The Equestrian Hitcher

The Equestrian Hitcher

Chapter 5:

Pink Pone Riot

I let out a hoarse cackle at the absurdity of it all. In a way, this change—this most improbable, unbelievable change—was what finally solidified the reality of the situation in my mind. I awkwardly spun in place, all four legs and hooves shifting as my jacket (which somehow had conformed to this new shape?) shifted on my now bright pink flank.

I had become a pony, in the flesh. I couldn't blame this on a blackout, on drugs, on losing my mind; or, with the inclusion of Shining and Big Mac, a well orchestrated scam. I tapped my right forehoof against the hubcap of the car and was rewarded with a dull thunking sound.

"Pinkie?"

I snapped my head to the side, nearly toppling as I still wasn't used to my much, much longer neck. I locked eyes with Big Macintosh. There was hope in those eyes, hope that ran a little deeper than friendship. I shook my head slowly, "No, not this time."

I tried to take a step forward and nearly fell, I was still thinking bipedally. For this, I'd have to dig deep—even humans crawled around on all fours at one point, I just had to remember. I tried another step. One. Another, Two, Three, Four. It was clumsy, but functional, and I would only get better.

Big Mac's face fell, the hope fading from his eyes. I was beginning to understand: he'd come for his sister, but she wasn't the only one who held a place in his heart. Would he be a liability or a fierce ally? The dozen concussions he'd left at the stockyards lent credit to the latter theory, but only time would truly tell.

"I think this will keep us under the radar. They won't see the woman they're looking for like this. It's not perfect, but..." I trailed off as I looked back to the car, "I think the car may be exactly what they're looking for." I felt a tug at my heart strings, it was just a car, but at the same time it was familiarity in this confusing time.

I plodded over to the driver's door and stuck my hoof to the door handle—it latched on like a magnet. Pony hoof grip, one of the things I'd known about but never really thought about. Felt a lot like grabbing something with my hand. "I've got a place, let's hurry up and get there."

"What, just like that? No explanation? I think we've been pretty patient about this whole thing so far, Detective, but how do we know that you're not one of the ones who took our sisters in the first place?" Shining accused as he put his hoof on the door to hold it closed.

I eyed him from under my hat. "I just need you to trust me a little while longer. My face isn't up on that billboard anymore, but yours still are. Can we have this argument in a safer location?"

His hoof pressed a little harder. "Listen: pony-human transmutation is not possible. Even Celestia herself couldn't pull it off. You cannot turn a human into a pony, and you can't turn a pony into a human. I wanted to believe that you'd somehow found Pinkie Pie, but the more I think about it... The only thing that could even come close is a changeling, so forgive me if I just don't trust you,” he hissed under his breath.

My hoof snapped out before I really even had an idea of what I was doing, and I felt the solid hit on the base of his horn. I spun on him as he recoiled from the blow—I could see the anger in his eyes. I widened my stance. "Listen, this isn't a cakewalk for me! I didn't ask for this, I don't want this, but I'm still trying to help. Can we please stop fighting?"

Shining looked like he was ready to spear me to death on that horn of his. I could even taste the ozone in the air. "So, then tell me how you ended up like this! I've got the time, and I'm not getting back in that car with you until you explain it."

"You know, I dated a unicorn in college," I commented as I approached. "Learned a lot about magic—nothing that was ever going to be useful for me, but it was something to talk about to pass the time. That's why I know you don't want to try casting a powerful spell after that punch to the horn..." I sighed and sat down, "but never was it mentioned what would happen if a unicorn was shot in the horn while charging up a powerful spell."

"Are you threat--"

"No, I'm trying to explain. I went to that house to investigate... I don't know what. I heard a scream, and if this voice in my head is any indication, I think it was Pinkie," I explained, as I paced the length of the car. "I kicked the door in, got thrown into a table covered in syringes by a black unicorn, and absorbed a massive cloud of pink mist. Then I shot him in the horn and made him explode."

Shining stared at me like I'd grown a huge cycloptic eye right in the middle of my forehead. His look of shock slowly turned to a look of fear, and he backpedaled away from me. "I-I know what that is... but that... that's so horrific... so evil..."

I looked down at my hoof and back at the panicking unicorn, "What do you--"

"Soul binding! That's what they are doing, that's what happened to you! That's what happened to Pinkie. You're not transforming, you're both in the same body! The pink mist you absorbed was the very essence of Pinkie Pie. But... this is so horrifically dark, no-one would ever try it!"

"So, that must be how they planned to gain control of the Elements," I mused. "So, how do we fix this?"

"With enough magic..." He stood again, still shaking as he thought on it, "With enough magic, you could make a sort of a wedge, split the two entities and return them to their original forms. Celestia could probably do it with help from her sister, but.. without her... there might be another way, but there is a cost."

"And what is that cost?"

"A life. One life would have enough magical potential to do almost anything. Live sacrifices work and that's exactly why they are so very very illegal. Even attempting one is punishable with death... one of the very few capital crimes in the Equestrian Union."

I felt a sickness in the pit of my stomach. "I'm not feeling that one." I looked over at the car. "You know, I'm pretty confident that we'll find a way out of this that doesn't require human—or pony—sacrifice." Still... that sick feeling persisted, and I couldn't help but wonder what had been sacrificed to pull this off in the first place.

I chuckled darkly. "Yeah, soul binding huh?" I asked the unicorn, as I finally pulled the door open on the car. "Must be the answer. I never used to get this torn up about death."

"Still bothers me as much as it ever has. I'd hate to get so jaded that it didn't..." Shining mused as he climbed into the car, "Maybe you can consider this a positive influence on your psyche."

"You really think so?" I asked, as I fumbled with the ignition key. I felt the car shift—Mac must have gotten in.

"Maybe. Whatever makes you feel better about it right?" I glanced over to see his smirk. Cute.

The key spun easily in the ignition and the big, thirsty V8 engine roared to life, turning a few heads in our direction. Recognition was sure to follow, but I didn't plan to give any witnesses enough time for that to matter. I clumsily slid it into first gear, and the big torque-y power plant absorbed my novice level hoof control as I slipped the clutch and we lunged forward onto the road.

Being two thirds my original size, plus the loss of fingers... I could have done worse. Maybe I had Pinkie to thank for how quickly I was picking it up. If we really were just one entity, I couldn't help but wonder if we were going to get even closer, if we'd stop being different people.

Would she make me better? Would I make her worse? Privately, I'd always held the belief that ponies were better people than humans were. They didn't seem to express nearly the same magnitude of negative personality traits that we as humans did... and yet the exceptions to that rule were quite notable.

And Pinkie... She felt like a child, but that was only a front. I couldn't fully articulate how I'd come by that: a gut feeling, the kind that serves you well as a cop, but also something more than that.

'Pinkie?' I ventured mentally as I caught fifth and accelerated up to seventy five. She'd been quiet—I had no idea what the effect of all this transformation was on her, but if I lost her...

'I'm still here, I'm just... It's hard to keep focus all the time in here.' She paused, and I could feel the hesitation, like there was something she was leaving out. 'Don't worry about it Vicky, we'll be through with this soon enough. Once we find Twilight, she can fix everything!'

Shiny's sister. I felt a light headache forming when I tried to think about what she'd be like, knowing her brother for the little time I had. It felt like there were impressions already in my memory, but just thin threads I couldn't quite grasp at.

I shook my head and pushed it out of my mind. I couldn't afford to lose myself just yet. Going down that road seemed dangerous, reckless... and maybe there might come a time I'd need it, but not just yet.

"-ot a thing, that's called radar love, we've got a wave in the air, radar love."

My head snapped to the side, and Shiny was looking at me with his hoof pressed against the radio dial. "Well, it was quiet, and I thought that there might be an announcement on the radio if they really are serious about catching us."

I thought about that. They were looking for this car, or they would be very soon. "We can run, but don't hurt anyone if you can help it. We start shooting at cops, it won't matter if we're innocent... but if it's more of those people that shot at us this morning..." I sighed, "Well, for them I can be a lot more lenient about vigilantism."

"And if it is the police?" Shining asked with a raised eyebrow.

I grinned. It felt weird with my new mouth, but... nevertheless, I was feeling genuinely mirthful. "We find out exactly how fast this car can go."

"Bein' followed," Big Mac said suddenly from the back seat.

I was better than that, should have noticed it before a farmer from some backwater did. "Where?" I asked, looking over to the mirror, scanning my eyes across the traffic to a few hundred yards back. A hand-full of cars, a few pickup trucks, a Jeep...

"Eight cars back, motorcycle. Don't look right... been followin' us since before the gas station," he answered back.

I scanned the mirror: car, car, truck, there we go. Rider was head to toe in leathers, tinted visor on his helmet. Proportions were a bit off... not human, but close. Bit thin for what I had suspected, but that was easily explained by--

"Female catte on a sport bike," Shining piped up. "That's not something you see every day."

I downshifted and slowed into the right lane, there was an exit a few hundred feet ahead. I flipped the signal stalk and veered onto the ramp.

I kept my eyes glued on the mirror as I slowed to a stop at the end of the ramp, and sure enough the bike signaled and exited behind me. Granted, this wasn't definitive proof, but it was starting to look like the red one was correct. I pulled away from the stop sign as the bike ascended the ramp and crossed over onto the entrance ramp on the other side, back towards the interstate.

I shifted through the gears with purpose, all seven and a half liters of supercharged American big-block iron howled into the afternoon as the Skylark cannon-balled forward. I caught fourth as the speedometer crept up to 70, the wind was howling around the car by the time I hit fifth gear at 105, and the car kept pulling.

"She's still back there!" Shining yelled over the roar of the engine. My eyes bounced back and forth between the road ahead and the side mirror, and sure enough the bike was screaming down the ramp after us—she'd caught on.

My ears pivoted on the top of my head, and I could hear the scream of the bike engine behind us. She was giving it hell: we crossed 120 and she was still pulling up quick. I'd caught a decent look at it on the exit ramp a few seconds before, and if I was right we wouldn't be able to outrun her, but I wasn't about to give it up.

"I think that's a gixxer. Tops out at like one-eighty, so we're not gonna outrun her if it is—anybody got a plan?" I yelled as the speedometer needle settled in on 140. The car was getting a bit loose, but the road was straight and traffic was light. I could do it for a little while longer, as long as the engine held out.

"Cat involvement in this doesn't really bode well. I've never heard of them working as mercenaries before, they’re usually too ingrained in their clans to leave the union!" Shining yelled as I slalomed the car through traffic.

"Save the sociopolitical analysis for after we're done with this. I don't suppose you could pluck her off the bike with your TK?" I asked, as I pushed the pedal down further. The car started to protest—horsepower I had in abundance, but the car was still pushing a hell of a lot of air in front of it.

"I've been trying. I just can't get a grip on her!" He yelled back, the scent of ozone strong on the air.

The bike was close enough now to make out that it was, in fact, a Suzuki like I had suspected, and that the rider was a catte: the tail was a give away if nothing else was. She was armed too—some kind of rifle slung on her back.

Outrunning her was out of the question. I might have been able to outlast her fuel tank, but my engine wouldn't hold up to that kind of abuse long enough to pull it off. I had to try a different tactic. My eyes drifted off to the right. The frontage road along the interstate was on the other side of a fifty foot wide strip of grass... not something a sport bike would easily negotiate at high speed.

"Hang on, I'm gonna do something stupid!" I yelled as I turned the wheel. The car swung to the right and we crashed over the shoulder, hitting the bottom of the culvert hard enough to knock my teeth together. I felt the car start to rotate as we dug a trench in the mud, and then the sudden jerk of the tires grabbing pavement, the squeal of the back of the car starting to swing around.

I felt a thunk against the trunk lid as we finally hooked back up onto dry pavement, and the car swerved a bit as I brought it back under control and hit the brakes. Then, I nearly jumped out of my skin as the sport bike skid past the car, across the road, and into the trees on the opposite side.

Without the rider.