In The Future There Will Be Humans
The Things I Get Myself Into
She blinked her eyes again, just to be sure. Obviously a trick of the harsh fluorescent lighting that glared off the clean white tiles. Another blink, then she pressed them shut until she could see spots in the darkness. Hesitantly, she opened them again.
Staring back at her from the bathroom mirror was some primate type creature, with skin the color of her golden coat and the same messy monochrome hair. Five fingers caressed her cheek, taking in the lack of coarse fur and the fact she had any opposable digits at all.
If Daring Do would’ve known that her latest adventure would send her through some kind of kooky mirror into a bizarre reality where everything feels exactly the same but with glaring differences; she wouldn’t have signed up at all. Inter-dimensional travel is too far out of her scope as an archaeologist.
To make matters even worse, Surprise missed out on being able to come with her. She needed somepony... or... whatever these things were... to talk to. Daring stared at her reflection again, trying to picture it with white skin and blonde hair. Of course, Surprise didn’t need to worry about looking her best, given her special talents. If she could even use them in this world.
That made her wonder. She glanced over her shoulder, trying to see her back. No wings. As unsettling as it was, Daring was more surprised she wasn’t horrified at the prospect of losing them. Probably the comfort of knowing she’d get them back when she left. The metaphor of earn your wings took on a new meaning.
Daring sighed and gave up her self study to take in the surroundings. Apparently mares and stallions go by different gender assignments, which explained the awkward moment of dashing into the wrong restroom to assess the situation. Now in the proper restroom, it didn’t look any different from a restroom back home, except for the strange machine on the wall that handed out little plastic tubes.
At least she knew money existed in this world, but she doubted that the Bit was strong enough at the moment to get a good exchange rate. That was a lesson learned when the Zebra’s screwed her over down in Zanzebra. It really put the plight of the Buffalo Tribe’s ancestors into perspective.
Taking in the big picture made Daring’s head feel like it had been filled with cement. Thoughts racing about how the mirror knew where to put her — being a teacher it obviously put her into some sort of educational establishment — and how to... dress her? Whatever picked her outfit had a dreadful taste in fashion. Could’ve at least let her keep her explorer uniform.
She returned to the sink and splashed some water on her face. It felt strange not having the barrier of her coat to block most of it. A passing glance at her reflection and she noticed the shape of her body. Hands automatically drew themselves to the strange lumps on her chest and massaged around, which brought about a familiar sensation.
Shouldn’t these be... lower?
The thought hit her with stunning clarity. Daring had made many enemies over the years, most of them with access to magic, technology, or both; that could be capable of such things. For all Daring knew, she could be trapped in some mechanical body or in a magical simulation. She pinched herself like so many of her friends with fingers do, and sucked in a sharp breath at the pain. Everything felt real enough. A stomp of one of her knee high boots echoed off the tile walls and floor. There was a tangibility to everything even the most advanced unicorn spell couldn’t emulate.
Okay, Daring. Focus. Aside from the... obvious, everything seems to function the same minus any magic, flying, and terminology. Just like being in another country back home. Just blend in with the culture, figure out what you’re looking for, and get out of here.
She knew it was never that simple. Her gaudy attire screamed she was a student, not a teacher, which immediately made her heart sink. Now she’d have to get her hooves... hands? dirty in the trenches. Gather information the old fashioned way. Something she hoped she’d never have to do again. Not what she had in mind when she thought about going back to school, but she’d take whatever came her way in stride.
“Excuse me.”
Daring leapt into the air, spun around and dropped into a fighting stance. Well, as best a stance as she could now being reduced to two legs. Another creature like her had entered the restroom undetected, and now stared at her with misaligned eyes.
“Do you know where...” she looked at the paper in her hand. “Muffin Making 101 is?”
“Muffin Making?”
“Oh! I’m sorry! I meant Home Economics 101. I just hope to make muffins.”
Daring thought it strange how the grey skin seemed out of place even in this world, and the last time she took a home economics class herself, she wound up almost burning down the school. Cooking had never been one of her strong suits.
“Um... I’m new here, so I’m just as lost as you.”
“Maybe we can help each other out?”
Tempting, but no thanks.
“Um... sure... Lead the way.”
She watched as the cock-eyed girl navigated the hallway with the grace of... someone with no grace at all. It bothered her how familiar she seemed to a pony she always saw back home. The one who would deliver the wrong mail and crash into her upstairs window all the time.
Now that she thought about it, a few of the faces in the crowd stood out in her memory as well. Their skin color and hairstyles making her think of other friends, and even a couple of enemies. She was pretty sure she was the only one who went through the mirror. So where did all these others come from?
So lost in her thoughts was Daring, that she didn’t even notice the approaching... male of the species she presumed, and slammed into him.
“Oh, dear! Terribly sorry!” His voice had a Trottingham accent. “Are you looking for my class on quantum mechanics and other theories of spacetime?”
“What?” the grey girl asked.
Daring shook the pain from her temple and looked up to see a well dressed male. His brown hair an odd balance of unkempt and neat, matching the drab brown of his suit jacket. All the brown really made his bright red tie pop. “Wait a minute! You’re—”
The male grabbed Daring up and slapped a hand over her mouth. “Shhhh! Not so loud!” He winked at the grey girl. “Be right back.”
She remembered now! That stallion with the same hairstyle and tie. He insisted they work together, but Daring refused. He was somehow more annoying than Surprise, which was a feat unto itself. He also seemed really smug about his vast knowledge base, most of which sounded like nonsense to her.
Daring jerked herself free from his grasp. “This is all your fault, isn’t it?! You show up, I tell you to buzz off, and next thing I know I’m...” she gestured to her body, “...THIS!”
The male stood back and looked her over. “Not bad.” He shrugged. “I’ve seen worse.”
“Not helping,” Daring seethed. “What are you a doctor of, anyway? I bet you make a killing on the therapy bills of those you hang out with.”
“Touche,” the Doctor countered. “To answer your first question, no this is not my fault. I’m just as confused as you are because I was never a pony to begin with. So now am I a pony that’s a human or am I a human again?” He blinked. “Then again I never really was a human to begin with either. So that means I must be —”
Daring sighed and rolled her eyes. “Focus, Doctor.”
“Ah, yes. Right. I knew you somehow wound up in here too, but seeing as how I had other obligations I sent my lovely companion to find you and bring you to me.”
“So am I this... human thing too?”
“For the time being, yes. But don’t worry it’s easy to get used too.” The Doctor frowned and a look of apprehension crossed his face. “Once you get past the killing each other, and destroying the planet, and the like.”
“Nice...” Daring shook her head. “Wait... companion?” She pointed to the doorway. “So you... and her...”
“Travel together and have adventures, yes.”
“Sounds more like a partner to me.”
The Doctor shook his head. “Too intimate. Companion has a nice ring.”
Daring rubbed her temples. “So I take it you knew I was coming because you arranged for me to wind up here because you...”
“...need your help and skills, yes,” the Doctor finished. “So,” he clapped his hands together. “What do you know about this world?”
“Absolutely nothing.”
“Oh... oh dear.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and kicked at the ground. “I just assumed that...”
Daring groaned. “Why does everypony assume I know everything?! Just because this world seems like mine doesn’t mean I know anything about it! I didn’t even know it existed until you dragged me here!”
The Doctor stepped forward and placed a hand on Daring’s heaving shoulder. “I know how you feel. People assume I know everything too. Granted, I do know everything but... it’s just rude to assume, you know?”
She removed his hand. “Send me back.”
“Can’t. Portal is closed for another 30 moons.”
“Which is?”
“Well, going by how things work in this world, let’s see...” He stared off into space while writing imaginary equations in the air with his finger. “If 30 moons on your world is two and a half years, same as on my world, then this world I would say.... 48 hours our time.”
Daring cocked a brow. “How do you figure that?”
“It’s all wibbley wobbley. Just trust me!” He dashed out of the classroom and grabbed the grey skinned girl along the way.
“Pff, yeah... that’s what Custard Pie said before he charged the buffalo.”
