Chapters Tail’s End Tavern was a very run down, cheap, small bar on a dark corner in Canterlot. It was in the seedy part of Canterlot, the less friendly side. Crime was high, and there was someone getting mugged every other block. On the outside, the bar appeared to be extremely weathered, like nopony had performed any kind of maintenance in decades. It fit in with everything else. On the inside, the wallpaper was peeling, and the bartender, an old, short, weak stallion whose vision had gone past any point of repair, clearly showed no interest in repairing it. The only entertainment was emo poetry recitals. Extremely small, it’s also easy to miss. Especially on a dark, rainy night like the one on which our story starts. The only thing that could possibly be appealing about this place was the fact that the liquor was extremely cheap. It was the only thing that attracted Lightning Dust, who had clearly fallen on hard times since her expulsion from the Wonderbolt Academy. She had no source of income and it had gotten so bad that she had to resort to giving wing jobs and even blow jobs on the street corner for money. She didn’t dare face her family, being the disgrace she was. The only thing that kept her from ending it all was the cheap liquor.
After all, it was the only reason anyone ever came to the bar. Well, not everyone. One pony came to the bar for a completely different reason. He was looking for Lightning Dust herself. It had taken him forever just to find the rundown tavern, and he almost broke the door as he walked in, since it was already falling off its hinges. After being out in the rain, his cloak was soaked, yet he didn’t remove it when he went inside. He entered as silently as he could, with the broken door and the squeaky floorboards. He sat down at the bar next to Lightning Dust, not making eye contact with her nor the bartender. “Whiskey,” he said staring at nothing in particular.
Having no other customers to tend to, (Lightning Dust being content with her bottle of booze only one third gone) he grunted and poured a shot glass full of some generic whiskey. He began to screw the cap back on and take it back, but the mysterious pony said, “Leave the bottle.” He did as instructed, and returned to stereotypically wiping a glass.
The lighting in the bar wasn’t very good, and the cloaks hood completely obscured the pony’s face, even when he was looking dead at you. It made him all the more mysterious, the only things you can notice being his scruff voice and his glowing yellow eyes with red pupils. After a few shots, the mysterious pony spoke. Finally turning to face the broken mare in front of him, he said, “You’re Lightning Dust, right? I’ve been looking for you.” His words were low and gruff, you couldn’t help but listen to them.
Without thinking, Lighting replied, “I charge 20 for a tuggie, 40 for a blowy, and if you’re looking for sex, you’ve come to the wrong pony.”
“That’s not why I’m here,” he said, not changing his tone, clearly not taken aback by the fact that she just said she’d suck him off for 40 bits.
“Then why are you here?” she scoffed. “Come to laugh at the once great Lightning Dust? Come to see how far she’s fallen?”
He ignored her question. “Are you aware of a miss Rainbow Dash?” he asked, putting pictures onto the bar. One was of Rainbow Dash flying at a great speed. The second was of her receiving a medal at the Wonderbolt Academy, and the last was of her and her friends. A look of desperate anger came across Lightning Dust’s face.
“Yeah, I know her! She ruined my life! She’s the reason I got expelled! What I wouldn’t give to just be able to-” she motioned her hooves into a few punches. She stopped. “What’s it to you, anyway?” She took another swig of her drink.
The mysterious pony got up and started walking towards the back door. “Follow me,” he said. “We must discuss this in private. Nopony can see my face.” Lightning Dust sat there. The mysterious pony stopped, turned around, and his glowing eyes narrowed. “I said GET UP!” he said with force. Lightning did as she was told and followed him out the back. Once there, the mysterious pony looked around the dark, narrow alley to make sure no one was there. When he was done, he finally removed his hood and revealed his face. Lightning Dust’s jaw dropped when the cloak revealed Discord, the Lord of Chaos standing in front of her. Her initial reaction was one of confusion. His face was that of his draconequus self, but he had the body of a pony.
Noticing her confusion, the draconequus said, “it’s a disguise. I stick out like a sore hoof, and I can’t be noticed. If I draw attention to myself, ponies will get suspicious. I think Celestia is already getting suspicious, so I’m afraid our time is rather short.”
“Why did you track me down? What do you want from me?” Lightning Dust asked.
“I’m planning something. Something big. But I can’t do it alone. I need help.” She stared at him. “I’m planning an attack on the bearers of the elements of harmony. I figured I’d find the ones who hated them the most.”
Her stare became one of disgust. “I am many things,” she said. “I’m dirty. I’m a hooker. I’m poor. I’m a drunk. But I am NOT evil.”
“But think of what that rainbow pony did to you! Remember how she ruined everything you ever strived for! Everything you ever dreamed of! She took away your chance to be a Wonderbolt! Doesn’t that matter to you?”
“Of course it matters!” she said. “It’s just...just.... I don’t...-”
Discord cut her off. “If you take me up on my offer, I can promise you revenge. I can promise you Rainbow Dash’s head. You can even achieve greatness!” He paused as she continued to look for words to say. “Or, you can be a prostitute until you die of alcohol poisoning. Your choice.”
He promptly put his hood on and began to leave the alleyway. Lightning Dust thought frantically. That was her chance! And she was letting it get away! But she wasn’t evil. She wasn’t a bad pony. She remembered what Rainbow Dash did. The anger returned. She might never get a chance at revenge again. Hell, she might never get a chance to get off of the streets again. Carpe Diem, she thought. “Hey!” she called as he almost turned the corner. “Wait!” she ran up to him. “I’ll do it. I’m in.”
Discord put on a sly grin that no one could see. “Good,” he muttered under his breath. “One down, five to go...”
The cold was harsh on his fur, despite having a heavy cloak on. Discord thought Lightning Dust was hard to track down, but Chrysalis was on a whole other level. All he had to go on was rumors of a bug monster up in the mountains that were circulating around the Crystal Empire. He had no concrete sightings, no news reports about what happened after the wedding. These flimsy rumors were his only lead. He had no choice. He had to try the mountains. The wind blowing around the snow was not only blisteringly cold, but incredibly loud. The only thing louder than the wind was a giant roar coming from behind the draconequus disguised as a pony. Discord turned around to see an eight foot tall yeti towering above him. He considered changing back to his draconequus self, because then he’d be of equal size with the monster, height wise at least. But he decided against it.
No, he wanted this to be fun! He rarely got fun anymore....
He began by taking a steady stance and stared down the creature, almost taunting him with a look that said, “Try it. I dare you. I bucking dare you.” And he did.
The monster quickly lunged at Discord, but Discord was prepared. He kept himself low as he ran forward too, easily slipping under the creature’s legs. Before the yeti could turn around, Discord lifted his legs in the air and bucked the monster, just above its tail. The monster lost balance and fell forward. Noticing his chance, Discord came down with considerable force on the monster’s spine. The monster screamed out in pain, knocked Discord away, and stumbled back up.
The wind was blowing harder now, and it was hard for either contestant to see their opponent through the thick snow. The yeti lunged at Discord a second time, prepared for his maneuver this time. But the draconequus pony had something else planned. As the monster came closer, he realised that his head was at just the perfect height. When the monster was close enough, Discord bowed his head forward, and before the monster could strike, it felt Discord’s deer antler strike its groin. While still under the monster, Discord swiftly lifted his head, driving the deer antler further. Releasing the monster, it fell to its knees. writhing in pain. Discord flew up to its face for the final blow, but did not expect what happened next.
Neither did the yeti.
Instinctually, the yeti brought up its fist and struck Discord as hard as he could. Caught completely off his guard, the draconequus pony flew threw the air and hit his back on the cliff face behind him. He opened his eyes to see the yeti gathering himself. Discord grinned and spit out a tooth. “I like it when they fight back,” he said to himself. The yeti roared as loud as it could, in an attempt to scare Discord away. No way in Tartarus that was happening. Taking notice of the cliff face behind him, Discord figured out a way to finish off the monster for good.
When the monster collected itself, it prepared to lunge at Discord a third time. They never learn, do they? The draconequus pony thought to himself. It started running at Discord again. Okay, I have to time this perfectly , he thought. The yeti was getting closer and closer. Come on, that’s it. That’s it! NOW! Discord teleported away at the last possible second, and before the yeti had any time to understand what just happened, he ran head first into the cliff face at top speed.
Discord watched as the monster slid down the wall, unconscious, bleeding profusely from its head. When the monster didn’t get up, Discord relaxed his muscles, content in his victory. He brushed the dirt off his cloak and said, “You put up one hell of a fight.” He continued on his hike and left the monster to die.
*****
Just when Discord was starting to give up hope, his ears perked up to the faintest sound of fire crackling in the distance. He ran in the direction of the sound to find a small cave near the top of the mountain. Looking inside the opening, he saw the glow of fire shining light onto the face of a broken queen. Chrysalis noticed his presence. “Leave! Leave if you know what’s good for you!” she hissed.
She was obviously scared. Discord could sense that in her fear she was trying to avoid an attack by sounding as threatening as possible. It didn’t work on Discord. “I mean no harm. I come here peacefully, unarmed.” He removed his cloak to reveal his true self, his draconequus self.
“Oh,” she said, “I’ve heard of you. You’re, um...Dissonance? No...Discombobulated? Uh...Discord? Yeah, Discord.”
Discord took that as a sign that she isn’t as defensive now, and let himself inside. He finally got a close look at the queen. The feature that stood out the most was her mane. Or rather, her lack of one. Her web mane was almost completely gone, only a stub of it remained. Discord had no idea what had caused that, but he could tell that she was extremely beat up. She had one eye closed all the time. It must be a permanent injury from her defeat. She was dirty, and she stunk. Just like Lightning Dust. Perhaps the saddest thing of all was that she was shivering uncontrollably, desperately trying to get warm from the fire. “So what do you want?” she hissed.
Before answering her question, Discord sat down in front of the fire with his legs crossed and spawned a marshmallow on a metal poker and another for Chrysalis. Handing it to her, he said, “No sense in starting a fire if you’re not going to roast marshmallows.” She accepted the offering with an eyebrow raised, still waiting for the answer to her question.
After slowly turning his marshmallow, the draconequus obliged. “I’ve been planning. Bigger, stronger, more complicated than I’ve ever planned before.” He paused. “But I can’t do it alone. I decided I’d need help from the very characters who hate my targets more than anything in the world.” He paused again to inspect his marshmallow, before putting it back in the fire. “Of course you know a Twilight Sparkle, don’t you?”
Chrysalis’s eye widened. So THAT’s what this is about! She almost DIED because of that little twat. “Twilight Sparkle?” she asked. “Not a day goes by that I don’t think of what kind of agonizing torture I can subject that little rat to for all the suffering I’ve had to endure.”
Those words were music to Discord’s ears. He pulled his marshmallow out of the fire to notice that it was a golden brown. Perfect. He then shoved the confectionary into his mouth, enjoying the gooeyness of the inside. It was perfection on his tongue. Chrysalis put her attention back to her marshmallow, which she had completely forgotten about. Consequently, it was on fire. She quickly blew it out, but all that did was blow the treat off the poker and into the fire. Discord laughed as the changeling had lost her treat.
“Yeah, laugh it up,” she said, a slight smile on her face. “But you can count me in. Just leave that little rat for me.” Boo yah! Discord thought to himself. Two down, four to go. Chrysalis interrupted his victorious thoughts, though. “I have one question, though.”
“Shoot,” he said.
“Weren’t you ‘reformed,’ or whatever?” she asked.
That was not a question Discord was prepared to answer. He had expected a slew of questions, like “Why are you a pony?”, “Why me?”, “How did you track me down?”, or even “What’s in it for me?”, but he didn’t expect that. After some thinking, he decided it was best to be honest.
“Well, I guess I should start from the beginning,” he began. “Being stone doesn’t mean I can’t hear everything Celestia says, so I had been hearing of her plans for a while. My first thought was to fake it. That would have been simple enough: put on an act, convince everyone I’m ‘good,’” he did air quotes around the word “good.” Good and evil are two very broad entities when in reality ponies and others weren’t one or the other, and it all depended on one’s point of view. “And when their guard is down, strike. My plan was dead pretty quickly, though, because Celestia let Twilight keep the Elements of Harmony in case I do anything funny. Boo. She’s no fun.
“So when the yellow pony, Fluttershy, was the one who volunteered to do the job, I thought up another plan: Trick her. Deceive her. Convince her to not use her element. That’s something I learned early on. Do whatever it takes to win, to get your way, and who cares about anybody else? But then Fluttershy showed something I didn’t expect: Compassion. She stood up for me when everyone else was on the attack. She seemed to legitimately care about me. She seemed like a real friend. So I decided that maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all. I decided to help out the stuck up princess, and I got treated to boring court meetings filled with a bunch of even more stuck up ponies who didn’t trust me, stupid legal documents, and a bunch of other torturous things.
“Every day, I’d hear tons of ponies tell me I was worthless, that I was a monster, that I was nothing but a crazed villain. And you know what? They’re right! Look at me. I’m not made out for parliament! I don’t know... My life has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs and successes and failures. I don’t even know what to do with it. But I do know that it’s not to serve a strict dictator who doesn’t understand anything unless it’s rigidly structured. I don’t need friendship. It’s worthless. Those ponies don’t need me and I don’t need them. Look out for yourself. Don’t try to care for anyone else because they sure as hell won’t care for you.”
“Come on,” Chrysalis said. “Nobody’s that heartless.”
Discord raised an eyebrow. “Really? Then you don’t know me very well.”
The wind outside picked up and a powerful gust found its way into the cave, blowing out the fire. Not long after, Chrysalis started shivering again. She just couldn’t get warm for the life of her. Discord couldn’t stand to look at that, so he did the only logical thing that came to mind. He took off his cloak and put it on her.
She looked up at Discord, surprised. “Why did you do that? You could have easily stayed warm yourself.”
“It’s no big deal.”
She just stared at him. After a while, she said, “I knew it. You’re not entirely selfish. There is a soft spot in you, after all.”
“What?” Discord asked.
“Admit it,” she said with a smirk.
“No.”
“Come on.”
“No!”
“Just admit it!”
“What’s the big deal? Nobody’s that heartless!” After he realized what he said, he gasped and put his hands to his mouth. Chrysalis only smirked at him.
“Don’t stress on it. It was a one-time thing,” Discord said.
“Sure,” she said, still smirking.
“Come one, come all, see the amazing Flim Flam kitchen tool!” the yellow stallion with the extremely unkempt red mane and facial hair said. He smelled of body odor and gasoline.
“It slices. It dices. It’s even foal-friendly!” the other yellow stallion with the extremely unkempt red mane and facial hair said. He also smelled of body odor and gasoline. Despite the fact that nopony seemed to be paying attention, he brought forth a small filly to their crudely assembled stand. “See for yourself!”
“C-can I go home please?” the filly stammered, obviously frightened of the two loud stallions.
The first stallion walked up behind her. “You can go home AFTER you do your part,” he whispered angrily into her ear.
“Yeah,” the second stallion whispered. “Don’t make us do this the hard way,” he said, glaring.
The filly’s eyes widened in fear. She stepped up to the stand, scared to death of the hard way, because she knew what the hard way entailed. She looked at both of them, and realized she was surrounded, so she had no chance of running away. She grabbed the tool in her hooves. “L-look,” she said on the verge of tears. “L-look how e-easy i-it is fo-for me t-to change the b-b-blades.” She took one of the alternate blades on the stand and replaced the other one with it.
“That’s right, just like we rehearsed,” the second stallion said, an evil grin on his face.
The filly started to cry a little, remembering rehearsal. She had seen the hard way in full force then. She was anxious to avoid it happening again. She forced back her tears of abuse and continued the presentation. She grabbed the potato that was lying on the stand and put it under the tool. “L-look how easily th-the Flim Fl-flam tool cuts food.” She pushed down with considerable force and when she pulled back up the potato was cut into several small pieces. As much as she hated and feared her abusers, she had to give them credit for their craftsmanship. This is actually a fine piece of work. She bet her mother would enjoy having this in her kitchen. That is, if her mother ever cooked.
“All right kid, that’s enough, get outta here,” the first stallion said.
“R-really?” she asked, wiping her tears.
“Yeah, go!” the second stallion said, “and don’t tell anyone about this, or we’ll find you.” He paused. “Now leave! Before we change our minds.”
The filly jumped from the stand and ran away in tears.
Returning to the stand, the first stallion said, “you heard her, folks, this thing cuts like a pro. It’s a must buy!”
The second stallion chimed in. “Normally it’s more expensive, but for you, we’re selling this for the low low price of 20 bits! I know, it’s a steal!
For the first time, they spoke in unison. And this time, it was in song.
Well you’ve got opportunity
In this very community
He’s Flim!
He’s Flam!
We’re the world famous Flim Flam Brothers!
Traveling salesponies nonpareil!
“Oh, go make cider from a train!” one of the onlookers yelled, generating laughs from those who heard. One pony even threw a tomato that hit Flam straight in the face and knocked him off the stand. Why is it always tomatoes? Flim wondered. “Or, better yet,” another pony spoke up, “they go make it with gravel and tree branches!” All of the ponies on the street were now laughing at them. They had hoped that their failure in that backwater town wouldn’t get all the way out here to Manehattan, but news travels fast. They’ve had unsuccessful business ventures before, but they didn’t kill them. But after the Ponyville disaster, their lives went straight to hell. They couldn’t get business anywhere. Before they knew it, they were out of money, and were living on the streets. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 was a great mode of transport, but it was hardly a home. But something the brothers learned really quickly is that when times are tough, you make to with what you have.
After what must have been the twentieth failed sales pitch in a row, the brothers started to pack up and call it a day. But then a mysterious cloaked pony emerged through the crowd. He walked up to the stand and managed to silence the crowd without a word, just with his very presence. Remaining silent, a bag of what must have been at least fifty bits fell onto the stand. The sound of coins rattling alerted the stallions, and the looked up at the pony, and down at the bag. In a low, almost soothing voice, the pony said, “I heard you boys like to make business deals. I’ve got a proposition for you.” After a pause, he said, “but we can’t talk here. Let’s go someplace a bit more...private.”
The brothers exchanged worried looks. This pony was obviously very shady, not someone to be trusted, but dammit, fifty bits was just something you DIDN’T pass up when you were in their position, no matter what. They reluctantly agreed to hear him out, and led him back to the SSCS6000. It wasn’t very big, but they could all fit and have a conversation. Once in, the pony removed his hood and revealed that he was the one and only Discord. Flim and Flam’s jaws dropped and then their faces became that of anger and determination. They took whatever battle stance they could in the confines of the train and their horns lit up, posed to strike.
Discord merely laughed. It was a deep, hearty laugh, the kind you’d get from your grandfather. “Really, now. You don’t have to be so distrusting. I really do have a business proposition for you.”
“We don’t want to hear it!” Flim said, keeping his horn lit.
Discord paused. He was more than a match for the brothers. He could take them easily. But taking them was the last thing he wanted to do. He wasn’t looking for a fight. Perhaps showing all the cards he was holding was the best way to go in this situation. “Well that’s too bad, I was kind of expecting that you’d like revenge on the one pony who’s the reason you’re in this situation to begin with.” He laid pictures down on the table, each one of Applejack of the Apple Family in Ponyville.
The brothers looked down at the pictures, and seemed to get even angrier. Their horns lit up more and were about to strike. Discord braced for the attack, but it didn’t come. Instead, he looked down at the pictures and saw that they had turned to ash. They looked at each other, then back at Discord. “What’s in it for us?” Flam asked.
“Yeah,” said Flim. “Revenge is nice, but it won’t get us business.”
“Well, I’m not only promising revenge, but I’m also planning a full fledged attack on the wielders of the elements of harmony. When we win, I can promise you greatness, more power than you can even imagine.”
“I don’t know. We can imagine quite a bit,” Flam said, raising an eyebrow.
“You’ll get it,” Discord said.
The brothers looked at eachother, then decided to huddle in and have a private conversation discussing the offer. A few seconds passed, and Discord spoke again. "Look, boys, I don’t really have, like, time to bat this around. I’m kind of on a schedule. I’ve got plans for August, so I need an answer now ." He paused. “Are you in or out?”
The brothers looked back at Discord and grinned. They both extended a hoof and Discord grabbed each for a hoofshake. “You can count us in.”
Discord grinned. “He he he he...gooooood...”
The heat was really getting to Discord. So much so that he decided to take his cloak off. He didn’t think he was going to get caught. The cloak probably wasn’t necessary. It would have also probably made his mission harder, seeing as it might give the characters he was trying to recruit the wrong impression. Recruiting ponies was easy, but now he has to recruit dragons. An unpredictable bunch, they are, especially when the ones you’re trying to recruit are teenagers. Teenagers and dragons. The worst combination. Discord may be part dragon, but he sure as hell didn’t know how dragons acted. He also didn’t know how teenagers acted. He hadn’t been one for over 3000 years. “Yo, dawg, I heard you like lava!” he practiced. No, that was terrible. “‘Sup dudes? Wanna go catch some gnarly lava waves?” He was obviously out of his element here.
He just decided to go with his gut. Climbing over the ledge, he saw several large and majestic dragons flying overhead. Down below, he saw a lava spring that several teenagers were using as a hot tub. That must be them , Discord thought. He slid down the rock and approached them. “Hey there! What’s up? I’m sure you know me. Discord. Lord of Chaos.I come with a proposition. A proposition of revenge.”
Without even pausing, the dragons all start laughing. “Who the hell invited Grandpa here?” the red one with two girls leaning on him said. “Get outta here, gramps, and go find dragons more your speed.”
One of his friends gave him a fist bump. “No I’m serious,” Discord said. “You’re aware of a baby dragon called Spike, are you not?”
The dragons suddenly stopped laughing. “Spike?” the same dragon said. “That little shit humiliated us AND got us stuck in a tree. Literally! Inside the trunk!”
“It took us forever to get out of that damn thing!” said a pudgier brown dragon.
“So whaddaya say, boys?” Discord asked. “Are you with me?”
The dragons all look at each other. A skinny, purple and green dragon with blonde hair covering his eyes spoke up. “I think he needs to pass the test first.”
The one who had girls leaning on him stood up. “Yeah, that’s a great idea!”
“Wait. What are you talking about?” Discord asked. “What’s the test?”
“It’s simple!” the red dragon said. “You just need to prove you’re enough of a dragon and cool enough to be with us. Then we’ll join you.”
“Ha!” Discord boasted. “This’ll be easy! I’m forty percent dragon!” He proudly beat against his chest. “I’m also twenty percent cooler than all of you combined!”
“Ha ha!” the red dragon laughed, standing up. “All right, gramps, time to put your money where your mouth is!” He took a deep breath. “KING OF THE HOOOOOAAAAAARD!”
“What’s King of the-” Discord began. He was suddenly pushed to the side by a dragon he could not see. When he stood back up, wind knocked out of him, he looked up to notice a giant mound of gems at least thirty feet high, as well as about ten dragons trying to throw each other off. It didn’t take Discord long to piece together that the goal of King of the Hoard was, well, to be king of the hoard. “Hey, you wanna play dirty? You get dirty!” He called out to the dragon who blindsided him, a white dragon with a pink belly. Said dragon was about halfway up the hoard now. Discord snapped his fingers and a small boulder appeared over the dragon’s head. The dragon barely had time to look up before the rock came crashing down on his head.
Discord couldn’t help but laugh as the dragon fell down the gem pile and landed on his back, not out cold, but extremely dizzy. He saw his chance, and moved in. He kept his body low, close to the pile, and slithered up quickly, similar to how a caterpillar or a centipede would. He kept his eyes open for any more dirty tricks. When he was about three quarters of the way up, he felt something grab his tail and pull him down. Discord slid halfway down the mound, but quickly regained his footing. After catching an eye of the dragon who pulled his tail, he slithered up underneath him and lifted his head, jabbing his deer antler into the dragon, knocking him off balance, and sending him down to the ground, where he was out for the count, too.
More and more dragons fell off the pile, and Discord didn’t notice when it was just him and the red dragon left. He was almost at the top, about to use his trick from earlier to topple the red dragon. Game set match. Discord grinned. But his plan was foiled, however, when he saw a red blur flash by his vision. He nearly dodged what he assumed was a claw coming at his face. Standing up, he realized he was at the top of the hoard. Quickly taking inventory of his surroundings, he noticed most of the dragons were sitting on the ground around the pile treating minor head injuries. The only ones left on the mound were him and the red dragon. The dragon lunged at him, and now they had their hands locked, in an awkward dance trying to throw each other off the hoard. Sometimes Discord had the upper hand, leaning over the other dragon, about to throw him off, but then suddenly the tides would turn and the dragon would be leaning over him.
From the ground, Discord could hear the other dragons cheering on their friend. “You can do it, man!” “Yeah, kick his ass!” “Show that old geezer who’s boss!”
“You hear that, old man? Yeah, I’m gonna win! I’m stronger than you!” the red dragon said.
Discord was in a very sticky predicament. The dragon was right. Every time the dragon had him leaning back, he was finding it harder and harder to turn the tides back on him. If he didn’t think of something quick, he was going to lose. He could feel the sweat breaking on his brow, as the dragon leaned more and more forward, causing Discord to lean back farther and farther, bending his back in an unnatural way. Then he remembered. It worked on the yeti, but he wasn’t sure if it would work on the dragon. It was all he had, though. His arms and legs just about ready to buckle under the pressure, he did the only thing he could do. He teleported.
Before the dragon could make sense out of what happened, he began to lose his balance. He was still leaning forward, despite having nothing to lean forward onto. Sure enough, he couldn’t pull back in time and he fell forward and tumbled down the mound. Discord reappeared on top of the mound behind the dragon. He turned around and saw the dragon rubbing his forehead. Discord couldn’t help but wear a big grin on his face. “Ha! Guess that makes me,” he materialized a throne on top of the pile and sat on it, “King of the HOOOOOAAAAAARD!” he yelled, mimicking the dragon’s announcement from earlier. He began laughing as hard as he could. That was...fun! Discord hadn’t had pure, unadulterated fun like that in eons.
Back on the ground, the red dragon is brushing himself off. “Dude, are you all right?” the purple dragon asked.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Get the fuck off me.” He looked back up at Discord, who was laughing maniacally in a throne. “Don’t get cocky yet!” he called. “The test isn’t over! There’s still more to do!”
“Bring it!” Discord called back, feeling content with himself.
“All right then,” the dragon said. He pondered for a second. “Hey, who’s up for a little belching contest?” he yelled. All the other dragons cheered.
Discord poofed down beside the dragons who had already formed a line. “Belching? That’s it? Piece of cake.”
“We’ll see about that,” the red dragon said. Discord was on the far end of the line, so he was the last to go. As he looked down the line, he noticed something that would make this next test difficult for him. The dragons were belching fire. Now while Discord was the lord of Chaos, he didn’t breath fire. He could do a mean belch, but not a single flame would become of it. The belches were getting closer. He had to think of something, quick. He could make some magic fire. Nah, he had to belch the fire. Only three dragons left before him. He was starting to get nervous. But then, when the last dragon was done with his display, Discord grinned. That’s it! “All right gramps, show us what you got,” the red dragon said, with a cocky, triumphant grin on his face. Oh, it ain’t ogre ‘til it’s ogre, boy , Discord thought. He conjured a match in his hand and lit it on one of his scales. Holding it in front of his mouth, Discord let out the biggest belch he could, fueling the tiny flame to a scorching inferno, sending the fire into the red dragon’s face.
The belch lasted for several seconds, and when it finally faded, the red dragon’s face was black with soot. Discord couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. “Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona?” He continued is roaring laughter. “Oh, you should see your face! HA!”
Wiping off his face, the dragon said, “All right, gramps, I’ll give you credit. That was pretty clever.” Discord bowed at the compliment. “But this next challenge isn’t something you can beat with cleverness.”
“Well,” Discord said. “We’ll see about that won’t we...”
“Hey!” the dragon called. “Let’s get our new friend here a tail wrestling opponent!”
Discord stopped at hearing that. Friend? These dragons really considered him a friend? He felt...well, he didn’t really know how he felt. So far, he’d just been recruiting allies, people to help him in his attack. Assets, nothing more. But a friend? If he was honest with himself, it felt the same way it did when Fluttershy had said she considered Discord a friend. It felt good, but a bad kind of good. You really love it but deep down it eats you up inside. Bah! Discord hated himself for being so sensitive. He was a man! And he was getting all choked up by the fact that a random dragon just called him a simple six letter word. Get over it, you pussy , Discord thought to himself. You’re about to tail wrestle! Pussies can’t tail wrestle. Only men tail wrestle. Are you a man, or a pussy? Discord shook his head and tried to focus on the task at hand. A moderately sized dragon, only a couple of inches shorter than him, had stepped up to volunteer. He was looking around, proud, lifting his arms generating applause from the crowd. The red dragon came up to him and put his hand on his shoulder.
“Blaze here may not talk much, but he’s never lost a tail wrestling match ever.”
The dragon called Blaze grunted with pride and snorted smoke into Discord’s face, which didn’t bother him in the least. “Oh is that so? Well then I’ll say it’s an honor to be your first.”
“Gettin’ cocky, are we?” the red dragon said. “I like that. All right, everybody get ready for a tail wrestle!! 3, 2, 1, GO!” Before Discord could think, he felt a sudden tug on his tail yanking him backward, attempting to pull his feet out from under him. Oh, no ya don’t! Discord thought, furiously flapping his wings to keep him upright, while also digging into the ground with his claw. Discord was a bit stronger than he looked, so as much as it looked like he was struggling, he was actually doing perfectly fine. Balanced once again, Discord tried to take the offensive. Now while Discord was stronger than he looked, he certainly wasn’t Superman (in that regard, anyway) and he found himself unable to topple Blaze. Both equally strong, they found themselves locked in a tug of war. Discord contemplated doing a similar trick to the one on the hoard. He could possibly just relax and let Blaze fall on his face. He decided against it though, because the teleporting trick caught the red dragon off guard. Seeing as how Blaze had never lost a tail wrestle before, he doubted relaxing would surprise him. If he didn’t think of something quick, his strength would give first, he was sure.
Discord was running out of ideas. He needed a miracle to win this fi-“KRAEH!!” The hell was that? “KRAEH!!” The unknown screech came again. “Oh shit!” the red dragon said. “Krakel’s on another one of his fits!”
“Wait, what?” Discord said. “What’s going on? Who’s Krakel?” Discord got his answer immediately. A very disproportionate green dragon with colorful spots flew down next to Blaze and started kicking wildly. With one accidentally well placed shot to Blaze’s gut, knocking him over, Discord was rendered technically victorious. “Ha! I win! Who’s undefeated no-OOF!” … His victory was short-lived. Krakel’s tail wrapped around Discord’s leg and pulled him to the ground, knocking Discord on his face. If that wasn’t bad enough, Discord was pulled back in the air before he could collect himself. Thrown in an arc and slammed on the ground, Discord couldn’t breathe. You know that moment when you’re about to get the shit beat out of you and there’s nothing you can do about it? And you’re like, “Well...shit.” That’s what Discord went through at that moment. Krakel proceeded to throw Discord back and forth, smashing him into the ground every time. The other dragons were hiding away at a safe distance, watching as their new friend was getting pummeled.
After what seemed like forever to Discord, Krakel decided he’d had enough of his fit, and walked off, scratching his back with his hind leg. Very dizzy, Discord started getting up. The dragons all ran up to him to help him. When Discord decided to speak, all that came out was, “I...uh...uh...sorry?”
“No, dude, that was awesome!” the red dragon exclaimed.
“R-really?” Discord stammered.
“Yeah! No grandpa could survive a beating like that! You’re one tough dragon.”
Regaining his composure, Discord asked, “So, you guys still wanna take me up on my offer?”
“What? OH, yeah! Sure. But first, I think we should have another soak. You’ve earned it, dude.”
Yeah, a hot tub soak sounded good to Discord right now. That’s just what his beat up muscles need. But he was more relieved with the fact that they said yes. Looking at his mental checklist, Discord noticed he only had two more left to recruit. He relished in the belief that none of them could be as hard as what he just went through. That was hell. But by George was it worth it.
Gilda was always a quiet one. She never spoke to any of her co-workers. Because of this, she was a big mystery around the factory. Some say she’s just shy, she doesn’t want to talk to anybody. Others theorized that she had Autism, and she was too scared to talk to anybody face to face. Some even theorized that she was a meth dealer, cooking her secret brew at home every night. In reality, none of these were true. The truth was that she was sad. That’s all. The sad truth was that she had no friends. Not a single one. She thought she had plenty, but in reality, all she had was Rainbow Dash. After losing her, Gilda realized just how alone she truly was. Nopony else spoke to her. Nopony else even cared, despite being mildly curious as to what she does after work each day.
It took everything Gilda had not to put a rope around her neck every night when she came home. She just kept telling herself that it would get better, but it never did. She asked herself where her life went wrong, when she lost Rainbow Dash. Of course, she had her answer. It was that stupid pink pony. That pestering, stupid, naive, annoying pink pony. God how Gilda loathed her. That was another thing it took everything Gilda had not to do. Kill that little bitch. Gilda wanted to just go down to Ponyville and snap her neck or suffocate her. Nothing would give her more joy, but she knew that if she did, it would not end well for her. She would get life in prison with little or no chance of parole. Or worse, banished to a celestial body for 1000 years. She couldn’t take that chance, so she just went on, day by day, living her miserable life, and contemplating each night whether or not to take her own life instead.
That is, until the God of Chaos himself arrived into her life.
She sat at the far corner of the mess hall, eating her lunch in seclusion. A strange cloaked pony walked up and sat down. Gilda grunted to try to scare him off, but it didn’t work. He just sat there, staring at her, with those big yellow eyes. She couldn’t see the rest of his face, though. Finally, he spoke. “Gilda Petaki. It’s nice to meet you.”
“What the fuck do you want?” Gilda emphasised the swear.
He didn’t seem flustered by her language. “I just want to offer you a preposition, is all.”
“Yeah, well I don’t- Hey, I recognise your voice. You’re that Discord guy, aren’t you?” He just sat there. “Oh, man. I laughed SO hard when I read in the paper about what you did to those stupid ponies! Serves them right. I especially liked what you did to the stupid pink one. She deserves it.”
“Yes,” he said. “That is what I came to say. It seems you are familiar with Miss Pie.”
“I hate that stupid bitch,” Gilda said angrily.
“Then I could think of no one better to help me.”
“Help you with what?”
“I am planning something. Something huge. An attack on the elements of harmony.” Discord paused. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Gilda?”
Gilda pictured it in her mind. She pictured holding that pink bitch in her claws, torturing her for all the pain Gilda had experienced thanks to her. The more she thought about it, the more she liked the idea of it. This is the first time in a long time she’d actually felt happy. It was false and fake, but it was enough. She’d take it. She just had one more thing she had to ask. “All right,” she said, “but on one condition.”
“Name it,” Discord said.
“You have your revenge scheme, I’ll even help you,” she said, “but you leave the pink one for me. I want the personal pleasure of snapping her neck.”
Discord paused. Of course he had no problem with the condition, but he was caught off guard by her enthusiasm. Everybody else so far has needed some persuasion. He guessed that must be the horrible effect that crippling depression has on you. You’re eager to take any escape that presents itself. “Deal,” he said. He stuck out his hoof and shook Gilda’s claw.
“So, I doubt I’m the only one you’ve asked. Who else will be helping us?” Gilda asked.
Now that caught Discord off guard. She was quite inquisitive, and quite nosey as well. “Well,” Discord said, “I’ve been selecting those who hate the element wielders the most. You may or may not have heard of these ponies, but you will be meeting them for the first time. Lightning Dust, Queen Chrysalis, The Flim Flam Brothers, and even a bunch of pissed off dragons.”
“Sounds like quite a formidable team,” Gilda pondered. “Anybody else you want to get?”
“Well, I’m going to go find some ruthless diamond dogs, and I’ve been thinking about another one quite recently.”
“Hmmm…” Gilda said, finishing her lunch. “Well, I look forward to meeting them all, but you might want to watch your back.”
“Why is that?” Discord asked.
“Think about it,” Gilda said. “You’re working with experienced criminals and villains and even ponies who are just plain desperate. Most of them probably aren’t above betrayal and double crossing. You never know who could do what.”
And with that, Gilda took her garbage and walked over to the bin, dropping it in. Discord was left there, alone, questioning the loyalty of his new allies.
Discord stood outside, surrounded by several holes in the ground. He wondered why he didn't come here first. After all, he wasn't that far from Ponyville, his temporary home. It was literally two miles away. He'd been to Cloudsdale, Canterlot, Manehattan, a far away volcano, and even the North Pole so far, but he hadn't decided to go two miles from his home? After a few more minutes of berating himself, Discord jumped up and dived down one of the holes. That was a mistake. By diving in head first, Discord landed directly on his head. Shakily getting up, Discord rubbed his head. There was definitely going to be a bump there tomorrow morning. As his vision returned from its blurry state, Discord took in his surroundings. He was standing in a maze of tunnels. There was no doubt it was a mine, most likely for gems. That fit with what he had heard of diamond dogs. Strangely, though, there was no one in sight. "Helloooooo?" Discord called. Hearing the sound of pebbles tumbling behind him, Discord jerked around. From the same tunnel, he heard coarse laughter.
"The dragon-pony is foolish for coming down to our domain…" the voice said.
"Yes," a deeper voice said. "Does he not know who we are? Or maybe he wishes to work for us…"
"Yes!" a third voice said. "We need a new slave!"
Three pairs of eyes lit up in the tunnel and lunged towards Discord. Discord expected this, and put up an invisible forcefield to knock them back. "Easy there, doggies," Discord said as they shook their heads and scrambled back up. "I'm friendly, see?" He fashioned three large dog treats out of thin air and tossed them at the dogs, the forcefield now gone. "Good puppies," he said as they devoured their snacks. "Now that I've got your attention, I'd like to have a civilized conversation with you, okay?"
The three hesitantly nodded. After all, they did not expect their uninvited visitor to have magical abilities.
"Good. You're familiar with a Miss Rarity, are you not?"
"She was the white pony!" the middle one said.
"She was soooooo annoying!" the right one said.
"She robbed us of our gems!" the left one said.
"I'm glad we have a mutual understanding," Discord said.
"Why do you know white pony? Are you friend with white pony?" the biggest dog said, unsheathing his claws.
"Easy there, Spot," Discord said, taking a step back. "I hate the white pony just as much as you do."
"Then why you here?" the middle diamond dog asked.
"I'm here to propose an alliance," Discord said calmly.
"Why would we ally with you?" the right one scoffed.
"Because I can promise you revenge on the white pony. And I can promise you all the gems you can imagine."
"Ha! We're all for revenge, but you can't find gems better than we can," the right one. He seemed to be the most intelligent, using mostly correct grammar.
"Really? 'Cuz I'll bet I can find twice as many gems as you can," Discord said triumphantly.
"All right," the same dog said. "One hour. If you get more gems than us, we trust you and join you."
"Deal," Discord said, grinning deviously. The three dogs went down their tunnel and Discord was left standing there alone. This is going to be easy , he thought. He used his magic of chaos to pull every gem in his vicinity out of the dirt. There was quite a lot there. Then he just sat and waited. After twenty minutes, he figured he should go look elsewhere. Going down one of the tunnels, he discovered just how complicated and intricate these mazes were. For having shit grammar, these diamond dogs were actually pretty smart. He performed his spell again and even more gems came to him. He sent them back to his pile in the main room, and went out searching again. He repeated this process for the rest of the hour. When he was done, he nearly had a mountain of gems. The dogs' jaws nearly dropped to the floor.
"So?" Discord asked. "How about it, boys? Are you in or out?"
All three of them said in unison, "In!"
"Good," Discord said. "Get prepared. Our attack will be soon…"
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