Welcome to Nerd-town, nerd.

Making my way through the small underground tunnel, I began to wonder what that stone courtyard was doing out here in the forest, and why no one had noticed it before. Or maybe they had, and after finding that they couldn't open it, they left it alone. Even more puzzling was the Corrupter and Lìr, how did they get there, and how long had they been there? I knew what the Crystal Empire was after reading some of the recent history books, but I couldn't figure out what those two had to do with it. Or what would happen to me if someone found out I had released them. After all, a giant black monster and a huge rock monster flying through the air and travelling beneath the ground should be pretty easy to see. Especially if everyone else can sense the energies they released like I could. Still, I'd worry about that when I got home and could shower. I stopped for a second and took a small breath. The water, and myself, still smelt as bad as it did when I came here the first time. I knew it would be hard to lie about where I came from, and where the Hell I got this hammer. Still, I'd do what I have to.

As soon as I exited the tunnel I removed the wetsuit and put on casual clothes again, noticing that a lot of the smell had disappeared, thankfully. I decided I needed a shower before I did anything else, and began making my way to Twilight's house. I got maybe half way there before I heard a voice above me shout out "Look out! Incoming!"

I immediately jumped to the side instead of looking up like my instincts demanded, and I was rewarded by not getting splattered by a rainbow shaped ball that screamed through the air before slamming into the ground. Shaking myself a little I walked over to what I assumed would be a smear on the ground, only to jump back in shock when the smear in question stood up and shook her mane. Noticing me staring, she glared at me and asked " What are you looking at?"

As much as I wanted to be a smart-ass I just shook my head and said, "Are you ok? That looked like a nasty spill. I'm surprised you're in one piece after that!"

Holding her head up proudly, she declared "I'm Rainbow Dash, best flyer this side, no on this whole planet! A little fall like that wouldn't hurt me. But nice try their new guy!"

After noticing who I was she shifted to a more aggressive stance, which still looked adorable as hell on a Technicolor pony, and lowered her head. "But after what you did to Spike, and what you did to me, I shouldn't be surprised! I dare you to take me on now, tough guy!"

As much as blasting her into pieces would have made my day, a thought which disturbed me greatly, I decided to try and go in for tact. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened, but look at it from my point of view. I get attacked by what appears to be a vicious animal, pass out carrying him to a hospital, get woken up by an insane mare, forced to exhaustion by healing the thing that nearly killed me, and then get attacked by you. What the Hell would you have done?"

She narrowed her eyes at me and opened her mouth for a retort, but nothing came out. After a few moments she sighed, and drooped down. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened. I can be a little...hotheaded. But I was just protecting my friends! And that I won't apologize for!"

"That's fine, I don't expect you to. But, as fun as this has been, I need to go. In case you hadn't noticed, I don't smell so great."

She sniffed the air a few time and recoiled. "Ugh! What is that smell?"

"Some nasty-ass water."

"What does a donkey have to do with it?"

Ugh. "Forget about it. I'll see you later."

Before she could say anything I turned and began walking as fast as I could towards the library, praying that she ignored me.

Rainbow Dash shook her head. "What a weirdo."

I managed to make it to the library without anyone else trying to stop me, and I quietly opened the door. Peering inside the door, I looked both ways before gently opening it and sprinting up the stairs. Just before I got to the door I stopped, reminding myself to knock. I slammed on the door a few times, and hearing nothing, I threw it open and jumped right in. I didn't want to wait, just in case something went wrong before I got in. As I turned the knob all the way on, I realized just how gross I was. All around me floated little bits of plants and scum from the river, not to mention the leaves and dirt. Even worse, I had tons of little rocks covering me from the elemental I had fought. I knew I'd have to clean the tub before anyone else got a chance to use it, or else I'd have to face some pretty awkward questions. Hell, after what had happened, I knew I'd have enough of those.

I laid in the tub for what felt like hours, but probably ended up being all of thirty minutes. I switched into and out of clothing several time, making sure that I had gotten completely clean before getting out and toweling myself off. I then did the most manly thing I could think of: I sat down on the toilet and thought long and hard about what I had been through, and cried a little bit. It's not every day that you fight a raging elemental in a forest on another planet.

I felt like this was almost too much to take in, and if suicide wouldn't have landed me back in Hell I would have probably taken my own life right there and then. No one should have to face what I'd gone through so far, and I had a feeling that my trip through Shitsville had just started.
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After crying like a small, frightened child at a carnival funhouse I got dressed, but instead of just a shirt I added a layer of armor underneath, and let the chains wrap back around my arms. My mace was tucked into a pocket that I had made just for it, and just in case anything went bad I had the amulet that Zecora made for me ready to be ripped off at a moment's notice. All in all, I looked well protected and styling, if not a little paranoid. I knew I still had one thing left to do today, and as much as I didn't want to do it, I knew I had to go to SugarCube corner and see Pinkie Pie and all the rest of Twilight's crew, otherwise they'd hate me forever and blah blah blah. Honestly, what a waste of time. Maybe I should just move to the forest forever and avoid people, that might make not sinning a little bit easier. Which brings up another question: does he mean everything that God said was a sin in the bible, or just the obvious ones, like murdering and raping the corpses?
"Hey nerd, did Satan mean all sins or just the ones that would be big no-no's to anyone else?"
"....Did you just call me a nerd?"
"Yep, I did, nerd. Now, answer the question before you get an atomic wedgy."
"You do realize that I could just kill you and drag you back down to Hell, yes?"
"Try it nerd, and I'll pray so hard you disappear forever."
"As useless as that would be, this is even more so. I have no idea what he meant, but based on his past deals, I assume just the ones that would bother anyone else. No killing for no reason, no stealing, etc. He's a little more forgiving about lying however, because he made it part of your contract."
"Well, that's a relief."

As soon as I finished the conversation I stepped outside again, and immediately got several looks from frightened ponies. Some things never change.
"That's because you've been here for a day. Maybe if you actually waited a while it would."

Ignoring the nerd in my head I kept walking, looking for the shop. I knew I had passed it this morning on my way to the town hall , but that seemed like such a long time ago that I couldn't remember where I had seen it. Still, the walk itself was a nice reason to be outside. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and despite the fear in the air, ponies still did whatever they did with their shallow and meaningless lives, just like I was doing, and just like every other living being.

Turns out I had a better memory than I thought I did, because I found the store rather quickly. It sat right in the middle of a main street, surrounded by drab houses, at least in comparison. I could see that it was already packed inside, and resolved to try and scare as many people out as I could. After all, who knew if I would get any cupcakes at all with how many people were there? (I knew I would, but hey, why not mess with the locals right?) Striding up to the door, I grabbed it and pulled. And pulled. And then tried one more time for good measure. Letting go of the door, I looked around and noticed a mare staring at me strangely. Nodding towards her I smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles in my shirt, cleared my throat and pushed the door open.

Author's Note

Uh so. Things happened. We won our election, college went full blast, I currently live in my nation's capital working fulltime, and am now just returning to the story. BUT I WILL STICK WITH IT BECAUSE I LOVE IT!!!