Two drunk guys write a story

by King Artermis

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 1194

just read the epic randomness

a story of two guys on an epic questthrough Equestria hell heaven and back to earth.

warning: random shit ensues

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-14 06:28:08 UTC

The Begining of Awesome

One day walking in walmart...

"Dude I got the shotguns!" Chase shouted at Zack, the renosnably character in the story.

"The fuck you need a shotgun for?" Zack said as a rift in space/time opens up next to the heroes.

"Oh wait I also got nuttella, butter, jelly, and bananas." Chase told Zack.

"I think we should jump into it." Said Zack looking at the portal.

"What the jelly?" Chase asks as Zack beats him upside the head.

"No the portal, you fucking retard."

"I don't think we should." Chase said as he shoves his hand into the nuttella.

"Why not?"

"It could be a portal to hell." He said as he noms on a snickers bar.

"Or, it could be a portal to heaven, with hot babes, and hot wings... where'd you get the snicker bar?" Out of nowhere a pink blur drags us into the portal.

Zack screams, "HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIITTTT!" Chase just looks back saying, "I forgot the bread, NOOOOOOOOO!"

After six seconds of random shit flying by them, our heroes finally exit the portal.

Zack lands face first onto the ground still yelling, "SHIIIIIIIITTT, is that the ground?"

POMF!

Zack stands up and says, "Indeed it was."

POMF!

Zack go's face first into the ground again from Chase landing on his back. *groan* "Gawd, I swear that if something else hits me it's going back in the fucking portal." Shotgun hits Zack on the side of his arm.

"THATS IT, INTO THE FUCKING PORTAL!" Zack screams as he throws the shotgun back into the portal before it closes.

"NO, my shotgun, I knew you for nine seconds!" Cries Chase as he falls to the ground in tears.

Zack looks at Chase with confusion, "You'll be fine. Why the fuck are you purple?"

"Why do you have hooves?"

"I have hooves? How the fuck do I mast-... nevermind."

"What were you going to say Zack?" asks Chase with a smug look.

"Shut the hell up. Now where the fuck are we?"

"Well since..." Chase went on for about an hour about how a rift works before saying, "And thats why bananas are great."

"Why am I friends with you?"

"Ooooo, look another purple thing." Chase runs off to the purple pony. Zack sighs at his friends idiocy and walks a different direction saying, "I need something hard to drink."

And now back to Chase.

"Hi I'm Twilight Sparkle." says the purple pony.

"Hiiiiiiii, I'm Chase, and your a unicorn." says chase druling the sight of Twilight.

"Yeah... Your one two." says Twilight slowly backing away.

"I'm a unicorn?" Looks up to fore head, "I am a unicorn, ZACK ZACK... He'll be fine, buuut I'M A UNICORN!"

Back to the only resonably character.

"Hi, I'm Pinky Pie!"

"Hi I'm Go Fuck Yourself." says Zack as he slowly heads a bar, Pinky jumping around him the entire way.

"Ooo, You're going to go get drunk, can I come with?"

Zack looks at her, "NO, people like you should never be drunk.... EVER." Zack says as he walks into the bar, Pinky follows him anyways.

"Oh, hey Applejack." says the annoying pink pony. Zack looks up to see an orange pony.

"Oh, hay there Pinky, who your friend?" asks the supposed Applejack.

"I am not friends with her, I alredy have a dimwit in my life, and I don't need another one. Besides, my name is Zack." says Zack as he sits ina barstool.

"Bartender, bring me the strongest thing you got, I need to forget something." says Zack waving a hoof.

"Even me?" asks Pinky

"Exspecialy you!" Says Zack reaching for his drink, "How do I pick up my drink? Hey bartender," zack knocks on the table, "bendy straw, STAT!" Applejack looked at the Zack like he was crazy.

"you're going to drink vodka with a bendy straw? just use your hoof."

Zack looked at applejack. "One does not simpley, pick up something with a hoof."

Applejack lifts up her drink while looking at Zack. They sat there in silence for a moment. then Zack looks and starts drinking his vodka. He turns back to Applejack and says. "Don't dis the bendie straw." Zack looks back at the bartender and says. "Just, Just give me the bottle. Just give me it i'll give you fifty dollars." the bartender looks back and sets it on the table. Zack looks up at  her and says "You asshole. how do I pick this up?"

Back to Chase.

"Hey can you teach me some magic?" Case asks Twilight. Twilight looks at Chase and says, "Well what do you want to learn?"

"How about a come to life spell?" Twilight looks aroung to see what he could attemp to bring to life.

"Well lets test the spell on that tomato." says Twilight pointing with her hoof. Twilight starts to explain to Chase how to do the spell, but he wasn't listening one bit.

"Okay, lets see you try." says Twilight as Chase lights up his horn. The magic's color was marijuana green. The pot colored beem of magic hits the tomato, bringing it to life.

"KILL ME!" shouts the tomato.

"THAT. WAS. FUCKING. AWESOME." shouts Chase as he heads towards a bar.

Back to Zack.

"What the hell did you wanna do?" Zack said as chase looked at him.

"Pleeeeaaassee."

"you know what. let's see what you can do."

"Hey hold on." said PInkiepie as she was bouncing over to Zack.

"Oh God no." Zack said as he sees four more ponies.

"Now." PInkie said as she pointed to the yellow coated pegasus. "This is Fluttershy." She then points to the white unicorn, "This is Rarity, and Rainbow dash, and Twilight."

"Zack. Stand away from every bodyelse." Zack stepped away from pinkie. Which he planned to do anyways.

"Okay," Zack said to chase pointing his right hoof at him. "Now don't you fu.." Chase shot the spell out of his horn right at zacks hoof.

"My hoof? Wait what is this spe.." Zacks hoof grabbed his neck and started choking him.

"See it worked!" Chase said as Zack fell to the ground.

"What the fuck?" Zack said as he was trying to get his own hand from killing himself.

"You," Zack said as he pointed to Rarity. "Help me!?"

"Oh jeez, darling no."

"You!" Zack said pointing to twilight "WWHHHYYYYY?"

"Anyone?" Zack looked around at everyone."I'm going to regret this. but pinkie, pl. ple. klhu. sorry threw up in my mouth a little bit. please help me." Zack looked at her with his purple face.

"eh let me check my schedule." Zack looked at her for a sec.

"Are you serious? This is why im the only resonable character in this story." Chase looked at Twilight. "When does this wear off?"

"Five minutes."

"He'll live."

"How am I even doing this? So this is how I die. I always knew it was going to be self inflicted." asks Zack before he passes out.

"So, who are all of you? And where are we?" asks Chase looking at the other five ponies at the scene.

And thats the end of this chapter for our brave heroes.