Missing Walls, Attempted Scuba Diving, and Complete Disregard for the Story
Our story begins with the narrator giving complete disregard to the supposed fourth wall and introducing himself to the readers. Hi! How's it going? I'm the narrator of this little story. It might seem odd for the narrator to introduce himself, especially considering this is a 3rd person fic, but the author feels it needs to be done. Assuming this fic does not cut off at some random point in the near future, we are going to be spending a bit of time together, so I might as well say hi. Now, bit of background info on this story, for those who like that kind of stuff. If you don't, please skip down to the stars which mark the start of the actual story, narrated by me. It's based off a creative essay the author wrote in lower school that rivals his creativity of the present day. Kind of odd. Next, due to structural damage from last time we did this, there is no such thing as the fourth and seventh walls in this story, so the author and I are going to be popping in and out to say hello. Heck, we may even get the pre-reader in on this. It'll be a regular fan-fic team party. "Party?" came the voice of the pink pony, which had suddenly popped into existence in our writing room. Pinkie? How did you get in here? Oh...right...we removed the walls. "Well duh! How else do you think I can just show up here?" came her reply. Well, Pinkie, I know your excited we removed some of the walls for some repair, but those are mainly for the writer and me to use. We kind of need you in the story, or we fail the prompt. So, all we need you to do for now is:
A: Go back, and go on vacation to the island of Teyen, and,
B: Not tell anypony about any of this, alright?
"Okie-dokie-lokie!" and with that, the mare was gone. Great, I have a feeling this is not the only time this is going to be happening. Wait, what was that? We used how many words for this intro? Great, this is going just dandy. We need to get moving, the story has to come into play at some point. So, our story begins with Twilight Sparkle finally getting her bags packed for her vacation.
*****
"Ok Spike, this should be everything I need for the trip. Are you sure you'll be okay staying alone for two weeks?" Twilight asked as she finished zipping up her suitcase.
"For the thousandth time, yes, I can take care of myself. Now go before you decide to repack everything again." Spike replied.
"I know you can, it's just..."
"Zip it. You worry too much. Discord is not going to return and Nightmare Moon is not going to plunge the world into darkness while you are on vacation. Besides, you need to leave, or you're going to miss the flight."
"Right, good-bye Spike. I'll be back in two weeks!" With that, Twilight gave her assistant a hug, and left for Ponyville International Ballonport.
We've been planning this trip to Teyen for months! This is going to be so much fun. My five friends and I on a tropical island for two weeks. I had my doubts when the Princess told me I needed a vacation, but this is just too big an opportunity to miss.
Twilight continued to think along those lines until she, quite literally, ran into Fluttershy. The yellow pegasus started to make for a near-by bush before realizing it was Twilight who bumped into her.
"Oh! Sorry Fluttershy, I didn't see you there. Are you ready for this trip?" asked Twilight.
"Yes, it sounds so exciting! I heard the animals on Teyen are very friendly, but I wish I could figure out what those two had in store for us." the pegasus replied softly, resuming her observation of the author and pre-reader. Wait a minute, something was not quite right with that last statement. When did Fluttershy learn how to break the walls? She is now getting my vote for the position of...oh, right, secret. Enough, let's get on with it before the readers realize we have no clue what we're doing! Did I just say that out loud?
"Yes, you did. Nice going there, buddy." came the teasing voice of Rainbow Dash. Not you too. Am I going to have to tell everypony in this story to stay out of here? "Well, yes. Yes you will. You really should not have taken out the walls. You were asking for it." she replied. I blame the writer, he was the one who has no clue what he is doing. Me, I can narrate all day. It's my passion. My voice is a gift, and I must use it! "You do realize this is a text fic, right?" Yes, I know that. Can we please just get on with the story? "Wait, you're telling me this hunk of text is meant to be a story?" she replied. "I have no clue what convinced you three this had a plot, but whatever floats your boat." Well, in all honesty, we can't seem to get this off the ground with all you girls butting in here. We need those walls back. But anyway, I'll cut you all a deal. If you go along with this long enough to get the story in track, I'll change a few things to be more to your liking. "Fine, fine, we'll play along. No funny business, you hear? " and with that, the blue pegasus left, leaving the three staff members to figure out how to get this back on track.
*****
The ponies' balloon touched down on the tropical island of Teyen around noon, and, as soon as they could, everypony was out of the balloon and gawking at the scenery.
"I say, Twilight, you picked a marvelous place for our trip. The weather looks so nice, and the locals seem so refined. I just know I'm going to love it here." came the voice of Rarity as she lifted her bags, with magic of course, onto a waiting cart.
"You said it, Rare. This has got to be the nicest place I ever laid eyes on." commented Applejack, rolling her luggage along the walkway.
"I KNOW, RIGHT! THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST TRIP EVER!" yelled Pinkie Pie, hopping along and drawing some annoyed looks from the bystanders.
"Um...Pinkie, you may want to calm down a bit. We're not even at the hotel yet." said Twilight, pulling her pink friend down from her hovering state. "Once we get there, you can party all you like."
"YAY"
"Um...Twilight? Is that our van over there?" squeaked Fluttershy, pointing to a large vehicle with the words 'Mareiott Resort and Spa' emblazoned on the side. Wow, we're doing better with the vehicle descriptions than with any of the dialogue. Maybe we should stick...
"Ahem, Mr. Narrator." gruffed Rainbow Dash.
Sorry. The six girls placed their luggage in the waiting van, and off they went, chatting the entire way to the resort. After they had checked in and reached their rooms, they found a surprise gift waiting for all of them inside. There was six of them. Each one had two cylinders attached to an odd shaped vest by a series of tubes and straps, and each one had the initials of one of the ponies on it. Applejack was the first to speak, "Well, is seems these are for us, but can somepony tell me what the hay these things are?"
"They appear to be sets of SCUBA gear." Twilight responded, examining one of the devices.
"What gear, now?" Rarity asked, looking at the one with her initials.
"SCUBA gear. They allow ponies to breath underwater. The tanks store air, that much I know, but I am unfamiliar with the rest of the equipment."
"Well, breathing underwater sounds awesome, but what exactly are they doing here with our names on them?" Rainbow Dash remarked. At this point, the author's head appeared in the room, albeit upside down, because right side up talking heads are too mainstream
"Just go with it, and don't ask why. The only viable plot point I have left involves you six going SCUBA diving tomorrow morning." explained the author, "And I'll write in your diver's training somewhere else."
"Okay then, care to explain this plot point at all?" questioned Rarity
"No, it's a rather interesting surprise to say the least. It's the only chance this thing has at becoming a story." replied the author, "I'll send the pre-reader to guide you when you get down there." Hey, what about me? "You don't know how to dive." Right. "Ok, back to the writing board." he said, drawing his head back into the writer's room.
"Well, that was odd, but thanks to the magic of editing, we all know how to dive." said Twilight.
"Uh, girls, I don't mean to intrude, but did the sun just go down, and the time suddenly shift about five hours ahead?" asked Fluttershy.
"Hey! Not cool author man!" yelled Rainbow Dash, who, upon provoking the writer, suddenly fell asleep right then and there. Wait, you can do that? Sweet, we may actually get through this. Uhh, stars of time warp GO! On second thought, why didn't we do this earlier? Now we have to deal with a angry Rainbow Dash for the rest of this story.
*****
The next morning found the six ponies on a rather large boat heading out to the coral reef surrounding Teyen. There were a good twenty more ponies in the group, but luckily there were enough dive masters to split the mass into groups of five and six. The one assigned to our six, a rather short but otherwise friendly stallion by the name of Airy Seas, began to explain the dive.
"Ok, today we are going to explore the underwater ruins of an ancient city. It's a neat place, and surprisingly well preserved considering it has been underwater for about 1000 years. I will warn you, there has been some recent shark sightings in this area, and... wasn't there a yellow pegasus in your group a moment ago?" asked Airy.
"Yes, there was. You must have scared her when you mentioned the sharks." explained Twilight, "She's rather timid."
"Well, I understand that, but where did she go? She just vanished into thin air!"
"We think it's part of her special talent. Usually she would be in the nearest bush, but seeing as there are none, we don't really know. We'll have to find her before we can go, though."
The five remaining ponies split up to search the ship, all the while not knowing their friend had, in fact, jumped into the Writer's Room and was currently hiding behind a rather flustered author while the pre-reader attempted to coax her out.
"Fluttershy, Fluttershy, it's okay to come out. We promise the sharks won't hurt you." he whispered. "They're actually quite friendly sharks."
"F-friendly sharks?" Fluttershy stuttered back, "Is that even p-possible?"
"We're the ones who put the sharks in. Of course it's possible!" he replied, "Now come on out. We can't exactly have a story about the Mane 6 without Fluttershy, or a plot for that matter."
"I heard that!" growled the narrator.
"Ya, ya, calm down. Could you stick your head out and tell the five to go on ahead? I'll stick Fluttershy back in in a minute."
*****
The five ponies were getting worried when they couldn't find their friend. They had searched the boat top to bottom two times over, but there was no sign of the yellow pegasus. They knew Fluttershy was good at hiding, but never this good, but then again, she was never able to jump dimensions before. So, if we're going to look at it like that, it's all the author's fault, and therefore, not mine. Yay...sort of...maybe...umm...what was I talking about? Oh, right! The author then came into view of the five, again upside down, and proceeded to explain the situation.
"...and that is why watermelons are the best fruit, so there is the answer to your question." he finished. Psst! Wrong situation!
"Wait, weren't we arguing about what watermelons have to do with this?"
No, the pre-reader cut the watermelons, said something about 'not relevant even when compared to the rest of the story'. They're wondering where Fluttershy went, because they haven't thought to look there yet.
"Oh, well this is rather embarrassing."
Yes, this entire flop of a story is embarrassing, but we have to finish this. The deadline is coming up, so we don't have time to overhaul this or re-install the walls. Let's just get this uploaded so the readers can tear us apart.
"I hate to interrupt, but would you two quit arguing and tell us where Fluttershy is already!" yelled Twilight, stunning us both for a second.
After collecting his thoughts for a moment, the author finally explained the correct situation. "Oh, sorry. She got a bit scared and jumped into my room. My pre-reader is coaxing her out, but you go ahead and start the dive. We'll drop her in a bit later. The next twist relating to the plot has a lot to do with her."
"Well, ok, but she better be back here in five minutes. Can someone please tell me exactly why we agreed to work with these yahoos?" questioned Rainbow, "They obviously have no idea how to keep a story in line, seemingly no character development, and have broken every rule of writing so far. The plot has no major points and was based off a dream the author once had. Seven years ago. I'm surprised to see so few grammar mistakes. It's like he's a pre-reader who saw the contest and decided to throw this crap together because he wanted to try being a writer for once, but lacked the creative talent to make anything decent. Missing walls, that is your master plan? Get a clue, man! You at least got a half-way decent narrator, but it doesn't change the facts. YOU. CAN'T. WRITE!"
With that, Rainbow Dash walked away, leaving the remaining four ponies and the author in a state of shock. Applejack was the first to speak, noticing the hurt present in the author's eyes. "Hey, author-man? You okay there? That was really rude of Rainbow to go off and say..."
She was interrupted by a choked "no." from the author, who was starting to tear up.
"No. It's true. It's all true. I can't write worth jack. This story...this scenario...it's all just a failed attempt to write something decent. I pre-read for five months before I saw the contest prompt. I never had written anything before, so I decided to try just once. I remembered this essay I wrote on a dream I had back in lower school and said to myself, 'This could work with that third prompt.' I had a setting, I had the English language, but I don't have the ability to write anything. I thought I could compensate for this horrible flaw by getting a good narrator, but it was all for naught. It especially didn't help when I accidentally broke the forth and seventh walls. This entire thing has been the narrator and me attempting to keep this entire thing from collapsing, when I should have realized it was hopeless in the first place. I'm sorry I wasted your time. I'll put you all back in Ponyville and you can go do whatever. Goodbye."
With a final sob, the author disappeared back into his room. The scenery shifted back to the familiar setting of Ponyville, and the six, as Fluttershy had reappeared with the shift, found themselves released of the controls an author gets when writing something. Seeing Rainbow Dash was back with them, Rarity took action. "Rainbow, we need to talk."
*****
The author, finally regaining his composure enough to move, crumpled up the pages of this story and thew them into the trash.
"What convinced me I could actually write something decent? Rainbow is right, I should stick to pre-reading. It's the only thing I'm half-way able to do." he said to no one in particular. Noticing the walls had returned from the repair shop, he slid them back into place, closing himself off from the rest of that world.
*****
"Wait, so you're telling me he was a pre-reader who was attempting to write a story?"
"Yes, Dash, and you completely crushed him with your little tyraid. He left and he put the walls back in so we can't reach him like we were." Rarity replied.
"Oh man, the gods of irony must hate me! I have to get back there and apologize. Pinkie, can you use your powers to get me through the fourth wall?"
Pinkie shook her head, "Not with this one. He ordered it with extra reinforcements because he kept on breaking them. Not even my abilities can get past that kind of strength. It would take somepony with ties to that world to get past that."
Fluttershy took this opportunity to point out a fact the rest of them had missed. "Um...if you don't mind me intruding, that nice pre-reader might be able to help us."
"Well, he would have to be here to help, right? He couldn't get here from that side because..." Twilight started, before she was interrupted by the ground breaking underneath her hooves. She jumped backwards as a wooden box sprang forth from the earth. The door opened, and out stepped the pre-reader.
"Curse his sudden but inevitable betrayal, sticking me in there with nothing but a bad reference to say as I got out." he said, brushing off some dust. "Ya, I can help, but I'm going to need a cannon, a helmet, and some scrap metal. Oh, and Rarity?"
"Yes?"
"You might want to learn how to cheat at poker. And yes, I did mean that. And also yes, this has nothing to do with turtles and/or sea lions"
"Can you read our thoughts?" the confused but slightly impressed white mare asked.
"No, but the author had already planned out that section of the story. Now let's go."
*****
The author, now back to his original pre-reading self, sat down at the latest of the new chapters he had been given. This was his favorite one to read, so he was feeling a bit better after the day's happenings. As he read, his mind inescapably wandered back to the start of his attempt. It was going so well, but what went wrong? The prompt was so simple, 'The Mane 6 go on a vacation'. How did I screw that one up? Well, I still owe the narrator and the pre-reader the full amount, and, speaking of which, where are those two jokers...
Before he could finish his thought concerning myself and that rather odd pre-reader fellow, however, he was blown off his chair by the biggest fannon party cannon to exist at time of typing. In true Pinkie Pie Party Cannon Turned Fourth Wall Breaker (PPPCTFWB for short) fashion, the six ponies plus pre-reader burst through the inter-dimensional wall into the room of the author. What the hay, they shattered it, so I can pop in again. I also took this opportunity to enter the author's room and join the shindig going on there. What can I say? I like joining in on the action. And he does still owe me for all this, even though that's not part of the issue at hand. Enough, back to the events occurring.
The author was laying on the floor in a heap when the dust cleared. Surrounding him was ten square pounds of confetti and streamers, the crumpled pages of this story, and the Mane 6. As the stars in the author's eyes faded, he saw the faces of six ponies and a rather dazed looking pre-reader. And me, but I'm just the narrator, and therefore not that big of a part of this. Rainbow Dash, seeing the author stir, moved to help him up, but, seeing her walk towards him, he attempted to scuttle back. Dash, confused at this point, stopped. The author, still scrambling on the floor, started to babble apologies best he could under his stressed out state.
"Ah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It was just once! Once! And I at least tried! I know! I know! Please don't kill me! I have the money!" He continued on in this state until a blind-siding smack from Applejack froze his mind and his words.
"Hold yer horses there, buddy. What you runnin on about money and be'in sorry fer somethin?" she asked as the author regained his faculties. It was now his turn to be confused.
"H-Huh?" was all he could muster.
"Ah said, what in tarnation did ya think we were here fer?" she replied.
"Well, isn't he here for his money?" the author said, pointing at the still dazed pre-reader, "and aren't the rest of you here to get some payback for making a fool out of the fine art of fanfiction?"
Now it was Rainbow's turn to speak. "Uh, well Mr. Author, actually, I came to say sorry for getting on you earlier. You see, I was a bit harsh on you for being new at writing, and I realize I should not have been mean just because you messed up a couple things. Can you accept my apoligies?"
The only response she got was a vacant expression as he attempted to process the new information. This continued for about 30 seconds, at which point he just passed out on the floor. Due to the powers of the gods of rather decent timing, the pre-reader decided to snap out of his daze just as the author hit the floor. He walked up to the crumpled pile that was the author.
"Well, girls, methinks you just confused the poor fellow into a coma. Don't fret, though, he'll figure it out in a minute." he stated, turning the author onto his back. "He thought Rainbow was back for revenge, and I'm just here for the money he owes me and the narrator over there. He's kind of a strange guy, really jumpy for a pre-reader. Always was being ambiguous in his readings, making sure the author had the final say in all the changes. Never met another quite like him."
The six ponies watched as the author started to stir.
"Ugh, I just had the weirdest dream. There was some sort of writing contest, and I tried to enter, so I took this idea I had that involved another dream, but with ponies in my place. So then I tried writing it, but I broke some of the walls. The narrator and I were just popping in and out of the story, until Rainbow got mad and yelled at me for not being able to write. Then I went back to my room, where there was this big explosion, and...all that really happened didn't it?" he asked, noticing the ponies gathered around him, along with the pre-reader and myself, who then proceeded to nod. "So you really came to apologize Rainbow?"
"That I did, author-man, that I did. Once I looked at what the story actually became, with a little forced help from my friends, I realized you did the best with what you had. It's hard to work with two broken walls and six nosy ponies who can be rather stubborn. You took an idea, and went with it, or at least tried to, no matter what. That's what counts."
"Well, thank you. That means a lot to me. I guess I can submit this to the contest then, even though the prompt was almost non-existent. Well, they never specified how close it needed to be. Thank you all." he replied, looking much cheerier than twenty minutes ago. Seeing the tension resolve itself, Rarity decided to interject.
"Well, seeing as we caused this much trouble, do you want us to act out that big plot point you had planned? I didn't just learn how to sharp cards for nothing here. I'm interested how that plays into anything in this story" she stated, to the author's complete surprise.
"Y-you would all do that for me!?" he stammered back, mind reeling for the tenth time today.
"We'd love to!" they all replied.
"Well, in that case, prepare to get wet." he said, picking up a pen and spare paper, readying his thoughts.
*****
The ten players sat glaring at each other, eyes unblinking. SCUBA masks were good for things like that, but it also helped that they were all underwater. The five sharks mixed with the five ponies, all watched as the sixth pony dealt the final hand of the night. The six ponies had been SCUBA diving while on vacation when they had come across an injured shark. Fluttershy, being the kind pony she was, rushed to help the poor creature. In appreciation, the shark invited the six to Sharkton poker night. Because of her prior experience working in a casino in Las Neighas, Rarity was the dealer for her table, where the rest sat with five of Sharkton's best card sharks. The day soon turned into night, but thanks to a large stash of spare SCUBA tanks, the six played on. Hand after hand, the five duked it out with the sharks. It all came down to this. The entire table was all in, with over 9,000 bits worth of sand dollars on the line, and nopony or shark was going to let it slip from their grasp. Seeing the stakes, Rarity decided to put her less than legal dealing skills into play. After stacking the deck and avoiding detection from all ten of the players, she dealt. Oh, sweet Celestia, I hope this works, she desperately thought, praying she had the card order right. She turned the final card, an eight of horseshoes. With this, Twilight jumped out of her seat, having just obtained a straight flush. Upon seeing the excitement in the mare's eyes, Rarity let out a small sight. But apparently, it was not small enough, as one of the sharks had noticed.
"Oi! That dealer pony just cheat'd us out of our lot! Get 'er!" he yelled, pointing his flipper.
"Well, in that case, it's time to leave!" sighed Rarity as she scooped up a handful of sand dollars. "It's been fun, boys, but until next time, adios. Twilight, would you be so kind?"
Twilight, knowing this might happen, nodded, and teleported the entire group back to the shore.
"I must say, Rarity, I never picked you as a card sharp." Rainbow said as she shook herself off.
"It was fun, but it was a bit mean to trick the poor sharks." sighed Fluttershy
"Don't mind it, my dear, they should have known better that to play cards with me." Rarity responded. "Besides, we only managed to make off with a little bit more than we started with. Call it a fee for the chance to play with such great friends."
At this, Twilight rolled her eyes. "Always the ones you don't expect."
Everypony started laughing at the remark as they started their walk back to their rooms.
*****
The author sighed as he wrote the last word and put his pen down. He finally managed to complete a full piece of writing. It may not have gone quite as he was expecting, but, in the end, he did what he could. He uploaded it to the contest page, and the rest is to be seen.
*****
FIN
*****
HEY, WHERE'S MY PAYCHECK? HELLO? ANYONE? Well, darn. In that case, This is the narrator, signing off.
