The Art of Organised Cheating Part 1

You love nachos, so you choose to buy those, naturally. Lyra respects your choice, and immediately wishes she had chosen as wisely as you have. You idle about the food stand for about 3 minutes or so until your fresh nachos are finished. The corn chips are sun baked, and the cheese looks aged to perfection. Everything steams into your face, causing a waterfall of saliva that could compete with the falls by the palace.

You walk back to the bench with Colgate and lick your lips. Colgate asks if she could try a chip, noticing how delicious they look. Reluctantly, you share a chip with her. She’s going to be paying for your room and board, right? You levitate a perfectly cheese, bean, and sauce coated chip into Colgate’s mouth. She takes a lady like nibble before snatching the whole thing from your magical reach.

“That was fantastic!” Colgate cheers, licking her teeth. “Pretty spicy, though.”

Lyra suddenly stops eating and stares at Colgate in a sudden look of fear.

You levitate a chip into your mouth and chew. It had the cheese, but you didn’t get a good amount of sauce on it. None the less, it tasted top notch.

“You thought that was spicy?” Lyra asked, cautiously.

“Yeah. It was pretty darn spicy.”

“Colgate. I thought you couldn’t taste spicy foods.”

“Normally, no, but I guess this stuff is special.”

You levitate a master chip into the air. It’s fully drenched with cheddar and Equestrian nacho cheese, beans, and special spicy sauce. It’s a dish all in it’s own.

Lyra’s eyes widen at the chip, then, oddly, they water.

Your eyes begin to water too, for some unknown reason. You decide not to think about it and you just throw the chip down the hatch.

The spiciness hits you pretty fast, and you begin to smile. You’ve eaten spicy foods before, so you’re familiar with the taste.

However, the spicy sensation you’re experiencing doubles to a furious pain. Your mouth is pulsating with heat. The pain is so immense, it confuses you.

You open your mouth, and see the tongue of a flame. Lyra and Colgate jump at the sight. Lyra runs to fetch you some milk, while Colgate gives you water.

You down the entire glass quickly, only to find that the flames have traveled down your esophagus. The sauce has spread from the water, and you’re now, uncontrollably, breathing fire.

Your throat, stomach, mouth, eyes, nose, and everything else burn like the sun. Fire escapes from your nostrils every time you close your mouth, and it’s a scorching agony. You’re now running around, causing a scene with your mouth agape.

Lyra had returned with a jug of milk. She runs over to you, only to be burned alive by the wild flamethrower that is you.

You turn away from her and catch a glimpse of a charred body. Ponies everywhere are calling paramedics and the fire squad. You can’t control the flames coming from your mouth. Colgate tries to help, but she is also killed viciously by the harsh inferno.

You can’t stop. The pain is so much, that you run towards the lake to submerge yourself. You’re running downtown, not knowing where you’re going, really. You’re going where you assume the lake could be found.

You notice that you’re causing death and despair all around you. You can’t help it. You try to close your mouth and bare with the pain, but the fire shoots out of your nostrils into somepony’s window, roasting them instantly.

“Stop! Ponyville guard!”

You hear a cry through the flames.

“Stop! Or we’ll attack you!”

You foolishly turn to the sound, only to hear screams of agony.

“Vanguard! Damn! Stop or we’ll take you down, you vile witch!”

You close your mouth and hold your head to the floor, having your nostril fire burn nothing but the cobble stone.

A stallion is being assisted with the flames on his back, and the whole scene of the city is just pure wreckage. The town has suffered a great conflagration with unthinkable casualties. You cry, from the infinite pain in your everything, and from the gravity of what you’ve done.

Suddenly, you burp, causing a fireball to launch from your mouth and kill the previously burning guard stallion. The fire in your body has ceased, leaving a radiating burn in your stomach passages.

The guards all look at you with mixed expressions. None of them are positive. One guard hurls a spear at you. It comes too quick for you to react. It impales you from your chest out next to your left hind leg. You’ll be dead in a matter of 2 minutes or so.

The guards begin crying at the loss of their partner, as a piece of burning debris falls from the town hall in the background.

This is the last thing you see before you die.

Now you’re probably going to a place twice as hot.

DEATH BY SUPER SPICY SPICE NACHOS

Honestly. What are the odds?!