The Legend of the Sapphire Cave

Dear Princess Celestia, I thought to myself, Today I learned ten new ways to be in pain. I couldn't walk - my hind legs were broken. I couldn't have dictated or written a letter, either, as my right eye was swollen shut, and my jaw hurt too much to move. It was probably broken too, along with a couple of ribs.

Forty-Four had dragged me up a mound in the middle of the cave, where it turned out that when he says something will be taken out on your hide, he means he'll... when he did try that, I managed to buck him right in the testicles. I ran, of course, but he recovered more quickly than I'd expected, and caught me before I could even reach the cave entrance. He was a lot stronger than I, so while I tried to fight, it quickly turned into a beating. When he was done he just went back to work, and I had to force myself to breathe despite the stabbing pain each gasp brought. Zero had eventually found me there, slung me over her withers (which hurt, but I had no strength to resist), and taken me back to my cage. She might have tried to ask me something, but I was too woozy and hurt too much to understand, let alone answer.

It was a while before I realized somepony was trying to get my attention. An aquamarine mare with a poofy sapphire mane smiled and clapped her hooves together when she realized I was looking at her, then set down her plain brown saddlebags. She also had a cutie mark: a bright red cross, not unlike some of the trauma nurses at Ponyville Hospital.

"Hi! I'm Ruby Cross! Which is a funny name for a pony, but it just came to me when I got my stamp!" She was sparkling from what seemed to be an internal light, and nearly transparent, much like the ponies of the modern Crystal Empire. Something about this pony's personality must refuse to be repressed. "I take care of everypony who gets hurt around here! You're hurt real bad, so I get to fix you up! Isn't that fantastic? It's okay, we can small-talk if you want to, 'cause I told Zero it helps!"

I tried to reply, but an explosion of pain from my jaw told me that wasn't possible. I settled for an mmhm when I could think again. Ruby dug into her saddlebags.

"Oh, your mouth's hurt! I have just the thing!" She pulled out a clump of pink moss (wait, pink?) and shoved it in my face through the bars of the cage. "Just eat this, and try to ignore the taste, it's really good for you!"

I didn't know how I was supposed to do that, but she was quick to show me, pulling open my mouth and cramming the awful stuff inside before forcing my jaws through chewing motions. It hurt entirely too much, and I passed out.

I don't think I was unconscious long, because when I woke up my jaw was still incredibly painful. I moaned in agony. This is my life if I ever give up. Work, beatings and... and what that stallion tried to do to me. Another thought crossed my mind, while I barely registered Ruby rubbing some sort of ointment into my broken legs. This is their life. I restrained myself from frowning at the bars in front of my face. This wasn't just about me, and it never was. These ponies needed help, and I was the only one who could do it.

Again.

No! I'm doing field research! I left Equestria to get away from all this! Why does this keep happening to me?!

"Aaaaall done!" My thoughts were interrupted, and I painfully turned my head to look at Ruby. While packing up her saddlebags, she added, in a tone that suggested she was doing me a favor (and she probably was), "Also, no heavy lifting for a week! Oh, hey, you're new here! I'm Ruby Cross! Who're you?" I groaned, after gurgling when I tried to laugh. This mare seemed a bit of a ditz, but I needed the humor. She beamed at me.

"Oh, you'll recover beautifully, I just know it! Laughter is the best medicine!" I managed to smile, and surprisingly, it didn't hurt too much. The horrible moss stuff must have really done its job.

"Thanks. I'm Twi - " I stopped myself. I doubted any of these ponies knew much about Equestria - there were no accounts of crystal ponies outside the Empire, after all - so they wouldn't know anything about me. Their superiors, on the other hoof, I knew nothing about.

" - Star Swirl." I tried not to smile too much. I admired Star Swirl the Bearded a lot. As in a lot a lot. I'd even dressed up as him for Nightmare Night. He was smart, smart, smart, and knew more about magic than anypony. I still learned something new every time I went over his research again. I wished I could have studied with him - not only was I sure he could keep up with me, but I'd have to work to keep up with him! The last time I'd had a challenge like that was in Magic Kindergarden. He was, I had to admit, the sort of stallion a mare like me could get completely carried away with, if only he hadn't lived so long ago.

"Twister Swirl? Huh, what's a twister?" I was going to make something up about a slip of the tongue, but she interrupted just as I was opening my mouth. "Oops, forgot the time! I gotta go! Twelve's going to have my hide unless I'm late! Or not not late enough, or early, or on time, or - " She cut herself off. "See ya Twisty! Well, I hope not actually, 'cause that would mean you got hurt again! But you know what I mean!" She waved a hoof. "Bye!"

I settled down to rest as Ruby trotted out of my line of sight. Apparently I wasn't getting a rest, though. Moments after I heard her talking to somepony, Zero walked in.

"So, Thirty-Two says you're fixed up, excepting you ain't good for lifting. That right?" By Thirty-Two, she must have meant Ruby Cross. I nodded, noting that I was starting to see again through the thin slit between my inflated right eyelids. She frowned. "Two words."

"Yes ma'am." I remembered. She nodded.

"So you ain't that stupid. You're still needing a lesson, though." She hammered a hoof down on the roof of my cage, making an un-Princessly din that pinned my ears back against my skull, covered in turn by my forehooves. When it was over I looked up at her, honestly confused. I'm sure it showed in my face, because she interrupted before I even said anything.

"State your designation," she said, her tone completely flat. So that's what this was about. I gritted my teeth, and laid my ears back again in preparation. I had committed myself to fighting for my identity, and this was going to hurt.

"Star SwirAAAAAHH!" She started banging on my cage again.

"State your designation."

"Star Swirl!" I yelled. My hooves were trying, ineffectively, to protect my ears from the noise and vibrations. It was all starting to make me feel ill.

"State your designation." Her tone was as flat as ever.

"Star Swirl!"

"Your designation!" She sounded a little angry, though I couldn't be sure with all the racket.

"Star Swiraaaugkhgkblgggg," I said, interrupted by what was left of breakfast expelling itself through my mouth and nose at the same time. Zero stepped back from the cage, and the racket stopped for a moment. It took me a moment to realize I was still shaking, but I couldn't stop. After a minute, she turned to leave.

"I thought you could do better." Now that it didn't have to fight through a barrage of noise to reach me, I could hear her tone clearly. It reminded me of the one time I'd failed one of Princess Celestia's exams, years ago. The Princess hadn't been angry. She'd been sad. She had been disappointed, and when I heard her say so, I had wished for anger instead.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered involuntarily, my own voice dragging me out of the memory.

"Not yet, you ain't," said Zero, before walking away. I took the opportunity to rest, pressed against the far wall of the cage from my own vomit.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Here's the thing about hunger: The ponies back in Ponyville, Canterlot - anywhere in Equestria, really - know nothing about it. Well, maybe the Princess knows, but I could never picture a past Equestria without enough food for everypony. Not until that week.

Sure, everypony knows what it's like to skip a meal. I lived long enough in Canterlot to know that even the nobility cancel a meal now and then, in favor of more important affairs. I would get so caught up in research that I would forget to eat for as much as a full day, myself. You end up feeling a little weak, or a little fixated on food, but anypony with any discipline at all can overcome that. That's not real hunger.

I had a lot of discipline. It was necessary for my day-long study sessions, and for the focus to keep certain spells active, like the cloud-walking spell I'd used to visit Cloudsdale with my friends for the Best Young Flier competition. We probably wouldn't have died if my concentration had failed, with so many fast and powerful pegasi gathered in one place, but that's beside the point.

The point is that despite all that discipline, my hunger grew into an overwhelming, soul-sucking night, eclipsing all other desires. Forcing myself to remain defiant, despite the agony in my belly and the hunger-induced soreness everywhere else (the weirdest part of which was my tongue, I'd have to read more about that when I got home), took its toll on my already-dwindling energy. Days dragged on with hunger and the gut-wrenching odor of my own decaying urine - I wasn't even let out to pee! - as my only companions. Over the course of that week, I nearly forgot why I was resisting, and though I continued a while longer on stubbornness and principle, the loss of dignity and the steady chipping away of hunger at my resolve made the end result inevitable.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It took ten days. Ten days without food or conversation.

I could have ended it earlier. Why didn't I end it earlier? I needed to eat to stay alive, and I knew what Zero wanted in exchange. It was so simple. I knew I'd had my reasons, but they seemed vague and unimportant compared to the gnawing void in my belly.

It had been especially hard since Zero started leaving a couple of mouthfuls of mushroom just out of reach. It was hard to think about anything else. I'd rubbed my shoulders raw trying to get just a morsel, and I was at it again when she came to check on me with my water ration, which had been cut in half. I didn't pay much attention, keeping my eyes and outstretched hoof focused on the mushrooms she'd left two days before. They were starting to grow some kind of mold. Extra protein, my belly chimed in, and I reached a little harder. Maybe, somehow, I'd gain the extra two inches I needed by force of will. It didn't happen, of course.

"I... I'm sorry. Please," I begged. "Please, I have to eat."

"You say that," she said indifferently. Her hard eyes told my later, saner self, that she'd seen and done this before. "You ain't done nothing to prove it. Now, take your water."

"Please!" I said. "I'll prove it! I'll do whatever I have to! Just please, please give me food!"

"Shut up." I did, instantly. "Well, ain't that something. You learned. You know, you could'a made this a lot easier on yourself, but that ain't no thing now. You ready to tell me what I been waiting to hear?"

"Yes ma'am." She pushed one of the mushrooms towards my reaching hoof, but not close enough. I whined. "Please..."

"Say it." I screwed my eyes shut, as if that would help. Why was this so hard? All I had to do was say a few words and I would finally get to eat. My heart still twisted painfully and dropped into my gut like a block of lead. Desperately reaching for food while lying on my belly in my own stinking urine and ten-day-old bile, I couldn't stop my tears as I forced out what I had to.

"I am called Eighty."