Haywire

Chapter One: Who Made Who?

It was a beautiful morning at the Ponyville Drawbridge, where the operaters were busy with a game of cards. Chub knew he was losing, but soldiered on anyway, putting all his best cards on the table in a final attempt to win the game. Stein was winning, and enjoying every moment of it. Meanwhile, hundreds of cars, trucks, and busses crowded the old bridge, a reminder to the crew of the morning rush hour.

In one of these cars were Carrot Top, Lyra, and Bon-Bon, carpooling to work in Carrot's new Oldsmobile. They were starting up the ramp leading toward the bridge, when Carrot noticed something odd. The traffic light on the bridge was flashing, unheard of in traffic signals. She stopped the car short of the bridge.

"What's the matter, C.T.?" Lyra asked, lying on the seat in her usual, legs-first fashion.

"Nothing, Nothing."

Meanwhile, in the bridge's control house, something peculiar started to happen. The control lights began to flash in a carnival-like way, and a button began to depress by it'sself. Writing above the button read, "Press To Start Drawway Motor".

The huge engines below the deck of the bridge simultaneously fired, and the havoc began. Two levers, each one controlling one half of the bridge, both were adjusted to raise the drawbridge. Guages flickered into life, and the engines strained to split the roadway, full of unsuspecting motorists, in two, and raise them into the sky.

"Uh, Carrot Top?" Bon-Bon stuttered in fear, "The bridge is going up!"

"Don't be silly!" The ginger mare laughed back, "The light is green, and the gates are up!"

The Olds proceeded up the bridge with the rest of traffic, unaware of the horror that awaited them. As soon as all the cars were on the bridge, the gates snapped shut, trapping them. An alarm began to ring, heralding the arrival of a ship, but the canal was clear. A truck driver was trapped in the middle of the bridge, and opened his door to see the crack in the deck awaiting him.

"Oh, SHIT!" he screamed, throwing the dumptruck into reverse, but it was no use. The truck's speedometer pegged at 80 MPH as it vainly struggled to escape the bridge, and the live axle snapped off the chassis due to the extreme stress it was under. The driver braced for impact as the truck slided off the deck, and into the river below.

A VW Van full of musicians marvelled at this site from across the river.

"Far out, man!" a white mare with electric blue hair laughed.

Meanwhile, a flatbed full of watermelons' tailgate gave out, and the huge fruits came rolling down the bridge. Cars began to fall down the deck as the angle increased, watermelons pummeling the survivors. A melon came flying through Carrot Top's sunroof, and landed in Lyra's lap.

"GET US OUTTA HERE!" she wailed as more landed all over the car, severely denting it. Carrot Top threw the Oldsmobile in reverse, and raced backwards across the bridge, skillfully dodging destroyed cars, and breaking through the gates that trapped them in the pile of twisted metal.

Stein, Chub, and Dutch had heard the alarms, and raced out to the balcony overlooking the bridge span.

"THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Chub sobbed, kicking his coworkers simultaneously in the shins, "THE LIGHT WAS GREEN, THE GATES WERE OPEN, THERE'S NO SHIP!!!!"

"It's alright, boss," Dutch sympathized, still reeling from the hit to his leg, "accidents happen-"

"STEIN, YOU GODDAMN STUPID PLOTHOLE!" the slightly overweight bridge boss roared, "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOOK OUT FOR ANYTHING WEIRD, CAN'T YOU SEE WE GOT A BUCKIN' SITUATION HERE?!!"

Chub's angry screaming could be heard all over Ponyville, where chaos was about to strike, and dwarf the horror of the drawbridge. All over the world, people were waking up to terrifying tech-related accidents, and everyone, pony or human, knew something bad was about to happen.

While this was all happening, a black Western Star flew gracefully down the highway, the stallion driving only shifting when needed. He opened the window, and felt the breeze in his mane. He then realized exactly where he was. He read an all-too-familiar sign: "Lunoco Truckstop: Diner, Arcade, Shower Facilities, Next Exit," it read. He began to get excited. In the early light of dawn, he pulled into the stopover, and several ponies ran out to greet him.

"HEY, RAY!" one laughed, shaking his hand vigorously, "YOU'RE HOME!"

"It's nice to see you too, Beltran!" Ray chuckled back, remembering how close the two were after an accident near Appleooza.

"So," another stallion started, pounding the hood of his truck, "What's this ugly son of a biscuit doin' here?"

"I'm being contracted by Happy Toyz to haul a few loads for 'em," he replied, staring thoughtfully at the huge green-ish face on the front of the tractor, "I don't like that creepy Green Goblin mask as much as you do, Bubba, but it pays good money!" He than handed a gas pump to Beltran. "Give her a drink, I'mma go get me some food!"

Ray walked into the ever-so-familiar diner to see the usual crowd inside: Grenville at a table, Lloyd on the phone, and Seventy Six at the counter, sipping on some coffee.

"Hey, guys!" Seventy Six called, "Ray's back!"

The few ponies in the diner came trotting up to him, and joined him at the counter. Ray took a deep breath, it was nice to be back with familiar faces.

"Ray, you crazy foal!" Grenville cried with joy," I thought you were in Utah!"

"Well, that was last week!" Ray chuckled back, "You know how that old song goes!: "Lord, I was born a rambling man!""

Everypony began to join in, happy at the arrival of their friend. All except one.

"Rainbow Dash!" the boss called, "GET IN HERE!"

The cyan-colored pegasus stopped frying eggs for the patrons, and stepped into the boss's office.

"You needed to see me, Mr. Eldorado?" she asked as she entered the smoky room.

"Dashie," he said confidently, lighting a cigar,"I wanted to talk to you about your shift...." He then pulled out a card used for clocking in and out. It read "Rainbow "Danger" Dash".

"This here card," he said through a ridiculous southern drawl, "says you've only been clockin' in for 6 of your 8 hours!"

"I've been really busy lately," she said nervously, "do you KNOW how much the Wonderbolts like to hang out with me?" She had recently been accepted into the Wonderbolts fan club, and there had been many autograph signings the last week.

"If you know Spitfire from the Wonderbolts, like you say you do," the elderly pony sneered, "Then how come you're stuck in a two-bit truckstop workin' for me?" He pulled out a file, that read "Rainbow Dash, Smith County Sheriff's Office". "May I remind you that if you want outta this place, you'll get it in the back of a squad car? Now, woman, get Ray some coffee!"

Rainbow Dash stormed out of the office, disgusted. She HATED the way Eldorado treated her like a trophy wife. "Fat buck," she muttered to herself.

"WHAT WAS THAT, HONEY?" Eldorado called mockingly, "I couldn't hear you over the sound of THE SIRENS! WHOOP-WHOOP-WHOOP-WEEEE-OOOO-WEEE-OOOO!" He began to immitate a police car, reminding Dash that she wasn't only working for cash, she was working for freedom from the sexist old stallion. Ever since she had tried to rob the the truckstop, known as the Big L to it's patrons, Eldorado had agreed to keep quiet if she worked off what was in the register at the time, even though she hadn't stolen any money. She walked over, and joined Roseluck on making food for the small crowd of truckers.

Meanwhile, Beltran was filling up Ray's Western Star. He liked to watch the price ring up on the pump. He watched it as it hypnotically climbed. $30....$40....$50.... And then it stopped.

"What in Equestria?" he mumbled to himself. He took the nozzle out of the truck's tank, and looked down it. He was greeted by a huge squirt of gasoline in his eyes. The red unicorn howled in pain, and ran off blindly toward the diner.

"Hey, Eldorado!" Seventy Six hollered,"Beltran's hurt!"

"Can he still pump gas?"

"I think so!"

"Then get him back out there!"

"But, Eldo!" he protested, "He took gasoline to the eyes! Don't you think he should have 'em flushed out, or something?-"

"I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT HIS EYES!" the owner snapped back, "GET HIM BACK ON HIS FEET AND BACK TO THE SERVICE ISLAND!"

Back in the diner, Lloyd was talking to Rainbow Dash about a time he had gone to an airshow, the rainbow-maned pony only half-listening, when they heard a scream. Dash ran into the kitchen to see blood dripping from Roseluck's front left hoof, and a turkey knife scrabbling around on the floor, running.

"IT BIT ME!" she screeched, Dash pressing a rag to her wound, "GET IT OUT OF HERE!"

"Hold on," Dash said soothingly, "I'll take care of it." She picked up a hammer, and squared in on the side of the electric turkey knife. She then smashed it in two with an expert blow.

"Damn, honey!" Eldorado laughed, trotting out from his office, "You need to learn how to handle that thing!"

Even through the thick sheen of her makeup, you could still tell that Roseluck was flustered by the incident. She continued serving the food, Dash duct-taping the rag to her leg, to prevent the makeshift band-aid from falling off.

More trouble. Soon, the radio would not get even the smallest signal, and everyone started to complain.

"Hey," Lloyd yelled to Roseluck, "I want my morning music!"

"It's alright!" said Bubba cheerfully, walking into the diner, "We've got that old jukebox, remember?" He walked over to a dusty Rockola jukebox, and popped in a quarter. "Now," he beamed, "what song should I play...."

""20% Cooler, Alex S. Remix!"" Dash cheered enthusiastically.

"SHUT UP, WOMAN!" Eldorado growled, "Don't bring your fancy dubstep around here! How about.... "Dang Me"?"

The truckers cheered, and the jukebox jerked into life, softly playing the old Roger Miller tune.

As the patrons chatted, Rainbow Dash walked over to the window. She looked out onto the highway. She then looked at the clock. It read "9:00 AM". Where was the morning rush?

What she didn't know was that most of the morning rush was piled up on a drawbridge.