A Perfect Day

A Perfect Day

By: Irongalley

Once upon a time in Equestria...

I drove on down the road, looking both ways in case any kids were playing nearby. It was common to see children playing soccer off the side of dirt roads back home, so I had to be careful in case any happened to kick the ball too hard and sent it rolling mid-road.

The stones and holes that littered the dirt path made the car jump and sink every time I passed over them, but I didn't mind. It bore a hole into the monotony of the drive, and it reminded me of home, even if it was a lot worse here than back there. At least the roads were paved back home.

'Well, I really can't judge. These gringos must have their reasons not to fix their roads.'

The car continued its trek over the stones and dirt for a couple of minutes before I finally spotted a couple of buildings in the distance. The sun was shining bright above me, and the heat was starting to get annoying, which was very odd, considering it was autumn.

'The north has changed quite a lot since my last visit, I guess... Global warming must be getting pretty bad up here.'

I squinted my eyes and reached for my hat, which was laying on the passenger's seat. I also took the moment to grab another gatorade and my pocket knife, as well as the map I had been using to navigate up till then. I had my smartphone, but the battery was dead.

'Stupid thing...' I glared at the phone. I hated that phone. I hated it with a passion... Sometimes I fantasized about myself, my phone, and a sledgehammer.

Leaving the hated one behind, I stopped the car and stepped out. I wasn't going to check the map while driving, that was asking for an accident to happen. The dirt was hot, even through the soles of my shoes I could feel the warmth, and the sun wasn't helping either.

'Good thing I have the hat.'

A dark brown cowboy hat, pure leather. One of the old vestiges of my former wealth, and possibly the last one. I wore simple jeans, a black button shirt, and black tennis shoes. All of them cheap and easy to find, except for the hat. It was the only thing I kept after everything went to hell, and it was mostly because of how well everyone thought it looked on me.

The door closed with a loud thud, and I took note of my surroundings. There seemed to be a forest just ahead, and a large cluster of houses had commenced to form in the distance. I was in a relatively bad position to see much, since there was a hill right in front of me, but I could see a ways to the left. It wasn't what I was expecting.

'Huh... This looks like a ranch or something... The houses are odd too.'

I frowned and looked at the map and back to the terrain, trying like mad to make some sense of the situation.

'What? There shouldn't be a mountain- Since when are forests represented by water?!'

"God dammit!" I tossed the map away and kicked a nearby rock. "What the hell happened last night?!"

The houses looked... cartoony, and I was sure as hell far away from Disneyland. The forest in front of me was supposed to be a small portion of the pacific ocean, and the few buildings were meant to be a city! An entire city was wrongly represented in a map that had cost me nearly two hundred pesos.

"Cabron!" Convinced that I had been ripped off, I entered the car and angrily sped over the hill.

'Maybe I can get some directions here, and a new map. A good one this time!'

Both hands on the wheel, eyes fixed on the road, and jaws clenched in frustration as I drove downhill. All around me were things that weren't supposed to be there, and it was annoying me to no end. I had to get to town and find a bank or something where I could change the gems at the back for money.

I still had no idea how I had gotten the rocks, or where they even came from, but I was not about to be ungrateful. If God wanted me to have a ton of gold and be swimming in money, then so be it. I was a rich man through God's will, and I'll be damned if I go against his word!

Heh, there was still no way in hell I was going to drive around with the back of the pickup full of gemstones though. God takes care of those who care for themselves, so I steered the car off the dirt path and drove into the forest.

'I'll just hide you here and come back with a police escort or something. Don't want to get my brains blown for a bunch of shiny rocks.'

I grimaced. Poor Carlos...

The forest I drove into was not very dense, but it did provide enough shade and bushes that I was able to hide the pickup. I just killed the engine behind a large berry bush and tore some nearby branches to hide the roof and tires. When I was done, I could barely see the car.

I had taken a few gemstones with me to convince the local authorities that I wasn't bluffing, but I was still nervous. I rehearsed what I would say to them time and again, doing my best not to make it seem to extraordinary or anything. I was afraid they might think I stole them or something. They could use that as a pretext to keep the stones...

'God dammit, brain... Stop being like that.' I sighed and carried on.

It was a relatively long walk till I got to town. I had made sure as could be that the pickup was safe, and I had made sure that I was sure. Sadly, that meant that I was about a pretty long walk away from the nearest building.

'Odd, I haven't seen anyone yet.'

Not a soul in sight, and that wasn't the strangest piece either. The houses seemed tiny, and I mean it. Most of them looked like one story high, but they had a door and windows above it, which showed two stories. The roads inside the town looked like cobblestone instead of cement, and there was not a single cloud in sight. The sun also seemed to shine with less strength over the town, and fresh dew adorned the grass despite it being late in the day.

'Either the gringos got smaller or I grew taller...' I chuckled and adjusted my hat, then broke into a gentle trot. I wanted to get it over as soon as possible so I could get back home. I could barely contain the smile that threatened to cross my face whenever I thought of the massive amount of coin sitting in the back of my truck. 'Ha! In your face, Armando! I just made more money in a single road trip than you did in your entire career! Let's see who gets Alicia after this.'

Unable to contain the excitement, I let out a short laugh and a wide grin.

'The radio was right, it is the perfect day!'

It must have been. I mean, I was rich, I had to do pretty much nothing to be so, and I'd be going home soon enough! It could only get better from here on.

'Now, I only need to-'

I stopped dead in my tracks. It was nothing much too surprising, really, but it was still sad whenever I saw it.

"Sinverguenzas... Shameless monsters, how can they do such a thing to these poor animals." I shook my head sadly as a couple of painted circus ponies walked by. They didn't notice me, but I noticed them.

I mean, how can you not notice such a thing? Their coats were painted in horribly bright pastel colors, and their manes styled in ways that seemed terribly uncomfortable. They even had tattoos on their flanks. It was really sad, and one of the reasons I didn't like circuses that much.

'Poor animals, wish I could get the guys from Provida to do something... Wait, no. It's called PETA here in the states. Same thing, I guess...' I snapped out of it and kept walking, slightly discouraged by the sight. 'They even seemed so happy despite everything. Almost seemed like they were talking.'

I made a turn and walked closer to town. I had just passed a bright red barn and several homes. I skipped both because of personal reasons, since I had experienced some bad moments with american farmers regarding my nationality, and the others seemed like they belonged to a crazy medieval-obsessed man. I'm not usually one to judge, but I didn't feel like adding any more weird into my day.

Having skipped those, I made my way up a dirt path and over a stone bridge. A very small stone bridge. The rails didn't even reach my knees, and even if the stream that ran below it didn't seem like a serious hazard, someone could sprain an ankle or something if they fell.

'The states have deteriorated more than I thought if these is all they can afford. Then again, it's just a small town, so yeah...'

I shrugged and moved into what seemed to be a main street of sorts. It was deserted though, with only a few unmanned stands sitting lonely around the place. I frowned and moved forward, toying with the pocket knife. Faint laughter and chatter in English could be heard as I approached, but it quickly quieted down as I entered.

'Why is everything so lonely? Where's everyone, and why are the circus ponies free?'

It seemed like no matter where I turned, there were more of the poor critters lounging around. All of them had their coats dyed a bad mixture of pastel colors, and all had an odd tattoo in their flanks. Some of them were animatedly playing around, or it looked like it, at least to me. If I didn't know better, I'd say they were chatting. Others were just sitting around, munching on apples or-

"Are those pies?"

I kept moving. I had started to feel uneasy as I walked. The ponies all seemed to be looking straight at me, as if I was the first person they'd seen in their lives. 'Maybe they're just scared of people? I sure as hell would be if they dyed my hair so badly...' I tried to reason with myself, but it was no use.

The ponies didn't move or try anything. Some of them huddled together and moved their mouths excitedly, which was starting to freak me out. It was like they were speaking. None of them made a move to approach me or anything, but some of them got, uh, weird...

Wooden doors and windows were snapped shut with loud thuds, and the curtains in many homes were drawn by unseen people. Some ponies hurried on inside the homes in a frightened manner, while others stood at a distance and watched me walk. One of them rushed up the street at full speed, quickly disappearing among the buildings and turns of the town.

Frightened whispers could be heard all around me, but I still hadn't seen any people. I groaned and tried to call out to someone, hoping that it was all just some weird circus stop or something.

"Hello, anyone? I need some help, please! I'm lost and-"

"H-h-hello..."

A small and squeaky voice called out from somewhere behind me, interrupting me mid shout and making me jump. I turned and glanced around, trying to find the source of the voice, but the street was empty. Not a single person in sight.

"Huh? Who said that? Please, I need help. My car-"

"Um... Down here."

I felt a little prod in my knee. Nothing aggressive and rather gentle, but confusing all the same. My eyes slowly looked down, and my brain commenced to turn gears, trying like mad to make out where the voice had come from. Standing a little close for my liking was a small pony of the same odd colors and- Holy Christ, those eyes are huge!

"What?"

I blinked and shook my head, trying to snap out of what must have been the greatest hallucination in recorded history. 'I must be going mad from the heat... Yeah, that's it.' I knew very damn well that the temperature had dropped as I neared the town, and that it was as pleasant as could be. But then again, it was either that or talking horses.

Bright pastel talking horses at that. I was broken from my reverie by the pony's prodding.

"Hi..."

I managed a small smile and knelt down in front of the tiny horse.

"Heh, hey there little guy. That's funny, for a moment there I thought you just talked." I kept the smile and rustled its mane, shaking my head at my own stupidity. 'The day horses talk, I'll eat my phone.' The horse frowned and ducked to get out from my rustling its head.

"Um, I did?" She said matter-of-factly, her eyes scanning me over, as if trying to figure me out. Her voice though, it was human. My eye twitched a little, and my throat felt dry.

I was angry.

"Ah! What are you doing?!"

I grabbed the horse below the forelegs, right where a man's armpits would be, and lifted it above the ground. I was going to fix this Goddamned atrocity once and for all!

"Trying to find the microphone, stay still little guy. Not gonna harm you. And you! Whoever you are, you sick twisted bastard! This isn't funny. Using animals like this is sickening, and insulting to me if you believe I'll fall for your tricks!"

I poked and prodded, trying to find the microphone or the recorder, or the whatever it was they were using to insult me and abuse the pony. I did pretty much everything except cut the pony open, but it's not like it mattered. I wasn't harming the animal, so I doubted anyone would do much else rather than shout a few kind words at me for upsetting their pet.

"Please, put me down! I'm not trying to trick you!"

They were insistent though, and pretty good at hiding electronics inside living beings too. Wait... Inside them?! I was not about to get my hands so dirty, but if the guy behind all this was sick enough to do something like that just to get a laugh... I felt like throwing up...

I lowered the pony out of pity. It had started to thrash as well, and I didn't want to get hit by a hoof. 'Poor little guy. What a sick bastar-'

Ponies. Ponies everywhere.

Around me, in the buildings, some of them coming out on the street. They looked... angry.

'Is that one holding a pitchfork?' I stared dumbfounded at the gathering mob of ponies. A mob of ponies being the keywords, though the mob bit was also new, I never expected to see it mixed with farm animals! The ponies glared a little more and exchanged a few uncertain glances. I just stood there.

"G-g-get him?"

Some pony among the crowd whispered hushedly, but it was enough to set the chain reaction going. The ponies in the front exchanged confused, frightened, and uncertain looks mixed with a little anger before breaking into a trot. The trot soon turned into a light run, and then into a full fledged charge.

I could have ran, and I could have tried to move out of the way as a pony charged at me.

The problem was, the pony that charged at me had a horn.

A horn.

"Oh God... Good God... What is going on?!"

Then the ponies were upon me.