Light shone through the window in what used to be a luxurious suite. Furnitures were either broken or had scorch marks embedded on them, the chandelier grounded, a bra hanging on one of the arms, and the pristine white floor was covered with remnants of the night before: scattered empty bottles of alcohol with a name ‘Demon’s Vodka’ on the front, platefuls of room service food, a kabuki mask, a high heel shoe, a pike, and a banana.
A human named Jazz was sleeping on the cold floor, right in the middle of the wrecked suite, wearing only his white tank top, a ring, and a pair of weighted gloves.
A ray of light escaped from one of the clumsily folded curtains hitting the human’s face. The sudden brightness and heat caused him to grunt and rolled over to the opposite side of the light, only for his face to meet a bottleneck, poking his closed eyelid.
Groaning, Jazz felt himself slowly awakening. He groggily put a hand over his face, shielding himself from the sunlight as his right hand fumbled around, instinctively looking for his trusty aviators.
Upon finding them, he put them on and slowly opened his eyes, finding himself inside a wrecked suite. He eyed his surroundings, confused but still wearing a blank face.
“What the fuck?”
Before he could ponder at the weird and strangely unfamiliar sight, Jazz was suddenly met with a searing headache. His head suddenly felt like it was pounding with such intensity that it would give a drummer a run for his money... or so he thought.
Hangover is a bitch.
A cold feeling rushed up on his nethers that made Jazz realize he’s stark-naked down there. Looking around, he immediately found his pants draped on the couch, but alas still no sign of his boxers.
He sighed. “I guess I’m going commando today.”
Like a practiced routine, he put his pants on and slowly stumbled his way to the bathroom to start to freshen up ...which involves a lot of cussing and vomiting. An everyday occurrence for him if you think about it.
You see, back on Earth, Jazz was some sort of a party freak. Every night after work he would go to a club to drink and party until he got shitfaced, even take a girl or two for some late night exercise. Sadly, some stuff on Earth wouldn’t be possible or was rather hard to do here in Equestria. Like getting shitfaced...
Apple cider is shit.
But that doesn’t mean that’s the stop of his late night activities. A mare feels slightly different than a woman, not to mention their endurance. It isn’t really bestiality, more like xenophilia. Any lay is a good lay as he would say. Whether it be a griffon, changeling, diamond dog, or heck even a dragon he would still stick his dick on it. Although there is one exception. It has to be female. No gayshit is going to happen soon. No siree...
Welp back to the story.
With a last gurgle, Jazz spat the bitter taste of vomit out of his mouth. He then turned to the toilet to relieve himself. He was about to unleash the tides when he saw strange sight of a couple of bananas clogging it.
“Shit, was I so wasted last night that I even dump fucking bananas in the toilet?” He thought to himself.
He shook his head at the thought but decides to continue anyway. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
It's not like he owned this place anyway.
A few minutes later, a new and improved human walked out of the bathroom, his head up high, feeling slightly sober and ready to take whatever was coming to him ...until his mind suddenly clicked at something.
“...Where am I?”
In an instant, his confident stance shifted into one of confusion. He couldn’t remember what had transpired last night. In fact, he couldn’t even remember anything from yesterday. Jazz scrunched his face and began to concentrate, desperately trying to search for an answer to his dilemma at the back of his mind.
After another minute of trying to figure it out, he shrugged and he began to set track and search the suite for any clues. Casually, he walked further into the suite, his face normal with no hint of panic whatsoever. He’ll regain his memories soon enough.
After all, in his case this situation wasn’t new to him.
But that doesn’t explain how he ended up here in the first place. He had little to no bits whatsoever. Since he was just living in Princess Twilight Sparkle’s library.
Now, that reminds me. I haven’t told you all how Jazz ended up in the princess’ library, in the land called Equestria for that matter. Let me explain, in fact Jazz is reminiscing about this right now. Let us kill two birds in one stone.
Well as it turns out, the princess failed a huge spell that sent him to the land of Equestria. More specifically, in the princess’ bedroom.
How about that.
The princess was trying to summon a creature to sate her needs at the given time. What needs you might ask? Well, a human’s endurance could really be classified as godlike to these ponies ...and she’s in heat.
Do the math.
Of course Princess Sparkle, realizing the gravity of the situation she was in, quickly apologized to the young man reasoning that her heat clouded her mind and made her desperate to do things she would regret. That and she was new to the Alicorn body. Quickly casting up a spell, the princess teleported the human back into it’s own dimension. A blinding light suddenly flooded the room. It dissipate a few second later ...revealing yet the human still standing there.
Apparently since the princess hasn’t even been or seen planet Earth, she can’t teleport him there.
It was a one way trip per se...
The princess looked at him wearily and a bit remorse as he didn’t even let a single word out or even move for that matter. He was still standing in shock the moment he came there.
Fortunately, when his senses came to him he didn’t react violently. He just promptly passed out at the sight of a talking, sapient, purple pony princess with horn and wings in front of him.
Living with her wasn’t really that bad. In fact, he even thinks this world is his second chance at life, aside from the princess constantly apologizing to him. He promptly shoved it off and told her it was okay.
“I forgive, but I don’t forget,” he said.
Jazz met all kinds of ponies after living a week in there. Including an annoying mint green colored unicorn pony who was rather a bit curious of him, more so than Princess Sparkle.
After about a week staying in Ponyville, the name of the town, Princess Sparkle asked him to meet him in the train station by sundown to catch a train to Canterlot so they could meet some pony called Princess Celestia.
But later that day, before Jazz could get close to the station, a certain draconequus appeared just ahead of his path. He offered him to join in his prank...
Jazz knocked his head trying to remember what had happened after that.
“What was the prank even about?”
By now, he was sitting on the suite’s minibar, his head slumped as he knocked his head. The headache from earlier came back, either he was simply thinking too much or it was because of the hangover. One or another he was having the worst hangover of his life, and it’s that big given the times he got wasted.
“Uugghh, what happened last night?” he groaned as he massaged his temples. “What did I even drank? I thought apple cider was weak as hell...”
Suddenly, a small crash was heard on one of the bedrooms of the suite. Despite having a painful headache he definitely heard that. Thinking that it might be an intruder he grabbed a baseball bat he found beside the minibar. However before proceeding further, he paused when he tried to focus on a thought creeping into his head.
How could he be sure that this is his suite? Like from earlier he knew that he didn’t have any bits and he sure as hell couldn’t afford a suite as big as this, let alone any suites.
Weighing his options, Jazz chose to drop his bat and proceed to the room the noise originated from. If what he was thinking was right, then barging in there with a baseball bat would be bad news. Considering he’s the only one of his species on this planet, he could be classified as some creature or monster. That would be ugly.
It was just probably the mare he banged last night, he hoped.
Nearing the door, Jazz stopped and gently knocked on the door. It wasn’t in politeness but as to not surprise the hangover mare. Not sooner, he heard a soft groan in response. Thinking that it was some sort of a permission to enter, he popped open the door.
The room was dark. The shadows in the room hastily retreated as light suddenly flooded the room revealing an ugly piss colored king size bed with a sizable lump in the sheets.
“Wait. Wasn’t it morning earlier?”
He scratched his head confused but shrugged it off a few seconds later, thinking it was probably just because of his hangover.
Walking over to the king size bed, he noticed he was in fact right. There was a mare on the bed on her back sleeping somewhat soundly, her mane of different colors disheveled to the point that it looked like she was sporting a huge afro which he thought was kind of cute, though she had a pile of different donuts on her horn, which was considerably longer than any he has yet to see from a unicorn. Now that he thought about it, the mare was a lot larger than an average pony. Though this could be seen normal since the only place he had been on was Ponyville, but he couldn’t help but wonder.
The light coming from the door caused the mare to stir. Shuffling on the covers a bit, a drop of strawberry frosting from the donuts on her horn landed on her muzzle. The mare let out a unladylike groan as the light landed on her face.
The mare slowly awakened as the light from the doorway struck through her closed eyes. The pony stirred a bit before fully awakening. She wasn’t gonna lie, even after living for countless years she was having the worst headache she could possibly imagine. The light only making it worse. Sleep certainly wouldn’t come to her anytime soon. Not that she would sleep in, this mare had duties to attend to even though the sudden headache left her quite puzzled. As a matter of fact, she couldn’t even remember a thing from yesterday.
This morning just got weirder and weirder.
She shrugged it off in an instant, thinking of it only made her headache worse. Her brain was just probably waking up at the moment; it’ll come to her eventually. Gathering some saliva from her mouth, she wet her dry throat. A taste of something sweet and bitter with a mix of something spicy erupted her senses. Had she been out drinking last night? That certainly wasn’t the case, or it was highly unlikely to the point it was nearly impossible. She had an image to attend to. Drinking to the point of having a dreadful hangover the next morning was seemingly out of character for her.
After all, she is a princess.
Slowly fluttering her eyes open, she found herself in an unfamiliar room, too small to be considered her bedchambers. It was even lacking the painting of the sun on the ceiling she had been accustomed to. Most of all she was laying in an ugly urine colored bed.
This room definitely wasn't hers.
Shifting her gaze lower, she suddenly found a tall creature staring at her not three feet away from the bed. Reflexes suddenly kicked in. She was about to throw herself out of the bed and ready her horn to defend herself, but something on her mind clicked.
The creature’s lack of fur.
The clothing, most specifically the aviators it was wearing.
Its hands.
“Jazz?” she spoke meekly. The mare was unsure if she was right but from what Twilight Sparkle wrote to her. She was about to visit bringing a creature called a ‘human’ with her. The descriptions in the letter strikingly matched the creature right in front of her.
The human took a step back. “How do you know my name?” Jazz said, before facepalming himself. Of course she knows my name. She slept in my suite. ...err, or I slept on her suite. I’m probably the only one whose memories are screwed. “Ughh sorry, forget I asked that. I’m having trouble remembering stuff right now.”
The mare smiled warmly, but it was a bit forced because of the piercing headache she was experiencing at the moment. “No need to apologize dear Jazz. I assure you the feeling is mutual.”
He sighed. “How about we start over.” he continued. “Well, since you already know my name then there’s no need to tell you. How about yours?”
With a raised eyebrow she answered, “I am Princess Celestia of Equestria. I’m surprised Princess Sparkle hasn’t told you about me.”
Jazz smiled, not really paying attention to the last part. “Another princess how about tha- wait, can you say your name again?”
“Huh well, if my memory serves right you’re the one who I was suppose to meet on this ‘Canterlot’ ...coincidence?” He shrugged. “Where are we by the way?”
Celestia looked around the room. “I don’t know. I’m guessing we’re in a expensive suite, but I think you already knew that. We both got drunk, no need to hide that fact.” Jazz mentally smiled at the thought of getting the princess drunk.But did i bang her? That was the million dollar question looming in his mind.
The perverted thoughts were soon knocked from his head when Celestia shook her head, knocking off the pile of donuts on her horn before moving out of the bed and standing up.
“Umm Celestia, where are you going?”
The princess turned to look at him, slightly confused at the lack of formality the human was giving her. But she wasn’t by any means offended by it. A small smile from on her snout. “As much as I want to deal with our problems at the moment, I need to raise the sun. It’s late enough as it is.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Raise the sun? But it’s already morning ...I think.” He swore he was right at that. It was the sunlight hitting him in the face when he first woke up.
Both looking confused, the human and the alicorn made their way to the bedroom window. Opening the curtains, they saw that it was still indeed nighttime. A couple of spotlights directed at the suite was what Jazz had mistaken for a ray of sunlight.
However, no ‘I told you so’ were said that night.
Instead of being greeted at the sight of Los Pegasus’ skyline or Canterlot’s, where expensive suites like the one they were in are available throughout the city, or even anywhere in Equestria for that matter, they were greeted at the sight of hulking black and red towers, some ending with a couple of spikes on the roof. Down below they could faintly see some creatures walking or talking, going on their daily lives.
They weren’t ponies or humans, no not even close to it. The creatures down either had a horn, a arrow tail, fangs, or leather wings on their bodies. Jazz had concluded they were some kind of demons or devils. He had watched enough movies to know that fact.
On the sky above, the moon and the stars weren’t visible whatsoever, instead they were greeted by a mixture of red and black clouds contrasting with one another. He appeared to have woken up in a demonic wasteland of some sorts along with the princess.
“Umm Celestia,” Jazz started, not taking his eyes off the window. “Where are we?”
Celestia took a deep gulp, realizing where they were. Though she hasn’t been here she heard enough stories from her lifetime concerning how dangerous this realm is. It didn’t help that the stories she heard didn’t even have a happy endings. “We’re in Tartarus.”
