Chapter 1: The Munching Begins
It was lunchtime in Ponyville. Stallions and mares and fillies and colts of all sizes lined up at their favorite diners to grab something to eat. Ponyville’s local pastry shop Sugar Cube Corner was no exception. Assistant baker Pinkie Pie manned the register while the owners, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, rushed back and forth in the kitchen as they prepared dozens of cupcakes, cookies, pies and other goods. Mr. Cake came up to the register with a batch of fresh cookies, and placed a dozen into a white paper bag before returning to the oven.
Pinkie rang the bell and shouted at the massive crowd of ponies, “Order one-hundred and ten! Order one-hundred and ten! Come to the front of the line!” A stallion arrived with a few bits, paid for his order, and promptly left, allowing the next customer to take his spot. After what felt like an eternity, the last customer finally received his order, and the bakers were allowed a moment of rest.
“Thank you and have a nice day!” Pinkie cheered as the last customer left the store. As the door closed shut, she bounced back into the living room with an exhausted yet satisfied smile on her face. Nothing made Pinkie happier than making other ponies happy and nothing makes other ponies happy like freshly baked sweets.
The Cakes were slumped over at the table, absolutely drained. Mr. Cake wearily raised his head and wheezed, “Is that…the last of them?”
Pinkie nodded, “Yup! And a good thing too, we just used up our last egg!” The bakers exchanged a look of concern, even if the lunch rush was over, not having any eggs at all was a problem. Unfortunately, neither of them had the strength to get up. When Mr. Cake tried to move from his seat, his legs flopped underneath him and he fell back with a defeated sigh.
Seeing her husband struggle so much worried Mrs. Cake, so she tried to reason with him. “Now, dear, I think we can last for an hour or two without-”
Pinkie Pie cut her off by happily adding, “We’re also out of baking soda, baking powder, vanilla extract, butter, margarine, peanut butter, vegetable oil, wheat, wheat germ, chocolate chips, chocolate chunks, sprinkles, jimmies, vanilla icing, chocolate icing, red dye number 4 and sugar. But we have plenty of flour.”
“Oh dear.” The cakes simultaneously sighed, dreading the inevitable. Mr. Cake looked to the playpen in the corner, the twins, Pumpkin and Pound Cake had been rather rowdy during the ruckus earlier, but just like their parents, they had run out of steam, and were slowly nodding off. The Cakes exchanged one more glance before coming to the same mental conclusion. With a burst of strength, they heaved themselves up onto their weary hooves.
Mrs. Cake looked at the lightly dozing twins once more before addressing the assistant baker. “Pinkie dear, we need to restock on ingredients, can you look after the shop and the twins while we’re gone? We shouldn't be gone very long, but we'll try to be back as soon as we can.”
Pinkie stood rigidly at attention and saluted the bakers, “Sure thing Mrs. Cake! You can count on me!” The couple still seemed unsure, but Pinkie had been very responsible lately, and it’s not like they had much of a choice. They slowly lumbered out of the shop on their weary legs, leaving Sugar Cube Corner in Pinkie Pie’s (hopefully) responsible hooves.
Once the bakers were out of sight, Pinkie set to work, reaching for the business sign and flipping it from, “Open” to, “Sorry, We are closed.” Moving to the storage room, she pulled out a gramophone and hefted it onto the countertop. She quietly walked upstairs to her room and looked through her records until she found her favorite. Trotting back down, she placed the record on the player but stopped right before placing the needle down.
Pinkie noticed that the twins hadn’t made a sound since the Cakes left and decided to check on them. Sure enough, the babies were sound asleep in the playpen, snoring softly and cuddling their favorite toys. She smiled at the two and whispered, “Okay, off to bed with you two.” She carefully reached into the playpen and gathered the infants into her hooves. Then, taking great care not to wake them, she carried the upstairs to their room. She laid each one down in their respective crib and checked one last time to make sure they were asleep before closing the door and heading back to the kitchen.
Pinkie gave Sugar Cube Corner a good look over as she finally had time to notice just how messy the place was. Despite the massive lunch rush, the waiting room was in good condition. The kitchen was not. The countertops were grimy and smeared with leftover batter and vegetable oil, and the floor was covered in so much flour, batter, sugar, spices and crumbs that Pinkie couldn’t see the tiles underneath.
Grabbing the cleaning supplies from the closet, she put the needle on the record and whistled along to the tune. The floor desperately needed to be washed, but she would have to sweep away all that pesky flour first. It wouldn’t do any good to have it all turn to sticky, heavy dough, so she grabbed a broom and set to work. She used a small broom to reach the tricky spots like underneath the refrigerator and behind the oven. She dusted all around the perimeter of the kitchen and gathered all of the powdery ingredients into one big pile which she then swept up with a dust pan and dropped in the trash.
Now that the floor was rid of messy flour, Pinkie decided to use a mop and finish the job. She grabbed a bucket and was about to place it in the sink when she saw the mountain of dirty dishes that had accumulated over the course of the earlier lunch rush. Not one to be discouraged, Pinkie turned the faucet on and reached for the stopper. She filled the sink up with hot water and poured some soap in to make it nice and foamy. Turning the faucet back off, she grabbed the first baking pan, put it under the water, and scrubbed it until all the caked-on layers of filth had come off. After drying it off with a towel, she placed the pan back in its proper place in the cupboards and moved on to the next one. She repeated this process until each plate, pan, bowl and utensil had been cleaned and put away.
With the dishes all stacked neatly in the cupboards, it was finally time to mop the floor. Pinkie pulled up the stopper and giggled as she watched the water and foam swirl down the drain. As the last of the water gurgled down the pipes, Pinkie found a bucket and just like she had done with the sink, she filled it up with hot, soapy water. Turning the faucet off, she gauged how much water was in the bucket and decided that it was enough. As she lifted the bucket some of the water sloshed over the sides and onto the floor, forming a small puddle. There wasn’t anypony else here, so Pinkie decided not to bring out the wet floor sign.
Pinkie continued whistling even though the music had long since stopped playing as she plunged the mop into the bucket before plopping onto the floor with a wet slap. She swabbed back and forth with the mop, spreading the soap over the filthy floor and transforming it into a pristine surface that was fit to eat off of. After she finished with the mop, she wiped the sweat off her brow and stepped back to admire the fruits of her labor. The entire kitchen was spotless. The counter tops gleamed in the sun like crystals and Pinkie could even see her reflection on the floor.
Satisfied with the state of the bakery, Pinkie smiled and said, “Okay, its snack time!” Returning all the cleaning supplies to the closet, Pinkie bounced into the back room. Even though the lunch rush had been hectic, the Cakes are always prepared. The party pony had a tendency to eat too many sweets, and her eating habits were unpredictable. She even ate a customer’s order by accident once. To stop any accident like that from happening again, the bakers came up with a plan; they devoted an entire section of the back pantry to storing extra baked goods specifically for Pinkie so she could satisfy her sweet tooth without eating a customer’s food should such a moment arise and well, this was one of those moments. Trotting over to her little patch of heaven, she grabbed a chocolate cupcake and brought it over to the waiting room and she was just about to eat it when suddenly there was a knock on the door.
“Well now who could that be?” She said, “Who is it?” There was no answer. “Who is it?” She said with an overly sweet voice… Still no answer. Enraged, Pinkie crashed her hooves on the table and shouted, “WHO IS IT?!” Whoever it was, they weren’t saying anything. So finally she walked over and she opened the door and just as she suspected; it was some chubby little munchkin with teal blue fur, big round eyes, two big pointy ears and stubby little fingers on its stubby little arms. Pinkie smiled at the creature and said, “Ooh I love it when I’m right!”
So anyway the munchkin burst into the bakery and he grabbed her chocolate cupcake and she said, “Hey! You can’t have that! That cupcake’s been just like a cupcake to me!”
The creature pulled the cupcake closer to him defensively and said, “Munch.”
Pinkie took a step closer and said, “Give it!” He stuck out his tongue in a mocking manner as if to say, “Make me.” Pinkie took that as a challenge and said, “All right then, mister! We do this the hard way.” So she grabbed his leg and he grabbed her esophagus and she covered him in flour and he chewed off her tail and she spanked him with a frying pan and he baked her in the oven until she was golden brown! Yes indeed, you better believe it!
But somehow in the middle of it all, the twins woke up from their nap. And a few seconds later, Pinkie heard a familiar voice, and it said, “WAAAAAAAH!” Pinkie covered her ears to block out the piercing screams of the children. The creature attempted to do the same, but with the cupcake in hand; he could only cover one ear. Pinkie cried out in despair as the creature ate her cupcake in one bite to free his hand. She was angry that the munchkin ate her snack, but she would have to calm down the twins before dealing with him.
Pinkie let go of her ears and shouted, “You just wait right there, Munchy! I’ll be back for you!” She rushed into the twin’s room and found them in complete hysterics. Thinking quickly, she gathered them into her hooves like before and hummed a little lullaby as she rocked them back and forth. “There now, little guys, it’s all okay now, just go back to sleep. Auntie Pinkie Pie has it all taken care of. Just go back to sleep, go back to sleep…” Sure enough, the infants’ wails slowly descended into hiccupping sobs. Pinkie gave them both a light kiss on their foreheads, and they finally went silent. Cooing softly to the children, she placed them back in their cribs, where they yawned and started closing their eyes again. Confident that they would soon be asleep again, Pinkie left their room and rushed back to the kitchen as quickly as she could.
“Alright Munchy, now you’re gonna, HEY!” Pinkie Pie gasped in shock as she saw the small creature holding a massive pile of food in his tiny arms. The pile of food was almost four times the creature’s size, yet he was balancing it perfectly, not a single Danish, cupcake, pie or cookie seemed likely to fall over. Pinkie shook herself awake and ran back to her special storage room. Sure enough, not even a crumb remained.
Rather than getting angry, Pinkie decided that the the next logical step to dealing with this situation was to treat this creature like a customer. She got behind the register as the creature added other items to his tower of food and punched in the massive order the creature was taking. Pinkie thanked Celestia for her photographic memory as she recalled exactly how much of each item was left in the bakery after the lunch rush.
Pinkie kept her eyes glued to the register as she said, “Okay, since you’re taking um…everything in the store, your total comes up to…wow that's a lot of bits.” Pinkie gawked at the number the register was showing her. Even though the creature was holding an obscene amount of food, she hadn’t expected the sum to be quite that large. Grinning anyway, she looked up from the register and said, “Okay, Munchy, you’re total i-” her smile instantly flopped into a furious snarl as she saw the tower of food slip past the door and out of sight.
Now, eating one cupcake was one thing, but stealing that much food from Sugar Cube Corner would not be tolerated. Grabbing the incredibly long receipt, Pinkie Pie charged out of the bakery and after the thief.
The creature that shall be henceforth addressed as “Munchy” carried his superbly stacked tower of food as he ran down the empty street with the party pony hot on his heels. He looked behind him to check on her and was startled to see how quickly she was catching up. He tried to lose her by ducking and weaving in between buildings, but she was always right behind him. He frantically looked left and right for an escape route and spotted a small alley up ahead. Before he could make his move, however, Pinkie Pie dashed in front of him and cut off his path. Without spilling a single baked item, Munchy skidded to a halt, the base of the food tower stopping inches away from Pinkie’s nose.
Pinkie took a deep breath to calm herself and said, “Listen, Munchy, you must be new here if you don’t understand how this system works, so I’ll explain it to you. You can’t just take things willy-nilly; you have to pay for them!” She put on a friendly smile and pulled out the receipt, handing it over to the little guy as she said, “So, why don’t you just give me the bits you owe and we can forget that this ever happened?”
Munchy poked his head out from behind the pile of food and said, “Munch?” Then he shifted the pile of food over to one hand so he could hold the little piece of paper. He looked it over a few times before looking at Pinkie incredulously and saying, “Munch.”
Pinkie Pie huffed in annoyance and said, “Yes, I know this is a lot of bits, but,”
“Munch.”
“What do you mean overpriced?! Ten bits is a perfectly reasonable price for a cake that big! And don’t even start with the cookies. They were 5 bits a dozen; it’s not my fault you took so many.”
“Munch munch.”
“I don’t care if you think you could get a better deal in Canterlot, that number is the final price, no ifs, ans or buts!”
“Munch.”
“No I do not want to haggle! You owe me all that for the food, so pay up.” She held out a hoof to collect the payment, but Munchy didn’t make a move. “Um, Munchy? You have to pay.”
Munchy tossed the paper away to better secure the food and took a step back.
Pinkie put on her most intimidating face and said, “You had better pay for that food or... I might just…have to lose my temper! Grrr!” Munchy was not moved by her pathetic attempt at being fearsome and took a few more steps back. Dropping the act, Pinkie decided to plead with him next. “Aw, come on, please? Those are my special emergency treats.” Munchy continued backing up until his back hit a brick wall. Realizing that there was no way out of his current situation, he decided to go all or nothing.
What Munchy did next would haunt Pinkie’s nightmares until the end of her days. With a mighty heave, he tossed the entire tower of food up into the sky and opened his mouth wide. Pinkie watched on in horror as the entire mountain of food disappeared inside the creature’s gullet in one fell gulp. As the last pastry went down his throat he closed his eyes and fell flat on his back. He rubbed his tummy lethargically and moaned in sugar-coated ecstasy, “Mmmmmmuuuuuuuunnnnnnch.”
Pinkie continued to stare blankly at the munchkin. Her mouth refused to form a coherent sentence as the vision of him effortlessly swallowing the mountain of sweets repeated over and over in her mind. The worst part for her wasn’t that the food he just ate had been hers, but that he basically wasted the food. He didn’t even bother to chew any of it! What’s the point in eating if you don’t enjoy the flavor of it?
Pinkie shakily cleared her throat and said, “That sh-shouldn’t be p-p-possible. Not even a parasprite could eat that much in one bite! Where did all that food go?” She shook her head and pointed an accusing hoof at the munchkin and said, “Okay, you ate the food. Now you have to pay for it. So hoof over the bits.” She tried to get the money from him, but he swatted her hoof away. Getting angry, Pinkie stomped on the ground and yelled, “This is no time to fall asleep! You need to pay me for that food or so help me I will-” She was interrupted when Munchy opened his eyes, hoped onto his feet and began shaking. It started off as small jitters but rapidly increased into full body spasms. Pinkie felt the earth shake beneath her hooves as Munchy’s vibrations increased even further. She started backing away in fear as a massive bulge appeared in his stomach and started traveling up his throat.
As the quakes became more and more powerful, Pinkie shouted, “HE’S GONNA BLOW!” and braced herself for what would come next. As the earthquakes reached their highest point, the bulge in his throat entered his mouth. His cheeks puffed out to such a degree that Pinkie feared his head would burst as he tried to contain the limitless energy inside his mouth. Pinkie shut her eyes and grimaced as Munchy expelled the pent up energy inside him in a massive gastrointestinal blast.
“Burp.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Was that it?” Pinkie dared to open her eyes and found the small creature simply standing there. She looked to the buildings beside her to see if they had been damaged, but everything was perfectly fine. Slowly rising back to her hoofs, she said, “Well, that was anticlimactic.”
“Munch.” Bringing a small fist to his mouth, he cleared his throat with a cough, then turned around and sped off into town, saying, “Munch,” with each step he took.
Refusing to be left behind again, Pinkie grabbed the receipt and chased after him again.
