Princess Luna Likes Coffee

by Bradel

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1268

Princess Luna reflects on what it's like to come back from one thousand years of exile.

Princess Luna reflects on what it's like to come back from one thousand years of exile, and all the things she's missed in the time she's been gone. These are a few of her favorite things.

Written as an homage / response to Skywriter's "Heretical Fictions" and "A Short Story by Twilight Sparkle". Cover art by secret-pony.

Published 2013-06-19 02:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-19 02:10:02 UTC

It's So Lonely, On the Moon

All things considered, spending a thousand years on the moon isn't so bad.

Oh, do not mistake us. Being there is awful. The dust gets in thy mane, and thou canst never find a comfortable place to sit. We do not know if thou be familiar with the scent of a blacksmith's shop, when the forge-fires burn hot and the metal lies golden against the anvil, but the scent of the moon is much like that. And never does it change. The days—for yes, even on the moon, there are days and nights—the days are like an inferno, and the nights are the heart of deep winter. But without the snow. That always made us sad.

There is only dust. Miles and miles of dust.

But the worst of it, the absolute worst, is when Dear Sister plucks thee from the void each night and thrusts thee into the heavens. Or perhaps when she sends thee back during the day. They're much the same, and believe us, it doesn't matter what thou grabst hold of. Thou willst go tumbling across the surface, quite fiercely. The only comfort is that nopony is present to see the undignified way thou bouncest over rocks and craters. Nor will they see the havoc this wreaks on thy coat and mane.

Did we mention the dust?

But when thou art eternal, what's a thousand years here or there? And anyway, being trapped in the form of a world-ending monstrosity helps cushion the hurt a little. Thou canst hardly fault thy sister for treating thee intemperately when thou didst try to bring about Eternal Night.

But we are drifting far afield! We wished to tell thee why it's not so bad, spending a millennium in the moon's cold embrace.

Being there is awful, but coming back... Coming back is wondrous, and wondrous strange.

Dear Sister has always loved her tea (and never mind that story Twilight wrote to the contrary). She prefers a heady brew of jasmine, though she has a dirty little secret. When it's just the two of us, she adds lemon and honey. It is completely improper! We don't think even Twilight knows this yet, though she can hardly help but learn, now that she's a princess too. It's been months since we had a proper tea, in the old fashion—but Dear Sister has one planned for the equinox, as always. We used to do it four times a year, before... well, before our unfortunate relocation. It seems she kept the tradition even in our absence, and when Cadance was made an alicorn, Dear Sister began to invite her as well. She must have grown terribly lonely, after all that time.

No, it is nothing. Just... just a spot of dust in our eye. Where were we? Oh yes, Dear Sister and her tea.

Well, no amount of lemon, nor honey, nor any other contrivance has ever served to make the stuff palatable to us. We enjoy Dear Sister's company, so we have long endured this in silence. It is a small thing. But in the thousand years we were gone...

Coffee! Now there is a wondrous thing, indeed! What pony would think to take berry seeds, roast them, grind them up, and steep them in boiling water? We have consulted the histories on this point, but they are sadly silent—we had briefly entertained a hope that we might be able to set up some sort of monument to his or her artifice. And this coffee is so much better than tea! The aroma tantalizes one's taste buds, and the excellent bitterness of the brew is such a welcome change from that icky jasmine taste. Dear Sister apprehended our liking of this beverage very quickly, and was entirely understanding when we suggested that perhaps it could be served at our equinoctial and solstitial gatherings.

This is precisely why we say that being gone for a thousand years isn't such a bad thing. The surprises that greet thee upon thy return are truly magnificent.

And coffee isn't the only thing! Dost thou know about donuts? Like little round cakes! Fried cakes! With sprinkles!

And we hardly need to tell thee about Nightmare Night! Colts and fillies, coming out in costume, all to celebrate the night! It is...

Oh, Tia, I'm so sorry.

No, please. It's fine. We are happy now! Isn't that what we were just saying? There are so many wonderful new things in this world. Like trains! And the Hearth's Warming Pageant! And fiction!

Yes, we think that may be our favorite. Well... no, our second favorite. Back in the old days, ponies didn't have nearly as much time for things like art or writing. Dear Sister tells us that this fiction thing is nearly a thousand years old now. And yes, it was stirring even before our departure. Hoofocles and Eurhippodes were both writing plays for actors to perform, back in the pre-classical era. But now there are so many books! So many stories, like fresh little worlds we can jump into! This is not how it was when we left.

And Twilight Sparkle has a very deft hoof with this fiction! She has written a number of stories now, though she usually hides them under other ponies' names. We think she's afraid Dear Sister will find out about some of them. Of course, Dear Sister knows all about those stories—she's the one who told us, after all—but it is perhaps best that Twilight doesn't know she knows. We suspect that Twilight would be extraordinarily embarrassed, were some of those stories to come to light.

Twilight is very good at astronomy, too. This is an unadulterated joy to us, to be able to share our love of the night with somepony so talented and wonderful. We often like to invite Twilight to join us at the Canterlot Observatory when particularly unusual events are ahoof in our night sky.

What? Oh, no, we only control the moon. The stars, and the planets, and the comets, those all move of their own accord. They are... How to explain it? Dost thou know of the Everfree Forest near Ponyville? Twilight has told us of it, two or three times. It is part of Equestria, and yet the seasons have a will of their own, there. The animals take care of themselves. The night sky is much like that. We have control over the moon, and over certain other small parts of it, but much of the sky is as unknown to us as it is to anypony. Even after all these years, we are discovering new and exciting things each week. Twilight has identified no less than six new nebulae and three galaxies, and she has ideas about how we can build a new telescope that can...

Oh, we are rambling again, aren't we? Our apologies. But thou must understand that of all the things in this new world, there is one which holds our favor most of all. Twilight Sparkle. She is our very favorite thing. And we have Dear Sister to thank for her. What a wondrous discovery she made in Twilight. We wish we could have been there, to see her as a filly, earning her cutie mark.

But that was not to be. That was our own fault. We must not dwell on past sins overmuch. It is unseemly. And it is unnecessary. She is our friend now, and that is all that matters. Nothing could be better than that.

Well, perhaps there is one thing.

I have a new sister.