Super Derpy is best Derpy
Super Derpy flew through the sky at mach speed, slowing down to give Rainbow Dash a wave. Of course she was faster than Rainbow Dash, she was Super Derpy! Rainbow Dash waved from the cloud she was sitting on as Super Derpy flew by. Super Derpy smiled for the camera, having also inherited the ability to break the fourth wall.
“Hey Derpy-” Rainbow Dash was cut off by Super Derpy.
“No Dash, I have ascended to a whole new lebel of power! I am Super Derpy!” Super Derpy stood tall and proud, showing off her flat chest as she struck a heroic pose. Truly, Super Derpy was the apex of pony society.
“Don’t you mean ‘level’? And what do you mean ascended?” Rainbow Dash looked confused at Super Derpy’s greatness, which was to be expected of course. Super Derpy laughed and raised her head to the sky. Of course the lower ponies would not understand her Supah Specialness that comes from being Super Derpy.
“Super Derpy has gained superpowers from a freak lightning strike. Super Derpy is now twice as fast, smart, and is now dashingly handsome.” Super Derpy turned toward the camera and smile, a sparkle coming off her teeth despite the fact the sun was not in the right position to cause said sparkles.
“Uhh, sure ok. I’m gonna go back to my nap now.” Awed by Super Derpy’s sheer brilliance and power, Rainbow Dash bowed, closing her eyes in respect to her awareness. Satisfied Rainbow Dash had recognised Super Derpy as the one true ruler of Equestria, which she had just decided she was, Super Derpy flew down to the street and looked for Twilight Sparkle, who would be the next pony to convince of her greatness.
In the background of her greatness, a pony flew up to Rainbow Dash. But that’s just boring, non Super Derpy related information. No one wants to hear that right? What? You want to know why? Super Derpy doesn’t need a why! She’s Super Derpy! Oh Fine, we’ll have a poopy flashback.
Deedodeedoodeee.
“Normal poopy Derpy, would you jump on those clouds to release their rain? It is not a ingenious plot to blame you for their lightning strikes when I omitted if you jumped too much you will cause them to do so! Hahaha hahaha!” The pony talking was...Black! Yes Black! And was twirling an eeevil mustache too! Normal poopy Derpy was also wearing that nice wedding dress. You know the one.
“Of course oh evil one. I must obey you as I still believe you to be a good pony, and you are also my boss.” Regular poopy Derpy jumps up on the cloud, and her face breaks out into a happy smile as she jumps to that one jumping song everyone likes. You know the one.
Suddenly.
KASHAM!
Lightning strikes derpy through the cloud, and she lights up, suddenly she is infused with the power of pure lightning and is so awesome and no longer poopy! Truly, this pony is the most super of super ponies, for now she is:
Super Derpy!!1!
“Help Help, Scootaloo is stuck in a tree!” Was that a cry for Super Derpy? Indeed it was! With the speed of a thousand whirling tornadoes, Super Derpy arrived on the scene and helped the young chicken out of the tree, striking a heroic pose as the three fillies gaped at her in awe, one eyebrow raised.
“Thanks uh, Derpy.” The purest voice of silk and satin reached Super Derpy’s huge, and hyper hearing ears. Leaning down, Super Derpy leaned in and gave the voice a kiss on the cheek, lowering her voice to appear very very attractive.
“No problem, Sweetie.” In a flash! Zoom! Pow! Super Derpy was away! Would others need her help? It was guaranteed that somepony would require her epic and positively dashing body to perform a rescue of some sort.
“Derpy, there you are!” It was the mayor! Of course, thought Super Derpy, the mayor would have needed her help the uppermost. Mayors were always being kidnapped or robbed. Zooming in like a flash of the sun’s light, Super Derpy was there to save the day, striking another pose.
“Super Derpy is here to save the day Mayor!” The mayor took one look at Super Derpy, and began to fawn over her sheer radiance. Really, Super Derpy was the apex of pony society, everything you could want in a strapping young mare. All she needed was a Stallion to save from peril.
“Can you deliver this to Twilight?” Before the Mayor had time to react, Super Derpy was gone and halfway to Twilight’s with the enemy’s of Equestria on her tail. With a quick kick to a sign post, Super Derpy showed she was tough, she was STRROOOONG, and above all, handsome. The new pony assistant to Mayor Mare approached her.
“Is that normal?” The new assistant was obviously ignorant of how awesome Super Derpy was, for the Mayor shook her head and turned to reassure her of how fantabular Super Derpy is.
“Yes, sadly it is.” Of course, Mayor was obviously referring to how many ponies asked how normal Super Derpy being so extravagantly handsome was. I mean, Super Derpy is just so handsome, it is amazing how much a grown mare can be admired by thousands for her appearance alone. And she was so kind and caring, really she was the perfect example of how pretty ponies should act. Really, she was the perfect pony to get super powers.
Which she has.
There goes Super Derpy flying through the air,
showing the ponies just how much she cares.
How she got her powers nobody knows,
but it is her handsomeness that shows.
When bad ponies come to cause fright,
she’s the one that knocks them out like a light.
Dashing faster than a sonic rainboom,
she can kick baddies straight up to the moon!
Smarter than the average nerd,
prettier than a baby bird.
And if you think this is all a lie,
then you can just go and-
“Super Derpy! Awayyyyy”
Author's Note
I regret nothing.
The DERP stalked the evil villainous muffin from the streets. It’s precarious parchment on the parched stone roof would end soon. Aha, the Double Evil cookie had locked the door. It looked like The DERP was going to have to climb to reach the villainous vicarious veracious perps. On her belt was her trademark weapon, the DOBCHOC SURPRISE
“Dinky….” The DERP ignored her sidekick as she climbed up the house, completely forgetting she had wings. No matter, The DERP did not need wings. The DERP was strong. The DERP was agile. The DERP was-
“DERPY!” Derpy blinked, falling backwards and hitting the floor, staring at the scolding face of her mother. She glanced forward at the kitchen counter where the elusive muffin and cookie awaited her, and smiled sheepishly at her mum.
“I’m sorry, I was practicing for when I become a superhero mahma” she tilted her head, eyes widening as she put on the ‘puppy derp stare’. It was her deadliest move. It was not very effective, her mum lent down and pulled her into a standing position by the ear. Derpy whined.
“Alright alright I was just having a little fun!” Derpy stared down the glare of the dragon, until it merely rolled it’s eyes and went to finish the laundry. Quickly scooping up her treats, Derpy munched them in silent victory.
