Bon-Bon's Average Day

by articunos bitch

Rating: teen
Tags: Bon-Bon, Random, Slice of Life, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2579

An average day in the life of every-one's favorite failed candy maker.

Waking up late, a bad breakfast, a thankless job and a weird girlfriend make her life suck. It's nothing she can't deal with though, just sigh and move on.
Inspired from a conversation on /mlp/.

Published 2013-06-12 22:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-12 22:00:01 UTC

I hate my life

I wake up late, as always on workdays and Lyra’s nowhere to been seen. It’s…damn it. 7:51. I’ll have time to get to work but at the most I can do for breakfast is coffee and toast, if Lyra put coffee or tea on the stove.

I roll out of bed and trot to the kitchen looking in the mirror as I pass it. I can take the curlers out of my mane and tail when I get something in my belly. What do you know; Lyra did put something on the stove. Is it-no. It’s cold. I would say she was kind enough to leave out the sugar, if the cream wasn't next to it and I knew she forget, gonna moan about that to her today when I see her. I dump it down the sink, looks like coffee’s going to be black again, I barely use sugar anyway. Well she did something right by leaving two slices of bread in the toaster. Maybe she forgot that too, maybe I’m being too negative. It’s the way my life goes.

My toast is cooking as I chug cold, black coffee and work to pull my curlers out with the other hoof. Shaking my head and-mane and tail in front of the mirror and am pleased they keep their shape and they should until tonight. Cherry Berry will notice. I could use another joke from her today. The toast pops up aaand we’re out of butter. What do I expect when I use the last of it yesterday morning? Lyra’s not going to get any unless I tell her or remind her a few days later. Guess my toast is going to be dry too.

Well I got food in me, I have no excuses now so I should be getting to work. Locking the door I hope that Lyra has her key and doesn’t need to use the hidden one again. Galloping down the lane I pass by the Library and see that nerd Sparkle reading on the balcony. Or maybe she’s worshipping the sun. I tried talking to her about the Princesses once and she won’t hear a word against them. She literally thinks the sun shines out of Celestia’s ass and Luna’s the best friend a pony could ask for. I gave up and walked away before letting it turn into a fight, there was no getting through to her.

Arriving at the landfill I still had a few minutes to clock in and yak it up with Cherry Berry.

“Bons. Get up late again?”

“Cold, black coffee and dry toast. Shaping up to be a fine day.”

“You could have woken up next to Vinyl Scratch again.” I hated being reminded of the last time she and her best friends went to Bespin for their Swamp Apple Festival. It was a harmless prank every-one else got in on, but I never laughed about it unless Cherry mentioned it. You drink and fall asleep on the way home and Vinyl thinks she can climb into bed and nuzzle you awake. That was the end of my Swamp Cider nights.

“Okay ladies. Thank you both for being here. Today is Friday and we have a bit to get to.” Diago, a Diamond Dog who desired an actual income so he joined pony society, picked up his clipboard and started reading announcements. “First, the new benefits package kicks in later this month so I’ld catch up on any medical appointments as soon as you can. Then-“

“Wait,” I ask. “Has our benefits package changed?” Oh, I bet that cheapskate mayor is at it again. Is it any wonder why she never has my vote?

“Yes. To make up for the city’s budget shortfall all civil servants are having adjusted healthcare plans. Insurance specifically. Dental visits are now available once every nine months instead of six. General health visits are eighteen months instead of twelve, eye doctors are now 24, you got the whole story in the mail didn’t you?”

“I knew we might have hours juggled around but I never got anything in the mail!” They must have sent it out, but it shouldn’t come as a shock as to why I didn’t get it. That stupid, cross eyed mailmare is always losing my shit. How she finds her way home, let alone takes care of two kids is beyond my imagination. I had one of the special insurance plans where other ponies at my residence also got coverage, so I should tell Lyra about that too.

“Well you know now. There are a few copies of the new package in the office if you-“

“I’ll grab one later.” I try to keep a hiss out of my voice.

“Okay. Next item…”

After Cherry Berry and I are hooked up to our garbage carts we trot off in different directions to haul the trash Ponyville citizens set out on the curbside. I hate my job if you can’t tell. I mean yeah the pay’s good, enough to support a small family at least, but hauling garbage sucks and smells as bad as you think it does. And getting used to the smell is bad for every-one around you. The first road on my route is Sunset Blvd; one of the “worse” parts of town but it’s daylight so I have more to worry from overflowing trash cans than crime. But that’s enough for me.

Eww, no garbage bags in this one, and it looks like they shoveled dirt mixed with paper and banana peels on to the top. At least I hope that’s dirt. I heft it over the lip of my cart and tip it over. I see diapers sitting-stuck to the bottom. Now I have to stick my shovel in and work them out, laugh it up Lyra. I really hate my job.

** ** **

Noon is normally when I take my lunch break and I always head to town square to eat by the fountain where Lyra plays her harp, hoping some-one will hire her for a real performance. I don’t bring a lunch with me, that would be gross hauling a sandwich near that smelly cart all day, and since I’m pulling it I have no room for a saddle bag. I do reverse credit with merchants, I pay vendors I trust every week (so I don’t have creditors coming to my door) and they give me a heads-up when I’m running out. Big Mac tells me just that as he gives me the apple/pear pie I pointed out to him and I thank him. As I said I trust the Apple Family, honest as the day is long, but that doesn’t stop me from hating them. Or the Cakes.

I tried opening a stall in the market selling candy, but it doesn’t work out too well. I still operate on Sunday, the only day anypony wants candy and I scrounge enough profit to show it’s little more than a hobby for me. My dreams of opening a candy store in town have been crushed by the Apple and Cake families and their stranglehold on the market. Pony’s want pasties, not candy. Personally the Cakes are embarrassing to be around, Granny Smith is fine once you don’t take her too seriously. Big Mac has mares tripping over themselves to get to him, if I swung that way I guess I would be too. Applebloom’s an annoying little shit, don’t get me started on adding her friends. And Applejack’s part of the Mary Sue Gang along with Pinkie Pie, and everypony knows what Pinkie’s like.

The two of them, that prick Rainbow Dash, the emotionally unstable Fluttershy, Equestria’s nerdiest dumbass Twilight Sparkle and Rarity who is so full of herself she’s got marshmallow oozing out of her pores make up the Mary Sue Gang. Everything goes right for them! They royally screw up and ruin the whole town, and every-one just shrugs it off. Applejack caused a stampede of rabbits, Rainbow did a few good deeds and becomes a ****. Fluttershy caused a horde of parasprites to swarm into town despite being a veterinarian and knowing what they are. Rarity is a grade A bitch, Pinkie runs around pulling stupid pranks and Twilight put half the town under a spell to obsess over her doll, myself included. And from what Derpy told me they all had a hoof in ruining the Grand Galloping Gala, and afterward Celestia laughed with them about it.
Call me jealous if you want, but they got it made unlike my friends and myself. I hate when Derpy loses my stuff but she’s a good friend otherwise, so is her pal Time Turner. And she IS a good mother. Vinyl and Octavia remind me of Lyra and myself without the romance. We hang out together now and then and go out drinking every two weeks, sometimes we juggle Berry Punch into the gang, others Carrot Top joins us while Turner’s away.

Speaking of friends, where the hell is Lyra? I've eaten my half of the pie already and not seen hide nor hair while fuming over those picture perfect bitches. I bet she’s gone off on some adventure and will come back home late tonight covered in scratches and/or bruises, but not drunk, she’s not like that.

Dr. Colgate comes walking up to me, sometimes she joins our little crew.

“Hi Bon-Bon!”

“Hi Colgate. What’s up?”

“Have you seen Lyra around?”

“Actually I was just wondering where she is.”

“Well it involves you too. How would you like to come to Stalliongrad next weekend? My cousin moved there and is having a barn raising party.” She says it like it would be fun.

“I can’t. Next weekend is the town baking contest and I’m entering my sugar molds.”

“Oh well. Maybe she can.”

“I’ll tell her about it.” I will, but she knows I need her with me.

“Well, by then. I hope to see you again.”

I wave as she walks away and look to the clock; I've got twenty minutes until I need to get back to my route, but it’s a five minute walk. To hell with it, if she showed up now I would spend the rest of my time bitching at her. Maybe I can finish early today and relax for the quarter of an hour.

** ** **

I tip my cart right-side up again and wheel it into the maintenance shed where Diago will look it over for a loose axle or whatever and I finish my long work day with time to spare, so I stretch and lay down. Yes its dirt, yes it’s officially a landfill, I always shower after work so I see no problem with it. Cherry Berry trots over and starts cracking jokes again, I bet she’s waited all day to spill them to some-one who will pretend to care.

“What’s the difference between a Changeling and Princess Molestia? One is a single tract minded monster focused only on finding love. The other has cheese-legs!” Can’t imagine how long she’s been waiting to use that one…but I still laugh. The horn blares signaling the hour and we clock out before waving good-bye to Diago. She and I both have direct deposit so our paychecks are already in the bank, It’s the weekend so I just want my bath. Walking through the door I see it’s unlocked. To most ponies that would be a sign that you have been burglarized, but it just tells me that Lyra came home and didn't lock up-again. Besides, who would break into my cheap cracker box house? Nothing’s missing, and that’s the end of that train of thought. I walk to the master bathroom and start the water, ahh, hot, hot, hot.

When I was growing up I dreamed of having a long bath and was joined by my very special unicorn. Lyra's jumped in a few times, but she’s far too silly for it to fit my romantic fantasy. Even when I crawl in with her it’s not the same, this grown-up life thing isn't what I thought it would be.

Stepping out I took longer than I thought, it’s now seven o’clock, I’m hungry, and still alone. What has that filly been up to!? Cream of broccoli soup, bread, and a few bottles of wine sound like dinner to me. While eating I see her harp laying on the table. She takes care of it; tightening the chords, polishing it, she always keeps it in its case, but she almost never plays it at home unless she’s feeling depressed. I tell her she squanders her talent plucking chords by the fountain in this hick town, but she will never leave, so it looks like I’m staying in Ponyville too.

After dinner I put my curlers in, decide to call it an early night and crawl into bed. I told her to change the sheets last night, no big surprise that she didn't. And now the neighbors decide to blare their foreign music, uggh. Not now dumbasses.

Forty-five minutes later I’m still awake and now some-one’s either breaking in or Lyra’s fumbling around with the key. What do you know? She got it and is humming to herself as she climbs into bed and snuggles against me without so much as a Hello. I relax a bit before asking, “Just where have you been all day? You missed lunch.”

“Field research.” I can hear a smile on her face. More of her stupid cryptozoology crap.

“Was it so important you had to leave the cream on the counter before leaving?”

“I left it for you Honey Bons.”

Damn, I always blush when she calls me that. “It was warm. Why didn’t you wake me then?”

“You looked so peaceful. Now shut up and snuggle with me.” I stay where I am as she tightens her grip on me and nibbles’ on my ear. She says how much she loves me. It’s not your business exactly what she says, its nopony’s business. Then she follows it up with, “Don’t fret, everything will be aces tomorrow.”

“You always say that, and my day is never aces.”

“Did you have a bad day?”

“Just a normal one. Nothing to write home about.”

I know she heard me but I think she’s already asleep. She looks peaceful when she sleeps too, I turn around to face her and relax like most ponies do when snuggling. I can’t seem to sleep without her next to me no matter how I feel about her right then. One time we were arguing months ago and I almost told her to leave and never come back, but instead just said I was going to sleep. The couch isn't really meant for more than a nap and I crawled in with her and turned the other way, then I blacked out the moment she touches my shoulder.

I hold her tight. “Damn it. I missed you so much today. I don’t say I love you enough do I?” I whisper. Her hoof lies on my mouth, only she could pull that off while sleeping. Smiling I close my eyes and drift off. I complained all day but yeah, my life is actually okay. And everything will be aces tomorrow.

Author's Note

As always, constructive critism is welcome. Not every-one in Ponyville has it easy.