bleak/reverse

I was in a deep, comfortable sleep.

As usual, I wasn't dreaming. It was only blackness.

Then the small hand on my phone's digital clock finally pointed to six.

"BOMB! BOOOMB!!!!"

I need to remember to change that to something else. To this day, it's still the same annoying damn tone. I always give myself a mental note to change it, but it ends up being pushed to the back of my mind by other things. As I slowly got to my feet, albeit wobbling a bit, I forgot what I meant to do that day...Oh, yes, I was supposed to hang with Rainbow. Her reaction to the end of last night's film puzzled me. It could have just been part of her nature, but I still wanted to know for sure. After all, it was day three of their stay.

Rainbow was sleeping on the living room couch, and she was the only one sleeping there. I took a peek in the bedroom; everyone else had slept in the bedroom. That bed is pretty big.

I quietly and slowly walked over to Rainbow and gave her a light nudge on the shoulder. She wouldn't budge, so I nudged a little faster and a little harder. Still asleep, she yawned and smacked her lips, then rolled over onto her other side. I get the feeling she won't get up easily.

I suddenly got an idea. A wonderful, horrible idea.

I went back to my room, and grabbed my phone. I then went back to Rainbow Dash, turned the phone's volume to half of its full blast, held the phone directly above her, and...

"BOMB! BOOOMB!!!"

Jesus, that thing is still loud even when the volume's turned down. As expected, Rainbow woke up, in a cold sweat. She sprang up in the air, landed on the couch on all fours, and hopped around in 360-degrees, as she went "WHO-WHAT-WHY". I had to hold back chuckling. I'm such an asshole.

"Rise and shine, Rainbow."

"What makes you think you can just make someone wake up whenever you want them to?! You scared the hell out of me!" Odd, I didn't know ponies knew what hell was, unless she was quoting a film she saw.

"Well, I always get up at this time. Besides, you say you're the coolest thing ever, right? This should be a breeze."

"Oh...Ooooooh! So this is a test, huh? Psssh, that's barely what I call a "test", Stephen."

"Oh. I'm assuming you won't consider my other challenges to be "tests", either. Or is that just another way of saying you are scared?"

"Me? SCARED?! HA, HA, HA! That's the funniest thing I ever heard! In that case, what other "tests" have you got for me? I can handle anything!" I had her right where I wanted her. I already foresaw "challenging" her to a variety of basic tasks, then taking a walk or two with her, then finally asking her the "big question" I had planned.

"Anything, Rainbow?"

"Anything. You name it."

"Okay then. I challenge you, the great, awesome, stupendous Rainbow Dash..."

"To...what?"

"To...spending at least two hours outside, with me as your guide." Right then, she groaned.

"...Seriously?"

"It's harder than you think, Rainbow."

"Alright, if you say so. You're on, pal!"

"I'm not competing in anything. This is all about seeing if you can last in a portion of my daily life."

"Ha, I bet I can."

"Let's prove it, then." Before leaving, I left a note saying where me and Rainbow had gone, and why.

We went to the garage. I pressed the button on the wall, the same one I pressed last time. I left the big, metal door leading outdoors open. I had to, seeing as I was too lazy to go in the van and get the remote, plus it more convenient to just walk straight into the garage as opposed to having to unlock the front door. I walked down the driveway while Rainbow flew by my side, headed to the same destination I was; The intersection of the Lonesome Road. The chicken farm wasn't reeking as badly as usual that day, but its smell was still ever present. As we walked closer to the intersection, Rainbow asked me what the smell was. Of course, I explained to her about the sad, decrepit tin henhouses beyond the hill which we would be facing upon reaching the intersection. She simply replied with "Huh". I guess that didn't faze her too much.

Once we got to the intersection, I started walking toward the aforementioned "Hill of Hell". Rainbow followed suit. I scaled up the hill. It was hard to hold my footing, but that's natural when walking up a slanted surface. Rainbow didn't have this issue, seeing as she just flew up. She made it to the top around twenty five seconds before I did.

"So...that's the chicken farm, huh?" She asked.

"Yeah, it is," I responded, in a slightly worried tone. "Don't go down there, I think that's someone's property."

Rainbow laughed a bit. "Psh, you really think I wanna go there? In that dump? No thanks!" Funny thing is, the smell actually was chicken dump.

I cleared my throat, and begun to speak of her first "challenge". "Alright, Rainbow. Your first challenge is..."

Rainbow stared at me in silence and boredom. What difficult, stupendous challenge did I have in store for the great Rainbow Dash?

"...To fetch the mail."

Rainbow stood frozen. I think she was getting ready to have a heart attack. From laughter. What could be so challenging about checking the mail? Absolutely nothing, and that was exactly the point. At least, it isn't challenging if you're a human, and possess fingers and opposable thumbs, you see.

Of course, the inevitable happened. She dropped onto the grass, rolling around in laughter. It didn't occur to me to warn her not to roll around on the top of a hill. She could...

"HAHAHAHAAAAAAAH!!"

...Roll her way down. Now was my chance for revenge; I could have laughed right back, but I didn't. I didn't want to be giggly and cheerful at someone else's expense, so I slowly walked my way down the hill, and went toward her. She was laying on her back, in embarrassment and shame. Once I reached Rainbow, I extended my hand toward her. She groaned, grabbed it, and we lifted her up.

"Now, are you ready to get the mail?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess." And with that, we went back on the street, and went the left way (If you're standing right in front of the intersection, it's the right way) as we traveled to the miniature house-looking thing where the locked mail storage compartments were. I grabbed my compartment's key, and Rainbow took it with her teeth.

"Which one's yours?" She asked. I was half-surprised that she didn't ask about the key. I pointed to my compartment, and she stuck the key in here (If you were facing the compartment, she'd be standing sideways) and let go of it. She stood there for a second, thinking about what to do. She didn't have magic, so she couldn't use that to turn the key. She tried standing on her hind legs, putting her forehooves on both sides of the key, and turning it clockwise. Once she heard the "click", she stood back to her regular stance, grabbed the key with her teeth again, and pulled it out. She then proceeded to look through my mail.

"Hmm...invitation to the "Car of the Week" club..."Diet News Weekly"...most of this is trash, Stephen...oh! Hey, I think I found something private! "Hot Young Mares Daily"!"

I wasn't fooled one bit. "Rainbow, I'm not subscribed to things like that."

Rainbow laughed as she closed the compartment's door. I walked over and locked it, then stored the key in my pocket. We sat outside the "House of Unimportant Letters".

"Well, Rainbow Dash, you completed your first challenge. Congratulations."

"That wasn't so hard! Definitely not what'd I call a challenge, anyway."

"That's right. I decided to start you off with something easy-peasy, but I can assure you your next challenge won't be such a breeze."

"And just what is my next "challenge"? Squeezing lemons? Ha!"

"No, but you're close."

"Squeezing...oranges?"

"No."

"Squeezing...that?" She pointed to the front of my shorts.

"Um, no. You have a dirty mind, Rainbow."

"Haha, I'm just kidding. Please, do you really think I would do that?"

"Well, I don't know you very well, so...possibly."

"Psssh, I'm not that kind of mare! You're a funny guy, Stephen. Mind if I call you Stevie?"

"Sure, I don't mind."

"Alrighty, Stevie. What's the next challenge?"

"Squeezing your heart out..." Rainbow looked a bit puzzled, yet seemed like she was going to laugh. "...By washing my van."

Rainbow's look of comedic delight excelled upon hearing that. I was surprised she didn't become annoyed at that. I know I would have been. I hated washing my van. The damned hose would always stop spraying every few minutes. After traveling on foot (Or for Rainbow, by wings) for a few minutes, we made it back to the garage. I got in the van, started it up, and moved it to the driveway. After I parked it there, I got out, shut the door, and went to turn on the hose. After I finished turning the knob, I grabbed the hose and dropped it on the driveway, right in front of where Rainbow was standing.

"Um...what do you expect me to do with that?"

"I expect you to complete your challenge. This should be easy too, right?"

"Do you think I need a little garden toy to clean stuff?" She scoffed. "Here, let me show you how it's REALLY done."

How, I say HOW in the hell was she be able to clean the exterior of my van without a hose? Well, she had her own way of doing so, and it quite possibly, aside from the actual ponies existing themselves, may be the most surreal thing in existence. She flew up, almost like a rocket, toward the sky. "This is for the guys back home!", she said. I could see her zooming all over the place. The draft from her speedy flying was pushing the clouds to this one area; It was straight above my van. A few seconds later, it started raining, in that specific spot, straight on my van. I then realized the clouds she moved were rain clouds. The weather in my area was pretty weird. Some clouds were average, some were gray rain clouds, you get the idea.

"Well...uh, that was quite...interesting." I was half-impressed and half-amazed. I didn't think it was even possible to move clouds.

"Impressed? I know. You can thank me for saving you one more use of that flimsy hose."

"That was just one of the more...surreal things I've seen recently."

"Ha, you think THAT'S cool? Buddy, lemme show you what else I can do!" Rainbow flew like a rocket and ended up at the top of the hill. It took her all of five seconds to go from my driveway to there. From what I could see, she wiped her hooves on the ground, went into a crouching stance, then sprang up into the air, soaring through the sky like a bullet. I watched her fly right down the Lonesome Road. She went so fast that she flew right past the electrical plant which was in the distance. She turned around and flew right back this way, going past the chicken farm in about six seconds, then turned around again. As she flew right above the center of the Lonesome Road, I saw an amazing explosion of reds, blues, greens, and the other colors of the rainbow. She left a trail of these colors right behind her as she rocketed into the distance, far beyond the electrical plant. I stared at the visual spectacle for what felt like hours. It couldn't believe it. My mind was totally blown upon seeing that. I snapped back into my senses, and expected to see Rainbow approaching me.

Turns out, she wasn't there. I couldn't see her anywhere.

"Oh, shit," I whispered to myself as my thoughts immediately turned toward finding Rainbow Dash. I seriously hoped that nothing bad happened to her. I ran down the Lonesome Road as I called out for Rainbow. I got no response. I ran a bit faster, and called for Rainbow again, louder than before. Still no response. I continued running down the road, and practically screamed her name. No response, again. I skidded and immediately turned around, heading toward the hill. I broke into a sprint and hurriedly scaled the hill, and called out for Rainbow. When I was responded with the anticipated silence, I yelled and swore profusely many, many times. Where the hell did she go? Maybe as she was turning around, she crashed into the electrical plant? What if she was electrocuted? What if she was dead?

I slid down the hill and ran to my driveway, got in my van, and jammed the key in. As I was getting ready to drive off and search for Rainbow, I looked in the passenger's seat.

"Gotcha. Gotcha, Stephen! You bought it hook, line, and sinker!"

Ah, there she was, waiting for me to start a wild goose chase for her and laughing as soon as I turned my head toward her. I was a bit too petrified to laugh, and I felt a little cross with her for scaring me so badly and merely laughing at it. I just stared wordlessly at her as I removed the key and left the vehicle. Rainbow came out soon after and followed me back indoors.

"Oh, c'mon, Stephen. It was only a prank!"

I just focused on walking to the pantry and grabbing a snack. "You kind of scared the shit out of me."

"Gee, sorry, I didn't expect you to react so badly...well, okay, maybe a little, but I just wanted to see how you'd react if one of us went missing. We've only known each other for a few days, but you were so panicky."

I couldn't find anything I had an appetite for. "I'm just not used to having company, that's all."

"Oooor you're not used to having someone to talk to or bond with, am I right?"

I closed the pantry door. "...Agh, yeah, you're right."

Rainbow lent a hoof on the back of my leg. "I'm sorry for scaring you, Stevie. I won't do it again, alright?"

"Alright. And also, thanks for, uh, washing my car."

"No problemo, buddy!"

"Oh, Rainbow, I've got one more question."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Are you an orphan, by any chance?"

"Haha, no! What gives you that idea?"

"Oh. I kind of thought you were, just judging from how you reacted to the ending of that movie last night."

"Ahaha, Stevie, don't worry! I'm just not into movies like that."

"Alrighty, that's a relief to know, then. See you later."

"You too." Rainbow went into the pantry to look for a snack. As for me, I walked into the bedroom. The rest of the party was there, sitting on the bed, and all except Twilight were discussing random topics. Everyone greeted me upon entering, and I greeted back. Twilight looked at me.

"I got your note," said Twilight. "So how'd it go?"

"It went fine, mostly."