One Hundred Ways

by Symphony

Rating: teen
Tags: Cheerilee, Diamond Tiara, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Silver Spoon, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 2316

First, he was enrolled to Ponyville's elementary school. Second, Twilight won't realize that he already knows everything Cherilee will 'teach' him. Third, he unintentionally become the point of interest of a certain tiara-wearing

Spike can't believe his own bad luck.

First, he was enrolled to Ponyville's elementary school. Second, Twilight won't realize that he already knows everything Cherilee will teach him. Third, he unintentionally becomes the point of interest of a certain tiara-wearing filly.

Yeah, this is gonna blow.

Set in the same universe as Bad Company and Xenophobia. You don't have to read any other stories from the 'Phobiaverse' to understand what's going on.

Published 2013-06-23 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-23 20:20:01 UTC

Ch.1 - Who Needs Edumacation Anyway?

”Ugh come on, Twilight... Do I really have to go?” Spike groaned. ”I mean, princess Celestia and you have always taught me everything I know, so why do I have to go to school now?” His grip to the strap of the small backpack he was wearing tightened slightly.

”Because I think it would do you some good to hang around with ponies your age, instead of hanging around with me, the girls and Jay all the time!” Twilight replied, ”besides, you may even make some new friends when you're there. Wouldn't that be fun?” She smiled to him.

”Yeah, right. Fun...” Spike deadpanned. ”I probably already know everything Cherilee will be teaching...” He shrugged. ”And I already have plenty of friends my age... Snips, Snails, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Isn't that enough..?” He gave her a pleading look.

”Spike, you're still young so you shouldn't be cooped up in a library all day working. You should be out having fun with friends instead...” Twilight sighed. ”Oh look, we're here already!” She chirped. Spike's anguished groan fell on deaf ears as Twilight trotted ahead. ”Come on, Spike. You don't want to be late for your first day at scho-ool!” She sang as she levitated him onto her back.

”Now, I have already talked to miss Cherilee that you will start today, so you just have to be in time for class.” Twilight paused and looked back at him. ”Do you have everything with you? You didn't happen to... forget anything at the library?” Her eyes narrowed and Spike gulped.

”No... I have everything here. See for yourself!” He opened the flap to the backpack and Twilight looked inside. Parchment, three quills, two inkwells and a decently sized sapphire for lunch. Satisfied with her inspection, Twilight nodded. Spike let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding when she looked away.

The schoolyard was buzzing with activity as the younger ponies ran around playing. Laughter and an neverending pitter-patter of small hooves sounded from all directions. Some of the young ponies were being dropped off by their parents or older siblings, who had work to go to.

Before Twilight and Spike entered the school, Twilight whipped out a camera from her saddlebag. Spike's eyes widened as he realized what was going to happen. He knew that there was no point in trying to escape, so he sucked it up like the dragon he was.

”Smile for the camera!” Twilight giggled. Spike rolled his eyes, and a half-hearted smile appeared on his face. Twilight didn't seem to notice his exasparation as she snapped the picture of him. She walked toward him and gave him a big hug. Spike felt like a ragdoll in the bigger pony's embrace. To make things even worse for the already embarassed drake, Twilight gave him a peck on the forehead. ”Now be nice to everypony, okay?” She released him.

”Sure thing, mom...” Spike stuck out his tongue to her, turned on his heel and walked toward the door. Just before he reached for the handle, he looked back over his shoulder and frowned. Twilight was still standing there with a goofy grin, waving to him. Spike groaned, facepalmed and walked into the schoolhouse.

”Okay little ponies, today we have a new addition to our class!” Cherilee smiled heartily. ”Some of you may already know him, and some of you don't but I'm sure you will get to know him.” She moved from her desk to stand next to it. ”Spike, you can come in now!”

The door creaked open, and Spike took a cautious step into the classroom. His eyes set almost directly on the trio of fillies he had often found himself on plenty of misadventures with, namely the cutie mark crusaders. All three of them grinned when he stopped next to Cherilee's desk.

”Well Spike, do you feel like saying a few things about yourself before we get to work?” She asked him with a gentle smile. Spike nodded reluctantly.

”Uh, hi everypony... I'm Spike and I'm a dragon. I already know a few in this class already...” He looked down at the floor, idly rubbing his left arm. ”I come from Canterlot but I moved here with Twilight two years ago. I work as an assistant to her and the princesses...”

”You mean that you know Princess Celestia herself?” A pink earthpony in the back snorted. ”Yeah, right...”

”I do know princess Celestia... She was actually um... Kinda-sorta my teacher when I was younger.” He started fiddling with his claws. ”I haven't talked much to princess Luna though, and princess Cadence used to foalsit Twilight and I...”

The entire class was in complete silence and Spike looked at Cherilee almost to ask if he had done something wrong. She cleared her throat. ”Now, after Spike introduced himself, we can continue on what we were working on before the weekend. Spike, you can go and take a seat between Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon over there.” Spike's face fell. He had heard stories about those ponies from the crusaders. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were supposedly bullies. He gulped and gripped his backpack even tighter.

He sat down on the bench between the snooty ponies, instantly recieving glares from both of the ponies he was sitting next to. ”We're going to continue where we finished on equestrian history, and if we have time later we'll start on some math. After that I will hoof out some homework for you all to do.” At the mention of homework, the entire class groaned and complained in unison.

”Well, let's start then!” Cherilee chirped.

”So does anypony, or anydragon know Starswirl the Bearded's theory on illusion magic?” Cherilee only recieved confused glances. She smiled to herself. She had picked that question so she would have to explain it to them. She didn't expect a purple claw to raise, though... She raised an eyebrow. ”Yes, Spike?”

”Starswirl's theory on illusional magic was that you created a mirror version of yourself using several factors of magic differently. Such as directing light by feeding magic through a specially crafted scope. That theory have been both improved and proven false, though. Several changes to his original studies had to be made and modified to give the right amount of magic being force-fed for the illusion to hold. It takes a lot of energy and concentration to pull it off, though.” Spike rolled his eyes. ”For an illusion to hold for twenty minutes you'd need at least the power from two normally-gifted unicorns.” He scratched his chin, then shrugged. ”Well, three unicorns to make it stable enough to trick somepony...”

Everypony stared at the drake slack-jawed, even Cherilee was speechless. Spike looked around nervously and shrunk back in his seat. ”What? Did I do something wrong?”

Cherilee shook her head, then spoke up. ”Quite the opposite, actually! You did something very good.” She smiled. Spike nodded and sat up straight. ”I presume you learned all of that from being with Twilight Sparkle, right?”

”Uh yeah... She have also taught me some stuff. Mostly magic theory though... For every one of my birthdays she would give me a... book on magical theory or something else...” Spike muttered. Cheerilee nodded.

”Now, how about we take a recess before we start on the next subject for today?” She asked with a smile. The class erupted into cheers and the young ponies filed to get out of the classroom. Spike stood up and stretched his back while straightening the spines on his head and started walking. Without looking where was going, he bumped into somepony.

”Hey, watch where you're going!” A filly's voice complained.

”Yeah, watch it!” Another voice spoke up. Spike winced and looked up to see none other than Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon glaring daggers at him. He didn't want to start a fight or get in the recieving end of their bullying, so he just walked past them.

”Sorry about that, I wasn't looking where I was walking.” He continued walking without looking back at them. The two fillies stared at him until he left the room. They were used that some ponies would almost beg for their forgiveness, but he just shrugged them off like it was nothing.

Diamond Tiara's eyes narrowed and she frowned. ”Silver, how about we give our new classmate a... Welcome present?” Silver Spoon giggled and nodded.

”So, what do ya think of school so far, Spike?” Applebloom asked. The crusaders were walking through the school playground, giving him a small tour of the place.

”Meh, it's alright. Kinda boring though.” Spike shrugged. ”Feels relaxing to get out from working at the library for a few days... Twilight had to reorganize the shelves anyway so it's not much I can do to help her.”

”Feh! Of course school is boring!” Scootaloo stuck out her tongue in disdain. ”There's no fun in just sitting around and learning stuff...”

”I dunno Scoots, it's been decent so far. Sure as hay beats spending an entire day indoors cleaning every room in the library, that's for sure...” The drake sat down on a bench, quickly being joined by the crusaders.

”Um...” Sweetie Belle twiddled with the curls in her mane, trying not to look directly at the drake. ”You're really smart... How did you know that stuff about Starswirl the Bearded anyway? And the magic things he did?” She asked. Spike groaned.

”Because I live with a unicorn who is obsessed about learning and reading everything she can get her hooves on...” He muttered bitterly.

”Well, well, if it isn't the blank flank losers...” A new voice taunted, followed by obnoxious laughter. ”Oh, and you have a new friend with you.” The girls and Spike turned to the addition and saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon approaching them.

Applebloom sighed, Scootaloo rolled her eyes and Sweetie Belle shrunk back. Spike looked to the fillies beside him, then to the fillies who talked. He frowned and took a step forward. Diamond Tiara frowned. ”Oh, is the dragon nerd going to defend his friends?” She taunted. Silver Spoon snickered.

Spike gulped. What would someone brave like Jay do in a situation like this? He nodded firmly as he came up with a good answer. He cleared his throat and took a step toward the filly.. ”Maybe you should just back off and shut up before I shut you up?”

”What do you have to say for yourself, Spike?” Cherilee asked in a firm, yet calm tone. Spike rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as he tried to avoid the glare of the lavender unicorn next to him.

”But... She started it...” Spike muttered.

”It doesn't matter if Diamond Tiara was the one who started it, you should have just ignored her and told Cherilee later” Twilight said, ”and since when would you say something so mean to somepony? You spend too much time with Jay...” She frowned.

”How... How did this end up being about me?” The human who had been reclining in his seat leaned forward. ”All I know about this is that Spike said something mean to some girl, and then you dragged me here.” He pointed a finger at Twilight. Jay ran a hand through his thick brown hair, then crossed his arms. ”This is bullshit...”

”All I request is that Spike apologizes to Diamond Tiara. Nothing else, nothing more.” Cherilee glanced at the unicorn and human, who now had started arguing. She turned her head to Spike. ”Can you do that?”

”Sure. I can do that now.” Spike shrugged. Cherilee nodded and smiled, but turned to Twilight and Jay with a raised eyebrow.

”Should we interrupt them?” She asked the dragon, who shook his head.

”Nah, just give them twenty minutes and they'll be fine.” Spike hopped off the chair he had been sitting on and walked out from the room. Cherilee shrugged and walked out of the room as well and closed the door behind her.

”Hey! That market stand was in the way! We just moved it a bit...without asking the owner for permission...”

Spike bit his lip. He really didn't want to apologize to Diamond Tiara, especially after what she said to him and his friends and the trouble she caused with Cherilee... He decided to man up, he just had to say it quickly and get it over with. No problem, right?

Spike saw Diamond Tiara walking alone down the hall, and jogged up to her. ”Hey Diamond Tiara, wait up!” She looked back to him with a sneer and started walking faster. ”I have to tell you something.”

Diamond Tiara stopped and turned to him. ”What do you want?”

”I just wanted to apologize for what I said earlier. I shouldn't have threatened you like I did.” Spike sighed. He just wanted it to be over with as soon as possible.

”Okay, fine.” Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. ”Apology accepted. You can go away now...” Spike felt his eye twitch as the pony just brushed him off like dirt. Spike stopped, took a deep breath and counted slowly to ten.

He walked back to Diamond Tiara, who were just about to walk down the stairs. A cruel smirk made its way on his face as he cleared his throat. ”Your mane looks nice,” He said to her.

Diamond Tiara looked back at him open-mouthed, still moving forward. Spike smirked as she tripped over her own hoof just before the staircase, and promptly faceplanted on the first step, then rolled down the rest with a chorus of pitiful whimpers and groans.

Spike chuckled as he walked past the dazed filly and flicked his tail in her general direction.

Author's Note

AHAHAHA I SHOULD BE WRITING OTHER THINGS BUT HEY HAVE THIS INSTEAD!

WEEEEEEEE