Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub

“Okay, my turn.” Noteworthy took a deep drink from his hard cider and tried to find a good place to start. “This may or may not surprise you, but I’m not actually from Ponyville. I moved here from Canterlot.”

“Wait, you moved from Canterlot?” asked Spike.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Twilight and I did the same thing.”

“Why would you wanna move away?” asked Soarin. “I thought Canterlot was a nice place to live.”

Note lowered his brow at Soarin. “Dude, you haven’t lived there.”

For the sake of a full explanation, let’s go back to the day I left home, about three years ago. My folks were happy to get me out of the house. I really had no choice but to leave, since they had cut me off the day before. I wasn’t happy about being tossed out, but at least it gave me an excuse to go somewhere.

I’ve been good friends with a local musician named Vinyl Scratch ever since I started school. She and her friend Octavia helped me out with my music, and they were actually on stage with me when I got my cutie mark.

Anyways, they were performing at a concert in the royal hall the night I left home. Since I had nowhere else to go, I decided to pay them a visit.

“Hold on a second,” said Spike. “Vinyl Scratch? You mean DJ Pon-3?”

“That’s the one.”

“You were friends?”

“She was one of my only friends.”

“So, did you two ever…”

“What, date? No. She’s a nice girl, but not really my type.”

“You ever think about it though?” asked Caramel.

“...Sometimes. But that’s not important. What’s important is I went to see them backstage. I had a run-in with a security guard, but lucky for me, Vinyl recognized me.”

“Hey Vinyl!”

“Note! What are you doing here?”

“Trying to convince the living wall here to let me through. So far, no dice.”

“Hey, Watchdog! He’s cool, let him through.” The gigantic guard stepped aside, but still gave me the evil eye. “You know, Note, you’re crazy trying to pick a fight with a security guard.”

“I know, but if I gave up on every crazy idea I’ve ever had, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. What have you been doing lately?”

“Trying and failing to write some good music.”

“Well, what are you doing here?”

“I got kicked out.”

“Ouch. Tough break.”

“I just came here ‘cause I needed some advice. I can’t stay in this city, there’s nothing I can do here. Do you have any idea of where I could go?”

“Maybe…” she though to herself for a moment. “Have you ever heard of Ponyville?”

“No. Where’s that?”

“It’s a decently big town, southeast of here. A bit rural, but really into music and the arts.”

“Sounds nice.You think you could help me get there?”

“Sure! Me and Tavi are taking the train back there tomorrow. I think we can get you on board, but jusr promise me something.”

“What?”

“Don’t argue with the ticket guy.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Vinyl, Octavia and I all got on the train the next day. I had packed a bunch of notebooks and my guitar, and I was feeling ready to take on the world.”

“How long is this story going to be?” asked Spike, already getting bored.

“Just give me a minute. I need to explain how we started off.”

“It took you how long to get to sex?” asked Thunderlane.

“...two and a half years.”

Caramel laughed a bit.

Note was feeling stupid, but also incredibly irritated. “Look, unlike the rest of you, I’m not a mare’s stallion, okay?”

Caramel tried to stop himself from laughing. “Okay, I’ll stop. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. Just let me continue, please.”

“Go ahead,” said Soarin. “Nopony’s stopping you.”

Okay. After a three hour train ride which involved a lot of discussions about the merits of modern music vs. classical music, a jam session which went way too long, and Vinyl trying to convince me that I wasn’t wasting my time, we finally arrived in Ponyville.

“Here we are, Note.” said Tavi.

I took a good gander at the train station. It wasn’t much to look at when comparing it to the giant station in Canterlot, but it was nice enough. It felt a bit more like a home. “So, where are we going first?”

“Well, where do you want to go?” asked Vinyl.

I thought for a while. After living in a big-ass city for most of my life, I wanted something different from what I was used to. “What’s the most rural place around here?”

“I think I know a place over on the west side. Come on.”

“I’ve always trusted Vinyl. She justs seems like the kind of pony who wouldn’t lie to me. When I saw the place she had led me and Tavi to, that trust paid off. It was a barn. I had heard about them as a foal, but I had never actually seen one up close.I was kind of amazed, actually.”

“You think you were amazed? You shoulda seen me when I came here with my sister Babs,” said Caramel. “After living in Manehatten my whole life, I couldn’t believe a place like this was actually real, let alone a place where ponies lived.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” asked Discord.

“At first, I wasn’t sure. Then I met a girl and I decided it wasn’t so bad.”

“Would this girl happen to be Twilight?” asked Big Mac.

“Well, yeah. She was the main reason I decided to stay.”

“So, that’s another story we’re gonna have to hear eventually,” pointed out Note.

Caramel suddenly look embarrassed. “I’ll go after Soarin.”

“Fair enough. But for now, back to the barn.”

“So, this is… Sweet Apple Acres, you said?” I asked Vinyl.

“Yup!” she replied, her purple glasses flashing a light in my face. “Best apple orchard in all Equestria. I should know, I’ve been here a million times.”

“If you wanted rural, Note,” said Tavi, “you have it now.”

“You know what I really want right now?” I asked her rhetorically. “A drink. It’s like a hundred degrees outside and I haven’t had anything to drink all day!”

“Well, maybe we can get you some cider,” said Vinyl. We headed up to the barn and knocked on the huge red door. We were greeted by mister tall, red, and handsome over here.

“Can I help you?”

“Hey there, big guy. We were looking to buy some apple cider,” said Vinyl. “I don’t suppose you got any?”

“One sec,” he replied. After that, he turned back into the barn and yelled out. “AJ! We got customers!”

“Hold on a minute, I’m coming!” I wasn’t sure if the voice I had just heard was real or not. It sounded too nice to be real. But the next thing I saw when we walked in the door was a mare. The most beautiful mare I’d ever seen in my life. “Howdy, ya’ll! Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres. My name is Applejack, and this here’s my brother Big Macintosh. What can I do for you?”

I just stood there, looking at her. Her emerald eyes had me hypnotized. I don’t know what had come over me, but I barely remember anything other than the way she looked under the thin rays of light from the roof, in that old worn hat, with that long golden mane.

I was out of it for a bit, if I remember correctly. The next thing I remember was Vinyl up in my face, screaming at me to snap out of it.

“Note!”

“Yah!” I regained awareness. “Sorry, I got distracted.”

Vinyl muttered. “And hard, apparently…”

“What?” I looked down at myself and my eyes almost bugged out. Sure enough, I had a raging erection.

The table was taken by surprise, Caramel laughed, but quickly realized that nopony else was laughing and stopped.

“I guess that’s what you would call an APB,” Note joked.

“APB?” asked Spike.

“Awkward public boner.” Now, everyone at the table laughed.

“Well, I'm really sorry about what happened.” said Mac.

“It’s no problem,” said Note. “After all, I’m laughing about it now. Right then and there, though, I wasn’t laughing.”

I closed my back legs and tried to play it off, but it obviously didn’t work, since I was still red in the face. “Um, I’d like a glass of cider please.”

AJ saw what had happened, but she didn’t freak out about it. I’m not sure if it was to save me embarrassment or just out of pity, but she brushed it off. “Sure thing,” she said.

She went to go tap a cask in the back of the barn and I just stood there, trying to lower my heart rate to no avail. By the time she came back, I wanted to praise Celestia’s name that it was over. But I kept quiet.

“Here you go, sir.”

“Noteworthy,” I said.

“Pardon?”

“Call me Noteworthy.”

“Nice to meet you, mister Noteworthy. I’m Applejack.”

“Nice name.” I was trembling a bit. The fact that I was nervous just made the problem worse. I felt like I was going to die of humiliation.

However, as she was giving me the mug of cider, she looked at me and I just looked back at her. She smiled a bit, and then came close to my ear. “You know,” she whispered, “I’m actually kinda flattered.”

Suddenly, I stopped shaking. My nervous half-smile had become a genuine three-quarters smile. “Thank you for the cider, Ms. Applejack. I’ll just be off now.”

“Take care,” she replied.

I started to back out the door slowly, so that I wouldn’t cause a scene. It seemed like a foolproof plan: sneak out, calm down and pretend it didn’t happen. There was just one small detail that I unfortunately overlooked...

“Um, mister? Is something wrong?” It was the voice of a filly, standing directly behind me. I was surrounded, and no matter what I did somepony was going to get a good look at my back end. I figured it would be best not to show the little kid, so I turned 180 degrees as quickly as possible.

“By the way, Mac,” Note interrupted himself, ”sorry for giving you the short end of the metaphorical stick.”

“More like the long end of the physical stick,” cracked Thunderlane. The table laughed, but Note was not amused.

“Ha ha. Funny. Anyways, on top on all the other stresses I was under, I had this kid to deal with. Not fun at all.”

“Oh, hi there. What’s your name?”

“I’m Applebloom. What’s your name, mister?”

“My name is Noteworthy. I’m new around town and my friends here told me this would be a nice place to visit. So,” I motioned to Applejack and Big Mac, “do you know these ponies?”

“That’s my brother and sister!”

“Really? Well, that’s nice.” I was visibly nervous and hoping to myself that the young girl would lose interest in what I had to say.

“Are you feeling alright? You look a little scared.”

“I just… I…” I tried to think of an excuse that would make sense. “I have to use the bathroom. I’ll just leave.”

“Well,” said AJ, “you could use the outhouse out back.”

I turned to her. “I… can?”

“Sure you can. It ain’t no trouble.”

I couldn’t respond with anything other than: “Thanks, See you.” I took my mug of cider, gulped it down and bolted out the door to go find the outhouse.

“When I got in, I locked the door. I breathed a sigh of semi-relief. My ass was covered, but I still had the boner to deal with. I decided since no one could see me, I’d... take care of it the old fashioned way.”

“So,” reiterated Discord, “the first two things you did at her house were ogle her and then go masturbate?”

“She was attractive and I was lonely! I didn’t want it to happen, it just happened!”

“I’m sorry, that was a bit too out of context.”

Note was confused by Discord’s choice of words. “Apology accepted… I think?”

“You were saying about the outhouse?” pointed out Spike.

“Oh right. Hold on…”

I had locked myself inside the stall and I now had an opportunity to solve the problem at hoof. So, I started putting my hooves to work. I tried to stay as quiet as possible, but you know that that never works. I got a rush of adrenaline going through me and I felt like I could keep going as long as I could.

The sensation was so overwhelming I didn’t even notice how bad the stall smelled until after I was done. Which took about three minutes, if I’m not wrong. As soon as I saw the cum, I got up and aimed towards the hole in the seat.

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, and my heart rate had gone down. I took a second to catch my breath, and opened the door. Standing outside were Tavi and Vinyl, looking at me like I had been caught with my junk hanging out. Well, a second time that is.

“Are you feeling alright, Note?” asked Octavia

I was panting and dripping with sweat. Evidently, I was not feeling okay. “I think I’d like to go lie down now.”

“They took me to their apartment, I took a shower, and then I passed out on the couch. So, yeah, my first encounter with the mare of my dreams was awkward.”

“So how did you two become close?” asked Discord.

“I went back to Sweet Apple Acres. After getting so worked up over her, I figured the least I could do was have a friendly talk with her.”

“An explanation would make things slightly less awkward, I guess,” said Soarin.

“It had been about a day since I had made a complete ass of myself. I had to gather all my strength to knock on the door again.”

Knock knock.

The door opened, and I saw the face I was looking for. It felt good to see her, but I was too embarrassed to smile. I just stood at the door, looking dumb.

“Uh, can I help you?” she asked, looking quizzical.

“Hi there, Applejack. It’s me. You know, from yesterday.”

Her eyes opened and she smiled. “Oh yeah! Noteworthy, right?”

She remembered me. That was a step in the right direction “Yeah. Um… Look, I wanted to apologize for making a scene yesterday. It was really hot, and I think the sun got to my brain…”

“You don’t need to apologize, I get it.”

“You do?”

She looked me in the eyes. “You’re embarrassed. You want to make up for it. Isn’t that why you came back?”

“Well, yeah, I guess. I was kinda hoping I could explain where I’m coming from.”

“If it makes you feel better, then go ahead. I ain’t stopping you.”

I took a deep breath. “Okay…”

I gave her the same story I told you: I was new, I’d been alone for way too long, she was beautiful, and I couldn’t control myself. And she just sat and listened. I felt a little weird just having her listen to me talk, but once I was done, she started talking back.

“...so that’s my story,” I finished up.

“Not the best story I’ve ever heard.”

“I know, but it’s not like I can just invent a happy ending for my life.”

“Sure you can. You just need a little help.”

“Is that a suggestion or an invitation?”

“Well, you seem like a nice colt. Maybe we could do something nice together.”

“So, she asked me out. That weekend we went to a movie and talked a little about our lives. She told me about her friends, and about Mac, and I talked a little bit about my music, and we had a couple of laughs.”

“This is getting boring again,” said Spike.

“Seriously, dude, how long is this gonna last?” asked Thunderlane.

“But, the best part came when I was walking her home. ”

“That movie was hilarious,” said AJ.

“It was pretty good, but I probably could have done without the unnecessary slapstick. I mean, it’s not like it’s normal for ponies to trip on their own hooves.”

“You say that now, you’re going to walk into a sign or something.”

“But that would ruin the moment.”

“So what did you think about the date?”

“Best date I’ve ever had. I mean, the movie wasn’t as funny as I hoped, I don’t have enough cash for dinner, and I feel stupid now for pointing out everything that was wrong. But you know what? You made everything worth it.”

She smiled at me and we stared into each other’s eyes for a while. When I finally got up the courage, I summoned all of it to take hold of her shoulders and pull her in for a kiss. She didn’t protest, because she understood. And considering the fact that she put her arms around me, I’d say she actually enjoyed it.

“And that was our first kiss. Which officially made it my best date ever at the time.”

“And then it took you three more years to get to the good part,” pointed out Thunderlane.

“I’m getting to that,” replied Note.

“Dude, you had a good thing going,” said Caramel. “How did you two not get to sex for three years?”

“Because of a lot of reasons, okay? Just let me explain.”

AJ was busy a lot of the time and I was still trying to find a job around town for about two months after I officially moved in. I was wondering if there were any places in Ponyville that would take in a wannabe musician like myself. And then, I met the weirdest pony I’ve ever met in my life.

"AKA," Note said to Thunderlane, "your marefriend."

Thunder took offense "Hey! Don't insult my girl!"

"I wasn't insulting her, I just said she was weird. You know she is, too."

Thunder calmed down. "Fair enough. Continue, please."

While I was having lunch with AJ one day, she introduced herself and asked a few questions about me. And by 'asked a few questions' I mean she interrogated me about my life for about twenty minutes. I told her what my position was in terms of living, and she told me that Sugarcube Corner was looking for music acts for the weekends. I took up her offer, and now I technically work here.

AJ was really supportive of me. She showed up at almost every show I played, and afterwards we would drink some punch together. But that’s not all.

One night, after a particularly rough show, AJ met up with me backstage after I was done playing. I was frustrated beyond belief and I just wanted to go to sleep. But AJ was still wide awake, and staring at me like I had grown another eye..

“Sugarcube,” she said, “you feeling alright?”

“Somepony threw a mug of cider at me, I got booed by a bunch of drunks after half of the songs and I’ve been sitting under hot stage lights for an hour and a half. No, I’m not feeling alright.”

“Oh… I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I just got a bad crowd.”

“I know, but I don’t like seeing you upset.”

“I just... feel like something’s not right.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I've got a good job here, and good friends and all, but something feels like it’s missing.”

AJ smiled and got an idea. “Maybe I could help.”

“Help me how?”

“Come here and kiss me.” She grabbed my shoulders and brought me in for a kiss. Suddenly, I wasn’t upset anymore. I was a bit shocked, but I felt good.

“Well, that certainly helped.”

“I’m not done yet.”

I realized where she was going with this. “Maybe we could go back to my place?”

“Sounds like a good plan to me.”

“We went back to my place and fooled around for a bit. I was feeling ready to go and really excited. However, after we had gotten into bed together, I started thinking. I realized that I wasn’t ready for anything serious. So, I turned away for a moment.”

“You stopped yourself,” clarified Soarin. “That’s tough.”

“I’m not sure if it was me being nervous or me being rational, but I just stopped cold.”

“What’s the matter?” asked AJ.

“I changed my mind.”

“About what?”

“I don’t want to do this yet.”

“What? Us sleeping together?”

“It just doesn’t feel like the right time to have sex.”

“Well, when do you think the right time is gonna be?”

“I’m not sure. I’d love to get to it eventually, but I’m not sure when it’s gonna be.”

AJ sighed.

“I’m sorry, did I upset you?

“No, I understand. This is confusing for you. And it’s confusing for me. I just... I wish that we could figure things out sooner, because I don’t know how long we can keep this up.”

“Well, unless you can tell the future, we’ll just have to wait and find out.”

“Okay. When you are feeling up for it, let me know.”

“I will.”

“And that was about as close as I got. I didn’t want to rush into anything for fear of making a mistake, but at the same time I had the urge to just bang her and get it over with. I didn’t know what to do, and the question haunted me for two and a half years.All the while I waited for the right time.”

“That’s a long time to wait,” pointed out Spike.

“I know, right?” added Caramel. “Why didn’t you do it sooner?”

“It never felt like the right time.”

I was arguing with myself and starting to go a little crazy. I think it was also starting to affect my music. Every night I went on stage, I felt unprepared and like I was about to have a nervous breakdown. I played well enough, but I was always nervous that I would mess up somehow. Then, about five months ago, AJ told me about Mac and Fluttershy.

“He’s been doing WHAT?”

“I was just as surprised as you are.”

“I can’t believe it. All this time he’s been just going at it, and I’m still moping around waiting for a miracle. What in the name of Celestia is wrong with me?”

AJ tried to calm me down. “Don’t be upset. This was between my brother and my friend.”

“I know. But I just can’t make up my mind and I feel like I’m gonna crack any minute!”

“Look, whatever you decide to do is fine by me. The only thing I wanted to tell you was that they asked you to play at the reception. You think you could at least do that?”

“What, so I can get your brother’s dick rubbed in my face?”

“Note, don’t be like that. I know you’re a good stallion, and I know you’re upset. But can you please just help out here? For me and the family?”

I sighed. “Fine. But I’m playing my own setlist.”

“Thanks sugarcube. I’ll run the list by Mac. In the meantime, just try to calm down. You make me worry when you act all antsy like this.”

“I was reaching a breaking point. I knew I had to make a decision eventually, but I was torn between getting it over with and being prepared.”

“You’re dealing with an extremely dangerous inner struggle here,” said Discord. “Situations like this can drive a pony right out of their mind. I’m surprised you managed to last so long, given the circumstances.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I did, because by the time the wedding rolled around, I was about ready to give up. Lucky for me, AJ is really understanding and loyal. I don’t know if I would have put up with myself for that long.”

It was the day of the wedding. Mac and Fluttershy had just tied the knot, and everypony was celebrating their union. Everypony except me, the guy on stage playing the guitar. I went through a set list of some of my favorite love songs, publicly dedicating them to the married couple, but internally dedicating them to Applejack. She could tell by the look in my eyes that I was singing right to her. She blushed a bit.

After I was done playing, I went to go get some rest backstage and listen to the radio. I was beat, and music was the only thing that could help me unwind. I was listening to some old alternative rock songs and trying to reconcile in my mind the fact that I would probably never get to experience love first-hoof.

“Great show,” said a voice from behind. I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.

“Thanks, AJ.”

“Are you feeling alright now?”

“Better than before, now that you’re here.”

“Glad to hear it.” She walked up to me. “Were all those songs true?”

“What?”

“All those songs you sang to me… Were they all how you felt about me?”

Suddenly, the tension in me began to rise up again. However, I kept a lid on it. “Yeah.”

“I thought they were sweet.”

“I’m glad you liked them.”

There was an awkward silence. AJ sighed. “You know, we’ve been going out for… how many years? Two?”

“Two and a half, I think. I know, it’s been a while…”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anypony so hung up about anything in my life.”

I sighed. “I just don’t know what to do. I’m worried that I’ll make a mistake or something.”

AJ put her arm around me. “Sugarcube, I know you’re worried. But don’t be. Ponies make mistakes all the time. So what if you do? You always have to make the most out of what happens. Otherwise you just end up sitting around being miserable.”

I considered this for a moment. “I guess you’re right. Maybe I’ve been worrying too much. Maybe... I just need to do what I want to do.”

“That’s more like it. So, what do you want to do?”

This was it. No more questions, no more doubts, no more screwing around. I had finally made up my mind. “You.”

“Pardon?”

“I want you.” I grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her. She was surprised, but also really happy. My blood started pumping and I felt alive for the first time in years.

"Told you I'd get to the good part eventually."

"I never doubted it for a second," said Discord.

"Well, don't stop there," said Caramel. "Tell us what happened!

"Alright," said Note, "just hold on a minute."

“Are you feeling alright now?” she asked.

“I’m feeling awesome." Something clicked in my brain. "In fact, I’ve got an idea.”

AJ played along. “What’s the idea?”

“It involves you getting on the floor.” She saw where I was going with that thought and she happily presented herself to me. I got a raging boner and I mounted myself on top of her. “You ready?”

“I think so.”

“Good, because I’m ready too.” I started thrusting into her plothole. AJ had evidently never experienced this sort of thing before, because she let out a yelp when I got all the way in. Soon enough, the cringing turned into moaning. I was gritting my teeth and squinting my eyes so much I couldn’t even see her, but I could certainly feel her. Every single time I went into her backside I felt like I was king of the world.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar bit of music playing. I had left the radio on, and it was now providing the soundtrack to my becoming a stallion.

I stopped for a bit to appreciate the music.

When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the colt who wakes up next to you… When I go out, yeah, I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the colt who goes along with you…

“Didn’t you play this song earlier?” asked AJ.

“I did…500 Miles, I think it's called.”

She smiled. “I like this song. It’s really nice and simple.”

“Just like you.” We smiled and started up again, keeping in time to the song’s rhythm. We were feeling great. I had waited three years for this, and finally, it was happening.

Well, I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more, just to be the colt who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door…

When the song finally ended, I had finished up the last stroke. I finally felt like a stallion. It felt great. Applejack was happy, too.

“I’m going to remember that song forever,” I told her.

“That was the greatest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” We both smiled. I got off of her and we shared a kiss. I felt like I had accomplished something great. And then we got an unexpected visitor.

“AJ?” called Mac. “Are you still ba-” he stopped cold. He could tell what had happened. But honestly, I couldn’t have cared less.

“I’m going to be honest with you, Mac,” I said. “This is exactly what it looks like.”

“Ever since me and AJ finally did it, I’ve been feeling a lot more confident, and things have never been better between us. I don’t even mind that I was found in the most embarrassing position of my life, because I still have AJ and she still has me. And we’ll probably have each other for a long time, if Granny Smith ever finds out.”

“Well, that wasn’t the worst story I’ve ever heard,” said Spike.

“It was kind of long, but at least you ended it on a high note.” said Thunderlane.

“Thanks, Thunder.” Note smiled. His good mood was back. “Okay, who’s next?”

“I think Soarin’ had a story,” pointed out Discord. “Something about him and Rainbow Dash. Care to fill us in, sir?”

Soarin knew that if he said no, it would only encourage them to keep bugging him. “Alright, let me see if I can remember…”