A Perfect Day

by Iron McGalley

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Original Character
Length: 7748

What if every day was the best day of your life? What if every day there was the chance of being incinerated, broken, exploded, eaten by a bear, or crashing your pickup into the town hall? What if every day was the perfect day?

A Perfect Day

By: Irongalley

Inspired by Freedom Call: A Perfect Day, Hero on Video

What if every day was the best day of your life?

What if every day there was the chance of being incinerated, broken, exploded, eaten by a bear, becoming an undead minion, seeing your entrails during a vivisection, or crashing your pickup into the town hall?

Would you take the chance, that every day would be simply great, but only after everything is sent to hell?

What if by the end of the day, you could always say, it was the perfect day?

Published 2013-06-16 18:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-21 19:55:46 UTC

Dream a Little Dream

A Perfect Day

By: Irongalley

Once upon a time on Earth...

Dearest Cousin:

It is with loathing resentment that I must now inform you of the current situation, and I am saddened deeply to be the one to relay the message to you.

As you know, things have not been going well back home, and your sudden departure left us with a hole in our hearts and a deep longing to see you again. It's been months and then some, but it still stings like it was yesterday when you stormed out never to return. Your sister and my own are still counting the days until you return, and our mothers and fathers still can't struggle day to day with the pain of your departure.

I know you left for a good cause, but I can't bring myself to believe that all the pain you've caused by leaving is for a greater good. Whether you find work up north or not, it doesn't matter for much if everyone back home can't enjoy the fruits of your labor, and believe me when I say that no one will, since you aren't here.

But going back to the matter at hand, something bad has happened, and we need you now more than ever.

The bank has sent an ultimatum. We will lose the houses and all our holdings unless we have enough to pay them by the end of the year. We cannot pay them, and everyone has agreed that you should return home now, as we'd all prefer to spend these hard times with the whole family.

Your cousin, Armando.

I sighed and stuck the letter back into its envelope. I couldn't believe it. Just when I thought things were looking up, the world comes back at me with another blow. Probably the last one as well, unless I could get the coin to pay the bank, which was easier said than done, since the damn total rose up into the heavens. I was damn well stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I began to fold the envelope again, when something struck me as odd about its weight.

'Huh? What is...'

My fingers slid across the paper's surface and hit a small mound by the left corner. Nothing too large, but still noticeable. My hand reopened the envelope and spilled its contents on top of the small table in front of me. I was sitting inside a small cafe on a road stop just north of the last city I'd passed. Small place, good food, few people.

'What's this?'

My hand lifted a small ring up to my face. An emerald looking proud and beautiful was the eye catch in the jewelry piece, and a couple of words were engraved on the outside of the ring. My family's name were the words, and a single extra word.

'Believe.'

A small frown crossed my features as I beheld the ring. It was an odd thing for my cousin to send me his ring. I had them made over two years before the whole bank ordeal. There were six of them, each one with its own gemstone to mark it. Mine had a ruby in it, or it used to, right before I sold it to be able to make the trip to the north.

'Why...?'

The answer hit home like a bullet. Armando had been the only one to keep his ring after everyone sold theirs. He had kept it as the other ones lost hope, including myself. He was giving me a message! The engraving seemed to glow brighter and brighter as the words seemed to gain a new meaning. The world around me faded as the only thought that persisted within my head was the one that my cousin was trying to convey.

'Believe.'

Believe... Believe!

Believe, have hope. It was clear now, clearer than anything else in my mind. I would continue and soldier on for the well-being of my family.

"North it is."

I slipped the ring into my finger and walked out, stopping only to pay the owner and leave a few coins to the waitress. It was time, after many days of uncertainty I was finally sure of what to do. I walked to the parking lot and got into my car. The engine came to life and I drove up the road and deeper into whatever it was that life held in store for me. I was ready for anything.

Except, I wasn't.

It's not that I wasn't prepared to search for employment, nor that I wasn't ready to work. I had studied and graduated as an average person is ought to, so I was as prepared as anyone to do my thing. It's just that I wasn't expecting a storm. The sky was roaring and screaming as the windshield wipers uselessly moved back and forth, trying to clear the cascading water that swept over my pickup truck like a hurricane.

It had been three hours of clear skies and uneventful driving, only to have a storm appear by the end? It made no sense... But then again, what does? I used to be on top of the world, everyone I knew as well, but then everything went downhill. So, senseless things stopped bothering after they became common occurrences.

I squinted my eyes trying to see anything through the windshield, but it was mostly in vain. Raindrops and a few twigs, but nothing more passed through my eyesight. It was one hell of a storm, and I wasn't keen on the idea of dying, so I pulled over and stopped the car. It just seemed like going into the afterlife via car crash was a bit cliche, and I'd rather die with originality.

With the rain falling down uncontrollably and my drive interrupted, I could do nothing but turn on the radio and try to catch some sleep. Sucks, the radio wasn't working. I could do nothing but stare at the car ceiling and do nothing then. The seven or eight doses of caffeine via coke weren't doing much to help me sleep either, so there I was. Stuck and without anything to do, unable to sleep and without the radio working.

I lifted my hand to my eyes and examined the ring. My thoughts came flying as the storm outside, and I began to wander through my memories of times past and better days. It was strange, feeling like I did at the moment wasn't something I had experienced before, but it was so similar at the same time. It felt like I had control over my life, even though I didn't. I can't rightly explain it, but it was a sensation of peace. Looking at the ring gave the feeling that it would all be alright, even if it didn't work out in the end. Who knows? Perhaps it would.

I sighed and turned to get comfortable in the car seat. It would be a long night, and I'd have to see it through without much sleep.

The nightmares didn't help either. As soon as I finally managed to close my eyes, I could see images flashing through my vision. These were anything but pleasant, and they always held the same messages. Despair, hopelessness, sadness, confusion, anger... These were the things that plagued my thoughts lately, and they were not deterred in the slightest during my sleep. But there seemed to be a new one this time. More vivid, more real, more vicious, and more bizarre.

I stood alone inside my home. The walls had no paint, but the furniture remained. Old and decayed, with the wood rotting and splintered. I walked down the hallways and corridors, all the while being chased by shadows and an unnerving coldness in the air. The temperature chilled my bones and froze my thoughts as my steps led me to the central yard.

It was almost as I remembered it. A large fountain standing in the middle, with four stone paths leading away to different sections of the house. In between the paths there should have been many different plants and flowers and even a small tree with peaches hanging from its branches, but there was nothing in this dream. Barren patches of land filled the gaps between the paths of stone, and the fountain was dry.

Out on the yard stood a horse black as night. It was trying to drink from the fountain, but there was nothing other than dust and dirt. The horse neighed and stomped a hoof in anger, but there was no water. I watched from afar as it continued like this for what seemed like minutes. The black horse would neigh and stomp, but nothing would happen.

In the end, the horse left, and the dream ended. I woke up.

It was early in the morning, but I was no longer going to get any more sleep. I started the engine and drove out once more, trying hard as I might to avoid the large puddles that had formed in the holes that littered the road. It was a cloudy day in its majority, though a few creaks in the clouds allowed for rays of sunlight to fall down to earth. I could do nothing but stare as I passed by a cliff with a clear view of the ocean, and the sun rays shining down upon it.

I continued to drive until night hit once more, and I stopped in a small motel by the roadside.

I payed the man behind the counter and went to my room. Sleep took its time, but it eventually came.

I stood inside my home's kitchen. The utensils were scattered across the floor and covered in dust. Plates and glasses were shattered and liquid stained the walls, paintless as before, and the wood decayed and rotten. I moved through the wreckage and deeper into the house. I followed an instinct more than anything. An instinct to go to the yard.

I passed through a door covered in cobwebs, and entered a storage room. Empty coffers filled the place, and worthless coins littered the floor. I glanced around and noticed the scent of burnt candles coming from a nearby door. I walked over and opened it, finding a cemetery on the other side. Men were lowering a coffin into the ground.

I closed the door and walked away. My steps led me to the center yard once more and to the fountain standing in the middle.

The black horse was there once more, but this time it was trying to eat grass. It kicked at the floor and tried to coax the grass from under the dry earth, but it was all to no avail. The black horse neighed and stomped, but the grass never came.

I woke up.

I thanked the owner of the motel and left once more.

My dreams continued, and they were always similar. I'd appear inside the house and walk to the yard. The black horse would always be there doing something different and never succeeding. It was bizarre.

My trip took several more days, but I finally found myself at the entrance to my destination. It was late at night, so I decided to stop one final time before entering the city.

I found a decent hotel and got a room for the night. My car parked and my bags ready, I went to sleep.

I stood in front of the fountain. The black horse was looking straight at me, and the vegetation had returned along with the running sound of the fountain's water.

Everything was as I remembered. The house had a fresh layer of paint; the garden flourished beautifully, and the scent of burning candles was gone. Never to haunt me again.

The horse looked at me and I looked back at it. Its eyes were deep black, and they seemed to claw holes into my own. We stood like that for a long time...

Until it charged.

I do not know what happened. There was dust and loud screeches. Inhuman screams that seemed to surround me and everything nearby. The floor bled and the sky thundered with horrid howls that sought to destroy my eardrums. The rain hits like a death wish, and the last thing I hear is the sound of weeping.

I woke up.

I stood up and looked around me.

There was only fire.

"Son of a-!"

The entire hotel room was ablaze, and the heat was unbearable. I stood up as fast as I possibly could, and rushed out of the room. I had no time to get dressed, but I did manage to grab my pants and shirt on my way out. I was not going to let my only means of transport to be lost in a fire.

"Shit! How the hell does this happen to me?!"

I rushed down the stairs and into the lobby. It was a small building with only two stories of height, so I managed to leave fast enough that the smoke didn't bother me much, but I was still panting from exhaustion by the time I left the building. The owner was nowhere to be seen though, and there seemed to be a lot more green around me than before.

"What the..."

The land surrounding the hotel was still arid and devoid of life, but everything else was a bright lush green.

My mouth fell open and my eyes widened. I dropped my clothes and blinked hard, but when I opened my eyes, it was still there! Everything was a bright green with flowers and other plants growing in it. My pick up truck was still there, and-

"Are those diamonds?"

All around my truck and extending far back into the horizon were a massive arrangement of varied gemstones and other metals. The sight was almost blinding, but beautiful as could be. I walked toward my car and looked it over.

'It's fine, but... How? What's going on?'

There were no scratches, no dents, nothing. The car was perfectly fine, and all the things I had brought along with me were there. Four packs of sodas and other drinks, a couple of boxes full of canned foods for the trip, and some other things. I also checked under the driver's seat and found my handgun and a couple spares.

Everything was in order.

With a dumbfounded look, I glanced around me again, and my eyes fell back on the diamonds and gemstones littering the ground.

'Might as well..."

I grabbed a shovel from the back of my truck and began satisfying any greedy man's dream. By the time I finally drove away from the hotel, the back of my truck shone as bright as the sun. I turned on the radio, and lo and behold. A song came up.

'Damn thing finally works.' I thought with a smile. 'Now, where's that road?'

Indeed, the road had disappeared! Only a small dirt path was left in its wake, and grass all around it. It was beautiful, and incredibly creepy. I tried not to think about it much though. Wouldn't do any good if I just spooked myself, so I just narrowed it down to climate changes due to nuclear testing or something. Very sudden changes...

I continued to drive for the better part of the day with no sign of a road and no people to ask directions from. It was eerie, considering there should have been a desert right about everywhere, but I just kept going. I had drunk a couple Gatorades and eaten a few granola bars, but they did little to satiate the hunger. It had been over seven hours since I had last eaten anything by the time I finally saw some sign of civilization.

I stepped on the break and the car drew to a halt just in front of a large sign. I lowered the window and stuck my head out to see better.

Welcome To Ponyville!

Population: 2,678

Please lower your speed if on carriage, thanks!

"Carriage?" I frowned and sat back on the car. 'Odd, the sign's in English... The signs shouldn't switch language until a couple miles further... Ah, fuck it. I'm hungry.'

I grabbed another granola bar and kept moving. With some luck there'd be a steak house somewhere in this 'Ponyville'.

Author's Note

Character is Hispanic, his dialogue and thoughts have been translated for your ease of reading.

Leave a comment with your thoughts, please. It helps me and keeps me entertained for a while.

Thanks!

Lead us to Wonderland...

A Perfect Day

By: Irongalley

Once upon a time in Equestria...

I drove on down the road, looking both ways in case any kids were playing nearby. It was common to see children playing soccer off the side of dirt roads back home, so I had to be careful in case any happened to kick the ball too hard and sent it rolling mid-road.

The stones and holes that littered the dirt path made the car jump and sink every time I passed over them, but I didn't mind. It bore a hole into the monotony of the drive, and it reminded me of home, even if it was a lot worse here than back there. At least the roads were paved back home.

'Well, I really can't judge. These gringos must have their reasons not to fix their roads.'

The car continued its trek over the stones and dirt for a couple of minutes before I finally spotted a couple of buildings in the distance. The sun was shining bright above me, and the heat was starting to get annoying, which was very odd, considering it was autumn.

'The north has changed quite a lot since my last visit, I guess... Global warming must be getting pretty bad up here.'

I squinted my eyes and reached for my hat, which was laying on the passenger's seat. I also took the moment to grab another gatorade and my pocket knife, as well as the map I had been using to navigate up till then. I had my smartphone, but the battery was dead.

'Stupid thing...' I glared at the phone. I hated that phone. I hated it with a passion... Sometimes I fantasized about myself, my phone, and a sledgehammer.

Leaving the hated one behind, I stopped the car and stepped out. I wasn't going to check the map while driving, that was asking for an accident to happen. The dirt was hot, even through the soles of my shoes I could feel the warmth, and the sun wasn't helping either.

'Good thing I have the hat.'

A dark brown cowboy hat, pure leather. One of the old vestiges of my former wealth, and possibly the last one. I wore simple jeans, a black button shirt, and black tennis shoes. All of them cheap and easy to find, except for the hat. It was the only thing I kept after everything went to hell, and it was mostly because of how well everyone thought it looked on me.

The door closed with a loud thud, and I took note of my surroundings. There seemed to be a forest just ahead, and a large cluster of houses had commenced to form in the distance. I was in a relatively bad position to see much, since there was a hill right in front of me, but I could see a ways to the left. It wasn't what I was expecting.

'Huh... This looks like a ranch or something... The houses are odd too.'

I frowned and looked at the map and back to the terrain, trying like mad to make some sense of the situation.

'What? There shouldn't be a mountain- Since when are forests represented by water?!'

"God dammit!" I tossed the map away and kicked a nearby rock. "What the hell happened last night?!"

The houses looked... cartoony, and I was sure as hell far away from Disneyland. The forest in front of me was supposed to be a small portion of the pacific ocean, and the few buildings were meant to be a city! An entire city was wrongly represented in a map that had cost me nearly two hundred pesos.

"Cabron!" Convinced that I had been ripped off, I entered the car and angrily sped over the hill.

'Maybe I can get some directions here, and a new map. A good one this time!'

Both hands on the wheel, eyes fixed on the road, and jaws clenched in frustration as I drove downhill. All around me were things that weren't supposed to be there, and it was annoying me to no end. I had to get to town and find a bank or something where I could change the gems at the back for money.

I still had no idea how I had gotten the rocks, or where they even came from, but I was not about to be ungrateful. If God wanted me to have a ton of gold and be swimming in money, then so be it. I was a rich man through God's will, and I'll be damned if I go against his word!

Heh, there was still no way in hell I was going to drive around with the back of the pickup full of gemstones though. God takes care of those who care for themselves, so I steered the car off the dirt path and drove into the forest.

'I'll just hide you here and come back with a police escort or something. Don't want to get my brains blown for a bunch of shiny rocks.'

I grimaced. Poor Carlos...

The forest I drove into was not very dense, but it did provide enough shade and bushes that I was able to hide the pickup. I just killed the engine behind a large berry bush and tore some nearby branches to hide the roof and tires. When I was done, I could barely see the car.

I had taken a few gemstones with me to convince the local authorities that I wasn't bluffing, but I was still nervous. I rehearsed what I would say to them time and again, doing my best not to make it seem to extraordinary or anything. I was afraid they might think I stole them or something. They could use that as a pretext to keep the stones...

'God dammit, brain... Stop being like that.' I sighed and carried on.

It was a relatively long walk till I got to town. I had made sure as could be that the pickup was safe, and I had made sure that I was sure. Sadly, that meant that I was about a pretty long walk away from the nearest building.

'Odd, I haven't seen anyone yet.'

Not a soul in sight, and that wasn't the strangest piece either. The houses seemed tiny, and I mean it. Most of them looked like one story high, but they had a door and windows above it, which showed two stories. The roads inside the town looked like cobblestone instead of cement, and there was not a single cloud in sight. The sun also seemed to shine with less strength over the town, and fresh dew adorned the grass despite it being late in the day.

'Either the gringos got smaller or I grew taller...' I chuckled and adjusted my hat, then broke into a gentle trot. I wanted to get it over as soon as possible so I could get back home. I could barely contain the smile that threatened to cross my face whenever I thought of the massive amount of coin sitting in the back of my truck. 'Ha! In your face, Armando! I just made more money in a single road trip than you did in your entire career! Let's see who gets Alicia after this.'

Unable to contain the excitement, I let out a short laugh and a wide grin.

'The radio was right, it is the perfect day!'

It must have been. I mean, I was rich, I had to do pretty much nothing to be so, and I'd be going home soon enough! It could only get better from here on.

'Now, I only need to-'

I stopped dead in my tracks. It was nothing much too surprising, really, but it was still sad whenever I saw it.

"Sinverguenzas... Shameless monsters, how can they do such a thing to these poor animals." I shook my head sadly as a couple of painted circus ponies walked by. They didn't notice me, but I noticed them.

I mean, how can you not notice such a thing? Their coats were painted in horribly bright pastel colors, and their manes styled in ways that seemed terribly uncomfortable. They even had tattoos on their flanks. It was really sad, and one of the reasons I didn't like circuses that much.

'Poor animals, wish I could get the guys from Provida to do something... Wait, no. It's called PETA here in the states. Same thing, I guess...' I snapped out of it and kept walking, slightly discouraged by the sight. 'They even seemed so happy despite everything. Almost seemed like they were talking.'

I made a turn and walked closer to town. I had just passed a bright red barn and several homes. I skipped both because of personal reasons, since I had experienced some bad moments with american farmers regarding my nationality, and the others seemed like they belonged to a crazy medieval-obsessed man. I'm not usually one to judge, but I didn't feel like adding any more weird into my day.

Having skipped those, I made my way up a dirt path and over a stone bridge. A very small stone bridge. The rails didn't even reach my knees, and even if the stream that ran below it didn't seem like a serious hazard, someone could sprain an ankle or something if they fell.

'The states have deteriorated more than I thought if these is all they can afford. Then again, it's just a small town, so yeah...'

I shrugged and moved into what seemed to be a main street of sorts. It was deserted though, with only a few unmanned stands sitting lonely around the place. I frowned and moved forward, toying with the pocket knife. Faint laughter and chatter in English could be heard as I approached, but it quickly quieted down as I entered.

'Why is everything so lonely? Where's everyone, and why are the circus ponies free?'

It seemed like no matter where I turned, there were more of the poor critters lounging around. All of them had their coats dyed a bad mixture of pastel colors, and all had an odd tattoo in their flanks. Some of them were animatedly playing around, or it looked like it, at least to me. If I didn't know better, I'd say they were chatting. Others were just sitting around, munching on apples or-

"Are those pies?"

I kept moving. I had started to feel uneasy as I walked. The ponies all seemed to be looking straight at me, as if I was the first person they'd seen in their lives. 'Maybe they're just scared of people? I sure as hell would be if they dyed my hair so badly...' I tried to reason with myself, but it was no use.

The ponies didn't move or try anything. Some of them huddled together and moved their mouths excitedly, which was starting to freak me out. It was like they were speaking. None of them made a move to approach me or anything, but some of them got, uh, weird...

Wooden doors and windows were snapped shut with loud thuds, and the curtains in many homes were drawn by unseen people. Some ponies hurried on inside the homes in a frightened manner, while others stood at a distance and watched me walk. One of them rushed up the street at full speed, quickly disappearing among the buildings and turns of the town.

Frightened whispers could be heard all around me, but I still hadn't seen any people. I groaned and tried to call out to someone, hoping that it was all just some weird circus stop or something.

"Hello, anyone? I need some help, please! I'm lost and-"

"H-h-hello..."

A small and squeaky voice called out from somewhere behind me, interrupting me mid shout and making me jump. I turned and glanced around, trying to find the source of the voice, but the street was empty. Not a single person in sight.

"Huh? Who said that? Please, I need help. My car-"

"Um... Down here."

I felt a little prod in my knee. Nothing aggressive and rather gentle, but confusing all the same. My eyes slowly looked down, and my brain commenced to turn gears, trying like mad to make out where the voice had come from. Standing a little close for my liking was a small pony of the same odd colors and- Holy Christ, those eyes are huge!

"What?"

I blinked and shook my head, trying to snap out of what must have been the greatest hallucination in recorded history. 'I must be going mad from the heat... Yeah, that's it.' I knew very damn well that the temperature had dropped as I neared the town, and that it was as pleasant as could be. But then again, it was either that or talking horses.

Bright pastel talking horses at that. I was broken from my reverie by the pony's prodding.

"Hi..."

I managed a small smile and knelt down in front of the tiny horse.

"Heh, hey there little guy. That's funny, for a moment there I thought you just talked." I kept the smile and rustled its mane, shaking my head at my own stupidity. 'The day horses talk, I'll eat my phone.' The horse frowned and ducked to get out from my rustling its head.

"Um, I did?" She said matter-of-factly, her eyes scanning me over, as if trying to figure me out. Her voice though, it was human. My eye twitched a little, and my throat felt dry.

I was angry.

"Ah! What are you doing?!"

I grabbed the horse below the forelegs, right where a man's armpits would be, and lifted it above the ground. I was going to fix this Goddamned atrocity once and for all!

"Trying to find the microphone, stay still little guy. Not gonna harm you. And you! Whoever you are, you sick twisted bastard! This isn't funny. Using animals like this is sickening, and insulting to me if you believe I'll fall for your tricks!"

I poked and prodded, trying to find the microphone or the recorder, or the whatever it was they were using to insult me and abuse the pony. I did pretty much everything except cut the pony open, but it's not like it mattered. I wasn't harming the animal, so I doubted anyone would do much else rather than shout a few kind words at me for upsetting their pet.

"Please, put me down! I'm not trying to trick you!"

They were insistent though, and pretty good at hiding electronics inside living beings too. Wait... Inside them?! I was not about to get my hands so dirty, but if the guy behind all this was sick enough to do something like that just to get a laugh... I felt like throwing up...

I lowered the pony out of pity. It had started to thrash as well, and I didn't want to get hit by a hoof. 'Poor little guy. What a sick bastar-'

Ponies. Ponies everywhere.

Around me, in the buildings, some of them coming out on the street. They looked... angry.

'Is that one holding a pitchfork?' I stared dumbfounded at the gathering mob of ponies. A mob of ponies being the keywords, though the mob bit was also new, I never expected to see it mixed with farm animals! The ponies glared a little more and exchanged a few uncertain glances. I just stood there.

"G-g-get him?"

Some pony among the crowd whispered hushedly, but it was enough to set the chain reaction going. The ponies in the front exchanged confused, frightened, and uncertain looks mixed with a little anger before breaking into a trot. The trot soon turned into a light run, and then into a full fledged charge.

I could have ran, and I could have tried to move out of the way as a pony charged at me.

The problem was, the pony that charged at me had a horn.

A horn.

"Oh God... Good God... What is going on?!"

Then the ponies were upon me.

Far from Home we are Strangers

A Perfect Day

By: Irongalley

Once upon a time in Ponyville...

I heard the first pony in the wave of colorful creatures before I actually saw it. The little equine gave a shrill cry, somewhere bordering between the sound a boiling teapot makes when ready, and the sound of a pig being butchered, and jumped me.

He sailed for about a meter into the air, eyes closed and legs waving frantically. I would have dodged, but shock and unbelieving made me stare slack jawed. I didn't think of moving to the side; of punching the thing away, or even reaching for my pocket knife. Which, considering, was most likely a good thing.

I remember two things after the first pony collided with me, eliciting a loud oof, and sending me tumbling backwards, making me land on my back with an audible thud.

The first was the pony, shouting madly.

"I've got it pinned guys! Somepony do something!"

While pinned wouldn't be the word I'd use, not more than laying on top of me with all four of its legs being swung and kicking about in a terrified attempt to hit anything, I guess there was some truth in what the little guy said.

The second thing I remember, is thinking how soft their fur was. Right before I was enveloped in a rainbow of furry colors, none the same as the last. My arms and legs thrashed about in futile attempts to keep them off me, but every time I managed to shove one away, two more jumped on top of me, screaming their little pony lungs out and thrashing wildly.

Weirdly enough, I was not getting hurt too much. Neither were they, for that matter. Their hooves were spongey and soft to the touch, unlike horses, and while it did hurt whenever one of them actually managed to land a blow, it wasn't anything worse than a light punch. It also helped that they were hitting each other much more than hitting me.

"Get off me, you things!" I shouted and kicked a mint colored, horned one that was trying to hug my leg. "Off! I have a knife!"

That only set them off louder and stronger than last time. The screaming became high pitched, and the slapping and punching hooves became more frequent and merciless. I was drowned in an endless sea of squealing, kicking ponies. Their soft fur and warm bodies enveloping me completely, barely allowing breath to be had.

"Get... off..." My entire self was soon under the mass of pony. My right hand the only thing visible above them, as if reaching out for help. "I can't go like... not like this..."

A stray hoof connected with my already bruised head, but this one was packing quite a punch. I felt a stinging pain in the back of my head, and everything went black.

I was laying down on a bed when I woke up, the sheets tucked in and the pillow comfortably stuffed and placed. A small candle was lit on a cupboard beside me, and the air smelled of tangerine. I blinked and lifted my head, feeling fresh and rested, as if I had just had the best sleep of a lifetime.

"What... Where am I?" I mumbled and tried to rise, "What the...?" but I couldn't. The bed sheets were tucked in with an iron grip, immobilizing me to perfection. "Oh God no..."

Row after row of little pony eyes stared at me with varying degrees of interest. One of them was sleeping on the floor, while another one looked terrified beyond the grave. The room was rather small, so I had practically no idea how three... Four... Seven... I had no idea how a dozen of them could fit into the same room as I when the bed occupied half the room, and they were still leaving about a meter of space between themselves and me.

"Is it safe?"

"Betty said he wouldn't be able to move..."

"How is the scented candle helping any, Citrus?"

The ponies murmured and talked among themselves, eyeing me oddly all the while. Their varied assortment of colors and tonalities made my eyes sore after looking at them for too long, so I looked at the ceiling instead. The ponies left the room but minutes afterwards, ignoring any attempt to communicate by my part.

Minutes passed, then hours, until many ponies clad in a grey, scaled armor entered the room. They wielded short swords sheathed and attached to their hips. They identified themselves as the local militia, and released me from my bonds.

I tried to talk to them, but they'd kick my shins and stomp on my ankles if I uttered a word. I gave up trying to reason with them after a while, since the armor they wore was not as soft as the hooves beneath.

They tied my hands behind my back with a rope, and pulled me out of the building in silence, hushed whispers following us as I was taken into a carriage.

Imagine my surprise as the winged ponies at the front, these ones clad in golden armor with a crest on the helm, began batting their wings and elevated the chariot into the sky. The militia did not follow, but two horned guards remained inside the chariot with me.

After an hour or so of flight, we reached a gigantic city carved into the very stone of a mountain. I could not help but gawk at its size, and risked asking the guards about it. They did not answer, but at least I wasn't hit anymore.

We landed on a wide and large balcony of sorts, more of a platform. It was devoid of any other carriages, but not of guards. There must have been a few dozens of them, mostly the ones with horns.

We landed and my binds were replaced with iron ones. My captors then led me into a small fortification made from bricks and stone. The parapets and towers were occupied by more guards, and the defenses seemed at the ready. I admired every inch of the fortress. From the walls, to the drawbridge. The moat, and what seemed to be a net that hung between the outer walls and the inner ones. More than likely because of their wings, they'd need a way to prevent an airborne landing.

'Not bad...' I thought as we entered the inner courtyard, and went into a door and up a staircase. Torches illuminated the entire way up, and the small openings used as windows barely allowed the sunlight to enter the cramped place.

The guards kept their silence all the while, and only spoke twice or thrice to identify their unit and rank, as well as their mission. They were apparently, 'Escorting the Prince's Guest'. Not that I'd know anything about that, but it sounded better than just 'Hauling the prisoner, yo!'.

We entered a large room. The walls were carpeted, and the floors were wooden. Large portraits of a white horse with wings and a horn adorned the walls, each one of them having the animal in a different pose, or doing something mundane. The statues that rested close to the walls were roughly sculpted, the same as the paintings. The basic idea could be understood, but the execution was bad.

At least I thought it was bad. Comparing them to the works in museums across Europe, these things resembled my own attempts at art.

A chandelier of gold hung from the ceiling, which was bare. Needless to say, I was not really impressed with their artistic prowess, but meh. I had bigger concerns than critiquing their paintings.

One of said concerns, for example, was the pony sitting on a throne at the very end of the room. Wearing a long, red cape, with a white border, and a coat of arms sown on it. He sat on the throne relaxed and elegant, looking down at us as we approached.

With an eyebrow arched, the one I assumed was the castle's lord, beckoned lazily with a hoof for us to approach. A small crown adorned his head, I noted as we closed in, and his ears were pierced in several places by golden rings and precious stones.

The guards escorting me took a step back as we stopped before him, and he, whoever he was, spoke.

"Tell me of your journey."

I did. Keeping my eyes low and tone neutral, I made sure to stick to the truth, omitting the diamonds of course, and my car altogether, and changing a few things. By the time I finished my tale, he was with both eyebrows arched, and nodding to the beat of my words.

"So you say. The town, now, what happened there?"

Once again, I spoke, trying to appeal to him, and to embellish the story a little, so I did not end up in too bad of a situation. God helps those who help themselves, after all. A lie is harmless if it doesn't hurt anyone, but a lie is actually good if it stops yourself from getting injured as well.

"I see... So the locals attacked you, by a misunderstanding, you say? What was that misunderstanding?"

One lie, two lies, three lies, what's the difference if your neck's on the line?

"A strange manner of greeting someone, especially a foal... Common in your homeland, apparently? Where do you hail from, again?"

Yes, maybe I was not truthful at all with my original tale. No, I'm not a traveling merchant that was robbed on my way here, and I am not the son of a very wealthy family involved in the royal court of a kingdom that doesn't really exist anymore.

"I can't say I've ever heard of the Aztec Empire... Are their borders in close proximity to the Equin sea? Or further inland on the outer continent?"

Maybe I messed up a little.

"Now, can any of these things be confirmed? At all?"

Oh-uh.

"Show me said document."

I rummaged through my pockets for my cousin's letter, praying to God that these things didn't know how to read Spanish, or translate it for that matter.

"Guard, bring me the wizard. Tell him to bring the language sheets for translation."

You have got to be joking.

The guard saluted and left the room, returning after a short while with an elderly unicorn in tow. The gray unicorn had white hairs for a mane and tail, wearing a red robe and pointed hat. He dragged a very heavy looking scroll behind him.

"Ajox, my court wizard, is very skilled in the translation of foreign texts. He'll be able to confirm the language, origin, and motive of this letter, facilitating your welcome to the castle."

The lord grinned smugly, relishing on the certainty that I was well enough doomed. Sweat, cold as ice, had begun to flow from my forehead and around my wavering grin.

'I am a dead man.'

Ajox, the wizard, had finished unrolling his scroll and-

'Holyshittheycanlevitatethingsohmygod.' I had honestly seen too much already to care.

-was holding my letter magically in front of him. He read one and moved on to the other, flicking his head from side to side rather comically, and I gained a faint grain of hope as a confused frown formed on his-

"Ah! I see..."

'I am doomed!'

Ajox read from one to the other many a time, deciphering the text as best as he could. I hoped that Armando's sloppy writing helped foil his task, but in the end, Ajox just smiled proudly and pointed a hoof at me.

"Folly!"

'NOO-'

"This text is not in any foreign tongue. It's written in a very ancient, very, very, very ancient variant of Equestrian. The same as found in the old ruins, my lord."

'Huh?'

The lord glanced at me, a smirk on his face.

"Who sent you?"

I babbled incoherently, trying to worm my way out of problems, but it was a tad late.

"You are no merchant, no traveler, and most certainly no rich son." The lord said nonchalantly, glancing casually at his hoof. "But you might be useful."

He looked up and met my eyes.

"Ajox, take this plebeian with you and some guards up north to Nienrath Castle, meet with Lady Hallety and tell her we found our chance." He smiled. "You'll help me translate the text in those ruins, or you'll be arrested as a spy."

I looked at him, completely shocked and appalled.

Ajox nodded.

The lord dismissed us.

The guards tossed me inside a nicely decorated room with a plate of rich food and some wine, and informed me that I was now a guest inside Derioth Castle and under the orders of Lord Derioth, and that I better not try to leave.

I stood dumbfounded inside the room.

Later that day, I was told that Lord Derioth, of Derioth Castle, had been arrested for treason, and that I was now under the orders of Royal Wizard Ajox, to do as he saw fit. Sadly enough, Royal Wizard Ajox perished due to old age that same day, and I was to go under the orders of Lady Hallety's successor, Lady Anerith, since Lady Hallety had also been arrested for treason.

I took a wedge of cheese and took a big bite.

"The world's gone mad."

Author's Note

I am trying to get to the story fast as possible, guys. This is the prologue, really. I still haven't gotten the main characters into the tale.