There are thousands of clopfics out there, and many more are bound to come. Some are well-read and well loved; others are mocked and discarded. And then there are some that prove that the writer had no idea what the hell they were writing.
This is one of those stories...
The CMC's [Try To] Write Clop
“'Ah come on!” Apple Bloom begged.
“No!” was Applejack’s response, walking out of the barn with the little whining filly following her.
“Please?”
“NO!”
“'Ah, come on big sis! I promise 'Ah won’t hurt her!” Apple Bloom pleaded.
“Listen, 'Ah don’t mind ya running around trying to find your special talent, though 'Ah wish 'ya would find a more practical ways of doin’ so,” Applejack replied, turning to her frowning little sister. “But Ah’m not lettin’ ya take Winona! 'Ah need her to help me round up the cattle later on.”
“But it won’t take that long!” Apple Bloom was desperate for approval from her sister. She had tried practically everything she could in order to get her cutie mark, but nothing seemed to work.
“Tell me this,” Applejack began, staring down at her sister, “what exactly were 'ya planning on doin’ with my dog? If 'ya got a good reason for wantin’ her then Ah’ll consider it.”
A small beam of hope appeared on Apple Bloom’s face as she was sure she could convince her sister to let her borrow Winona.
“Well, me and mah' friends are gonna try ta get her to jump through a ring of fire and…”
“Beg your pardon?” Applejack interrupted. “A ring of fire!?”
“We have 'ta have something! Besides, we can’t find a lion…well at least not one that won’t decide 'ta eat us!”
“Hmm, 'ya know, 'ya have me convinced!” Applejack began, rather sarcastically. “Of course 'ya can use Winona for your little stunt! Heck, 'Ah reckon 'ya can use her for tightrope walking as well!”
Apple Bloom curiously raised an eyebrow at her sister. “You’re being sarcastic aren't you?”
“Eeyup,” Applejack replied nonchalantly. Apple Bloom splayed herself on the ground and poked her lips out.
“Not fair!” she whined, getting a sympathetic look from her sister.
“Aww chin up sis. 'Ah don’t mind your shenanigans and such, but 'ya gotta understand that there are some things 'Ah can’t let 'ya use every time 'ya want. You and your friends are gonna have to find another way to earn your cutie marks, but using Winona is out of the question.”
~~~
“So she wouldn’t budge huh?” Sweetie Belle sighed inside the clubhouse.
“Nope,” Apple Bloom responded with her arms folded. “And 'Ah even explained what we were gonna do! Seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Sweetie Belle was equally upset about the entire thing. “It’s as if our sisters don’t really care if we find our cutie marks or not! I was willing to sacrifice my hula hoop too.”
The two fillies let out defeated sighs, lying on the hardwood floor saddened that there attempts were ruined by their stubborn sisters. They laid there motionless until their purple maned friend trotted in, panting heavily.
“Well, here you go…” Scootaloo wheezed before flopping on the ground. “It took me forever to find someone who would give me these, but we have matches for the ring of fire.”
“Well your contribution is greatly appreciated,” Sweetie stated, “but we can’t go through with the original plan anymore.”
“WHAT!!?”
“Our sisters are being jerks to us and won’t let us use their pets,” Apple Bloom added.
“Well that’s just great!” Scootaloo exclaimed throwing her hooves in the air. “So I went through all the trouble of taking these matches from the Cakes and running away before I was seen just to find out the idea is a bust!”
Sweetie Belle gave Scootaloo a questionable look. “I thought you said they were given to you.”
“The means of how I got them aren’t important!” Scootaloo evaded. “The real issue is that our idea is a no go!”
The trio sat inside their clubhouse discouraged that their new strategy for getting their cutie mark was prematurely shot down.
“Well, if we can’t get our circus cutie mark, we’ll just have to find another way to get one,” Sweetie suggested.
“What are we going to do?” Scootaloo asked. “There isn't much of anything that we haven’t tried already!”
“Well we gotta find something!” Apple Bloom stated. “Every moment we sit here we’re wastin' time we could be using to find our cutie marks!”
The Crusaders sat in their clubhouse pondering on possible ways to gain their destined marks, trying to dig through everything that they ever tried. When they thought they finally came with a conclusion of what they were going to do, nature had other plans. Within mere moments, black clouds built up in the sky and showered the earth with heavy rain, trapping the young fillies inside their playhouse.
“Darn! Now even the Pegasi have conspired against us,” Scootaloo groaned.
“We could always find something to do while we’re inside here,” Sweetie Belle stated.
“What could we possibly do though?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Umm…maybe Cutie Mark Hair Dressers?” Sweetie Belle was looking for approval of the idea, but instead was given a disgusted look by Scootaloo.
“Blah! No way are you going to get me to get involved in your frou-frou nonsense!” Scootaloo rejected.
“Well I don’t see you coming up with any ideas!” Sweetie retaliated.
“Give me a moment! I’ll think of something!”
Minutes passed as they continued trying to figure out what they could do. The only sound that penetrated the silence was the water pattering against the clubhouse. There wasn’t much that the trio had not attempted for the sake of their marks so finding an alternative through all the rain was becoming a challenge.
“'Ah think ah got an idea!” Apple Bloom stated gaining the attention of the other’s. “What about the Cutie Mark Writers!?”
Scootaloo and Sweetie stared at each other briefly before returning their focus onto Apple Bloom.
“Didn’t we already try that before?” Sweetie questioned.
“ 'Ah don’t think that should count,” Apple Bloom defended. “We were under control of that tyrant Diamond Tiara after all.”
“Good point,” Sweetie agreed. “So what should we write about then?”
“Whatever it is, it should be something edgy and mature!” Scootaloo added. “Most ponies who will probably read our stuff anyways are probably older than school age fillies and colts.”
“True. 'Ah don’t see many pony folk of our age pickin’ up a book an’ reading it for too long, so we should target the adults.”
“Yeah! Cutie Mark Crusaders Writers!” The trio shouted out their infamous words of excitement every time they formed a new idea.
“Great, so how should we start our gritty action adventure story!?” Scootaloo asked enthusiastically, eliciting a confused look from Sweetie.
“Um, what now?”
“You know, a story with this really awesome dude who goes out and fights demons or something! The horrors of the cursed are plaguing Equestria, and it’s up to him to find and kill all of the wicked!”
“Um, I don’t really think that the older ponies read stories like that too often,” Apple Bloom giggled, “but it was a nice suggestion on your part.”
“Well I’d like to see you girls come up with better ideas,” Scootaloo stated with an exasperated humph.
“What if we write romantic stories?” Sweetie Belle suggested.
“Why romance?” Scootaloo complained. “I don’t want to write anything that’s going to bore me to sleep. And besides, what adults read these kinds of stories?”
“My sister,” Sweetie Belle answered with her hooves folded, “and she reads them quite a bit. Though she tells me I’m not allowed to read these kinds of romance novels; said I wasn’t old enough to read them.”
“'Ya know what…mah' sister read one of those stories 'Ah couldn’t read as well,” Apple Bloom added. “Ah’m almost positive that she reads them every now and then. Matter of fact, she always tells me to go outside when she reads these stories. Kinda strange if 'ya ask me.”
Suddenly, Scootaloo’s eyes lit up as she came to the realization of what the other two fillies’ sisters were reading.
“Oh, they must be reading those stories ponies clop to!” Scootaloo exclaimed. The others looked at her confused, not having an idea what she was talking about.
“What, you’ve never heard of it? It’s the thing that ponies do when they see somepony who is cute. Apparently, it’s an act that’s so unrefined, that you get made fun of just for getting caught in the act! Just ask Snips and Snails. Ever since they were caught clopping to some school fillies in the bushes they have been nicknamed the Cloppy Brothers!”
The trio laughed briefly at the ridiculous nickname.
“Yeah…so what is clopping?” Sweetie Belle asked.
Scootaloo herself didn’t have any idea, but being the stubborn one she didn’t want the others to pick up on that.
“It’s when somepony stomps their hooves on the ground rapidly after seeing another pony that they found good looking. They also sometimes whinny and make other silly sounds,” Scootaloo explained convincing even her that that was the correct term. And why would she ever have any doubt about it? It was the obvious meaning of the word.
“Wait, why would someone tease another for tapping on the ground?” Apple Bloom questioned, not understanding why this was considered bad.
“Wouldn’t you find some guy creepy for pounding the ground and making barbaric sounds if he thought you were cute?” Scootaloo countered.
“Good point,” Apple Bloom agreed. “Ok, we should start writing one of these…erm…”
“Clopfics?” Sweetie suggested.
“Yeah! One of those!”
And with that, the group grabbed multiple sheets of paper and prepared to get their hands dirty with writing mature works of fiction. They sat there for developing ideas, finding scenarios they could make, and finalizing ideas. After about thirty minutes of brainstorming, the Cutie Mark Crusaders began to write their first clop fiction.
Hayseed Clops All Over Town
In the nice sunny town of Ponyville, there was a colt named Hayseed. One of the things that Hayseed did everyday was walk around the town for exercise. He always made sure he stayed in shape just in case that special filly ever came into his eyesight. Unfortunately, he hasn’t had much luck with gaining the attention or affection of anypony. Most assumed it was because of bad luck, but Hayseed himself knew it was because of one thing…
…He always clopped in public!
“Wait, isn’t that a little too soon?”
The Crusaders stopped writing when Apple Bloom questioned the process.
“We’re establishing the plot though,” Sweetie Belle explained.
“Yeah, but you’re doing it too early! Ah’m no master of writing or anything, but iffen we write the plot with no build up, nopony will take this story seriously.”
“I guess you have a point,” Sweetie said using her magic to position her pencil. “I think I can handle the next section.”
Most assumed he was just an unlucky colt, but deep down he knew what his problem was. He just never had the will to confront it.
After he finally went through one of his runs, he decided it would be best if he headed home. However, on his way home his eyes were drawn to two ponies walking together. They were the most beautiful ponies he had ever seen before. One had a long crimson mane flowing down her face while the other’s was aqua colored, and a significantly shorter. But what really caught Hayseed’s eyes were their round, plump flanks.”
“Eww! Why are we talking about the ponies' butts?!” Scootaloo groaned disgusted by the descriptions.
Sweetie Belle began to explain. “In order for the story to be convincing and mature, we’ll have to describe every detail. How else are others going to be enticed if there isn’t anything described?”
“But why describe the butts?”
“I’ve seen other ponies stare at my sister before. Needless to say, that was a big thing they stared at.” Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave a puzzled look towards Sweetie Belle, causing Sweetie to shrug.
“I couldn’t make this up even if I tried!”
“Fine, if it’s necessary,” Scootaloo mumbled as the three continued the story.
Hayseed found himself hypnotized by their beauty. Their orb-like rumps proved irresistible.
“Aw come on!” Scootaloo cried out.
“Quite Scoots! We’re tryin’ to concentrate!” Apple Bloom stated.
“Oh, I shouldn’t be doing this in public,” Hayseed stated to himself, holding back his urges. But the temptation was proving too much. He followed the two girls making sure he stayed out of their eyesight and began doing something disgraceful behind a few bushes.
Clop…clop…clop.
He rapidly tapped the ground with his hooves, making light whinnying noises.
Clop…clop…cloppity…clop
Faster and faster, he pounded the ground with his hooves wildly. He felt the heat rise in his face as his excitement built.
Clopping…clop…clop.
It was embarrassing. It was uncouth. It was thrilling, and that’s why Hayseed loved doing it. He didn’t care if nopony understood why he enjoyed it; all that mattered was that he was having the time of his life.
“Well well well. Mary, look at what we have here!”
Hayseed jolted at the silky tone of the mare in front of him. It was the crimson maned pony he was clopping too! His face reddened further, not from pleasure, but from embarrassment.
“It looks like we have ourselves a clopper.” The crimson maned mare said to her aqua maned friend named Mary.
“Why yes, it would appear that way Sue.” Mary responded with a wicked grin on her face.
This was the end of the line for Hayseed. He was caught red handed in the act and had no other option but to try to explain himself.
“Um…well…I was…um…” Hayseed kept fumbling over his words. His nervousness made the two giggle.
“So you think we were cute enough to follow and clop on the ground to?” Sue questioned.
“Did you really like what you saw?” Mary asked.
Since Hayseed couldn’t find the words to say, he decided to nod his head and looked at the ground in shame. The two mares just giggled.
“Oh it’s okay really,” Mary went up to Hayseed and put a hoof to his chin, raising it up so he could look at her. “We’re really flattered that you find us alluring enough to clop to. As a matter of fact…oh…Sue do you want to tell him?”
Sue saw no reason why not to. “We find you kind of cute too. We’ve seen you run around, getting exercise and trying to tone your big, hunky, sweaty…”
“Ok, I could deal with the other stuff, but this is excessive!” Scootaloo complained.
"'Ah agree on this one? Do we really have ta describe the colt as well?” Apple Bloom asked.
Sweetie Belle let out a sigh. “Okay okay, I’ll erase it!” Sweetie Belle cried out before mumbling to herself, “I was just trying to be descriptive.”
“We’ve seen you run around, getting exercise and trying to tone your big, hunky, sweaty and we liked what we’ve seen from you. To be perfectly honest, we’ve clopped to you together in the park before.”
Hayseed couldn’t believe his ears. “You…did what?”
“Oh dear, he’s making us repeat it,” Mary blushed. “I know it’s not the most classy thing for a lady to do, but we did find you appealing, and we couldn’t help ourselves.”
Hayseed started to gain his old confidence back, looking up at both Mary and Sue. He couldn’t believe his luck so far, and because he had nothing else to lose he pressed further.
“You really find me appealing enough to clop to?” he asked. His answer was the two nodding in unison. An idea began to form inside of Hayseed.
“Well, I’m actually flattered that you think of me that way,” he began going towards the two mares, “and trust me, you two were a fine catch to the eyes.”
The mares blushed at his honeyed words.
“So I’ve been thinking, since you both like me, and I like both of you, why should we hide behind bushes and clop to each other. We might as well do it in groups. A nice, organized clopping session with each other whenever we feel like it; what do you girls think?”
The two looked at him and smiled.
“I don’t see why not!” Mary accepted the offer. “By the way, we didn’t catch your name.”
The colt gave a toothy grin. “It’s Hayseed. Pleased to meet your acquaintances!”
What started out as an awkward moment turned into a bountiful experience. Hayseed walked in between his new partners and began trotting towards the sunset. No longer would he have to do anything solo. No more lonely sad nights. He finally had the company he wished; with the hobbies he used to think horrid.
Mary, Sue, and Hayseed began their new relationship, and couldn’t wait before they would eventually clop all over town.
***The End***
The Crusaders set down their pencils and looked at the work they had made.
“Well, that was an odd experience,” Apple Bloom began reading over what they wrote. “But ya know what, that was fun to write.”
“Yeah it was,” Sweetie Belle replied, “though I find it weird that the older horses like this kind of stuff. I don’t get why my sister reads these kinds of stories.”
“Who cares why they read them!” Scootaloo stated. “What matters is that we get our marks because of them!”
“Ah doubt we’ll get our cutie marks off of one story though, especially one as short as this,” Apple Bloom claimed.
“Well, we’ll just have to keep writing enough of these stories!” Scootaloo stated this with the utmost determination. “I’ll just ask the Cloppy Brothers to write a list of other things ponies clop to.”
“Nice idea!” Sweetie Belle replied. “And I can try to read some of those stories my sister reads to get a better idea on how to structure the stories.”
“Ah’ll edit the stories to make sure there are no mistakes, an’ try ta find somepony who will publish our stories!”
“Well, then it looks like we all have a job now!” Scootaloo stated as she moved between the other two putting her arms on their shoulders. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful thing.”
The trio could hardly contain their excitement anymore. Doing something so risqué was thrilling to them. They shouted out their newest task:
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CLOP WRITERS!”
Author's Note
I know I'm a terrible person for writing this.
Sweetie Belle looked around to make sure her sister wasn’t anywhere in sight. She was told to stay out of her sister’s personal library, but she had to take risk. Her friends counted on her.
“Okay, so which book should I read?” she asked to herself browsing the long rows of adult novels. “She sure does read a lot of these stories. Picking just one she won’t notice missing is a little more difficult than I thought.”
She went through the rows of books until she stumbled across one that caught her eye. She used her magic to pull the book out, which had a silver maned colt holding a riding crop in his mouth, sweating outside in the field.
“Crop of the North,” Sweetie Belle read the title, “by J.R. Pennywhistle? Is that even the writer’s real name?”
The question she asked herself made her think; should the Cutie Mark Crusaders actually put their names on their, or develop a pen name? It was certainly something they would have to talk about during the next meeting.
“SWEETIE!”
The young filly froze as a wrathful voice loomed over her. She knew who the voice belonged to, but at the same time she was praying that it was just her mind playing tricks on her.
“Just what are you doing in my private collection!?” Rarity demanded harshly.
“Well…I was just trying to…”
“What, trying to get on my nerves as usual?” Rarity grabbed the book and repositioned it neatly on the shelf. “I thought I made it very clear that when you visited, you were not to go into my personal belongings, especially my books!”
“Well,” Sweetie began trying to explain herself, “I was just curious and wanted to know what was in the book.”
“I keep telling you young lady, you are too young?”
“So what’s in the book that you don’t want me to read?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Well ain’t that peachy! I have to tell you every little detail when you ask for it, but when I ask I get the ‘you’re too young for this’ treatment! It’s not fair!”
Rarity was getting slightly agitated with Sweetie’s sharp tongue. “Listen, I am not going to argue with you on this anymore. Since you obviously can’t stay out of my things, I’ll just have to lock them away like I do everything else. Now if you don’t mind, could you go find a way to keep yourself entertained? I want to unwind and read a little.”
“Yeah fine whatever,” Sweetie Belle muttered as she began leaving the room, “you’re probably just going to clop to it.”
“What was that?”
“I said have fun reading it!” Sweetie Belle lied before leaving the room.
~~~
Inside the tree house, Scootaloo was going over the list she had made. It was a list of terms that she gained from The Cloppy Brothers that might help them write their stories.
“So you couldn’t get the books from her?” Scootaloo asked reviewing the short list of terms.
“No,” Sweetie sadly replied. “She wouldn’t even share with me what was in the book!”
“That’s why I told you to try and sneak one out while she was sleeping. But nooo…you said it would be easier in the day because ‘she had errands to run’!” Scootaloo stated mocking Sweetie Belle’s tone.
“Oh be quiet!” Sweetie looked outside the tree house trying to spot their third member.
“Where did Apple Bloom go?”
“She said she was going around town asking if there were any publishers that might take our stories.” Scootaloo explained. “Apparently you can’t just go to any old publisher and show them an adult fic.”
“So when do you suspect she’ll be back?”
“How should I know? I’m not a mind reader! But since she’s been gone for a while, I think we should go ahead and get started without her. If she comes back while we’re writing, she’s free to give her input.”
“Sounds fair,” Sweetie said. “So what’s on that list you’re looking at?”
“Well Snips and Snails told me some of the things they've heard ponies clop to, and I wrote them down. Here are some terms; tell me which one you think we should write about next.”
Sweetie Belle scanned the paper to figure out what they would tackle.
“How about this one? Blowjob.”
“Hmm, interesting,” Scootaloo stated. “I don’t know how we’re going to make something like blowjobs interesting but I’m sure we can find a way. From what I’ve heard though, it would appear that guys really like getting blowjobs from girls, so I think that’s what the focus should be.”
“Alright. We should think of a pen name too!”
“What now?” Scootaloo asked confused.
“A pen name! You know, a different name other than the ones we have. It’s just so we don’t get in trouble for writing these kinds of stories.”
“Ah, thinking ahead! Good job Sweetie!” The compliment boosted Sweetie’s moral after failing to grab the book they needed.
“Great, so you want to start writing it now?” Sweetie asked receiving a nod from Scootaloo. They planned their new story.
Periwinkle Gets a Blowjob
By Alpha Wolf
“Naw, I don’t agree with this name honestly,” Sweetie stated.
“Fine let’s see if we can come up with something we all agree on.”
By Moonlit Flower
By Golden Gun
By Twinkling Cider
By Strawberry Mist
“Eh, I’ll take this one,” Scootaloo gave in. “I’m tired of trying to come up with names.”
Periwinkle just couldn’t seem to keep a job. He either kept getting laid off of work or replaced by somepony who could do the job better. It was a discouraging time for the colt, and he was starting to get slightly desperate. He would take any job in the world at this moment if he could only find a way to make a living.
The only problem was he wasn’t a very interesting person. He wasn’t good a carpeting; he wasn’t the best baker; he wasn’t a skilled dancer or anything. He was devoid of any real talent outside of his admiration of certain flowers.
While browsing through the paper drinking his coffee he noticed an offer in the paper.
“We are hiring at Silly Dan’s Balloon Factory,” Periwinkle read out loud. “Little to no experience required. Come between the hours of 8 am and 7 pm.”
He checked the town’s clock tower to see what time it was. It was half past 12 at the moment, which meant he still had time to prepare.
“Looks like an opportunity to get some work!” he stated to himself. “Let’s hope to Celestia I can keep this one.”
He ate the last of his lunch and headed home to prep for the meeting.
“Hello girls!” Apple Bloom exclaimed trotting into the clubhouse. “Wait, ya’ll started without me? ‘Ah thought we were gonna write these together!”
“You were taking a while so we decided to go ahead and get a jump on the project,” Scootaloo explained. “Don’t worry though; we didn’t get too far in yet, so you can still give your input!”
Apple Bloom glanced over what they wrote and smiled approvingly.
“’Ah can work with this” she responded.
“So, did you find anypony willing to publish our stories?” Sweetie asked.
Apple Bloom sighed sadly. “Notta one! Everypony ‘Ah talked to told me they couldn’t sell…what did they call it…smut in public stores, nor could they explain to a young filly where ‘Ah could possibly find one.”
“So adults aren’t helping us!” Scootaloo huffed upset. “So we’re going to have to find somepony else who might know something. “
“We’ll worry ‘bout that another date,” Apple Bloom waved off. “Right now ‘Ah wanna continue this story.”
The other two nodded in compliance and handed over the paper and pencil, allowing her to continue the story.
Periwinkle was wearing his best attire. He was sporting a black suit with a silver tie running down. In the back of his mind he was wondering if this was too much for a job application to a balloon factory, but he wasn’t willing to risk it. He needed this job, and he would go through any means to do so. The young mare he was meeting was named Scarlet Sky. He had no idea how she looked since the only information, though he was hoping that she wasn’t an intimidating business lady.
The building had a blowup balloon that swayed around in the air. The building itself didn’t look too intimidating, and he relaxed at its homey look. Inside the building was who he needed to meet; the amber mare wearing glasses. She was rummaging through her desk sorting out paperwork that she was filling.
“Um, Ms. Sky I assume?” Periwinkle inquired.
“That would be correct,” she professionally responded. Her focus still remained on her papers. “And you are?”
“I’m Periwinkle mam,” he replied nervously, “and I saw in the paper that you needed some employees for the job.”
After filing the last of her papers, she looked up at the shaky pony before her and began to snicker. Periwinkle looked puzzled by her reaction.
“Um, what’s funny?” Periwinkle could feel his nerves breaking at the moment as the giggling mare trotted closer to him, inspecting his appearance.
“A little overdressed for somepony who wants to get a job at a balloon shop aren’t we?” she teased jokingly. Periwinkle was sweating profusely, wetting up his attire he had on.
“Um…well..I um…” he was at a loss for words, breaking apart every second Scarlet observed him.
“Don’t think nothing of I,” she said trying to ease Periwinkle’s mind. “You’re trying to make a good first impression. Believe it or not, I like a colt that goes above and beyond. “
The heat began to rise in Periwinkle’s face, and then he came to a realization: he wasn’t nervous about the job; he was smitten on Ms. Sky.
“Seems like you really want the job.”
“Yes,” Periwinkle stated slightly embarrassed. “I’m not the luckiest guy recently when it comes down to employment. I guess you can see why. I’d understand if you don’t see me as a valuable member.”
Scarlet Sky could see the disappointment in Periwinkle’s face, feeling really bad for him.
“You know, most companies want to hear about accomplishments and such. However at Silly Dan’s, we like to give applicants a physical assessment. You seem desperate for work if I do say so myself.”
Periwinkle nodded weakly, making Scarlet smile warmly.
“Then follow me. I’ll see if you’re fitted for the job.”
She opened the door to the balloon storage, indicating to Periwinkle that he should follow her.
Apple Bloom looked over what was written so far trying to get the general flow of the story. “So where ya plannin’ on goin’ from here?”
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo discussed to her what they planned on taking the story.
“Okay! ‘Ah think ‘Ah can work with that.”
The back room was stacked with boxes, all labeled differently based on different types of balloons.
“Okay, I’m giving you a proposition here,” Scarlet Sky began. “I want to give you a blowjob.”
Periwinkle’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
Scarlet nodded her head smiling. Periwinkle’s hopes were beginning to rise.
“But I don’t just hand out blowjobs to any old chum. In order to receive that, you have to prove your worth.” She pulled out a box and opened it. It was filled with multicolored balloons, just begging to be blown up.
“The employees I give blowjobs to have to go through a timed assessment. We pride ourselves on our speed and efficiency when it comes to these services. Your task is to blow this entire box of balloons within ten minutes. Once you get through this box, I’ll hand you the job. Tell me when you’re ready.”
Periwinkle found no reason to wait. The sooner he could prove his worth, the sooner he could be employed.
“Remember Apple Bloom,” Sweetie Belle reminded, “be descriptive. It’s a key element to clop.”
“Okay, I’m ready!” Periwinkle enthusiastically replied. Scarlet smiled softly and took a stopwatch out of her.
“Well then, get blowing,” she demanded pressing the stopwatch so it could start.
Periwinkle moistened his lips and grabbed some balloons. He took a balloon into his mouth and began to blow air into it, inflating it to the point of bursting. He continued doing this repeatedly with each balloon, moving as fast as he could but stopping to catch his breath. After blowing through 20 balloons nonstop, he stopped, lolling his tongue out panting while sweat dripped down his face.
Getting this blowjob was going to be harder then he thought.
“Seven minutes left and still over half a box!” Scarlet exclaimed impressed at how well Periwinkle was doing.
The clock was ticking; his chance would be blown if he couldn’t finish this box. He refused to give up now. He wiped his brow and wrapped his lips around the rubbery exterior, expending air into each of them, one by one.
His cheeks reddened; his face was dripping sweat; he was losing breath…
…he wasn’t going home without a job this time.
“Five minutes.”
The pressure was building, and the rush made Periwinkle work faster, blowing into each balloon with vigor and speed. Scarlet began to smile in satisfaction. She was beginning to believe that he was the best balloon blower she’s found.
“Four minutes.”
Over half the box was depleted, and balloons were slowly floating towards the floor. Every time Periwinkle’s mouth felt dry, he licked his latex flavored lips and continued blowing into the balloon. He refused to give up. He wouldn’t fail this time.
“Three…”
Most of the box was already gone, but he was slowing down. He stopped blowing again and took a hefty breath. He had to continue though.
“Two…”
Only a few more left. He had to press on.
“One!”
Down to the last wire. He only had the last five to blow and with only a minute to spare. He was so close to succeeding he could almost taste it. It would be a pleasant taste considering the plastic balloon taste lingering in his mouth. Two balloons, one balloon…
“Time!” Scarlet stopped the stopwatch and looked at Periwinkle. The final balloon hit the ground as Periwinkle panted at the loss of breath.
“Huh, looks like you barely made it.”
“Yeah,” Periwinkle responded breathing heavily. “I honestly didn’t think I could do it.”
“But the most important thing is you did, and quite impressively too,” she complimented causing Periwinkles face to redden from something other than lack of breath.
“So when are you ready to get to work?”
“So…I get the job?” Periwinkle asked in near shock, causing Scarlet Sky to giggle once more.
“There was no string attached when I said you’d get the job after blowing this box,” she replied. “I’d suggest you take a day off; I’ll see you first thing in the morning.”
Periwinkle smiled widely. He finally secured himself a stable job.
“Thank you!” he exclaimed shaking her hoof. “You don’t know how much I needed this! Thank you!”
“No problem. Though tomorrow, try wearing something a little more comfortable okay?”
“Got it!”
And with that, Periwinkle left the building with newfound confidence. It was satisfying to finally get a job he felt he could keep. Restless, energetic, and absolutely thrilled, he walked home knowing that he had secured a job.
But not just any job. He managed to keep himself a blowjob.
*The End*
“Another satisfying story!” Sweetie proudly stated pleased with their work.
“Just too bad that we don’t have anyone who will publish this,” Scootaloo pouted. The biggest issue with writing stories that weren’t family friendly was that without anypony willing to publish it, they wouldn’t get anywhere with it.
“Maybe we should try finding somepony who can help us,” Apple Bloom suggested.
“But the question is who?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“What if we ask Twilight! She might have some information we could use to help us find a publisher.”
“I’m almost certain we can’t do that without, I don’t know, having her rat us out for writing these stories in the first place,” Scootaloo stated.
“Then what are we gonna do?” Apple Bloom moaned. After sitting for a while thinking of how to get information on a publisher, ideas began to spring in the trios head.
They would indeed go to the library, but a purple mare wasn’t going to be the one they would seek help from.
Author's Note
Hey, do you guys have a giant case of ice? I'm gonna need it when I go to hell for writing this.
