Applejack Bakes a Pie

by WonderboltWannabe

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Random, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2561

On her day off, Applejack encounters the strangest urge to bake a pie...

Gods? Demons? What are we but specks being tossed about in the turmoil of an eternal playground of celestial beings?

Applejack has absolutely no idea, but you know what would be great on her day off? Baking a pie.

Published 2013-06-12 22:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-12 22:00:01 UTC

Applejack Bakes a Pie

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro. I do not own any of the characters portrayed or any intellectual property thereof.

…But the story is totally mine ;)

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There was something in the air that day. Nopony knew just exactly what it was, and only a select few were even aware of its presence, if only subconsciously.

But then again, maybe it was just her. Maybe the novelty of finally having a single day off after three solid weeks of apple bucking was just getting to her on some primal, fundamental level.

Whatever “it” was, Applejack had a burning need, a deep, throbbing, pulsating need that built up inside of her and quietly scratched at the walls of her psyche until eventually, she heeded its pleas.

She had to bake a pie.

It wasn’t something that could be negotiated, nor was it something that could be postponed. Others couldn’t feel it, but she could. Forces beyond her mortal control or comprehension compelled her to indulge herself in the sweet, sweet bliss of baking.

Or maybe she was just hungry. Those two feelings can be devilishly hard to tell apart.

The cosmos (or her belly) pushed her to it, and she was no more capable of refusing than she was of sprouting wings though, considering what had happened to Twilight in recent weeks, that didn’t sound quite as impossible as it once had.

She glanced around the kitchen, her emerald eyes probing, scanning, searching for what she required. Where was it… she was sure she’d seen Granny put it…

There!

A lone container of flour, it couldn’t have contained more than three cups of the stuff at most. It didn’t matter in the slightest. It was enough. It was enough.

She approached slowly, cautiously, eyeing the container with something bordering on reverence. With a trembling hoof, she carefully popped off the lid. The contents shifted slightly, disturbed by the sudden movement.

Had she been a stronger pony at that moment, she may have reflected on her grandmother’s feelings. She would be powerfully mad at her, using the last of the flour like this. As things stood, however, her rational mind was hardly part of the equation anymore. She was being driven by instinct, the needs of her heart (or stomach) eclipsing the protests of her head like Luna’s moon covering the sun.

The act of making the pie was hardly a conscious effort. It was almost second nature to her practiced hooves, rote memory guiding her expert touch. Before long, the felonious pastry sat uncooked on the table in front of her, mocking her and tempting her all at once.

“You should be ashamed” it said.

Truly such an admonishment would bring any average pony to their knees, begging forgiveness. Applejack was not most ponies. She was imbued with divine purpose, she had come to realize. Surely, there was some higher being at work here. There must be. A divine command had been issued to her, and as the holy sentinel of the Gods, she must carry it out to its full extent.

“Then it is time” spoke the pie.

The oven loomed large in front of her, its mammoth features perfectly expressing the power contained within. This. This was her forge, her anvil. She would be the smith that tamed the elements of the earth (or her kitchen) and bring forth their inner beauty.

The heat washed over her in waves, the oven’s fiery depths mimicking the bowels of Tartarus itself. She shielded her face with a foreleg, the incineration taking place within threatening to scorch the fur right off of her. No, she must stand strong. This was her challenge, a veritable trial by fire for her to prove her mettle and gain heavenly favor.

Lifting the pie she thrust it into the maw of the beast with a mighty shove. She could almost hear the demons roaring, cursing her and gnashing their teeth as they clawed themselves in agony, besieged by the onslaught of her holy purpose.

As she rested a hoof on the door, ready to condemn the pie to its fate, she paused, if only for a moment. Still, a thread of doubt remained. Perhaps this wasn’t the way. Perhaps she had been misled somehow. Could it be possible that somehow this was not the will of the Gods?

She suddenly imagined in herself a hideous nightmare, twisting her thoughts and desires until what remained was nothing more than a scarred, piteous wraith of her former self. What would her sister say? What would her friends say?

At that moment, she had two choices. Either she would be fulfilling the wishes of hallowed grace, or casting herself headlong into an abyss from which there would be no return.

Her eyes dark and her face expressionless, she closed the door. If she were to become a nightmare, then so be it. Should the desolation of Nightmare Apple come to pass, then she would gladly accept the consequences.

The night lasted 40 to 50 minutes at 425 degrees.

When the timer sounded, Applejack awoke as if from meditation. Her eyes fluttered slowly open, and she turned her head imperiously towards that which had been wrought of her own hooves. Still the oven stood, the front wreathed in a soft glow from the fires within. It looked… calm. Serene even. Truly, something magical must have taken place inside.
What she found nearly took her breath away.

Oh. Sweet. Celestia. It was beautiful.

There were no words in the Equestrian language to properly describe the vision of absolute perfection that greeted her mortal eyes. That golden crust, so beautifully smooth and sprinkled with just the most delicate touch of sugar, called out to her very soul and brought into painful focus just how fleeting and precious the gift of life was. Truly, Applejack had completed her trials and had finally come to her heavenly reward.

Slowly, so as not to disturb even a bite of the divine delicacy, she carefully put on a pair of potholders and gingerly transferred her creation to the windowsill, where its holy message could be brought to the world.

She simply stared at it for several long moments, reveling in its presence, feeling like a mare who had gone far too long without the precious light of the sun on her coat. In some ways, she mused, perhaps it was the truth.

She watched the pie carefully as it cooled, eying it lovingly and whispering sweet nothings to it as the time of prophecy inched closer. Suddenly, a clearing of a throat behind her made her spin around, jostling the pie. Her heart stopped for a moment as the pan rattled, but held its position.

“Uhh… Hey there Big Mac… You uh… ya’ been standin’ there long?”

Several seconds of silence, and then…

“Eeyup.”

“I see…”

Several more seconds of tense silence passed between the two siblings as Applejack fidgeted a little.

“Any chance ya’ might be willin’ to, uh… forget what ya’ saw here?”

“Eeyup.”

And with that he was gone, his large frame backing up slowly, until Applejack heard him turn and run from the house, his heavy hooffalls thundering across the hardwood.

Though that little exchange was sure to crop up again at some time in the future, Applejack decided to put it out of her mind for the moment. There were more important things going on right then.

“Now where were we…” she spoke in a sultry voice as she turned back to the-

The pie was gone.

With a gasp she leapt to the windowsill and peered around frantically. She caught the barest hint of a cyan coat and a prismatic mane disappearing behind the edge of the house at top speed.

“RAINBOW DASH!” she bellowed, launching herself out the window and rolling to a stop, one hoof holding her cowpony hat steady atop her blonde mane. With a powerful thrust from her hind legs, strengthened from years of applebucking, she took off after the rainbow-maned thief.

As she rounded the edge of the farmhouse, she couldn’t help but marvel at Rainbow’s impressive speed. In the few seconds since she had spotted the pegasus, Rainbow had already managed to clear nearly 100 yards of distance. Too bad it wouldn’t save her.

With a guttural roar she tore off across the grounds of Sweet Apple Acres, the dusty earth pounding beneath her hooves.

Now, normally, she would have no chance of catching up to Rainbow, even she had to admit. That girl wasn’t called the fastest flier in all of Equestria for nothing, after all. Fortunately for Applejack, she had both the home court advantage and a good knowledge of how her friend’s brain worked.

Rainbow was currently flying away from her to the south, away from Ponyville. This was a ruse, Applejack was sure. There was no way the pegasus would steal the pie and fly towards nothing but miles upon miles of apple trees. If there was one thing her friend was not, it was a scaredy-cat. Rainbow would never steal a pie from her and then hide from her intentionally. The chase was part of the game.

No, she would fly south for a stretch before banking east towards the river to avoid the fruit bats that infested the western orchards. Applejack would cut her off at the pass, so to speak.

Five minutes of running brought her, panting, to the edge of the body of water. She crouched down behind an apple tree, gazing southwards down the river’s path where she was certain she would soon be seeing a certain pie thief flying along.

She had to wait but a few minutes until sure enough, a spot of blue and a flash of bright colors signaled the arrival of one Rainbow Dash. She whistled to herself as she flew along close to the surface of the water.

She laughed. “Man, that was priceless. AJ didn’t know what hit her. I can’t wait to tell Pinkie Pie, she’ll get a kick outta’ this!” she executed a barrel roll as she spoke, casually tossing the pie into the air and catching it again on a second roll-through. Applejack’s heart mimicked the pie’s trajectory.

Rainbow took a closer look at the object she held. “Man, this is a really good-looking pie. I wonder if- Oof!”

The air was driven from her lungs as an orange blur tackled her straight out of mid-flight. The pair of ponies cleared the entire width of the stream and crashed down in the underbrush on the opposite bank. The pie slid away on its pan, miraculously unspoiled.

Applejack pinned the struggling pegasus beneath her and glared into her eyes. “Hey there, Rainbow. I believe ya’ll are holdin’ somethin’ that belongs ta’ me.” Her voice dripped menace.

Rainbow Dash squeaked slightly as Applejack bore down on her. “Applejack! W-where did you come from!?! I-I was just-“

A hoof planted itself firmly over her mouth. “Can it, missy! Ya’ll got a lot of explainin’ ta’ do, ya’ hear?”

“I was gonna bring it back, honest!” said Rainbow, managing to shift the orange hoof off of her lips. It was immediately replaced.

“I don’t wanna hear any excuses outta you!” said Applejack. “Don’t ya’ll be talkin’ ta’ me about honesty, I wrote the book on the subject!”

Rainbow only managed a light whimper in response.

Applejack looked down at the helpless mare and sighed. Slowly, her glare relaxed. No matter how many times this happened (and it had happened a considerable number of times) she could never bring herself to discipline the pegasus currently prone beneath her. Slowly, grudgingly, she moved away and let Rainbow back to her hooves.

“AJ, listen I-“

“Shush!” she said harshly. “Now ya’ll listen here. I’m gonna forget about this little escapade.” Rainbow’s face immediately showed a great amount of gratitude, and she made to speak. Applejack held up a hoof for silence. “But on one condition! I don’t wanna see hide nor hair of ya’ll round here for the rest of the week, deal?”

Rainbow Dash nearly tripped over herself in her haste to simultaneously thank Applejack, and fly away at maximum velocity. The orange mare barely caught the tail end of a hurried ‘thank you’ before a rush of air and a prismatic blur signaled Rainbow’s swift departure.

Applejack let out a heavy sigh. “Good gravy, that was an ordeal.” She slowly turned around. “Now, I believe we were carryin’ out some important busin-“

*Splat!*

A curious sound resonated through her ears as a curious sensation spread through her left front hoof. Looking down, her eyes moved first across her chest, down past her shoulders, even further past her knee, and finally came to rest looking at the now pie-filling-coated fur of her fetlock.

A strange sensation welled up inside of her.

“Oh.” Was all she said.

Calmly, Applejack removed her hoof from the pie. She trotted slowly over to the river, where she washed herself. Trotting back, she carefully picked up what was left of the pie and placed it on her back.

Wading through the shallow water, she took her time on the journey back to the farmhouse. Never once did she stop, though, to stop would be to recognize reality, and she couldn’t do that right now, not after all she’d been through to make that pie.

Maybe it was for the best, she reasoned, as she walked across the yard towards the front door. Maybe ponykind wasn’t ready for such a gift yet. True, she had overcome great trial and tribulation to arrive at her reward, but was not the personal growth and gain reward enough in and of itself?

“No. No it isn’t” said the once-proud shell of the pie. Applejack did her best to ignore it.

She placed the pie back on the windowsill, even though it most certainly no longer belonged there, and proceeded to the bathroom, where she spent the next hour or two under a stream of hot water. Not moving, only thinking. After a while, a period of time in which she knew the other members of her family were likely to start worrying about her, she shut off the shower and toweled off.

Trotting back into the living room, she found Big Mac just arriving back from his work in the orchards. Her brother eyed her warily as she stood in the hallway with a blank expression on her face.

“Uhh… hey sis…”

“You ever felt like the universe is trying ta’ tell ya’ somethin’ Macky?” she asked quietly.

A bit of silence.

“Uhh… Nnope, can’t say that I have” he replied slowly.

“Huh. That’s too bad” she said, slowly turning back around. “I’m turnin’ in early.”

And with that she walked to her bedroom, slipping under the covers after turning out the lights. This of course didn’t do much to darken the room considering it was still mid-afternoon, but Applejack didn’t mind much at the moment. She lay there, staring at the wall, knowing that in time the pain would fade, but that the experience would stay with her forever. She was nearly on the verge of falling asleep when the scratchy voice of Granny Smith cut through the house.

“Who in the hay used all the flour!?!?”

Applejack sighed.