Draconequui High

by canonkiller

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Romance, Comedy
Length: 2633

Sequel to 'Dancer' - Smooth Candy is the Earth Pony daughter of Moondancer and Time Turner. She's also in her final year of high school - but the first year of her life.

They say you follow in your parent’s hoofprints.

The problem here is that my dad was making a living as a pole dancer when he was my age, and my dad was sitting in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns as an Earth Pony at about the same time.

I guess that sounds pretty jumbled, huh?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-20 23:57:05 UTC

Chapter 1

“Hey, Smooth!”

I looked up from my hooves, having stuffed myself into the nearest corner and proceeded to try my hardest to become invisible. “Hey, Jam.”

Apple Jam was one of the few Pegasi who’d attended Draconequui High since it opened it’s doors. We had bonded quickly - after all, her mom was my stripper-dad’s ex-coltfriend’s sister – and the relationship had only strengthened with time. Other than that one time she had tried to play matchmaker and failed somewhat, of course.

She was Rainbow Dash and Applejack’s daughter – and that of some anonymous sperm donor who I highly suspected was my father – and it showed. The science around such triple-breeding had evolved a lot since Princess Twilight first tried it, and almost none of her-my father showed through. Her coat was nearly the same cerulean as her Pegasus parents’, and she had the wings to match. Her mane was sandy yellow, and a green band ran through it. She also had a tendency to wear her mother’s Stetson to hide her freckles, and had a much less adorable tendency to kick ponies she didn’t like.

Nonetheless, the bruises that had mysteriously appeared when I met her were long gone.

“You not enjoying the party?” She tilted her head, her hat falling off the back and stopping as some sort of oversized necklace when the drawstring met her shoulders. “Rough Cut’s trying to convince everyone he’s not gay.”

“Is he?”

“Of course not, but he’s too drunk to remember. His dad bought him some hard cider, and the dolt drank it all in ten minutes.” She whistled, smiling. “But really, you shouldn’t be in the corner.”

I rolled my eyes. “And why not?”

“Ponies make out in the corner.” She stated, pointing a wingtip towards the opposite wall; where, undeniably, some stallion was quite passionately kissing a mare.

I sighed, getting to my hooves. “What do you want me to do, then?”

“Dance!”

“I don’t dance.”

“Your magic butt tattoo says differently.” Jam chirped, wrapping her front hooves around mine and pulling me out into the crowd. “Come on, Serenity’s trying to get the karaoke records going.”

“Oh.” The word was more breath than sound, so I repeated it. “Oh.”

“Oh indeed.” Apple Jam teased, manoeuvring until she was lifting me by my belly and straining to get enough lift to get me off the ground as well.

Not that I cared; my eyes had already sought their goal. Their slowly swaying, pristine white goal. With a blush and a jolt, I focused on the almost-more intriguing and far more socially acceptable goal. Serenity’s face.

She was a stunning mare. When I say stunning, I mean stunning. Her coat was even whiter than Rough Cut’s, who took his mother Rarity’s color, and her mane was a wonderful cobalt with an elegant, pale gold highlight running through it. Her eyes were a brilliant green, and when she smiled, her coat seemed gray in comparison. And, as if fate had willed it so, our ‘magic butt tattoos’ were as perfect as a combination could get. Where I had earned mine – a silver disco ball – dancing while our school play was held up by costume difficulties and mild burns, she had earned hers providing the background music.

I had full view of the pink microphone image as she ducked to retrieve a cable she had dropped, and I would have pummeled Jam in the gut had I been given wings.

“Oh, Smooth!” She turned around, voice melodic as ever, levitating a sparkly pink microphone in her pale blue magic. “I was wondering where you were!”

“I was wondering where you were too.” I replied dumbly. Jam subtly punched my shoulder as she landed.

“I’ve nearly got the machine running. Do you know any of these songs?”

I scanned the records I could see beside the large box. “Uh... no. I’m sure you’ll sing them well enough to distract everyone from me, though!”

Another shoulder punch, this one accompanied by Serenity’s slight blush. “Thank you, Smooth. It means a lot.”

There was a tense moment where I could have sworn she was going to kiss me, but then she turned to another mare who had just walked up.

“Oh, Paw Print! Just the mare I was looking for!”

I took a few steps back, exiting the conversation as the gray-coated daughter of two of Canterlot’s highest musicians helped her set up the records.

“You did great!” Jam chirped, landing beside me and fluffing her wings happily.

“I didn’t do anything.” I growled back. “I’m stupid, this crush is stupid, and this party is stupid! I didn’t even want to be here!”

“So... no dance?”

“No dance, no date, no nothing!” I spun to storm away, in common dramatic fashion, and abruptly collided with a passing colt.

And in a horribly cliché way, our eyes met.

My first thoughts were of a more technical sort; he was a nice burgundy-red, with a dark brown mane that had the kind of highlights to it that hinted at a blonde childhood. His eyes were a pleasant blue, and the half-smile on his muzzle was the kind that had downed just enough drink to keep its’ wits.

“Sorry.” I mumbled, moving to go around him.

“Hey, where are you going?” His voice was just as strong as he looked. I imagined he was one of the ponies from the Summer Sun Celebration; strong and supple and yet never seen before. “I heard there’s going to be singing and dancing.”

“Yeah, no more dancing.” I huffed, trying again.

This time, he moved aside. “You’re Candy, right?”

My breath caught. “My name is Smooth.”

He put up a hoof in submission. “Sorry, only repeating what I’d heard. I’m Rowan.”

Rowan. Pull out my mane and throw me in Tartarus, this was him.

My dad’s love life used to include a Ponyville farmer named Big Macintosh. Long story short, they broke up, dad got together with Time Turner, Macintosh got together with some guy named Caramel, they had magic babies, and this was theirs. And – with a subtle once-over – he was not the kind of ugly hell-spawn Moondancer’s passive comments had described. A rather handsome piece of flesh, if I could say so myself.

“So, uh, do you go to Draconequui High? I just transferred this year, so I was wondering if anyone knew the way around.”

So he was a Summer Sun-er. “Yeah, I do. I’ll find you during the first day assembly, alright? I’m kind of in a hurry.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

I trotted past him, risking a glance back. He waved.

I cursed under my breath. By Celestia's sun-spotted flank, I was in deep.

I slammed the door open. “I’m in love with a guy!”

Moondancer looked up from his napping spot on the couch. “Would you look at that, the studies were wrong. Gay parents can raise straight children.”

Time Turner glared at him from the other chair. “You said you were going to try and be more supportive!”

“I can’t help it. I’m hilarious.” He rolled his eyes, sitting up. “What is it, kiddo?”

“I’m in love.” I emphasized, collapsing onto the couch beside him. He shifted until my head was resting comfortably on his side.

“Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms?” He quipped, running a front hoof through my mane. “Feather of lead, bright smoke... ah...”

“Was serious vanity one of them, or am I making that up?” Time suggested.

“This is serious!” I protested. “Love! A colt! Are you guys understanding this?!”

Apple Jam trotted in, shutting the door with a back hoof. “Yo, amigos!”

“Heyo, fembro!” Moondancer called back. “You crashing here for the night?”

“Nah, just stopping in on the way home. Had to see how moonstruck here was doing. So, Smooth?”

“I’m in love.” I moaned.

“Did you already quote Shakesmane?”

Moondancer looked shocked. “Of course!”

“And you don’t have a bruise or anything?” She trotted over, hopping up on the couch. “You’re in deep, mare.”

I rolled over – my breathing somewhat stifled by my father’s fur – and let myself go limp. “I know.”

“Did you learn his name, at least?” Jam queried. “I’ve never seen him before.”

“I... did.”

“So, who was it?”

I mumbled into my father’s side.

“Speak up! We aren’t bats.” Time spoke up from the other couch.

“Nor can we hear well.” Moondancer added.

I drew in a deep breath. “Rowan!”

The room went quiet.

“Well, that was unexpected.” Time quipped.

“Are you kidding? That kid’s as much a stud as his dad was.” Moondancer rolled his eyes. “Surprised he’s in Canterlot, though. And straight, no less. Country boys, y’know.”

“Summer Sun Celebration, remember? It’s like a market day for a few months.” Jam reminded him. “So, you two dating?”

“No!” I shouted, accidentally kicking Moondancer’s leg. “But... he did say he would like some help finding his way around.”

“That’s it. You’re together.” Jam stated, patting my flank.

I glared at her. “No, we’re not.”

“At our school,” Jam replied with a half-smile, “if you’re helping someone around, you better be closer to them than caramel on a candy apple."

The foyer was filled to bursting with ponies – mostly new ones – trying to find the hallways they were looking for. As a group of them managed to communicate their goal, a door closed, the room spun, and the hallways rearranged.

Draconequui High; the most aptly named school in pony history.

“Candy? Candy, is that you?”

“It’s Smooth.” I hissed.

Rowan grinned awkwardly as he broke apart from the crowd. “Candy just sounds so much better.”

“Smooth.” I repeated.

“So, uh, yeah,” he glanced away, “where is the assembly hall?”

“Give it a few seconds.”

The huge room swiveled – muffled shouts from the newbies who hadn’t gotten their ‘chaos hooves’ – and a final, large doorway framed with a pair of golden draconequui appeared. One of the statues twisted away from the wall, cracking it’s spine and sighing. “Newbies?”

I sighed, waving a hoof at the general crowd. “Come on, Tarzanite. We don’t want to startle them that much. Don’t you do anything either, Alanite.”

“I’d never dream of such a thing!” The second statue yelped, putting its’ mismatched talons to its’ chest. The students around it backpedaled quickly.

“Maybe a little.” The first considered.

“Possibly a lot.” Alanite decided.

“Statues, door? Please?”

The twin draconequui glanced at each other, shrugging.

“Only for you, disco ball!” Tarzanite grinned, waving a paw at my Cutie Mark.

“And Discord, of course!” Alanite interrupted.

“Of course.” I agreed, pushing a hoof against the wide double doors – they had been wood a moment ago, but had seemingly become something like gelatin since – and opening the gateway into the huge auditorium. Red velvet chairs filled virtually all the space, including on the walls and floating in midair.

“Is it always like this?” Rowan questioned, sticking by my side.

I nodded. “You should sit down. He tends to overplay the first day.”

“He? Who’s he?”

“This place is called Draconequui High for a reason.” I sighed. “Ten, nine, eight-“

“Heeeello, ladies and gentlecolts!”

“He’s early this year.” I mumbled.

“I heard that!” The disembodied voice called, suddenly beside me. A gray head hovered in my peripheral vision, along with a startled yelp from Rowan. “You who doubts!”

“You have a schedule to keep.” I reminded him.

“I have a schedule to keep.” He mimicked, frowning. “Aside from the party pooper over here, I welcome you all to your first day – and possibly your last – at Draconequui High!”

The head vanished with a snap, and he reappeared in all of his draconequus glory on the stage – that hadn’t existed moments before – with a puff of smoke.

“My name’s Discord, and I’m your principal for this year, and possibly all of them.” He bowed, grinning manically at the nearest students. “We have some interesting new helpers and teachers this year!”

He snapped his claw, and a group of somewhat-disheveled ponies – and not-ponies – appeared on the stage with him.

“Miss Gilda is the female’s Phys Ed teacher!” A griffon huffed, tossing her feathers out of her eyes.

“Iron Will is the male’s Phsy Ed teacher and the Math teacher!” A Minotaur flexed his muscles, grinning.

“Covalent Bond is teaching Science!” A gray-coated, white-maned Earth stallion waved to the crowd, adjusting his glasses.

“Miss Harshwhinny is your History and Geography teacher!” A light brown Earth mare with a yellow mane frowned.

“Miss Peachbottom is teaching Foods and is also working in the cafeteria!” A buttery-yellow Earth mare with a green and lime mane smiled happily.

“Miss Aloe and Miss Lotus are teaching English!” A pink Earth mare with a blue mane smiled alongside a second mare with the same colors, save for their reversal.

“Mister Jonathan is teaching art!” A white dragon with pale pink crests and belly scales looked around awkwardly, still holding a paintbrush in one claw and a smock wrapped awkwardly around his chest.

“Your counsellor this year is the ever-stunning Princess Skyla! Remember to make appointments for problems, not to look at her.” A pale pink Alicorn with a blue, pale-blue and pale yellow mane smiled and waved, magenta bows keeping her mane and tail tied back. She was rather pretty, and I noticed Rowan gaping.

Discord clapped his hands, and the two golden draconequui statues appeared onstage as well. “These are Alanite and Tarzanite, and they protect the school from ne’er-do-wells. They aren’t exactly teachers, but they can help you if you get lost. If they like you. If you manage to find them.”

After a moment of awkward silence, Discord shrugged and the teachers vanished. He snapped his claws again, and a small sheet of paper appeared in front of each student.

“These are your timetables both semesters. Today we’re having lunch early – I’m aware you just got here – so you can fraternize, compare timetables, whatever. Arrivederci!”

He vanished.

Prologue

They say you follow in your parent’s hoofprints.

The problem here is that my dad was making a living as a pole dancer when he was my age, and my dad was sitting in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns as an Earth Pony at about the same time.

I guess that sounds pretty jumbled, huh?

My name’s Smooth Candy. Moondancer – the stripper dad – named me, because he said my coat looked like caramel and caramel was smooth. My other dad, Time Turner, likes to remind him that he protested the name heavily because it sounded like a porn star name.

I believe, “you fell in love with a porn star,” was the retort through a mouthful of cereal before the box of the same food smacked into the back of his head.

I’m an Earth Pony, like both of my dads. My foster mom was a nice little mare named Twinkleshine who had been friends with Moondancer for a long time. Despite her not being really related to me, she was basically my mom. She was the one my dads ran to when I started having ‘girl problems’, and she was the one who explained the birds and the bees – despite the fact that Moondancer basically lived the happier side of said experience.

This is my last year of high school. On top of that, last year was the one that all the Pegasus- and Unicorn-exclusive schools release their students,  so my class had at least tripled, with the Summer Sun Celebration partygoers sticking around for a few months as well.

Ah, the Summer Sun Celebration.

The night I forgot what my parents taught me. All three of them.

That was the night I met Rowan.