The Conversion Bureau: Unexpected Silly Help

by Bendy

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Sex, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 1648

Just as Celestia is about to wipe out the Human race something totally stupid happens.

Just as Celestia has nearly wiped out the Human race they get help from something totally stupid.

Warning: Reader Discretion is Advised For: foul language, violence and controversial sensitive subjects.

Just a stupid over the top parody, should not be taken seriously

Published 2013-06-13 21:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-13 21:20:01 UTC

Unexpected Silly Help

Humans, apparently the most 'evil' race ever to have existed ever in the entire Multiverse. So 'evil' in fact you should invade their universes and kill them all down to the last child, because they are 'evil'.

Well, that was according to Celestia's opinion anyway.

~~

In a forest in the dead of night during a freezing blizzard, which dropped temperatures to minus 40 degrees celsius, there were a dozen of heavily armed Humans gathered around a campfire, whom wore thick, hooded, snow camouflaged coats.

The Humans of various races from all across the planet sat in silence. The silence was only slightly broken by their shivering and the rubbing of their hands together to keep warm. They weren't really proper soldiers, most of them were at least over forty years of age and were refugees that came here to escape the advancing barrier.

Many thought of their love ones they had lost and other horrors they witnessed during this terrible war. The death, rape and torture of their loved ones by Celestia's so called 'lovely sweet little Ponies', and the destruction of their homes and the losses their countries they came from caused by the barrier.

Granted Humans did the same to the Ponies, but on a far lesser scale, not only did most Humans feel rape and torture is wrong, they couldn’t strike the Ponies homes even if they wanted to due to the barrier. It seems the Ponies that Celestia has placed under mind control are completely and utterly incapable of showing mercy, compassion and empathy towards Humans. Only blind hatred and wishing of their death and to inflict psychologically scarring pain on them for fun.

By Celestia's point of view her little lovely Ponies can rape, murder and do all kinds of horrible things imaginable all they want to savage war-races like Humans, for any morally questionable act is fine as long as you only do it to a evil Human. Even though Celestia started the war unprovoked with the Human race in the first place because Human are 'evil', which was six years ago on January the seventh in 2012 just over a week when they first made contact.

Yet the Ponies go running behind their barrier every time the Humans would slaughter them with bullets, tanks and bombs. Although, once every so often when Celestia gets involved the Humans must retreat, Celestia is after all seemingly invincible.

"Fucking hell man. If the Ponies don't get us we're going to fucking freeze to death by the weather they are making." said a man with a strong Irish accent.

"David, you are such a downer." said a woman with a strong Irish accent.

David stood up raising his arms in exasperation.

"Face it Sarah! In the end the last Human is going to make one last preachy speech before they rape him or her with their huge stallion dicks and then turn him or her into a Newfoal!" he shouted.

"No, we're not! We can win this!"

"In case you haven't noticed there's only a few million Humans left and billions of Ponies."

"But David, some are fighting for us."

"Yes some are fighting for us, but about ninety percent of them are mindless slaves to Celestia's will. Not to mention Canada is pretty much the only place on the entire planet that the barrier hasn't reached yet."

"But Twilight Sparkle will stop the barrier!"

"She's only managed to slow it down not stop it! Soon in the next couple of months the barrier is going to cover all of Canada and we're all going to fucking die, the end." she said nothing in reply. "Now, let's all shut the fuck up and--

There was a loud snapping sound of a stick, everyone cocked their guns toward where they heard the sound only to see Pinkie Pie, armed with an AK-47, whom has blue painted Human hands all over her body.

Everyone sighed in relief .

"Jesus, Pinkie Pie! Next time tell us you're coming! We could have killed you!"

"Sorry David." she said sadly with her ears drooping downwards.

"It's OK, come here! We're freezing."

Despite the hopelessness of the situation, Pinkie Pie had managed to make one of her old bright smiles as she trotted her way over to join them around the campfire to cuddle each and every Human to make sure they don't freeze to death. Soon more Ponies, whom are Human sympathizers arrived, which were all heavily armed. With these alien Ponies' natural resistance to the cold these Humans might survive the night with a Pony to cuddle with to keep warm. Also Unicorn magic can be very useful to keep a fire going.

While Human sympathizers numbers were quite low, they were far more better fighters than the Newfoals. Also with the ability to cross the barrier they could use unconventional tactics against the supporters of Celestia, like planting bombs to cause mayhem or slitting their throats while they slept.

The situation in Canada is basically this, most of the towns and cities in southern Canada are under siege from the vast hordes of Newfoals, that relentlessly charge at the Humans and Human sympathizers no matter how much they would lose in trying to turn a few Humans into Ponies and kill Human sympathizers. On more a positive note the Newfoals are finding it increasingly difficult to turn more Humans into Ponies, due to the recently made potion created by Twilight Sparkle that counters the effects of the Conversion Potion, on a negative note if a Human does not wash enough of the potion off, they will in a matter of hours become a Newfoal.

For some reason or another there seems to be zero activity in northern Canada, however there is a strong military presence of both Human and Pony just in case of an attack from the hordes of Newfoal or Celestia's Royal Guard.

And the barrier despite the best efforts of Twilight and talented like minded Unicorns to stop it still relentlessly advances, slower than before, but not stopped.

It will be a matter of years before the barrier closes in to cover all of Canada, but by that time the Human race is most likely going to be extinct.

***

The following morning near the campsite there was a huge blinding flash of light, followed by the appearance of a giant five hundred feet tall Pinkie Pie, which caused many trees to fall over. The recently awoken Humans and Human sympathizers simply stared at the giant Pinkie Pie in disbelief.

"I AM PINKIE PIE PRIME! I HAVE TRAVELED HERE TO THIS UNIVERSE IN ORDER TO HELP YOU DESTROY ALL BIG MEANIE PONIES!" she shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice.

"Uh, really?" said Pinkie Pie nervously.

"YES! NOBLE HUMAN SYMPATHIZER! I HAVE COME HERE TO HELP!"

With that she ran off at such speed she was a giant pink blur.

Far to the south the city of Winnipeg is overrun with millions of New Foals flooding the streets looking for Human prey. There are some places where there are still some small pockets of resistance where Humans have barricaded themselves in buildings.

The Newfoals continue to suicidally change into these buildings in the hope their machine guns would run out of ammo eventually, however in some places they got themselves a Human sympathizer unicorn, that can conjure hundreds of bullets a minute, so they'll never run out of ammo.

The bodies of Newfoals contused to pile up in the hundreds merely adding to the barricade.

"DEATH TO ALL PARTY POOPERS!" roared Pinkie Pie Prime jumps out of the Winnipeg River.

Every two seconds Pinkie Pie Prime fired two blue particle beams from her eyes, which vaporized Newfoals into dust upon hitting them and scorching the Earth underneath them.

To counterattack a swarm of pegasi flew towards to Pinkie Pie Prime to attack her with their swords, which merely tickled her, not leaving a scratch on her. Pinkie Pie Prime grabbed the pegasi off her and crushed their bones with a sickening crack as she squeezed them to death in her hooves, followed by throwing their bloody bodies on the ground.

"LOVE AND TOLERANCE IS NON-NEGOTIABLE!"

Pinkie Pie Prime then began to stomp on the Newfoals hacking at the bottom of her hooves crushing them while continuing to fire particle beams from her eyes vaporizing more Newfoals.

***

The Alicorn Goddess of the sun Princess Celestia sat on her throne watching Pinkie Pie Prime killing the Newfoals in a magical cloudy bubble.

"So they have a giant Pony helping them now? Well two can play at that game!"

With that Celestia roared like Godzilla rapidly growing her body to about five hundred feet tall destroying her own castle.

"IT'S ON BITCH!" she shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Celestia flapped her huge wings and then flew off into the sky to enter the portal outside Ponyville, to come out the other side in the South Pole, then flew at the speed of light to reach Pinkie Pie Prime.

"HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY FUN?!" she screamed at Pinkie Pie Prime diving on her to knock her to the ground. "YOU WILL-- Pinkie Pie Prime wrapped her hooves around her neck moving her face closer to Celestia's. "WHAT ARE YOU-- Pinkie Pie Prime drove her tongue into Celestia's mouth to ferociously make out with her.

Celestia moaned sexfully giving in instantly to the kiss, which caused the barrier to fade away into nothing.

And so Pinkie Pie Prime killed the evil spirit possessing Celestia by kissing her, sent the world back in time before the war started without creating any paradoxes and the evil spirit no longer possessing Celestia, which meant they never had this awful war in the first place and Ponies and Humans had steaming hot consensual sex.

THE FUCKING END