Loose Screws: A Story of Five Gentlemen

by ponyboy245

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Zecora, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Romance, Sex
Length: 6391

New Year's Eve has come to the land of Equestria and one motley crew of friends is about to make it the most outrageous night of sex and mayhem ever to be experienced by human and pony alike.

New Year's has come to the city of Manehattan and one motley crew of Gentlemen is about to make it the most outrageous night ever to be experienced in the history of Equestria.

An unforgettable tale of self discovery and friendship and hot, steamy, inter-species sex; all centered around the exploits of five rowdy humans who've been sent out to spread a little New Year's love to the lonely mares of Equestria.

A side story to This City By the Bay: A Mare's Story and part of Demon Eyes Laharl's Gentlemanverse

Published 2013-06-14 20:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-14 20:10:02 UTC

A Lapse in Judgement

~Chippendales~

"Celestia!" the mare beneath me screamed into my shoulder while I drove myself deeper into her boiling hot marehood. She clung with all four of her legs wrapped around me, her chest heaving while the smell of our sweat and skin and her soft velvety hair mingled in the intoxicating musk of our heated coupling. Her cheeks were flushed bright red beneath her cream colored coat and her two-tone mane and tail of blue and pink whipped about like tangles of wild vines.

I think I may have surprised her when I suddenly sat up and pulled her into my lap, bouncing her up and down with every last inch of my length thoroughly buried in her flesh. Her lips found mine and the lust driven earth pony plundered the inside of my mouth with her tongue, forcing it past my teeth and practically driving it down my throat.

It was actually quite remarkable, really.

I could still remember those first awkward moments from when I had first arrived at her room at the Manehattan Plaza. The mare, whom had nervously introduced herself as Bon Bon, was almost at the point of panicking the moment she opened the door and found me standing on the other side. It was actually rather cute the way she could barely look me in the eye without turning red or fidgeting or laughing at a joke that neither of us had told.

Now she was like some ravenous beast that had been let out of its cage for the very first time. She locked her gaze upon me, desire glowing in her large, equine eyes before she suddenly lunged at me. With what I can only describe as a 'growl', she pushed me back until she was straddling my hips with both of her hooves firmly pinning me to the bed. There was another look that I saw in that lustful gaze of hers, one that told me that I was dealing with a mare who was not to be denied. With a long and very aggressive nicker, my amorous client sat up and began riding me with all the vigor and conviction of a mare in heat.

"More!" she cried out between moans, "For the love of Celestia don't you dare hold back!" Her voice thin and strained from all the screams of pleasure my attentions had aroused and her back arched in a way that one normally wouldn't expect from a quadruped. Her eyes rolled back behind her fluttering eyelids while a shrill 'neigh' of pleasure erupted from somewhere deep within her small, equine body.

"Always give the mare what she wants," I said to myself, remembering the first thing the agency taught me when I first enlisted three years back. I used her moment of distraction to flip her over with nothing but the weight of my naked human body to hold her down. Our bellies slid hotly against each other and as I continued to mercilessly ravage her tiny pony body, I was certain that someone would soon be knocking on our door to complain about the noise we were making.

I grinned at the thought of some unlucky fellow from the front desk showing up to complain about the noise. I grinned even wider at the thought of me answering the door, naked and sweaty, while a satisfied mare lay on the bed behind me, wallowing in the tantalizing stink of her own juices.

Fortunately, no such scenario occurred and I was free to enjoy the sounds of my client's moans and nickers while I lavished her with the tender affections for which my services had been purchased. Again and again, I slammed myself into her until she began to tighten around me, pulling me deeper into the cauldron of sticky, hot flesh between her hind legs.

Now, this may sound kinda messed up, but for a moment it was like I'd just stuck myself in some weirdly erotic booby-trap or one of those man-eating plants from the old cartoons. Either way, I wasn't going anywhere until I was spent and my client was completely satisfied.

I could already sense the impending conclusion that was steadily coming to a boil in my loins and not wanting to waste what few moments we had left, I reached around and clamped both my hands down on her generous rump and gave it an affectionate squeeze. Her cheeks were like pillows of warm, marshmallow flesh that practically oozed between my fingers, and the harder I squeezed, the more she squealed with pleasure.

Bon Bon suddenly arched her back, nearly throwing the two of us off the bed. Her nostrils flared as she rose to meet my sweaty flesh and the sound of our bodies slapping and grinding against each other echoed through the room. I eased my grip off one of her luscious cheeks and let my hand roam across her warm, equine body inch by delicious inch. My fingers glided smoothly over the satiny hair of her cream colored coat as I worked my way across the slope of her belly and past hill of her chest which rose and fell under my touch.

Much to my surprise, her forelimbs unwrapped themselves from around my shoulders before she took my wandering hand between both of her hooves. Wet hungry lips smacked together with lustful anticipation as she brought several of my fingers to her mouth and began to suck and lick them in a manner that boarded between the erotic and the obscene.
Her tongue moved with both a will and mind of its own and as it curled between each finger I could feel ripples of pleasure shooting through my entire arm. I closed my eyes as I sat back and relished the feeling of Bon Bon's mouth wrapped around me, even if it was just a few of my fingers.

I could tell that neither of us had much longer to last and with an unhappy whine from my companion, I pulled my fingers free from her greedy mouth before quickly replacing them with my lips once more. Slick and glistening under the room's muted amber light, my fingers delved between us and buried themselves in the mare's dripping folds where they teased and pinched and tickled her most sensitive areas.

My client held fast to my shoulders, demanding more conviction from her Gentleman as I continued to drive every last one of her senses into a sex-addled stupor.

What started as a playful romp through the bedsheets had now became an uncontrollable tempest of passion and. When my limit was finally reached, I felt both my testicles suddenly clench up like a pair of fists and I cried out Bon Bon’s name as I exploded inside of her. The mare 's eyes shot open and she cried out in a fit of ecstasy as the rapture of her own violent orgasm rocked her equine body from soft pads of her hooves to the tip of her muzzle.

I growled through my teeth, once again grabbing her two perfect ass cheeks while I drove every last inch of myself into her, stretching her nethers to their limit. The muscles in my legs tensed and with one final heave I delivered the final the coup de' grace that all but reduced her to a pile of pony-shaped jelly in my arms.

We remained like that for a while, warm and safe and basking in the gentle comfort of each other's bodies like two sweaty lumps of feverish skin and flesh. I listened to the sound of Bon Bon breathing in my ear as we held each other close and I stroked her softly while the last of our passion trickled down between her legs and onto the sheets beneath us.

When the heat of our shared climax eventually cooled to a more manageable temperature, I carefully lay the exhausted mare down on the bed, kissing her behind the ear while I rubbed my hand up and down her trembling belly. I listened as she breathed the fire out of her tired lungs, felt the rise and fall of her chest while she nickered with satisfaction.

"Hey," I whispered softly, leaning over and planting a few more delicate kisses along the curve of her neck. "You doing alright, there?"

"Mmmm…" the earth mare hummed a reply, running her tongue between her lips before she rolled over and buried her muzzle in my chest. "You were perfect."

"Perfect?" I asked, stroking a finger along the inside of her leg.

Bon Bon nodded. "It was better than anything I ever could have imagined." I had to hold back a chuckle when she started to lick my flushed skin. "I think I now understand why human males have our stallions running scared." Another wave of giggles had to be smothered behind my tightly clenched teeth when her tongue sought my skin once again. I guess she really must have liked the way I tasted, because within seconds she was practically slurping me like I was the last bit of ice cream at the bottom of a very deep bowl.

"Thank you…" She hugged me tightly while I whispered sweet nothings into her ear, blowing on it for the simple pleasure of watching it twitch. "Thank you so much."

"You know you don't have to thank me," I said.

"Yes I do," she said as she lay her head across my lap while I sat with my back against a lopsided throne of damp pillows. When she started running her hoof over my toes, playing with them like tiny dolls, I started to wonder if what they said was true about ponies being just as fascinated by our feet as they were by our hands. Hell, I was half expecting her to go after my them the same way she went after my fingers. "You have no idea how much this meant to me, Mr. Chippendales."

"Well…" I replied while Bon Bon continued to find almost childlike entertainment in my biggest toe, poking and tweaking and nuzzling it like it was her new favorite thing. "I think it goes without saying that we at Gentlemen for Mares always aim to please when it comes to things like…" I leaned in closer and ran my tongue along the delicate edge of her ear. "…customer satisfaction." Truth be told, I actually found myself both titillated and unnerved by the thought of this very horny earth mare's mouth wrapped around my foot, licking and sucking my digits like they were a box of gobstoppers.

"I was actually kinda nervous at first," She said. "My friend had told me about you… about human men." A cute little blush started to glow around her cheeks. "The way she went on about you… the way she kept talking about how kind and gentle her human treated her, well… I guess after being without a stallion for so long, I just wanted to see for myself."

"I can only hope that I didn't disappoint." I said.

"How could you have possibly been anything close to disappointing?" she asked before planting several kisses along my chest, stopping only to flick her tongue over one of my nipples. "Didn't I already tell you that everything was perfect?"

"Of course you did, my dear," I replied, feeling the goosebumps rippling across my arms at the touch of her breath against my naked skin. "But I would be remiss to point out that an artist always loves to hear the sound of his patron's satisfaction and pleasure. It’s especially true when he's just rendered his latest masterpiece into existence."

"So you like the attention, then?" Bon Bon asked. "Is it really as simple as that?"

"Miss Bonbon, If I could turn attention into a finely scented bathing oil, I would gladly fill a tub full of the stuff and soak in it until my fingers and toes looked like my grandmother's neck."

"And how do you feel about giving attention?"

I took hold of one of her hooves and kissed it. "I think it’s safe to say that my work pretty much speaks for itself."

"You certainly think highly of yourself," the earth mare replied before snuggling even closer. "I thought you Gentlemen were supposed to be all proper and polite and humble."

"Oh I'd say that we are for the most part," I said. "But I think by now, you’ve probably noticed that I'm one of those types who likes to get in there and stir things up a little just to keep things interesting.

"Yes, I think that dance of yours pretty much made that clear once you tore your own pants off."

"I always like to make a good impression with first time customers. I don't want to come off as stuffy and have them think I'm not any fun… you know…all charm and no penis." She laughed when I said this sounding like a little piglet when she snorted through her nostrils. "And you'd be surprised how many mares out there enjoy a good old-fashioned strip show."

"Well it was… certainly an interesting way to break the ice," she said while I slipped my hand down the slope of her belly. She gasped when I brushed my fingers over her two sensitive teats while I guided my other hand discreetly over her thigh.

"You feel up for another round?" I asked before my fingers practically melted into the folds of her marehood which was still dripping with her arousal.

She stared up at me, nostrils flaring while she chewed her bottom lip. "You…want to… do it again?" she asked before once again losing herself to the magic of my affections.

"You still have me until morning," I replied, indicating the small alarm clock sitting on the nightstand. "I think that it would be a bit of a waste of your bits to just end things here, don't you think?" I kissed her before she could answer, inviting another finger to join the very exclusive party I was hosting between her legs. "And I still have plenty more for us to do before I have to eventually clock out."

"M…more?" she asked.

I nodded. "I'll do things with you that you'll be bragging about to your marefriends the next time you see them at your weekly book club meeting."

"S-sounds… tempting," she said before wrapping her forelimbs around my arm and hugging it tightly while she ground herself against my invading fingers. "What… what d-did you… have in mind?"

"Well…" I started to say while I probed my one remaining finger along the base of her tail and my lips slowly curled into a grin so wide and devilish that it was almost a parody of itself. "I guess that all depends on how adventurous you're feeling."

• • •

"And I just want to say this because I care, Miss Corona," I told my very unamused employer as I stepped out of her office. "There are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing." I don't think she appreciated the humor of my friendly suggestion and without saying another word, used her unicorn magic to slam the door in my face.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I started down the carpeted hallway that connected my employer's office to the rest of the building. Floorboards creaked beneath my polished shoes as I attempted to put as much distance between myself and the unicorn named Platinum Corona as humanly possible.

Ever Ring was waiting for me at the other end of the hall, nestled comfortably in a plush armchair with her muzzle buried in a newspaper. The sound of my footsteps announced my arrival as I approached her and the light of the overhead chandelier glinted off her glasses when she looked up.

"You waited," I said.

"Well, I figured if something was going to happen, I should probably be the first pony to know," She replied before setting her paper aside and hopping down from her seat. "No sense in the both of us being kept in suspense all afternoon, is there?"

"And how's the family?" I replied while I picked up her Louis Vuitton saddlebag and handed it to her; a welcome, but altogether pointless gesture considering she could have done it just as easily with the use of her unicorn abilities. I watched as a shimmering aura of blue light suddenly took hold of her bag, lifting it from my hand before setting it down on her back.

I followed her as we made our exit through a pair of elegantly carved doors that creaked and clanked behind us with a sound of old brass. The sound almost seemed go on forever, bouncing off the floors and walls as it echoed through the rest of the building. From there, we passed through several smaller rooms, empty save for the odd gentlemen or handler that we passed along the way before we came a second hallway, one that would eventually lead us to the main staircase. I had only been to this particular floor only a few times in the past, so it was almost impossible for me to be certain.

As we continued on our little trek through Gentlemen For Mare’s very large and very posh looking headquarters, I couldn’t help but quietly whistle to myself, delving my hands in my pockets while I put a little bounce to my stride.

"You're certainly looking cheerful for someone who just walked out of Platinum's office," she said looking me over as if checking for scars and bruises. "In my time since coming to work here, I’ve learned that you only get called into the boss's office when you've either done something very good or something really bad. And knowing your penchant for getting under her skin, I had a feeling that it wasn't the former."

"Have I ever told you how unabashedly alluring your sense of logic is, Ever Ring?"

"Constantly."

"In any case," I said. "It’s always nice to see a friendly face after your boss gets finished raking your lower anatomy over a bed of hot coals."

Ever Ring Snickered. "I take it she wasn't too happy about what happened with you and your last client."

"Oh…" I shrugged. "I would say the whole experience was more or less what the two of us had been expecting."

"Speak for yourself," The unicorn countered. "When I first heard about what happened, I was half expecting to see you walking out of here dragging… I don't know… the Boulder of Shame behind you, or something."

"Boulder of shame?" I asked. "You really do enjoy going to the worst case scenarios, don't you, Ever Ring?"

"Well, after the little stunt you pulled with that poor earth mare, can you honestly blame me?"

"In my defense," I countered. "All I did was show a lonely mare what was no doubt the greatest night of human-on-pony sex she'll probably ever experience.

"Yes, an absolutely wonderful job!" Ever Ring said with a mocking tone. "So wonderful in fact, that she showed up at the agency to personally file an official complaint with Platinum, herself."

"I think the only real thing I can be accused of here, is having a brief lapse in judgement," I said. "Believe it or not, Ever Ring, things like this do tend to happen, even in our line of work."

"A brief lapse of judgment is one thing, Derick," Ever Ring said, using my real name. "What you did went way beyond a lapse, not unless you consider nearly scaring a poor mare half to death to be just a lapse in judgment."

"It was just a harmless sex act, Ever Ring," I said. "Kinky as hell and a little unconventional considering its origins, but harmless all the same. I don't see any reason why we need to turn this into a federal case."

"That harmless sex act nearly got your sorry rump kicked out of the agency."

"And yet I'm still standing here."

"One of the universe's great mysteries, I'm sure."

"Let's just say that I know how to roll with those unexpected punches that life sends my way." I said. "Other than that, I honestly don't know what else to tell you."

"Well…" Ever Ring said before her saddlebag started to glow. From out of it's finely stitched pouch, a folder was produced, rising into the air on a floating cushion of unicorn magic. I watched with silent fascination while invisible fingers spread the folder open, very much like something one would expect to see in children's fairy tale. Her eyes looked over the papers contained within, darting hither and thither and yon until she eventually found what she was looking for. "You can start by telling me just what in the name of Celestia's mane a 'Rusty Venture' is."

"Oh?" I said, mildly surprised. "You mean the young mare didn't tell you when she filed the complaint?"

"She preferred not to go into the details."

"And I'm guessing you want me to fill in that particular blank."

"It would certainly go a long way to helping me understand what happened."

"Well, let’s see," I said before lifting one hand and clenching it tightly. "It's a bit complicated since there's more than one definition to go with the act. The version I did was the one where you take your fist and stick up the —"

"On second thought," The unicorn cut me off. "I don't think I want to know… in fact I'm actually starting to regret I even asked." She paused a moment to collect herself, and I imagine if she had fingers she would be rubbing them against her temples. "Alright… I may not know all the disgusting little details of what went wrong, but I think I understand enough."

"Your uncanny sense of perception is truly one of your most desirable features, Ever Ring," I said.

"Yes I'm sure you would think that." she replied. "So what exactly happened when Platinum finally called you in to see her?"

"Oh, it was the usual song and dance," I answered, remembering the way the ornately costumed mare stared me down from behind her mask which probably would have felt right at home at a masquerade ball or at a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

"You want to try and be a little more specific, Derick?"

"What more is there to say?" I replied. "I was all but dragged into my employer's office where she then proceeded to thoroughly berate me for my roguish ways and lack of respect for both her and my work. She told my I was arrogant and disrespectful and that my four associates and I have more or less become an embarrassment to the rest of the agency."

"Yes, I'd say that sounds about right." said Ever Ring. "So how did Platinum finally leave it between you two?"

"With a thorough chewing out and a parting ultimatum as I was making my way to the door."

"And that ultimatum being?"

"Straighten up or it’s back to the Island of Misfit Toys for all five of us."

"And you're not the least bit worried that she'll actually follow through on that?" Ever Ring asked

"Ever Ring," I said. "I think we both know that it's more or less been established that I'm an incorrigible narcissist who doesn't take well to those pesky little things called rules. If Platinum was going to fire me for that, then I think she would have already done it by now."

"Platinum is perhaps one of the most patient mares I've ever worked for," Ever Ring said. "The fact that you're still standing here in the building is proof enough should you ever have any doubts."

"Which of course brings me to my second point," I countered. "The Boss lady may like to act all high and mighty, but I'm willing to bet that underneath all that S&M gear, she's really just a pussy cat who's in need of a cuddle."

"Do me a favor, Derick," Ever Ring said. "Don't ever let Platinum hear you say that. In fact don't even think it, or I'm fairly certain that 'pussy cat' will leave you with more than just a scratch."

"Do you suppose she's into that sort of thing?"

"Derick!"

"I'm just saying—"

"No Derick. Not on that subject you're not."

"Fine, fine," I said while waving her off. "Consider all comments on the subject gladly withdrawn."

"Thank you," said Ever Ring

"So tell me…" I moved a little closer to her and leaned in so I didn't have to raise my voice. "How's it going with you and Harry?"

The Unicorn came to a sudden halt, her mane and tail bouncing to her movements like two wavy, pink curtains. When she looked up at me, she was wearing the most unreadable expression I had ever seen on her white, equine face.

"Come here, Derick," she said, beckoning me closer with her hoof. Her eyes never left mine and when I closed the distance between us I was rewarded with a swift smack in the head from her rolled up newspaper.

"Oops," she said, smiling a little too sweetly. "I don't think I got it the first time." She then proceeded to give my head a second whack and then a third just for good measure. "There, I 'd say that one probably did the trick."

"Must have been a very large bug crawling around up there," I replied, rubbing my hand along the side of my head and checking it to make sure I wasn't bleeding."

"What bug?" Ever Ring asked. "I've just been waiting to do that all afternoon and you handed me the perfect opportunity. I'm just sorry the only thing I had to hit you with was a rolled up newspaper."

"Well at least you're finally putting those Diamond Dog self defense classes to good use."

"Oh shut up, Derick."

"Yes, Ma'am!" I gave her a little salute, much like the ones I used to perform in the boy scouts, or at least before they eventually kicked me out for one indiscretion or another. It was either for accidentally setting the scout master’s tent on fire, or sneaking out one night to smoke a joint with some townies from the other side of the lake.

I honestly can’t seem to recall.

We continued to make our way through the building's lavishly decorated rooms and vaulted hallways, passing all the finely crafted furnishings that made the place seem more like an old fashioned gentleman's club rather than the headquarters for an escort agency. Walls of varnished wood rose from hardwood floors, both cleaned and polished to perfection and bathed in the soft yellow light of mounted lamps. Paintings hung like proudly displayed trophies along each wall, complementing the building's elegantly somber atmosphere and all from Platinum Corona's private collection, I've been told.

The place was almost like a labyrinth, with it's three floors of rooms that branched off into smaller rooms; all connected in one convoluted layout that even I still had problems navigating at times.

"I know this hasn't been the most ideal situation for either of us, Derick." Ever Ring said just as we began descending the main staircase. "And I know that I'm just doing this as a favor to Honeydew while she's on vacation in San Francisco."

"I still say she should have gone to Boston," I replied.

"In any case," Ever Ring continued. "All I want is to make this arrangement work until she finally gets back. So out of consideration for her, do you think you can try and make this just a little easier for me?"

"You ask that as though you were already expecting me to say 'no', Ever Ring," I said. "I may pride myself on my more insufferable qualities, but that doesn't mean I can't break routine every once in awhile. I still consider myself to be a reasonable example of the homo-sapien species, after all."

"After being your temporary handler for the last three weeks, I find that to be very debatable." She pulled another folder from her bag and started leafing through its contents. "Here's the list of clients that you and your friends will be taking care of tonight."

"They're sending us out?"

Ever Ring nodded. "The New Year’s rush has pretty much depleted our supply of Gentlemen for the next two days and Platinum says that we need to work with everything we have if the agency is going to see any significant profit from all of this."

“Always the pragmatist, Platinum is,” I said "And now that the other gentlemen have all been rented out, I'm guessing that my associates and I are now the only thing the agency has left to work with. One might even say that we’re now the last delightful bit of gunk to be scraped off the bottom of the agency's barrel."

"Trust me, Derick," said Ever Ring. "If we weren't stretched as thin as we are, I would have given you and that delightful crew of yours the night off without a second thought. But then I'd probably be held responsible for the all the damage you'd cause since I'm the one who turned the five of you loose on the rest of Equestria."

"Well, at least you and the boss lady were kind enough to put our names on the duty roster," I replied before quickly snatching the folder from the glowing nimbus of magic that held it aloft. "So what sort of lineup has the Boss Lady thrown at us this time?" I started flipping through them like a stack of trading cards. "Nope…no…not my type… uh-uh… too boring… I don't work well with pegasi…"

"Hey!" the mare hissed through her teeth before she used her magic to snatch the folder back from me. "You know you aren't supposed to be looking at those!"

"I was just having a little looksie, Ever Ring," I said. "Nothing nefarious, I just want clearer idea of what sort of perils await my compatriots and myself once we step outside those doors."

"Don't worry, these aren't from the 'no call' list," Ever Ring said, floating the folder well beyond my reach. "They're all mares who just happen to have been hoof selected by Platinum, herself."

"Sounds like quite an impeccable selection."

"Which is why I would appreciate it tremendously if you and the others just stick to the basics tonight and try not to do anything stupid."

"I'm afraid that's going to be easier said than done, Ever Ring," I said. "It's New Year's Eve and the closer the clock gets to striking that midnight cord, everyone and everypony in Equestria will be at levels of stupid levels beyond all measure."

"I’m sure,"

"That being said," I went on "I'll make sure that all the shiny objects are out of the room so they're not distracted when I pass on the message."

"Yes, please do that. Preferably before I decide to make finding a different career my New Year's resolution."

"Of course, Ever Ring." I move a little closer to her, lowering my voice so that it was deep and throaty, like how I talked to my clients to get them titillated. "And just for the sake of satisfying my own… perverted… sense of curiosity, perhaps you would be so kind as to tell me which lucky mare the agency has saddled me with tonight?"

My temporary handler produced a sheet of paper from the folder and I couldn't help but be impressed by how she was able to hold several objects at once while adjusting her glasses and all while managing to walk without tripping on her own hooves.

"Unicorn," she said, reading off the request form. "Visiting from Canterlot to enjoy the New—"

"Boring," I cut her off.

"Excuse me?"

"Boring," I repeated. "Boring—Boring—Boring!" I picked up my pace so I was just a few steps ahead. "Unsatisfied trophy wife ventures down from her ivory tower to sample a little human-flavored companionship, no doubt while the stallion of the house is out having expensive drinks with all the other socialites." When I saw the look of utter dismay on Ever Rings face, I just grinned. "I read the request form. Or at least managed to catch a tiny peek before you took it away."

"I don't…" the unicorn began. "I don't even know how to respond to that, Derick."

"Another assignment would be a nice start."

She blinked, clearly wondering if she had heard me correctly. "You're kidding right? Please tell me that's your idea of a joke!"

"Well," I replied. "If I'm going to be sent out for the purpose of spreading around a few New Year's resolutions, I think at the very least you can give me something a little more… interesting?"

"Interesting?"

"Just to make the whole thing worth the trouble and the effort." I said. "Come on, let's see what else you've got in that magic folder of yours."

"This isn't a menu at McDonald's, Derick!" Ever Ring replied, a little more harshly than usual. "And to be perfectly honest, I'm actually appalled that you would even me ask such a thing." She jabbed me in the stomach with her hoof which caused me to wince. "What do you think would happen to this agency if our customers found out their names were being passed around like some school-filly's note?"

"You don't have to tell me anything about the client," I assured her, or at least to the best of my ability considering the deathly glare she was sending my way. "Just flip through your little stack of request forms and give me the one the you think will be the most interesting."

"Fine!" Ever Ring snapped. "You want a challenge so badly?" Her entire horn at once became a glowing spike of arcane light that sparked and flared like a tongue of angry blue fire. From out of nowhere a second folder suddenly appeared, blinking into existence with an electric snap that stood my hairs on end.

"Here!" she said. "You can have this one!" And before I could open my mouth, folder curled back like a spring before literally spitting a sheet of paper into my face. "That's the one request I haven't been able to find a single gentleman to take on."

I raised one eyebrow while the other lay hidden beneath the request form that Ever Ring’s magic had just plastered to my face. "You mean to tell me that a Gentlemen actually gets a say in the matter?" I asked.

"Typically no." Another flash from Eve Ring's horn and the folder was gone, vanishing in a blink of light the same way it had appeared. "But this is a… special case."

"How special are we talking about?" I asked while I slowly peeled the paper off my face like an old sticker.

The unicorn narrowed her eyes and looked at me in a way that made me wonder if she was grinning or glaring. "Well, if I told you, then it wouldn't be much of a surprise, now would it?"

"No," I said with a sigh, before taking a moment to read the request form myself, if for no other reason to see just what the hands of fate had in store for me that evening. "No, I can't say that it…would…… Oh…" My voice trailed off as the words slowly died in my throat.

Time seemed to slow to a standstill as I read the name of the client a second time. I said it quietly to myself, felt each part of it click in the back of my mouth when while I looked at the photograph attached to the rest of the form. "Oh, Ever Ring…… Oh my!"

A pair of large, almond-shaped eyes looked back at me, sharp and glittering like two coins made from polished amber. Her face was sharply featured, more so than an average pony, with cheeks and muzzle defined by stripes of gray and black and large golden rings that hung heavily from her ears.

Between the alluring air of mysticism that radiated from her friendly but otherwise unreadable expression to the impressive mohawk that stood proudly atop her head, I found myself utterly taken by the zebra mare in the photograph. I looked at the image more closely and the longer I stared into those two lustrous eyes of hers, the deeper I felt them pulling me in.

"I don't think I've ever seen you so enthusiastic about a client before," Ever Ring said unable to hide the amused look creeping onto her face.

"True enough," I said. "But then you know I've never been able to resist the exotic ones." I gave the photograph one last glance before carefully sliding it into my pocket. "And now that we have that neatly squared away, what do you say we both head for the Lounge and brief the others on their upcoming missions of mercy?"

"I think that's probably the smartest thing you've said all afternoon." The mare gestured towards the bottom of the stairs. "Lead the way, Mr. Chippendales."

A smile spread across my face and as we continued to make our way down the fanciful flight of stairs and to ground floor where the Gentleman's Lounge was situated. As Ever Ring and I made our way through yet another web of hallways and interconnected rooms and galleries, I could already hear the wheels in my head spinning and clicking with titillation and anticipation.

At that moment, all of my thoughts became focused on nothing but the erotically charged New Year’s Eve that I would soon be spending with the mare named Zecora, in the small but well known town of Ponyville.

A Gentlemen could hardly ask for a more desirable assignment.

Author's Note

This was the first time I've ever written anything that could be remotely considered erotic in nature, so a special thanks to Demon Eyes for giving me the final deal of approval.

This may become a whole new thing for me if I'm not careful.