Equestria's Most Wanted: A Mage Managing Mistaken Misconduct

by WIL_I_ZIN

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 26400

It was suposed to be a vacation. Visit the land of Equestria, enjoy the culture, meet the ponies. Now I've been framed for the theft of the Elements of Harmony, and I'm the only one of my species in this universe. This won't end well.

Taking a vacation in a nice relaxing and peaceful country? That's good.
Taking a vacation and being blamed for the the theft of some very important jewelry? That's bad.
Taking a vacation and becoming public enemy number one? That's really bad.
Taking a vacation and being hunted by adorable pegasi, unicorns, and ponies? That's... different.

A mage decides to take a respite in what he assumes to be the peaceful and safe land of Equestria. Unfortunately he's accused of stealing the "Elements of Harmony", a powerful set of magical regalia, and goes on the run from the law. Now stuck in a land of magical ponies, cut off from his only way home, and now the most wanted creature in Equestria, does he have any hope of proving his innocence and going home?

Maybe, but let's laugh at him as he gets beat up by cute equines!

Published 2014-02-21 22:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-29 03:01:14 UTC

Chapter 2 - A Mage Mitigating Misconstrued Miscreant Machinations

Chapter 2 - A Mage Mitigating Misconstrued Miscreant Machinations

Equestria's Most Wanted

Chapter 2 - A Mage Mitigating Misconstrued Miscreant Machinations

By Wil_I_Zin

Edited by BradtheBrony, AuthorGenesis

It was a few hours before midday when we arrived in Ponyville. While the driver outside thought that he was the bees knees after having such a good four hour run, the occupant inside was feeling much less enthusiastic. Meaning me. My mental and physical condition would scream ‘exhausted and disheveled’ if you were to properly look upon me. It seems riding in the back of a rickety wagon filled with boxes falling on your head and being tossed around like a rag doll isn’t exactly the best thing for one’s well-being. Don’t look at me like that, I’ve never ridden in one before! Cut me some slack here. The fabulous wagon ride, coupledwith the fatigue of all my running and spell casting last night, had me glad I wasn’t unconscious by that point.

I had moved myself to the back part of the wagon to give myself a better view of the outside, and also as an emergency place to upchuck if the nausea got to me. From what I could see, Ponyville was a rather quaint and charming little town. The thatched roof cottages blended well together with the many decorated trees, and flower arrangements around town giving it that ol’ New England vibe.

There were far more ponies out and about than I was happy with. Too many eyes would lessen my chances of pulling my plan off correctly, and I needed to have this first contact with Twilight Sparkle go as smoothly as possible. She was my only hope of convincing Celestia of my innocence and turning around this series of unfortunate events. Just as I was thinking about how to find Twilight’s abode, it just so happened that the cart passed right by the Ponyville library.

Well that’s oddly convenient, I thought to myself. Unfortunately, the entire surrounding area was filled with ponies. I groaned internally. There was no way I was going to get past that crowd, not unless they all turned to look at something at the same time. And what should walk past my sight at that moment: none other than a heavily inebriated purple earth pony mare.

She was clutching a bottle in the crook of one of her forelegs, which was filled with what I knew was wine of some sort. The smell was so heavy I could practically taste it from the confines of my hiding spot. She hobbled down the street on her three remaining legs, but with the way she was swaying back and forth, all it would take is a small push for someone to send her toppling over. An idea took root within my mind, as the mare's inebriated state presented an opportunity for me, and far be it from me to not take every advantage that presented itself to me. Especially given my currently unfavorable circumstances in this cotton candy land.

I reached out with my magic to grab the bottle out of the mare’s hold. I felt the tug of the bottle in my mind and with a flick of my finger, pushed it out of her grasp. The bottle fell out of the crook of her foreleg down to the the ground in front of her. She was so intoxicated however, that she stepped right on the bottle and slipped. I swear at that moment, the laws of physics decided to take a vacation, and promptly left the premises on a trans-dimensional flight of nonexistence.

The purple mare flew forward comically head over hoof and landed into a cart filled with canisters of dairy creamer. White cream splashed everywhere and the cart started speeding backwards. Ponies jumped out of the wild two-wheeler’s path as it barreled right toward a pile of crates. Someone had apparently left a large plank of wood leaning on said crates and the cart rocketed up the incline launching itself into the air. The violent vibrations and jostling of the canisters of dairy cream splashing, sloshing, and splattering all over the place, as it flew through the air.

The cart, with no respect of the law of gravity, soared over a flower stall hosted by three terrified mares who kept screaming ‘The horror! The horror!’, a line of school children who oooh’ed as the object sailed over them, and crashed right into a building going through its front window. Wood and dairy exploded in a combination of sound and visual awe that rivaled a kiloton bomb. Every single pony in the area stood in awe of the sight, as did I.

Slowly I looked away from the disaster zone and down to my still extended finger. “Boy, you are a dangerous little thing aren’t ya?” I muttered to my own appendage with disbelief. I stowed away what I now considered my deadliest weapon and slunk out the back of the covered wagon. All the ponies still had their attention fully on the destruction caused by the runaway milk cart, and their reactions varied from pony to pony.

“Damn it Berry!” berated a light blue mare at the drunkard half buried in the rubble of the building with the other half covered in cream.

“Co- … Colgate, now don’t you be yellin’ … at me. It ain’t the first time, I’ve somehow wound up with ... sticky white st- … stuff all over me,” slurred the inebriated pony as she waved her hoof in the general direction of her criticizer.

“Ohhhhhhh my!” said a nearby older Japanese looking pony.

While the exchange of dialogue was happening between the ponies, I was dashing from cover to cover towards the town’s tree library. Why someone would stock a bunch of burnable objects within a giant burnable building was beyond me. Sliding up next to a barrel close to the door, I took one last look out at the crowd to be sure no one was looking. Thankfully they were all still occupied, as they were watching the rantings of an angry mare yelling at her drunken acquaintance; while some of the ponies were clearing away the wreckage. I slunk up to the door of the library and gave the knob a test; it was unlocked. The door silently moved as I pushed it open, peeking my head inside. The room inside seemed to be lacking any occupants so I slipped through the entryway, ducking to avoid hitting my head on the low clearance door frame.

I quietly shut the door behind me and breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Step one: Get to the library without any angry mobs attacking’, had been successfully pulled off. Which meant ‘step two: convince Twilight you’re innocent’, was next. I had ran through a multitude of scenarios with regards on how to approach her regarding my situation. Most of them were hoping that she hadn't received a letter from Celestia yet regarding the theft. If she had, that would cut it down to prostrating myself and begging her to listen, or cry- I mean, act despondently to garner an emotional connection. I steeled myself and took a deep breath, it was show time.

“Hello? Anyone here?” I called out into the library. Looking around I saw a staircase ahead of me ascend into another part of the library and an archway to my right which led into a small kitchen and dining area. I admired the collection of literature adorning the shelves. There were sections for studies on magic, history, geography and more. Maybe if everything worked out I could check some of these out, I always did wonder how much research regarding thaumatology was studied and known on other worlds. However, there was still the matter of clearing up my problem first. “Hello? Anyone?”

“Just a minute!” came a boyish call from upstairs. Down the staircase descended a walking stack of books. On closer inspection there also seemed to be a tiny dragon carrying the aforementioned books and they were stacked more than four times higher than the little guy’s own height. I knew who this fellow was: his name was Spike, Twilight’s little assistant and helper.

“Uh, you need some help?” I asked.

“Nope! I- gah, I got it!” he replied nearly tipping the stack over. As he wobbled down the steps the stack of books wobbled back and forth, nearly tipping over like a mobile Jenga tower. “So, what can I help you with?” he inquired as he came down.

“Well, I was looking for Twilight Sparkle, is she in?” I asked hopefully.

“Actually she’s been gone for a couple of days.”

My heart sank as he spoke those words. “Where has she been?” I hoped that she might have been close by.

“She’s been away in Canterlot since her coronation as a princess of Equestria. I only got back home myself last night.”

It was at that moment my hope shattered. She was in Canterlot, which meant that she definitely had heard about the theft. With my one chance gone, I slumped to my knees without a clue of what to do.

Spike set down a pair of books, while his back was turned to me and began to sort them. “I’m happy for her and all, but there’s only so much boring princess-y stuff that I can take. So I just came back with everypony else.” I perked up at that, it may just be a small sliver of hope, but instead of convincing Twilight, I could just convince her friends! I decided I should probably start with Spike, since he was the closest to her and might be the most effective way for me to help persuade the others to consider my plight.

“The reason I was wondering is I kinda need some help in regards to a magic problem I have,” I explained. While not the the full truth it was close enough for now.

“A magic problem? Well we have some books on magic troubleshooting over in section three.” he informed while not looking away from his project.

“Uh, well it’s more of a personal and magical problem.” I added with a small nervous chuckle.

“Lemme guess, Poison … Joke?” his last word came out as a squeak when he turned to see who it was he’d been talking to this entire time. Spike’s eyes went as wide as serving plates as he looked up at me.

“Hi?” I said with a small wave.

“Ahhhh!” he responded with a scream and then blasted me with dragon fire. The interesting thing about some dragon’s fire is that it can contain magic properties. Some can heal, others can grow plants, and others can imbue the recipient with power. Spike’s however was set to traditional immolating fires at the moment as my hair became alight with green flames and I felt my skin sizzling.

“Sweet Jimminy!” I screamed in both shock and pain from the heat and ran through the archway with the fire on my head following me into the library’s kitchen. My arms shot out towards the taps on the sink and threw them on full bore, sticking my head underneath the stream. Cool water soaked my head as the fire was put out and I sighed in relief. I pulled back, wringing the water from my singed hair follicles and shaking the rest out. I looked in the reflection of a nearby bowl of tomatoes on top of the fridge to see the damage. Amazingly there was no frizzed hair or burned skin, though it did look like I was missing some hair length. I guessed it must have been the drake’s magic-sending-fire-breath that sent letters to Celestia.

“Wait … sends letters to Celestia!?” I exclaimed in realization. I ran back out into the main library room only to find Spike gone from it. What I found instead was an open letter that was grouped with the stack of books he brought down. I glanced a second at it to confirm my fears. It read:

Dear Spike,

I know I said I would write to you to tell you how settling in as a princess is going,but unfortunately the news I have for you isn’t good. The Elements of Harmony were recently stolen out of the vault last night and the perpetrator is a pegasus partnered with a creature that; if the guard describe it correctly is a complete mystery. A bipedal creature with a scrawny build to its body, with sunken in eyes and the ability to use powerful and complex magic. Such a thing hasn’t been recorded anywhere and Celestia and Luna are baffled as to what it could be. I’ve enclosed a sketch that the guards were able to make from eyewitness accounts.

I took a look at the sketch and didn’t know whether to be insulted or surprised. The sketch artist had gotten down all the important details, enough that if this was put on a wanted poster he’d look pretty menacing. The only problem I had was that the nose was all wrong, far too big and bulbous.

I’m worried that the thieves might try to get to you or my friends so please let the rest of them know immediately about this. I will be coming back to Ponyville and hopefully we can figure out a way to get the Elements back. Take care Spike, I love you and hope that you stay safe.

-Twilight

P.S. If the creature does appear, don’t try fighting it! Contact me immediately and try and find help; it’s very dangerous and I don’t want you to get hurt, okay? I’ll be home soon.

My stomach dropped as I read that last line. I had to find Spike before he sent that message! From upstairs I heard the scratching of something running over the ceiling and figured that’s where he went. I leapt up the stairs three at a time, bounding like a jackrabbit on Speed. I knocked down the door at the top with a shoulder check and burst into the room right as Spike blew green fire all over a scroll.

“No!” I called out and made a dive for the parchment. Spike leapt back and the scroll went flying into the air. I ran towards it, diving and reaching out my hand to catch it, only for the scroll to become ethereal and whisk itself away on an unseen wind out the window as I flopped on my belly. My mind reeled back: that was my last chance, and it was gone. And I felt angry.

“You stupid, freaking, lizard!” I screamed as I rose to my feet stomping them for emphasis. “Do you even fu-” my rant was interrupted as I became intimately involved with Starswirl’s Guide to Crystal Dynamics Omnibus (the unabridged version) as it impacted my face and knocked me back onto the floor. I didn’t stay down for long as I shot back to my feet and issued a rage-filled snarl and bounded toward the dragon who continued to lob books of all sizes at me.

I charged at Spike with the intent to throttle the little bastard and make him write a new letter, and maybe throw him out a window. Hey! I wasn’t thinking rationally, but you try being rational when you’ve had a day like mine! Spike, however, was a very agile little drake and would dive between my legs or zigzag around me. He ran down the staircase and I followed him screaming the primal warcry of my ancestors; Though considering that I’m Irish, I guess that means I just sounded drunk and pissed.

Spike ran into the kitchen and started hurling all the utensils at me. Most were more annoying than damaging, however when he started tossing the knives I began to panic. One knife sailed past my face cutting my cheek, eliciting a cry of shock from me. Out of instinct, I shot a small concussive force out of my hand to knock him back. While no means as powerful as the one I used on the Canterlot guards, it was powerful enough to knock Spike backwards into the refrigerator.

The force of Spike hitting the solid fridge caused him to drop his ammunition and stagger around for a second. The shockwave was also hard enough to cause a bowl of tomatoes that had been resting on top of the cooler to wobble off its perch and fall down on top of Spike’s head. Red tomato goo splattered all over the drake and the floor followed by the heavy bowl itself giving him a nice concussion. The hit must have been the final straw as Spike then fell flat onto his face with a heavy thunk.

My rage subsided and reason shot into my brain making me realise what I just did. ‘Oh fuck!’ I thought to myself, ‘I just K.O.ed the only real last chance I had!’ I ran over to Spike’s unconscious form and picked him up, trying to shake him awake.

“No-no-no-no, no!” I pleaded with the comatose dragon, “I need your help dude! If you don’t wake up, Twilight and the others are going to th-” I never got a chance to finish my sentence, something that seemed to becoming awfully common for me lately, because there was the sound of a sparkling poof with a flash of light from right behind me. I turned my head around slowly to see what was the most terrifying thing I had ever seen, including up to a mare with a frying pan.

Twilight Sparkle. Mad. Very mad. Of course looking at it from her standpoint: she gets a frantic letter from her number one assistant and teleports home only to find the library in tatters, knives and kitchen utensils everywhere, and her little brother/son figure covered in ‘blood’ being shaken by a presumably evil and powerful creature. So it’s totally understandable that she giga-blasted me with raw telekinetic force, knocking me clear through the wall of the library and both walls of the house next door … doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt … which it did. A lot.

I don’t remember much about her hitting me, only that my senses returned a moment later when I found my body embedded in the ground ... on the other side of the street. The wards I had placed on myself had shattered and my body felt like I had gone toe-to-toe with Mike Tyson. Those wards were only to prevent me from minor magical backlash, like accidents in my lab. Thankfully they stopped me from breaking anything, but I was sure that now every muscle in my body was in agony right now.

With another flash of light I had a rage-filled alicorn in front of me. If I had any muscle control at that moment I would have been shitting my pants, which would have been interesting because I was technically wearing robes. I hadn’t been paying much attention to the show this world was based on lately, but I then remembered everyone had made a fuss about Twilight becoming a princess or something. I now wished I had done a little more research before coming here, because I was now staring at a very mad archmage who thought I killed her little brother.

“How dare you hurt him!” Twilight roared at me with tears rolling down her face. My entire body constricted as I felt Twilight’s mana flow over me in a telekinetic grasp. She hoisted me off the ground and threw me across the street into a bunch of vendor stalls filled with fresh fruit.

Ponies ran screaming from the rampaging princess, who was tossing me around like a cheap ragdoll. The wards that had once protected me were now defunct, letting me feel the full experience of pieces of watermelon and pears smashing into me with reckless abandon. I think a cherry even got wedged up my nose. I tried to dispel her aura around me, but she didn’t give me a moment to concentrate as she threw my messed up body into a nearby fountain. Well, she at least had the common courtesy to clean me off after using me as a fruit salad mixer.

With one final throw she threw me to the ground so hard the wind got knocked out of me. I gasped for air and tried to rise to my feet, but a coughing fit racked me and I fell back. My shifting around caused the contents of my bag to move and a single crystal fell out rolling between Twilight and me. Her anger subsided for a second as her intellectual curiosity came out.

“What is … ?” she asked herself picking up the crystal with her magic and examined it. I looked up to see what she had grabbed and in a moment of desperation I reached out my hand toward the crystal. Originally the crystal she held was just a simple light tool, practically a glorified flashlight. I channeled what magic I could concentrate into that crystal and released it all at once.

There was an explosion of light at first like a flash bang grenade went off, but then it burst even brighter, like a sun going supernova. I shielded my eyes, but even through that barrier it was still too bright and I felt my eyeballs sting. There was no way I put that much magic in the crystal to cause a flash that big; it must have somehow leeched off of Twilight’s levitation spell and amplified the results a hundredfold. The light disappeared as quickly as it came and I heard the enraged cries of an alicorn, who was joined by some of the townsfolk.

“Ah! What did you do to me!? My eyes!” exclaimed the now blind princess. Many of the bystanders shared her condition as they stumbled about and collided with one another. I seized this opportunity to escape and stumbled to my feet. Breathing was still difficult for me, which made my flight feel more like a crippled hobbling down the street. I had to get as far away from Twilight as I could, before she recovered or figured out some spell to cure her blindness.

Ponies who saw me stagger through town, panicked away and hid inside any building that was near them. Some of them even screamed what sounded like ‘Element Thief.’ Soon the crowds began to thin and I saw fewer and fewer ponies as I wandered into some sort of park. A large ruckus could be heard in the distance behind me as I ventured forth into the greenery. I flopped down into a large shrubbery surrounded by bushes and tried to be as quiet as a person who had just been thrown through several walls could be.

I wheezed as softly as I could, and didn’t move an inch as I lay hiding. The thundering of hooves came closer and clearer to me, and through a small hole in the smattering of leaves I could see its cause. A whole mob of ponies, complete with pitchforks and torches, had followed me and stopped just short of where I was hiding.

“Ponyfeathers, I was sure it went this way,” snorted a hovering pegasus mare with a pitchfork in her hooves.

“Maybe it flew away?” a plump earth pony suggested. The rest of the group murmured about other possibilities regarding where I might have gone. But before the crowd could get any more worked up, a flash of purple light and magic silenced them as Princess Twilight appeared before them, albeit more singed than the last time I saw her.

“Princess!” gasped one of the ponies amongst the riotous mob. “Are you-?”

“I’m fine Davenport, thank you,” interrupted the alicorn. “However, I must ask that all of you return to your homes.”

“We can’t do that, Princess! That jerk broke my fruit stand with his ‘flying around in a glowing purple aura’ thing!” shouted one.

“Yeah! And my cart was ruined when he landed on it!”

“And my filly Jewel Gleam was blinded by that bright flash of his!”

“Mommy, why am I seeing bubbles everywhere?”

Twilight’s eyes shifted back and forth before nodding and speaking to the crowd. She lightly blushed and scuffed the ground nervously with one hoof before looking away from the crowd sheepishly. “Yes … those were all things that he did, and I had nothing to do with … at all.”

I wanted to jump out of the bush and call out Twilight on her bullshit, but common sense dictated that it would be a horrendously stupid idea to do.

“Please everypony, the Element Thief is very dangerous and until a detachment of Royal Guards arrives it would be in your best interests if you wait in your homes until the all-clear signal is sounded.”

“But Princess, we can’t let you be out here all alone against that creature!” protested a squeaky sounding mare.

“Yeah, you’ve saved Ponyville plenty of times, your Highness. Now it’s time we returned the favor!”

A resounding cheer rose up from the crowd and Twilight seemed surprised by the crowd’s gusto. I was just as astonished; I thought the peasantry were all scared of their own shadows! But when I show up they decided to grow some cojones!?

“Hey everypony!” shouted some pony near the back of the crowd. “Wind Whisper thinks she saw the creature heading towards Sugarcube Corner!”

The crowd screeched an adorable warcry and galloped away, leaving a confounded Twilight Sparkle in their dust. As the last pony of the mob rounded the corner, from the opposing direction ran up another colorful group of ponies, ones which I recognized as Twilight’s friends.

I thought back to my limited knowledge about Twilight and her friends. I had only seen a few episodes of the show this world was based on, but their personalities and skills were very easy to remember.

There was Rarity, a unicorn tailor with a prissy attitude. Floating behind her trailed Rainbow Dash, a brash pegasus who was the sort of tomboy jock that would punch things first and ask questions never. And heading up the rear of the group was Applejack, an earth pony whose strength could shatter trees with one kick. Surprisingly, two were missing from this entourage, but even without them they were still dangerous to me. All in all I was staying as well hidden as I could, because I doubted the outcome of me meeting these mares now would be anything but excruciatingly painful.

“Twilight!” cried Rarity in an overly dramatic tone. “What in the heavens is going on? I heard our dear Spike had been hospitalized by some ... brutish creature!”

Twilight looked both nervous and relieved as she closed the distance between her friends. “Spike’s going to be alright girls,” she informed her friends as she was trying to ease their worries. “He’s only suffered a minor concussion and he has Fluttershy and Doctor Stable keeping an eye on him.”

“Ah heard that it was much more serious than that Twilight,” drawled an anxious Applejack. “Rose was sayin’ she saw you rushin’ his blood-stained body to the hospital!”

“Oh, well I did technically do that.” Her friends gasped at this and Rarity looked ready to faint. “Wait! I meant it looked bad, but all that ‘blood’ turned out to be just tomato paste!” Her friends let out a sigh of relief at that.

“Oh thank goodness,” responded Rarity “that’s so like Rose and her sisters, always playing up something for drama. Besides, who else could be so easily fooled into thinking tomato paste would be blood?”

Twilight’s poker face was once again cracking and her eyes began to shift around. “Riiiiiiiight,” She awkwardly replied, “You’d have to be a foal to fall for something so childish like that.”

It’s at this point that I want to remind you citizens of Equestria that thisis your new and future ruler. How I weep for your country.

“Enough chit chat!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, bursting into the middle of the conversation. “Some weirdo monster thinks he can come and steal our Elements, and hurt our best dragon Spike?” Rainbow snorted and knocked her forehooves together. “That chump is going down.” Applejack and Rarity nodded firmly at Rainbow Dash’s declaration.

“I appreciate that you want to help me girls, but this creature is a serious thre-”

“Now hold on there sugar cube,” interrupted Applejack. “We're going ta help ya, and we don’t care how tough he is.” Applejack put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “We’ve taken on worse than this, and we’ll wrangle up this problem like we always have, together.”

Twilight paused for a moment before she lightly sighed and chuckled at herself. “You’re right, Applejack,” she responded as she smiled at them. “Thanks girls.”

As I watched from the bushes, I thought the scene was almost heartwarming, like something out of a feel good movie. Of course, its charm was immediately blown into smithereens when I remembered this was them gearing up to kick my sorry butt.

“By the way,” Twilight asked, “where’s Pinkie Pie?”

“No idea,” answered Rainbow Dash “The second she found out about Spike being hurt she ran off saying she’s ‘going to get her angry mob party supplies.’”

“So that’s where they got the torches and pitchforks …” Twilight mumbled to herself. Shaking her head to clear it, Twilight face took on a determined look. “Okay girls, we’re going to split up. Rainbow Dash, you and Rarity comb the western side of town while Applejack and I cover the east. If we can prevent this thief from escaping town we’ll eventually corner and capture it.” Her friends all nodded in agreement, until Applejack interjected.

“What if the jackrabbit tries to skedaddle through the Everfree forest to the south? It’d be easy to lose anyone chasing ya in there.”

“Oh please Applejack,” commented Rarity, “if you want to escape into the jaws of some vicious beast perhaps. You’d be an absolute fool to want to go into there.”

“And ya think somepony who steals for a livin’, is smart enough to not go into a forest full of monsters?” Applejack implied.

“Actually, I already have that covered,” Twilight explained, “I had the local town guard send a group to watch the bridges leading into the forest. The only way the thief is getting past them is by taking a very loud swim.” Her friends seemed impressed at her forethought, and quite honestly so was I. They had really boxed me in this time, and I was getting very nervous about how I was going to escape. Twilight told them that if they spotted me, they were to have a unicorn launch a small flare into the sky to alert everypony.

After this they split and went their separate ways, and I myself let out a large breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. I was trapped, that much was clear. An entire town was out to get me and every exit was covered. I thought that maybe if I just surrendered that perhaps they would go easy on me? Then the image of Twilight’s war face screaming at me, slammed into that thought process and squashed it like a fat guy on a Segway.

I had to escape, and furthermore I had to either clear my name, or get my damn book to work. I double checked Tome at that moment asking it about "Airplanes" and it still refused to show even a hang glinder. Whatever was causing my book to not work would have to wait until I was out of the danger zone. I then considered my options of escape: I could try sneaking out of town by hiding in alleyways and bushes, but doing so would be hard as the streets were wide and shrubbery wasn’t that plentiful outside of town; I could try sneaking out of town via the train, but they would probably be thoroughly searching every compartment leaving town; the last option was both the stupidest and probably the highest one for success; escaping through the Everfree forest.

Rarity had been correct, only an absolute fool would think that running into a cursed forest was a smart idea. Sure, getting to it meant getting there without being seen to begin with. I'd have to sneak past a group of Celestia’s best over a river, and somehow navigate a forest with its phasers set to maim and kill. Yeah, easy, a total walk in the park for a fantastically clever and handsome mage like myself. Why getting through the city was eas- ... you can stop smirking, I did escape after all. Anyway, after I worked up the courage, I peeked around to see if there were any threats to my stealthiness. Finding the surroundings unoccupied, I embarked on my quest to escape this little hamlet, preferably with all my limbs attached.

Since Applejack had said the forest was to the south, and she went with Twilight eastward, I moved in the general direction of south continuing through the park. Every so often I hid inside a bush to avoid the occasional passing pegasus. It was nerve wracking, whereas in Canterlot I had the advantage of the shadows in the night, here in Ponyville the sun was still high in the sky. Luckily, I wasn’t spotted as I darted through the park and neared its edge. Ahead in the distance, I could see the town beginning to thin out and I heard the faint sound of rushing water as well, giving me hope that I was on the right course.

I was just about to make a break for another hiding spot when a shout made me leap back into hiding. Fearing I had been spotted I scanned the skies for any pegasi, but found none. Another shout pointed me to its source, and it came from a couple of foals who were fairly close to where I was hiding. It looked like they were arguing about something, but I couldn’t quite make it out. I don’t quite remember my reasoning why, but I decided to sneak through the shrubbery to see what all the commotion was about. When I got within earshot the voice cried again.

“Give it back Diamond Tiara!” pleaded one voice.

“Why don’t you just use your magic and get it yourself? Oh right, I forgot, you can’t,” teased back another.

I cleared back some of the leaves from my current hiding space to see two earth pony fillies, one pink with a piece of jewelry on her head, the other gray with glasses blocking a light purple unicorn filly and a gray pegasus colt from retrieving a stuffed pony doll that they had.

Ah, so they were bullies. There were no other adult poines around that I could see, so the little foals were on their own. As much as I detested the sight, I couldn’t get involved. I should have moved on and looked for a clear spot to make a break for the river, but I didn’t.

“Just give it back you jerks!” exclaimed the pegasus colt. “If you don’t I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” interrupted the pink earth filly, “go get your big brother? What, is little Rumble so weak he has to go crying to get help?”

The colt named Rumble sputtered, unable to respond. The unicorn filly attempted to make a grab for her stolen toy only for the pink earth filly to slide out of the way, causing the unicorn filly to crash into the ground. She got up slowly, favoring one leg which had a few scuff marks on it. The filly looked like she was holding back some tears as she yelled again.

“Stop doing this! Just give me back Ms. Flowerbell!” she wailed.

The pink earth filly, who at this point I guessed must have been the ‘Diamond Tiara’ I heard shouted earlier smirked at her victim.

“Sorry, but she’s mine now. It’s only fair, you had Ms. Cheerilee make me stay behind school and ruin my hooficure cleaning the chalkboards!” she spat with venom. “Six hours of beautiful work, ruined!”

“Dinky only told on you because you were throwing things at Applebloom again!” objected Rumble as he stood by his hurt friend.

“Did she ask for your opinion, tiny?” threatened the gray earth filly.

“N-n-no,” he balked, backing away.

“This has nothing to do with you,” I thought. “Move on and get out of town.”

Diamond Tiara glared over at Dinky. “Maybe next time, you’ll think before you go trying to be a tough? After all, it doesn’t suit you.” Tiara then laughed snidely. “I mean, a unicorn who can’t even lift a piece of paper? How pathetic.”

Dinky looked like on the verge of tears, but was putting on a brave face in defiance. “My- my magic is getting stronger! I’m just not old enough yet to-”

“Oh please, it's obvious to everypony just how lame you are,” touted Diamond Tiara.

“Yeah, even Snips and Snails can levitate their pencils. You can’t even do that!” insulted the gray earth filly.

“I-” Dinky tried to interject.

“Exactly, and if those two losers can do it and you can’t that makes you even worse than a loser: a worthless pinhead,” continued Diamond Tiara.

“Do. Not. Get. Involved,” I repeated to myself. My mind flashed back to when I was younger. Called a freak and getting into fights because of childish drama. I squashed those feelings. I needed to leave.

“Of course, it does make sense that you’re a failure of a unicorn. After all, your mom is also a worthless pegasus who can’t even fly right or see straight with those stupid eyes of hers, it only makes sense that you can’t do magic properly. A family of idiots.”

“Don’t you make fun of my mommy!” cried Dinky and ignoring her injured leg, charged Diamond Tiara who easily blocked her attack and knocked Dinky back with her forehoof.

“I’ll do whatever I please, because unlike you, I’m somepony important,” explained Diamond Tiara with a cruel smile. “Just like my daddy is important, not that you would understand anyway. From what I heard, not even your dumb mother knows who your father is.”

I remember hearing the sound of footsteps.

“Not that I can blame him for wanting to have nothing to do with a pair of losers like you.”

I remember hearing a gasp come from both Rumble and Dinky, but it wasn’t at Diamond Tiara’s remark.

“Di-d-diamond … !” stuttered the grey earth filly looking upward.

“Silver, don’t interrupt me, I’m busy teaching this idiot her … place?” Diamond Tiara chided her cohort before looking behind herself and barely squeaked out the rest of her sentence. Behind her stood a tall, imposing figure looming over all of them. It was myself, glaring right into Diamond Tiara’s now quivering eyes.

I was filled with fury, a feeling that I don’t have often. I got down on one knee and slowly learned towards Diamond Tiara, her legs giving out in fear. No one has any right to treat anyone with such malice. You couldn’t reason with people who were like that, you could only bring something upon them. Something so profound that it would have to be huge to affect them. So I gazed into Diamond Tiara’s frightened eyes, and slowly lifted one of my hands up. She whimpered in fear as I held my hand high, afraid of her retribution coming for her. And with a swift motion, my arm swung down and my hand flew towards her face.

And then I softly booped her nose, complete with sound effect.

“No. Bad filly,” I scolded Diamond Tiara as she stood as rigid as a stone wall, “you do not say mean things to others!” I picked up the small filly, who only emitted a soft squeak as I turned her to face Dinky. Giving Diamond Tiara a small nudge, she stumbled right in front of Dinky and looked back at me both confused and terrified. “Go on,” I urged her, “say you’re sorry.”

Diamond Tiara looked back and forth between both myself and Dinky, as if her brain was trying to comprehend what I just asked her to do. I gave a stern, attention grabbing cough that snapped her out of it and she softly mumbled something towards Dinky.

“Louder.” Diamond Tiara jumped at the sound of my voice.

“I’m … sorry. For … stuff,” she forced out.

“Mean it,” I emphasized as I leaned toward the enfeebled bully.

“I’m sorry!” Diamond Tiara nearly shouted.

“For?” I said in a questioning tone, and Diamond Tiara looked like she was struggling. Her brain was probably trying to still figure out why I was demanding her to do this, but her fear of whatever she thought I was was keeping her from using any cognitive processes whatsoever.

“For … for taking your doll,” Diamond Tiara said, as she let the doll slide off her back and onto the ground.

“And?”

“And for calling you a loser,” she added before looking back at me, hoping that what she had said satisfied whatever terrifying creature stood before her.

“Continue,” I ordered as I looked back at her.

“And for calling you worthless … and for calling your Mom a screw-up, and teasing you about your dad,” Diamond Tiara cried in a pleading tone, hoping that if she just started fessing up to everything, it would help her, “and calling you a pinhead, and hitting you, and throwing things at Applebloom, and cheating on last week’s test, and stealing Silver Spoon’s chocolate pudding!”

“Hey!” shouted Silver Spoon. “You told me a Diamond Dog snatched it!”

“I was hungry-y-y-y!” Diamond Tiara sobbed as tears began to pour down her face.

I figured that was enough emotional trauma for the day, so I stood up and pointed in a random direction.

“Good! Now go home, the both of you, and think about how you should be treating your peers in the future. With respect,” I stated and then both Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon bolted for the hills. As they rounded the corner of a building I turned back to a stunned Dinky and Rumble, who looked completely flummoxed.

Slowly, I walked over to the doll laying on the ground and picked it up. Dinky’s eyes followed the movement of her possession as I brought it over to her and set it on her back. I patted her on the head and gave her a warm smile saying, “Sorry, ‘bout that. Hope I didn’t scare ya, little one.”

She slowly shook her head no, still looking at me with a shell-shocked expression on her face. I gave her another smile and turned to leave, giving them both of them one last wave goodbye. I dashed away towards the river and in the back of my head, I was wondering just how long they were going to stand there in shock. It was an amusing thought.

My previous guesswork turned out to be true, as when I rounded the corner of a house I came to a large river that separated the town proper and a field that had a large forest on the other side. Not too far down the river was a bridge as well, and just like Twilight had said, there stood six guards waiting to catch the supposed Element Thief. They all looked awake and alert, ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice, and ready to put up one hell of a fight as well.

I rummaged through my bag to take inventory of what I had to use: a Tome of Knowledge (which was currently broken); a bottle of spiced Cuban rum (which thankfully wasn’t broken due to excellent craftsmanship); two granola bars; some crystal dust. I was completely out of crystals, my one ace in the hole against these ponies and I was empty on firepower. Any spells I cast would be considerably less powerful and not as useful in a combat situation.

I pulled out one of the granola bars and munched on it while I brainstormed some ideas. I could try drawing the guards away with an illusionary construct like I did to the guards in Canterlot, but I was in much better shape then; plus my mana wasn’t nearly as drained as it was right now. I could try swimming, but with those guards also watching the river I’d be spotted in a second. I then thought maybe I could disguise myself as a harmless salesperson who is selling some fine leather jackets … .

I was pulled out of my musing, however, when I heard the most peculiar sound: music. I peeked around the corner again and saw the guards, who now had their full attention on a singing, dancing, and juggling pink mare. I realised it must have been Pinkie Pie, one of Twilight Sparkle’s other friends who was known for her boundless exuberance and party planning skills. At the moment she was currently entertaining the guards with a musical number about ‘new friends’ and ‘getting along’. Why she was doing such a thing was beyond me, but what I did know was what she was providing me with: a distraction. The guards were so focused on the pink pony’s performance that none of them were even paying attention to the river. Not wasting the opportunity that had been given to me, I sprinted toward the riverside and hid behind a large rock at the shoreline. I peeked over my stony hiding spot to see the guards still distracted by Pinkie Pie’s song, which was now describing all the ways you could make chocolate desserts with new friends.

I took a closer look at the river and tried to find the easiest and quietest way of crossing. The river looked to be rather shallow for the most part. I could probably wade through the whole thing on to the other side. However, the water was moving at a good pace. I would have to have some firm footing, otherwise I might slip and draw attention to myself with lots of accidental splashing. It sounded like Pinkie’s song was nearing its end, so I slid as silently into the water as I could.

I held back yelping as the water rose above my waist as it was ice cold and not the least bit inviting. I crouched down till nearly my entire head was engulfed by the river and slowly made my way across. I could hear Pinkie’s song reaching its conclusion, but I was only halfway across the river with no form of cover to hide me. My eyes on the only guard I could see, I moved through the water as quickly as I could without generating any noise that might alter the normal sounds of the flowing stream. Until my foot slipped on a rock causing me to tumble and become totally submerged.

I held my breath underwater and looked up, hoping none of the guards had heard me. Though it was hard to tell being underwater, it seemed that none of them had turned in my direction. I found my footing again and slowly poked my head above the water. The guard had indeed not looked this way yet, and I was nearing the far shoreline. Once I got on land again I would have to make a beeline for the forest, as there was no cover from the river to the forest’s edge.

Cautiously I left the river, as I trudged onto the shoreline. My clothes were absolutely drenched, as the wards I placed on them that made them waterproof broke when Twilight was throwing me around. I took one last look at the guards, who were all now facing away from me, and bolted for the forest. My heart was racing, my feet were pounding on the ground, and my breath was rapid as I sprinted across the field and past the forest’s edge. Like crossing a finish line, my sprint winded down into a walk and then a full stop, gasping for my breath. I turned back to the bridge and saw that the guards were still standing at attention guarding it. I did it! I escaped the law once again!

Inwardly cheering, I congratulated myself on another job well done. I thought that maybe when I get home I should find someway to capitalize on my skills for escaping life or death situations. However, at the moment I was tired, exhausted, hungry, and most of all heading into a supposedly dangerous and deadly forest with creatures that could flay me alive. So putting one soggy boot in front of the other, I ventured along the edge of the Everfree Forest.

Journeying through the woods wasn’t too difficult. The thick foliage did block out most of the sunlight, giving the forest a dim and slightly spooky feel. Sounds of the creatures which inhabited the forest came from all directions. Hoots and howls of both predators and prey as they were either hunting or fleeing from those which hunted them. As I walked, the sounds became less frequent, either a sign I was getting to a part of the forest which nothing ventures into (for reasons which I didn’t care to think about or instill me with much confidence) or that I was getting closer to a larger civilization.

I thought on my current plan of action: I had to either find a way to fix Tome, find an alternate means of getting back home, or find the real thief and prove my innocence. I spent most of my traveling time thinking about these options and munching my last granola bar. I then decided the real first thing I’d have to do would be to find some decent travel food. That, or kill something in the woods and eat it, but the idea of hydras, manticores, and dragons being my opponents didn’t fill me with much confidence though.

I still had the the edge of the forest within my line of sight, so if I needed to bolt out into the open, I could make it in a dead sprint. Suddenly, all the animalistic noises ceased; the only sound I heard were my own footfalls. I had no plans to be another creature’s meal, so I kept my guard up for any incoming attackers. I kept moving through the forest, listening for any telltale signs that something was either following me or thinking about ambushing me.

Suddenly from behind I heard the snap of a branch, and I spun around to see what it was. From out of the brush burst a pegasus, flying straight at me like a bullet. Swiftly I dodged to the side as it swiped at me with a dagger it had in it’s mouth. The pegasus on closer inspection was female, and deadly serious if the expression on her face was any indication. Maybe she was hired to track me down? Or maybe she was having doubts about attacking a strange and devilishly handsome creature? My pegasus assailant came around for another pass, but this time I was prepared as I lobbed a fireball right at her face and-

“Alright, that is the biggest pile of horseapples I’ve ever heard!” interrupted an annoyed mare.

“What do you mean? I’m just telling you what hap-”

“Like Tartarus you did!” denounced the aggravated mare. “In case you’re forgetting, I was your ‘pegasus attacker,’ remember?”

“Oh … right,” admitted the Mage as he slumped back against the bars of the small cage he was residing within.

“And we did not have some dramatic battle,” she continued ranting, “you were distracted by a squirrel or something, and I knocked you on the back of your head with a blackjack, and you went down like a sack of potatoes!”

“Well yeah, but my version sounds much cooler, doesn't it?” asked the Mage with a hopeful grin.

“No, it doesn’t. Honestly, you are a terrible liar. In fact, I’m wondering just how much of it was made up now,” wondered the pegasus incredulously as she leered at the mage in his cage.

“All of it was true! Honest!” pleaded the Mage to his captor. “Okay, maybe I may have ‘enhanced’ the stuff at the end there to make it sound a little more interesting, but the rest is 100% truth, I swear!” The pegasus mare looked at the Mage like she couldn’t believe he was serious. “So um, now that I told you the truth, you’ll let me go, right?”

The pegasus looked at him flatly before she responded with a, “No.”

“What!?” exclaimed the Mage. “You told me that if I explained the whole situation you’d let me go!”

“I said I might let you go, idiot,” chided the mare.

“But... but why?”

“Well one, your story sounds like something out of a bad storybook: Escaping Canterlot on high alert? Fighting a Princess of Equestria and 'winning'? And that sob story with the foals and you standing up to bullies?” argued the Mage’s captor.

“I swear those all happened, well, maybe it wasn't as fantastical, but its all factually correct!,” affirmed the Mage as he rattled the bars of his tiny cage. “And what could be more important than the truth?” The mare turned around and smirked.

“Well that’s two: the price they put on your head just today does,” she said, pulling a slip of paper out of one of her pockets as she tossed it over to the Mage. It was a wanted poster, similar to the one that he found in Canterlot, only now with a hefty bounty reward at the bottom.

“One million!?” exclaimed an astonished Mage. “The first one I saw didn’t even have a price!”

“That was the basic, ‘we want info’ poster,” explained the mare. “However. if you really did piss off Princess Twilight like you said, that would explain the bounty. Attacking royals... you sure have a pair, don’t ya?”

“I wasn’t ‘attacking’ anyone,” the Mage groused gruffly. “I was trying to prove my innocence.”

“Well then, you should have plenty of time to do that,” said the mare as she hooked herself back up to the cart carrying the cage the Mage was trapped in. “In a short while we'll be back near Ponyville, and you can explain your case to the guards themselves.”

“You were planning on turning me in no matter what, weren’t you?” sneered the Mage.

“Pretty much.”

“Then why did you even have me tell you all of that!?” shouted the Mage in indignation.

“I needed a break. Hauling your fat butt in that cage is heavy work, and I’m definitely not an Earth pony,” joked the mercenary mare.

“I am not fat,” asserted the Mage. The pegasus only chuckled at his response and continued to haul the mage away. The cart rumbled as it went over the branches and dirt on the worn trail leading back to civilization, every so often a bump jostled the cart causing the Mage to hit his head on the roof of his tiny confined space. “Your cage is just too damn small.”

Author's Note

Coming up next: A Mage Meeting Many Marvelous Morons

Fan Art Time!

Both of these pieces are brought to you by 'Ceehoff'. The second was inked and colored by myself.

Chapter 3 - A Mage Meeting Many Marvelous Morons

Equestria's Most Wanted

Chapter 3 - A Mage Meeting Many Marvelous Morons

By Wil_I_Zin

Edited by BradtheBrony and AuthorGenesis

The countryside of Equestria was a thing of picturesque beauty. Rolling hills filled with fields of wheat and trees, all lush with an abundance of food delivering a smell of fresh fruit and grain for miles. From nearly every angle, you could have a magnificent view looking out over the farmlands and call it picturesque. A beautiful sight for any traveler passing through the area, to be sure. However, this was not how a certain pair of travelers saw the bucolic environment surrounding them.

A lone mare pulled a cart near the wooded edge of the Everfree Forest. The trees were spread far enough apart that you could see a fair distance, but were still bunched close enough together that it would hide anyone walking among them. And it was through this forested greenery that the mare dragged along her captured quarry, leading him to ask repeatedly the age old question that has been asked by any traveling companion.

“Are we there yet?” asked the human trapped within the confines of a cage far too small to be comfortable for one of his size. His captor chose to ignore his questioning, which she had already been doing for the past hour. She only bothered to give a short glance back at him, probably to be sure he hadn’t escaped his confinement.

The mare was a pegasus with a light tan coat hidden by a full body suit of leather-like armor. Her haggard orangish-brown mane had not seen a stylist in years, with many split ends and frayed strands of hair. Her light green eyes was sharp, keen and stern with crows-feet at the outer edge of her eyes. She looked to be the sort of person who lived and survived on their own, and would probably beat your teeth in if you gave her an excuse.

“Ugh, come onnnnnn,” groaned the Mage. “We’ve been traveling for hours! Shouldn’t we be back in Ponyville already?” The Mage was getting restless hunched over in his small enclosure. He had been stripped of nearly all his clothes and tools—the Mage thanked whatever deity was watching that the bounty hunter hadn’t taken his boxers—which were now in a bag hanging on the pegasus’ side. His bare skin rubbed against the metal platform and bars of the cage, sending chills through his body and leaving him sore. Though it was just a dull soreness in comparison to what he’d been through in the past forty eight hours. And the tedium of cramped sitting was just icing on the cake.

“Heh,” snorted his captor, “What makes you think I’d take you back there?” The Mage was surprised that he finally got a response, but was confused by her words.

“You know, Ponyville? The city I was just in?” he elaborated. “The one with all the guards and the purple pony princess who wants to personally pummel my pretty self?” The Mage thought himself clever for his use of alliteration. “And didn’t you say yourself that you were going to take me there?”

“And lose my biggest catch?” responded the bounty hunter. “Like I’d let them just waltz up and confiscate my paycheck with happy smiles and a pat on the back.” The mare snorted and started pulling the cart with gusto. “No, if they want you, they’re gonna shell out big time, and they’ll do it on my terms. So we’re taking a small detour first.”

The Mage took a moment to ponder her words before responding, “I take it this isn’t the first time you’ve been burned on a bounty?” The mare only snorted in response and continued onward. “Glad to know you care so much about me,” the Mage quipped.

Up ahead of them, the trees began to thin out and an outpost could be seen in the distance. The place was surrounded by a tall wooden wall, and a single watchtower could be seen overlooking the roadside. It didn’t look to be too large of a settlement, it was more in likeness to a rest stop. And it seemed to be their destination as the mare halted when the location came into view.

The bounty hunter unhitched herself from the cart and then pushed it back amongst some shrubbery. She took careful consideration to be sure the wheels, while still covered, were not impeded from movement. After locking the wheels in place she threw a blanket over the cage, shrouding the Mage in near darkness.

“What, leaving me here all by my lonesome? Aren’t you afraid I’ll escape?” taunted the Mage from his now hidden abode.

“You’re welcome to try,” the mare flatly responded, “but that cage is made of thumanite. Magic is useless if you’re trapped in there, and you don’t look smart enough to pick a lock or strong enough to bash it down.”

“Well, appearances can be deceiving,” the Mage teased back, a hint of swagger in his voice.

The bounty hunter only snarked in response, “Yeah, good thing you’re as bad a bluffer as a Manehattenite in a Las Pegasus casino.”

The Mage paused in bewilderment before asking, “... You guys have casinos?” The mare chose not to respond to his question and instead secured her belongings before trotting away. Her hoofbeats slowly dissipated into the distance towards the outpost until only the sounds of nature remained. “I guess I’ll just wait here then,” mumbled the Mage to himself. He shifted his feet, attempting to relieve the cramped sensation which had been growing in his legs since he woke up in his cell, but he had very little room to maneuver into a more comfortable position, denying him his relief. He wondered if this was going to have a permanent impact on his spine, possibly leaving him with a constant hunched back and a penchant for living in bell towers.

The Mage sat staring at the lock on his cage: it was a simple classic keyhole lock, nothing remarkable stood out about it at all. In fact, you could say it was the most unremarkable lock in existence. Most likely so dull that its very creation put its own locksmith to sleep a mere half-dozen times before its completion. The mare had said that the whole cage was magic proof, but the Mage wasn’t so sure that it was human magic proof. He put his hand to the entirely boring lock and concentrated in his mind to manually release the lock with telekinesis. He envisioned the tumblers and the sliders all moving perfectly in sync until the lock sprang free, allowing him to open the door unabated. Unfortunately, all that happened was a big fat nothing. Every attempt was a failure, with the Mage only succeeding in aggravating himself further.

Confused as to the specific reason for his failure, the Mage paused a moment, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, they radiated a shimmering blue. If you were to gaze into his eyes at that moment you’d swear you were seeing energy itself pouring out from his retinas. He looked around his confines for a brief moment, then he scrutinized the ceiling and the floor before giving one long last look at the lock and then closed his eyes once again.

“Crap,” he groaned “The entire thing is a gigantic mana trap.” The Mage knew he was now really in quite the predicament. There was no way he could use any magic inside his cell, or even try to affect something outside without the cage gobbling up his magic faster than a group of starving orphans given full access to an all you can eat buffet. The Mage slumped back in defeated annoyance, or at least as much as his confines would allow. But before he could think of anything else, the Mage felt a curious poking sensation on his back.

Spinning himself around to see what it was—which was a feat that was akin to body contortion—the Mage discovered it was a branch poking out from under the blanket covering the cage. It must have gotten there when the bounty hunter was pushing the cart into the shrubbery, he thought. The Mage pulled the stick out from it’s poking position and used it to slowly lift the cover which was hiding him.

From what the Mage could tell, he had been thoroughly covered by branches and boughs which gave his cage a good deal of camouflage. While he could reach out of the bars a little ways, there was nothing within his grasp that wasn’t wood or leaf related. Grabbing another skinnier branch, the Mage attempted to pick the lock on his cage. Unfortunately with no idea of what he was doing, the Mage just ended up with a broken stick and a sour look on his face. He tossed the branch aside and started brainstorming a possible solution to his dilemma, but before he could even begin, he caught the small shape of something near his hidden confines.

On the ground not more than three feet from his cage was a long, sharp stone which sat on the grassy floor. It was way out of his reach, and if he tried to telekinetically pull it over the cage would just absorb his mana like it did last time. However, it was that exact thought that gave the Mage an idea. He reached out of his cage and began gathering all the branches and sticks that he could. In the back of his mind he just hoped that he could escape before the bounty hunter mare returned. She didn’t strike him as the most gentle person.

“You wanna call me ‘sweet cheeks’ again? Huh!?” shouted the bounty hunter mare who currently had a battered stallion in a headlock.

“Ah! Ahm swaawyy!” slurred the stallion as he suffered from a swollen lip and a few missing teeth. The surroundings of the local outpost’s pub were a mess. Not that they were ever in a state of cleanliness to begin with, but the broken chairs, a table split down the center, and three stallions all in various stages of consciousness and pain littered about did nothing for the decor of the establishment. The bartender hadn’t moved from his position behind the counter, and only watched the display while cleaning the mugs which adorned the wall in silence. The other customers had either watched with frightened expressions or were now begrudgingly forking over lost bets for the now decided fight.

“Feathering straight you are.” With that said, she let the beaten stallion fall to the floor in a heap to join his comrades. “And if you and your buddies ever think of touching me like that again, I won’t go easy on you next time.”

“Bracer!” hollered a gruff voice from the door to the outside. The bounty hunter turned to the source of the voice with an annoyed look. The owner of the bellow was an older earth pony doned in heavy leather-like armor with the symbol of a silver scythe on his left shoulder. “Silverwing is waiting.”

The bounty hunter sighed and trotted over to the bartender, pulling out a bag of bits from one of her pouches. “Sorry for the mess,” she said before plopping the small bag on the counter. The bartender took the bag and quickly counted its contents before nodding and going back to cleaning his mugs. As the mare turned to walk to the doorway, she could hear the whispers of the other patrons murmuring in shock about the announcement of her name. The bounty hunter moved for the door, ignoring the growing gossip and followed the gruff earth pony out into the outpost proper.

The outpost was no bigger than a city block, but with how many buildings that were jammed together, it felt claustrophobic to any visitor inside it. The ground was a beaten path of dirt, currently dry as no rain was scheduled to fall within the compound for at least another week. The outpost’s pub, smith, inn, local guard garrison, and general goods store all shared the same wooden complex. The wood had been worn from years of use and shared the same wear as the wall surrounding the entire area. Also jammed in the outpost, was another building which sported the same silver scythe above its doors as the earth pony had on his shoulder.

“Does the famous Bloody Bracer make a habit of causing a ruckus in a pub? Or was our little slice of heaven just a special occasion?” mused the earth pony to the bounty hunter.

The mare only responded with, “If your colts can’t keep their hooves to themselves, I can’t be blamed for the consequences they suffer.”

The stallion responded with a rough, sharp laugh.

“If it was one of my boys, then you’d have my apologies for his behavior. Also, I hoped you kicked his rear hard enough for him to regret it?” queried the stallion before breaking into another round of chuckles. The mare known as Bloody Bracer said nothing in reply, only choosing to follow.

Soon they came to the main doors of the building with a silver scythe symbol above its entrance. The building itself was solid wood paneling, just like the others in the compound. However, its major difference was easily noticeable: there were no windows on the first floor, and the ones on the second had a guard stationed at every opening. This place seemed like a fortress in comparison to the guard garrison which was located on the other side of the outpost.

The guard standing in front of the doors noticed their approach and opened the door for them. Bracer and the earth pony stepped through the archway and into a well lit lobby. It was lightly furnished, only a metal chandelier and few candelabras provided decoration along with interior lighting. A grand staircase split the entryway right down the middle, leading to a second floor balcony whichwrapped all around the entryway. A lone pegasus stood near the staircase, he seemed engaged with a book held in his hoof until their arrival snapped him out of his reading zen.

“Ah, I see the lovely Ms. Bracer has decided to grace us with her presence at our compound,” greeted the pegasus as he stowed the book in a bag on his side. He was a lean silver pegasus with a short white mane decked in light cloth armor. On his back was a traveling bag, a quiver of bolts, and a compacted crossbow ready to spring active at a moment’s notice.

“Quit with the wheedling talk, Silverwing. I’ve got a bounty and it’s one I’ll need your guild’s help with again,” shot Bracer. Silver only sighed in response before gesturing with his wing for her to follow.

“That’s the one thing about you that holds you back Ms. Bracer: you’re all business, business, business,” admonished Silverwing as they walked down the hall.

“Sorry, but stopping by to say ‘hello’ isn’t something I have time for,” she replied.

“No, no, I understand,” defended Silverwing. “You’re a businessmare with places to go and skulls of ponies to bash in.” Bracer scowled at his ending remark, but Silverwing either ignored it or never noticed. Silver opened a door and stepped into a room filled with piles of paperwork and books stacked on top of one another. Adorning the walls were a plethora of wanted posters, many of them organized into groups by type of crime or bounty. From a far hidden corner of the room, the incessant ticking of a typewriter could be heard. “Quick Write,” called out Silverwing, “we have a guest.”

The sounds of the typewriter ceased, and a poofy dark orange mane popped up from behind one of the many stacks of paperwork. “Oh!” said a peppy girlish voice. “Be right there boss!” The owner of the voice then weaved in and around the precarious stacks of paperwork and nearly knocking over a few, before popping up right next to Bracer with a wide smile. She was an earth pony mare with a poofy yellowish orange coat to match her equally bouncy dark orange mane.“Bracer!” she gasped. “What a pleasant surprise ... did you come back just to say hi to little ole’ me?”

“Ms. Bracer is here, Quick Write, because she has a bounty she wants our help turning in,” interjected Silverwing.

“Oooooo,” admired Quick Write in awe. “I’ll get the necessary forms then!” she said before diving back into the stacks of paperwork.

“So what kind of bounty are you turning into the crown this time, Ms. Bracer?” inquired Silverwing. “The last time you needed my company’s assistance was when it was a band of minotaur marauders who were harassing towns in the Badlands.” Silverwing’s expression then turned to amusement. “Don’t tell me you managed to capture a Changeling Queen, that would be almost too perfect.”

Bracer gazed back at Silverwing and nonchalantly responded, “You know how I make deals Silver: we agree on the dividing of the bounty and then you find out who it is.”

“A service I don’t do often with many independent parties for good reason, Ms. Bracer,” Silver reminded Bracer with a calm voice. “But you’ve proven time and again that you’re a mare of good stature, although you honestly could use a bit of a lesson in tact.”

“Buck tact,” she responded. “I get the job done; if you want me to be nice about it, then that costs you extra.”

“Well if you charge your usual rates, I can imagine how much it would cost for you to crack a smile,” joked Silverwing as he himself gave a wide smile. Bracer responded with a small smirk of her own, causing Silverwing to give mock gasp. “My eyes must be seeing things ... I could have sworn you had some actual emotion for a moment there.”

“And that’s all you’re ever going to see, Silver,” Bracer indicated right as Quick Write returned with a stack of papers in tow on her back. Quick Write cleared off one of the many desks in the room and set down the forms she had been carrying into a typewriter. With a flurry of hooves, she began to type all the necessary information on the paperwork faster than a Diamond Dog digging for rubies. While she was furiously beating the typewriter into submission, Silverwing moved over two chairs and motioned for Bracer to have a seat.

She obliged, and relaxed back into the wooden chair before simply stating, “Eighty percent.”

Silverwing blankly looked at her like a deer witnessing a trainwreck exploding before he broke into soft laughter. “I didn’t realise you had grown a sense of humor, Ms. Bracer.”

“I haven’t,” she concisely responded. Silverwing paused for a moment waiting to see if she was, in fact, pulling his leg. When Bracer refused to comment anymore on her words, he let out a short disbelieving laugh and sighed.

“Whew, Ms. Bracer, that’s… that’s kind of impossible.” Silverwing explained, “The most I’ve ever agreed to in any deal was sixty percent, and that was when only you knew how to find that dragon.”

“You’ll more than make up your costs, you know you can trust me.”

“This isn’t so much a matter of trust Ms. Bracer. Even if I went seventy percent, I’d still be taking a major cut,” Silverwing countered. “So unless this is something really big, I can’t see the profit in it.”

Bracer got off of her chair and walked over to one of the walls of wanted posters. She stopped beneath the section titled ‘Class Ten Bounties’ and gestured a hoof at the posters. “What if we instead do seventy-five, and you get all the credit for the capture?”

Silverwing stood straight in shock. “You- you’re serious?” He looked back and forth between the posters on the wall and Bracer in disbelief. “If you caught a class ten-”

“I’d most likely reach the outskirts of Canterlot before a Royal Guard patrol shows up and ‘assists’ me with my capture, taking the actual profit to zilch and just getting a pat on the back for a job well done,” Bracer hypothesized with a tone of annoyance. “That is if I showed up by myself. If I had a whole escort of mercs, though, we could parade the bounty right to Celestia’s doorstep, and with the drawing of a crowd they’d have to be ‘generous’ enough to gift that amazing group who risked their lives to capture such a dangerous criminal.” Bracer knew that if there was one thing mercenary groups thrived on more than money, it was publicity. If Silverwing’s group were to be the one to take credit for the capture of her bounty, then the amount of business they would get in return would far outweigh the 750,000 bits she would be receiving. Silverwing sat silently for awhile, his face moving with his thoughts as he weighed the options of her deal.

“Okay boss!” announced Quick Write. “All the basic stuff is in place.” She sat in front of her typewriter, ready for Silverwing to make a decision.

Silverwing looked Bracer, then back at the bounty board on the wall, and then back to Bracer... before breaking into a wide grin. “Ahh, to Tartarus with it! If you actually got one of them, I’d be a fool to pass up this opportunity,” he stated mirthfully.

“So seventy-five my way, and you get all the credit for capture. Deal?” repeated Bracer, extending her hoof.

“Deal,” confirmed Silverwing as he matched his hoof to hers in a hoofbump agreement. “Quick Write, start putting down the terms of agreement.” Quick Write acknowledged his order, and once again went back to typing with a flurry of hooves. “So tell me Ms. Bracer,” he started to inquire as he slouched back into his chair, “who in Celestia’s name did you get the drop on? Blood Edge the Raider? Skarthanax? The ex-Diamond Dog general, Grawnar?”

“One of the Element Thieves,” she responded simply ... and the moment she spoke, all sound ceased in the room. Silverwing’s eyes had bulged to nearly the size of saucers, and Quick Write’s mouth was agape in incredulousness upon learning just who their bounty was.

“Th- The Element Thieves?!” exclaimed Quick Write. “But that bounty has only been up for less than a day! It only just arrived this morning on our compound! How did you-?”

“I was in Ponyville when the notice was posted, and it just so happened that a few minutes later one of the ‘Thieves’ himself showed up in town and tried to fight our newest princess hoof-to-hoof,” explained Bracer to the two astonished ponies.

“Unbelievable,” murmured Silverwing.

“Anyway, the guy tried escaping through the Everfree Forest—which I anticipated—and I was able to knock him unconscious and cage him up. Thankfully I still had the thumanite cage I was using to return a unicorn runaway, so he can’t escape.”

“Magic? Then you mean you caught the ‘Odd Creature’ Thief?” questioned Silverwing.

“I thought it looked like a really skinny minotaur,” added Quick Write.

“He calls himself a ‘human’,” said Bracer, who then upon seeing her business partners confused looks added, “Yeah, I’ve never heard of them either. Not like they’re that impressive anyway.”

“You make it sound like it was easy to capture. Is it really that dangerous?” asked Silverwing.

“Dangerous? …”

The Mage currently was in a precarious position.

“Come on, dammit!” he yelled, his lips drawn tightly in a frown as he voiced his obvious frustration at the lack of success with regards to his attempt to escape the cage currently imprisoning him.

If one were to look upon the cage which the Mage had himself trapped within, they would bear witness to a most amusing sight: a trapped human desperately trying to pick up a stone with a long pair of sticks. These sticks were actually multiple smaller twigs bound together with leaves and vines into two very large chopsticks. The Mage currently had both of his arms out of his cage. with one of these makeshift utensils in each hand, trying desperately to pick up a rock which refused to budge. In essence it was like watching the world’s skinniest crab attempt to play the most rigged crane game in existence. And it was losing horribly as one of the sticks snapped right in half.

“Gah! Damn useless bastard piece of wood!”

“Yeah … I don’t think so,” answered Bracer with a scoff.

Silverwing looked unsure as he asked, “So you only got the one?” He motioned to the companion wanted poster, which only showed the outline of a pegasus. “Were you able to get any info out of him about his partner?”

Bracer shrugged her shoulders and scoffed. “No. He claims that he was just passing through, on vacation or something, and that he teleported accidently to the most secure location in all of Equestria and everything has been one big misunderstanding.”

Silverwing just chuckled. “It’s just my opinion, but if he wasn’t guilty, then why would he run?” he hypothesized. Quick Write giggled at her boss’ words.

“You’re always so clever, boss.”

“I really am, aren’t I?” he announced, grinning debonairly. Bracer, however, just rolled her eyes and tapped her hoof on the desk, motioning Quick Write to continue. With a small gasp of realization, Quick Write immediately went back to finishing up the paperwork with a mashing of keys. Silverwing walked over to the doorway and leaned outside the room.

“Blaze! Go get some guys to help haul in our latest catch!” he shouted down the hall. A shout of confirmation came back to him and he nodded his head in approval. “Okay Bracer,” Silverwing said, turning to her, “you’ve got the full support of my entire group behind you. We’ll bring the captive back here, and then tomorrow we’ll head out and parade him into Canterlot like it’s the Summer Sun Celebration!”

“Tomorrow?” questioned Bracer with a tone of annoyance. “Why not do it now, if we leave now we can make it there before the sun even sets.” Silverwing tilted his head with a smile and walked up till he was alongside Bracer as he spoke.

“Ah, the reason for that, dear Bracer, is twofold.” he explained, lifting one hoof. “Firstly, we’re a little understaffed at the moment; aside from the three of us you’ve seen today we only have a small battalion of other members at home. The rest will be returning tomorrow morning from Vanhoover.” As he said this, Silverwing laid a wing across Bracer’s back, to which she brushed it off with a icy glare. “The second reason is that the other thief is still at large, and might be even looking for their partner in crime. I wouldn't want them to surprise attack us in transit and have anypony get hurt because of it.”

“Really, you care that much?” asked Bracer scowling at Silverwing.

“Oh, lighten up Bracer,” Silverwing jibed. “I’ll even throw in a room for the night so you won't have to stay at that ‘hole in a wall’ they call an inn. Place doesn’t even have a complimentary breakfast.”

Bracer just stared at him as if his words were slowly grating on her nerves. “... Fine, have your troops meet me outside so we can haul the bounty in.” And with that, Bracer trotted out the doorway and down the hall. Back in the office, however, Silverwing just let out a sigh and turned to Quick Write.

“Jeeze, all this time and she’s still as serious about the job as ever,” he thought aloud. “Though she did seem a little more miffed than usual.”

“She’s probably just anxious about hauling in a prize of this size boss.” said Quick Write. “I mean, last time she was involved with a bounty as big as this … well, you know.”

“Hrm,” said Silverwing. “Quick Write, I need you to send out a message for me.” Silverwing scribbled a short message on a piece of paper and handed it to her. “Have this sent to our Vanhoover branch; I need them to send a few more units our way for something like this.” Quick Write grabbed the note in her mouth and gave a salute.

“Yew geddit bess!” she said through clenched teeth and ran out of the room. Silverwing watched her leave and turned to the wanted poster which hung on the wall of the two ‘Element Thieves’. With a heavy sigh, he turned away and walked out of the office closing the door behind him.

The past hour had felt more like an eternity for the magical human trapped within a magic draining cage. After many attempts at jury rigging a way to grab a sharpened stone, he was finally successful in his mission ... only to discover the rock was not nearly as sharp as he had hoped and his subsequent attempts at breaking the lock on his cage were for naught.

“I swear when I get out of here I’m going to tie up that smug pony and throw her off a cliff, right after I see a chiropractor—gah my back!” complained the cramped human as he scratched furiously on the floor of his cage with the sharpened rock. His artistic endeavors on the floor of his confined room ended when he heard the sound of voices in the distance approaching. With renewed gusto, the Mage started to bash the lock on his cage with his rock. Not a moment later however, the cage was rattled by a swift kick and the movement caused the Mage to hit the side bars hard and drop his makeshift tool.

“‘Ey, now. Trying to break out won’t do ya any good, ya know?” said a masculine voice with a Northerner twang from outside the cage. “Thumanite is really tough stuff, can’t be broken unless ya got a dragon breathin’ down on ya.”

“You should listen to him, he knows his cages,” spoke another male with a Londoner accent. The Mage shook his head to clear the ringing sound out of his ears as he turned to see his new guests. The bounty hunter mare had returned with company this time, two earth pony stallions. Both were wearing a light armor front piece with a silver scythe painted on the shoulders, and had spears at their sides. The two of them were staunch differences elsewhere: One was tall and thin with golden brown fur and a light orange mane, while the other was heavy built and pudgy with light blue fur and dark navy blue hair.

“Where did you find these chumps? Rent-a-guard?” snarked the Mage. His response was a spear from the portly mercenary being shoved in his face.

“‘Ey, now! We’re from Silver’s Reapers, don’t ya know. You’d best be watchin’ that mouth, or you’ll be getting a face full of ol’ Betsey here,” spat the azure stocky stallion as he thrust the spear tip close to the Mage’s nose. The Mage himself was shocked and confused, both at how in the heck the pony was somehow using a polearm with ease, but also with the pony’s heavy Northerner accent.

“Careful there, Shield!” interrupted his lanky partner. “He’s just acting tough is all, no need to rough him up. After all, Silver would have our tails if we risked losing a bounty like this.”

Much to the Mage’s relief, the pudgy blue mercenary named Shield lowered his spear and stored it at his side once more.

“If you two are done being clowns, start removing the branches from your side,” snapped the bounty hunter as she pulled off the sheet which had once hung over the cage.

“Okay, you heard 'er Edge,” said Shield to the tall lanky stallion. “Best we earn our keep and get this bounty movin’.”

The taller of the two stallions nodded and they both began to clear away the loose greenery which had been placed around the Mage’s confines.

“Looks like this guy is pretty clever with his hooves here,” said Shield as he motioned to the loose twigs and sticks which the Mage had used earlier.

“Clearly he wasn’t clever enough,” joked Edge, which elicited a short chuckle from both the stallions. The Mage just snorted at their comments and rolled his eyes. Soon the cage and the cart it was on was free of debris and the bounty hunter mare had hitched herself to the front of it.

“You two head up the rear and keep an eye on him,” she ordered giving a quick jab in the Mage’s direction.

“Ey now there missy,” interjected Shield. “What makes you think you can order us ar—oof!” Shield found himself interrupted by his partner Edge’s elbow knocking the wind out of him.

“Nevermind my friend’s ignorance, Ms. Bracer.” interjected Edge as his eyes shot back and forth between the two of them. “We’ll be sure the prisoner doesn’t try anything.” The Mage raised his eyebrows at the skinnier stallions reaction. Edge reacted however with an annoyed glare at his partner. Both of the stallions moved behind the cart and followed after as Bracer began to pull it away.

“What was that about Edge?” Shield asked his partner as they walked. “Why are ya lettin’ some bounty hunter call the shots?” Edge lowered his head to Shield’s height and spoke in a softer voice that the Mage could just barely make out what they were saying.

“That ‘bounty hunter’ is no ordinary mare,” explained Edge. “You might know her better by her full nickname, the ‘Bloody’ Bracer.” Shield’s eyes grew at the mention of the name and his gaze shot between the mare pulling the cart and his friend in fear.

“The—The ‘Bloody’ Bracer!?” Shield screamed as quietly as he could at his partner. “What was Silverwing thinking sending us out with her? You remember what happened the last time someone worked with her right?”

“From what I heard, Brute Force tried cheating her out of her cut,” answered Edge. “Silverwing would have probably done worse if she hadn’t gotten to him first.”

“Well, he wasn’t always the most agreeable kind of stallion, but that’s not the point! Anytime somepony works with her, they either wind up dead or beaten to a pulp … sometimes both!”

“Come now Shield,” admonished Edge, “Silverwing trusts her and swears by her work, and does the boss ever do any work with anyone untrustworthy?”

“Well, not really.”

“Exactly, so let's just get this job done and go home with a nice fat coinpurse at the end of all this,” said Edge as he looked up at the Mage. “Though I have to wonder just what in the gated infernos of Tartarus we’re turning in here. You ever seen anything like him before?”

“Sorta looks like a minotaur, if he were dead, starving, and hairless,” snarked Shield.

“Actually, didn’t Strong Arm—that minotaur sellsword—talk about something like him once? A projector or something?” wondered Edge as he stared past the Mage.

“Oh, I think he was talking about a propeller,” Shield added. “Maybe his kind works on airships?”

“That would explain why he’s so pasty, probably been around nothing but clouds.”

“Oh for the love of Odin, why the hell did I have to get pony versions of Laurel and Hardy,” muttered the Mage into his hands.

“Lawrell and who?” asked Shield.

“Ugh, just forget it,” groaned the Mage as he slumped up against his bars.

“No need to be all gloom and doom there, you uh … whatever you are,” said Shield.

“Human.”

“Gesundheit,” responded Shield, and the Mage stared at him in disbelief. “Though when ya think about it Edge, anypony would be a bit grumpy if they got caught and were in a cramped cage like him.”

“Very true that. So how did you get caught by Ms. Bracer?” asked Edge, “The story usually goes she beats her targets unconscious until her hooves are covered in red—hence the name—but you look just fine, albeit a bit haggard.” The Mage perked up at the question and straightened himself out as best he could before clearing his throat.

“Well that is indeed a tale, so I’d best start from the beginning,” said the Mage. “Let me start off by saying that first impressions are everything. Your clothing and your hygi-” The Mage found his speech interrupted by the cart hitting a rather large pothole, causing him to fly up and hit his head on the top of the cage. Cursing under his breath he turned to the mare pulling the cart and yelled, “You did that on purpose!” The ‘Bloody’ Bracer only spared him only a fleeting glance with a hint of a smile before turning her attention back to the road ahead of them.

“We're coming up on the compound,” Bracer stated aloud. At her words the Mage twisted himself around to get a better look at the place and was greeted with the view of a tall palisade wall which stretched as far off in the distance as he could see.

The group passed through the entryway and into the compound proper with the sounds of ponies going about their business and a blacksmith hammering away at his work greeted them as they traveled through the courtyard. A few of the ponies pointed at the Mage and whispered to each other in hushed tones as they passed by. Eventually they came to the side of the Silver’s Reapers headquarters where two more stallions wearing the same armor as Edge and Shield’s were waiting next to a large service entrance. The two greeted their comrades in arms before they opened the door and helped guide the Mage’s prison inside.

After rolling the cart into a corner, the mercs moved to the front of the cage and lowered their spears directly at the Mage’s face.

“Gee, make a guy feel welcome why don't you,” he said with mock glee.

“Just don’t make any sudden movements,” said Bracer as she walked between the mercs up to the cage’s door and began to fiddle with the lock. “Or you might find out just how friendly these guys can be.”

“Careful now, I heard that stuff is highly magical when it involves your kind,” quipped the Mage. With a roll of her eyes and a movement of her hoof, Bracer finished unlocking the cage and backed up as the door swung wide.

“Alright now ya big galoot,” ordered the portly merc named Shield. “You’re gonna come out of that cage nice and slow with your limbs where we can see em.”

The Mage crawled out of his confines with the spears still being pointed at his face. When he had exited the cage he slowly stretched his body out and rose up to his full height. While the feeling of finally being out of his confines was refreshing to the Mage, the mercs took a step back realizing that he looked a lot bigger when he wasn’t sitting down.

“Alright! We get it! You’re a tall one,” barked the lanky merc named Edge. “Swift, mind giving our new guest some restraints?” At this, one of the other mercs pulled off some shackles which hung along the walls and walked up to the Mage with them in tow.

“Limbs forward.” said the merc. The Mage, after a moment of glancing around him, complied. He held out his arms and they were quickly cuffed to the shackles which he found surprisingly loose, but before he could comment on them, the shackles glowed blue for a second and shrunk down on his limbs until they were too tight to be comfortable in any way. As the merc went for the Mage’s legs with a second pair of shackles he was stopped by Edge.

“Don’t know if you’ve handled bi-peds before, Swift,” said Edge to his coworker, “but cuffing them down there is gonna make him a pain to move.”

“Yeah, not like he’s got anywhere to run anyways,” added Shield. “Not that you were thinking of doin’ that, now were ya?”

“Thought hadn’t even crossed my mind,” deadpanned the Mage.

“If you done chatting up our paycheck,” interjected Bracer, “let’s get him into lock up before one of you does something to buck this up.” The mercs all looked very miffed at the bounty hunter’s words, but followed along with her suggestion anyway. With one merc leading the way and the rest following behind, they ushered the Mage through a doorway into the building proper.

The Mage was surprised by just how much of the building had been jammed into such a small location. He almost wondered if there was a spacial anomaly in the building as they lead him farther and farther into its bowels. After a long descent down a staircase, they reached a rather spacious room which had plenty of shackles imbedded into the walls, and parts of the floor were covered with crates and beams of wood lying in piles in the corner.

“So what, is this a storage room or a jail cell?” asked the Mage incredulously.

“Both actually,” answered Edge as he gave the Mage a directional shove towards the far wall. “Silverwing is always one for efficiency in the business.” Edge guided the Mage over to one of the shackle restraints and shoved him to the ground. Before the Mage could protest, he found his arms lifted above his head and himself chained firmly against the wall.

“Jackass,” spat the Mage.

Edge just laughed haughtily at his words and motioned back to his coworkers. “He’s secure, Shield and I can take first shift.” He then motioned to Bracer with his hoof. “And you, Miss Bracer, can go rest your pretty head. We can take it from here.” Bracer only responded with a short nod and left the room with the other two mercs. Now alone with just two annoying mercenaries, the Mage took a closer look at his surroundings.

The room was obviously used for storage with all the crates and barrels, plus it also made for a good holding room with plenty of places to chain up any criminals as well as no windows and only one door in or out. And standing between himself and freedom were a pair of highly trained mercenaries and a set of metal shackles. As he began to think of options for escape, he noticed his guards were already talking to each other and not paying attention to him.

Seeing a chance, the Mage slowly concentrated on the shackles on his arms, willing with his hands to have them loosen so he could slip his hands out. After a moment, the Mage felt no change happen to his cuffs and then tried again with more force. He must have given himself away as one of the mercs shouted at him.

“Oy! Are you trying to magic those cuffs off of you?” shouted Edge, both him and his partner looked ready to attack at a moment's notice.

“Uh … no?” lied the Mage horribly. Both of his guards looked at each other before breaking out in a fit of laughter.

“Wow!” exclaimed Shield with rolling laughter. “When Bracer said you were a bad liar, she wasn’t kiddin’.”

“Not like it matters anyway,” said Edge as he pointed a hoof at the Mage’s bindings. “Those shackles highly enchanted to block magic and fit just right.” The Mage slumped down in annoyance and glared at his captors taunting him. “What, did you really expect us to not have magic-proof cuffs for things like you?”

“Well actually, they are meant for minotaurs,” said Shield. “And even then, magic using minotaurs are pretty rare.”

“Well like that’s why Silverwing is the boss, he always plans for situations like this,” explained Edge. As the two mercenaries blathered to each other, the Mage gave his bindings an experimental shake. True to what they had said, when he attempted to concentrate on forming any magical energy in his hands, the anti-magic properties would rebound the energy away, making using magic with his hands impossible. That made things much more difficult for him. Admittedly, his only experience involving escaping from custody either involved a king appearing in his cell and being voice by Patrick Stewart, or a dragon swooping down to kill everyone but him, and even then both of those were things he had done in fiction. When it came to real world application, all of that was tied up in his magic, and unless he grew a third arm, he wasn’t doing any of that anytime soon.

Then the Mage got an idea. Maybe, he already has a third arm... or more accurately, a foot! While his two guards had busied themselves with their own conversation, the Mage concentrated on storing magical energy in his right foot. He pictured the energy flowing through his body and to the point on his toe, the aether of the universe slowly coalescing at its tip. The whole process was strange and very weird to the Mage; this wasn’t his first attempt at trying such a method. Somedays, you really didn't want to get up from the couch and the remote was all the way across the room. That was an interesting weekend the Mage remembered fondly. He had also heard of age old spellslingers who could use every part of their body to cast magic, some for more obvious reasons then others.

The Mage delicately molded the magic flowing through him into energy he could use for spell casting. The whole process was taking most of his concentration and keeping the energy from showing up to the naked eye was adding to the growing list of stressors. He’d probably get only one or two good uses before his leg started to cramp up, as the lack of magical exercise was starting to tax his leg’s durability. Then, like a dam being broken, the Mage felt a release as the magic had formed into a small but spell worthy amount of Source he could use. He felt both amazement and relief wash over him. He didn’t think he’d be able to use his own foot as a Focus, but apparently desperation and a lot of luck helped him pull it off. Now all that remained was the hard part: Intent. Now that he had the ability to do something, what would he do with it?

Unlock the cuffs? No they were magic proof, so dumb idea. Steal the keys from the guards? They’d probably notice. Kill the guards and take the keys? Not enough magic to do something that deadly, and even then killing someone turned his stomach at the thought. But maybe he didn’t have to kill them? The Mage took another look around the room at what was stored in here with him. His eyes fell upon the large wooden beams which had been stacked up behind the guards—they were perfect!

Okay, the Mage said to himself, telekinesis is probably the easiest spell you know, and you’ve only got one shot at this, make it count man. The Mage reached out with his mind and Focused the magic into one of the wooden beams. A great weight came on the Mage’s mind as the magic connected, and taking a deep breath he pushed his Intent for it to rise. Gradually the beam floated into the air, up and up it rose until-

“Hey!” shouted Edge the mercenary at the Mage. “I’m talking to you!” The Mage balked at the sudden outburst and nearly dropped his concentration on the beam completely. The beam wobbled back and forth unsteadily as the Mage attempted to both telekinetically hold up a massive piece of wood and respond to his captors.

“Uh… yeah?” he responded trying to not let the stress show on his face.

“Shield was asking you how you got hired to pull off a job like that,” said Edge motioning to his partner. “And to be honest I too am curious about that.”

The Mage only groaned in response, both from the strain of his spell but also from just how annoyingly curious these guys were.

“Well he is being hauled in for stealing those Mints of Harm Money, right?” said Edge.

“Elements of Harmony, Edge. They’re those magical amulet thingies that some secret heroes used to save Princess Luna last year,” corrected Shield.

“Oh wow!” exclaimed Edge facing the Mage. “When you go big, you go big! How did you even pull it off?” The Mage groaned further at the two stallions antics before answering.

“I didn’t have anything to do with that,” asserted the Mage as he tried to keep their attention away from the beam which was deliberately positioning itself above their heads. “As I told firecracker head, I teleported in as the real thief was getting away.”

“Pfft, sure you did,” snickered Edge. “That’s what they all say.”

“Well technically only unicorns could say that, with the whole ‘teleportation’ thing,” interjected Shield. “Either way, I doubt the courts are going to be very nice to this guy.”

The Mage did a double take before asking, “Wait, courts? Your country has courts?”

“What else would there be?” asked Edge.

“I kinda figured that the Princesses did all that…” the Mage suggested. “I thought I’d at least be able to convince her that this was all a huge misunderstanding.”

“I doubt it,” stated Shield. “The princesses usually leave matters of the law in other pony’s hooves. Usually to the justices, though you might be lucky to meet the supreme justice with a crime that big.”

“You could still say you're innocent… though I guess with her record it’d probably be a lost cause, ya know,” said Edge with a shrug of his shoulders. “She’s not exactly the nicest of ponies is what I’ve heard.”

“Oh, well then that makes me feel so much better about doing this then.”

“Doing wha-?” was all Shield was able to say before his skull was greeted by a gigantic piece of wood falling on both his and Edge’s head in synchronization. Like a sack of potatoes both ponies fell to the ground hard, while the Mage softly shouted ‘Yes!’ in triumph. A large grin spread across his face. He had done it! Not only did he pull off using magic through a limb he had rarely used, but he also was able to knock both of his captors unconscious! Now all he had to do was get the keys and unlock himself from the wall.

The keys which were now ten feet from him on the person of an unconscious pony mercenary.

The Mage came to the astute conclusion that there was a small hole in his planning process.

Five minutes and plenty of embarrassing attempts at levitating a fully grown pony into his reach and then trying to grab a keyring with only his feet to pass to his hands, the Mage was finally free! He gave his back a good stretch and popped loose a few knots which had formed from his lack of movement. He rubbed his wrists as well, the cold feeling of metal still lingering on them. A chill draft fell across the Mage and he shivered, teeth chattering and hands rubbing his arms to warm them up. His first goal now was to find his clothes, and then to escape the compound.

The Mage concentrated energy into his eyes. When he opened them, they were once again a shimmering blue like they had been when he examined his thumanite cage. To an onlooker it would seem like he was looking around the walls and ceiling of the room, but in reality he was looking past them. To his left and up a level he saw what he was looking for—it was faint, but it was the unmistakable aura of his Tome. Even if it wasn’t working right, that book still radiated magic like a spotlight, and that was his best bet for finding his belongings.

Peeking his head out of the storage/prison room the Mage found nothing but empty dimly lit hallways. Stepping out into the hallway in his nearly naked form, the Mage tiptoed across the cool stone floor and up the long winding spiral staircase they had taken him through. The whole building was silent save for the creaking of wood as the foundation shifted. As the Mage made his way through the halls, he kept his eyes open and glowing. The last thing he wanted was some random guard to spot him, and keeping his eyes ‘open’ to see if there was any change in the flow of magic was his best way of doing that.

From what he could see, however, the largest concentrations of magic seemed to be beneath him in multiple different rooms. There didn’t seem to be any sort of patrolling guard wandering through the halls anywhere. Either the mercs here had a lack of foresight, or they were just dangerously overconfident. Either way it made the Mage’s task of getting through the building that much easier.

After ascending yet another staircase, the Mage came to the room where the Tome’s magical energy resonated behind. He put up an ear to the door, and after hearing nothing from the other side, push the door gently open to peek inside. Seeing no movement or any other being around, he slid into the room and silently shut the door behind him.

The room was a grand office, with multiple pictures adorning the walls of various ponies and other creatures. Short bookcases of ledgers and rolled up paper stood below the pictures on the wall. A lit fireplace was behind a large chair and desk stacked to the brim with paperwork and logistics maps. In the far corner was a large mirror with a intricately detailed frame and was nearly as tall as the mage himself. And just across from the mirror was an armoire with a table in front of it with his belongs laying atop it.

The Mage smiled at finding his lost treasures, and even more so at the thought of finally having pants again. He went over to his possessions and took a tally of what was there. His clothes were all accounted for and they were even folded neatly, his boots and his Tome were just like he last saw them, and within his traveling pack he found his bottle of rum.

“What?!” the Mage said, angered. “They drank half of it?!” True to his words, the Mage shook his bottle to see that much of the liquor had been already consumed by another party. If he wasn’t so busy running for his life, he’d track down the party and give them a solid whooping. Nobody drinks his booze. The Mage was broken out of his ruminations at the sound of hoofsteps coming down the hallway. His head on a swivel, he spotted the only hiding spot in the room, the large armoire, and dove inside of it.

The smell of mothballs and rarely touched linens nearly made him gag at the smell as he hid within the container, but he held his breath in hopes he wouldn't be heard. The hoofsteps came closer to the room and the Mage hoped they were just passing by. Through the slits in the armoire the Mage saw otherwise as the door swung open and in stepped a silver coated pegasus with a white mane. The pegasus whistled a nonsense tune as he made his way through the office and over to the desk. He fiddled with some papers and rummaged through a drawer, pulling out a slip of paper.

He made his way over to the corner where the Mage was hiding, who stole a quick glance at the object on the table. The Mage’s heart nearly leapt out of his chest when he realized he left the bottle sitting out on the table! The pegasus seemed to notice this as well as he looked back and forth between the bag and the bottle. The Mage silently cursed himself from his hiding spot, and hoped and prayed to any deity listening that he somehow not be found out. The pegasus scrutinized the bottle for a moment and looked about the room, as if he were looking for thieves hiding in the shadows, before shrugging and downing a chug of the bottles contents. The Mage silently let out a breath he had been holding, the relief of not being caught far outweighing his indignation at the thief stealing his booze.

The pegasus then set down the bottle and went to the large mirror right across from the armoire and ran his hoof along the edge of its frame. From his hiding spot there was something off about the mirror which he couldn't quite put his finger on. After a double take, he realised that the pegasus wasn’t showing a reflection in the mirror! In fact, there was no reflection of anything on its surface, which instead seemed to shimmer and glow as the pegasus touched it. He then spoke some words, too soft for the Mage to hear, and the mirror's glass began to pulse.

The smoky form of a unicorn coalesced on the mirror's face and it smiled when it looked upon the pegasus. “Silverwing,” spoke the apparition with a feminine voice and tone of one seeing an old friend. “How nice of you to call, I assume your operation in Vanhoover went well?”

“Well enough that we can move forward with our plans for expansion in that region, but that’s not why I’m contacting you Rose,” he responded very seriously.

“Well with that look upon your face, you look like someone stole your favorite sword,” the apparition in the mirror teased.

“Actually it’s some good news. We caught one of the element thieves,” he said without any form of pride in his voice.

The specter seemed taken aback at this, and took a moment before asking, “You ... caught one of them?”

“Actually an independent party, The ‘Bloody’ Bracer, was responsible for capturing the magical ‘weird creature’,” explained Silverwing, “She brought it to us and is wanting our assistance in turning him into the authorities in Canterlot.” Neither of the two spoke for awhile as the figure in the mirror seemed to be thinking heavily while Silverwing stood straight like a soldier waiting for orders.

“The ‘Bloody’ Bracer, you say?” finally asked the smoky figure.

“Yes, she was able to subdue the creature and trapped him in a magic-proof cage. We have him currently trapped and under guard, he’s not going anywhere.” replied Silverwing. The Mage however silently chuckled at Silverwings words. He planned on being long gone before anyone here ever knew about it.

“That’s strange, because according to my recent intelligence reports, that mercenary is a perfect match for the other element thief,” said the figure. The Mage had to hold back his urge to gasp loudly. Bracer was the thief!? Was she setting him up this whole time?

“Rose, that’s going to be a problem,” argued Silverwing. “For one, the official report was that it was a male pegasus.”

“It was dark that night if I recall, and anypony can make a mistake from a distance,” suggested the feminine voice.

“And even if we do turn them both in, the creature is already professing his innocence to the whole situation. If Bracer herself starts doing the same, they might start looking into it.”

“...It's a sad thing about the business we’re in, Silverwing,” the voice droned in a soft mock sorrow-like tone. “Sometimes when tracking down wanted felons, they just don't like going quietly and ... well ... accidents do happen, don't they?”

Both Silverwing and the Mage’s eye grew at the figure’s implications, and Silverwing responded with unsure objections. “But this is Bracer we’re talking about. I don’t think there’s anyone in the whole business who thinks she would have anything to-”

“Everypony knows of that one’s sordid past,” interrupted the figure. “And honestly, isn’t murder considered to be much worse than grand larceny anyway?” Silverwing only stood still in response, a frown on his brow and his own mind deep in his thoughts. “Who’s to say she didn’t decide to take a trip down that dark path again,” continued the voice. “Either way, your company will have the grand honor of turning in two of the greatest criminals this country has ever seen.”

Silverwing seemed to stew on these words, like a man struggling within on a decision he had to make. “There is no other way?”

“The creature was an aberration in our plans. We can’t afford them to have even a clue to what’s going on,” the figure said. “Deliver them both and we tie up a loose end, while all they do is chase after some red herring.”

“I still don’t like it,” stated Silverwing.

“What’s not to like Silver?” the voice said with amusement. “Your company just took care of two of the most dangerous criminals in the land.” The figure started to dissipate on its last words. “And isn’t that what we’re meant to do? Create a safer Equestria for all?”

Silverwing, his neck stiff and his eyes forward, turned and walked towards the door of the office, only turning back to look at the mirror before responding to the already faded spector. “Yeah, a safer Equestria for all.” And with that he shut the door.

The Mage stood dumbfounded next to the hanging garments with a million things running through his mind. His heart was pounding in his chest and his breath was a quickened pace. After the panic began to subside he finally spoke.

“Holy shit.”

Author's Note

Coming up Next: A Mage Makes a Majestic Magical Megaspell

So this has been a long time coming, I'll explain more my absence in a blog post rather than fill up space here. What WILL take up space here is more ART!

This image of Bracer is provided by the lovely Pitch aka Pimander

And this scene from the last chapter was made by the great Drawing-heart
You can see these and more on my main page where I showcase the wonderful artists who have helped me illustrate this written world of mine.

Chapter 1 - A Mage Mistaken for Misappropriating Magical Medallions

Equestria's Most Wanted

Chapter 1 - A Mage Mistaken for Misappropriating Magical Medallions

Written by Wil_I_Zin

Edited by BradtheBrony, AuthorGenesis
(Last updated 1/21/17)
-----

Let me start off by saying that first impressions are everything. Clothing, hygiene, actions and even your words will determine whether others find you to be a delightful sort, or a disgusting sight. It can be said that entire nations have gone to war because someone accidentally offended the others’ relatives, religion, or pasta dish―and sometimes all three, though not necessarily in that order―leading to a lot of deaths, economies crumbling, and entire buffet tables overturned.

The reason that I brought this up to you was that I had found myself in a similar situation of cultural faux pas, and the locals were only just slightly perturbed at my transgressions.

“Come back with the Elements now, thief! And we’ll beat you within inch of your life!” shouted one particularly angry mook from the legions of guards pursuing me.

“Don’t you mean ‘Or’!?” My query was responded to with a large spear embedding itself mere inches from my face. I broke into a sprint of panic from the guards, but they were faster than I was and they closed in with a thundering of hooves.

Yes, I said hooves, and no they weren’t on horses, they were horses; well, ponies actually. They were around four feet tall and about the size of a large dog, and just as cute. However, the cuteness was marred by their angry expressions, heavy armor, and a slew of pointy objects aimed at me.

I was being chased in dead of night through an uptown district of one of their cities, Canterlot, where the buildings were made of white marble, oak wood, and styled directly from a fantasy novel. I had been trying to lose my pursuers by weaving in and around the various alleyways, but due to some of them having wings they were able to follow me through the skies. Meaning there were also pegasi here as well, and they took every opportunity to try and dive bomb me whenever I stepped out out into the open.

“For the last freakin’ time, I didn’t take your stupid Elements of ham boning or what else!” I yelled back at my pursuers.

“Then stop running!” the lead guard called back and right after, a volley of arrows soared over his head and began to rain down toward me.

“Sweet Jimminy!” I shrieked and dove at nearest point of escape through a nearby windowpane. With a shattering of glass and a heavy whump to the ground, I stumbled to my feet, ran through a nearby door, and barricaded it with a dresser.

“Okay, that should give me a few seconds t-” I said before I was whacked in the head with a frying pan. Now, I don’t know about you folks, but solid iron frying pans hurt. A lot. I stumbled back and saw my new assailant: a unicorn mare with a frightened expression, wielding said frying pan of ultimate pain in a telekinetic grip. Yeah, this place also had unicorns too. They did magic; the zappy kind.

“Eeeeeeeek!” she screamed. “Monster!”

“I’ll have you know I’m quite civilized you crazy git!” I retorted before she began swinging away with the frying pan at me.

“Ahhh! Civilized monster!” She screamed again as I flailed around dodging her blows. I bombarded her with whatever I could grab from the nearby shelves, pictures, plants, potpourri, in the hopes to slow her down, but she just came at me swinging like a seasoned batter hopped up on steroids and PCP.

“Holy cr-” I said before the pan slammed into my gut, knocking the words right out of me. That was followed by a frying pan to face again and a swift conk to my gonads. “My progeny!” I squeaked as I fell to my knees, my mind blank with white hot pain and the thought that I was now fifty percent infertile and one hundred percent in agony.

The mare stepped in front of me and raised her frying pan in preparation to strike again. Quickly, I grabbed the carpet beneath her hooves and yanked it up. The mare went tumbling head over hoof and her deadly cooking utensil went flying away. I stumbled to my feet and ran down the hallway of her home hoping to find the door outside. I came to what I thought was a living room and saw a chance for escape through a door in front of me. I swung it open hoping to greet sweet freedom, but was instead greeted with bitter cast iron to the face. I stumbled back to find the manic mare had somehow circumvented my escape and stood at the ready to give me yet another wicked beating with her cooking utensils.

“Sweet Jesus lady! What the hell did I ever do to you!?” I screamed in both shock and terror. Forget Freddy Krueger, this mare was going to haunt my nightmares for eternity after this, assuming I survived. She then brought the pan up high with the intent to cave in my brain matter, screaming like a barbarian housewife out for blood.

“Lady, you are crazy!” I shouted as I dove out another nearby window, saving me from meeting pan fried death. I rolled to my feet and brushed off the wood and glass off my robes. My body was sore and I was very out of breath, but at least I didn’t have that psycho mare following me. Things were starting to look up. Fate however, being a bitch, ended my reprieve as a person made an attention grabbing cough just to my right.

It just so happened to be the group of guards I was trying to lose a second ago. Out of the frying pan and into the fire … literally, as the unicorns in the guard started lobbing fireballs at me. Thankfully my saving grace, a nearby alleyway, provided me with an escape as fiery death flew past my backside.

That grace however was running out as I saw that the alley ended and opened up to a wide open area. As I ran out into the expansive plaza, I saw a whole slew of pegasi fly past me beginning to wall off my chances for escape. Soon all around me every exit point was blocked off, and there was no place to left run.

“Give it up, creature!” called out the leader of the guard. “We have you completely surrounded. Surrender now, and I may just have them take it easy on you.” He smirked back at me, looking like he had just bagged himself the world’s fattest man. Which I’m not. No matter what the scale says. It’s lying.

Slowly the pegasi with their spears and the unicorns with their charged horns advanced toward me. What did they have to fear, after all? All they did was corner an unarmed, completely innocent and devilishly handsome human. I obviously didn't have any way to defend myself. Plus I was just beaten up by a deranged housewife with a combat bloodlust rivaling Genghis Khan. Also I had no weapons nor fighting skills, so it should be easy to force me to surrender in this situation, right?

They apparently didn’t consider I might have been a Mage.

I reached into my small satchel at my side and brought out two small white crystals. Putting one in each hand I raised my fists up at the pegasi and focused deep, channeling forth mana into the crystals. The first clue for them to start backing off was when my hands started to glow. They either didn't notice or didn’t care. The mana coalesced around my appendages and I visualized what I needed: power, momentum, and force. Bright light burst from my clenched fists as the crystals let out a high pitched whine

“He’s doing something! Stop him!”, the leader of the guards shouted. All of them dived right for me, each one hoping to stop me before I had a chance to pull off whatever last ditch effort I had. Too bad the spell had been ready five seconds ago and I was just waiting for them to get closer.

“Fus Ro Dah bitches,” I taunted as I slammed both of my arms into the ground. In an explosion of sound and air, a concussive shock wave flew out from around me with the force of a class five hurricane. Guards were sent flying back and pegasi were either hurled further into the sky or were slammed into nearby buildings. I charged up again and hurled another concussive force, this one more direct, at the thinnest group of guards. They were sent tumbling back even further, most of them crashing hard to the ground and a few smashing into nearby empty vendor stands and kicking up large plumes of dust.

Both of the crystals in my hands shattered into a fine powder, rendering them useless. With that reagent gone, I couldn’t do that heavy of a spell again ... not without consequences. I took the chance I had provided myself and sprinted off once again from my pursuers. “Oh, that’s gonna hurt in the morning,” I chirped at an unconscious guard as I ran through the gap and down the street away from the scene. “You can bill me later for the damages, May the road rise up ta' meet ya', you tin can bastards!” I called back, laughing as they tried to regain their senses.

As I ran I tried to think of a solution out of this mess. I couldn’t outrun them since they had double the leg power, and with those pegasi flying around anywhere I run to I’ll be spotted. That left hiding, and with the sounds of a few shouts and a rallying cry behind me attested that the chase was once again on.

It was my hope I could eventually elude the group and slowly sneak my way out of the city, but any hope of that was shattered when I saw what was up ahead. Canterlot was a city built on the side of a mountain—either by mechanical engineering madponies or magical geniuses—and due to its location the city was separated into large platforms which made the districts of the city. The problem with such a design, however, was that there were a lot of drop off points. Like the one directly ahead of me.

I backed up and ducked into a nearby alcove to hide and think for a moment. I could try scaling down the side of the mountain, but that would leave me wide open for a pegasi attack. I could also just jump and try to use magic to slow my fall; except, I had never attempted anything like that before and it would be a real trial by fire. The nearing shouts of the guards forced me to instead improvise.

With a flash of magic cast on myself, I burst from my alcove and sprinted toward the dropoff. Coming right up to the railing I took a look over the side to see- Sweet Jiminy was that a long way down! It had to be nearly 10,000 feet or more, which on the bright side would give me enough time to wave goodbye before I went kersplat.

“You there! Halt!” cried a familiar voice from behind me. The guards were still a good distance away from me, so I asked myself the age old question: To jump, or not to jump? “Don’t you even think about jumping!” Shouted the guard. Small fact you should know about me, I have a problem respecting authority figures. Which is why I jumped over the edge while flipping him off.

The guards all sprinted at me, hoping to stop me before I went over the edge. A couple of pegasi shot past the group and flew toward the dropoff. They dove down like bullets, hoping to catch me only to find … nothing.

“Well?” questioned their superior. “Did you catch him?”

“Uh,” responded a nervous pegasi guard. “He’s ... gone sir.”

“What do you mean gone?” shouted the leader. He put his forelegs on the railing and looked over to see a lack of a captured (or falling) suspect. “There’s no way it fell to the bottom that quickly, it must be hiding along the rock face. Fan out and comb every inch of this cliff. The rest of you, position yourselves along the west side in case it tries to sneak back up.”

The guards dispersed and began to look for their missing quarry. I couldn’t help but snicker at the look the guard leader gave when he realised I threw him for a loop. They could scan every inch of that cliff and around it but they would never find me. Considering I never left that alcove back in the alleyway, and now I was moving farther and farther away eastward from them. Illusion magic had always been my forte, but pulling off a complete illusionary construct like that in a few seconds had really pushing myself to the limit.

I snuck through the alleyways, now further out of breath than I had been before. I used the darkness for cover, and hid the second I heard even the slightest flap of wings or stomping of hooves. Small groupings of guards patrolled the streets, taking time to examine anything they deemed suspicious. Every few seconds I was looking over my shoulder and around corners, trying to avoid being seen or heard by them. I had a few close calls but I was able to keep my presence hidden with an illusion each time at the expense of more and more energy.

Alley through alley, and building past building, I worked my way to what I hoped was the city gates. My breathing became more labored, and my head was starting to pound with pain. The constant running and casting small illusions really put a strain on my stamina, and unfortunately mana did not regenerate as quickly as some video games or stories would have you believe.

I spotted a nearby covered wagon that was parked outside a larger warehouse. I peeked inside and found it stuffed full of crates of differing size, the smells coming off of them ranged from sweet to spicy. I thought that this would be the best spot to hide for a bit, and I jumped into the wagon and sat down on the floor behind some of the larger boxes. I took this moment of respite to catch my breath and clear my head. This was supposed to be a dream vacation, but in a matter of seconds it’s turned into a nightmare. Slowly my exhaustion got ahold of me. I began to drift off, thinking back ... back to how this whole messed up situation started.

---

28 hours ago on Earth …

“Okay, just a few more turns and-” an explosion interrupted me as the crystal construct I was working on released all its stored energy violently into my wall. I fell backwards out of my chair from the force, while smoke and dust plumed throughout the room. I scrambled to my feet and flung my arms about like a crazed windmill trying to clear the air. My astounding acrobatics did not produce the desired result so I then instead flailed over to a nearby window and threw it open, allowing the warm summer breeze from outside to blow in.

“Oh sweet Jiminy that smells like death warmed over!” I exclaimed to my empty room. I turned back to look at my experiment, or what was left of it anyway. The crystal had fractured and bore a large crack right down the middle, and the wall behind the desk I was working at … wasn’t there. A large gaping hole into my kitchen could be seen along with the remains of the toaster oven that was sitting on the counter. Eh, the thing always undercooked my bagels anyway.

I sighed, going to my pantry closet to grab some reagents. That was the fourth time this month my wards in the room had failed, I was starting to think I wasn’t using enough salt, or yak’s blood. My search proved futile as I had neither in stock anymore. So that meant I would have to bump up grocery and foreign import shopping on the list of things to do. I plopped down onto my couch and grabbed my mail from the endtable, hoping there would be some good news to cheer me up.

“Let’s see,” I mumbled, “bill, bill, letter from Mom, bill, letter from Bill, junk, and paycheck! Awesome!” I gleefully ripped open my good fortune to see how much of a good thing was headed my way. Sadly it wasn’t nearly as much as I had expected, just enough to cover the pile of bills with me and get some groceries for the week. I sighed heavily. Another week of living paycheck to paycheck it seems.

Now you might think, ‘But you’re a mage! A controller of the sources of the universe. Why not just magic up some gold and live the easy-free life?’ Three reasons: One, transmuting gold costs a crapton of energy and is rarely worth it; you could pour hours of energy into making one small gram and it would probably kill you three times to Sunday before you’re finished. Two, always exchanging that much gold for regular cash would eventually arouse someone’s suspicions, and then I’d have some crooks or the men in black showing up wondering where it all came from. And finally, while there was no real mage organization like some might think—Harry Potter was a load of tripe, you get more than five magic users in a room and they’ll begin arguing about their egos, and it isn't long before a fight breaks out and half a city goes boom—other magic users would frown on you trying to destabilize the economy: They use it too after all. Thus even with having the forces of nature at my whim, I still needed to work the nine to five drag.

I gazed around at the state of my laboratory and sighed. Piles of paper with my notes on my magical experiments littered every table top. My computer screen in the corner flickered, still suffering from the fallout of the magical explosion. My lab table was piled with random crystal bits that were other samples of failed experiments, although they were never as explosive as that last one. Through the hole in the wall I was able to see the dishes that had piled up in the sink and that the windows needed a good scrubbing. Overall, the whole house was a mess and I was too exhausted to do jack about it. I needed a vacation.

With as little effort as I could muster I rose to my feet and sauntered over to a large book that lay on a pedestal. I sat down in my office chair and rolled up to the book, flipping it open. The pages inside were all blank. They would continue to be so for anyone who would look upon it; unless you knew what type of book it was, that is.

“So, what’s the best way to teleport to Italy?” I asked the book. Which might sound like a silly idea, talking to a book. And it would be, unless the book responded. The sound of an invisible author writing filled the room as words and diagrams began to line the pages. Each one supplying a different method: From translocation runes, to ley line surfing, to apparently sticking your thumb out and catching the next UFO that passes by. Each ‘solution’ was well out of my ability or paygrade, and even then I needed to be back to work on Tuesday. After all who else would they find to make steak and soup filled with grease and salt for the average customer?

“Man,” I sighed leaning on the book, “is the only vacation I'm ever going to get a fictional one?” To my surprise the book began to scribble new words on its pages. “Trans-Dimensional Travel?” I read outloud. What I read past the title began to make me grin wider and wider with each line. “I swear, you were the best twenty bucks I ever spent.” I spoke hugging the tome. Where did I get a book like that for such a small amount you might ask? Meh, I’ll tell ya later.

According to what the book was telling me, travel on the same plane of existence is extremely challenging. Anyone who’s ever tried teleportation can attest to that. However, what you don’t know is that alongside our universe are a multitude of others and all of them are based off of ours. Better yet, traveling between them barely uses any energy at all. It's practically like opening a door and walking through. The biggest deal? Fiction doesn’t exist, or at least not like you understand it. What may be fiction in one universe is fact in another, meaning that there could be a universe out there for every story, movie, book and song. A Star Trek universe, a Lord of the Rings universe, a Doctor Who universe, all existed; it was just a matter of finding out where they were.

I had in my grasp the greatest chance at a vacation possible. Before becoming a Mage and even afterwards I was a humongous geek. Fantasy, science fiction and drama, these were my playgrounds. With the ability to travel to any one of them, it was a dream come true. I could pop over to Coruscant in Star Wars and explore the whole city, or go relax in the fields of Hyrule, or sneak onto New Zack’s Island from Dead or Alive … Oh yeah, that would be sweet. A moment of clarity hit me and, I began to think on the matter. I came to the conclusion that I would have to be very careful on which world I pick, as this would be a large step into uncharted territory for me.

I went back to the book and began reading the finer details about this spell that could be used to travel the dimensional divide. Used a circle with sigils for Focus; any form of mana would be good enough for a Source; and Intent just had to be a precise location based on name and imagery. I was surprised at just how easy this spell was; even a novice with very little experience in magic could pull this off if he had a tiny bit of mana concentration and the knowledge of sigil drawing. I wondered briefly if there was a reason it was so easy, but threw that thought away as I had things to pack and plans to make!

A whole day later and I was completely ready to depart. My large travel bag was slung over my shoulder, filled with clothes, towels and assorted knives. Because you never know when you might need them. My light traveling pack slung over my opposite shoulder housed my ever-so-handy tome and a few knickknacks like focus crystals, emergency granola bars, and a bottle of rum. I wore my nice robes fresh out of the dryer and pressed for presentation. I looked like the stunning impression of some mage walking right out of Comic-Con, but unlike the pretenders, my skills were very much real.

After much deliberation on where to go I finally had a destination: Equestria, home of the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic universe. While not even on my top three of places I wanted to visit, it was still by far the safest option. Compared to the hundreds of other worlds, Equestria was a nicer place compared to the deserts of Arrakis, or the darkspawn infested world of Ferelden. No, the land of fluffy pink ponies and rainbows would be my much safer, quieter, and a lot less deadly destination. They also had a powerful system of magic, so if anything went wrong I would find a way to fix it easily. Plus the locals looked like quite the accepting and joyful bunch, so at least I wouldn’t be too hard pressed to find some peace and quiet.

I myself only had a passing knowledge of the world and its lore, I had not fallen in love with it as much as one of my co-workers had. However, I had enough to get by in my opinion, and maybe if this trip worked out well I’d take a trip to Minas Tirith. What’s that? You don’t believe your world is one of fiction to me? Listen, I’d rather not get into a metaphysical debate of existence and what it means, but just believe me, this place is a fairy tale to my people.

The plan was simple: pop in, sell some junk at a high price to the right person, take it easy for a few days, and pop back with enough time to rest before work the next day. Easy.

The portal circle had been written out in what I called experiment room #3: also known as the guest room. The wooden floor had been covered in a large white chalk circle with multitudes of small symbols surrounding it. It was a sigil circle: A perfect circle surrounded by sigils. Each symbol represented a different force or power that could channel magic; you might have seen the more popular version in fiction where it’s just a big circle with a pentagram. I wouldn’t suggest ever doing one: you’ll either fail, blow off your own arm, or summon something you’ll wish you never knew existed.

In reality the sigil circles are a type of magic that was for the scholarly or patient. Unlike casting from your own will, all you had to do was scribble some lines, splash it with some energy, concentrate on what you want it to do, and bam!: Instant effect. It wasn’t my favorite method. I prefered a more hands on approach, but when you had the time it was a great way to be absolutely sure everything went smoothly.

I stepped up to the circle and knelt down placing both of my hands upon the edge. The sigils started to glow as I charged them with mana, and the room began the thrum with a low sounding hum. I stepped over the line and stood in the center of the now illuminated sigil circle. I took a deep breath and grabbed the bags at my sides, the next part would be the most important and I couldn’t afford to mess it up. If I did I might have ended up in the wrong place, or halfway into the ground, or with my small intestines missing. I took a deep breath and mentally visualized where I wanted to go.

“Canterlot, Equestria.”

Instantly I felt like my entire body was stretched out to a fine point before snapping into the sky above. Colors and lights whirled by my head faster than I could comprehend. I felt like the whole of creation was flying by me and I was witnessing all that could ever be. The experience was as short as it was amazing, as I felt gravity take ahold of me and I fell to my knees. I felt like I had just gone on the most extreme roller coaster ride of my life and considering I had just technically flung myself though the barrier that separates reality itself, that wasn’t too bad a comparison.

I carefully rose to my feet and the feeling of nausea washed over me, causing me to stumble a little. It was rather dim wherever I was, the only light seemed to be from some small flames along the wall. As my vision cleared I realised they were torches. The flaming beacons which adorned the walls in between the windows that stretched up to the very tall ceiling above. Wherever I was, it sure was roomy ... and empty. Aside from the torches and a long red rug lining the floor, this room was rather sparse on decoration.

The only other thing of notice was the large ornate door at the end of the hall. Now I wasn’t a major fan of this universe, but the door ahead of me I recognised as that weird door the Princesses kept those Element jewelry thingies. Or at least they did before the only cool villain this place had stole them. I moved in closer to get a better look and that's when I noticed that the door was slightly open. That wasn’t a good sign. As I moved closer I could hear in the far off distance behind me a low rumbling. I turned my head around to see if I could spot the source, but when I did I heard a gasp in front of me making me snap back to see a very startled pegasus in the open vault doorway.

The only parts of his body I could see were his blue eyes and chocolate brown wings. He was entirely wrapped in black clothing, obscuring his mane and any distinguishing marks. There was also a pack of saddle bags on his back, and sticking out of one of them was a golden piece of jewelry; specifically one tiara with a starburst purple gem on it. My eyes went wide when I realised what he was carrying.

“What-?” I asked in confusion, but before I could say any more the door behind me burst open with a legion of pony guards behind it.

“Stop right there thie- Sweet Celestia’s toned buttocks! What the hay is that!?” shouted one of them when he looked at me.

“What?” I asked out loud even more confused than before.

The pegasus who was most obviously a thief, took this moment of confusion and leapt through one of those large windows into the darkness outside. The glass shattered, breaking the guards out of their shock of my presence and the leader raised his spear at me.

“After him! I got the freak.” He shouted as he charged at me.

“What!?” I shouted this time terrified.

There is a time in most people’s lives where the world tends to slow down, just so it can show you in glorious detail how much shit is headed your way. Now scientifically this is the adrenaline kicking in your flight or fight response. And usually most people pick one and go full bore with it. Nature must have dropped me a lot as a kid as I somehow did both while screaming the entire time. Not like a girl mind you, the high pitched squealing must have been from someone in the other room.

I whipped my large traveling bag off my shoulders and threw it at the guards like hurling a discus. It collided with the first few in the front row and sent them flying back into their leader behind them. The mess of guards were dazed, and I raced to the window the thief jumped out of and followed suit. I leaped over the broken glass and flew out into the abyss; which was about thirty feet above the ground.

“Holy Cr-!” I swiveled my body around hoping to grab the ledge and prevent my body from become the next big hit on Canterlot, but my hand found nothing as I had already gone too far. I was able, however, to see that long cloth banners ran down the outside of the building all the way to the ground. Concentrating with my mind I willed one of the banners to flow over to my hand, and with a small push of mana it telekinetically flew into my hands. I grabbed onto the banner and held on for dear life as it strained under my weight, swinging me back and forth like a pendulum.

Before I could think of a way to follow up grabbing the banner, I heard a loud ripping sound, and then I began to fall again. Although it was slower this time, the descent was still too fast for my taste. The banner above me tore itself down the side as I fell, ruining the once nice looking piece of drapery. The ground rose up to meet me and at the last moment I pushed off the wall, aiming to land in a soft pile of hay placed conveniently nearby. I unfortunately overshot, instead colliding into some vendor’s stall that was completely full of cabbages.

I flopped out of the now squished produce and wiped the messy greens off my robes. Up above me I could see the guards flying out the window, diving down to capture me. I took off running and hoped I could somehow outrun them. Suddenly, a whole platoon of guards appeared behind me from around a corner, one throwing a spear that sank into the ground right beside me.

“Come back with the Elements now, thief! And we’ll beat you within inch of your life!” shouted one of the legions of guards pursuing me.

“Don’t you mean ‘Or’!?” My query was responded to with a large spear embedding itself mere inches from my face. I began to sprint even faster away from the guards, but they were still faster than I was and they closed in with a thundering of hooves.

“Take care on the road, Silver,” said one of the guards as they chased me.

“What?” I asked, confused as to what the heck the (oddly) mare sounding guard said to me.

“Don’t worry Willow,” responded another guard, “I’m used to early morning travel like this.”

I was unable to figure out what the hell was going on before the entire world shook around me and I bolted awake. My eyes focused to find that I was still in the back of the covered wagon that I fell asleep in. The noises from outside and the twilight of dawn in the sky meant I had dozed off for a few hours. The wagon jostled a bit as it felt like someone was hitching something to it.

“I know, you old coot,” came the mare I heard in my sleep earlier from outside. “Just don’t be pushing yourself so much. You’ve got your health to think about now.”

“I’m just as spry as I was thirty years ago!” argued a stallion from the front of the wagon.

“Your mane says otherwise,” teased the mare.

“Bah, it’s still its natural color. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there.” The wagon lurched forward as the stallion hooked up to the cart began trotting down the street.

This actually worked out in my favor: I could get out of this city easily hiding back here. After I got out I could find a nice secluded place, recast the spell, and get the heck out of Dodge. I came here for a vacation. Not to be caught up in the theft of magic jewelry. Honestly this whole mess could sort itself out, it always would, it’s a kids show world afterall.

I reached into the satchel on my side to fish out my Tome. When I did, I realized I had lost my travel bag back in the vault when I used it as a projectile against the guards. It would be annoying and would be the loss of a few of my favorite shirts, but compared to being in a jail for who the heck knows how long it was a small sacrifice.

“Okay buddy,” I spoke to the Tome as I opened it, “looks like we’re cutting this vacation short, so pull up that transdimensional portal again, ‘kay?” I sat there waiting expectantly for the Tome to begin, but as the seconds ticked by nothing seemed to happen. “Uh, I want to see transdimensional portals?” I asked again, and still nothing happened. I tried flipping through the pages and asking again, and still nothing had changed. This was not good. Not good at all.

With Tome not working, my only means of escape were gone. That meant I was trapped here until I could fix it, find another way to teleport home, or hope that they could catch the real thief. I slumped back into the wall of the covered wagon at a loss for what to do. I was brought out of my thinking, however, when the cart stopped and I heard a commotion from outside.

“Hold on there. We need to check your wagon sir,” came an authoritative voice. I swore internally: please don’t let that be what I think it is.

“What do you mean?” asked the stallion pulling the cart.

“There was a theft in that castle last night.” It was going where I thought it was. “The perpetrators have yet to be caught and we’re checking everyone who leaves the city.” There was a pregnant pause before the older stallion spoke.

“Bronze Shield, are you claiming what I think you're claiming?” he asked with a hint of venom in his voice.

“Um, not that you’d be the thief or anything, Mr. Silver,” stuttered the guard. “It’s just we’re checking anypony be-”

“Colt, you’d best not finish that sentence before I get angry. I’m too old to deal with this and I don’t have the time either,” the stallion spoke like talking down to a toddler.

“But we have to check every cart leavi-”

“Bronze ... I know your mother, and I’m willing to think she won’t like to hear how you were pestering an old stallion when he’s trying to go about his business.” The guard gasped and coughed, sounding like he was trying to save face.

“You wouldn’t.” He sounded apprehensive; perhaps his mother was a really old nag?

“Maybe, but do you want to risk it?” I could practically hear the smugness flowing from his words from back in the wagon.

“... All clear! Let this one pass,” the guard called out to someone else. The sound of a gate being opened creaked through the air and the wagon lurched forward again.

“Much obliged, mah boy,” chuckled the stallion “hopefully I can make it to Ponyville before all the stalls are taken in the market.”

So this guy was headed for Ponyville, I thought to myself that could possibly be a solution. I would just have to find Twilight Sparkle (the show’s heroine) and convince her of my innocence. I just would have to be tactful. From what the show had expressed she was no pushover mage herself. She even outclassed me as a spell-slinger by far. I would have to be as careful as to how I approached this situation. If I did that, then I could just sit back and let them take care of the rest while I try and salvage this vacation.

As the vehicle moved down the road towards my new goal, I sighed and slumped back into a comfortable position. It was going to be a long ride to Ponyville, which gave me enough time to plan my next move. I was also hoping that fate would stop messing with me and cut me some slack.

“So long, Canterlot,” the stallion pulling the cart said to himself. “Now, let’s see just how ‘old’ these bones are, he ha!” With a laugh, the driver broke into a gallop and raced down the bumpy road. The jostling of the wagon back and forth gave me a moment of seasickness before a smaller crate fell on top of my head, making me see stars. A larger crate then fell sideways on my legs, trapping me while my upper body was thrown around into boxes and the wagon’s side like a medieval flail.

Fate is a very VERY mean spirited bitch.

Author's Note

Coming up next: A Mage Mitigating Misconstrued Miscreant Machinations