Aunt Jean, I-” She turned. Noticing me. Through her curly hair, I could see her horn and a new set of memories flooded up. Particularly ones that involved scrubbing tree sap off young little fillies. The filly in front of me... Sweetie Belle, worked her jaw up and down for a second at the sight of me. The feeling was mutual. Memories were flooding into me. Sweet, adorable Sweetie Belle, who’d asked AJ to be her sister. Who ran all over hill and dale with Scootaloo and Apple Bloom trying to find their cutie marks. This was Rarity’s less frou-frou sister, if her penchant for mud and tree sap were any indication. Cherry Jubilee showing up had been out of left field. This was out of the park. “May, this here’s Rachel. Though I think you might know her.” “No fuckin’ shit!” squealed the little pony, pointing a hoof at me. “That’s goddamn Applejack!” Well. That was a paradigm shift.
Southern AccentsDay 10 Sun shining, trees all around me, dog at my side.... What more could a girl ask for? Maybe a way out of carrying this weight on my back. “So you’re really on the run from the law?” came Sweetie Belle’s cute, high pitched voice. “No,” I said. “I’m on the run from a guy who pretended to be the law.” “So that’s why you’re homeless in the woods?” “Exactly,” I responded. She paused and as I glanced back, she was putting her headphones back on. “Shiiiiit. That’s fucked up.” No more fucked up than listening to you curse, I thought. I second that, AJ said. I know, I know. Given the situation I was in, bringing a filly along, even a filly with a “mature” teenage girl in her head, was a bad idea. I told Jean as much when she said that her niece, May, who was now Sweetie Belle, was trying to get to New York City. “You heard what I told you, right?” I said to Jean. I was on my hooves, standing on the sofa. “I have a P.I. chasing me! I was-” I glanced at May, who was focused on the arguing adults. “Y’know!” Jean nodded and smiled warmly at me. “I do know, Rachel. And I still think you’d be best to get my niece to New York. Can you get your hooves off my couch, please?” I slid back to my rump, hooves going to my head as I racked my brain for a proper protest. “Look at her!” I said, holding both forelegs out. I looked at May, whose face had cooled a little. “No offense.” “Hey, no, I get it. I’m like, fuckin’ fun size here. But, I’m also going to New York.” I stared at her. “What?” I said, flatly. “That’s where everything is, bitch. Maybe La- The white pony lady can make me not a fucking filly. I kinda had plans that involved fingers, you know? So, I’m going goddamit. I was just waiting for a good time.” I looked at Jean, who shrugged. “I talked her into waiting a day or two with me, but teenagers, right? What’re you gonna do?” I sighed, rubbing at my head again. “But she’s a kid,” I protested. “She isn’t... Are you even old- I mean, mature enough to handle this?” “I’m totally fucking mature!” May retorted and stomped her little, filly hoof. I looked at Jean with a “See?” expression. She smirked in return. “Now, Rachel, let’s not get to name calling. I trust May’s decision,” Jean said. “She may be in Sweetie Belle’s body, but she’s old enough to drive, old enough to see an R-movie, old enough to vote. So, she’s old enough to decide this on her own. ”She’s had a day to think it over and is even using her own money. However, I, personally, would feel a lot better knowing someone as responsible as say, Applejack were along...” Oops, AJ said. “And, as you said, you did break my fence,” Jean added. “This’d go a long way to paying that back. Like you said, you’re not sticking around to fix it.” My face scrunched in guilt and annoyance. What kind of caretaking adult says this is okay? “Just... Let me sleep on this?” I asked. “For tonight? AJ and I... We need a face-to-face to talk it out.” Jean nodded with a matronly smile. “You can crash on the couch.” Her expression shifted and her drawl became all Cherry. “Ooo, I can make up a new dish I read in Jean’s cookbooks. Hope y’all are hungry!” “Always am!” May said with a hop. An adorable hop, I’d like to point out. Dinner was good- Cherry was a solid chef. I’d never thought of adding cherry sauce to so many veggie-friendly dishes, but I didn’t argue with the results. Even Sam, the only meat-eater in the house, slurped up some scraps. Conversation was fairly lively, though I could see what Jean had meant about May being embarrassed about being a pony fan. She kept stopping halfway into things, then laying back as if it was no big deal. God, I hoped I hadn’t been that obvious as a teenager. I remember it being tough being the only girl who read comics in my school, but at least I owned up to them. Thankfully, everypony present respected my privacy and need to stay below the radar. Jean and May didn’t take pictures, or post to Twitter, or whatever that I was in their house, which I was very glad about. Didn’t want to risk Matthews’ potential tech guy giving him info on an Applejack sighting. The sleeping arrangements were just as pleasant as the meal. Just like Max’s place, being a pony turns all couches into very roomy guest beds. Plus, it beat sleeping under the stars again. As I fell into my dreams, I was already running. I didn’t have to run far. A simple, low, friendly white fence was all that was between AJ’s little, red home and my big, white house. I vaulted it easy as I sprinted to her place. She met me on the other side of the fence. “She can’t go with us,” we said in unison. We blinked, stepping back from one another in surprise. Not just from talking at the same time, but because of what we saw. AJ’s mane and tail had streaks of brown in it and her eyes were shot through with hazel undertones. And the way she looked at me promised something as drastic on my end. I touched my nose and was relieved to find my face was normal. When I reached around my neck though... “What happened to my hair?” I asked, bringing around a sandy-blond lock that easily went past my shoulders. “It uh... Looks... Like my mane.” I blinked at her. Actually, I blinked at her voice. Her signature drawl had faded. Not much, but enough that she sounded a little less like herself and more like... Me. A shiver went up my back as I considered the ramifications of that. “No, never mind,” I said, throwing up my hands. “We gotta talk about Sweetie Belle. May. The filly!” “Yeah. Ain’t no way she’s comin’ with us,” Applejack said, stomping a hoof authoritatively. “Agreed,” I proclaimed, folding my arms with a nod. “Too dangerous,” she said with her own nod. “That’s like sayin’ the ocean’s moist,” I replied. We smiled. Happy that we both agreed that taking May along with us was the worst of all possible ideas. “We’re gonna do it anyway, aren’t we?” I said. “Yeah,” AJ said with a sigh. “Don’t know how much Sweetie’s in there, but... I know that look. It usually comes before crusadin’ and tree sap.” I plopped onto the ground. Before my butt even hit the ground, AJ’s memories of Sweetie started mixing with mine. Sweetie Belle coming to see Apple Bloom. Sweetie Belle at a Cutie Mark Crusader Sweet Apple Acres sleepover. Sweetie Belle asking to be my little sister when she and Rarity were in a snit. “It got worse didn’t it?” I whispered, putting my head in my hands. “Pretty much,” she agreed. After a thoughtful pause, she added, “It’s not all bad though. Keepin’ an eye on Rarity’s sister an’ all. It’ll be nice to get those two back together.” “And possibly get her killed because of what’s happening to us. Yep, we’re the pinnacles of responsibility...” I grumbled. “Hey!” she snapped. My head shot up. “Yeah, I don’t like it,” AJ said, her brow furrowed a little too much like mine. “But she’s goin’ anyway and I wanna make sure nothin’ happens to her.” I rolled my eyes. “Can’t her aunt do that for her?” “You saw her, she’s ready to cut the kid loose like a dog on jerky day.” “Then she’s a bad adult and shouldn’t be in charge of kids!” I yelled. “Not just drop the responsibility on us!” AJ shook her head. “She ain’t. She’s asking for a favor. Remember how you wrecked her fence and her garden! Least we can do is keep an eye on her niece!” Placing my hands on my hips, I squinted at the pony, my jaw clenching. “Have you forgotten the part where I crawled out of my grave? Are you really so dense that you think taking a kid-” “Teenager!” “Whatever! Taking May with us is anything but a bad idea?” “Don’t matter if it’s a bad idea!” AJ bellowed at me. “Family’s got to stick together!” “She’s not your family!” “She’s the only face I got since this started!” “What the hell does that mean?!” Her eyes went hot, but before she could say anything else she clamped her mouth and took a deep breath. Feeling my dream heart pounding in my chest, and my dream jaw clenching to the point I thought my teeth creaked, I did the same. We looked away from one another, trying to tamp down on our tempers. It was hard. I didn’t have a temper before. I mean, I got angry, but it was always kind of a distant heat. I mostly did chilling looks. When did I need to count to ten? As I cooled off, I realized I could feel the ache in AJ. She missed her family. She missed them bad. As I poked at the feeling, Apple Bloom flickered across my memory. Then Big McIntosh. Then Granny. She didn’t get to say good-bye. She didn’t know if they were back in Ponyville or were over here or what. She needed a lifeline. She needed something to hold onto. If that something was one of her best friend’s sister, so be it. I took a breath. Feeling like an idiot. If I hadn’t been so busy trying to stick my head in the dirt, again, I’d have realized that as strong as AJ was, she needed support too. “Sorry,” I offered. “I shouldn’t have- I mean... May can come.” AJ nodded, taking a breath. “Thanks for sayin’. Guess we’re both hot under the collar and Sweetie-” “May,” I interjected. “Yup, her. She ain’t gonna make it easier.” “Nope,” I confirmed. AJ came over and sat next to me. We both leaned against the fence. I looked up at it. “You?” I asked, clearly indicating the fence. She shook her head. “Weren’t me. Guess more of that magic gettin’ us closer.” “Yeah,” I said, holding up a lock of sandy-blond hair. It felt different too. Thicker. “I’m thinkin’ different too,” AJ admitted. “Numbers ain’t a problem any more. Worked out the distance we needed to travel and boom, just was. I could usually ballpark stuff like that back home. Big Mac was the math whiz. He handled the books for Sweet Apple Acres.” She sighed, looking off. “I think I could actually keep up with him now.” Holding up her hooves, she inspected them, as if traces of my hands might start magically showing up. “No offense,” she said. “but I’d like to stay myself.” “None taken,” I replied. “I feel the same way.” I looked up to watch the perpetual nice day clouds float by. “Think the magic’ll let us?” She shrugged. “Can’t say. Just when I think I can remember somethin’ about this setup, it fades. Water past my hooves.” She frowned. “Don’t think I was ever that poetic either.” I laughed. “Numbers, poetry- doesn’t sound so bad to me.” “Yeah?” “It’s how I work,” I said with a smile and a nod. “I know my temper’s shorter though...” “Sorry. Thought I had that under control, but sometimes. Well, things happen and I need to take a breath, y’know?” I nodded. “It’s okay. Feels like... It feels like I’m less a Freeze Rae, y’know? It’s scary, yeah, but... I feel engaged. I care more.” AJ smiled at me. “There ya go. Nothin’ wrong with that, yeah?” “No,” I said. “Till we get Sweetie hurt.” Her expression went grim and she looked over at her cottage. She nodded. “Price you pay,” AJ said. She turned to smile at me. “Worth it though. You know how I feel about Apple Bloom? Big Mac? Granny?” I nodded. “Gets me up in the mornin’ and through my day. When I added Dash, Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, even ‘Shy- hay, that just made it all the easier. Friends and family, Rae- Ain’t no force greater on this or any world.” “Eeyup,” I agreed. That earned a snort. “See you’re pickin’ up quick,” she chortled. “Eeyup,” I echoed, smiling. I woke soon after, my head filled with knowledge about the little unicorn. Laying on the couch, with the sun coming in the window, I started to worry whether my brain could keep holding two lives indefinitely. ~ “You know, you reeeeeally don’t fucking sound like Applejack,” May commented. I looked over my shoulder at her. She still had her headphones on. Coupled with her baby-blue hoodie, she looked more like the DJ from Cadance’s wedding than the Sweetie AJ remembered. “Because Sweetie Belle drops f-bombs every third word,” I replied, turning to watch where I was going. I whistled to Sam when she snuffled a spot I could tell had a dead critter. She gave a mournful look, but went to my side obediently. “Hey, just me bein’ me in this filly fucking body,” May said. “You swear a lot?” “Every goddamn day,” May said, like it was a point of pride. “And your parents haven’t boxed your ears over it?” “Pssh. My folks could give a damn. Dad’s in Korea and Mom’s a couch lump on disability. They can tell me to fucking quit all they want. I’m still gonna. Least Aunt Jean’s cool about it. Says I can get it out of my system young or whatever the fuck.” “Uh-huh,” I responded. I knew I could get away with swearing, but only after I’d graduated high school. And mostly that was because I was in the workforce. I certainly didn’t use it like a comma. “You got a problem with it?” she challenged. Adorably, I might add. It was mind-bending listening to her. Everything cute and high pitched, then she does George Carlin’s Seven Words bit. I shrugged, making May bob a little. “Do what you want,” I replied, frank. “Just be quiet when I need you to and we’ll be fine.” Hope Sweetie ain’t pickin’ up too much of this sassmouth. I don’t know what I’m gonna tell Rarity, AJ thought. “Yeah, yeah,” May said. “Because we’re hiding from a lazy-ass P.I.” “Hey!” I said, bumping my back and jostling the kid. I turned to glare at her. “Cuss all you want, but if you wanna throw down with my problems, this shit isn’t for play!” She held my gaze for a second in defiance, then she withered, then ducked her head. She shrugged, looking away sullenly. I gave her the eye and resumed my pace. Fifteen minutes passed before she spoke again. “Why haven’t you just... Bucked him, or whatever?” “Hasn’t come up yet,” I said, keeping my gaze straight ahead. “I would have by now!” she proclaimed and felt her raise up on my back. “I’d’ve been all hiya fucker! And take that! And-whoa- Whoaaaaa!” A soft little plop came up and I stopped. Turning my head, I found May faceplanted in the ground, her butt in the air. Her hooves spasmed slightly. “How’d that work out, sport?” I asked, smirking. She flopped down, freeing her face from the dirt to glare up at me “Fuck. You,” she said. “Not with a ten meter cattle prod,” I said with a snort. She spat out some grass and Sam came over to lick the dirt off her face. She giggled and almost fell over again. Sam was smaller than me, but it didn’t take much to tower over a filly Sweetie’s size. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Sam thought May was a puppy she had to take care of. As May giggled over the doggy affection, I realized I was catching her unguarded. I’d been getting the “tough girl” impression from May from the start, but when she laughed Sweetie’s laugh it all fell away. Dad was in Korea and Mom was on disability, but what kind of homelife did that leave little May? “Stop iiiit...” May giggled, as Sam kept licking. “Okay, that’s enough, Sam,” I said. She looked at me, tongue out, and I tilted my head back. Breaking from May, she came over to stand next to me, tail wagging. I stroked her fur affectionately, cooing how good a dog she was. “You comin’?” I asked, looking back to May. “Sure. Heh heh. Sure,” she answered, getting to her hooves and trotting over to me. “Guess I’m walking now?” I shrugged, clearly in no rush to get her back on my back. “Till you get tired,” I said, starting an easy walk. She shrugged and did her best to match my longer legged pace. The tough girl slid back into place again with a muttered, “Whatever.” We lapsed into silence again. Only this felt less strained. “Thanks,” she said, finally. “For taking me and all.” “No problem,” I said. Well, that was one way to get the weight off my back.
What Child is ThisLunch was sandwiches with a side of carrot sticks and swearing. “Fuck, I miss bacon,” May said as she bit into her lettuce, tomato, daisy sandwich. “I mean, this shit’s good and all, but bacon. Bacon, AJ.” I snorted at her. “I’m still Rachel,” I replied. May blinked, ducked her head and looked away. “Right. I knew that. Totally did. Damn straight you’re Rae, Rae.” Now that I wasn’t just casually listening to her, but really paying attention, I noticed May made these almost imperceptible pauses before she cursed. Like she was looking over her shoulder for a phantom adult or trying to pick the best word. They didn’t show up unless you were giving her the Sherlock eye, so she may not have been aware she was doing it. We ate quietly. Bored with that, I decided to try and make friends. “What do you like to do?” I asked May, giving Sam a look as she begged shamelessly for bits of my sandwich. “Huh?” I tossed a bit of bread and Sam went for it. “How do you spend your free time? What’re your interests?” “Why are- What do you care?” May asked, peering at me. “Making conversation. It’s you or AJ, and I’ve kinda talked to AJ a lot at this point.” May scrutinized me with an adorable squint. Whatever she was looking for, she didn’t find. She dropped her gaze and she fiddled with her food. “I, uh... I play guitar,” she said quietly before shoving the sandwich in her face. “Cool,” I replied. “Acoustic or-” “Electric,” she said sharply. She seemed to realize how fast she said that and turned back to her lunch. “O-kay,” I said. Silence again. I finished my sandwich and watched the filly. She finished her sandwich and turned to the carrot sticks, avoiding looking at me. I shrugged and leaned back. The tree we’d stopped at was cozy and I looked up through its leaves so I could see sky. I decided I’d been lucky so far. No really serious weather aside from it being a bit cold, and AJ’s body seemed resilient enough to that. It’s your body too, ya know, AJ said. My body’s... Somewhere, I said. This is just a loaner. The wind moved through the leaves, casting shadow patterns against the shining, blue sky. I smiled. I didn’t really get out a lot before this. I’d camped maybe twice in my whole life and preferred the luxury of AC whenever I could manage it. Yet, here I was, Miss Nature. You can have it if you want, AJ said. I blinked. “What?” May turned to me. I waved my hoof. “S- Sorry, AJ surprised me,” I said, but this just made her look harder. What are you talking about? I said quietly to AJ. I got some years out of it, she replied, sounding way too nonchalant. I’m good. Besides, y’got some good ideas in here. Like I said last night, accountin’ finally makes some sense. Y’could probably talk to my brother better’n I could now. You don’t have to be... Y’know. Dead. I shook my head. I’m not going to take your body, AJ, I said. I stand by the loaner call. This is yours. She became quiet. Finally, she said, Well... Don’t well, me, missy, I replied. This isn’t up for negotiation. She sighed. No it ain’t. But you deserve better than a ditch on the side of the highway. When all this is over, we’ll find somethin’. We’ll get you worked out. I promise. I was quiet for a while, not even my thoughts stirring. When they did, all I could say was, “Thanks, AJ. For the offer.” I’d do it again in a heartbeat, Sugarcube. “What’d she do?” May asked. “Hm? Oh, she offered me to stay. In here.” I patted my barrel. “I have other plans though,” I said with a smile. As soon as the words left my mouth, something clicked. I’d heard that phrase before. Pretty much verbatim from May when I first met her. “Your guitar...” I said, the idea taking shape. “What?” May replied, a bit defensive. “Play in a band?” “Well, uh. Yeah,” May replied, baffled. “Bet you got dreams along those lines, don’t ya?” “Yeah. Kinda,” May said, blushing and looking away. I grinned broadly. “Hey, it’s cool. I just put it all together. Makes sense that you’d be so gung-ho about New York. You’d have to learn how to play all over again. With hooves and even a horn. Well, a filly’s horn.” “Tch, yeah. Tell me about it,” May said, rolling her eyes. “I get a unicorn too young to use her magic. No way I can lift my Ibanez, much less get at the strings. All I can do is make sparks.” My eyebrow rose in knowing. “Sweetie tell you that?” “No that’s from-” Her eyes got wide. She shut her mouth and looked away. “It’s like... It makes sense. She’s, uh, young. Young unicorn- no magic. Just logical.” She nodded authoritatively, convincing herself. Unfortunately for her, she didn’t convince me. I sighed, leaned forward. “You can drop the act, you know. I don’t care.” “What act?” May said. Staring into her wide eyes all I could think was, Oh God. No wonder it never worked. I must have looked like a huge idiot any time I’d try to boldface lie to my mom. It was written all over her face and her open expression just underlined it. Rolling my eyes, I said, “Look, you know about this whole pony thing. That’s cool. You don’t have to keep acting like its some embarrassing secret. I mean, look at us. Kind of late to pretend you don’t know what’s up.” “Yeah, uh, well what do you know?!” May said, ducking her head, eyes darting back and forth. “I know that I was the only girl in my high school who liked comics,” I said. “And that sucked donkey balls, but it beat lying.” May took her turn to roll her eyes. “Oh great, I’m getting fucking lectured on honesty from the leading background pony.” “Insults only work if they’re gonna piss somepony off,” I said, leaning back against the tree. “Besides, I’m not lecturing. I’m just telling you. For me- I felt better owning my fandom rather than let other people tell me how I should feel about it. And trust me, Tumblr may be making noise about girls reading comics, but where I went- that didn’t matter for shit.” May ran a nervous hoof around her hoodie’s drawstring, rolling it and unrolling it as she tried to look everywhere but me. “So what?” she said. “You finally get some ‘true friends’ out of your deal?” I laughed. “Nope. I made friends with band kids and art students. Max and Brian were geeks, but they were more into big, fantasy novels and playing D and D. There were other guys in band who read comics, but they were assholes. Kept quizzing me.” I rolled my eyes. “Ugh, assholes. That I know about,” May said, her hoof slowing in its attention to the hoodie string. “They are universal.” “Yeah,” she said, looking up and almost making eye contact with me. “Mine was a bandmate, Greg. He was such a dick. I put one sticker on my guitar, just one and he kept giving me shit about wearing lolita dresses and crap like that. I had to punch out his teeth before Clyde and Tim stood up for me.” “Sucks,” I replied, sagely. “Yeah. And it was a Rainbow Dash sticker! Like, one of the cool stickers that even non-bronies are okay about. I only picked it because it’d be, y’know, less a problem. I mean, I really wanted to...” She looked up at me, as if realizing I was just now paying attention to her. “Never mind.” her eyes darted away, hiding under Sweetie’s mane. “Aw, c’mon,” I said. “We were talking like normal people there. How about this? Tit for tat. I give an embarrassing thing and you finish that stranded thought?” May looked at me uncertainly. “Uh, what?” I blew air, losing a little patience with the number of times a pony could say “what?” in a given conversation. I had to hold it though. Unless I wanted to spend the rest of this trip with the cussing, tough girl act, I couldn’t lose my patience here. “My bestie Max and I would sometimes trade if we felt weird about a thing. Usually it was me. Max’d give me some embarrassing bit I didn’t know so I could tell him what had me in a funk.” I smiled wistfully. “Max is cool like that.” “Oooo...” May said. “Okay. Um. You go first though.” Not gonna lie, I expected that. Nodding, I put my hoof to my chin in thought. The sticker sounded more like a personal thing- She didn’t want to give up something that ruined that tough girl image (not that looking like Sweetie didn’t do that already, but I digress). So, when did I do a thing that- Ah. “Back in high school, on top of comics, I was obsessed with Inu-Yasha.” “So?” May said. “I saw that on an old adult swim. It was alright.” “Well, yeah, but it was not me. I’m comics girl, remember? And this wasn’t Archie and romance manga bullshit, I like superhero comics and dudes kicking ass and stuff.” “So?” “So, Inu-Yasha was butt-kicking, but it was also romance stuff. It was all good- there’s a reason every girl goes through an Inu-Yasha phase- but for most comic guys? It’s just another ‘girl thing.’ I got crap for being into Hellblazer and Storm Watch from most of the school. If I mentioned I was reading girly manga to the other comics-reading guys? Pssht. I’d just be another one of ‘those chicks’ and it’d get way worse.” May certainly got that. She nodded, a miserable look in her eyes. “Your turn,” I said. “What was so big about the super-heinous pony sticker?” She rolled her eyes, then closed them. Through clenched teeth, she said, “Fluttershy.” Memory welled up. I remembered her from the show as the scaredy cat, but AJ remembered her as nervous with an inner strength. Yellow fur, pink mane, butterflies on her flank. She helped out with any animals too stubborn for me. You’re better than Wikipedia, I said to AJ. I’m better than a lot of things, AJ replied, self-satisfied. “I can see how butterflies on an electric guitar would get shit,” I said to May. “Yeah...” May said. “But it- I had a fuckin reason.” “Yeah?” “Yeah. See, I like playing, but getting in front of crowds is... I get sweaty. I’m fine if I’m just jamming, but I get on the stage and it’s like- Fucking gone. I could barely play my first gig. I got okay after it, but it still made me stiff and the guys were thinking I was a lost cause. Till I started thinking about Fluttershy and the dragon. You know about that?” “In a way,” I said. More AJ memory. Celestia asking us to get a dragon off a mountain, Fluttershy being scared every step of the way, me hauling her the long way- Yep. I remembered all right. And for the record, grown dragons are fucking HUGE. “Oh, right. Duh. AJ!” she proclaimed, gesturing to me with her hooves. Smiling slightly, she went on. “Anyway. I’m sweating and sweating and I get on stage and I think- boom. That audience- That’s my fuckin’ dragon. I can’t back down from that. I may not like my band guys too much, but I sure as shit like my music. And no way am I gonna let a dragon menace my music.” She shrugged, smiling, lay on her side. “So, I wanted Fluttershy stickers. But I knew I’d get shit, so I figured Dash would be fine too. I mean, she didn’t face down that dragon, but a little Dash- Fuck you, I’m awesome attitude could be a good zen too.” “That certainly sounds like Rainbow Dash,” I said, chuckling. “So you busted Greg’s teeth in over a Dash sticker...?” “What? Oh. Yeah. After I popped Greg, the other guys were like, yeah Greg you were over the line, but they did it in that, Crazy Girl Is Around way.” May sighed. “We finished rehearsal, but they’ve been dodging me ever since. Saying they’re too busy or don’t have time to jam. Which is dumb. They’re the only decent group out here without me having to go all the way into the city.” She flopped back, sprawling out on the ground. “That was... Two weeks ago? Yeah. Pricks.” She batted at her hoodie’s string. “And I was just gonna say forget it and put the Fluttershy stickers on anyway and try something else when this happened,” she said, gesturing to herself. “I haven’t been able to pick up my guitar since.” She held her hooves up in front of her face, just staring at them. “I mean... I can Sweetie sing, but it isn’t mine. It’s hers.” She rested her hooves on her belly. I whistled low in appreciation. “That... Royally sucks.” “Pssh. No kidding,” she responded. May closed her eyes, sighed and rolled over. “Doesn’t matter though. I got an Applejack escort, I’m going to New York and I’m gonna get my hands back from Lauren!” I chortled. May gave me a look. “Weren’t you the one who gave me crap for laughing at your situation?” “Sorry. You’re right.” I giggled one last time, getting it out of my system. Smiling at May, I said, “You know... You don’t swear as much when you’re just chatting.” She furrowed her brow at me. “So?” “Just making conversation,” I said, oh wise pony master that I was. May stared at me for a minute, before shaking her head. “Yeah, you’re definitely not AJ. You’re too weird. How’d she end up with you anyway?” I shrugged. “Hay if I know.” May blinked, cocked her head at me. “Do you do that on purpose?” “Do what?” We stared at one another and May shook her head. “Nothing. Nevermind.” “Suit yourself,” I said. Stretching, I decided we’d chatted enough. “Break’s over.” I picked myself up and slid on my trusty backpack. Moving it to just at the base of my neck, I lay on the ground, calling, “All aboard!” May bounded over and hauled herself onto the remaining space on my back. She moved my pack a little bit so she could lay her head on top if she wanted. Sam yipped at the activity and I grabbed a stick, throwing it down the path. Sam watched it go and looked back at me, confused. “I don’t think she knows that yet,” May commented. “Right,” I said. I looked at my hoof. Then why had I...? AJ? Weren’t me. That was all you, Sugarcube. I shook the feeling off and set a steady trot. “So... May,” I said after a few minutes. “Yeah?” “You say you got the Sweetie voice. Is it any good?” “You don’t know?” “Applejack’s only heard Sweetie sing a few times and they were... A different kind of memorable, but I remember Max was all about Sweetie having a good voice.” May chuckled. “He’s right. I may be tiny, but I have pipes in here. Why?” “It ain’t guitar, but you wanna sing a bit? AJ usually plays music in my head, but that’s only good for one.” May was quiet for a while. As I started to turn my head, she said, “I’ll, um. I’ll pass. I’m pretty fuckin’ tired. I didn’t really sleep last night.” “Then you grab a nap,” I said. “I can keep my back steady.” “Thanks,” she said, soft. She was appropriately quiet for a few minutes, and when I glanced over my shoulder, I saw she was out cold. Her body was draped across my back with her hood pulled up to keep out as much of the sunlight as possible. I smiled at her and returned to walking. Maybe this weight wasn’t as bad as I thought.
Southern ComfortMay woke from her nap an hour or so before sundown. We were making really good time. I’d never covered ground like this before in my life. Was it possible to get a little earth pony magic in a human body when all this was over? “What’s Applejack like?” May asked, her voice still a little thick with sleep. I gave that a bit of thought, which amused AJ as she could “hear” me when I was actively thinking. Just talk from the heart, Rae. No need to make it- Well, that’s flatterin’- But you don’t have to get so fancy. “She’s a straight shooter,” I said with a nod. “Brave. Thoughtful. Salt-of-the earth.” Just ‘cause I don’t have cheeks right now doesn’t mean I can’t blush, AJ muttered. “That is so cool,” May said, her voice carrying a smile. “I mean, that, and you getting to be one of the Mane 6. I’m just... Ugh. Sweetie’s nice, but dude! Look at me!” I chuckled, glancing back at her. “Yeah, that doesn’t look convenient.” “I’m shorter than Sam, Rae! Look at that dog! That’s a fucking Arms of the Angel, won’t you adopt this poor puppy, dog! And she is bigger than me!” She squeaked on the last word and slapped a hoof over her mouth, blushing. “And that keeps happening,” she murmured. “Least you don’t sound like Dolly Parton,” I replied. She was quiet a moment before responding, “Point.” “How about Sweetie?” I said. “Huh?” “What’s she like?” “Oh, um. She’s alright. She really likes some of my music.” “Heh. AJ’s the same about my stuff.” “Yeah? Anyone I’d know?” “Janelle Monae?” I said. “Johnny Cash?” “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of her. She’s cool. Johnny’s classic.” “Eeeyup,” I replied. May went quiet again. Turning to look at her, I found her brow furrowed, her gaze away in thought. I’d only said yes, why did that merit so much consideration? When she saw I was watching, she blinked and said, “Uh, sorry. I’m more rock myself. Foo Fighters, Semisonic, that stuff. You get better riffs there.” “Foo Fighters are good,” I replied, looking back to the path. “I have two of their albums.” “I have all of them,” May proclaimed. “And Dave Grohl kicks ass! He’s, like, my fucking spirit animal. Well, him and Bibi McGill.” I laughed. “Y’know, interesting as this is, and I mean that, how about we let the other girls chat?” “Huh?” What? I’m trusting you, I told AJ. Roll with it. “We should let AJ and Sweetie talk,” I said, smile in place. “They’re in here too and they could probably use the one-on-one time.” May was quiet. “You’re... Sure about that? I mean... What if we... What if we don’t come back?” I shook my head. “No worries there. AJ’s driven the bus before and let me back in. I’m sure Sweetie can do the same.” “I dunno...” May said, clearly stalling. “I mean, this extra-mind-in-a-head stuff doesn’t make a lot of sense and now you wanna add swapping to the list.” “No kidding about that,” I agreed. “But, look. AJ fought to get you and Sweetie along, so wouldn’t it be fair to at least let the ponies hang out for a bit?” “I guess,” May conceded. “Just... Do you... Mind letting AJ out first?” “No prob,” I said, stopping near a tree. Sam slowed her walk and turned back to see why we’d stopped. So how do I...? I asked. Here, let me. And it happened again. I sort of... Fell back. And while I could see, hear, feel everything, I couldn’t do anything. Before I started freaking out, I reminded myself that I’d been here before and it all worked out. Just let somepony else drive the bus for a bit. “Howdy May,” AJ said. “Pleasure to meet ya.” “Whoa...” May said, her face coming into AJ’s periphery. “Just like that?” “Just like that,” AJ replied with a grin, starting up again, kicking up a little dirt in the process. Now that I wasn’t freaking the hell out about not controlling my body, I was able to appreciate this sort-of... waiting area in our head. I could think clearer here. And when I did, it was like the memory was that much sharper and real. So were AJ’s memories. No wonder she was able to play music in here. It was like being in some command center and both our brains and everything in them was within easy reach. No hazy memory, no song stuck in the head unless we wanted. I may not have been able to move my own mouth for now, but I’d be an idiot not to see this waiting area was cool in its own way. I mean, I could perfectly recall my locker combination from middle school. How cool is that? “This is so fucking cool,” May was whispering, outside. I thought for a second she’d achieved some freaky pony telepathy until I realized May was staring at AJ with fangirl awe. “I bet it is,” AJ said with a nod. “So you’re... You’re really Applejack?” May asked. “I really am,” AJ said, amused. “Oh dude. Before I- Before Sweetie comes in. I am- I am so fucking sorry about the background pony crack. I was being a bitch. You’re cool. You’re like, totally, fucking cool.” “Well, that’s much appreciated, May. Apology accepted.” “I’m talking to Applejack!” May crowed, laughing. “So! Awesome!” AJ chortled. “Okay. Okay. It’s out of my system. I’ll uh... Hang on. I’ll swap out with Sweetie here.” Silence. Then... “APPLEJACK!” I haven’t been tackled from behind before. Even more, I haven’t been tackled from behind when the person, or pony, doing the tackling launched from my back to my neck. Sweetie Belle was certainly an education. Thankfully, AJ was driving the bus, so we avoided falling tail over teakettle. She only stumbled a bit as the pint-sized pony leapt at her neck, embracing her tightly. “Oh my gosh Applejack, it’s so good to see you!” Sweetie yelled, swinging around so she dangled from AJ’s neck. Sam barked excitedly, dancing around AJ and Sweetie as they moved. “Howdy, Sweetie Belle, good to see you too. Easy, Sam. Easy girl.” Sam barked one last time and returned to her position a little in front of us. Sweetie went into motormouth mode. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t say that it’s good to see you. I could see you before but May was in charge so really I could always see you but now I get to talk to you and isn’t that great?” AJ chuckled. “Certainly is. You gonna hang on me the rest of the trip?” “Nah. I can walk.” Sweetie dropped, stumbled a bit in the dirt, then matched AJ’s pace with determination. “Ah, this is great! I was worried May was going to be the only person I really knew here and that was all magic brain stuff, but then you found us! Maybe we’ll get lucky again and run into Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, too!” Sweetie beamed at the notion of such good fortune. Turning to AJ, she said, “Or did you run into her already and send her to New York?” “Nope,” AJ said, her neck tensing slightly. Memories of Apple Bloom flickered around me in the waiting area and I could feel AJ’s longing flare intensely before fading. “Rae thinks I may run into her when we get to New York.” “I hope so. May’s a good friend and really helpful, but I miss them. And Rarity. Wow, I miss Rarity. I hope she’s okay too.” “I’m sure Rarity’s doin’ just fine,” AJ assured, stepping over a log. “She’ll have a human friend in her head helpin’ her out and you know she can take care of herself.” Sweetie nodded. “Yeah. As long as taking care of herself doesn’t mean getting dirty. She couldn’t handle this,” she said. AJ waited as Sweetie climbed over the same log. AJ snickered. “No doubt about that.” “So you and Rachel have been walking this whole time?” Sweetie said once they were moving again. “Yep,” AJ said. “Couple of things went down and Rae and me decided it’d be better to stick to the woods.” “May explained it to me. It sounds scary.” “It has been, but Rae’s been good company. She’s been mighty helpful when I was confused about this world. Patient and understanding the whole way.” Is there another Rachel in here? I asked. I don’t remember being a saint. You do what you can and I appreciate it, AJ replied. “May’s been nice too,” Sweetie agreed. “She sent a Facebook message to a bunch of ponies in case they ran into any other Cutie Mark Crusaders. It took her a real long time to type, so I was really impressed.” “Did she now?” AJ said. It was good AJ was driving the bus. Because as soon as Sweetie mentioned Facebook messaging, I started freaking out. Had May blabbed? Were we carrying a traceable signal in the shape of a white filly in a blue hoodie and headphones?! Rather than voice my freak-out, AJ said, “When was that?” Sweetie shrugged. “Before you and Rae showed up.” Did you know you can hyperventilate in a purely mental waiting area? Because I think I just did, I told AJ. She snorted. “Ooo! Ooo!” Sweetie broke in. “That reminds me- did you know we’re a show?” AJ nodded, chuckling. “I picked up somethin’ of the like.” “It’s soooo neat! I mean, it’s weird too, but still neat. May says that a lot of fans even cheer on me, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom when we try to get our cutie marks! How great is that?” “Sounds pretty impressive. I didn’t get an audience when I was tryin’ for my cutie mark, so y’all are extra lucky,” AJ said, with a wink. Sweetie smiled at her then glanced down, her brow furrowing in worry. “I really hope they’re okay. This is fun and all, but I don’t know where anypony else is. That gets kinda scary.” AJ put a supportive hoof on her back, briefly stopping us. Once again, Sam stopped a ways away and cast a look back. I swear it was this annoyed, “Again?” expression. “And you’re right to be scared, Sweetie,” AJ said, sunlight coming through the trees to illuminate our spot. “Only a danged fool wouldn’t be, in a situation like this. But I’ll tell you somethin’- wherever our friends and family are, they aren’t alone. There’s other ponies out there, and the Princesses, and we’re all lookin’ out for one another, like Miss Jubilee just showed. And those’re just the ponies! Why, on my trip alone, I’ve met four mighty-fine human folk who helped me out in a big way, and I can’t imagine them doing any less for Bloom, Scootaloo, or any of our friends. It’s like I’ve told Apple Bloom before- a pony’s always okay as long as she’s got friends.” Despite my lack of hands, I somehow managed to applaud. AJ blushed, cleared her throat. “And at the very least, right now you got me, and I got you. And we both got Sam.” Sweetie smiled wide. “Yep!” she said with a little bounce. Sam yipped her approval. “And our humans! May’s been super helpful this whole time. Like explaining how we’re a cartoon, how the internet works, she’s really nice. Even if she talks funny.” AJ cocked her head and resumed walking. “Y’mean all the cussin’?” “Is that what it’s called when she and other ponies go ‘bleep’ every other word?” AJ’s mouth parted as she puzzled that, and I was right behind her. That is until I realized just what May would “bleep” every other word. Oh wow, I said. What? AJ said. Here. I’ll just... And I thought about censorship. Specifically, I thought about, and shared with AJ, a tactic in TV censorship. And as soon as she knew what I knew, AJ snorted, giggled and guffawed. I laughed right along with her. “What?” Sweetie asked. “What did I say?” AJ looked at her. Sweetie’s expression was confused, but her cheeks burned with embarrassment. “Now don’t feel bad, Sweetie,” AJ said, ducking a branch. “May’s just bein’ more of an adult than Rae an’ me gave her credit for.” “Ooooh. Okay. Why would I feel bad about that?” “Your cheeks are redder’n a batch from the northwest crop.” “They are?” Sweetie reached a hoof up and blinked at the heat on her cheeks. “Oh. That must be May. Sometimes, she’ll pop up like that.” She glanced around conspiratorially, then leaned toward AJ. “I think she’s embarrassed,” she said in a not-terribly-whispering whisper. “Nothing to be embarrassed about,” AJ said with a nod. “I know she can hear me, so she should know I think that’s mighty big of her, what she’s doin’.” Sweetie’s cheeks got even redder. “I think that just made her more embarrassed,” she said, her calm expression at odds with the blush on her cheeks. AJ chuckled. I somehow smiled. We had some good kids along.
In Our MindAJ and Sweetie sounded like they were having a good time, so I thought I would give the pair some privacy. I hoped May would be inspired to do the same. It was strange. I didn’t have a body or eyes or ears or anything that I could really feel, yet I could tell that I was moving away from the waiting area and AJ. Like I was walking off to give her space. Even if I wasn’t walking per se. Whatever I did lead me to a forest, where I was actually walking. The forest quickly opened up on our houses, which were joined by a covered walkway. I sighed, creasing my brow slightly. AJ’s small red cottage was now joined to my big ol’ house, which wasn’t as big as it used to be. It looked scaled down, more simplified. By the same token, AJ’s cottage had grown, having grown a larger second story than before. Did she know this was happening? I’d only been here when we were sleeping, since I did most of the work outside. Was AJ being honest when she said she was as surprised as I was? Could she have- I knocked that line of thinking down. I knew AJ too well. She wouldn’t hide something like this from me. Plus, AJ wasn’t cerebral like I was. She was physical, an action pony. She preferred being active, helping, so she stayed mostly in the waiting area where we she could step in if need be. She’d only come here when we were sleeping. I was sure of it. I approached her cottage and caught sight of myself in the window. Or, the myself that I was now. My glasses were gone and I could clearly see my eyes sparkled emerald green a little when I turned my head. My hair was totally styled like Applejack’s mane now. It practically reached my butt in length and was a sandy-blond shade with little streaks of gold and chocolate mixed in. I was also ripped as hell. No, really. I thought I was fit before, but now I looked like I could punch a tree and make it give up its leaves. I felt like it too. Accepting the change in my new default, I turned to the door. I looked at the handle too long and sighed. I went inside her cottage. The interior of AJ’s cottage wasn’t Ikea levels of spartan, but it wasn’t heavy on adornment either. The couch looked sturdy and comfortable, the dinner table was polished- but they weren’t fancy. They were practical furnishings. From the hat rack by the door to the set-up of the kitchen, this was a place meant to be lived comfortably, not shown off. Except for one item. Well, really lots of items, but all of the same kind. The pictures were everywhere. Snapshots of her family and friends decorated the walls and sat on little end tables and on shelves. They showed ponies laughing and smiling. They showed ponies looking somber and thoughtful. And some even showed ponies looking startlingly honest, as if looking straight into the camera with their soul. I realized that these were AJ’s memories. She’d just put them in a form she could appreciate while in this dreamspace. I went about the cottage, looking at Twilight, at Rainbow, at Big Mac. Each picture became real to me as I passed it. It wasn’t just a photo of Twilight and a book, Twilight was actually hoofing me a book, Rainbow was actually challenging me to arm wrestling, Big Mac was actually going over the books with me, with a warm cup of cider at hoof. I had to stop, I felt so overwhelmed. It wasn’t like when AJ and I dreamed and shared a memory, or when I drove the bus and she brought something forward- it was like the memories were really happening and I was really there. I smelled the food from Granny cooking in the kitchen. I heard the whistle as Rainbow Dash called for us to get started on our race. I felt the straps of the dress Rarity had fitted me into. It was Applejack’s whole life! It was too much! I threw myself out of the cottage, gasping a little. Too much memory from another pony’s life. I had to remind myself I was Rachel Shelton. As I sorted myself out, I looked over to my house, joined by the walkway. Walking inside, I found my house had settled. No more Escher staircases, no more random rooms. It was just my house with white walls and comfy chairs and all that good stuff. It was spartan like AJ’s place. Unlike AJ’s place, there were no pictures. I went to the living room and found a wall of DVDs looming on one side. A dark green, plush couch faced an impressive TV. I plopped down. The remote was on the coffee table. I stared at the TV for a few seconds, shrugged, and picked up the remote. I hit “On.” I immediately saw Sweetie and she was saying, “...Winona’s coat was so shiny after!” “Well that may be,” AJ’s voice said, and I realized I had surround sound speakers in here. “But I don’t think Sam needs that particular cleaning method.” I hit mute, sitting back. Okay. I didn’t just need the waiting area to see what was going on outside. I looked at the remote. It reminded me of the complex one we had at home. Since we had flatscreen and cable, we’d gotten a remote to match all the needed buttoning. I still didn’t know what Rec Menu was. I was worried I’d blow up something in the International Space Station if I hit the wrong keys. Since I doubted this remote did anything more than let me control how I could see the brain stuff, I was a little more adventurous. I hit “SAP” and the volume kicked back on with AJ and Sweetie talking in stilted, high school Spanish. Laughing, I hit it again, bringing them back to English. I fiddle from there. I messed with the contrast, brightness. I changed the aspect ratio (behold! My life in WIDESCREEN HD!). I flipped the colors. Finally, I defaulted everything and looked the remote over again. “Input” looked like it could be entertaining. I hit it and a semitransparent screen overlay the activity of AJ and Sweetie. It had three boxes: Active, Applejack, Rachel. I clicked on Rachel. I ended up on what looked like the hold screen for a DVD menu. Except rather than a movie or a few episodes from a TV show, it was a hold screen for a DVD about my life. The background was a still of the me I used to be. Hunched over a laptop in jeans and t-shirt, little memories played around me in little screens. In a column next to me was “Play,” “Choose a Scene,” “Special Features.” More than a little amused, I went to “Choose a Scene.” Years of my life were lined up chronologically, going as far back as three years old. “Huh,” I said. I selected one at random. And suddenly I was sitting at the edge of the pond near my old high school. Max was in the pond, his hair glistening in the moonlight. My other friend, Darcy Wallace, was sitting next to me. We were passing a cigarette between us, watching Max swim like a crazy person. “You two are missing out!” he called. “Sure Max,” I said, taking a drag from the clove. I’d been smoking for about three months. It was part of my goth phase. By this time, I was already getting tired of how long it took me to do my make-up. Darcy was more committed. She went on to be a women’s studies major at NYU and the last time I saw a photo of her on Facebook, her roots were still black and she still wore thick mascara and eyeshadow with amazing, black dresses. Our clothes were part of the reason we were sitting on the bank while Max went for a midnight dip. “He’s cute,” Darcy said, low and secretive. “Eh,” I said with a shrug. I blew smoke up, failing to make a smoke ring. How the hell could everyone else blow a smoke ring but me? “Do you have dibs or anything?” Darcy asked, her eyes on Max’s back. He wasn’t on the track team, but he ran, and the moonlight and water conspired to make his back look better than it was. “All yours,” I said, trying for another smoke ring. “But if you break his heart, I promise I will break your face.” The smoke ring was just smoke and my throat was starting to hurt. I could only really smoke a clove and a half and I was nearing that half. “Noted,” Darcy said, flashing a toothy grin. I passed the cigarette back to her. I could feel I was on the end of this whole goth thing. Smoking sucked, the clothes were expensive, and the make-up took forever. I’d just go back to wearing black t-shirts and swapping Lovecraft novels with Darcy. She’d understand. She always said, “Goth isn’t a dress, it’s a lifestyle.” It was certainly a lifestyle I couldn’t hack. Looked like all I was good for was reading and marching band. And math. I’d aced my last pre-algebra class without batting an eye. I did a lot of stuff without batting an eye. I envied Max in the water. The evening was cool, but it looked like he was having fun. But my makeup would run and my hair would get wrecked and then I’d have to slog home in wet socks... Not worth the hassle. Nothing ever was. No one was surprised when I tried the goth thing. I wasn’t either. But everyone seemed to think I was going to stick with it. I was the only not surprised when I quit. That’s all I could really remember about high school: quitting things. I looked back to Max, sighing. Eventually he would get out of the water, shake a little on us because he thought it was funny and hide behind a bush as he took off his boxers and got back into his clothes. I’d give Darcy the full clove pack and tell her to keep it. And in two weeks, the only mark of my gothitude would have been a few nice tops I rotated through my daily wardrobe. And that would be my life: Not really getting in the water. Not really going to college. Not really giving a damn at my job. My whole life was going to be defined by not really’s and quitting. That is, until I woke up in a ditch as a pony. Then, I found out I could give a damn. I could think on my feet. I could face down a guy with a gun. I could make a trek to New York on foot, by cracky. I could make friends just like Max. I could do so much and I didn’t even realize it. Not until I’d met AJ. I hit stop and I was out of the memory. A blank gray screen stared back at me. I switched the input back to Applejack and found she was saying my name. “Sorry, what?” I said. Without warning, I was back in the waiting area. No body again, but I had plenty of awareness. Max is callin’. AJ said. Where were ya? You were mighty quiet there. “Sorry. I was lost in thought,” I replied. “Let me back in the saddle?” Hang on. And I had a real body again. It had hooves and a tail, but it was certainly more substantial than the body in my head. A little disoriented, I didn’t even realize I was already holding the phone to my ear. “Hello?” Max said. “You still there Applejack?” “Uh, no. AJ put me back in charge,” I said. “Whoa,” Max replied. “That is super freaky.” “What?” “You two sound totally different. In a freaky, not-quite-sisters way. I am never doubting the Batman voice change again.” “Thank you Captain Nerd. What’s up?” “Well, first you gotta tell me how brilliantly awesome I am.” Glancing down, I saw Sweetie looking up at me while she petted Sam. AJ confirmed the filly was still in charge, rather than her responsible teenager, May. I ensured my insults were on a PG level. “Max, I can’t charge this thing, so if you wanna waste time and battery power while we wait, be my guest.” “Sorry, sorry. I’m just- I have totally Sherlocked this. I’m a badass,” Max said. “What’re you talking about Max?” “I found the dirty P.I,” Max said. “I can get you to him.”
I Won't Back DownDay: 11 I stared at the tavern. It was hard to miss. The place was obviously once a family’s lived-in farmhouse. White wood and green accents for the shutters and roof, it even had a porch that stretched the length of the building. It fit in with the small town’s aesthetic, save for the parking lot, which was practically choking on motorcycles. Seebers Tavern was in Smithville Flats, which meant we lost a day and some change doubling back. We also lost our direct route to New York. AJ wasn’t happy about the detour, but she was less happy about having Matthews out there and unaccounted for. May was quiet. She had been since I got the call from Max, who had done some damn impressive detective work. “I’m sorry Max, I must have caught ear mites because I swear it sounded like you said you just found Matthews,” I said. “That’s a big no on the ear mites because I did just say that.” “How did you-” “Lots of computer magic and a few favors.” I’d called Max while staying at Cherry’s and shared the idea that Matthews had digital back-up. Max took it to heart and went around asking his local computer guys if anyone was working with investigators or independent contractors. I didn’t think it was possible, but “hacker who does P.I. work” showed up on the right radar once Max asked the right questions. Max tracked the P.I. helping hacker down and as luck would have it, he found a fellow brony. “This is my life,” I grumbled, pulling Liana down over my eyes. “Lemme guess. He didn’t like that he’d been set on AJ.” “He’s a classic, heavy, sweaty, computer guy,” Max said, his smile apparent through the phone line. “He looked like he was gonna punch a baby when I told him.” “Great, we’ll get his infant throttling services,” I said. “Nah. You’d much prefer his online skills. I mean, the guy’s name- I shit you not- is Wayne Wade Waters.” “Wow,” I said. “Yeah.” “Were his parents prophetic?” “Maybe, because Mr. Wayne Wade Waters turned right around in his chair and tracked down Matthews’s banking information, cell phone, and location to within two miles. Then Mr. Wayne Wade Waters gives me his cell so he can update me if Matthews moves.” I whistled in appreciation. “Yup. Oh and Mr. Wayne Wade Waters said, and seriously, this was kind of cool of him, he said, ‘No one fucks with my favorite background pony.’” I sighed. “Is this background pony thing a joke I should be aware of? I keep hearing it.” “Ignore it,” Max replied. “Seriously, for a guy who looked like a black Silent Bob, he made that line totally bad-ass.” I was more impressed with the line he gave us on Matthews. Since that line lead to me right to the biker tavern, where he was enjoying a late afternoon beer. “So,” May asked, breaking her silence, “What’s gonna happen?” “I’m gonna go in there,” I said, stroking Sam calmly. “Find him. Talk to him. Play it by ear after that.” “What about me?” “I’ll leave you and Sam with the nice man outside.” May made a face. “What?” I asked. “I don’t wanna stay outside. It smells like ass out here. Besides, you totally need back-up.” “You’re, like, two feet tall,” I retorted. She rolled her eyes. “Okay, how about this? It’s a bad plan and that ‘nice man’ doesn’t look very nice.” I peeked around the building. No, the man outside didn’t look nice. He mostly looked huge. Like, epic huge. Like viking huge. Like, average doorways were something he glared at until they bent to allow him to pass huge. He was also thick in the middle, but under no circumstances would I regard that heft as anything less than threatening. His scowl was pretty impressive to boot. “He’s a bouncer,” I said, eyes still on him. “He’s not supposed to look very nice. C’mon.” “No,” May said, sitting and pulling Sam close. “Why’re we doing this Rachel? Huh? I mean, so what. This P.I. guy’s chasing you. You’re fucking Applejack, now. We make it to New York, bunker down with the princesses, there’s no way he’s going to mess with you.” I sighed, smiling wearily. “Yeah. I could do that,” I said, nodding. “It’s smart. Run to New York and rally with AJ’s friends. Well... My friends too, I guess. Find this guy with them at my back and then- no worries, right?” May nodded. “Yeah. Duh.” I shook my head. “That’s too much like running off and sticking my head in the dirt.” I stared at Seebers again. “Also, Matthews is the only lead I have.” “Lead on what? When did this become fucking CSI?” she asked. I looked at May evenly. “Sweetie censor up?” “Yeah,” she mumbled, glancing away. “She’s in my Disney World memories right now, anyway.” I nodded. “I didn’t just wake up as AJ, May. I woke up as AJ in a shallow grave off the highway.” May’s jaw dropped and her eyes got very, very big. “Holy shit,” she whispered. I nodded again. “I think the only reason I’m not dead is because my human body was bigger than my pony one. So, when I changed, it left a gap big enough for me to tunnel out of. Plus, the whole earth pony thing.” I tilted my head at the bar. “That guy in there? He’s my only lead to how I got there.” “But... But, your friends,” May said. “Shouldn’t have to deal with my mess. If I’d stayed put in the first place, or tackled Matthews and dealt with him then, I wouldn’t be trailing him, now. Max could have just driven me to New York and that’d be it. So, it’s time to stop running, get my head out of the dirt and deal with my mess,” I said. May looked at me. Then, she looked at Seebers. “Okay,” she said, rising. “Let’s do this.” For the first time since she’d joined us, Sam didn’t wag her tail as we walked. We came out from behind the building and waited as a car rolled by. The bouncer turned his attention our way as we stood at the curb. Nearby, a compact, firm looking redhead watched us, too. We crossed the street, waded through the sea of parked motorcycles, and walked up the steps to stop in front of the guy. Up close, he was a mountain with a goatee and short black hair at the top. Even if I’d still been my average girl height, I’d come up to his armpit tops. This guy wasn’t just huge, he made huge need lifts. “Howdy,” I said from down at the mountain’s base. “Hey,” he replied, his arms crossed, his head cocked in interest. “I need to show ID?” “Is it going to have a horse on it?” the bouncer said. “Pony,” the redheaded woman said, an amused smile on her lips. The bouncer looked over at the woman, then back at me. “Look, we’ll skip the bit where my license doesn’t remotely look like me and just cut to the chase,” I said. “I’m just looking to get inside, talk to someone, and leave.” He cocked his head at me the other way. “And her?” he said, indicating May. “Oh she’s underage twice over. She’s staying out here with the dog.” “Hey!” May squeaked. The redhead laughed. “I’m not a babysitting, or dogsitting, service,” the bouncer rumbled. “I’m no fuckin’ baby!” May snapped. That got the redhead really laughing. “Oh shit, that’s funny,” she said, slapping her leg. The bouncer frowned at me, then May. “Nope.” I rolled my eyes. “C’mon. I’m having a hell of a day, help me out here.” “I don’t doubt,” he said. “No ID, no in. And no way I’m watching the infant and the mutt.” “Dude, if you don’t knock it off with the baby stuff, I will bite your dick off,” May growled. The redhead was roaring now, leaning against the railing as she guffawed. The bouncer just gave May a hard look. May tried to return it, but she didn’t exactly have a lot she could work with. Sam wagged her tail and tried to look pleasant. “Jay, just let her in. I’ll keep Swearing Sweetie company if it’s that much of a problem.” Jay the bouncer looked at the redhead, who was grinning and giggling, and he sighed. “Fine,” he said rolling his eyes. Looking at me he growled, “Don’t cause any shit.” “Not my plan,” I said. I turned at May. “You gonna be okay with...” I glanced at the redhead. “Ann,” she said, with a saluting beer. “Ann,” I said, back to May. “I’ll be quick. I’m not cutting you out of the loop. Just want to make sure nothing bad happens to you.” May rolled her eyes and huffed. Trudging on little hooves over to Ann, she plopped her rump down. Sam looked between us and I gestured toward May with my hoof, nodding approvingly. Sam’s tongue lolled out in happy understanding and she went over, sitting down next to her. Ann stroked the dog’s head and Sam wagged her tail appreciatively. “Do I get a biscuit?” May said, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. “No, but I’ll see about getting us a hotel for tonight.” She looked away, but I could tell I’d appealed to something. “Thanks,” she mumbled. “Camping’s alright, but I need a tent.” “Heard that,” I replied. I went over to her, offered a hoof. The act mollified her further and she bumped it, making a little squee noise. I smiled, tilting my hat at her. Turning, I went back to the door and Jay let me in. The inside of Seebers was okay and nothing like the family farmhouse exterior. Inside was an old time saloon. There was a bar that stretched across one wall with liquor and a mirror behind it, people milled at tables with their drinks and food, the place even had pool in the corner with darts. I almost wished I’d gotten a Clint Eastwood stinger when I walked in. I certainly earned enough sidelong glances to be a mysterious stranger. I ignored them. I could see not-cop, dirty Private Investigator James Matthews staring at his drink at the end of the bar. He looked as shabbily official as ever, in a brown blazer and gray slacks. I got yer back, AJ said. And she did. I could feel it. I’m not wall-eyed, am I? I’m trying to look serious here. You’re fine. I don’t need to be actually lookin’ to pay attention to where I’m at, she replied. I nodded slightly and walked the length of the bar. There was an empty stool next to Matthews. I bunched my hindquarters and leapt up, landing nimbly on the seat. Surprised at my sudden dexterity, I turned inward. Did you give me a hoof with that? I asked AJ. Nope, AJ responded, her voice proud. That was all you, Rae. Nice one. The bartender looked at me. I could see he was trying very hard not to stare. “Coke,” I said. He nodded and gave it to me. From my impressive peripheral vision, I saw Matthews turn his head to me, blink, snort, and go back to his drink. It was amber and in a short glass without any ice. Now that I was paying attention, I could see how old he was. He was younger than my dad, but the lines at his eyes and the creases in his brow made him look older than he was. He looked like someone who got punched by life, and often. No wonder I first thought he was a government official. Nobody can look that worn down, naturally. “Well,” he said. “This is just my luck. I drive all up and down the state looking for your ass and you find me first.” “That’s life,” I said, nodding my thanks to the bartender as he put my Coke down. “Full of surprises.” “You’re certainly a surprise,” he said. I picked up the straw next to my drink and plopped it in. I took a casual swig. I hadn’t had anything other than water and juice since this thing started. The pop bubbled on my tongue in a different way. It was still sweet, just foreign now. “Ahh,” I said. “That’s good.” Turning to Matthews I said, “Rachel. Since we didn’t get off on the right hoof.” “Jim,” he said, shaking my hoof. “So. Jim,” I said, rolling the glass between my hooves. “Are you going to tell me why you’ve been chasing me all over the state?” “I was hired to.” I rolled my eyes. “Gee, couldn’t figure that one out. What else were you hired to do?” “Client confidentiality,” he said, coolly. I snorted. “Bull.” “Fair enough,” he replied. “I was hired to find you, convince you to come with me.” “And if I refuse?” I said. “I can be persuasive,” he said. He spoke in a friendly tone. No malice, no threat. Just a fact. I would have preferred a threat. “Well, I hate to be a bother, Jim, but I can’t go with you. I got business in the city.” “Yeah?” “Yeah,” I replied. “I’m apparently an Element of Harmony and they need me there. World saving stuff. You know how it goes.” “Well...” he said, rubbing a thumb on his glass. “My client needs you back upstate.” “Then we are, as they say, at an impasse.” He looked at me, then sipped his drink. He sighed. He cracked his neck, and turned on his stool. To the bar, he said, “Hey guys! Hey! Listen up!” What’s he doin’? AJ asked, squinting at the P.I. The chatter died down and I heard a few chairs squeak around. I turned to the bar and, sure enough, patrons were looking Matthews’s way. Soon, the only noise was the jukebox. “This here’s Applejack! She’s a pony from that show! You know, the one everyone’s turning into characters from? Say hi!” He was met with silence, but a couple of patrons glanced at me. “Now... I’m tryin’ to get her to come with me, but it’s a no sell. I will give... One thousand bucks to the first guy to wrestle the pony down and help me out. She’s kind of running from a debt!” “I am not!” I yelled. “Dude are you nuts? That’s illegal!” one guy said. “Yeah, but that’s a pony, and he said one grand,” another said. More than a few people were looking at me sideways. More than a few were looking at Matthews sideways. Great. “You’re kidding me, right?” I said. “This guy just offered everyone one grand to kidnap me.” The ones looking at me sideways lost some of their interest. Matthews grinned and leaned back against the bar. “I have it in cash,” he said.
The Cowboy Who Started The FightAs soon as Matthews said, “Cash” the bar erupted in movement. Half the patrons made a break for me while the other half tried to tackle the ones coming at me. I hopped on the bar and ran the length, trying to get outside. I skidded at the end of the countertop, slamming into the jukebox. Music kicked up (link to Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation) and I thought, Great. Fight music. A chair slammed down in front of my muzzle. I growled, slammed my front hooves down and snapped Bucky McGigillicuddy out. The owner of the chair dropped with a howl. “Oh lighten up,” I said. “That was a love tap.” Which was true. My body packed serious muscle. AJ could buck apples out of trees with a kick. If I went full buck with either of my legs, I’d break bones and do real damage. So the kid shoes were on for this dance. “Holy shit!” a familiar voice squeaked through the noise of grunting, fighting patrons. I looked up and saw Jay, the bouncer, filling up the doorway with May on his shoulder. Ann stood next to him, staring at the mass of people tearing into one another. Jay glared at me. “You were just going to talk, huh?” “In my defense, who I talked to turned out to be a huge asshole,” I said. “Fine,” he spat. “You’re helping me clean up.” “Sold,” I said. Jay waded into the brawl, forcing people apart or just shoving them down until he met someone almost his size who was spoiling for a fight. May jumped down as soon as the other mountain of a man grabbed the bouncer. She skittered over to me. “This isn’t safe!” I yelled at her over the din. I dodged a flying bottle. “No shit!” May said. “We running?” “Not without Matthews!” I said. Speaking of... Where was that asshole? Six o’clock! AJ yelled. Kicks McGee fired on auto. I heard a grunted “dammit” followed by a groan. “How are you doing that?” May yelled. “I got a good partner,” I said. “You get outside! Stay with Sam!” “I got her!” Ann said, picking up May and tucking her close to her body. The redhead then shot out a powerful leg toppling a guy twice her size by taking out his knee. She looked like she’d done it before. “Thanks!” I yelled. Someone crashed into the jukebox and the music changed again. The atmosphere in the room changed instantly. My back hoof was tapping. I felt a little light headed and everyone briefly looked like they were moving in slow motion. What’s going on? I asked. Just go with the flow, AJ said. Before I could say anything else, something in me... clicked and I knew what to do. I launched to the bar in rhythm with the music, kicking one, two, three four glasses, and pinging them off one, two, three, four heads. Each one hit on a downbeat, adding echo to the drums. I dodged as a fist came, twirled and fired my legs, being sure to not put too much force in them. It was like dancing. Everything happened on the beat, everything moved in rhythm. When the guitar riffed hard I kicked, when the drum beat went solid I double kicked. When the song made it to its midway point where it was getting ready for an insanely fast part, I swear the room went still to stare me down. I spat and beckoned with my hoof. They all launched at me as one big, freaking mass of people. I responded on beat, in rhythm. I was like Jackie Chan and Fred Astaire’s pony lovechild. As far as my body was concerned, I was Black Betty and I went wild. I have no idea how I did it. Though they launched as a mass, they didn’t land as one, as I whipped around and popped a guy each with both hindlegs. They went down and I felt someone get a hand on my foreleg. Rearing up, I slid free and gave another love tap, knocking him out. People were piled on the floor, all scrabbling around each other for me, for each other. I bounded over them and fired all four legs at once as four patrons came at me. Headshots across the board. I dropped, rolled, missed getting tackled by a man in more leather than a kink club and kicked a barstool. It flipped, the seat knocking leather daddy in the head and someone grabbed my hindlegs, dragging me across the floor. I bucked my body and whoever had me let go, not risking my hooves of doom. Back on my hooves, I wheeled, glared at the man, who raised his hands and got socked across the jaw by Ann. She smiled, finishing the move with a knee to his groin then she kept moving. I smiled back and leapt to the bar’s countertop, knocking guys off left and right. Then I got two solid forehooves around one guy and threw him down the bar, slamming him into the jukebox, silencing the music on the last note. Panting, I looked out over the tavern. The fight was over. The only sound came from a single, naked light bulb, which swung back and forth on its cord. Shifting shadows spilled over groaning and downed people. “What the hell was that?” I shrieked. That, AJ said. Was a bit of pony music magic. “Pony whoosee whatnow?” I said, less shrieky. Musics important to us ponyfolk and sometimes it moves through us, guiding us, gives us inspiration and tells us things. Also makes for some dang good hoofwork sometimes. Y’got good rhythm there, anyone ever tell you that? “I was in marching band,” I replied absently. “That. Was. Awesome!” May squealed. I turned and saw Ann dropping a bottle on top of a guy as May hopped from her shoulder. Ann had a cut on her cheek, but it didn’t seem to bother her. “Seconded,” Ann called, grinning fiercely. “This is going to be a pain in the ass,” Jay rumbled. “This ain’t fuckin’ Roadhouse!” I turned the other way and saw Jay step over the huge guy he’d been wrestling. The other guy looked decidedly unhappy. He also looked purple on one whole side of his face. I realized that I didn’t see a particular rumpled suit amongst the groaning and injured. “Hey, where’s-” I was cut short by a hand grabbing my neck and pulling me off balance. “Ack!” I spat. I reared my legs, prepared to start a whole new drumbeat. The sudden feeling of metal against my skull silenced that urge. “Now, now,” Matthews said too close to my ear. “Let’s not do anything rash.” I was a hostage. Sweet fucking damsels, I was a fucking. Hostage. What the fuck happened to my life?! Jay didn’t move, his gaze locked on us. Ann may not have had his height or build, but she matched him pound for pound in dirty looks. May had frozen in shock, but her mouth broke free. “You fuckin’ put her down!” she bellowed, her suddenly loud voice filling the space easily. If I wasn’t so busy having a gun pointed to my temple, I’d have been impressed. Any chance of a repeat of the highway moron? I asked AJ. Any chance you can tell how crap his gun is pressed against yer temple like this? Point. “I don’t think so,” Matthews said. “Now. I’m going to leave and the pony is coming with me.” He shifted his grip so that he had me by the barrel. He grunted as he pulled on me. Earth ponies were pretty sturdy. He managed to get me moving, but I made him work for it by trying to make my dead weight as dead as possible. “I so fucking hate you,” I growled. “You made me drive through the boonies of upstate New York,” Matthews said hotly next to my head. “The feeling’s mutual.” He stepped through the opening at the side of the bar and made his way to the front door. Jay, Ann, and May tracked us every step of the way. He paused at the door and gave it a kick. It opened without resistance. “Love these hole-in-the-wall, biker joints,” he said. “So classy.” “What do you think you’re going to achieve here?” Jay asked, his voice level, his eyes sharp. “Seriously. I know what your car is. I know your face.” “You wouldn’t be the first,” Matthews said and he backed out the door. Right into Sam’s jaws. I heard a growl, a bark. Then Matthews was cursing, and Jay was moving, and I was dropping. I hit my rump and turned to fire my legs again when there was a phoont! noise. Twice. I gasped just as my legs shot out and felt a hot lance of pain in my flank. I heard Sam yelp. My hooves whiffed air, so I turned to reorient. This turned out to be a little too much to ask as the world suddenly set itself to tilt. Matthews, Sam, and the front porch wobbled about in my vision. “The fuuu...” I groaned. Wait. Matthews’s gun. I squinted up and saw it wasn’t a firearm- it was a tranquilizer gun. Well, that explained why I was having trouble standing and why Sam- SAM! She was on the deck, her chest heaving. “No...” I whispered and my back legs dropped. I was an earth pony. This meant I was hardy as hell and could run all day if I paced myself right. Sam was a sickly dog who just got pumped full of enough tranquilizers to slow me down. That couldn’t happen. She’d die. I couldn’t let that- More pain. This time a lance into my barrel. My front hooves dropped. My jaw hit the porch, but it was a far away feeling. It was like someone had hit me with a firm pillow. Liana flopped off my head on impact. Shaking the stars from my eyes, I tried crawling to Sam. I needed to get that needle out. I needed to save Winona! I needed to save my dog! It wasn’t enough. I heard May scream. I felt Matthews’s hand on me. Darkness wrapped me up.
I Ain't A SongFor a second, I thought I was back in the dirt. I felt heavy and covered and like I couldn’t breathe. Then, I felt the rain and my eyes snapped opened. The sky was a boiling mass of ink-black clouds with thunder and lightning crashing above. Water pelted down on my face sloughing the painful memory off me. I took a greedy breath. My skull throbbed in response. “Agh, my head…” I grumbled, rising to sit. “I’m with you on that,” said a voice. I turned at the unfamiliar sound and my jaw dropped. AJ was next to me, but it wasn’t the AJ I’d gotten used to seeing. She was still a pony, still muscular and powerful, but her fur was lighter, looking less orange and more tan. Her mane was also cut short, just below her ears and the same color as my sandy-blond hair. Her freckles were completely gone. As she blinked at me, I realized her bright green eyes were now hazel. “What’s happenin’?” I asked, realizing my voice was more Southern. “I think this is it,” AJ said, her voice more Yankee. Blinking, I realized I had a muzzle. And a tail. And pony ears. “Great,” I muttered. Looking down, I saw I still had human hands and feet. They looked durable: powerful with thick nails. I wiggled my toes for comfort. Thunder crashed around us and my head snapped up from the self-inspection. The trees around us were whipping back and forth violently. Rain crashed down in buckets through the clearing. We were just beyond the treeline and through the downpour I could see we were directly across from our houses. Separated only by a door, they swayed in the same powerful wind that shook the trees. “This is weird,” AJ said. “No kiddin’,” I replied. Lightning struck nearby, blinding me briefly. “We’re screwed,” I yelled over the howl of the wind. “Matthews got us.” “He got us for a bit,” AJ responded at the same volume. “Soon as we wake, we take him out. Break out Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee again.” “Because that worked out well for us,” I said, throwing my hands up. “Well, if you have a better plan, I’d love to hear it!” AJ snapped. “Why not talk to him?” I retorted. “That’s what we did last time!” AJ yelled. “No! We tried to bully him and he got us in a bar fight!” “So? I came out fine!” “Till he tranq’d me!” “That’s why we gotta get him when we wake up!” “Oh for-!” I turned away from her, scrunching my eyes shut and digging my hands into the sodden earth. I could feel the muck squelch up in my fingers. Thunder cracked above us. “We can’t keep doing this,” I said. “Doing what?” AJ said. “This,” I said, opening my eyes and looking at AJ. “We can’t… I want to kick him. I want to kick Matthews so bad, AJ. But I know that’s not going to work. He’s smart. He got us good. We gotta use our head.” AJ turned away, her face red. “That’s… not exactly my strong suit.” “Bull,” I said. “You may not be good at the same kind of thinking as me and Twilight, but you’re whip smart in your own right, AJ.” She looked back at me, the question clear on her face. “You’re great at other folk. You knew how to watch your back without ever using your eyes. I know you know how to take care of your crops- I have your memories. So, don’t go feeding me the line that when it’s time to use your noggin, you can’t step up.” AJ was a different kind of red now with wide eyes. She ducked her head, a small smile on her muzzle. “You know how to flatter a girl, don’t you?” she said. “I know how to deal with a friend honestly,” I replied. The rain roared around us. I watched as a skinny tree was ripped up by its roots and shot into the air, skimming over the roof of our houses. Our houses. They were barely separated by that door. They might as well be one house now. I kept looking at those houses. They had been here as long as AJ and I had. They were always inching closer and closer. So what happened when the walls fell and they actually became one? Lightning flashed. Thunder rumbled. I smiled. “And Thor lifted his mighty hammer...” I murmured, grin in place. “What?” AJ said. “If we’re going to deal with Matthews, I’m thinkin’ first, we gotta deal with ourselves,” I said. “Whatcha got in mind?” AJ asked. I looked around. I didn’t look too hard because, for all that this was where AJ and I talked, this was still a dream. And in dream logic, if you expected there to be a sledgehammer by a tree, you’d find a sledgehammer by a tree. So, I found one. I got up, went over to the tree, ducking a whipping branch and picked up the hammer. It was heavy, I could tell, but I also knew I could handle it. I took a few experimental swings. “Get something you can wreck with,” I said, over my shoulder. When I turned around, AJ was slipping on what looked like iron slippers. I raised an eyebrow at her and she stood, tossing her short mane with a cocky smile. “Can’t beat a set of iron shoes if you want to wreck some shit.” I nodded and tilted my head at the houses. AJ followed my lead and we started walking. The rain came down, steady, heavy, but not stinging. The sky continued to slam into itself above. “You know… AJ? For what it’s worth,” I said. “I think you’re pretty cool.” AJ smiled at me. “For what it’s worth,” she said. “I think you’re pretty cool too.” We stopped just in front of our joint houses. The rain picked up, blanketing us. The strange part was I felt like I was being cleaned. Like I was being prepared. “I just want you to know, I’m not really sure about this,” I said. “That’s okay,” AJ said. “I’m not either, but it’s the best idea we got, right?” “Yeah...” I said. Even stranger than the rain was how I felt like I was on autopilot. Not as intense as the fight in the bar, but it was similar. I felt like I was in charge of what was going on, but only because I’d decided on what I was going to do and say a long time ago. It was weird, but not the weirdest thing I’d come across since I came out of the grave. I snorted. Had it really been just two days since that happened? Not to sound like the experience was blasé, but it felt like longer. I guess a lot really had happened since then. “So, you know what we’re doing here?” I asked, hefting the hammer in both hands, getting a sense of its weight again. I could feel just how powerful my arms were, too. “We’re gonna tear down these walls,” AJ said, pointing her hoof at the red house, then the white. “Then, we’re gonna tear down these roofs. Then, we’re gonna build a big ol’ house just for us.” I nodded, agreeing. “I’m scared,” I said, blinking fast. “Me too,” she said. “But I’m more scared of what would happen if we didn’t go through with this,” I said, looking pointedly at the sky. Thunder boomed back at me in response. The rain started stinging as it picked up speed. AJ nodded. “Better to take charge than have the charge taken from you.” “Which crappy Equestrian fortune cookie did you get that from?” I snarked. “Probably from one of your stupid Earth memories,” she chuckled. She smiled and shook her mane out of her eye. She offered me her heavy shod hoof. “Pleasure getting to know you, Rachel Shelton.” I took the hoof. “See you on the other side, Applejack Apple.” We shook on it. We turned to the houses. I stepped over so I aimed at mine. AJ walked over in front of hers. We glanced at each other and nodded. Rearing back and up, we raised hoof and hammer high, then came down on the houses as one. Together, we broke down our walls.
The Devil's Right HandI woke up hogtied, so the day was already off to a great start. My mouth felt like it was full of cotton and my head was packed with pillows. I felt stiff and sluggish for all that I could only wiggle. “Blagh,” I said, smacking my lips. There’s a new thing I learned: forced sedation sucks. “Well. Look who’s up.” I turned to Matthews. He sat in a chair in front of me, a half-full bottle of Jack Daniels and an empty glass on the table next to him. His blazer was off and he’d undone the top two buttons of his shirt, revealing a pasty chest dotted with hair. A tranquilizer gun sat next to the bottle, easily within reach. I couldn’t tell if it was the same gun from before or a new one. “Are we going to have problems?” he asked. I looked at the gun, then him. Even though I felt like I couldn’t stand up, I gave him a steady look. “Nope,” I said. “Good,” he said. Turning away from him, I breathed deeply and focused my attention on where I was. The first thing I noticed was that Liana and my backpack were gone. After cursing my bad luck, I raised my head slightly to see the room better. I lay just a foot from Matthews’s chair on a less-than-squishy beige carpet. From there, I could see a bed made with white linen, off-white walls, and a middling dresser that had a TV bolted to it. The smell of cheap disinfectant was in the air. Well that, and whiskey and weed. “Nice place y’got here,” I said, sitting up. “It ain’t the Ritz Carlton, but I’ve stayed in worse.” I nodded my head at his bottle of Jack Daniels. “Celebratin’?” “In moderation,” he said, pouring a finger of liquor. “We’re waiting on my client.” I tensed, wanting to shred the ropes with raw strength alone and tackle Matthews. No, no, no, I thought. That’s not the plan. Get him talking. “You know, I don’t think I’ve once seen you without somethin’ in your blood,” I commented. “Y’got a problem?” He smirked at me. “It’s only a problem if you can’t do the job.” “So you can still ‘do the job’ full of a dime bag and whiskey?” He shrugged, shooting more liquor. “Ah,” he sighed, clearly enjoying the fire. “Yeah. They help keep my nerves steady. I used to be a jumpy son of a bitch.” I snorted. “You coulda fooled me.” He snorted in return. Rising, he took the bottle and put it on the far side of the TV dresser. He returned to his chair and plopped down. When he sighed I thought I was going to get a contact high from his breath. “What was that for?” I asked. “No whiskey unless I’m out cold?” “I know my limits,” he said. “Out of sight, out of mind thing.” I wiggled in my bindings again. “How long’ve I been out?” I said. “All night. These’re horse tranqs.” My gaze fell to the floor and I narrowed my eyes. “You shot my dog with that shit,” I growled. He tilted his head. “Yeah, so?” “You coulda killed me. If you killed her, you’re going to regret it.” He laughed. “I took precautions,” he said. I looked away, trying to rein in the anger that was rushing to my head. I was letting him get under my skin while he stayed completely unfazed. In fact, the only time I’d seen him annoyed was when I first met him and made a break for it. Running was definitely out since I was trussed up like Hearth’s Warming dinner, so I needed to crack his cool somehow. Flopping my head on the carpet, I closed my eyes. I needed to think this out. AJ? I thought. And a horrible feeling hit me: that wasn’t right. Rae? That wasn’t right either. But it had to be one or the other unless... Oh, horse-apples. It happened. It actually happened! We merged. Buck, I thought. I didn’t know who I was. This… Could be a bit of a problem. Okay… I thought, quickly. So, who am I? Who am I, who am I, who am I? Am I Applejack? Am I Rachel? I waited for the instinctual confirmation, that personal, powerful understanding of who I was. Nothing came. I just felt like AJ. And Rae. All at once. Well ain’t that just peachy? No particular leanings either way... Did we merge that much? That’s what this was going for? This? Now?! I ain’t got time for an existential crisis! Opening my eyes, I took a breath. Well, whoever I was, I had to deal with this. “You sick or something?” Matthews asked. “Huh?” I looked at him. “Your breathing got fast.” “Just… a mild panic attack.” He cocked his eyebrow at me. “Well, don’t die. I don’t get paid for your corpse.” “Gee thanks, I’ll keep that in mind and try not to die just so you don’t miss a paycheck.” He snorted at me and leaned back. “That’s right neighborly of you,” he said. I glared at him. Screw the talking plan, this guy was getting a piece of my mind. “Y’know what? Fuck. You. I am having the shittiest few days of my life!” The smug amusement on his face only riled me further. “Really? Do tell,” he said. “Okay, asshole. First off... first off, I was buried. Fucking. Buried. I woke up digging out of dirt. How’s that for a start? Then I’m a pony. I mean, then I have a human running my body. I mean-” The smug had left Matthews’s face to be replaced by the same wary look I gave crazy people who argued with themselves on the subway. “Never mind!” I snapped. “Point is- I’m no longer myself. Then you show up and it’s worse! I think I have to run, so I do, and I end up in the woods for, like, three days, which would be fine, except I’m not bucking camping! Then, I have to take care of this dog who I’m now all worried is dead and then I get saddled with this filly, who I’m now all worried about and the cherry on this freakin’ apple pie is I’m here!” Kicking my tied hooves in the air, I yelled, “Hogtied in a seedy motel with a crooked P.I. and I don’t know who I am!” Matthews stared at me, no longer looking like he questioned my sanity, but checking me over to see if I was made of explosives. “What?” he said. “You heard me,” I grumbled, rolling back to lay on the floor. I felt a bit better. Still cranky, but at least all my cards were on the table. He chuffed a laugh. “Yeah, I did. And you don’t know who you are? You don’t act like you have amnesia to me.” “It’s not- Argh.” I sat up. “Look, what do you know about this pony thing?” He shifted his weight to the side, propping his head on his hand. “Some people’re turning into cartoon ponies.” “Do you know what that means?” “You smell like horse.” I rolled my eyes. “It means that in addition to learning how to walk all over again, I got two minds in my head. One human, one pony.” He raised an eyebrow. “That’s fucked up.” He at least sounded sincere about it. “Yeah, yeah it is,” I said. “But that’s not all. You don’t just get the two minds, the two minds are getting closer together all the time.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.” He considered that and whistled. “Super fucked up.” “Darn tootin’. Rachel and AJ were together long enough that they… became me. And I don’t know who that is right now, which gets me worked up. So, fold that in with the rest of my week and I’m a mite grumpy. Kay?” I canted my head sharply to the left to emphasize my point. Matthews looked at me, his expression neutral, but his eyes were thoughtful. I ignored him, flopping back on the floor. Before the merge, Rachel had said I should focus on getting him talking, use my head. But how could I do that now? I was all muddled up and all I wanted to do was act. A tinny ring pierced the air. Matthews shifted and pulled an old, flip-top phone from his pocket and opened it. “Matthews,” he said, rising. He paused and saw me watching him. I strained to hear, but Matthews got out of his seat and went to the hotel door. Unlocking it, he went outside. Once the door closed, I huffed, then looked down at my ropes. How had he tied me? A quick examination showed he was no scout: decent knot, inside twist. I could get out of this in a minute. Which was about the length of a quick phone call! I bent my head to my bindings and started chewing. I made it mostly through one turn when the door clicked. I tucked my legs back under me. Matthews entered, his brows furrowed. He looked at me. I didn’t try to play innocent, so I went with what was natural: smart-ass. “Pizza’s on the way?” I asked. He wasn’t amused. “Nope. My client.” “Suuuuper,” I said, flopping back on the carpet. “My day keeps getting better.” He watched me again, tapping the phone on his side. He moved to sit and when he did, his eyes widened slightly. “Hey,” he said. “Is it me or are those apples on your butt different?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Y’mean my cutie mark?” I said. “Whatever. Them,” he said, pointing. I followed his finger and felt my eyebrows go through my maneline. My cutie mark had changed. I still had my three apples arranged around each other, but they were not the apples I’d gotten as a filly. They looked less like the simple depiction of the three most important fruit in my life and more like somepony had painted the apples in some personal style. The red was deeper, richer than it used to be and the stems looked less like stems and more like little black brush strokes swept up and away. Yep, my mark really had changed, if subtly. Yeesh. Merged minds, changed cutie mark- what else about me was different? “Yeah…” I said. “They’re… They’re a little different.” My heart was racing with panic and worry crowding into me. I tried to steady my breathing. “This is really freaking you out,” he said. I shot him a look. “You don’t know what a cutie mark means to a pony.” “Neither does your human part,” he pointed out. “Which is all mixed in with the pony me, so it’s all terrifyin’!” I said. He glanced down. He looked back at me. “Uh-huh,” he said. “It’s just a tattoo.” “Just a-!” This guy really knew how to push my buttons. I mean, he’d been chasing me all up and down the state and didn’t even know what a cutie mark was?! I finally got the steadying breath I needed and glared at him. “Okay, these apples,” I said, raising my side up. “They’re me. They’re every part of me and who I am. They say what my special talent is and what I can do. They’re like a… A life business card on your flank.” He blinked at me. He shrugged. “Okay.” “So, round about when ponies are young going on older, kinda like puberty for humans, we start to look around and find out what our calling is. What we’re best at. What we can do for ourselves and our community.” “Touching,” he said. “Shut up, I’m talking,” I said. “So we’re looking and while we’re looking, we’re doing stuff. Maybe we’re doing what we always do, maybe we’re trying things out. Either way, it comes. And, then, we know.” “You ‘know?’” “Hey, you wanna talk, or you wanna learn?” He rolled a hand in a “go ahead” gesture. “Right. You know and the magic kicks in and you wanna do that for the rest of your life. For me, it was apples.” I smiled warmly at my cutie mark. “I didn’t want to do anything but help my family and work on the farm. My home, Sweet Apple Acres.” I sighed, memory of the comfort of home stirring in me. I blocked the feeling before it made me cry. I wasn’t gonna let this yahoo see me cry. Instead, I glared up at him and said, “So, havin’ this change is a bit of a heart attack for me!” Matthews ignored my glare as he regarded me quietly for a minute. I sighed and flopped back on the floor. I wiggled my hooves like I was getting comfortable, but I hoped I might be able to strain that last turn enough to bust loose. “You get this how young?” Matthews said, breaking into my concentrated wiggling. “When you’re a foal,” I said, flatly. “You know, like eight to twelve’re whatever.” “And that’s it?” he said. I shrugged. Well with my hooves bound, I more bobbed. “What else is there?” I said. “What about market forces, no openings in that field, getting fired?” I sat back up and peered at him. Hadn’t he been listening? This was a cutie mark. As soon as that magic kicked in, that’s all she wrote. “So what?” I said. “What about them?” “Look, you just described how at twelve everyone in your world just… magically knows what they’re supposed to do and it never changes and it gets stamped on your butt till you die and that isn’t a problem?” “Why would it be?” I said. “Everypony knows what they’re supposed to be doing.” I glanced back at the apples. As I looked at them, I realized I had thought of Sweet Apple Acres as home. Not just a place AJ lived, but my real, true home. I still felt like I wanted to run the farm. I wanted to be with my family. Working with Mac, keeping Bloom out of trouble, helping Granny when she needed it… I wanted to be there. Not here. I also realized I had some new ideas about how to run the place. Maybe I wasn’t as changed as I thought. “Even if some of life changes...” I said, smiling slightly. “It’s a comfort, that mark. It tells ya who you are and where you’re going.” “Sounds like a crap way to run a society,” he said. “Says the guy who pretended to be a cop, hunted me, started a bar fight with my head as the prize, drugged me, and has me waitin’ on who-the-fuck-ever to do what-the-fuck-ever.” “It’s a living,” he said. “Crap way to make a living,” I said. He wrinkled his nose at me. “Not all of us can be magical little ponies knowing what they want to do for the rest of their lives.” “Not all of us are humans who do all kinds of illegal stuff for a paycheck.” He sighed, checked out the window. “It’s my ‘special talent.’” “Crap special talent,” I said. He glared at me. “I mean, if your special talent’s being an asshole who does illegal stuff- good on ya. You’re great there. Real crackerjack asshole, you know?” He gave me a nasty smile. “It’s what my ‘community’ needs.” At that very moment, I had never wished I was a unicorn so bad, just so I could fry with my horn. I closed my eyes. “Well, I hope you’re happy,” I said. “I hope your special talent brings you everything you wanted, you ripe bastard.” Matthews was quiet for a bit, but then I heard him rise. Opening my eyes, I watched him go over to his bottle of liquor. He stared at it. He picked it up, but didn’t open it. He looked like he was weighing the thing. “Hypothetically… If I could have a cutie mark. What do you think I’d have?” he asked. I stared at him. “What?” “I’m just curious. You’re the pony. You know cutie marks. Whatcha think?” I gave him a withering look. “An asshole shittin’ all over another pony.” “Ha ha,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “C’mon. Hit me.” “Are you higher than I thought? Are you tryin’ to bond with your kidnap-ee?” “I’m asking a question. What do you think my mark would be?” “You’re asking the wrong pony, bub. Besides, weren’t you listenin’? It’s somethin’ from you. What you want to do. What you think you’re best at. If I went to another pony for my cutie mark, who knows what mark I’d have got.” He considered that. He looked at the bottle in his hand again. He set it down. Running a hand over his face and through his hair, he sat on the bed. “What I’m best at…” he murmured. I left him to his thoughts. If he was going to be preoccupied, then I was going to get free. Just needed to wiggle one hoof free and… “I figure things out,” he said. “People, puzzles, I’m a thinker.” “Sure you are,” I said, straining my forehooves from my back. I already damaged it. This thing should snap like loose string! “C’mon. I figured out where you were at first.” “You called a computer guy,” I said. “Using my resources. Worked in my favor anyway. Waters sent you to me, didn’t he?” “Because you messed with his fandom, you idgit. You ain’t the mastermind, you’re just a thug, a henchman. Sounds like your special talent is just bein’ lucky and drunk. But by all means, keep talking. Maybe you can make yourself feel better for being a kidnapping thug at some guy’s beck and call.” He looked at me, his expression unreadable. “I’m no thug,” he said. “I busted ‘em for years. And I’m. Not. One of them.” “You just keep tellin’ yourself that, darlin’,” I said, unimpressed. “‘Cause I’m tied up waitin’ on your boss and that’s how you earned today’s paycheck. Sounds like a thug to me.” His nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed. It was the most emotion I’d seen out of him the entire time we talked. He tore his gaze from me to glare at the TV. He was quiet. One turn broke. I coughed to cover it. One more and I’d be home free. “Dammit,” he said. I looked back at him and saw he was rising, pulling a switchblade from his pocket. He flicked it up, catching a little light in the process “Whoa,” I said, edging on the carpet. “Shut up before I change my mind,” he said, advancing on me. He bent over me, and just as I thought he was about to cut me, he stuck the knife under the ropes. “What’re you-?” I said. “Not being a thug,” he replied, working the knife. He stopped, noticing the damage I’d already done. He raised an eyebrow at me. “Oh, please,” I said, sarcastically. “Like I wasn’t going to try and make a break for it.” He looked at the rope. “Yeah. Good point.” He pulled the knife through it and I was free as a bird. Well, free as a bird in a crummy hotel room. “Much obliged,” I said, wiggling my hooves. “What changed your mind?” He looked at me with that same unreadable expression. I thought he was going to answer me, but instead, he sighed. Rising, he reached into his pocket and pulled out phone. Before he could do anything, three knocks came from the door. “Shit,” he said. He was too late. Time was up. The client was here.
The Man Comes AroundWe both froze. The knock came again. “Matthews, open up! I don’t have all day.” Jim looked at me, then the door, then back to me. His expression was neutral, which just made me nervous. I don’t think he had thought through what he was doing and with his boss showing up right after cutting me loose, he was waffling. My first urge was to try running again. Let Jim open the door, and I could bolt. But… I was too aware of the last few days and how the last time I tried running, it didn’t wash. I wanted to finish this and find out who his boss was. I needed to finish this before I could meet back up with my friends- they didn’t need this grief. Mind made up, I took charge before Jim could slide back over to the dark side. I grabbed the rope’s remains in my teeth and wrapped the shreds around my legs. If things got hairy, I could kick free in a jiffy. Looking back to Jim, I took a breath to settle my nerves. “Open the door,” I said quietly. “I’ll have to play possum for a bit.” Jim nodded, back with me again. He rose stiffly and folded his knife away as he went to the door. There, he glanced back at me one more time. I smiled encouragingly, trying to quietly let him know we were in this together. I reassured myself that he was on my side since I didn’t know what kind of grade-A sidewinder was about to be let in. Jim undid the chain on the door, and opened it to reveal… a Young Republican representative standing on the other side. Well, I don’t know who I was expecting, but I wasn’t expecting that. He was the same height as Jim, but he was young, about the age Rachel had been before she’d turned into Applejack. Sharp cheekbones coupled with a strong jaw gave him a classic, handsome look while his brown hair looked styled by a focus group. He wore a gray blazer with pale khakis over brown loafers. Everything looked brand new and expensive. He was the last kind of person I’d expect to be Jim’s client. As he stood waiting at the threshold, he shifted his gaze and dark brown eyes fell on me. The look he gave me was somewhere between disgust and dismissal, but there was something else there too. Like a flash of rage he had to wrestle back beneath his professional-looking façade. He turned back to Jim. “Why is there a tiny horse tied up in your room?” he asked. “Where’s the girl?” Jim sighed. “Like I told you before- there were complications. She’s part of this whole pony thing that’s going on.” “Pony…” He muttered, his brow knitting in confusion. “You mean that shit on TV?” Jim nodded. “Great. That’s just- Fucking great!” he said, storming into the room. Jim closed the door behind him, but stayed near it. Maybe he’d open it for me if things got twitchy? The young man turned, surveyed the room, and shot Jim an incredulous look. “After all I’ve paid you, you couldn’t meet me somewhere decent?” His rage was showing again, and it was strongest as he spoke. He reminded me of a frustrated teenager- lips getting all pinched and tight. Jim shrugged, leaning against the door. “I try to be frugal. It keeps costs low.” “Fine. Whatever.” The man’s eyes came back to me. He radiated that disgust and rage combo again, but there was something violent in his gaze too. He wasn’t just frustrated and angry- he wanted to break something. Not wanting to let him know I was rattled, I returned his gaze calmly. He turned back to Jim. “She’s not important or whatever, right? This isn’t going to bite me in the ass any more than it already has?” Jim was quiet for a minute. I felt my heart rate pick up. Nope, I wasn’t important. I was just one of the Elements of Harmony and Celestia had only asked me to get to New York quicker than you can spit! “Ask her yourself. She’s the character,” Jim finally replied. I let go of the breath I’d been holding. The man sneered at Jim and turned to me. “You got a name, horse?” he asked. “First off, I’m a pony,” I said. “Second, go buck yourself, you prick.” His eyes got big real fast. This guy really wasn’t reserved. His emotiveness was weird after Jim and his poker face. “Fuck!” he hissed, backing up. “It talks?!” “Amusingly enough…” Jim said, grinning. The man looked at me like Rarity looked at mud. “What… are you?” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Like I said, I’m a pony. Name’s Applejack Apple. But if you’re lookin’ for a human, I’m also Rachel Shelton.” He stared at me and his right eyelid twitched. Alright. That... couldn’t be good. He looked back at Jim. “The fuck is this? What the fuck does that mean?” “Well, I’m not one-hundred-percent sure,” Jim said, inspecting a fingernail. “But from what I heard, when people get like this, they end up with the pony in their head too.” The man stared at me. I bounced my eyebrows at him. His disgusted expression returned. “That can happen?” the guy said, looking back to Jim, as if he could make it go away. Jim nodded. The man stared at me for another few moments before shaking his head. “Fine. Whatever,” he muttered. My keen ears picked up when he muttered under his breath: “She knows the name. It’s her. I can fix this.” As I got good and nervous about that particular muttering, he reached into his jacket and pulled out a check. He thrust it at Jim like it was a weapon. “Get the fuck out,” he ordered. Or, he tried, but it came across like a child telling his dad off. Jim looked at the check, then at the man. He held the look for a long time. “The room’s in my name,” Jim said, holding his place. “Yeah, and it’s paid for with my money,” the man said, sneering. His grip tightened on the check as his lips pressed into a pale line. Seriously, just how high strung was this guy? Jim glanced at the check again, then focused back on the man. “Not leaving you alone with her,” he said. The man glared at him. His right eyelid twitched again. “What?” he said, biting the word out. “What I said,” Jim replied. “I’m not leaving you alone with her, Mr. Trenton.” Mr. Trenton’s right eye ticced again. Twice. “And why aren’t you doing that?” “I’m not your thug,” Jim said, quiet and firm. “What?” “I’m not taking your money,” Jim said loudly and directly at Trenton. “WHAT?” Trenton roared. “See, you told me she hit you while you were a little drunk behind the wheel…” Jim said. Trenton shot a look from me to Jim. “Yes, that is what happened,” he said, every word clipped. I smelled it when he started sweating. “And that you both got turned around and that’s how she went down the embankment.” “Yes. We both know this. What’s your point?” Trenton said. “My point, William, is that ain’t what happened,” Jim said. I blinked when I realized he’d given me the guy’s full name. Even if William Trenton wasn’t aware of it. “You know it, I know it. I mean, you told me I didn’t need to see the site and I’m not saying I did, but if someone was to look at the site, they could tell that car didn’t slide down the embankment without help. Or that when someone climbs out of a shallow grave, there’s a distinct look to the soil.” He gave Trenton a heavy look. “But I couldn’t know that. I’m paid not to know it. Except, now…” Jim glanced at me and shook his head. “Well, things’re different. I’m not taking your money.” Trenton put the check away, digging his hands into his pants pockets. He clenched his jaw tight. “And where the hell did this come from?” he spat. “She got something on you too?” Jim raised an eyebrow. “I’d watch that tone, kid. Especially since I know you got my number from your old man. We didn’t just happen to meet up during my… less upstanding time as a cop.” Trenton didn’t have anything to say to that. “So, William. I quit. Here and now. You can go wherever you need to and talk to whichever high-priced lawyer daddy owns so they can deal with this. Whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it without me.” Trenton sneered, opening his mouth. Jim beat him to the punch. “And before you say shit- As much dirt as you and your old man may have on me, I think after the last few days ‘work’ I’ve done for you, I have enough on my side to happily tell you: back. The fuck. Off.” Trenton’s hate-filled expression made him very, very ugly. “You’re fired,” he said. “No, William, I quit,” Jim said. “If you’re gonna be a grown-up, you should know the difference.” Jim unfolded his arms and cocked his head at Trenton. Pointing at the other man, he said, “Now, you just stand there like a good boy. Me and the girl are leaving.” Jim turned to me, a slight smile on his face. I glanced at Trenton one last time, then faced Jim, preparing to be cut loose from my “tied” ropes. “No. You’re not.” Two explosions roared behind me. Two bright spots burst on Jim’s chest. Two seconds passed and Jim hit the floor with a heavy thud.
That's The TruthI stared at Jim. He was face down in his own blood, which was soaking into the carpet as I watched. I heard Trenton move. My brain got back in gear. Kicking free of the ropes, I rolled under the bed. “Oh for-” More gunfire. Two more shots. Too close. I kept moving. I belly-crawled across the carpet and popped out the other side. “You fucking-” I turned. Everything went slow. We faced each other with only a stretch of carpet between us. He had a revolver, snub-nose and well-cared for. This one wouldn’t misfire. His face was contorted in hate directed right at me. His arm shook slightly. Time kicked back in. His finger tightened on the trigger. I ran at him. I felt like I was lurching, moving too slow, not fast enough. He had me at nearly point blank range. He couldn’t miss. There was another roar. I barrelled into him, plowing all my weight into his legs and I heard what sounded like a chorus of celery snapping all at once as we went down. Trenton howled. We fell into a tangle, and he tried to get the gun up. I slammed his hand with my head and he cried out, dropping it. Still wrapped up in each other, he tried pounding on my back with his remaining hand. I got my forehooves between us and pushed off him. Backing away, breath heaving, I eyed him warily. He lay on the ground, his legs not really in leg shape anymore. He glared at me, his own breathing heavy and ragged. As the pain caught up with him, tears filled his eyes and he started keening. He tried to pull his knees up. I was alive. I waited for my own pain to catch up, but nothing came. My heart thudded in my ears. I took a breath. Then another. When I was no longer shaking from adrenaline, I checked myself over. I found my tail had lost some hairs, but otherwise, I was fine. I blinked at the spot where the bullet had gone through my tail. I’d moved just in time. Any slower and the bullet would’ve struck my rump, or maybe my spine and that… I tried not to think about that. I chuckled. “Dash can’t say I ain’t fast any more,” I said. Nervous laughter bubbled out of my lips. I clamped my jaw shut. I was giddy. I couldn’t be giddy right now. I needed to focus. Going carefully over to Trenton, I found the gun nearby. I used my teeth to picked it up by the handle, release the cylinder and shake out the last bullet plus the casings. It took me a second, since I had a brief urge to use hands for what I needed. As the bullets hit the floor, I saw they were twenty-twos. Memory flashed on Rachel’s dad telling her twenty-two’s were good bullets for headshots. Rachel told him thanks for the macabre info; she’d use it when she was in the mafia. Her dad had laughed. My stomach tightened and I had to take another few breaths to steady myself. Trenton had meant to fill my noggin with lead. Tempted to leave him here to be found whenever, I remembered all the noise his legs had made when I hit him. I sighed. I couldn’t just leave him there. Much as I wanted. Turning, I found him glaring at me. I gave him a sarcastic look in return. I got closer to him, but not so close that he could take a swipe if he wanted. I didn’t need to get that close to see blood blooming on the pale slacks around his knees. I’d broken his legs at the knee. He needed professional help. Maybe a unicorn or pegasus would have just bowled him over, but throw a full power earth pony at a human and it isn’t pretty. I briefly felt ashamed for hurting him, till I reminded myself he’d tried to freaking kill me. “I got ya bad,” I said. “I gotta call nine-one-one.” I turned around. “Don’t you fucking dare!” he screeched, his voice equal parts rage and pain. I gave him a withering look. “Buddy, for someone who just tried to kill me twice, if the last few days are anything to go by, you got a funny way of being grateful. So shut up and calm down. I don’t need you hurtin’ yourself further.” He didn’t reply. I could tell his outburst had cost him. His breathing was unsteady as he glared at me. More tears welled up and out of his eyes, spilling down his face. I turned to Jim and sighed. I went over to where he blocked the hotel room door. “Jim?” He didn’t respond. I put my fetlock on his neck. I couldn’t find a pulse. His back wasn’t rising or falling. He was perfectly still. “Dammit,” I said. He didn’t deserve to get shot. He didn’t deserve to die. Shaking from something entirely different from the earlier adrenaline, I went over to the nightstand and bumped it hard with my shoulder. The phone came tumbling down. I craned my head and heard a dial tone. I punched 9-1-1 with my nose. Picking up the handset in the crook of my fetlock, I tucked it against my head and waited. “Sidney nine-one-one, what is your emergency?” came a professional, clipped woman’s voice. “Is this a person?” I asked. “Yes, Miss.” “Kay. Uh, my name’s Applejack. I mean, Rachel. Something like that. I’m at a… hotel off a highway somewhere and I’ve just got out of being kidnapped and there’s a- there’s a man been shot and another man whose legs are all busted up,” I breathed. “Are you alright, can you keep talking to me?” “Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just here with… these guys.” “Are they a threat to you, are you in any danger?” I looked over at Trenton, who glared back. “Just from dirty looks, ma’am,” I said. “Okay. Okay, good. Can you give me any information on your location?” “Sorry, no,” I said. “Can you look out a window? It will help us narrow down where you are.” “Can’t you, trace the line or something?” I asked. “This is a hotel phone.” “We can, but if you knew then I could mobilize police and emergency units quicker.” “Sure. Sure. Hang on,” I said. I went over to the window and hopped up on the chair Jim had been using not that long ago. I shook my head and pulled the curtain open with my teeth. I went back to the phone. “Days Inn,” I said. “Bunch of trees. Highway. Make sure we get an ambulance,” I said, looking at Trenton. He’d rolled a little to his back, but he still glared at me. I’d never seen anyone look so pissed off in my life. “Yes, that as well. Can you stay with me please?” “Lady, I’m trying,” I said, realizing that tears were in my eyes. “Are you injured? Are you okay?” “Yeah,” I said. “I’m- I’m fine. Just traumatized as hell, y’know?” I barked a laugh that sounded dry in my throat. “I know it’s bad. Just stay with me, okay?” the woman said, her voice edging from its clipped professionalism and close to something kinder. “Just stay with me and you’ll be okay.” I thought of Fluttershy. “You remind me of a friend of mine,” I said. “Sweet. Wouldn’t hurt a fly.” “Yes?” she said. “Who is she?” “Fluttershy,” I said and hiccuped. I looked up at the ceiling. “She sounds nice,” the woman said. She started saying something. It sounded like an address and she was talking to other people rather than me. My ear twitched as I heard Trenton move around. It twitched again as I heard his hand fall on something. I turned to him. He was trying to reload the gun. “Scuse me ma’am,” I said. “I’ll leave the line open, but I gotta take care of something.” “Miss Shelton? Please-” I didn’t catch the rest as I put the phone on its side. Going over to Trenton, who was trying to get a bullet in, I watched as he dropped it, swore and snapped his revolver shut. He pointed it at me. I gave him a thoroughly unamused look. “You didn’t get it loaded,” I said. “I did. It’s the next one,” he said, his teeth gritted. “No, it’s not,” I said. “You’re just saying that,” he said. “Son, you are banged up to hell and I’ve heard steadier breathing from my granny after a marathon,” I said. “Which one of us do you think is worse off?” He frowned, but glanced at his revolver. “Put it down. It’s over. Whatever you’re trying to do it is well and truly over.” “You should’ve stayed dead,” he whispered, his voice hot, his eyes brimming with pain and tears. “Well, you shouldn’t have buried. Me. Alive!” I yelled. He winced and I saw his breath catch. “You don’t know,” he said. “No, I don’t. But I’m not dumb and you’re acting like a freaking Bond villain here. So why don’t you just quit working yourself up?” “I can still fix this,” he hissed, raising the gun again. I glanced at it. Nice thing about revolvers- when you are not freaking out, you can tell if they’re loaded or not. Unfortunately, his revolver was. Fortunately, the bullet was far from next. Still... he could twitch that trigger finger fast enough to make this a whole lot more complicated, so I needed to keep him talking. I rolled my eyes at him. “You really can’t. What’s your game plan here? Shoot me and say it was self-defense?” The look in his eye told me that was exactly what he thought. “I have money,” he said. “Congrats,” I said. “It doesn’t make up for a lack of sense. Think you can buy your way out of this? You already killed one guy. Killing me ain’t gonna make your problems go away, Bill.” “Don’t call me Bill,” he hissed. “My name is William.” “Fine. William. You shoot me, it’s just gonna make your life worse. Then you cover it up? It’s gonna be a hassle and all it will take is one bit of truth. One person who doesn’t care about your money. Like him over there.” I pointed at Jim, who was still bleeding on the floor. The sight made my chest tighten, so I looked back at Trenton. It didn’t go away. If anything, it got bigger. “He gave up your money. He weren’t no saint either. What makes you think you’ll be able to pay off honest folk?” “I can. I can fix this,” Trenton said. He looked like he was talking to himself. “I told Dad I would. I… I promised him. I can fix this… It was just one party. I can take care of this.” The look in his eyes said it all. He was completely deluding himself. No more disgust, no more tightly wound rage. He was hiding away in his head, building mental walls to keep from owning up to his actions. I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I looked directly into the eyes of the man who’d tried to kill me. “William Trenton,” I said in a sharp, authoritarian voice. His gaze snapped to me. “Stop lying to yourself,” I said. “And accept what you’ve done.” “No…” he squeaked. The tightness in my chest spiked, like something was trying to push its way out. I leaned in close to him. If I had to, I could knock his gun down before he got it back up. Boring my eyes deep into his, I said, “I know what you did, William. You can’t hide from me.” He blinked. His gun hand hit the floor. He looked like I’d slugged him. “It was just a party…” he whispered. “I’d- I’d done Leo’s stuff before. I’d driven before. It was just a party…” He blinked at me, like he was seeing me for the first time. He started to cry again. “It wasn’t a party, William!” I roared. “You killed me!” He shrank back, terror washing over him. “I didn’t! I didn’t! I...” I held my stare. I put every ounce of judgment into that stare that I could because the little puke sack wasn’t getting away from me that easy. “It was just an accident,” he whispered. “Buryin’ me weren’t no accident!” “I was scared!” he protested. “You looked dead! I just wanted to fix my mess. He- he always says I have to fix my messes… You weren’t supposed to be alive! You weren’t supposed to- to-” He broke. From broken legs and failures- he broke. Like a wounded animal, he hunched inward and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. “Cry, cry, cry,” I muttered. I got the gun away from him and unloaded it one last time. I threw everything over by the nightstand. “You screwed up and you’re gonna pay the piper for it,” I told him. I don’t know if he heard me, but by that point, I’d said my peace. I went back to the phone. “Hello?” I said, once I had the receiver back up. “Miss… Rachel?” “Yep. Sorry. You catch any of that?” “I… Some of it. You have units on the way. Two minutes.” “Great, great,” I said. “Hey is- Is this admissible in a court of law or whatever?” “I’m not a lawyer.” “Me neither,” I said with a dry chuckle. “Police and other officials are en route to your location. Can you stay with me, please?” “Sure,” I said. I laid back, cradling the phone against me and looked over at the sobbing William Trenton. Maybe I should have been angrier at him, but really I just pitied the man. He took every opportunity to do the honest thing, the right thing, and he shot it all to hell. Applejack had fought her fair share of monsters, but even they deserved more mercy than the broken mess bawling his eyes out not three feet from me. I ignored Trenton and rolled my head to the side a little, looking at Jim’s body. I closed my eyes, trying to avoid the guilt that sprang up next to the tightness in my chest. Trenton dragged Jim in. And the P.I. made his own decisions when crunch time came. It wasn’t my fault he was bleeding all over a cheap hotel carpet. Of course, that didn’t change the fact I felt like it was. Feelings like that are funny. They crop up when you’re out of folk to blame and just aim some at yourself. Applejack had been there before, when she blamed herself for her parents’ deaths. She’d thought that because she wasn’t a good enough daughter, they’d been taken from her. She’d thought she was being punished. Fortunately, she’d told Granny Smith, who gently put some wisdom in little AJ’s head: just because a bad thing happened to a goody pony, it didn’t make that pony any less good. Given enough time, bad things happen to good ponies and good things happen to bad ponies in equal measure. The trick, Granny Smith had pointed out, was in knowing the difference between the two and knowing who you were so the good things could be let in and the bad stuff kept out. It had been one of my first lessons in honesty: be honest with myself. And if I was being honest, I was honestly done here. I just wanted to see my friends, see my family. I missed them terribly. I felt like I’d been doing too much alone lately. Which lead to the question, why did I have to go this alone? That was the dumbest call I ever made. I must’ve backslid and let my pride get in the way of my good sense. May had been right. I should have gone to New York. I should have found my family and friends. I should have come back later to handle this with the right support. I shouldn’t have done it like this. One man was dead. Another had his legs busted in. And that’s not counting all the people back at the tavern who got their teeth kicked out over me. Guilt swam over me and no amount of knowin’ truthfully where I was in the middle of all this would banish that feeling. I may have just been doing the best I could, but I knew I could have made some better calls too. “You have any regrets?” I asked the operator, opening my eyes. “Miss?” the operator said. “I’m just- I feel like I made a whole mess of calls here and I’m looking at a body and this guy and…” I sighed, running a hoof through my mane. “I don’t know what to make of it.” The operator went quiet for a moment. “You’re alive,” she said. I blinked. “Ma’am?” “You’re alive, Rachel. That’s a lot right now.” I could hear the sirens in the distance. The wail was getting closer. I looked up and out the window. “I can hear the sirens,” I said. “Good, good. Stay with me until they’re inside.” “Okay,” I said. I was alive. As I let that sink in, the tightness in my chest, which had been growing this whole time, finally burst. I cried. I cried a lot. I hadn’t really cried since I dug myself out of the ground. That had been panicked, pain-filled crying. This was the opposite. I wasn’t crying because I was scared and hurting in my soul. I was crying because I was happy to be alive. Yeah, I’d have to live with my decisions, but I wouldn’t have to do it alone. I still had May. Maybe if I was lucky, I’d have Sam too. Then there was my family, back in Equestria, and here on Earth. And my friends. Twilight and Dash and Fluttershy and Pinkie and Rarity. And Max. I had friends all over. When all that guilt was swimming through me, I thought I was alone and I’d have to suffer my faults that way too. But really, I had friends all over. Truth was, I didn’t have to do this alone. Halfway into sobbing like a filly, I realized my tears weren’t hitting my fur any more because I could hear the soft plink of water on metal. I blinked, clearing my eyes. I stared down. The Element of Honesty was around my neck. I snorted, sniffed. “How about that…” I said, as the sound of sirens got right on top of me. “Miss? Rachel?” the operator said. “Sorry, ma’am,” I said. “Name’s Applejack. I have the Element of Honesty around my neck to prove it.” “Pardon?” “Well, you can call me Rae Jay if you like,” I said with a chuckle. Footsteps came. Fast, hard, and heavy, they stormed up the hallway. Support was coming. I wasn’t in this alone.
What I've Learned“Bad-ass right? Total bad-ass?” I chuckled and ruffled May’s mane. “Yep. Total bad-ass,” I said. I sat on the bumper of an ambulance wrapped up in an orange panic blanket, watching the activity of police, emergency medics, and the CIA. I’d been hustled down there after SWAT broke into the hotel room to find me on the phone with the 911 operator, Jim’s body blocking the door, and William Trenton in a heap of bloody legs and tears. May, being the rambunctious and sneaky thing she was, had run up with the team. While they were all still staring at the scene, she burst through the lot of them to wrap me in the biggest hug this side of Pinkie Pie. “How’s Sweetie in all this?” I asked. May grinned up at me. “I had to explain a bunch of stuff, but she’s really, really glad you’re not dead.” I laughed. “Me too.” “And what did you leeeeearn?” May jostled, poking me with a hoof. “Try not to do danged-fool things alone,” I said, laughing. “And to always count on my friends.” “Sweet,” May said. “If you write a letter to Celestia, I totally wanna read it first.” “Sure thing, squirt,” I said, ruffling her mane again. Rarity was gonna kill me for how much I was mussing her sister’s hair, but I couldn’t help it. I was a ruffler and I was damn glad to see the filly. “Miss Apple?” Looking up, I saw an official woman in a black suit and white blouse before us, hands on hips, smile in place. CIA agent Stephanie Chase was in her mid-thirties, tall and fit, with blond hair and blue eyes that complimented her friendly smile. She looked like the last person to be in the black suit and tie of a bunch of professional sneaks. Maybe that’s why they’d hired her. “You can call me Rae Jay if you want, Steph,” I said. “I mean, now that you’re our handler and all.” Stephanie nodded. “Rae Jay it is,” she said, smiling. “How can I help, Steph?” I said. “Well, we’re almost wrapped up here. Trenton’s going to the hospital, where he’ll have a police guard, and he’s up on a whole mess of charges. Like, a ridiculous number of charges. He’d be up on at least half of them even if he hadn’t shot that P.I.” “Jim Matthews,” I said. She nodded. “Yeah.” Giving me a curious look, she said, “He really was going to cut you loose?” “Yep,” I said, nodding. She sighed, shaking her head. “Yeah,” I said. We lapsed briefly into silence. “Anyway…” Stephanie said. “Once I’m done liaisoning with the locals, we’ll get you in a detail and transported to New York. And just so you know, a little birdy told me Gilda, Shining Armor, Cadance, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Apple Bloom are already en route.” I sat up, almost losing the blanket. “Really?” I said, my voice bursting with hope. “Bloom’s gonna be there?” Stephanie nodded. “Sweeeeeeeeeet doggy!” I hooted jubilantly, leaping up and punching the air. I dropped onto the ground and wrapped Stephanie’s legs in as powerful a hug as I could without hurting her. “Ma’am, you just made my day,” I said, looking up at her. Smiling through a blush, Stephanie said, “Heh. You, ah, you just made mine. I’m a big Applejack fan.” “Really? Well, shoot. I suppose I need to get you an autograph before we part ways.” “Awesome,” Stephanie said, squealing a little. She pulled her professional face back on, but not fully. “Okay. I’m going to wrap things up and we can get going. Good?” I released her. “Works for me.” I practically pranced back to the bumper. May was shaking her head at me. “Seriously, Rachel, you’re a nut.” “Oh, I ain’t Rachel,” I said with a grin. I hopped back up and pulled the blanket back around me. Sherlock was right, it’s pretty comforting. “Oh, right, sorry. You said AJ.” “Nope.” May blinked. “Wait. You didn’t- You mean you two…?” I nodded. “And…?” “I’m fine. Call me Rae Jay if you want.” May stared at me. “Dude,” she said, sitting back. “Yep.” “Dude!” “Yep.” “Dude!” “Lovin’ your vocabulary there,” I said. May laughed. “This is so messed up.” “What’s messed up is that I got kidnapped in the first place,” I said. “There were three of you and one of him. What happened back at the Tavern?” “Oh,” May said, her expression falling. “That… That was pretty bad.” “Talk to me,” I said. So, May filled me in. After I got knocked out, Jay and Ann started making a beeline for Jim. He’d just shown his weapon was only a tranq gun, so Jay was ready to turn him inside out a couple of times. May said even if the tranqs were full of rhino sedative, Jay was probably big enough to beat Jim stupid before they affected the giant bouncer. Unfortunately, Jim also had a spare firearm, which he pulled out as the humans advanced. May had gone over to Sam to pull the dart out of her side and to check her breathing. “She didn’t look too good, but everyone else was looking somewhere else,” May said. “So no one really noticed when this crusty, old, biker dude came up behind the private eye.” Ethan was a regular who had gotten tossed outside during the brawl. When he came to, he found Jim standing over my body while pointing a gun at Jay and Ann. He decided to be a hero and when he grabbed Jim, he got shot for his troubles. “Ann was the first to get to him. The P.I. kept his gun on Jay, and I’m pretty sure Jay was going to just fucking take getting shot and beat the guy stupid. But then Ann was like, ‘I need help,’ and the private eye was all, ‘You got two choices dude,’ and it was a mess.” Jay called an ambulance and helped Ann try to slow Ethan’s bleeding. While they were busy, Jim hauled me to his car and tossed me in the back seat. May ran out to try and slow him, but he pointed his gun at her. “I backed the fuck off. I’m not-” May shook her head. “I don’t ever want a gun pointed at me again.” I nodded. “It’s not the best experience. I’ll agree to that.” May looked at me. I looked at her. We snorted, laughing a bit. Once the chuckles passed, she explained that Jim got in his car, drove off, and she ran behind him for as long as she could. “I must’ve called him thirteen shades of fuck,” May said. She glanced at me, then down. Her voice dropping, she added, “I thought- I thought I lost you.” She went back to the tavern and didn’t have to wait long for the emergency services to arrive. Once they got Ethan loaded up and focused on Sam, May said, “Applejack was kidnapped” and the whole team froze. In a breath, they went from just handling a weird bar brawl to making all kinds of phone calls. Sam got rushed to a nearby vet to have her system pumped, May had to stay put and play twenty questions with local officials, and half an hour later, she met Stephanie. “Fellow brony, and a girl, and a badass spy person?” May said. “She’s like, the perfection of cool. No offense.” I snorted. “I ain’t Dash. None taken.” May grinned. “But yeah, soon as she showed up, she did this Sherlock thing and bam! Found the guy’s car! She tried to be all- you should stay in the car, and I was like, ‘Do I look like I’m gonna stay in the car?’ And she was like, ‘Good point” and let me follow. So. Cool.” Unfortunately, Jim’s car was a bust. They found it abandoned a few miles away from the tavern. Stephanie called up her computer gurus to start triangulating on Jim’s cell and track any credit card activity when my 911 call came in. Apparently, saying you’re Applejack on an emergency line, when every governmental acronym and their meemaw is looking for six certain ponies, really ups the ante for response. “I got to ride with goddamn SWAT and CIA to a fucking Big Damn Heroes rescue. I will be talking about this for years,” May said, puffing her chest in pride. “Then we got here and Stephanie tried that ‘no really, wait here’ noise again, and, well, you know the rest.” She shrugged, swinging her tiny hooves back and forth over the edge of the ambulance’s bumper. “I’m really, really glad you’re not dead,” she said, watching her hooves. “Me too,” I said, pulling the blanket closer around me. “Me too.” A cozy silence settled around us. “Oh, hey. Almost forgot,” May said. She dropped down and worked her way through the crowd to a black sedan. She poked a guy in a very slick suit and shades. When he looked down, she pointed at the car. He nodded and opened the door. Hopping up, she scrambled into the back seat and disappeared. A minute later, she emerged. Liana drooping over her head. “Ta-da,” she called. I laughed. She hopped down from the back seat and came over. I lifted the hat from her head and looked it over. It looked fine to me, so I slid it back on. Between my hat and my Element, I felt like a whole pony again. “Your bag’s in the back too,” May said. “Figured you’d want that first.” “Much obliged,” I said, tilting the hat at her. Stephanie appeared next and smiled when she saw me in a Stetson. “Well, this just got all kinds of fan perfect,” she said with a chuckle. “Okay, we’re done here so if you two-” “Where the hell is she!” We turned. Coming through the throng of officials was a man in his middle fifties in an expensive-looking, navy blue suit. His handsome features were pretty familiar too. His gaze swept the area till he locked on our group. Pointing at me, he came storming my way. “You,” he growled. Before he could get too close, Stephanie stepped between us and the easy-going gal I’d been talking to was replaced by a woman who was all business. “I’m sorry, sir, and you are?” “Bruce Trenton, you bitch. Now, get out of my way or I’ll have your badge!” She cocked her head at him, sizing him up. She then settled her stance and folded her arms. “I doubt that Mr. Trenton,” she said. Land sakes. I thought I did a cold tone when I was Rachel, but I didn’t have anything on Stephanie’s ice. Daddy Trenton glared at her. “That… that thing is alleging all kinds of hell at my family. If she thinks for a second that-” “She has alleged nothing, Mr. Trenton,” Stephanie said, in that same cold, imposing tone. “Your son was arrested on the abundance of evidence surrounding him.” “Abundance of- Oh that’s rich. That’s real rich. You think you can smear campaign me? Do you know who I am?” “I am aware of your status, sir,” Stephanie replied. “Damn straight you are. Who’s your boss? Think you can pull this bullshit on me? C’mon.” Daddy Trenton pulled out a phone. Like his suit, it looked mighty expensive. “I’ll have you busted down to patrol in an afternoon.” Stephanie glanced over her shoulder at me and she smirked. I laughed in response. For all that this was serious, she didn’t seem the least bit worried. “My boss is Director of Intelligence Morrell. Michael J. Morrell.” Daddy Trenton froze, mid key. He looked back at her, his face a bit paler now. “You’re CIA,” he said. “Yes, Mr. Trenton. I am. And your son is in a world of trouble. Specifically, based on the evidence we gathered coupled with a confession obtained through judicious means, he is being charged with the following…” She raised her hand up and started ticking off fingers. “Possession of illegal narcotics, operating a vehicle under the influence, attempted manslaughter, failure to report an accident, obstruction of justice by means of destroying evidence at the scene of a crime, criminal conspiracy in actus reus, coercion, blackmail... and murder.” The last she said with a glare I was sure would strip the tan off Daddy Trenton. Not that he had much tan now. He was pale as paper. “And that’s just what I’ve heard from the local officials,” Stephanie said. “Now Miss Apple, and her friend Miss Belle, are considered to be under federal protection. And that protection goes back to when they first transformed, so I know our lawyers are going to want a crack at your son too.” Daddy Trenton blinked. His eyes drifted to May and I. We waved, smiling. “I recommend that you go to your son, Mr. Trenton. He’s going to need his family. And a damn good lawyer.” Daddy Trenton hovered there, phone still in hand. He then took two breaths, straightened, tucked the pricey-looking thing into his jacket’s pocket, and scowled at Stephanie. “I’ll remember this,” he said, puffing up like an angry tomcat. “I’ll bet you will. Now leave before I have you removed.” He scowled, turned his eyes to me, but Stephanie snapped her fingers in front of his face. “No, sir. Leave, sir.” He turned and stormed off. “Nice guy,” I said, drolly. “Not really,” Stephanie said. “Whatta jack-off,” May said. Stephanie and I chuckled. “Well, before I was so rudely interrupted…” She gestured to the black sedan May had gotten Liana out of. I slid off the bumper and hoofed the blanket to an EMT, who smiled at me. Walking just beside me, May said, “So that was that Asshole’s dad? Who’d he think he was?” “Bruce Trenton,” Stephanie said. “Lawyer, politician, entrepreneur. He ran for mayor five years ago. Would’ve won if it wasn’t for his temper. Scared a few people as I heard.” “Can’t imagine why,” I said, rolling my eyes. Stephanie stopped at the sedan, hand on the car door’s handle. “Don’t worry about him,” she said, looking back at me. “He’s just an egotistical blowhard. He didn’t even show up until it hit the eleven o’clock that his son was implicated in everything that happened.” She shook her head, saddened. “Well, he can show himself away from me, as far as I’m concerned,” I said. “I just wanna see my sister and friends again.” “That’s what I’m here for,” Stephanie said. “Well that and…” She opened the door. And I was tackled by a too-skinny dog with a bandage. “SAM!” I crowed, laughing and crying as my dog licked me all over. “Whoa, Sam!” May said, hopping in on the reunion. She rubbed Sam all over. “She wasn’t in here when I got Rae’s hat- what happened?” May asked, looking to Stephanie. “The local vet got to her quick enough and were able to treat her,” Stephanie said. “Once she was all cleared to go, animal control brought her to me. I loaded her in the car while you two were talking, since I figured a happy dog reunion was in order.” “I’m a fan!” I laughed, still getting covered in slobbery kisses. Stephanie smiled. We eventually were able to get Sam off of me and loaded everyone into the sedan. Inside, we met our official, CIA designated driver: Alphonse. He was a heavyset black guy, who was just as cheerful and kind as Stephanie. Once we made introductions, he put a light up on the car and made some noise through an attached speaker, easing us out of the clutch of activity and police tape. In the back seat, Sam pressed up against one side of me while May held up the other. Our bags lay on the floorboard right behind Stephanie’s seat. Among them was my trusty old red pack with the mouse on it. When I talked to Max next, I’d have to tell him he made a good pick for his niece. As we hit the highway, I lifted my head up one last time to look back at the Days Inn. How long ago was it this all started? Only four days? Land sakes. Five days ago, I’d been a girl crunching numbers at her nine-to-five and a regular farmer, just bucking trees and earning her keep. Four days ago, I turned into two minds in one body and a whole mess of trouble. I was lucky I’d made it out as intact as I did. I looked at May, then Sam, grateful for their presence. I’d started this off trying to do everything myself. Even if that self had two minds. Because really both of them got it into their heads they had to do this alone. AJ may have reminded Rachel of the friends she’d made along the way, but when it got to go time, both of them opted to do it themselves. That wouldn’t happen again. I’d learned my lesson: family and friends would be by my side in times of good as well as bad. I’d especially need them if I was going to get through the next leg of this whole adventure. Smiling slightly, I bent down and pulled up the backpack Max got me. Unzipping it with my teeth, I pulled out the little cell phone Jared had handed to me. I dialed memorized numbers and leaned back, adjusting the hat that Carrie gave me. May gave me a curious look that I just answered with a broad smile. After two rings I got an answer. “Hello, Shelton residence.” “Hi, Mom,” I said. Author's Note Thus concludes Rae Jay's journey before she reconnects with her friends in the wider Pony Earthverse. Per the norm, my thanks to Jess for keeping me in line. You guys have no idea how many times she took this story from good to great with her editing. I'm glad I have her as a partner in life as well as writing. Other thanks to Hope and the other higher ups in the PEV group for taking a chance on me. Third time was the charm! I'll see y'all in the winner's circle. As always, thank you. Thank you, you beautiful readers for reading, commenting, sharing and cheering this story on with likes and favorites and all sorts of nice things. It was a cannonball run to write and having you guys there made it all worth it. Thank you. In the interim, stay tuned! Rae Jay is off to join the Mane 6 and only more excitement can follow!
Ain't No GraveDay 7 At first I thought I couldn’t breathe because I had the covers over my face and the cat had passed out on top of me. Then, I realized I couldn’t breathe because the covers were actually dirt and the dirt was burying me alive. Panicked, I started slapping at the soil around me and to my complete surprise, it moved. Effortlessly. As if I were shoving pudding. I didn’t care. I pushed dirt aside as fast as I could and cried out when I gasped fresh air. Hauling myself up and out, I sucked in deeply, glad beyond belief that every gulp came with air rather than dirt. Dirty, heavy dirt. My breathing was ragged, torn. I could feel tears in my eyes and down my cheeks and I knew I was crying. My mind reeling, I tried to remember what happened. I halted mid-thought when a strange, orange appendage appeared in my field of vision to wipe my eye. “What th-” I said and my first coherent thought bloomed: That’s not my voice. That first coherent thought had the power of galvanizing the rest of my brain into order. Memory started asserting itself. I’d been in a wreck. I’d been driving home from this ridiculous last-minute thing that was dropped into my lap by my boss’s boss. I’d been listening to some music, trying to make the most of the night. Just something on my Android. Then... Headlights, behind me. Veering around. I’d slowed down. Their brights were on and distracting. I’d tried to let them pass and go be nuts further ahead, but they’d- “Oh God,” I whispered. They’d sideswiped me. Then rammed me. I remembered glass shattering and pain and... Just... A jumble. I swallowed, trying to gather my bearings. I was still a little in the dirt. At this realization, I shook violently and freed the rest of me, which was as orange as the upper part. When the rest came free, I realized what was going on and that I had hooves. I had hooves. I didn’t have hooves, I was a person! Wasn’t I? Oh God, I died and now I was a.... Horse? An orange horse? I blinked at my body and realized something else. A tiny, orange horse? What the hell? Wait. No. Something’s familiar, something... Blond tail, orange fur. I blinked dirt from my eyes, my semi-freaking-out brain and then I saw the three apples on my side and it clicks. Holy freaking cow, I wasn’t a horse. I was one of those ponies from that show. That thing Max showed me. Holy freaking butts. How does that even work?! I spat, getting the dirt from my mouth and looked over at the soil I’d pushed out of. It was a shallow grave. I blinked at it and immediately started scrambling away. My body responded awkwardly, if efficiently. I mean, I wanted to get away however possible, so I wasn’t making a go of getting up on my hind legs and running. Scrabbling about was perfectly fine with me at this point. In mid-scrabble, I realized I could smell something. Something familiar. What... My purse. Shit, I could smell the chapstick in my purse. Was it- There. Next to the grave. Ugh, the grave. Ew, ew, ew. I grabbed my black, tough, take-no-shit and apparently take-no-grave purse and hauled. It had a fair bit of dirt in it, but not as much as was on me. For all I was orange and blond, I had a healthy amount of brown right then. Keep moving Rae, I told myself. Just keep moving away from the freaky grave you were just. Freaking. Buried. In. FUCK!! I made it to a creek and plopped down, sticking my face into the water. It was refreshing, clearing. My freaking-out brain throttled down and when I pulled my face up I could make out my reflection. Big, big green eyes. Blond mane had some messy bangs or whatever. Freckles across... My muzzle. I have a muzzle. Okay. And freckles. Somehow. I also had orange fur and I looked kinda... Thick. Sturdy. Was I muscular? Oh. Hey. I recognized me. I was the... Cowgirl pony. Apple... Something. Oh God, I think I threw up an apple... Calm down brain and work for me dammit! Wait. Applejack. Right. Didn’t Max say she was the boring one? “Can’t be that boring if you’re comin’ out of a grave like a zombie,” I said and winced. That still wasn’t my voice. It had this twangy drawl to it, which really clashed with the fact that I’d lived in Upstate New York my whole life. I sounded like my cousin from Kentucky. Shaking it off, I got as much of myself washed off in the creek as I could. I then pulled my purse over. It occurred to me I was being really calm about this. Must be all that Zombie Survival stuff I talked about with Max and Brian. Checking through my purse, I found my ID was gone, but that was it. My phone had been back in the car, wherever that was, but I still had my chapstick, cash, and credit card in the credit card pouch. This was my Do Most Things purse. I kept my ID really easy to get at and it was gone. And they left everything else and I was in a shallow grave... “Holy shit...” I said in my twangy new voice. Someone wrecked my car. Someone pulled me out of my wrecked car. Someone buried me away from my wrecked car. Someone left me for dead. And now I looked like Applejack. Holy shit. ~ I found my car not too far away from where I’d stopped to wash the grime off. It was plowed into a tree. This confused me because while I was freaking out like there was no tomorrow, I didn’t remember a tree. I remember spinning and taking the hard end of a car, but no tree. In fact, on closer inspection, it didn’t look like the car hit the tree too hard. Wait. Remember, Rachel, some jerk killed you and buried you. They probably pushed your car down the embankment. I could see the highway from where I was and while I wanted to poke around in the car for... Something, I didn’t want to get on that highway. Whoever had buried me might still be up there. “Great,” I grumbled, starting to shake. I went around my efficient little maroon Ford Focus, which was now less focused and more crunched, and saw the damage. First off, both passenger side doors were facing the wrong way: inward. The tail lights on that side were shattered too. As I came around, I found that even though the front wasn’t that wrecked from the tree, the driver side of the front was just... Mangled. Tire folding into the mess, hood bent and crumpled like paper, bits of engine and little parts visible. I got a brief flash of a bumper just... Eating the front of my car and it was gone. I shook a bit more and noticed the driver side door was open. I tried to rear up on two legs and was partially successful. I kind of wavered as I leaned against the door. It’s like my brain couldn’t decide what to freak out about more: my body, the situation, my body and the situation. So, just... Pushing past the weird feeling that I shouldn’t be standing on my back two legs like I used to, I scanned the car. The windshield was one big spider’s web of cracks. The dashboard was bent and cracked. The pedals looked like someone had rammed them from the other side, which, I guess, was accurate. The display lights were faded and the radio was hissing very slight static. The eerie noise and damage made the whole thing very Silent Hill. It made me a whole lot less interested in looking through my wrecked car, but I needed to look. The crap that had amassed on the floorboard- paper, old CDs, grocery bags, an old water bottle- were all over the back seat and a bit on the passenger seat too. I could see where my soda had exploded around in the crash and as I was having the bizarrely normal thought of This is gonna cost me a fortune to fix... I saw my phone. Somehow, in all the excitement, it had fallen into the passenger side door, which was way more in the car than it should be. I fell onto the driver’s seat and climbed across. Even though the windshield had only spiderwebbed and not really shattered, there were little bits of glass I was mindful of as I moved from the driver to the passenger side. Reaching my arm down, I tried to pick it up and didn’t. Oh yeah. No fingers. I stared at my phone, shrugged and leaned down, picking it up with my teeth. Carefully. Picking my way back across the car, I hopped down and felt... Steady on four legs. At this point, my brain stopped freaking out and was just like- Okay, I’m a pony. Whatever. Guess I hit my stress limit. I dropped my phone on the ground next to my purse and looked back in my car. I couldn’t think of anything else I needed. It was all just garbage anyway. Just a car full of crap. I looked back at my phone. It was fine. The car was trashed, my purse was carrying dirt and I had been freaking buried alive! But my Android? Fine. Not even a crack. I think the headphone jack was scratched, but that was it. “Well, you just got a customer for life outta me,” I said. Because talking to myself was a good idea after all this. I stared at the phone. Talking. I should... Call someone. Who? Mom? Dad? No, that was... Ugh, that was a bad idea. I didn’t sound like myself at all. How was I going to make them... No. They’re out. I can’t. Not now. Who then? Who, who, who- Max. Max was into this stuff. Saying he’s a proud brony or something. Call Max. He might believe you. I poked my Android awake, and it did so. For the first time in my life, I was glad I splurged and got one of those big models because I was such a fumble fingers and needed the screen space. So even with my big, awkward orange hoof, it wasn’t hard to get in. Mostly this was because I wasn’t a phone password type. I mean, it’s just my phone. If someone hacked it or stole it, they’d just see I text everyone, look up stuff on IMDB and listen to lots of pop music. The scandal! I found Max’s number and hit the big friendly “Call” button. It rang a few times. “Hey Rae, you hiding from work?” “Uh, no, not exactly.” I heard him shift around. “Uh... Rae. Why do you sound like Abbie?” “Max...” And I felt the tears come to my eyes and whatever numb... Thing that let me get out of the grave, wash myself in the river, search my car, look at everything, and deal broke. I cried. I heaved sobs and gulped snot and cried like I was four and life was ending. “Whoa! Whoa! Rae! Rachel, are you alright?” “Max...” I choked out. “I think- I think I died!”
