The Great Appleloosian Moonshine Run

by Banchoking

Rating: teen
Tags: Big Macintosh, Adventure, Human, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Other, Romance, Flim and Flam
Length: 2400

Lero, Mac, and the Flim Flam brothers enter the race with their new invention, Boomshine.

Applejack wakes up with a hang-over and tries to remember the events of the Great Appleloosian Moonshine Run, and all the havoc that happened during.

Set in the Xenophilia Universe.

Published 2013-06-20 16:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-20 16:00:01 UTC

The Morning After

It was late in the morning, or at least late for Applejack but, after the hoedown last night, a lesser pony would be dead.

She had a splitting headache and her vision didn't seem to want to return. She rubbed her temples trying to remember.

Her stupid brother and Lero had somehow managed to convince her to let them enter the Great Appleloosian Moonshine Run. They, along with Flim and Flam, had managed to brew up a batch of moonshine so strong it would burn the fur clean off your leg, as Big Mac could attest. They called it, Sweet Apple Acres Original: Boomshine, on account of the barn they made it in not being there anymore.

Flim and Flam managed to swindle their way into the run by hiding their horns.

Everypony was waiting in a field at the foot of the mountain. Halfway through the race, just when Applejack and the others were gonna go looking for them, they heard a huge explosion. They all turned to the mountain, Applejack felt her knees buckle. The idiots had gone and blown themselves to pieces. Lero's herd was there as well, and just like her had been stunned into silent shock.

But everypony was brought out of their mourning by another explosion. They all looked up in time to see a tree near the top get thrown high into the air. A series of explosions followed, showing a clear path down the mountain. As the blasts got closer, other sounds followed, like hooves pounding dirt, the rattle of glass jars in the back of a cart, and the unmistakable sound of a timberwolf pack.

Everypony at the party was prepared for a fight, when they saw the boys come racing out of the woods, screaming.

"Mac, Flim, Flam!" Applejack cried as she tried to wipe the tears out of her eyes so that she could give them hell.

"Lero!" Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Lyra practically squeeled.

Everypony looked releaved, until Caramel took a closer look, "Uh, hey? HEY! They ain't slowin' down!"

And that was when they saw what the boys were running from. What burst out of the woods next turned out not to be a pack of timberwolves, but just one. Or, rather, a nightmarish amalgamation of many timberwolves into an eight headed abomination which would haunt the dreams of all present until the day they die.

Before anypony could move to help them though, Lero picked up a gallon jug of boomshine and hurled it at the monster. The explosion was defening and knocked several ponies off their hooves. The creature erupted into a shower of flaming lumber all around the field.

Big Mac dug his hooves into the ground and came skidding to a halt right in front of Applejack. He let out a big gulp as she caught him in a level glare.

"You IDIOT!!!" she hollered before pulling her brother into a neck breaking hug, "I done thought I'd lost you," she whimpered quietly so that only he could hear.

Big mac rubbed the back of his head, "Gee sis, you an' yer friends do worse an' that all the time. Don'tcha think I worry about you too?"

Aplejack sniffed, "That's differnt, I'm, uh..." she cut herself short and rubbed the back of her head too.

"A mare," Mac finished.

"Well, yeah. I can afford the risk, but you're...'

"A grown stallion. AJ, times are changin'. Look at us," he gestured to the twins and Lero, who was now getting tackled by his mares. "We just took down a pack a timberwolves and their abomination of a leader, all by ourselves. I been listenin' ta Lero, and I'm startin' ta think that maybe bein' a stallion don't mean I gotta be protected all the time. I mean I had more fun tonight than I've had in years! An' it's all 'cause I took the chance."

Applejack looked surprised, that had been one of the longest sentances her shy brother had ever said. She smiled at him, "You really think you'd be happy without me protectin' ya?"

"I still want ya to look out for me, just don't treat me like I'm helpless. I wanna be yer equal."

"Sure thing Mac," she gave him a sucker punch to the foreleg.

"Ow!"

"That's fer nearly givin' me a HEART ATTACK!" she yelled before trotting over to the twins.

Lero was having his own problems at the moment.

"What were you thinking!"

"You could have DIED!"

"Omygoshomygoshomygosh you looked so COOL!!!"

Lero couldn't stop laughing, "Girls, girls! I'm fine, I'm fine!" he smiled.

"Where did that mutated timberwolf come from anyway?" Twilight asked from her position on his lap.

"Funny thing about that..."

Just as Lero begins to explain, the scene shifts to Flim and Flam, looking thoroughly exhausted in the back of the cart.

"An' YOU TWO!"

They bolted upright and saw an angry Applejack.

"Just WHAT where you two thinkin'? If somethin' happened to yall, who EXACTLY would help out at the farm? Who'd fix all them contraptions you put up all over tha place? HMM!?"

The brothers flinched everytime she raised her voice.

"Sorry Miss Apple!" Flam tapped the tips of his hooves together anxiously.

Flim nodded, "Yes Applejack, it won't happen again."

"Good," the orange mare huffed, "I want you boys to have that moonshine of yours more stable by the next run," she stated matter of factly.

Flim and Flam looked at each other, back to Applejack, then back to each other before they smiled, "Yes Ma'am!" they saluted.

Everypony stopped their conversations, however, when princess Luna stepped forward out of the crowd. "Macintosh Apple, Flim and Flam, Bellerophon Michaelides!" she yelled in the 'Traditional Royal Canterlotian Voice!'.

The four boys stepped forward.

"You four are the winners of this, the first Moon Festival since my return! And so, accept my humble and heartfelt congratulations!"

Lero dug a finger into his ear trying in vain to stop it from ringing, between the explosions and the princess, "Thank you princess," he gave a slight bow, which Mac and the twins followed.

Luna smiled, "You, specifically, Mr. Michaelides, have proven that, just because one is not a pony, does not mean that one is any less capable! In honor of your accomplishment here, a gift! Raise your sleeve!"

Lero did as he was told, and Luna lowered the tip of her horn down to his right shoulder. It began to glow with magic as lines were traced over his skin. Lero tried his best not to giggle from the tickling sensation, and made a mental note to ask if Twilight and Lyra could recreate it.

When the glow faded and Luna lifted her horn with a smile, Lero looked down at his shoulder and found himself at a loss for words, leaving his mouth agape. On his shoulder, was a perfect crescent moon and in the moon's curve was a human hand, clutching a jar of moonshine. "P-princess, I...I don't know what to say," he stammered.

Everypony had gathered around to look at Lero's new cutie mark, especially Twilight, who looked like she wanted nothing more than to look at the image under a microscope for hours on end.

"Think nothing of it," Luna casually waved off his upcoming praise.

Lero ran his left hand over his shoulder, "Who would have thought that my very special talent would be making and running moonshine, mom and dad would be so proud," he chuckled.

Luna smiled at Lero once more before turning her attention to the crowd, "The main event of this sacred festival has come to a close! But the celebration is FAR from over! TO THE WOODS!" she rallied, followed by a chorus of 'yehaws' and 'whoops'. Everypony gathered in a fresh crater in the mountain, left by a particularly large jug of Boomshine. They poured several barrels of water into the middle and stirred up the mud to get it as smooth and slick as possible and started campfires all around to keep it well lit. Then the wrestling started.

Lero's herd tried their best to convince him that nearly dieing once was enough, but he wouldn't listen.

"Come on girls, this is something I can handle on my own," he grinned as he removed his shirt, causing his lovers to blush.

Like the race, tradition said mud wrestling was an all stallion thing. Of course, only Rainbow Dash complained about that, but she quickly changed her mind upon seeing a muddy, shirtless Lero wrestling with two well muscled stallions on the ground, and decided that watching was just fine, for now at least.

Nopony had expected Lero to survive long in the mudpit. They were positively shocked when he was one of the last stallions standing. Turns out that a human covered in mud is very, very hard to hold on to. Combined with those hands and long limbs for grabbing and holding a pony, and you had a wrestler's worst nightmare. It eventually took Big Mac himself and FIVE of his cousins to pin him to the ground.

"Alright, alright! Guys, you got me! I give, I give!" Lero laughed loudly. Suddenly he stopped laughing, "Hey! Who's hoof is that?"

The other stallions all sighed, "Braeburn!"

The stallion in question blushed, "Sorry partner, guess I slipped."

As they all crawled out of the mud, Flim and Flam helped pull Lero and Mac up, then they noticed that the music started to play.

Every pony looked up on the stage and saw Fluttershy pushing a redfaced Applejack in front of the the microphone. She was silent, listening to the quiet mumbling of the crowd.

"Hey, ain't that old Jubilee's girl?"

"Kinda looks like her, don't it?"

Applejack took a deep breath, "H-howdy everypony. Most of yall know me but, for all of yall that don't, my name's Applejack," she gulped, "and I'm gonna sing a song that my momma used to sing every Run."

The crowd responded with thunderous applause, giving her a little more confidence. She walked over to the band and singled out the fiddle player. She wispered in the old, gray pony's ear and, after he smiled and nodded, returned to the mic.

The fiddleplayer began a tune that took Lero a second to remember, "No way," he smiled.

The girls looked up at him, "What? You know this song?" Lyra asked.

He chuckled a little bit, "Kinda."

Applejack cleared her throat,

"Blue moon of the Princess keep on shinin'.

Shine on and lead us through the darkest night!

Blue moon of the Princess keep on shinin'.

Shine on and let us know we'll be alright!"

The words might be different, but Lero could recognize "Blue Moon of Kentucky" anywhere. He leaned up against their moonshine cart, "You know Mac, I may have never heard your mother sing, but AJ must be crazy for thinking she wouldn't measure up," he smiled wistfully at his friend on the stage, singing her heart out and looking like she was having the time of her life.

Big Mac smiled, "Eeyup!"

After Applejack's song, Luna stepped onto the stage, "Now, my subjects! It is time to sample a taste of the winning team's moonshine! After which, I shall produce for you all, the original, genuine brew!"

The crowd roared once again, their mouths watering with anticipation, especially Dash's.

Lero started to undo the jar lids, "Okay everypony, grab a glass of water and some food, this stuff is strong!" and that was the last memory Applejack could recall before total blackout.

Applejack dared to try and open her eyes again and saw her brother standing in the doorway to her room, looking like he was on the verge of bursting, "Granny!" He called, causing her to pull a pillow over her ears to stop the pain "get momma's weddin' dress! Applejack finally went and done it!"

"Ugh, whatt'r ya talkin 'bout ya..." she started but was cut off when something wrapped around her waist. She looked down under the sheets and saw a hoof and.....and...an.....arm. She hastily jerked the covers off and saw something that made her blood run cold. On her left was Twilight with Lyra behind her and on her right was Lero with Rainbow Dash pressed against his back, all of them asleep.

Applejack looked back to her brother, hoping for any explanation that didn't involve her doing what she thought she did, only to see Fluttershy walk up to the door too, with an obvious limp and a bedsheet wrapped around her.

"Oh my...." she blushed when she saw her friends. Big Mac though, was still grinning and bouncing like he was about to piss himself.

Then Applejack saw someone else, someone she'd have never in a million years expected. "Princess Luna?"

The princess had situated herself between the now blushing Macintosh Apple, and the cherry red Fluttershy. "Mmmm, last night was amazing, Macintosh," she purred in a surprisingly quiet voice for her. She then began to stroke Fluttershy's mane, causing the smaller pony to squeek, "And you Fluttershy dearest, because of you, my fun has been doubled," she looked over at Applejack's bed and placed a hoof over her mouth to conceal a chuckle, "It looks like your fun has been quadrupled Element of Honesty.

Applejack buried her head in her pillow in humiliation.

Meanwhile, back at the crater, not all of the guests had left.

Celestia tried to sit up, but found her head had no intention to stop swimming.

"What in the name of me happened? There is broken glass everywhere and i-is that a tooth!" She felt around her mouth with her tongue, her eyes opened wide, "Is that MY tooth?!" She felt something on each of her shoulders. She turned her head and her jaw went slack.

Discord pressed himself against her back, "Mmmmm. You were simply WONDERFUL my dear," the spirit of Chaos cooed into her ear.

"I'LL SAY!" Celestia jumped up into standing when Pinkie's head popped out of the mud and blew a party blower in her face.

Then she saw the camera flash.

Author's Note

Based on "The Mountain May Get Them But the Law Never Will"

Please comment on any spelling or punctuation errors and tell me honestly what you think of it and if there are any problems I should work on.