The Inner Beauty

“Fluttershy, darling, are you absolutely sure that you want to go to this party alone?  I’d be more than happy to come with you if you’d like,” Rarity said as she sat beside her in the steam room.

    “No Rarity,” Fluttershy replied with a gentle smile, “I’ll be fine.  You’ve probably got too much work to do anyway.”

    “Oh nonsense dear, I’m never too busy to spend some quality time with my marefriend,” Rarity replied.

    “But Rarity, we spend time together all the time,” Fluttershy pointed.

    “What, you don’t like it when we spend time together?” Rarity asked, her eyebrow cocked.

    Fluttershy squeaked nervously, afraid that she had offended Rarity.  “No, no, no!  That’s not what I mean!  I mean…I you…” she tried to correct herself.

    Rarity chuckled lightheartedly.  “Stop fretting darling,” she smiled at the innocent little pegasus, “I’m only joking with you.”

    “Oh,” Fluttershy looked away and blushed, embarrassed of her gullibility.

Rarity adjusted herself so that she was flat on her stomach on the bench and then outstretched her dainty hoof so that she could inspect it.  “Fluttershy darling,” she began, “you never did tell me why you were going to this thing.  I’d go but that whole ‘rave’ thing isn’t exactly my cup of tea.”

“I just got to thinking about all the things you girls have said, you know, as far as trying to get me to get out there.  Well, I saw the flier on a bulletin board and thought that it might be good for me to go to it.  It isn’t far and it seems like there wouldn’t be many ponies at it, seeing as how it’s here in Ponyville and all,” she replied, still quiet.

    “Hm,” Rarity mumbled and blew a breath of air onto her hoof so as to free some debris which rested on the tip of it.  “I suppose if it suits you darling,” she said and observed her hoof once more.  Satisfied with its cleanliness, she dropped it back down on the bench and smiled at Fluttershy.

    “Um…Rarity?” Fluttershy asked timidly, a small blush on her face.

    “Yes darling?” Rarity asked.

    “Thank you for being concerned though,” Fluttershy replied and smiled back at Rarity.

    “Oh, it’s nothing,” Rarity chuckled, “Now what say we drop the subject and relax.  Our spa day is almost over after all,” she pointed.

    Fluttershy giggled and replied, “Sounds like a good idea to me.”

And so the two of them quieted and enjoyed their time together at the spa.  Whilst in the sauna they talked of either casual things such as work or friendship, or what they had in mind for next week’s spa date.  As always, Fluttershy kept her ideas to herself, which left Rarity to coordinate the whole thing.  “Fluttershy, do you feel like going for a swim?  We’ve still got some time before they close,” Rarity inquired.

Fluttershy glanced at the clock and saw that she should be getting home to prepare for the party.  “Oh, if it’s OK with you Rarity, um… I don’t think I’ll be able to.  See, I should really be getting home to get ready for everything,” she said politely, though with her same soft and unsure tone.

“Alright then darling,” Rarity said after a sip of her beverage, “I suppose this means goodbye.  If you need me to do anything, you know where to come,” Fluttershy stood and headed for the door to deposit her towel in the bin.  “Ta-Ta darling!” Rarity called cheerfully through the steam.

    “Goodbye Rarity!” Fluttershy replied as she smiled through the steam at the hard to see Rarity.

    “Oh, and darling,” Rarity said as Fluttershy opened the door and turned, “have fun and good luck.  Be yourself.”

    “Thank you for the advice Rarity.  It’s very kind of you,” Fluttershy replied and opened the door to the hallway.  She made a mental note of what Rarity had told her and set off for her cottage.  On the way, she ran over her mental checklist for the millionth time.  “Be yourself, don’t let anypony run you over, but be courteous, and have fun,” her mind recited in a sing-song type of way, a method which she used to remember things easier.

Socially, this was a very big step for her.  She wanted to do everything like a normal, social pony at the party as she knew that it would only do bad things for her self-esteem if she failed to go through with it all, or went there and simply stood in the corner.  Twilight and the others recommended she get out a little more as she truly did seem to feel a little better about herself once she had engaged in some conversation or interaction with the ponies around her; it made her feel like she wasn’t left out.

Yes, that had always been her problem, the feeling of being left out.  No matter how hard she tried, she could never get the accursed feeling of dread to leave her.  However, Twilight had suggested that it was possible to knock it all down piece by piece and that that method would be easier for her to handle.  “Take filly steps to achieve a bigger goal,” she had said, citing the wise Princess Celestia.  She put two and two together once she had spotted the flier while on her usual shopping route and thought it might be good for her.  She had seen some of the “parties” or “raves” that rarely happened in Ponyville in the past, and it really didn’t seem like all that big of a crowd attended.  Those ponies that did attend however, were ponies that she already knew; customers at her pet shop, customers who chose her as their vet, or just some of the nice ponies who lived in the tiny little town that had introduced themselves and had set the ground for a mutual friendship.

    “Yeah, it won’t be so bad,” she whispered to herself as she spotted her cottage just over the hill.  “Oh,” she stopped and giggled, “I’m sorry Mr. Snake.  Hurry now and get back to your family.”  The baby snake blinked at her a few times as if it was wondering what it had just been told and then slithered quickly across the road.  She smiled to herself as she watched its reptilian tail slide into the tall grass, and once sure that the way was clear of any more little creatures, proceeded ahead.  One should always wait for any other creatures that may be crossing the road, that was what she always said.  It wasn’t fair to those poor dears, no matter how big or small, if they got trampled over by ponies.

    She hummed a gentle tune to herself as she got closer and closer to her cottage.  “Good afternoon my little dears,” she cheerfully as two red birds whizzed up to her and hovered close to her head; they chirped politely and then flew away from her, off to resume their game.

Fluttershy crossed the bridge into her front yard and unlocked the door, the tune still in her throat.  She stepped inside and dropped her saddlebags against the wall and checked the clock once more.  Where should she start?  She had never been in such a position before, and boy was it taking a toll on her!  Never before had she been pressured to move her schedule around so she could attend an event, let alone one she would attend by herself.  For a moment her mind became frazzled, stressed.  She truly didn’t know where she should start.  Should she shower, groom, and look for a saddle first, or should she feed and water her creatures first?

She sighed and closed her eyes as she walked into the kitchen.  “One little bit at a time Fluttershy,” she whispered to herself and glanced at her reflection.  She never could look at her reflection for too long; she thought she looked silly.  Maybe after going to this party she could at least look at her own reflection.  There were some dirty dishes that needed doing, so she figured it would be best if she finished those first.  She continued to hum and stare aimlessly out the window at the setting sun as she dipped the plates underneath the warm, soapy water and sponged them off.

    “I wonder where Angel is?” she thought to herself as she noticed two of the little white bunny’s friends come hopping by.  She giggled as they chased each other around and eventually ran out of her sight.  As watching her animals sometimes did, she had a flashback to her fillyhood.  She moved the clean dish aside and pushed another one into the water.

    “Wanna come play with us Fluttershy?” she remembered one of the fillies asking her all those years ago.

The quiet little Fluttershy, in her turquoise dress with the white bow around the midsection, would merely kick her black shoes at the dust and look away from them.  She would nervously gasp as she tried to find the words to politely say ‘no’.  Eventually, she would whisper, “N…no thank you,” and watch through her mane as the ponies looked at each other, shrugged, and moved on.

She finished up with the last dish and turned the water off.  Those weren’t happy memories either.  She didn’t have any friends back then.  As a result, over the past few weeks, she had begun to think about how she at least wanted to try once more to get herself out there and make a few more close friends.  Despite all of the negative things that came from it, Iron Will’s method worked a little bit.  She did feel a little more assertive, but not to any extent.  Maybe if she did what Twilight advised, she would become normal.  Yes, normal, just like Rarity and Twilight and Rainbow Dash.  She sighed, “A mare can hope,” the quote crossed her mind and she sighed.

She kicked at the floor and eventually left the kitchen, off to fix herself up as best she could.  “Oh darn it,” she said as she entered into her bedroom.  She had spent nearly the whole day with Rarity, and never once had she bothered to ask for some fashion advice; she was such a fool!  She sighed once more and looked over the saddles in her closet.  It was nothing at the palace, so nothing too informal, and it wasn’t a grocery run, so nothing too formal.  She plucked one saddle out, but put it back.  She picked another and then another, but couldn’t seem to find the right one for her.  Perhaps there wasn’t a saddle for it, this party.  She had heard it wasn’t like most other parties she had ever been too.  Nothing like the ballroom parties in Canterlot anyway, so maybe it would be best if she didn’t wear a saddle.  Her first bout of confidence struck her.  “Maybe I won’t be the only one there who isn’t wearing a saddle,” she thought, “yes,” she smiled and closed the closet door, “I’m sure I won’t.  And if I am, then I’ll just go home, just like Rarity said.”

The party wasn’t until late at night, so Fluttershy had plenty of time.  As a matter of fact, she didn’t know why she felt so rushed.  Perhaps it was just the excitement, or the fear, controlling her.  Relaxed, she plopped down on the bed and scribbled some of her thoughts into her diary, mainly her feelings towards the events that would be occurring later.  She wondered if she would meet any new ponies, what the party would be like, what kind of things they’d have at the party, and so many other things.  Her writing faltered and she had to erase some of it.  She was getting stressed again, trying to think about it all at once.  “One little step at a time, Fluttershy,” she reminded herself as she ended her sentence and closed the book.  “One little step at a time.”