Silas Epista

by Vexing Puzzlez

Rating: teen
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Anthro, Romance, Diamond Dogs, Original Character, Adventure, Sex
Length: 89372

This story has all you could ever want: aliens, ponies, and adventure. What else is it missing?

[Rewrite's done!]

There's not a lot of things that get to me. One time, I was held at gunpoint by a hoodlum in a grocery store. Then there was this time when I almost got sandwiched between a tractor-trailer and a SUV. At both moments, I was pretty surprised and scared shitless. But this; this whole thing with me waking up in a different body and shit?

I guess I should start out by introducing myself. I'm Justin, and this is how I woke up one day in an alien body.

(There'll be some extensive use of Cursing: Blood and Violence. Viewer Discretion is advised. Of course, the blood and such will take effect later in the story. )

This story was approved by BlackWing to take place in the Chess Game of the Gods universe. I'd also like to give a shout-out to Cloud_Surfer, who approved my species.

Credit and Fame go to StandardIssue from the CGotG group for the Cover Art!

Published 2013-07-06 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-10 04:46:04 UTC

Shed Skin for Scales [Rewritten]

An Out-Of-Body Experience

“Please stand for the Moment of Silence...”

And the rest was tuned out. I know I may seem like an asshole, but I’m tired right now and don’t really feel like standing...or being awake for that matter. I had a hard night, filled with activities I rather not discuss at the moment and just wanted some shuteye. So that’s what I did. I shut my eyes and attempted to get some well-deserved sleep.

“You may now be seated...”

I gave myself a little grin knowing that I hadn’t been disturbed during the Morning Announcements. For some odd reason, I was expecting my biology teacher to drop a book near my head or something. Ever got hit with one of those heavy fuckers? Well if you did, then you can sympathize with me.

The sound of thirty or so chairs receiving thirty or so asses filled the air and quite regrettably, my ears. I was just dozing off too!

“Justin,” Someone shook me. I knew it was probably the only person who’d have enough balls to touch me.

“Ignore him. You spent all night crushing every episode of MLP over Skype. And you were playing Magic: The Gathering 2013 on Xbox with your friends. Your body needs this.” Brain:1, Friends & School:0. My brain recommended sleep...

... So I did just that. Hopefully the persistent fuck would wise up and leave me alone. Instead, I got another shake.

“Wake up ya’ bastard. Ain’t that much sleep in the world.” The same voice continued.

“Suck a dick and leave me alone, Elijah.” I mumbled from the cover of my folded arms. Quite a comfortable position on those black tables in every science room.

There was a pause, which meant he was thinking of a witty comeback. I took this as a chance to see if you could fall asleep by making yourself do so. I tried, honestly I did.

“Justin get up.” And there goes another one of my friends. Damn it! Can’t a guy sleep in school for just one day!? It seems like everyone and their fucking mom wants to have a conversation with you whenever I try to go to sleep!

“No.” I replied instantly, even giving my voice a little edge. God damn me if I wasn’t sleeping in this class!

“Yes.” The girl voice across from me answered instantly. Since Jasmine finds bugging me entertaining, let me bug her.

“No.” A smile worked its way across my hidden mouth. I kept my ‘No’ calm and collected.

“Yes.” Jasmine said, growing frustrated.

“No.” I answered in the same tone.

“YES!”

“No.”

“Justin, stop talking! You’re disturbing the class.” Dr.Fawcett said as she walked past my chair. Elijah and Jasmine chuckled when I gave out an exasperated sigh.

Does the universe hate me or something? Why was I the only one reprimanded out of the two people who were talking to me!? Not only was I now irritated, but I still felt like I could collapse from being tired at any moment. My eyes felt as if a Snorlax had sat its fat ass on them.

“Fuck you too, Hick-Ass Biology Bimbo.” I mumbled as I closed my eyes once again. The only sounds were Dr.Fawcett instructing the noisy, and I do mean noisy, classroom. I had gotten comfortable again, the slight aching from my arms losing circulation being the only thing keeping me awake.

I did the only sensible thing and shifted my weight, so that my arms weren’t taking all of it. And then, I felt someone shove me in the side.

“No seriously, you’re grade is shit in here. You used to do all your work. What happened?” Elijah asked with a serious voice, barely above a whisper.

“I swear on everything that’s holy, Elijah! If you disturb me one more time, I’m going to take those glasses you’re wearing and jam them as far as they can go into your ear!” I whispered harshly. I heard his hands leave the table, making me believe he was holding them up passively, then find the table again.

“Okay,” He said with resignation, “Just don’t go to sleep angry. I heard weird shit happens if you do.”

“Bullshit. Now leave me be.” And with that, I was finally able to find some sleep....

When I started coming to again, I noticed the original humdrum of the classroom was gone. In its place was silence, glorious silence. I opened my eyes, which was actually harder than what I was used to. They felt...heavier, almost bigger. Odd.

Before me was a clear window, and outside of that window was outer space. Now my first reaction was to start screaming and crying, but my brain threw me a curveball that made me relax a little bit more.

I had to still be dreaming. In fact, I’ve had a dream exactly like this a million times before. I would wake up aboard some type of empty spacecraft, which would be completely dark with only this one window showing me outer space as the dots outside drifted along slowly. And then, just like I’m doing now, I would walk up to the window and look beyond it.

I decided to follow the next part of this dream, which is walking back to the seat and sitting down. From there, I would lay back down and fall asleep, only to wake back up in the real world.

I tried turning my body, struggling with it at first. I scrounged my face up in confusion over the amount of resistance I was feeling with every body movement I made so far. With the other times I experienced this dream, my body definitely felt like...well...my body. This feels foreign, however, like it’s not even mine or something.

Anyways, I succeeded in doing my one-hundred-eighty degree turn, walking back to where I had emerged from when the dream began. My arms felt like anchors, and my legs cinderblocks. I could feel myself slouch in order to make bearing the weight easier. If anything felt the same here, it was my height.

Left...Right...Left...Right...Lef-

“Woah!” I yelled in surprise as  my body stumbled and I groggily flailed my arms in an attempt to catch myself. There was something cold and smooth that just hindered me, my brain instantly deeming it a cord of some sort. I’ve had plenty of experiences with tripping over stupidly-placed cords that run into all kinds of shit. Regardless, I quickly fixed my stance, breaking free of my stumbling episode.

That’s never happened in this dream before, so it was a change of pace that I hadn’t seen coming.

“This A.I recommends that all activities pertaining to being on two legs must be held off until proper illumination is supplied. Furthermore, the chance for hazardous situations and accidents to occur are increased by 75% after emerging from hyper-stasis. Therefore, this A.I recommends resting where you stand until systems are restored.”

“EH!?” I babbled out unintelligibly. That never happened in my dream before!!! What the fuck is going on!?

I fell on my ass from where I was standing, a loud thump coming from the impact of my rump. I had no idea what was going on, and my brain wasn’t throwing me anymore curveballs. One thing was certain, and that’s me freaking out right now!

Coherent words and thoughts were lost, wrapped up in the tongue of panic and discord. I babbled like an idiot as I snapped my head to and fro, looking for anything in the darkness that would get me out of here!

My brain came through for me again, as I thought back to how I ended up here in the first place. Everything began with that chair, and God damn me if I wasn’t going to sit my black ass in that chair and wake up in the real world!

Struggling with the heaviness of my limbs, I promptly slid onto my stomach, opting to military crawl my way back. The pace was slow and tiring, my breaths coming in long and going out longer. My muscles screamed for me to stop, and I was sure that if I didn’t, they would rip apart from within.

“There’s no place like home! Ha! There’s no place like Earth, Dorothy!”  I tried a joke, hoping to alleviate the stress of moving. It shouldn’t be this hard to move, regardless if I’m in a dream or not. For the life of me this felt so real, as if this body was mine and so is this space-faring vessel. I felt my fingers dig into something at long last, making me give a smile of victory through my weariness as I slowly pulled myself up.

*RIPPPP...THUD!!!*

A pained grunt left my mouth as my chin collided with the metal floor. I mentally cursed when I tasted iron, a tell-tale sign that I had bitten off a piece of flesh within my mouth and was now bleeding orally. I spat out a mixture of agitation, saliva and blood onto the floor next to my head.

That knock to the head had actually leveled my thinking, making me relax after having a panic attack for nearly ten minutes. I don’t know how my hand ripped through the seat, provided that human digits don’t have claws, but I digress. What’s important now, is that coherent thoughts were forming in my head at long last, which meant deduction and perception weren’t too far behind.

I decided to get to the end of this farce quickly, hoping that logical questioning would be able to dispel this lucid dream and reward me with the real world. I thought back to what the A.I said earlier, hoping to start my interrogation based on what it said.

“You mentioned something about hyper-stasis earlier. I’ve watched enough Sci-Fi shows in order to know what that entails. Where am I and who are you? And after you answer that, I want to know how long I’ve been out.” I said sternly, struggling to get back on my knees. The gravity had to be amplified, it’s the only explanation for me struggling like this.

“I am Artificial Intelligence Unit S.I.R.I; or ‘Siri’, for short. I am an up-to-date computer program made for assisting and navigating my pilot through space. As for where we are, I cannot say. You were in hyper-stasis for eight-hundred and twenty-seven years, while the stasis setting and this spacepod was traveling at 78.97% the speed of light. During lightspeed travel, one of the thrusters was hit by an unknown anomaly and knocked us off course into this unknown system.”

“With one of our thrusters gone, I took the liberty of shutting down all excessive power draining functions. Which is why the lights were turned off. Furthermore, the thrusters were turned off and we were pulled to orbit around a massive star for approximately fifteen and a half years. Once orbit was constant, I activated the autopilot function and maintained our drift around the planet and star so that we would not get pulled in by its gravity.”

“Lastly, in the time you remained asleep, I was focusing all power into the repair drones to fix the thruster that was hit. They completed the task just before you woke up, and I’m happy to say that both thrusters are now fully operational. But I couldn't conduct a scan on the planet below us in order to see if it’s uninhabitable. Would you like me to conduct such a test now?”

I took all that with a grain of salt. None of this was making sense, and this explanation was only serving to create a massive headache. Ignoring the strain on my body, I slowly stood up and fell into the chair once I reached my maximum height. During my fall, I turned my body quickly so that my back would land first and I could have a view of space.

My breaths were short and ragged as I thought through the abundant weariness in my body. I even succeeded in working up a sweat. That’s it!

“Hold off on that, Siri,” I took a couple more breaths and put a hand on my forehead, “Get these lights on first, and try to lighten the gravity in here. I’m starting to feel like I’m made out of bricks.” A dull humming filled the entire...bridge, is it? This certainly looks like a command-deck, space-bridge thing.

Right, not important...

“Turning on lights....now,” The room flickered for a little bit, making me squint and blink rapidly as the lights came on after a couple more flickers. Another hum, like when the lights are on in a dead quiet classroom, filled my ears as I gave a sigh of relief, “It seems the gravity was increased in the bridge without my knowing. My apologies. Decreasing gravitational pull in the command-bridge by 30%.”

A moan of bliss left my lips as I noticed the air around me become lighter and less dense. It also felt more spacious in here. I don’t tell anyone, but I have claustrophobia, which was going haywire during that whole gravitational pull spiel.

I immediately felt better and lighter. With the lights on, I could finally see the ship for all it was. And...it wasn’t much. Honestly, I’m rather disappointed.

Picture an all-white room with a white metal floor. At the front of said room was a window, which I estimated to be twenty feet in both width and height. It was in a rectangular shape, and seemed to curve at where the glass met the metal. This place was completely bland and uninteresting, and I hate uninteresting things. And closed spaces. Did I mention I have claustrophobia?

Right...I’m rambling again.

“Would you like me to conduct a scan of the planet below us now?” Siri asked as I renewed my interest with the window. Space seemed so close, so...reachable. I had only dreamed about this while asleep, and It’s been one of my fantasies as a kid. I always wanted to view outer space from...well...a spaceship. If it was from a NASA spaceship or an alien one, I was hell-bent on seeing the final frontier with my own eyes. Up close.

“Yeah, go ahead.” I said dismissively, hearing the A.I beep in confirmation. She could conduct scans until she was blue in her holographic face. It mattered not, because I was still halfway convinced that this was still a dream...just more detailed, y’know?

At this point in time I began wondering about home, and how far it could possibly be from here. I minutely missed all my friends and family, and I couldn’t help but think about what Elijah must be going through as he tried waking me up. I had to hold back a chuckle as I envisioned him shaking me out of my chair, with drool practically pooling around my face as he scanned the damage with those medium-sized, dorky glasses he had.

I just remembered that I also had glasses.

Without thinking about it, the hand that was currently not on my head, already started ascending towards my face to see if the bifocals were still there. I stopped it, however, when I noticed something that almost tipped me back into panic mode.

This...hand, might as well of sprouted a head, because that’s exactly how I was looking at it! My face was quickly slipping away from my control, and I had to make sure I wasn’t imagining all of this. Regardless if it was a dream or not.

“Mirror,” I yelled out as panic wrestled my demanding voice for control, “I need a mirror!” My vocal chords strained a little, making the last word come out raspy. I still felt weak for some reason as I stood back up, a feeling of nausea threatening to send me right back on my ass. I hastily made my way back over to the glass, but it was one-way and held no reflection of me.

Without realizing it, I growled in desperation. It wasn’t your average human growl either, if any humans do growl, that is.

“Scan completed. Would you like me to bring down the reflective sun barrier? It has mirror like capabilities that-”

“Shut up and do it.” I demanded crossly. I’ve had enough of this dream, and I’m ready to go back home. In an instant, the sound of a motor moving filled my ears as another glass slowly descended in front of the window. My jaw dropped as I could finally see my body in all its...bizarreness, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I stated more forcefully.

I stood at a height that was probably around 6’6’’, and had ash-gray scales covering my entire body. My belly up to under my neck, however, housed sky-blue scales that matched my long mane in color. My mane, as I angled my body to see my back, dropped down to about mid-back and was straighter than an arrow’s flight path. I turned my body back so that I was eye-to-eye with the mirror again, noticing my long but squared mouth. A single bit of canine hung out from the right side of my top jaw, marking the snaggletooth known.

There was also a snakeskin, sky-blue and black colored jacket hugging my torso and arms, with the jacket being unzipped. The lines indicating the anaconda-like pattern were black, while the overall jacket color was sky-blue. I had abs, somewhere between an eight or ten-pac. Pectoral muscles that seemed ready to break through my scales as I bent this way and that. My legs were the same ash-gray, but had inverted-knees. Which means that instead of poking out, they were bending in.

...Creepy.

My legs were also muscular, with the calf muscles being easily distinguishable even though I was looking at myself from the front. I rolled my broad shoulders, noticing something moving behind them. I turned on an angle again as I saw my wings, which instantly made the hypothesis I formulated in my head earlier true.

I was a dragon! Well, a Not-Quite-Dragon...Thingy. Semantics, who need’s em’?

I went back to devouring my body with my eyes. Speaking of my eyes, they’re bright sapphires, which got darker towards the outer-iris of the eye and lighter the closer you got to the pupil. The sockets were surprisingly narrow, but not overly so. That only accented the permanent ‘mean-face’ I was sporting.

I also noticed something white on my left leg. I turned said appendage so that I could get a better view on the subject of interest, making me scrounge my face up when I saw how far up and how far down the white patches and spots went. The abnormal color, reminding me of spilt bleach on black-colored clothes, traveled up the whole left side of my body. Well, as much as I can see. Even the wing on my back had these little cow-patches of white.

My hands/claws and feet had five toes and fingers. So at least I had some familiar concepts to work with. I should also note that I walk on my tippy-toes like....umm...Lycans! Yeah, like lycans!

“The hell is this?” I touched my leg with a hand, feeling the baby-smooth texture it brought upon my hand’s caress.

“Would you like me to conduct a scan on those strange patches?” Siri asked me, to which I wholeheartedly agreed, my curiosity getting the best of me.

“Go for it. I’m rather interested on why I look like a cow on the left side of my body.” I stated curiously, scratching the chin hair I had recently discovered in the mirror. It wasn’t long enough to be a goatee, but it was thick enough to notice. It was sky-blue like my mane, and only added to the angry-biker look this body had.

“Powering and aligning full-body scan ray....Powering and aligning complete. Please hold still as the cone is placed around your body.” I tensed up, nearly panicking once more as a blue beam encompassed my entire person. The light was warm, and filled my ears with little sparking noises. As soon as the beam had come it went away, a sigh of relief leaving my mouth.

“Processing the results.....Processing complete. White spots and patches appear to be reformed skin tissue. This skin tissue has loss all pigmentation in the cells from third-degree burns. The skin was supposed to be pink, but due to a mutation from the time spent in hyper-stasis, it isn’t.” Siri concluded before going dark again.

“What the hell happened to this guy? It seems and sounds like he’s been through Hell and went back for seconds! But that’s not the realquestion here,” I trailed off as I turned on my heels and walked back to the only seat in the spacious command-bridge. I noticed the tear I made earlier and grimaced, “The real question is...where did his consciousness go? I don’t know much about reincarnation, but I’m willing to bet on my life that consciousnesses don’t just swap when someone kicks the bucket. So where is he?”I sat down...hard.

I scooted my butt in from the front, leaning all the way back into the black leather. The chair even had armrests, which I made full use of once I noticed them. Now that I was reclining, I felt a little better about this whole situation. It’s as if sitting in this chair was psychiatric help.

“Siri,” I began before leaning my head back and closing my eyes, finally being able to rest, “What’s the name of the guy who was originally piloting this craft?” I asked out loud.

“His name was Silas Epista, and he hailed from a planet called Asla. All further information was lost when the spacepod was hit. I suggest looking through his belongings.” Siri said before being quiet again, awaiting my next question or order.

She didn’t wait too long.

“Tell me where they are so that I can rummage through them. I wish to know more about the original host of this body.” And I meant that with every fiber of my being. No one goes through what this Silas did and leaves nothing behind. He had to have something aboard this floating tin-can.

“If you’re willing to stand for me, I can switch out the seat for his cargo hold in the ship’s storage bay.” Siri stated, making me groan in protest. I had just gotten comfortable!!!

“Does it have to involve movement,” I whined like a kid, even banging a fist softly upon the armrest for emphasis, “I just got comfortable.”

“Procrastination and laziness are often viewed as the counterproductive angel of destruction to many a civilization. Are you willing to doom yourself to this monster?” Siri almost sounded human...

...Almost.

“No. I’m just asking if there’s an alternative method to getting his shit. It has nothing to do with me being lazy or procrastinative,” I lied smoothly, rubbing my left index finger against the same hand’s thumb, keeping a bored expression on my face, “Furthermore, who asked you for your input in the first place? I just need results, not another fucking Socrates trying to analyze my every command and action. It’s annoying and creepy.”

“Understood. Inspirational Quote functions have been derezzed from memory. Also, the other option will have his cargo hold appear in front of you. The drawback to this plan is that it will take approximately twenty-minutes to reroute the travel-way. Are you still willing to go through with option two?”

“Yes, and wake me when it’s here. I need a nap right now. Too much has happened and it’s starting to wear me down mentally.” I stated before trying my hardest to find unconsciousness. I heard Siri beep in confirmation before going silent, to which I assume she went off to complete her latest assignment.

The part of me that accepted this only as a dream had shrunk considerably, only serving to keep a shred of doubt in my head. This doubt formed questions; questions I knew Siri wouldn't have the answers to. And to be honest...that scares me. Because, if an apparently all-knowing A.I in a space-savvy ship doesn’t know the answer....

...Then who could?

All this time spent thinking when I should be taking the most wonderful power-nap in existence. For shame, Justin. For shame. So with that in mind, I promptly fidgeted around in the seat until I got comfortable and awaited sleep to take me....

....Which of course didn’t happen. By the time I had finally started drifting off, Siri’s voice rang through my head like a thousand telephone receivers being shoved in my ear.

“The cargo hold for Silas Epista is on its way as I speak. I’ve also noticed during your recent endeavors with walking that you are fatigued and malnutritioned. I have calculated this to be yet another side-effect of hyper-stasis. During the scan, I have confirmed that your body had lost around 19.36% of mass, which is almost fatal for a man of your build. I recommend a snack or dinner high in minerals and protein to quicken your rejuvenation process.”

Now that she mentioned it, I did feel hungry.

“I could go for some grub right now. Lay it on me,” I said as I opened my eyes and sat up, giving a long stretch first before smacking my lips. I was also dehydrated, “And some water too.”

“The table will appear before the Captain’s chair shortly. After the meal is done, the Cargo Hold of Silas Epista will come afterwards. Is this satisfactory?” Siri asked pointlessly. I could just chalk it up to being a part of her protocol as an A.I.

“That’s excellent, actually. Thanks Siri.” I said with a smile, which earned me a beep.

Following the beep, a whirring noise filled the air as the metal tile in front of my chair slid into the next panel, revealing a square hole about one inch in width and height. From that hole came a square-shaped serving tray made out what looked like sterling silver. Underneath the tray was a white pole that held the bottom of the square tray in place as it rose slowly from the depths of the hole.

My chair scooted forward without warning, surprising me as the ship itself seated me appropriately underneath the tray and the white table it was on. I licked my chops, anxious to see what could be lying beneath such a grand entrance and decent-sized lid.

Wasting no time, I hastily removed the lid to reveal....rocks. Well, precious stones to be exact.

“Siri,” I started calmly, “Why is my tray filled with diamonds and amethysts?” I tried keeping my voice level nominal, but it was hard when inedible food was presented to a starving man.

“This is what reptilians of dragon descent eat. I would have given you meat, but we’ve run out of it. Do you prefer sapphire? Emerald, perhaps?” Siri asked me in that same monotonous and emotionless voice that had a female ring to it.

“You saying I can eat these things and not suffer from broken teeth and possible death? How? I don’t exactly look like a purple-scaled dragon I know.” I let out a chuckle at my reference.

“All data pertaining to that subject was lost as well. Will you at least try it? Your body could destroy itself in a matter of hours.” Siri asked me, to which I went wide-eyed at. Was that concern!? Just how advanced is this machine!?

And what’s with that last bit!? Destroy!? None of this is making sense, but I don’t want to die by not eating. That’s like, going into cardiac arrest after looking a butterfly in the eye. It’s disgraceful, and it’s not the way I’m going out! I’d be damned before that!

So, putting my face of abounding bravado on, I picked up a diamond in my hand and popped it into my mouth.

..........................................Holy shit.

“It....It tastes like a York peppermint patty!” I crunched down on the precious stone in disbelief, relishing the minty sensation that invaded my throat. I fucking love peppermint patties! Especially the ones of the York variety. This shit was actually better than the original thing for some reason.

I quickly took inventory on how many of the diamonds I had left. Only three more remained but there were about four amethysts. A thought passed in my mind that they’d taste like blueberries or blackberries. Seeking to debunk this theory, I quickly scooped two amethysts into my maw, instantly being blasted with the taste of...

“Blackberry Pie!? Gems are the best things ever!” I quickly wolfed down my food, savoring every bite as I finally calmed the raging storm in my stomach....for now. Once I finished, the tray and the small square table it was on receded back into the depths of the hole it came from. I leaned back and muffled a belch that tried to escape with a hand before opting to rub my belly slowly.

“Now that was good! Thanks for talking me into eating those, it was the best decision I made in my life!”

“Anything for you, Captain. Would you like to view Silas Epista’s Cargo Hold now?”

I smiled widely, “Bring it out! I’m starting to wonder if the guy hid all the best stuff in there. Like...more gems.” I raised my eyebrow in anticipation as that one thought swallowed my train of thought. I instantly began thinking about what the other precious gems would taste like. But my thoughts of bliss were interrupted when four metal squares shifted into adjacent ones next to them.

The positioning was still in front of my seat, to which a I sat up and awaited the cargo hold with undivided attention.

After what felt like fifteen minutes(Note to self: Ask Siri what day and time it is.)of waiting, a purple locker stood in front of me. There was even that little metal sliding thing that goes up to open the thing.

As I reached out my hand, a feeling of deja vu swept over my body. It left me with chills as I froze in mid-reach of the handle. I was stuck and couldn’t move for some reason, my body feeling like it was encased in a glacier. I even felt the stinging cold of being in said predicament.

“Are you ill, Captain? Would you like me to remove...” And just like that her voice faded away into nothingness.

I was beginning to panic as I willed my arm and hand to do...well, anything! Just move damn it!!!

 It wasn’t for another five minutes, but at long last movement was given back. I sighed in relief, calming myself from my panicked state. I’m gonna need to work on those glass nerves when I have the time.

I quickly grabbed hold of the metal slider and pulled up, opening the locker door slowly. Inside of the locker was a black duffle-bag, which was stacked horizontally against the locker’s metal wall. I wasted no time with pulling it out, turning it this way and that, trying to locate the zipper. The bag itself was ludicrously heavy, making my muscles cry in protest as I held it up.

I felt something cold brush my hand, making me stop rotating the bag and quickly set it down. I located the sky-blue zipping apparatus quickly, fumbling with the small object slightly before finally getting a solid grip on it.

“Let’s see what you’re hiding in here, Mr.Silas.” I felt my face contort in a grin as the satisfying sound of a bag unzipping filled the quiet room. Once it stopped, I pulled the bag closer and placed it on my lap.

Practically shoving the opposite sides apart, my eyes made contact with six things. All six things were so unlikely to be seen with each other, that it was like the plot of a badly written fanfic.

I reached in and grabbed the first two, pulling them out slowly so that I could marvel at them. Pistols. Pistols with no magazines and bullets, but they were pistols all right. Flint-Lock in design, reminding me of sawed-off shotguns, with the barrel and metal parts being a metallic-black while the grips were silver. The lever and other crap you would normally see on flintlock pistols was absent as well.  Along the barrel of each gun was two words written in sky-blue colored cursive. I hid a distasteful frown as I read the name outloud.

“Silas Epista,” I turned it around to see if anything was written on the opposite side. There was, and I wasted no time in reading it and becoming all the more confused, “Black Neophyte? Is that some sort of cult or something?” I asked in a low voice so that Siri couldn’t hear me and butt in.

Seeing no further reason to inspect the weapons, I put them back in the bag and pulled out the next item. I had decided that I would keep everything I found, especially the matching snakeskin jeans I had just pulled out.

They looked exactly like the jacket I was wearing, but they had holes where the knees were supposed to be. You know, like the ones back on Earth? The ones that look worn out? Yeah, those. Turning them around like a clothes shopper would, I noticed the rather small back pockets. Turning them again so that the front faces me, I noticed the black belt hanging around the waist. It was tilted on an angle so that the right side drooped and the left side rose up.

On the opposite sides were holsters, to which I guessed the pistols went to. I quickly slid the pants on, struggling with my legs now that they had inverted knees. There was no zipper or button, so I went on to tighten the belt so that the pants stayed up. Once everything was secure, I plucked the pistols from the bag and slid them into the holsters.

Turning back to the bag, I took the next item out and studied it carefully. I twisted it this way and that, getting a feel for the long, narrow and wooden rectangular slab. I then turned my attention to the respective ends, one curving into a....

Oh. It’s a katana sheath. I looked for the opening and found it, a long sliver of darkness that stuck out from the all-black sheath. I don’t know why I proceeded to stare into the sheath’s opening. I can't say I was surprised when nothing happened.

I did, however, adopt a winning smirk as I thought about the surefire thing that was in this bag. I had already saw it, I just wanted to make sure I was right. Turns out I was.

Reaching into the duffle-bag once more, I brought out the ‘absolutely-fucking-amazing-holy-shit-I-can’t-believe-I’m-holding-this’ katana. The blade was made from what appeared to be pure diamond, and had a fuller on both the flats. The sword curved at the top, matching the sheath perfectly. The hilt was apparently made from what looked like black-obsidian, and was carved to resemble a dragon with its mouth open in a roar. The teeth doubled as the guard.

I did something stupid. Astronomically stupid in fact. I began twirling the blade in my hand, listening to it sing a sound of slicing air as it cartwheeled about. To my dismay, however, I lost control after speeding up and dropped it directly on top of my foot. The bladed side was what made contact, and I was half-expecting to not have a foot anymore.

I gave a sigh of relief mixed with confusion when it simply bounced off and clanged against the ground. Picking the sword back up, I gave a few prods to my chest in hopes of dispelling the theory I had come up with. When the sword did not run me through, no matter how hard I pressed, my theory was proven true.

“It can’t cut me or anything else? How?” There would be time for experiments later, but for right now I had one more thing to reveal. But not before I did the appropriate thing first.

I grabbed the sheath from behind me and slid the sword into it, relishing that ancient sound of katana-on-sheath. There was just something....bad-ass about it! I then took notice of the shoulder-strap, pulling it over my right arm and head with my left. The sword now hung on my back, with the strap binding the right side of my jacket forcefully.

Thankfully, the sword was concealed by my mane and wasn’t distinguishable from the back. Great, now I look like some type of bounty hunter from a ninja-flick or something. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, in fact it’s actually quite cool!

But now that everything was situated, I turned my attention back to the bag in order to grab the final object. I had to jostle the bag a little, but the object eventually fell into my hand as I turned the not-so-heavy bag upside down.

It was a contact lense, but for some reason, I felt as if it wasn’t. Don’t worry, I’m not sticking it in my eye...yet. I’m going to ask Siri about it first.

“Siri,” I began, “Can you conduct a scan on the contact lense I have in my hand? I wish to know if it’s just that.” I finished, outstretching my arm and unfurling my hand so that the lens was exposed.

“Commencing scan. Please hold the object still.” The blue light from before came down, but it was smaller so that it only consumed my hand in its warmth. I waited for about a minute and a half before the light shot back up into the ceiling.

“Scan complete. Object is actually a Sirios unit. It’s a device from Asla that acts as a projector for holograms and other holo-information. It can scan information out of other pieces of technology. It can receive information and send out information. All events that the Sirios unit observes is sent directly into the brain and it can even pull memories from the brain with a single thought by its owner. It’s advanced Aslan technology, and even I don’t know its full capabilities.  It could prove useful for when we visit the planet below us.” Siri explained, to which my eyes widened.

This thing was the tits apparently! Let’s just say I had a new Sirios unit in my eye by the time I asked my next question.

“Now that I have all this gear on,” I trailed off as I flexed, “How do I look, Siri?” I finished smugly.

“Malnourished, but the gems haven’t started healing your body yet so that’s understandable.”

Should’ve seen that one coming.

I shrugged off that attempt at being called handsome by a computer program and proceeded on to my next question.

“Why would we need to visit the planet below us? Can’t we just fly back to Asla?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. Let’s just say I’m suspecting her of hiding something important.

“The spacepod itself is no longer space-savvy. With the damage it took during our lightspeed endeavor, it has been losing fuel and power for over a long period of time. I must also stress that most of all the food became waste after the first year, so you’re only left with gems. And we don’t have too many of those. All in all, your chances of survival are greater there, on that planet, than it is here.” She explained every question I was going to ask out to the tee. I had no ammunition, but I did have just one more question before I complied with her on journeying to this planet.

“One final question and then I’m done...for now. Earlier you conducted a scan on the planet below us and have yet to tell me the results. Will you be a dear and tell me the results now? I’m curious about whether this is my homeworld or not.” I stated clearly and awaited her answer like always.

“My scan confirmed life and magic on this planet, but whether anything is sentient I cannot say. My scan also found out that game and precious gems are rather abundant, making this the ideal planet for stranded...dragon descendants like yourself.  Are these results satisfactory?” Siri finished quickly. Wow, she’s really on her game.

“About as satisfactory as they get. So I take it we’re gonna fly down there? In what exactly, because as you’ve stated, this pod’s totalled.” I sat down in the seat and waited for her answer once more.

“I’ve discovered a space-shuttle in the Storage Bay. If you would be so kind as to hold on to those armrests tightly, I’ll transport you through the ship and into its command-deck. We’ll use the solar-powered shuttle to set up a base on the foreign planet and will also double as an abode.”

I simply nodded and shifted in the seat a little, trying to get the katana on my back to lay straight. Once it did, I gripped the hell out of the armrests, “Do it.” I stated simply.

“Transporting.....now.” I yelled out as the floor was taken from underneath the chair and I fell through.

“AHHHHHHHH!!!!” I screamed as my face whipped back from the sheer amount of force the air had as my chair sped along a plastic tube tunnel of sorts. Surprisingly, the fucker stayed upright the entire ride as a space-shuttle filled my vision right before I entered the front of it through the ceiling.

With a loud plump and a sore ass, I had arrived at my destination.

Queen [Rewritten]

Landing And Locals

Considering I woke up as a...whatever I was; a mini rollercoaster ride like that didn’t leave me panicked for too long. I was fine after ten seconds or so, ready to analyze my new surroundings.

You can only imagine the joy on my face when the command-bridge for the shuttle looked exactly like the one on the spacepod. More importantly, how the hell does a space-shuttle fit in a space-pod? Nothing makes sense right now.

“Siri, are you here,” I asked the all-white room illuminated only by ceiling lights that were small and round. When I didn’t get an answer instantly like all the other times, I scrounged my face up in confusion, “Siri? Siri are you there?” I sat up in my seat as I looked to and fro for any sign of the A.I.

During my frantic search, I noticed some key features about this shuttle. One feature was that the chair I was sitting in had been scooped up by a completely glass, egg-shaped container. I couldn’t help but think about the futuristic chairs from Earth and those chairs from robot-centered anime.

The next feature was me sitting atop a raised platform, which matched the all-white room. From here, I noticed six other platforms that lowered the further away they got from mine. Three on the left and three on the right. The platforms were circular and contained the same glass-bowl chairs that I was currently seated in. Next to the six platforms were all-white, metal stairs that led either up or down.

Lastly, there was a wide platform five or six feet below my own. To be blunt, it took up the center of the command-bridge. But unlike the other platforms, this huge motherfucker didn’t have a chair.

What the hell is it?

“I’m sorry for being away, Captain,” I gave a sigh of relief as that monotone voice of her’s reached me once more, “But I was most of the power from the spacepod into the space-shuttle, which made me unable to maintain contact with you. I apologize for any inconvenience this might of caused you.”

“Nearly gave me a heart attack, you overgrown Ipod,” I responded jovially, “But what’s the latest update? Are we ready to go?” I asked, to which Siri went quiet again. I knew better now than to start panicking, but I couldn’t help but feel a little vulnerable without her. I know it might sound pathetic, but why don't you try waking up aboard a spaceship in a body that’s not fucking yours and see if you can keep your shit together!?

I think I handled the situation quite well....

....Until the screaming, but you get my point!

“Power is at 93%, making this space-shuttle close to fully charged. I’ve also prepped the launching sequence. We will be headed for the planet in T-minus one minute. Are you ready?” For some reason, I could detect just the faintest trace of excitement in that question.

“Shit, son! I’m ready to go right now if you’re able to!” I crossed my right leg over my left and leaned my head on my right palm. There was also an ecstatic smirk, showing a little more of my snaggletooth apparently, that had decided to open up shop on my face.

“It just so happens that power has been restored completely. I’ll display the planet on the Astral Dais in a few moments. As for right now, would you like any refreshments?”

"What the hell is an Astral Dais?"

“What the hell is an Astral Dais,” I repeated the question that instantly popped into my head as the words left her mouth,

“And that water from earlier that I never got? Yeah, I’m going to need that ASAP! My throat feels like camel fur.” I quipped.

“This A.I recommends a different career than humor,” Oh no the fuck she-, “Refreshments will be supplied shortly. Also, the Astral Dais will now project the planet and its layout.” And she was gone as all the lights dimmed in the white room, leaving me slack-jawed in response.

I unfolded my legs and sat forward with a hungry gleam in my eyes. I just knew something badass was going to happen! The lights in a room don’t just dim all movie theater-ishly for no reason, after all.

Remember that huge platform I was telling you about? How about a fucking huge, and I mean HUGE, digitized version of a planet enlarged from its center! Like, it was small when it appeared, and then just...BOOM!!! This place is the bomb. Hands down.

Now because it was digitized the planet was made up out of blue and white fuzzy light. The white parts of the planet are what I assumed to be landmasses whilst the blue was oceans and rivers. To be honest, I actually believed the planet to be Earth for a while. But then I noticed that the planet only had four continents instead of seven. Most of the landmasses were concentrated in the north, separated by a huge patch of blue that went around in a ring shape.

The image was slowly spinning, casting a dim glow of blue all around the command-bridge as I looked on in awe. I’ve only seen shit like this in comic books and futuristic anime. Needless to say, seeing it in first person makes it all the more exciting!

“Oh yeah, there has to be something on this planet! Siri, are we leaving now?” I rubbed my hands together in anticipation. My mind was instantly acting out a plethora of scenarios, which would involve me making first contact with the locals.

I gave a chuckle as I entertained the notion of being above Equestria.

"Pssshh, as if!"

“I’m starting the countdown now, Captain.” Siri began before I interrupted her.

“Wait. I want you to stop calling me Captain. It’s somewhat annoying.” I stated dryly.

“Then by what name shall I be addressing you?” Siri asked, making me clam up.

I really didn’t think this through! If I tell her a different name, then will she stop working for me? For some reason, I believe she thinks I’m this Silas guy, but I’m just suffering from amnesia! If I tell her I’m not Silas, then will she have me killed!? Will I be shot out into the farthest reaches of space and asphyxiate!? Will she hold me in front of the thrusters as they ignite!? Will she leave me here to starve!?

No, it’s too dangerous to come clean. My life isn’t in my hands up here.

“Just...” I began but looked around nervously, “Just call me Silas. Silas is fine!” I put on a forced smile as a bead of sweat rolled down my forehead. I nearly jumped and screamed when a beep came from the vicinity around my left eye.

“Right. I’m starting the countdown, Silas. Is there anything else you might need?”

I raised my index finger, about to ask her for some water, but a wine-glass filled with water came up from the floor next to me. The method was like the one used in the spacepod. I opted to use my already raised hand to grab the wine-glass and down it in one go. I gave a satisfied exhale afterwards as I felt my throat moisten up.

“Nope! Now let’s go meet some locals!” As I said this, the room brightened up and the image of the planet below us disappeared. And for the first time since being on this command-bridge, I noticed the window that was twenty feet from my position all the way in the front of the room.

I couldn’t see anything besides space and stars.

“Oh yeah,”  I thought in realization, “The planet’s belowus.”

After that thought, the sound of an engine being fired up rocketed through my eardrums. Oddly enough, the smell of fuel didn’t accompany the noise. What did, however, was Siri’s voice deducting seconds away from a countdown.

“Blast off in T-minus...10...9...8...7...”

By this point the entire shuttle was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane, making my teeth clatter and my world fade into tremors of white and black. The noise from what I assumed to be the engines crescendoed as well, starting to become a little painful as it increased.

“6...5...4...3...2...”

I offered my last prayer to whatever higher power there was. If they were even listening. I prayed that this launch went off without a hitch and that I would be safe and unharmed. I prayed that whatever was down on the planet is friendly and sentient. I prayed that my friends and family back home would remain safe.

I closed my eyes and gripped the glass armrests tightly as I ended my prayer, slightly surprised that we hadn’t launched when it ended.

“1....”

This is it!!!

“...................Engines primed and ready for action. Awaiting further instructions.”

Fucking robots.

“FLOOR IT!!!” I yelled as my body was instantly slammed back into the chair form the sheer force of the take-off!!!

*KRA-KOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!*

I felt my stomach churn as the space-shuttle went into a sharp nosedive. I saw the planet instantaneously, a blue pearl with shards of emerald displaced awkwardly. A swirl of clouds forming beautiful wisps as the shuttle closed the distance quickly. With how fast we were going, I was starting to panic.

Aren't we going to burn up!? Shouldn’t she slow the fuck down!!??

Ah, what do I know!? I’m just an idiot tagging along for the ride!!!

“THIS IS FUC-KING AWESOME~!!!” Most of that scream/song was undecipherable. It sounded as if someone threw those four words in a blender and proceeded to turn said contraption on high. Such was the force of the shaking this shuttle was going through!

“We’ll be within the stratosphere momentarily. All systems are green and everything is proceeding as planned.”  And she was gone again.

It was still awesome experiencing this, but after awhile of experiencing the rumbling it became mundane. Don’t get me wrong, the event itself was still unbelievable! It’s just that the initial excitement had run out.

I resigned to just watching now, awaiting the moment of sweet arrival with bated breaths and twinkling eyes.

“We have now entered the stratosphere of the uncharted planet. Adjusting G-Diffuser by 23%. Heat shields are at max and are holding true.”

The shuttle began pulling up as we smashed through a cloud. I could make out the outline of a continent just before Siri pulled up the ship. It won’t be too much longer now.

With the shaking done and the worst part of the flight done, I decided to ask Siri something just to pass the time until we landed.

“What’s our ETA, Siri?”

“ETA is about five minutes. Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Of course! Have you figured out a place to land?” I asked as I drummed my fingers/claws on the armrest, a bored expression plastering my face.

“My sensors picked up an unusually high spike of magic near our vicinity when the shuttle entered the stratosphere. Since then, I have been flying towards it. Oddly enough, this magic spike seems to resonate with your magic almost indistinguishably. Do you know the reason for this?”

Huh, now that’s weird. There couldn’t be other Not-Quite-Dragon-Thingies like me living down here? Could there?

“Sadly I don’t. But maybe there are others like me that you’ve picked up on? I wouldn’t exactly be surprised, what with waking up in a bo- I mean waking up from hyper-stasis in a place that’s off-course!” I finished lamely. I now began praying that she didn’t catch on to my slip up.

“Your logic may prove to be sound. Be advised, we have reached our destination,” Siri began as I felt the shuttle slow to a complete halt, some clouds drifting by lazily beyond the window confirming my claim, “Beginning our descent now. ETA till planetary contact is five minutes. Please be patient until then, Silas.”

And from here, in my Captain’s chair, I watched the clouds and blue sky on the other side of the window begin to ascend. Of course; I knew they weren’t really ascending, just staying in place while the shuttle descended. For some strange reason, I felt my wings itch as the clouds passed my vision.

To be honest, I was actually feeling pretty nervous. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and for me to be meeting the locals; that would make me a delegate for Earth in something along those lines, right? I can’t be the representative of over 7 billion people!!! I was only in my sophomore year of high school, for Christ’s sake!

I felt the ship give a jolt and then stay still, the roar of the engines dying down over the course of a few moments. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and stood, stretching instantly. If I wasn’t going to make first contact then who will?

“Touchdown successful. We have landed safely on the uncharted planet. Do you wish to exit the shuttle and meet the locals?”

I gave a sigh, trying to eject all the nervousness I was feeling, “Yeah....I am.” And after saying this, I heard a hiss from the right of my position. I turned my head and offered a quizzical stare to where the sound came from, being rewarded with a door-shaped hole in the wall about five feet away from me on my right.

I could see the sunlight and trees in the distance. Evergreens, if I wasn’t mistaken. I hardened my heart and soul despite the overwhelming sense of fear threatening to rip me apart........

....And began my walk to the door that led outside.

Slowly....oh so slowly, did I peek out the frame of the door. Below my head were steps; about ten of them, that went diagonally down to the soft emerald blades below. For those of you without an imagination...

...I mean the grass.

Anywho, the steps were not hard to traverse. Once my feet were on solid ground, my face lit up like the Fourth of July. I was finally on thefucking ground, where I fucking belong, oh my fucking God!!!

.......Gordon Ramsay would be proud.

I snickered at that thought as the steps retracted back into the shuttle’s hull from a hidden compartment. The door also shut, leaving me looking at a solid shuttle with no way of returning.

“Guess she’s kicking me out until I find something.” I thought haphazardly, wasting no time in devouring the shuttle with my eyes.

....Well, what used to be shuttle, that is.

I felt my jaw drop as I noticed the wheels that had just appeared underneath of it. They were about the size of a boulder and were colored the same black as the underbelly of the shuttle/rover. The top half of the shuttle/rover was white, reminding me of the NASA space-shuttles. It even had the window in the front.

I then noticed that generic, spinning satellite dish swiveling about on the roof of my new home.

“I could make love to that A.I.” I thought in appreciation.

The rover itself was no taller than a trailer, but kept the outer-space appearance of a spaceship. Which means I have a cool looking trailer. That’s a contradiction if I’ve ever heard one.

I picked my jaw up and turned my head to face the sky. It was a beautiful day, where the birds were chirping and a gentle breeze rolled about the long blades of grass all around me and my new home. I was in a clearing, with evergreens surrounding us on every side.

In the distance I could make out huge mountains that seemed ready to pull the sky down. Such was the jaggedness of their tops, giving them the appearance of claws that remained primed and ready for use. Curiously enough, the mountains were black instead of the normal blue and white.

"Where the hell did Siri land us?"

I adjusted the sheath and its strap, getting it to lay more comfortably on my back before beginning my walk towards the mountain. For some reason, I just found it...alluring; like I’m supposed to be there and nowhere else.

My feet didn’t even cycle their motions twice before the sound of voices reached my ears. I froze up instantly and got low; so low in fact, I was only centimeters away from the ground with my chest. Without knowing it, I had assumed an all-fours position, making myself as small as possible.

“I’m not crazy, ya’ old bull! I saw something massive just float down from the sky!” Even though the voice sounded far away, I could make out the gender just fine. Hell, even his age. That boy was a kid, and by the sound of the other guy with him, a son.

“Watch yer mouth, kid! And shut up! Ya’ don’t want to go scaring the little alien now do ya,” The father’s voice was raspy and deep. It almost sounded like someone had lodged a stone in his vocal chords, “Ha! A spaceship, he says! What ya’ need to do is stop hanging out with that foreigner and start helping me out around the farm!”

Okay, they're getting closer.

What do?

Ummm.......HAHA!

Maybe they’ll just walk on by and-

*Rustle!*

....Well, shit.

“I....Don’t....Believe it.” I slowly dropped all the way to the ground and began retreating back to my ship, right as I heard that gruff voice laced with disbelief.

“I told ya, Papa! You owe me 90 bits when we get back home!” The kid shouted. It was actually kind of cute hearing a gruff voice at his age. It made him sound awkward and unreal. Kids, you just gotta love the-.....

.....Wait.

What did he say?

.....Did he say....bits?

As in the small gold coins that the ponies used in Equestria???

....There’s no way. It has to be a coincidence.

“Don’t go near it,” The father yelled, and I heard what sounded like two hooves approaching stop. Good thing too, because I’m pretty sure he would've seen the bright-ass blue clothes I had on clashing against the green and brown ground, “What if the alien grabs you, ya’ dumbass!? Get back over here!”

“Dad, aliens don’t grab you. Plus, you even said that aliens don’t exist. And that Ms.Shimmer wasn’t all that bright in the head. Well, now I’m gonna prove you wrong again and show you that the alien is a nice guy!” I head the son stomp one of his hooves as emphasis. So he’s in the rebellious phase of his life. Not good for either me or his dad, given the situation I’m in.

It was pointless to remain hidden anymore, since I was right in front of the kid’s path. Both of them had emerged from what I believed to be the west of my rover, which is where it opened. The mountain I was looking at was to the north. Just to clarify.

So, steeling myself, I rose from the ground slowly just as the kid was turning around. My eyes widened as I noticed something peculiar about him. He was about half my height, wearing a pair of black overalls that looked worn down if the patches were anything to go by. He was somewhat chubby around the stomach and arms, but had the most adorable green eyes I’ve ever seen. They were large, but not bulbous, almost cartoonish in size.

Hisfur was a light tan, with a military-styled dark-brown mohawk at the top of his head. Two white studs, which were curved at the tips, protruded from the sides of his head above hisfloppy but short ears. It was a bull. A bull that stood on two legs. Which could only mean one thing......

.....................................................Minotaurs.

........There’s no way.......

The Queen and Me [Rewritten]

Mess With The Bull....

You would think meeting an alien for the first time would yield emotions like fear or apprehension. This calf had no such thing! In fact, he swaggered up to me like he’s been meeting aliens his entire life!

“You’ve got some hangers on you, dont cha?”  An amused smile broke out on my face without me feeling it, making the kid stop just as he was about to stand right in front of me. His eyes widened like a deer in headlights as he took a fearful step back.

Oh, I just smiled, didn’t I? The last thing a kid wants to see is sharp teeth, especially on an alien that’s two times their size.

“Er....I come in peace?” I offered lamely, instantly closing off the smile I had so that my face was neutral again. The boy seemed to relax, but only slightly. I could make out some of his fur standing on end, which was really awesome by the way. I must have like, eagle vision or something to see hairs standing up an-

Damn my rambling to Hell....

“You ain’t pulling my yoke are ya’?” The kid asked in a southern drawl I had just noticed. Come to think of it, his father did say he owned a farm. Is there an off chance that I can score some information about where I’m at? I have to play my cards right.

I held out my hand and crouched down, offering the boy a smile that showed no teeth, “Nah. The name’s Silas Epista, and I must say that you’re quite handsome for your age!” It took the boy a couple of seconds, but he finally smiled and took my hand in his. YES!!! FIRST CONTACT!!!

“Aw shucks Mister Silas, you don’t have to go and say all of that! Wait until Ms.Shimmer meets ya’! I reckon she’ll be happier than a pig at feeding time!” We completed the handshake and promptly broke it off, with me standing up to my full height while looking down at the boy.

“I think this could be the start of a beautiful-”

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM IT, JACK!!!” And just like that the peaceful atmosphere was ruined. I snapped my head up and saw a big, muscular bull stomping his way up to my position. It must have been the dad, because he looked absolutely pissed!!!

“Didn’t I tell you NOT to go messin’ around with the spaceship!? How the hell am I supposed to keep an eye on ya’ and keep ya’ safe, if ya’ go out and disobey me like this!” Papa Bull; which is what I’ll be calling him until I know his name, snatched his son up as he reached him and laid him over his right shoulder. He threw a death glare my way and held his ground.

And here comes the typical anger out of fear response...

“Don’t you fuckin’ touch my son! I don’t give a rat’s ass WHAT you are! I’ll put ya’ down for good!” He poked me in the chest as he tried so hard to assert himself as the one with the pants.

“Wow. You know, I actually prefer talking with your son. At least he has a brain and manners.” I replied while tossing my nose into the air, crossing my arms to emphasize my point. I heard Papa Bull give powerful snort out of what I assumed to be anger, making me crack an eye open in order to watch what he did next.

Now that I was watching him, I noticed just how close these two must be related. Papa Bull’s fur and hair were the same color as his son, but his hair was long and went down to just below his shoulder blades by the look of it. Two canine-shaped bangs hung off the sides of his head, doing nothing to cover his large ears and white horns. He had a pair of baby-blue overalls on with a white undershirt.

Also, he was fucking ripped. His arms were probably the size of tree trunks!

“Dad, stop it,” Jack yelled as he thrashed about over his father’s shoulder. I could hear dull thuds coming from behind the parent, a strong indication that his son was probably pounding his fists on his back in an attempt to get free, “He’s nice and kind! Why do ya’ always chase away mah friends!?”

“Shut yer mouth,” Papa Bull yelled over his shoulder while keeping constant contact with my eyes, “This thing ain’t ya’ friend! And if he don’t want no trouble,” He began venomously as he turned his head so that his whole face was in my direction again, “He’ll get the fuck off mah property.”

I saw him ball his freehand up, causing me to snort in bemusement. Hell, I even thought it was kind of funny how this guy, who’s about 6’, actually thinks he has a chance against a...

....You know, I still don’t know what I am! How can I sound badass, if I don’t even know what this body is capable of!?

Well, now isn’t the best time to find out. I may not like it, but this farmer and his nicer son are the first people I’ve met since I landed...

....I don’t even think this is Equestria. It doesn’t have that...magic. You know, the bright atmosphere and the singing and the GIANT TAN FIST HOLY SHIT!!!

I ducked quickly, barely dodging the blow that was aimed for my mouth! The bastard must’ve put his son down in order to sneak me while my mind was wandering off. Damn ADD almost got me clobbered!

I then noticed how Jack was gone, but not before I noticed some black overalls running into the shrubs from where they first emerged. I silently prayed that he went off to get some help.

“STAND STILL!!!” I heard a whoosh of air and instinctively fell on my back, watching a muscular leg soar over where my head used to be in my squatting position. The bastard kicks when he fights!? I guess anything goes on this planet!

I quickly scooted away, narrowly avoiding that same outstretched leg as it stomped down. Once I got a safe distance away, I stood up and got into a fighting stance. Papa Bull spat on the ground and began walking around me in a circle.

My mind was racing. This was my chance to show that I wasn’t dangerous, so fighting back is a no-no. That being said, I’m not just gonna sit here and take the blows! I’m gonna be dodging the shit out of them without punching him. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it, but I’ll figure something out. I normally do.

I dropped my guard and simply waited for when Papa Bull would make his next move. There was a sudden wind gust, billowing my unzipped jacket and mane to the right. I felt them billow but settle as the wind passed. By this time, Papa Bull had made a full circle and was back where he began. I guess he’s more scared than what I originally thought.

You know what? No. I’m not just gonna sit here and wait for him to attack. He wants to be a dick!? He wanted to throw the first blow!? He wanted to cause harm to a man that’s here on an act of peace!? That’s it. Now I’m pissed.

I finally decided that he would be the one I’d try my newfound body out on.

“Can you at least tell me why you’re attacking me?” I asked darkly as his body seemed to tense up. Let me find out the sonuva bitch attacked me because I was an alien and not a threat! Let me find out!

“You’re an alien. I don’t trust yer kind; especially around m’son! Now yer gonna get back in that ship and fly on back to wherever it is ya’ came from! Or I’m gonna make ya’.” And with that, he just made himself an enemy.

“I haven’t been on this planet for more than twenty minutes, and I’m already being assaulted and threatened!? How many aliens have you seen in your lifetime that could make you act like this!? My guess is; not that many! I will not, be excluded from interaction because of some racist hick who’d rather shove his thumbs up his ass and spin than actually embrace the fucking unknown!” I was seething now. Sure there was racism on Earth, but I’ve never been attacked for it. It feels fucking awful and I just wanted to...to...kill this fucker!

That’s it.

No more Mister Nice Alien.

Since the fucker tried to kick me earlier, I guess bringing out my sword isn’t against the “rules”! So that’s what I did.

That satisfying sound of a katana being drawn filled the windy clearing, and as soon as I had it cleared of its sheath on my back, I gave it a mighty swing. It sung through the wind, a choir of sliced air making the pommel stop at my hip. The katana’s tip dug into the ground minutely.

Papa Bull looked about ready to shit himself as I slowly raised the sword and pointed it at him.

“You still want to go? I’m sure Jack’s mother; which is me assuming an ugly sonuva bitch like yourself could pull a girl, will raise him to be a just and outstanding man. As far as I’m concerned, you’re nothing but a blemish that’s in my and his way. Stand aside or get chopped down, the choice is yours.” I finished as I narrowed my eyes at him.

Even from ten feet away I heard him swallow a lump in his throat as his eyes widened in fear. He then held his hands up in a passive gesture, stumbling over his sentences as he tried to talk me out of carving him like a Christmas ham.

I know I’m terrible; bluffing like this, but I can’t blow my chances on first contact. I’m doing this to scare him into submission, to make him think fighting me is impossible. That way, I can effectively end all confrontation now and in the future. Ingenious, If I do say so myself.

“Let’s take it easy pal,” Papa Bull smiled nervously as he took a step backwards, “No need ta’ go swinging around that sword o’ yer’s!”

I snarled. He backed up again.

“Apologize,” I demanded. A look of confusion went across his face, “FUCKING APOLOGIZE!!!” I swung the sword in a huge arch with my right hand, hearing it sing as it sliced through the air.

“OKAY!!! OKAY,” He yelled out in panic, closing his eyes and clenching his fists so hard that I thought he might’ve drew blood, “I apologize fer attacking ya’! I swear it won’t happen again!”

I waited a little bit, watching for any signs of treachery that would’ve gone unnoticed otherwise. When nothing presented itself, I slowly slid the katana back into the sheath on my back. If he would’ve charged me, the worst pain he would’ve felt was the sting of diamond on skin. No cuts, because apparently, diamond is fucking useless as a sword!

....Fuck Minecraft for misleading me....

“Now that we’re done trying to kill one another, how about you show me some of that farmer hospitality? First off, names. I’m Ju-Silas Epista,” I corrected quickly while doing everything in my power to play it off, “As you can see...I’m a bit of an alien.”

Papa Bull sighed deeply before rubbing the back of his head, obviously hurting himself from using his brain in so long.

“Silas:1; Papa Bull:0 !”

“Name’s Lumber. I own the Lumber Tree Farms ah little ways west from here. Biggest producer of wood in all of Equis!” He finished proudly as he placed his thumbs behind the overall straps on his chest and pushed them out. They then gave an authoritative slap as they made contact with with his barrel-pecs after he released them, smiling all the while.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Lumber,” I calmly walked towards him, still wary about our little spat we had from earlier, “I also recall you saying Equis. Is that the name of this planet?” I asked as I closed the distance.

“Please; call me Lum! Everyone does,” Lum said as he turned around just as I reached him, “And ta’ answer ya’ other question, yes. Equis is the name of this here world.” He then took the lead. As to where he was leading me to I have no clue.

“I’d love to know more about it. And if you don’t mind me asking, where are we going?” I stopped as I threw a longing glance back at my shuttle. I didn’t just want to leave Siri in the wilderness. I don’t even know if the rover had weapons to protect it.

“Ah,” Lum said in recognition as he stopped and looked back at me, “You don’t wanna leave yer’ U.F.O-thingamajigger. Understandable. I suppose ya’ wouldn’t mind waiting here fer a day until I can get ya’ some sort a’ welcomin’ present? I’m sure my son wouldn’t mind delivering it to you.” He said that last part really smug, as if mentioning his son would get me to stay.

“I don’t see the harm in staying here for a day. Could you possibly include a map of Equis in your present? I am kinda new here after all.” I stated as Lum’s smile seemed to burst from his maw.

Jesus man, control yourself.

“No prob’! Just don’t go running or flying off before Jack gets here on tha’ morrow, Mr.Silas!” And with that, Lumber strolled off into the woods.

I’m not leaving. Not if I’m getting a map I’m not. You can bet your momma’s sweet ass I’m staying here. Well, not right here. More like inside of my home.

So without further ado, I proceeded to walk back towards my ship. Once I arrived, I cupped a hand around my mouth to amplify my voice, “Siri! Open the door!” I called, getting no answer from the rover. I grit my teeth in frustration as I added my other hand to my amplification methods, “SIRI! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!” I yelled even louder than before.

Still no answer...

...Sonuva bitch.

“YOU FUCKING OVERGROWN PAPERCLIP!!!” I cursed as I kicked the shit out of the large tires in front of me. The hubcap to be preci-

.....................................OWWWWW!!!

I yelled in pain as the results of my actions caught up with me. My foot was lifted up with a claw as I began hopping around in pain, wincing every time the hand holding my foot up touched the sore spot. Which was located right above the toes.

After hopping around like a madman, a stream of curses flowing from my lips at random times, I tentatively placed my foot back on the ground. I winced as the appendage curved because of the shape of my legs, making me apply all my weight on it. It’s gonna bruise.

I then opted to just lean against the rover until Siri answered me. I put my uninjured foot against the tire that had injured my other one, crossed my arms and bent my head down. My eyes quickly followed the motion of my head, closing instantly.

One thing was for certain. Things were, for the first time in my life, both here and on Earth, starting to look up. On Earth, I was a nobody. Constantly friendzoned by one of the girls I knew since middle school. Douchebag friends that automatically assumed I was gay since I watched My Little Pony. Lazy-Ass teachers who hand out packets and give us bookwork when they should be teaching.

My home life wasn’t any better. My brother got to do whatever he wanted and faced no consequences. Well he did, it’s just that they were mediocre ones like; “No T.V, No Video Games or Computer,” and blah blah blah. A mom who would rather ride my ass about a single D in a class than my brother’s five F’s and a C+. How I had to practically clean the house everyday while my brother sat on his skinny ass and ate sweets while watching T.V(Regardless if he was on punishment or not.).

He’s 18, but acts like a 9 year old brat. Hell, he was even kept back twice. He’s in the same grade as me, when he should be a fucking senior. Can you even begin to grasp how fucking annoying and embarrassing that is!? Random people walking up to me and saying, “Oh hey! You’re Chris’s brother! Ha! He doesn’t do shit in [insert teacher’s name]’s class!” And yet, he gets showered with Ipods and whatnot.

I even tried running away once. I just...packed all my shit up and left when mother brought another man home. He was a scumball and everyone knew it. She was just taking care of her own needs, so it’s understandable. We had a heart to heart in the car right before I went to school and endured everything I quoted above.

I’ve just grown so...desynthesized. Back on Earth, it felt like I had nothing left.That’s why I tried my hardest in school and in trying to find a job. I wanted out. I wanted to be set free from my shackles and soar. I wanted to-

“Mr.Silas?”

“WHAT!!!???” I yelled harshly, looking down at.....Jack. Oh no.

I was so wrapped up in my feelings and thoughts that I hadn’t noticed my souring mood! This could set me back! Everything so far could be for not! And what’s worse, I just scared the hell out of a boy who couldn’t be more than six!

Jack wailed and backed up as I reached out an apologetic hand, to which he looked at as if it was going to slice him in two. My heart sank into my stomach and shattered as he turned on his heels and ran behind a set of....gold-colored hooves?

My head slowly drifted up only to stare into eyes so completely full of scorn. From the eyelashes around her blue-colored eyes I could tell she was female. She had the most luxurious red and yellow mane and tail, which seemed to permanently stay puffed and poofy.

This girl must go through at least twelve gallons of hairspray every week.

My jaw dropped in realization, that a horse has eyelashes. AND a horn. That would make her a.....

....Unicorn.

Oh shit.

This may be Equis, but there has to be an Equestria here. There’s no other explanation.

“When Jack-Jack came to me in order to come get his father from thrashing a ‘Mr. Good Alien,’ I was under the assumption that he was patient and kind. I can see now, that that was all just a clever ruse in order to lure poor little Jack-Jack into your evil clutches!” The mare deducted as she assumed a defensive stance. Well....

...As far as pony standards are concerned.

I let the arm I had hanging out drop lazily back to my side as I pushed myself off of the rover. I gave a defeated sigh, knowing that all my work had been for naught. That doesn’t mean I won’t try to make her see reason.

Justin might’ve been treated unfairly, but I’ll be damned if Silas will be too!

“Will everyone stop trying to beat me up already!? First it’s Lum and now it’s you! I don’t even know your fucking name, and you want to hurt me!? You’re just like Lum! You know what,” I was getting a little tired of being picked on by the universe. You want a bad guy, I’ll give you a bad guy, “I’ve HAD IT!!!”

I pulled my sword out and pointed it at her head. Being chivalrous, however, is a must on the battlefield.

“Before I break my sword off in your furry-ass, how about you tell me your name.” I demanded as I narrowed my eyes. This shit ends now.

“It’s Sunset Shimmer. The pleasure of defeating you,” She trailed off as her horn gathered a blood-red glow to it, “Is all mine!” A ray of red magic collided with my sword’s blade, which made the surrounding area dance in red spots as the magic reflected off the diamond. I barely moved an inch or felt the blow.

A wicked smile graced my face for the first time in a long time.

“Jack-Jack, go hide in the forest and stay down!” She yelled while keeping me at bay with her magical ray. The baby minotaur offered me a sorrowful glance with tears in his eyes as he grudgingly followed his new orders.

“So you’re the one Jack’s been telling me about,”  I yelled over the whir of her magic on my sword, “He talked as if you were the bee’s knees! He also mentioned that you believed in extraterrestrials like myself! Is this true?” I began walking towards her slowly, the ray still plastered to my sword. She seemed none the wiser about my sudden movement.

“What of it!? Why did I walk in on you trying to hurt him!? Aren’t you supposed to be a good alien!?” She yelled back as the ray seemed to intensify in power. I felt this shock wave scoot me back a little and made my arms strain. It was all momentary, however, and I was already starting to close the distance once more. Albeit more slowly than before.

“How can you decide what is good!? Did I physically harm that child!!?” I yelled as that sudden claim pissed me off. My jacket and mane were whipping about madly as I got closer and closer. No one has the right to say what is good and what is bad. It’s because of this that wars are fought and lives are lost.

I’ve always hated evil, but who could decide what evil really was? Religion couldn’t. It’s a changing phenomenon where people place all their hopes and dreams on a higher power. A higher power who has to be the embodiment of perfection in order for people to confide in.

Leaders couldn’t. They’re nothing but humans their damn selves, just with more power. They’d lie to you just to get to your pockets and fill their own.

The answer?

You. Only you can decide what’s right and wrong, good or evil.  And that’s because good and evil are opinions. While one thing might be virtuous and just to you, it could be the highest form of blasphemy or wrongdoing to another.

Good and evil are just more limitations the human race places on themselves in order to hinder ingenuity and freethinking. They are mental disintegrator guns, and I will not suffer from the effects of such a weapon! I refuse!!!

“You yelled” I could see the strain on her face as she gave a grunt of weariness, “At poor Jack-Jack! He’s done nothing,” Another grunt, “Short of being nice to you! And that’s how,” Again with a grunt, “You repay him!?”

Enough.

There was snowball’s chance in hell that this would’ve worked, but I did it anyway.

Keeping my sword focused on absorbing her magic, I grabbed her horn with my right hand quickly. The ray stopped as Sunset Shimmer let out a dismayed eep. I yanked her up by the horn until we were eye level. She had that same look Lumber had when I pulled my sword on him.

I gave her the nastiest glare I could scrounge up as I brought her face close to mine. All I could see were her blue eyes, and I bet that’s all she could see on my face as well.

“I was trying to apologize. That is, until you butted in. I was about ready to kill you, but I thought better of it. I don’t want to ruin my chances of being a nice alien to everyone, but you assholes are making it harder than it needs to be!!!” I was seeing red now. All I could hear in my mind was, “Kill Her! Kill Her! Kill Her!”

I was so mad I could just-

“But I-”

*ROOOOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!*

I felt the ground tremble as my roar began to wind down. I was panting by the end of it, and I couldn’t find the oxygen to breathe properly. I casted a tired eye to my prisoner, who was fear-locked in place. Her hair was comically blown back, like it had been put on ice.

I also noticed the damp fur on her back legs.

Pee-I MEAN seeing how my work was done, I proceeded to place her on the ground and walk back to my ship without another word. From the bushes, I head one thing before I leaned up against my ship.

“THAT WAS AWESOME!!!”

Yeah...It was kinda badass, wasn’t it?

Couldn’t help but smile at that.

First Contact [Rewritten]

The Player And His Piece

I began stirring, for it had grown hot. Like, heavy hot. The only other word I can describe it is muggy, and that just makes me sound like a child.

Anyways, the air had become too hot to remain comfortable. So I opened my eyes and....

Umm.....Now I know some crazy shit has happened to me. Like waking up in a spaceship: Being in a body that isn’t mine and taking a space-shuttle to a planet called Equis where I met minotaurs and unicorns.

That’s some pretty crazy shit.

But this shit.....This shit is bananas. And not Chiquita bananas....I’m talking fucking KING KONG-sized bananas. This shit right here...This shit right here.....

Right, er, sorry.

I was having another one of my freak outs, which was not doing wonders for my ability to comprehend foreign situations. You would think waking up in an environment you don’t recognize for a second time would lessen the chances of me freaking out, right? That shit don’t get old.

I hastily stood up, snapping my head and turning my body in every direction possible. I even pulled out my sword from its sheath and spoke the words to make it sharpen. I’m sorry, did I say spoke?

I meant yelled.

Like a big bitch if I may add.

The air was littered with yellow clouds of a sulfuric aroma. I covered my mouth and gave a cough at the pungent smell, noticing the copper-colored mountains that could be made out through this yellow miasma.

It took awhile for my nose to get used to the smell, but I eventually stopped my coughing fits and wiped my eyes of stank-induced tears. No seriously, it was that bad. I’m surprised I was even standing after inhaling that much....shit-gas. Yeah, I like the sound of that.

From now on, the rocks were covered with yellow-colored shit-gas.

I’m a genius.

“Where the fuck am I now!? Can’t a guy catch a fucking break!?” I yelled into the mist. I was upset because I had finally gotten some sleep. All the times I tried back on the spaceship and on Equis didn’t really last long. And the one time I do drift off, I wake up to this shit.

I’m a little pissed off.

And scared. Can’t forget scared.

“Who’s responsible for this shit!? I swear to God, Siri, if you were behind this I’m gonna melt you down and make you a can opener!” I thought angrily as I began to walk forward.I didn’t get too far before I heard the flapping of wings.

Wings and the sound of fire, to be exact.

And suddenly, I don’t feel like moving forward anymore.

Or holding my bladder.

No, definitely gonna hold it.

“Wait. Wingbeats and fire equals dragon,” I did the equation on my free hand, putting down fingers as I solved it quickly, “And if a dragon is coming this way; then doesn’t that mean I’m in danger?” I asked myself out loud.

Quite frankly, I was jumping to conclusions. Just because I heard wingbeats and what sounded like a raging inferno coming my way, doesn’t mean it’s a dragon that’s ready to eat me. Besides, it’s not like I know it’s a dragon coming for me!

*ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!*

Well, shit...

“MOVE LEGS!!! MOVEEEEE!!!” I screamed as I sheathed my swords and tried to move my legs. No dice. They were fear-locked in place.

*FWUMPH....FWUMPH....FWUMPH....FWUMPH....*

NOT GOOD! I could feel the wind from each monstrous flap of the wings. SHIT! It must’ve heard me yell!

That’s it then.

I’m gonna die at the hands of a dragon.

Shit.

I heard the noise of what sounded like a mountain landing on top of another mountain, following by booming drags of scale on rock. All of this was happening to the left of me, and I slowly but surely turned my head in that direction. Before me was a mountain base which was the same copper color as the ground and rocks around me. It trailed up, up, up into the sky where I saw a monstrous silhouette standing at the largest point.

And when I say monstrous. I meant fucking MOUNTAINOUS!!!

This thing had to be what, SIXTY meters tall!? And it was most definitely a dragon! I mean, just look at those fucking wings! The fucker could probably cause hurricanes with those shits!

Especially that long-ass tail.

Jesus, please don’t tell me this big sonuva bitch heard me!

“Shoo! Shoo Shoo! Go away!” I whispered desperately as I made the motions of ‘shoo-ing’ something at the dragon that was shrouded. Please work!

The dragon’s massive head, completed by two massive horns that curved up and what appeared to be an oval-shaped gem between them, swiveled about as it appeared to be looking for something. I could see a neon-blue color in its eyes through the smog, chilling me to the bone as I looked on in fear and awe.

And then....

.....It talked....

“I know you’re here, Justin. I’ve dragged you into this realm via the Dream Scrying spell and I will not stand for your hiding! Reveal yourself!” His voice sounded ancient and scraggly, but held more bass to it than a Bose subwoofer.

And the fact he knew who I was had me shitting bricks and sweating. I also know who he is as well.

“THIS IS FAKE!!! THIS IS SO FAKE IT’S RIDICULO-” I slapped a hand over my mouth as the dragon’s eyes instantly looked at me through the smog. I could feel my body trembling in fear.

DAMN IT! DAMN IT!

He HAD to hear that!

“....Found you.” And then he flapped his wings...hard.

*FLOOOMMMMPH!!!*

I was using every inch of my power in order not to be blown away. The smoke around me and around the dragon above me vanished, smitten by the monstrous beast in front of me. And quite possibly....

....My executioner....

“Holy...Shit....” I breathed out as I fell back on my ass. Birds that were still silhouetted in the smog flapped around and chirruped madly around his head. They wouldn’t dare attack him. Nothing would. The sun, if that’s what it is, casted his body in an impressive shadow that made his armor and scarf to appear on fire.

I’m in the presence of...of...

“Nicol-fucking-Bolas.” I finished as I swallowed the lump in my throat.

I had read memes and shit about this guy. Hell, I even played Magic:The Gathering 2012 for a little bit on my Xbox 360. But never, and I do mean never, have I actually entertained the thought of meeting him.

In the game, everyone except for Ajani Goldmane was his bitch. Plain and simple. But...that doesn’t explain what he wants with me and why he’s he-

“Rise,” Nicol Bolas demanded sternly as his scarf flapped about in the wind up there, “You have no reason to fear me.” I guess it’s okay to stand now.

...Hold on....give me a minute...

Yep! Not happening!

“I...I...can’t.” I called up lamely after stuttering in fear.

I could hear what sounded like a constant thumping in the air. Oh. He’s laughing at me.

“My presence has that effect on many things. But the time for words of fancy are over and I must speak with you.” Nicol Bolas said as he climbed down from the low-mountain till he was just beside me. He then sat down as he continued talking. What’s interesting is that his mouth doesn’t move when he speaks.

Bad.....ass.

“If you don’t mind me asking; Mister Bolas,” Nicol narrowed his eyes, making me fumble with my words, “Er...Sorry. Nicol Bolas, is this about how I ended up in this body?” I asked as I found enough courage to sit up before the mighty Planeswalker.

“Your abilities of deduction are almost on par with a blue-mage I’ve recently crushed in the Conflu..." He trailed off amusedly before going back to his serious expression, “....Almost. You are correct, human. This is about why you’re in that body and on that planet, yes.” He explained as I put my thinking cap on.

I also shied away from him a little bit, knowing about his 'touch' ability. If you are not familiar with the basis of this move, it's basically an overpowered poke to any part of your body that will instantly turn your mind to gelatin.

“Ah, you’re afraid of The Touch aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question. “Most people are. But enough of this idle chit-chat. This is a matter you shall tell no one else, no matter how hard they may threaten you. Am I understood?” He asked as his eyes narrowed and gave a guttural growl for emphasis.

I got dizzy from how fast I was nodding my head.

“Good. Now before I begin, you may not interrupt me during any point in this explanation. Doing so will result in me getting angry. Need I say more?” He challenged. Once again I made myself nauseous as I shook my head this time.

“You are but a Piece in a game all the gods are playing. I will say no more about the game, such as its rules or if any other players exist. You’ll have to find that out on your own. Just know that I am your Player.” With that he extended his wings, preparing to take off.

“....Wait, Bolas.” I called out, causing him to bat a disinterested eye at me.

“What is it, child? I am a busy entity, and do not wish to be kept from my tasks with your petty questions.” He responded harshly, making me flinch at the sudden aggression his voice took on.

“Why? Why are you doing this to me? I...I don’t want to play this stupid game!” I yelled.

“Too bad.” He said as an evil grin broke out across his face. With that, he waved an armored claw at my general direction, making me feel....

....Sleepy.

I gave a yawn as my eyes got tired out of nowhere. The bastard used blue-magic on me! But....I can’t....do...anyth-

*Krr!*

I fell backwards, smacking my head as the last of my will was broken. I began sleeping.

Introductions are in Order [Rewritten]

Getting Shit Done

A warm feeling, like having a warm rag pressed against your cheek that’s devoid of water, made me wake up slowly. I fluttered my eyes, taking in the pure blue sky and the wisps of cotton that lazily floated by. The sun decided to be extra bright today, but it was still a little cold. That gentle breeze from yesterday was still rolling about the clearing, chilling me to the bone as I remembered taking off my jacket and turning it into a makeshift pillow for Sunset Shimmer.

“Life may be weird now, but at least it’s better than being human. As far as I’m concerned, by the way my mom told me, I was gonna have to kiss a lot of ass in order to get anywhere. Fuck that,” I thought with a frown, “In fact, fuckEarth! I’m not even mad at Ole Col’ for sending me here anymore; shit, ponies are more accepting than humans are!”

I was starting this day off like I did all my days back on Earth. Which normally started with me cursing my life and wishing nothing short of the Apocalypse for all humanity. They’re disgusting animals who deserve to have all their ejaculations replaced with fire.

Shoutouts to Dethklok....the crazy bastards.

Now that I was in my grumpy mood I decided to actually get some shit done today. Besides, it’s not like I have any real grasp on this world and on my body....yet. I plan to change all of that within the course of today, however.

I looked down, noticing the still slumbering form of Sunset Shimmer on my leg. She’s out like a Jehovah's Witness’s porchlight on Halloween.

All that shit that happened when I first got here was fake. That wasn’t me. It was just a hectic time because I woke up in a body without any explanation for it. I’m bipolar, but it’s only minutely and when I’m under severe amounts of stress that it comes out. All that shit about not wanting to be alone anymore was just my emotions getting the best of me.

Truth is...I don’t know what I want. I’m indecisive. Back on Earth, I was friends with pretty much the entire football team at my high school. But because of my....hobby, I was constantly flamed everyday. Words like faggot or homo or gay were thrown around alot. But there wasn’t really anything I could do about it, and it didn’t necessarily make me angry.

What did, however, is when one of my football friends called me a ‘Faggot-Ass Brony’ in front of the girl who had been friendzoning me since middle school. Let me be more specific.

I liked this girl ever since the sixth grade; made multiple attempts to ‘woo’ her since then, and am currently in my sophomore year of high school.

No surprise I caught an attempted murder charge that day when I took out one of my big textbooks from my book-bag and proceeded to whip some dumb-jock ass.

And boy did it feel gooood~!

But I’m sure my anger won't be a problem, seeing as there are no more humans around me.

“Get up.” I deadpanned as I shook Sunshine Shimmer’s head roughly, wanting her to wake up as soon as possible. I was cold, and the fucking breeze in this clearing wasn’t doing shit to help me.

“Hmm...w-huh?” She grumbled as she broke out into a yawn, waking up slowly. I had no time for this shit.

So, without saying another word, I got up quickly while grabbing my jacket out from under her. She fell, of course, and thudded her head upon the ground. Not my fault. She should’ve been quicker with waking up.

So what if I’m an asshole. Deal with it.

“Ow! Hey!” Sunset yelled as she started picking herself up. I had already begun walking towards the front of my rover, hoping that Siri would respond and let me in before I’d have to-

“Silas! That wasn’t very nice!” She called after me. Even though I’m an asshole, I would be scum if I didn’t have my chivalry and manners...............to a point. She’s also right, and I would hate to see my chances of finding hospitality diminish because of some prissy, space-obsessed nerd.

I’m a gentleman, so that stays in my head until she pisses me off.

“What? Oh, I’m sorry.” I deadpanned, not being sincere but hiding it very well. You learn to do that on Earth, especially if your bullies are stronger than you physically. It always feels good to outsmart them, however.

“Apology accepted. Now, if you don’t mind me asking,” She trailed off as I turned my head to acknowledge her. She took this as a sign of me listening, “Are you getting ready to....go inside?” Her face seemed to brighten up as an excited smile foretold what she was getting at.

“Yes. And....no. No, you can’t go inside my ship. Why? Because I don’t feel like explaining ‘what this button does’ or ‘what does this thing do’.” I responded bemusedly, which is probably how my face is going to stay throughout the entirety of my stay here. I have nothing to be happy about, except the fact that I’m away from my kin.

And my smarts. I love my smarts.

“Why not?” She pleaded, almost begged. That’s something else I didn’t like. How all these ponies, no matter what their age, save Celestia, act like they’re little kids. It’s irksome and distasteful.

“Whining will get you nowhere. Now be quiet. This takes severe concentration.” I responded instantly and harshly. If she couldn't take normal answers then that’s her own damn fault. But I know she’ll pick up on me being irritated. And if she doesn’t because she’s a tactless mare, then once again, it’s her fault. Not mine, her’s.

I once read a story on Fimfiction.net where a brony was transported to Equestria. It was awful and I hated it.

Mostly because it was ‘HumanxPony’ smut with no real story to it. Just mindless sex with three or four paragraphs of actual story a chapter. A pity that the perverseness and immorality of homosapiens can spread to even this fandom. Truly sickening. A fandom where I could get away from the turmoils of life as a human, only to find that it’s been corrupted by shit like clop-pics and clopfics.

I love Earth.

“SIRI!!! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT!!! NOW EITHER YOU SHOW ME HOW TO OPEN THIS THING, OR I’M GONNA RIP THE CLOSEST THING THAT RESEMBLES A ROBOT’S VAGINA FROM MY ROVER!!!” I yelled, feeling the ground shake as my voice boomed across the clearing and some of the woods perhaps.

I waited with a sour look on my face before my left eye began....buzzing?

“The fuck?”  I lifted a hand up to my left eye and proceeded to rub it. I jumped when I heard a click come from my eye.

“The fuck?” I repeated out loud as I slowly brought my hand down, watching as a sliver of dark-blue light funneled from my left eye. Just what the hell is going her-....

“Oh. I forgot about that Sirios unit I put in my eye. Siri had said it was for gathering and sending information. Hmmm...I wonder if that included speech. If I’ve been out here the entire time without knowing I could’ve used this, I will personally hit myself in the manjewels.”  I thought morosely.

Not really knowing how to use this thing, I simply opted for that thing all secret service agents do with those things in their ear. I put two fingers, my middle and my pointer, up to my left eye and waited for any sort of feedback.

“Hello, Silas. I’m glad to see that you’ve figured out how to communicate with me via your Sirios unit. I’m sorry for-”

“Yeah, hold that thought toots.” I said as I balled the hand I was using to hold against my eye up, then, after having the toughest battle with my pride as a man, I rocked my crotch.

“SON OF A BITCH!!!” I screamed out, making Sunset Shimmer, who had come up on the side of me without knowing, flop her ears down against her head.The ground rumbled from the completion of my word, and a couple of crows flew from their rests in the trees.

I fell on my knees, both of my hands massaging my surprisingly vacant crotch as a strong feeling of nausea almost made me upchuck. I swallowed it, and I don’t think I have to tell you what it was, and continued taking deep breaths as I tried to work the pain out. After five or so minutes, I was staggering back to my legs.

“Why....did you do that?” Sunset asked, quite appalled that any male would do that to themselves.

I looked at her, with a tear hanging from my right eye and gave her a thumbs-up.

“Because....I’m a man.”

I’ve goofed off too much. I’m losing precious day time, and I’ve yet to enter my home. I’m cold, mostly because I haven’t put on my fucking jacket, and I have a pony who’s only infatuated with me because I’m an alien.

Deciding to no longer waste anymore time, I put on my jacket and hastily placed my fingers on my closed left eye. Which is, by the way, the only way to enter communications mode.

“Open the door. And I also want to know why I couldn’t come in during the night. Being a robot, you don’t have shit like hypothermia to worry about.” I demanded, wanting to get out of this verily hated Fall weather.

“Opening door.” The stairs came out from their hidden compartment and the door opened with a ‘pssh!’ sound. I began my ascent quickly, throwing a glance at Sunset Shimmer as she pouted and ‘harrumphed’ loudly. “The rover; which is what I shall be calling it until a name is selected by the Captain, was recharging via the solar-energy panels on the roof behind the antenna. All electronic functions were cut off, including comms, until ample power was restored. I apologize for any problems this may have caused, but I am also able to say that power has reached full capacity.”

Huh. Guess she had her reasons.

“Alright. Then tell me when your next recharge is. I don’t want to be caught outside at the wrong time. Especially when the wrong time consists of me being outside in the cold temperatures of Fall. I fucking hate Fall.” I responded.

“Recharge will begin after six months of operation. All power was used during the hyper-speed flight to the planet, which is why recharge was necessary. Is there anything else, Silas?” Siri is about the only thing I actually enjoy being around. Well, Siri and myself.

“Yeah...” I trailed off as I found my head traveling to Sunset Shimmer, who was still glaring at me with a pout as I stood in front of the open door on the last step. I then turned my head to look inside, remembering the layout instantly. “See if you can have some food brought out for me and a glass of water for the mare.” I said as I headed inside, but not before shifting my eyes to look at the look of pure joy sliding its way across Sunset’s face as I entered.

You can add suave to the list of all my traits now.

“Oh....My.....Celestia.” I sat down in the captain’s chair and looked at Sunset Shimmer, who looked like her face was going to rip at the seams. As in her whole face was a smile as she scanned every nook and cranny of my spaceship, using teleports and magical, scans, with her horn.

“You’re like a kid getting a new toy! Just don’t touch anything.” I called out, making her turn her head and give a happy snort in confirmation. I could even see the white cloud come from her nose all anime-style and what not. I’m not even gonna question it.

“It’s just.....so COOL! You can’t even BEGIN to realize how long I’ve waited for a day like this to come to pass! It’s just....AMAZING!” She ranted as she performed a teleport onto the Astral Dais, pointing her horn down and scanning it. She then pulled a notepad and pencil from seemingly nowhere, which is still pretty weird, and began writing what I can only assume to be notes down furiously.

“Hear that Siri? She thinks you’ve got a nice bod.” I quipped, knowing full well that robots don’t have bodies to complement.

“I’m flattered, tiny horse creature.” I gave a snort and cupped a hand around my mouth to stop myself from laughing out loud. Ho-ly SHIT, was that the funniest way to describe a pony or what!? ESPECIALLY, since their sentient! That shit’s comedy.

“Um...It’s Sunset Shimmer.” She corrected as I put my hand down and leaned back in my chair, becoming absorbed with the feeling of leather caressing my massive wings and back.

“My apologies, Ms. Shimmer. Your refreshments will be out soon. I am currently bringing them from the kitchen.”

I raised my eyebrow. “We have a kitchen? What else do we have on my rover thing?” My question rung out unanswered for a while, with Sunset Shimmer holding up her pencil and notepad in her magic aura, waiting for an answer as well.

“I’ve sent the schematics to your Sirios unit. In order to access the files, you must think about them. Try it now.”

I don’t like being ordered around, so with a grimace I did as I was told. I thought about what the schematics would look like if they were displayed on holo-panels, which could be manipulated like in Dead Space. Lo’ and behold, my left eye shot out a beam an arm’s length in front of my face, bringing up a dark-blue fuzzy holo-screen with the interior of my rover in white.

All the rooms were labeled, so it wasn’t hard distinguishing them from the rest. This is fucking boss. It covered everything from distances to each room, to the various activities and uses a room has. There was even a separate image detailing the intricate wiring of my rover.

“Alright, so there’s a bathroom right outside the command-bridge. The only door out of here is...” I stood up, keeping my attention focused on my surroundings and the HUD, which is what I’ll be calling this from now on. Because, let’s face it, who hasn’t played a first-person shooter and would think of this thing as nothing else?

I held my sentiment as my body found what appeared to be a solid wall in front of me. The HUD suddenly changed, asking me if I wanted to open the door in all-white letters. I saw a red rectangle and a green rectangle on my HUD screen underneath the letters, which I quickly discerned to be ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Simple enough.

The HUD with the intricate design went away when I deemed it an eyesore. It wasn’t really needed, ‘cause I’m not gonna bust my ass with repairs any time soon.

Getting back on track...

I pressed the green one, hearing it boop and then open the door instantly. I peered into the hallway, which was actually a stairway that led down and a door to my right as I exited the command-bridge.

I glanced at the door, then at my HUD. It’s a bathroom.

The kitchen was down the steps and....right there. This is a trailer. Who puts a bathroom above a kitchen?

I lost all my motivation, so I quickly turned around just to come face to face with an excited Sunset Shimmer.

“JESUS, MARY AND ALL OF NAZARETH!!!” I screamed as I jumped back in fright.....

....When there’s a staircase behind me....

....Shit.

“OW! FUCK! SHIT! DAMN IT! CUNT!” I landed on my chin with the rest of my body hanging in the air for about two seconds before it came tumbling down. It hurt...everywhere!

“Are...Are you alright?” Sunset asked with genuine concern. Really? I just fell like a sack of bowling balls and you ask me if I’m alright!!!???

“Does it LOOK like I’m alright you ASSHAT!!??” I let out a sigh as I slowly picked myself up. “You know what; I had absolutely no reason to snap on you like that. I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m......easily angered, you see. I just snap out at random intervals. I’ve always had problems dealing with my anger.” What the hell am I doing telling her my backstory?

It’s Equestria or Equis or whatever the fuck you want to call this world. It’s like.....impossible to stay angry.

I hate it.

“Apology accepted. Ooo, deja vu. Anyways, I’m officially blown away by your living arrangements. Everything’s exactly like I thought it to be in my dreams. The smell of antiseptics and ingenuity, the all-white decor and metal, and even the A.I! Oh, I couldn’t thank you enough for letting me live out one of my-”

“A simple ‘thank you’ would suffice. No need to evacuate all the air in your lungs and asphyxiate because you want to thank me. Besides, I’m not worth dying over anyway.” I waved her thanks off with a hand and turned around, throwing a glance at her as she stood at the top of the fourteen-or-so steps.

I had time to count while I was acquainting my face and back with them.

“Alright! So tour’s over, and if you have any questions for Captain Silas I recommend shoving it! Now, back to the bridge with you.” I shooed her off as I began my slow and painful climb up the stairs, wincing every now and then when I stepped on my bruised foot or expanded a sore muscle due to my tumble.

She glared but obeyed, putting her notepad and pencil away and turning around to head into the command-bridge.

I was one step away from reaching the top when a tray of amethysts shot from the wall and scared the crap out of me. Which in turn, made me jump back in fear.....

....while on the steps.....

“BALLS! COCK! FUCK! SHIT! DAMN IT!!!” And same position for the win. Isn’t that just grand?

“Your food is ready, Silas.”

“Fuck you.” I responded bitterly. No seriously...fuck this.

I snatched my silver tray from the white table on the steps as I climbed them again, hearing it zip back into the wall as I walked past it. Once I entered the command-bridge, I noticed Sunset Shimmer sitting in my Captain’s chair while tapping her front hooves together, simultaneously looking at me with a shit-eating grin of revenge.

“Did you enjoy your trip?”

“Eat me and get the hell out of my seat. And just for that joke, I’m not giving you any of my gems.” I stopped as she began laughing at me. The hell is so funny?

“Ponies can’t eat gems, moron.” She remarked dryly, getting out of my seat and opting to stand next to me as I sat down, tray in hand as I popped one of the four amethysts in my mouth. Delicious.

“Who said anything about eating them, dipshit? For all you know, they could be space gems.” I asked her with a raised eyebrow as I simultaneously swallowed the gem mush in my mouth. I fucking love gems!

Sunset ‘facehooved’ herself, which brought a throaty chuckle from me.

“And now you’re not getting a single one! A pity, honestly.” I teased as she glared and....growled like a dog? No seriously! This bitch growled like an ankle-biter!

“I don’t appreciate you mocking me! Besides; what’s stopping me, exactly, from just taking one of those gems off your plate, hmm?” She asked crossly. I wasted no time in shoving all the gems into my mouth, chewing on them quickly and then swallowed them. I hated having to do that, but it was the only way of safeguarding them against an old hag with a knack for trying to prove people wrong.

“That.” I responded simply, giving her a taunting smile afterwards. You lose, I win. That’s just the way things go toots!

“Do you remember the time I called you insufferable?” I could already tell where this was going.

“Let me guess....You meant it?” I responded instantly, making her smile and evil smile.

“I forgot callous, barbaric and idiotic; but yes, I did mean it!” She then smiled in victory, as if her insults actually held any sway on my emotions. Bitch I got 99 problems and you ain’t one!

“Oh no. My poor, poor heart just exploded in mine wee chest. I beg of thee cruel maiden! Remove thine verbal dagger from mine virgin heart!” I flipped her off afterwards.

“Beast!” She retorted.

“Harlot.” I replied simply.

“Neanderthal!”

“Cum Dumpster.”

“Freak!”

“Bar Wench.”

“Idiot!”

“Two-Bit Floozie.”

“Scum!”

“The only thing that opens more than your mouth is your vagina, which reeks of week-old tilapia.” I responded, finishing our argument as her mouth hung open like it was attached to puppet strings.

“Word of advice? Never enter a battle of wits with an alien. You’ll lose. Badly.” I leaned back in my chair as she continued to catch flies in her mouth for some time. After about five minutes,  I heard a yell come from the outside of my rover.

You know what? I’m coming up with a name for my new home. I’m not gonna sit here and keep calling this shit the ‘rover' forever!

“Mr.Silas! Mr.Silas are ya’ in there!?” That would be Jack.

“Siri, open the door. I believe our broken friend here needs interaction with one of her own in order to work again.” I motioned at Sunset Shimmer, to which the door opened and the steps went out.

How do I know this?

Because my kickass HUD was monitoring everything that moved, that’s how! I fucking love being an alien.

I waited until the sound of cloven hooves walking on steps reached my ears and then stopped. I turned my head to look at Jack, who was dressed in his overalls from yesterday with a goofy smile on his face. I love that kid.

“Mr. Silas.........Ya’...Ya’ house is AWESOME!” He exclaimed with a huge smile on his face, making me give a dismissive chuckle.

“Wow, Siri! You’re even getting looks from kids!” I taunted my A.I as Jack sauntered up beside Sunset Shimmer, who promptly broke out of her daze and offered him a smile.

“I appreciate your praise, juvenile bovine specimen.”

I lost my shit.

“AHAHAHAHAAHAH....You’re the....You’re the most socially awkward computer program in existence!!! AHAHAHAHAH!!!” I was throwing my legs about and clutching my sides as the sheer absurdity of that greeting made my day. That’s two for two Siri! Two for fucking two!

“Ms. Shimmer? What’s given Mr. Silas a case of tha’ gigglies?” Jack asked as he held the wicker gift-basket in both of his small hands. Bless his heart. The thing was almost as big as he was!

“Oh I could tell you multiple things,” She started with a scowl in my direction, “But they’re gonna have to wait until you’re older, Jack-Jack. Okay?” She asked him with a smile, making the mini minotaur smile with his infant sized teeth on full display.

I eventually came down from my fit and instantly noticed the gift-basket in Jack’s hands.

“What’s in the basket, Jack? Did you bring me something good?” I wasn’t hungry, so I guess you could say I was hungry for knowledge. More specifically, for that map I was promised yesterday.

“It’s something me Mom cooked up for ya’! And a map of Equis like ya’ requested from Papa!” He started as he walked up to me and presented the gift-basket, to which I took off his hands with one of my own and sat it on my lap, “He told me to tell ya’ to visit Stonehaven today! It’s the village to the west of here, and all the minotaurs are antsier than a squirrel with itching powder to meet ya’!” He finished as he climbed up onto my lap unannounced.

If this was any other kid, they would've gotten the boot. But since it’s Jack.....Well.....You can’t say no. And I could say no to just about anything and anyone!

“Oh, you! Now how about we open this thing, yeah?” I asked with growing excitement that would soon match Jack’s. This kid’s happiness is....infectious! And I’m okay with this.

“Yeah!” Jack responded quickly, making me ruffle the little tyke’s mane a little bit before adjusting him to lay against my chest. I did this so that I could get to the basket easier and not worry about knocking Jack off.

“So let’s see here.....Oh! It’s a pie and a letter!” From the smell of it.....apple! Yep, it’s definitely apple! “Let’s see what the letter says.”

Dear Mr. Silas,

My son and husband told me that they’ve met the kindest and most wonderful creature out in Breezy Clearing! I couldn’t get them both to shut-up for ten minutes about you at the dinner table! Now, when Lummy came home and told me about you I admit I was a little skeptical. But when Jack came home later and had nothing but praises for you, I couldn’t help but feel my heart melt a little!

I don’t know what nice aliens like yourself eat, but me and the girls over here in Stonehaven decided to bake you a pie! I just know you’re going to love it! And make sure you visit soon!

Sincerely,

Marsha.

“Well that was nice of her,” Sunset exclaimed, making herself known again. She’d been quiet for so long, I guess I kind of forgot about her, “And it sounds like you’re long overdue for a visit!”

Did....Did she forget that little spat we had earlier. All I’m picturing right now is the ‘Aliens Guy’ with his hands flanking the word ‘Ponies’.

Oh well. No scales off my bones.

“Well I know what I’m going to do today! Studying a boring old map like this isn’t exactly my idea of a good time anyways! SO, let’s go meet some minotaurs!” I picked Jack up quickly and set him on my head, holding on to his pudgy legs as he thrusted his arms up happily. The little guy even gave a small shriek of surprise. You know, the one that causes diabetes?

I may need to get checked.

“How do you defeat a mini minotaur? Many minotaur taurs hate tar-tar sauce! YEAH THEY'RE DEFINITELY ALLERGIC TO TAR-TAR SAUCE!!!” I began singing out loud as we exited the....You know what, it’s naming time!

“Siri!” I called into my home. Sunset Shimmer was behind me, so she got a wake-up call.

“Yes, Silas?”

“The new name for my ship is.....umm.....AHA! It’s Judgement! Write it into your memory banks!” I yelled as Sunset Shimmer bumped passed me with an irritated look on her face because I was yelling over her and into my home. If I would’ve fell and hurt Jack, there would be a gold-furred jacket around my chest by this time tomorrow!

“Roger.”

And with that, I turned around and descended the steps. When all of us, save for Jack because he’s currently watching the world from up high, were on the ground, we promptly started making headway towards Stonehaven.

Jack was acting like a surrogate GPS machine.

All three of us entered the woods and continued walking for quite some time before Sunset Shimmer opened her mouth.

“Silas? How did you know I was spying on you back then?” She asked out of nowhere, coming up beside me instantly.

“Well you weren’t exactly hidden with your surroundings. I mean your colors are red, gold and yellow. Not too hard to spot in a sea of green trees. Even though it’s Fall. Which makes no sense.” I replied, watching her nod her head in understanding.

“It does. Fall starts after Autumn here on Equis. You must be thinking like the dragons, who believe Autumn and Fall are the same thing. Autumn is when the leaves begin to change colors; while Fall is when they....well...Fall.” Sunset finished as I shook my head in disbelief. You know, half this shit doesn’t even surprise me anymore.

“Silas doesn’t know his seasons~!” Jack taunted from on top of my head.

I smiled.

“Hey now! You may be small and cute, but I bet Mr.Silas could make room for a Jack burger!” I began playfully growling while shaking my head to and fro, getting surprised shrieks from the farm boy and some laughter as well. I even began playfully nipping at his feet, to which he would just squirm as I pecked at them.

“Stop it! Hehehe! It tickles!”

“Oh fine you big crybaby! Hey, is this the place?” I asked my travel guide as we exited the forest and saw a plethora of cobblestone houses with smoking chimneys and plowed fields. In the distance I could make out a massive farmhouse, made completely out of logs from trees.

Definitely where Lumber, his wife Marsha and Jack lives.

Wait.

Lumber.....and Jack......

......Lumberjack.

Seriously?

“Yep! Welcome ta’ Stonehaven, Mr. Silas!” Jack exclaimed as he bounced on my head. I settled him down by squeezing his legs and telling him to ease up. He’s not the lightest kid ever, y’know.

I took a deep inhale, getting the smell of farmland and peace into my nostrils and lungs. I gave a loud exhale, which made Sunset look at me in a confused manner.

“Is there something wrong, Silas?” She asked, prodding me in the leg with a hoof. I looked down at her and smiled.

“Nope! I’m just taking in the sights and smell of the place! Well, let’s go mingle guys!” I stated happily, to which I just began walking into the village.

This is starting to look like a pretty normal day!

Sunset and Silas: Part 1 [Rewritten]

A Warm Welcome And A Smokey Turnout

“So now that we’re here, where do we go to...mingle?” I asked Jack, who was still riding on top of my head.

“You could try tha’ Five-Leafed Clover! It’s Stonehaven’s premiere pub! There’s always minotaurs in that building!” Jack responded as he bent down over my head to look me in my face.

I know I shouldn't say it, but this kid has too much SWAG!!!

....Please kill me for that.

“Well you’re the one with knowledge, Jack! Lead on!” I responded with a smile, momentarily shifting my focus to look at Jack, who had his hand outstretched with a finger extended. This finger was pointing at a guide sign, which was in front of a bed of flowers.

My party of three walked up to it, getting a good look at the village’s structure and house designs.

Stonehaven was built with a ‘circular-road’ system, which means that every section of the town had a circular patch of dirt that branched off towards an establishment or home. So basically, the town starts with one circle that then leads to another, an then another, and then another and so on and so forth! Each circle contained eight or ten houses, and seemed to branch out into about five more circles before a single and winding dirt road led up to an illustration of Lumber Tree Farms.

It’s a decent sized town, which means I could’ve easily ended up lost if I didn’t have a tour guide. But thank Nicol Bolas that I did, otherwise I would’ve tried to just stroll about until I found something useful or good.

“And it looks like the F.L.C is over....here.” I turned my head, because the diagram had said that the pub was on my left. And lo’ and behold, there was a brown swinging sign with ‘Five-Leaf Clover’ written in ‘Ye Olde’ lettering out front.

The establishment itself was fairly quaint from the outside. There was a deck, with round tables that could seat four to each one as we neared the steps leading up to the front door. I was instantly assaulted with the smell of whiskey and cigars, meaning that this pub was in full-swing.

Western-style flapping doors separated us from the inside, but didn’t really stop us from going in. Jack was still on my head, and I’m still tall as shit, so I had to duck in order to avoid a crying boy.

Once inside, the humdrum of the pub stopped immediately. There were about fifty minotaurs; some standing and some sitting, with all their eyes focused on me. I looked about, keeping a hopeful grin on my face as the silence was becoming palpable.

Shit son....I’m like Clint Eastwood in this bitch!

I felt something warm lean up against the side of my thigh, letting me know that Sunset Shimmer was intimidated by these big lugs.

It was so quiet, you could probably hear two ants fuck each other senseless. No one moved an inch, and to be honest, I was starting to feel a little nervous myself. But, it’s a good thing I carry knowledge on how to dispel awkward situations like these from Earth’s movies!

“Umm....” I began as I noticed some of the patrons tense at me saying something. “....Next round’s on me?” I offered sheepishly, to which the silence continued on for a little bit.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................*YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!*

The pub broke out in a massive cheer! I actually didn’t know if that would work or not, and I’m pretty sure I caught two minotaurs high-five each other and say “It worked!” before going back to drinking themselves silly.

With my confidence boosted, I casually strolled into the pub and found a stool at the bar. Given my taller height compared to the rest of the minotaurs, sitting at the barstool actually proved to be immensely awkward. For one, your feet are supposed to rest on the feet-rests at the bottom.

Mine didn’t.

....Awkward Alien is Awkward.

Sunset Shimmer went off to mingle with other people and Jack was still on my head. Some of the patrons were throwing him friendly greetings while others simply returned to their drinking.

“So what can I do ya’ for, laddy?” I turned my head to gaze upon what can only be seen as a scottish-minotaur. Bright orange hair, which was short and in a bowl shape. Lime-green eyes and a white shirt eventually gave way to a red and green kilt.

Fucking hell! This guy’s a hardcore scotsman ain’t he! I was half-expecting him to rave about his wife and then destroy everything in sight with a automatic rifle in his leg! The minotaur even had the beard!

Now, I was a man of the bottle back in my day. Of course, it had to be done in secret as to avoid potential bitching from my mom and a possible charge by the police. Here? On Equis?

Shiiiiiiiit~! You best believe I’m tipping back a few! Hell I might get plastered today, just for the shits and giggles of it!

“RUM!!!” I yell out my favourite alcoholic beverage loudly. I love any drink with rum in it, and I can honestly say that drinking from the bottle itself is just as good! “I don’t care what you mix it with; how you shake it or stir it, or if you just give me the bottle! I needs my fix, man!” I did my best druggy impersonation, scratching my arm and neck simultaneously.

“Easy there, laddy!” Jessup, based on the nametag that hung on his white shirt, threw his hands up in an effort to calm me down. “I would like to let you have some of the finest rum this side of Stonehaven, but unfortunately, we ran out today. You’re not the only one who’s partial to the Pirate Nectar, laddy.”

I facepalmed, my mouth hanging in shock the entire time. Fuck me. Just....Fuck me.

“Looks like this pubs been Sparrowed.” I said with a disappointed shake of my head. I guess I’ll have to settle for something that wouldn’t even get me buzzed. Fucking minotaurs. “Can you get me some whiskey then? THE strongest you got, if it’s not too much to ask.” I say bemusedly, putting my head in my hands, then placing my elbows on the counter.

“Why is the rum gone?”

Shut the fuck up brain. You’ll be having a good time in a little bit. I’ll be taking good care of you soon.

“You got it.” And I watched as Jessup turned around, rummaging through the various bottles against the wall.

*Thump.*

I looked to my left and noticed that Jack had lept off my shoulders and onto the adjacent bar stool. That was dangerous! He could’ve seriously hurt himself! Jesus kid!

“The frak do you think you’re doing!? You could’ve fraking missed the stool you bumbling bovine boy!” I snapped, making Jack flinch a little at the sternness of my voice. He looked at me with those fucking puppy eyes that all kids make when they don’t want to get in trouble. You gotta be kidding me. I’m officially out of my element now. When it comes to cute things, I’m a fucking whore.

“Stop.....Stop making that face. It’s.....it’s not helping.” I tried lamely, to which Jack responded with the CUTEST WHIMPER I HAVE EVER HEARD OH GODS ABOVE TAKE ALL MY ‘HNNNGGGG’!!! “Fine! I’m not angry at you, if that’s what you wanted to know. Just don’t do anything that stupid again, or else me and your mom and dad are going to have a nice chat.” I quipped with an evil grin, to which Jack stiffened at.

“Is this seat taken?” I turned my head to the right, noticing a female minotaur standing next to me with a smile on her face. She has long black hair and oval-shaped glasses that hung on the bridge of her nose. The glasses sat in front of two huge orbs of orange, which seemed to highlight the orange and white scarf on her neck. White and black patches adorned her face and arms, but her legs were covered by an ankle-long plaid skirt that stopped above a pair of black and shiny loafers. Her shirt was nothing more than a white collar one, with black buttons holding it together.

She was rather built, her arm muscles protruding as her hands tightened around a book she was holding around the vicinity of her crotch. (No, I wasn’t looking you fucking locusts!) She also seemed young in the face, probably around her mid-twenties.

“Uh.....no, no, go ahead.” I waved a hand over the seat as she did a little curtsy and took the stool. She placed the book down on the counter and tapped its face twice, bringing Jessup to her in a whoosh of orange.

How the fuck does something that huge, move that fast!?

“Oh, Ms.Lehigh! I just noticed ya! What can I do ya for!?” Jessup was sweating fucking meteors. Whoever bessy may be, she definitely wears the pants around here!

“Hello to you too, Jessup. I’d like any red wine you have, and please make sure it’s aged appropriately.” Her voice was silky and smooth, almost like a spider’s web. I instantly had my guard up. Something doesn’t seem right with this chick.

“Of course!” And with that, Jessup slid my glass and bottle of ‘Bull’s Tonic’ whiskey at me before disappearing.

I grabbed that glass, but missed the bottle.

“Ah shit!” I made an attempt to catch my booze with a hand, but I was stopped by a white and black hand that had a surprisingly forceful grip on it. I quirked my eyebrow up at the woman as she snatched the bottle from its course with her tail. It was spotted like her, but the tail ball was all black.

“Whoops. You almost dropped it!” She slid my bottle back down the counter with her tail, to which I responded with a quick grab. I gave her a nod in thanks as Jessup appeared with her drink and bottle instantly.

Horny fucknut. You couldn’t bring me my shit when I ordered it, but when an attractive woman sallies up to the bar you bend over backwards and fist yourself!?

Up yours, Jessy.

“Is there anything else you need, Miss Lehigh?” The cow shook her head, to which Jessup bowed and then left.

You can now add kissass to the list of lovely qualities Jessup has. Lonely fuck probably gets no play, so he tries seducing the nearest thing with a cleavage. Come to think of it, most of the bulls in this pub were looking at her like a good slice of pie.

A-MARE-ican pie.

“A pleasure to meet you, Mister Silas. My name is Donna Lehigh, and I’m the proud CEO of Crossroads Milking Incorporated.” She reached out a hand for me to shake, to which I quickly obliged. Amidst all my swearing and curt attitude, I’m the perfect gentleman.

“Wow. Jack must’ve really been talking about me in order for the locals to know about me already! But you know kids, once you tell them something, they’ll no doubt find someway to skew the story a hundred times before telling it.” I shook her hand quickly, noticing just how soft her hands were. Oh dear god it was like having satin pressed against your hands!

“However,” I began as I broke off the handshake prematurely, to which she raised an eyebrow at, “I don’t really see why a wealthy businesswoman like yourself would be here, in Stonehaven. I already know that Lumber Tree Farms is the largest organization in this town, which makes me wonder on why you’re here. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate your gesture in greeting me, I just know there’s an ulterior motive behind it. Now that pleasantries are over, I trust you’re here to talk business?” I sat back, fully accustomed to how her kind thinks based on various movies I watched on Earth.

Donna had this look of incredulity plastered on her face, as if my perception was unbelieveable. She shook herself from it and poured the red liquid into the wine glass, which was shining by the way. Clearly, this woman got what she wanted handed to her on a silver platter made from condensed angel tears.

Getting back on track, she promptly lifted the glass to her lips daintily, throwing me a sideways glance as she swallowed....loudly.

Oh she’s good.....

“I see you’re very adept at drinking, Ms.Lehigh.” I began as I picked up my whole bottle and chugged it down in ten seconds flat. I orchestrated my rather long tongue into slowly licking the dribble of ale that had somehow missed my maw.

It didn’t burn when it went down, because after turning to the bottle when I was only sixteen, the pain was unnoticeable. I guess this body also has high alcohol tolerance, or a goddamn god-tier liver.

“Well, when you have the ample time to enjoy a good vini like I, then you pick up on....technique.” She was laying it on thick. She was also leaning towards me, the backs of her hands underneath her chin.  Almost as thick as those birthing hips of her’s that seemed ready to drop to the ground should she lean any harder. For all you kids out there, I describing how perfect her hips and ass are.

And while I’m on the subject of perfect, I must say that Sunset Shimmer, who was walking up towards the bar, had the most perfect angry face I’ve ever seen!

“In this corner we have the horny and beautiful Donna Lehigh, who’s able to wet underwear with a bat of an eye! And in this corner, we have the nerdy yet angry Sunset Shimmer, whose wrath is like the white hot intensity of a million white suns! Place your bets and protect your balls; It’s gonna be a helluva night, ladies and gentleman!” The announcer’s voice rung through my head as Sunset Shimmer levitated Jack out of the bar stool and then outside of the pub altogether.

With an audible *flumph*, the mare sat down and leaned over to hear our conversation.

“A friend of yours, Mister Silas?” Donna asked as she pointed a finger at Sunset. She was obviously playing the ‘You’re an unwanted bar wench who shouldn’t be butting in’ card!

“And a devastating right hook connects, thrown by the voluptuous Donna Lehigh!”

“I’m his personal escort and friend, Sunset Shimmer. Is there something we can help you with, Ms. Cow?” Sunset snapped that last word clean in two! As Mordecai and Rigby would say.....

.....OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

“And the fiery mare responds with a devastating uppercut right into the pride! I don’t care what galaxy you’re from; that’s gotta hurt!” Most of the bar was paying attention now.

“Oh I know all about you, Ms. Shimmer,” She took the time to even lay a hand on my chest, which I felt her shudder and grab minutely, before pushing back in order to get into Sunset’s face, “And you’re little drunk tirade that got you exiled from this town in the first place. Something about aliens and tentacl-”

*ZIIIIIIIIPPP!* Donna found it hard to speak with a red magical zipper closing her flytrap.

I’ve seen enough hentai to know where that was headed! Of course, that was back in my human days, so I really can’t count that against me. Anyways, Donna was zipped up at the mouth, literally, and Sunset had the most menacing of glares aimed in her direction.

“Listen here you rich bitch! I don’t know what you were planning, but I’m stopping it here and now! Now you take your fat ass back to the corporation you crawled out from, or I’m gonna ask Silas for his opinion on well-done steak!” Sunset banged both of her hooves on the counter, blowing a puff of white air from her nose as she snorted vehemently.

Donna looked just as steamed, but she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before throwing a look of understanding at Sunset Shimmer; who, in turn, unzipped her mouth.

“If you must know, Ms.Shimmer; I was actually sent here in order to acquire intel on the alien. The Transcontinental Investigative Tracking Squads are secretly trying to have Mr.Silas here locked up for testing.” She harshly whispered, narrowing her eyes at Sunset Shimmer who looked taken aback by her statement.

I, however, promptly fell out of my chair laughing. I was clutching my sides and kicking my feet, joyous tears coming from my eyes as I clenched them shut in my uproar. Donna, Jessup, Sunset and all the other minotaurs just sat there and looked at me with raised eyebrows.

Once I came down from my fit of laughter, I shakily stood back up, still moaning in laughter but coming down nevertheless. Once I climbed back into my seat, I tried my best at hiding the grin and whines that would escape every now and then.

“That was rude. What was so funny about that?” Donna asked as she looked like she was literally struck.

“Are you for real right now? They better change their name!” I chuckled as I thought about the name again. But the time for laughing and amusement was over, because some type of evil organization wants to chop me up. Which reminds me...

“Donna.” I made my voice low so that I couldn't be heard by the minotaurs in the tavern with us three. “If that’s even your real name. How do you know what the *snort* Transcontinental Investigative Tracking Squads are doing?” She kept a calm expression up, but Sunset narrowed her eyes in realization at what I was hinting at.

Donna then sighed deeply and reached for her face, taking her glasses off and folding them up after reaching them. She then placed them on the counter and poured herself another glass of wine, to which she downed in her dainty manner.

The bar had returned to its loud clamor from before, which I was thankful of. It gave me a sense of secrecy, and I could tell that Donna and Shimmer felt the same way.

“You’re quite good, Mr.Silas.” Donna said after waiting for five minutes.

“I try.” I responded bitterly, not really feeling up for games right now. “Now, if you’ll forgive my tone of voice because I’m highly irritated, answer my question.”

“Donna Lehigh is, in fact, a real person. I am Donna Lehigh, CEO of Crossroads Milking Incorporated, but I’m also an Agent for the Transcontinental Investigative Tracking Squads.” I tensed up, ready for any type of Agent ambush. I was half-expecting a million Agent Smith-looking motherfuckers to come out of nowhere and start impaling all the minotaurs in the pub, adding to their numbers.

I don’t fucking trust ‘Agents’. They’re sneaky fucks.

“So, what does this mean for us?” I was reaching, ever so sneakily, for my katana hidden on my back. I also felt some type of energy coming from the left of me, which could only mean that Sunset Shimmer was preparing for shit to get real as well.

“Well....seeing as how I’m a Double Agent....Freedom. But we’re gonna have to move fast, because they could be just around the cor- DUCK AND COVER YOUR MOUTH!!!”

Sunset’s face became confused as both me and Donna ducked instantly, but she didn’t have time to follow us as the sound of a dull thump alerted me to her unconscious body being slumped in front of me.

Donna and I had somehow managed to find our way to the floor, and could see just what had knocked Sunset out cold. The air was thick with a green and yellow smog, of which I easily determined to be a type of knockout gas. I instantly covered my mouth and nose, hoping that some of the harmful air hadn’t invaded my nostrils.

The pub’s door was kicked in, and the sound of what sounded like vials breaking filled the room. I noticed that the room was suddenly quiet, save for what sounded like dog claws tapping against hardwood flooring.

“Get bulls quick. Alphas, want three. At least one.” I....remember that broken dialect from the show. Are they....Diamond Dogs!?

*tap tap tap.*

This could get confusing without proper explanation. Here’s how it went down. I was facing towards Sunset Shimmer, who was currently laid out on the floor in front of me. Now, because I was facing Sunset Shimmer, the door was located behind us. So you wouldn’t be wrong in assuming that I was freaking out when those three taps were on my legs.

“PleasegoawayPleasegoawayPleasegoaway.....” I kept repeating the sentence over and over. But the tapping only had more force added to it. A padded foot passed by my head, *clik-claking* on the hardwood floor as they passed by my head......

.....And stopped in front of Sunset Shimmer’s unconscious body.

....Shit.

*TAP TAP TAP*

I haven’t been so scared in my life! That’s right, I admit it! I’m close to pissing myself right now. Still, my worries about it being a Diamond Dog left as soon as I heard some slow dragging sounds coming from behind me. I forgot about Donna.

Thankfully, the smog was still thick enough to conceal my head movement as I looked back at her slowly. I still had my hand clasped around my mouth so that none of the fumes could get in; and I noticed that Donna had hers over her mouth as well.

She jabbed her other hand’s thumb, the one that she wasn’t using to cover her mouth, back towards the door a couple of times. I got the hint, but I jabbed my own thumb back at Sunset’s unconscious body. Donna shook her head sternly, and looked at me with pleading eyes.

“What the hell do I do!!?? I can’t just leave the mare behind!!! SHITHSHITSHITSHIT!!!” If you’re wondering why I started swearing, it’s because a pair of black furry feet stopped in front of my face. A gruff voice came later.

“Gamma, found dragon! What do with?”

"Dat broken english....."

“Smoke thick, can’t see.” I heard a distant voice call out from the recesses of the pub. “Keep talking. See if I find.” And with that, the Diamond Dog to my left took to constantly barking. I was praying to God, Buddha, Celestia, Nicol Bolas and pretty much every superpower in existence.

I had little time left, what with this Fido-Fucker barking like he broke his toe, so I looked back at Donna and noticed she was gone.

“Did they take her!? Oh shit. Based on the show, the Diamond Dogs were known to take ponies as slaves in order to mine gems for them! Does that extend to minotaurs and gryphons as well!?” Wasting no time, I immediately began thinking about different escape plans that would allow me to rescue Sunset Shimmer and Donna from....

“This him, Schromah?” A high voice asked, but it was tinged with some authority.

..............................SHIT!

“Yes Boss. He look sleep, but me not sure. Should take?”

“....Hmph. Take drake. Alphas happy, will be.”

*KRRACK! THUMP!*

From the corner of my eye I saw a tan-furred Diamond Dog fall on his face, a black belt holstering many vials slung around his waist. I also noticed how the Dog had a resemblance to a terrier.

Well...not anymore.

“Gamma!? Gamma okay!?” The dog to my left knelt down in order to inspect his dead leader.

It’s now or never!

I quickly hopped up, reached for my katana and pulled it out.

“Exacuere Gladium Meum.!!!” I yelled out.

*SHING! WOOSH!*

I cut through the dog’s neck like a butter knife does butter. Its head didn’t even jerk as my sword went through seamlessly, but the dog did offer a surprised grunt before falling forwards. Once its head hit the floor, it rolled out of place and towards the dead body of the Gamma.

“Flap your wings! Clear it out!” I heard Donna’s voice yell, to which I tried just simply flapping my wings. When they didn’t move, I became cross. I then started feeling for something different in my back, and when I found the offending presence of an extra muscle, I acted upon it swiftly.

It was like shrugging your shoulders, but doing it with your back. With a massive rush of air, the green and yellow smokescreen was filtered outside. Donna rushed over to me with a worried expression on her face.

“Are you alright?” She asked as I folded my wings (Practice flying later!) and placed my katana back in its sheath. “They didn’t hurt you, right?” I noticed how she had began inspecting my whole body with her eyes, which creeped me out to no end.

“Stop checking me out. And yes, ‘Donna’, I’m fine! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a knocked out mare that needs some help in waking back up.”

"She saved my life, and now she acts like we grew up together? Fuck you. I don't even know who you are! You even *lied* to me and you expect me to trust you!? Up. Yours."

I turned around and stopped mid-step. My eyes widened at the only reasoning for what was in front of me.

Except that there was nothing......

.................Sunset Shimmer’s been kidnapped......

Sunset and Silas: Part 2 [Rewritten]

NOW I'M PISSED

“OH NO THE HELL THEY DON’T!!!” I broke out into a run, surprising Donna as I practically flew through the western-style doors of the pub. Once outside, I was greeted to a blinding glare from the sun, which made me stop and adjust my eyes because it was painful to see. After ten seconds, I jumped off the patio and scanned the surrounding area for any trace of the dogs and Sunset Shimmer.

I scanned the area in front of me, not seeing any trace of the mare or her captors. Then I looked to the right and saw nothing but more buildings and rings of hard dirt ro-

“THE FOREST!!!” I yelled out in realization, breaking of into my breakneck pace of sprinting. My legs and chest heaved with pressure as I realized that the ground underneath the buildings had to be solid enough to not corrode away. Which means that I would've heard the dogs digging the moment I got outside. Since I didn’t, then that means they’re still running towards a suitable digging spot. And since the ground in Stonehaven is too hard....

“NOW YOU FUCKED UP!!! WHEN I CATCH YOU ASSHOLES, YOU’RE GONNA WISH I BEHEADED YOU IN THE PUB!!!” These motherfuckers haven’t messed with Dragon-Thingy suffering from extreme fits of aggression and anger! And the fact that these failed abortions think they can get away with one of my friends is almost as bad as thinking you can outrun a tsunami on foot!

“SILAS WAIT!!! SILAAAAASSS!!!”

The hell if I’m stopping now Donna! Once these bastards find a suitable digging spot, Sunset will be gone forever! FUCK! THAT! I'ma grab at least one of those sons of bitches!

“THERE YOU ARE!!!” I roared in supreme fury. The dogs were remarkably slow and unorganized with their escape plan. I could see about fifteen of them, all running in a small cluster away from me and Stonehaven. I was catching up to them quickly.

I lept over a tree stump, rolling out of my landing an kicking back up to full speed as I added more force in each of my steps. If I was gaining before, then I’m pretty sure I’d blow past them if I kept up this pace. The dogs were probably fifty feet ahead of me give or take, but at the rate that I was running, I was quickly dissolving their lead by five feet every three seconds.

“DRAGON BAD!!! DRAGON BAD!!!” One of the Diamond Dogs yelled in terror, to which I roared at in fury when I noticed he was carrying Sunset Shimmer......

...........BY HER FUCKING HORN!!!!????

“PUT THE PONY DOWN AND I’LL MAKE IT QUICK AND PAINLESS!!! DON’T FUCK WITH ME!!!” The log Sunset and I stepped over earlier was shattered by a powerful kick from me, to which some of the wood shot forward and actually nailed a Diamond Dog in the head. He stumbled, giving me a chance to finally catch one of the fuckers!!!

“YOU’RE MINE!!!!!!” I was on him in fucking seconds! He was big and burly, with a large lump coming off the back of his head. Dressed in a ripped black sleeveless vest and a belt with a dagger on the left side of his hip. The dog reminded me of a greyhound.

I jumped on his grounded form, just as he was getting up. Both of my hands clasped his right ankle, to which he tried taking out his dagger and killing me. I was smarter.

....And seeing red.

I quickly yanked the leg, sending the dagger flying as his body went horizontal to the ground before he slapped his face upon it. Doing that felt way easier than what I expected it to be, but I quickly shrugged it off.

I dropped my left hand from his shin as I pulled it back further with my right hand. The dog dug his claws into the ground and opted to try and shake and kick me off. This only served to piss me off further because he brought back the memory of me almost beating that kid to death with a textbook.

I stood in front of the double-doors leading into the lunchroom, waiting on my best friend since middle school. Her name is Cassandra, but her friends and I call her 'Cassy'.

She was about five-seven in height, with only a hundred pounds on her body. I think there was a little 'change' in that hundred, but I can't be bothered to remember every little detail about every single one of my friends.

"Justin," I heard her voice clearly. As I turned my head to view her body, I quickly felt my cheeks flush. Why did she pick today to where her black leggings!? Her 'Peace' shirt was hanging a little low, showcasing the cleavage of her petite breasts minutely. She had a blue denim jean jacket on, and her rectangular glasses held true to her nose, "Why aren't you eating lunch?"

She stopped before me, looking at my eyes with a face of complete confusion. Her black, mop-like, curly hair that fell to just about shoulder-length obscuring mist of her light-skinned neck.

"Oh, um, I was actually waiting for you. I thought maybe we could each lunch in the second cafeteria upstairs, since I caught wind that there was gonna be a fight today in this one." I jutted a thumb at the all-white doors separating the hallway and us from the cafeteria.

"Oh. I actually can't," Her face became hurt for a moment, "Dom's waiting for me in there, and if I don't show up, he'll begin to think I'm avoiding him on purpose. I don't understand why he's so clingy." Cassandra explained with a shrug of indifference as my world came crashing down.

**"Since when did Dominick and Cassandra start dating!? All that nigga does is dance, and he dropped out school so that he could pursue that career! Did he re-enroll here!?"* I thought angrily as Cassandra was making headway towards the door.*

I had to stop being a wimp with that woman!

My hand grabbed hers just before she opened the door. Cassandra turned around and gave me a face of utter confusion.

The brain is a miraculous thing that likes to hide what you did until you feel embarrassed for doing it. My hand left hers, and I cleared my throat unnecessarily loud. It was either now or never!

"Cassy, I've always li-"

"Faggot-Ass Brony!" I stopped instantly, my confession that was brewing for five long years terminated by that one phrase alone. Cassy knows what that word is, as much as she's on the internet. Her face was one of pure shock as I began backing up towards the only guy with that deep-ass voice in my school.

"You're a Brony, Justin!? That's..."

The rest of her sentence was tuned out as I slowly turned around to view the man who said that. He was about my height, which is six foot, and was wearing a red and black varsity jacket over a red Lacoste polo. He had on a pair of tan boots and black denim pants. We often joked that Will should have his own shade of black in the Crayola crayon box.

"Y....You're so dead..." I breathed out in growing anger as I slid off my book bag and reached inside for the biggest textbook I had. My mind was filling with violent and vulgar depictions of me resting a foot over the mush-like body of Will. The jock put his hand on his hips and smiled.

"Aww! He's upset! Or you could be doing your homework at last mi-" He didn't finish as the spine of a thousand-paged science textbook slammed itself in between his eyes. Will recoiled in pain, but he didn't have that long of a pause before I slammed into him with my shoulder, sending us both to the ground.

The textbook was on my left, so I picked it up and just kept slamming his face with it. He put up his hands to protect himself, but I would make sure to use the spine on his fingers to get him to move them. Cassandra ran into the lunchroom to get help, and Will was screaming in pain as I kept raining down blows with the book.

I heard his nose snap once or twice before his body went limp, which was about the time a hall monitor scooped me off of his body. I was growling, pushed over the edge by having my secret outed like that. Especially in front of the woman I loved.

The diamond dog's right leg slammed into my stomach a couple of times, but my adrenaline was too high for me to actually feel it.

"JUST STOP MOVING!!!" I roared as I straightened his leg again and raised my own leg, then brought it forcefully down on the dog’s inverted knee.

*SNAP! CRACK!!!!*

My foot had successfully pushed the dog’s knee through the joint.The dog let out a painful yip and whine as I picked him up by his uninjured leg and threw him against one of the plentiful trees to my left.

His back thudded and cracked the tree’s bark, forming black lightning-shaped marks across the impact point. He looked like he was in an absurd amount of pain, whining with his eyes closed as tears and snot mattered the fur around his eyes and nose.

“Where the fuck did they take her, bitch!?” I asked with nary a care if God himself was watching what I was going to do next.

The dog was just breathing rapidly and quickly, both of his hands grasping the area around his wound as he hyperventilated. Each exhale delivered some spit into the air through his clenched teeth as he tried fighting the pain. He was obviously getting his ass whooped.

“Me....don’t k-know!”

“WRONG ANSWER!!!” I unsheathed my katana but kept it blunt as I shoved it harshly into his open fracture, earning a howl of renowned pain. I kept it in there as he flailed his arms in desperation and agony. “NOW WHERE DID THEY FUCKING TAKE HER!!!” He opened an eye minutely, looking me in my pissed-off face.

The dog was hyperventilating again, but it was controlled and didn’t seem dangerous. “Me....M-me do....don’t know!”

*ROOOOAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!*

You think I was seeing red before!? Hell, I could taste the color red now!!!

“WRONG. ANSWER!!!” I removed the sword on ‘Wrong’ and slapped him with it across the mouth demonically on ‘Answer’.  His head snapped to the left as I struck the right side of his face. I cracked his lower jaw and sent nearly five teeth, including both his canines, out of his mouth with a glob of blood following the movement. My sword then found his leg again as I stuck it back into the gaping orifice, getting yet another pained yelp and some sobs as he began crying.

"FUCK YOUR FEELINGS!!!"

“You think this is a fucking GAME!!!??? Do you WANT to play fetch with your FUCKING FEMUR!!!??? NO!!!??? Then start TALKING!!!!!!!” I was practically roaring in his ears by now, my voice surprisingly not becoming hoarse.

The dog was saying something, but it was slurred because of his broken jaw. “Warrensh crowsh! I....Tchake ou! No mou! No mou....” He kept repeating what sounded like ‘no more’ for a while before passing out. It’s a good thing I know how to speak broken jaw, or I probably would’ve killed him.

Seeing as how my anger is now longer needed, I tried fighting it back using the mantra form my anger management classes.

“Warm Spring...Cold Winter...Warm Spring...Cold Winter...” And I kept repeating it mentally, feeling my anger ebb away slowly.

I looked back at my handiwork with a pleased smile. It felt good...interrogating him like that. My methods were effective enough to get him to talk, and I guess all I have to do is wait for him to wake back up.

*Growl!*

I placed a hand on my stomach, feeling it rumble beneath my appendage. I let out a dissatisfied sigh as I sat down next to the dog, grabbing as much as the tree as I could for support. About five minutes later the form of Donna came through the foliage.

“There you are! I was looking for-AHHHH!!!” She yelled and jumped back in fear at the sight in front of her.

The dog’s head was resting upon my right shoulder, blood dripping from it’s mouth onto the ground as its wound on its leg matted the leg fur a dark red. He was still knocked out, but he would grimace and wince every time the common fly would land on the exposed bone poking through his left leg.

“What....He...You...WHAT HAPPENED!!??” Donna asked, completely baffled at the sight before her. I saw her face drop down to look at the wound on the Diamond Dog’s leg, making her retch and swallow some bile that had come up. I could hear her gag on her own stomach nectar....blegh.

“Shhh.” I held a finger to my lips as I reprimanded her playfully. “I got you a puppy.” I sassed with a glare.

“That’s not funny! He needs medical attention or his wound could get infected!” Donna exclaimed with a frown on her face. I chuckled darkly.

“Who cares?” I responded dismissively as I waved a hand at her. “I know I don’t. And he’ll definitely feel like talking if he learns that his life’s in danger. I also wasn’t trying to be funny, I meant it. You’re to stay with him in case he tries to wake up, Agent Donna. While I.....” I trailed off, keeping the letter hanging in the air as I got yo my full height and began walking away. “.....Get some grub. I’m fucking starving, and the smell of that guy’s blood is slowly driving me insane.”

I had to add some volume to my voice in order for her to catch that last part.

“I’m not watch-”

“OH YES YOU ARE!!! NOW DON’T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE!!!” I snapped angrily at Donna. She’s not even trying to earn my trust back! And now she thinks that I’m gonna listen to what she wants to do while my friend could be slaving away in the mines!?

“YOU’RE CRAZY IF YOU THINK I’M STAYING HERE!!!”

" YOU'LL BE DIGGING YOUR OWN GRAVE IF YOU LEAVE!!! YOU’RE WAIST DEEP IN THE SHIT NOW, CONSIDERING YOU LIED TO ME IN THE PUB!!! NOW YOU’RE GONNA HELP ME FIND MY FRIEND, OR I’M GONNA FEED YOU YOUR OWN OVARIES!!!” I roared in anger again as I turned around to where I just left.

And it was quiet.

Fucking right.

I turned around and tried looking for something something to eat in this goddamn forest.

“Please be okay, Sunset..."

Sunset and Silas: Part 3 [Rewritten]

Reflection And A New Start [Feels Warning]

I stopped mid-stride, realizing that I had nary a clue on how to hunt game. The forest was thick and the air was bathed in the smells of pine and soil...and blood. Which is understandable, considering it’s coming from behind me and it’s being carried on the breeze. That means the smell is traveling upwind according to my current placement, which would be north if I’m not mistaken.

“What the fuck am I doing? I almost killed...again.” I thought bitterly. It’s not a bad question, now that I actually have some time to myself to think about it. As a matter of fact, I have some time to think about alot of stuff.

And when I say ‘stuff’, I mean my life so far. It’s how I normally cope with being...me; if that makes any sense to you.

I wasted about five seconds sitting down, taking up my criss-cross-applesauce position once again. The cicadas buzzed their manic tune, waltzing to no rhythm in particular far above me in the canopy. Green leaves showing signs of Fall colors swayed in the forsaken rhythm that once belonged to the cicadas. All in all, it was the perfect place for me to relax and be alone with my thoughts.

“So let’s start from the beginning...”  The voice of Dr.Walker rung through my head as I closed my eyes, envisioning myself in his black-leather La-Z-Boy patient chair.

“This is pointless Doc. You and I both know that these little seminars between us ain’t doing shit to alleviate my anger.” I was still in my alien body, my feet hanging off the recliner even when I had the foot-part out and the chair bent back completely. D.W-which is how I address him- didn’t seem to mind my mouth or my appearance.

Well the appearance part maybe, but he did give me a harsh glare when I belittled his work.

“I remember you saying that after you attempted to run away from home,” He jabbed, “But you keep coming back here. If it’s really as pointless as you say Justin, then why do you keep coming back?”

Is this nigga serious?

“To keep my mom off my back, what else.” I replied with growing irritation. There has been a plethora of times where I envisioned myself on top of D.W with a broken piece of glass protruding from his chest and his glasses jabbed into his brown eyes. I always chuckled at them.

“It’s also so I don’t get locked up. But since you’re the fucking DOCTOR, you should already know that. SHOULD, being the key word here.” D.W let out a sigh of frustration at my response. He knows I’m right, so he’s trying to change the subject to avoid losing a mental battle to his patient.

Whatever. I’ll just trample his failed attempts at-

“Why are you so fucking insufferable?”

Who the FUCK; does this nigga think he’s talking to!?

“The fuck did you say to me?” I sat up quickly, transfixing my ‘mental help’ with a death glare.

“You heard me and I’m NOT going to repeat myself. Every session we’ve had since day one has been nothing but...but...BULLSHIT! You talk in circles: give half-ass answers, swear like a sailor, insult me and your family, but give no clear indication on WHY you do these things! You will NOT waste anymore of my time, especially when there’s a kid in need of these types of services contemplating suicide an-”

“Shut the fuck up.” I interrupted darkly. The pen he had in his left hand dropped to the ground with an audible click. His mouth followed the dropping motion of the pen as he stared at me in disbelief. “You wanna know whyI’m the way I am? Fine...I’ll tell you. But after this...You can fuck off.” I continued just as darkly as I began. This fuckwad wants to know what I’VE been through!? A guy who’s probably never lived in poverty thinks he can judge me?

Let’s see if I don’t crack HIM when this stories over.

“I’ll give you ALL the details. So pick up your twenty dollar pen and put it to those FUCKING papers.” I sat back and wove my fingers together, like an evil mastermind would do.

“My life started sucking dick around ten years ago. My mom was a floozie for love. By the time I had reached sixteen, I had called three different men my dad. Except for my real dad, of course. Mother said he wasn’t shit because he bailed on us when things got tough- cheated on her’s more like it- but wrong is still wrong. She said being a single-mother was rough, and that me and my brother needed positive ‘male’ role models in our lives.” The only sound in the room was my recounting and D.W’s pen scratching his notepad.

“That’s bullshit. What woman with self-esteem enters a relationship with...with...hustlers. Niggas who could flip a dime and come out with a cool hundred. Fuck Dwayne. The scumball had marijuana for pubic hair the stupid cunt rocket! He would come by in the late hours of the night, make sweet...sensational...meaningful love with our mom and then shoot off to parts unknown. I touched a bag of his weed one day and I got slapped with a hot skillet across the face. No permanent damage, but for a SEVEN YEAR OLD, it was fucking TRAUMATIZING!”

“My mom, when I ran to her, told me to apologize...TO HIM!!! I was robbed of sleep for a week, since I couldn't lay my head down because the left side of my face would hurt me too much. I was seven...SEVEN!!! Fuck Dwayne and fuck Mohammed or Muhammed or how-the-FUCK-ever you pronounce that shit!”

“The fucking alcoholic leached off our money for two years, buying Steel Reserves for a dollar at Lestardo’s Spirits down the road. The sunnuva bitch was illegally here, but because of my mother’s ‘love’ for him, she kept that secret. Yeah, everything was sunshine and rainbows until she realized just how much of a fucking mooching African he was. I had school in the morning, and damn me if I didn’t try to hide that I was tired in class. But why was I tired? From their bitching every night, that’s why. And guess who received the asswhoopin’ when I brought a ‘D’ home?”

“And this continued for another year, until she finally told him to pack his shit and go. FINALLY being the key word here. But that’s not where it ends...oh no. Turns out, the African Sleazeball took papers that had some ‘Things’ on them from the recesses of my mom’s room. And by ‘Things’, she meant Illegal activities. Since this is being recorded-and I don't feel like smacking a bitch up when I go home- I’m not going to go into details about these...activities. Even if you don't have evidence to give the police, I don’t trust you enough. Now where was I?”

“Oh yes! Fuck Renny. This manipulative, asinine, druggy of an illegal immigrant from Jamaica almost got me shipped to a fucking foster home. How? By conspiring with drug lords that would send my mom and her friend to Jamaica in order to smuggle back marijuana in their fucking snatches! Hey, but at least her friend took the rap for her when the German Sheps’ sniffed it out. Angela only did it because she knew my mom had both me and my brother to come home to. It’s not like it stopped her from GOING, so why the fuck would Angie care? I WISH they would’ve busted our mom! But the justice system in this world is topsy-turvy.”

“And the final piece of shit deserves the heartiest one I got. Hold on a moment.” I stopped my story and stood up, walking past D.W and to the office door. I opened it forcefully, pulling it sharply and letting it bang on the brown wooden walls within the therapy room. I peeked my head out into the hallway and noticed a plethora of white-coats and scrubs.

Perfect.

“FUCK DERRICK!!! THE BALD-HEADED CROOKED TOOTH BASTARD THAT STILL-TO THIS DAY- LIVES WITH HIS MOM!!! THE SUNNUVA BITCH MADE CONSTANT JABS AT MY SEXUAL PREFERENCE THROUGH HIDDEN PHRASES AND MEANINGS, AND ACTUALLY MADE ME CONTEMPLATE SUICIDE!!!” My voice carried through the bright and expansive white hallway effortlessly as I pulled my head back into the room and walked my way back to the chair.

Once I sat down, I began again. “That’s right...suicide. Mom walked in on me slowly sliding a razor blade into my neck. Almost made it. It’s not easy...trying to kill yourself. And then, the very next day before I woke up at six o’clock in order to catch my bus to school, I packed all my shit and ran away. I just...” I let out a sigh and fought back a sob as I righted the chair by pulling on the lever to the side of me. It folded up so that my feet rested on the ground, locked in a ninety degree angle. “...I just didn’t want to deal with that shit anymore. All this talk about ‘God can help you through your problems and his love is unconditional’, mom keeps spewing at me doesn't help. I’ve tried Christianity, and I’ve tried the teachings and the experiences with ‘The Great I Am.’ But there’s only so much a sixteen year old can take, man.”

I was tearing up and sniffling. DAMN IT!!! I told myself I wasn’t going to cry!!! Suck it up! Be a fucking man about it!!!

“And before you say shit like poverty in Africa and all that bullshit relating to other countries; and how my life seems like a walk in the park compared to the hardships they face over there. Let me just say...How in the catholic FUCK does that relate to ME!? The way I see it? Those kids get off EASY!!! They don’t get to have freedom. Fuck, I’d rather be without my freedom then live in a country where it’s ARTI-FUCKING-FICIAL!!! All this patriotic shit... ‘Merica! Fuck yeah’...that doesn't mean shit and everyone knows it.”

“And guess who’s to blame for me turning into the asshole I am today D.W?” I asked with a manic grin on my face. He looked put-off by my facial expression, but nodded his head in order for me to keep going.

“My fucking family, that’s who. I remember my eighth birthday. There was snow on the ground and I had just got off the bus

from school. My brother did too, but he went down my grandmother’s house in order to help her with the fifty fucking cats she has in her trailer. Anyways, this was during the time when my mom was with the African Sleazeball.” A couple more tears streamed down my face as one of the most depressing memories I have welled up inside my chest, dampening my heart and applying heavy amounts of gravitational pull to my emotional barrier.

“I bursted through the door, happy as ever. I knew that today, out of all the days that I pretended to be happy, I could actually BE HAPPY. I took off my snow boots and ran into the kitchen, blowing through the living room as an energetic ball of youth and joy! On the kitchen table, I noticed the rather small ice cream cake in a box. Chocolate cake with strawberry ice cream and vanilla frosting, if I remember correctly. But there was a yellow sticky-note, and on it was written ‘Dear Justin, Happy Birthday! Mama’s gonna be home late because she’s working overtime, so don’t eat the cake until I come home! Love you!’” Tears flooded my face by this point.

“And that’s what I did. From two o’clock p.m to one o’clock in the morning. The cake had already melted into slop. I lit the candles with a box of matches, my eyes glued to the front door in case I heard the tell-tale sound of a raggedy screen door being opened and a keyhole being fidgeted with. Nothing. I looked back to my...my...” I was a stuttering mess now. Why am I experiencing this so vividly!? IT’S NOT FAIR!!!

“My......cake, and began singing slowly and quietly.

Happy Birthday to me.

Happy Birthday to me.

Happy Birthday Dear Justin...

Happy Birthday to me.”

“And when I went to blow out the candles, there was nothing to blow out because I had been crying the entire time.” My voice was cracking. “So tell me...Have you ever cried yourself to sleep in your own birthday cake? No? Then how in the FUCK, are you helping me!?” I stood up and wiped my snotty nose with my jacket as I glared at him with tears practically washing away my sense of sight.

D.W was wiping his eyes as well, weeping minutely so that I couldn’t hear. New body bitch, I can hear you plain as day.

“So don’t you FUCKING DARE!!!!!! Don’t you DARE tell me I’m insufferable and an asshole!!! ...And don’t you DARE tell me love exists when it DOESN’T!!! Don’t you...don’t you fucking dare. And the next time Mr.Valedictorian of Yale-New Haven Medical Center; who’s a single child and doesn’t have to walk in an elder sibling’s shadow, and whose parents are successful lawyers wants to give me advice on how to live my life...” I sucked up some snot as I kept nodding in confidence. “...He can go fuck himself raw.”

And with that I walked out of his room, feeling my hate rekindled. (Stop Music or Keep Listening.)

I fought back another sniffle as I opened my eyes groggily. I know I had been crying in the real world because a memory like that doesn’t leave a dry eye in anyone, regardless of who or what they may be.

I have no more tears left to shed. All those got cried out when I was eleven and on Earth. No. I’m done being sad and mopey. Down in the dumps and pretending to be happy. That’s not who I am.

And I refuse to see anyone hurt because of me. I will NOT be my mother. I will NOT be my dad. I will NOT be my brother. And I will NOT be Justin.

I WILL be Silas Epista, and I think I know what I want to as my new self.

“First, I’m gonna rescue Sunset Shimmer...my way. And then, when everyone’s back together, I’m gonna break the news to them.” I looked up into the trees and saw a speck of light fly down from above. It was white, glowing at uneven intervals as it descended down.

Down.

Down.

It’s a firefly and it’s perched on my nose. It fills me with warmth as I suddenly realize that it must be dusk if the fireflies are out.

*Growl!*

“And I didn’t get anything to eat either. Fuck me...” I swore at myself as I got up and begrudgingly made my way back to where I came from.

Meeting the Maples [Rewritten]

First Come First Burn

=Sunset Shimmer=

“DUCK AND COVER YOUR MOUTH!!!”

I jumped up with a startled yell, awaking from unconsciousness. The last thing I remember was Silas discovering Donna for the fraud she was. Secret agents are never far from aliens or other unexplained happenings, so I’m rather surprised that she-or any of her colleagues- hadn’t found us sooner.

It’s just not fair. I was supposed to be the one who introduced him to the world. He was supposed to be my friend, but she was taking him from me and he was letting her! I’ve waited six years for a miracle like this to happen! Silas is the only one who really matters to me in this world, since my mother and father were only concerned about using my magic to help further their stature in Canterlot. I was nothing but a marionette to them, and I helped them knowing that.

I’m weak, even though I was under the tutelage of Princess Celestia herself. I had always entertained myself with the notion that other sentient life existed, far above and beyond the limited reach of the Equisian minds. My world was consumed with astrology and higher sciences dealing with space and galaxies. In time, I became the largest personality in Canterlot with my field of study, and many ponies came to me for expert advice on space and all that lies within its confines.

I was seven.

But, my parents didn’t approve of my passion; and since I was but a little kid, I changed myself in order to find comfort with them again. I was enrolled in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and in time, became the Valedictorian of my school year’s students. It only made sense for Princess Celestia to quickly take me under her wing-literally-and teach me personally.

I crushed every lesson she threw my way, adding her knowledge to mine and even using it to secretly continue my passion for the unknown. I remember when I was fifteen and Princess Celestia walked in on me while I was outside on her balcony.

It was midnight, if I remember it well enough, and I had been crying while stargazing. I was crying because my parents would never accept my dream of discovering new life in the galaxy. I had gotten a letter during the morning that they were proud of me for being Princess Celestia’s student. But if you really read the meaning behind that statement, it meant that they were proud of what I became and not who I am. They never liked Sunset Shimmer the Stargazer who’s Always Happy. They like Sunset Shimmer the Faithful Student of Princess Celestia.

I looked behind me to see Princess Celestia without her royal trinkets on, scanning my face with a look of concern. She asked me what was troubling me enough to not sleep, and I answered her to the best of my ability, crying all the while. By the end of my tale, I had somehow found myself in a warm hug from the Princess herself, a scowl written across her face. It chills me-her face that is-to this day, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to eject that look of pure disappointment and anger from my head.

“Stop staring off into space and help us.” I turned my head to look at quite the peculiar sight. It was a Diamond Dog, but she was shackled and chained up. Spending some time outside of Equestria, I came to know that the diamond dogs were notorious slavers and would kidnap ponies, griffins and minotaurs should they be careless enough to allow it to happen. “You’re gonna make the Alphas angry if you cause our group to give less than their quota.” She also seemed pretty irritated with me as well.

“Huh...uh what?” I gave a mighty yawn, making sure to cover my mouth with a hoof as not to appear rude. I was still pretty dazed from waking up IN A TUNNEL!!?? WHERE THE HELL AM I!!??

The diamond dog in front of me seemed to see my reaction, so she hastily put a large paw over my mouth after squatting down to get to my height. I screamed with my eyes closed, but when I only heard the muffled version I stopped.

“Calm down! I know waking up in the mines is a horrible experience, but believe me when I say that screaming is the second worst thing you could do.” She whispered harshly, making me sweat as she removed her hand from my mouth.

The diamond dog was dirty, so most of her white paw, eye and jaw fur was covered. Her green eyes shone through the layers of caked filth and grime. She reminded me of the pet husky I owned when I was a kid and still lived with my parents. She has a soft face, and if she didn’t have the massive arms like all diamond dogs, I would’ve mistaken her for one of those Felines I’ve been hearing about in the pub that lives in the Great Rainforest back on the Main Continent.

She seems like an okay girl, but you can never be too careful. Especially around diamond dogs.

“Alright I’m calm...ish. So where are we anyway?” I asked with genuine confusion, to which she pointed at the ground underneath me. I looked down and saw an iron pickaxe, which had old bitemarks in the wood and a couple of chips in the metal. I looked back up at her with a frown on my face. “And you’re showing me this why?”

She facepalmed and slowly dragged her claw down her dirt-covered face.

“You use a pickaxe to dig, idiot. As I’ve said, you need to stop staring off into space and dig a hole into the side of this wall; so you can find gems, of course. A group of three or five slavers should be walking past this point in the tunnel any minute now, and I don’t wanna be sent to The Podium because of some dumbass pony who doesn’t know how to dig!” And with that, the female went back to digging with her massive paws.

I scowled at her but did nothing more. She’s almost six feet tall-give or take-and she practically dwarfs any pony save the Princesses themselves. I’m only four-feet-two-inches tall, and i’m willing to bet that the slavers...Yep, they found something that can cancel my magic. Curses!

I looked down at the worn pickaxe, shuddering at the clear indications of mouths being used on it. As in more than one. I bet they don’t even wash the things! I steeled myself, putting on a topsy-turvy face of bravado and picked the pickaxe up the only way I know how.

With my mouth.

I retched when I noticed that the handle was still wet, but I kept it quiet enough so that no one could hear.

Well almost no one.

“The hell are you doing, pony!?” The bitch-as in the technical term for a female dog and not the curse word-whispered harshly at me. I made to answer her, but she stopped me by talking again. “The slavers will be here any second now! Quit your bellyaching and get to work!” She seems very concerned for my safety, which is nice but annoying at the same time. I’m a grown mare and I can take care of myself!

Once again I found myself calming the anger building inside of me, bringing it back down to nominal levels before I exploded into bits and pieces of fury. I turned my attention back to the wall in front of me, pickaxe still in my mouth. One of my weaknesses is that I’ve never had to do any manual labor without the use of my magic. That’s right; I’ve done everything with magic since I was small, which is why it’s so potent and powerful now.

Which is also why it came as no surprise that I couldn’t lift the pickaxe from the ground. I grunted and strained, but only succeeded in tilting the handle into awkward angles and hurting my teeth a little. After giving one more tug, I gave up. There’s no way I’m lifting this thing without my magic, and these slavers are going to have to deal with it.

The sound of jingling keys stopped right behind me, only becoming rustles now. I turned around and stared into the brown eyes of a huge male diamond dog, who was wearing a tophat and suit with white undershirt and black tie. No shoes, but his walking cane-even though he looks perfectly healthy-was ordained with a diamond shaped...pony head?

Oh clop me on the moon.

“And why, pray tell, aren’t you working Unicorn? I’ve even set you up with the best slave in my warren, so that you can’t fall behind in meeting your quota. Has she not been doing a good job in getting you better acquainted to your new life down here?” He casted a glance of disappointment towards the female that was working beside me.

She had stopped digging and slowly turned her face to gaze upon both me and the slaver.

“B-Boss Dreggen!? H-How are you doing today?” The female voice, that was once gruff with authority, had now shrunk down to schoolgirl whispers. Her body was shaking as Dreggen eyed her curiously with a knowing smirk on his face.

“I was doing fine until I came here. It seems neither of you have been successful in finding any gems since you’ve been down here. Do you know what this means, Diamond?” Dreggen’s smirk blossomed into an evil, toothy smile that was only amplified by his height above the diamond dogs behind him and his clothes.

I think I know where this is going...

“We’re going to The Podium?” I asked with a wince, to which he looked at me with widened eyes. He then bust out into full on laughter, turning and falling as one of his guards held him up with burly paws as he continued his guffaws. This continued for about a minute before he regained his composure and regarded both Diamond and I with that evil smile of his.

“The Podium? Ha! An honest to rock knee-slapper, that one! But no. You are not going to The Podium.” He closed his eyes and gave a warm smile at me, to which I relaxed at by letting out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I cast a look at Diamond, only to see her visibly sweating and breathing swiftly. Something was scaring her.

“The Podium is for those who refuse to do any work whatsoever, silly filly. You two have bought and all-expenses paid trip to The Rough! But, since it only has a limit of one occupant of at a time, you’ll be swapping in and out for a day!” Dreggen’s warm smile evaporated too quick for comfort as he growled at the both of us.

“Enjoy your stay.” He finished darkly as he tapped the bottom of his cane twice upon the dirt and rock covered ground, turned on his heels, and began walking down the tunnel from whence he came.

The guards, however, took to wrestling Diamond and I from our wall-chains and locked us up in neck manacles attached to chains. They put more stuff, like handcuffs and shackles, around Diamond’s hands and feet so that she couldn’t retaliate with her monstrous strength. We were then poked and prodded with cruelty by arrowheaded spears, which were made quite raggedly. If used in an actual battle, they would be as useful as toothpicks against the iron plates of the Royal Guard.

As Diamond and I were escorted through the torch-lit tunnel, I could begin making out more slaves. They were chained in twos, with slavers whipping the ones who had fallen down due to either exhaustion or stubbornness. The difference between the two was discernible, and if it was the latter, then the slaves would continue to be whipped as they worked on the walls. Blood and dirt draped this tunnel like a heavy smog. The smell nauseated me and my steps through the blood-splattered tunnel became tentative and heavy with doubt.

I don’t know what The Rough is, but by the way Diamond is shaking her head and talking to herself quietly, I can tell it’s a place I want to know about.

“Diamond?” I whispered to the female dog walking next to me. She stopped talking to herself immediately and threw a death glare at me. I cringed, but I still had a question to ask. “What’s is The Rough?”

The guard on my left laughed as our group made a right, bringing us to the tunnel entrance. Dreggen was waiting for us, eyeing Diamond with a knowing smirk. Once we made it to him, he shoved the guard who laughed back with his cane and opted to continue the journey next to me.

Diamond bit her lip as we exited the tunnel and came face to face with one of the most spacious chamber I’ve ever seen.

“What in th-”

“That, my dear, is The Podium. It’s a thimble-shaped spire of rock that towers forty feet from the ground and has a smooth top. On the top of the spire is the infamous hand and leg locks, which snap shut to keep the trespasser nice and comfortable. Two weeks with little food and no bathroom privileges. Plus, there’s a large shard of glass that’s been shaped to funnel sunlight into a harmful beam. My brother, Otto, was the one who came up with the design.” A prideful smile adorned his face as he continued.

“The beam is used to burn through the body slowly, engraving a tick mark on their chest. A transgressor has a limit of ten tick marks. At the first five, we hold one of his or her eyes open and let the sun take care of the rest. At the second five the other eye is lost. Accumulate one more transgression and...Oh! That’s right!” He tapped his cane on the ground twice, making two of the burly guards escorting Diamond and I to come forward and drop to a knee.

“A minotaur by the name of Bellesh has been remarkably stubborn as of late. He’s been the second one in the history of Granite Podium to accumulate more than ten tick marks on his chest! You ladies get to watch how everything works personally! Isn’t that fun!?” He asked Diamond and I with a manic look on his face. I tentatively nodded while Diamond widened her eyes in what looked like fear.

“Great! Now if you two would be dears and follow me to and up the steps, I’ll be more than happy to reduce your stay in The Rough by twelve hours!” Diamond looked about ready to run up those steps as he said that, which only made my doubts and fears pertaining to this ‘Rough’ more potent.

Our group walked up to the tall spire and found the steps carved into the face of it. They were arranged like the steps you would see in Princess Celestia’s throne room, and I counted a total of thirty before we reached the apex. Just like Dreggen said, there was a dark-brown furred minotaur with no eyes locked into the top of The Podium by four black rings connected to little black squares of iron in the ground. These squares were bolted down, which meant that this minotaur wasn’t going anywhere.

“Is that you, Dreggen!? I can smell your cowardice from a mile away!” Bellesh yelled out as he struggled against his clasps. “I can smell the smugness on you too! Making me blind only served to heighten my other senses!” He laughed victoriously while Dreggen chuckled and pulled his tophat with white stripe down to cover his eyes. He kept his hand on the rim.

“The poor fool’s gone mad.” He mocked as he chuckled briefly before his face became cold again.

“Torch him.” Dreggen tapped his cane on the ground twice again, but this didn’t bring forth any guards that were following us. This brought a tiny sliver of sunlight down from the ceiling, making me turn my head up to get a better look.

The ceiling was actually way up high. I couldn’t see anything accept for many criss crossing rope bridges and alcoves where diamond dog guards, dressed in plates of raggedy iron, sat and looked on with killer smiles on their faces. You’d have to be an idiot to miss the longbows on their shoulders.

The sunlight was coming from the center of the ceiling, which was nothing but a huge piece of glass obscured with a retractable and rotatable piece of circular-shaped stone. A hole was cut into the stone, which was rotated so that the sunlight from the glass above the stone shone through in a small beam.

It landed square on some bramble underneath Bellesh, directly between his legs. I watched in horror as the dry wood and leaves started catching fire.

He’s in a fire pit!

Bellesh’s pained hollers reverberated through the room as he was suddenly given an impromptu baptism in flames. All you could see was his hulking form writhing in pain as the fire consumed his fur and mane but stuck to his body like glue. The heat was immense, making everyone in our party-save Dreggen-winced as the hollers continued. There was only red, orange and white.

About ten minutes in, Dreggen tapped the ground two times with his cane again. Some guards came over with buckets of dirt and doused the flame.

I turned my head and vomited when the smell and sight of charred flesh met my face. I stayed vomiting for about five minutes, until there was nothing left to vomit but spit and acid. Everything I had eaten for breakfast was splattered on the ground as bile. After coughing once or twice to get it all out of my system, I looked up only to come face to face with Dreggen.

“That, my dear, is The Podium.” He stood back up to his full height, and I could see now that he was about a two inches taller than the normal diamond dog. I looked at Diamond and saw the same thing. That must mean she’s a- “And now that the show is over, I’ll be taking you two to The Rough personally. Try to be on your best behavior.” He finished with a smile as he walked past us and down the steps, no doubt waiting for Diamond and I at the bottom.

The guards that were escorting us earlier are now seeing to the removal of the charred corpse. I gagged when I noticed a guard sneakily snap a finger off and put it in his mouth.

Disgusting.

“Let’s go. We don’t want to keep Dreggen waiting. He hates waiting.” Diamond’s authoritative voice shook me from my stupor. I nodded in agreement and walked towards the stairs with her. As she descended, I casted one look back at the corpse being tossed over the opposite side and gave a silent prayer of tranquility.

No one deserves to go out like that. If only I had my magic, I could’ve saved him. But life is made up of ‘Could haves’ and ‘What ifs’.

I shook my head and descended the steps, meeting up with Diamond and Dreggen below.

“Dia-mond Dogs! Di-a-mond Dogs~! Living underground in a world of thunder! Dia-mond Dogs! Di-a-mond Dogs~! Do you think we care ‘bout the pain you’re under~~!” Dreggen sang merrily as Diamond and I tagged along beside him. She was flanking the Alpha on the left while I was on the right.

“This guy’s insane! He just executed someone and he’s putting on a *show*!? What a nutjob!” I thought worriedly. Walking next to someone as mentally unstable as Dreggen was putting my nerves on edge. Diamond seemed uncomfortable as well.

On our way to The Rough, I was shocked to see the sheer size of this warren. There had to be at least five hundred slaves here. These dogs had even captured foals and were using them as slaves! And for those who weren’t strong enough to work, well, they became lunch for the guards.

Dreggen explained to us that the slaves used his improvised version of the “buddy system”. The key to not being harmed in Granite Podium was to turn out your quota of gems. The quota was based on your physical prowess and race. So let’s say, for example, that you’re a minotaur. Your quota would be, just on your lonesome, five pounds of gems. Rarity plays a big part in it, but Dreggen didn’t really go into that much detail.

Diamond’s quota was ten pounds of gems, regardless of rarity. When I told Dreggen that her quota wasn’t fair, he laughed at me; as in, he put his big pointer finger in my face and laughed.I then learned that Diamond was actually the alpha of an old warren that Dreggen and his brothers crushed. I also learned why Diamond has innate fear of him.

Dreggen, in order to become the Alpha of Diamond’s pack, not only defeated her in combat; he ate her pups, in front of her face. That’s right. She was forced to watch him kill and eat her children. When his tale was finished, Dreggen laughed as if it was the greatest accomplishment ever while Diamond shed a couple of tears and pulled an invisible litter of pups into her bosom.

I shed a few tears as I walked around Dreggen and nuzzled her leg. She gave me a warm smile in thanks.

After about five more minutes of walking, Dreggen stopped and smiled. In front of us was a square piece of rock with one hole inside of it. There was no door.

“Well here we are ladies...The Rough! I do hope yo-”

“What is it, exactly?” I asked with a hint of fear. Dreggen seemed outraged that I interrupted him, but put on a smile as he squatted down and locked eyes with me. His left eye was a pinprick while his right eye was normal. His smile reeked of madness and perverseness.

“The Rough?” He asked to which I nodded. He stood up and smiled at me knowingly. I shivered in response. “Tell me, my little unicorn, are you familiar with the term...Gloryhole?”

Birthday [Rewritten]

Prone To Sudden Fur Changes And Bloodlust

“It’s simple, mutt. You reveal the location of the warren to me, or you die...slowly. Your whines and grunts of pain are only serving to waste my time. Now talk with that defective jaw of yours, before I turn you into a pincushion.” I stood in front of the horribly mutilated form that was a diamond dog. His face was swollen in some areas, from where I had been striking him with my fists. To my knowledge, I had only delivered a total of six blows to his face. All six blows left apple-sized purple bumps, possibly from internal bleeding.

You learn much when interrogating sentient beings this way. For instance, I know the dog’s name is Wergal and he was a Beta. As I’m told by Donna, who’s real name still eludes me, this means Wergal is fit to ascend to power should one of his Alphas fall. Donna has also told me that Diamond Dogs normally have one Alpha leading a clan and all the warrens that fall underneath it, but Wergal has stated that there are three Alphas that head his clan; the clan known as Granite Podium.

We had dragged his body back to Judgement, which is the name of my house/ship if you recall. I didn’t take him inside, but  I opted to remain outside in order to beat the living shit out of him and get the location of his warren. By the smell in the air, I can honestly say one of the two objectives have been met.

Wergal was whining like a sad dog against one of the many tires the Judgement has while in rover form. He seemed distant in the eyes, if you could look at them from the crevasses of the massive lumps on his face. His mouth was bloody and bruised and his open fracture was beginning to show signs of infection, what with the ominous black spots surrounding it and the never ending cloud of flies anxious to get in there and maggot it up.

Donna prefered to wait on the other side of my house, not wanting to witness the horrible deed. Let that yellow-bellied cow do what she wants. I have no problem with carrying out my current mission on my lonesome, it’s just that help would be welcomed and would probably make the chance of success higher.

“Pain..me hurt bad. Talk...no.” Wergal wheezed out through his swollen jaw. If I were to drop this mutt back into his stronghold, I’m willing to bet that the dogs would shit themselves. But who knows what they could be doing to Sunset Shimmer right now, given that half an hour and a half had progressed from when they took her. I’m...worried.

“Fine, then you’ll mark it on this map I have.” I took the map out of my jacket pocket, where it was folded up. The map had creases in it, and was tan in color. As it turns out, I was correct in my assumption that Equestria exists on this world. But the fact of the matter is, Bullivia-which is where I am now-is an island about five-thousand miles west from the Zebrican Isles, which are about three-thousand miles west from the Equestrian soil.

Bullivia is shaped like-as you may have already guessed-a bull’s head. I was in Stonehaven, which is the third largest city in Bullivia. This archipelago is the home of all minotaurs, even if they left their homeland for something more on the mainland. I’ve already predicted that the estimated travel time between here and Equestria is approximately thirteen days and two nights. I’ve also deemed Equestria to be the place in which I will reveal my profession to Sunset Shimmer, if she’s even alive and willing to join me.

Which reminds me.

I held the map up to Wergal’s face, to which he just looked at it dumbly. I could tell by his lost expression-even though his face resembled a grey squash-that he wasn’t used to looking at maps. Seeing as how I’m wasting time, I opted to roll the paper up into a scroll-shape. I bopped Wergal on the head with my improvised dogpaddle.

“You’re fucking pissing me off. I wasn’t hitting you out of anger back then, but I’m pretty sure you remember what happens when I do get angry, right?” I narrowed my eyes as I got what I wanted. Wergal swallowed audibly, a frightened expression on his face. Fear goes hand in hand with victory. If you’re successful in demoralizing your enemy, you have already won the battle. And Wergal here looks like a broken mutt. Good. He’ll bend to my will without any resistance.

“Good boy. Now you’re going to get up and hobble your dumbass back to your warren. I’m going to be following you discreetly. Try to run, and an infected open fracture will be the least of your worries. Am I fucking understood?” I commanded darkly, hearing his confirmation in the sound of water trickling from between his legs. Fear breeds results, and right now, I’m wanting some fucking results.

“Perfect. Now stand up and get hobbling.” I stood back up to my normal height and thrusted a thumb over my shoulder. I could almost feel the dog’s pain as he forced himself up on two legs, then hopped with his injured leg in the air towards where his warren was probably located. He was moving remarkably slow, so I had some time to discuss things with Donna as he was busy hobbling.

“Donna, come here please!” I yelled out. The minotaur came around the corner with a sickened expression on her face. I also noted the mossy tiny on her cheeks, which was a strong indication of nausea. She put a hand on her hip and cocked it, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

Attitude from the door? I don’t have fucking time for this!

“I’m gonna follow this mutt back to his warren and rescue Sunset Shimmer. I want you in the Judgement, sitting down in one of the chairs. Don’t try anything funny, or I’ll have Siri fry your Agent-Smith ass. This will be a stealth mission, so I’ll try to keep the kills to a minimum and make this as discreet as possible. Once I have Sunset Shimmer, I’ll contact the Judgement via Sirios unit. If all goes as planned, I’ll be done with this mission by tomorrow morning.” I finished, but Donna’s raised eyebrow and now crossed arms made me think we weren’t done.

“A good set-up, but I fail to see how you can be stealthy, being an alien and all. You’ll stick out like a sore thumb! You’ll only be putting Ms.Shimmer in danger should they learn of your presence and connection to her! I highly advise you to not follow that diamond dog back to his warren. Sunset Shimmer is probably in the process of escaping as I speak to you! There’s no way they can keep a mare like her in chains!” Donna refuted, making my eye twitch in supreme anger. This bitch deserves the hardest backhand, ever!

“Excuse me!? Excuuuuuse me!!?? Who in the fucking FUCK of all fuckitude, do you think you’re talking to!? I know exactly what you’re doing, Donna Lehigh! With Sunset gone, you and your Agent goons can swoop in and take me by force without fear of Equestrian retaliation! I know how politics work, and attacking the friend of a pony from a different country while on your soil could possibly start a war that your government would undoubtedly blame your organization for!” I walked up to her, putting my face in hers.

“That’s my fucking friend down there! So how about you take these next words to heart, cuz I mean every single one. Fuck the minotaurs and their wonky-ass agents and fuck you, Donna. I’m going and you’re welcome to try and fucking stop me.” I turned on my heels and walked towards Wergal, who was hobbling off in the direction of the black mountain range. I didn’t even close half the distance before I heard soft crunches coming from behind me. They were approaching quickly.

“So it’s a fight you want...” I whirled around when they got right behind me and gave a sharp right hook. Donna’s head was nowhere to be seen as my careless puch floated in mid-air.

“You fight like a greenhorn, Silas.” I looked down just in time to see Donna hit me in the stomach with a left straight, winding me from the sheer force and power behind the blow. I hid it well as I staggered back, placing a hand on my stomach as I sucked in a huge amount of air.

*Gurgle!*

My eyes widened at that sound. In all the fantasy video games I’ve played with dragons in them, the knights could hear the noise dragons made before breathing their fire. It sound like boiling oil and was low-pitched. Holy shit, I have fire glands!

This bitch-if she doesn't play her hand right-is fucking toast!

Donna...did something I don’t think anyone would’ve been prepared for. She placed both her hands on her skirt and shirt, then pulled said garments apart in a display of veteran knowledge. She must of did this quite often.

Donna was now wearing a black leather sports bra, which was doing almost nothing to contain her at least Double D-sized breasts. Her legs were covered with black leather shorts, which were tied up on the sides with string. Loose, lightweight and made for movement. This bitch just got serious.

I whistled in amusement and awe as the rest of her previous ensemble was drifting lazily to the ground. I turned my head around and noticed Wergal entering the forest, still hobbling.

“STOP RIGHT THERE, WERGAL!!!” The diamond dog stopped just befre he entered the forest and turned around. When he saw how pissed Donna was and how she looked ready to kill me, his eyes widened. Wergal didn’t was another second as he hobbled into the woods.

Fuck!

I took off after the dog, closing the distance in about a minute and a half. He was still hobbling past the bushes when I caught up.

I am not pleased.

“You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, dontcha!? You thought you were just gonna hobble off without me and doom my friend to a life of servitude!?” I grit my teeth as the battered dog sunk back in fear. I placed a hand on my katana’s pommel loud enough for Wergal to get the message. “Now get walking before I remove that infection with a bloody amputation!”

He nodded his assent to my request with a scared look on his face and tears, making smile. If Donna would’ve caused my only lead to slip, I would’ve been very angry with her. Luckily for her, my chances at finding Sunset Shimmer were not ruined on this evening.

Wergal turned around and began hobbling through the forest anew but with me tailing close. I had no idea where he was leading me, so I took out my katana and spoke the incantation softly so that he couldn’t hear it. Should a group of dogs surprise me, I don’t want them to use my weapon against me.

Which reminds me, I haven’t tried any other spells in latin. Now’s a good way to see if my theory holds true. I need to know if latin really is the base language for all magic. If it is, then I no doubt have an advantage due to my prowess in the ancient language.

The only problem is what I want to try out first, and Wergal. Eh, I’ll just wipe his mind should he overhear me. It’s not like he’s smart anyway. According to the show and by what he’s shown me, the diamond dogs seem incapable of full speech. Better safe than sorry, though.

With the matter of how to take care of Wergal resolved, I quickly set about thinking of enchantments that can be made on swords. I snapped my free hand’s thumb and middle finger in realization.

In some fantasy games I’ve played, gems were often used to store spells and magic. It’s also been rumored that a dragon’s blood is infused with magic while it’s alive; but as soon as its Spark is snuffed, the magic properties in the blood dissipate and the blood turns black as night. If that’s the case, then I probably have greater magical prowess than anyone on this planet! Oh I have to try this out on something post hast-

“We...here.” Wergal’s raspy voice snapped me from my train of thought, but I was still holding that thought in my head for use. In fact, I could probably use a spell to make infiltration a lot easier!

“Good boy. I think you deserve a treat for your hard work, dontcha think?” I asked him with a smirk, to which Wergal grimaced in pain when he set his injured leg down by accident. The flies were gone, but if you looked close enough, you can see what looked like vanilla pudding forming in his leg. Oh yeah, his shit’s definitely infected. He’s needed now that we’re in front of one of the mountains.

I’ve made up my mind. I’m healing him.

The words of the latin language can be mighty vexing for the unschooled, but it’s a good thing I’m not unlearned. A novice would’ve said something like ‘medico’ or ‘percuro’. This is wrong, because it’s not correct for the situation at hand. I’m focusing on healing and sanitizing Wergal’s wound on his leg. I’ve also got to instruct my magic to realign his bone and patch the skin. Being unspecific with your spells can be likened to knocking on Death’s door. You could overtax your magical reserves, killing yourself instantly, or the spell you would cast could continue to drain your power long after the words are said and the action done.

To be vague is to die.

It took me around three minutes, but I came up with a phrase that will get the job done.

I lifted my sword to Wergal’s leg, making his swollen eyes that were close to being shut widen in fear for the fifth or fourth time this evening.

“Calm down. I’m going to heal that leg of yours.” Wergal was still apprehensive as I brought the tip of my blade close to his leg, almost to the point of touching the knee and femur that were sticking out. I closed my eyes and focused on things that were considered healing agents on my planet. Things like meditation and medicine and blah blah blah.

I felt a warmth in my chest, a warmth that yearned to be set free. I imagined myself pushing a shopping cart filled with medicine through my body, feeling the warmth travel through my torso and sword arm. From there, I ushered the energy into the diamond and up towards the point. While all this was happening, I was taking deep breaths. You know, like the ones the doctor makes you take when he presses the GLACIER-COLD stethoscope on you?

Once the energy reached the point of my sword, I said the words. “Sanitize, et sanabo sarcirent.” This phrase literally translates to ‘Sanitize, mend and heal.”

The energy left my control as I opened my eyes, watching what looked like tiny dots of light filter into the wound from the point of my sword. Wergal grimaced at the sight, but appeared to be in no pain as the dots disintegrated the infectious ooze threatening to spill out. They then went to work with pushing the open fracture ever so slowly back into his leg, where most of the orbs acted as a cohesive agent to connect the bones and tendons again. After that, the remaining orbs created new flesh over the wound, but it was devoid of fur; probably for the rest of his life too.

Wergal let out a sigh of relief as he put his leg back on the ground, which made me smile minutely. He then began jumping up and down in joy, making me bop him on the head with the back of my blade. He winced when the new pain was felt and offered me an apologetic look. I nodded in confirmation of his silent apology.

“Now hold still while I heal your face. After this, you’re tagging along with me until I bust Sunset Shimmer out of here. You know the Granite Podium well because you’re a Beta, so I’m expecting a flawless mission. I need more information before I heal your face though.” He nodded his consent and stood at ease like how Air Force cadets would. Silly dog thinks he’s people!

“Why are you helping me? And before you say ‘Because my life’s in danger’ or something along those lines, I would like to venture a guess. I say, it’s because you house a severe hatred towards the Alphas, dontcha?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. Wergal seemed disrespected and appalled instantly, but those looks went away as a look of fury came across his muzzle.

He nodded powerfully, almost making me wince with how strong and fast he did it.

“Boss Dreggen ate pups. Dreggen dies?” Wergal practically hissed his question as he snarled and growled. I knew he was housing a hatred for someone inside of him, I couldfeel it! Holy fucking shit, I’m like a Sith or something!

“Wait, he ate your kids!? Oh, to assert dominance?” I asked with a scowl. Wergal nodded strongly again. I growled in disgust and rising anger. “Then yes, Wergal, Dreggen will die. I’ve little patience for monsters, whether they pertain to my soon-to-be new occupation or not. The hound dies and so does his brothers. I also take it that you have family on the inside?” Another nod. This guy doesn't like talking, which is why he’s quickly growing on me. “Then they too shall be rescued. Now that I know you won’t betray me, I can heal you without hesitation.”

I raised my sword again, this time resting it between his eyes. I followed the same procedure, but the casting was sped up because I had grown used to the feeling of magic traveling through me. “Medico.” The swollen parts of his face got smaller and smaller until his greyhound-ish face was distinguishable once more.

My body was now feeling taxed, so I ordered Wergal to stay put. The bloodlust radiating off him could make Jeff the Killer frown. In fact, his fur had gotten a couple of shades darker. He was now teetering on the edge of having all black fur, but the grey was still able to be perceived on his head and arms. Everything else was a very dark blackish-grey color that changed as the sunlight hit his body in different spots. If the Nightmare hadn’t been defeated once and for all by the Elements of Harmony, I would’ve thought Wergal possessed by the malevolent spirit.

Not that I’m complaining, because having ‘Nightmare Hound’ as a buddy in this mission would make it a walk in the park.

Anyways, I regained my composure and felt rested after five minutes. The sun was dipping in the western sky, bathing the area in front of the mountain with an orange glow. I looked at Wergal and he looked at me.

“Here’s how it’s going to go down, Wergal. These furballs are gonna recognize you once you stroll through the entrance, so I don’t have to waste my energy on making you. I will, however, be following you using a cloaking spell. You’ll lead me into the hollow and to anyone you know plus Sunset Shimmer. I would prefer finding Sunset Shimmer,” He scowled at me, “Only because she can help me administer the cloaking spell to the rest of your family.” I finished. Wergal’s scowl dissipated into his serious expression again, but it was better than being glared at.

“Do you understand the plan?” I asked seriously as I crossed my arms. Wergal gave his epic strong nod again. “Good, then we can begin. I must warn you though; if I come into contact with anything, my cover will most likely be broken. Keep to the less populated tunnels and the shadows. If you do this, then the only problem we’ll have will be rescuing and escaping. Infiltration will be a walk in the park.” I held out my fist, to which he looked at quizzically.

I chuckled as I noticed I brought up one of Earth’s habits. “Bump it with your own.” I kept my fist out as Wergal nodded and lifted his own. We bumped them together(BROFIST!!!)as Wergal gave a toothy grin. I chuckled at how silly this guy is and used the same fist to dra-

You know what? Let me see if I can do it without my sword. I’m pretty sure this is where my dragon’s blood come into play. I placed both hands by my side and focused on what would be best for this situation. I smiled when I thought of the perfect concealment spell for infiltration.

My mind went to work on sending that warm sensation all the way through my body, feeling my blood warm and pulse with magical energy as the spell traveled through every cell. I could feel myself becoming veiled.

“Protexisti me a mente.” Which translates to ‘Hide me from the mind.’ It’s ingenious, if I do say so myself. It’s a spell used with the intention of making me no more than a shadow in the peripheral vision of the guards we should come across. Their brains will be forced to ignore my existence, unless they’re a hundred percent sure they saw me, as in no doubt whatsoever. I’m pretty much there, but not there. Get it?

“Drake? Drake, where go?” Wergal was turning around in circles looking for me. He stopped a couple of times as if he noticed me. Perfect, the spell worked.

“Relax, I’m still here. I’m glad the spell works but against other magic-savvy beings it may prove faulty. Remain on guard for when I’m exposed and immediately claim to have captured me. You’ll be spared and I’ll still have a chance at saving Sunset Shimmer, even from within shackles. With that being said, I think we’ve wasted enough time wouldn’t you agree?” Wergal looked in my direction and nodded. Smart dog, he followed my voice and can probably see me now that he knows I’m here with finality.

“Yes, Alpha.” Wergal responded as he turned on his heels and walked off towards the black mountain face. I ran up to him and stopped when I noticed how my footprints still made noise. That’s not good.

“Wergal, stop.” I said, causing the diamond dog to give a snort of frustration as he turned around and eyed me down. “One, I’m still making noise. Two, you are to call me Silas. You’ve already had to deal with enough Alphas.” Wergal smiled from the corner of his mouth.

My new ally waited patiently as I focused on the blood in my feet and lungs. When I could feel the warmth radiating from within their confines, I muttered the phrase.”Tacitus vestigia spiritus et vocem meam.”

I felt my feet and lungs warm up before going cold. It wasn't an uncomfortable cold, but it certainly was cold! I shook my head a couple of times to try and dispel the sudden nausea I was feeling. That’s it then; until I get back to proper body weight and physical prowess, I estimate four to five spells is my limit. Good to know.

I stomped my foot on the ground and gave myself a victorious smile when my illusion spell or silence spell didn’t dispel themselves. Perfection! Now I know that my spell is not susceptible to the environment!

“Lead the way.” I said happily as Wergal’s Boss Nod-which is now patented-was once again thrown my way. He turned away again as I followed him towards the mountain face. Once we cleared the last set of bushes separating us from the rocky structure, Wergal-I shit you not-wolf whistled. It took everything in my power not to laugh as ten feet high, seven feet long slab of rock was pulled up. These mutts made their base in and under a fucking mountain!?

This is gonna take forever.

“Who go there!?” One of those armored diamond dogs from Spike’s fantasy dream came out with a spear in hand. He took one look at Wergal and immediately shrunk back. “Ruh roh! Sorry, Beta! Won’t again happen!” The guard stepped to the side as Wergal stomped past him with me following close behind. I looked back and saw the guard rubbing his eyes with a paw, as if he saw something but was unsure if he did or not.

Fucking priceless.

Games Gods Play [Rewritten]

Infiltration

Wergal was doing his job remarkably well! On our way into the mountain, Wergal had made sure to stick to tunnels where the least amount of slavers resided. I had only seen one or two slaver-guards adorned in their rag-tag iron plating and helmets as we infiltrated the warren.

I was sickened by what I saw.

Corpses...in the fucking walls. It sounds just as bad as it looks too! Griffins had the largest ratio by far, with over half the tunnel housing their still decaying cadavers in their stone. The corpses of minotaurs were in a close second, which surprised me because I honestly expected more ponies than the big lugs of muscle.

“I can’t believe there are so many dead bodies! Do your Alphas kill just for the fun of it or what?” I whispered into Wergal’s ear. He stood about two inches lower than I did, so I didn’t have to bend my head down or anything.

“...Yes.” And that’s all he said. I was taken aback by his answer as a startling revelation took hold of my brain. This is supposed to be the world where friendship is practically stuffed down your throat! What the hell is death and slavery doing here!? It sickens me to no end.

The Alphas, I have to know more about them.

“Tell me about your,” I stopped and nearly shrieked as a pony’s skeleton came swinging in front of my face. I let out a deep breath behind the hand I had clasped over my mouth, before stepping around the slowly dangling cadaver. “Alphas. I want to know what I’m up against, should this discreet mission of ours take a turn for the worse.” I quickly caught up with Wergal, who was waiting for me.

Once he turned around and began walking, he answered me. “Alphas, cowards. Take mountain with numbers. My mate, defeated. Brothers took over. Slaves and gems belong to them. Pups killed and ate. Many tears. Many deaths.” We had traversed the improvised graveyard with ease and had exited the tunnel. There were now many holes before us, each going in a different direction.

“Don’t the diamond dogs have their own country? How did you guys end up over here?” I whispered, trying to keep my voice low so I couldn't be heard conversing with Wergal. The Beta turned right and began walking down the tunnel with me following close behind, the many orange torches on the wall letting me see some crazy shit.

You ever seen a spider with twelve legs and a stinger? No? Good.

“Gem Fido, homeland. Brothers enslave us, joined their clans and took over. Brothers fear Griffin Pirates, who free slaves. Lead by demon griffin, fight like possesed. Rumors say, kill six dragons at one time over sea. Brothers usher Granite Podium west, past Zerbra Isles. Kept going, found minotaurs. Voyage, two years. Third of clan died.” I raised my eyebrows at that. This ‘griffin’ sounds pretty badass if he waxed six dragons at the same damn time! Gotta meet him/her one day!

“I’m sorry for your loss. Can you tell me what the Brothers are like? I know nothing about them and I’d hate to find out they can do some freaky shit like turn into flesh-eating tentacle demons or something.” My query hung in the air as I stepped over a jagged pebble dramatically. Wergal had successfully brought us into another tunnel that was more narrow than the previous one, but it was dimly lit. The torches were doing nothing to keep the darkness at bay, but I could see Wergal well because of my natural eyesight now that I’m a dragon-thingy.

I said it once and I’ll say it again; I fucking love being an alien!

“Dreggen is worst from three. Cold, smug and mean. Take pleasure in torturing slaves and guard. Quick thinker, always alert and sadistic.” Wergal had lead me out of this tunnel as well, bringing us to another tunnel that sloped downwards. He pointed into it twice then at himself once.

“What?”

“Guard down there, his station. Asshole, me no like. I kill, then throw body up. Catch and hide.” Wergal whispered quietly, making me nod. We were doing so well too! I was hoping the only deaths today would be from the Brother's Grimm. Wergal’s claws dug into the rock as he quietly climbed down, the guard below him none the wiser. I had bent my head to get a better view of the oncoming violence.

For something standing a little over six feet tall, Wergal was moving like a specter. The guard was just standing and whistling a tune to himself, but it was ended on a high note as Wergal’s claws dug into his head and neck. I heard a snap as Wergal jutted his claws deeper. There’s just something magical about seeing a dog swing another dog’s lifeless body up to you.

I grabbed the body just as it appeared through my side of the hole. I stuck out my tongue in disgust as I noticed the missing scalp and right eyeball on this poor guard. I shrugged dismissively and placed the body next to me.

Then I tried extending my claws, but quickly found out that I hadn’t the muscle memory to do so. I quickly ‘felt’ around the hand area mentally, searching for anything that differentiated itself from the structure of a human hand. I found something instantly and projected my will to apply pressure to the point in my hand.

*Shik.*

“Alright~!” I sang mentally, smiling as I began scratching out a hole in the wall to accommodate another cadaver.

“What take so long!? Silas, hurry!” Wergal called out, to which I facepalmed. Does he not understand the concept of stealth!? Seriously!

“Shut up, idiot! You’re gonna get me caught!” I whispered into the hole harshly. I heard a bemused grunt come from Wergal as I removed my head from the tunnel and went back to digging my hole.

“I am a dwarf and I’m digging a hole! Diggy diggy hole! Diggy diggy hole!” I gave a chuckle as I scooped some dirt out from under my claws. I then picked up the body and placed it in the hole, shoveling dirt into it until the body was no longer noticeable. A couple packing motions later and I was all done!

“Silas....” Wergal called out, making me facepalm again at the sheer stupidity of this mutt.

“Fine, Mom.” I blew a bang out of my face as I responded, looking into the hole only to come face to face with a greyhound’s green eyes and muzzle. Wergal was looking at me like I had sprouted another face.

“What’s up? Did ya’ see something?” I tried looking past him, but he kept moving his head to intercept mine as it moved. I was going quickly annoyed with his antics, but he wasn't showing any signs of letting me see what was beyond him. I grew really annoyed when I gradually increased the speed of my head movements, only to have him match me.

“The fuck are you doing!? In case you haven’t realized it, we’re on a secretive mission to rescue your family and Sunset Shimmer! Please don’t make me kick your ass again!” I glared at him.

“Don’t...move.” His voice was quiet and focused. I raised an eyebrow apathetically as he slowly lifted a massive paw past my field of vision. He then quickly retracted it, making my eyes widen with what he held between his pointer claw and thumb. It was one of those spider things.

“You’re kidding me, right? That shit was on me!?” I pointed to it for confirmation. Wergal nodded and PROCEEDED TO EAT THE THING IN FRONT OF MY FACE HOLY SHIT THAT THUNDEROUS CRUNCH!!!

“Ish tashty! Shcorpeewehbs good!” He swallowed that thing mightily, licking up some green goop that had missed his maw. I shuddered and shook my head. I like spiders and other things that people would torch their house over, but those...Scorpewebs are the straw that breaks my back!

“One, you’ve officially disgusted me. Two, turn around so that we can finally finish infiltration. I have a feeling we’re getting close to the Inner Sanctum, am I wrong?” Wergal nodded in response to my question and did as I told him to do. Now my face was filled with diamond dog anus. Splendid.

We traversed this tunnel for what felt like hours before an orange light let us know the end was in sight. We picked up the pace simultaneously, my scrapes against the tunnel making no noise as we military crawled onwards. Wergal turned and looked at me with a serious expression on his face as he held up a hand, telling me to hold my position silently. I nodded quickly to which he returned the gesture.

Wergal turned his head back around and with grunt of effort, released his hold on the walls and dropped through the awkwardly angled hole. I waited for any sort of sign that it was okay for me to move up, but none was given. I crawled forward and stuck just the tip of my head out of the hole, instantly catching Wergal talking to another guard as if they’ve been buddies forever.

Then I saw what it was that made Wergal hesitate in calling me. There wasn't just a guard, oh no! There were about twenty of these burly mutts lazing around down there! How the hell are we supposed to get through this sneakily! Please come through for me, Wergal!

“We take corpse to catacomb. Dump off then eat roasted pony. Come with, Beta?” One of the armor-covered guards asked.

“No. Have task from Dreggen needs doing. Have fun!” The dogs embraced in a hug and handshake before parting ways. I felt my blood run cold as a bead of sweat formed on my nose and threatened to drop on the departing guards. I tried craning my head in time to catch it, but it was too late.

My heart plummeted into my chest as the droplet fell in slow motion, inching towards an iron helmet that was directly beneath me. I closed my eyes and waited for the inevitable and cliche call of ‘STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!’

I think I’m gonna shit myself!

*Plip.*

I cracked an eye open and saw the drop resting on a pointed piece of rock. I sighed in relief, but immediately cried out softly when my breath hit the droplet and caused it to fall again. I reached for my sword as the guard didn’t get hit because he walked off?

Damn I’m lucky!

I heard about twenty or more clicking of greaves against dirt as the company of guards walked off to places unknown. I waited a couple of seconds before trusting the area below me to be clear. I let go of the wall the same way Wergal did and fell onto my feet, bending down to absorb the five foot drop.

Wergal was propped up against the cave wall, looking at me with a calm expression. He was still in ‘Nightmare Hound’ mode though.

“How much further?” I asked him, to which he lifted a paw and pointed towards the multiple rope-bridges in front of us. I looked over the side of the rock outcropping we were on and saw a massive spire of rock in the middle of the ground. Yep, this is definitely where they keep all the slaves.

I gave the air a couple of hard sniffs a the scent of something burning filled my nose.

“You smell that, Wergal? It smells like burnt cabbage. Ugh...” I pinched my nostrils together for a couple of seconds and fanned the space in front of it with my other hand. Wergal chuckled but wrinkled up his own nose as well.

“The Podium. Torture slaves with beam from sun. Make them work harder. Disobedient slaves roasted. Set dry leaves and twigs on fire, burn slave to crisp.” Wergal stated, making me grimace at the newly acquired thought that I was now inhaling the skin particles of another being. Thanks Brain, I knew I could count on you!

“Ouch and ew. How do we get down? I’m willing to venture a guess and say that Sunset Shimmer should be down there somewhere, no?” Wergal shrugged, making me drop my jaw. “What!? What do you mean, ‘Beats me’?”

“Newer slaves taken to tunnels near Podium. Best slave mixed in with newbie. Help get used to new life. Seasoned slaves up, newbies down. Pony you want in tunnel closest to Podium, me sure. As for how get down...climb. Quicker that way. Meet you at bottom, Silas.” Wergal dug his claws into the wall and sped off towards the ground. That dog could haul some major ass!

Considering we were in the air about eighty feet up, the fact that he had already reached the bottom made me wary about howfast a diamond dog can be. It’s a good thing the Alphas are a bunch of sissy pushovers, or else I would’ve been in over my head!

Wergal may’ve had the balls to climb but I had the biggest of the bunch for doing what I’m about to do. I peered over the edge once more, setting up my target mentally. I was aiming for the middle of The Podium, using it as a runway of sorts.

I took a couple of steps backwards and calmed myself, taking deep breaths and exhaling just as deep. I waited and waited until I felt a tingle in my spine, making me snap my eyes open and run.

I jumped off the edge.

“Wings don’t fail me now!” I snapped open said appendages and expected them to catch me. When they didn’t, however, I began flapping them madly. Flying looked so fucking easy for the birds on Discovery Channel! Why can’t I OPEN MY FUCKING WINGS!!! At this rate, I’m gonna go splat against that granite midget-mountain!

I slapped myself mentally, realizing that the birds had a rhythm to their wingbeats when I watched them. With a look of bemusement on my face-which is impressive to pull off when there are wind currents hitting you in it-I began rolling my shoulders in an invisible rhythm, feeling myself lift up a little. I smiled when my death-plummet turned into a graceful glide down to the center of The Podium.

Once I made contact, the initial force of the landing forced me to skid along the smooth face of rock. I slid completely off the side and landed next to Wergal with a shit-eating grin on my face.

“You don’t have to tell me I’m a badass. I already know it.” I rose from the ground and kept my grin up as he frowned.

“Humility is a virtue, my friend.” My jaw dropped as he put on a look of confusion. “Silas, okay you? Land hard, hit head?” Wergal asked in a concerned manner, making me drop my look of disbelief.

“Uhhh, what? I’m sorry Wergal, but did you just talk!?” My inquiry was left unanswered as he walked forwards, heading into another tunnel.

Did I ever tell you guys that the rock in here is purple? I’m just gonna chalk that up with magic. Yep, better to avoid possible brain seizures during life.

“Diamond dogs have brain. Diamond dogs talk, Silas. Rude.” He turned his nose up as I followed him into the tunnel, noticing many griffins and ponies slaving away. The smell of armpits, dirt and body odor hung in the air like a cloud. Some of the slaves stopped and looked at me, or what they thought was me!

I fucking love magic.

We eventually came to a suspicious gap in the wall, where two sets of shackles and chains were laying on the ground. Wergal growled for some unknown reason, making me cast a curious glance down both ends of the tunnel.

All the slaves were looking at me and Wergal. Nah, they weren’t looking at me.

“Everything alright there, Wergal? You look like you’ve cornered an injured boar or something.” I watched as he bent down and picked up a sliver of something from the ground. He rose back up and presented it to me with a heavy frown on his face.

It was a piece of hair. A measly lock of red and yellow. My eyes widened in fear as the air in my lungs became trapped within.

“Excuse me for speaking out of character, but how well does Sunset Shimmer handle physical labor without the use of her magic?” Wergal’s voice was dripping with emotions I couldn’t describe. There was fear and anger and some other ones.

“Umm...like a normal unicorn, I guess?” I shrugged my shoulders but kept my undivided attention on Wergal. So the bastard can talk!

“Then they’ve already been taken to The Rough, Diamond and Sunset that is. If we don’t make haste, those two will become the playthings of any guard feeling frisky enough to shag something. Here in Granite Podium, that’s quite often!” My eyes widened as Wergal did something completely unexpected.

The Beta reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He then went up and down the adjacent tunnels, unlocking shackles and untying magic restrictors.

“Unlock every slave. There’s not to be a single one left in bondage. We’re causing an uprising, just because the Brothers decided to send out mates to The Rough!” Wergal handed the keys off to a minotaur who quickly went to work on unlocking every pair of shackles in this tunnel. He then went off somewhere, probably to unlock more shackles and spread the word. Good.

“Listen up! This is officially the first day of the rest of your lives! Join the greatest drake who’s ever lived in earning your freedom! You’re no longer needed here! This is an empire of slave labor, and should the Brothers lose their backbone, then the body will fall! YOU are that backbone! YOU can change the monotonous days you’ve spent in servitude! It’s all. Up. To. YOU!” Wergal ranted to the plethora of slaves flanking us.

“Wergal, I’m sure that would’ve been a great speech, but you forgot something important. I casted a spell to obscure me from their brains! They can’t see who’s supposed to be leading them.” I put my hands on my hips and tapped my foot.

“Y-yeah we can! Are you the drake that the diamond dog was talking about!? Are really going to get us out of here!? I can finally be with my family and friends after so long!?” An earth stallion completely caked with dirt and gem bits was practically crying the dirt away. I was pulled into his brown eyes as he stared at me, peering through the fibers of doubt that remained from Wergal’s claim.

I could feel it. I could feel my blood boil in every vein! This is what I’ve dreamed about! For years I was treated like nothing, like garbage! They called me everything but one name; a name that I came to love based on what it entailed...A hero. They wanted a hero and damn it I’m gonna give them one!

“You no longer have to be afraid! Wergal and I will personally see to the defeat of the Alpha Brothers! You will all be set free, but I need something from you all in return. I need all the unicorns in this tunnel to come forth!” There were about ten of them that came both the left and right of me. My ranting had brought slaves from neighbouring tunnels around me as well. Perfect stage!

“Listen close, unicorns! I’ve worn myself out magically, so I need a quick recharge. Do all of you know how to focus magic into gems?” The group of fifty unicorns gave nods of confirmation, to which I nodded with a smile and unsheathed my sword. A collective chorus of ‘ooohs’ and ‘aaahs’ rung out as it gleamed in the torchlight. “Good. Then I need you to focus some of your magic into this. I’ll take a large some of the collective amount gathered inside the gem, but leave some for reserve power. Think of it like a giant battery; a battery that fuels your savior!” All the unicorns nodded and waited until the magic restrictors- which were actually ropes tied against their horns with a rock wedged onto the tip-were taken off.

I listened as the jingle sound from the show rung out fifty times, with all the unicorns aiming their horns towards the tip of my sword. My sword began floating up into the air, surrounded in a rainbow of colors, matched only by the auras of the casters. Everyone watched as the magic surrounding my sword began a rainbow-colored vortex, a harsh *wooshing* filling the air as the manes, fur and feathers of everyone present whipped about in the impromptu tornado.

The diamond became a disco ball, shining different spots of colors onto every single orifice in the tunnel. The sword was now hovering in mid-air, rainbow wings coming off the sides of it. Everyone whistled in amazement at the sight.

My mouth was hanging wide open as I reached for the pommel, the unicorns stopping their flow of natural magic into the sword as I did. I took it from the air and heard a dull hum coming from the blade. I touched the rainbow-colored feathers of the wings, feeling each one up. A warmth traveled up my body as I drank from my sword, feeling the combined might and potency of fifty unicorns well in my body.

I AM FULLY CHARGED!!!

“Words cannot explain what I just witnessed right now. That was...awesome.” Wergal’s voice was actually high-pitched, letting me know that he was some sort of adolescent diamond dog. The older ones have deeper and more scraggly voices, which he was lacking. He hid it pretty well with that fake ‘Dumb’ speech he was using.

“You’re telling me.” Came the collective response of everyone present, which brought about a round of laughter from everyone as well. I even chuckled a little. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel helplessly alone and outcast. It’s a nice feeling, being wanted that is.

I cleared my throat, grabbing everyone’s attention immediately.

“I am an alien. An alien who, just like all of you, was beaten and told he would never amount to anything; that I was just another Draconian to the rest of the world and I wasn’t special! Over time, I began to believe them and lived out my life according to the way they saw me. Does this strike a chord with any of you?” Heads nodded. “Do you know what I did when I got tired of it?” I asked the assembly. Heads shook.

I dramatically swung my sword into the air, making everyone snap their neck up to follow it.

“I unfurled my wings and soared! I shook down those pillars they placed on my back, refused to run away when they came en masse and ultimately seized the day by piercing the heavens with hope! Now this alien comes to you not as an alien hero, but as your brother; your brother in freedom! This is the day that marks the end of Granite Podium and all the cages that bind you down here! This is the day where you'll finally be free! This is the day...” I trailed off as I softly spoke the words ‘Offundunt luci gladium meum!’ under my breath. My sword let off a beautiful array of colors when I spoke the phrase.

“This is the day THE BIRDS TASTE THE SKY!!!” A warcry above any other rung through Granite Podium’s many tunnels as the slaves took off to fight back. Wergal smiled at me as I observed the “Shining Wings of Hope” mode of my sword. Huh, not a bad name!

From this moment on, my sword will be known as Hope! Hope for a brighter day that only a HERO can bring! And THAT’S how you take the first step in doing what you always wanted to do! Of course, most of that speech was taken from a certain show I know, but he had the whole ‘Hero’ thing down packed!

You can’t be a hero withou-

“Right, I need to get going.” My smile will never go away! Never! I’ll keep smiling and spreading hope to those that need and seek it. I’ll stomp evildoers underneath my heel and drag the monsters down to hell! This world and even myself needs me; the HERO in me!

What planet has a need for a grumpy, hate-filled teenager anyway!? I can't believe I let my memories from Earth drag me down like that! Not anymore! Consider Justin gone, because Silas Epista the Hero is here, and he’s ready to kick some ass!

And right now, there’s about three asses I want to kick the most.

I tore out of the tunnel from where I entered, only to stop in my tracks. I walked up next to Wergal, who had tears in his eyes. My own eyes quickly pooled as I stared in disbelief.

On top of The Podium stood three diamond dogs dressed like sirs. In the middle was the largest one, whose very presence seemed to chill the room. He had chestnut fur and dark-brown eyes. a cane with a unicorn pony’s head carved out of diamond.

Both dogs flanking him were holding bodies both Wergal and I recognized.

“It...can’t be.” Wergal and I said at the same time.

One was of a diamond dog, who’s female based on her eyelashes and curvier body. She looked like a siberian husky body-wise and had blue fur all over her body save for the feet, hands and eyes which were shut.

The other was Sunset Shimmer, who looked liked she’d been soaked unevenly. Both of them were unconscious.

“Acuunt Ferrum Mea!”

*SHING!*

“What the hell did you do to them!?” I asked as I grit my teeth together and growled, making the dogs snort in amusement and look at each other, giving small snickers to one another. “Answer me damn it!” Based on their answer, they’d either die slowly or slower.

The one in the middle stepped forward with a knowing smirk on his face. “Ever heard of gloryholes?” He taunted before his brothers tossed the women off The Podium. They thudded on the ground, making me give an angry roar.

I ran at the Alpha Brothers instantly.

End of Apathy [Rewritten]

Rebellion Part 1

“Stop.” Wergal’s voice snapped me out of my angry charge. The Brothers had walked to the edge of The Podium, waiting for us with smiles on their faces. I growled at the sight of them before turning my head to look at Wergal.

“What do you mean, ‘stop’!? These fuckers just admitted that my friend and your mate were raped! The hell you want me to stop for!?” I rebutted angrily. I’m not seeing the logic in this whatsoever. He’s keeping me from chopping up some slavers and getting revenge!

“Can’t you see they were taunting you? It’s alright to have hatred for something, but to let that hatred guide your actions and your train of thought is suicide! How are you going to be a hero for these slaves when you cling to petty things like revenge!? Get your head out the ground and into the game!” Wergal snapped, growling at me for emphasis. I stepped away from him, fearing that he would’ve struck me or something.

“No, you’re wrong.” Wergal raised an eyebrow at my rebuttal.

“How so? You clearly have a fear of trusting others fully. How can you honestly call yourself the Alien Hero when you can’t even trust the ones you’re supposedly saving!? You’re nothing but a boy playing in his father’s vest!” Wergal snapped angrily.

“How can you honestly say that!? How have I exemplified any of your claims so far!? As far as I’m concerned, you-”

“IT’S NOT ABOUT ME!!!” Wergal stepped forward, grabbed my jacket with both of his hands, pulled me in and collided our heads together as he peered into my heart. “This is about giving up a part of yourself for thegreater good! How have you exemplified my claim? I shouldn’t of had to step forward to grab you like this!” We were now in a pushing match with our heads, giving long grunts of strain. “I shouldn’t have been the one to kill that guard and you

“WHY!?” Came the chorused question from the Brothers on top of The Podium twenty feet up.

“SHUT UP!!!” Wergal and I shouted back before continuing our argument.

“BECAUSE YOU WERE SCARED!!! No longer will you let your past judge your actions! All that shit you were spewing in the tunnels sounded good, but it was nothing more that you playing a role! NOW BE A DAMN HERO FOR THE MARE YOU LOVE!!!” Wergal gave me a headbutt strong enough for me to stagger back and hold my head with my free hand.

My eyes were probably pinpricks as what he said finally hit me.

“I DON’T LOVE HER THAT WAY, but you’re right! No more trying to fill shoes! I’m doing this my way! You hear that!?” I turned my body sharply and extended my wings, raising my sword arm up in order to point it at the Alpha Brothers. They were scowling at me. Ha, like I give two shits! “There’s no room for slavers on this planet and something tells me you’re not going to change your ways if I let you go! That only leaves me with one option....and that’s to beat the crap out of you! There’s no need to hate others, to live out your days in apathy! That’s not what I want and that’s not what those who care about me want either!” I jumped and started flapping my wings.

I almost crashed once or twice, so I knew actual flying was still beyond my level of expertise. I’m gonna need a flying coach after all this is done!

“This bravado of yours is sickening! We prefer living beings with broken spirits! I’ll enjoy breaking yours under my heel! Otto!” Dreggen looked to his left, a short pug with green eyes and rust-colored fur nodded. “Rex!” He looked to his right, a german-shepherd dog with a diamond mace in his hand nodded back at him. “Crush that Beta, I’ll handle the overgrown reptile!” Dreggen smiled devilishly at me.

“Crush my fighting spirit!? Who the fuck do you think I am!?” I dropped back down to the ground and ran towards The Podium, readying my blade for a strike. Otto drew a sword made from crudely cut diamond and lept over my head with Rex following him. I ran up the steps, nearing my target with a fire in my heart.

At one point in time it was cold and apathetic, but now there’s an inferno of passion! Can you feel it!? Can you feel that tingle in your spine whenever you do something you're passionate about!? Even if I’m knocking on Death’s door and demanding my rent, I fear nothing!

Dreggen jumped back as soon as I swiped the air in front of me with my blade. He kept jumping back even when I reached the top of the spire’s steps. The Alpha was in the center unarmed and staring at me with that knowing smirk he seemed to keep plastered on his face at all times.

“The hell’s so funny, mutt!? I’m about to skin you alive, but you’re looking at me like you’re about to invite me to a tea party of something!” The wings on my sword flapped a couple of times, making a smirk of my own appear.

“Hmph. That sword of yours is quite the sight to behold. As for skinning me, it’s not gonna happen. I’m willing to bet all the gems in Granite Podium that you won’t even be able to nick me with that thing. I can tell by the uncouth way you hold that sword, you have no swordsmanship whatsoever! This little revolution you started will end on the same day it started, but you’ll be working for me in the mines till you keel over!” Dreggen took the rim of his tophat and used it to fling the hat away.

Shih Tzu. He’s an overgrown Shih Tzu. I was honestly expecting some sort of OH MY GOD HIS HAIR I’M ABOUT TO START CRACKING UP!!!

You would not believe what this boss has on his head. You know those little balls people in Beverly Hills put on their shih tzus, terriers, chihuahuas and poodles? He has two of those right behind his ears, fluffed up and everything!

“BWAHAHAHA!!!” I kept laughing at him, not even caring about the death glare he was sending me. “At least you’re original! Seriously, what’s with the dumplings mama’s boy!?” I probably just stepped on a landmine because Dreggen’s eyes were completely glazed over as he stared off into space. This made me stop laughing. I’ve seen enough anime to know where this was going.

I readied my sword for the impending charge of supreme hatred. He probably lost his mom to a dragon or something when he was little and he was there to see it happen; or something along those lines.

“Take it back.” Dreggen gnashed his teeth, white pools of saliva forming at the back. This nigga got rabies!? “I SAID TAKE IT BACK!!!” He rushed me on all fours, closing the distance quickly as I sidestepped out the way.

I expected him to fall over the edge, but he did a fucking handstand and caught himself right on the edge! His massive arms didn’t seem to pulse with effort as his whole body remained suspended in the air, held up by the two hunking logs of muscle and bone. Dreggen slowly fell backwards, landing on his feet and standing back up.

While he was doing all of this, I was backing up slowly while twirling Hope around and around slowly. I do this to ease my mind up. You can’t expect to be a hero without a leveled head in heated situations, am I right!?

Dreggen dusted himself off and licked the outsides of his jaw. After that, he glared at me.

“You know, you shouldn’t say those kinds of things to other people; they have feelings too, you know, but I digress.” He wiped off some dirt that had gotten on his black suit, making me raise an eyebrow. “I hope you know this little revolution you started is all for not. You’re a novice in swordplay facing off against a diamond dog that’s impossible to hit. You see, I’m not like other diamond dogs. Unlike my brothers...”I tensed up, backing away slowly. I had stopped twirling my blade in preparation for a charge. “I’m strong.” He charged me instantly and without warning.

This threw me for a loop, seeing as how I was taken by surprise with how fast he exploded from the edge. Dreggen was almost to my chest when I raised my sword arm and swung down, grunting from how fast that strike had been. I watched with widened eyes as Dreggen sidestepped the blade just before it touched his head, then punched me in the face.

He put his whole body into it and I was surprised that I hadn't been knocked out from the blow, which sent me flying to the other end of The Podium. Can he move at supersonic speeds!? Has he been playing around this whole tim-

“AHHHH!!!” I rolled out of the way as Dreggen’s screaming form stomped where my head had once been. A large piece of granite came loose and fell. “Would you look at that, I missed!” He spat out some saliva in that hoodlum-way, sticking his hands into his pant pockets.

“What the hell was that!?” I exclaimed while back springing up to my feet like martial arts masters do. “Where did that insane dodge come from!? What the hell are you!?” I swung my winged-sword for emphasis.

“I’m Dreggen the Agile Dog, one of the Alphas here at Granite Podium. That,” He pointed a finger off the side of The Podium, where I looked after making sure he wasn’t doing anything fishy. “is Otto the Ingenuitive. What he lacks in brawn, he makes up for in smarts. The other one is Rex the Blitzer Breaker, whose abnormal strength only grows as he’s angered. Wergal may be putting up a good fight, but it’s foolhardy to think that he’ll win. Besides, he’ll be easier to subjugate than you, seeing as how we already broke his will once.” Dreggen shrugged with that knowing smirk again.

“How can you be so cruel? These griffins, ponies and minotaurs all have families and friends that miss them!” I stomped my foot for emphasis.

“Surely you’re not suggesting that we simply let our mules go, do you? Foolishness, Mr.Dragon, foolishness. All clans, save for the accursed Marble Pillars, believe in slave labor. In fact, some clans have been known to break the wills of dragons. Before you showed up, my brothers and I were actually getting ready to mount a full-scale raid on that little town of Stonehaven a little ways south-west.” I growled as he finished his last sentence.

“Sorry pal, but it’s not going to happen! You better be ready to die, Dreggen, because you’ve just pissed off the most badass hero on Equis and beyond!” I put both hands on my sword, trying to give the impression of knowing how to fight with it.

“Tch! If this guy has supersonic movement on his side then I’m screwed. I know five spells is my limit, so using magic could be fatal if none of my spells prove effective! Damn it! I thought it would be easier than this!” I began pacing, taking slow but sure steps in a half-circle pattern around the Leader Alpha.

“Are you hesitating? Why? You aren’t scared of me, that’s for sure. Are you trying to figure me out, get in my head? You’re more than welcome to try it, though I doubt the results will be fruitful or to your liking.” He gave an evil chuckle and started walking towards me with his hands in his pockets! Uh oh! I better think of something...and quick!

Umm...

AHA!

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. I’m just trying to figure out why you’re doing this, as in slave labor. It doesn’t make sense, how you can be so apathetic to ruining another sentient being’s life.” He stopped walking and raised an eyebrow. I raised my own in response.

“Really? You’re trying to stall for time? Ah what the hell, why not?” He shrugged and stood right where he was, leaving me on my side of The Podium. Good, he took the bait, even though I was surprised that he caught on to my ruse.

“Now where should I begin...Ah, we’ll start off with the natural order of things! Listen close. At the top of the food chain are dragons, who are really just a bunch of barbaric beasts that prey on diamond dogs or anything they can get their huge claws on. Monsters, in other words. Then we have the predators like griffins and diamond dogs. Then ponies and minotaurs. This world, outside of Equestria, is a cesspool of death and murder; slavery and assassinations, which are done for the sake of money and fame.”

“Diamond dogs capture slaves in order to mine out large quantities of gems in order to protect themselves from dragons on their land. We can’t possibly sate the hunger of a dragon by only having thirteen or twenty dogs in a warren, it’s unfathomable.”

“Gem Fido was where Granite Podium was located, right until the stories of the Griffin Pirates came around. Can you imagine whole dens and warrens being slain, profits and gems down the drain all in the span of a few hours!? These Griffin Pirates would take the remainders of toppled slaver dens and ship them off to the ever-growing Marble Pillars. This warren has abandoned the traditional ways of mining, seeking to live in peace with one another as if it was a regular town of commerce! They do not respect tradition and that angers me!” He stomped his foot for emphasis, some spit sliding out from between his grinding teeth.

“But at the time, Granite Podium didn’t have the amount of numbers needed in order to fight the Griffin Pirates so we combined our clans. We’re not brothers on blood, but rather brothers in objective and survival! We wish to maintain the old ways of our people, to live out like our forefathers have! And if this means that other people have to be kidnapped, then so be it! Our course is set in Granite, that’s the motto we live by; so if you wish to become a ‘Hero’ and destroy what we’ve built from the ground up, then I have no choice but to protect my inheritance! If this entails having you die, then I will enjoy every second of your painful screams!” Dreggen charged me as he finished.

He still had his hands in his pockets, so I took it for a weakness and swung Hope horizontally. Again, right before the sword managed to cleave him in two, he ducked underneath and springboarded from the ground, heabbutting me in the chin and making me stagger back.

I was rewarded with a roundhouse kick to the side of the face for falling off balance, sending me flying off The Podium. I fell for what felt like three seconds before my back thudded against the unforgiving rock floor! I let a pained gasp leave my mouth as the wind was knocked from me. I even closed my eyes tightly to try and concentrate on the pain going away.

“SILAS, MOVE!!!” Wergal’s shout made my eyes snap open just in time to see Dreggen jumping off from The Podium like it was a turnbuckle. I willed myself to fight through my tight stomach and lungs, rolling to the right in order to avoid the deadly blow that was coming from on high.

“AHHHHHH!!!” My vision was filled with dust as Dreggen’s yelling form smacked into the ground where my face had once been. The Alpha could be heard chuckling from the cover of his impromptu smokescreen. Tiny specs of dirt made small hissing sounds as they fell back to the ground. “I’m trying to kill you in a flashy manner but you keep moving out of the way! Please hold still, I promise to MAKE IT QUICK!” Dreggen came bounding out of the smoke with a manic grin of bloodlust on his face.

I was still rising from the ground, so I knew that dodging his next attack would be useless. I tried a simple diagonal swing, hoping to at least graze him! When he jumped over my slash and grinded his foot into my face, using his momentum to drive my body backwards until he crushed my head on the ground, I was a little surprised. And in pain.

Definitely in pain!

“And just like that...you’re under my heel! This whole fight is pointless and I’m finding no pleasure in it.” I grunted in pain when he added more pressure by leaning into the leg that had me pinned down. I can’t breathe, he’s going to literally crush me beneath his heel! “It’s a shame I have to kill you, Mr.Alien. You would’ve made such a great slave.” I heard him sigh in what sounded like disappointment before I could feel the bones in my head scream in protest, feeling the new sense of pressure as he practically tried pushing through my skull with his foot.

I was screaming my ass off. The nails on his foot were slowly digging into my scales. I know that if he really wanted to, he could’ve scalped me and been done with it. Amidst all my screaming I remembered something that I had forgotten, something so crucial to the way he fights it’s a wonder I forgot about it!

I began pushing back with my head, feeling his nails sink all the way in but were not long enough to puncture anything vital. I grit my teeth in pain and focus, slowly making headway while giving long and continuous grunts of gusto. I made eye contact with Dreggen, who had his arms crossed and his eyebrow raised in amazement.

“Hoh? So you’re still fighting back, even though I’m in a position to scalp you right now? This bravado of yours is marvelous, but at the same, vile.” He narrowed his eyes and leaned his whole body in, making my eyes bulge. I can’t do this! It’s hurts too bad! “By that look in your eye I can tell you’re in an insane amount of pain. Why don’t you just lay down and accept defeat? It’ll stop the pain you’re feeling right now.” Dreggen’s weight was no joke because I was slowly being forced back down. Blood was running down my face and into my eye, making me close them in the hopes of ejecting the ichor. When I opened them again, everything was blue.

“Are you still trying to fight back!? Even though you’re blue blood is running along my foot!? GAH,” Dreggen scoffed angrily, “I have no need for fools with spirits like yours! Your pelt will make a good furnishing for my ro-GUH!!!” In the middle of Dreggen’s dialogue, a black-furred fist slammed into the side of his mouth. His body was lifted off the ground as the sound of crunching bones and flesh tearing filled my ears. I cried out in a horrifying amount of pain as I felt my entire forehead get ripped off. Blood poured into my eyes, but I wiped it out.

To be honest, I was feeling a little frustrated. I was frustrated that I had to be saved. What kind of hero gets saved!? Fuck being frustrated, I’m pissed!

I groggily stood up, grabbing Hope with my left hand. The wings were still there, so I knew that the unicorn magic still resided within. Perfect.

I sluggishly raised my sword arm and twirled the blade so that the tip punctured my wound minutely. “Medico.” I felt the effects of the magic instantly, feeling the energy seep into the wound and begin to patch it up. I shook my head, getting the spirals that had entered my eyes out.

*WHUMPH!!!*

I looked to my left just in time to see Wergal slam into my chest from the blow I heard. I grunted and fell back from the new load of weight I had acquired, much to my chagrin. Once my back slapped against the ground again, I shoved Wergal to the right and sprung right back up to my feet.Soft crunches of dirt made me snap my head to the left, just to see the Alpha Brothers standing next to one another.

Two of the Alpha Brothers, just to let you know.

“Where’s Otto!?” Dreggen asked Rex angrily, the latter shrinking back and wincing.

“He’s over there.” Wergal answered for the Alpha nonchalantly, walking up to the right of me. The Brothers and I turned our heads to look at where Wergal had begun pointing, noticing the small pug’s body slouched against the side of The Podium. Blood splattered the wall of rock behind him.

“And over there.” Wergal then jutted his finger to a patch of Earth some ways away from Otto’s body, revealing to us the other half. Yeah, you read right. THE OTHER HALF.

“And if you want, I could show you whe-”

“ENOUGH!!!” The deep voice of Rex interjected as he thundered towards us with his mace held high. ‘Nightmare Hound’ tensed up like he was getting ready to engage, but I pushed him out of the way. You’re not saving me twice!!

Rex had closed the distance relatively quick, swinging his mace in a horizontal arc. I ducked and simultaneously swung Hope, cleaving through his midsection like it wasn't even there. I then spun around his body to the left, watching him as he stepped a couple of times before falling down with his legs separated from his torso.

I turned my body so I could look at Dreggen with a knowing smirk on my face. “Did you honestly expect a lummox like him to last long? He was worse than me! And now it’s two versus one!” Dreggen looked pissed, but he took a deep breath and began to chuckle. That chuckle escalated to laughter, and then maniacal laughter. He kept it up for a couple of seconds, maybe thirty-ish? I don’t know exactly, but it seemed like he had been laughing at us forever.

He stopped his laugh impossibly fast and looked at us with uneven eyes; and by uneven, I mean one eye was a pinprick while the other was normal, only serving to creep me out further than I already was. Dreggen placed a hand on his head and swept the balls of hair back like a mobster would do his gel-top. He then let out a shaky breath, which, I swear to God, dropped the temperature in here by a couple of degrees!

“Two against one??? Do you honestly believe that I’m all alone down here!? I have guards by the thousands! In fact, there’s approximately two-thousand guards here! That’s more than half the amount of slaves we keep under watch! OBSERVE!!!” He angled his head up and took a deep breath. “AROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Dreggen moaned loudly, making me cover the small triangular ears on the side of my head. Wergal was standing with his arms crossed, looking at Dreggen with a knowing smirk of his own.

The sound of what I can only assume to be his backup reverberated through the tunnels of Granite Podium. It felt as if Equis itself was shaking and that made me scared beyond all belief. Well, that and Dreggen’s maniacal laughter.

“Calm yourself, Silas. He’s in for a nasty surprise.” Wergal’s smirk increased into a full blown grin that showcased most of his elongated teeth. I’m gonna half to ask him how he killed one of the Alphas like it was nothing and how he enters ‘Nightmare Hound’ form. I wonder if he knows about it?

“It’s too late to flee now, Alien! You shouldn’t have come here! I built this empire of dirt from the ground up, trained the guards myself and single-handedly took over the clans that Rex, Otto and Diamond ran! You’re trapped between me and approximately two-thousand guards! There’s no way in tartarus you’re getting out of here alive!” At the end of Dreggen’s rant the rumbling halted.

“NOW GUT HIM MY-"

*FLOOMPH!!!*

Right in front of our faces a gashed and bloodied body of a diamond dog in armor fell. Dreggen’s eyes widened in disbelief as he turned around dramatically and looked up. I didn’t think it was possible, but I’m pretty sure Dreggen’s mouth is scooping up dirt right now.

I angled my head to look around and nearly did the same thing Dreggen did.

Slaves....a lot of them spilled out from the tunnels above and next to us. Seconds later, it was raining diamond dog guard bodies! They impacted the ground harshly, making me flinch with each one that hit. I looked over to Wergal, whose grin evolved into a full blown smile and chuckle.

“Told ya’.” Was all Wergal said as I turned my attention back to the dogs that were being thrown off the outcroppings of rock fifty feet in the air. I had to sidestep once or twice to avoid falling bodies, but it was still a sight that merited some form of awe. Once the bodies stopped their plummet, the slaves stepped forward simultaneously, leering at the only Alpha standing between them and sweet freedom.

“WHAT DO I PAY YOU IMBECILES FOR!!!???” Dreggen shouted madly as began to continuously stomp on a dead guard’s face. He kept doing it, the only sound in the Podium Chamber was his grunts of exertion and the squelches coming from the flattening face of the diamond dog guard. He’s lost it. “YOU HAD ONE JOB!!! ONE JOB!!!” On ‘job’ he gave one last stomp, turning the head under his heel into spaghetti sauce.

“Look at you, Dreggen. You were so hung up on yourself that defeat seemed like a far off thought. Otto had been suggesting for years that we build an airship to acquire more slaves and guards from the Main Continent but you slapped him away every time, claiming that he was insulting your savvy in breaking the spirits of your slaves! You brought this on yourself and you know it! That’s why you’re falling apart, you can’t deal with it!” Wergal sneered while keeping his arms crossed, making me smirk at how badass he was looking. He’d make a great anti-hero.

“FUCK YOU, BETA SCUM!!! FUCK ALL OF YOU!!! LOOK AT WHAT YOU SCUM DID!!! LOOK!!! I HAD AN EMPIRE THAT WAS SAFE FROM THAT INSUFFERABLE GRIFFIN AND HIS MERRY MEN, BUT YOU HAD TO GO AND FUCK IT UP MR.INVADER!!!” Dreggen’s fur had become severely matted because of the river of sweat pouring from his body. He placed both his hands on his jacket, pulling it apart at the seams. He only had his pants on now and his arms were hanging loosely at the sides of his body. That manic look in his eye stayed the same, however.

“I know I’m awesome, no need to shout it into the heavens, geez!” I said dismissively, waving my sword in front of me haphazardly. I could’ve swore his eye twitched in contained fury. Fucking priceless! “Look here, you can either surrender and face judgement at the paws and hooves of those you enslaved, or you can fight Wergal and I. Either way you die, but it’s more honorable if you get killed by your slaves. You could go out with a clear conscious and some shred of respect then as some measly dog who’s compensating for his penis size with his ego. The choice is yours, Mi Amigo!” I mocked him, to which he gave a loud growl of complete fury. I could tell my rant succeeded in pushing him further into madness based on the way he was frothing at the mouth now.

Bastard does have rabies! Ewwwwwwwww!!!

“You meet your end either way, Dreggen. I would be lying if I said that I would be fine with you picking the second option. You deserve to be cut down just like your brothers were, if you ask me.” Wergal smiled devilishly, his eyes gleaming with bloodshed.

Definitely an anti-hero!

“Well,” I asked with a challenging edge to my voice, “What’s it going to be?” I rose my sword arm and pointed Hope at Dreggen, who was still hunched over and heaving like a deranged lunatic.

“You’ll all die down here. ALL OF YOU!!! IF I CAN’T RULE THE DIAMOND DOGS OF THE WORLD THEN NONE OF MY SLAVES AND ENEMIES DESERVE TO LIVE!!! COME ON!!!!” Dreggen roared into the air somehow, shocking me because it sounded like a strange mix between a dog’s bark and a lion’s roar.

He then charged Wergal and I.

“Join your brothers in the dirt, mutt.” Wergal said simply before going down on all fours and taking off faster than my eye could follow. Dreggen outstretched his claws while running on all fours as Wergal did the same. They leapt and collided with one another, making me wince at the the sound of it happening. I remember seeing two werewolves in a movie do that once but I forgot which movie. Needless to say, the dogs were rolling around in a ball of death, biting and scratching one another viciously.

Somethings gotta give eventually.

Average Day [Rewritten]

Rebellion Finale

Just as quick as the two collided they came apart, springing from each other with huge pushes from their back legs while in the air. Wergal landed on his feet and slid backwards, dust flying up as he dragged his nails through the ground below. Dreggen did the same, but he incorporated his right claw into the action. They ended up pretty much where they began, the only thing different would have to be the small cuts and bruises dotting their bodies here and there.

Dreggen’s body was littered with far less cuts and bruises than Wergal. Just as ‘Nightmare Hound’ was about to jump back in for some more, I placed a hand on his shoulder roughly. He rounded on me with a vicious growl, claws extended and ready to cleave my face off should he follow through with his instinctive thinking. I was unfazed by the gesture because I trusted Wergal with my life. I mean, he only saved it a little while back, right? He had also expressed that a true hero trusted the ones he allied himself with and I definitely view Wergal as an ally.

“Take your own advice and calm down. Dreggen’s snapped mentally but your rage could’ve gotten you killed right there. I know he’s taken something precious from you, but you have to keep better tabs on your feelings or you’ll die. Who’ll take care of Diamond then?” The hand not holding Hope was motioned to indicate a female diamond dog who was slowly getting back up to her feet. Wergal’s fur shimmered for a second or two, showcasing his grey fur for a little, before heading back to black.

“Thanks, Silas, I needed that. Now where were we...” He trailed off in that classic Anti-Hero speech. You want a good description of that? Think Shadow the Hedgehog mixed with the scratchy voice of Vegeta. And if you make that overrated joke in the comments section, I’m going to personally shove my foot up your ass and wiggle it for good measure! “Ah yes! Here me, freed slaves of Granite Podium! You now have the option of deciding this man’s fate! Silas and I will either kill him as he fights us, or cripple him and wait for you to get down here! Either way, there will be copious amounts of blood!” Wergal’s speech was met with a huge uproar from the revolutionaries.

“Kill him!” Griffins shouted.

“Gut, Dreggen!” Diamond dogs howled.

“Break his legs and arms! I want a piece of him myself!” Ponies yelled.

“YOU'RE ALL FOOLS!!!” Dreggen shouted back, only making the ex-slaves increase the volume of their murderous desires.

“I take it back! Kill him dead, Mr.Dragon and Mr.Diamond Dog!” A chorus of ‘yeahs’ and other forms of agreement came forth to the pony’s change of heart, making Wergal and I chuckle.

“I think we have an answer, Silas.” Wergal uncrossed his arms and cracked his knuckles loudly. I punctured the ground with Hope so that I could do the same with my knuckles as well.

“Remind me to kick your ass after this. You never told me you could talk, dammit. I probably would’ve let you go without breaking your leg.” I raised an eyebrow as a question came to mind. “Why did you let me break your leg back then? By what you’ve displayed down here, I’m led to believe that scuffle in the forest shouldn't have played out the way it did. I just want to kn-”

“Does this really look like the best place for this?” Wergal asked me with raised eyebrow.

“Suppose not. Still, I would like to know why you didn’t fight back when this is all over and we’re back at Judgement.” I picked up my sword without looking at Wergal, who I heard give a snort of amusement. Something tells me his reasoning was a little funky.

“It’s like you two were made to disrespect me!” Dreggen shouted angrily, bringing Wergal and I to look upon him once again.

“We try.” Wergal and I said at the same time.

“You should also know that even if we may fall to you-which I really don’t see happening- these revolutionaries of ours will see to your execution anyway. You’re trapped like a rat in a maze, a maze you built no less! At least you can die like a man atop your finest creation, right?” I jutted my thumb to The Podium with a scowl on my face.

I was growing bored with Dreggen and with how long this whole endeavor was taking. I knew, however, that my current level of power was nowhere near good enough to challenge him one on one. Wergal and I would have to do him in together, as much as it pains me to say it.

“I won’t be dying here, but I guess I can indulge you in this deluge of heroism!” Dreggen swung a claw strongly, some dirt fluttering from the ground in response to the sudden wind. His left eye was spasming fast enough to cause worry.

Not from me, but maybe someone else?

Yeah, not likely.

“You can practically hear the enthusiasm in my voice,” Wergal scoffed disinterestedly, “Now get moving. I don’t have all day.” He finished, pointing a finger at The Podium’s steps. Dreggen didn't like being bossed around apparently, for he simply brought his claws out and gracefully scaled the spire of rock; and by gracefully, I mean he tore that shit up!

“Now, you shake a leg.” Wergal was pushing me towards the steps with a claw, apathy written all over his face as I sighed in defeat. Perfect. The Hero is getting pushed around by the Anti-Hero! Tell me how this is not ironic!

“Fine, Mom! Get your grubby little paws off of me.” I remarked dryly as I ran up the steps as we reached them. I gripped Hope tightly, feeling the magic inside of it fill me with a ethereal warmth. This was it and by the way Wergal was tensing up, he could feel it too. “Wergal.” I called out, making him turn his head and look at me from the corner of his eyes.

“You felt it too?” He asked simply. I nodded. “Good, then I wasn’t the only one. It seems like Dreggen’s finally getting serious. Something’s up with that dog and I don’t like it. He was dodging a lot of my attacks at point blank range. It pisses me off, how he’s so agile!” Wergal clenched his teeth and furrowed his brow, snarling and growling at Dreggen who was busy getting the red bows off the balls on top of his head. After the balls dropped down into regular fur, he snarled back at Wergal.

Of course, I was left to be the awkward duck in all of this. I offered my own growl at the both of them. They stopped their growling match and stared at me with a raised eyebrow, silently asking me ‘What the fuck are you doing?’

“It was awkward just sitting here! I took action!” I complained and gave a ‘hmph’, turning my nose up and making Wergal facepalm.

“You’re an ass.” He stated simply before going into an all-fours stance, setting his sights on Dreggen who decided to remained upright. “Now let’s settle this with a snap.” Wergal snapped his fingers and a slew of ex-slaves came pouring out of the tunnels on the ground. Some tripped on guard bodies while others added more to the pile, sliding them off of swords and pikes; spears and arrows, horns and talons.We were surrounded in seconds, the once vacant ground around The Podium was now filled with hundreds of living bodies.

“YOU TRICKED ME!!!” Dreggen’s fury was rekindled, making a knowing smirk streak across my face. Wergal had this all planned out from the beginning, probably before he met me! He was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to advance his scheme. Wergal’s been plotting the coup all along and that’s why he didn’t kill me in the forest. This only shows his dedication in completing a mission which I believe will be vital for the profession I’ve adopted.

In fact, I’m going to need a lot more people if I want to achieve maximum hero status! There’s no rule saying that I can’t have a guild! A heroes guild! Think of the possibilities! They’re virtually endless!

“THAT’S IT!!! I’M ENDING YOUR LIVES HERE!!!” Dreggen roared in fury as he rushed us without warning, commencing the battle without me being ready for it. And from the way he was charging me down, he didn’t seem too focused on keeping that shred of dignity I tried to give him. I sidestepped a horizontal slash and brought Hope down in an overhead swing, attempting to cleave the Alpha in half. Dreggen’s speed kicked in once again, allowing him to sidestep the swipe at the last possible second and thrust a clawed hand towards my face.

My eyes widened as a black-furred fist zoomed towards Dreggen’s face, but once again that supernatural speed of his kicked in and he executed a perfect barrel roll, sending Wergal flying over him as the blow grazed off his spinning form. I stood there with my jaw practically scraping up rocks when the familiar feeling of pain rocketed through my body in the form of a giant paw slamming into my face. I staggered back from the blow, stars dancing in my eyes as I felt a powerful attack slam into my left temple, forcing me back even more as I gave a pained grunt.

“NOW DIE!!!” I shook my head and instantly ducked, seeing the swirls and clouds dissipate as a burly hand shot forward. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve mistaken Dreggen for Albert Wesker. I rolled to the left, hearing the disappointed snort from Dreggen as Wergal took up his crossed-arms position at my right side. All this scuffle managed to do was have us swap places.

“That was a close one.” I breathed out painfully, wincing as a deep pounding rocketed through my head. I gotta be careful from now on because I think I have a concussion. “I’m not seeing how we can hurt him, Wergal. The guy just pulls off the craziest dodges and shit like it’s-” I snapped my head up in realization.

“It’s what?” Wergal asked as he tensed up, ready for another scuffle to manifest. He’s gonna be disappointed because victory is all but assured. I smiled darkly before aiming Hope at Dreggen, which caused the evil dog to snicker.

“This bravado of yours churns my belly, alien! Be grateful that I haven’t already slain you with my supersonic speed, weaklings! You should be prostrating yourselves, begging fo-”

“Shut the fuck up.” I interrupted. “You don’t have the power you claim to have; if you did, then surely everyone here would be dead by now. You may try to play off your abnormality as a god-tier power, but it’s just an abnormality. I don’t know how you got this power, but I honestly don’t care because I’ve figured it out! The way you’ve been dodging at the last second and how you constantly charge us only solidifies my findings!” I narrowed my eyes as a victorious smirk graced my features.

He’s lost.

“It’s all reflexive, Wergal. Dreggen has heightened reflexes! And thanks to my eagle-like vision I noticed when I was studying Jack back at Judgement, which is useful for studying things in ridiculous modes of magnification, I can tell how it works!” Dreggen was snarling now, because he knew I had him pegged. “Picture this. Underneath every follicle of fur lies a pore that has nerves in it. Thanks to Dreggen’s heightened reflexes abnormality, the reaction time on the nerves picking up the presence of a threat is accelerated drastically, bolstering the chance of a successful evasion unrealistically. But this abnormality comes at a cost, just like every power.”

“His abnormality is only activated subconsciously, otherwise it wouldn’t exactly be reflexes now would it, Dreggen!?” I raised my eyebrow challengingly as he barked his fury at me. “Having said this, it’s easy to see where his weakness lies. His strength is his weakness! His abnormality can not be controlled manually! Having said that, I can honestly say that this fight has reached an end.” I concluded, bowing deeply as Dreggen began laughing his ass off maniacally.

“Interesting! Then let’s see you back up those words with ac-” I swung Hope as hard as I could, bringing it across the ground in a sweeping horizontal slash. The wind that came forth did exactly as I predicted it would to Dreggen. He instantly jumped into the air, his own eyes widening in fear.

“Wergal.” I said simply, seeing the diamond dog grin maliciously before closing the distance between the Alpha and himself relatively quickly. So quick in fact, that he had arrived underneath Dreggen while he was still in the air. Wergal cocked a fist back shot it forward, putting his whole body into it. I could see Dreggen’s body twitch up as it tried to move away, but he was airborne and the abnormality only lets him dodge, not block.

Needless to say, the punch was every inch of nasty I envisioned it to be as it slammed into the chin of Dreggen. His body went straight with the new force counteracting his descent back to the ground. In fact, the force was so strong that the puch succeeded in tossing him back into the air, albeit with less teeth.

“Yes!” I pumped my unarmed fist towards my chest in victory as my plan worked. That does it then! I love being smart!

“GET SOME!!!” Wergal yelled as he jumped in the air after Dreggen, twisting his body to throw a roundhouse kick straight to the ribcage of his children’s murderer. I heard a crunch and an ‘oomph’ as Dreggen’s form was sent spiraling back down towards The Podium; and more importantly, me.

“Nice pass.” I stated simply, raising my sword arm with a stoic expression on my face. I braced myself for impact as Dreggen’s form came flying at me chest first. Perfect. I saw Dreggen’s eyes bulge out as his body became impaled on Hope, the wings on its sides actually slicing the sides of his stomach clean off. The impact itself sent out a wave of wind behind me, making my jacket and mane flutter madly.

My outfit was caked in blood as Dreggen let out a pained yell from his new resting place. I lifted Hope and the impaled form of Dreggen over my head with two hands, watching as the slaver lord’s limbs dangled in the air.

Blood was cascading down the hilt of my sword and onto my face and hands. Dreggen gave another pained holler as more of his body slid down slowly, only serving to improve the amount of internal bleeding he was suffering from.

“I told you so.” I mocked, lifting the sword even higher as Dreggen gave out constant whines and grunts of pain with every centimeter that went deeper. Now to finish this cur in style, just to inspire the masses. I motioned for Wergal to join me underneath the impaled form of Dreggen. He shook his head and I snarled. He wasn’t pleased about my response, but he came over anyway. “I want you to grab Sunset Shimmer and your family then scram for the surface. I’ll be up there shortly. These ex-slaves need a leader right now, and I’m the only candidate now that Dreggen’s practically defeated.”

“You’re going to finish him with an unneeded amount of magic?” Wergal phrased that question like a statement and he said it in a bemused voice.

“Yup.” I responded simply.

“Hoping it’ll get the slaves to listen to you further?”

“Most likely.”

“...Have your fun.” And with that he walked off.

I stopped and made a confused face when a feeling of deja vu came over me, but instantly snapped back to reality as a pained moan from Dreggen snapped me out of my reverie. I turned my attention back to my impaled guest.

“You are a symbol for oppression and depression amongst the ex-slaves gathered here. You’ll be going out in a blaze of glory.” I smiled devilishly, watching as his eyes widened again as he tried removing himself from the sword. I winced when he tried to firmly grasp it in his hands, which only served to sever his fingers from them. He gave another howl of pain before simply slouching. He’s given up.

“Stop wearing down what little honor I have left and kill me already. Let me join my brothers in Tartarus,” Dreggen wheezed, “Take your time or hurry up, I die either way; and if I,” He gave another painful shriek into the air as he slid lower, “IF I...FUCK!” I jostled him a little, ending his rant instantly.

“Ex-slaves of Granite Podium! What you’re about to witness will fill you with such a bravado and spirit, that these long years you spent in captivity will no longer hinder you! The sky is yours and right now, I’m unleashing the final manacle that binds you to this place!” A chorus of ‘Hell yeahs’ and ‘Whoos’ rung out loudly, making me smile.

“Dreggen the Agile had been defeated and now I shall remove his ilk from this world! He has told me that he had absolutely no intentions of changing his ways should I let him go, claiming tradition to be better than the common good for everyone! If given the chance to live, there is no doubt in my mind that he would’ve escaped and did the same thing all over again!” Boos. I can’t hold all these boos.

“Too bad it won’t come to pass! Now watch in joy as I remove his scourge from the world!” I turned my head to look at the still-bleeding form of Dreggen, who was crying with a distant look in his eye. He’s fading fast! I have to think of something flashy to solidify myself as a hero! These people need to see that a strong fighting spirit and a leveled head can triumph over anything!

“You will all continue my legend! Speak of the Alien with Indomitable Spirit, who makes his bed in Judgement and smites all evil with Hope! Speak of Silas Epista, the Alien Hero!” Now that shameless self-promotion is done, I instantly thought up a series of spells that will look amazing.

Seeing as how my spell limit of five hasn’t been reached, I quickly took position. I spread my legs a little bit and focused on the magic in my sword and in my blood, feeling both pulsate with warmth.

“Because I’m a hero now, I will show mercy by dulling the pain until you pass on to the afterlife. Thank me in death, scum, because you don’t even deserve this!” I pushed some of the magic into Dreggen’s wound, muttering ‘Torpens’ in order to numb it until the attack was over. I noticed a feather drift off from Hope’s Shining Wings and fizzle out before it touched the ground. It seems like the wings themselves are gauges for how much magic is stored in the sword. Good to know.

I have the spell thought out. It’s perfect!

“Dreggen the Agile; I will now let you add on to the burden of death I must carry. Can’t say I’ve had fun beating you, seeing as how you were handing me my ass on a silver platter, but that’s a matter we can discuss when I die and join you in Tartarus. Are you prepared to pass on?” I asked with an amused smile. Mocking this guy is more fun than it should be.

“Yeah, I’m ready you fuck-up! Now hurry up before I feel the gods damn pain again!” Dreggen remarked with a growl. I furrowed my brow at him as I imagined a raging electric storm rushing through my body.

 Intent and clarity are everything when casting magic. As I’ve said before, you could end up killing yourself.

That being said, I imagined Hope to be an electric rod of sorts. In an instant, crackling blue-colored lightning began gathering at the base of my sword and arching up to the tip of it then back. This kept going on, with more charge subtracting the time it took for the charges to travel the length of blade and then go back. To make a long story short, in a couple of seconds, Hope was nothing more than a bright and arcing bolt of blue-lightning.

Dreggen couldn’t feel anything because of the numbing spell I put on him. He probably won’t even feel anything when he dies. Lucky bastard.

I moved my hands down to my left side, holding the thirty-one inch monstrosity of a lightning bolt a little ways away from my side. Dreggen’s feet were sliding along the ground clumsily, almost getting a snicker from me. I looked up and saw my target perfectly. The glass and stone that was used to possibly burn insubordinates alive was now in my sights, becoming the bullseye for this magic-infused dart of badassery.

I gave a deep sigh, clearing my mind as I imagined the final step in my head.

“FULGUR HASTAE VIRI!!!” I yelled out as I flung the bolt towards the tower with all the strength my body had left to offer. It soared with the roar of a dragon, exactly as I planned it to. The onlookers watched with widened eyes as Dreggen was suddenly compressed against the circular piece of glass. The glass began to crack slowly, then shattered instantly as Dreggen’s form was carried off into the clouds. From down here, you could see two or four flashes of lightning before all went quiet.

Now!

“FREMITU FULGUR DRACO!!!” The clouds were pushed aside as a mountainous winged-dragon made completely out of my magic and lightning filled our vision. It’s dark-blue lightning-infused body clashed horribly against the baby-blue and orange sky of sunrise. It gave a deafening roar then quickly fizzled out, completing its task.

I waited for a little bit before a dull whistling filled my ears, making me stretch out and catch Hope by the hilt just as it fell past my chest. I gave it a couple of twirls, noticing the wings were gone, before sheathing it in a flashy manner. I waited with bated breaths, wondering how they took my performance/execution.

The tunnels broke out in a cheer as my name was praised. Ponies and griffins wrapped each other up in hugs full of affection while the diamond dogs stuck to clapping and whistling in awe. I extend both arms into the air after hearing their cheers go one for some time, then slowly brought them down. The motion took effect immediately, most of the ex-slaves recognizing the universal motion for ‘quiet down’.

“Now that your freedom has been solidified, another problem arises. You see, I know the minotaurs here belong on Bullivia, but what about the griffins and ponies? A dilemma has made itself known once again. How will you all get home?” I asked the congregation of freed slaves.

“There has to be a port town somewhere, right? Can’t they just make a seafaring pilgrimage back to the Main Continent?” I smiled happily as Sunset Shimmer’s voice reached my ears. She was coming up the steps with a dorky smile of her own. I could still see some hurt in her eyes, making me remember some of Dreggen’s words. More specifically, gloryhole.

I snarled quietly and cursed his name under my breath.

“Yes, but where would they get the funds? As far as I’m concerned, with them being slaves, they have no money. No money means no ship ride.” I pointed out, making her put on a thinking face and rub her chin with a hoof.

“We could always find the Alpha’s vault. They had to keep their gems somewhere.” Wergal came up behind Sunset Shimmer, his grey fur taking up his body once more. Good to see that ‘Nightmare Hound’ wasn’t permanent because that manic look of bloodlust in his eye was very unnerving.

“True enough,” I began, taking my attention off Sunset and focusing it on Wergal as he made it to the top step, “But how will we go about finding it? There’s also the chance that some of the freed slaves could be sick with some form of illness. Finding a way to take them home quickly or get them medical treatment has higher priority than finding gems. With that being said, I think I’ve found an ultimatum!” I called out happily.

The tunnels were dead quiet but noticeably brighter now that the tension from the battle and the skylight were gone. They were waiting for this ultimatum and I will gladly provide it.

“Well, seeing as how we don’t want to keep the ill waiting, I want to pass the notion of allowing them to ride in my spaceship. Given that its speed is somewhat otherworldly, I can probably get these people to the mainland fairly quickly. From there, I guess I’ll take them to Equestria. As for the city, I’ve not a clue. Does anyone here know where the best hospital can be found?” I asked the general populace of The Podium.

A cough meant to gain attention made me look to the left. How did I not see this coming.

“Canterlot is the wealthiest city in Equestria proper, which means the best medical facilities are housed within its confines. If there’s a place of high standards you want to take the sick to, then I personally recommend Dr.Limp of Canterlot General.” I nodded my head at her then turned my attention back to the ex-slaves.

“Now that a destination has been acquired, I must converse with my spaceship in order to get a gist of how long the voyage will take. I’ll also be summoning it here. Where is ‘here’ exactly?” I turned my head to face Wergal, who was busy bathing his mate with his...tongue. Oh...Oh god. Doesn’t he know what she’s been through!? ALL OF MY WHY!!!

Wergal stopped bathing his mate and looked at me. “This is Dragonbait Mountain,” He paused and snickered with a raised eyebrow at the ‘Are you fucking serious’ face I was giving him, “The irony is not lost on me. It’s just a little ways north of Stonehaven. A good guess would be two and a half miles.” Wergal explained simply before going back to cleaning his mate after she nipped him once or twice. I still shivered in disgust when he picked up a white-covered patch of dirt.

“To the minotaurs with us, I pray that you remember what I said about spreading my name around?” I asked out loud, shaking the disturbing picture I just witnessed out of my head. A mixed sound of agreeances rung out, making me nod in return. “Then you are free to go,” I started, making many of the minotaurs say ‘excuse me’ or ‘pardon’ as they tried to leave, “But I have a favor to ask of you all.” I ended with a smile on my face. The minotaurs stopped although a couple of them gave small snorts of bemusement.

“I ask you to help the others in their quest for finding the Alphas’ gem vault. If my reasoning is sound, then the vault is somewhere below this level. I need experts dealing with these tunnels to stay behind, no questions asked, to help with revealing its location. I’ll have my friends, Wergal and...” I left it open as I gestured at the female next to Wergal. What was her name again....Ah yes!

“...The lovely Diamond, oversee the operation while Sunset and I are away. If you wish to leave I will not stop you, but your service will not go unrewarded. You will be able to take a fair amount of gems that Wergal will divvy out amongst the minotaurs that helped, but only after a select amount is given to griffins and ponies to help in their endeavors with a voyage at sea. To make a long explanation short seeing as how some of you are confused, you’ll get paid after the ponies and griffins get their share in order to return home.” I heard a couple of agreements but they were drowned out by the sudden uproar of dismissive scoffs and snorts.

This will not stand.

“LISTEN!” I reprimanded instantly, making the snorts stop. “I will not put up with more bigotry! You are all acting like Dreggen for fuck’s sake! Get your heads out your asses! I said you didn’t have to help and that your service in helping with the revolution was greatly appreciated; but I mention that you’ll get paid a select amount of gems only after your fellow brethren get theirs and you throw a fucking tantrum!?” I was mad now, but a soft hoof from Sunset Shimmer caused the sudden spike of anger to dissipate. I balled my hands into fists and squeezed as hard as I could, using them as a makeshift stress ball.

“You may leave, but I would-and I’m pretty sure everyone else would-appreciate your further service. Please help them in their moment of need.” The scoffs were replaced with quiet murmurs as the minotaurs conversed with one another quietly. Then suddenly-

“I’ll do it.”

“Count me in.”

“I reckon my friends and family won’t mind another day or so.”

“Let’s do this!”

“YEAHHHHHHH!!!!” A manly voice broke the quietness as the minotaurs gave shouts of agreeances.

I smiled.

“THEN GET TO IT!!!” I yelled out, causing the ex-slaves to cheer madly. Some even began dancing, making an impromptu party break out.

Out from the back of the group, I noticed a speck rise into the air and soar towards The Podium. Once the speck got closer, I noticed that it was a decent sized griffin. He hovered in the air, making me slightly envious of how carefree flying was to him.

“Sup, the name’s Ace! I saw that little fireworks show you made out of that bastard Dreggen, and I’ve gotta say that was some sick shit!” His light-blue eyes showed grand amounts of mirth, which I automatically thought was because of Dreggen’s death and his freedom. “But I’ve gotta say, your flying is shit, man.” He let out a chuckle as I felt my cheeks redden in embarrassment.

I frowned with mirth in my eyes. This guy wants some witty banter, I can provide some witty banter! “Then my flying and your smell have something in common.” I finished with a smirk of my own. His smiled deepened as a sudden realization washed over me.

He wanted a response. My smiled deepened as another asshole just made himself known.

“Like your skills with a sword?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Like your life so far?” I retorted.

“Like your love life?” I winced as he said that. Forget sticks and stones, words fucking hurt!

“Grr..You win, Ace.” I conceded as he broke out into a fit of giggles with me joining him after a while. He stopped his giggling and held out a yellow eagle claw. I took it in my hand and we made a friendly shake before letting go. “Seeing as how you made it your mission to personally come up here, I’m guessing you want something?”

“Yeah...I’m not sick or anything, but I was wondering if I could come with you. I was kidnapped by diamond dogs when a show I had scheduled in Las Pegasus at a casino called The Royal Bit went sour. I broke my wing in an accident and crash landed on the outskirts of the town. I was scooped up by Dreggen on his way west and the rest is history!” He finished with a smile.

“A show?”

“Professional flying, like the Wonderbolts?” I nodded in understanding.

I was trying to figure out what he wanted during his tirade and boasting, so I wasn’t really paying attention. Needless to say that when he started calling my name in the same manner Sunset had, I couldn’t hear him. By the time I had figured out what his angle was, a slap went across my face.

I shook myself awake, stopping only to see Ace with a raised eyebrow.

“So glad you can join us here on Equis again, Mr.Silas. How was the call from your planet?” Ace mocked.

“Better than any letter you got from a romantic interest.” I quipped back with a smile. He chuckled.

“So I can assume we agree on it?” Ace asked with a smile and an extended claw.

“Agree on what? I don’t remember a deal being brought up.” I responded whilst crossing my arms and elevating my eyebrow.

“On me being your flight instructor, duh. If you agree to take me to Signal, I’ll be your flight instructor until we arrive.” Ace explained with a bemused expression. “Were you even paying attention to my fucking story!?”

“Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t.” I quipped, making him give a sigh of apathy.

“Whatever,” He began with a roll of his eyes, “So do you accept?” I just noticed that his hand was out the entire time.

“Not just yet. I want to know what Signal is. According to the maps I got from a minotaur family on the surface, it’s not a country or a city that I know of.” If he’s hiding something, I’m going to find out what it is.

“Right, you’re an alien or something like that. How did I forget?” He lowered his extended claw and dropped to the ground, opting to sit down for however long this chat was going to take.

“Never thought you’d get saved by an Alien Hero today, did-”

“Who flies like shit. Can’t forget the ‘flies like shit’ part.”

“Never thought you’d get saved by an Alien Hero who flies like shit,” I added with a roll of my eyes as I looked down at Ace again, “Did ya’?” I finished.

“No. No I didn’t, but that’s not the point. The point is....Signal and why I want to go there, right?” Ace asked with a serious expression on his face. I nodded, knowing that I’m about to subject myself to a rather serious flashback soon.

“Tell me something, Silas. Have you heard of...the Griffin Pirates?”

Miasma [Rewritten]

A Moment Of Respite

“Griffin the Griffin,” Ace began as we spotted a tree to sit under, “No one knows where he came from. Rumors say that he’s not of this world, but he knew about key events in Equestria before they happened. Some type of...what’s the word...”

“Clairvoyance?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, leaning back against the tree’s bark.

“Yeah, that. Some type of clairvoyance. Anyways, he’s the one who founded the Griffin Pirates; a band of roughnecks who don’t take shit from anyone and stops slavery. Before I got shackled up, they were all the rage and I heard stories that many griffins wanted to join in their fight for freedom.” Ace laid his dirty body on the ground, fluffing his wings a little before laying his head on his eagle claws in an angle so that he faced me.

“With how fast they were shutting down slave warrens, they needed someplace to dump the ex-slaves. They take the ponies to Canterlot and the griffins to Signal while the diamond dogs are carted to the Marble Pillars.”

“I heard about that place from Wergal. He said it’s a constantly expanding clan that was becoming a pain in Dreggen’s side.” I interrupted, making Ace nod.

“Expanding doesn't even cover it, really. Marble Pillars, now that Granite Podium got blown up the ass by an alien who can’t fly, is essentially the head honcho when it comes to diamond dog clans. But that’s irrelevant and not really what we’re supposed to be talking about.” Ace gave a hard yawn, stretching his beak open to near comical heights.

I chanced a look back to the mountain we had come up from. Wergal and Diamond were instructing the ex-slaves on where to dig in order to find the vault. I smiled when I noticed a group of minotaurs hauling huge pieces of rubble out of a hole in the ground. I had convinced them to stay of their own accord and to help out with finding the rumored cavern where the Alpha Brothers kept their assets.

Sunset Shimmer was busy doing something amidst all that commotion, I’m sure of it. She’ll make herself known when she wants to. Which reminds me that I have to have a heart to heart with her about what went on in The Rough. That’s a conversation I’m not looking forward to, but it must be done to protect her mind from collapse. I also just want to know how she’s taking the whole thing. Based on how she tried to hide it after Dreggen’s defeat, I can tell that it’s slowly eating her away inside.

“Yo, Silas.” Ace’s smooth voice snapped me from my thought process. “I wasn’t finished. Now where was I....Aha! It’s said that Griffin, the leader of the Griffin Pirates, can use magic. Now I know you’re probably thinking, ‘Ace, how can Griffin use magic?’; the thing is, I don’t know that part myself. He’s taken down a Black Dragon by jumping down its throat with its own scale and about six or seven more after that one. He’s not exactly a hero, but if he were to change one or two things about himself, he would be prime hero material.” Ace explained with a faraway look in his eyes. It was almost...dreamy.

Don’t tell me...

“Ace, are you gay?” I asked with a completely serious tone in my voice.

“WHAT!!??” Some ex-slaves that were in earshot of his voice turned towards us when he shouted. My eyes widened when he dove at me, effectively pinning my body to the ground with his body. He then held up a talon against my throat with an angry glare in his eye. “Ace doesn’t roll that way.” He practically hissed, making me roll my eyes.

“Fine, fine, I’m sorry. Now get your fat ass off of me.” Ace narrowed his eyes at me but he complied nonetheless. After he took up a seated position next to me again, I sent a dismissive wave towards the ex-slaves that were watching the scene unfold with angered expressions. Their gazes softened and they went back to whatever it was that they were doing.

“That’s one hell of a temper you got there, pardner.” I mocked in my best southern accent. It’s really bad but it gets the point across that the statement wasn’t condescending.

“I know. It used to get in the way when my promoter tried to find me gigs in different cities. I’d normally start some sort of huge scrap with some asshat in a bar, get kicked out of the town by dawn, then have to look for another town that hasn’t heard about the incident. It’s way too much hassle for a guy who’ll only be, and I quote what my promoter said, ‘The Non-Pony Wonderbolt.’” Ace sighed deeply as those memories squashed his self-confidence to nothingness.

I winced as I watched his esteem deflate.

“So why do you want to go to Signal and why is it imperative that I take you with the ill? Why can’t you just fly there?” I crossed my arms behind my head and leaned up against the tree again.

“Signal’s on the other side of the Main Continent, so I don’t think flying is gonna be much use. If I did attempt it, then I’d probably reach the damn island after a year and a half! I need to know if my family made it there when the diamond dogs raided my campsite! I’ve been in those mines for nine years, thoughts of my fucking family tearing me away from the inside out! I need this! I can’t just sit by for another year and pray that they’re all right! I need to hold them, to embrace them in my arms and tell them that....that...everything’s fine and daddy’s home...” He broke down and began crying into his talons.

I moved over to him and draped a wing across his back awkwardly, since I didn’t want to hug him because he’s dirty and whatnot. He continued to sob on the ground while I rubbed the tears out of him, soothing the griffin with slow wing rubs up and down his back.

“Hey Silas, I’m gonna need a couple moments of your-” Sunset stopped at the scene before her, the sentence dying in her throat as she stopped mid-step. I put my index finger to my mouth, indicating for her to stay quiet. She nodded and came around the side of me, deciding to lay down quietly and wait.

“It’s okay Ace, everything’s going to be just fine. Was Signal your backup plan should you or one of your family members become abducted?” I cooed softly, watching as this broken man weeped. He nodded softly, still sobbing uncontrollably. An idea sprung into my head the moment he did and I knew this would either make things better or make things worse than they already are.

I cleared my throat and began to sing this song slowly. If only I had an acoustic guitar!

Search for the answers I knew all along.

I lost myself...we all fall down...

Never the wiser of what I’ve become.

Alone I stand...a broken man...

All I have, is one last chance!

I won't turn my back on you.

Take my hand, drag me down!

If you fall then I will too.

And I can’t save what’s left of you.

Say something new!

I have nothing left!

I can’t face the dark without you!

There’s nothing left to lose!

The fighting never ends!

I can’t face the dark without you!

I started gaining some attention with my singing by the end of the chorus. Sunset Shimmer was swaying her head with her eyes closed to the rhythm of the song. My grandma always said I had a nice voice and that I should pursue a career in music, but I told her that what I like to sing about isn’t very popular anymore. You know, songs with meaning in the lyrics?

Ace’s sobs began to shorten up as the next verse came.

Swallow me under and pull me apart.

I understand...there’s nothing left...

Pain so familiar and close to the heart.

No more no less...I won’t forget...

Come back down! Save yourself!

I can’t find my way to you!

And I can’t bear to face the truth!

I entered the chorus again, this time noticing some ponies, griffins and minotaurs stop working and come closer. Some even joined in, making it a true chorus. Ace had stopped sobbing and I could've sworn I heard some snoring. Seeing as how my target audience had fell asleep under my wing, I stopped the song on ‘lose!’ 

Many looked put-off by the sudden stop, but I simply waved them off with a hand. Most sighed angrily, but they complied regardless. Now that Ace was asleep, I could deal with Sunset Shimmer and-

I looked at her only to notice that she had fallen asleep on my leg. Girl’s had a rough day, so I guess I couldn’t blame her. It’s strange, but I suddenly feel sleepy as well. So, without further motivation to stay awake, I quickly found myself in the throes of unconsciousness.

“Silas! Silas, wake up! It’s urgent! SILAS!”

I felt a hoof slap me in the face, sending my brain into overdrive as I jumped up onto my feet and drew Hope from its sheath. I looked around quickly, noticing the noonday sun in the sky and the ex-slaves and Ace missing in action.

A poke from my side made me look down and notice Sunset Shimmer with a worried expression on her face.

“What is it, Sunset!? What’s happened!?” I asked with concern stretched out on my face. I took another chance to survey the excavation site and was surprised to see Diamond running over the hill that led up to this tree.

“SILAS,” Diamond called as she neared us, “It’s Ace and Wergal! Ace and Wergal are in trouble!!!”

That’s all I needed to hear.

I sheathed Hope and sprinted past Diamond right as she crested the hill, hearing her turn around and join me.

Trouble seems to like ruining my fun-times it seems.

Granite Podium Arc: Part 1 [Rewritten]

Saving The Young

“What happened, Diamond!?” I asked as Sunset and Diamond came up to my sides.

“They’re fighting and I don’t know why!” Diamond yelled as the hill was quickly cleared, leaving nothing but multiple holes where the ex-slaves were digging. You could hear the racket they made from a mile away! But now, it was quiet. I lept over a hole easily, hearing a couple of grunts when the two tailing me landed.

We banked around an outcropping of trees and immediately saw the large mob of ex-slaves cheering on what sounded like a fight. I heard squawks and yipes, automatically marking the two combatants as diamond dog and griffin. Now all that’s left is to see if it’s Ace and Wergal.

“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!!” I yelled out as I ran through griffin, pony and minotaur alike. For some odd reason, the minotaurs were just blown away even when I lightly shoved them to the side. I must be really strong, because each minotaur looked like he/she could crush me between their biceps! Nevertheless, I eventually made my way to the center, only to be punched in the face by an ill-timed fist.

I staggered back, a grunt of pain leaving my mouth as I did so. The fighting stopped and all was quiet as I sat there, contemplating on whether I should approach peacefully or kick some ass.

=Ace=

I stopped a punch that was aimed towards the mutt in front of me, holding him by his chest fur in the air with my fist cocked back. Wergal was the one who struck Silas and I’m pretty sure he’s pissed about it. The dog and I shared a worried look as Silas began laughing but kept his head down while he did so. I tried to fight it off, but my knees began knocking together.

I slowly placed Wergal down and backed up, but the wall of ex-slaves behind us made it impossible to really get far. Wergal had taken a liking to my idea of a tactical withdraw, because he copied my movements but ended up in the same predicament.

“You guys~!” I felt my heart plummet into my stomach as Silas began singing his words out. He was pissed alright!

“That wasn’t very nice~~~!” An ash-gray claw went up to his silhouetted face and a crack came from the vicinity of his nose. Some blue drops came out from the nose he just cracked back into place and the way he was slowly raising his head to look at Wergal and I was unnerving.

“Now who wants to PLAY~~~!!!” Wergal and I let out the manliest scream you’ll ever read as Silas lept at us.

2 hours later...

“I can’t believe you guys started a fight mob! You basically turned a coalition of peaceful workers into a late-night bar! Real mature!” Sunset scolded Ace, Wergal and I as we sat underneath that tree from earlier, getting our wounds looked at. I told Sunset that I could’ve just used my magic, but she insisted that she’d use her own. When I asked why, I was rewarded with a red zap of lightning. I was quiet after that.

Wergal had gotten it the worst. Diamond was practically gnawing his neck off every time she went to clean a cut on it, not counting the angry gnawing on his leg. That shit looked painful!

“I want to know why you guys were fighting in the first place,” Sunset yelled at Wergal and Ace, who visibly flinched at the ferocity of her reprimanding, “And it better be a good reason or so help me Celestia, I’m going to break his beak off and shove it up your ass!”

Ace held both claws up to his precious beak and tried to make himself look small, whilst Wergal was still being treated as a chew toy by his mate. I snickered.

And a death glare from Sunset shut me up.

“It’s a guy thing.” Ace began from his cowering position, making Sunset reel back in disbelief. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me!” Sunset hissed dangerously as her horn lit up in non-healing magic. Ace gulped loudly, tugging at his dirt-covered collar feathers with a panicked look on his face. Did this dickhead really think Sunset wasn’t going to question him about it!?

“Well...Wergal was marking his territory and I happened to walk by with a friend at the wrong time. Needless to say, when the goods were out and swinging I couldn’t stop myself from making a remark or two.” Ace explained as he scratched his beak nervously, throwing a sheepish smile at Sunset whose glare only intensified. He gulped again and started sweating bullets, making me chuckle.

“Tell her what happened next, bird!” Wergal shouted suddenly. His shout was then rewarded with a nip to his genitals that made me wince and him howl in pain. Diamond sent him a strong glare as he whined and tried licking himself of the pain.

Ace, however, was silently thanking the higher powers for something. He even had his claws folded together like a christian family would before eating dinner. After his silent prayer was over, he looked up only to have his eyes widen in fear. We were probably looking at him with glares.

I struck first.

“What were you praying about, Ace?” I asked with as much venom as I could.

“N-Nothing! Just grateful that my wife isn’t here to ch- I mean that I don’t have a view...uh...of...space?” He corrected hopefully.

“Not buying it,” We all said simultaneously, making him drop his head in defeat.

“Now out with it.” I commanded.

“Fine! I was smashing a mare in his newly marked territory! He wanted to be a dick, so I uppercutted him and the rest is history! Happy!?” Ace crossed his arms and slammed his back against the tree, wincing as he did so. The idiot forgot that I cracked his rib.

“You killed a mare by dropping something on her!?” Sunset exclaimed, making me facepalm and slowly drag the hand down the length of my face.

“No, Sunset. It means he rutted the hell out of the mare while inside the territory of our favorite diamond dog here.” I pointed at Wergal, watching him nod but whine when Diamond nipped him again. She just wasn’t letting up was she!?

“Oh...oh! Yeah, you’re totally in the wrong for that.” Sunset waved a hoof dismissively, making Ace’s eye twitch.

“The hell!? Whaddya mean I’m wrong!? She came on to me!” Ace defended angrily as I snickered at the childish argument Sunset and him were about to engage in.

“What’s your relationship with this mare, hmmm!?” Sunset asked as she flared up her horn. Ace puffed out his feathers, showing that he wasn’t going to back down.

“She’s a friend of a friend of mine!” Ace started angrily before an evil smile broke out over his face. I shivered, knowing what was about to go down.

“On the subject of relationships, Shimmer, what’s yours with our favorite alien here!? You want to judge me, then I get to judge you!” Ace exclaimed triumphantly, his words taking an immediate effect on the sunset-colored mare. Some kindling was added to the small fire in her cheeks, making them burst out as the bonfire of awkwardness. Sunset sat there with her mouth open, babbling this and that for a while before she closed it and took a deep breath.

“He’s a really good and really close friend of mine. I wouldn’t trade him for all the money and fame in the world; and that’s spoken from the heart!” Sunset emphasized that last word victoriously, a smile plastering her face as she turned her nose up. I put a hand behind her ears and scratched. Her body shook from what I can only guess was pleasure, but she instantly melted underneath my touch.

If she was angry before, then you couldn’t tell now. Sunset was on the ground with her eyes lidded, leaning her head into my claw as I gave her scratches behind the ear. Personally, I couldn’t care less about relationships. Nothing good ever comes from one except new life in the form of a child. Spend a couple years in my shoes and you begin thinking like that.

Actually, you begin thinking about a lot of things, but you get my point.

“Now that one of the angry She-Bitches is contained, how about we all go out for some boo-”

“MR.SILAS!? MR.SILAS, WHERE ARE YOU!!?? HELP US PLEASE!!!” I sprung up, completely forsaking the idea of going out for drinks. The sun had just begun its decline into the west, casting the view in front of us into a pit of relaxing orange, green and brown; in addition to the three colors coming towards us right now.

It looked like a family of ponies, but my hunch was correct when they crested the hill in about ten minutes. An earth pony stallion, with a green mane and tan body came up first, his face wrecked with streak marks from crying perhaps. The unicorn mare with pink mane, done up in a cute little bun with green-fur looked the same as her ‘husband’ face-wise; as in they both looked like they’ve been crying hard.

The unicorn was carrying something in her pink aura, a small green blanket wrapped around what looked like a-

“Tell me what happened and what I need to do.” I stated sternly, stepping towards the family strongly. They shrunk back, probably because they thought I was going to hurt them or something. I don’t have time for this shit! “Wel!?” I whispered harshly, making the unicorn flinch and the stallion wince.

“It’s our daughter, she’s one of the sick ones! Emerald Breeze and I were raised in the mines since we were foals and we eventually grew up and well...had a child. But as you may know, working while pregnant can be very dangerous to ba-”

“While you’re sitting there rambling a precious life may be dwindling! Now what’s wrong!?” I cut him off. He shrunk back a little bit more, but he made sure not to take a step back for some reason.

“Our baby has black lung! We thought bringing her to the surface would clean her lungs out, but the dust managed to coalesce and stick! I only know this because of the simple scan spell I know! It’s the only advanced unicorn magic I can do, but it was enough to identify the problem! I fear time is growing short for my baby girl, please help us!” Emerald Breeze magicked her baby over to me, to which I took from the air.

The moment the mother had mentioned black lung, I had already formulated a couple of spells that would do the trick. The fastest and shortest one would also be the flashiest one; so flashy, in fact, that the parents and my friends would try to stop me from doing it.

I placed the bundle on the ground, unwrapping the top layer delicately and came face to face with a baby pegasus with pink eyes, green mane and tan body. She was wearing nothing but a green diaper made from the same material she’s been wrapped in. I felt my heart melt when she let out five consecutive and loud coughs, some blood coming up in her saliva. She began crying instantly.

You’ll suffer no longer!

“Emerald, highlight her lungs. You,” I pointed at the stallion who jumped in shock at the suddenness of my call, “I need her name and for you to hold her perfectly still. Should I miss, I fear that the last spell I can do today will be wasted. I’ve lost count on how many I’ve used but it’s not important! Now come on, your child needs you!” The stallions face became stony as he marched over and held the flailing filly’s legs down as it continued to cough more blood up.

Emerald Breeze had activated the spell, highlighting the filly’s lungs. Goddamn it you fucking stallion!

“I asked for her name, damnit!” I yelled at him.

“Spinel Gust! It’s Spinel Gust!” He yelled back with fear on his face. I noticed how he was doing a terrible job at restraining the filly, so I looked back to Sunset and told her to do it with her magic. She agreed in a heartbeat, holding the filly down in her red aura. The stallion looked a little beside himself from being ejected from his spot, but he’ll be over it once his filly’s back to normal.

I took a deep breath and slowly unsheathed Hope. The moment the sound of my sword being drawn was heard, Sunset dropped her magical encasement of the filly and glared at me harshly.

“Just what do you think you’re doing, Silas!? You’re not actually trying to kill this filly, are you!?” Sunset looked at me like I had grown two heads. I really don’t have time for this right now!

“Don’t question how I heal the fucking filly Sunset, just hold her still!” I placed both my hands on the grip like a samurai would, channeling my magic into the blade. I was half-expecting the wings to come forth again, but when only one wing came out I sighed.

“My magic isn’t on par with that of fifty unicorns...yet. This is to be expected, but it also looks cooler like this!” Shaking my head to get myself back in the game, I spoke the incantation as Sunset Shimmer went back to holding Spinel Gust’s limbs down.

The way this was set up went something like this. Sunset was to my south-west, standing far enough away to not get hit from the swing. Emerald was directly in front of her filly, shining the lime-green scan spell onto her daughter’s ribcage and, more accurately, her lungs. I could see the coal-dust sticking to her lungs, coalescing into huge pockets and making it hard for her to breathe.

“Secabis deprauationem defécimus in Spinel!” I yelled as I swung my sword, hitting the filly in the side. No wait, Hope actually phased through the filly’s body in a vibrant seafoam color! When the whole blade left the body, you could see what looked like black marks on the glowing sword fizzle out into nothingness. I smiled in knowing that I just probably saved this kid from a painful death.

“Scan her lungs for any trace of the dust. I’m keeping the spell active in case I need to give her another swing.” I let out a breath I failed to realize I was holding, keeping my sword at the ready just as promised. Emerald did as she was told and scanned the filly. When her eyes widened I moved to make another swing, but she stopped me by smothering her child in a motherly embrace. I smiled and sheathed my sword as Emerald broke down and began crying.

Her husband walked up to her and cuddled with her, housing the filly between their bosoms. Spinel made a couple of happy baby noises at her parents, making me chuckle. When the filly turned her head to face me, she held out her front hooves with a goofy smile on her face. Emerald and her husband noticed this and had a smile of their own plastered on their faces.

“Looks like Spin-Spin wants to hug her savior! You don’t mind, do you?” Emerald asked me as she outstretched her own front hooves and held Spinel out to me.

Let’s get one thing straight here...I hate kids. They’re loud, obnoxious, messy and-

“Shwylace!” Spinel squealed happily, flailing her hooves at me faster. Emerald and her husband gasped and I’m pretty sure Sunset did too! I could hear snickering from behind me, letting me know how Ace and Wergal felt about this whole situation. Assholes.

“That’s her first word! Oh my Celestia above! Can you believe this Gale Force!? Spinel just talked!!!” Emerald pulled off what I was secretly waiting for the entire time I was on Equis. The coveted ‘squee’ left her maw as she smiled so wide that I thought her mouth was going to tear the fabric of space and time.

Gale Force nodded happily as he too indicated for me to take Spinel into my arms. I was hesitant at first, but ultimately gave in as I took the filly by her hoove-pits. She was giggling now, repeating the horribly butchered version of my name every time I held her above my head.

“Shwylace! Shwylace!” I hugged her against my chest softly, nearly suffering from a heart attack as she nuzzled me and stretched out her hooves in an adorable hug. Why are baby ponies so fucking cute!!!???

Emerald and Gale were giving that stereotypical familial laugh shared between husband and wife as I introduced Spinel to my friends.

“This is Susnet Shimmer, Spinel. Can you say Sunset Shimmer?” I held the filly out to Sunset, who was all smiles for the little girl.

“O..o..owd!” Spinel exclaimed, almost making me bust out in laughter. Sunset’s eye was twitching as she closed them, trying to prevent herself from throwing a death glare at the innocent filly.

“No, Spinel, I’m not old! I’m twenty!”

“Twenty,” Emerald exclaimed while her face was filled with shock, “Oh my Celestia Ms.Sunset, you don’t look a day over twelve! What’s your secret!?” Emerald had surprisingly closed the difference between herself and Sunset rather quickly.

“...Make-up.” I muttered with a roll of my eyes.

“What was that!?” Sunset yelled at me, making me hold up the baby as a shield. “You cower behind a baby!? Some hero you are!” Sunset mocked as she was interrupted by a green face. Taking that as my cue, I hastily backpedaled to the tree where my other friends were waiting.

“Who's a cutie-wootie-shmoopy-baby~!? Yes you are~! Yes you are~!” To say that Diamond and Spinel hit if off would be the understatement of the century. This chick is too damn good with kids! It’s scary!

Wergal had taken his mate’s distraction as an opportunity to escape her wrath. He scurried, literally scurried, towards Ace and I; who were some ways away from the tree where Sunset and the pony family remained. Ace and I were standing on the center of the hill at weird angles, trying to keep ourselves from tumbling down the slope.

“Never thought I’d get out of there,” Wergal exclaimed as he stopped beside Ace, who was on my right side. We both threw a sideways glance at the recent addition to our hillside entourage, letting him know that we were in the middle of something important.

“That song you sung earlier,” Ace began as he turned his eyes back to me, “I haven't heard it at any party of event I went to. Who’s it by?”

“It’s a band named, Breaking Benjamin. You wouldn’t know of them because-”

“I’m not an alien.” Ace finished with a smirk on his face for some reason.

“Yeah. Why are you interested in them?” I inquired, making Ace bring a claw up to his chin and scratch it like an ancient chinese master.

“Do I need a reason to like awesome music?” Ace asked as he looked at me while still scratching his imaginary beard.

“No, I suppose not. They have other songs I’m sure you’ll enjoy, but right now I need a shower.” I pointed to my blood and dirt-stained coat, pants and scales. Ace put on a face of bemusement as he unfurled his wings and the smell of one-hundred-ninety-four skunk anuses greeted my nostrils in force. I gagged as the visible tendrils of B.O writhed through the air and into Wergal’s nose, who promptly passed out.

“A-*Gag*-ce! Cheezus Rice and all of Koshereth, man! Fold em’! FOLD EM’!!!” I yelled out anxiously, praying to the higher powers that Ace would comply to this one wish. He shrugged and did so, but not before flapping them once or twice.

“As you can see, Silas, I have a bit of a problem.” Ace smugly added.

“What, that you were born with asses instead of wing-pits!? How do you even gather dirt and shit in there!? Do griffins even have wing-pits!?” I asked as I hastily jammed two fingers to my closed left eye. I have officially decided that Ace would be the first one to take a shower out of all of us.

No questions asked.

Granite Podium Arc: Part 2 [Rewritten]

Arguments And Waiting

  “What the hell are you doing?” Ace’s inquiry was shot down as I purposely ignored him, turning around so that my back was now facing him and Wergal.

=Wergal=

“What the hell is he doing?” I asked Ace with a look of confusion on my face. Ace’s face was kind of hard to read. It was an awkward mix of anger and unnerved. How do you even make a face like that?

My ears swiveled when I caught the pacing steps of my alien friend in the air. I could hear bits and pieces of a conversation he’s having with...no one. Has he finally lost it?

“Yeah, you should be able to cross-reference that map somehow....How am I supposed to know!?...Is that intelligence of yours actually artificial!? JUST SCAN IT SOMEHOW AND BRING YOUR METALLIC ASS!!!...I’m sorry. No..no...I was wrong and you didn't deserve that,” Silas sighed heavily, “You know what, have Donna do it. Guide her through the process and tell her that we’re approximately two-and-a-half miles north of your current position...WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE WON’T COME OUT OF THE BATHROOM!!??....CAN’T,” Another sigh, “Can’t you just, I don’t know, shock the water or something?...That works. See you in a few, Siri.” Silas dropped the two fingers he had pressed against what looked like his left eye.

“Woman troubles?” I offered as he turned around with an exhausted expression on his face.

“Out the ass, Wergal...out the ass.” He began walking towards us again, sighing deeply again. Ace was still baffled and angry that he was ignored earlier, but I guess that’s to be expected given his history as a Professional Flyer...whatever that is.

“So what now?” I asked Silas as he sat down next to me, stretching his legs out and leaning back on his hands with his face towards the sky. I could see a faraway look in his eye, or more accurately, the millions of gears turning in his head. Is there nothing that will cause this man not to think?

“I’m going to sit on my ass and wait for my ship. You’re welcome to join me after you round up the sick and bring them back to this hill. It’s about time we got this adventure on the road,” He threw a smug smile my way, “I’ve been doing nothing but goofing off. The time’s come for the hero to finally strut his stuff and show his whole ass, dontcha think?”

“Well you have the ass part down in spades, so I guess strutting and showing will come naturally.” Ace scoffed, making me snicker while Silas threw him an angry glare.

“Zip it, chickenshit.” Silas countered with a smile, making me snicker even harder at his play on words.

“Scales-for-brains.” Ace countered with an angry smirk of his own.

“If you flied half as good as you talked I’m pretty sure you’d be sipping on coolatas with your wife in Signal by now.” I put a paw to my mouth and snorted at how deliciously evil that jab was! Ace looked liked he was just slapped across the face with a bass.

“That was really uncalled for you arrogant shit! Tell me one reason I shouldn’t bash your skull in!” Ace zipped up to Silas and gripped him up by his jacket. The alien raised his eyebrow in what looked like bemusement and awe at the strength of Ace. I could also detect a sort of smugness to it, like he knows Ace won’t take this a single step further. He’s right in assuming so, however.

“Calm down, Tweety, there ain’t no pussycats around here for you to get riled up about. Now un-,” Silas looked down at the eagle claw grabbing his jacket and possibly ripping it, “Claw me before I roast you.” He punctuated his threat by breathing in deeply. I could hear what sounded like oil bubbling in his chest and I’m pretty sure Ace heard it too, because I’ve never seen a griffin’s eye get that big as he released the...what did he call himself? Ah yes, a Draconian! It has a nice ring to it!

Anyways, Ace released Silas with wide eyes as he stepped back an-OH!!! ITCHY!!! ITCHY!!!

I sat down hard and began scratching at my ear with my hindpaw. After that, I let out a relieved sigh and went back to standing, dusting myself off. I was probably the second cleanest out of everyone on this hill, with Silas taking the lead by a slim margin. You know...I still couldn’t pin that taste on Diamond from earlier in Granite Podium. It was rather bitter, but it’s not like I didn’t enjoy the taste. In fact it was rather...tangy.

“Yo, are you okay?” Silas’s voice snapped me from my thinking process as I looked up at the giant. Compared to us diamond dogs, Silas stood maybe half-a-foot taller. With that being said, the difference between him and I is probably four inches at best. For Diamond, because she was Alpha of our previous pack, it would be three-maybe-two inches?

Griffins and ponies? Please. They don’t even come up to his chest! The most they get out of him is the bottom of his pecs or lower! Now that I really think about it, Silas is by far the tallest being I’ve ever seen!

“I was just scratching myself. No bid deal.” I responded dismissively, turning away from the guys and walking towards the tree.

“Where are you going, Wergal? I need you to gather the sick and bring them here! The moment my ship lands we’ll be making tracks!” I heard Silas call after me. I looked back with a look of confusion on my face. Was that who he was speaking to?

“Is that who you were speaking to?” Ace asked, beating me to the punch.

“In a way, yes. But you know, I don’t wanna go and spoil the surprise of what’s coming.” Silas adorned his trademark smile of smugness. At one point I want to know what goes on in his mind and at the same time, I don’t.

=Me=

“When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you~! When I go out, yeah I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who goes along with you~!” I mentally sang to myself as I bobbed my head left and right to the beat of the song.

“Alright, Wergal, break time’s over. I need to make sure the sick are seen by professionals before they get any worse.” When Wergal gave me puppy-dog eyes, indicating that he didn’t feel like doing more work I growled at him. “Fine, then take Ace along with you. I can’t leave this place knowing that Siri and my ship are due to arrive any minute now. Hurry up!” Ace seemed a little put-off about the sudden change to the plans, but I merely turned my back on the duo and walked back to the tree with a smile on my face.

I chanced a look behind me and confirmed that they were on their way, although they were walking a little too slow for my liking. But how can I complain when the work is being done?

“Silas.” Sunset had come to meet me before I got to the tree, which looked to be a large evergreen now that I was away from it. She looked a little bashful, or scared. I don’t really know how to peg her face and that unnerves me a little because I don’t know how she’s going to take this conversation. “Can I...” Sunset used a forehoof to scratch the other one nervously, turning her head so that I couldn’t look at her in the face, “...Can I talk to you?”

“You need permission?” I quipped, trying to alleviate the tense conversation with some humor. It’s what I normally did back on Earth, even though I promised myself earlier that old habits had to go in order to make room for Silas Epista. Sometimes I wonder if making that transition was just a ‘Spur of the Moment’ type of thing, y’know?

“No, seriously.” Sunset trotted up to my side and sat down. Since I was still standing, I was towering over her seated position and I could tell that she was feeling a little...well, small. I hastily sat down, opting to stretch my legs out in a v-shape and stretching my arms into the sky, effectively cracking my back. I let out a contented sigh, turning my head to look at Sunset Shimmer. From this position, I was head taller than her, but the size difference isn’t as noticeable than when we’re standing.

“Silas,” She began. “I don’t really know how to start with this, but...”Sunset fidgeted her front-hooves, which made me scratch the back of my head with a claw awkwardly. Once she stopped fidgeting, the mare took another deep breath and continued. “I just want to say that I’m grateful for what you’ve done. You're the only one, besides Jack-Jack and the Princess, that actually cares about me out here. In fact, I was beginning to think that leaving Canterlot was a big mistake. That train of thought was only strengthened when I woke up in Granite Podium.”

I pulled her in close, getting a small ‘eep!’ out of her with how fast I did it. I snuggled her against my side and draped a wing on her back.

“And I want to say I’m sorry,” I began with a smile on my face, “I feel as though it’s my fault that you ended up in The Rough. If only I was fast enough, I could’ve prevented...well, you know what; but I wasn’t and I’m terribly sorry for-.” A gold hoof was placed on my lips instantly, making my eyes go wide as I stared at the mare with a happy smile on her face.

“What are you apologizing for? I’m sure Dreggen would’ve been bending me over if you hadn’t come when you did! Thankfully, I was just forced to....service the guards orally.” She looked a little downtrodden about that, so I pulled her in a little tighter with my wing. I heard a sniffle of the nose a couple seconds later, letting me know she was crying it out. Good.

“I’m so sorry!” I broke down before her, shocking and surprising the mare out of her own tears. I realized that being a hero is too much for me to handle. I mean, I couldn’t even save a friend from being abducted!!! How in the hell am I supposed to be a fucking hero!? Who in the hell am I kidding!? “It shouldn’t have even gottenthat far! No one should be subjected to that!” I began sobbing for the first time since I got here.

Well, that I’m aware of. I know there was that one time in the woods when I was going through my whole emo phase and whatnot, but I hardly think that counts since I was crying subconsciously. But here and now? This is cryin; well, sobbing.

Only real men sob.

“Stop sobbing this instant!” I shook my head in confusion at that rebuttal. I stared at Sunset Shimmer as if she had grown nine more pairs of hooves. Ugh...what an image. “You have nothing to be ashamed of! I offer you praises and you turn around and start degrading yourself!? How on Equis does that make you feel better!?” The mare snapped angrily, making me shift my eyes nervously.

To be clear, nothing scares me; save for jumpscares and clowns and cramped spaces. You can now add Sunset Shimmer to that list as well. If there’s one thing she took from Celestia during her time as her student, it would have to be her anger. I bet Princess Sun-Butt has conjured up a plethora of profanities in the time she’s been alive.

Heh..Definitely calling her that when I arrive in Canterlot. Can you imagine her fucking face!? HA! That brightened my mood, that’s for damn sure!

“Why are you giggling?” That question snapped me from the glorious thought I had conjured up. Apparently I’m prone to subconscious forms of mirth now. Go figure.

“Just a stray thought from my past that came up, nothing to worry about.” I lied expertly. You know what, the hero business isn’t really my thing. I can honestly say that what I pulled off in the cavern is a one-time thing as well. There is that other thing, however...

“Anywhore, I just want to know it you’re alright. Going through a kidnapping and forced-fellatio must be awful on the mind and I don’t want my...” I trailed off, searching for the right word to describe our relationship. I had only one friend in my life back on Earth and that was the girl-who’s name will remain anonymous for obvious reasons-who constantly friendzoned me. Other than her, I never knew what it was like to have friends or to care for them.

Let alone a romantic interest...I’m not even sure if I can look at a pony in a romantic sense. Sunset makes me feel...different, but it’s not the feeling I get when I think of her, as in from back on Earth. I guess I can chalk her up as a ‘Really Close-Friend’, but I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t like that long title.

“...Best Alien Friend Forever to be sad if I can help it.” I decided on jacking Twilight’s lingo for Shining Armor instead. This terminology pretty much summed up how I felt about Shimms in the long run.

I saw her grin at first, then watched the grin grow into a smile that showed some teeth. Then, out of nowhere, I was rammed by a gold and red blur, sending me to the ground with an ‘oof’. She had somehow tackled my big ass and got me on the ground, crawling up the side of my body so that her face was next to mine. From there, she began nuzzling my face, poking me with her horn at awkward and painful intervals.

“Oh that’s so sweeet~~!” Sunset mewed through closed eyes, making me roll my own as I pushed her away from me.

“I’m not a baby, so stop with the whining before I give you something to whine about.” I replied in a tone of mock-scorn and anger. Sunset frowned and got up, using a hoof to dust herself off before looking at me with a serious expression on her face.

Here we go...

“I don’t think the hero role is right for you.” I stumbled when I began walking back to the tree, having past her already. I looked back at her from my position, turning the top half of my body to do so. “I just don’t want you getting hurt is all. As your best friend, I demand that you take this request seriously!” Sunset’s personality flipped on me faster than an armadillo on cocaine. I mentally pictured that analogy in my head, frowning when the armadillo stopped its rolling marathon and flipped on its back, dead as a doorknob.

Some white foam even came out of its mouth as it spasmed.

I’m now horribly afraid of armadillo's that have O.D. Yes, you can add that to the list.

Shaking the gruesome image from my head, I looked at Sunset Shimmer and responded. “You know, being my best friend doesn’t necessarily mean I have to listen you you; it just means I care about your opinion more than the others. Having said that, I’ve already made up my mind that the hero role isn’t my forte, so to speak. I do, however, have a backup plan already thought out and I’ll reveal it to everyone once we arrive in Canterlot.” I ranted, turning back around only to come face to face with Diamond.

“GAH,” I jumped back in fear, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Diamond! Did you have to do that!?” I scrounged my face up in irritation from my cowering position. You know, the one where you have one leg hiked up to your chest and an arm overtop of it?

Diamond giggled into a dirty paw as I corrected my rather feminine posture, calming myself down with even breaths.

“Noooo~!” Diamond responded with a cute edge to her voice. I had to stop myself from releasing a massive wave of d’awww. My face skewed in horror as she seductively closed the distance again, swaying her hips back and forth as she neared. Frozen in place by equal parts terror and curiosity, I didn’t stop Diamond as she wrapped her arms around my left one and pulled on it, forcing me to bend down so that my ear was in front of her mouth.

“You know,” She began in a flirtatious whisper, “You were the one who technically beat Dreggen back at Granite Podium. That makes you the Alpha in our little makeshift pack...Silas.” I involuntarily shivered as she laid it on thick. “It goes without saying but, since I am the strongest female here, I might try to win a place at your side...” Her tail whipped me on the butt, making my eyes go wide in realization that I was being sexually harassed. “...by any means necessary~~~!” Diamond, after finishing her little rant of perverseness, slowly licked my face upwards.

I promptly pushed her away from me, shaking myself all over and hastily wiping the side of my face with the back of my hand.

“You’re insane! You’re absolutely mad if you think I’m just gonna bend over and let that happen!” I retorted sharply, furrowing my brow at her in anger for being violated like that.

“Oh, you won’t be the one bending over, trust me.” Diamond responded with a flirtatious wink as she walked past me and towards the direction where Wergal and Ace had gone. I yipped when she grabbed a pawful of my ass, muttering something to herself quietly as she let go.

You can now add Horny Diamond to the list of things that I’m afraid of as well.

“Hey, Scale-Head!” My left eye buzzed, making me put the two fingers to it ritually in order to answer back.

“Siri?” I asked with a wry smile on my face. I know it’s Donna because she sounds absolutely pissed about something. Maybe a....shocking development?

I snorted and mentally high-fived myself.

“Wrong, it’s Donna. The robot whore said you should see us coming in any minute now. I don’t really appreciate you telling your robot slut to shock me out of the nicest bath I’ve taken in a while! When I get there, you should expect a full beatdown and nothing less! Trust me when I say that y-”

“Ahhh shut up.” I interrupted. “Just sit back in the chair and expect some company when you land.” I turned my attention back to the hill just in time to witness Wergal and Ace crest it. I waved at them and they waved back, followed by the waves of Diamond and five-or-six other ponies.

“Who the hell do you-You know what, fine. How many are we talking about?” Donna’s static-y voice rung out into my head.

“So there’s those three and those five...” I mentally counted off, “Ten. You should expect ten strangers, Sunset and myself. And for staying on the ship, you can expect a little surprise from me when you arrive.” I smiled devilishly as I tossed a glance at the approaching Sunset Shimmer and Diamond.

“Oh joy.” Came Donna’s half-hearted reply, making me roll my eyes and sigh.

I have a feeling I’m gonna be doing that a lot as this little adventure continues.

Granite Podium Arc: Part 3 [Rewritten]

Aliens Like Cows (Sauciness Warning)

I watched as Judgement slowly rocketed into view, four blue streams of light trailing behind it much like how Rainbow Dash’s colors do. I gave an impressed whistle as the loud roar of my home filled the ears of everyone present. Speaking of everyone present, I noticed that Emerald Breeze and her family made up three of the five ponies. My eyebrow raised itself instantly as Judgement descended in front of us, finding a solid spot on the hill so that it wouldn’t roll down.

Not like it mattered, since it was practically hovering due to the thrusters underneath it. Curiously enough, the blue rings that filtered down from the thruster openings did not scorch the ground like I thought it would. That’s when I came to the conclusion that the thrusters were obviously tractor beams or something of the sort.

“Whhhhhooooooaaaaaahhhhhh.” Was everyone’s collective answer as Judgement ceased its descent and hovered off the ground. I smiled, knowing that they were going to get a kick out of the interior if they thought this was neat!

“Open the door, Siri.” I ordered out loud, watching as the door leading into my ship opened and the stairs shot out and dug themselves into the ground. Another stream of whoah’s came out of the crowd behind me as I stepped forward, beginning my climb up the steps. I looked back to see some of the ponies, including Emerald and her family, cowering underneath the tree as the engines hummed. I rolled my eyes and motioned for Wergal to round them up, even though he was just as scared as they were.

He hid it pretty well though.

“Come on!” Wergal shouted over the humming of the thrusters. He was pushing the mob of frightened ponies in their entirety by himself, which made the ponies dig their hooves in the ground and shake their heads rapidly. Wergal was panting now as he gave up, opting to stop pushing the mass of equines and sit down. I whistled towards the group from the top of the last stair.

All eyes were on me.

“You guys aren’t going to get any better by sitting on your asses! Sunset, Diamond,” I called out to the girls who looked at me with raised eyebrows. I’m guessing they don’t really care for my ‘commanding voice’, “Lead them up! Wergal and Ace, escort them from behind! I don’t want to hear anything about a pony falling off the steps because he or she is scared of a flying tin-can! MOVE IT!” I barked.

I’ve never seen anything snap into such a crisp line in my life. I smiled as Sunset and Diamond did as I said, leading the ponies up while Wergal and Ace escorted them from behind. Once they were close enough, I turned around only to come face to face with Donna, who had her hip cocked to the right with her right hand resting on it. She filled up the entire doorway, still dressed in that tight-fitting clothing from Stonehaven. I mentally slapped myself when I pictured my face motorboating the shit out of her breasts.

“Any reason why I shouldn’t throw your scaley ass off these steps?” Donna asked with an air of superiority and a raised head, glaring at me as I noticed the top of her left asscheek was bright red. Siri shocked her from below!? Oh shit!

“Yeah...” I started with a smile, getting ready to throw her for a whole loop. She took the bait and raised her eyebrow, “...This.” I finished as I rushed in and smacked our mouths together, watching as her eyes nearly sprung out from her eyelids. I shoved my tongue into her mouth, watching her with amused eyes as she shut hers tight and tried pushing me away. Every time her hands touched my pecs, she slid them down weakly before trying again.

She was grunting now as I willed my tongue to inspect every inch of her mouth. Her hands stopped trying to push me away and she seemed like she was getting ready to give i-

“Nope.” I said simply, retracting my face from hers and pushing her to the side of the door with my hand that had found purchase on her waist. She meeped and slid like I willed her to, allowing me entry into Judgement. Once I entered, I turned around and slapped her red asscheek with my hand, to which she cried out in pain.

“And that’s for threatening me. I hope we learned our lesson?” I asked with a smug grin on my face as I walked over to my captain’s chair and sat down, leaning back into the smooth...memory foam!? The hell is this!? Not that I have a problem with memory foam, it’s just that I’m sure my chair was made of leather last time I checked!

Donna let out a whine of protest as she cupped her sore ass off to the side of the door, which was quickly filling up with awestruck ponies and glaring females. Namely, Sunset and Diamond, who promptly rushed over to Donna and began yelling things like “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT!?” and “DO YOU EVEN DIG!?” at her.

Oh yeah, the troll is back ladies and gentlemen! I think some ponies, a griffin, two diamond dogs and a minotaur are in need of a good ol’ fashioned trolling session! From here on, the reign of Silas the Troll King will begin!

*Insert Slowly Building Evil Laughter Here.*

It took some time to get everyone situated, and by situated, I mean seated. The sick ponies, including Emerald and her family, were given the remaining seats on the bridge. Seeing that one more seat was open, Sunset quickly teleported onto the seat and put up a barrier just as the rest of my gang reached it, which resulted in a bunch of suspended bodies and faces against a red bubble.

This in turn, left me in stitches as they picked themselves off the ground. Silas the Troll King strikes again! Yes, it was I who assigned the ponies to the seats. Only after that did the gang try to kill each other over the remaining seat.

My troll attempt, however, backfired when I got stuck with Donna and Diamond sitting on my legs. I felt like crying.

“Oh, Mr. Silassss~~!” Diamond whispered into my right ear, making my eyes go wide in terror. “This is my second time being so close to your body, so close...to perfection! It’s tearing me apart, not having you between my-”

“WELP!!!” I yelled suddenly with a flushed face, throwing the female snuggle fest off of me as I walked off towards the exit. “I’m gonna go take a shower!” I chanced a glance back and noticed Diamond with crossed arms and Sunset rolling her eyes which Donna mimicked.

If you payed attention to when Silas disappeared into the hallway outside of the bridge and into the bathroom, you could hear a very angry and startled griffin scream his ass off at the sudden intruder.

You could then hear said griffin be thrown into the hallway and against the wall with extreme force, making the bird squawk as he slid to the ground slowly. The noise of what can be likened to a hand sliding down a window slowly accompanying the griffin’s descent.

I lowered myself into the tub, feeling the steamy and hot water relax me instantly. I’ve been in my fair share of jacuzzis before, but this bath definitely takes the cake and the whole tray!

A sigh of happiness and content left my lips as I lowered my mouth below the water, almost drifting off to sleep. I could see why Donna was mad that I interrupted her bath, this feels fucking amazing! Everything felt great, from my head to my feet; even my wings!

I heard the door open in that futuristic woosh sound, making me crack an eye open. I lifted my head just enough so that my mouth came back over the water.

“Your goose is cooked if you try anything, Ace!” I warned dangerously, still hearing the water near my feet part to make room for someone else. A big something else. I sighed underwater, which came out as a gurgle of bubbles that popped on the surface. If it wasn’t so damn steamy in here, I would’ve seen who climbed into my bath sooner.

“This is getting creepy.” I stated warily as I brought my mouth back above the surface.

“S-Shut up!” The feminine voice reprimanded me angrily, making me raise a hand form the blue depths of the bathtub and smack it loudly on my face.

“Dammit Donna!” My inner Hank came out as I made sure to pull every part of my face down with the the hand that was slowly descending its length.

“Why the hell are you in my bath, Donna?” I asked with a raised eyebrow as I felt something large and smooshy plant itself on the sides of my feet.

Dat ass.

“You ruined my bath earlier, so now I’m ruining yours while continuing my own!” Donna rebutted, turning her head sharply so that some of the smoke billowed away from her head. I noticed at once that she had a towel wrapped around her head, making me snicker a little bit. Never heard of a Secret Agent with diva tendencies before!

Equis is just full of characters, isn’t it? I think it’s time Silas the Troll King strikes again~~!

“You know, Donna,” Setting Troll Level to Over 9000! “Has anyone ever told you that you have an ass that puts memory foam to shame?” I prodded said posterior with my right foot, feeling Donna whine a little bit before shifting herself away from my offending appendage.

“Stop being such a pervert!” She yelled angrily as her body leaned to the left, the disturbance in the water from her movement causing small waves to whack me in the face. I grinned and quickly pulled my legs back, taking a deep and quiet breath before submerging myself under the water. I felt my nictitating membranes slide over my eyes, shielding them from the hot water as I snaked my way like a sea serpent towards Donna’s black and white body.

“...Silas?” I heard her voice call out from above the water. She’s probably worried that I’m up to something because I haven’t been talking to her. I smiled.

She’s right.

Focusing on the objective ahead of me. My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when I noticed two things. One; her breasts were like fucking life boats that have been submerged. Two; she doesn’t have a towel wrapped around her body and her legs are a little spread out so....

First anime-styled nosebleed achieved! I was put-off a little when the blood came out just as sky blue as my mane, but I quickly shoved it into the back of my mind, dismissing it as another perk to being an alien.

“Silas you’re scaring me.” I heard Donna’s fishbowl voice call out again as I slowly raised myself up from just in front of her. My eyes never left hers as I slowly rose to just about her height, our faces practically touching one another.

“You rang?” I asked in a flirtatious tone, making her blush as I thrusted an arm forward, jutting it against the solid white wall of metal in front of the end of the tub. I swung my head to and fro slowly, getting all the water out while spritzing Donna at the same time. Once that was done, I quickly put on a smug smile and touched our noses together.

Donna was beet red now and I tried so hard not to fall over laughing as her eyes widened. I gave a masculine chuckle and moved forward, dipping my head down so that I actually missed her mouth and kissed her chin. She gasped and gripped the back of the tun with both of her hands tight enough for me to hear the frame give a creak of protest.

I kissed her chin again, then moved lower to her neck. I started at the top, planting kisses here and there. I even suckled some of her skin in my teeth, earning me a few hushed moans from the cow. I felt her wiggle against my body as I blazed a trail of kisses on her neck. stopping on every third one to suck on the flesh a little. From her neck I went down to her chest, kissing and suckling her cleavage.

Donna threw her head back and bit a finger as my mouth found purchase on the top of her left breast.

I stopped my advances and raised a hand up, watching as Donna came back down from her pleasure high and watched it come towards her. I felt her body shift closer to mine as I curled my middle finger’s nail on the face of my thumb, plucking her between the eyes.

“Baka.” I mimicked Excalibur from Soul Eater a little too well, backing up to my previous position on my side of the tub.

“Fuck you!” Donna shouted as I felt a heavy force slam into my crotch, making me yell in pain as I reeled back and over my end of the tub, falling flat on my face as I held my throbbing crotch in my hands. I even hiked my ass up in the air, a feeling of nausea coming over me.

“God...Dammit...Nappa.” I wheezed out as my world spun around. I couldn’t keep up with the nausea and the vertigo, so I quickly passed out without any warning.

Waking up fully naked was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Never again will I try to troll an obviously horny female, especially ones with hooves. Jesus, it still hurts like all hell! Even so, the fact that the sick ponies got to see their fearless leader in his birthday suit probably scarred them for life. Maybe their afterlife as well.

Needless to say, I quickly made my way over to the bathroom again, finding out the hard way that Donna wasn’t in there. The hard way consisted of a scorched crotch by none other than a wet Sunset Shimmer, who upon seeing me, decided to use my crotch as a bullseye.

I think that’s the second time I passed out while traveling with these mongrels.

Now I don’t know about you guys, but this whole Troll King business has been nothing but bad news for Mr. Crotch. I’m pretty sure getting stomped on is a fetish, but having a hoof shot at your dick at a hundred miles an hour sure as hell doesn’t make good fetish material.

I found Donna in the kitchen, making herself what appeared to be a grass sandwich. Although I’m curious on when she acquired the shrubbery, I still had some revenge to get. Walking down the steps slowly, I noticed how she shut the fridge and sat down at a table and chair she had Siri bring up from the floor.

Seeing as how the perfect opportunity to mess with her was given, I quickly made myself known by leaning against the wall with my bare back and crossing my naked legs. She looked at me and her eyes instantly became as wide as the dinner plate she’s currently eating her sandwich over.

When the hell did we get bread!?

“You know, it’s pretty...drafty in here.” I snapped with a harsh stare, watching as she choked on her food. I’m guessing that was supposed to be a laugh of some sort but it was cut short due to some of the food going down the wrong pipe. The black and white cow, who was now dressed in her tight-fitting outfit was on her back-hooves in seconds.

From the frantic look in her eye, I could tell that she was looking for some sort of escape route. No, Donna, I don’t think you’ll be able to run after I’m through with you! I broke off from the metal wall and began a brisk walk towards the panicking cow. She looked to her left and whined when the fridge stared back at her, then she looked to her right and whined again when the metal wall stared back at her.

By the time she tried to make a break for the gap between the outer-kitchen and the countertop, I had already filled the space. She tossed a look behind herself and noticed a square door. Donna wasted no time in going through the door, ending up in another hallway from the small look I got of the other side before the silver door slid shut in my face. I snorted and walked through the door just like she had, coming face to face with nothing but a straight shot of white corridor and silver doors on either side.

I sighed inwardly, knowing that Donna had now turned this little chase into a game of hide and seek. Fuck running, Donna’s gonna need a wheelchair when I’m done with her!

“Donna, you know this is pointless.” I stated in a matter-of-fact tone. Thinking of the maps from when I first used my Sirios unit, the blue holoscreen came forth from my left eye. On the holoscreen, a map of my current position was rendered and detailed in white lettering. Apparently, I was now in the Crew Quarters, which meant that this is where everyone was supposed to sleep. The captain’s quarters were all the way down the hallway, which, according to the holo-map, is fifty feet away. No way in hell did Donna make it all the way down there.

The rest of the rooms were labeled as such. Rooms whose numbers went from one to six. I willed my Sirios unit to look for living beings in the room via their heat. A sky-blue triangular blip-which I deducted to be me-blinked on and off in the hallway section. A black blip started blinking in room three, making give a small smile of victory.

Once again...Gotcha Bitch!

I walked down the hallway, making sure to take slow and loud steps. They echoed just like a killer’s would in a thriller movie, making me chuckle as I kept up the creepy walk. Then, just as I began it, I stopped it in front of Room Two. I lifted a hand slowly and knocked on the door, surprised that it didn’t just open from my presence.

I heard some shuffling and what sounded like some sheets being lifted. Is she hiding on the bed?

Perfect.

“Oh, Ms. Lehigh~~!” I sang merrily as I knocked on the door again. I had her cornered and there was nowhere she could go other than through this door.

“DON’T COME IN HERE!!!” Donna yelled in desperation from the other side of the door. I chuckled loud enough for her to hear it, which caused more shuffling from the other side of the door. Frankly, I’m surprised that didn’t just come through the door and uppercut me. Guess I shook her up good in the bathroom.

“Now you know I can’t do that~~! After all, you’re the only one who knows where my clothes are!” I touched my eye and activated the communications function in my Sirios unit. When no reply came from Donna, I wasted no time in getting down to business.

“Siri, I’m issuing Captain’s Override for the door to Room Two. Unlock the door and allow me entry.” I commanded quietly enough so that Donna couldn’t hear what was going on.

“Voice recognition confirmed. Unlocking Room Two Door.”

*Click.*

“OH NO YOU DON’T!!! SIRI, LOCK THAT DOOR IMMEDIATELY!!!” I heard Donna shriek, making me guffaw loudly.

“Captain’s Override is the strongest order on Judgement. Once applied, the Captain has supreme command over all facilities and functions that are included in the vessel. This order, therefore, is null and void.”

I swear I could hear Donna’s brain snap from inside the room. The room that I just casually strolled into after the door slid open for me. Donna shrieked as the noise from the opening  door filled her ears, making me smile as I noticed her frame covered in the sheets tightly. For the second time since the little flight began...

Dat ass.

Snarling a little just to scare her some more, I hastily closed the distance between the door and the covered form of Donna, hulking over the side of the bed. I grinned as I placed both my hands on either side of her head, leaning forward from the left of her.

“I found you.” I whispered to what looked like her shivering face, watching that same face stop shivering as her breath was caught in her throat. I chuckled again, taking my pointer finger and using its claw to slice through the top of the sheets, revealing Donna’s wide eyes to me. Her hands were still holding up the edges of the sheets, so it was just her face and mine.

“We really have to stop meeting like this.” I quipped with a smile, watching her mouth open in what was supposed to be another shriek but I silenced her with my own mouth. Donna still shrieked, but I don’t think it was due to terror. I think it was surprise...sure tasted like it.

Her hands came down from their ‘Y’-shaped positioning as she placed them against my chest, adding force behind the appendages to try and push me off. I responded with a raised eyebrow through my opened eyes and by swinging a leg off the ground and to the right of her, placing it firmly on the bed so that more of my weight was applied to her resisting hands.

I watched as her hands sank back from the newly applied weight, her biceps bulging against her skin as I settled down lower; our respective chests practically touching each other as her arms wobbled. I added the straw that broke the cow’s back by swinging my other leg up, crumpling her defense completely. Now I could feel her breasts against my chest as our kiss deepened.

Her whines of resistance slowly spaced out and lessened. I felt Donna move her smushed hands so that they were around my neck as she moaned into my mouth. Initiating revenge in three...two...one!

I wrapped my arms around Donna’s waist and hoisted her up from the blankets so that I was standing up and her legs were wrapped around my waist. From there, I broke mouth contact, a wet ‘pop’ coming from our lips as saliva trailed off.

Donna had a cloudy look in her orange eyes, letting me know that she was really getting into it now.

“If you don’t tell me where my clothes are, I’m gonna make sure you can’t leave this room for nine days at the very least.” I challenged her with a frown on my face. Donna looked at me for a while, panting heavily before chuckling five times exactly.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Mr. Alien.” She said and smiled sultrily, making me roll my eyes.

“You know, I’m being nice by not letting you leave this room in nine days. I could actually...break your back.” I leaned my head in and whispered that last part in her ear smoothly, feeling her shiver in my hands. I really have her riled up!

“They’re with Diamond on the bridge! In the name of the Orthod-Ox church, please take me now! You’ve been teasing me all day and I’m tired of it!” Donna exclaimed as she leaned back and slipped off her top clothing, tossing her glasses on the brown bedside table next to us on the right side. I chuckled as she pushed me off her, already taking off her shorts before I could get a word in.

In mere milliseconds I was embraced by a naked Donna as she buried her face in mine again, making me raise an eyebrow as she entered my mouth this time. I chuckled and unfurled my tongue, letting the serpentine appendage force hers back into her mouth. She whined at being dominated again, but that was to be expected in all seriousness.

Experience will always beat raw power, no questions asked.

I turned us around and picked her up again, her legs coiling around my waist like an anaconda as we continued sucking face. From there, I playfully got on my knees while I playfully slammed Donna on her back. She broke off our kiss to smirk at me before diving back in. I was reminded of a sunny pasture as I french kissed her, pulling on her bottom lip with my own lips as I drew back after a minute-or-two of the makeout session. She moaned at that little bit of foreplay as I began trailing my path of kisses and suckles again.

She kicked her hooves mildly, making me chuckle as I suckle on some of her neck skin. I mentally laughed at the childish kicking that only continued as I teased her body with my mouth, finally reaching her cleavage. I kissed the spot between her large breasts before sucking on the spot, making her moan again.

“M-more...Ah!...T-teasing!?” She complained cutely as I smiled, stopping my foreplay session. She was panting with her tongue out now, her breath somewhat visible against the air in front of our faces. The warm breaths she was letting out were intoxicating, but I was doing a good job at keeping my libido in check.

“Oh, this is the fun part.” I said darkly, leaning down to continue the trail of kisses pass her chest and down to her while and black-furred stomach. She squirmed some more, making me chuckle mentally as I hopped over her...snatch, and to her inner thigh. I lapped at the fur slowly, dragging the flat of my tongue up her leg slowly. She mewed again, trying to shove her... area, in my face.

I smacked her exposed left ass cheek as she leaned over, making her scream out. Damn this cow knows how to moo!

I brought my head back up as I used the same hand to massage her red cheek, looking her right in the eyes.

“Settle down, Bessy. You’ll be singing Home On The Range all night long.” I smiled challengingly as I pressed two fingers against my left eye, activating communications again.

“Do me a favor, Siri, and soundproof the room and lock it. Lock the entrance to the Hallway as well while you’re at it. Something tells me my friend here likes to be loud and proud.”

“Done.”

“Now where were we...” I trailed off as I lowered my head to the spot she was practically throwing at me.

Three Hours Later...

I was laying in bed next to Donna, our romp finished. She was sound asleep next to me, her soft snores and goofy smile confirming that I had did my job right. I chuckled at actually entertaining a job like that.

Fun fact: Did you know that...whatever I am, has two!? If you don’t get what I’m talking about, then you must be a brick wall who had a computer thrown at it just to open the browser to this particular story. You poor, poor, inanimate object you.

Or you live under a rock...I’m betting on the rock.

Regardless, Donna had me completely wrapped up in her arms, my back laying flat against the mattress made out of memory foam. My right wing was outstretched towards Donna as she cuddled up to me, snuggling into my side and providing me with unneeded warmth, seeing as how we’re both underneath some pretty good sheets.

She’s sleeping peacefully now, but I bet when she tries to get up in the morning that she’s gonna have a pretty hard time. I mean, I may of been pining after this one girl forever, but that doesn’t mean I've never had other bed mates.

Silas has been around the block a couple of times. He knows what he’s doing.

“Silas...Silas!” My left eye had suddenly picked up Sunset Shimmer’s voice. “I know you can hear me! Would you mind telling me why Diamond has your clothes!?”

Two fingers against my eye and a frown on my face later, “Well what do you think?” I asked with a playful edge, hearing her do a spit-take over the frequency we were using. I then heard a collective “What the fuck, man!?” in the background. My guess is that those two voices were Ace and Wergal.

Forgive me for saying this, but I’m glad I ran into smart diamond dogs. I don’t think I could’ve put up with Dumb Talk for long.

“T-that’s not important! She’s going around hinting that you two are now a couple and she’s the Alpha Female! It’s getting annoying!” Sunset whined as I rolled my right eye.

“And you believe her because she has my clothes?” I asked with an air of amused disbelief.

“Well that’s pretty obvious, dontcha think?” Sunset snapped angrily.

“It’s pretty obvious to me that you’re on your period, yet you don’t hear me complaining.” I snapped back, hearing her scoff on the other end of the line.

“Sometimes I wonder if you have a brain.”

“Are we really going to do this now? Don’t you remember what happened last time?” I asked in exasperation. Donna cuddled a little closer and tightened her grip around my arm, exhaling through her nose happily. She still had the dorky smile on her face, a little bit of drool coming out from the side of her mouth as she chuckled in her sleep.

Well damn.

"Of course I know what happened last time. The difference is that back then it was a joke, now it's serious. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with yo-"

“And sometimes I wonder if you’ve ever been laid. Seriously, chill out.” I interrupted angrily, my voice increasing a little bit. Sunset was quiet on the other end for a while, making me raise an eyebrow.

“...Goodbye.” I felt my heart drop into my stomach, a sudden coldness in how sad and angry she sounded making me shiver. I became worried as the memories of Sunset in Granite Podium came back to me. I facepalmed myself, knowing that I had just fucked up big time with what I just said.

“Why am I such a fuck-up?” I whispered to myself as I fell back asleep, not really looking forward to an apology that had to be given.

Granite Podium Arc: Part 4 [Rewritten]

Sugar, We're Going Down

Donna had woken up after twenty more minutes, her orange eyes fluttering cutely. I chuckled as she stretched and yawned like a baby would, extending her arms and bending her wrists as her mouth popped, which made her groan in pain.

“Sleep well?” I asked with a smile on my face, which she returned when her eyes settled on mine.

“What do you think?” She asked flirtatiously, leaning in to smooch me but I held a finger between our lips.

“I’m not spoiling you. Plus, you’re kind of on my wing.” I rose my eyebrow as she chuckled, holding a hand to her mouth as she moved her legs to get up an-

“SHIT!” Donna swore loudly as she stopped moving, hissing in pain. I grew worried, but snickered when I remembered how well I...laid the foundation, so to speak. Donna glared at me with narrowed eyes, making me snicker harder. “It’s not funny!” She exclaimed while shoving my side, succeeding in tossing me from the bed.

I fell down completely encompassed in the pure white sheets, my outstretched wing bending awkwardly under her side. I let out a whimper of pain as I hastily reached over the side of the bed and grabbed something squishy, hearing Donna gasp as I pulled it towards me.

My vision was filled with falling cow ass.

I groaned as her butt thudded into my face, bouncing off after slamming my head against the metal flooring. Donna yelled in pain as she landed on her sore ass, which made me chuckle through the stars I was seeing as of late.

“You...are really starting to rub me the wrong way.” I announced with a smile on my face, picking myself up slowly and looking at her. Donna was rubbing her sore ass with both hands, breasts just a floppin’ in the wind. Hmmm, her areolas are surprisingly small and pink. Why did I not notice this earlier?

“Don’t, talk about rubbing.” Donna retorted sorely, making me snicker as I stood up. Now that I was standing up, I helped Donna to her hooves and wrapped her arm around my neck. She quickly took to using me as a crutch, leaning almost all of her body weight into my right side. It’s a wonder how I didn’t wake up sore given how she’s so heavy!

“Ah, you and your dirty mind. Now let’s get you dressed.” I eased her onto the bed, a little hissing leaving her mouth as her bare and luscious rump made contact with the mattress. I’m guessing she must be in a moderate amount of discomfort, for she parted her legs ever so slightly in order to...what, make it easier to sit?

I don’t know, and I’m not going to ask.

Leaving her there, I expertly remembered how she undressed herself before we began having...relations with each other last night. I quickly found her shorts by the foot of the bed, picking up the tight-fitting undergarments with my left hand. I then handed them to her, but instructed against putting them on herself. She raised an eyebrow at me.

“You’re just going to take forever, what with your constant bellyachin.” I clarified while raising my head a little at her, which made Donna snort dismissively. I rolled my eyes and quickly spotted her sports bra on the bed, grabbing it with the same hand then giving it to her the same way.

Like an idiot, I proceeded to look for my own clothes, forgetting about the information I got from Donna. I sighed and put on a face of disappointment, pulling my lips back and grumbling to myself. These grumbles contained horrid hexes and curses that were aimed towards a certain horny dog that was probably spraying all over my garments.

Gross.

I turned back to Donna, who didn’t listen to me and was trying to put on her shorts. She has slipped her sports bra/shirt already, and was hissing through her teeth as she tried sliding her shorts up her voluptuous legs. The guy side in me pictured her hissing as...well...you can guess.

Shaking my head of such perverse thoughts, mumbling that “I’ve got it bad.”; I walked over to Donna and knelt down, instantly putting my face at her stomach level. She jumped back as my face suddenly entered her field of vision, making me snicker a little.

“Easy there, don’t want you pulling something.” I quipped, which earned me a soft slap the side of my head. I grimaced at the annoyance of the feeling and not the pain, placing both of my hands on top of hers. She blushed, making me roll my eyes. “Jesus, I’ve already rutted you raw girl! The hell are you so embarrassed about?” I asked exasperatedly, making the cow turn her head away from me as her blush deepened.

“You...You didn’t...Um...Undress me last night. I took of m-my clothes by myself. It’s a little embarrassing.” She mumbled high enough for me to hear, making me snicker again as I took the edges of her shorts between two of my fingers on each hand. I leaned my head back so that I wasn’t staring at her snatch. I used my snout to come around the opposite side of her head and turn it so that we were staring eye to eye, seeing as how my hands are tied up at the moment.

“Put your mouth on my shoulder and stand up.” I ordered her, watching as she raised an eyebrow at my choice of words.

“Why would I do that?” Her voice was laced with apprehension and doubt. I rolled my eyes and stood her up the old fashioned way...

With a rub to her...button.

I’ve never seen something so large move so fast in my life, save myself. Donna had nearly uppercutted me with the crown of her head and her fucking horns! I yipped and so did she, our positions now standing. She was glaring a whole armory at me!

“Why the fuck did you do that!?” She yelled at me, steam billowing from her bovine-like nose as she gnashed her teeth.

“To get you to stand without anymore delay.” I replied simply, planting a kiss on her lips for good measure. Her glare softened but remained as I broke off the kiss.

“You think you know all about me, don’t you?” She asked with an air of challenge. I scoffed, and squatted so that I was looking at her snatch.

*Drip.*

“Eeyup. I think I know all~~ about you by now.” I laughed as she tightened her legs together, hissing in pain as she did so. I stood back up and yawned away from her face, stretching my arms out while simultaneously cracking my back. After that I placed my hands on her shorts and leaned the top half of my body-my right shoulder mostly-towards her mouth.

“Use my shoulder like you did the pillow last night.” I said wryly, making Donna cough as she finally understood what I was hinting at. She obviously knew this was going to hurt really bad.

“On three,” I explained, watching her face as it became scared, but she nodded her consent. “One...Two-” I hiked them up without going to three, taking her by surprise and sliding them up quickly. I nearly cried out in pain over how hard her teeth slammed down on my shoulder. She kept applying pressure even though the shorts were on, the discomfort only increasing.

I then realized that pain was not the thing I was feeling, it was just discomfort. This feeling of discomfort soon became annoyance, making me roll my eyes and gently ease her mouth off of me with two fingers. The other hand went to work on zipping up her shorts and clasping her main button. Once done, I placed her arm over my shoulder and sighed.

“That fuckinghurt~~!” Donna whined next to me as I lead her to the bedside table, picking up her ovoid glasses and placing them on her face with a little bit of trouble from having to do it with one hand. She nodded her thanks as I placed two fingers against my left eye.

“Siri, unlock the crew quarters and hallway. Captain’s Override is now on standby until further notice.”

“Acknowledged.” Thankfully that was Siri’s voice and not...Argh, damn it!

“So...am I just gonna have to tough this out!?” Donna asked worriedly as I jerked my head in the direction of the door while keeping eye contact. She got the hint and pouted, making me chuckle.

“We’ll take things slow so that you’re not being caused that much pain, okay?” I assured her as Donna looked at me with a face of disbelief.

“Just like you said we’ll start on three?” She asked accusingly, making me turn my head up to face the ceiling and whistle to myself. I heard her sigh in irritation before releasing her hold from my shoulder and push me forward.

“The hell are you doing? You wanna walk by yourself?” I asked as she nodded quickly. “Whatever, it’s your legs.” I remarked dryly as I headed to the door and waited for her there. Donna looked at me in unsurety for a second, trying to weigh her decision; but then a determined look came across her features, making me raise an eyebrow at teh lulz that were getting ready to happen.

“Whatever right back to you! I don’t need your help getting to the door!” Donna remarked highly, placing her hand on her chest much like the Great and Powerful Trixie would. I then proceeded to lose my shit as Donna took a fraction of a step forward and quit. “Silas, stop laughing at me!” She yelled angrily, making me stop laughing and look at her seriously.

Her face was serious as well.

“Oh wait you’re serious, let me laugh harder...BAHAHAHA!!!” I laughed harder than what I did earlier, hearing Donna snarl at me as I wiped my eyes with a hand. Her gait was off-balance, giving the slight appearance of her being bone-legged. It was almost as if she was a penguin, a penguin that was hurting from the waist down after a long night of...well...you get the picture.

Even though it took her a full five minutes just to reach the door, which was no less than fifteen feet away from her earlier position, she had managed to do so on her own. She still hissed in pain as she stopped next to me, looking me down with a smug look on her face. I snorted in mild annoyance at her look, but it quickly passed as she stumbled into me with an ‘oof’’.

I held an arm out and caught her expertly, laying Donna across it before standing her back up with the same arm. She muttered something as I took her arm without permission and slung it around my shoulder.

“Who’re you showing off for, hmm?” I asked smugly, making her snort and turn her head away from me. “I’m helping you and that’s that, am I understood?” I jostled her mane playfully with my other hand, hearing her mutter something else.

“Close enough.” I said with a shrug, turning our bodies around and heading through the door without cleaning the room.

Donna had opted to take a bath, so I dropped her off at the bathroom on my way back up to the bridge. I still don’t know how I feel about her, but I can tell that it’s a little more than just friends if we bumped uglies.

Never did like that terminology. Anyskank, I opened the door to the command bridge and quickly turned left, walking right up to my chair. No one was in it, surprisingly, so I opted to sit down. Needless to say, the seat was cold against my bare ass, but it wasn’t too bad.

Before I could do anything else two paws wrapped themselves around my eyes, making me snort at who was doing it.

“Just who I was looking for.” I began with a frown on my face. My clothes better be with you so help me God! “Where did you put my clothes?”

“Who can say?” I heard Diamond respond with a giddy tone. I rolled my eyes underneath her paws, making her giggle as the motion apparently tickled her. “All I know is that I have something you want...” She trailed off as I felt my chair turn around quickly, making me come face to face with a lidded-eyed Diamond. “...And you have something that I want.” She finished sinisterly as she dragged her tongue up my snout.

I turned the chair around, making Diamond face the place where the door to get on opens.

....Oh yeah, it’s about to happen.

“Siri, I’m feeling kind of toasty in here. Could you open the door for me?” I asked innocently, DIamond none the wiser to my plot as the door opened.

Now I may not have mentioned this because it seemed trivial, but all the sick ponies and were strapped into their seats with seatbelts. That being said, the only one’s not wearing a seatbelt were Diamond and what looked like Wergal and Ace near the front.

*Pssh..* The door hissed as it opened and then...*WOOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!!!*

“AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...” Diamond’s voice trailed off as she was sucked through the door forcefully, beginning what was sure to be a long plummet down to the ground. I sighed and turned my seat around to face the door that was currently open, pushing myself from its confines and allowing the wind to carry me out of Judgement as I was pulled from my chair.

I did not scream and I did not get scared as the wind whipped me in the face, doing a semi-good job of blocking Diamond’s screams as she fell through the dawning sky.

You know, there’s a certain beauty in watching others plummet to their doom while screaming. All around me were white clouds, bathed and filtering the beautiful orange of the sun that was slowly cresting the horizon. As I fell, I began to make out what appeared to be a flailing pelican that was constantly squawking.

Oh nevermind...It’s Diamond.

Seeing that she was way ahead of me, I quickly shut my limbs close to my body, making my width as small as possible. I felt myself speed up as I dove towards Diamond’s screaming and flailing form.

It took some time, but I eventually caught up to the flailing dog. I’ve never looked at her before, but damn is she hot! A soft face, beautiful blue eyes, slender but muscular legs with inverted knees like mine and Donna’s. Huh, maybe if she’d stop being such a damn horny bastard, I’d probably have no qualms in tappin dat-

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! DRAGONNNNNNNNN!!!” Diamond yelled louder as I was slapped with a burly footpaw, sending my vision into space. I shook the stars from my eyes, seeing the ground coming up to meet us. I cursed and redoubled my efforts to catch the clearly panicking female, who even mistook me for some type of dangerous dragon that wanted nothing more than to eat her mid-flight.

This meant that she was going to fight me off the entire time, making what was supposed to be a harmless prank a mission of survival. I narrowed my eyes and took up my arrow-shape again, barreling towards Diamond as she continued flailing her limbs.

My eyes captured something I wish they hadn’t as we left a patch of clouds, making my breath catch in my throat and my eyes widen. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!

When I got close enough to Diamond, I raised my right hand slightly and backhanded the bitch, snapping her out of the little panic attack she was having. She was still freaking out, but she had calmed down a little bit.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?” She yelled at me with tears in her eyes. I honestly felt like dying at that point, seeing the sheer amount of fear on her face; fear that I had caused because I thought I was clever.

Again; why am I such a fuck-up!?

“Spread your arms and legs out, quick!” I instructed her forcefully, feeling some splashes of water hit me in the face. I looked behind the female again and nearly shit myself! I snapped my head back to Diamond and grabbed her by the fur on her chest, pulling her up against me as I wrapped my other arm around her back.

Spreading out my left wing and flapping it as hard as I could, our bodies were soon rotated so that I couldn’t see the vast expanse of trees and water anymore. I had already given thought to just flying us out of here, but I don’t know how to fly for long periods. The air had also gotten muggy and warm, almost bringing a sweat to my face even though we were free-falling some thousand feet in the air.

“HOLY SHI-” I covered Diamond’s mouth with my hand, shaking my head back and forth. I knew now that there wasn't much time until we go splat.

“Diamond, calm down. I just want you to know, that I was thinking about plowing you until you couldn’t walk as I jumped out of Judgement to grab you. If we survive,” I saw her wince at my poor word choice but fuck pulling punches now! “Then on my life I swear to you, I will fucking ruin your vagina. Then again, that’s if we survive.” Diamond nodded and snuggled in against my chest as I snapped my wing shut.

There’s no way in hell we’re surviving th-

*CRACK-CRACK-CRACK-SNAP-CRACK-SNAP-CRACK...*

Many more noises like these came, my back breaking every branch as I smashed through the canopy’s vines and limbs. Pain erupted from my wings as the left one became snagged between a vine and a branch, completely twisting the extremity around as it made me flip in mid-air. I heard a disgusting crack as Diamond and I stopped our impromptu barrel-rolling session, continuing our plummet down.

Diamond was screaming her ass off as she momentarily saw what the big finale was going to be from her position against my chest.

“THERE’S A-”

*SPLOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Her words were lost as the sting from the force of my body hitting water knocked me unconscious.

Granite Podium Arc: Part 5 [Rewritten]

An Unpleasant Surprise

=Diamond=

I broke the water’s surface, sputtering out the liquid as I used my arms to lug Silas to the surface. We had been under for roughly a minute. You could only imagine my dismay when I thought SIlas was going to just swim us to shore, but when he stopped moving my heart plummeted into the oddly cold depths of my bowels.

He was surprisingly light as I lugged him above the surface, his unconscious head resting on my shoulder when I pulled him close to my left side. I was breathing heavily, coughing out some water as I dragged a paw over my eyes to wipe them. My throat was becoming sore as we drifted in the body of water, casually going downstream at a leisurely pace.

Silas’s mouth was open as it leaned against my cheek, making me blush as his tongue came forward and licked it a bit. That was a kiss!

“Calm down, girl! You need to get him out...of...” My eyes widened as the sound of rushing water interrupted the rebuttal I was giving myself. The speed at which we were traveling also went up drastically, making my legs drift out further than my chest. I nearly screamed as we quickly swung around an embankment, coming face to face with multiple grey rocks jutting up from the depths.

I grabbed on to one of the rocks with my free right arm, swinging Silas through the water and into my bosom with the left. The water crashed against my face so I had to hold it up at an angle to stop the annoying spritz. Resting as the rushing water held us against the rock, I proceeded to nudge Silas with my face roughly.

“Get up! Get up!” I ordered him as the crown of my head was practically crammed down his throat. I got a soft snore as a response, making me frown. By the Stone, Silas; wake up!

“Blood Limits?” Silas asked in a grumble, letting me know that he’s not in a coma. I breathed a sigh of relief as I tried nudging him again. He didn’t respond.

“Please wake up, I can’t hold us on this rock much longer!” The constant pulling of the water was beginning to make my strength ebb away, which was only worsened due to the fact that I had to hold this hunk of sexy....

“Get your head out of your ass, girl! You need to think!” I shook all perverse thoughts from my head at that moment and took to looking at our surroundings for a way out!

Water.

Hold on...rushing water.

I think I’m gonna cry...or drown. Drowning seems more likely since I can’t swim and all. So, yeah, probably gonna sink like a rock when-

My eyes widened as some of my arm loosened its hold around the rock. Grunts poured from my mouth as I fought the current and my fatigue off, hoping to find a way out of this do-or-die predicament!

“Lyzan.” Silas mumbled again, making me roll my eyes.

“If you’re going to mumble than mumble something useFULLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-” I nearly lost my lunch as we were propulsed from the water with incredible force, the loudest sound of waves crashing filling my ears. I flattened them against my head and stopped screaming, seeing that we were now above the treeline and out of the water.

Normally, that would be good; but seeing as how my only option of flight was seeing stars right now...Yeah.

Not good at all.

Following our diagonal skyrocketing was a very scary plummet of fifty or more feet from the air. Not fun at all. I screamed again as the river came to meet us, but something was a little off. No, not just a little off; a lot off!

As we crashed the vast expanse of water again and surfaced (somehow but I’m not complaining), I could see only one thing. This one thing never filled me with more fear than anything else in my life. Now think that over, because I had to sit and watch my pups be slaughtered and eaten before my eyes.

Trees were flanking the wide expanse of water on the respective banks, but in front of me wasn’t more water. Well, it was, it’s just that the water seemed to...for lack of a better word, disappear. In its wake, however, were clouds that seemed to mock me with their freedom from this liquid tartarus of mine.

Now, a reasonable question to ask myself at this point in time would have to be this: ‘Why is the water gone?’

Not gonna lie, when the sound of a roaring waterfall entered my aural cavities I pissed myself a little. What, at least I’m honest! Oh, and I started crying a little too.

You’d do the same when you’re faced with a situation like this one. You’d cry and you'll see your life flash before your eyes. Like me.

Not much to say about my old life. I was the runt of my mother’s litter and could barely walk. Here’s a fun fact for you guys; diamond dogs are able to walk during their second month of being alive. Of course, with me being the runt and all, I learned super slow. I started walking around seven months if I recall correctly.

I was born into a clan called Everwinter. Our bunch was but a small little outcropping compared to many of the other clans. Make no mistake though, for our clan was one of the eldest and therefore, stuck to tradition like always.

Which included capturing slaves from neighboring lands and cities.

I became very vocal about that when I ended up befriending an old pony by the name of Glitterdust. He was a unicorn with chestnut-brown fur and auburn mane, who also sported more than his fair share of grey hairs. So maybe a more accurate description would be a ‘grey and auburn mane?’

Yeah, that seems right.

You could see the minute bags under his eyes and the wrinkles on his face, accented by his dead eyes. He was a broken stallion, who was taken away from his family by my raiding party. We had snatched him up from a dusty town on the outskirts of Las Pegasus; a town called Dreaming Willow. I was only seven when we raided the town, but i had succeeded in capturing my very first slave.

I was all smiles back then, even as I watched countless ponies try and fight back against our raids. They were always slaughtered, and there was never an eye to linger on them for long. They were a hindrance to the prosperity of our clan, so we had no choice but to snuff them.

As I’ve said, my youth was filled with only one train of thought, and that was pleasing my parents and clan members without fail.

During the last days of my parent’s lives, they entrusted me with clan leadership before they passed. Of course, I had to fight my dad to the death for the right to be called the new Alpha. This also meant that anyone who claimed themselves to be better than my father had met their end by my blade as well. On my seventeenth birthday, the day my parents died and I slew half of my clan, I was crowned the Alpha Dog.

My time in Everwinter did not stop there. Upon ascending to power, I hastily decreed that all slaves were to be let go. Many argued, many died. By the time all the usurpers were dealt with, the once proud population of five-thousand-one was dwindled down to a mere fifteen-hundred. I’m not good with percentages, so I don’t know how many dogs I had killed or how much of my clan I slaughtered, but I do know that it was no small amount by a long shot.

During the days in which I was called the Heartless Diamond (those were dark days indeed), a lone diamond dog strolled into Everwinter territory. I had been serving as Alpha for five years now, so I had become accustomed to the many practices and traditions that had to remain with the title.

The Ronin, which is the name given to all clanless diamond dogs, was quite ferocious indeed. His eyes were glazed over, like he had something controlling him. It intrigued me that he needed fifty of our strongest males to hold him down, my Betas included. But this dog didn’t seem like a Beta or an Alpha; in fact, he was Gamma-like in appearance. But his countenance was likened to a Diamond Lord’s, which had me on the edge of my seat as he violently thrashed around in my personal cave/throne room.

I had remember asking him question while he struggled against my dogs, but what surprised me was that he was actually starting to wing the engagement with all fifty of them. He made for good company, even when he tossed my guards aside with such ease as he rose from the ground with a knowing smirk on his face. He began cracking his neck to and fro.

Then, the most...peculiar...thing happened. His fur began to darken, an-

“Lyzan Opus!” Silas yelled, making me shake my head as we again went flying into the air, but this time backwards. I looked down as we ascended, noticing how the unconscious ramblings of an alien just saved us from being skewered on sharp rocks at the bottom of the waterfall!

That didn’t stop me from screaming as loud as I could.

We continued to skyrocket, breaking tree limbs and other forms of vegetation as the canopy became our mass’s fodder. Branches cracked and vines snapped. Destruction everlasting followed our skyward forms as we finally reached the canopy’s top, only to plummet back towards the ground from a different position.

“SayitagainSayitagainSayitagainSayitagain-” I yelled at Silas who was remaining unconscious during three, life or death situations. How the fuck is that even possible!? Our ball of protection was barreling back towards Equis at speeds I rather not think about; actually, it began getting a little toasty. And no, that’s not because of the Rainforest’s climate either. I think we’re reaching speeds that’ll actually put us on fire!

“Sewutip Myala.” We stopped at Silas’s next phrase, curled up in our little protective ball right above the trees. Did I mention that some of the largest trees reach seventy feet in the air? We’re above every. Single. One.

I was literally bugging out now, going into a fit of shakes and everything! I whimpered to myself as I snuggled in close to Silas’s chest, fully realizing the helpless position I was put in. At any moment we could complete our fall and die a horrible death, which scared a little more pee out of me.

I don’t want to die~!

“Ingyup Mraka.” I felt Silas stir beneath me, making me snuggle closer as he began to move. I clamped my eyes shut, adding pressure to them to make sure they don’t open for anything! After some minor movements were felt, I opened my eyes and craned my head up to look at Silas.

My jaw dropped to the ground.

His pupils were not the slits I had come to know. Instead, the outline of a single water drop made itself apparent as tendrils of light-blue energy filled in where the whites of his eyes were supposed to be. It gave him a wise and mystical beauty that demanded all attention, regardless of your academic background. His glowing eyes focused on my own, sending a chill down my spine as I looked up at him from my cowering position on his chest.

“Tyl’nara quinti? Astara nak terum grenozik kam?” Silas’s voice came in two tones. One was creepy deep and the other one a soothing platonic, making another shiver go down my spine. I had no idea what he was saying to me, so I did the most appropriate thing at the time.

I nodded.

He smiled.

I nearly lost the rest of my bladder as he began WALKING DOWN THE SKY LIKE IT WAS MADE OF STEPS!!!

“HOLY SHIT!!!” I yelled as I turned my head to view the ground that was coming to meet us like it had nothing better to do. How in the fuck was he doing this!? No seriously, the ground was like ‘Oh Hai!’ or some shit!

“Heh. Novra mak’taba innendra calfesti. Suvis nocgra miatta telvania.” His tone became a condescending one, making me glare and slap him lightly across his chest with a paw. That made him raise an eyebrow at me with a smile.

“Getting frisky?” He asked in a voice that was not like the Silas I knew! I gulped as he gave me a cocksure grin, making yet another shiver go down my spine.

“W-who a-are you!? W-what have you d-done with Silas!?” I asked strongly, even though I felt some fear go into those words. I got the fear from the fact that Sila- Not Silas is currently walking down the sky as if he owns it! I may not know much about physics, but I can say for sure that this...is not how it works!

“Prava? Segim Sylvan Awrenos! Tevlan nok estada wrelk!” The words flew from his mouth so fast that it was a wonder I managed to pick up on them. I did hear one thing, though, and that’s ‘Sylvan Awrenos’, which didn’t sound like any of that funky alien gibberish he was talking. It sounded out of place, which makes me believe that it’s his name.

“Sylvan?” Not-Silas nodded his confirmation. Now this, is interesting! My moment of reverie ended, however, when a chilling thought entered my mind. Silas was the one I had come to adore, but what if he was just a phase for Sylvan? What if Silas never existed, and that this was the real Silas Epista!? I just don’t know what to think anymore!

“Where’s Silas!?” I asked with a little more backbone, throwing a growl in there for good measure. He quirked his eyebrows in surprise, maybe from how ferocious I appeared. I allowed myself a victorious smile on this inside from that.

Not-Silas kept his eyebrows raised as he kept stepping down the sky like he was enjoying a sunny day or something, before stopping and falling out; as in cracking up. You could stand to be a little more respectful about it!

“Heh! Silas. Heh! Tell me something, girl. Do you want him?” Not-Silas asked with an air of danger to his already frightening voice, making me gulp loudly at the several meanings behind that phrase.

“...What do you mean?” I asked him in a scared tone. As I’ve said, my answer could be me giving my consent to having Silas killed...or worse.

“Do you want him to come back?” Not-Silas...no...Sylvan asked with an air of annoyance.

“What did you-” I trailed off as we dropped through the trees, taking the breath from me. We landed quickly, although I expected us to make a crater or something from how far up we were. “do with him!?” I finished lamely as I kicked away from his chest with my back legs, separating us expertly.

“He’s taking a nap, Trevala! So for right now, I’m in charge of the body. But rest assured, I have no intention of harming you.” Sylvan explained with haughtiness dripping from his oral cavity.

“Just what the tartarus is going on here!?” I yelled at him, completely at the end of my rope on trying to figure this shit out. “Who the fuck are you!?”

He chuckled darkly before dropping the evilest glower my way, making me lose control of my bladder for good.

“Omus Draconem.”

Granite Podium Arc: Part 6 [Rewritten]

Return

=Diamond=

I stared at Sylvan in confusion for what felt like an eternity. I still have no clue on what’s going on right now, but I’m guessing it’s too complicated for me to follow along with. That being said, I never implied that I wasn’t going to try, but merely follow along as best I can.

“What’s a Draconian?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. Sylvan’s prideful demeanor seemed to deflate instantly, making my eyebrow go higher.

“What breed of idiots are raised on this planet? You’re not pulling my wings, are you!?” Sylvan asked me with an annoyed expression written across his face.  I frowned when he called me an idiot.

“If I knew what you were, then I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have asked you the question, now would I!?” My retort was laced with a little bit of venom. If there’s one thing that get’s under my skin worse than fleas, it’s being called stupid or any other simile for it! I’ve worked my ass off in trying to further my knowledge, even going so far as to learn proper Equestrian!

“It seems I’ve hit a nerve. Nevertheless, I’m sure you can imagine my shock when you said you’ve never heard of us Draconi. Just giving a brief summary, we Draconians are probably the strongest race in existence, bar none! We have influence on almost every planet in the known universe, giving us knowledge far beyond that of any other being. That being said, I’m rather perplexed at where we are.” Sylvan trailed off as he sat down and folded his legs up like Silas would do.

“We’re in a Rainforest. I thought the bountiful flora and humidity would’ve given that away.” I deadpanned with a hint of smug venom. Extensive knowledge my ass! He couldn’t even figure out that-

“That is no way for a lady to think, Trevala. Please refrain from thinking provocative things as I scan your memories.” A smug smile from Sylvan was lost on me as I promptly dropped my jaw. Was he reading my mind!? How the hell does that even wor-

“Trevala…” Sylvan drawled out in annoyed tone as his smile deflated into a frown. I shook my head roughly, trying to see if I can-

“This would be so much easier if you would shut up, Trevala. I hate to use such strong language towards an attractive woman such as you, but I am growing weary of your wayward thoughts and proactive mental-speech patterns. Now if you would do me the honor of walking over here, I should be able to pinpoint our location. From there, I shall personally see us out of this dreary flora-enraptured prison cell you call a ‘Rain-Forest,’” Sylvan stated with an air of relaxation. “Besides, I would think it best to find our way back to the ship as soon as possible.”

“I’m not going anywhere near you.” I snapped. “I don’t even know what you’re capable of, or if what you’ve been telling me is the truth. You’re too laid-back: and need I say prideful, smug and a bit of an ass. As far as I’m concerned, you’re a threat to me; which means I’m staying on this side of the quarry, thank you very much!” I turned my nose up and crossed my arms, hoping he’ll buy it.

To be honest, there’s something alluring about this guy. My body feels like it wants to be near him, to smother him with presence forever more, to be exact. I know it sounds creepy, but that’s the vibe my body is giving off!

“Oh spare me the moral act, Trevala. It’s a little late to play the dimwitted damsel, wouldn’t you agree? On a side note, I must thank you for playing that part anyway. You made probing your mind so much easier.” He stood up and began walking towards the water on my left, his right.

“It would seem that Justin thought himself to be unbreakable...or maybe too suave? Nevertheless, his actions has put your life in danger, and he hates himself for it...on top of everything else.” Sylvan wasn’t addressing me as he stared off into space with the his knuckles on the side of his chin.

“That boy needs a hug; or better yet, a firm asskicking: Which is what he’s receiving-”

“GET THE FUCK BACK IN HERE!!!” My eyes went wide as the monotone voice of Sylvan broke, letting me hear the strong yet soft voice of Silas! He’s fighting him for control of his body!?

Sylvan clutched at the side of his head and let loose a mighty dragon-like roar, shaking the trees around us as he was driven to his knees by some unknown force. I think I know who’s doing it too!

“Get him, Silas! Take your body back!” I shouted out, cupping my hands against my mouth to make sure he heard me over the roars that Sylvan was emitting.

“I’M....TRYING...” Sylvan began beating a fist into the ground, leaving small circular craters in the wake of his blows. HE was still roaring and jerking his head about, hand still clutched to its side.

“You...are more trouble...than I thought!” Even though his eyes were closed in pain, I could still see the tendrils of blue flittering from the back-corners of Sylvan’s eyes. His face was scrounged up in supreme agony as began rolling around on the muddy embankment, lathering copious amounts of twigs and mud all over himself as he cried out in roars.

“FUCK...YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!” Silas’s voice boomed one last time as the body halted its writhing, going completely still mid-roll. I was shocked by the display.

I waited, too scared and confused to go over to his position by the river. That being said, I still couldn’t help but feel a little more confident; what with being able to help Silas win his body back...

...I hope.

“S...Silas? Silas are you there?” I asked timidly, half-expecting the body to suddenly fling itself towards me.

No answer.

“Please answer me...Silas?” Even though I was nervous and fear-locked into place, my body still found the reserves of my courage and allowed me to take a single step forward. Once my paw touched the ground, however, I felt a sudden surge of adrenaline and energy.

It put my nerves on edge, making me adopt my all-fours stance and perk my ears up. I willed them to swivel as the normally buzzing cacophony of the Rainforest became quiet. The birds had stopped chirping and the bugs had stopped buzzing. This is the classic sign of danger, where nature itself doesn’t want to be found by whatever is prowling about right now.

My blood ran cold as I threw a sideways glance at Silas, only to see him still frozen in place. I gulped loudly, shifting my attention back to my ears. I could faintly hear the sound of pawed feet slowly striking the ground, leading me to believe it was some type of predator. Having that distinguished, I closed my eyes and focused harder.

Now I could hear the heavy exhales of something big. Something very big. And based on how these footsteps are steadily growing louder and louder, I’m willing to bet that it’s getting closer and closer!

“Silas!” I whispered quickly and powerfully, my adrenaline-fueled body bolstering my bravado as I made my way over to him. He was still stuck in time, making me roll my eyes as I began shoving the heck out of his body,desperately trying to shake him from his stupor.

He didn’t budge. Ah shit!

“Playtime’s over now, Silas...” I drawled out worriedly, “We really need to go before whatever is coming actually finds us!” I yelled in my whisper voice as I began slapping him across his face with moderate strength. His head didn’t even jerk from the slaps, his face still scrounged up in pain.

I began whimpering as the sound of four or more paws thudding against the ground shook me to my core. Something was coming, and it was coming fast! It must have picked up on our scent!

I gave Silas one more powerful smack, the impact making an echo that rung out into the vastness of the Rainforest. When nothing happened, I made the decision to just take him and run. But we need to hide our scent before what-

*ROARRR!!!*

I nearly lost my bowels instead of my bladder that time. I slowly turned my head around as the sound of brush being cleared filled my ears. There, just in front of a particularly large bush...was a lion. It was a male, based on the shaggy, dark-brown mane it was sporting. Red eyes that seemed to be on fire strafed the area, seemingly completing reconnaissance or something along those lines.

What struck me as odd, however, is the lion’s coat. It was bright gold, overwhelmingly bright unless you fix your eyes to the brightness. After I did just that, the lion looked at me and Silas as if we were it’s dinner. Hell, it even licked its chops like a fat pup with diamond!

This lion extended its claws and retracted them, getting a feel for the ground beneath it as it began pacing back and forth; for we had our backs to the sea, so to speak. Running isn’t an option and it knows that. This means the lion has some type of sentient thinking, or maybe I’m overthinking things because I’m faced with a do-or-die situation.

The lion was easily three times bigger than me, and about the same for Silas as well...who was still frozen in place next to me. The lion’s constant growling put me on edge as it continued pacing, waiting for us to do something. The beast probably wanted us to run, to enjoy a chase before it sunk its canines into our jugulars and snapped our necks.

I shivered at the image my thought carried with it.

Still, I kept my full attention on the predator, thankful for the fact that it had not pounced yet. This works out to my benefit, because I can now think of a means to escape this hazardous predicament.

I could try grabbing Silas and jumping into the river, but his body is locked up and I’m willing to guess that it won’t float very well. Two, I could try being a distraction for Silas until he wakes up and helps.

I shook my head at the absurdity of that thought. This lion is three times my size and by nature, should have a longer reach than my own. Fighting it head on would be suicide. Still, it’s a good plan to fall back on.

I could try running off with Silas into the brush, but that could end up going very badly. I could either get us hopelessly lost, or we could be lunch, since that’s what this lion wants. Damn it! Nothing seems to work out to my benefit in this situation!

I growled to myself in frustration. This growl did not go unnoticed by the lion, however, for it stopped pacing and made its own growl louder. It looked at me with a visage of challenge and pride, almost as if I had disrespected it with my semi-conscious act of frustration. Whatever the case may be, I can honestly say that challenging this hunk of killer instinct was not in my agenda!

The lion thrusted its head forward and roared at me, a snarl playing on the left side of its mouth. This snarl showcased a very long canine that was almost the size of my fucking arm!

In response, seeing as how I’ve already angered him, I took out my trusty iron dagger from its sheath behind my left leg, opting to stand on both my legs for however long this fight will last. At least, I hoped the lion wouldn’t-

With another roar, the lion blazed a trail straight for us. I hurriedly thrusted my dagger at its heart, my own heart plummeting into my chest as the weapon literally bounced off its fur. How the hell does that even work!?

Panicking as the beast closed the distance quickly, I covered my eyes with both my paws and hunkered down into the dirt, awaiting my end with a couple of tears streaming down my face as I shook and whimpered.

With a roar that was close enough to cause a little...leakage, I heard a sickening thud come from in front of me. That’s it then...I’ve died.

I waited for the pain to come in, but it never did. It took some time before my ears could register what sounded like grunting and growling. Slowly, I took my paws away from my eyes and nearly did a spit-take without anything to drink.

It was Silas...and he was fighting the massive lion back with his bare hands! They were currently wrapped up in a struggle for power with both of them on two legs, their massive arms trembled from the force they were pushing on to one another.

Their strength was a perfect match! I heard a chuckle as Silas peered over his shoulder at me, his eyes going back to normal. The tendrils of energy receded back into his eyes as the water-drop shaped pupil turned slitted again.

“Nghh...Hey there, Princess! You sure like being the damsel in distress...ngh...dontcha?” He asked in between grunts of exertion, a smug smile gracing the little bit of mouth I could see.

“...You’re such an idiot.” I stated happily as tears welled up in my eyes. That earned me a chuckle as he turned his head to face the hulking mass of death in front of him.

“By the way...I noticed how your deadeye shot with that dagger of yours bounced off this furball. Which could only mean one thing...” His voice still sounded smug, even though he was being pushed back by the growling lion that even tried sneaking in a few bites to his arms.

“...I get to play Heracles!” As he finished the exclamation, Silas displayed the greatest feat of strength...ever. He wrapped his hands around the lions bulky forearms, avoiding a couple of snaps from its powerful jaws and pulled the beast towards him. From there, he ducked and turned his back so that his butt was facing the lion’s groin.

My face skewed in horror as I thought about how this ‘Heracles’ bested a lion! Surely he didn't allow it to sodomize him!

From those two motions alone, the lion was sent over Silas’s shoulder and onto the ground with enough force to make me stumble, the thud resonating throughout the Rainforest. I winced from the impact myself as the lion let out a mighty roar of pain before shutting up with a gasp for air.

Dazed and confused, I quickly sprinted by the lion and into the brush from whence it came, drowning my body in its scent as I rubbed against the leaves. From my newly acquired vantage point, I could watch the fight unfurl from a safe distance.

Silas jumped back after slamming the lion down, earning himself some distance just as the lion started to stagger back to its feet. A hearty chuckle left the alien’s mouth, ending in a sigh of what sounded like content.

“You know, it’s not everyday you run into a Nemean Lion...especially in a Rainforest. I thought you bozos like caves and wide-open savannahs with high grasses and- Woah!” Silas sidestepped to avoid a huge arcing claw swipe, aimed for his head. The lion pressed on, trying with all its might to just hit the alien once.

Silas was laughing while dodging every attack, doing little ballerina moves as he danced around the hulking predator like it was nothing.

“Oh, I think you nipped me!” Silas exclaimed as he front flipped over the lion’s body, narrowly avoiding a devastating horizontal slash. “Alright, I think I’ve got your attack pattern figured out!” Silas joked, making me facepalm loudly.

“Syncing Sylvan Power Rings to Sirios Unit, six-seven-nine-five-zero. Synchronization completed. Activating Sylvan Power Rings to ‘Blood Limit One’; Code: Vongola!” Silas spoke rapidly, two rings appearing from azure flames around his middle fingers. From there, they continued to glow until I became blinded by the light, a shrill whistling-which could be likened to one of Judgement’s turbines revving up-filling the air.

Then just as quick as the glow and noise came, they vanished.

“Activation completed. Activating S.E.T function: Flamma.” Silas was now sporting what appeared to be iron gloves, but the iron was black while the middle was silver and looked to be leather in appearance. A large, round cut of sky-blue diamond was socketed into the ‘backhand’ part of the gloves.

Then, his forehead became the centerpiece for a medium-sized sky-blue fire that danced about madly. His eyes appeared to glow from the fire, giving him an...attractive visage. I couldn’t help but bite my bottom lip a little bit.

“Activation complete. Thanks for catching your breath there, ugly. If you had attacked me during power-up phase, I might have been a goner.” Silas flexed his gloves a couple of times, getting a proper feel for the added weight. Once satisfied, he quickly snapped them shut so that his hands were now fists, the jewel on the back of the gloves nearly bulging from its socket.

“And now I get to kick your ass...and skin you.”

Granite Podium Arc: Part 8 [Rewritten]

Lost

The sun seemed to mock Diamond and I as our hike continued. We had been walking the riverbed for three hours now, and I wasn’t really expecting to find civilization, but that doesn’t mean they should go out of their way to fucking avoid us. I don’t even know if they’re doing that, but I’m pretty sure we should’ve ran into something.

At least Diamond seemed to be enjoying herself, what by the way she was chasing that bright-yellow butterfly around as if she was just a child. To think she just woke up from a three-hour long power-nap on my back only served to perplex me further. This is Equis...

...And Equis pisses you off worse than Discord on cocaine.

I felt miserable and baked, the overly-hot humidity of this fucking place was starting to make me a little irritable.

“Shit, it got away!” I glanced over to my right, the only place Diamond could be due to the fact that the river flowed on my left. She was casually walking the path that would lead her to intercept me as I kept walking.

Shit.

In case you haven’t noticed, I do and say really mean things when I’m irritated. Having said that, you can probably guess how Diamond’s bubbly personality and my gloom and rising irritation will mix.

“Aren’t you tired?” Well wasn’t that a stupid question. Of course I’m tired! I had to carry your ass for three hours while you drooled more spit down my neck than Patrick Star could in one night!

“Me being tired is irrelevant, Diamond. We have to find civilization or some type of safe shelter before nightfall.” I seethed, hoping she’ll take the hint. Out of every hint you could take in your life, pleaseee take this one!

“Well maybe we should have followed the Neman Lion’s scent back to its lair. I’m pretty sure it looked like a solitary predator, so expecting a pride would be a bit much.” Diamond stated as she somehow found her way underneath my cape again. I’m definitely going to put a spell on this shit if that’s gonna keep happening.

“You’d think that to your grave once you reached its lair. Nothing’s worse than being exhausted while fighting for your life. Adrenaline will only get you so far, and once it’s gone...” I trailed off and slid a finger against my neck slowly. cursing when my claw extended and nipped me as I neared the end of its path.

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Diamond replied with a shoulder shrug.

“Naturally,” I falsely agreed, “If you would have ventured to their lair, I would’ve gained some peace and quiet.” Cue evil smile. Diamond recoiled as if she had been struck.

Verbal Backhand, Bitch!

“You wouldn’t have let me go all on my own! Not through a rainforest that houses Neman Lions!” DIamond exclaimed while poking me in the side with a finger playfully.

“You don’t know what I would’ve done, and that’s okay, because I’m an alien. Oh, and it’s ‘Nemean’ Lion: Love Daniel.” My smile didn’t go away as Diamond pouted, sticking her bottom lip out as she hooked her arm around mine.

“So...Would you have done that? You would’ve left me on my own?” Diamond asked quietly after a couple minutes of silent walking. Ah shit...What did I do wrong this time!?

“Hey now, you know that was all in good fun. I’ve had my fair share of ‘friends’ on my old planet, but our friendship was shallow even though I tried pushing on for more. They used my smarts to get by in school, and never returned my likes and interests in kind. That’s how most friendships on my planet work, and someone always ends up getting hurt because of it.” I looked at her and notice her confused face.

“Shit, now I’ve gone off and confused you. What I’m trying to say is, you guys: Sunset, Donna, Ace, Wergal and you; All of you have given me the strength to go on when everything looked bleak. I half expected to come here and start fucking shit up...like, swinging my dick everywhere.” I explained with a half-smile at my remembrance of that thought.

I fucking owned that orphanage.

“I’m sorry, that kind of terminology is lost on me.” Diamond stated jokingly, making me roll my eyes at her poor attempt on comedy.

“Stick to smiling and waving if you’re gonna say crap jokes like that. Jesus, I rather watch Dane Cook for nine hours than listen to anymore of that hogwash.” I belittled her comedic nature, making her playfully punch my ribs. You know, as playful as hulking Diamond Dog arms can get?

Yeah, it fucking hurt.

“God damn it!” I screeched as I stepped over a little bit, still a little sore in the torso area thanks to that scrap with the Nemean Lion a couple hours back. I’m going to be tender around my chest and ribs for a while, so I have zero tolerance for pain in that area. “You know I got hacked up by that lion somehow! Why the fuck would you punch me like that!?” I whined as she chuckled, throwing a softer punch for me.

“Now who’s the princess?” She asked with a shit-eating grin. I rolled my eyes and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, bringing her in tight.

“Oh please. I wouldn’t have felt it if I hadn't finished fucking up a mythical creature. You know, on my planet, the Nemean Lion was rumored to be the offspring of two horrifying monsters whose strength could rival the gods?” Diamond’s ears perked up at this, letting me know she was interested.

“But that’s a tale for another time, I’m afraid. We need to find some shelter or a town. If the Nemean Lion is anything to go by, then I’m safe in assuming that this rainforest houses many more dangers I rather not run into. Gods forbid we run into a fucking bunyip or something else.” I frowned my face up. Why the fuck did I just say that!? I just jinxed the hell out of us!

Damn it all.

“Awwwww,” Diamond whined, “But I was ready to hear that story!”

“Oh well. Now come on, we’re wasting precious daylight by walking at this slow pace.” I turned my walk into a stride, covering more ground with only a slight change to my fatigue. Diamond matched my strides but still fell short given the height difference. Don’t get it twisted though, because she remained on my heels.

Our quickened walk soon brought us to a split in the river. One path led into a thicker part of the rainforest, giving it a jungle feel. The other path, should we choose to cross the water, has little patches of sunlight filtering through the canopy.

Our choice didn’t even have to be vocalized. No vote needed to be taken.

So we were pretty fucking tired as we crawled from the river. Turns out, there were little swells hidden beneath the calm nature of the water’s surface. The fuckers made it a living hell to cross without getting turned around or swept away, and now my cape smelt of wet and dead cat.

Fucking perfect. This is the smell of a perfectly harmless man, by the way.

As I’ve said, I was pretty irritated and would like to leave this hellhole before I skullfuck a chipmunk or something.

“Diamond, do...do you see that...ahead?” I panted as I stood back up, nearly stumbling as the fatigue of carrying her ass and walking for five hours was finally catching up to me. The husky-colored diamond dog looked at the spot I was talking about, her tired face breaking out into a manic grin as she panted heavily.

Just like a little doggy!

“Y-yeah...Yeah I do! Come on!” I will never understand where this bitch gets her energy from. And she wants me to bump uglies with her?

She done lost her mind. I’d probably die a shriveled up prune as she whines about not getting off.

Regardless of inner problems, I begrudgingly left the tender embrace of the dirt floor and followed her through the trees, hoping that this sunlight meant one thing.

And that one thing, ladies and gentlemen, was more rainforest.

“FUCK!” I yelled out loud in anger. Diamond looked at our new surroundings with a visage of disappointment ever rising. She even sneered at the yellow butterfly from earlier, attempting to chomp it out of the air. “Grrr..How the fuck are we gonna get out of here!? We don’t have a map: it’s getting dark, there a fucking predators in this forest, we’re both tired, and if we don’t die by hypothermia because of the cold water, then you can expect some type of fucking virus to get us!”

*Growl!*

“NO!” I yelled at the shrubs where the growl came from. “None of that! Go back in your fucking forest and rot from the ass out!” I heard a whimper as the beast scurried away, my rant dousing its predatory instincts before it could have pounced.

I felt my stomach rumble.

“Great!” I said with a defeated shake of my head. “Now I’m fucking hungry. I don’t have to fucking eat for two days and a night, and now I want to be hungry!? Bloody hell.” I sat down on my ass and crossed my arms, throwing a full tantrum.

Diamond came up to my side and sat down next to me. She scooted her body till she was leaning on me again, her eyes looking up into mine.

“We’re so lost.” She said with a defeated tone to her voice.

“We’re not lost, we’re just,” I paused, “Exploring without cause.”

“Not buying it.” Diamond said quickly, making me snicker as I laid down on the ground, taking the bitch (dog term this time) with me.

“Yeah, I thought you wouldn’t.” I sighed. “You know, things could get a little hard out here. We’re practically defenseless, save for my badassery, and we don’t have shelter to confide in.” With nothing better to do I addressed the elephant in the room.

“It’s a good thing we’re not lost or anything.” Added Diamond with a smug tone of voice, making me roll my eyes at her childish behaviour.

“Fine, we’re lost. Now that the second and least important elephant in the room is accounted for, I say we take a ten minute break and continue walking.” Diamond shifted uncomfortably, rubbing her back legs together based on the fact that I heard the noise coming from down there, and both of her front paws were currently hooked around my arm.

“Well...I think I might have an idea of how to find help.” Diamond whispered with a heavy blush on her face.

...Is this girl serious!?

“We could...um..that is to sa-”

“Fuck?” I quickly added, not wanting to chase the rabbit around the hole if I could help it.

I could tell that’s what she wanted, because she hadn’t answered me back. For a lady who came onto me so strong that she had actually made me Nope The Fuck Out, this sudden shyness held some appeal that I could not describe.

It was almost as if her actions were coated in a powerful aphrodisiac, blinding me with sudden libido as I felt her heart pump against my arm. Her wanting expression as she slides herself up my arm so that our muzzles are practically touching almost goes unnoticed.

...Almost.

“W-Whoa. The fuck? What are you doing?” I asked with a raised eyebrow as Diamond’s clouded eyes refocused. She shook herself awake and slapped her tail between her legs.

‘N-n-n-nothing! Hehe, nothing at all!” She laughed like she did something bad and failed to cover it up in time.

“Alrighty then, so we almost bumped uglies. That wouldn’t of been much fun, especially since we know so little about each other! Heh, talk about awkward!” The hypocritical irony didn’t escape me as the romp between Donna and I flashed through my mind. Needless to say it had me feeling hot and bothered, but I dismissed it with a nervous tug to the collar of my cape.

Diamond looked a little crestfallen that I hadn’t taken the initiative, but I guess that’s what happens when I make decisions fueled by lust and nothing else. Note to self, Diamond Dog hormones are potent.

No longer feeling tired, mostly because of what just happened, I got back up and continued walking down the path. I knew weariness was going to catch up with me sometime soon, so I figured that the more ground we covered, the less I have to worry about the density of the forest and the predators therein.

“Yeah...” I barely heard DIamond say as she whispered it. Her voice didn’t sound so happy either.

“I’m starting to think pranking you was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made. My stomach’s making the rumblies, and I’m starting to regret leaving that succulent Lion body back there.” I complained to Diamond as she pulled herself tighter against me. She had snuggled up to my left again and I finally understood why she was so clingy.

She’s soaked.

In fact, she’s wetter than Lisa Lampanelli at a Popeyes! If you don’t get the joke, then you’re not going to enjoy the ones that are sure to follow! Oh, and if you complain about me being racist...

...Cry harder.

Nevertheless, I chuckled out loud from my vulgar thought. This earned me the attention of my female traveling companion.

“What’s so funny?” Diamond asked as she reached through the slit that serves as the opening for my cape, using her hand to then pull it closer. She inadvertently choked me for a little, but noticed my pained expression and relented a little of her force.

“It’s alien humor; you wouldn’t get it.” I said dismissively with some mirth in there for good measure. She rolled her eyes and went back to just walking and snuggling. I wasn’t too eager for the snuggling bit, but I guess you win some and you lose some.

It wasn’t long before I started getting bored. Back on Earth, I normally sang my ass off when I was bored. DIdn’t care where I did it either. Just sang.

I guess I could do some lung plucking now...

I started thinking of a good song to sing at a time like this. Normally, I would sing some metal or rock. Country’s good, but I don’t dig the slowness of some songs. There’s always J-rock, but my Japanese is rubbish and I don’t feel like embarrassing myself.

Hmmm? If only I could remember...Aha! I know I may not have a Joel that would sing in harmony with me, but I’m really feeling some Trenton right now! Plus, it was HLH and MLP that got me through my ‘Suicide/Runaway’ part of my life. Time to pay some homage!

Welp, here goes...

I cleared my throat, garnering the attention of my companion as I began singing.

I wade through the earth, sowing my own.

Bound up in discords, spread in the stones.

Planting deep into ready fears.

Soak in these heavy rains.

Break from your chrysalis beneath the clay.

Though I’ll leave you behind.

I’m all the while, wanting, to make my way home.

All the while, watching, to see just how you’ve grown!

I begun getting a little creeped out by the way some squirrels and other woodland creatures began poking their heads out from the brush. I mean, do I look like a Disney Princess!? I can’t even sing that high! I mostly do screams and growls for metal and rock bands!

That’s the farthest you can be from a fucking princess! Regardless, the creatures kept on coming out as I entered the chorus.

I’m the seeds among you, I am emerald blades.

With other sides and deeper shades.

Oh! I’m the weeds among you, I’m constriction!

I’m the tightness in your chest.

I could ruin you.

I stopped singing, watching as the deer and groundhogs stopped moving and glared at me. Diamond even frowned at me!

“Why’d you stop.” She practically growled.

“Uh...” I shifted my eyes around nervously, trying to defuse this weird-as-fuck situation as quickly as possible. My eyes settled on Diamond’s narrowed ones as my brain fell short of a good reason. “...Water break?” I asked nervously, mentally beating the fuck out of my brain for that stupid excuse of a-

“Oh.” DIamond said as she turned her head forward, allowing me to exhale in relief. If she wanted to, I believe Diamond could have slashed me across the neck or something! Because of the close proximity, stopping her attack would’ve been too hard!

I could’ve died!

“Are you going to continue?” Diamond asked as she looked back at me.

“Uh....noooo~?” I tried again, even faking some really bad coughs.

“Ugh...fine. But promise me you’ll sing that song again!” Diamond’s voice was actually very tough and grizzled. This, of course, threw me for a loop.

“Fine, jeez! Lay off, mom.” I snapped as I walked out of her embrace and down the road. What the hell is going on in this crazy-ass forest!? I stop singing and half the fauna, including my companion, want to string me up by my nuts and jab my eyes out with rusty sporks!?

Does Equis even have sporks!?

...

I’m hungry...

Granite Podium Arc: Finale [Rewritten]

These Hallowed Woods

“Wuzzat!? Who be dat!?” A scraggly voice set my nerves ablaze as I stretched out an arm over Diamond’s chest. We waited in absolute silence. “I’ya heard ya timp-tompin’! Ain’t no reason to hide!” The scraggly voice of a male called out to my left.

I powered up my gloves. What? I’m not taking any chances!

“Ah, there ya be! I been thinkin somebody be round deez parts, but then think, ‘Who be dumb nuff to be off in Spinner’s country!?’” A bright-yellow unicorn stallion with a dirty-grey mane and tail, dressed in what I could only describe as a Friar’s coat/hoodie thing, moseyed on out from the brush like he owned the joint.

I willed my Sirios unit to nullify the activation of my gloves, feeling the weapons transform back into rings.

“Now, what’s a scaley and furry doin out here!? Had half a mind thinkin’ it was sum ol’ skag-lick of an ‘ad-ven-chur-ur’!” He gave a chuckle into his hoof, making me turn my head towards Diamond to see what she made of this loon.

She shrugged and gave me her best look of being off-put. I rolled my eyes at the hopelessness of the situation. I really didn’t have time for a drunken, backwoods, country bumpkin with nothing better to do than drown himself in moonshine and oats. He reminds me of the Swamp Benders from Avatar.

He even gave that nasally laugh...

“Ya’ll ain’t fixin ta eat me, are ya?” He asked warily all of a sudden. His face became unsure and his eyes darted around as he finally realized the danger of the situation.

“No...?” Diamond answered as she let go of my arm and decided to snuggle under it. Poor thing, I could feel her shivering. We’re gonna need a place to dry off and quick.

“Good,” He exclaimed with a smile that showcased his teeth....all 32 and a fourth. One of his front teeth had a hole through the middle, which was extra apparent due to the fact he’s a fucking horse so his teeth are huge, “So wut can I do ya’ll fer?”

“We’re trying to leave this rainforest!” I said quickly, hoping he catches on to the desperation in my voice.

“Woah dere! Well if ya’ll were lookin fer the exit, ya rightly passed it to get here!” He chuckled for a bit. “This here forest is known fer misleadin fellas! Those with impure hearts may find it a little too difficult to get past these woods!”

“I’m sorry, but did you say ‘impure hearts’?...As in evil?” I asked incredulously. The Swamp Pony nodded his thick head. I don’t know how I never noticed this, but this guy seems to be no less than thirty, but the multiple wrinkles on his face are trying to tell me otherwise. This guy’s been in this rainforest a long time.

“Dat’s right. These hallowed woods, dubbed ‘Paladin Woods’ by your’s truly,” He gave a prideful dip of the head and a smug smile, “Are known to house godly creatures and raw magic.”

Did his speech just change? I could’ve sworn I was talking to a bumpkin earlier, but now it seems like he’s been in a book all his life!? Was it just a cover-up, a clever ruse made to hide his true self from the woods...and more importantly...us? Is he a danger and I was right to power up my gloves?

I’m smelling foul play.

“Now Paladin Woods isn’t marked on any type of map, and there’s a good reason for that. You see, Paladin Woods houses the long sought after, Fountain of Youth.” My eyes went big at that. “But, that’s just the surface of what this eutopia holds! I’ve seen most of it with my own eyes! The only problem is that it’s impossible to enter these woods again once you exit...good thing for me that I never did.” The Swamp Pony gave a slow dip of his head with a smile on his face.

“So once we leave here, we can’t go back?” I already knew the answer, but it’s always good to double check.

“That is correct.” The pony affirmed with a sage dip of his head.

“...How long have you been here?” I asked worriedly.

He seemed crestfallen there, almost contemplating. “...One-thousand-five-hundred years.”

I was eating dirt with my mouth. Due to my lack of input, Diamond quickly stated what was on her mind.

“But that’s impossible!” She exclaimed.

“Excluding the Fountain of Youth’s effects, than yes. The only other semi-immortal beings are the princesses of Equestria, and that’s because of their nature.” The pony stated as he sat down. “Ah, where are my manners!? I’m Cosmic Spinner!” He said in a cheerful manner as he scooted forward on his ass and extended a hoof.

Still wary about this guy’s true intentions, I cautiously extended my own appendage and shook hands with him. “I’m Silas and that’s Diamond.” When I said my name his eyes went wide in some show of an unknown emotion.

“You...You’re human...”

“WHAT!!!???” I screamed in fear and shock, instantly retracting my hand back. How the fuck does he know what a human is!? And how the fuck does he know one by touch!?

“What’s a human?” Diamond asked, looking at me with a raised eyebrow, “They sound really bad.”

You don’t know the half of it.

“I’ve spent all my life studying some strange but powerful magics. Scrying and illusions were my specialty, so I set about making my specialties all the more special. So I thought, why not just scry a very faraway galaxy and see what happens! After ten years of rigorous, mind-shattering training was I able to realize my dream! It happened...on a windy night I believe...and I saw a blue planet that was much like Equis.” He placed a hoof on his chin and looked towards the canopy.

“I willed my mind to venture further, the pressure I was feeling becoming amplified by ten fold. You could liken the feeling to carrying a stack of bricks on your head. Regardless, what I saw astounded me as much as it horrified me. War in its darkest form mixed with joy in its purest. How a world can survive knowing that every country has a weapon that’s able to complete an act of genocide in no more than a minute truly perplexes me.” Cosmic gave a sad shake of his head.

“When fools have power, they often use it to make themselves better. They will always be fools, however, and I fear that one of them will make a decision where the whole planet shall suffer immensely. My condolences, Mr. Human. I didn’t know your kind was one to act so selfishly, so much so that they would rather see others put to death for their self-important goals.” A sad expression adorned the surprisingly wise bumpkin as he dipped his head at me.

“That’s all it ever dwindles down to, Cosmic. It’s all about me and what I can do to survive. But I don’t want to survive...” I stated as anger rose up in me out of the hate I kept inside for my race. “I want to live! I don’t want anyone to fear, anyone to follow behind! That’s not living, that’s surviving with the illusion of living! That’s not the life I wanted, and every day I wished for an escape. Every day I wished the world would hurry up an end, to destroy itself with those fucking missiles they hang over everyone’s head!” I seethed, panting heavily from my tirade. I even pushed DIamond off of me and began pacing, doing my best to avoid confrontation with anything.

“You could only see how everything was. It’s much, much different when you live there! From the day you’re born, the first thing they teach you is how to walk on two legs. The next ninety-nine years are spent on your hands and knees, serving those who hold more power and money than you! Even after retirement, you’re nothing without that government stipend! We’re led on like dogs, held close at hand by a leash and never allowed to make eye contact with those who hold it.” I finished with a snap of my jaws.

Diamond looked genuinely afraid, but I couldn’t care less at this point. WHY AM I SO GODDAMN ANGRY!!!

“Mr. Human you must calm down! The anger you’re expelling will only serve to incur the wrath of Paladin Woods! Even now the forest cries out for your destruction!” Cosmic pleaded as he tried laying a hoof on me.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!” I yanked him by the hoof, turning my body as I threw him against a nearby tree. He let out a pained holler as his side smacked against it.

“Stop...you fool!” Cosmic continued through pained gasps as his horn glowed, becoming encompassed in a shimmering grey aura. I felt an unfamiliar presence on my body, then felt weightless as I was lifted from the ground.

“PUT ME DOWN!!!” I smacked my chest with a fist, making the unicorn give a pained holler as I physically attacked his mind. Just fucking let me go!!!

I began beating my chest rapidly, roaring my fury into the heavens all the while. It took all but ten hits before Cosmic Spinner lost his power over me. I bursted the aura by compacting into a ball shape and exploding my body outwards in all directions. His aura bursted like a bubble, a dozen or more grey and sparkly dots buzzed through the forest.

“Silas...” Diamond breathed as I marched up to the old pony and held him up by his neck against the tree I threw him against. I added just enough pressure to choke him a little.

“Now you’re gonna fucking pay for using that shit on me. I don’t give a flying fuck about you, or this stupid-ass overgrown garden here!” I pulled him towards me and shoved him back against the tree.

WHY AM I SO ANGRY!!!???

“You’re so naive. I told you that Paladin Woods seeks to destroy all evil. This is a place where the godliest of creatures roam, and where the purest of magic spreads. I warned you about this place, but now you have to face the consequences.” He choked on his next breath as I added more pressure. He started doing what I like to call the Donald Duck.

“Fuck you and this piece of shit forest. It’s been pissing me off since I got back. Now if you’ll excuse me,” I hooked him across the face, reaping him of his consciousness as I let go of his neck and let him fall. GOD THAT FELT GOOD, “I have a ship to catch.”

I turned around to find Diamond against the tree opposite of my positioning, shaking like a leaf in a windstorm.

“Are you coming?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, my anger suddenly gone. I have no idea what came over me there, but it felt remarkably good to hit that old shit in his face. I’ll have to converse with the aliens inside my head about that.

“...Why’d you do that?” She asked between shakes and a fierce bout of stuttering.

“I don’t know, but I fear it’s this forest. It’s getting under my skin somehow, making me angry or irritable. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been Grumpy Cat all day now. I’d like that to end as soon as possible.” I stated dryly, fluffing my dry cape with a stylish flourish and beginning to walk back the way we came.

Cosmic said we passed the way out, which could only mean that the dark path from before was the way out...I hope. Eh, if push comes to shove I’ll just have to burn this whole place down.

I feel as though there’s a deep wrenching within me, like something’s being pulled. It doesn’t help that it hurts like hell, either. Something’s either wrong with me, or this forest isn’t as hallowed as Cosmic Spinner thi-

I stopped as my eyes went wide. Sweat began to appear along my brow as my mind raced with paranoia. That stallion I just attacked...he said he was alive a thousand years ago. He said he studied weird forms of magic for a living! And his name...oh how could I have been so blind!?

I bit my lip as I thought about what type of wrath I just summoned up from the forest. And knowing that I just manhandled who could possibly be one of the strongest unicorns in that ever existed, I knew for a fact that it would be high.

Because you never fuck with a white mage, especially when it’s Starswirl the Bearded...

Visitors [Rewritten] {Crossover with "Dark Body, Light Soul"}

...You Get Ideas And An Admirer?

“I think...I’m gonna go now.” I looked at Sunset Shimmer from my leaned-up position against the rover. I’m pretty irritated that Siri didn’t answer me, and also for remembering my horrid past. My anger was simmering down but it was still there.

Sunset Shimmer got off her scared-ass and turned so that she was facing the west; presumably where Lumber Tree Farms was located. She then proceeded to trot slowly out of the clearing, reminding me of zombies with how slow she was moving. That, and her completely frozen face.

Serves her right for pissing me off.

Speaking of things that pissed me off, I pulled my katana from its sheath on my back and glared at it harshly. If it had a face, I’m pretty sure it would be matching Sunset Shimmer’s. I wasted not a second as I began scanning it once more, looking for any type of mechanism that would cause it not to cut through anything.

First, I looked at the diamond blade, running a hand along what was SUPPOSED to be the sharp side. I was feeling for a switch, button, lever....anything. When I got nothing from touching the blade, I immediately raised the sword with the hand that was holding it so that I could access the fuller. Using my free hand's index finger, I began probing said part of my sword.

The groove felt like ice, not that it was cold per se, but because of the smoothness. My finger seemed to slip and slide of its own will as it scanned the fuller, but to my only growing irritation, nothing was found.

Feeling my frustration reach dangerous levels, I resorted back to one of the deep breathing exercises my psychiatrist/anger management instructor taught me.

“Spring Day,” I inhaled, “Cold Winter.” I exhaled into an imaginary pair of hands. I kept repeating this exercise and eventually my anger started to subside. Now that I was thinking clearly, I decided to have another whirl at inspecting my sword.

I placed it on the ground with the pommel facing me as I sat down. It was awkward doing so, given my new legs that acted like rubber bands as I bent down. The sensation was like doing a split, but with none of the pain. All in all, I had successfully pulled off my criss-cross-applesauce position.

Reaching out to grab the pommel, I stopped mid-reach when something caught my eye. The amethyst being stationed as the pommel had a tan glow to the inside of it. An idea formed instantly.

“Amethyst isn’t good for a pommel. It’s brittle and can easily be broken with enough force. Then...why would Silas have it on a katana? Especially since you rarely hit someone with the pommel of a katana. It doesn’t make sense.”  So in knowing this, I promptly tried pulling the amethyst off the end of the katana.

I was indirectly worried about breaking the sword, but my jaw dropped when something unexpected fell out from where the amethyst once was. It was a piece of parchment, a faded tan color, that was wrinkled and worn. I picked it up and unwrinkled it, only to gaze upon a blank side of paper.

I turned it around.

There we go.

I smiled as I noticed a phrase that sounded familiar to me. It also had an old ring to it, like if it was from an ancient language back on my planet. I tried sounding it out.

“Ex...Acu...Ere. Gladi...Gladium. Meum?” I tried and looked to the sword expectantly. Nothing happened. I frowned and tried saying it faster, feeling the words roll off my serpentine tongue,  “Exacuere gladium meum.”

*SHING!*

The strangest thing happened right there. The sound could be likened to a thousand whistles blowing softly or a swing of a sharp sword. ? Yeah, I just heard a noise that came from nowhere. I'm calling it now, the planet is fucking with me.

Thinking nothing changed for my sword, since that noise was just loud as fuck and annoying, I leaned forward and picked it up by the blade. I gave a hiss of pain as the sword slashed into my fingers, drawing some blue blood out of me.

“Fucking sword.” I thought bitterly as I placed it back in its sheath. I investigated my newly acquired sword wound instantly, practically staring at the blue sanguine essence as it dripped from my fingers and onto the ground.

I was pretty lucky! Normally, you lose limbs over sword wounds. Especially from wounds caused by a diamond sword! I just chalked it up to the fact that I’m a descendant of dragons, and therefore, have their scale’s reliability. But then again this is a diamond sword we’re talking about here!

Wait a tick....

*Processing*

*Processing*

*Processing*

*Ding!*

“How the fuck...” My eyes widened as I brought my sword back out again. You know, the one that couldn’t cut anything!? Aside from the stinging sensation of my hand, which you can liken to enduring a paper cut, I was completely blown away by what just transpired, “...Did this sonuva bitch cut me?”

I studied it again, twirling it this way and that. It looked exactly the same. I was looking for my blood and couldn’t find it anywhere on the damn weapon. Just what the fuck is going on here?

I then did dumbest thing ever and prodded my arm with the point. I gave a bitch-y wince, a little meep escaping my mouth as I expected some serious pain from running myself through with a katana. Didn’t happen. The sword bounced right off of my arm as if it was made from gelatin.

“How the fuck...” I repeated, staying at the same level of confusion. This wasn’t making any sense. I was just cut like a scaley-pineapple from this thing, and now it’s harmless again? That’s...that’s not possible, “...Was it those words?” I asked myself quietly as I drifted my attention back towards the sheet of parchment. I had forgotten those words so quickly.

I winced as the pain in my hand picked up. I looked at it and noticed something that stopped my heart for a few moments.

My hand was closing. It was slow, but it was definitely CLOSING.

Holy fucking shit.

“Instantaneous regeneration? What, am I a Hollow?” I asked myself in a whisper as I brought my healing hand up to my ear. In case any of you were wondering, my ears were triangles that sat on the sides of my head like an anthro wolf.

I could make out the faintest traces of a zipper zipping up. Immortality doesn’t exist, so I guess that would make me insanely hard to kill. It took about a minute for those cuts on my fingers to heal, and as you can imagine, cuts on fingers aren’t all that deep or big.

The more you fucking know, right?

I could probably survive any engagement, as long as I was given time to heal afterwards. Which means I gotta train myself in order to remain just as hard to kill on the battlefield. Not that I would willingly thrust myself into dangerous situations. I am acting on behalf of the human race after all.

Even though I’m...this.

Getting back on track. I picked up my sword and the piece of paper. The sword in right hand, and the paper in my healed left hand. I then stood up, almost falling back on my ass due to the fact that both of my hands were occupied. But I managed to pull it off without any problems.

“So if my theory is true...” I dropped the paper after mentally installing the phrase in my head, “...Exacuere Gladium Meum!” I yelled in the foreign language, hoping for a response from my swo-

*SHING!*

“Yes! Now to see if it cuts anything.” I instantly looked at the piece of paper in my fully healed hand, gave an evil smirk, then tossed it in the air with the intent to cleave it.

The paper drifted down quicker than I had anticipated, but I swung my katana and managed to get it across the middle just as it drifted in front of my face. My sword carved through it like butter, the phrase on the parchment drifting down as two pieces of paper instead of one.

“YES!!! Now to see if the other part is true!” I had another theory about why my sword couldn’t cut me after I took it out again.

So, I sheathed my katana while moving my mane so it wouldn’t get an unwanted haircut, and waited for a little bit. After waiting for what felt like three minutes, I redrew my katana and tried stabbing it into the ground. It didn’t go through.

“So I was right! The sheath terminates the activation of the sword, making it virtually harmless again. Useful for when you want to make a quick get away and not cut yourself. Other than that, I still need to solve the mystery of my ‘pistols’.” I sheathed my sword without a second thought and took a look into the sky. I had no watch so I couldn’t tell time. It’s a good thing I looked up how to read the sun for an approximate guess while on Earth though.

The golden orb seemed to radiate a sense of warmth as it licked the trees in front of me. That definitely meant that it was sundown, getting ready to be night. So....7:30-ish? Seems about right. I’m no wildlife expert. I have to make sure to invest in a watch.

And speaking of investing, what am I gonna do for money? I don’t have an inkling on how to do other shit. Well, besides making smart-ass comments and getting angry. In school, they never taught you how to survive in case you were, let’s say, thrusted from your world into an alien’s body above a planet in a galaxy you had no fucking clue even existed.

But I’m sure the Pythagorean Theorem will get me out of this mess....

Useless-ass school system.

It’s a good thing I played a shit-ton of video games and watched a lot of anime, because those at least prepared me for the thorough randomness I’ve been experiencing all fucking da-

“Wait....Exacuere Gladium Meum? That sounds like something a certain wizard from Negima!? would say! Does that mean....I just used magic,” I asked myself as I raised a claw to stroke my manly chin hair, “Then does that mean I used magic in order to unlock my sword’s power? And if that’s the case, then do my pistols respond to magic? I have to conduct another test, but this time with my pistols.” I wasted no time in drawing said weapons and holding them in front of my face.

“I know that in the show, the wizards used latin as their magical language. I know a little bit, so why not try out some cool sounding names and see what happens. I did graduate at the top of my class under Latin.” I know I was feeling my ego, but I couldn’t even begin to describe how glad I was that my knowledge of the Latin language would actually be of some use here, in this foreign world.

So raising the pistol in my left hand, I thought of a cool phrase and got ready to press the trigger.

“Lanceae Fulgur!” I yelled into the heavens, which translates to ‘Lightning Lance’. A feeling of nausea overwhelmed me, making me lose balance and fall back onto my ass while simultaneously hitting my head on the black colored metal of my rover. I cursed as I felt my stomach churn.

I waited, feeling sick all the while, for about five minutes before the nausea started receding. I knew I could use magic, because according to Negima!?, you’ll get nauseous if you try overexerting yourself when it comes to magic. That, and I also felt a tingle run down my extended arm as I said those words.

I was so close! What was I missing?

I decided to stay like this, leaning against my rover for however long it took Siri to acknowledge my presence. For some odd reason, I feel as if Siri didn’t answer me before because she couldn’t, and not because she didn’t want to. I don’t know why I felt like that. I just....did.

Well today hasn’t been a waste of time. Not by a long shot if I might add. I met a total of three people today.

Lumber.

Jack(Jack-Jack?).

And Sunset Shimmer.

Being a brony, I knew all about Sunset Shimmer. That she used to be Princess Celestia’s Personal Student instead of Twilight. I saw the Equestria Girls trailer, and to be honest, she acts and sounds nothing like the real thing. For starters, she has a voice like Twilight's, but it’s slightly higher in pitch to make her sound younger than what she probably is.

That, and she tried so hard at applying make-up over her crow’s feet. That’s actually what made it noticeable. She had to be in her late thirties, early forties, give or take. So, she’s probably sensitive about her age.

But I also knew that she was holding back earlier, when we clashed for the first time. I could tell she was staging those grunts. For one, if you were actually straining yourself, there would be some trace of perspiration on your body. There wasn’t a bead of sweat on her forehead, where most of the perspiration should’ve appeared.

I don’t know how pony bodies work, but they seemed to share many human qualities. I’m willing to bet sweating from exertion is one of them. And she, as I said earlier, wasn’t sweating.

Now on to Lumber.

He seems like a nice guy. Although, he also seems a bit racist. But I guess his actions are excusable due to his son being in possible danger. As a matter of fact, I thought I saw something in his eyes when he first saw me.

Normally, when you look at an alien near your son, or any relative for that matter, you either feel a sense of panic or fear. Lum? That nigga strolled right up to me.....like he was angry at something else.

Strange.

I know it’s not normal to have a fast-thinking mind like this, and I’ve been told this so many times back on Earth. People feared my strange power of deduction and foresight, and therefore, alienated themselves from me. I can’t help it. Once my brain gets going, it just doesn’t want to stop.

“Silas...”

Sometimes, it gets to a point where people just seem to fade away from existence. And after that, I’m just left with me and my thoughts. I’ve been known to freeze for entire blocks in school, which is about an hour and fifteen minutes, which is a long time to be stuck in one position.

“Silas! Hello?”

I remember how in sixth grade, Mrs. Clarke thought I was going into a coma because she asked me an advanced question while I was standing in front of her desk. The doctor’s report said that I just stood there, with my hand on my chin and my mouth open...staring. Mrs.Clarke retired when I graduated.

“Answer me damn it! SILAS!”

It’s not just limited to school either. Hell, it even happened in weird-ass places like supermarkets or hospitals. I remember how my mom was feeling lazy and sent me to the supermarket up the road in order to get some shit for the house. I had left the list, and right as I entered the supermarket, I tried remembering everything that was on that list. From the security cameras, it looked fucking hilarious as people walked by me. Some of them even tried snapping me out of it.

There was even that one time where a guy slapped me in the face when I-

*Smack!*

“Huh? What?” I shook my head, trying to clear my eyes of the dots of light that had appeared in them. No, it wasn’t from the hit. It was from when I...

....Was lost in thought.

“Damn it, not again!” Looks like it followed me over from Earth.

“It’s about time you noticed me standing here! I was starting to get a little worried that a Himallama Earwig had crawled in your brain and devoured it!”

Speak of the devil....

“Hi Sunset Shimmer,” I drawled out in a disappointed and bored tone. A tone she was not so happy about, because she instantly frowned, “How may I help you?”

“You could drop the attitude for starters. Next, you can tell me why you were shouting into the night sky. Some ponies actually live in the woods you happen to shout in.” She dragged her last sentence out accusingly, pointing a hoof at my chest for emphasis.

I glowered at her. This conversation quickly went into the dumps.

“Ponies who aren’t welcome in towns owned and ran by minotaurs? You mean like you?” I smiled smugly as my jab found its mark, her frown deepening into a glare of her own.

“How DARE you! No one even gives you the time of day besides Jack-Jack, and he doesn’t count because he’s a little boy! How can you stand here and berate me when you’re an outcast yourself! It’s hypocritical!” She waved the hoof she still had extended about in a tantrum.

Gotcha’ Bitch!

“So you admit you’re an outcast? What for?” I wanna get inside this Sunset Shimmer! See what goes on under her skin!

.....No, not like that.

“You! I! But! When! GAH! You’re insufferable! And you still didn’t answer my question!” She was blushing. Cute, but you’re not getting out of this one.

“I was minding my own business. What were you doing listening in on what I was doing?” She deflated and lowered herself bashfully.

I have you now.

“In fact, you would have to be pretty close in order to hear what I was saying, provided that my shouts were just me adding some force to my words! So; Ms. Shimmer, the question is....were you spying on me?” I already knew the answer. I just wanted to be an asshole.

“.....Yes.” She turned her head away from me. Sunset Shimmer...the Mare of Mystery. What are you doing?

“Why.” It came out as a demand more than a question. She flinched.

“Be...Because I find you interesting! I’ve always been fascinated with outer space and the belief that other forms of life could exist! That’s why I moved out of Equestria and came here, to the Himallamas in Bullivia! It’s the nation with the highest mountains and the greatest view of the stars! Sure, I might’ve been the Personal Student of Princess Celestia, but I just couldn’t stand being surrounded by those...those....” She trailed off as her rant caused her to twirl her hoof in the air.

“Bigots?” I offered with a raised eyebrow.

“Yesssss....Those bigots! It was all for my family’s status that I even tried so hard in that accursed hellhole known as the School for Gifted Unicorns! I learned absolutely nothing....nothing! Once I became old enough to make my own decisions without the fear of familial scorn, I told Princess Celestia how I felt from day one. She was heartbroken, but she could see the passion in my eyes about finding out if extraterrestrials were real! That’s when I experienced the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me!” Sunset Shimmer declared as she stared me in my face. I had an idea on what she was talking about.

“She paid all expenses for your journey here?” I ventured, to which she just frowned.

“It’s my story! You’re not supposed to ruin it!” She practically whined while I gave a chuckle. The mare certainly didn’t act her age.

“Oops! My bad,” I stated sarcastically as I leaned against my rover and slid down until I could feel the warm grass and earth under my ass. I then looked at Sunset Shimmer and patted the ground to the left of me, which was closest to her, “Pop a squat. You wanted to know why I was shoutin', right?” She nodded slowly as she tentatively walked over to the spot I had indicated.

During her slow progress, I noticed how she kept looking at me and then my rover, and then back to me.

“It’s not gonna bite you,” I started bemusedly, to which she casted an unsure glance at me, “Hurry up!” She complied instantly. Once she got to the spot I indicated, she did that little turning thing all animals do before they lay down.

And then...well she laid down. What else can I say.

Well, she had gotten closer to me than what I would’ve prefered. I could feel her body’s heat through my arm. It actually felt...like...sunset.

Ha ha, laugh it up.

“Don’t tell anyone this. I had recently found out that an ancient language from my planet activates the diamond sword on my back. If I don’t speak the phrase, the sword’s blade is practically useless and doesn’t cut through anything. But when I do, I feel as if there’s nothing my sword can’t cut through. Also, by the little spat we shared earlier, I also noticed how my sword was capable of absorbing your magic. I felt none of the pressure from your ray, just to let you know.” I added with a giggle.

“You should know, however, that I was holding back on you. If I had deemed you too dangerous, I would’ve wasted no ample amount of time in getting rid of you. What you felt was me using the lowest-level spell I knew. And by the looks of it when I added more force to the beam, you seemed to struggle with the new amount, before walking again.” Sunset Shimmer stated as she grinned victoriously.

“You’re right. But that still doesn’t change the fact that I was walking into a ray of magic and not feeling anything. This sword,” I bent forward and used a claw to reveal my sword and its sheath from under my mane, “Must have some sort of Anti-Magic effect. If it’s magical or superpowered, my sword can nullify it.” I responded with a look of determination.

“My only problem is, what would I need a sword like this for? It’s not like I’m going to go around in this rover of mine and start hacking up every unicorn in the world.” I gave a chuckle at how silly that sounded, closing my eyes and everything. When I opened them again, I couldn’t help but notice the look on Sunset Shimmer’s face.

She was about two seconds away from shitting bricks.

“I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean it,” I added quickly, waving my hands just as quick in a passive manner, “I’m never gonna be able to fit in if I went around and did that! It’d be counterproductive!” I finished with a lame smile and a blush on my own cheeks as Sunset Shimmer gave a sigh of relief. She then followed that sigh with a chuckle, raising a hoof to her mouth in order to suppress it, even if it did next to nothing.

“Counterproductive to what, exactly?” She asked as I looked up to the sky, and thought about how time had flown out the window. It was already night time, and there was a full moon out. Couldn’t help but think of Princess Luna and how she raised the moon every night. She must of been in a good mood for the sky to look so good.

“To fitting in. I have a responsibility as an extraterrestrial to carry out.” I said with a hint of pride. Earth would be proud.

“For who, exactly? Why do you feel the need to prove yourself to others? What I’m trying to ask is, what does Silas want to do? Not Silas the Alien.” She finished with a friendly shove in my arm.

I froze.

“Er....I don’t understand the question.” I replied honestly. I’m not grasping what she was throwing out there.

“You know what I mean. What is it that you want to do?”

Goddamn it.

How...How could I have not thought of this.

This planet...this body....it’s my escape from Earth and all the shit I had to put up with for the sixteen years of my life. How did it take me this long to figure that out? I was so busy in playing the ‘Good Invader’ role that I hadn’t given any real thought in what I wanted to do.

All the heartache. All the pain. It doesn’t exist here. Everything that had me shackled to my old life was broken when I awoke as Silas Epista. And yet, here I was, getting ready to revert back to my old days. Afraid of letting go. Afraid of moving on.

Afraid...of change.

“Silas? Silas you’re crying.” I snapped out of it and hastily wiped my eyes. She was right. What have I been doing? I’ve given little to no thought about my needs. I’ve been doing nothing but seeking approval from other people.

I hadn’t changed a thing.

....And I was alright with it.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

“S-Sorry. You didn’t need to see that.” I said quickly, getting ready to stand up and walk away from her. A gold hoof held me fast.

“Yes. Yes I did. You don’t have to apologize to me, Silas. Just know that....I’m here for you. No matter what. We don’t have to be alone anymore.” I couldn’t pull myself away from her pleading eyes that seemed on the brink of tears themselves.

“I...I....” I couldn’t think straight, my mind feeling like a lake that had just been hit with a boulder, “........Thank you.” I smiled at her. It was all I could do. She returned the gesture and yawned heavily.

“It’s getting late. I should head back home and get som-”

“Hey,” I interrupted, causing her to look at me with a neutral expression, “Stay here. With me...if only for tonight. I’m kind of comfortable right now. And it’s been ages since I felt tired.” I said while rubbing the back of my head. I blame the moon for my current behavior right now.

That, and all the years spent hating the human race with all my heart and soul.

“Sure.” She smiled as I adjusted myself to get more comfortable. I even took off my jacket and folded it up, making a makeshift pillow for her as I crossed my legs criss-crossed-applesauce.

She chuckled as she noticed me struggling to take up the awkward position.

“It’s not funny. You try having inverted knees.” I responded with a fake glare, knowing she meant no real disrespect by it.

“Yes...yes it was.” Sunset Shimmer responded as she laid her head down atop of my leg. She couldn’t see my blush now. Good.

“You’re jacket’s comfortable. Thanks.” And my blush intensifies. Thanks body. You’re a true friend! “And you’re warm and toasty.” Now she’s taunting me.

“Shut up and sleep. I’ll be giving some thought on what you said to me earlier before I hit the hay myself. I need to know what I always wanted to do.” I replied curtly, a little mad that she decided teasing me was okay after she tore down all my protective walls.

“...Whatever.” And with that, she spoke no more.

And neither did I.

For the first time since I got here, I fell asleep.

Granite Podium Arc: Part 7 [Rewritten]

So You're Probably Wondering...

=Me=

Now that the whole spiel inside of my mind was over and I have my new weapons working, I could honestly say that I feel God-Like; invincible even! Color me sacrilegious, but I honestly feel like I can beat Ares in an arm wrestle!

Getting back to matters at hand, I flexed said appendages as I watched the Nemean Lion circle me like any other predator. Now if my memory is correct, Heracles could not damage the lion with physical weapons like arrows or spears. Of course, swords and other sharp edges are included in this list, making me believe magically constructed arms will prove just as ineffective.

Good thing these battle gloves around my hands, sharpened at the points to make rendering flesh easy, are mostly used for blunt attacks. Plus, with everything I learned while in Nexus...

You know what. You guys deserve to know what the hell I’m talking about.

PAUSE THE SCRIPT!!!

After I had fallen unconscious when we hit the water earlier, the strangest thing happened to me. I awoke in my body...as in my human body. I was a little freaked out by the all black background my mind was sporting, but that dreary and monotonous color was swept away by a rapid change in the scenery.

Before me was a throne room and a rather droll one at that. There was no color, simply a monotonous shade and tint of grey appearing on everything. Trophies and busts depicting some rather draconic-looking figureheads swept the sides of the large room and tapestries depicting great struggles and bloodshed drooped from the ceiling like banners.

I wasn’t interested in all that crap though. What I was interested in, however, remained immobile and in front of me.

No throne room is complete without the centerpiece to bring it all together. This throne room housed four thrones, however, and on each of them was an alien that resembled my new body in the real world.

From right to left, their color schemes were dark-blue and black, crimson and orange, solid black, and sky-blue.

I was a little taken aback by the flickering flames corresponding to their color schemes on the tops of their thrones. All of them were looking at me with analytical eyes, observing me with every ounce of their attention spans. I merely raised an eyebrow at the sheer weirdness of it all.

“So is someone going to talk, or are you gonna keep staring at me?” I asked out loud, putting both hands behind my head and leaning back while standing up. I leaned far enough to crack my back, then slowly raised my bent figure so that I was comfortable with my hands still behind my head.

“The latter seems more...productive.” The dark-blue and black one responded with an air of haughtiness that made me cringe.

“Bluebloodmuch?” I thought with some mirth as I just got around to deciphering what the alien had just said.

“What do you mean ‘productive’? Are you implying that you’re learning more about me from just looking? That’s absurd.” I responded with a dismissive wave. I heard a collection of chuckles emanate from the other aliens present at my aloofness to one of their members.

“Absurd, you say?” The alien that had addressed me began as he chuckled briefly, “A guppy like you would know nothing about our capabilities. You are no more than a wyrm with an uppity mouth.” The dark-blue one snapped with some venom hidden in the word ‘wyrm’.

“You can take that ‘highly dignified’ tone of voice and shove it. I’m looking for answers, and if your only purpose is patronizing me, then I have little time for you and your half-assed assumptions.” I responded with a glare.

Did I mention that the aliens in front of me were silhouetted in black, the visible aura of their respective magic colors leading me to the conclusion of their color schemes. That being said, I can’t really see their facial expressions save for their eyes which glowed just as bright as their respective auras.

“Insolence! How da-”

“Stop.” The sky-blue one’s mouth opened as his strong voice sent a shiver down my spine. “You will do well in remembering the pecking order, Sylvan. You do not have the authority in chastising our little friend here, nor do you have the authority to speak. One more transgression, and I’ll see you properly flogged.” The sky-blue one hissed at the dark-blue and black maned alien, who visibly shrunk back into his seat.

“Good. Now that annoyances have been quieted, I must extend an apology to you, Mr. Justin.” After that, the alien dipped his head in apology. Was not expecting that from the ‘Alpha Male’, so to speak. “Nevertheless, we still have need to converse with one another. As you know, this realm is hidden in the bowels of your subconsciousness. We have deemed this area Nexus, which is just a fancy way of saying ‘a connection or series of connections linking two or more things.’” The alien explained as I nodded, one of my questions being answered long before i could ask it.

“Thanks for telling me that, it was starting to get on my nerves a little bit. Now that it’s been cleared up, I just have a question before we begin my interrogation of you all.”

“Ask.” The sky-blue one responded quickly as his eyes lidded and he leaned back into his throne.

“Who the hell are you guys?” At my question, the crimson and orange one scoffed as if he was insulted in some way.

“Not all who sit atop of these thrones are male, human. You’d do well to remember that.” She remarked with a commanding voice just like the sky-blue one. Her voice though, was of a higher pitch and radiated so much scorn and hate. Even her scowling visage, which I’m basing on her narrowed eyes, seemed to radiate a murderous and palpable hate that had my lungs in a chokehold.

 “What did I just say!?” The sky-blue one yelled at the alien woman, who cringed at the volume and harshness of his tone. “I grow tired of repeating myself! Make me do so again, and I shall see both of you flogged to the highest degree!”

“...Sorry.” The woman whimpered as she too sat back in her throne, opting to remain quiet for some time...hopefully.

“As for who we are, I’m pretty sure you know at least two of us here. If not, then you’ve only displayed your inattentive nature and mannerisms to us all, giving me free reign to mock you to my heart’s content.” I frowned as I felt the alien’s mouth turn up in a grin.

...A smug grin. Ah, shit.

“By your expression, I’m guessing you already figured out who I am? Good. Names need not be given if that is indeed the case. Now to see if you were paying attention. The dark-blue and haughty one at the end,” He leaned forward and stretched a hand out towards his explained destination. His sky-blue outline wiggled about like tendrils or tentacles, forming obscene shapes before dissolving into the air. “Do you remember his name? Should you remember, then I promise to send you back after a little lesson in the Omega Draconic Combat Arts. You should also know that he’s been operating the body while you remain here, saving the dog-woman’s life.”

“Doesn’t make him any less of an ass.” I added dryly, making the aliens snicker as the dark-blue and black one...what was his name...Ah yes! Sylvan rose from his throne and started walking towards me at a threatening pace, making me ball my fists up in preparation for a fight.

The alien, standing at a colossal eight feet, peered down at me from his raised-head position. Oddly enough, his frame was still thick with that awesome black silhouette. I frowned as he belittled me without words, thoughts of striking him in his groin and beating the fuck out of him in his pained state entering my mind quickly.

“Problem?” I offered with a smug grin. I heard some more snickers from the back, but I saw Silas Epista, the sky-blue one, stand up. That action alone silenced the snickering crimson and black aliens.

Sylvan didn’t find my comment humorous, seeing as how I’m flying through the air at breakneck speeds after he picked me up and threw me into the sky. Of course I was screaming, not in fear of the flight mind you, but of the inevitable impact an-

Zip!

I was caught by a burly arm abruptly, taking the wind out of my sails. Gasping from the impact, I craned my head up to see Silas flapping his wings and looking past me and quite possibly, at Sylvan. No, not quite possibly...most likely.

“You’re in luck, Mr. Justin. It seems Sylvan has taken to disobeying me after your little quip back there. But I’m afraid that if he beats you here, seeing as how he challenged you with the Omega-Draconian-Overhead-Throw Challenge Move, then he’ll have free reign of the body until he’s knocked out by stupidity.” Silas explained as we slowly drifted back down to the ground.

“Hold on...You’re saying my body’s up for grabs, and that I’ll be stuck here with all of you if I don’t win!?” I panicked, making the alien snicker as we finally landed and he let me go.

“Precisely. Now I kn-”

“HE JUST FUCKING TOSSED ME LIKE I WAS NOTHING!!!” I screamed at him.

“If you would ju-”

“There’s no telling what he could do to me if he actually got serious!”

“Now see he-”

“Holy shit! That means I’ll be stuck in thisboring-ass room with a bunch of boring-ass aliens who probably speak somefreaky-ass alien gibberish an-”

I was promptly backhanded. I felt my toes leave the ground a little as my head jerked to my left. I didn’t fall, but the hit was strong enough for my brain to become realigned.

“Now that you’re done, I expect you to put on a good show. It’s not everyday we get to watch an interracial duel!” I whimpered at Silas’s hulking form, having to crane my neck up to stare at him with my puppy-dog eyes. It seems as though all these aliens stand at least eight feet tall. Well, I’m pretty sure it’s the males who get this big.

Which makes me wonder...Why is Silas’s body so small in real life? Odd.

“Now what kind of idiot do you take me for; of course I’m going to even the odds! You just have to remember some basic spells as I gift you with something...spectacular.” Silas smiled, his silhouette doing nothing to conceal the expanded mouth he sported. “Now hold out your hands.”

I did so quickly.

“I’ll be opening your Blood Limits now. It’s going to hurt...” He paused and adopted a mischievous twinkle in his eye, “...A lot...But I think the rewards outweigh the pain.” After he finished his sentence, I began to draw my hand back in fear of this ‘pain’. I nearly shit myself as his cereal bowl-sized hands swallowed mine. He even stepped forward onto my feet, immobilizing me.

“Blood Limits?” I asked. He breezed past my inquiry.

“You might want to think of something cute.” I gave him a look that said, 'Is your dumb contagious?'

“What? It’ll help with the pain, you sissy.” He finished with a playful scoff as he snapped his index fingers to attention against the backs of my hands. I then heard what sounded like a blade sharpening, letting me know that he just extended his claws.

I gulped as he turned my hands over....so that my wrists faced him.

“Not to...sound pessimistic and all...but won’t I bleed out...unless you do something!?” I yelled at him as my vision began to blur.

“Medico.” Silas deadpanned as my wounds closed up, but his fingers remained inside my skin. I felt my spine crawl at what I was looking at now. His Snickers-sized index fingers are currently slid under my skin like an overweight IV unit’s needle. I groaned in pain as every contraction brought forth new agony. Gods this hurts like a bitch!

My skin bulged out to accommodate the new addition to my anatomy.

“Now’s the part where you think of cute and happy things, Mr. Justin. If you thought that last part was bad...” He trailed off, letting me know what I was in for.

“....Alright....” I mumbled out as I tried blocking out the pain. I don’t know shit about cute things! Oh man, this is gonna suck major dick!

“If you’re ready then I’m starting. In order for this to work, you and I must speak the same phrase at the same time. No lag, or else the spell won’t work and you’ll die. Am I understood?” He asked me. I nodded vigorously, my brain already formulating the phrase.

“Then I take it we’re going to be using Latin?” Silas asked again, making me nod quickly.

“Then prepare yourself.” Silas closed his eyes and rolled his head back, taking slow but deep breaths.

I followed suit, trying to mimic him and null this pain as quickly as possible.

“This will only work if we are one, Mr. Justin. Now focus on feeling my pulse within you.” Silas explained seriously, making me snort.

“Did I say something humorous?”

“No... But I think I need an adult.”

Needless to say, I had a wonderful time smacking the taste out of Sylvan’s lips with these gloves of mine. I don’t get how Silas and all those other aliens are in my head, but something tells me they’re on my side...for now. Regardless, Mr. Epista actually performed a blood transfusion with me to quote on quote; “Unlock my Blood Limits.”

Now that I mention it, Ido feel a little empowered. Huh, the more you know...

Anywhore, the Nemean Lion was still circling me slowly, keeping a constant growl going in hopes of intimidating me.

Yeah...because I fear you so bad.

Stupid cat.

Seeing as how I was doing nothing more than wasting precious daylight now, I proceeded to sigh loudly. The lion flinched, digging its claws into the ground as it waited for an attack that wasn’t coming.

“Stop being such a pussy.” I chuckled when the sound of a hand slapping a face reached my ears.

The lion, however, did not take my quip as a sign of humor and charged me. Did I move?

Hell yeah.

Was it to run away?

Hell no.

I sidestepped the beast at the last moment, jerking my right hand back as it went up in the sky-blue flames of my magic. Wasting no time, I proceeded to throw my first punch. It connected with the lion’s side beautifully, allowing me to hear the euphoric sound of bones breaking underneath the amplified strength of my blow.

The lion’s body took the shape of a boomerang before flying towards some trees, impacting a tree hard enough to crack it up the middle and bend it a little too. I winced from the power of my blow, watching as the lion slowly staggered back up to its paws. A permanent grimace of pain was plastered over its face as it slowly turned its body to face me again.

“By the way you’re panting, I can tell you’re in a lot of pain. What, did I crack all your ribs or something?” I asked the lion playfully, knowing it couldn’t talk back. It did what I thought it would do; it charged me again, but it winced every time its paws hit the ground during its run.

“You just don’t get it.” I shook my head as the Nemean Lion jumped into the air, raising one of its claws in order to swipe at me. Okay, why do lions like that move? I’ve seen it happen in the show before too!

Rememberthis?

Of course you do. Which also states that I remember it as well, henceforth, dodging it won’t be so hard.

I ducked and jerked the same fist back just as the wind from the strike jostled my mane a bit. Knowing the blow was done, I springboard from position into a well-executed uppercut, hitting the Nemean Lion clean in its chin.

Its body left the ground, flying into impossible heights.

This is what I’ve been waiting for!

I stopped and jerked the same fist back.

“Levo!” I exclaimed, my glove echoing my voice as it glowed a little brighter.

Not enough.

“Levo!” It glowed to a soft and shimmering light-blue.

“Levo!!” I yelled, feeling the strain of raw magic pouring into the blood of my arm. Think of those black things a doctor uses on your arm, but amplify that pressure times twelve and you’ll see where I’m coming from!

The glove began twinkling as little balls of my magic seeped off the sides.

Just...one..more!

“LEVO!!!” I yelled out, hearing the glove echo my voice as it became engulfed in a whiting sky-blue aura, as if it were on fire! Just as I finished my powering-up phase, the Nemean Lion entered my field of vision from the cloud it had disappeared behind. Its arms were still flailing about as it fell.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on its roars, using them as a sure-fire tracking system. As they got louder, I knew he got closer. When the roars were right in front of me, I shot my fist out and found purchase on what felt like the lion’s soft underbelly, stopping its roars abruptly as the force of the blow shattered everything in its body, killing it instantly.

“Flamma Technique: Chesto.” I breathed out and slowly retracted my hand, the Nemean Lion’s body still hanging in the air. As soon as my fist reached its side, the body fell from the air in shambles. The Nemean Lion’s head seemed to roll non-stop, while everything else went limp.

After all, I did just shatter and implode everything in its body. I learned that technique from Silas himself, during that little transfusion. That’s also how I got my gloves. Well, that and beating the snot out of Sylvan.

Do you guys want to hear about it?

Eh, I don’t feel like being sidetracked right now. Maybe later, savvy?

I looked down at the mangled body, taking in my work with a smile on my face.

I hissed as a sharp pain blazed across my chest. I looked down and noticed something that shocked me greatly.

Five large claw marks were carved into my torso, slashing diagonally up to my right.

“When did he fucking clip me!? This shit fucking hurts!!!”  I hissed as another dull throb went came. I have a very low tolerance for pain, so I promptly readied a medico spell. I pressed my gauntlet against the-

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” HOLY SHIT!!! I FORGOT IT WAS STILL ON FIRE!!!

FUCK!!!

FUCK!!!

I took a deep breath after hastily removing the offending armament. Great, now the wound was cauterized. Can healing magic heal something that’s technically healed!? Only one way to find out.

“Medico.” I said out loud, hoping the healing magic would fail. I kinda like these scars of mine. They add to my ‘mean face’.

I felt the magic surge through my torso, but curve around my chest; or more accurately, my wounds. The blood cleared up, what little there was left anyway and that was the extent of the spell's effect on my body.

I frowned at the new scars for a little, then thought of all the benefits to having them. I’ll definitely turn a few heads, if you know what I’m saying!

“Guess the fight’s over. Now for the hard part.” I thought glumly as I looked at my hands. Silas had warned me of the repercussions in using these rings, and of using that technique the first couple of times. Let’s just say that the hard part involves me getting hurt...badly.

I steeled my nerves.

“Deactivate.” I spoke.

My hands exploded.

No, you read right.

My hands....fucking...EXPLODED!!!

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

“Aw, what the fuck!?” I heard Diamond yell as she ran from the bushes. I jerked my head at my hands.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” I yelled again as my essence dripped onto the Nemean Lion’s body.

“The hell do I do!? How can I help!?” Diamond strided up to me quickly and touched my bone stubs.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” I yelled at her angrily, tugging my stubby appendages away from her offending touch.

“MEDICO!!! MEDICOOOOOOO!!!”

I calmed down, feeling a little woozy at the blood loss as Diamond and I sat next to one another. Turns out, the gloves are made to explode after battle. The more you know...

“That...was badass and terrifying at the same time.” Even though the statement was supposed to have some type of hype behind it, Diamond’s face was wrecked with exhaustion. I don’t know why, though.

“Well I have a tendency for being both. Now that I think about it, where did you keep that dagger from earlier?” I asked her with a raised eyebrow, making her chuckle before raising her own in amusement.

“You’re sure you want to know?”

“On second thought, no.” I amended quickly as I closed my eyes and shook my head. It earned me another chuckle from the Ex-Alpha.

“So...what do we do with this big fucker?” She sassed, making me chuckle at her colorful description of one of the most dangerous beings a man could fight. A man, mind you.

“I turn his furry ass into a cape. I used to be real big on this type of stuff back home.” I started with a smile. “Even though I can’t take the body with me as proof of the kill; I think a cape should clear up any suspicion, with a live demonstration of course.” I already knew how to skin this huge fucker too, if greek mythology was anything to go by.

“Yeah, that sounds good and all, but how are you gonna do it? His fur’s impenetrable, remember?” Diamond stated as she got up groggily and started circling the lion’s body with a hand on her chin. Detective Diamond Dipshit, reporting for duty!

“We use his claws. Back on my planet, Nemean Lions were prevalent in fictitious works of literature. You could only imagine my surprise that we found one here...” I looked up and inhaled a large quantity of the murky air. “...Wherever here is.” I stood up and walked up to the Nemean Lion’s head, placing a hand (Yes, the spell helped in accelerating the regeneration process of my body. The scars on my chest are there to stay, “unfortunately”.)

“Lions and other derivatives...is that the right word?” Diamond stopped her circling and looked up into the canopy, trying to recall if it is indeed the right word for the occasion. She shrugged her shoulders. “Bah, you know what I mean. Anyways, lions normally stick to savannahs and other large, grassy outcroppings and plains. The only lion derivative that seeks homage in forests and what not are Manticores.”

She looked at the Nemean Lion’s corpse and pointed a finger at it with a sour expression.

“And that, is not a Manticore.” She stated with some distaste. I ‘humphed’ at her explanation.

“I don’t think that really matters now that it’s dead. Anyways, help me skin it, would ya?” I took its massive paw in my hand, struggling with the added rigor mortis weight on the limb. Too much strain.

“Oh, and don’t lift its paws to get at the claws. They’re a little heavy.” I warned her as she got down on her knees and studied one of the beast’s back paws.

“Then how do I extract the claws? They seem to be inside the toes, but I don't know how to get them out.”

“Push the paw slightly until you have it on its side.” I began as I stopped what I was doing in order to escort her through this. This is one of those times where I prefer being alone in these endeavors. Far be it from me to stop someone from helping, even though they’re only good for pissing themselves in fear and screaming.

Dog piss stinks to low hell and back.

“Alright...now what?”

“Do you see the pink pads?”

“Uh huh.”

“Apply pressure on each one that’s underneath a toe.”

“You mean like thi-”

*Scrik!*

“AH!”

“You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?” I asked with a hint of worry in my voice as my head turned to inspect her body.

“No...it just scared me.” Diamond stated with a roll of her eyes and a dejected sigh.

Snapping the claws was easy enough, but skinning the actual lion took two hours. It only took that long because Diamond kept ‘accidentally’ nipping herself with the claw. She must really think I’m some type of idiot because every time I went over to touch the girl she sighed in content.

Attention whore.

All in all, the lion was now a skinned corpse. I had a marvelous gold fur cape able to repel all physical attacks secured around my body. The bottom of the cape barely touched the ground, sweeping the dirt by a fraction of an inch. The pelt was wide enough to encompass my entire body except for my feet, wrapping around my form with a great warmth.

One of the sharp claws under the lion’s disposal held the piece together just under my chin.

“So how do I look?” I asked with a smug grin as I flourished my new cape.

“Like a pompous asshole, but I guess you didn’t want my honest opinion.” Diamond said with a smile, making me roll my eyes and start walking past her.

“Why can’t anyone say I look nice!? Just once is all I’m asking!”  I complained within my head, giving an exasperated and exhausted sigh as I trudged on along the riverbank.

I heard footsteps, large but light, as Diamond followed suit.

“So what now? Do you think the guys noticed that we’re gone?” Diamond asked as she found her way into my cape’s embrace. She leaned against my left side and looked up at me as we walked.

I batted an eye at her before returning it to the “road” ahead of us.

“Oh, I have no doubt that our colleagues know of our disappearance. But as for what we do now...we follow the river. It’s gonna lead us out of this rainforest or to a settlement near it. The wet ground makes good for farming, as long as the river doesn’t flood, you see.” I stated as I stepped over a fallen tree.

“Oh.” Diamond’s sound of realization carried a hint of fear. Can’t have that.

“Don’t worry. I got your back as long as you got mine.” I smiled at her, even though I kept my eyes on the road. Her response was to snuggle into my arm more and nuzzle it with her head.

“No one said I was scared.........but thank you.”

It wasn’t long before I had to carry the woman on my back because she fell asleep.