The Sessions

by Fish Taco Truck

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 1611

Pinkie pie is treated by Equestria's top doctors to find out what has happened to her psyche to make her murderous.

Pinkamena Diane Pie, also known as Satan's Baker, has spent years in maximum security prison after the infamous "Cupcakes" incident. She was not needed, due to the fact relative peace had been established between the ponies, griffons and dragons. However, a revolution is beginning to brew in the hearts of the ponies, and the elements of harmony may have to be called upon once more to help repel it.

Doctor Flare Hoof, PhD, is sent to the prison to extract Pinkie and attempt to restore what is left of her insanity and make it so she can function once more. To help her, Flare Hoof needs to give her sessions of training of how to function once more.

It may not work out that well.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-17 17:17:19 UTC

Chapter 1: Salvage

FMSICCP Patient Registration Form

Note by filling out this form that you agree any and all circumstances of said patient are unsolvable save for treatment in a maximum security psychotic prison.

Patient Classes:

Red: Major psychotic issues, conscious still intact, difficult to salvage

Green: Extreme psychotic issues, conscious slightly intact, hard to salvage

Black: Total insanity, conscious no longer intact, near impossible to salvage.

NOTE: CODE BLACK PATIENTS MUST BE FURTHER DESCRIBED IN DOCTOR'S NOTES

Name: Diane Pie, Pinkamena

Originally Assigned Asylum: Canterlot Moderate Security Asylum for the Criminally Insane

Age: 28 Years

Birth Date: UNKNOWN

Patient Afflictions: Possible schizophrenia, Psychosis, Anxiety, lack of conscious, insomnia, Short Term Memory loss, Dementia, Paranoia, Childhood Disorders, Impulse Control Disorders, and other minor physical issues

Assigned Prison: Fillydelphia Maximum Security Insanity Center for the Criminally Psychotic

Patient Class: Black, see doctor's notes

Further Treatment Options: NONE FOUND

Doctor's Notes: If you're treating this patient, Celestia help you. She suffers from nearly every psychological issue in the book, and by Celestia we tried. We gave her anesthetics, we tried chloroform for her insomnia, we did everything we could try and still nothing. I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not. There are only two things left for her: Divine intervention, or the work of a doctor who knows their shit.

We may be good doctors, but we don't know how to fix a total mental breakdown like this one.

-Head Doctor Silus Darkmane, CMSACI

Patient Status: On Hiatus, treatment sessions assigned to Doctor Wellham Flarehoof.

"Why do I have to take her on?" Doctor Flarehoof said to his secretary, who was just booking his flight to Canterlot. "It's not my fault the element of laughter is insane on every level possible."

"Well, now she's your responsibility." she replied, taking up her brief case. "I'd suggest looking over that form one more time just to get an idea of what you're dealing with." She was about to exit when Dr. Flarehoof stopped her.

"I've read over the form enough times!" He said, almost at the point of desperation. "Dementia, Psychosis, Celestia she is the practical embodiment of bat shit crazy!" He exclaimed. The secretary brushed off his complaints, simply stating there was no one else who could do it.

"I'd hate to sound like some over dramatic book, but you're really the last hope for this pony." She said, sighing. "Just be ready by seven AM tomorrow morning." She pushed. Just as doctor Flarehoof was about to object, she closed the door and escaped in to the rainy night.

With a sigh, Doctor Flarehoof sat back once more at his desk, examining the form a couple of more time. He had never seen a case this bad before. Nearly every affliction in the book was listed, just like Doctor Darkmane had said. Sure, he had dealt with dementia, psychosis and many of the other types of afflictions individually, but strung together in this insanity stew? He had never treated anything like it.

More important, she shouldn't have an even slightly functioning brain anymore to have afflictions on this scale.

He sighed and sat back, thinking about the patient and her friend whom she killed. He could only hope that he would not share her fate. He remembered the day he learned of the element of loyalty's death. She always seemed so brave and heroic; it was unimaginable that she died. Doctor Flarehoof shivered to see her face on live television, covered in blood and matter he could only foolishly think was frosting.

Not deciding to think much about how he could become a baker's treat like the cyan, rainbow maned pony, he decided to take a visit to something he had never visited out of fear of some sort of ghost. He now realised that those fears were foolish. He stepped in to the stormy night, locking the door to his office behind him, and trotted off.

The Ponyville Royal Cemetary, a place where the most important of ponies were buried. In here were the ancestors of  Granny Smith, the apple family members who founded Ponyville were buried in impressive mausoleums. Others were buried here as well, such as the remains of the dark King Sombra, the armor of Nightmare Moon, and others. None of these graves were as covered in flowers as the Statue of Rainbow Dash.

Doctor Flarehoof trotted up to the impressive statue, decorated in flowers, flags and posters of the rainbow pony. Some effigies of Pinkie Pie, burned in flame, were even put down there to signify revenge of her death. He could only roughly read the text on the plaque on the base of the statue:

This statue is to commemorate the bravery, dedication and power held by the Element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash, whom of which died through the hooves of a betraying friend. May her memory forever live on in our minds. It read, covered over by the flowers. She was, to the ponies, an embodiment of bravery, and out of anything Doctor Flarehoof needed that for the weeks ahead..

"Rainbow Dash, element of loyalty, wherever you are, I'd just like to pray to you for a bit." He said. Expecting an answer and receiving none, he continued with his prayer. "I need bravery, to stand up to your killer and save her. I need your loyalty, to stay dedicated to the task. I need your power, to overcome anything she may throw at me." He said. Looking at the statue, he sighed. He was a man of science, not religion. But it helped.

With a newfound strength brewing within him, Doctor Flarehoof decided to return to his home. He could at least get some shut eye before retrieving the most infamous pony in recent history, and treating her. He didn't just want some sleep, he needed it. To encounter her without sleeping was death itself.

Galloping home to avoid the oncoming storm, he heard many whispers as he went by. All of them wondering how he could take up such a task in volunteering. He knew they all thought him brave as a knight, but certainly he was not. Doctor Flarehoof finally arrived at his abode, dashing in the door before the next onslaught of rain arrived. He jumped in to his bed to get some rest before facing the challenge ahead.

He didn't think about it that much, though. His mind was too busy knocking itself out to worry.

The moment his head rose off the pillow, he could see the outline of cold sweat on the bed. A horrifying nightmare had awoken him from sleep. The dream was as bad as a nightmare could get; being viciously murdered piece by piece by Pinkie Pie. But when he awoke, Doctor Flarehoof realized that none of what he had seen was real.

Considering the circumstances, he was glad it wasn't.

Taking his time to trot down the stairs, Doctor Flarehoof stopped in his kitchen to make some cereal with milk. He of course remembers when ponies ate meat, and started to get sick after thinking about Pinkie Pie's cannibalism. It seemed as if the asylum was already looming over him, like an obsidian pillar standing in defiance. Of course, Doctor Flarehoof would not give up, even if the pink monstrosity would kill him if she had the chance.

That was when he felt odd. Doctor Flarehoof felt as if he was being watched. He kept eating his cereal, attempting to ignore it, but to no avail. Finally, he looked around to see where the feeling was coming from, and after looking out the window he found his answer.

A mob of reporters, journalists and camera crews spread out like a sea around his house, their flashing equipment nearly blinding him. Doctor Flarehoof simply closed the curtains and continued eating. The media would have to wait.

After taking a shower and throwing on his usual "business on the go" garb, he stepped outside only to be bombarded with questions.

"Doctor Flarehoof, is it true you're servicing Pinkamena Diane Pie, the serial murderer?"

"Mr. Flarehoof, how do you plan on helping Pinkie pie?"

"Have you already met Satan's Baker?"

The questions pounded at him like a piece of bread on a board. Among the ocean of ponies, Doctor Flarehoof could distinctly see the face of his secretary attempting to get his attention. Flarehoof galloped through the crowd to get to a form of sanctuary. He finally found her and paused to talk.

"Edna, who are all these people?" He said, having to shout over the rising tide of voices asking and prodding.

"All reporters!" She yelled. "They all want to know who'll be helping Pinkie Pie to reform, and when they found out who they camped out here!"

"Well we need to get out of here, I need to get to the asylum!" Doctor Flarehoof said. With a sigh, Edna attempted to clear a path to get to the office, where a carriage to canterlot awaited. After exercising many attempts in futility, Edna finally roared like a dragon.

"EVERYBODY, MOVE!" Silence fell over the crowd, as they parted a way for Doctor Flarehoof and Edna. Doctor Flarehoof had never seen her yell with such power before, but it's a good thing she did. After trotting out, the carriage awaited their arrival. Doctor Flarehoof got on the carriage, and waved a goodbye to Edna.

"Mr. Flarehoof!" Edna yelled up to him as they began to go off.

"What is it Edna?" He replied down.

"Good luck, sir!" With those parting words, Doctor Flarehoof and the pegasi pulling the carriage dissipated in to the clouds.