Adventure Ho!

by Omnath the Locus Of Mana

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, Human
Length: 2251

An Adventurer and Ranger end up in Equestria. Semi-Crossover with D&D; mainly the ideas and enemies.

Adventurer and Ranger, two best friends have been traveling across the world for almost thirty years now. They have had multiple adventures and have seen more then anyone else on the planet. They have been sent across dimensions and time, met gods and immortals, but now they face their newest adventure; Ponyville.

Will they be able to survive the many random encounters? Will they ever return home? Will Adventurer ever stop dragging Ranger into stupid situations? All this and more will be answered in the story!

Semi-Crossover with D&D; mainly the ideas and enemies.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-10 23:50:01 UTC

Swords and Shiny Things

In the middle of a large forest, two men stood next to a large hole in the ground. There were ruins surrounding them along with a pair of broken swords. The one on the right spoke up, his eyes never leaving the hole. “So you’re saying there is treasure in there?”

“Yes. So I’ve been told.” He looked at him. “Adventurer.... Try not to do anything stupid this time.”

“Oh please Ranger, since when have I NOT done stupid things?” Without any further thought, the adventurer jumped into the pit and landed on a stone floor. “ADVENTURE!”

The ranger trailed in the back. “Stupid idiot charging in without checking for anything...”

A series of loud snaps echoed form below before the adventurer walked back into view covered in bear traps. “I got the treasure! and ow.”

“Damn it man.”

He held up a large sword that was over glorified and worthless. “It was totally worth it!”

“DUMBASS THE JEWELS ARE FAKE!”

“The merchants don’t know that! Now could you throw a rope... I’m bleeding pretty badly.” The adventurer then fell forward and landed in a pool of red liquid.

The ranger shot an arrow into his companion’s arm before pulling him up. “Sometimes I wish we had a cleric.”

~Two Weeks Later~

Adventurer just poked the sword lazily. “Darn.... I was hoping to get something from this but they all threw it at me....”

Ranger sighed and picked it up, swinging it a couple times. “What did you expect? It’s really unbalanced and dull as wood.”

Adventurer sighed as he looked around their hovel base of operations. He saw the tree stump that was in the center of the room and grinned. “I HAS AN IDEA!”

“NO!” Ranger whacked him across the head. “The last one sent us into a den of wombats and goblins. Without any armor.”

“How was I supposed to know what it would do without trying it? You know what they say, ‘Ya stick it in, twist it around, and you’re done’.”

Ranger sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “We’ve been doing this for almost thirty years now, and not once have we managed to keep any treasure.”

Little did Ranger know, Adventurer had grabbed the sword and was holding it above the stump. “TO ADVENTURE!”

“Adventurer, stop!” Before Ranger could stop his comrade, Adventurer stabbed the sword with surprising ease into the stump. They stayed in place for thirty seconds waiting for something to happen.

Adventurer’s grin slowly fell. “That’s it? OH COME ON!” He stepped down and kicked the stump. “Worthless magic stump.”

Ranger stared at the stump for a couple seconds before sighing and walking over. “Trust me. It’s just a stump.” He grabbed the sword handle. “See? No magi-” He vanished in a flash.

Adventurer stared at where his friend once was before getting a determined look on his face. “I’M COMING BUDDY!” He grabbed the sword and vanished as he tried to give out a triumphant war cry.

~Meanwhile~

Ranger flailed through the miasma of color that was swirling around him. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Soon after the flailing and falling had started he could hear distant shouting. “I’m coming buddy!” A small dot appeared above him and slowly grew into his partner Adventurer posed to dive down at him. “FOR GLORY AND HONOR!”

“TELL ME YOU TIED A ROPE TO YOU BEFORE COMING!”

Adventurer, having caught up with Ranger smiled and held up a coil of untied rope. “I got a rope right here! Now I just need to tie it to you and throw it back up there so I can pull you up!”

Ranger stared at him blankly before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Damn it...”

Adventurer blinked before looking at the rope. “Wait....” He looked up at where they had entered. “Maybe I should have tied this to the sword....”

Ranger flipped over and stared at the upcoming exit. “I swear if we die I’m gonna shoot you for eternity.”

Adventurer looked down as well and grinned. “TO ADVENTURE! AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!

~Ponyville Town Square~

The citizens of Ponyville were walking around doing their everyday tasks when yelling could be heard from above. “aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!” A large circular swirl of rainbow colors opened up above the town’s fountain and two creatures shot out of it. One was adorned in brownish armor and was wearing a red cape. On the top of it’s head was a mess of spiky brown hair that looked unkempt and dirty. The other was wearing a green hood with matching cape. He had multiple blades and a bow with arrows on his back.

The red one shot up into a standing position while posing as if victorious of something. “HAHA! I knew it wasn’t worthless! That sword, while worthless to any fool, was the key to EPIC ADVENTURE!”

The green one groaned. “No. That was a portal.”

“Same difference!”

“...It’s at times like this I wish we weren’t cursed with immortality.”

The red one stuck his tongue at the green one. “Oh lighten up Ranger. With the right mind set, Immortality isn’t so bad. It just means we can do whatever we want for eternity!”

“That’s the bad thing; letting you do anything scares me.”

The red one was about to say something when he looked around and saw tons of multi-colored ponies staring at the two of them. “Well this is new.”

Ranger looked and sighed deeply. “Oh god.” He hit his face on the ground. “It’s always horses.”

The red one looked back down at Ranger. “No it’s not there was that one time with-”

“The hydra, the snakes, the succubi, the astral demons, the insane mages, the elementals, and the angels. Yes I know, but horses have been popping up more. Think about it, you did recently get kicked by one.”

The red one smiled. “Aurthur was an awesome guy. Got a real good kick out of everything.”

Ranger turned and twisted out of the way. “I would duck!” The red one turned to look behind him and was taken down by a blur of rainbows and pain.

When he landed on the ground, the wind was knocked out of him. “Ow.”

Ranger pulled out his bow and cocked it quickly, firing an arrow into the pony’s wing. “Next shot won’t miss little horse.”

The rainbow maned pony screamed and clutched her wing as she jumped back. “What the hay!”

The red one on the ground shot up seemingly uninjured. “I’m okay! I’ve had worse from bear traps!” He looked over and saw the shot pony. “Ranger! Why the heck did you shoot her!? I’m pretty sure she was just giving me a hug!”

“You are without a doubt the biggest idiot I’ve ever known... Mages lose knowledge around you.”

The red one sat and tapped his chin. “That would explain why Mage got eaten so easily....”

Ranger sighed and put his bow away, tossing a roll of cloth at the rainbow pony. “Wrap it tight. It’ll stop the bleeding.”

She looked between him and the cloth before tentatively reaching for it. Her eyes never leaving Ranger. Before she could grab it however, the red one had snatched it and had already removed the arrow without her even noticing. “Here let me get that for you.”

She looked around at the crowd forming to watch the spectacle and was blushing lightly. “Uh.... Just who the hay are you?”

He looked up with some of the cloth in his mouth and the rest was in his hands. “Hm...OH! I’m Adventurer! The green moody guy earlier was my buddy Ranger!” He pulled on the cloth causing the pony to wince before tying the rest of the cloth in a knot. “There we go!”

“Get away from her!” Adventurer turned and saw an orange pony charging at him.

He smiled and waved. “Hello~!”

Ranger cocked his bow again, this time with a ball tipped arrow. “Bloody horses.”

Adventurer rolled his eyes. “Oh come on Ranger. They’re not horses, they are clearly ponies.”

“Same thing just smaller.” He leveled the arrow with the charging pony. “Stop or I fire.”

The orange pony kept charging at Adventurer. The red man decided to charge back and tackle hug her. “HUGS FOR EVERYONE!”

Ranger uncocked the bow sighing annoyedly. “Adventurer....” He looked around and grinned before pointing at a cart. “Shiny thing.”

The orange pony landed on the ground with a thump as Adventurer stared at the sky. “Shiny....” He dashed into the cart and started throwing the various contents, mostly cabbages, into the air. “SHINY!! WHERE ARE YOU!?” When the cart was empty he jumped out and was holding a single coin. “HAHA! I HAVE FOUND THE SHINY!”

Ranger knocked him over the head with his bow, sending him to the ground. “Oh thank god he’s quiet.”

Meanwhile, the rainbow pony and orange one were whispering to each other as Adventurer was busy admiring his coin. “AJ, just what are these guys?”

“Ah don’t know... But Ah would make sure they don’t do anythin’ stupid.”

Adventurer was dancing a happy dance and cheering. “I found the treasure~! I found the treasure~!”

The rainbow one snickered. “I don’t think we need to worry about that one.”

Ranger looked up at a perch on a roof and started jumping up, nimbly climbing and jumping a few dozen feet. Crouching he started looking around the town, his eyes scanning everything carefully.

AJ raised an eyebrow, “Him definitely. He shot you in the wing.”

The rainbow one winced as she tried to flap before scowling up at Ranger. “Yeah.”

Adventurer finished his happy dance by throwing the coin into the air and catching it in a back flip. “YEAH!” He looked around and bowed as some of the ponies clapped their hooves in approval. He was about to walk over to the building Ranger had jumped onto when he saw a wall of pink. “Hm?”

The mass of pinkness was staring at him with two blue eyes and was giggling like mad. “HI! I’m Pinkie Pie and I’ve never seen anything like you before! Ooo, you kinda look like those ‘human’ thingies that Lyra talks about all the time!” She suddenly gasped and started to hover in the air in front of the man. “I need to get started right away! I’ll see you later, Bye!” She sped away in a puff of pink smoke and Adventurer could only stare.

Suddenly he broke down into a fit of laughter and was rolling on the ground in the middle of the road. “That was the shortest, most energy filled, one-sided conversation I have ever had!”

“Oh trust me. I’ve had plenty.” Ranger quipped from the roof.

Pinkie suddenly shot out from his quiver of arrows. “Don’t think I forgot about you! You’re going to get a party too! See you then!” and just as quickly as she appeared, Pinkie vanished into the quiver.

He stared in silence before taking it off slowly and muttering a few prayers under his breath. “Okay then....” He put it back on. “Anyways....” He hopped down to the street next to Adventurer. “Get up.”

Adventurer shot up instantly and grabbed onto Ranger. “TO ADVENTURE!” He started to run down the street dragging his comrade. “To the strange house-tree that reminds me of home!”

“That’s a library!”

Adventurer screeched to a halt inches from the door and scowled at it. “What...”

Ranger ripped his arm out of Adventurer’s grasp. “I scanned the city and I saw books in the windows. Also some... Ugh, ponies just left with books.”

Adventurer grinned and turned to the right. “Then we follow that trail!”

Ranger grabbed onto the door, “But it would be best to read about where we are, that way we can find treasure easier.”

Adventurer stuck his chest out. “HA! Reading is for the silly boys wearing robes!” He then charged off into the distance and left a trail of smoke in his wake. “ADVENTURE!”

Ranger sighed and started running after him. “Gods... Don’t let him get into trouble.”

A ways down the street, a white unicorn was leaving her shop when a reddish blur ran past and sent her spinning in place. When she finally stopped twirling she shook her head and looked in the direction it left in. “What in Equestria was that?” The blur stopped in the distance before suddenly moving towards her again.

Adventurer stopped in front of the white pony after running backwards to get to where she was and stared at her store. “They’re so...”

The Unicorn looked behind her. “Um...”

Adventurer’s eyes grew wide as his smile got bigger. “SO....” He shot past her and broke through her window. “SHINYYYY!”

And arrow shot through the window and hit the inside wall, releasing a gas of some kind. “I apologise for my companion, but he can be a bit.... Headstrong sometimes.”

The white unicorn turned and looked at Ranger as he stood off to her left. “That’s.... alright. I was planning on replacing that window anyways.” She then fainted and landed on the ground with a thump.

Ranger sighed and slung her over his shoulder before walking into the shop with a mask over his face. He came out a minute later carrying Adventurer on the other shoulder. The red caped man was snoring loudly and occasionally was spouting nonsense about golden chest plates and boots.

Ranger sighed annoyed and started walking back towards the library. “Let’s see where we are....”