A New Life

by DaBeejees

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Sex, DJ P0N-3, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 19719

I'm going to make this simple. I'm given a choice by Celestia to enter the world of Equestria as either a Pegasus, Unicorn, or Earth pony, with the Mane 6 already well informed about the circumstances. Yes, I know this summary sucks, but that's because I'm focusing more on the story. You're welcome.

One key detail: this is somewhat of a self-insertion, but by doing so, I'm making DAMN sure that I include all that I can about me...including my flaws, such as my tendency to confuse myself by over-thinking things, for example. Also, my BIGGEST 'rule' while writing this is to keep ALL of the characters in character, because other wise even I wouldn't want to read this, because no one wants to read that kind of shit. But trust me: this story is going to be interesting. By multiple meanings of the word, too.

Edit: This story is also going to be having a Semi-Crossover with MusicSlave's Music's 'Tail' and the stories that are combining with it.

~~Brendan Kirk "Da Beejees" Julian

Published 2012-02-14 20:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-09 19:07:13 UTC

Chapter II: Waking Up

I open my eyes to fine myself face-to-face with a pink earth pony with a curly mane that smelled like...cotton ca -- wow, I guess that fanfics more-or-less are a reliable source, after all.

"How...am I not surprised by this."

Ironically, the aforementioned pony is astonished by my sudden remark, and goes flying backwards as a result, revealing the presence of five other ponies...they were expecting me.

I start to sit up, and I can feel...I can feel wings spreading.

"Why helloooo~~...." says the first voice I hear, which is followed by a growl that instantly reminds me of Roy Orbison...but fortunately for me, it turns out to be just Rainbow Dash...a rather lasciviously looking Rainbow Dash. At this point, though, I'm not sure whether I should be worried by this.

"Do ya think ya could wait a lil' bit at least bafore ya start hittin' on the poor pony?!"

As I sit up I quickly shake my head in an attempt to fully get myself out of the 'realm' that I had just left.

"Actually...I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Applejack here..." I say without even opening my eyes yet.

"Huh? What tha hay is that suppos'd ta mean?"

"What that's supposed to mean is that I can't believe I'm not wanting to get hit on..."

As I finally start to regain my senses, I find my new friends laughing at my joke, despite the sincere truth in it.

Noticing some movement in front of me, I exclaim "Pinkie! Stop breaking the fourth wall!" to the party pony who I see ahead of me, prompting a 'sorry' out of her, before she takes off for what I'm guessing is preparation for my 'welcome to Ponyville' party.

"Wow...you already know a lot about us, don't you?" says a voice to my immediate right, whom I turn and find to be Twilight.

"Well...that goes both ways here, doesn't it?"

"Girls, we should probably let him be a bit while he's still recovering. Formal introductions can wait until later." says another voice, coming from the right of Twilight, which turns out to be Rarity.

With some whining from Rainbow, they start to leave.

"Don't you think I should ask some basic questions first?"

They stop momentarily before they leave, with the exception being Twilight, who walks back over to me with a chuckle.

"Alright then, ask away."

I go straight out with them. [color=crimsond]"Where am I currently, what time is it, I'm hungry, and where's the bathroom?"

Twilight laughs. "That penultimate one wasn't a question."

I smirk. "I never said they were all questions."

"Touché." she says, as she starts to help me up.

I stumble as my new hooves make their first ever contact with the Equestrian ground, but fortunately Twilight quickly catches me with her magic.

"It's weird, isn't it? Having to take your first steps as a full...grown...stallion." Twilight says as she turns away with a nervous laugh as she says those last three words, desperately trying to hide her deep crimson blush, which she's not doing a good job at.

I start to catch on. "Alright, how many of you are attracted to me?" Twilight responds with only a deeper blush. I let out a sigh as I look down and shake my head, facehoofing. "This...is going to be interesting..." I add, wiping my hoof down my face.

Twilight also lets out a sigh. "That's an understatement..."

I look back up at the purple unicorn and wittingly add "As is that."

With another nervous laugh, Twilight promptly showed me the way to her bathroom, making certain to use her body to help me keep my balance as I'm still getting used to my new body...although I can tell that Twilight is taking advantage of it for the visible excitement that she's getting just from touching me. However, I'm not minded by this, albeit only because I am now fully aware of the intense crush that each of the mane six apparently has on me. I do need to be extremely cautious, though, as I don't want to do anything I might later regret, even if it seems to be worth it at the time.

After establishing those mental guidelines for myself, I also realize that that doesn't mean that I can't have any 'fun' with this...so long as I don't take it too far, though by the looks of it so far, I have a feeling that I won't be wearing the 'daddy pants' anytime soon.

I clear my thoughts with another shake of my head, finding that we've just arrived at the bathroom. As I maneuver myself in, I decide with a smirk to give Twilight an intentional bump with my flank.

Afterwards, I feel much better -- I guess that simply needing to piss like a race horse...wow, another pun?... was what had been making it so difficult to get a hold of my senses. As I walk out -- which I now find to be instinctive -- and I can start to smell something...something that caused my eyes to widen...

FOOD!!!

I make my way towards the source -- swiftly, but carefully -- and, judging by the position of the sun in the sky, which I can see through a window, I determine that this is lunch. As I walk into the kitchen, I notice that Twilight is still blushing, the color of which I'd describe as a mix of ruby and maroon.

"That blush will become permanent if you keep that up."

Twilight looked in my direction, then simply blushes even more. I walk over and take a seat at the table, and after several seconds the lavender mare breaks the silence.

"I'm warning you...I'm not very good at cooking...at all."

My response is what will be later known as the first of my 'philosophical quotes', which I would end up being well known for -- mainly for the fluency and wit in them, in my opinion.

"The quality of something means nothing when said something is direly needed."

Twilight puts her cooking on a plate and sets it down before me, taking a seat across from me. I grin manically at what is set before me: a grilled cheese. Twilight laughs as she sees my reaction, visibly pleased with herself.

After eating, I immediately start to get lost in a thought, but fortunately, Twilight speaks up before that could happen.

"Hey...Brendan..."

I look up, surprised at first that she knew my birth name, though it wasn't long before I remembered that they had been told all about me...

"Yeah, Twilight?"

"Um...could you follow me? We need to do something."

Immediately, the whole crush-thing burst into my thoughts, but fortunately for me, I could tell from Twilight's face that this was regarding my being here. I've never really been certain how I can tell these things, I...just guess I'm good at reading body language.

I nod and stand up, thanking her yet again for the food, as I already had several times during the meal. As I do, Twilight stands as well, then walks over to the staircase leading to the upper floor, then turns and gives me an encouraging gesture, then waits for me to get to her before continuing.

Once we got to the upper level, I recognized what room I was in: this was the main area of the library, which also served as....Twilight's bedroom. I saw Twilight walk over to a standing mirror that was along the side of the room, and beckoned me over once again with a wave of her hoof. Once I got to her, I noticed my reflection in the mirror, and when I turned to look, I immediately saw why Twilight had brought me up here.

I was white -- not caucasian white, but a complete-lack-of-color white. The basic majority of my body looked as if I had just escaped from a coloring book....but my eyes, mane, tail, wings, as well as several different lines on my body, all flickered, reminiscent of aha's iconic music video for their song 'Take On Me' -- scratch that, exactly like in that video. With all this thinking, I confused myself, as I do sometimes: did I look more like I was out of a coloring book, or a comic book, which was what the aha video was about.

I manage to snap myself out of my self-inflicted trance to find Twilight highly amused at my intense thinking, barely holding back a laugh. I started to chuckle myself, before finally deciding on a course of action.

I look at my reflection in the mirror with a smirk, as I humorously think my plan:

Time to make myself look 'pretty'.

Chapter III: Take On Me

I turn to look at Twilight. "So...how is this going to work?"

Twilight uses her magic to levitate an open book from a nearby desk over to in front of her. "Well, before anything else, I need to use the 'visionary spell' on the mirror."

I watched her as her horn began to glow, not knowing what the hell the spell she mentioned was -- other than that it must have something to do with 'seeing', going off of the root of the word 'visionary'...but considering that the purpose of a mirror is to be able to see yourse--wait a second...

As the purple mare's horn begins to glow more, so does the mirror, both of the same indigo hue. Suddenly, both stopped glowing. In my mind, that either meant that it worked, or something went terribly wrong -- fortunately, it was the former.

Over the next ten minutes, Twilight proceeded to inform me with way to many details for me to be able to keep track of. During this time, she actually reminded me of myself somewhat, shooting off facts like a machine gun of knowledge, using the person she's 'talking' to -- in this case, me -- as target practice. However, I did manage to make out the most important part: was I was supposed to do. Compared to the rest of the rant, the simplicity of what I was supposed to do was actually somewhat irritating: "think it." Yep. Five minutes per word. Lovely.

The very first thing that I thought was that I wanted to fit in, therefore the design must be simple. I had already gotten many awkward glances when I was a human, so I definitely don't want the same here.

My thoughts move on to color, more specifically that of my coat. Again, it would be simple, but also....

The thought is interrupted by a change in my reflection in the mirror. While looking at a hoof for comparison, I watch as my coat in the mirror changes to an amazing shade of gold. Thankfully, it seems that this mirror doesn't need a way to describe it.

Once everything is completed, I find myself looking in the mirror at....well, let's just say that I had to 'fight several urges to quote Austin Powers to the death', metaphorically speaking. In addition to the gold coat, I now saw beaming, ruby eyes, and a mane and tail of cardinal red -- which was my favorite color. My mane was somewhat messy, but for the most part it was still straight; the same was also true for my tail. As I turned to look at the latter, I noticed that I was still a 'blank flank', which was unsurprising. What was strange, though, was that it caused me to grin; I guess I must like the challenge that comes with earning it.

In a nutshell, I had a gold coat and a cardinal red mane and tail. It was simple -- which I wanted -- and I liked how the two colors contrasted well with one another.

"Is this your choice?"

I partially jump inside, having forgotten completely that Twilight was there. After momentarily recovering, I look toward the mirror one last time, close my eyes, and nod. I hear the glowing of Twilight's horn...for a total of three seconds. I partially open one eye to peek, and discover that that was it. Of all times, this would be one that called for an 'easy button'.

"You look great." Twilight says to me with a serene smile.

As I turn to say 'thanks', I notice that it's already dark out, which Twilight does also when she follows my gaze.

"I guess I should show you your room then." the lavender unicorn says with a slight nervous chuckle, before escorting me back down the stairs, then to a room a short way down a nearby hallway. The room was quaint, and that's why I liked it. There were two bookcases -- both overflowing with various written works -- a desk in the corner, and the bed dead ahead of me.

Twilight wished me sweet dreams, then headed off to her own room to get some sleep. I, however, wanted to organize my thoughts a bit first. Ever since I arrived here, there has been only one thing that has truly been bothering me -- haunting, almost.

I needed to figure out what I'm going to do about this six-pony-crush-mess I had found myself in, as I don't know how to rid myself of these countless questions I've started asking myself of this morning...

However, there was one thing I did know for certain: it was going to test my sanity.

Chapter IV: A Red Rant

Author's note: This chapter is crucial to the development of the plot, but the bulk of it is just one giant rant, with more than enough choice language to share with your friends. You've been warned...sorta.

Right from the get-go, I'm already pushing my logic and reason to the limits, which in turn forces me to literally think out loud, as my mind itself is already in overdrive.

"This...is not good." I say I start pacing, every now and then sitting down at the desk, but staying seated when I near the end of my rant.

To most ponies, it would look like I'm paranoid to the point of insanity; however, I know that this is simply just my brain at 100%: pairing together countless different possible series' of events, let alone the different outcomes for each one, as well as what effect one action would have in this way, this way. and that way, and how a different action would affect those same 'ways', using probability to predict a course of action, possible reasons for and against each possible action, possible motives for each action already taken, AND having to do all of that and more for each of the six mares involved!

If you'd like an example of this 'orgy of logic', just look at the sentence above!

This is simply a mess, by several definitions of the word!

"First off, how the fuck does this even start? I wake up, and all six of them already have a readily-developed crush on me? Considering, they were informed all about me, 'all' being verbatim, but surely that isn't sufficient enough for a crush? Especially the lascivious look that Rainbow gave me, AND I HADN'T EVEN TAKEN MY FIRST STEP YET!

"Not to mention that Roy Orbison growl! Hell, he's famous for that for when he did it in his song 'Pretty Woman', which is about wooing an attractive woman, which is obvious due to the name of the song, though under my circumstances the gender roles would be reversed.

"Then another possibility: is the connotation of the word itself different? I'm certain that the definition is the same, but perhaps the magnitude is significantly lowe -- no! That doesn't work!

"And again, how is it mathematically probable for all six to have such an immense crush on me?! Rarity always has her fancy on royals, which is no comparison to me, who just got here around...brunch? I would think?

"Rainbow Dash is by far more on the Wonderbolts than on anything else. Wait! She's even been single her entire damn life! Why was she the lascivious one?! What it just sarcasm? Did she really want to fuck me? Or was she simply fucking with me?! Or was I simply mindfucked still from the process of fading...in? From whatever location it was I was with Celestia, assuming that was a location at all?!

"Moving on, Fluttershy has that suffix in her name for a reason! She's shy! To say that having an immense crush on somepony she's never even met before would be uncharacteristic of her would be blasphemous at how much of an understatement that is!

"Furthermore...oh for FUCK'S sake, I don't know where to begin to think in regard to Pinkie Pie! She's much too happy-go-lucky and care free to get seriously involved with a huge crush! Let alone with the same circumstances applied the other five! In all of Equestria, Pinkie Pie would likely be one of the last ponies I would ever expect to be serious with romance at all! Not that that's a bad thing, if not the contrary! As much as I hate envy as a whole, Pinkie Pie's attitude toward the fun in life is one that I can not resist to envy! She's to busy laughing in the face of reality itself to be concerned with much of the seriousness attributed to romance! Huh...laughing in the face of reality itself...how fitting.

"But then there's STILL Twilight! She's one of the nicest ponies one could dream of meeting, but she's so damn dedicated to her studies that she's made herself to damn anti-social! And even if she were to be serious about a crush, such serious romance is too complex to rely solely on books, as without experience books won't teach you jack SHIT!"

"WHAT! THE! FUCK! IS! GO! ING! ON!"

I slam my head on the desk as I say each syllable of that last sentence, and leave it laying there after I'm done. For some odd reason, that has always been the only kill-switch to my 'logic-rants', but though it -- obviously -- does hurt, the longterm consequences pale in comparison to what it would be like otherwise -- I would have been killed several times over already by strokes alone! And...speaking of alone, I now realize that I wasn't. Without even lifting my head, I open an eye and see all six of the aforementioned mares standing just inside the doorway, mouths agape. I still don't honestly know why I even bothered to ask my next question.

"How much did you hear?" I ask in a monotone.

With a sigh, I'm given my response: "How much do you think?"

With one last slam of my head on the desk, I utter one final word.

"Fuck."

Chapter V: The Circle Talk

I've experienced many awkward moments, but the one I currently found myself in undoubtedly took the cake...er, cupcake. Strangely enough, though, it wasn't because they had heard my rant. In fact, that just made things easier for me, as I had planned -- since that afternoon -- to talk with each of the mane six individually about this come the following morning, but now I didn't have to worry about having to tell any of them. This 'incident' simply sprung my 'plan' forward a couple steps.

After what seemed like ages, Fluttershy, ironically, took the first action by walking up to me. The timid pegasus wrapped a comforting wing around me, and slightly nuzzled her head into my neck -- a gesture done out of kindness, and kindness alone. Thankfully, the others took her lead, and I believe that everypony subconsciously knew what needed to happen next.

"Y'all...ah think we all need ta have ah good talk ahbout this, if not fer each other, then fer Brendan here."

"Agreed. We've already put so much pressure on him, and--"

"Yeah! And he still hasn't even spent a full day as a pony yet!"

"And there's no time like the PRESENT!"

I manage to see Pinkie Pie start to bunny-hop out of the room.

"Well, I guess that we're talking now, then."

"Good! 'Cause I'm wide awake!"

"Maybe ya'd be able ta pay attention then, 'stead of dozin' off like ya usually do."

"Ha. Ha. You're so funny."

I felt Fluttershy unwrapped her wing from me I saw her wait for me as the other ponies -- sans Pinkie -- make their ways ahead of us. I had an inkling that the yellow pegasus was wanting to 'treat' my head from when I had punished the desk with it to end my thought derailment. Additionally, I had to viciously fight urges to use several Monty Python quotes -- especially ''Tis but a scratch', but I ultimately proved victorious in that field.

Several minutes later, all seven of us were laying more-or-less in a circle in the center of Twilight's room, and my 'inkling' had proven true...and then some. Fluttershy had asked for and received from Twilight a brush, which she started using to groom my coat, mane and tail. I wasn't bothered by it -- it felt really good, actually.

At last, the 'talk' began.

"First thing's first! I'm teaching him how to fly!"

At the quick remark, I curiously unfold one of my wings to look at it, which prompted a groan from the tomboy pegasus.

"Wow...your wings really need to be groomed...fortunately, I'm in enough of a mood to do that for you later...once Fluttershy's done."

"Wouldn't Fluttershy be able to groom his wings for him, considering that she already is grooming him?

They turn and look at me, and watch amused as my head bobs back every time Fluttershy brushes my mane.

"Ya okay there, sugarcube? Your face don't make ya look too amused."

In a way, Applejack was right, considering I had a professional poker face on, but that was simply because I was trying to focus on the conversation.

"I'll be fine, so long as Rarity doesn't make me try on dresses...and so long as we could get off this tangent, perhaps?"

Everypony laughs, save for Rarity, who decides to progress the conversation. "Tangent...yes...so, what is our plan? Do you have any ideas, Brendan?

The funny thing is, I did, but it was the simplest one, though saying it in between Fluttershy's brushing wasn't. "Yes...yes...I...do...it's simple...you all..." Fluttershy stops brushing to let me finish speaking, which I do without hesitation. "...need to simply drop the crushes, and we can see where everything goes from there. If I do end up having a relationship with one of you, so be it, but it needs to build up to that, and that takes time."

After I said that, the only sound for a good thirty seconds was that of Fluttershy dropping the brush. Following that, Twilight broke the silence.

"Wow...you did get something out of that rant after all, didn't you?"

"Why do you think I risk a concussion for it? I get a lot in return."

Applejack yawned. "Well...sounds like ah plan ta me. I need ta giddon back to the farm an' get some shut eye. I needa wake up early again."

Applejack, along with Rarity and Pinkie -- who surprisingly hadn't said a word -- got up, said their good nights and left.

"I'm gonna stay. If I don't groom his wings tonight I'd have to do it tomorrow, and I doubt I'd do nearly as good a job then. Would ya mind helpin' me, though. 'Shy?"

"I...I'd be happy to."

Twilight yawns as well. "Well, could you do that in his room? I'm going to need to get some sleep as well."

"Alright! C'mon 'B'!"

I yawned and -- along with Fluttershy -- got up and slowly made my way to my room, where Rainbow had already rushed off to.

Chapter VI: An Awkward Process

"Thank you so much for staying, Fluttershy," the cyan pegasus said once the three of us made it to my room, "you know how...awkward this process is."

"Wait...how awkward, exactly?"

"Um...well...it's...pretty awkward..." The timid yellow pegasus pauses before quickly adding, "Rainbow Dash knows what she's doing, though."

"That I do!" the mentioned pegasus says boisterously. She walks toward the bed, motioning for Fluttershy and I to follow. "C'mere and lay down in the middle of the bed."

I shook my head, but complied while four simple words entered my head: I need a drink. Honestly, if it weren't for Fluttershy I would have immediately deemed this to be an excuse to get me into bed with her...I hope it still isn't...at least, not yet. :mentalwink:

As I do so, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash do the same, albeit on opposite sides of me. Rainbow has me unfold my right wing -- which is the side she's on -- and begins the 'awkward' process by helping to stretch my wing muscle. Since my wings had barely moved at all, they burned as Rainbow worked them, but it was the good sort of burn -- the Disco Inferno kind, to be exact. After repositioning herself and doing the same for my left wing, Rainbow returns to her original position on my right side, and fully expands my wing. Having Fluttershy hold my wing open, Rainbow uses her front forelegs sort of like a roller or press, alond each feather. Every now and then, Rainbow comes across a 'problem feather' -- the stubborn ones that refuse to cooperate -- which she uses her mouth to pluck. I start to blush: apart from the occasional plucking, it felt really...good, as if Rainbow were stroking me -- which, in a way, she was, but by a different definition -- one I'd prefer not to explain further.

Noticing my blush, Rainbow asks with a nervous chuckle, "It...it feels good, doesn't it, 'B'?"

Her answer came as a swift phoomf!, as my other wing expanded like a car airbag.

With another nervous chuckly, Rainbow adds, "I'll...take that as a 'yes'."

"You weren't joking when you said it would be...awkward."

Rainbow simply laughed as she and Fluttershy started the process on my left wing, as they had just finished my right.

"W-well...it could be worse..."

~~~

~~~

"That it cou--oh my Celestia!" I interrupted myself as I was caught off-guard by Rainbow Dash intentionally rubbing the most sensitive part of my 'aroused' wing -- the tip --...

Quick A/N: Okay, I can't help it: Kinky. If you know me well, you should already be rolling your eyes at this IRL 'catchphrase' of mine...hm...well, it's more of a 'my line', as in 'that's my line!', but I say it often...mainly because I'm often given wide-open opportunit..i..e..s, okay, kinky. SEE? Case and point. Anyway, back to the story. Hell this note wasn't even in my draft of this chapter...I'm actually inserting this mid-paragraph! Well, I didn't exactly notice it unt....

*Author fortunately fades out, thus letting his story continue. We would repeat the first sentence of the paragraph, but to eliminate any chance of another rant from the author, we will not. Enjoy the rest of the chapter.*

...-- then fell over on her back laughing at my reaction. Fluttershy and I now had blushes of deep crimson, Fluttershy from the situation as a whole, and myself from the spontaneous rush of hormones triggered by Rainbow's 'prank'.

Thankfully, Fluttershy managed to build up enough courage to take Rainbow's spot before the latter could recover from her laughing fit. If it weren't for Fluttershy's gentleness, especially considering how sensitive -- severe understatement -- my left wing was, I'm not certain that I would have been able to prevent my blush from turning purple, if you know where I'm hinting at with that. After Rainbow recovered, she quietly assumed the role that Fluttershy previously had.

After what had seemed like forever -- my Noah-esque flood of hormones not helping a Celestia damn bit -- Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy finally finished, and all three of us were exhausted. not to mention that outside, Princess Luna's personal 'cheese wheel' towered directly above, signalling midnight.

"Oh...dear...it's still too dark for me to start heading home..."

"Bleh...and it's too dark for me to fly to my house..."

After another awkward silence, Fluttershy blushes again at the only solution, which had entered our minds simultaneously.

Rainbow breaks the silence with a friendly punch to my shoulder. "Don't worry about me trying to pull anything...hell, if anyhing I'd at most be a lime." she said, winking at the last word.

I make a face like that of the 'not bad' meme, and nod my head approvingly, "Fanfic reference...nice."

"Um..."

I quickly, yet efficiently, explain to the visibly-confused yellow mare. "A lime, by definition, is a type of fanfic -- almost always short story -- that is distinguished by one -- or more -- of the characters in the story being a tease, and that there is no actual intercourse that takes place. There is a variant in which intercourse does take place, however, but those are known as lemons." I mentally Huzzah! as I'm glad that at least this portion of my horde of seemingly-useless knowledge came in handy. Hah, the funniest thing is that when others learn of my 148 I.Q., they expect me to be able to recite a college-level calculus text book from memory or something, whereas I personally feel that the vast majority of that number consists of random trivia, unnecessary details, and Monty Python quotes.

Not-Nearly-As-Long-But-Still-Quick A/N: That last sentence actually is true for me IRL. My real-life I.Q. is 148, but the same thing applies as well: hell, I practically have Monty Python and the Holy Grail memorized...though so do my dad and uncle, so I guess that's more genetic...somehow...

Fluttershy seems to let go a sigh of relief. "Oh, okay...thank you...though I think I won't look at fruit the same way for a while..."

Rainbow yawns. "I'm much too tired to try to pull anything anyway." She yawns again. "And if I did try anything, I wouldn't want to be to tired to en...joy...it..." Rainbow manages to add, curling up in a ball and dozing off to sleep at the last couple words.

Fluttershy let out another yawn herself, before nuzzling me reassuringly. "You'll be fine...just...*yawn*...try to get some sleep...well...if you want to, that is..."

Fluttershy and I both follow Rainbow's lead and curl up like the cyan pegasus had, with Fluttershy falling asleep almost immediately; she coo'd as she did so, breaking my D'AAAAAW-o-meter in the process -- which is alright, though, because she later found out and replaced it without me even knowing, so...meh. With a soft smile, I follow suit soon after, heading off to visit my good friend Kirby*.

*For those of you who didn't get that allusion, Kirby -- no, not Kirby Puckett, nor Kirby vacuum cleaners, but the pink blob of cuteness Kirby -- lives in Dreamland. Hopefully it makes sense now.*

Chapter VIII: Finally Flying...Sorta

"I...take it that you're excited." I say only somewhat-sarcastically as I'm making my way toward Rainbow Dash.

"Damn right I am! What took you so damn long?!"

"Well, to put it simply, you left us speechless."

"Yeah, I do that a lot." Rainbow semi-boasted, slightly puffing her chest out.

"Wrong connotation."

"Huh?" Her chest returned to normal.

I sigh. "Not the 'impressed' speechless, but rather the 'what the fuck just happened?' speechless."

"Ah." Rainbow responded simply, followed by another 'awkward turtle' moment, before she added, "Anyway, are you ready?"

"Damn straight I am." I say with a nod.

"Alright then! Follow me! We'll do it in my personal 'practice area'. I go there whenever I practice my flying tricks, but there's a huge clearing on the ground there, too."

After saying that, Rainbow Dash rears back, ready to take wing, but freezes for several seconds before returning to a normal standing position.

"Fuck."

I look down, knowing that I'm the reason she's grounded. Rainbow wouldn't have any of it though: she nudged me to get my attention again, then motioned forward with her head.

"Come on!" she said with an uncharacteristically-sweet smile. Any attempt on my part to resist smiling back was undoubtedly futile: I immediately beamed, then started following the now-already-walking Rainbow Dash.

***

*Thud!*

Rainbow Dash shakes her head and sighs. "How many times is this now?"

I spit some dirt out of my mouth. "That I've fallen flat on my face?" I clarify.

Rainbow grinned. "That, or the number of concussions that you've gotten as a result."

I don't even bother standing up just yet, deciding instead to roll over onto my back, doing so with a groan. It had been several hours already, yet the highest that I've gotten so far has been at most a hoof-and-a-half. However, the combined distance of my infinitely many faceplants must total at least an entire longball field by now, and it's beginning to take its toll, and not just to my body, but to my pride and dignity as well. I look and see a smiling Rainbow Dash hovering over me, still waiting for my answer, even though only several seconds had elapsed during the course of this abnormally-bulky paragraph.

"Well, if it's the latter, what point would there be in asking me?"

"Amusement?" Rainbow responded without any hesitation.

I, on the other hoof, did hesitate, taking a second or two...or five*...to try to think of something at least somewhat witty.

"But...I had taken that for a given..."

~~~
A/N: Damn it, I can never word that one correctly! Even in real life, whenever I try to use it, it just sounds so damn awkw--

Get back to the story!

...Pinkie Pie?

Well, duh, it even says '[color = pink]' before whatever I say, and that's the color that you use to color-code what I say, 'cause I'M pink, and my name is PINKie! Well, it says it without the spaces, 'cause then that would mess up the coloring, since that's the HTML tag, same with the '[/ color]' after everything I say, which is the end tag, but again without the spaces, 'cause then this wouldn't be colored at all--

PINKIE! What did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall?! Hell, even my character told you, too!

You silly filly, your 'character' IS you! Same name and EVERYTHING!

...

...

...

...?

ANYway, answer my question. Wh--

You told me not to do it, but it's just SO MUCH FUN! And I LOVE fun! Why would you tell me not to do something that is SO MUCH FUN?!

Because it ain't cheap to get repaired. And that's after I have to pay the guy to stay long enough for me to explain what the hell it is I'm wanting him to fix...

Then don't get it fixed!

...

...

...what if Fluttershy were to wander through?

...

...?

...th-that would be bad...

Yes. Very bad.

Um...I'll talk to you later. BYE AUTHOR!

*Poof*

...wow...disappeared in a poof of glitter...just like in my other story...
~~~

Rainbow laughed, but almost immediately afterward she became more serious than I had ever seen her before. After a short while she spoke.

"Get your flank up. This obviously isn't working. We need to try something different."

"Yes mom."

Rainbow simply shook her head and sighed as I slowly made my way to my hooves. Once I was, I closed my eyes and began inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth, so as to get more oxygen to my brain. In for four seconds and out for two, to be exact**; I've always found that to be the most efficient ratio, and now it's just habit.

"You ready?" Rainbow asked, her tone letting me know that she was aware of -- and fine with -- what I had been doing. I take another deep breath, sigh, and nod, my eyes still closed.

"Alright...I want you to try not to put your body weight on your hooves...think of it as trying to symbolically sever your connection to the ground..."

I smile as I do so, but it makes me wonder about something. As a human, doing this would raise my center of gravity up into my torso, but now that I'm a pony, where exactly am I shifting it to? If I'm still shifting it 'up', I would imagine that it would be going to the area in between my...wings! Mother of Celestia!

"That's...deep, Rainbow!"

She scoffed. "Don't underestimate me, damn it. Just because I'm athleti--"

"--I wasn't." I cut her off. "I was being honest."

"...oh. Thanks, I guess."

I smile. "Well, just to check, am I supposed to now have my center of gravity shifted to in between my wings? 'Cause that realization is what had caused me to have the 'mother of Celestia' moment that I had had just now."

I open my eyes and feel a chill run through my body. I suddenly feel much lighter...but other than that, I can't find any words to describe how I'm now feeling, even with my extensive vocabulary! I know that that doesn't help you out much as the reader, but look on the bright side: no big, descriptive words! =D Well...on second thought, it might be best to not get your hopes up too high...for one, there's several places where I could have used 'lexicon', but I digress.

I notice that Rainbow is looking at me now with intrigue.

"I don't know why we didn't do this right from the get-go, because that's absolutely right..."

"Well, at the get-go, both of us were extremely antsy to get me up and into the air...and for that matter, we still are..."

Rainbow smirked. "Prove it."

"Well, for one thing, I can tell that your wings are currently fully extended not from arousal, but from being grounded for so damn long."

Rainbow looked at her wings before turning her attention back to me, now with a raised eyebrow keeping her smirk company. "How do you know that I don't have a wingboner?"

"Gut feeling"

"Oh yeah? And how accurate is that?"

"Called a perfect game."

Rainbow went back to a straight face. "Oh yeah...I think that was one of the things that Celestia told us about you -- one of the first things, that is -- that you called Mark...Mark..."

"Mark Buehrle."

"Thanks. That you called Mark Bur-lee's perfect game three weeks in advance.*** I must admit, I'm impressed about that myself."

"T-thanks..."

"Remind me never to doubt your gut feelings again."

"Noted."

Rainbow clears her throat. "Anyway, now try doing what you were earlier."

I take a deep breath, nod, and close my eyes once again. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but before I realized it...

I opened my eyes. "Oh shit!"

I found myself hovering about ten hooves or so off the ground...apparently this was now more instinctive, particularly because I never even noticed my wings flapping...and for that matter, I still don't. Perhaps this is what that chill from earlier was all about. I take some conscious flaps to try to move, and found it to be much, much easier now than I would have ever imagined! I fly around a bit -- more excited than...me in a GameStop, I guess -- before flying back down to land next to the now-cheering Rainbow Dash.

Well, at least that's what I tried to do.

*Thud!*

Rainbow was laughing now. "Other than using your face for a brake, you were awesome! For your first flight, that is. You're still no match for me!"

I groan and stand back up, rubbing my face with a hoof. "I figured as such."

Rainbow smiles, before we both notice Celestia's lowering of the sun.

"Wow...I haven't seen such a beautiful sunset since back in..."

"Arizona?"

I turned and looked at her, and noticed that she was still looking at the sunset. I let out a sigh. "Yeah..."

"You know..." Rainbow started, not looking away from the sky. "The way that Celestia had described it to us...well, even I must admit...well, let's just say that I can't blame you for being so proud of being able to call it...your home..." she trailed off, as I joined her in looking at the sunset once more.

~~~
HEY! AUTHOR!

AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! RAGGLE FRAGGLE!

Are you okay?

Yeah...I-I'm fine...what is it now, Pinkie?

Well, if your character and Rainbow don't leave now, they'll be late for his 'Welcome to Ponyville' party!

Oh shit!!! Um...um...I'll let them know. Aight?!

Okie dokie lokie!

*Poof!*
~~~

Before I could say anything else, both Rainbow and I looked on wide-eyed as we suddenly saw a figure appear among some previously-not-even-there-but-now-parting clouds.

~~~
"G-God?"

"Oh, don't start that shit, it's just me, the author.

"Uh, what?"

Don't worry about it. Anyway, I would recommend leaving for Sugarcube Corner now, else you risk missing 'Briar's' 'Welcome to Ponyville' party.

"Good idea!"

Damn it! Of COURSE it's a good idea! Now, just go! Don't worry, nopony else saw me or anything, so just don't worry about it. See ya!
~~~

As the clouds went away, both Rainbow and I continued staring for several seconds, before Rainbow broke the silence. "...seems legit."

"To be honest, I thought he would ask us to bring him a shrubbery or something..."

"Well, we can talk more about this shit later..."

"Race you there!"

*"One...two...FIVE!"
"Three, sir!"
"THREE!"
--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

**This is a VERY good tip, by the way: if you're ever starting to feel dizzy or something for some reason, try this, because your brain needs that oxygen.

***This is actually a true story! I was going on a month-long immersion trip to Perú via Walking Tree Travel (whom I highly recommend, by the way), and while we were waiting for the rest of our group to arrive at the Miami International Airport -- our meeting point -- I had said to the group leader "I have a gut feeling that I'm going to miss a perfect game during the course of this trip." Three weeks later, a check of ESPN.com from an Internet Café in Ollantaytambo, Perú proved me right.

Chapter IX: One Helluva Welcome Party

*Crash!*

I still was terrible at landing. Well, if you could even refer to it as 'landing', anyhow. I had crashed through a window and into Sugarcube Corner, as I had not been able to slow down. On the flip side, however, I did manage to beat Rainbow Dash there, although I knew that that was only because she had slowed down to laugh hysterically when I began my 'wipeout', which actually began a little way back. I slowly began to get up, and shouted, "I'm okay!" before realizing that I didn't see anypony else, save for the still-laughing Rainbow Dash, who was now walking in the door. As I began to stand the rest of the way up, a loud cannon shot and a vocalized "SURPRISE!" caused me to fall back down on my face once more. This time, somepony would need to help me up, because I didn't care anymore by this point; I was starting to enjoy laying on the ground...because it meant that I couldn't fall on it! I heard music starting to play, specifically 'Invisible Touch', by Genesis, which is a song I really like. However, I was able to hear some hoofsteps approaching me, even over the awesome music (which would hopefully turn out to be an awesome 'Awesome 80's' playlist).

"Are you sure you're alright, darling, because you definitely do not look it."

I hear Rainbow Dash start laughing again as she helps me up.

"Thanks Dash. And thank you for your concern Rarity, but I am indeed alright; I just felt like laying on the ground...mainly because it means that I can't fall on it again."

"Hey, you already sa--"

~~~
Pinkie, they can't read the previous paragraph.

Oh...right, forgot 'bout that. Silly me! Oh, and thank you Author!

Don't mention it, Pinkie. ^^
~~~

"--...nevermind! Continue!"

"Okay...but yeah, he's fine."

"Well that's good to hear."

I simply nod as I notice that the song playing now is 'Let's Groove', by Earth, Wind, & Fire -- my favorite band. I narrow my eyes as I try to mentally connect some loose thoughts and suspicions.

"You okay there, sugarcube?"

I widen my eyes back to normal and look at Applejack. "Yeah, I'm still fine, just thinking about something." I try to add to my 'theory-in-progress' by adding a question after my last statement. "Do any of you have anything to do with the music selection, by chance?" I mentally roll my eyes after I ask that, since I hear the the song playing is now 'Don't Stop', by Fleetwood Mac -- my second favorite band! I swear to Celestia, if the next song is by REO Speedwagon -- my third favorite -- I've decided that I won't have just a 'theory' any longer.

"You'd have to ask Pinkie Pie that..." Twilight responds, as we both turn toward the mentioned pink pony, who was already shaking her head.

"Nope! It's all on DJ P0n-3! She's good, ain't she?!"

"WHAT?! How'd you manage to book her?!"

"What happened to not questioning Pinkie's ways, Rainbow?

Rainbow sighs, as I walk away to get a drink. If this party were any more based off of my favorite things, the punch I was now pouring myself would have alcohol in it, and by the end of the night everypony would be drunkenly dancing and singing to 'Louie Louie'; at that point, the only key thing that would distinguish it from Animal House -- one of my favorite movies -- would be the unsurprising lack of togas...well, that and a food fight...and a chaos-filled parade...oh well. Close enou--

'Tough Guys', by REO Speedwagon.

'That's it!', I thought to myself, as I mentally threw my hooves up in the air, and began making my way toward the DJ. Fortunately, I had already planned what I would say were it to come to this.

Thankfully for my part, she noticed me as I was walking up, which saved me the time it would have taken to get her attention away from the music.

"Hey, you're the 'life' of this party, right?" the unicorn DJ greeted me, taking off her headphones.

"Only when I'm drunk or on a sugar rush."

She laughs. "I like you already! My name's Vinyl Scratch, though most ponies know me by my DJ name, DJ P0N-3." she says, extending a hoof.

"Pleased to meet you." I say, shaking it.

"Hey, hold on one second, I need to start the next song."

She turns back over to her 'station', and does so.

"'December 1963', by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons." I point out as Vinyl returns.

"That's right. I'm surprised you've heard of it to be honest."

I had no option other than to call her bluff -- this was yet another of my favorite songs.

"No...no you're not." I say, nonchalantly taking a sip of my drink as I do.

"Huh? What're you talking about?"

I took another drink, and quickly executed my mentally-planned course of action.

"Simple. If you wouldn't mind, could I attempt to guess the names of some of the other songs that you have at your disposal?"

Vinyl raised an eyebrow. "I...don't see what that has to do wi--"

"Don't worry. You will."

"Alright then, go ahead." She pauses before adding with a smirk, "And good luck."

I take another drink, clear my throat, and started listing off some of my other favorite songs.

"'Baba O'Reily', by the Who, 'More Than a Feeling', by Boston, 'Jack and Diane', by John Cougar Mellencamp, 'Piano Man', by Billy Joel, 'Only the Good Die Young', also by Billy Joel, 'Hooked on a Feeling', by Blue Suede, 'Feels Like a Number', by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band..." I momentarily stop to catch my breath and take another drink, and first notice that Vinyl's mouth is hanging open, as I would later notice it would more and more with each additional song I list off. Realizing my success so far, I take a deep breath and keep going: "'Running on Empty', by Jackson Brown, 'You're Gonna Go Far Kid', by the Offspring, 'The Kids Aren't Alright', also by the Offspring, 'Faithfully', by Jour--"*

"Okay, okay, okay, okay...you got me." Vinyl confesses, shutting me up with her hoof to my mouth. Strangely, as she removes her hoof from my mouth, I notice that she's smiling.

"How...much do you know?"

"She told me as much as she told them." She gestured over to where the mane 6 were grouped together in conversation. "I assume that you know who I mean by 'she'?"

I smirked. "Honestly, if I didn't, I would have already corrected you on your vague and improper use of a pronoun."

"Well, it's a good thing you do then!" She laughs, but then lets out a sigh before continuing. "I must tell you some things though...gimme a second while I put the music on 'autopilot'. Meet me over there." She gestures over to a corner and leaves with a smile.

I decide to take a detour over to the punch bowl for a refill before making my way over to the aforementioned corner. I only had to wait a minute or two before Vinyl rejoined me.

"Alright," she starts off, making sure to keep her voice low, "before anything else, would you prefer that I call you by your made-up pony name or by your real name?"

"Whichever you prefer."

Vinyl smirks. "Alright then, Brendan."

She chuckles a little before letting out a sigh and continuing. "Okay, well, I'm going to be honest: I don't know why 'she' decided to tell me about you...but...I'm glad she did, if anything for your musical preferences!" she says, laughing the last couple words out. "I admit, at first I was reluctant to listen to it, but after doing so...well...let's say that calling it 'badass' wouldn't be enough; if anything else, I completely agree with why it's referred to as the 'Awesome 80s' and 'Classic Rock'."

I sigh. "Unfortunately, ours is a minority opinion..."

Vinyl grins widely. "Not if I can help it."

Abruptly, I think of something, and I start to ask it. "Do you think I should tell the others about--"

"Hey! B!"

"--you?"

Vinyl nods and smiles as Rainbow joins us, apparently followed by the other five as well.

"Hey B! Where've you been? Who you talkin'...to..."

Rainbow's eyes widen when she notices Vinyl, who in turn looks at me and grins in amusement.

"Are you friends with her?! Ho--"

"I just walked up to her, Dash."

"That's it?!"

"Yeah, pretty much, actually!" Vinyl says with a laugh.

"And you weren't going to introduce me?!"

Vinyl smiled. At this point I was letting her take over. "He was just bringing it up when you interrupted him from across the room just now." Vinyl laughs again.

"Oh." Rainbow turns and notices for the first time that the others had followed her over. "Why'd you guys follow me?"

Before anypony could get a word in edge-wise, I manage to kill the brewing tangent with a metaphorical rusty spork. "I don't know, I don't care, but I'm glad you did."

"As are we."

I raise an eyebrow that asked a question that was answered almost immediately.

"We connected the dots, sugarcube."

I nod. "Good. Saves my breath."

Abruptly, I realize that most of the party guests have left; it must be late. More humorously, however, I also noticed that Pinkie had wandered off to the now-empty dance area and was wobbling around with a red Solo cup in her hoof, the sight of which caused me to smirk.

"There was booze in the punch."

All of us look toward the drunken party pony. "What makes ya say that, sugarcube?"

Everyone laughs, then I whisper a 'request' into Vinyl's ear, which attracts the others' attention. Vinyl grins widely as I pull back. "You got it, dude."

Vinyl starts to walk away, but I keep her with a hoof. "One second, Vinyl. You guys, I think that we're going to need to have this 'conversation' tomorrow, preferably in the afternoon to evening, due to potential hangovers." I motion my head toward Pinkie at the last few words, prompting more laughs. "But for now, y'all just grab a chair, 'cause dis gon b gud."

We all grin widely as Vinyl starts looping 'Louie Louie' and we have some lulz when Pinkie drunkenly starts to sing and dance to it. I for one, had a lot more punch; since Pinkie had apparently eaten all of the 'sugar sources' earlier in the party, I still needed a way to be the 'life of the party'...though Pinkie was definitely hard to top.

After this, I can tell you that I remember this much:

It was a fun night.

*These actually are some of my favorite songs, and the funny thing is that IRL I would have been able to list them off just as quickly as my character had. How do I know that? Because that's exactly how I typed it! Although it did take me longer to type them than it did to think of them, but I digress.

Chapter XI: An Escape From Formality

Ultimately, we ended up having to wait until the following day until we began the clean-up of Sugarcube Corner. Fortunately, having been a member of a real-life 'Delta house' did teach me some things that were actually useful, such as being able to clean up an absolute hellhole that only a drunken party can create...though almost always we cleaned up just so we can try to 'beat our high score' again the next night, but the clean-up skills came into play here, nonetheless.

When we all met up back at Sugarcube Corner to start cleaning it -- Vinyl included (who had actually asked me out once she sobered up...now you know who wears the 'daddy pants'...well, when pants are worn, that is), however, we found that Twilight had shown up early and had already done most of the work -- the wall included. After an hour or so of picking up trash and cleaning dishes, we were...done, which astonished me, because I was used to having to take several days to clean up a trashed frat house, but then again, we didn't even have a decent attention span, let alone fucking magic!

After we finished cleaning, I decided to take Vinyl on a date of sorts, which I felt was the least I could do for her, considering that, simply put, we had started 'dating' after having drunken sex...which apparently Twilight had taken drunken notes on...and not to brag, but I sound like a total stud in those notes...which is weird, because I'm anything but. And that's not implying that the fact that Twilight was taking notes on us having drunken sex was weird...though that would be right, because -- knowing Twilight -- I would have actually bet money on it.

Fortunately, the only location to go on a date was where we still were -- Sugarcube Corner. This was actually for several reasons: first, neither of us knew our way around Ponyville quite yet, second, we both preferred to not go somewhere public *cough* fans *cough*, and third, we were both too lazy to go anywhere else. Most importantly, however, we agreed not to drink...at least on this 'date'...with Vinyl stating her biggest reason as 'wanting to remember tonight', topping it all of with a seductive wink. Honestly, I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited...I know I'm going to find out though.

Unfortunately, however, Rarity happened to overhear us, and decided to take it upon herself to make it formal, much to Vinyl and I's chagrin, as we are anything but formal. Not like we even had a choice though, especially after she teleported herself and Vinyl to her boutique to size the latter for dresses. I wasn't any better off, though, because I was mentally rocking in the fetal position, knowing I was next.

All things worked out well in the end, though -- at least for Vinyl -- as our date began very late that night. As soon as Rarity left us sitting at a formal dinner table set up at Sugarcube Corner, with both of us forcibly dressed up in formal attire, we began plotting our escape. The moment the door closed, I gave Vinyl a look to keep her momentarily quiet.

"Okay, I'm going to make this clear. I know that you're antsy, and to be quite frank, after the torture of having to wait for my 'turn' combined with the actual turmoil of having to be sized and model for a suit for four consecutive hours, whatever dirty thing I know you have planned is exactly what we both need. However, we can't just rush, else we risk getting noticed, be it by any of your fans, or worse, Rarity. Fortunately, along with being able to clean up a hellhole, one of the things I learned from being in a fraternity is how to efficiently sneak around and how to not get caught for shit."

"I take it that you have a plan?"

"Almost; we still need to determine some things first."

"Such as?"

"Destination."

"I assume you don't have a house yet?"

"Nope."

"Remind me to buy you one, then; I have far too many bits than I know what to do with."

"Noted. And I assume that a hotel is out of the question?"

"Yep. I'm way too horny --" She pokes at me with her horn. "-- to have to sign autographs and all that shit."

I grin. "That reminds me...how much magic do you know?"

She grins back. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, if you have sound-muffling and invisibility spells we wouldn't even have to leave here!...though I advise we do, though, lest we risk breaking something."

"I do have both of those, but we're going to have to decide on a location first, because my invisibility spell is in 'bubble' form, so it's essentially a shield."

Okay, but before we 'get gone' we need to 'set the scene' here..."

Vinyl's horn begins to glow. "Just tell me what needs to be done."

I grin. "Alright, well first we need to make it seem like we ate, so we need to take most of the food off of the plates and put them back in the fridge as leftovers..."

Vinyl levitates some Zip-Lock bags from the kitchen, puts the majority of the food -- which was spaghetti -- in them, then puts the filled bags in the kitchen fridge, and nods at me to continue.

The remaining things Vinyl happily does as I list them.

"Next we need to rub the napkins in the sauce a little bit to make them look used, pour most of the water into bottles and into the fridge -- unless you're thirsty that is -- pull out the chairs, mess up the table cloth a little bit, dirty the silverware, put them and the napkins on the plates, and then run away!!!"

Vinyl grins as her horn begins glowing again. "Or teleport..."

*Flash*

Chapter XII: Sexy Sexy Fun Time Version [MATURE WARNING]

WARNING! THIS VERSION OF THE CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXY STUFF, BY WHICH I MEAN SEX, AND BY THAT I MEAN SEXY SEXY FUN TIME! HOWEVER, THIS SEXY SEXY FUN TIME IS NOT A FUN TIME IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH VIEWING SEXY SEXY MATURE CONTENT, IN WHICH CASE YOU SHOULD NOT READ THIS SEXY SEXY VERSION OF THIS CHAPTER, AND INSTEAD YOU SHOULD CONTINUE OVER TO THE NOT AS SEXY SEXY VERSION OF THIS CHAPTER, WHICH WOULD NOT CONTAIN ANY OF THE SEXY SEXY CONTENT THAT IS IN THIS SEXY SEXY CHAPTER. YOU HAVE BEEN SEXY, AND YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

SMASHING DASH

A/N: Y'all now have another reason to thank me for color-coding everything, as if it weren't for all of the HTML tags used to do so, I wouldn't have felt comfortable typing most of this chapter at my public library. Yeah, you read right. If it weren't for the abundance of HTML tags, it would have been much easier for passers-by to read what I was typing...but fortunately they couldn't. Huzzah!

Also, thanks to my friend Johnfreemanwepon for helping me from keeping this chapter from being a piece of shit.

As soon as we arrived -- wherever that was, I do not know, nor do I care -- Vinyl charged and cast her 'invisibubble' spell, as well as her sound muffling spell, she wasted no time in getting her dress off, as well as my suit.

"That fucking thing was really starting to piss me off...I can't fucking stand wearing dresses..."

Vinyl wasted no time in getting down to 'business'...but not to defeat the Huns. The moment the clothes were off, the fun was on, as she pushed me to the ground with her magic, and laid herself on top of me, immediately placing her lips on me -- both sets. Honestly, if I were comparing this to the usual baseball analogy, I would write this in as a hit by pitch. She hungrily made her tongue dance with mine, while she grinded her hips on my 'awakening beast'. I wrapped my hooves around Vinyl's body, letting her continue to be in control as she moans into my mouth while she continues to sloppily kiss me. She pulls back after a short while to catch her breath, gasping for air as several lines of saliva connecting our mouths start to thin out and break. It wasn't too long before she dived back in, thought this time she was less sloppy, although still more 'into' it. When she began grinding her hips into me again, I really started to rise, which apparently she felt, as she broke the kiss and began kissing me down my neck...then down my my chest...stomach...until she reached my colthood, looking at me from behind it.

"Are you enjoying yourself as much as I am?" Vinyl asked as she began teasing me by rubbing a cheek along my length.

"Do you really have to ask that question?"

She pauses before giving a long lick along the entirety of my shaft, as if it were a lollipop...

~~~
"Ooh! I LOVE lollipops!"

Bad time Pinkie!

"What do you me--oh, OH!!! Sorry! Sorry! I'll come back later!"

*Poof!*
~~~

As she does so I feel a shiver of pleasure ripple through my body. Vinyl places both of her hooves on either side of my base and smirks. "No, I don't..." She licks me like a lollipop again, causing me to emit a moan. "...but I am anyway..."

She simply smiles at me as she awaits my reply. "Honestly, no, not nearly as much as you, but yes, I am enjoying myself..."

"Damn right I am!"

Vinyl continued to lick me, until she decided to give me one final one -- an incredibly slow one at that -- before leaving the tip of her tongue on my tip, then at long last wrapping her mouth around it.

For several seconds, Vinyl simply stared at me with those ruby eyes of hers, before slowly making her way down -- not once taking her eyes off me. I was immediately hypnotized.

I somehow managed to resist tilting my head back as I watched her go all the way down to my base. She must have seen my shocked expression -- since the average 'size' of a colt is much larger than that of a human -- because she makes her way back up to give me a quick explanation.

"Band camp."

"For us it was more of a stereotype...usually"*

Vinyl strokes her hooves along me to keep me erect.

"Well, it's a completely different story when every senior mare goes into heat on the first day of band camp each and every year. Let me tell you about this one ti--" Vinyl said before being interrupted by a cough.

"Sounds like fun. Especially because I know from personal experience that even non-sexual band camp is fun."*

"Well, I honestly believe that our senior mares have even more fun than the senior colts do."

"...you're not in heat now, are you?"

She smirked. "Not for another four and a half months, so don't worry."

~~~

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM! DOOOOMIE DOOM DOOM! DOOOOMIE DOOM DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART!
~~~

With a wink, she quickly went back down on me before another word could be spoken. She slowly worked her mouth up and down my shaft, not taking her eyes off of me as she did so, just like before. Every now and then she would go up for air, making a pop! noise when she did.

After a while Vinyl came up for air, but what was different this time was that she repositioned herself so that she was closer to me -- yet slightly above me as well -- then closed her eyes and basically started deep-throating me from above. And thank Celestia that she had closed her beautiful ruby eyes, because there was no possible way that I would have been able to contain myself if she hadn't.

Up to this point, I had been perching myself up, but that was something that I was now incapable of doing as a result of sheer pleasure. Fortunately, Vinyl stopped just as I was about to fall backward.

"You're not getting close already, are you?"

I end up falling back anyway, forcing a chuckle from Vinyl as she wiped away some saliva with a hoof.

"Only if you had kept that up I would have..."

She smirks and crawls over me, and I can see liquid dripping off of her body...and not from her mouth -- her other lips.

"I guess we should move on, then..." she leans in and whispers seductively into my ear, before leaning back out to charge and cast another one of each of her spells, just to be on the safe side.

She slowly starts to grind her marehood into my shaft to keep me erect, then leans back into me again and whispers. "So...who's going to be 'dom'?"

I raise an eyebrow. "You already know the answer to that..."

"Hm...you're right. I do, don't I? But I would like you to take over later on, though..."

"If you insist..."

"Oh, don't worry, I am..."

Vinyl leans back out once more and starts rubbing her marehood on my tip for a while, before rounding third by finally pushing herself into it, moaning loudly as she does so. After she pushes my shaft as far as it can go into her with her body, she leans forward momentarily to catch her breath, props herself up by putting her two front hooves on my chest, then gets to 'work'.

Vinyl started grinding her hips, moaning as I went in and out of her. I, on the other hoof, wasn't as much of a 'moaning' type, but that doesn't mean that I never did; for example, I was on the verge of it while Vinyl was deep-throating me.

Vinyl kept grinding at a consistent pace......familiarly consistent, in fact.

"Babe...you're grinding in 3/4 time, aren't you?"

"Y-yeah...what of it...?" she managed to reply in between moans.

"Nothing, so long as we don't start talking dirty using musical terminology..."

"Oh baby~! Accelerando~! Accelerando~!" Vinyl mocked me in complete disregard to what I had just said.

"Here we go..."

"Oh yeah~! You hit those staccatos!"

It seems that Vinyl's mocking had acted to tire her out more, as she pulled me out of her and leaned into me, panting.

"Done yet?"

"Y-yeah...once I catch my breath...it's your turn..."

I give her the time she needs, then she lets me know she's ready with a simple nod. She straddles herself on top of me, then after sticking me in her, she leans forward and wraps her hooves around my neck. She presses her face into my shoulder as I slowly begin to thrust her. Unfortunately, we were in a position that I wasn't all to good at gaining speed in, but that doesn't mean that it still won't feel good...well, unless you're a virgin, but that's a different story.

With each successive thrust, Vinyl begins to moan louder and louder into my neck, although she only marginally increases the intensity of her moaning each time.

I casually glanced to my right, and I was immediately horrified at the sight. A group of ponies staring at us in shock.

”Uh.... Vinyl... are you sure you cast that spell right?” slowly pulling out as I say that.

”Pretty sure. Why?”

”Look to your left”

“OH GAWD! Tele! Tele NAAAAOOOUUUUGGGHHHHH!”

”WAIT! WAIT! I WANT TO USE ONE OF DEM FLASHY THINGIES!”

"Okay! Now GO! GO! GO!"

"Already on it!"

*Flash*

*I actually have a number of my own band camp stories, thanks to playing clarinet in marching band each year of high school, ranging from mud volleyball to IcyHot on testicles. xDI guess we should move on, then...

Chapter XII: The Four-Word Non-Sexy Version

Then they had sex.

Chapter XIII: Prepping a Party

Vinyl and I land with a thud! back at Sugarcube Corner.

"Come daybreak, I'm fucking buying us a house. I know we obviously don't want to go through that again!"

We both groan as we sit up, our previous 'mood' having been metaphorically shanked in the back in a dark alleyway and left to rot in a nearby dumpster from the earlier 'incident'.

"What was that 'flashie thingie' you had used, by the way?"

"A mind-wipe."

Vinyl raised an eyebrow. "How'd you get that?"

"Pinkie Pie gave it to me."

"When did she give it to you?"

I paused. "I-I honestly can't remember."

"Do you think that maybe she had given you an 'example'?"

"That's my theory, yes."

Vinyl giggled, reaching a D'AW-o-meter level of 3.3 D'AW (1 D'AW = 1000 d'aws, by the way. For a comparison, any one Flutter-squee is at least 9 D'AW, or over 9000 d'aw).

"You know, Scratchie, you could ask Twilight to help you you train that 'invisibubble' spell of yours so you two don't have to mind-wipe ponies like that again. You're lucky you didn't miss somepony!"

Vinyl and I jerk our heads over toward the stairwell to Pinkie's living quarters and watch as the pink party pony walks down the last several steps into the parlor area, where she joins us, the three of us now sitting in a triangle.

"Pinkie...you have no idea how thankful I am that you're the best secret-keeper in all of Equestria."

Pinkie blushes and rubs the back of her head. "Well, I guess you could say that I'm the 'gatekeeper' and there is no 'keymaster'..."

"Wow...it's been a long time since I've seen that movie, let alone heard somepony make a reference to it!"

"What movie? Ghostbusters?"

"Yeah, I was actually watching it earlier."

"Ah, okay, that makes more sense now."

After several moments of awkward silence, Pinie broke it as she would the fourth wall.

"Oh! And I should probably tell you two that I've decided to count Brendan's welcome party as your new relationship party as well...but only because I had gone so over-the-top with that welcome party!"

"Thanks, Pinks! I still actually have a very slight headache from my hangover, too."

I simply remain silent, with my eyebrows raised, the two mares understanding my surprise of Pinkie turning down a chance for a party, and then simply moved on with the conversation.

"Actually, though, I'd like you two's help for the next party I'm planning..."

"WHAT?!"

Pinkie let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, well, I just don't want to overdo it like I had for her welcome party...which I had literally dragged her to..."

"Ah, so I'm guessing that you'd like my frat-party experience?"

"And obviously my DJ skills?"

Pinkie simply nods.

"Well, first off, you should spike only some of the punch, so that the guests can have a choice. Also -- and this is crucial -- use some food coloring to make the alcoholic and non-alcoholic punch contrasting colors, so as to avoid any sort of confusion."

Vinyl simply turns her head slowly to look at me -- in the exact way that I usually do -- and waited several seconds before speaking. "Okay, so how many frat parties have you been to?"

I laugh. "Plenty. And considering that I was a member of what was essentially our university's 'Delta House', we usually hosted them. Also, I was more-or-less the 'party mod' the vast majority of the time."

Vinyl simply remained silent for several seconds. "...thank Celestia I'm dating you."

I grin. "Likewise."

"What about a theme?"

I turn back to Pinkie and smirk. "Well, a toga party of course!"

"Um...are you sure that's the best ide--"

"TOGAH! TOGAH!"

"Too late now."

Vinyl smirks. "So...I guess this means that I'm going to be playing more 'Louie Louie' then?"

I let out a sigh. "Depends how many ponies choose to drink the spiked punch...oh! And on that note, we'll need to make sure that there's a clearly-visible sign or something that says which is which...and Pinkie, you can stop shouting 'TOGAH!' now."

Pinkie stops jumping -- as she had started doing when she had begun shouting -- and sat back down. "Sorry about that. And yes, I'll make sure of the sign."

"Good. And we should probably cover up the walls, too. There's always the chance of shit being chucked across the room. And usually, that's a rather high chance."

"Bottles?"

"Often times, yes, but it's not limited to that."

"I won't need a net, will I?"

"I highly doubt it, but it wouldn't hurt to have one ready in case you do need it."

"Yeah, even I don't want to take too many risks on this one..."

"Wait...what's the exact occasion for this one, anyhow?"

"That's a good point; I had completely blanked that."

"Well...it's a 'new relationship' party...but...they're both too reluctant right now for one to ask out the other...but it's easy to tell that they're both really into each other..."

"Brendan...you're really good at reading body language; why don't you have the final say? Before we plan a party that possibly wouldn't happen?"

I turn to Pinkie, who simply nods in agreement. "Alright then. So...Pinkie? How 'bout you just hang out with Vinyl and I for the next couple days or so, and point them out to me when we get a good chance?"

~~~

":megusta:"

...of course you do, Pinkie.

"Well YEAH!"

...okay?
~~~

"Okie dokie lokie!"

I yawn. "Okay...I think that we need to get some sleep now..."

Vinyl yawned as well, before wrapping her hooves around me and pushing me over, resting her head on me. "Agreed..."

I slightly reposition myself so that Vinyl and I are more comfortable, then notice Pinkie covering us with a blanket. "Sleep well you two! I'll see ya in the morning!"

I can only really smile before I go to introduce Vinyl to my friend Kirby.

Color Coding

Brendan ('Briar') = Crimson
Twilight Sparkle = Violet
Rainbow Dash = Cyan
Applejack = Orange
Fluttershy = Yellow
Rarity = White
Pinkie Pie = Pink
Princess Celestia = Silver
Vinyl Scratch (DJ P0n-3) =Corn Flower Blue
Johnfreemanwepon = Medium Aquamarine
Talen = Forest Green
Music Slave = Teal
Author = I'll decide if it's necessary based upon any comments on this.

Chapter XIV: Breaking In

We were woken with a jolt, as we found ourselves being shaken by Pinkie Pie.

"Wake up you sleepy heads! I need to get ready to open up the shop!"

I let Vinyl get up first before I follow suit, shaking my head once I do in an attempt to get myself fully awake.

Vinyl seems to immediately be ready to leave, nudges me to get my attention. "Hey, babe, let’s go and..." She yawns. "...and go buy ourselves a place, now."

”What about food?”

She smiles softly as she uses her magic to put on her glasses. "We can worry about getting food later. If we go now we won’t have to worry about autograph stops!"

"Oh, okay." I emphatically point a hoof toward the door. "To the DeLorean!"

Vinyl looked at me and and raised an eyebrow. "...seriously? How does that Back to the Future reference -- or what I’m assuming is a Back to the Future reference -- fit here?"

I slowly lower my hoof, and pause to think. "I...guess it still metaphorically works...it’s a running gag used when ‘time was of the essence’, ‘there isn’t much time’, or even simply ‘we need to hurry’ or ‘escape!’..."

Vinyl seemingly decides to just go along with it. "A ‘running gag’ starting now?"

"I don’t see why not."

"Good enough for me." Vinyl emphatically point a hoof toward the door in the same way I had earlier. "To the DeLorean!"

Vinyl immediately starts galloping toward and then out the front door, and I immediately follow.

Once I get outside, I find Vinyl standing just outside the door, seemingly staring off into nothing. I walk up right beside her, when she speaks.

"...we don't even know where there's a house for sale..."

"I do!"

Vinyl and I both jump with a yelp, but fortunately don't fall down.

Pinkie squeezed herself between us, and pulled out a map of Ponyville, which already had the houses of the mane six already circled with their appropriate colors.

Vinyl grabs the mini-map (to use an RPG analogy) with her magic and levitates it in front of Pinkie Pie, while the latter pulls out a red crayon and circles one more location on the map.

Pinkie drops the crayon. "This is the only place in town that's for sale!" Almost as spontaneously as she had appeared, Pinkie then disappeared back inside.

Vinyl looks at me. "Well, that solves that issue then."

***

"...how much is this place again?"

Vinyl and I were standing side-by-side a little distance away from the property, both of us wide-eyed, looking up at the building that we had failed to notice was labeled as 'The Mansion' on the map that Pinkie had given us.

"69 thou."

"...and you already paid?"

"We paid; it's under both of our names, remember?"

"No, you paid; I don't even have a single bit to my name."

Vinyl levitates a single bit in front of me. "Now you do."

"How, how generous of you."

"Don't mention it. Ready to go inside?"

"Damn straight."

***

Once we were inside did I truly see how expansive the place was...there were so many rooms...we started to look around, and Vinyl started writing some room ideas on the walls with a magically-levitating marker -- we were already planning to paint the walls later, anyway. The room that in which we had entered into the house was absolutely ginormous -- every single other room in the house was connected to this one, though there were some hallways that branched off of it. After we had been through every room, it basically looked like this, only...better:

After all that, Vinyl and I walked back into the main area...where Vinyl started to get really close to me...

"What do you say...that we..." She starts to lean into me, getting close to my face. "...break in our new home? Hmmm?"

Vinyl never gave me a chance to speak as she started kissing me. However, my eyes were focused on the pony standing in the doorway, which we had forgotten to close -- Fluttershy. She had been standing there the whole time, and was blushing profusely...and every couple seconds she had to reach back with a hoof and push her wings back down.

I gave Fluttershy a look to tell her to just stay there, which she did, while I poked Vinyl with a hoof. Vinyl broke the kiss, and followed my gaze as I pointed to Fluttershy, causing Vinyl to literally jump in shock, and fell to the ground. I leaned over her and waved a hoof in front of her face...with no response. She had fainted.

I then approached Fluttershy, who was blushing even more now.

"It...seems that I came to congratulate you on getting your own home at a bad time..."

"Perhaps a little...come back over later, though, okay, 'Shy?"

Fluttershy started making her way toward the door. "Um...okay then. S-see you later!"

I smiled and waited for Fluttershy to leave, then gently closed the door behind her.

Chapter XV: The Meet-Up

"What the fuck happened?"

Vinyl had just woken up, and sat up rubbing her forehead with a hoof. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to move her anywhere -- nor did I yet have a place to move her to anyway -- but I was still sitting next to her, in the exact spot where she had fainted earlier, which I must say, caught me off guard, to state the obvious.

"You fainted after I pointed out that Fluttershy was watching you trying to round first base."

"Well, shit."

"Don't worry, she's fine." I laugh. "She did seem to have some trouble keeping her wings down, though."

Vinyl smirked at me. "So you're saying she was enjoying it?"

"It looked that way."

"In that case, perhaps at that party we're helping Pinkie plan we can show her some more...maybe let her join..."

I turn and look at her with an unamused expression. "It's not going to be an orgy! It's a toga party!"

As Vinyl started to laugh, I continued. "Anyway...I think I'm gonna head to the market. We might as well get some food for here while the market isn't too crowded yet."

Vinyl lifted her glasses and wiped away a tear she got from laughing so hard, before repositioning her glasses. "Good idea. I'll go with you."

Before I could say another word, Vinyl had already made her way to the door, using her magic to put on her saddlebags as she did. She motioned to me, then turned and went out. I followed suit, locking the door behind me.

As we made our way toward the marketplace, I found that there was even less activity than I had expected, which I felt was for the better, as it added to the already-astounding tranquility of the early morning. As Vinyl and I walked side-by-side, I silently decided to take in the sights and sounds -- I wasn't too much of a morning talker, at all, which fortunately Vinyl already knew. Looking at the trees along the side of the path we trotted along, I noticed the peaceful dew drops resting upon the leaves, the osmosis of the water making them into perfectly round spheres. I ever so slightly frowned at my next thought, which was the remembrance that those dew drops would cease to be by the time that Celestia would raise her sun to it's apex, but that frown didn't last long, as I knew that they would be back come this time the next day. I don't truly know why, but I think that since much of my life has incorporated chaos and dodging beer-bottle-projectiles, I have developed a greater understanding and appreciation of the serenity provided by many of the little things in life, such as the dew drops on an early morning.

As a result of getting lost in my thoughts again, we arrived at the marketplace before I knew it, only getting jolted back into reality by a bump from Vinyl's flank.

"We're here, babe; you can leave La-La-Land now..."

I shook my head vigorously to regain my clutch of reality. "Meh...you're right. 'Tis a silly place."

With a quick laugh, Vinyl started walking towards one of the stalls. "C'mon, babe, let's get you your own saddlebags while we're here."

I simply smiled as I followed behind her. As it turned out, our timing was impeccable, as we had arrived after all of the stalls had opened for the day, but before they had received much -- if any -- business yet. As a result, we were this stall-keeper's first customers of the day.

"Hello! Would you like to purchase some of the highest-quality and finest-made saddlebags in all of Ponyvi--"

The stall-keeper cut himself off, and in the second of his hesitation that followed, Vinyl gave me a glance through her glasses that told me that she knew what he was going to say next, and that she knew how to handle it accordingly. I immediately gave her a very slight nod in response, again, all in the lone second of the stall-keeper's hesitation.

"DJ P0N-3?! I-It's such a pleas--"

Vinyl cut him off this time. "Please; call me Vinyl. And as a matter of fact, I would like to purchase some saddlebags for my friend here." Vinyl put a very slight emphasis on the word 'friend'; not enough for the stall-keeper to think anything of it, but enough for me to know what she meant: that even though we were dating at this point, she didn't want it to be completely public quite yet. I was actually thankful of that, not just for Vinyl's sake, but for my own as well; I've had a history of getting...sheepish when placed in a large-scale spotlight.

At this point the stall-keeper turned and took a good look at me for the first time, and I greeted him with a silent nod. About fifteen minutes later, after being fitted for my first saddlebags, Vinyl paid for them and we left the stall...well, after Vinyl signed an autograph for the stall-keeper that is.

As we turned around, we saw the first other ponies we had seen all day so far, with the exception of the stall-keepers and the like. They were standing about fifteen yards in front of us, talking. One was a pegasus mare, though I could clearly see -- even at that distance -- that she was approximately 3-5 inches taller than the average mare. She had a white coat, with several black stripes on her face, a couple on her back, and many on her legs. She also had a mane and tail of royal blue, which, yet messy, seemed to suit her well. I'm still not sure why, but some ponies just seem to look better with unkempt-looking manes and/or tails...though I have a feeling that Rarity would hastily beg to differ. The pony she was talking to was a unicorn stallion, who was wearing a medium-green vest and rectangularly-framed glasses. His coat was a dark teal to a sort-of dark turquoise, and his mane and tail looked almost brown, but were too close to a burgundy to be able to be called brown. Hell, I'll just call it browngundy. Again, regardless of the distance, I was able to distinguished that he was well kept and neat, though I doubt that he would be one to obsess over his looks. *Cough*Rarity!*Cough* Oddly enough, the most striking thing about him, to me at least, was his eyes; it wasn't that they were unusual or anything, it was mainly just because they were such a vibrant shade of blue. I fucking hate blue. He seemed to have π as a cutie mark. Looking at the two of them together, I could see that it was a case of opposites attracting, even if they seemed to be polar opposites. Why is it always that opposites attract? I mean, ponies aren't magnets, so why is always opposites that attract? But more importantly, why am I dwelling so much on this? If being forced to read Pride & Prejudice for my Junior year English class taught me anything it was that first impressions are rarely, if ever accurate. Hell, Jane Austen has even originally planned for the title to be "First Impressions"*...I really need to get out more...

A/N: I can't believe I just made a Pride & Prejudice reference...

Why can't you believe it if you just did it?

…

...wow, you didn't get scared this time.

...yeah, I've learned to expect you during my author's notes, now.

...oh.

Yep. And to answer your question, lemme put it this way: if you look through the references I've made, to things such as Monty Python, Animal House, a bunch of classic rock and awesome '80s music, Ghostbusters, the DOOM song, the "Take On Me" music video...

...and then after all those 'guy' things, you suddenly drop the "Pride & Prejudice-bomb"?

Yep. Pretty much.

Okie dokie lokie! I'll let you get back to your story then! Yay crossovers!

Semi.

Huh?

It's a semi-crossover.

So? What's the difference?

Quite a bit, actually.

Oh. Like what?

We already went over all that in the Official Semi-Crossover Announcement/Proclamation Thingie.

Oh yeah. Forgot. Okie dokie lokie then! Back to the story, author!

*Poof!*

"Babe, you've been looking at those two ponies for exactly twenty seconds now; I'm guessing you've learned enough about them to write a paragraph or two?"

I look over to Vinyl, who was brandishing a sarcastic smile, and responded without thinking, ironically.

"I already did."

"Huh?"

"...don't worry about it."

"Done. How about we be neighborly and introduce ourselves?"

I sarcastically fake a whine. "But I'm anti-social!"

Vinyl gives me a "srsly" look, prompting me to immediately drop my sarcasm. "I seriously am, though."

Vinyl's pokerface told me all I needed to know about her seriousness. "I know, and it's pathetic. Come on."

The next thing I knew, Vinyl was carrying me with her magic, as she did so for about five yards, before releasing me to let me walk the remaining ten.

*All of that English-class part is a true story, by the way.

Chapter XVI: Loophole

By the time Vinyl and I had gotten to five yards, at least some of the observations that I had made from afar were confirmed, namely the mare's above-average size, and the stallion's neatness. However, a light-hearted giggle I heard from the mare further proved my Pride & Prejudice point I had made earlier: such a light-hearted giggle was not something I would have expected from the mare I saw, but then again, I'm not a Mr. Rochester myself.

You did it again!

Huh?

You made another unmanly allusion!

Hmph. Knowing your bubbly personality, I highly doubt that you've read something as dark and gloomy as--

Jane Eyre

...you've read it?

Yep.

...then you know that you shouldn't judge that book's manliness by it's cover.

Nice pun. But considering it's a bildungsroman by Charlotte Brontë? Noooot very manly.

Well, at least it's manlier than Twilight!

Our Twilight said that that doesn't even count as literature back in chapter 7, remember?

Exactly.

...you actually are kinda like Mr. Rochester, though...

Are you saying I'm ugly?

Nooooo~~...think of what makes Mr. Rochester such a unique and memorable character...what made you make the allusion to him in the first place...

Hmm...well, he's mysterious, a philanthropist, not the best looking physically, yet still considered by many to be oddly attracti--where are you going with this?

*giggles* Have you ever tried writing an Author-Pinkie Pie ship?

*facenotebook*

Notebook? Oh yeah! You usually write your drafts for your chapters in your notebook!

Mhm...

...are you gonna do it?

...are you really pressuring me into it?

Yep!

...I'm not sure...

Aww...why?

Well...I know that MusicSlave for one isn't very keen about shipping you with anyone/anypony, because your bubbly personality doesn't make you seem...capable, for lack of a better word, of having a serious relationship. And as a result of MusicSlave's adamance about it, I've slowly begun to feel the same way, albeit it did take a lot of convincing me.

Why's that?

Well, it just doesn't seem...logical.

Screw logic! I'm Pinkie Pie!

Did I mention how adamant MusicSlave was about it?

Yes you did, but I'm rune about this!

...you've got to be shitting me.

What?

...was that a Runescape analogy?!

Yeah? So?

*sigh* Nevermind, next point: How would it even work? I mean, I'm incoporeal...

And I'm Pinkie Pie!

...

...

...

...aaaare you okay?

...yes, it's just that the more that I think about that simple fact the more of a valid point it becomes...

That I'm Pinkie Pie?

If the laws of physics, of nature, as well as the entire concept of reality itself don't apply to you in any way, shape or form, then why the fuck would logic?

You're a lot like Twilight, too! You over-analyze things!

Yeah, and I know too much, too.

Prove it! xp

I can accurately graph a woman's hormone levels during her menstrual cycle using only the information of when three of said woman's consecutive periods were, and can use the information from that graph in addition to the original three data points to be able to plot said graph onto a calendar to show on what specific day or days her future periods will take place, as well as when she will be ovulating. Don't ask me to do that, though, by the way, and that goes for you readers too! Even though I can do it, doesn't mean I'm completely willing to!

...

...

...

...you asked for it.

...yes, and I now regret it.

I can't say I don't blame you.

...

...

...

...anyway...

Yeeaaahhh....

Well, I still think that MusicSlave wouldn't be too happy about it...

LOOPHOLE! She said she didn't want me to be shipped with anypony in the story, and technically, this isn't part of the story; it's an author's note.

.........truuuuuuueeee.......but I'd still rather not risk getting bitched a--wait, you read that convo?

Well, duh! I'm Pinkie Pie!

......okaaaayyy....but.....why do you want to be shipped with me, the author?!

Because nopony's done it before! And besides, it'll be FUN!!!

There's probably a reason why noone's done a character-author ship before.

Like what?

Scroll up.

...oh....right. BUT WHO CARES?!

Wel--

DO IT!

..................................................................................................fine. I still don't know how the fuck it's going to work, thou--

YAAAAAAAY! *hugs* *poof*

................how the fuck did she just hug me? *sigh* Pinkie Pie...I would quote Rainbow Dash, but...at this point, 'random' doesn't cut it. And so much for the OC dialogue planned for this chapter; I guess it'll have to wait until the next one. And also, I'm sorry MusicSlave; I respect your opinion on Pinkie-shipping, and as you can see, I attempted to defend it...only to metaphorically get my ass handed to me on a silver platter. *sigh* This...is going to be interesting to say the very least......

...I need a drink.

Status

Fan-fucking-tastic. Once again, there's a couple of different factors that are holding off the start of the semi-crossover, which is literally what I'm at -- the next line in what I have written is [going to be] dialogue between Vinyl and I (Briar) and MusicSlave and Johnfreemanwepon. Yeah.

However, if it makes y'all feel any better, I have come up for an idea for the chapter after this. As usual, the idea is only about a sentence, but also as usual I'd milk it for all it's worth, even if it's not much. Which I doubt it will be. But it could be. But I'm not even going to be working on it, so I don't know.

Chapter I: An RPG-Style Beginning

Author's note: just as with my other story, A Golden Flame, make sure you change your top-right drop-down from LIGHT to DARK. ^^

What the hell...

I find myself in...what seems like another dimension, or perhaps even...

Well...shit.

I look around. All around me...is white. White everywhere. Based upon the beliefs of a variety of religions, it seems that I'm dead.

How? I haven't the slightest clue, but then again, after what happens next...that doesn't matter. I look back in front of me to find a...being...a being that I...recognize...from where isn't apparent at first, but it is soon enough.

Oh......my..................Celestia.

The supreme alicorn that was now before me put a hoof over her mouth as she let out a soft laugh.

"I was wondering whether you'd be able to resist that pun."

My eyes are wider than I would ever had thought possible...but then again, that meant nothing compared to the circumstances I now found myself under.

"I...believe that we're beyond puns at this point," I manage to say, surprisingly clearly.

The Princess smiled gently. "That we are. And I believe you would like me to tell you what's going on."

"I was hoping you would..." I say, finding that my wit still functions as it should.

The benevolent alicorn took several steps closer to me. "I know."

I decide to remain silent and let her continue to speak, as obviously she knows what's currently taking place.

"As I am aware of how you would prefer, I will be blunt about this." She has taken to walk around me, before turning back around and standing next to me.

"This...is where you start your new life."

I raise an eyebrow. "Is this going to be a realistic version of one of those 'Human in Equestria' fanfics?" I inquire as sincerely as that question could possibly be.

The Princess chuckles. "Not...quite" As she speaks that last word, three images materialize out of the emptiness before me...each taking a different shape, but all having one key detail in common: each is one of the three possible body structures in Equestria, with unicorn on the left, pegasus on the right, and earth pony in the center.

"Oh, so it's more like an RPG game, then."

"Perhaps..."

Fully understanding what's taking place now, my wit asks "There...isn't a time limit, is there?"

Smiling at my question, the Princess shakes her head, and mentions that she's impressed with my disciplined approach to making my decision. I can only manage to smile back before losing myself deep in thought.

Well...shit.

I haven't even started this 'new life' of mine, yet I'm already faced with the biggest decision of it so far. Fortunately for my decision, however, I know that there's no way in hell that I'm going to choose earth pony....and, with the very thought, the center image fades away, and the two remaining move closer to each other and become more focused.

Choosing to help me with my decision, the Princess proposes an offer. "If you'd prefer...I could 'surprise' you with whichever of the two I find in your heart, since..."

"...my brain can't put it to words."

The Princess smiles as I finish her sentence, and I accept the offer with a nod, causing the two remaining images to vanish as well.

"I...take it that this is where I'm awkwardly dropped off in the world out of nowhere?"

The alicorn laughs. "Quite the contrary." After a pause she resumes. "For that very reason, as I am well aware with how...awkwardly many of the fanfics which you are so familiar with begin when the circumstances that you are now faced with yourself, I've decided..." At this point, six stain glass windows appear in front of me, one by one, each with a familiar figure on it. "...to inform whom you are familiar with as 'the Mane 6' with these present circumstances..."

Without thinking, I breath a sigh of relief, and say "Oh thank you......crap."
I chuckle that last word out, realizing that I had succumbed to the same pun yet again, answered only by another laugh from the Princess.

"As I was saying..." the Princess resumes, still chuckling, "...I have informed 'the Mane 6' of the circumstances...and they are more than willing to assist you in fitting in. In fact, one has already offered to house you."

I remain silent, not sure what to say next. Suddenly, I find the scene around me start to melt away, and I can vaguely hear the words good luck as I eagerly await the start of my new life...in Equestria.

Chapter VII: A New Name

A/N: This is probably my favorite chapter yet, but I've only determined that while typing it in here off of my written draft of it. Why? Because I found out how hilarious some of the lines in here were, so you're in for a treat.

I was the first to wake the following morning, so I decided to head over to the kitchen to make some breakfast, being careful not to wake either Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy. The latter proved to be much more of a 'challenge', as I had awoken to find he practically laying on top of me; I then knew my chances of not waking her were minuscule. However, I didn't even get the opportunity to try.

Fluttershy fluttered her eyes open and shyly looked at me (diction intended, by the way), easily recognizing the helpless look of 'well...fuck' that was clearly portrayed upon my face. Noticing her position, she blushed, embarrassed.

"I-I'm s-so sorry...I-I just have a t-tendency to sn-snuggle..."

"Don't worry about it, 'Shy; I'm perfectly fine with it." I reassuringly say with a soft smile, nuzzling her gently to push my point further.

"I-If you s-say so..." she submitted. Fortunately for me, though, she moved off of me regardless, allowing me to make my escape.

A/N: "Run awaaay!"

-King Arthur, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

I squirm my way off of the bed and sneak out of the bedroom...before being scared shitless by Pinkie Pie, who was somehow hanging upside down in the doorway -- honestly, unlike Twilight, I gave up all hope of any remote explanation a long, long time ago...in a galaxy just a mere two-day journey away...

Luckily, I didn't scream or anything, instead simply losing my balance and falling down. In response, Pinkie Pie decided to drop down...landing right on top of me. Astonishingly, however, she didn't even make a sound, instead simply repositioning herself and staring at me in the same manner she had when I first awoke here in Equestria.

"Um...could we move to a different room?" I whispered. "I don't want to risk waking Dash or 'Shy."

Pinkie simply smiled and hopped off me; perhaps that was the very reason why she had been so quiet. I got up and followed Pinkie into the kitchen.

"Just so you know...I'm going to be trying my hardest not to talk as...hyperactively as I usually do while I'm around you. Well, at least until you can keep up with what I'm saying, especially because talking this slowly is...weird for me." Pinkie says once we stop, grinning widely.

To say the least I was astonished, but nonetheless grateful.

"Wow...thank you Pinkie..."

"Don't worry about it!

I paused for a second before asking the question that had been bugging me since Pinkie had scared me shitless. "Anyway...Pinkie...why exactly are you here? In Twilight's house?"

"Well, silly, I wanted to take you on a tour of Ponyville before your 'Welcome to Ponyville' party tonight!" Pinkie momentarily pauses. "That reminds me, you aren't just going to go by 'Brendan', are you? It wouldn't hurt to try to ponify your name!" Her hyperactivity finally kicked in. "OOH~! OOH~! I CAN HELP! I CAN HELP!"

I took a seat at the table and rested my chin on my hooves to think. "First things first: Rainbow wants to start teaching me to fly today, but in regard to 'ponifying' my name...well...frankly, I hadn't even thought about that!"

"OOH! So that means I can help, RIGHT?! OOH~! OOH~! How about BRENALICIOUS!"

I slowly look up at Pinkie with a raised eyebrow. "Please. For the sake of my sanity, tell me you're joking."

Pinkie put a hoof to her chin. "Hm...you're right...that isn't very pony-y..."

I resist a facehoof as I go back to thinking myself. This was probably something that should have been covered during our 'circle time' the previous night.

"...Pinkie? How'd you get in here?"

I turn and see Twilight at the entrance to the kitchen, her face telling me of her realization of the Pandora's box she had just opened. I turn back and put my face in my hooves in a desperate attempt to zone out the Pinkie-rant that was already starting to commence.

ADHD don't fail me now...that actually reminds me, I need to renew my La-La-Land passport...it's nearing it's expiry date...not to mention that my photo is still of me a a huma-- SQUIRREL! ...no...false alarm. Huh, I actually haven't seen a squirrel in a while...mainly just chipmunks...--

"BRENDAN!"

The sudden jolt back into reality causes me to fall over in the chair. For some reason I now donned a 'the shit I put up with'-style poker face.

"...did you...just zone Pinkie out at will just now?" she adds, leaning in toward me as I was on the ground.

"Well, after having severe ADHD for your entire life, you can learn to use it to your advantage..."

"Sounds like that could come in handy."

"Not if you can't focus enough to find the 'off' button."

"Is that what you were slamming your head on the desk last night for?"

"No, that was the failsafe for the 'logic orgy', remember?"

"Riiiiight..."

I temporarily ignore Twilight's last comment as I look around. "...did Pinkie leave?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, 'B', what're you doin' on the floor?"

I turn to look at Rainbow Dash, who's standing over me as well now.

"I wouldn't worry about that."

"I'm not. Ready to learn how to fly?" Rainbow's stomach complains, causing her to add with a laugh "After breakfast, that is."

"Sounds good!"

At that, Twilight gets started making our breakfast, and several minutes later Fluttershy wakes up and joins Rainbow and I in Twilight's living room, where we had decided to eat. Fortunately, Twilight had a TV there, which I turned to ESPN (Equestrian Sports Programming Network), which was showing some NELL highlights. I turned the volume down, however, and brought up Pinkie's suggestion.

"Ponify?"

I nod.

"I-I think it makes sense..."

"Hmm...the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me, too. I mean, no doubt ponies would wonder why you have such a 'weird' name -- no offense."

"None taken."

"Well, he could say his parents were hippies or something." Twilight suggested from the kitchen.

I smirked as I decided to mess with her. "And you could say that yours were vampires!"

Twilight's reaction sounded like I had just pissed off a kracken, but fortunately, the obvious sarcasm in it was as obvious as the obvious humor in it was. "NO! That crap-on-paper is an utter disgrace to the entire concept of literature itself!!!"*

Rainbow and I burst out laughing, and rather surprisingly, so did Fluttershy. A few minutes later, Twilight joins us, shaking her head -- albeit with an amused smile on her face -- carrying our food with her magic. She sets a plate in front of each of us -- PANCAKES -- and lays down with us.

"I must admit, you got me good there, Brendan."

"Well, you expressed some impressive diction yourself, Twilight."

Rainbow gave me a confused look. "Word choice." Twilight quickly explained with a laugh.

"Ah..."

"Um...maybe we should...well...get back to the topic? I-If that's okay, that is..."

I look at the timid pegasus and flash her a soft smile. "Thank you, 'Shy."

"So...should we brainstorm then?"

I had already started, as I knew I would have to, as I was absolutely clueless about what I would want my 'ponified' name to be, especially because I wouldn't be able to change it. Long story short: I need to like it.

"Well...I've already gotten in the habit of calling him 'B', so I think that his 'pony' name should also start with that letter..."

"Agreed."

"Wait...isn't 'B' the name of the random board on 4chan or something along those lines?"**

"You just broke rules one and two of the internet."**

"Damn..."**

"Um...what are those things?"

"Don't worry, 'Shy, I'll show you later."

"Do you really think that that's a good idea?"

"Nope. Not at all."

"Fantastic.."

"WELL now, isn't that just great?! But guess what?! We're on another tangent!!!"*** I cut her off with an enthusiasm that has enough sarcasm in it to completely fill several metaphorical saddlebags.

"We seem to like those, don't we?"

"They're...nice."

"Okay...so, back to brainstorming."

The process took much longer than expected, and included suggestions such as 'Brink', 'Brilliant Breeze', and -- one that I desperately wanted to choose, but reluctantly didn't, thanks to my better judgment being a dick and spoiling the fun -- 'Braveheart'.**** However, just as Twilight decided to get up to take our plates -- which had been empty for at least the past twenty minutes -- back to the kitchen, we finally got a 'keeper', courtesy of Fluttershy.

"Um...how about...Briar?"

I look at the others, my eyebrows raised and nodding my head approvingly, my face similar to the 'not bad' meme once again. Honestly, however, I would have preferred the :megusta: face, but I didn't want to risk 'scaring' Fluttershy, who was already starting to cower due to the silence that had followed her suggestion.

"D-do you not like it? I-it was only a suggestion...s-sorry..."

"Quite the contrary, actually; I'm trying to think of any reason why I possibly wouldn't like it...and I'm failing miserably at it, quite frankly..."

"Looks like it's settled, then!" Twilight announced happily, clopping her hooves together as the rest of us stand up.

"Well about damn time! C'mon, B!"

*Zoom!*
*Crash!*
*Awkward silence!*

All of us, minus the now-absent Rainbow Dash, stare wide-eyed and jaw-dropped at the area to the immediate left of the library's front door -- at the now-glass-less window. After a major 'awkward turtle' moment -- which I found out the hard was was difficult to do the gesture for when you have hooves -- I force some words out, even though all three of our facial expressions wouldn't change at all for the rest of the chapter.

"Iiiiiiiiiiii'll just use the doooooooooorrrr....." I manage to say as I very slowly start toward it.

"Thank you..."

I maneuver my way around about three rogue mini-shards of glass before taking my leave to join Rainbow Dash outside.

*This is probably my favorite line in the entire story so far.
**These three lines are a very close second though.
***...and this is a close third.
****...and this is somewhere in there as well.

Chapter X: Hangovers Still Suck, Even With Friends

"Oh, fuck me!"

I had just woken up, but thanks to the massive hangover I now had, I'm wishing I didn't.

"I'm...pretty sure I already did..."

I looked up and saw Vinyl sitting not too far away from me, resting her head in her hooves, clearly hung over as well.

She turns to look at me, and I see her eyes for the first time...well, the first time I remember, at least. They were a beautiful shade of red, looking like rubies with pupils, almost! It doesn't surprise me now that she wears those glasses, because her eyes alone would likely cause her to get hit on a lot more than she probably is already.

She smiles and I see her horn start to glow as she levitates a glass of water to me. "Drink up."

Fortunately, we were near a wall, so I managed to sit up against it while I drank. Not too long after Vinyl joined me.

"Thanks for the water..."

Vinyl leaned against me. "Don't worry about it; I got up about twenty or so minutes before you, so I got you a glass when I went to get myself some."

I respond with a simple smile, and we both remain silent for a few minutes.

"So...how could you tell?"

Vinyl looked up at me. "Tell what?"

"That you 'already did'."

Thankfully, she knew what I was referring to.

"Well, we're both hung over, when I woke up my hooves were wrapped around you, and I have a massive pain in my cu--"

"--Okay, I get it now."

Vinyl chuckled. "Hey, you asked!"

I sigh. "You're right, I di--wait, is that last one a good or bad thing?"

She smirks. "You mean the pain in my cu--"

"--Yes, that one."

"Why do you keep interrupting me whenever I try to say 'cu--'"

"--Because this story is already a borderline 'mature' rating, and I'm doing my best to keep it at 'teen'."

"...whatever. Anyway, considering that we're both severely hung over, let's just say that it's a very good thing and be done with it."

"Agreed."

"If you two really want to know, yes you two 'did it', and it was hot."

Vinyl and I both slowly look up, and see an even-more-hung-over-than-us Twilight laying on top of a trash-littered table.

"And on that note, please remind me not to drink again."

"Noted. No promises on the follow-through, though."

Twilight simply groans and starts to roll over. "Dear Princess Celestia...why is your sun SO DAMN BRIG--"

Thud!

Twilight got interrupted by gravity when she ended up rolling off of the table.

"You okay there, Twi'?"

Twilight just continued to lay on the floor, face down, and spread eagle.

"Yeah, other than being hung over...although...I'm really starting to understand what Brendan had meant by not bothering to get up off the floor...even more so by what he meant by it being comfortable...because it's really starting to..."

I start to stand up, as I'm beginning to recover from my hangover; for some odd reason, whenever I get hung over, the actual hangover itself doesn't last all to long for me, though it's usually more intense, not necessarily much more intense, but more intense nonetheless.

"Can't say I didn't tell ya so, Twi'."

Twilight simply groans in response.

I start to walk around. Thankfully, I never go too far when I'm drunk, so I had already assumed that we were still in Sugarcube Corner, which was immediately confirmed. However, I didn't get too far before I stopped and simply stared at what I was now looking at. Vinyl, recognizing this, let out a sigh.

"So, what's the damage like, babe?"

"Was that pet name sarcastic?"

"Only if you want it to be."

"Good...'cause I don't. And in regard to the 'damage'...well...I think that Pinkie tried to break through the fourth wall when she was drunk...and it seems that she managed to do it."

Vinyl starts to get up and make her way over to my position. "Damn you and your complex way of saying thi--...holy shit, you weren't kidding..."

"Could you just tell me, 'cause I'm not getting up anytime soon..."

"Pinkie literally broke through the wall."

"How are you certain it was Pinkie?"

"She's still face-down and unconscious on the other side."

Twilight sighs. "Okay...how big is the hole?"

"Big enough that I'm surprised that it's actually just a hole in the wall and not just what used to be a wall."

"Great...I'll fix it...later."

Vinyl laid back down. "Fuck, I hate having hangovers."

"Join the club. But if you feel that you need to sleep it off some more, go right ahead; we need to have everypony fully recovered before we can even come up with a plan to deal with this hellhole."

Vinyl laid her head down on her hooves. "Thanks, babe..." She looked up at me and smirked. "And don't 'try' anything on me...I actually want to be able to remember it the next time." She winked before closing both eyes to sleep.

Lovely...I get drunk, get laid, and now seemingly get a marefriend...can't say I've heard that one before... I think to myself. Usually they always end up like... I look at the huge hole in the wall. ...like this...

I shake my head and sigh; I still need to find the others.

***

After a while I managed to track them all down:

--Rainbow Dash was duct taped to one of the intact walls;

--Fluttershy was laying face-down on the dance floor; in fact, she astonishingly has more energy than even Pinkie Pie when she's drunk...which made it even more hilarious, but not to be mean, of course;

--Rarity was face-down on her fainting couch -- which is what they're actually called -- which she 'Pinkie's' out of thin air every now and then;

--and finally, Applejack was face-down in the kitchen, her face laying in an apple pie...which actually led to a rather straightforward, yet still -- in hindsight -- hilarious encounter:

***

"About time I found you Applejack!"

She groans.

"Would you like a glass of water?"

She rolls her head in the apple pie she was laying face first in and speaks groggily. "Nah, Ah'm okay, sugarcube. Ah don't really get all too hungover-like...it jus' makes me a'mighty sleepy..."

I gave in to the urge of asking what I was thinking. "So...you wouldn't mind if I could cut myself a slice of that apple pie you laying in, would you?"

She temporarily lifted her head out of the pie. "Go fer it, sugarcube...an' actually, could'ya cut a slice fer me, too?"

"Absolutely." I say as I cut out two slices, setting one on a plate next to Applejack's head.

"Thank'ya kindly." Applejack managed to say before dropping her head back into the pie, asleep.

***

Long story short, things were going to be...interesting once everypony fully recovered and saw the entirety of the hellhole that we would have to clean up.

Yay~~ T~T

Notice

In case you haven't 'noticed' -- hah! -- my character...er, I still doesn't/don't have a cutie mark! Now, in regard to this, I've decided to leave it open to the...several of you that actually read this to be able to put any ideas you might have, preferably with a reason, in the comments section. Now, I can't guarantee that I will use any of the ideas listed, but if I do, you'll get a mention in an A/N, or even have a possibility to have a 'conversation' (most likely one-sided) with a fourth wall-breaching Pinkie Pie! Anyway, that's it. =D

~~Brendan Kirk "Da Beejees" (and now "Briar" I guess, too) Julian