The Twilight Prince (Old Version)

by nukestar

Rating: mature
Tags: Narcotics, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Sex, Comedy, Adventure, Violence, Princess Celestia
Length: 28989

Princess Twilight is permanetly transformed into a stallion when a spell misfires.

(Old Version) Cancelled and undergoing a complete rewrite. This version of the story will remain on the site for preservation reasons.

Check out the rewrite here
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/546883/the-twilight-prince-redux

Published 2013-06-20 02:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-12-02 18:22:04 UTC

Chapter 2 - A Nocturnal Meeting

Chapter 2

Twilight sat in the centre of a large room, surrounded on all sides by massive bookcases stretching as high as the eye could see and packed full of books, scrolls and tomes of all shapes and sizes. He was reclining in a nice (and rather expensive looking) chair set on a beautiful, intricate carpet and sipping at tea while sorting through dozens of scrolls. All in all it was exactly the kind of place that normally would have had Twilight bouncing in anticipation of potentially lost knowledge.

But as it were, it was not actually a place (well not by the most literal definitions of the word) but rather a metaphorical representation of a highly abstract concept, the innermost sanctum of Twilight's mind.

Twilight had originally built the place at a young age (probably at the youngest age anypony had ever built a mental construct) as a place where she could retreat so that no bully could hurt her. Naturally, her mental control as a child was limited and the 'mind library' had been in constant flux. As Twilight grew in both age and control she had discovered additional uses for the library as a memory aid (contrary to popular belief Twilight did not actually have a photographic memory) and as a place to collect her thoughts of the past day (spending one hour sorting new memories made the remaining night on average thirty-five percent more restful and ninety percent less likely to spawn a nightmare).

And, right now sorting of recent events was desperately needed for the royal mare-turned-stallion.

The lavender alicorn sorted through the scrolls and papers floating around him, each one representing a fact or event from his waking hours.  'I am a stallion now', 'I am no longer a mare', 'I will be a stallion for the rest of my life' and 'I will never be a mare again' were all amongst the most prominent and important of the facts (redundancy never harmed anypony (except when the item of redundancy was intended to harm somepony (or when the redundancy distracted from an important thing intended to harm somepony (or when redundancy resulted in the abuse of parentheses causing readers to repetitively hit their heads against a wall (but that would never happen)))))

Twilight was having trouble completely accepting what had happened to him. He knew empirically exactly what he was now: male, colt, stallion, masculine, a mix of X and Y chromosomes rather than just X, but his subconscious was having trouble accepting the truth. It was like the deepest parts of his mind were still in denial (which was not surprising when you consider how traumatic an event as permanently changing one's gender is upon one's sense of self) and the whole issue was complicated furthermore by Celestia's letter. Twilight knew the eldest princess well enough to know that the letter meant much more than what it said, but he didn't know her well enough to know what it meant. It was sad, really, that, even with the many years Twilight spent with Celestia, Twilight had never gotten to truly know the princess (although not without trying, but every time Twilight had asked about the solar alicorn she had been met with many thousands of years worth of expertise at conversational manipulation).

Hay Twilight probably knew Luna better than Celestia, and the amount of time she had spent with the lunar princess was a mere fraction of the time she had spent with her elder sister.

Luna! The thought burst suddenly into his mind who would know Celestia better than her own sister.

Twilight decided that he would need to talk to Luna as soon as possible, and he was not comfortable revealing his change to the public yet

But Twilight would not need to go out in order to talk with Luna. After all, she was not called the 'Matron of Dreams' for nothing, and while a mental construct is not technically a dream, the difference was mostly theoretical. All Twilight would have to do is use a simple beacon spell and aim it into the Dream Realm, where Luna would most likely be watching over the dreams of the ponies of Equestria.

Luna was bored. She flew through the black void that composed the background of what was commonly called the Dream Realm; passing the little balls of light that represented the dreams of ponies (if another were to enter this realm they would be struck with how it was almost like flying among the stars in the night sky), and searching for even the smallest sign of distress. But it was to no avail; it seemed like everypony was sleeping soundly with happy dreams tonight (the closest thing to a nightmare that Luna had encountered so far was somepony dreaming about turnips, but right before Luna had intervened out of sheer boredom, the mare suddenly remembered she loved turnips rather than hated them). Luna would have even preferred to do her weekly night court (it had originally been nightly, but had been changed to weekly when almost nopony showed up) over this. At least there was something to do during night court; even if it was listening to spoiled brats of nobles whine about something or other.

As Luna passed another dream she felt a burst of magic pulling her towards a particular point that seemed more distant in some way. Having nothing better to do the lunar princess allowed herself to be drawn in. As she drew near she could feel herself leaving the collective consciousness of ponies' dreams and entering this particular dream.

Suddenly, with an almost audible snap Luna felt her connection with the dream world snap and colour erupted around her with such intensity that her vision was blurred. Even with her sight impaired as such she could feel that this dream felt significantly more solid than most.

As Luna's vision cleared a familiar lavender shape coalesced in front of her.

“Twilight?”

“Yes it's me; I'm sorry about bothering you Luna but I really needed to talk to you” The lavender princess said in a comforting baritone.

What?! As Luna's vision refined further she noticed more than a few things off about the other alicorn, she had sharper and more defined features, smaller eyes, broader and taller shoulders, more pronounced muscular definition. I was almost like the younger alicorn had changed ... into a stallion. Luna's eyes widened as she realized what had happened, and proceeded to do the only thing that made sense in the situation.

“Twilight, we swear unto the Styx that 'twas not our actions that caused this strife to befall thee”

“What?!”

“Um, 'tis not our fault that thou wear the face of a stallion?” the statement sounded more like a question than anything else.

“I know what you mean,” Twilight's eyes narrowed “but why would I suspect you?”

“Did sister never recount that story to thee?”

“What story?”

“Well, we may have done to our sister something similar to what happened to thee”

“You turned Celestia into a stallion?!” Twilight was shocked

“Um ... yes?”

“What happened”

“Well she adapted much better than we had anticipated and now near all of Equestria can trace their lineage directly back to her; if you know what we mean.”

“Ugh, I did not need to know that.” Twilight scowled “What I meant was how did Celestia turn back?”

“Oh, 'twas a temporary spell lasting but a year”

“Well that doesn't help me. I already know that whatever caused my change is not temporary; it was the first thing I checked for afterwards”

“You know not of what caused the change?”

“No I haven't the faintest clue. I was using a spell written by Starswirl designed to balance magic and clean the ley lines of the body when 'boom' the spell backfired, and when I awoke I was as you see me now.”

“Hm ... we are not sure we can help thee. Thou must understand that, in a distant time, our sister made a law forbidding a stallion from becoming a mare, and we do not like going against our sister's wishes”

“I know, but that is not what I called you here for”

“Where is here exactly, 'tis much too solid for a dream”

“It is the physical representation of my mind, a mental construct as it were. I learnt how to build it from a tome on dream arts by a mare called Soul Song”

“Our student Soul Song? We thought our sister had destroyed all her work because 'twas too dangerous”

“Trying to get a Twilight to destroy a book is like trying to make a parasprite stop eating, it doesn't work very well”

Luna had heard of the incident involving the parasprites “That is an interesting metaphor young Twilight”

“Simile. I used to say it was like reforming Discord but then Fluttershy went and did it, and after he ate all my reformation spells.”

“Reformation spells?  Are those mind manipulation spells?”

“Oh, not at all. They were just designed to give large and painful electric shocks whenever he does something bad”

The lunar princess's eyes widened in shock. Sounds much like a curse, We are not surprised he did not want that used upon him. “Yes, we understand. What was it for that thou called us here tonight?”

“Well, after searching my entire library for a counter-spell, I decided to send a letter to Celestia asking if she could help” Twilight's horn ignited and a scroll floated over to Luna “And this is what she sent back”

“'Tis not our sister's hoofwriting”

“No, it isn't. I do not have a photographic memory, and the original was destroyed, but these were her exact words”

Luna read the letter through. “'tis definitely Celestia. Our sister, like everypony, has a certain” Luna paused “way in which she speaks and writes that could not be falsified”

“You mean that you could tell if the letter was authentic just by the words that were used”

“No, not the words, but rather what lay behind, a kind of essence of the one writing or speaking. 'Tis very abstract.”

Twilight had a very sceptical look on his face “How very, poetic of you Luna”

“We do not expect thou to understand, our sister never has, and most likely never will. As for the letter, we see nothing of an insidious nature. However, we have been away for quite a time and are no longer as close to our sister as we once were”

“What about the last line?”

“To tell thee the truth, we are not entirely sure. Although we think it may have been a statement from her own experience as a stallion. Or it may have been a statement trying to put thee at ease”

“But why couldn't she repeal the laws illegalizing the reversal of my transformation”

“Even if our sister could repeal such a law without months of bureaucracy the change from stallion to mare has proved ... problematic for mature ponies of the past”

“Really? Why?”

“'Tis not known. Nevertheless every stallion with their emblem who changed encountered unanticipated effects”

“Emblem?”

“On a mare 'tis a cutie mark, on a stallion 'tis an emblem”

“So any stallion of maturity will encounter symptoms if he uses a spell to turn himself into a mare?”

“Verily, even if these spells were legal we would beseech you to not use any”

“So was Celestia just trying to protect me?”

“Methinks 'tis true”

“Thank you Luna, you were a great help.”

“No, we thank you young prince. 'Twas a very dull night before thou called us here. But we must not take anymore of thy time, thou must retire to thy dreams”

Luna felt herself leave Twilight's mind. She looked to her night sky above where she lay. Tonight was not as dull as we thought

Chapter 3 - An Uncomfortable Morning

Chapter 3

Twilight woke up well rested and yawned, surprisingly taking no adverse reaction to to his own obviously masculine voice. He felt as if he had completely accepted the events that had happened only yesterday and was ready to live the rest of his life as a stallion.

However the world had a way of reminding ponies, in the cruelest way possible, that even the most adaptable ponies would have trouble accepting such a major change in their body, mind and self-image in less than 24 hours (and no sane pony would consider somepony who had sent an entire town into anarchy and chaos because she was 'tardy' very adaptable). For as Twilight kicked off his bed sheets ...

... the realization of how wrong he was hit him hard as he came head-to-head with one proud new part making itself known to the world.

To say the least he was shocked. His mind ground to a halt as it was struck home, with an unnecessary amount of force, that he was a stallion in function and not just in token, that he was stricken with those bodily functions that Rarity had oft used in her, rather unladylike, jokes (although never needing to experience oestrus again was a rather large consolation (even considering the heat suppression spells Twilight knew)). He felt himself descending into a state of panic when, out of the blue, he was blindsided that, as he was observing his new part, he felt a sudden – and very, very, very alien – swell of pride, in the centre of his chest, that he was significantly larger than the average. And hence his panic was consumed by a great confusion.

Fifteen minutes and one unnecessarily cold shower later Twilight had finally cleared his mind from the conflicting thoughts that had been spawned from his rather enlightening wake-up. He was standing in front of his bathroom mirror and – for the first time since his transformation – thoroughly examining his body. The changes were massive: he stood a whole head taller than she had as a mare and had a much thicker, more muscular build (not quite Big Mac but still far from Caramel); his wings looked like they had almost doubled their surface area; his horn had increased in both length and breadth; his muzzle had become elongated and angular; his eyes became smaller. All in all he now looked very similar to Shining Armour (albeit a taller purple Shining Armour with wings), which was not surprising considering the common heritage.

Twilight trotted out of his washroom and into the hall, his hooves making a sharp clacking sound on the stone floor. He then proceeded to glide down the staircase to the kitchen, or rather he tried to. Unfortunately he had not accounted for his increased wingspan and clipped his wings on the walls. Unable to right himself in the confined airspace and loosing all his lift; he bounced down the sharp stone steps and landed in a crumpled mess of limbs. Luckily it would take much, much more than a couple stairs to seriously harm an adult alicorn

“Hey, Umbra, look what the cat dragged in”

“Shut it, Shadow”

Dame Dark Shadow and Dame Black Umbra were made Twilight's personal guard shortly after some petty noble found some obscure law saying that a royal alicorn must have their own royal guard. Celestia, Luna and even Cadence had all offered to loan Twilight some of their guards but Twilight refused. She rather chose to transfer the twin mares from the Twilight House guard. Shadow and Umbra were the twin daughters of the elder brother of Nightlight, Twilight's father. Unfortunately they were orphaned when they were foals and were practically adopted by Twilight house (family is utmost importance to the Twilights) and were taught magic from an early age.

The shadow twins were a natural choice for Twilight's royal guard, they were proficient in the abjuration and evocation schools as well capable with most weapons and with several years in the house guard they would know what they were doing. In addition the family connection and familiarity would improve trust and loyalty. Malfourtunately Twilight had conveniently forgotten exactly how lazy, immature and undisciplined the two could be and had regretted the choice ever since.

“Why princess, I figure there is something different about you this morning” Shadow commented with a cheeky smile (Most ponies would have been surprised to see that their cousin (not to mention princess) had turned themselves into a stallion. However most ponies had not been raised alongside a filly Twilight Sparkle) as Twilight lifted himself off the ground “and whatever it is, I like it”

“I believe the word you are looking for is Prince, you dunce” Umbra statistically quipped at her sister

To an unfamiliar eye the twins looked almost identical to each other with the only difference being their coats being slightly different shades (Shadow being a similar shade to Luna while Umbra had a slightly more grey tinge), their cutie marks (Shadow a black six pointed star and Umbra a black circle) and the way they style their black manes (Shadows was rather unkempt while Umbra kept hers in a short ponytail).

“Well, Prince Twilight you are looking mighty fine today” Shadow said with a coquettish grin.

“Two things Shadow, two things” Twilight gave the mare a intense glare “One, I have been a stallion for all of sixteen hours and two, I am your cousin”

“Neither of those are good reasons why I can't call a stud a stud”

Twilight rolled his eyes and changed the subject while making towards the kitchen “I don't remember seeing either of you yesterday; where were you?”

“We saw something suspicious in the billiards room and spent the night guarding it”

“So you spent the day playing pool.” Twilight sighed “I could have used your help last night”

“What? And end up with a snake in the grass?” Twilight grimaced at the metaphor “Buck no.”

“The spell only affected me, Spike didn't change at all.”

“Just because your puppy didn't become a bitch, doesn't mean I would have stayed a mare”

Twilight was not sure whether it was a legitimate delusion or a joke taken way to far, but Shadow seemed to think that Spike was a dog, much to the ire of Spike and annoyance of Twilight.

“Shadow you do realize that Spike is a dragon?”

“That's what they all say”

Twilight entered the kitchen to find that Spike had already fixed breakfast.

“Hey Twilight, feeling better today?” the young drake greeted him

“Yeah, much better ... I think.”

There was a short, and slightly awkward, pause as Spike brought out food for the three ponies.

Spike was the first to break the silence, “So when will you tell the girls?”

“Sorry? I wasn't listening” Twilight said sheepishly

“I asked when you are going to tell the other Elements of Harmony?”

“About what?”

Spike gave Twilight a deadpan stare “Really?”

“Oh ...” Twilight chuckled ashamedly before speaking again “... I don't really know how to break it to them”

“Don't worry, they're your friends, they will accept you regardless of your voice or face or body ...”

“Or what hides between your legs” Shadow received piercing glares from Twilight, Umbra and Spike “What? I'm just trying to help”

“What I am trying to say is that they are your friends and nothing, not even Discord, could change that”

“Thank you Spike”

Surprisingly Umbra was the next to speak up “While we are on the subject of telling your friends, Twilight, I will put in that the sooner you tell them, the better.”

“I hate to say this, but I agree with my sister; after all, you might not want to wait until we go into season. That would lead to ... um ... interesting situations (although, on the bright side, that would mean I would not have to rely on your mother's books quite as much)”

Oestrus! Twilight had forgotten – in the recent events – that the spring heat was estimated to be approaching in roughly two weeks time (and it was not unheard of for a mare to be a week, or even two, early). To make it worse, Twilight's friends had always relied on her to use her heat suppression charm on them when it got uncomfortable for them to work. Luckily oestrus is not as bad as it is often made out to be; mares don't suffer an overwhelming urge to mate, but rather feel hot and bothered (a very distracting predicament for somepony trying to get any kind of work done). Of course there are pheromones, but as long as you stay in open air and give a wide berth to ponies of the opposite gender, the urge to mate does not surpass an annoyance.

Nevertheless, it was asking for trouble to not tell his friends about his predicament before oestrus starts and every day increases the chance that one of them enters it. It was then that Twilight decided that that he was going to tell his friends (except for Rainbow Dash who happened to away to Cloudsdale to attend a mandatory meeting for all weather captains in Equestria) about his transformation today.

“I'll do it today”

“Tell them today?” Spike asked

“Yes, they deserve to know, and as much as I loath to say this, Shadow is right. Every day I delay is one day closer to oestrus, and if I delay, something could happen that could threaten our friendships”

And with that Twilight's mind was set on what he had to do.

Chapter 4 - Meeting Rarity

Chapter 4

Twilight walked down the main street of Ponyville with Shadow and Umbra trailing lazily behind. Naturally, because Twilight didn't want the whole town to know about his transformation, they walked under the effects of a powerful pseudo-invisibility spell (a pseudo-invisibility, as apposed to a true invisibility, spell is any illusion spell that makes the target near impossible to notice rather than invisible) and went unnoticed by the townsfolk.

Twilight had chosen Rarity to be the first of his friends to be told as that she usually had the mornings free (Rarity did most of her work in the afternoon and evening) and was considered by Twilight to be one of his saner friends (sane being a very relative term). He was still worried about how his friends would receive his new development, but they are his friends and would never hold something so out of his control against him.

He suddenly found himself standing outside Carousel Boutique. Shadow and Umbra stayed outside as he entered the shop ringing the bell

“Hello and welcome to Carousal Boutique, where every thing is chic, unique and magnif ...” Rarity trailed of as she saw what appeared to be a completely empty entrance

“There's nopony here”

Rarity walked towards the door “Must have been the wind or someth ... oof” Rarity was cut off when she collided with something very solid and fell to her haunches

Knowing that there are only a select few unicorns of the power and expertise required to turn invisible and that none of them would have any reason to enter her small shop in Ponyville as such. She came to an obvious conclusion.

“Twilight, dear, is that you?”

Twilight was surprised at how quickly Rarity had deduced it was him “Uh, yes Rarity”

“Are you feeling well, dear? Your voice sounds, um, different”

“Rarity, I have something to show you.”

“Go ahead dear”

Twilight lit his horn and dispelled his illusion and showing himself to Rarity

Rarity was flabbergasted, she stood there gaping at Twilight in a stunned silence.

“Rarity, are you okay?”

“What happened?”

“A spell had an unanticipated effect and thanks to some political bullshit I can't turn myself back”

Rarity's eyes widened “Twilight! A gentlecolt should never swear in front of a lady!” she scolded

Twilight responded with a glare

Rarity blushed with an embarrassed chuckle “So how long do you think it will take before you can turn yourself back?”

Twilight snorted angrily “I don't know if I will ever be able to change back. Celestia isn't helping, and even Luna told me not to”

“Also I fear that you cannot rely on me to use the oestrus suppression spell on you, for obvious reasons”

“That is perfectly reasonable dear. We wouldn't want to have an ... incident, that we would regret”

Twilight grimaced at the thought “Rarity, you did not need to say that”

“Sorry, dear, but it is an entirely reasonable concern”

“I'm not stupid Rarity, I know what heat can do to ponies.”

“I, I would never! I know you are extremely intelligent, but you can be rather naive”

Twilight snorted and started to walk towards the door “Bye Rarity, I have to tell the others.” Twilight grimaced “And I have to start the paperwork required to change my gender on any number of important documents before revealing myself to the general public as a prince”

Rarity's eyes suddenly dilated. “This Is The. Worst. Possible. Thing!” she cried as she faux fainted on a couch that had not been there a second earlier.

Twilight rolled his eyes at her typical melodrama “What is it now Rarity”

“It is an utter travesty that such a handsome, attractive prince, such as yourself, does not have a single dashing suit in which to show yourself off to the mares”

Twilight just stared, unable to formulate his response. Completely ignoring the part about showing himself off to mares. Rarity had just called him handsome and attractive; two things that he had never expected to be called by the fashionista who seemed to have unreasonably high standards when it came to stallions.

“Oh, I-DE-A. I will make you an entire wardrobe that will make you the envy of all stallions and the desire of all mares”

Although he was disturbed by the 'desire of all mares' part Twilight knew better than to refuse a gift from the Element of Generosity “Well you have my measurements, I will be going now” he said as he turned to leave

Twilight felt himself being grabbed by a deceptively strong telekinetic field “Oh no you don't.” Rarity pulled him over to her and looked up at the taller stallion “I fear your measurements may have changed”

Twilight blushed abashedly and chuckled nervously. “But, I need to go. There are so many things to do”

“Come, we must get you properly dressed for your station” Rarity said as she dragged the uncooperative prince into the bowels of her shop “Don't worry I will be quick”

Two hours, forty seven minutes and thirteen seconds later Twilight was standing duty as the model to Rarity's creative whims.

Unfortunately Rarity – while a brilliant dressmaker – had little to no experience making suits (in fact her only experience with a male form was with a young drake with twenty to thirty years to go until puberty) and as such the last two and a half hours were among the most gruelling times in Twilight's life (which is saying something considering Twilight once had to hold an arcane shield for three hours against constant bombardment by eight guardsponies as part of a test). Between a large number of suits that were much too tight in all the wrong areas, a rather full (and terribly delayed) schedule and sheer boredom; Twilight had never been so anxious to leave a place before in his life.

“Twilight stand still”

“Whyyyyy?” Twilight moaned

“Oh, stop it Twilight; you're worse than Rainbow Dash”

“Rarity, we've been at this for almost three hours”

“You can't rush perfection dear. Anyways we would be done already if you did not complain every time you got slightly uncomfortable”

Twilight gritted his teeth “The pain was almost incapacitating, Rarity”

“Twilight, I am doing something nice for you, and all I get is negativity from you. Why don't you be a good stallion and stand there quietly?”

Rarity did have a point; Twilight had been rather negative about the whole ordeal. After all Rarity was making he an entire wardrobe for free, and Rarity hadn't even tried to put gems in the suits (Twilight's aversion to gems was entirely to do with not wanting his subjects to confuse him with a male hooker and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that gems aren't very masculine). Also Rarity's flanks were not bad to look at ... Twilight's mind ground to a halt, derailed by the immensely alien thought.

“See, Twilight, was it that hard to stand still. Although, you don't need to be that stiff”

Rarity walked right past Twilight – tail swaying happily – and levitated two practically identical rolls of dark blue cloth “Which colour should I use for the trim of this suit, Twilight”

While, before, Twilight hadn't noticed his glance fall on Rarity's backside, now it was all too apparent, as he was unable to take his eyes off of the mare's rear. He watched as the well groomed purple tail swayed left and right; enticing him with the possibility of revealing what was hidden beneath, but never revealing more than the slightest glimpse of the mare's most secret place.

“I understand, Twilight. It is so hard to choose. Luna's Canvas gives an air of mystery and subtle power. While Deep Indigo has a strong, powerful presence.”

Twilight – who would normally be wondering if there was any difference between the colour of the two rolls of fabric, other than their names – was much to enthralled by the mare's body to hear the mare's words.

“Oh, I-DE-A!” Rarity trotted over to a rather large chest “I think I have a small amount of it in here somewhere” She leaned into the chest, raising her rump into the air.

Twilight's eyes dilated and his pulse accelerated as he watched the white mare's hindquarters rose into the air; tail no longer capable of maintaining her modesty. Twilight knew it was wrong to look at his friend like this, but he was unable to turn away from the entrancing sight of Rarity's nether parts.

'Rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiip'

Twilight was shocked out of his leering by the ripping and tearing of fabric.

“Twilight, dear, what was that?”

The answer to Rarity's question came to Twilight in the form of a rubbing sensation against his left rear leg. Mortified was much too weak a word to describe what Twilight felt.

Rarity pulled herself out of the chest levitating a smaller roll of fabric (that was also indistinguishable from the 'Luna's Canvas' and 'Deep Indigo' rolls of fabric) “Twilight, I found the perfect colour for you, it's called Black Amethyst. ”

Twilight, however couldn't care less about fabric at this point in time

Rarity turned around and walked around to the furiously blushing stallion “Twilight, what is the probl ...” Rarity trailed off as she trotted behind the alicorn stallion “Oh, my”

Twilight's legs gave out and he fell to the ground in shame “I am so sorry Rarity, I was looking at you in bad ways, I just couldn't control myself.” Twilight started to sob “I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore, but please don't hate me”

“(And ponies call me a drama queen) It's okay, dear. I would never hate you and I would never abandon you at a time like this for such a thing. It is a natural urge that you have little control over. Anyhow ...” Rarity nervously chuckled “... it is really my fault. I should have been more considerate of you and never should have put you in such a ... compromising position”

“Thank you, Rarity. This is rather embarrassing, and quite stressful” Twilight got up and turned towards the mare

“That is understood, Twilight. It must be very difficult to adjust to a completely foreign body, with strange urges that you don't understand”

“I should have never doubted you, Rarity. You are a true friend” Twilight stepped forward and stood on his rear legs to give the mare a hug ...

... and was stopped short by a cyan magic field “I would hardly think that appropriate, Twilight, considering the circumstances”

Twilight returned to all fours and stepped back blushing fiercely “Oh!” He chuckled awkwardly “I'm sorry Rarity”

“Now, I think I have kept you long enough. I can finish the rest without you”

“I don't feel comfortable going out into town like this” He motioned at himself with his hooves

Rarity blushed slightly “You can take a cold shower in my washroom upstairs”

“Thanks, Rarity” He turned an walked halfway up the stairs

“And Twilight”

Twilight stopped and looked down “Yes?”

“A cold shower and nothing else”

“What do you mean by ...” Twilight trailed off “Ewwww! Rarity, that's disgusting!”

Chapter 5 - Interlude 1

Chapter 5

Trixie struggled through a dark and ominous forest. It was not the Everfree forest (few ponies would last longer than a few days in the Everfree), but that did not make the travel that much safer or less terrifying. Or less humiliating.

After she had been defeated for the second time, Twilight Sparkle had promised Trixie redemption and forgiveness. She had said that Trixie could start afresh and rebuild her life in a better way. That Trixie could come to be loved by ponies of all ages across Equestria

Twilight Sparkle had lied.

There was no forgiveness. Every time Trixie walked into a town Trixie would be ostracized. Townsponies would stare and speak in hushed whispers about the atrocities that Trixie had committed. Mothers would steer their foals back telling their children to stay away from the “bad mare”. Shopkeepers would refuse Trixie service and innkeepers would give Trixie their worst room at twice the normal fare (that is if she got a room at all). Even the worthless beggars on the street would hurtle rocks and insults at Trixie.

Of course, that was only if Trixie had not been chased out of town by an angry mob armed with pitchforks and torches (Pitchforks and torches, they always had pitchforks and torches)

And now Trixie was pushing Trixie's way through some nameless Celestia-forsaken forest a thousand kilometres from any 'civilization' while the liar, Princess Twilight Sparkle, sat fat and happy, in her pretty little castle, loved by everypony.

It made Trixie sick to her stomach. That the Great and Powerful Trixie should live the life of a common outlaw while the weak, deceitful coward, Twilight Sparkle, gets everything. The worst part was that Twilight Sparkle had not even had the honour to face Trixie like a mare, and had resorted to underhanded tricks and treachery in order to defeat Trixie.

Trixie's mental rant was cut short by her faceplanting in the mud.

Trixie slowly got up while cycling through every cuss and swear that Trixie knew. As Trixie was standing up she saw a soft blue light off to her right.

Trixie cautiously approached the light and caught glimpse of an ethereal cerulean sphere.

Trixie recognized it instantly: a Will-O-Wisp, the rare and beautiful forest spirit that was renowned to bring to redemption or lure them to their doom.

The wisp floated in front of Trixie's head as if beckoning her to follow and zipped off into the foliage.

“Stop. The Great and Powerful Trixie commands you to stop” Trixie exclaimed.

The wisp stopped and flew right in front of Trixie's face; rapidly moving up and down as if saying 'hurry up' then hurried into the foliage again. This time followed by it's quarry

After following the wisp for an untold time through rough forest Trixie finally came to a clearing. The wisp flew off and stopped in front of the first pony-built structure Trixie had seen for three months.

It was a small cabin built entirely out wooden planks (that, had Trixie been observant, were much too straight and clean to be rough hewed from the forest) and had several small glass windows and a solid wood door.

Trixie walked right up to the door. Behind this door lay something important; something that could change Trixie's destiny. Something that could destroy her. Or something that could save her from her own destruction.

So Trixie did the only thing that she could do at that moment.

She opened that door.

The inside of the cabin was as unassuming as the exterior; the wooden walls were unadorned and the accommodations were spartan. Trixie looked around, eyes trailing from the couch to the small bed to the many drawers that covered the far wall.

“It has been so long since somepony had the heart to come to this old and decrepit cripple. So long indeed”

Trixie spun around and found herself muzzle to muzzle with a small, frail, and rather deformed, elderly stallion.

“I am Pravitas. What is your name?”

Trixie was caught slightly off guard but recovered quickly. “I'm the Great and Powerful Trixie!” Trixie exclaimed using her illusion magic to make faux fireworks above her head.

Pravitas smiled. “I am honoured to have one who is both great and powerful in my humble home”

Trixie scowled, as so many times before had she been mocked for her self-proclaimed title, but she softened her face as she noted the lack of any mocking tone.

“You have been betrayed, humiliated and cast away by the ponies of Equestria” the stallion limped around the Trixie, examining her.

Trixie didn't know what to think so she examined the stallion before her; his dismal grey coat was marred with black burn-spots and ugly pink wounds, the entire left side of his face was limp, he was missing most of his right ear and his left hind leg was little more than a stump. However two things stood out most of all: first was his cutie mark (or rather Trixie's inability to see his cutie mark (as that every time that Trixie tried to look at it, her eyes would drift elsewhere leaving her with a vague sense of dread)) and second was his wings. His wings were not feathered like a pegasus' or ever draconic like the thestrals', rather they mostly resembled the wings of a butterfly and seemed like they would have been very beautiful at a past time, but were blackened and burnt and full of holes.

“Trixie demands you tell her how you know this!” Trixie exclaimed with venom

“I may be lame, but I am not blind; the truth of your predicament is all too manifest on your pretty face.”

“Why do you care?”

“Because I was once the same; my tribe feared me and what I could do so they cursed and exiled me.”

“What happened?”

The stallion smiled (an utterly terrifying expression on someone who had half their face melted off) and chuckled “they paid for their insolence”

Trixie decided against asking further questions on the topic

“Anyways enough about me.” the stallion took on a serious look “I have a proposition for you”

Trixie was intrigued “What?”

“I can make it so that you will never be mocked or humiliated again”

Trixie became excited “How?”

The stallion pulled a thin, nondescript, black book out of seemingly nowhere “All you have to do is take this”

Trixie was disappointed.  A book? Who do I look like, Twilight Sparkle? “A book?”

“Knowledge is power, and this knowledge is more powerful than anything else.” Pravitas smirked “Is there anything wrong with a book?”

“Um ... no ... it's just that ...” Trixie tried to think of an excuse “... the pony that humiliated me is now an alicorn, and I don't think that one book will be enough”

“So you are wondering if I could make you one your self”

Trixie's eyes widened with excitement “Can you?”

“Depending on what you are willing to give up”

“Anything!”

Pravitas smiled again “Good enough for me”. He then proceeded to draw a circle surrounded by symbols that Trixie had never seen before with surprising speed and precision.

“Stand in the centre of the circle”

Trixie followed his command even though her every instinct screamed at her to run away and never look back

“This may hurt a bit” Pravitas said with his terrible smile and started to chant in a strange and grating tongue, each syllable leaving Trixie's mind as soon as it had entered, leaving nothing but dread and terror in it's wake.

Trixie felt the air fill with the thrumming of twisted and depraved black magic more powerful than anything she had ever felt in her life.

Then the pain came. The excruciating torment of her mind and body and soul being torn to pieces and remade in a terrible mockery of their original form.

Slowly the pain subsided, giving way to blackness. The last thing Trixie heard before slipping into unconsciousness was “Your move, Celestia. Let us see how well you play without your precious Elements of Harmony.

Chapter 6 - To Fluttershy's Cabin

Chapter 6

Twilight and his twin cousin guards were trotting outside of Ponyville on the rarely used path that leads to the edge of the Everfree forest and the cottage that lay there. Twilight had recently abandoned the pseudo-invisibility spell that had been used in town due to lack of ponies in the area (the population comprised of one very timid butter yellow pegasus and her animal friends).

“...And the look on your face was utterly priceless” Shadow fell to the ground priceless.

“I know, Shadow” Twilight growled “You have repeated the story thrice since it happened, fifteen minutes ago!”

“Awww, is wittle Twily embarwesed?”

Twilight responded with a snort.

“Come on Twilight, you have to admit that the whole thing was bucking hilarious”

“No, they weren't funny when they happened, nor are they funny now that you have repeated the happenings three times over” Twilight retorted angrily “Anyways you were supposed to be guarding the door making sure nopony got in, not peeking in on my visit with Rarity. You not only abandoned your duties, you invaded my privacy!”

“Oh, don't be that way Twilight. Umbra can handle one door, isn't that right, sis?”

“You're and idiot, Shadow” Umbra said dryly

Shadow continued on undaunted by her sister's comment “And it was well worth the risk. It was absolutely bucking hilarious, to see you getting stiff while staring directly at Rarity's pussy.” Shadow paused to take a breath “Although if I were in your situation, I imagine that I would have done the same thing. Well ... I am not sure that I could have stopped myself from pouncing her and rutting her sensl...” Shadow's voice suddenly went silent as a magenta aura appeared around her muzzle.

Twilight finished tying off her silencing spell and let out a breath of relief “That's much better.”

“You think you have it bad; I had to live with her”

“We all lived in the same house”

“True, but Shining never let her foul mouth near your young, impressionable ears”

Twilight responded with a snort.

Fluttershy was busy making salad for her cute little Angel Bunny when she heard a knock on her door.

Fluttershy didn't know who would knock on her door at this time, Rainbow was out of town, Pinkie, Rarity and Applejack busy at their places of work and Twilight rarely had the time to visit now that she was a princess. Maybe it was Iron Will returning to demand payment again, or a dragon coming to burn her to a crisp (it didn't even cross her mind that such a dragon would not be likely to knock) or maybe it was even – a possibility far more terrifying than even a fire breathing dragon – fans that had managed to discover the true identity behind her pen-name.

“Wh-wh-who's there?” Fluttershy asked

“Fluttershy, open up; it's Twilight”

Twilight's voice sounded different today; it was lower and had a slight tinge of urgency to it. Twilight could be sick. She could have a cold or the flu or bronchitis or pneumonia or pegapox or leprosy or throat cancer or ... or everything!

Fluttershy quickly opened the door and came face to face with the most stunning sight she had ever seen in her life. So stunning that she could do nothing but stare.

Twilight looked over the beautiful but immobile pegasus blocking his way. He was starting to unnerved by Fluttershy's stare (luckily it was just a stare and not The Stare). “Fluttershy are you alright?” He asked in a concerned voice

The timid mare's reaction was quick and threefold.

“Eeep”

*Pompf*

*Thump*

Twilight walked up to the mare splayed out in the doorway with her wings erect ignoring the other mare rolling around on the ground in silent hysteria several metres to the right. “Is she alright?”

“She just fainted. Probably from her biggest fantasy being fulfilled to the letter”

“What?” Twilight stooped down and placed the unconscious pegasus on his back (the thought of using magic to carry her strangely didn't pass the alicorn's mind) and carried her into the cottage

“Oh, just one of her friends showing up at her door as a rather attractive stallion”

“And you know this how?” Twilight gave Umbra a rather questioning look as he set Fluttershy down on a couch in her living room

“Because I have read several of her books”

“Fluttershy writes?”

“Yes, she uses the pen name Soft Quill, although you have probably never read anything of her's; they are about midway between lighthearted romance and the stuff your mother writes”. Twilight visibly shuddered at the mention of her mother's not-literature

“And you never thought to tell me this?” Twilight raised an eyebrow

“I thought you knew. Anyways, I have been present for some your 'differences of opinion' with Lady Velvet on the 'definition of literature'. You Twilights go crazy when it has to do with books”

Twilight snorted “My mother is always crazy. She's completely bucking insane”

“And so is the pink menace, and the mint green lyrist, and her changeling friend, and the white wannabe noble, and for that matter most of the rest of Ponyville; including, on occasion, you.”

Twilight opened then closed his mouth, not a word escaping

*Yawn*

Twilight turned to see the bearer of Kindness stretching her hooves and rubbing her eyes making no move to try and hide her morning wing.

“Angel, I had the same dream again. It was Twilight; but this time and she ... um, he was ever hotter than I ever dreamed before” Fluttershy said in a volume that Twilight had rarely heard coming out of the shy pegasus's mouth (which barely approached the normal talking volume of most ponies).

Twilight's mind was reeling, unable to comprehend what Fluttershy had just said.

Shadow was – once again – rolling on the ground laughing uncontrollably (silently as that she had not yet managed to remove the silencing spell)

Umbra was nearly unaffected, only sporting a smirk

And a small white rabbit was jumping up and down waving his paws right in front of the now-conscious mare

“What is it Angel? It wasn't a dream?” Fluttershy's eyes widened “Was I imagining that I had a dream? Is this bad?”

Angel slapped a paw against his face and pointed in Twilight's general direction

“What is it?” Fluttershy turned her head and looked directly into Twilight's eyes. Her face exploded into a blush so fierce that it travelled halfway down her neck “Oh my”

Fluttershy's awkward stare awoke something in Twilight, a fear that he hadn't even know he had until now. What if all his encounters with his friends were this awkward? They had previously been a group of six mares brought together, despite their differences, by the things they had in common. But now Twilight was a stallion, and – if Twilight's encounters with Rarity and Fluttershy held true for the others – there would an unspoken awkwardness that would be a very definite elephant in the room (An idiom that is occasionally considered racist, but very accurate at the same time, as elephants are generally loud, obnoxious, disrespectful and have no concept of common courtesy). How would the synergy survive if they couldn't even talk freely with each other?

Deep down that was his greatest fear. Even greater than to disappoint Celestia (especially as that he was currently rather pissed at the princess due to her rather unsympathetic letter). He was afraid of losing his friends.

And now it seemed inevitable. Not from a fight that roiled their angers, nor an evil force intent on driving them apart. They would simply drift apart, unable to communicate on the deepest levels due to the invisible wedge of uncomfortable awkwardness driven in by his transformation. And it seemed that there was nothing that Twilight could do about it (short of high treason). Not even Discord had made Twilight feel so impotent and out of control of his own fate, and never had he ever felt such such an overwhelming sense of despair. Twilight fell to the ground and started to weep uncontrollably.

Shadow and Umbra were shocked and didn't know what to do, but Fluttershy did. The small pegasus mare walked up to and embraced the much larger alicorn stallion. “What's wrong, Twilight”

“This wasn't supposed to happen” Twilight managed between sobs

“It's okay, Twilight. I know that whatever happened to you to cause this was quite traumatic for you. But you are going to be okay”

“No, I won't”

“You will feel better if you tell somepony” Fluttershy said in a kind manner

Twilight looked deep into Fluttershy's eyes and saw the sincerity and unconditional love of a true friend. So he told her everything, about how the spell caused  the transformation, about her letter to Celestia and the anger that came with her reply, about her meetings with both Luna and Rarity, and about his own fears and insecurities that led to his recent breakdown. Fluttershy didn't say a word, she just let him talk, lending a listening ear.

Only once Twilight was finished did Fluttershy open her mouth “Isn't it so much better to have all that off your chest?”

Twilight noticed that he was feeling almost physically lighter, and no longer had the weight of dread on his mind “Yes, thank you Fluttershy. I feel much better now”

Fluttershy just smiled and nodded

“I need to go now. I still need to tell Pinkie and Applejack about what happened”

“Okay, good bye”

Fluttershy watched as Twilight left, with her guards silently in tow. She silently wept, for she had finally found the one, and he may never look at her in the same way that she looked at him.

Once Twilight had left she turned around ...

... and nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw the smiling pink pony standing there.

“Come quickly Fluttershy. For we have a party to prepare!”

Pinkie grabbed the pegasus's hoof and – within the blink of an eye – they were no longer in the cottage.

Chapter 8 - Twilight's Court

Chapter 8

Twilight awoke the next morning feeling very rested and ready to face the day. He made his way downstairs, drawn by the smell of Spike's signature pancakes. When he entered the kitchen (when there are only four of you, it makes little sense to sit in a dinning room built for more than a hundred ponies) he saw a very cheery Umbra talking to a rather dejected looking Shadow

“... and Big Mac was there along with that weatherpony Thunderlane and that really strange clockmaker that calls himself 'The Doctor'.” Umbra lied so well that even her (equally deceptive) sister couldn't pick up on it “We had the time of our lives”

Twilight rolled his eyes and chuckled to himself;

“It's no fair, you got to go to a great party while I had stay here and helped Spike organize the bookshelves” Shadow pouted

“Applejack was there” Twilight added as he sat down and grabbed several pancakes with his magic and began eating them whole in a way that would make Rarity cringe “And she was rather belligerent”

“Then I would have challenged her to a duel and taken Maccie as a prize”

Umbra snorted and chuckled at her sister's pet name for the stallion

“And what if he didn't want to be 'taken as a prize'”

“Eh, he's just a stallion”

Umbra facehoofed while Twilight almost choked on a pancake

“'Just a stallion'? What's that supposed to mean?” Twilight's asked accusingly at the dark mare

“Um ... that he's a stallion?” Shadow asked nervously

“And what's wrong with that?” Twilight gave the mare a glare that was only a few orders of magnitude less powerful than the dreaded Stare

“Um ... nothing?” the mare managed to squeak out

“So Twilight, are you ready for today's morning court?” Spike asked as he walked up while carrying a stack of pancakes twice his own height

Twilight instantly started to panic. In the recent events he had entirely forgotten about his semiweekly morning court “Ah! How could I forget.” he screamed in a slightly deranged fashion before disappearing in a flash of magenta light

The two mares and the dragonling looked at one another; silently asking who would go after him

“Not me” said the trio in unison before resuming their breakfast

Fifteen minutes and several unnecessary panic attacks later Twilight was sitting on his throne (which, with his larger stallion body, almost looked reasonable in size) in the aptly named throne room.

It had only taken Twilight ten minutes to figure out that there was, quite literally, absolutely nothing that he needed to prepare for his court; among other things, he had spent several minutes worrying about how his regalia would no longer fit him before he remembered that he, or rather she, had never worn it in the first place.

The ponies of Ponyville seemed to believe that wearing clothes of any sort was an arrogant statement of superiority along with an act of self-concealment; much like saying “I am too good to show you who I really am” or something similar (Which made Twilight sincerely doubt a certain white mare's sanity who had set up a high class boutique in what was basically a nudest colony).

But alas, the tale must move forward.

Spike announced the first petitioners “Miss Diamond Pick and company”

In entered three ponies who bowed out of respect. The first, a cerulean earth mare, started “Greetings, Your Royal Highness, I am Diamond Pick and we are here on a matter of business” Diamond turned towards the golden-brown unicorn mare to her right

“And I am Golden Rod,” The unicorn shuffled nervously “We are here because I ... um ... we have recently found, what could quite possibly be, a very significant mineral deposit to the south-west of Ponyville.”

Twilight couldn't help but be intrigued “What minerals are we talking about anyways?”

“The divination revealed large amounts of copper and mythril ore with smaller veins of gold ore and there were minor indications of adamantite”

Twilight's eyes widened slightly, adamantite, the ore of adamantium, was worth ten times it's weight in gold (and one mere gram of the refined metal was worth more than the average pony made in a lifetime)

“I'm sure we can work something out”

And work something out they did, The miners left the throne room with mining rights and all the bits that they would need to establish their mine while Twilight remained with a rather significant stake in the operations.

However something left Twilight unsettled. The third pony in the group, a muscle-bound earth stallion, hadn't said anything, nor had Twilight even learnt his name. Instead he had just stood there quietly several steps back while the two mares had done the talking.

Normally, Twilight would have paid this fact little attention, but his cousin's words from breakfast came back to him 'he's just a stallion'. What if Shadow's words held more truth than he first thought

A number of ponies came to through court. There were several buisnessponies and artisans looking to put up shop in the growing town of Ponyville, there was a handful of townsponies asking him to solve their trivial disputes, and there were a few scholars looking for a position at the soon-be-built Everfree University of Magic (a place where young ponies could come and learn magic regardless of their tribe or social rank). Unfortunately Twilight had yet to find an earth pony willing to teach in the school (the earth ponies vehemently refused to teach their own unique magic to anyone who was not related directly by blood). He chuckled to himself, he never thought that it would be easier to find thestral professors than an earth pony professor.

Luckily, of the ponies that came to court, none of them were the whinny (he, he, he, whinny. You get it?) nobles that plagued Celestia's court. Twilight was not surprised at this; after all, most nobles in Equestria would sooner crawl into a dragon's mouth than deal with a Twilight (it's a long story). Regardless Twilight was starting to feel like the 'Griffin Emperor With No Coat' as that nopony had commented on or even implied they noticed the royal alicorn's recent change in gender.

Twilight was broken out of his thoughts by Spike announcing the next petitioner.

“Carrot Top of Golden Harvest Farms”

“Ugh, and I was having such a good day”  Twilight groaned. Carrot Top was to Twilight like Blueblood was to Celestia (No, not his niece. Anyways Blueblood wasn't truly related to the solar diarch, that was merely a silly rumour). Carrot Top was a very vocal mare who would often come to Twilight's court demanding that some of Sweet Apples Acres's land be turned over to her.

The green maned orange earth mare entered with an intimidating almost military gait emanating a confidence that Twilight had never seen in the mare before.

“Hello Carrot Top” Twilight said icily to the mare that Rainbow had once joked was Applejack's archenemy

“Hello Twilight Sparkle” the farm mare didn't bother to bow as she answered in emotionless monotony

Twilight raised an eyebrow “What brings you here on this formerly wonderful morning”

“As a concerned member of the community I demand that you release your hold on these lands and your titles”

Twilight stared blankly at the mare before bursting into hysterical guffaws “So you want me to abdicate as a prince and duke while turning my back on my family and everything I have worked for?”

“It is not a choice” The mare said unamused

Twilight stopped laughing, the mare was clearly not joking “Why should I?”

“Stallions are not fit to rule, they belong under the mares they serve”

Twilight blinked at that last statement. “And what if I refuse?” Twilight felt the beginnings of fury taking seed in his chest

“Then you will be removed” the mare said smugly

“Is that a threat?” Twilight said through gritted teeth barely holding in his anger

“That's a promise” the earth pony replied darkly

Twilight could no longer hold back the “HOW DARE YOU COME INTO MY COURT AND THREATEN ME, GO NOW AND NEVER ENTER MY PRESENCE AGAIN”

Carrot Top was knocked back about ten metres from where she had been standing before by the sheer power of the Royal Canterlot Voice “You will come to rue this day Twilight Sparkle” she said calmly before turning tail (literally) and leaving.

Twilight wondered why he had suddenly become so quick to anger. Sure he had been put under much stress due to his transformation, but he never reacted to stress in anger (rather he (well, she) would start a downward spiral of neurotic panic attacks and ever decreasing sanity). So why now? Twilight quickly racked his brain for and answer. Hormones! Twilight had read that the natural hormones in a stallion's body causes them to be more aggressive and quicker to anger (Twilight had laughed when she had first read that. Stallions were so calm and docile compared to mares that it was absurd to think that there natural body chemistry made them aggressive). That was exactly what Twilight was feeling right now. Twilight's mood improved greatly now that another mystery was solved.

“Spike, you can send the next petitioner in” Twilight said happily

“There are no more petitioners Twilight”

Twilight was shocked “I've only seen a few of the ponies who were waiting to see me”

“Ponies that were waiting to see you” Spike pointedly said “They all decided that it would be better to wait 'til next week instead of facing an angry you”

“But I'm no longer angry” Twilight pointed out

“And that scares me more than anything from the deepest depths of Tartarus ever could”

“Oh, don't be so dramatic, Spike”

Spike took one look at his unstable mother/brother and turned away shaking his head “Not my problem”

Twilight was lazily flying through the air in the general direction of Sweet Apple Acres. Since his court session had ended early he had decided to check up on Applejack. The fact that she was drunk early last night was highly worrying to the alicorn prince. Applejack could hold he liquor better than most ponies, so she must have drank a large quantity before the start of the party. So naturally Twilight was worried that something had driven the poor mare to drink.

“Heyya Twilight, whatcha doing?” Pinkie said below

Twilight was surprised to see the pink pony bouncing down the road “I could ask you the same question Pinkie” Twilight said as he landed on the dirt road

“Oh, I'm going to see Applejack, I have my family's special hangover cure and I think AJ might need it really, really bad!” Pinkie said in her typical singsong voice

“I was wondering about that, Pinkie. Why was Applejack so drunk last night?”

“Well it all started when my Pinkie Sense told me that you had turned yourself into a stallion, then I thought that it a good reason for a party – but then again what isn't a good reason for a party – and I decided to make it a surprise party; except that it isn't a surprise because you already went to it, does that make it an unsurprise party! Is a surprise party still called a surprise party if it has already happened” Pinkie's eyes widened and she took a gasp of air “If a surprise party already happened and now isn't a surprise party, does that mean that nopony was actually surprised at all?” Pinkie's face now held a look of abject terror.

Twilight sighed “A surprise party is a surprise party regardless of whether it has happened yet. Now what does this have to do with Applejack being drunk last night”

“Oh, yeah, well I started planning the party but I wanted a friend to help, but Rainbow is out of town and she is normally my party planning partner – he, he party planning partner – so I thought that Applejack can do alot of the things that Rainbow can – well except fly and control weather and be cool, awesome and radical all at the same time and be a favourite of the fandom – so I decided that she could help me plan my party. But she was all uptight like 'Pinkie ah've got work ta do' and 'Pinkie will y'all get off me' and 'goshdarnit Pinkie that's one place no mare should put her face' so I gave her some of my family special rock vodka to get her to loosen up a bit; but it didn't work properly, she got all angry and paranoid and even more uptight, so I figured that batch was defective and I poured it into the water fountain”

Twilight blinked in shock. Rock vodka is highly illegal and is considered  toxic and mildly carcinogenic by the Chemical Control Agency due to the fact that the body has a very hard time removing the silicon based alcohols from it's system “So, when Applejack didn't want to help you with the party, you drugged her with illegal liquor to try and change her mind and when that didn't work you poured the rest into the fountain where the many ponies who don't have indoor plumbing get their water?”

“Sheesh, Twilight, that's an awfully negative way to look at it”

Twilight suddenly decided that Sweet Apple Acres would not be an opportune place to be in thirty minutes and remembered that he had some paperwork that needed finishing

Chapter 9 - Interlude 2

Chapter 9

Arcane Theory made her way through the complex maze of halls that makes up the Twilight Manor, looking for one pony in particular, when she cantered into the large courtyard she saw the telltale grey hanging off a nearby cumulus.

Theory cast a small amplification cantrip and yelled at the pegasus “Storm, get your lazy flank down here”

“Why?” Lady Twilight Storm, the only resident pegasus at Twilight Manor, was a unusual fluke. She was born to two unicorn parents, neither of whom had any pegasus heritage. And like any pegasus of unicorn decent she had the misfortune of bearing one of the most stereotypical pegasus names in existence (although she should count herself lucky that she wasn't named Cloud, because Twilight Cloud just sounds awkward).

“I need you to transport some things.”

Storm casually floated down “Ugh, just because I'm the only pegasus here doesn't mean that I'm everypony's errand-filly, 'Storm would you be a dear and transport tree tonnes of rock to Phillydelphia for me please', 'Storm, could you go and clear every cloud in ten kilometres of the manor please', 'Storm, I would like it if you could transport my exotic dildo collection to Princess Celestia's bedchambers for me', it's ludicrous and demeaning.”

“Don't throw a hissy-fit Storm, I just need you to transport a few artifacts to Ponyville for me”

“So, no dildos?” Storm hovered behind the unicorn mare as she led her through the labyrinthine mansion

Theory rolled her eyes “Not unless you're some sort of exotic sword-swallower”

The pegasus mare's eyes widened at that last statement “So, why do you want to go to Ponyville?”

“I have been working on divining the enchanting technique used on a number of artifacts and I can't focus with Lady Velvet constantly pestering me about whether I could enchant some sex toys for her.”

“So, dildos?

“Would you stop saying that, please, it's getting annoying.”

“Okay. Are you sure there aren't any other reasons you want to go to Ponyville” Storm gave the other mare a wink

“Well little Sparkle is a very accomplished scientist.”

Storm rolled her eyes “And the fact that 'little Sparkle' managed to transform 'herself' into a massive hunk of a stallion has absolutely nothing to do with it?”

“What?” Theory asked confused.

“Oh, don't be so embarrassed, it's perfectly natural for you to want to get there before he has more mares than he can handle. In fact, were I not his cousin, I would have done so yesterday.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Wait, how can you not know? Everypony in the manor already knows, Velvet did a little song and dance routine like the loon she is and every single mare who is not directly related has started plotting on how to get into his bed.”

“I have been packing the artifacts for travel for the last day and a half and haven't seen anypony since two days ago.”

“Wow, you really are a loner, aren’t you.”

“Ugh, tell me what happened.”

“Well, little Princess Sparky was testing some spell by Starswirl and was transformed irreversibly into a stallion.”

“That doesn't make sense, Starswirl didn't make transfiguration spell of any kind, let alone gender transformation spells.”

“I know, it makes no sense really. But most mares are deciding to not look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Theory grimaced at the idiom “Okay we are here.”

“Okay what are you studying?”

“There are a number of artifacts with unique enchantments that I have been trying to understand”

“Like what”

Theory walked over to a long thin box and took out a massive sheathed sword. The sword was dull grey and nondescript with it's only marking a six-pointed star on the pommel and the sheath was simple and unadorned.

“It just looks like a big sword”

Theory oriented the sword so the grip was facing Storm “Try and unsheathe it”

Storm reached out a hoof and tried to grab the centre of the grip but it felt like she was trying to grasp nothing. Her hoof slid over the grey metal like oil over water “It's so weird, I can see it and feel it there, but the moment I try to grab it it's like it doesn't exist.”

Theory put the sheathe and sword back into the box it came from “this is the most peculiar object we have, it seems to be completely immune to every type of magic known to ponykind even the ambient magic that allows ponies to grab objects with our hooves, so it's a good thing that it has a sheathe, otherwise it would be almost impossible to move.  Also the design is strange, it is obviously pony made and big enough to be a greatsword, however the design suggests that it is actually a bastard sword. In addition the craftponyship is impeccable and it is at least a thousand years old yet the sword is without any maker's mark. And to top it all off I don't even know what metal it's made of.”

“Okay I get it. This sword is weird. Did you bring me here to tell me that or to transport your stuff to Sparkle's castle?”

“Oh, sorry.” The unicorn mare said sheepishly as she levitated the sword's box and a fer others into an already packed pegasus carriage before climbing into it herself “I have everything packed, you can take off any time now.”

“I thought you wanted to take a few artifacts, not the entire collection.”

“This is only a small fraction of the entire collection. Anyways the carriage is enchanted; it will be like flying a kite.”

“Hmph, fine. But you owe me one.”

Trixie woke up gradually in the middle of a forest clearing to the chirping of birds.

“Damnable birds” Trixie grumbled angrily before trying to go back to sleep.

But the birds wouldn't stop chirping incessantly.

Trixie felt herself getting angry, without knowing what she was doing Trixie reached into her magic reserves and ...

*Pop*

*Pop*

*Pop*

... Trixie felt small drops of moisture landing on her coat.

“what was that?” Trixie said to herself as she got to her hooves and looked around. The formerly obnoxious birds weren't anywhere in sight, and the green leaves of the trees surrounding her seemed to be coated in tiny red dots. Trixie walked over to the leaves and noticed that the red dots were rather tiny beads of a red liquid ...

... Blood, bright sanguine blood. It struck Trixie instantly what had happened. She had killed three birds without even thinking about it. Trixie was frightened, she may have been viewed poorly by other ponies, but she wasn't a cold-blooded killer.

Then Trixie remembered, the creepy pony in the shack, he had done something to Trixie. Trixie remembered the pain and agony, twisting and changing her into something else.

Suddenly, Trixie became aware of a strange weight on her shoulders. She looked turned her head backwards and saw something out of place. Wings!

However these were not the wings of a pegasus or alicorn. Nor did they resemble the draconic wings of a thestral, the fly-like wings of a changeling or even the strange butterfly wings that the stallion had. Rather these wings seemed to be made out of sharp black crystal and looked like they were meant to be used as a weapon more then they were meant for flying.

If she now had sharp deadly wings what else did he change? Trixie conjured a small hoof mirror and looked at her reflection.

She was horrified, her formerly silver mane was now a dreary grey, her eyes now blood red and pupils slitted, her mouth now full of black jagged teeth. But worst of all was her horn; her formerly beautiful spiral horn had been replaced with a curved serrated monstrosity that was as dark as sin.

“Why did this happen to me?” Trixie burst into tears.

'Twilight Sparkle' replied a small voice in her head.

“Who are you?”

'You must kill Twilight Sparkle.'

“You didn't answer my question.”

'Kill, her.'

“Why are you telling me to kill her?”

'Because she drove you out, it is her fault that this happened to you. Kill her'

“Why?”

'Because she tricked you, disgraced you, humiliated you and turned you into a monster.'

“But that stallion did this to me.”

'He never existed, Twilight did this to you.'

The voice was right; the stallion was fading, he had never existed at all. He was merely a ploy by Twilight to make her forget what had really happened. Her cruel face as she chanted the terrible words that changed and twisted Trixie into a monster beyond recognition.

“Yes, Twilight must die. I will train myself in her foul magics until she cannot hope to stand against me” Trixie didn't notice her voice distort as she took out the small nondescript black book that she remembered taking from the library and began to read it's foul spells.

Carrot Top made her the crowds of Canterlot unicorns. Most of whom turned their nuzzle up at her with mutters of 'filthy' or 'dirt pony'. Carrot smirked, the incompetent pin-heads wouldn't be saying such things if they knew who she truly was. Not Carrot Top the farmer, but Carrot Top the assassin and Carrot Top the agent under the employ of Mother.

Carrot came to her destination, a particular piece of the castle wall that nopony noticed. A piece of wall that nopony could notice unless they had previous knowledge of it's location. And right in the centre of the wall was a small wooden door.

She opened the door without any worry of being watched. The perception filter that hid the door extended far enough out completely surround anypony entering or exiting the door. And descended down the narrow staircase.

The Matriarchal Sisterhood of the Zenith was the true ruling body of Equestria, led by the wise and glorious Mother, may she live forever. They pulled strings across the county and had the princesses dancing to their song. Nothing happened in Equestria without the Mother's knowledge and approval and nopony could escape either her gaze or grasp.

Carrot raced through the catacombs that ran directly under the royal palace passing other agents of the Sisterhood who stepped out of Carrot's way. After all Carrot was one of the Mother's highest ranking agents and was tasked with observing the Elements of Harmony and the other unholy presences in Ponyville, not to mention that she was one of the few mares that ever got to speak to the mother directly.

Carrot reached her destination, The Chamber of the Glorious Mother. She stopped and entered respectfully.

“Ah, Carrot Top, I was wondering when I would see you.”

“I came as quickly as I could Mother. There has been a development in Ponyville; Twilight Sparkle has turned herself into a stallion.”

“Yes, I knew that; a letter was sent to Celestia regarding that information. You seem exited for some reason.”

“I am anxious to test my venoms on an alicorn Mother.”

“Now, now, Carrot. Don't be to hasty, after that stunt you pulled today in threatening his life, you would be the first to be suspected.”

“No court would find me guilty”

“The Twilights do not try ponies in court” The Mother said sternly “No, for now we will bide our time and watch what unfolds.”

“Yes Mother” Carrot Top said obediently

The Mother watched as Carrot Top exited the room. Carrot was one of the best she had, but she was prideful and rash. And the earth mare's blunder today had set her plans back several weeks at least.

Although she would never let it show, the Mother was worried more than she had ever been since she had taken over for the previous mother. Twilight Sparkle was intelligent, powerful and resourceful, he had friends in high places and was a member of the only house that the Sisterhood had failed to penetrate.

The Twilights were an enigma to all outsiders, even the Mother. They were said to have entire libraries full of ancient, lost and forbidden knowledge and were known to train their children in arts that most ponies never knew existed, but – with the notable exception of their young prodigy – almost never interacted with the outside world. Yet still the other noble houses speak their name in whispers fearing the banner of three stars. And the young Twilight was no exception, she was the youngest pony ever to be accepted to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns – at the age of eight – and had become Princess Celestia's personal student. She had then become the first bearer of the Element of Magic in almost a thousand years, freed Princess Luna and saved Equestria several times. And now she was a stallion.

Unlike many in the Sisterhood the Mother knew that the transformation would not dull the alicorn's capabilities. Stallions were only subservient and incompetent because they had been raised and indoctrinated that way; as they should be.

Mother smiled at a thought. This might be the first time in her leadership where she faced a challenge. And the Mother was not the kind of mare to back down from a fight.

Gentle Song was walking through one of the roughest neighbourhoods in Equestria's glorious capital city, Canterlot. And like anything, the brighter it shines, the more darkness it hides; her tribe had learned that lesson at a great and terrible cost.

Gentle entered a large dirty cement building that was heavily graffitied and nigh indistinguishable from it's brethren that crowded the street. Sighing heavily as she entered, she was a refugee of a different time, living in a world that she barely understood.

As she reached her room, 647 she took out her key and unlocked her the door.

The inside of the room provided a stark contrast with the surrounding environment. It's clean and bright walls seemed to stand defiance against the defeat that was palatable in the air. The many beds that orderly lined the walls, stood vigil against the decay that seemed to consume all that came into this terrible place.

She took off the decrepit rags and fluttered her – now free – wings. She felt a powerful despair; this is what they had been reduced to. The last of a once proud race, the tribe that was the envy of the world was now all but forgotten, hiding out in refuges that weren’t fit for animals. A tear escaped her eye as she remembered her home Midday Grove had been hardly the largest town in Flutter Valley, but it had been her home. And now it was gone leaving nought but a desolate wasteland. She remembered her friends and family, they would have been twisted into vile parasites and had died as such, unable to remember who they were.

She had survived while so many had lost. She had merely been in the right place at the right time. She had recently been hired as the concertmaster of the Crystalline Philharmonic Orchestra and was protected by the Crystal Heart from the vile curse that the perverted one had cast upon his own tribe. Only several hundred flutterponies had been left and had been taking refuge in the city when the crystal king went mad, the next thing Song had known was waking up a thousand years later and knowing that all hope of saving her family was gone.

The only thing that kept her going now was the feeble hope given by cryptic words spoken by a seer 'find the heir and your honour will be restored'

Gentle Song trotted over to her cot an pulled out a simple violin case. Song had bought it for a couple bits in a pawn shop that didn't know what they had. She didn't recognize the maker (not surprising considering she had missed a thousand years of history) but she could see the care put into the instrument. She pulled the violin and tuned it expertly.

The song was a song of her own make, a song that none would ever hope to copy or understand

It was a song of loss and despair that could make the coldest heart cry.

It was a song of treachery and betrayal of the worst kind.

It was a song of pain and suffering that could never be adequately described by words or rhyme.

It was a song of war and terror that rends upon soul and mind

But most of all it is a song of hope for future times

Chapter 10 - Rainbow Dash's Return

Chapter 10

Twilight sat in his study uncomfortably bent over stacks upon stacks of paperwork.

“Ugh, why does there have to be so much paperwork?” Twilight asked nopony in particular. Of course the question was rhetorical; Twilight knew exactly why.

Every form that anypony filled out ever had two little check-boxes M or F; regardless if it was a for bank account that contained several million bits or a year-long membership to the spa given as a gift by a certain white unicorn who wasn't half as subtle as she thought she was. And now they all had to be changed.

“Prince Sparkle, there is somepony to see you.” Umbra

“This isn't the most opportune time; I'm busy.”

“She's most insistent.”

“Of course I'm insistent, you half brain-dead waste of a horn, I'm his cousin of house.”

Twilight glared at the grey pegasus that strode in like she owned the place “Hello Storm, I didn't expect to see you in Ponyville.”

“'Onward free Twilight' li'l Sparky.” the pegasus said with an unnerving smile.

Twilight sighed, the house words were never meant as a casual greeting. “Why are you here Storm?”

“Arcane Theory wanted to come to Ponyville, something about Lady Velvet messing with her mojo.”

“I wouldn't expect Theory to ever leave the artifacts behind.”

“Trust me she didn't.”

“You do realize that you outrank her; you're a lady of house Twilight and Theory is a knighted commoner.”

“I ... um ... uh ...”

“What she means to say is that I caught her doing something rather embarrassing and she would rather your mother not find out.” Theory said as she entered the room

“I don't even want to know, Theory. I don't even want to know.”

“Are you sure Sparkle? Your mother could write a trilogy with it.”

“Ugh, no.” Twilight shook his head in dismay “How did you even convince my mother to let you bring priceless artifacts to Ponyville anyways”

“I, didn't.”

Twilight groaned and rolled his eyes. “Ugh, fine. I'll put my neck out for you once. But next time you do something stupid, you're on your own”

“I knew you couldn't the lure of ancient magic relics of centuries gone by.”

Twilight sighed again. Damn Theory knew him too damn well

Rainbow Dash was bored. She sat in a large lecture hall that sat hundreds, if not thousands, listening to an old crotchety professor ramble on about something she already knew. In fact Rainbow had the misfortune to have her name on the paper that had preceded this lecture. Twilight had decided, several weeks ago, to see how the salt content in the air of coastal areas affects the inherent magic of storm development (a measurable increase of power by approximately 20 percent) and Rainbow had been her first choice for assistance. And now she had to endure some old mare talking about how this new discovery would affect her job (which it wouldn't, Ponyville was completely landlocked).

Rainbow Dash was also anxious. Not nervous – being nervous isn't cool – but anxious. The Ponyville weather team was one of the least experienced teams in one of the most dangerous positions. With the exception of Rainbow herself, not a single one of the team had gone through formal weather training. It wasn't that she didn't have faith in her team; it was that it seemed that every time she left Ponyville something was screwed up, be it as small as a missed light shower or as large as an F4 tornado (luckily nopony was seriously hurt in that particular event). After spending a week at the weather convention Rainbow was unsure whether Ponyville would be there when she returned.

And to top it all off Rainbow was very uncomfortable. Four days ago Rainbow had felt the first warning signs of heat, and since then it had only gotten worse. To make things even more uncomfortable, this was the first heat cycle Rainbow had experienced in five years; normally the pegasus would get Twilight to cast her heat suppression spell on her, but she hadn't been allowed to spare the half hour required to make a round trip to Ponyville. Aero Hurricane, the current head weather coordinator, had said that the convention was much too important to miss even one event; although Rainbow knew well enough that such a decision was motivated by spite rather than any kind of goodwill. Aero had only gotten her job because she was the daughter of a very powerful noble house, and been butting heads with Rainbow since her placement two years ago. Aero seems to think that she can use the weather teams as a tool to gain influence, while mistreating the workers; that is something that Rainbow would never stand for.

Luckily this was the last day that Aero could legally hold the pegasi of the weather teams in Cloudsdale before the start of the mandatory spring holiday (or the “get yourself rutted” holiday as many mares put it). Rainbow had never been one to take part in the hedonistic nymphomanial culture that most pegasus mares seemed to be a part of. In fact her relative asexuality had caused the pegasus stallions to believe she was a filly-fooler, an unfortunate fallacy that had followed the chromatic mare through her entire life.

To put it simply, Rainbow was not in a good mood.

“Miss Rainbow Dash” said a small exited voice.

“What?!” Rainbow practically growled.

“Oh, I'm sorry, I'll just go now.”

Rainbow turned around “No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be angry with you; I've just had a bad day.”

“I just wanted to say how much I admire you” said the young pegasus mare.

'Well I am awesome” came the long conditioned response of the chromatic mare.

The younger pegasus slowly shook her head “Yes you are.”

“Well I have to be going, the weather team in Ponyville needs me.”

“Good bye, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow walked into the head weather coordinator's office with a small amount of well concealed dread. “Aero, there is nothing you can legally do to hold me here, so I am going back to Ponyville”

“Hope you had fun” the noblemare replied with a cruel smile “You know; I'm pretty sure one of my brothers would be willing to help you with 'your condition'.”

“I'm not sure any of your brothers could help anypony after their multiple nights with you.”

Aero's face paled with rage “oh, sorry, I forgot. You want to go back to spend some 'special time' with the mares of your weather team. Maybe that blind grey retard or the tongueless yellow waste of wings.”

Rainbow drew extremely close to the other mare “Insult me as much as you want, but never insult my friends” Rainbow turned and walked towards the door. She turned her head back towards Aero “Commander Hurricane would have gelded himself in shame if he had known what his descendents would become.”

Rainbow took one more look at the look of rage and hatred that had consumed Aero's face before exiting.

Rainbow was relieved when she saw that Ponyville was still standing and there was no apparent threat looming in the skies, waiting to thunder down on the town.

Rainbow spotted a couple of familiar pegasi resting on a cloud.

“Flitter, status report.”

Unfortunately it was not Flitter, but rather her sister that was the first to answer “What's up, Boss?”

“Cloudchaser, shut up. Flitter, status report.”

“Boss, why can't I give you a status report?”

“Because, Cloudchaser, the last time I asked you for one, you gave me a painfully in depth description of the last five stallions you bedded, and some kind of alcohol induced rant about how you were 'winning'.”

“But you liked it. I know you did.”

Rainbow groaned in frustration “I, quite literally, couldn't care less about your sex life, Cloudchaser. I just don't want to hear about it.”

“Fine, but Princess Twilight spread word around town that she wanted to show you something when you got back in town.”

Flitter's eyes widened and she started to say something but was cut off by Cloudchaser putting a hoof in her mouth.

“Everything's fine with the weather, you go see your friend.” Cloudchaser put on an innocent smile that filled Rainbow's heart with dread.

“Uh, okay. But I expect a full report on the weather when I come back” Rainbow fell into a nose dive before recovering and flying off towards Ponyville Castle.

Flitter spit out her sister's offending hoof  “You realize that you just sent a mare that is in the worst parts of heat into a castle with a recently mare-turned-stallion alicorn prince? Both of whom have shown signs of significant emotional instability.”

“I'm not stupid, of course I know that. And it will do some good and loosen them up.”

Flitter brought her hoof to her face. “Why do you seem to think that any problem can be solved with sex?”

“Because it always worked for me.” Cloudchaser said with a smile.

“Yes, but not all ponies are a nymphomaniac with a clinical lack of shame and a depth that makes a puddle think it's a mighty ocean.”

“I think I understood half of the words in that sentence. Although I don't know what puddles have anything to do with sex.”

“Arrgh. It's a metaphor, and it doesn't have anything to do with sex.”

“A metal four? Do you take the numbers off the houses owned by the stallions that you have sex with too.”

“Dear, Celestia, Luna and Discord, my sister is an incompetent!”

“Hey, I wonder what a night with Discord would be like.”

Twilight trotted down a narrow hallway, Shadow and Umbra had taken their leave to help Theory and Storm with the unloading of the numerous ancient artifacts that would now make their home at this castle.

As much as Twilight wanted to help catalogue the magical items, his next several hours were scheduled for his own research into cataloguing (and in some cases completing) the spells crafted by Starswirl the Bearded.

Twilight turned a corner only to see a multicoloured blur flying on a collision course with himself ...

*Smash*

“Rainbow Dash, what did I say about flying around in my castle” Twilight said to the mare that was currently atop him.

“Cloudchaser said that you had something to show me, and I think I like it” Rainbow had adopted an amateur version of a seductive voice before placing an inexperienced kiss on the top of Twilight's muzzle.

Twilight's mind was in turmoil. None of his other friends had reacted to his change like this; why would Rainbow, who was by all accounts the least interested in the other sex, be suddenly acting this way towards the former mare.

All of Twilight's questions were answered when he inhaled the frisky mare's scent. Her sweet, glorious musk. It all clicked, Rainbow must have entered her oestrus cycle a couple of weeks early. “By the Styx, Rainbow, you're in heat; get off of me” Twilight said, or rather tried to say; what actually came out of his mouth was more along the lines of “Mmmm, Rainbow you smell good.”

Rainbow responded by placing a sloppy passionate kiss straight on the alicorn's lips.

Twilight felt his own lips parting and giving the cerulean mare passage as the treacherous armies of animal lust conquered the fortress of his mind. The few loyal neurons in his cortex had lost all hope of adverting the imminent catastrophe and instead rallied their efforts towards damage control. And as such, the last conscious act of Twilight Sparkle on that day was to cast two spells.

The first was a powerful contraceptive.

The second teleported them both to Twilight's bedchambers.

Chapter 11 - The Morning After

Chapter 11

She stood there, looking down upon the battlefield. Her ponies, the newly reunited six tribes, held their own against their larger, more powerful foe, the griffons.

She spotted the griffon king, King Steelwing, armoured in brilliant mithril plate; he had rallied the multiple independent griffon city states against the newly formed Equestria. The griffons said that the former prey could not be given the chance to unite and must be destroyed before they could become a threat.

With one flap of her wings she took off with a velocity that no mortal pegasus could match. She drew her weapon, the large alicorn sized hand-and-a-half bastard sword, Iridescence. Iri's normal polychromatic ripples were dominated by a crimson that reflected her own anger.

“Steelwing, thy cowardly tactics wilt not save thy life today. I wilt end thy life with mine own two hooves” She shouted using a simple voice amplification charm

“Ah, yes, one of the three divine sisters of ponykind. I wast wondering when thou wouldst join the fray. Today I wilt return victorious bearing the title of godslayer.” The massive griffon swung his oversized war-hammer catching a crystal pony in the side, shattering the poor mare without mercy.

“Only one of us wilt survive today, but it wilt not be thee.” She swung Iri in a broad sweep as she quickly neared the king.

The king raised his hammer to block but was caught off guard when she used the momentum from her swing to rotate midair and smash her left rear hoof into the griffon's visor, sending the king backwards into several unfortunate griffins.

She pulled her wings in and rolled several times before stopping. She pulled herself up and faced Steelwing in the large circular opening that had been created (after all, everything with half a brain knew better than to get between an angry alicorn and the object of her anger). “This is thy end. Thou wilt never again see the mountains whence thou comest. Hath thee any last words?”

Steelwing removed his massively deformed helmet revealing his bleeding face and cracked beak “The ponies wilt always be our prey, not even a goddess couldst change that. Even if thou slayest me today; there wilt always be another to take up my mantle.”

“So be it.” She lunged at the griffon with a flap of her wings, who answered the charge with a downward swing of his hammer. She corkscrewed to the right, feathers grazing the side of the hammer, and managed a shallow cut in a small crack in the griffon's armour near his shoulder.

She landed and moved into a bipedal stance, her wings spread for balance. “Thou wilt never strike me, thou art too slow” She charged again; aiming a swing right at the unprotected neck of the leo-avian. The griffon king answered with a vertical swing of his own; no doubt expecting her to break off her attack to avoid injury. While she could easily continue trading blows with the king indefinitely, slowly wearing him down to the point where he keels over from exhaustion, her ponies could not. She needed to win this fight quickly; ponies, no matter how well trained, were not built for combat like the griffons were, and the advantage they held would be lost rather quickly. So she made no move to dodge, intent on finishing it.

She felt Iridescence bite into flesh before receiving the impact of the hammer in her side. She felt her armour dent and her ribs shatter as she was sent flying twenty metres.

The battle rang with cries of “The king is dead” as the griffons lost heart and fled.

Rainbow Dash slowly stirred in her bed the memory of her dream still fresh in her mind. The first sensation that came to her was warmth. This in itself – while expected by most land-dwelling ponies – was highly unusual for Rainbow Dash. She lived in a cloud house, and even the thickest blankets could only do so much against the freezing cold and the harsh winds of the upper troposphere. Not that this puzzling warmth was unwelcome in the slightest, and it made her want to lay in bed all morning.

Rainbow buried her muzzle in the soft lavender fur in an attempt to shield her eyes from the bright dawn that seemed intent on reminding her of her morning duties.

Lavender Fur?! Rainbow was shocked awake in an instant to find herself entwined in the hooves and wings of a large purple alicorn stallion.

“What?” Rainbow looked at the stallion that greatly resembled one of her closest friends as she slowly realized that last night wasn't some heat-induced fantasy, but had actually happened. She slept with the inexplicably masculine Twilight Sparkle. And it was awesome.

Right then Rainbow remembered that she had missed dinner last night, leaving her downright starving, and unfortunately, Twilight didn't seem like he was going to let her go any time soon.

Rainbow struggled against the stallion's grip to little avail. “Okay, Twilight, I'm going to need you to let me go now.”

Twilight however had different plans; he mumbled in his sleep and pulled the pegasus closer, nearly crushing the poor mare.

“Ugh, this is just great”

Meanwhile, several floors down four mares and a mildly traumatized dragonling were seated at the dining room table for breakfast.

“I really never truly expected Sparkles to get get himself laid so quickly.”

“Heh, silly Storm, I'm surprised he made it through his first day without mounting  every mare he saw.”

Umbra rolled her eyes. “And that is why the world is lucky that little Sparkle is the stallion and not you.”

“He's not so little any more; he stands taller than any other stallion. And from the volume of the moans last night, I'd say he's generously proportional.”

“Ugh, will you stop talking about Twilight like that. She, um he, raised me and is like a mother to me. It's bad enough I had to hear him and Rainbow last night, but now you are talking about him in the weirdest way. You're his cousins, for crying out loud.” The young drake stalked off with a huff.

“Hmm, strange. I would have thought that he would be happy that his parents were finally getting together” Theory mused out loud.

The other three mares looked at Theory like she had grown another head.

“What?”

...

“Okay, when the young fillies and colts are asked to hatch the 'dragon egg' during the entrance exam to Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, they are expected to fail – the task is impossible, the 'dragon egg' is actually a painted stone, and no single pony can create new life – as Sparkle was going to, but then there was a large explosion of magic and suddenly Sparkle managed to hatch the 'egg' into an actual dragon. Now it was later discovered that said explosion was in fact the 'Sonic Rainboom' of another young filly, Rainbow Dash. Now I hypothesize that Dash's magic mixed with Twilight's to cause a magically induced pseudo-impregnation that Twilight managed to set inside the stone using her magic, thus turning the stone into a real egg which she then proceeded to hatch.”

“Interesting ... theory Theory.” Storm said slowly. “So when will you be the one in the 'royal bedchambers' moaning loud enough for all of Ponyville to hear you.”

Theory sputtered and choked on a waffle “What?!”

“Oh, don't play dumb with me, I know exactly why you wanted to come here Theory.”

“I told you, I didn't even know Sparkle was a stallion when I laid my plans.”

“So you want me to believe that it was all just a happy accident?”

“Ugh, your impossible Storm.”

However Storm didn't manage a reply before Shadow greeted the fifth mare to enter the room “Hey, there's the lucky filly. You must be starving after last night”

Rainbow was flabbergasted. After an escape that would have made the Great Hoofdini proud, her hunger had driven towards the dining room, where not only Twilight's two twin cousins, but two mares she had never seen before, were eating at the table. Naturally Rainbow had been terrified; she had grown up hearing horror stories of what mares did to ponies they caught sleeping with their male relatives out of wedlock.

But when said mares showed not only a distinct lack of murderous intent, but a seemingly genuine friendliness, Rainbow didn't know what to think. Rainbow's instincts screamed that it was a trap.

Shadow lit her horn and Rainbow was levitated forward and placed in a seat. “Geez, relax. If I wanted to hurt you, you would already be dead. I'm a expertly trained member of the Twilight House Guard.

Umbra guffawed. “You neglect to mention that the majority of your time 'training' was spent fawning over the various colts, many of whom are directly related to us.”

“Well at least I'm not a filly-fooler.”

“Yes, just because I don't leer at my cousins makes me a filly-fooler, impeccable logic my dear sister.”

Shadow glared at Umbra before turning back to Rainbow “What I was trying to say is, we aren't mad that you slept with Sparky, we're grateful. Even as a little filly, Sparkle was neurotic and tightly wound; it was obvious that she needed to get laid, badly. In fact several years ago Lady Velvet offered a thousand bits to whichever stallion managed to seduce her. A kind of price on her maidenhead.” Shadow laughed at what she thought to be a rather clever pun.

In light of what she had just been told, Rainbow didn't know what to think. “Lady Velvet?”

“High Lady Twilight Velvet is Twilight Sparkle's mother and current matriarch of house Twilight. Although, if I were you, I would put off meeting her for as long as possible; she's nuttier than your pink friend.” Umbra answered.

Rainbow doubted that anypony could come close to Pinkie's level of insanity. “And who are they?” Rainbow pointed her hooves at the two unfamiliar mares.

“I am Lady Twilight Storm the First, cousin to the great Prince Twilight Sparkle of Ponyville, and this my trusty knight Dame Arcane Theory”

Storm received three deadpan stares while Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “Uh huh. And why are you here, if not to attack me?”

“We are here because, Dame Theory has put into play a dastardly plot to work her way into bed with my cousin, the prince, and she had to bring ten bucking tonnes of ancient artifacts in order to have a plausible alibi.”

“That is not true! I didn't even know Sparkle had turned herself into a stallion; at that time I had spent 36 hours straight packing for the move, during which time I hadn't seen a single pony.”

“Likely story” Storm rolled her eyes. “There isn't anything to be ashamed of; he's a prince, the heir to House Twilight, extremely rich and one hunk of a stallion. The only downside is he's slightly insane, but you've lived in the Twilight Manor for your entire life, so you should be able to handle him.”

“Yes, he is an absurdly attractive stallion, and yes, I wouldn't mind him making me his mare. But, my purpose in moving here was to put as much distance between my work and Lady Velvet as possible.”

“And by 'making you his mare', you mean 'rutting you senseless repeatedly until you pass out'?”

“Yes, I admit it! I want to sleep with Prince Twilight Sparkle. In fact that was the whole reason I decided to come here, even though I was completely unaware that he was a stallion at the time of my decision! There, you happy now?” Theory's face flushed in anger.

Storm chuckled “You're so funny when you're angry.”

Theory jumped out of her seat and lunged at Storm who was cackling like a madpony.

Rainbow decided that it was time to leave, so she grabbed the plate of waffles and the syrup and walked out of the room unnoticed

Eventually Theory's burst of rage ran it's course, leaving a rather battered pegasus in the terrible throws of hysteria. Theory looked around the room and noticed the missing pegasus. “Where did Rainbow go?”

“I don't know, but she stole our waffles.” Shadow griped before turning and yelling loudly “Rainbow if you can hear me then I want you to know something: mares have died for less!”

“Oh, Shadow, this is easy to fix.” Storm said as she picked herself of the floor. “Spike, would you be a dear, and make another plate of waffles?”

Spike answered from the next room. “Make them yourself, you lazy mares.”

“You're going to regret that Spike.” Umbra though as she followed the three other mares into the kitchen.

Rainbow walked into Twilight's room “Twilight, you awake?”

“Huh, Rainbow?”

“Yeah, I brought waffles. Figured you would be pretty hungry, I know I am.” Rainbow put the waffles and syrup on the bed and laid across from Twilight.

“Why are you here, Rainbow?”

“Why wouldn't I, I'm not that kind of mare.” Rainbow said with a roll of her eyes.

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked perplexedly.

“I wouldn't just leave after last night.”

“Last night?” Twilight made a face that Rainbow found both cute and hilarious.

“I'm offended, you don't even remember” Rainbow said with a snicker

“Huh, remember what?”

“You, me, the bed, last night”

Twilight was confused, to say the least. The only thing that had happened last night was a embarrassingly vivid dream involving Rainbow.

A very vivid dream.

Vivid to the point of realism.

Twilight's eyes widened in shock, it all fit together. I wasn't a dream!

A bone chilling falsetto wail ripped through the disaster zone that was the kitchen causing Storm to spill the batter on the floor for the seventh time.

Umbra rolled her eyes, “Shadow, you owe me ten bits.”

“Ugh, damn it Twilight”

Chapter 12 - Conversations Over Breakfast

Chapter 12

“Get” *smack* “Yourself” *smack* “Together” Rainbow punctuated her words with light blows to the screaming stallion.

“Ugh” Rainbow shoved her hoof into the alicorn's mouth “Now, Twilight, please, for the love of Celestia, STOP SCREAMING!”

Once the prince's muffled scream stopped the pegasus removed her hoof from her friend's mouth.

“I'm so sorry Rainbow, I'm an bad, awful, terrible, dreadful, atrocious, abominable, unspeakable friend. I violated your trust and exploited you at your greatest time of weakness. There is nothing I could repay you for what I have taken from you and if you don't want to be my friend anymore, I understand.” Twilight broke into a wretched sobbing mess.

“Twilight, It's me who should be sorry. If I hadn't been flying through the castle faster than I could see, I wouldn't have crashed into you and this would have never happened” In truth Rainbow mostly blamed Cloudchaser, but that hardly seemed to be the thing to say. In addition, as much as Rainbow loathed it, Cloudchaser was still a member of her weather team, and using your subordinates as scapegoats was the fastest way to loose any trust and loyalty they had for you.

“No, you were in your oestrus cycle; I knew that and I still couldn't stop myself from taking advantage of you. I don't deserve to be your friend.”

Rainbow sighed and rolled her eyes “Exactly, I was in heat. You're the egghead, tell me what a mare in heat does to stallions.”

“The pheromones released by a mare during her oestrus cycle cause stallions to experience a number of typical symptoms: increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, increased sexual desire, increased endurance, decreased inhibition and judgement impairment. Such symptoms are most prevalent in full grown stallions with limited exposure to mares and in some extreme cases can result in a complete loss inhibition and judgement.”

“And you have to be the most extreme case I know; I mean – unless you have something you want to tell me – you couldn't have been a stallion for more than a week.”

“It has been about sixty hours since I became a stallion”

“See, you shouldn't beat yourself over something that wasn't in your control.”

“That's just it. I am a royal alicorn; I can't afford to lose control like that. If I can't even control myself, how can I even hope to rule.”

“Everypony does things that they aren't proud of, even the coolest pegasus in all of Equestria has done some things that she regrets.”

“Yeah, Fluttershy was rather ashamed of the whole Iron Will incident”

Rainbow didn't know whether to be relieved that Twilight seemed to have regained his sense of humour or angry that he had insulted her. “Oh, so I'm just your second choice then? I'm insulted.”

Unfortunately Rainbow's joke was poorly received, as Twilight broke into miserable sobs. “I'm so, so sorry Rainbow, I'm a bad friend, it's all my fault this happened; please, please, don't hate me.”

“Ugh, stupid, stupid Rainbow, why don't you think before you open your mouth?” Rainbow berated herself before moving beside Twilight and putting her wing over the sobbing alicorn. “Twilight, that was a joke, a really bad joke, but still a joke. I don't blame you for any of this, and even if I did, I would never hate you. Before you came into my life and brought the six of us together, I had no friends – well there was Fluttershy, but I hadn't talked to her in five years and didn't even know she lived here – I was just the arrogant big city pegasus in the small earth pony town. The worst part was that I didn't even believe that I needed any friends; I was just one young mare who had no better dream in life than to be famous.”

“Yes, but, but, I took advantage of you”

“No we slept together while we were both hornier than Spitfire in the Wonderbolts' change room.”

Twilight looked at the mare questioningly.

“Trust me, you don't want to know” Rainbow visibly shuddered “I think I'm still traumatized from walking in on that.”

...

“What I was saying is that last night was consensual on both sides – for a given amount of consent – and there is no reason to beat yourself up about it.”

“But, statistically, friendships usually die after two friends engage in sexual intercourse with each other. It becomes to awkward to continue.”

“Seriously Twilight, Discord couldn't keep us apart for long, we're Elements of Harmony. Anyways we don't have to just stay friends.” Rainbow nuzzled the stallion beside her.

“Ugh, Rainbow, that proposal has even more going against it. Almost no romantic relations that start with coitus survive more than a month and most romantic relations between long term friends not only break up rather quickly, but usually ruin the friendship they had before.”

“Seriously, Twilight, buck statistics; they only apply to average ponies, and we aren't average. You're the Element of Magic, an alicorn and you have crazy powerful magic, and I'm the Element of Loyalty, the fastest pegasus in Equestria and I can break the sound barrier, which many ponies still believe is impossible.”

“But statistics never lie.”

“I'm bucking tired of this.” Rainbow grabbed Twilight's face with her hooves and looked straight into the alicorn's eyes “I'm terrible at expressing my feelings, but last night was the best bucking night of my life, and I'm insulted that you belittle and blame yourself for things that are not your fault.” Rainbow pulled the shocked stallion into a powerful romantic kiss that showed deeper feeling than she would have ever believed she would feel.

As Theory watched the horrific scene before her, she wondered whether she was the only sane pony to ever step foot within the labyrinthine tunnels of the Twilight Manor (well, mostly sane). She had never seen a kitchen in such a poor state in her life, and doubted one had ever even come close. The stove was on fire, the toaster smashed beyond recognition, batter (and numerous other unrecognizable fluids) was everywhere (they had even managed to spill it inside the fridge) and most terrifyingly, one spill had completely eaten through the solid granite counter-tops.

When her older sister had told her that she was marrying into a noble house, Theory had imagined a large manor in the centre of Canterlot filled with rich arrogant prudes who were more concerned with appearance than substance. It would be impossible to describe exactly how surprised Theory had been when she actually met the Twilights, an entire house of borderline lunatics that took pride in doing everything completely different than everypony else, many things that were taboo for the rest of ponykind were accepted and often expected within House Twilight.

Theory winced as yet another kitchen appliance exploded. She decided that it would be in her best interest to vacate the premises and search for waffles elsewhere.

Theory snuck quietly into Sparkle's room, eyes on the stolen goods that had been left carelessly unguarded as the thief held the prince in passionate embrace. Theory approached the plate of golden brown deliciousness without a sound.

Unfortunately, in the moments preceding the liberation of the light fluffy waffles the unicorn locked eyes with the pegasus.

Rainbow broke the kiss involuntarily launching herself backwards into a wall with a scream.

Twilight slowly turned around and stared the unicorn mare in the eye. “Theory, what are you doing in my room?” Twilight's voice was calm but menacing.

“Waffles?” Theory's nervous answer sounded more like a question than anything else.

Twilight swiftly brought a hoof to his face. “So you sneak into my bedroom, invading my private sanctum and scare poor Rainbow into a wall because you wanted waffles?” Twilight looked at the plate of waffles that had been untouched since Rainbow had brought them into the room. “Here I was thinking you were the sane one.”

Theory didn't answer, rather Rainbow chose that moment to enter the conversation “I wasn't scared, I just wasn't expecting one of your weird cousins to walk in on us.”

“You will need to get used to other mares, otherwise you probably shouldn't be with a Twilight. Anyways I'm not actually related to him by blood, and my sister married her father, so even if I was, I would be her aunt not cousin.”

“What? Doesn't that mean that you're related.”

“No, my sister is not her mother, so there isn't any blood relation there.” Theory said before turning to Twilight. “Am I right to guess that you failed to mention the Twilight family structure to your friends.”

“No I just went up to all of them and said 'hello girls, I just wanted to tell you that I am a member of an eight-hundred year old polygamous omnivorous house that is so insane that it is part of the psycho-therapist guild's creed to stay as far away from us as physically possible'.” Twilight said with harsh sarcasm “Yes that would have gone over just fine.”

“Huh? Whatcha talking about Twilight?” Rainbow was wearing a rather confused face.

“Do you know what a herd is Rainbow?”

“Um, yeah everypony knows that. One stallion dating several mares in ancient times, they were outlawed a long time ago because many ponies thought it gave the stallions too much power over their mares.”

Now it was Twilight's turn to be confused; who had told her friend such lies and misinformation? Herds and polygamy had not been illegalized (Mostly due to a number of extremely long and well fought legal battles by the Twilights) and the part about stallions made no sense whatsoever; usually the leader of the herd was a mare. In fact the reason that herds disappeared was because many of the powerful noblemares decided they didn't want to share a stallion and many mares just followed their lead (regardless of how little sense it made with the gender balance skewed as it was (and still is)). “Herds came to a peak between 800 and 900 years ago during what was known as the Equestrian Dark Ages due to the harsh living conditions and the gender imbalance; they started to disappear between 600 and 700 years ago as most of the nobility decided to choose monogamy for various reasons and almost completely disappeared between 300 and 400 years ago. However, polygamy was never made illegal and there are still a few families that still practice it across Equestria.”

“Uh huh.”

“The reason I brought this up is because Twilight House is one of those families”

“You mean that you come from a family where they have herds?”

“We don't call it that, but yes. For example my father is married to three mares, my mother and Theory's sister being two of them.” Twilight waited for Rainbow to respond in disgust, saying how vile and unnatural the very thought of having multiple spouses was.

“That's so ... hot” Rainbow said before pulling Twilight into another passionate kiss, this time not caring if anypony was watching.

Once the kiss was broken Twilight spoke up. “I need you to promise me something.”

“Yeah?”

“You can't tell any of the girls what I just told you. I don't know how they would react.”

“Okay, Twilight, I promise”

Twilight narrowed his eyes at her.

“What? You don't trust my word?”

“Rainbow, that was one of the weakest promises I have ever heard.”

“Okay, fine.” Rainbow took a dramatic pose, “I, Rainbow Dash, swear upon the Element of Loyalty that I wilt tell no soul what thou, Prince Twilight Sparkle, hast told me today. If I break this oath, may all brand me traitor 'til the end of time itself”

Twilight just stared with his mouth open as Theory laughter caused her to choke on a waffle that she was eating. Rainbow had a flare for the dramatic, but the archaic Equish made the whole thing so absurd.

“Was that promise strong enough for you?”

“It wasn't what I was expecting but I think it will do.”

“Twilight, oh Twilight, wherefore art thou Twilight?” Theory broke into hysterical laughter.

Rainbow narrowed her eyes at Theory “What's up with her, and why is she asking stupid questions?”

“She's making a crack at you for using archaic Equish in that oath by mangling a Shakespeare quote.”

“What do you mean by 'archaic Equish'?” Rainbow tilted her head slightly at Twilight.

“Well you said 'wilt' 'thou' and 'hast', in fact you spoke very much like how Luna speaks if you ignore to royal we.”

“Really, that's weird, I remember speaking normal Equish” Rainbow rubbed her forehead with a hoof.

“Yes, that is extremely particular, have you been spending ...” Twilight blushed as he was cut off by a massive growl from his stomach. “We'll talk about this later, right now I'm hungry.”

And so the plate of waffles ended it's epic journey satisfying the hunger of a pegasus, a unicorn and an an alicorn.

Chapter 13 - A trip to town

Chapter 13

Twilight, Rainbow and Theory made their way into the small dining room that adjoined the kitchen.

“There he is; not even a stallion for a week and he manages to snag himself a mare.” Shadow chuckles ignoring the death glare she received from Rainbow “Who would have ever thought that little Sparkle needed to become a stallion in order to get laid?”

Twilight snorted and rolled his eyes. “I love you to Shadow.”

“Now now, Sparkle, I'm your cousin; so none of that.”

Twilight facehoofed while Storm, Umbra and Theory burst into laughter.

“What?” The dark mare asked innocently.

Twilight ignored the dark mare and trotted into the kitchen. “What did you do to my kitchen?”

“What do you mean?” Came Shadow's voice from the adjoining room.

“The kitchen is clean; the only time you clean anything is when you are covering something up.” The kitchen was, in fact, spotless; there wasn't a single apparent flaw in the entire kitchen. Twilight focused his magic and cast a simple dispel illusion spell and looked around again and sighed before trotting back into the dining room. “Okay, Umbra, I want my kitchen back in the state it was yesterday as soon as possible and no illusions this time.” Umbra made to argue before being cut off by Twilight. “You are just as much at fault for this mess as the other two, not to mention that you are supposed to be the responsible one.”

Twilight walked over to Shadow “I have half a mind to hang you from one of the castle's towers by your tail but I've decided to go for a less conventional punishment.”

“What?” Shadow said nervously.

“It's more fun not telling you.” Twilight spoke happily with a twisted smile. Shadow had a very vivid imagination and the fear of the unknown punishment would be much worse than anything Twilight could think up.

He then moved on to the pegasus Twilight. “Storm, I understand that you were planning on flying back to the manor soon, but it has come to my attention that the local weather team is woefully understaffed and that an extra pair of wings would be appreciated greatly. So until I say otherwise, you will report to Rainbow Dash every morning and assist her in whatever way she wishes.” Rainbow had oft complained about the state of her weather team and some contact with her own tribe would do Storm good, so it was essentially killing two griffons with one stone (Celestia had often told Twilight that such a metaphor was 'politically incorrect', but Twilight was as stubborn as, well, a Twilight).

Twilight turned to his friend “Rainbow, you should get going; you don't want to be late for today's light rain”

“Oh buck, I completely forgot.” Rainbow's eyes widened comically before she flew down a hall.

“Rainbow the exit's that way ...” Twilight pointed in the opposite direction before sighing. “She'll find her way out.”

Twilight turned back to Storm. “Well, what are you waiting for? Get going.”

Storm flew out of the room as fast as she could, following the chromatic mare.

“Umbra and Theory, carry on.” Twilight walked over to Shadow. “And Shadow, you're with me. I have some errands to do.”

“Okay, Spike, what is the next item on today's checklist?”

“Um,” Spike did a quick scan of the list “it looks like we need eight bushels of apples.”

“Eight? That seems awfully high.” Twilight eyed his surrogate-brother/son/number-one-assistant incredulously.

“Why don't you ask short, dark and nympho back there?” Spike motioned in the direction of Shadow. While he had none of the experience with magic required to detect the pseudo-invisibility charm, it was incredibly difficult to trick a dragon's eye. “Last week's apples didn't last three days, and that was before two more of those lunatics you call your family showed up”

Twilight sighed, and  “Spike”.

“What? They're all messed in the head.”

Twilight sighed again, “Spike, everyone – to a certain degree – is crazy, us Twilights just more so than most, but you can never forget that they, we, are your family.”

“Twilight, last time I was at the manor, your mother came running up to me with a look of terror on her face, picked me up by my head, stared straight into my eyes and asked me what blue, the colour, tasted like.”

“Lady Twilight Velvet is something else entirely.” Twilight shook his head, “I remember, several days after I hatched you and found my cutie mark, Princess Celestia was making the official announcement of my tutelage under her to the Council of Houses and – right in the middle of the Princess's speech and in front of the heads of the most powerful noble houses in Equestria – my mother stood up and asked in a clear tone whether or not alicorns are hermaphrodites; I don't think I have ever seen Celestia at such a loss for words since.” Twilight brought a hoof to his face. “To make it even worse, right after she asked that, she looked me straight in the eyes and winked!”

“Wait, are they?” the, up until now, silent mare asked.

“No, we aren't” If looks could kill, Shadow would have left the land of the living right then and there. “I'll have you know that alicorns adhere to binary gender just as much as any of the tribes.”

Shadow, for once, wisely made no retort.

“Twilight.”

“What is it, Spike?”

“We're here.” came Spikes annoyingly vague reply.

“We're where, Spike?” Twilight turned to see the familiar market stall containing apples, apple goods and apple accessories manned by a single large stallion

“G'morning Twilight, how have yeh been?”

“Very well, Big Mac, considering”

“How are yeh dealing with your changes? That kind of shock can't be easy.”

Twilight was surprised, never before had she ever gotten more than a sentence out of the large stallion. “Well, yeah, my body's different, larger wings, longer horn, taller stature, a completely different body type, and 'back there' of course.” he motioned his head towards his tail “Also, my hormones are rather unbalanced, so I can be rather moody, but that should balance out soon enough; I hope.”

The red stallion nodded, “Have yah planned fer when the mares go into heat?”

“Well, I have several spells that should make sure I'm safe from the pheromones and a couple that should make most mares show me little interest. Anyways, I'm the alicorn of magic, it's not like I can't protect myself. Also on the subject of shock, you seem awfully calm about this whole 'I accidentally turned myself into a stallion' thing.”

“Well, Pinkie told me when she was helping AJ, that mare don't seem to know how t' stahp talking. An' ah figured yeh would manage t' do something lahk this t' yourself eventually.”

“About that, how is Applejack”

“She's fine now, but whatever Pinkie gave 'er, really knocked 'er fer a loop.”

“I really need to talk to her about that, earth pony made dragon liquor is illegal for a reason.”

Big Mac responded with a snort.

The weather team worked as efficiently as usual (which is to say, not at all) and got the partly cloudy sky out only one hour behind schedule “Great work team, we're done for the morning, meet back here at sunset for cloud clearing duty.”

With a chorus of affirmatives the dozen pegasi the team scattered, including a certain deceitful grey waste of rations.

“Cloudchaser, get your sorry flank back here, I'm not finished with you.”

“Ya, sure boss, I'm coming.” the grey mare lazily flew over to Rainbow. “What is it?”

“It's about yesterday.” Rainbow gave the mare a scowl.

Cloudchaser smiled, “So how did you like his new look?”

Rainbow's scowl deepened even further, “How dare you! You not only lied to me and betrayed my trust, but your actions put both myself and Prince Twilight Sparkle in an extremely compromising situation. And you have the gall to think it's funny?”

“So you're angry because you didn't get laid?”

Rainbow made a very unponylike growl “This is nothing to do with whether I got 'laid' or not; this is to do with how you sent an unassuming mare in heat directly to the house of a stallion who was woefully unprepared to resist the effects of said heat. Did you know that there is a clause in Equestrian law called 'Rape by Circumstance' referring to intentionally putting one or more ponies in a situation where they are physically, emotionally or psychologically incapable of refusing their consent to acts of a sexual nature?”

Cloudchaser just floated there with a shocked look on her face.

“No, of course you didn't, and you didn't think either. You shouldn't need a law to see that your actions were completely unacceptable.” Rainbow sighed “Go, just go and think, truly think, about what you did and how lucky you are that this ended as well as it did for you.”

The grey mare dejectedly flew off towards Ponyville.

“And, Cloudchaser,” The grey pegasus turned her head to look at Rainbow   “if you ever, ever, do anything like this again, you will not get another chance.”

Rainbow watched the other mare until she had completely disappeared from her vision.

“Dayum filly, you're hot when you're angry.”

Rainbow could only stare as another particularly grey pegasus mare pulled herself off of one of the many clouds that dotted the sky.

“The only way you could be hotter is if you literally burst into flames, like Cuz Sparkles or Cuz Flare – although 'on fire' seems to be her default state – or Lady Velvet or pretty much every unicorn Twilight. Except Cuz Spark, she goes all electrical storm when she's pissed, it really wreaks havoc on that radio thing she likes playing around with. I'm rambling aren't I? Mother always said I ramble a lot. But then again mother isn't a Twilight, and I don't think she really understands us very well. Well, to be truly honest, I don't think even we understand us very well. Oh, damn it, I'm rambling again. I should probably stop rambling.” The sole pegasus Twilight took a deep breath “There I'm no longer rambling.” Storm looked at Rainbow “You look like you want to say something.”

With a mental fortitude born of several years of friendship with Pinkie, Rainbow put much of what the other pegasus had said out of her mind. “What are you doing here Storm? You can go home now.”

“Bah, why would I go home? All that awaits there is errands and boredom, the two most evil things in the universe.  Maybe I want a performance evaluation, or maybe I want to spend some time with a member of my own tribe – did you know I am the not only the only pegasus Twilight, but I was the only pegasus who lived in the Twilight Manor? And while both thestrals and changelings have wings, neither truly live for the sky and simply don't understand flying for flying's sake – or maybe, just maybe, I think you're cool and I want to hang out with you.”

Rainbow was unsure what to say. “Do you really want a 'performance evaluation'?”

“Well, it's not like I have ever done this before, I mean, sure, I would clear a couple clouds if somepony wanted a clear sky or maybe collect a few for somepony to test a spell. Hay, I didn't even go to flight school; I learned pretty much everything I know on the subject from old books and ancient treatises on pegasus flight and magic.”

“That actually explains a lot. You use wind currents to move clouds instead of pushing the clouds with your hooves like modern weatherponies do. It takes significantly more skill, but isn't near as precise as using your hooves. It hasn't been used in ages. Hay, the last time I saw it used was pre-reunification.”

Much to Rainbow's surprise Storm burst into laughter. “Oh, Rainbow, You're hilarious. 'The last time [you] saw it used was pre-reunification'. As in before the reunification. As in before the Hearth's Warming Story. As in more than three to four thousand years ago. As in greater than a millennia before the princesses even showed up.” Storm broke down into laughter one again, wings barely holding her aloft. “Rainbow, I think I love you.”

“Um, it was just a slip of the tongue. Anyways I'm not interested in mares.”

Storm giggled, “Oh, not like that silly. And even if it was, I would never mess around with one of my cousin's mares. Especially when said cousin is a god.”

Rainbow snorted “Just because we slept together once does not mean I am his 'mare'.”

Storm looked Rainbow straight in the eye with a serious expression “You were Sparkle's mare long before you slept with him”

Before Rainbow could even ponder the meaning of that statement it hit her. Well it was less of an it and more of a her. A very non-metaphorical and very pink her moving at velocities that an earth pony shouldn't be able to achieve.

“Hiya Dashie, Hiya pony I don't know. I've been looking all over Ponyville for you. I mean you Dashie, why would I be looking for a pony I don't know. No offence pony I ...” Pinkie stared wide eyed at the now vacant airspace that had once been occupied by Storm. “Heh, must have been a hallucination.” Pinkie turned back to the pegasus from whom she was hanging. “Dashie, did you see where the hallucination pony went?”

“Uh, Storm just mumbled something like 'By Celestia's beard, it's the Pink Menace' and flew off.”

“Oh, silly hallucination pony, Celestia doesn't have a beard, I shaved it off.”

Pinkie put a hoof to her chin while hanging off Rainbow with one foreleg “I wonder if I should throw a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party for the hallucination pony. On one hoof” Pinkie took her hoof from her chin and held it in front of her “I throw welcome to Ponyville parties for every new pony in town, so why should I discriminate against hallucinations? And on the other hoof” Pinkie removed her other hoof from Rainbow Dash, seemingly floating with no visible support. “Pa was very serious when he said throwing parties for hallucinations makes me look like a crazy pony. I don't want to look like a crazy pony because then ponies won't want me throwing parties for them, but what if the hallucinations get sad because I won't throw them a party?” Pinkie threw her forelegs around Rainbow and started to sob. “Dashie, what do I do?”

“Uh, Pinkie?”

“You are right Dashie. Party related existential horror can wait, I'm on a top secret mission from Rarity to deliver you a message.”

“Okay, Pinkie, what's the message.”

Pinkie leaned up to Rainbow's ear and whispered in a conspiratorial tone “Eetmay tay Arousalcay Outiquebay”

“Um, 'meet at Carousal Boutique'?”

“Shh, be quiet, 'they' might be listening.”

“Who? We're the only ponies here.”

“That's what 'they' want you to think”

Rainbow just rolled her eyes.

“Okay, last item on the list is banking.” Spike looked up from his scroll to see the large sign signifying the local branch of the Canterlot High Bank.

“This should be a quick in and out, I only need to withdraw a thousand bits.” Twilight giggled “I can't believe I just said that, only a thousand bits, I used to think that was a lot of money, back when I could live for several months on that much.”

“You probably still could if you got rid of the mare that keeps eating all your food and breaking everything.” Spike gave the dark unicorn a glare as the trio settled into the line.

“Aww, is the wittle puppy sad?”

Instead of answering, Spike just spit a burst of flame in Shadow's direction.

“Why can't the two of you just get along?”

“Because she is a psychopath that says really creepy things about all the stallions in this town and some of the mares.”

“Spike! Storm isn't a psychopath, she's not even close. Trust me I know several, and not all of them are bad ponies.”

“Frost?” Shadow asked.

“Yes, although he prefers to be called a 'high functioning sociopath'.”

“Let me guess, another one of your cousins”

“Actually, he's my uncle.”

Spike rolled his eyes, “Of course he is.”

“I can take the next customer now.” the unicorn teller announced.

“Okay, that's our cue.”

“How can I help you, sir?”

“May I withdraw 1000 bits please.” Twilight lit his horn and a small heavily enchanted single page document appeared in a purple flash and floated over to the teller.

The mare behind the counter accepted the bank note. “Do you have a co-signatory?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow “Why would I need a co-signatory? I am a legal adult.”

“Every stallion must have a mare as his co-signatory. It's our policy.”

“Hey, Twilight, I'll cosign for you.”

Twilight turned to glare at her cousin. “I'm not stupid, Shadow, I know exactly what co-signing on a bank account means and there's no way in Tartarus that I would ever let you get close to my money.”

“Hmph.”

Twilight turned back to the teller. “Would you please tell me why I have to give up the control of my account.”

“I don't dictate policy, I just follow it.”

“In that case, I need to talk to your manager.”

“I'm afraid that won't be possible.”

Twilight narrowed his eyes, “Why?”

“It's bank policy, if we just let anypony see the manager, she'd never get any work done.”

Twilight started to giggle, not the 'that's so cute/funny giggle' mind you, but rather the 'I'm a borderline-insane near-lunatic that's getting close to cracking giggle'. “Do you even know who I am?”

The teller rolled her eyes “Don't know, don't care. You're just some prick who thinks that the rules don't apply to him. Well I've got news for you, buddy, the rules are the same for everypony!”

Twilight cackled, “Except, you know, they're not.” Twilight's expression abruptly became serious. “If they were, I would have walked out of here, several minutes ago, and we wouldn't be having this conversation. And you really should care who I am” Twilight closed his eyes, flared his wings and lit his horn with an excessive amount of magic. “Because, you never know who you just pissed off.” He opened his eyes, showing the mare the glowing fields of white that had replaced his normal violet eyes.

The teller started to sweat in terror, feeling the waves of power flowing from the alicorn. “Uh, I'm sure a meeting can be arranged.”

Twilight closed his wings, cut off his magic and smiled sweetly. “See, was that so hard?”

As Twilight followed the terrified mare into the back of the building, he couldn't help but remember one of first lesson that Celestia had taught her:

“Twilight, you shouldn't ever hold your power over another ponies; while intimidation may get you many things, it looses you what is much more valuable. Using your power for your own personal gain is one of the fastest ways to lose yourself.”

“But mother does it all the time.”

“While your mother is an incredibly powerful and intelligent mare, she is not what I would call a model citizen. Nor should she be one you pattern yourself after.”

“So, what you mean to say is that 'she's completely bucking insane'?”

“Twilight, why would you say such a thing about your mother?”

“Because everypony knows it's true, anyways I don't hear you denying it.”

*sigh* “Let us end this lesson here, and talk about your mother no further.”

“Okay, Princess.”

“And Twilight ...”

“Yes, Princess.”

“I want a thousand words on why swearing is socially unacceptable by tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, buck.”

Chapter 14 - Difficult Meetings

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Chapter 15 - Of Frost and Passion

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Chapter 16 - Interlude 3

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Chapter 17 - United Once Again?

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Chapter 18 - Preparing to Leave

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Chapter 19 - A Warm Welcome

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Chapter 20 - Rising Tensions

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Chapter 21 - Lost (with major anouncement in notes)

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Chapter 22 (incomplete)

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Rewrite Started

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Chapter 1 - An Unwelcome Letter

Chapter 1

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I regret to inform you that what you ask for is impossible. Such spells no longer exist, as that they have been systematically removed from the repertoires of pony knowledge.

As you know, historically fillies were preferred to colts due to laws requiring a female heir and notions, completely unfounded and fallacious notions, that mares were inherently more intelligent and and magically capable than stallions.

However as you might not know, at certain times it was common practice by much of ponykind for spells to be used to transfigure newborn colts into fillies using magic. Unfortunately this practice had serious repercussions; the increase in mare to stallion ratio significantly altered the hormonal balance of communities causing fewer and fewer colts to be born.

Due to this, all spells meant to change a pony's gender from male to female were removed from spell books and illegalized. But even with the stopping of the practice ponykind almost went extinct and the results are still felt today where the ratio of mares to stallions varies from as low as four to one (relatively speaking as that four to one is still wildly unbalanced compared to the average of one to one that has been true for most of pony history) in places like Manehattan to as high as twelve to one in places like Ponyville.

This brings me to my next point: the use of any spell that transforms a stallion into a mare is highly illegal regardless of whether said stallion was originally a mare or not. So while I am certain that you, given the right amount of time, would be able to recreate such spells, YOU WILL NOT DO SO! As that would be considered by the courts of pony law to be high treason

On a much lighter note, you should spend some time getting used to your new body; you might just like it.

Your Loving Mentor,

Princess Celestia

Twilight reread the letter hoping that it had been misread the first five times and let out a sigh, a deep baritone sigh rather than the alto that was familiar. This was not the first time that she, or rather he, had been told he couldn't do something; however this was the first time he had been told that it was illegal rather than impossible.

He had done many impossible things: hatched a dragon egg, redeemed Princess Luna from the Nightmare, 'vanquished' an ursa minor and even become an alicorn. But this time it was far from impossible – Princess Celestia had said that it's use had been rather widespread – however this time it not impossibility but rather legality separating him from his goal.

High treason was one of the only crimes in Equestria that still could carry capital punishment. He couldn't imagine somepony being hung for changing their gender, yet there it was. Granted the punishment seemed slightly less absurd when viewed against the problems that gender-flipping spells created (which was most likely why Celestia had chosen to include her little history lesson). But still, High Treason!

Being a princess (or rather, a prince) came with a certain immunity when it came to criminal, civil and magical law (not that Twilight ever had the need to use it ... much) but not even Celestia herself would be able to get away with high treason (or what was considered high treason by 'the courts of pony law').

It was truly infuriating that he – alicorn prince of Equestria, Element of Magic, Duke of Ponyville, high lord of the noble House Twilight, arch-Magus on the unicorn Council of Magic, one of the most powerful magicians in history, the premier mind on no less than seven scientific and magical fields (three of which were pioneered by the lavender unicorn-turned-alicorn mare-turned-stallion) and many time hero of Equestria – could not use a simple transfiguration spell (in this case simple is extremely relative considering even the most simplistic transfiguration spell was several levels of difficulty beyond what most unicorns could do) because it's bucking high treason.

Now many spells are what most ponies consider illegal – like raising the dead or capturing a pony's soul and forcefully removing it from their body – but the spells were not illegal; rather the effects were (for example the soul manipulation spells can be used in many perfectly legal ways such as the healing of a fractured soul). In addition the spells were not criminally illegal (unless they were used to commit a crime) but rather forbidden by magical law and was therefor the jurisdiction of the Council of Magic and not the guard (a fact that was well known in House Twilight considering Twilight's (Or Sparkle as called by family members to avoid the inevitable confusion as to precisely which Twilight they are talking about) position as an arch-Magus and Shining Armour being the captain of the Royal Guard). Thirdly laws surrounding forbidden spells were not in any way set in stone and Twilight's position as prince and arch-Magus (not to mention Element of Magic) would be enough to get away with the usage of all but the most heinous spells (a good example would be the corruption magic that she had used when searching for the crystal heart, and that was before becoming a princess).

But this spell was criminally illegal! If he went through with it's creation and use the nobility would be baying for blood. He (or she, depending how far Twilight got before getting caught) could be imprisoned, or banished, or imprisoned in the pace he was banished to (for the first time in Twilight's life is this statement not a neurotic irrational exaggeration) or even executed (this is highly unlikely considering Princess Celestia's personal view on capital punishment and her relationship with the younger prince (no, not in that way) but logic is something that seems to loose itself in the mind of a panicking Twilight Sparkle)

His life would be forfeit. He would be hung, no drawn and quartered, no burnt at the stake, no tarred and feathered, no ... (Twilight had unfortunately recently read a book about the many highly 'imaginative' ways that ponies had used through history to dispatch their unwanted that went into extremely gruesome detail so therefore we will pretend the next few thoughts that want through his mind never happened) ... and the execution would take place in the Canterlot square with the entirety of Equestria there to witness his shame as he becomes the first pony to be executed in over 400 years. Of course many, if not most, of the the citizens would wonder what their prince had done to deserve such a sentence. For many the sentence would describe some utterly terrible crime, while those who know the truth would see a martyr for whatever cause they so choose.

The panic started to recede after the scenario had fully played out. Twilight would never go ahead with the spell when such heavy consequences could lay on such simple actions. However as the panic fled, it's place was taken by a new emotion, anger. She would be living her whole life in an unfamiliar body; she would be living as a he. All because of one bucking law. And it is not like Celestia couldn’t just remove that little law with one small decree (in truth it would require more than that, but it would still be fairly easy for the one hailed a the 'God Empress of All Ponykind'). Why wouldn't Celestia help him? And then there was the last line of the letter “you should spend some time getting used to your new body; you might just like it” it was almost like Celestia intended this to happen. And it was infuriating. Here Twilight was in unfamiliar territory and Celestia comes and bars the way back saying “you just might like it”. It was almost as if Celestia had banished Twilight from maredom and “you just might like it” means “sucks to be you; you will will never get back in, so get used to it”.

How dare she? Celestia had no right to do this to him; he wasn't technically even one of her subjects. Of course this could be a test. Another bucking test. Twilight was tired of Celestia's tests. In her mentorship under Princess Celestia there was always a test hidden around every corner and Twilight had often been blindsided by one. It was extremely stressful to never know when the next one was.

The tests continued even after she had moved to Ponyville; except then it was not only stressful for Twilight but for her friends too (a good example would be the entire fiasco with the Grand Galloping Gala (now one of Twilight's least favourite alterations) starting with Celestia giving her two tickets when she had five friends and ending with Celestia telling them that the only reason that they were invited in the first place was to ruin the event for Celestia's amusement). However, Twilight just continued to be the faithful student blindly accepting whatever was thrown at her and her friends (be it “go talk that big fire-breathing potentially-carnivorous dragon into leaving his cave” or “I forgot to mention that the bird was in fact a bucking phoenix and you neither need to nor can help it Fluttershy”)

However the events that caused Twilight to finally wake up was her brother's wedding and the return of the Crystal Empire. When Twilight came out and confronted 'Cadence' (rather hysterically, but still confronted), and her friends abandoned her (she had specifically remembered a letter to Celestia about taking your friends problems seriously), her brother disowned her (he was under mind control so it wasn't his fault) and she was at her weakest point in quite possibly her whole life, Celestia didn't try to comfort or even talk to her. She put on the same face she does when confronting murderers and rapists (both are, thankfully, very rare in Equestria, however every one is taken directly to Celestia for trial) and said only “Twilight I am disappointed in you”. While her friends apologized to her as soon as the invasion was over, Princess Celestia couldn't even comprehend that she had done something wrong (to make it worse the Princess knew it was changelings that had threatened Equestria but failed to mention it to her student because she 'didn't want her to worry' and was so sure that nothing could get in that she didn't even conceive the idea that somepony might be an imposter).

Then three weeks later Twilight was called to Canterlot. Twilight thought Celestia had finally ponied up to apologizing but she had quickly learned that this was to be another test. Twilight and her friends were going to go into unknown territory to defend an unknown city in an unknown way from an unknown hostility with unknown abilities and the Elements of Harmony were to be kept safe in their vault in Canterlot (because it's not like they cannot be used without their bearers; oh wait, they can't). To make it worse, not only were they completely ignorant and unequipped, the entirety of Equestria hung in the balance. And that was her test.

So it was reasonable to believe that this was yet another test (especially since Celestia had been the one who sent her the spell in the first place), and Twilight was furious; throughout the previous tests Twilight had always been herself, but now the test had changed Twilight and changed him permanently. This was the last straw. Twilight had dreams of eventually finding a nice stallion and starting a family, being a mother. Now that dream had been ripped away. Twilight started to feel the anger build up to a boiling point. In a deep part of his mind he knew such powerful anger was dangerous, but he ignored it. He deserved this anger. It was righteous anger. His life had been unceremoniously bucked up by one spell and one law. The worst part was that if Celestia had really wanted to help she could have had that one law removed near instantaneously yet the eldest princess just sat on her flank and did nothing. How dare she? How! Dare! She!

Twilight was shocked out of his thoughts by the spontaneous combustion of the Princess's. He watched as the scroll was consumed by brilliant violet flames and left a small pile of ash on the floor.

“Soooooooooo, bad news?” Twilight had almost forgotten that Spike was in the room

“What tells you that?” Twilight responded with his trademark snark. The (admittedly melodic) baritone of his voice grating at his ears.

“So, the Princess didn't have a spell”

“No”

“So, you are going to spend every hour of the next few days manufacturing a counter-spell?”

“No.” The defeat was evident in Twilight's voice

“Why not?”

“Because that would be high treason”

Spike instantly fell to the floor laughing. “Oh, Twilight you had me going there.”

Twilight stared straight into Spike's eyes and the young dragon ceased his guffaws “I’m not joking.”

“But. But, high treason, that's absurd”

“Yes. It is completely absurd. Completely bucking absurd!”

“What are you going to do?”

“I, I, I don't know” At this Twilight broke into quiet sobs. He looked around the room. It was a large stone room with almost every wall covered with full bookshelves. However there was a small section of wall completely void of bookshelves where three banners hung. The first was obvious as it was Twilight's cutie mark on a field of lavender; it was his banner. The second was the familiar six gems arranged in a pentagonal pattern that was often used to symbolize the elements of harmony on a white field (The Elements of Harmony banners had been given to all the bearers but other than Twilight only Rarity and, interestingly enough, Rainbow Dash had actually put them up). The third banner was one that would be known by few outside of the nobility; it was three six-pointed stars, one magenta, one cyan and one yellow, arranged in a triangular shape on a indigo field; it was the banner of House Twilight.

Twilight still missed the Ponyville library or “Golden Oaks Library” as he had heard some of the residents call it. Unfortunately, the ponies of Ponyville had been unwilling to make their very own princess work like a common pony (which was rather funny because Twilight had been the Duchess of Ponyville for well over a year preceding the ascension) so they had essentially fired her (The library was now run by a mare by the name of Dusty Scrolls who Twilight had personally picked out). Twilight had moved in with Rainbow Dash while discretely looking for a new home.

However Pinkie organized the townsponies and they had built their princess (and duchess) a castle. An actual castle. With a throne room and everything. Even though Twilight had not asked for it she insisted on paying for everything (no way in Tartarus was she going to mooch of ponies). Even though Twilight was well able to pay for it's construction herself (With a combination of the allowance from Princess Celestia, the sales of the twenty some books she had written (three of which were standard curriculum for the school systems), her numerous patents, the librarians salary, the revenues from Ponyville, a number of good investments and a very frugal lifestyle (the only major expenses were food and stationery equipment) Twilight had been very well off even before becoming a princess) many ponies refused to take her money. And so said ponies found their debts had suddenly disappeared or their taxes had been paid.

Of course none of this was relevant at the point and was most likely procrastinating from the important issues. In a very un-Twilight way, even five hours after his transformation into a stallion, he still didn't have a clue why.

“I know what I am going to do”  the lavender alicorn with a renewed confidence.

“What?”

“Even if the problem has no solution, it would be irresponsible to not find the cause.”

“Oh”

“Now the spell that caused this to happen was not a transfiguration spell so it technically shouldn't have been able to cause this transformation”

“But the spell that turned you into an alicorn was not a transfiguration spell either”

“No it was not; a very astute observation by you. I suspect that that spell used an indirect method for transformation. If a transfiguration spell was to be used it would have given me wings but not necessarily the pegasus magic associated with it. Rather this spell gave me the magic of an alicorn and let the magic transform my body into the shape of an alicorn. And that is not even mentioning that that spell also invoked the Elements of Harmony which seem to work under entirely different constrains than normal magic; they can cast a effective disjunction spell without exploding in our faces”

“Maybe this spell did something similar”

“No, it couldn't. The difference between the two sexes magically is less than the standard deviation of either; this method of transformation would not only require strong distinct differences in magical balance, but would require physical traits to be dependent upon said magical balance.”

“Well what was this spell supposed to do? I would think that would be a good place to start.”

“Yes, it is. This spell was a spell made by Starswirl the Bearded designed to clean all the body's ley gates of blockage and balancing the internal magic of the caster greatly increasing the caster's efficiency in casting future spells. However I haven't the slightest clue as to how this could translate into gender modification.”

And not once over the next three hours did this statement diverge from the truth. Exhausted and discouraged Equestria's newest prince crawled dejectedly into his bed.

Chapter 7 - An Unexpected Party

Chapter 7

Twilight and his cousins were once again within the town limits and were once again under the effects of the pseudo-invisibility spell. The travel since the cottage had been silent as a result of both the silencing spell on Shadow and Twilight's recent breakdown.

“Ugh, finally” The long silence was broken by Shadow's voice

“It took you a very long time to dispel that” Twilight observed “If this was magic school, you would have failed”

“Yes, but magic school teachers don't use triple tied soul-bound enchantments”

“My mother did”

“Yes but High Lady Twilight Velvet is a completely utterly bat-shit crazy novelist with a tendency to take everything to an absurd extreme”

Umbra rolled her eyes sarcastically “Uh oh”

Twilight looked menacingly into Shadow's eyes with a glint of maniac insanity and lifted her half a metre into the air with his magic “My mother is not a novelist! That stuff she writes is not literature! It is pornographic smut! It has no right to exist! And it should all be purged from this world by fire ...”

“Twilight there is a limit to how much the spell can shift attention away from us” Umbra said as trotted between her sister and cousin and motioned to several ponies looking around the square perplexedly

“Oh, yeah” Twilight said with a embarrassed giggle before giving Shadow a glare that said 'I'm not done with you yet'

“Come on”

“Who are we visiting?”

“Pinkie; Rainbow is currently in Cloudsdale attending a meeting for all executive weather ponies and Sugarcube Corner is significantly closer than Sweet Apple Acres”

“And 'Shy's cottage is significantly further than either” Shadow put in

Twilight gave Shadow another ireful look “Yes, but I much rather wait 'til lunch before I need to deal with the pink insanity”

“On that point, it is now past noon and I haven't eaten since breakfast”

“Oh no, you have gone six and a half hours without food, you are going to wither up and die” Umbra said in a mocking tone

“Yes, well you didn't experience the major magical exertion required to dispel a soul-bound enchantment from yourself”

“You wouldn't have needed to remove it if you hadn't been such an idiot earlier”

“At least I am not afraid to speak my mind”

“At least I don't blurt out every perverted thing ever to cross my mind”

“Oh yeah, at least ...”

“Would the both of you shut up!” Twilight's entire face was red with fury and he looked like he was ready to burst into flames at any moment (a very real possibility as that Twilight had done so on many previous occasions)

“Says the pony who gets worked up ...”

Shadow's mouth was promptly plugged by her sister before she said something she would later regret

Umbra slowly removed her hoof from Shadow's mouth “... over the definition of literature”

Umbra could do nothing but facehoof (unfortunately she used the same hoof that had been in her sisters mouth and got Shadow's slobber all over her face)

Twilight's eyes narrowed and his horn lit up.

Shadow barely had the time to realize how much she screwed up before she disappeared in a burst of green flame

Meanwhile, Spike was busy resorting the castle library after Twilight's frantic research session the previous night when he felt flames building up in his stomach. He quickly dropped the books he was carrying and turned so he was in no danger of burning anything.

*Burp*

*Smash*

A dark unicorn had smashed into a bookcase across the room knocking every book down (most of which landed on the newly arrived mare).

“Ugh, now I have to resort all those books, again” Spike walked up to Shadow “What did you do this time?”

The mare replied with only a moan of nausea and pain

“You know what; I don't care” Spike walked out of the library leaving Shadow alone and in pain

“That was unnecessary and excessive” Umbra commented with a raised eyebrow “It could be construed as Cruel and Unnecessary Punishment, Abuse of Power or even Assault and Battery”

“Hmph, she asked for it”

“Twilight, you are acting like a minotauress during 'that' time of the month”

“Testosterone is known to cause aggression”

“Yes but you are going from happy to bawling your face off to blazing rage and back again with no warning”

“The change must have significantly altered my body chemistry, and my body is trying to fix it”

Umbra rolled her eyes “I realize that this has been hard for you, but you can't just take it out on other ponies, not even Shadow”

“What? I am fine”

“You have shown every stage of grief except bargaining”

“That's nonsense”

“Denial”

Twilight snorted and looked away “Hey, look we're here, although it's strangely quiet”

Umbra turned and faced the bakery and Twilight was right. Where there would normally be a constant drone of ponies talking and laughing the building was completely dead silent. In addition the lights were all out. Umbra smiled to herself, she knew what was going on.

Twilight opened the front door and found every light in the place was out he modulated his spell to allow other ponies to hear his voice “Pinkie are you here”

“That depends, who are you?” answered the ominous voice of the party pony

“It's me Twilight”

“Oh, I didn't recognize your voice, come in”

Twilight walked into the building followed by Umbra

“Surprise!” Thirty-some ponies jumped out as the lights came on abruptly

Twilight watched as Pinkie attempted a tackle-hug on the patch of air several metres to his left.

“Applejack?” Pinkie asked looking back towards the group of ponies

“He's raht there” The farm mare answered while pointing a hoof at Twilight

“Thanks” Pinkie gave it another try. This time she was headed straight for the stallion.

Two things happened: first, Pinkie collided with enough force to knock Twilight onto his back and second, Twilight's spell cut out (whether it was due to the impact or the proximity of Pinkie was anyone's guess). Leaving the two of them in a very awkward position in front of the piercing eyes of several dozen ponies.

Twilight tried to levitate Pinkie off himself but the mare held on tight “Pinkie, would you please get off of me?”

“Why? You're so soft and cuddly and warm and hot and sexy”

Twilight managed to ignore Pinkie's last statements “Hmph, fine then” There was a flash of light and both Twilight and Pinkie were both standing several metre's from each other “Why are you throwing this party anyways Pinkie”

“It's your 'Congratulations on Becoming a Stallion Party' silly”

“Wait, how did you even know?”

“My Pinkie Sense silly; yesterday afternoon I felt a combo that I haven't felt in a long time: eye flutter, twitchy tail, creaky knee and spontaneous combustion which means that one of my close friends, who also happens to be an alicorn, had turned into stallion; of course Mr. and Mrs. Cake were scared by the last part, so I told them 'don't worry, it's just my Pinkie Sense, sillies' and I haven't seen them since”

“Pinkie, has anypony told you how crazy you are?”

“Yes, my parents told me every day. They took me to see all kinds of fun people. Therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, criminologists and even one pony who was an exorcist – although my father always called him an extortionist so I told him 'you're putting extra letters in, silly' – that pony was the most fun; he would say things like 'by the power of Princess Celestia – reagent of the sun and all it shines on – I command you to leave this body' and I was like 'cool, I didn't know Celly could do that'” Pinkie took a massive breath “Wait, did she teach you how to do that?”

Twilight shook her head. This was not technically a lie, because while Twilight did know how to remove a soul from a body (a rather advanced use of sorcery or soul magic ) he did not learn it from Celestia (in fact Twilight had come to doubt whether Celestia knew any sorcery at all)

“Aw. Well unfortunately he refused to see me any more after my father asked him to try trepanning, he he he it's such a funny word, trepanning, trepanning, come on everypony say it with me tre-pan-ning”

Twilight felt slightly nauseous understanding exactly what the mare was talking about (even if she didn't) Twilight looked around and noted his friends' reactions to the pink pony's most recent story. Rarity, Fluttershy and – interestingly enough – Rainbow Dash all had uneasy expressions that showed they also had also understood, while Applejack had adopted the 'smile and nod' facade that many ponies used when around Pinkie. Wait, Rainbow was supposed to be in Cloudsdale attending a very important meeting why was she here. That slacker

“Rainbow isn't here, silly” Pinkie bounced up to the pegasus and pushed on her nose.  Rainbow fell over making the sound of heavy cardboard hitting the ground.

Twilight was flabbergasted, that piece of cardboard had looked real, he was even sure that Rainbow had moved

“I keep cardboard cutouts stashed around Ponyville, in case of cardboard cutout emergencies”

Twilight shuddered at the thought of what kind of emergency would require cardboard cutouts

Pinkie bounced over to a table and pulled another large cutout out of seemingly nowhere

Twilight was shocked to see a pair of familiar violet eyes that seemed to stare even though he knew they were merely painted. What shocked Twilight further was that the cutout was of him post-transformation. Pinkie hadn't even known what he looked like before several minutes ago.

“Look at me, I'm Prince Dusk Shine, and I am the hottest stallion this side of reality and every mare that's seen me wants me, but don't tell me that, I haven't noticed” Pinkie said in a faux baritone voice from behind the

Twilight's horn lit up slightly and his doppelganger was immolated leaving a confused Pinkie Pie “Dusk Shine?” he said with a harsh edge (the Twilight's had a number of things that that they got very intense about, books being the first and their name a close second. Twilights got especially angry when they thought their name was being mocked (as a matter of fact, it was for this very reason that – on no less than seven instances in the last five-hundred years – the Sunset house been almost entirely annihilated))

“Yeah, it's your stallion name, like if I was a stallion my name would be Bubble Berry, but I'm not so I'm good old Pinkie Pie. It's a rule and the fandom would never forgive you if you didn't change your name” Pinkie put her hoof to her chin like she was thinking “Well they would probably forgive you if you went and made every mare in this town into your personal harem, but still”

“What!?” He'd been a stallion for all of twenty-four hours now and Pinkie had already suggested, not only changing his name but a harem. It's absurd (although it was well inside his legal rights as a member of the royal 'family'; after all Celestia had her Solar Guard and even Blueblood was rumoured to have his own group of 'special friends' and he wasn't even a true prince (Princess Platinum had downright refused to let go of her title when Equestria was formed so her descendents still have it as an honourary)) “Pinkie, three things: first, there is no was in Tartarus that I am changing my name; second, I don't know what you mean by it but 'fandom' is not a real word; and third, I have no interest in dating any mares right now”

Pinkie's eyes went wide and she gasped loudly “You're not a colt cuddler are you?'

“No!” Twilight said automatically

“Oh, good, that would have been such a travesty for all marekind”

“Pinkie, why are you like this all of the sudden? What's gotten into you?”

“It's what hasn't gotten into me that's important” Pinkie waggled her eyebrows “If you know what I mean”

“No, Pinkie, just no. Why would you even say such a thing”

Pinkie giggled “You're so funny Dusk, I was talking about cake, silly” the pink pony bounced away into the crowd of talking ponies

Twilight grit his teeth “No, Twilight, strangling one of your best friends is not the way to solve this problem”

Umbra let her pseudo-invisibility spell dissipate and walked up to Twilight with a chuckle “In hindsight, I would probably say it was a good thing that you sent Shadow back when you did. I'd hate to see what she'd be like after that”

Twilight laughed a little “I guess you're right, it is not as bad as it could be”

“Hey whorse, whatchyah doing here” a rather inebriated Applejack said glaring accusingly at Umbra

“I am sorry ma'am, but I fear you may have me confused with somepony else” Umbra replied politely

“No, was yah who trahd tah saductuse mah brother” Applejack's drawl combined with the slurring from the drink made her words almost incomprehensible

“No, that was my sister, our manes are different, our coats are a slightly differing shade and our cutie marks are different” Umbra turned to the side to show Applejack “and I think the word you are looking for is seduce”

“Whah are yah showin meh yah flank? What kand of mare do yah thank ah ahm”

“A very drunk mare who should probably never had ingested any ethanol in the first place”

“Yah thank yer so hah and mighteh with all yer big werds, but ah know yah are nothing more thaan a dumb whorse”

“Applejack, that's a terrible thing to say, apologize and conduct yourself like a proper lady” Rarity looked utterly scandalized “I don't believe we have met. I am Lady Rarity Belle”

“I am Dame Black Umbra vassal to house Twilight and captain of Prince Twilight's royal guard” The last part, while being not entirely true, was not a terrible stretch as that Umbra was the one that Twilight always left in charge (for obvious reasons)

“Oh, I didn’t even know that Twilight had any guards”

“There is some law that says that every member of the royal 'family' must have their own personal guards so Twilight hired me and my twin sister several months ago and we have mostly stayed out of the public eye since then”

“I don't really want anypony to view me as the kind of pony who hides behind a wall of guards” Twilight added in

“Where is your sister right now?”

“She  got mailed back to the castle via dragonfire after saying several particularly stupid things”

A slight grimace quickly passed across Rarity's face “Well it was nice to meet you but I think I hear my name being called” Rarity left with some haste while dragging Applejack away

“Aw, why did she have to take her away, drunk ponies are so much fun”

“Really Umbra, you're supposed to be the good sister”

Umbra ignored Twilight's statement “well we might as well join the party”

Twilight partied over the next several hours having fun with his friends (no, not that kind of fun) and many of the other townsponies. However there were several things that were bugging him, first was that there didn't seen to be any other stallions at the party; in fact – with the notable exception of himself – everypony at the party was a mare between twenty and thirty years of age (which is highly unusual considering Pinkie's parties usually draw a broader interest). The second was that Fluttershy seemed to have lost her ability to even speak to Twilight (even though they had a long conversation just hours earlier) and the third and most distressing thing was the attention he was getting from ponies he had never met. It almost felt like he was a rabbit that had strayed into a den of wolves.

Eventually Twilight got tired and he left with his sole guard in tow. When he got home he went into a deep and dreamless sleep; sure that whatever the next day may bring, he would be ready for it.