A Card for Twist

by Allonsbro

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Romance, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Twist, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3322

Chowder writes Twist a card for Hearts and Hooves Day

Saw the bit with these two in the episode and I almost broke my face from sqeeing. I've always shipped Snails and Twist, but I think this pair is pretty cute too. Feel free to rate, comment, the usual jazz.

I submitted this to Equestria Daily, but it didn't get accepted and I could use some help making it better. Here are some things they suggested that I could use help fixing. Please comment.

1. From their reply: "Chowder himself comes across as earnest in his desire to tell Twist about his crush, but other than that we learn almost nothing about him. You have a marvelous opportunity in front of you to be one of the first authors to develop a personality for this character. In leaving him relatively blank you leave the reader wondering why they are interested in following along with him on his journey to write the card. Why not explore farther why he has a crush on Twist? Why not let us know a little more about his background? How does having an uncle who works in a fancy restaurant affect him? You mentioned his love of/ability to identify cheeses...why not expand on that and make Chowder a more sympathetic character?"
2. Twist's lisp being overdone
3. Horte Cuisine's accent needing some tightening

Thank you in advance for any help you can give me

Published 2012-02-14 21:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-30 01:29:12 UTC

A Card for Twist

A Card for Twist

“Alright, my little ponies,” said Miss Cheerilee, “tomorrow is Hearts and Hooves Day, so I won’t be assigning you any homework.”

Shouts of joy erupted from the small schoolhouse in which the magenta mare taught.

“However,” she continued, causing all her students to pause in trepidation that her previous statement may have been a mass hallucination, “I would like you to make Hearts and Hooves Day cards for class tomorrow. We will be having a class party and you can give them out to your friends.”

The class breathed a collective sigh. Suddenly the bell rang and everypony gathered up their belongings, chatting as they began to leave the classroom.

In the desk in the back left of the room a colt with a light gray coat and a black mane was placing his last book into his saddlebags when a voice called out to him.

“Hi Chowder!” said the red-maned filly addressing him. “Want thome thaltwater taffy that I made yethterday?”

Chowder had only been living in Ponyville for a little while, and Twist had been the first friend he’d made. She was always being nice to him and sharing the candy that she made with him. He had always been a little shy and it felt good to have a friend like her.

“Hi Twist,” he said, taking the piece of taffy she offered him. He placed it in his mouth and chewed. “Wow, this is really good,” he said as his eyes lit up. He had never tasted any taffy quite like that, and that was saying something. Chowder’s cutie mark was a fork and knife. It represented his possession of a very sensitive palette. It always amazed him that Twist could keep coming up with flavor combinations that kept him stumped. He swallowed the taffy and, giving up on guessing, asked, “What flavor is it?”

“I mixthed apple, thtrawberry, and mango flavorth together,” she proclaimed proudly.

“Well I think this is the best batch you’ve ever made. You make the best candy in the world.” He felt a familiar feeling in his tummy. It felt kind of like he had a whole pillow full of feathers tickling his insides.

“Aw thankth,” said Twist. “I gotta go. I’ll thee you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” said Chowder.

Twist put her saddlebags on and walked out of the classroom. Chowder finished packing his books and the papers he would need to make his Hearts and Hooves Day cards and left a few moments later.

As he walked through the town, he thought about who he would make the cards for. He wanted to make one for Miss Cheerilee, because she was the best teacher in the world. He also wanted to make some for a few of his other classmates that he had met through either Twist or by working on group projects in class. Finally, he wanted to make a very special card for Twist.

Soon he reached his uncle’s restaurant. His parents were chefs there and didn’t get off work until later, so he would work on his homework or sometimes help them in the kitchen if it was slow. His uncle greeted him at the door.

“Bonjour mon neveu,” said the white earth stallion in his thick accent. His slicked back mane was navy blue and he had a cutie mark of a covered serving tray.

“Hi, uncle Horte,” greeted Chowder. “How are you today?”

“I am doing quite well, thank you,” replied Horte Cuisine. “It iz razer slow at ze restaurant today, but I suspect zat business shall pick up tomorrow for Hearts and Hooves Day. Come in and have a seat and I’ll get you a snack.”

Chowder sat down at one of the outdoor tables and started working on some of his Hearts and Hooves Day cards. He finished most of them quickly with generic phrases like ‘Happy Hearts and Hooves Day.’ He had finished with all but one when Horte Cuisine brought him some cheese and crackers. He began munching quietly, thinking about what he would write in Twist’s card.

“What iz zis?” said Horte Cuisine, surprised. “You are usually telling me what kind of cheese I have given you and its approximate age, but today you are silent. Iz zere something troubling you?”

“Hm? Oh, no, Uncle Horte, there’s nothing bothering me. I’m just not sure what I want to write on my Hearts and Hooves Day card for Twist. I want it to be really special.”

“Hmm. Twist…iz zat ze lovely little filly with ze red mane and ze glasses?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Ah,” said Horte Cuisine, getting an idea of what was really going on in Chowder’s head. “Well, perhaps you should try writing a poem. Poetry is ze best way to speak from ze heart.”

“Okay, I’ll give that a try. Thanks.”

Horte Cuisine left him to his work. He pulled out a piece of paper and picked up his pencil in his mouth. He stared at the blank paper for a moment, thinking before he made a go at it.

Roses are red, so is your hair.

My love of your candy is big as a bear.

‘Hmm. No, that’s not special enough,’ he thought. He crossed it out and tried again.

My coat is grey, your coat is white.

You are the sweetest thing in my life

‘I guess that’s a little better, but it doesn’t rhyme very well.’ He made several more attempts, but didn’t like any of them. He spat out his pencil in frustration and laid his head on the table.

“Oh, what’s the use? I stink at poetry.”

Suddenly there was a buzzing sound passing by the restaurant. He looked up to see what it was. It was two of his classmates, Scootaloo and Twist’s friend Apple Bloom. Scootaloo was pulling Apple Bloom in a wagon attached to her scooter. They stopped in front of the Carousel Boutique across the street and knocked on the door. A white unicorn with a purple mane, who Chowder knew as Miss Rarity because she was a frequent customer at the restaurant, answered the door.

“Hey Rarity,” said Scootaloo. “Can Sweetie Belle come out? We need her help to make Miss Cheerilee a Hearts and Hooves Day card.”

“Of course, girls,” said Miss Rarity. “Sweetie’s out back playing, just go around and get her.”

“Thank ya Rarity,” said Apple Bloom. The two got back in the wagon and on the scooter respectively and went towards the back yard.

Suddenly, an idea hit Chowder. On his first week of class, they had done show and tell and Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom had done their presentation together. They said it was supposed to be a comedy routine but Chowder hadn’t found it all that funny. They were dressed in funny outfits and Scootaloo was singing while Apple Bloom just ran around doing punches and kicks and Sweetie Belle shone a flashlight and operated a fan. Even though Miss Cheerilee had to stop them in the middle because Apple Bloom kicked a hole in her desk, Chowder thought the song was a little catchy. Remembering their performance, he thought of something. Maybe the three of them could help him write a poem for Twist. After all, wasn’t songwriting just like poetry, but without the singing?

He packed up his things and told his parents where he was going. He walked across the street and over to Carousel Boutique’s backyard.

“Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo,” he called, “could you help me with something?”

“Hey! Chowder, right?” said Scootaloo. “What do you need?”

“I’m working on my Hearts and Hooves Day cards and I was wondering if you could help me write a poem for Twist.”

“Sure we can,” said Apple Bloom. “Girls, you know what this means.”

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER POETS!! YAY!!” the three of them shouted, causing Chowder to shrink back in fear.

“Come on, get in. We can work on it over at the clubhouse,” said Scootaloo, revving up her wigs.

Chowder climbed in the wagon with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom and they set off. They arrived at the clubhouse a short time later.

“That was fun,” exclaimed Chowder. “You’re really good on that scooter, Scootaloo. We didn’t even hit any of the potholes on the way over.”

“Thanks,” said Scootaloo, taking off her helmet.

They got out of the wagon and Scootaloo parked her scooter by a tree. The four of them walked toward the clubhouse.

“Wow, this is really cool,” said Chowder, admiring the clubhouse. “Who built this for you?”

“It was mah sister’s when she was little and Ah fixed it up,” said Apple Bloom, beaming with pride.

“You fixed this up all by yourself?” asked Chowder, impressed.

“Well, Ah just had to fix the shudders, sand off the splinters, rebuild the roof, and give it some paint. It wasn’t really all that hard.”

They approached the clubhouse and walked up the ramp.

“Hang on a second,” said Apple Bloom, stopping at the door. “He’s not an official Cutie Mark Crusader, and he’s already got his cutie mark. Do ya think it’s alright to let him in?”

“Hmm,” thought Sweetie Belle. “It should be alright if we make him an honorary Cutie Mark Crusader, just for today.”

“That sounds good to me,” said Scootaloo. “Alright, Chowder, put your left hoof on your heart and raise your right hoof.”

Chowder sat back on his haunches and did as he was told.

“Now repeat after us,” said Apple Bloom. “Ah, Chowder, do solemnly swear…”

“I, Chowder, do solemnly swear…”

“…to be a good Cutie Mark Crusader for today…” said Scootaloo.

“…to be a good Cutie Mark Crusader for today…”

“…and not to divulge acquired information nor ridicule those of a persuasion lacking a cutie mark, henceforth,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Huh?” the other three foals asked in confusion.

“You can’t tell anypony any of our secrets or make fun of blank flanks.”

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom rolled their eyes

“Oh,” said Chowder. “I promise not to tell any of your secrets or make fun of blank flanks.” He didn’t do that anyway, so that part would be easy.

“Okay then,” said Scootaloo, “you’re a Cutie Mark Crusader for today.”

“One. Day,” clarified Apple Bloom. “Come on in.”

She opened the door and they walked in. While the outside of the clubhouse was beautiful, the inside looked like a craft store had exploded. Stacks of colored paper were strewn haphazardly about, yards upon yards of lace were draped over everything, and several containers of paint and glue in various states of fullness and about twenty pounds of glitter in jars and on the floor covered everything in cornucopia of color and sparkles.

“What happened in here?” asked Chowder.

“We were making our Hearts and Hooves Day card for Cheerilee,” said Sweetie Belle. “It’s not done yet, but when it is, it’s going to be the bestest thing anypony has ever seen.”

“Come on,” said Scootaloo, “let’s get started on that poem.”

The four of them got to work coming up with rhymes. Most of them were extremely poor. After about an hour and a half, Scootaloo read her seventh poem of the day aloud.

You’re the best friend I have in all of Equestria.

You’re so cool my head turns to mash.

Your wonderful candy I love to disgestia.

And you’re almost as awesome as Rainbow Dash.

“What?” she asked when the other three gave her quizzical looks.

“Ugh,” groaned Chowder, putting his head down on the small table they were working at. “This is hopeless. We’ve come up with a million of these and none of them are special enough. I’m never going to be able to do this.” He banged his head on the table. “Never never never never never.”

He closed his eyes and let himself fall backwards onto the floor, sighing. He knew the glitter would take forever to get off his back, but he didn’t care.

“Are you okay, Chowder? It looked like you thmacked your head pretty hard,” said a voice from the clubhouse window.

Chowder recognized the voice and knew it wasn’t one of the Crusaders. He opened his eyes to see an upside-down Twist looking into the clubhouse from an upside-down window. He quickly rolled over and got up, blushing in embarrassment.

“Oh, hi, Twist,” he said, rubbing his hoof on the back of his head. “Uh, yeah, I’m okay. What, uh, what are you doing here?” There was the tickly feeling again.

The Crusaders quickly started crumpling up pieces of paper while trying to keep innocent looking smiles on their faces.

“I’m finithed with all my cardth and I wanted to come over and thee what Apple Bloom wath doing. What are you guyth doing?”

“We’re helping Chowder make yo-mmmf,” Scootaloo started until a white hoof was shoved in her mouth.

“Just working in our Hearts and Hooves Day cards,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah,” said Apple Bloom. “We’ll probably be done by dinner and then the we can go do somethin’ together.”

“Alright, thoundth like fun. I’ll thee you later,” said Twist.

She went down the ramp and away from the clubhouse. Chowder looked through the window and waved after her.

“Bye, Twist,” he said, even though she was out of earshot. He stood there waving for a minute until an orange hoof waved in front of his face.

“Hello. Equestria to Chowder, are you in there?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry Scootaloo. I was just, uh, thinking.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“Oh, nothing. Come on, let’s keep trying to get a good poem.”

The four worked until Apple Bloom’s sister came out to call Apple Bloom for dinner. They left the clubhouse and Chowder and Sweetie Belle got in the wagon and Scootaloo drove them home. On the way, Sweetie Belle spoke up.

“You like Twist, don’t you?”

“Yeah, she’s my friend. Why wouldn’t I like her?”

“No no. I mean you like like her. You know. She makes your stomach feel funny and your cheeks turn red and your chest starts squeezing. My sister says that’s what happens whenever you’re around someone you want to be your special somepony.”

“What?!” Chowder almost shouted. “You’re crazy. I don’t want Twist to be my special somepony.”

“Well then why is your face all red?”

Chowder reached up and felt his cheek. Sure enough, it was warm.

“You like her,” Sweetie Belle confirmed.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” said Chowder, hardly believing it himself. He liked Twist. He liked the way she talked. He liked the way she laughed. He liked everything about her. She was smart, funny, and she was really nice, and he liked her.

“So, what do I do now that I know I like her?” he asked Sweetie Belle.

“Well, you could ask her to be your special somepony,” suggested the white filly.

“Would I have to…” his voice trailed off and he was silent for a few moments.

“Would you have to what?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“I would I have to…you know…” he fiddled with his hooves nervously, “kiss her?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know. My sister won’t tell me about that kinda stuff. I don’t think you have to, though. But if she kisses you, don’t freak out or anything.”

“Okay,” said Chowder nervously. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the idea of kissing. He’d seen his parents do it and it looked kind of gross, but it seemed to make them happy.

They pulled up to the single story gray house that Chowder lived in with his parents. He got out of the wagon.

“Do you want to come over to my house with us after dinner?” Sweetie Belle asked him.

“I don’t think so. I think I’ll keep working on my card.”

“Alright, bye Chowder,” she waved as Scootaloo buzzed away towards Carousel Boutique.

Chowder went inside and washed up for dinner. He ate quietly, hardly paying attention to the dinner conversation his parents were having. He didn’t even notice his mom had made a slight alteration to the cheese stuffed mushrooms they were having, adding a bit of saffron, which made it much better.

He finished his dinner and went to his room. Sitting at his desk, he tried writing another few poems, each one about as successful as the others he had written that day. He was in the middle of his ninth attempt when his dad came in.

“Everything alright, kiddo?” the gray stallion asked. “You were pretty quiet tonight.”

“Yeah, I’m fine, dad. I’m was just thinking about something.”

“Oh, alright. Well, it’s time to get ready for bed.”

“Okay.”

Chowder got ready for bed and his dad tucked him in.

“Hey, dad, how did you tell mom you liked her?”

His father sat down on the bed and ran his hoof through his charcoal mane, remembering the story. “Well, we had known each other for a little while and I wanted to ask her out. I tried a bunch of different things. I tried serenading her outside her window, but her family’s dog didn’t like that idea. I was going to try flowers until I remembered she was allergic to pollen. I even tried love songs and poetry but, quite frankly, I think just scraping a chalkboard with a rusty nail would have sounded better. Then finally I just gave up with all the elaborate stuff and took a simple approach.”

“What did you do?”

“I just asked her out, plain and simple. And do you know what? She said yes.”

“Really?”

“Yep. Your mother never did like a big display. She always said that there was a special elegance in simplicity. That’s one of the things I love about her.” He reached over and tousled Chowder’s hair. “Goodnight, kiddo.”

“Goodnight, dad,” said Chowder.

His dad left the room and closed the door. ‘Elegance in simplicity,’ Chowder thought. He smiled and closed his eyes. Now he knew exactly what to say in his card to Twist.

The next morning Chowder got up and went to his desk. He pulled out a light pink piece of paper and folded it in half. Then he glued a small red heart on the front. He opened the card, took his pencil in his mouth and began to write. In a few moments he was done. He put the card in his bag with the rest of them and got ready for school.

As he walked down the path towards the schoolhouse, he couldn’t help but smile despite the butterflies in his stomach. He arrived at the school and went to his desk. He passed out most of his cards while he waited for Twist to show up.

He only had a couple left when the Cutie Mark Crusaders came in, hefting a very large card in with them. As they moved away from the door, he saw Twist standing behind them. She saw him and made her way over to her desk, next to his and sat down, placing some cards on her desk.

“Hi, Chowder, Happy Heart’th and Hoove’th Day.”

“Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Twist,” he said, smiling. “Here, I made you a card.”

He reached into his bag and gave her her card. She placed it on her desk and read it. When she had finished, she began looking through her cards. She pulled one out that was bright pink with two hearts, one pink and one red, on top of each other and a red rectangle with his name on it.

She handed the card to him with her left hoof, saying “I wrote the thame thing on your’th.”

Realizing what she meant, he grinned and leapt up and hugged her. She hugged him back still holding the unopened card that contained the exact same message that his did.

Dear Chowder,

I really like you.

Will you be my special somepony?