Derpzilla

by Mr AJ

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Lyra, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Other, Derpy Hooves
Length: 3813

An experiment gone wrong turns Derpy into a slightly rampaging giant. Will any muffin survive?

While on vacation in Tokhayo with her friends, Derpy is hit with an errant blast of magic and is turned giant-sized. Will she return to normal? Will the military need to step in? Is the vacation ruined? Only one way to find out!

Published 2013-07-08 17:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-10 01:23:45 UTC

OH NO! They say she's got to go...

....Go! Go! Derpzilla!

The boat arrived at the port in the early morning. The sun was just peeking over the horizon as our group of friends disembarked from The Sun's Crown and took in the sights around us. Everything was lit in a light orange glow as the locals went about their daily routine and-

"HEY! ANTHONY! YOU COMING?" Lyra shouted, interrupting my internal narration. I quickly trotted down the short ramp and joined the three ponies and griffon waiting with their bags. I still found this puzzling after all this time. Each of them had at least two bags apiece. We didn't need clothes, so why did they bring so many? As for me, I had one small saddle bag with the bare essentials. I was still kind of bewildered that Lyra and Bon-Bon had invited Andy and I along in the first place. Of course, once Derpy had found out what was going on and where we were going, she invited herself along, after she had arranged for someone to take care of Dinky. (How she got princess Luna to do it, I'll never know.) Bon-Bon was actually pretty okay with it. She mentioned something about it would be nice to "Come home to a fridge that hadn't been emptied for once." Not that I'm complaining or anything. I'd never been to Japan back home so, I'd jumped at the chance to see their version of it, Neighpan. Specifically, the city of Tokhayo. We walked down the street taking in the sights, sounds and smells around us. Given the hodgepodge level of tech for this world, it was hard to pinpoint the corresponding era from home. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say,

"Bloody impossible." I said out loud, turning my head from side to side like it was on a swivel. We got a few looks from the locals that seemed to either say, "Oh god. Not more tourists." or "Show me the money!" The five of us made our way to our hotel. It was a largish, wooden building called the Mikado. (Luckily, it had nothing to do with a certain play.) Our rooms were on the top floor, giving us a beautiful view of the city below. Lyra and Bon-Bon were in the room across the hall from mine and Derpy's room and Andy's was next to that one. Once we all got settled, we met in the lobby to decide what to do. There was a movie theater near by as well as countless shopping outlets and playhouses and restaurants. There was also some smaller islands close by.

"PLAYS!"

"SHOPPING

"ISLAND TOUR!"

"Doesn't really mat-

"FOOOOOOOOD!"

"QUIET! I'm trying to run a business here, if you could please keep it down. If not then SCRAM!" The desk clerk bellowed from the other side of the counter. We decided to go our separate ways and meet up again later on for dinner. Derpy trotted over to me as the others walked and flew off.

"What were you going to do?" she asked. "You never said." I stroked my imaginary beard thought.

"Not entirely true Ms. Hooves, however, the island tour sounds pretty good. Let's grab some snacks and head out."

About an hour later, we were on our way down a pier with a full bag of goodies. Derpy flapping along just above me annnnnd...

"Derpy, where's the boat?" I asked. There was no boat and only a few tiny islands in the distance. "How do we do this with no boat?" The grey mare landed and leaned down slightly.

"Hop on. It's not so much a tour as I just wanted to explore a bit. I'd heard these islands were almost untouched and completely uninhabited." she explained. I climbed on.

"How am I supposed to hold on? I don't have any haaaannnndddddsssssss....." I yelped as she took to the sky unexpectedly. Oh well, good thing I can swim.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>Meanwhile in Canterlot Castle<><><><><

Having raised the sun for the day, Princess Celestia floated a cup of coffee along side her as she made her way to an early meeting. It was fairly important she recalled. Something about a new weapon the military was developing to use in the event of something like Discord happening again. When she got to the meeting room, she found it nearly empty, save for a few older stallions in the standard Equestrian military uniform. They stood and saluted her as she made her way to her seat at the head of the large oak table. She sighed.

"At ease. Now I'd like to get this over with fairly quickly, can you give me the condensed version? Capt. Thundermane?". The electric yellow unicorn stood up and passed a folder to the princess. She opened it and flipped through the pictures and information within.

"Your highness, as you may already know, we have run this by your sister already. Our research and development team has come up with what they think might be a feasible answer to strong magic like what Discord used. It is a bomb basically. Its payload consists of condensed neutral magic. Just regular, everyday magic, not Chaos magic like Discord employed. It is designed to sense what magic is at work and at the moment of detonation, act in the opposite manner."

"That sounds interesting Captain. Could you provide a demonstration?" The princess asked, finishing her coffee. Thundermane smiled.

"Your sister asked the same thing. We have a test site picked out and one is being flown out now."

"I'd like to watch. Where is the site located?"

"An uninhabited island off the coast of Neighpan."

Author's Note

So, yeah. As some may have noticed, I took down In Service to the Crown. It just wasn't going how I thought it should. I'm going to try things like this instead of a direct sequel.

Life can be a real beach sometimes.

Princesses Celestia and Luna stood watching the horizon from the balcony outside the younger sister's bedroom window. They were waiting for....something. They sat there staring at nothing. Luna sighed and looked to the captain, raising the protective shades from her eyes.

"Are you sure we can see it from here?" she asked. The yellow unicorn just smiled.

"Oh, rest assured your highness you can. The device should only be a few minutes from the island now. It won't be long." he said and made a motion to put the shades back on. "You'll see. It'll be like a second sun rising just over there." He held up a small bag. "Popcorn?"

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"But, sir! We don't serve that here. This is a mostly pony city you know!" the waiter explained to the hungry griffon currently seated in his restaurant. Andy (formerly known as Claudius) took a deep breath and sighed, placing his face in his talon. He had tried all the dining establishments in the vicinity. No meat. At all. Every. Single. One. Nothing so much as a fish fillet sandwich. He calmly pushed away from the table and stood up. Looks like he'd have to go hunting again.

"Can a griffon at least get some fried rice to go?"

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Lyra and Bon-Bon spent most of the day window shopping. It went pretty uneventfully too, until they got to store #3. That's what the sign said, just a plain red sign with a golden #3. There was no indication of what it sold on the outside. Bon-Bon opened the door and the bell jingled. The pair entered and stopped immediately. Without saying a word, the cream colored mare turned and pushed her companion back out the door in a rush.

"WAAH But Bonnie, why?"

"Don't ask silly questions."

"B-but they had gloooooves....."

"Exactly. Why would you even need those?"

"Can't we just look around a little?" Lyra asked as she slowly walked behind the bossy one.

"NO."

".......They had new candy recipe books too." She said quietly. The other mare stopped dead in her tracks. Lyra knew how important it was to her to be on the forefront of new ideas in candy making. She had her now.

"Fine, we can LOOK. But just for a few minutes." She muttered, already questioning her decision. "I'll never understand your fascination with hands. Or humans in general for that matter." Lyra was bouncing along beside her as they went back inside. She shut the door as they entered. "Remember, A FEW MINUTES. We still have that play to.....go to..." She said to the excited unicorn, but she was already gone. "...buck."

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The trip to the island went without incident, save for Derpy deciding to trying to race a pod of dolphins. That actually did go pretty well. Up to the point when she tried to make those squeaky, clicky noises back at them. I'm pretty sure she insulted them because the started spitting water at us. i dispersed them with a couple by dropping the temperature of the water in the immediate area a few degrees. We made it to the island around lunch time. The sun was high in the sky and it was warm and breezy. i was quickly reminded why I didn't like the beach, but I just sucked it up and started making lunch with the snacks we'd brought. I had my back to her no less than five minutes and she'd already put up a hammock and was settling into it.

"I thought you wanted to explore this island." I said, floating over and chilling a cup of a drink very similar to a certain powdered drink mix back home. Derpy took the drink with a wing and slurped loudly.

"I do. That trip over and the dolphin race took it out of me. Not to mention the fact that I was carrying you and our food the whole time. I think I'll take a nap while you make lunch *Yawn*. Wake me when....it's....read-*snooore*." She'd dozed off in mid-sentence with her wing still holding her cup up. I floated it back over and sat it with the rest of the goodies. It wouldn't take long to prepare the food, so I decided to do a little exploring myself. The island wasn't huge, just a small cluster of trees and as I discovered, a small fresh water pond. What was interesting was a small apple tree close by the pond. This gave me an idea. I'd surprise Derpy with some baked apples! I quickly gathered some of the strange, rainbow-stripped fruit and some dried wood and started back to the beach. I was building the fire pit when a strange shadow passed overhead. I looked up and saw a large, white pegasus carrying....something. He was very high up and moving fast, so it was hard to make out exactly what it was. Then, he stopped.

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Private Snowflake was the strongest in his squad and for his size, the fastest flier. (Despite his tiny wings.) This combination had been why his superiors had chosen him. His orders were simple: Transport item marked "X" to island on the map "Y", set it down, push button, return. He had flown straight from Canterlot this morning and he was getting tired. Stopping, he held the item in his jaws and took out his map and looked around. He only had a few more miles to go.

"YEEEAAAHHH!" The tearful look on his face said it all.

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"Ah, crap. Poor guy dropped it. Maybe I can catch it with my magic." I said to no one as I trotted over to where it was heading. As I went, a covering fell away from it. "You know that kind of looks like a bomb. An old, cartoon bomb. Can you believe this Der-oh, right. Nap." I tried to grab it with my magic as what I just said finally caught up with me, A. Bomb.I turned tail and headed for the beach. "DERPYDERPDERPYDERPYGETUP! GET UP! We need to leave now there's a b-...."

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The two sisters saw the flash from their position in the balcony where they stood, the brightness reflected in their shades. Celestia let out a low whistle. She looked at the others.

"I'd hate to be the poor sap that lands on."

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I woke up in the water, not far from the sandy shore. The first thing I realized was how cold it was. The cool ocean water lapping around me. I shakily stood up and felt something was off. I was a bit taller than i remembered. I rubbed my hands over my face and nearly wet myself.

"HANDS! I'VE GOT HANDS AGAIN!" I looked down and confirmed the thoughts already forming in my mind. I was human once more. This'll shock the shit out of....DERPY! I scrambled to the beach to look for her, but she was nowhere to be found. The hammock was gone, so was the fire pit and the food. The only thing I did find was a pile of feathers. Fearing the worst, I gathered them and held them in one hand with tears in my eyes and tried to teleport and failed. "Oh, right human." I muttered to myself. I didn't have any pockets to put them in as I had no clothes. I scrounged around and managed to find a saddle bag to use. "Looks like a swim for me." Just as I was about to jump in, the sun went out. I turned. "What now?" It was not an eclipse nor was it a cloud. It was Derpy, super-sized. It was Derpzilla.

This can't be good...

It was her alright. She looked to be at least fifty feet tall if not more, but she was alive at least. Those golden yellow eyes of hers swiveled this way and that like they were searching for something. I had to get her attention.

"Derpy! Hey Derpy! Down here!" I shouted, jumping up and down and waving my arms. The grey pegasus just kept looking around. "Down here, ya great, blonde, googly-eyed..... Ah crap." She stretched her wings and started flapping. Usually, when a normal sized pegasus takes flight there might be some dust displaced if (and I mean IF) they put some effort behind it. Our friend Derpy was roughly twelve times that. She lifted off and set me on my backside. She rose into the sky and circled around and bellowed as she flew towards the city.

"HUNGRY! MUFFINS!"

"Well, shit." I said to a small hermit crab as it scuttled by my foot and my friend flew away. I needed to warn everyone what was happening but there was no way I could reach shore before she did. What I didn't notice was a set of eyes watching from the water's edge.

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"OOOOH, this is gonna be awesome. Best thing I've had all day. Even though I had to catch it myself." Andy said to no one in particular, as he put the large fish on a spit. The grey griffon had built a small cooking fire on the beach and was eagerly watching his meal cook. A shape shot by in a blur overhead. He looked up and heard a faint whistling noise. "What the f-WHOOOOOOM!-....rak?" The wake blew his spit over and dropped his fish into the fire. "It's not fair. It's just not fair" He said as he poked his ruined fish.

"WAAAAAHOOOOOOOOO!"

"Now what?" The hungry griffon wondered aloud. He looked to the new sound and saw...human Anthony surfing on the back of a....a, uh..seapony? "What the heck kind of wood was that I was using? I'm starting to see things." The seapony slowed itself down and Anthony hopped off into the water a little ways off shore, swimming the few yards in until he could walk. I turned around and waved (heh) to his ride as the strange creature swam off.

"Thanks, Shelia! I'll return the favor someday if I can!" I said.

"DAFUQ!?" I turned to see my friend glaring at me with murder in his eyes. Staring at a griffon in my human form was vastly different than when I was a pony. I immediately understood why they were so feared. So, I said the only logical thing.

"S'up?" An oddly human expression crept over his face before he facetaloned.

"Why aren't you with Derpy and WHY are you naked?" Andy asked, trying in vain to regain his composure. "Waitaminute. How are you normal?" He asked as he finally noticed the obvious. I started smelling smoke.

"Uh, hoss? Your fish is burning." He shook his feathered head.

"It ain't the fish. That whatever-it-was earlier saw to that. Again, HOW. ARE. YOU. NORMAL?" He asked getting in my face with each syllable. I cleared my throat.

"Well normal is a relative term, but I reckon it had something to do with that explosion earlier." I said with a shrug. His eyes got huge.

"That big boom earlier was you? Well then, that thing earlier was..." He trailed off following Derpy's path and putting two and two together. He stopped and pointed.

"Derpy. Exactly! So, what are you pointing at?" I asked and looked to where his talon was pointing. Thick, black smoke was rising from the direction of the city.

"oh shit.... Dude, we gotta get over there now!" I yelled and tried to jump on his back. The shocked griffon stepped away and I landed on my face. "ow....."

"Ah hail naw! Not with your twig and berries waving all over." he said, "Besides, I have another idea." He flew up and grabbed my shoulders with his talons and off we went.

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A scroll materialized in a burst of blue fire and landed at the hooves of the Solar Princess. Her sister, and Captain Thundermane both looked up from their bags of popcorn in surprise.

"What is it, dear sister? A letter from your student perhaps?" Luna asked. The yellow unicorn spoke up.

"I'm afraid not. I recognize that flame. It's an emergency message from Neighpan. What's wrong, your highness?" he asked as her eyes scanned the scroll. She nearly dropped it when she was done.

"I had to read it twice to make sure I saw properly, but it said that Tokhayo was under attack by a fifty foot pegasus." The captain and the other princess stared in shock for a few seconds. Luna spoke first.

"Art thou serious sister?" The older sibling nodded her head. Thundermane stood to attention.

"What orders should I send, your highness?" The millenniums old leader thought for a moment and bowed her head.

"None." The captain was shocked.

"Ma'am?" Celestia flared her wings out and rose into the sky.

"I said none. As much as I hate to do this to any of my subjects, there is only one thing I can think to do. I will handle this myself." With that, the co-ruler of Equestria took off like an equine comet. Captain Falchion looked at the remaining alicorn.

"What did she mean, 'only one thing'? Do you know what she means?" The younger sister nodded.

"I do. I wouldn't even wish it on the changelings."

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"Hey! Featherbrain! Put me down already! Those claws of yours are digging in deep!" I shouted at my friend as we neared the edge of the city. The trail of hopefully unintentional destruction left by the giant pegasus was mind-blowing. Shops, carts, restaurants and other random buildings were in pieces everywhere. He put me down next to what looked like a clothing store that was mostly intact. "Convenient." I thought to myself as I stepped inside. "Hey, Andy! Start looking for survivors. While we need to help Derpy, saving them is more important. I need to find some pants or something, I'll be out in a second. It looks like they had stuff for diamond dogs in here." The grey griffon grunted his agreement and tool off. I quickly found what appeared to be a pair of basic jeans and a plain brown vest with a few pockets. As I donned my clothes, I noticed a distinct lack of sounds in the building. I called out a few times and checked around. Nothing so much as a hoof-print. I made my way out of the shop and found Andy, I saw a brown leg poking out from under a slab of concrete. The expression on his face said he had seen more of the same.

"Did they evacuate?" he asked.

"Some of them must have. They moved quick though." I pointed at the top of a blonde mane moving over the top of a nearby building. "Now, let's go get her before they send out the army. Godzilla might take them out like toys, but I'm not so sure about her."

"Right. Get on." Andy leaned down so that I could get on. "I'm warning you now though, if you get a boner, I'm throwing you off." I smirked.

"Don't flatter yourself. Hey, What's that glowey thing next to her?" I asked pointing at the incoming ball of light. "Whatever it is, it can't be good news. Hurry!" I jumped on and off we went.

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Princess Celestia began gathering energy as soon as she passed over the border to Neighpan. By the time she reached the city, she was shining like a second sun. Quickly, she spotted the enormous equine. She flew in low and behind the pony's head. Tears started to flow from her eyes as she prepared for what she had to do.

"My subject, I am sorry. I have not the skill necessary to return you to normal. I know that you do not mean to do these things. I can place you somewhere that you will not harm another living soul." She openly wept now. "I. AM. SORRY." With that, she unleashed the spell and they giant grey mare vanished in a fiery orange flash with a last bellowing word.

"PRINCESS?"

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As the glow faded, we could see who it was. She landed. I looked at Andy and he nodded. Before she could even fold her wings, my fist stopped an inch from her royal nose.

"Before I do something you'll regret. Tell me. What did you do to Derpy? Where is she!?" I asked in the calmest voice I could. I was seething in rage and trying to hold back tears. To her credit, Celestia didn't flinch. I saw her face, wet from her own tears. My rage lessened slightly as she sank to her haunches.

"I....sent her....away."

"Where?"

"Somewhere where nopony will be hurt."

"WHERE?"

"I didn't want to." I felt my rage and grief boil over. I grabbed her horn and pulled her face next to mine.

"I ask once more. Where?"

".....Tartarus."

Author's Note

I'm baaa-aaaack.