Who Rules?: What the...?

by Nom_deCheval

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, King Sombra, Random, Discord
Length: 1135

The events of Who Rules: Shattered Hearts are still pending, but there are two ponies who have an immediate response to the situation...

Two guys, sitting there, watching television.

This is what happens when you let your brain wander after writing a 140,000 word novel about ponies. Not a canon part of the Who Rules? Faniverse, maybe not even a slingshot part, but it was written and here it is.

I have no regrets. Except for all my regrets.

Published 2013-06-14 23:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-14 23:00:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Who Rules?: What the...?

by Nom deCheval

From the outside, it appeared to be a perfectly normal house, in a perfectly normal section of a perfectly normal town. A little two-story thing, with a small front porch and a decent back deck. There was even a good bit of land around it, considering the bad urban sprawl that was occurring in the more metropolitan sections of Equestria. And there were good schools, it was convenient to shopping, and...well, all of that isn’t important.

From the outside, the house appeared normal, but inside was a different story. For the inside of this seemingly normal-looking, normal house was a den of...well, actually it was just a den. But it was a very masculine den. A total “stallion cave” in every sense. Big chairs, big tv, big smells--the whole deal.

And those chairs had two figures...watching television. Unfortunately for them, every channel was showing the same thing: the introduction of Princess Chrysalis of Equestria.

“Can you believe it?” He waved his claw at the television. “She invades the country, almost kills Princess Celestia, and then one good day later she’s suddenly the newest thing in fashion. Puh-leaze!”

Discord looked over at his companion, a dark pony with a curved horn on his head--and some really bad sideburn issues going on.

“It’s not like you ever even got near Equestria! And I was just doing things to make the country more colorful! Yet neither of us get to be a celebrated ‘Princess,’” Discord explained. “I mean, am I right?”

“Crystals!” Sombra replied.

“Exactly!” Discord went back to staring at the television for a moment--and that was all it took to set him off again. “I mean, what is she even the ‘Princess’ of? She has no truly usable skills. It’s not like she has a niche that needs to be filled in Equestrian society. I don’t think many ponies are going to be able to relate to the ‘Princess of Leg Holes.’”

Sombra raised an eyebrow at him.

“No, no, it’s nothing like that. I’m not looking at her legs. I mean, I suppose I am, but she’s too...boney. I like something with a little more meat on it, myself. Like, Celestia, I suppose. Though heaven knows I hear enough ponies prattle on about a supposed relationship between Princess Whitebutt and myself.”

“Crystals...” Sombra nodded, knowingly.

“Not you, too?!” Discord face-clawed.

“Crystals!” Sombra stated.

“Of course not! Besides, I’m a reformed draco-equus. I don’t do things like that anymore,” he explained. “Oh sure, I have the occasional thought about it, but I would never follow through on it. Fluttershy would never approve!”

A chortle of laughter echoed from Sombra. “Crystals.”

“Now you’re just being rude. Fluttershy and I are just friends. I would never impose myself upon her,” he said.

“Crystals?” he asked.

“Well, at this point I don’t think so, but one never knows, do they?” he mused. “I suppose that it isn’t wholly unthinkable that delicate little Fluttershy may one day be wooed by my oh-so-obvious charms.”

“Crystals!” Sombra put up a hoof, which Discord bumped with his lion’s paw.

They turned back to the television, staring at the image of the princesses--all three of them, now--walking back into the castle.

“So, Luna and Celestia, eh? There’s a hot little pair,” Discord mentioned.

Turning slowly to look at him, Sombra rolled his eyes back.

“I mean, that’s a pair that would make you not fold, if you know what I mean,” he commented. “Though I always pictured Celestia as the dominant one. I mean, she’s always in control. Always so fastidious in her approach to everything, which makes it tough to imagine her being all hoof-kissing and such.”

His mouth hung open slightly as he shook his head. Sombra turned to face his friend there in their den of...den-ness...and raised up a single hoof, to illustrate his point. “Crystals,” he explained.

“Really? I did not know that, but then I don’t tend to focus on the ‘why’s’ of things so much as just...letting them happen. Or having a fish swim by with a poster advertising gelatin molds--something like that.”

They both sat back in their chairs, staring at the television. A hoof-full of shocked ponies were on, talking about the events that had just unfolded and doing their best to give a good explanation to the whole thing.

“So,” Discord began, “who do like in hoofball this year?”

“Crystals,” Sombra answered easily.

“HA! You must be joking,” Discord answered. “They have no pony to run the offense! I mean, yeah, they’ve got a good defense, but their secondary is weak. No, friend, I believe if you are going to be making any bets this year, you will want to choose the Broncos.”

“Crystals?”

“Yes, the Broncos. Or maybe the Colts. Both have the fine makings for a long run into the playoffs. I would bet my reputation on it!” Discord stated.

Turning his head away slightly, Sombra muttered his response. “Crystals...”

“I would never!” Discord replied. “Do you think that I would, in good faith, use my powers to alter the outcome of a fair sporting event for no reason other than my own amusement or monetary gain?”

Opening his mouth, Sombra never got a reply out.

“Don’t you dare answer that! I take a small bit of offense at the suggestion that I would plan things out to that extent. No! That goes against everything that I am!” Discord proclaimed. “This is more my style!”

He snapped his fingers at the television, and one of the female commentators screamed in shock, as the pony she was speaking to across from her was suddenly wearing a black hood with a bridle, as well as thick black straps that laced back and forth across his body.

“Ha ha ha ha ha!” Discord laughed. “I just chose what was the most embarrassing thing that he had in his closet to put on him! I had no idea what it was. This is rich!”

Sombra shook his head. “Crystals,” he said.

“Yes, I do suppose that Celestia is going to be able to trace that back to me, and will do everything in her power to make sure that I am dutifully punished for my misdeed,” he replied with a smirk, “but you have to admit it was funny!”

A deep, resonating laugh echoed through the room as Sombra agreed. The lights seemed to flicker as he let his emotions out.

“Well, television is rather boring at the moment,” Discord announced, standing up from his chair. “What say the two of us get a little something to eat? What sounds good to you?”

Sitting there for a moment, Sombra raised his hoof up to his chin, rubbing it in deep thought.

“White Castle?” Sombra suggested.

The End...thankfully.